0:37

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show

0:39

Podcast. Were joined by special guest.

0:41

Comedy. Institution Dan Soder Thanks

0:44

for joining institutionalized. Your

0:46

side logo real local like our baser

0:48

yeah the a dancing time out of

0:51

watching transporter one to be with us

0:53

or really appreciate they re watching transport

0:55

it was on tv it as outside

0:57

of i got into it you Dvr

0:59

doing in the trunk exact choice a

1:02

drunk and we watch him all the

1:04

zebra are issues here and or gina

1:06

so forth g that I don't you

1:08

know like act on fat now into

1:11

a fat woman yeah sickly sassy fact

1:13

the on entered my son said years

1:15

and now. Like I just live

1:17

the way of. I'm glad nights I

1:19

get I'm just gaining weight now. Meeting

1:22

nothing. No rule. Forty Six Get is

1:24

heavy as possible and bright. J Law

1:26

is watching the transporter and a year

1:29

ago there. And. That.

1:31

Seen have as watching some i was at me

1:33

of that scene happens and i was like oh

1:36

shit remember our jean and they they didn't. Really

1:40

want to lose if you'd like to total

1:42

but it's orange. Yeah, like Jerry Orbach. you

1:44

seen what it's soda yeti? you really cuts

1:46

the thing. that's right right? Get by the

1:48

way he realizes it's a person is drunk.

1:50

does a freak out right? that has this

1:52

the mindset to get her orange Gina? yeah

1:54

that a drink a little and the limits

1:56

are back in the man movies. Amazing because

1:58

it's like the character. has no, I don't

2:01

think there's any back story. He

2:03

finds the picture of boxes, or the box of

2:05

pictures. Yeah, but it's like he's just. And that's

2:07

how they get, they did back story. That's a

2:09

good way to show the back story. But she

2:11

goes like, oh, she's like, oh, wall metal. But

2:14

yeah, but he's like, he has no,

2:16

like, there's no

2:18

flaws, you know what I mean? Oh,

2:20

he's perfect on everything. He's the best

2:22

driver, he's a karate. He has, when

2:25

they rocket launch his French manor, and

2:28

they go downstairs into the dummy waiter,

2:30

and he throws her in the water,

2:32

and she's just fucking yelling. They could

2:34

have at least shown him getting irritated.

2:36

They're like, oh, his Chinese boy screams.

2:38

Even Nia, our character who can change

2:41

anything in the world, he's still like,

2:43

what do you mean a girl likes

2:45

me? Oh, girls, girls

2:47

are tough. I thought she was

2:49

a lesbian. She's, I thought the

2:51

rabbit meant she eats pussy. Yeah,

2:53

but Jason Statham, when

2:55

he goes, when the transporter goes in the water,

2:58

and down there, there's just, there's

3:01

two scuba sets just

3:03

ready to go in the water, which

3:05

is like, how much foresight

3:08

he needs. He lives in a lighthouse.

3:10

His apartment is, It's like a fairy

3:13

noise. Yeah, I'm at like a Navy

3:15

point. Yeah, he's like, I put the

3:17

movie in early. The original script

3:19

is just embogging. I was in the famous wheel on

3:21

Navy points. This is him bogging down the movie

3:23

with real estate talk. See you look Chinese. I

3:26

don't do rule number 17. I

3:29

don't fuck in the China. Is the Transporter three? There's

3:31

a bunch of them in a shipping container. I

3:34

don't know, but I'll tell you what. Yeah. I'm

3:36

gonna work my way there. They're amazing, dude. I'm

3:38

gonna get there by the end of the night.

3:40

I'm into the franchise. I gotta have, I gotta

3:43

create a, I gotta figure out how to make

3:45

enough money to have a private theater somewhere in

3:47

Manhattan. Oh, dude. For like midday. Oh, dude, a

3:49

screen. A matinee. Yeah, I can call my friends.

3:51

I'm like, hey, dude, we're watching fucking, we're watching

3:53

that damn cat. Yeah. We're

3:56

watching Dunston, Texas. Yeah, you know the

3:58

live action Dennis the Menace. I

4:00

got it playing. Yeah, we got we got

4:02

most of the ink happening here Christopher Lloyd

4:04

plays the homeless man That's definitely in the

4:06

molestation. Yeah, I love that when he's cutting

4:08

the apple with a nice I

4:11

give I have an apple before No

4:17

one talked about that's why he was a

4:19

menace yeah, if he avoided pedophilia remember being

4:21

a teenager I drew I was like maybe

4:23

I'll get into comics sure drama drew maybe

4:25

two things ever and one of them

4:28

is like It was Dennis and minutes digging up

4:30

mr. Wilson's yard and then mr.

4:32

Wilson's like I'll show him Yeah, he's got

4:34

a trench coat on He

4:37

goes hey Dennis want to see the internet Looking

4:49

at a seven-year-old man's penis, but then

4:51

he gets he gets a doctrine and

4:53

then he just starts becoming like mr.

4:55

Wilson's Yeah, sex toy like apt pupil.

4:57

Yeah Dennis finds

5:00

out mr. Wilson used to be one of the

5:02

guards. Oh, dude. He's asked that yeah

5:04

Yeah, his real names like it's like

5:06

vilsen teach this vision shrong to me

5:08

how to be gay Hey

5:13

old Nazi teach me how to be gay

5:15

might be like in so old country I

5:17

was a Soldier named will

5:19

find vision. That's the other aspect of

5:21

Brian singer. That's weird like aside from

5:24

the boy rape That's a pretty weird

5:26

one. He but he's got an obsession

5:28

with Nazi stuff That's not

5:30

like like Lemmy like remember how

5:32

Lemmy would collect yeah I

5:34

was Lemmy was a rock guy Brian singer, but

5:37

why is that make it okay? Evil

5:41

it's like yes, but it's like this Oh

5:56

December Imagine

6:00

that were fucking him like up

6:02

until the last day. Yeah not

6:04

prime Lemmy. No yeah

6:06

Lemmy at 71 years old with like

6:08

with prostate cancer in his brain. That

6:11

is spread from that. Him wheezing during foreplay. Just

6:13

bloody calm leaping

6:18

out of his fucking eye sockets. The only

6:21

thing that gets him off is he's like

6:23

suck the mole. Yeah right. Suck the mole.

6:25

He would do that you know he would

6:27

do that right? The women? Yeah that was

6:29

like I've read interviews where he's like women

6:31

want to suck your own women stuff. It's

6:33

disgusting. That's revolting. Him at like 70 years

6:35

old acting that way

6:37

and then it's like there's 21 years old. 21

6:39

year olds they're like well

6:41

I'm from Long Island so I have to fuck like

6:43

him. I met him at the rainbow room. He's a

6:45

rock. My dad had a motorcycle. Yeah exactly. My dad

6:47

would lose his mind. And he'd be like I'm

6:50

an old Nazi knife to your throat while

6:52

you suck me. Where

6:55

am I? Are you my Susan? He's a

6:57

carpenter from his past. Is

7:01

that you Dot? Is

7:03

that you? Yeah I

7:06

don't know but you're fucking creeping me

7:08

out y'all. Y'all weirdo. It reminds me of

7:10

getting popped from the misters there in the

7:12

blitz. I

7:15

used to have a hot glass of

7:17

tea as those crowds were raining downhill

7:20

on me. They want to know I

7:22

like Nazi stuff because I got top

7:24

during the blitz. Because

7:26

as I popped in her

7:28

mouth the bombs went off.

7:32

I had to get under a slab of

7:35

concrete because she was giving me top. It's

7:38

so funny. It didn't suck while

7:40

the fucking... just had 20 bombs

7:42

falling on his block and he's

7:44

like oh fuck I see

7:46

that queer Mick Jagger talk about that.

7:49

But I'll still say this. I think

7:52

Lemmy being in the Nazi stuff not as

7:54

weird as Brian Singer being in the Nazi

7:56

stuff. And Brian Singer's Jewish. Brian Singer's Jewish? I'm

7:58

pretty sure. Brian Singer's just projecting. a

8:00

bunch of gay stuff, gay predator stuff, onto

8:02

the Nazi stuff. So he's like the Nazi

8:05

stuff, he's like, oh this is a part

8:07

of it. That's like his Nazi werewolf. Yeah,

8:09

it's kind of like... He's like, what if

8:11

we made the Nazis? Gay artists often project

8:14

gay stuff onto whatever they're consuming, and then

8:16

they're like, oh this must be gay also.

8:18

Yeah, like... You know he also does it,

8:20

they do it with Nintendo. People

8:22

online they're like, oh yeah Princess Peach, she got

8:24

her penis cut off. And then

8:27

they sometimes like Nintendo after the dressing,

8:29

they're like, it's for four year olds.

8:32

This was made by his sweet Japanese man.

8:34

He's a plumber, the bad guy's a turtle.

8:36

That's it. Guys? That's it.

8:39

There's nothing else to him. There's

8:41

no anything else going on.

8:43

And they're like, nah dude it's gay.

8:45

Yeah, links gay. You know Koopa, what's

8:47

the butt fuck Luigi, but Mario's got

8:49

to stop him. Right, and even if,

8:51

even if it, let's say that's all

8:53

true, it's like how does

8:56

that help anyone? Well, counter argument. What

8:58

if... It's like this, oh we need

9:00

more representation of trans people

9:02

in a world where mushrooms turn you, then

9:04

make it so you can fight a tur.

9:06

What does that give you the confidence to

9:09

go do? Is when he has

9:11

the leaf, and he turns

9:13

into the raccoon. Well now, because, because yeah,

9:15

because I know Peach is trans, that gives

9:17

me, now I feel comfortable going out in

9:19

the world as a raccoon. It gives you

9:21

agency. As wearing, yeah exactly. Now

9:24

you can fly by whipping your tail

9:26

around. I don't know, I've watched challengers over

9:28

the weekend. What's, what's that one? Is that

9:30

the tennis movie? And

9:33

it's like, and it's good. I enjoy

9:36

it. It's basically the Eiffel Tower movie. It's

9:38

a, yeah it's a tennis movie, and

9:40

I enjoyed it, but it's clearly somebody was

9:43

just watching tennis. They probably don't know much

9:45

about tennis, but they're watching it, and you

9:47

hear the grunts, and they're like, okay something's

9:49

going on. Okay these two,

9:52

they have something going on, they wanted, they

9:54

are fucking in the shower. They're

9:56

not, yeah they're just projecting all this stuff onto

9:58

somebody, just grunt it, yeah. Okay, they're

10:01

going probably they probably grew up together

10:04

Act each other off in boarding school and now

10:06

it's a secret and they're ashamed and it's like

10:08

Eric Can you just watch the tennis you have

10:11

to do this? This is a great way that

10:13

you have to just use your water. Someone in

10:15

his life goes just enjoy the competition Yeah, right

10:17

and he goes no no here we go and

10:20

there's a woman who taught them straight sex,

10:22

but she's evil and It's

10:24

like can we is that what the whole premise?

10:27

No, it's it's like basically like a Hypersexualized

10:30

love triangle with the

10:33

theme of tennis and it seems

10:35

pretty straightforward That's all it's about so they just

10:37

took an MMF threesome and they were like let's

10:39

put drop that in the tennis If you don't

10:41

go in looking for anything other than that, it's

10:44

great Yeah, I was I was told at the

10:46

box office that it was like a two and

10:48

a half hour long movie Did not feel like

10:50

it flew by I was engaged the whole time.

10:53

Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good It's the same guy that did

10:55

call me by your name. Okay? Whatever

10:58

which is just is also that like call me

11:00

by her name is there's nothing else. It's like

11:02

it's call me by her name is like It's

11:05

not gay Simpsons

11:09

where Bart has the crush on the babysitter. Yes,

11:11

that's that's what I'll call me by your name,

11:13

but it's just Right.

11:15

Yeah, you think that's how they pitched it.

11:18

I would have if I go, you know the episodes And

11:23

they're like what do you Sing

11:26

her for this one. I don't know. I

11:28

don't know if we need Nazi stuff. That's

11:30

what singer was like Yeah, okay. So hear

11:32

me out. He's like tennis. It's during a

11:34

kaka. Yeah, right. It's it's call me. It's

11:36

call me over fury They're

11:41

leather daddy's one of them's eight, but he looks like

11:43

a Tom a Finland guy Go

11:46

on vacation. He goes on vacation with his family

11:48

and he meets a guy who works on

11:50

motorcycles But he uses his penis and

11:53

he's got a bunch of Nazi memorabilia and they

11:55

bond over there He's like, oh you like Motorhead

11:57

also. Yeah, it's scored by motor right and then

11:59

they're killing animals in this good office. It's

12:02

Lemmy, but he's gay. Yeah. Is

12:05

there any mole sucking in this? Disgusting.

12:07

That is. And today's episode is brought

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you kill the other one so you could give him

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number one? Yeah, I added in the womb. Yeah, China

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to eat? It's the name of my biography. Consumed in

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like a corn layer, right? Oh,

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not bad, dude. I

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no, no. What makes your mom

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What's your mom's name? She's got... Trish.

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It's a very mom name. Patricia. Of course

13:52

you came from that. Yeah, Trish. I

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Odie? Yeah, no, he didn't really work. Dude, it was a

14:20

problem. His sin was sloth. Yeah, he's one of those guys that

14:23

had a dog, but he didn't. I

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mean, he really beat it. You guys, you kick it off

14:31

the table all the time. If

14:33

you put in, or the dog shouldn't have been

14:35

up there in the first place. I don't know.

14:38

My Grandpa John was just really, he was just

14:40

absentminded. Grandpa John was gay. He was clearly gay

14:43

and he wouldn't have read it, so. Yeah, him

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and his lover, Nirmal. And he was a Nazi.

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something, so the cat is a Nazi. Garfield's

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16:03

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16:05

gave Trish the gift of hearing. Well, never

16:07

mind. I'm buying her hearing aids. Oh

16:09

my god. What about a cochlear implant? That'd

16:12

be cool. Yeah. Just like, bing. No,

16:15

I mean, isn't that the move now? I feel

16:17

like they cured being deaf. Did they? There's

16:19

three things that have happened in my life. Curing

16:21

being deaf, like there's a solution for that

16:24

now. Garfield's gay. Well, I mean, things that

16:26

like big changes. Garfield's always been gay. It's

16:29

implies. There's curing

16:31

being deaf. I feel like

16:33

AIDS is cured. It's done. AIDS is

16:35

cured. And then also weed is like

16:37

legal, I guess. But it's too powerful

16:39

and it's legal. Both

16:42

AIDS being cured and weed being

16:44

legalized are things that just sort

16:46

of happen so gradually and slowly

16:48

that it's like I don't

16:50

understand when it happened. They're also. You

16:53

know how it's like suddenly. If you went

16:55

to the 90s, the most

16:57

futuristic thing you could say in 2024 is that AIDS

16:59

is cured and weed is. And

17:03

both of them happened very slowly.

17:05

We didn't even care. Both are

17:07

still technically crimes. Both are

17:09

still things that you should be in jail for. But

17:12

they don't enforce it. Carry being a

17:14

bug chaser or a dope

17:16

smoker. I do like that the AIDS medicine

17:19

prep and all that stuff. Part of the branding is

17:21

like, and it'll reduce the levels so low, you don't

17:23

even have to tell people. It's

17:26

like you hit it wrong. That's

17:28

where they go. It's undetectable.

17:30

That commercial is missing a

17:33

well-tunned wink. Right. No one will ever be

17:35

able to prove our little one.

17:38

I got HIV. Yeah,

17:41

it's crazy. They never step it up to AIDS anymore.

17:43

It's just HIV now. Well, they don't want to use

17:45

that. They don't want to use

17:47

HIV because that's like the beatable level. Well, there's

17:49

a difference between the two. AIDS is a condition

17:51

where your T-cell count drops below 200. So

17:54

it's the same virus. It's just developed in.

17:56

I thought HIV was like the appetizer to

17:58

the main dish. No, no. So basically it's

18:00

like having like a... The Amus

18:03

Bouch. It's like having like a... Well,

18:07

I'm trying to think of an example. But it's like your HIV has

18:09

gotten pretty bad. You're

18:12

riddled. It's like a... Because

18:14

you can have... I think you can

18:16

have AIDS, technically. AIDS

18:19

is just a collection of symptoms. Okay. So

18:21

you can have AIDS... So

18:23

it's like Pokemon. It's not technically correct. It's the same

18:25

but it's just bigger. They wouldn't say this and they

18:27

would diagnose you with this. But

18:30

you could have AIDS without having HIV. There

18:32

was an AIDS doctor watching this, pushing his

18:34

glass down. He nailed it. It's Brian Singer.

18:36

Yeah. And he goes, what if

18:38

the AIDS was Nazis? What if it was

18:40

Nazi AIDS? What if AIDS was

18:42

invented to create a super soul? What

18:44

if it was Captain America? Who

18:47

could eat whatever he wanted. But he was a gay

18:49

Nazi with AIDS. Damn,

18:52

Singer had the ultimate chance

18:54

to put people gay by controlling the X-Men.

18:57

Yeah. I was also

18:59

thinking the other

19:01

day about what if

19:03

we found out Tom of Finland would affect I

19:06

was straight. And that would be

19:08

funny. He just thought it was funny. That would be

19:10

one of the greatest upsets of all time for people.

19:12

Yeah, it's like a reverse Rock Hudson. He's like, no,

19:14

I'm a cartoonist. I draw funny comics. I don't know

19:16

why. Gay? Yeah, right. I

19:19

just drew the thing that I thought was the funniest

19:21

thing possible to me. There's nothing funnier than man on

19:23

man love. Yeah, right. A cop with an 11-inch cock?

19:25

Yeah. Yeah. What

19:28

about a biker with an 11-inch cock? That's just getting

19:31

away with a motorcycle. Yeah. That's

19:33

just detrimental. It's been practical. Yeah, it's your lifestyle. There's

19:35

a sadness to it. So the chaps would come into

19:37

play. Have you seen Civil War yet? No.

19:41

I heard it's good. That's the other one. You heard it's actually

19:43

good? Yeah, from one

19:45

friend who's sometimes wrong. I feel

19:48

like it's good for the people who want it to

19:50

be good. Is it? The word,

19:52

the tennis movie. It's just my list, right? I just don't know anything

19:54

about it. I just

19:56

heard it's like California, Texas. California, Texas

19:58

is, that's not... they

20:01

don't link out. Well

20:03

if it's Bakersfield Texas, Inland, Fresno,

20:06

away from the yeah away from

20:08

the coast. That's Texas. Away

20:10

from the if you're getting like Bakersfield,

20:14

Fresno, all the like San Francisco

20:16

LA people. Yeah and Arizona Bay

20:19

kind of thing. Bakersfield, Ray and

20:21

Supreme and then

20:23

they squatted. California, Texas just that's insane.

20:25

My girl lives in Lake County I

20:27

could see Lake County Lincoln up with

20:30

Texas. And then Florida because

20:33

I think there's three people that go against everyone.

20:37

It's those three? I think. Wow.

20:40

But then they probably recruit like Nebraska and Kansas.

20:44

But what is do you know what the is what

20:46

the war is over is it slavery again? No. I

20:49

think in every way it would be that would be a fun

20:52

premise for a movie. Trying to bring it back.

20:54

If there was yeah that was a civil war.

20:57

Slavery again. Yeah. It's like fucking Michigan

20:59

was like well we're not

21:01

we're gonna have a war about it we're not

21:03

just gonna bring it back. We'll have the war

21:05

first and if we win. That's how they put

21:07

you? Yeah right. Okay guys hear me out. We

21:09

win slavery. Yeah. But who

21:12

do they pick to be the size black people

21:14

again? It's shocking we don't have robot slaves. That's

21:16

that's the fucked up thing about the world. It's

21:18

common. Well but they won't do it. They'll continue

21:21

to people will just have to be poor. We

21:23

will have the technology where we can have robot

21:25

slaves and everyone can have one. But then the

21:27

tech industry will be like wow we can't they're

21:29

robots. They're robots. And if you're a black person.

21:32

Yeah. How mad you would be that they're showing

21:34

more decency to you being a robot. I was

21:36

going to say my thought was that remember there's

21:38

a movie I Robot. What's the movie? Will Smith.

21:41

Yeah. I Robot. Robot. It's like there's no

21:43

way they would make black robots. The optics

21:45

of like oh you don't have to pay

21:47

them. It would be terrible. To pitch that?

21:50

You said it's a robot factory? You guys want

21:52

to make them black? We have yeah. have

22:00

slave robots they're coming out that

22:02

color I sent they have to

22:04

have come skin and they will

22:06

be voiced by Robin Williams oh

22:09

please help me what if

22:11

I pick some garden church

22:17

it's a shot out here today mama

22:19

hot day in the fields mama oh

22:21

I wish I could hang

22:27

myself Oh yeah

22:29

yeah pitching a black

22:31

robot no way not no chance

22:34

of not that you're trying to get fired it

22:36

would be like you would either be the bicentennial

22:38

man or that one that's just a Honda one

22:41

they had Johnny five asimo no I

22:43

thought you were talking about a short

22:45

circuit short circuit it was like Johnny

22:47

five I am your slave five my

22:49

black by the way I was always

22:51

a you remember con air yeah and

22:53

he goes so that character's name

22:55

is Johnny 23 yeah raped 20 yeah

22:58

I remember Johnny Johnny five goes good

23:00

Johnny five going they would call me

23:02

Johnny 500 if they knew that

23:08

my brain I have an

23:10

insatiable appetite that movie is hilarious the short

23:12

circuit oh yeah some props guy just like glued

23:14

a bunch of garbage together and he's like what

23:17

if this was a movie isn't it a

23:19

white guy playing an Indian guy what

23:21

do you mean oh yes yeah there

23:23

is a character like a white actor yeah

23:25

look it up isn't short round in those

23:28

movies also yeah he's one of the guys

23:30

yeah but I think on short circuit they

23:32

have a white dude short rounds and goonies

23:34

too and he plays a character named like

23:37

data yeah data yeah right which that what

23:39

was the story there they give him like he's

23:41

just the Asian friends who doesn't have one

23:44

of those growing up wait short

23:47

circuit is like yeah it's a

23:49

time machine now he's sheedy Steve

23:52

Gutenberg obviously fuck your hot

23:54

Chinese mom Fisher Stevens paid

23:56

played Ben Jupiter Taya

23:58

he has He has a crazy

24:00

look these days. Who is that

24:02

guy? Fisher Stevens. He plays Cyrus,

24:05

Cyrus the virus, and,

24:08

or God in Hackers.

24:10

He's a bad guy. Yeah. Him

24:12

and Lorraine Hackers. He plays the plague. The

24:16

plague. That's his name in Hackers. Yeah,

24:18

the plague. Is the plague. And him

24:20

and Lorraine fucking Melfi. Dr. Melfi is

24:22

his girlfriend in that. Yeah, I'm looking

24:25

if Short Round is in Short

24:29

Circuit. He might be in the sequel. He's the robot. No.

24:34

No, the voice of. He's the Asian, the robot. Yeah,

24:37

Asian Voice Robot is great. I thought that was

24:39

Short Round. Oh no, that's just

24:41

a collection of boxes. No, Tim Blaney did the

24:44

voice of Number Five. Maybe I'm just confusing the

24:46

words Short Circuit and Short Round. Short Round. Yeah.

24:49

I'm saying he's in that. You're just doing an amalgamation?

24:51

I am. That's how my brain works. Yeah. It

24:54

used to benefit me, because that's how I could write jokes. Sure.

24:56

I was just genuinely confused all the time. Now

24:59

it just blurs together. You don't know what color

25:01

the stoplights are. You

25:03

just ended up in fucking color blindness? Yeah,

25:05

yeah, yeah. Everything's gray? No, yeah, my brain.

25:07

I'm seeing if he's in the second one.

25:09

My brain fucks things up. And then I'll

25:11

say things and people laugh. And I'll be like, oh,

25:14

I didn't mean to say that. Yeah, that's the worst.

25:16

Yeah. Where you go, I didn't intend

25:18

to do that. Yeah, I just, I've encouraged

25:20

my brain to think

25:23

about things in a way, in such a way

25:25

where I come up with wrong answers that

25:27

seem right in a funny way. Because

25:29

that's all joke writing is. Yeah, it's saying the

25:32

wrong thing at the right time. It's coming up

25:34

with a solution to something that is. Makes no

25:37

sense. Makes no sense. But

25:39

it is seemingly the shortest, the

25:41

Occam's razor. Yeah, that's why when

25:44

people say, AI can't you stand up? You're like,

25:46

no, I can't. Oh, easily. I knew that. I

25:48

said that to Eugene Merman, sitting in the

25:50

grotto at South by Southwest, when we met.

25:53

That's the whole weekend. It was even earlier. It

25:55

was 2012. 2012, yeah. Because

25:57

I was still drinking. Yeah, and that fucking.

26:00

I was sitting in the in-between

26:02

place between Esther's Valley. A little

26:04

outside garden. Yeah. I

26:06

was sitting in the Eugene Merman and we were talking

26:08

about Asimo, the robot. He was like, yeah, this is

26:10

just going to take everybody's jobs. Thank God we're comedians.

26:12

I'm like, no, they will easily- That's going

26:14

to be the first one they do. We- Yeah.

26:18

I'm like- Lifting and comedy. Yeah.

26:22

that there's a process to it. Yeah. It's

26:24

data input. Right, yeah. You

26:26

just take a thing and then you- it's exactly what

26:28

you just said. You just do the wrong answer. That

26:31

is the funniest. I'm actually- I will

26:34

say this. I'm not even sure that

26:36

that Atsuko lady isn't the

26:38

robot from the- Dude. I

26:41

don't- you could very well be- There's

26:44

going to be a clip of her getting heckled with water.

26:46

Yeah, right. You're just out- just

26:48

shorting out. Yeah, right.

26:51

Oh my God. It'd be great

26:53

to see one of those- Yeah, we'll see the audience

26:55

and it's all Johnny Fod. Wally and- Johnny Fod loves

26:57

R2D2 and- I still-

26:59

You think you can do the other- great

27:01

job Atsuko. Oh,

27:04

the industry's all robot. Yeah.

27:08

R2D2 canceled for wolf whistling

27:11

and- Oh, he did a black- he

27:13

did a black whistle. I'm

27:15

going to be obsessed with the

27:18

guy pitching black robots. Where he

27:20

goes, okay, okay. Yeah.

27:23

But he's black. I guess I wrote- It's

27:26

Wilf Minh though. As a teenager with

27:28

R2D2 meeting Lando Calrissian. It's the

27:30

first scene where we see R2D2 and it's

27:32

like he's like beep beep beep. And they're

27:35

like Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry. And

27:37

then he goes, hey man, what's up with this

27:39

tiny trashy? What the fuck? Hey, hey, hey, he's

27:42

got a lot of hate in his hair. He

27:44

goes, you want to explain your friend? Can

27:47

you imagine? He goes, you want to explain your friend? Can

27:49

you imagine? Can you keep him on the outside of the

27:51

plane? You know how I said that would make Lando? He's

27:53

like, I'm the only black guy in this galaxy. Come on

27:55

man. You know how many years it took me to put

27:57

on a cape? You know how long it took me?

28:00

me to get here from 1860's South

28:02

Carolina. I

28:04

am the only black planet where they tested

28:06

out the death star. I have my own,

28:08

that's how Lando got there, there was his

28:11

second underground railroad that went into space. And

28:14

some of his lays ended up in a

28:16

galaxy far, far away. He was the only

28:19

one that survived the trip. You start saying

28:21

people were bad. I'm going

28:23

to tell you right now, man, the

28:25

Raiders, dude, that's so funny. I like

28:27

that guy. Light

28:29

years away in a different galaxy and they still

28:32

gave him a name like a pimp. Yeah, and

28:34

a cape. Right, yeah. He really gave me a

28:36

cape. Yeah, his name is El Dorado Coop de

28:38

Vil. He was basically a

28:41

space pimp. We're

28:44

going to call him Slim Martian. I

28:47

can't say how he called him

28:49

Slim Martian. His name is Lando

28:51

Widecob. He's basically...

28:54

He just spins Leia for the first

28:56

time in his life. Yeah,

28:59

yeah. Lando, why are

29:01

you getting a manicure? We

29:05

got to take down the death star. I'll smack that

29:07

bitch when I feel like it's not. You see these

29:09

nails? He's

29:11

trying to pimp Luke. You see these nails? I

29:14

sold them nails to Revlon. Because all

29:16

I do is peel money and touch

29:18

bitches. Now Luke,

29:21

mmm, mmm, mmm. Mmm,

29:23

mmm, Luke. Luke,

29:25

Luke, Luke. I'll send you back to

29:27

that two moon planet if you don't

29:29

play ball. Yeah, and then his white

29:31

friend, the tube head guy from Jabba's

29:33

Palace. Yeah. Played by Gary Oldman.

29:36

He's like, it ain't white boy day. Yeah, exactly.

29:40

Jabba's just a pimp. Yeah,

29:42

Jabba and his friend Drexel.

29:45

He no sah-huh, no wah, white

29:47

clock. Now baby, baby. I

29:50

got you. What

29:53

do you think the odds are? Leia, Leia,

29:55

Leia. The N-word probably

29:57

appears somewhere in Jabba's Palace. and

30:00

that I bet if you properly if

30:03

you if you translate Java no no I mean

30:05

if you just listen to the phonemes of all

30:07

of that that whole scene yeah it's got to

30:09

be in there somewhere I don't think that that's

30:11

one of the things they took out with a

30:14

look at I don't think they took it out

30:16

I think George Lucas has that just put some

30:18

sound over it back today's

30:20

episode is also brought to you by

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Ridge wallet which Adam if you want

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to pull up the website and talk

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about our friends at Ridge wallet Ridge

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wallet great product guys friend of the

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show for a long time Dan are you familiar

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oh yeah dude Ridge wallet I've known about it

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the metal one what do you love

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with people on Twitter over yeah the

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trans community is mad at him because

30:54

he and I god bless

30:56

I wish I brought it up I can't

30:59

remember if I saw it before you

31:01

think Ian just Ian in the comments

31:03

being like I fucked trans people you

31:05

fucking freaks he responds to every he

31:07

responds to every criticism he's like God

31:09

what the fuck is wrong with you

31:11

know what I'm gonna freak I suck

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cock some of the guinea-dugues like arguing

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with these the

31:19

idea that he's up there going you fucking

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abomination I said I'd find out and then

31:23

it's like it but there's no like it's

31:25

not even it's not like he's Nick

31:27

DePaulo it's not like he's conservative just

31:30

people are just mad at him and

31:32

you should know not to argue but like

31:34

he's one of the rare instances where he's

31:37

one he's wasting your time go you know

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what I mean it's like you're not gonna

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do you think you just got five days

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engaged with Ian in the first guys they

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launch Ridge wallet with a simple belief that

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same mentality only now it's

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to improve all the items

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you carry. I always try

32:03

to embrace the lifestyle mentality.

32:06

Yeah, you live it. You always

32:08

have a lifestyle mentality. Live your

32:10

lifestyle. Now what

32:12

the hell is the Ghostbusters thing that he's

32:15

doing? He likes Ghostbusters a lot? That's not

32:17

even a real-ested thing. Honestly, if you just

32:19

read the sign, it looks like it means

32:21

no eating. It means no eating. I don't

32:23

know why you make a sign that says

32:25

no eating. No

32:28

marketing bad vibes. Oh, fuck, I didn't

32:30

pull out of it. No,

32:32

it's Ghostbusters, but I'm a gay.

32:34

But it's gay. You're

32:38

the bad guy from your favorite movie? You're

32:40

the problem. You're designed to hold everything. Receipt

32:43

gift cards and anything else you can

32:45

stuff in there. They turned that

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on its head with a minimalist

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first approach to design. So,

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carry less and live more. Live more

32:54

sounds great. Live mas. Live mas. There

32:57

was a sign at the beer store

32:59

in Exeter apartment in Texas for a

33:01

Coke ad. It

33:03

had a bottle of Coca-Cola and it said, more

33:06

mmm for your buck in English, and then

33:08

underneath it in Spanish, mas

33:11

mmm for your buck. They

33:13

just put the word mas and they gave up on

33:15

Spanish. That's the Chris Farley joke when

33:17

he was El Nino. El

33:19

Nino is Spanish for the

33:21

Nino. Yeah, they just Coke just

33:24

really was like, give us a shit. Yeah, but

33:26

what's that, that SNL sketch where it's like the

33:28

hidden camera, like, folds? It's one of the funniest,

33:30

I have that clip, I send it all the

33:32

time to people. He goes,

33:34

sir, what if I told you you were

33:36

drinking decaffeinated? And he goes, liar to me!

33:38

The funniest part is this one. What?

33:42

Yeah, he gives it. What? He's

33:44

about to go psycho. He

33:46

looks at the woman, he looks at the coffee,

33:48

and then looks at the guy again. You son

33:50

of a bitch, you no good. But

33:53

just that first part always gets me. Yeah.

33:56

Why? Oh, fuck. We

33:58

call it. I just thought of something. They

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got a lot of other stuff too. They have back. Yeah,

34:02

go ahead. I might. I

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was, you know, so I'm friendly with the

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main guy because we've been with Ridge. They've

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been doing this for a long time. From

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the beginning. They're huge. Ground floor.

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That is a huge company. Like, I remember probably

34:15

eight, like six years, five or six years ago

34:17

you guys were messing with them. Yeah.

34:20

And we were f***ing with them. They sent us a bunch

34:22

of stuff and now this is the first time we've done

34:24

Reeds for them where they have not sent stuff. Yeah, they

34:26

sent a gold wallet once. Which I think it's just because

34:28

they do this because they don't need this show. They

34:32

f***ing advertise on the Super Bowl. It's charity. Like,

34:35

they don't. They could. Maybe Wimbledon.

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This is charity for them to advertise with

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us. I wish they would send this stuff.

34:42

I might even buy something. Should

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we get a backpack? I'll tell you this, I would

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why they've taken their innovative design and material

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on. Yeah, I've had this wallet for years

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now. Yeah, that thing is solid. The

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items you carry every day are your

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tools. But I want to let them know they

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updated the backpacks. That's what you want. I want

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the latest. The backpack technology has jumped in the

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backpack every single day. It's lovely. It's

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and you'll get a great list. That's

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what I'm going to try it right now and I'll tell

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you how much you get off. I just thought about my

35:29

dad's name being Garfield. Oh yeah. That's

35:32

great. That'd be a pretty bad name for a

35:34

dad to have. I don't know. I

35:36

kind of think it might be better than Gary. You

35:38

know what would be the worst is Roseanne. If your

35:40

dad's name is Roseanne. Yeah, Roseanne's a tough one. Roseanne's

35:42

a tough one to bounce back. Just

35:45

over the school PA. Yeah. Dan,

35:47

your father Roseanne is here to pick

35:50

you up. Mr. Roseanne Soder. Roseanne Soder

35:52

is here to pick up his daughter,

35:54

Dan. Oh, I'm

35:57

sorry. Your son, Dan. Yeah. I

36:00

thought it was daughter because you have a

36:02

woman you have a fat woman's name because

36:04

you have a fat mean ladies I believe

36:07

the discount is what is Rosanne doing? She's

36:09

been kicked off all social media, and I

36:11

can only imagine full grift her opinions are

36:13

getting even worse Yeah, she's just full grifting

36:15

box news though. Yeah, but like more than

36:17

that. I think she's got news man She's

36:19

got crazy. She's got full grift. Yeah, it's

36:21

crazy. She called that lady an ape What's

36:24

another Muslim Brotherhood meets Planet of

36:27

the Aids? That's crazy, which sounds

36:29

like You want to talk about

36:31

fun crossing? Well to

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hit that up after right after the

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transporter series. We're doing Muslim Brotherhood versus

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I'm I'm interested to see

36:55

when I go home if Katie finished

36:58

the transporter Yeah, cuz it was

37:00

on and we were Yeah,

37:04

okay, and we were like in it

37:06

like to the point where I went I can

37:09

leave in five more minutes Yeah, you were

37:11

in it. We're in it. No. I just did

37:13

I just did this in the last year. I

37:15

watch it I got calling

37:17

the bad guy baby bangs. I got cable

37:19

again. That's the best part about cable I

37:21

just sitting there watch movies all day long.

37:23

That's a blue velvet and Mulholland Falls yesterday,

37:25

dude I was the new

37:27

Baywatch was on yeah, who's in it

37:29

the rock the rock the rock is

37:31

a great body great pod Grapher

37:34

on another great pod That's

37:37

the best part about cable is you just fall

37:39

into these old movie. That's what hotels on the

37:41

road much of my life you know I was thinking

37:43

about like using using

37:46

letterbox differently to log whenever I

37:48

think about a movie because

37:51

90% of my day. I'm just thinking about movies that

37:53

I've seen yeah I don't have any of my own

37:55

experiences or emotions you just live through something you saw

38:00

toaster if

38:02

you remember he's probably trying to get back to his family almost got

38:08

his dog I go homeward now yeah that's probably

38:10

that dog that guy is probably

38:15

fucking that dog's wife and then singer

38:17

goes make it a Nazi yeah Brian

38:23

Singer raping children yeah grooming

38:25

them going do you want to meet the

38:27

next man you know the story of that pupil right the thing

38:29

that they did on that no so this

38:32

is seen in a few pupils the

38:34

movie where the neighbors are Nazi right

38:36

Renfro discovers that his neighbor his older

38:38

neighbor who's like isn't it Liam Ian

38:40

McKellen yeah it's like a great actor

38:45

he's like what

38:47

did you say did you say you want

38:49

to hear about guessing the Jews what

38:52

if I just showed you my penis

38:55

instead what if I laid

38:57

down and lathered you and baby what

38:59

if I sucked your cock instead have

39:01

you ever swallowed cock yeah what

39:04

if instead of me being a Nazi look

39:11

I'm already in this as officer I might

39:13

as well be a pet if I'm here

39:15

might as well taste the fuck children I

39:17

mean if you're here grab everything you I'm

39:24

already going to hell we crossed that

39:26

line let's if you're robbing a bank

39:28

take the bed I had a bite

39:31

of cheesecake and I said we're already

39:33

here I might as well eat the

39:35

whole thing I mean it's a cheat

39:38

day look I'll switch

39:40

that's the strawberry but

39:43

how I want the cake

39:46

boy but from my neighbor yeah

39:48

and that's the

39:51

premise of that people but when they were filming

39:53

the movie they went to like a local like

39:56

junior high school and they were like

39:58

okay so we're gonna we want to you can

40:00

be in a movie. Oh my god what a pedophile

40:02

move. They brought a bunch of 14 year old boys

40:04

in the locker room and just filmed them naked and then

40:07

a couple of the kids went home and told their parents

40:09

what happened and the parents were like what the fuck and

40:12

then the studio just like

40:14

covered it up. Dang. Yeah. That

40:16

was the 90s. Yeah. So there was no really

40:19

heavy internet presence. Yeah. Pedophilia

40:21

was cool. Well all you had to do was stop

40:23

by a house and cut a check and like a

40:25

dad was going like yes she's in ticket to the

40:27

studio. Every parent has a price. Can you imagine being

40:30

like the PA there that day and they're

40:32

like um so what what

40:35

are we doing? I gotta go I gotta spritz

40:37

down these boys. Does anyone need a PG? I

40:40

made them $150 a day. I didn't realize you were doing

40:42

child porn. My dad got me this job. I thought you

40:44

knew you were going to get bagels. Not

40:46

boys. And

40:49

then singers like you know what?

40:51

If you're like a grip and

40:53

you're just unrolling the extension cord

40:55

into the gym. And then

40:58

they're like where does this go into? Do you

41:00

like the guy that heard Sandusky fucking that kid?

41:02

And it's back when film was around. Guys

41:05

were out we gotta change. Yeah great excellent.

41:07

Good job. Oh you don't

41:10

need a lot of carbs. Yeah

41:12

that's fucking nuts. And they just paid them

41:14

off. I don't even know if they paid them

41:16

off. That's how egregious

41:18

they got. Do you want to put on

41:20

Magneto's helmet? Do you

41:22

think he has a smaller one

41:24

for his cock helmet? Now you can't read

41:27

my thoughts. Now you can't see what gets

41:29

me off. Ah

41:32

you'll just have to see if

41:34

it grows or not. Those two

41:36

guys definitely. There's something going on

41:38

there. They did a

41:40

kiss where they like nudged up against

41:42

each other. Back in the 1960s England

41:44

theater school. Can you imagine? Can you

41:46

pre-aid England theater school? Can

41:49

you pre-aid England?

41:53

All you had to fight was curiosity.

41:55

Every mark wrong that you could have

41:57

in the life is this. What

41:59

Are the odds? Something gave gonna have

42:01

a going oh you seems little

42:03

Old Vic summer Yeah, nineteen sixty

42:05

of where it were allowed ribs

42:08

dead to dress up. As

42:10

Ophelia a bad at a player feel ya

42:12

they was a roster as a the as

42:14

their think there are also it's past to

42:16

be gay they're it meets your pairs of

42:18

money they say you to boarding school Yeah

42:21

yeah it's a flex to be gave it

42:23

to like them I don't like yeah I'm

42:25

not poor to I'm gay who sees for

42:27

poor as young as and will Not only

42:29

was a guy have not seen that's why

42:32

they're in those X Men movies because Bryan

42:34

Singer's like I'm going to get the old

42:36

queen together. Me the guys have taught me

42:38

users me the rather get. My seafood of

42:40

my man right? Yeah, into so there's

42:42

a little red panda got her sit

42:44

and read a panda a turtle. I

42:48

saw ever seen in Contraband. The For. As

42:52

he had that bitter I'm a dude. That's.

42:54

Grown you know Jack Black much him

42:56

kicking ass yeah I'd I love those

42:59

movies are sick of this when he

43:01

gets diabetes does years as a great

43:03

emily could see a bamboo stick ways.

43:05

They also is sweet as the like

43:08

motion capture from I saw the fights

43:10

are like real Jack likes doing the

43:12

fighting. Or they'll probably stunt

43:14

double but they do most capture another

43:16

for they do mostly casually for the

43:19

most of staff specific shirts and weird

43:21

shorts, rifle use, harry Labor Fear for

43:23

the for the the Kung Fu Panda

43:25

movies and like actual like karate happening

43:27

I wonder if I'm at a make

43:30

amateur? it's borders or three is for

43:32

I'm. I'm I

43:34

make it through all for this weekend Now The awesome. Because

43:36

a marty two thirds of the with one.

43:39

Yeah, And. I want to. How

43:41

to goes. Yet crank warning to

43:43

eat or see crank I like through

43:45

is actually really not good. The.

43:47

Last Guy Ritchie movie oh yes which

43:49

is fumes with the got yet it's

43:52

not have watched. happens it on a

43:54

plane. What's the cause there's is like

43:56

any second a prison or something that

43:58

he can live with. The premise. Villagers

44:01

Guy Ritchie. It's like

44:03

the end of Robin Williams is

44:05

when he was is like doing

44:07

Robin Williams stuff. Really? yeah? Business

44:10

owners Eleven! Mr. Hogan is my

44:12

second. Okay. Now

44:14

whole the Gov is a fool me

44:16

at all and of right here that

44:18

have a visit. Banana Bread bow I

44:21

don't know a lot of time shirt

44:23

on your go on a ago and

44:25

and this can you imagine like his

44:27

family didn't find them for like an

44:29

entire week as the record he pre

44:31

recorded like there and officers views. On

44:33

he added or in his office

44:35

in earnest as is that. It's

44:37

all right, he's dead the closet.

44:40

As a Madigan, all we're gonna

44:42

have to knock knock knock knock.

44:44

Who's van service and er, nog

44:46

is that Hello Santa Claus? Why

44:48

does or not we're not on

44:50

And her, those. Eerie? Yes.

44:52

Crazy. Have a half of. The.

44:54

Years we said knock knock knock as we're

44:56

not not. I don't think anyone not Peter

44:58

was a you. Know.

45:01

I didn't hear that. The fella. Of

45:03

it. The

45:06

man. Very.

45:10

I. Know

45:13

right now. Later. My.

45:17

They are you. Don't forget

45:19

exterminators. Good. And exterminate. Yeah, you

45:21

gotta get one. But not the not he

45:23

recounts. And on the

45:26

exterminator issue is what bugs I mean

45:28

the Aids virus it a great role

45:30

and John goodness interact the phone. Ah

45:32

the best as the cocky exterminate and

45:34

a cocky show and up with all

45:36

the bugs. Shania that he gets fucked

45:38

up. didn't go to the barn and

45:41

you've got yeah I did. He gets

45:43

killed. His God is he's He's good

45:45

at being fat in that those like

45:47

the city. John Goodman bugs me. It's

45:49

I got it. right wing roseanne what

45:51

does is one of those fab evil that

45:54

made it old age till now yeah well

45:56

as also like he's iconic similar like yeah

45:58

you gotta you can't be 800

46:01

pounds and 90 yeah you can't do

46:03

that but he also was like the

46:05

fat guy no you know what my

46:07

friend yeah I'm gonna do my best

46:09

goddamn King Ralph he probably bumped off

46:11

the rest of the fat guys yeah

46:14

he killed my conspiracy yeah yeah candy

46:16

all far away good moves like murdering

46:18

everyone where did they do the thing

46:20

with the cork board and the string

46:22

we lose you see him in every

46:24

background of a picture yeah Chris Farley

46:27

Farley we're gonna

46:29

we're gonna say Will Sasso died Will Sasso's the man he's been

46:31

there for years dude he's the last Ronin but we'll just say

46:34

you the last Ronin but we'll just say you the last Ronin

46:36

but we'll just say you the last Ronin but Sasso's my guy

46:39

I love Will Sasso are you friends with him we

46:42

like will DM once in a while but I'm

46:44

like so there's something going on there don't brine

46:46

me and Will Sasso are gay nazi yeah going

46:52

on there I see what you

46:54

know you're probably saying right now

46:56

I'm really

47:00

feeling that trade war lost weight on that TV

47:02

you remember that yeah we came back skinny he

47:04

came back skin off I was Goodman and then

47:06

when then the boy they did that sketch where

47:08

he's like I can still be funny even though

47:10

I'm gonna get it and it's just bombing yeah

47:12

fucking just eating all the food dude

47:17

I wonder what would happen if Goodman

47:19

came back fat yeah you

47:21

feel like you know he's like

47:23

fucking 78 years old but he can't do so

47:25

what is Jonathan Winters still a lot

47:27

oh you know I have him in a tube

47:29

like Walt Disney yeah yeah he

47:32

was like Jonathan Winters was the

47:34

original was the OG the OG

47:36

fat fat sassy fat and sassy

47:38

mmm-hmm Midwestern yeah

47:40

Jonathan Winters is proper white

47:43

proper white bread

47:45

white bread white yeah

47:48

yeah middle of the country white I

47:51

remember my dad rented it's a mad mad

47:53

mad mad mad world for me yeah he

47:55

was like this is the funniest movie of

47:57

all time I was like rat raises weights

48:00

that race is much better like very few but

48:02

that should be a piece to me you know

48:04

that the really there's a better than a rather

48:07

a little rather is so much better races much

48:09

better but i put on blazing saddles and he

48:11

was right that is

48:13

that but i don't really think i remember you

48:17

know uh... the guard

48:19

still very funny they got some great ones of

48:21

the allies at the new sheriff is uh... goal

48:24

yeah the party's part of the party's that word

48:26

is where that's joke should be in every movie

48:28

every movie should have a lot of seen it

48:30

where the funniest part is when after he beats

48:32

mongo with candy gram yeah in the old lady

48:35

comes by with the pie and she goes sorry

48:37

about that whole up and eat they're

48:39

uh... he goes all it's okay

48:41

but then yeah there's a beat she comes back

48:44

to choose you have to be

48:46

crazy the other do you have to do

48:48

you know if you have the audacity of

48:50

those uh... comedy writers and they'll be richard

48:52

richard prior that this comedy writers in the

48:54

nineteen seventies just ten years after you should

48:56

write movement to be like yet so k

49:00

yet we might have to write the

49:02

final day rose barely been anytime they're

49:04

like yep nope society's fixed on the

49:06

time that just last it was prior

49:08

the n-word there's prior mill brooks wrote

49:10

that there's a lot of stuff that's

49:12

there's like and words in our own

49:14

seven-level eighties

49:16

early eighties yeah any more fish it

49:19

for their personal care throughout you're

49:21

really good the s and l robert

49:24

goulais sketch all year there

49:26

was a drop that in heaven run of uh...

49:29

jay-z benny seagull in memphis blue yeah

49:31

he's doing a the thong song robert

49:34

goulais very funny and he like a way

49:36

to do it yet not too long or

49:39

every night yet but wait i think yet

49:41

it's crazy the way that the world is going

49:44

to be there wasn't like push back against

49:46

taking it away from community with like

49:48

it now it's like this like comics

49:50

will get very upset to be like

49:52

all these pc cultures cancer culture that's

49:54

like not letting me do the

49:57

same joke about like though what are your

49:59

pronouns like That's the

50:01

hill everybody wants to die on. Where it seems

50:03

to me, taking the N word away from us,

50:06

that would have been the line for me. If we had

50:08

the N, if we had it, let's

50:12

say we already got it, as comedians, we got it.

50:15

What would you trade for it? Well I know, that

50:17

we gave that one up without a fight, that

50:20

we were just out here, just being like, hey

50:22

Robin Williams is like, what's this thing? Ooh! Yeah,

50:25

he's like, this fucking genie from Aladdin. He

50:29

just said the genie's just peppering it.

50:31

It's funny. It's funny. That

50:33

movie would have been a wild ride, if that blue guy

50:35

would have came out and just. And they got taken away

50:37

from us, and by us I don't mean white guys, I

50:40

mean comedians. Sure. They got taken

50:42

away from us, and without a fight, and

50:44

now suddenly everybody's, oh you can't say this

50:46

anymore, you can't say that, and it's like,

50:49

well the stuff you're saying sucks. Yeah,

50:51

it's not funny. It's not funny.

50:53

The N word is hilarious. When

50:55

used properly, is proven

50:57

by Def Jam comedians. I,

51:00

yes. I mean, I would

51:02

say it's. And Robert

51:04

Goulet. And Robert Goulet shouted it. Wild that

51:06

he shouted it. If you're shouted. It could

51:08

be like, this is sort of maybe a

51:10

Schrodinger's cat sort of thing. Yeah. It's like,

51:13

would it be so funny if you could.

51:15

Probably not. Yeah. The forbidden proof. you

51:18

have a weekend, you're at a beach house, and maybe it's

51:21

like, 16 hours go by. True. Somebody

51:24

just goes in the, somebody gets

51:27

like, there's like, they maybe have

51:29

Maxwell House. Sure. Like in the

51:31

rental. That's like the coffee they have there. You're

51:34

like, what the hell is this? Boop, coffee? Everyone's

51:37

laughing. They're like, come on. Come

51:39

on. Come on. You

51:41

can't. I know. Come on, we're in

51:43

the Delaware. And then to

51:45

say, baby, hour 27, it's fucking

51:47

just flying. It's just

51:49

going. It's just dripping off the wall. All

51:52

the time. And then it's, right. And

51:54

then it's like, it's like, and then it's. Well then you

51:56

got to tighten your belt. Day three or four, yeah. You've

52:00

got to tighten your belt because you're like,

52:02

oh, we've been saying, I feel like I've

52:04

said the N word way too much. I

52:06

feel bad about it. We still have like,

52:08

it's like there's still too many entomans left.

52:10

Yeah. And you're like, do I

52:12

get a, I guess I'll eat it for breakfast. I

52:14

gotta have a donut for breakfast. But you take a

52:16

break. Then you take a break. Then you take a

52:18

break. Then you have a coffee the next morning. And

52:21

someone goes, oh, you got a cup of that coffee.

52:23

And they go. No, it's on the drive back. You've

52:25

checked out of the Airbnb and you're like, wow, that

52:27

place was great. And you're like, let me review for

52:29

the host. And you're like, what if I just

52:31

called him? And everyone's like, ah, you know, you

52:34

return to the car. Yeah.

52:37

You know, I can say it's full of, oh,

52:40

yeah, you're going, hey, what if instead of a

52:43

budget rent a car, just call,

52:45

we're in a car and that's

52:47

what instead of target, it's called

52:49

a, yeah. Right. Yeah.

52:52

Right. Right. And then it

52:54

comes back and then, and then, and then maybe that

52:56

what happens is our seven year old, he left one

52:58

in your suitcase. Yeah. Right. And

53:01

you're having a nice dinner with your fiance and you go,

53:03

oh, you know what he said? He said, what if, if

53:05

it wasn't target, what if it was, what are you doing?

53:10

Well, it was Dewey beach. We

53:13

were at the beach. Yeah. And

53:16

it was Folgers. It was, we got little carried

53:18

away. It was Maxwell. It was

53:20

Maxwell. It started off with the Maxwell. Look,

53:22

I would never say, I would never say,

53:24

I, I love that your cousin married. Yeah.

53:28

That guy's awesome. That guy's so cool. It's

53:31

awesome. It's nothing like to act like.

53:34

Yeah. No, it was funny because

53:36

he had obvious because he wouldn't say, why

53:38

would he say that? Mike wouldn't say that

53:41

about them. But it's funny that

53:43

he said it's funny because he's talking about

53:45

coffee. Whatever. I'm not going to, I

53:47

shouldn't even have fucking fucking eat in the guest room.

53:49

Yeah. I could have, you know, we have

53:51

a common as your pussy. I'm sorry.

53:54

I said that. You know what? I'm

53:56

going to go get a coffee. but

54:00

yeah you know that's how it is and

54:03

back in the 70s it was like that

54:05

except in a writers on TV yeah and

54:07

on every show you might watching like general

54:15

hospital yeah they go whoa

54:18

you need to call him yeah he's like picking up the

54:20

syringe is like what's this filled with yeah

54:24

he's like hey can I get you G G G's I

54:27

need 50 G G's of grape

54:30

soda for the oh

54:32

my god doctor doctor you

54:34

can't say that he's like I'm just kidding the

54:36

civil rights movement happened ten years in the future

54:39

of course I'm not serious remember the civil rights

54:41

movement my socks are still wet from those

54:43

I meant it six years prior to this but

54:45

then I grew my hair out I

54:49

wouldn't say it around I wouldn't say it

54:51

around Jim Brown of course I'm not racist

54:53

I have sideburns look at

54:55

me I have a full beard 1973 how

54:57

could I possibly be right I

54:59

had I have a sex with

55:01

my neighbor I couldn't

55:03

be racist car

55:10

field but it being on TV makes

55:12

the beach house less special you

55:14

know what I mean the beach house is the one

55:16

place you while out if it's on

55:19

TV then it's like less you're saying like

55:21

dessert you're saying the same argument but I'm

55:23

saying it's like yeah yeah the beach house

55:25

is a dessert this it creates a sanctity

55:27

of the beach house you

55:29

know if it's just all willy-nilly

55:31

you know every Jewish comedians are

55:33

saying it on television it's it's

55:35

less it's less special how many

55:37

do you think Jewish comedians were like yeah but I'm Jewish

55:39

let me get let me get that that is the worst

55:42

one that they can do stop

55:54

I think they should start saying it over in Israel

55:57

I think if that like honestly like they've

55:59

tried everything are wise and

56:01

they're just losing bad. If

56:03

Netanyahu was like, what's

56:05

up? What's up? Oh,

56:07

you're about to find out all

56:09

these guys are both like, it's

56:12

off day. Whoa, whoa. Doing that

56:15

and it would be an entirely different argument

56:17

because then you would lose a Western audience

56:20

because then they wouldn't be talking about the

56:22

genocide. They'd be blinded by he's using the

56:24

n-word. He's like, yo, all these Rafa, all

56:26

these Rafa's. Yeah,

56:29

right. Exactly. Yeah. How

56:32

many outdated to big, big and

56:34

go stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he's

56:36

got the sweatband and

56:48

a little bit of a

56:50

Nelly sweatband. Oh, just fat

56:52

watches. Yeah, baby G-Shock on.

56:54

Yeah. They

56:58

go, a ceasefire has been called for

57:00

because these boop. They don't want to

57:02

see us go to the street. No,

57:04

it would confuse people so much. Yeah. I

57:06

wouldn't know. I think you just solved it. I know.

57:08

That would be a real hail of pain. It wouldn't

57:10

solve anything. There'd still be a genocide happening. Yeah.

57:13

Children would still be being murdered. Yeah. Which I don't know if I

57:15

can say that. I might go to jail. I don't know.

57:17

I think you might get, I think you'd

57:19

go to jail now if you say it's

57:21

a genocide. Watching the cops move in on

57:24

Columbia last night after. You know, that seems

57:26

crazy. That seems like that's really going to

57:28

work. That's a great idea. 300 students. That'll

57:30

really get people to stop hating Israel. Good

57:34

job. Guys, problem fixed.

57:36

They're all sitting in jail right now going,

57:38

you know what? I learned my lesson. It's

57:40

not a genocide. I don't like it in

57:42

here. Yeah. It's, you know what? You're correct.

57:45

We should send them more money for weapons.

57:47

They're great. They're great guys. Yeah. Although for

57:49

camping, like what were they doing? Where did those

57:51

tents come from? Yeah. That's what my dad sent me on

57:54

the phone. REI. There's a lot

57:56

of money going into those tents. He literally

57:58

said that with them. You know what? I

58:00

was like, what are you doing? talking as

58:02

someone that's from Colorado oh yeah you're a

58:04

milieu those are I know the I know

58:06

the gear you know that you know that

58:08

model those are sleeping six comfortably Soros is

58:10

dropping like someone's

58:13

behind that you got big

58:15

money behind those doors is getting some follow

58:17

the tent money yeah I really get a

58:19

good year Soros is like

58:21

you know it was an island of dr.

58:23

Maro or is the human chest pieces that's

58:26

all Soros is doing you know it's so much money he's

58:28

like I'm just want to see people fight yeah I

58:30

don't have a word agenda is what are

58:33

you talking about no dude if

58:35

I could get if I could get my rocks

58:37

off with the PlayStation I wouldn't be doing exactly

58:39

no I'm gonna fund both sides and cause people

58:41

to fight hey cuz I'm gonna make Kyle they

58:43

all do that they just make like these poor

58:45

they just whip poor people into a friend yeah

58:47

turn them against each other and they go the

58:49

shits better than TV yeah now my aspirations are

58:54

like the Empire State Building

58:56

Lego set rich that's sick having that

58:58

kind of money and time yeah where

59:00

yeah I want to download uncharted on

59:02

my steam deck those games

59:05

are amazing the first

59:07

one actually I never won socks two through

59:09

four second is supposed to be the best

59:11

second two three and four rule I like

59:13

the first one a lot and

59:15

I didn't you much of a regression of

59:18

regression like from the games like how

59:20

they nailed the the puzzle solving in

59:22

the action and two three and four

59:24

of uncharted yeah or unbelievable well I

59:26

played the first one first that's

59:29

why yes I played one I played one three first

59:31

I got the collection

59:34

for ps4 cuz everyone's like uncharted threes the best

59:36

I'm like why I gotta play the other ones

59:38

I don't not know what's happening yeah I started

59:40

at three like an idiot yeah so when a

59:42

fan gave me a code a fan of my

59:44

work to PlayStation he's like here's the download so

59:46

we worked at play Wow what a brag that

59:48

he worked at PlayStation in San Diego you know

59:50

it's crazy there's a company called the Pokemon company

59:52

that you can work for we just

59:55

work for that's the name of the company it's not

59:57

like fucking it's not like and I don't think you

59:59

were to play as much as you worked for the

1:00:01

developer that made... You worked for Sony. Yeah, you worked

1:00:03

for... Naughty Dog is the name. Yeah, I think you

1:00:05

worked for Naughty Dog in San Diego. Which I played

1:00:07

a bit of... What is

1:00:09

the zombie one? No,

1:00:11

no, no. That's the one we're talking about. Yeah, we're talking

1:00:14

about the... The Last of Us. Oh, that's great. I played

1:00:16

one, I didn't play two. Well,

1:00:18

I started playing one, and

1:00:20

then I found out that they... The

1:00:22

Last of Us Part One is like the remake,

1:00:25

like the good remake. Yeah. So

1:00:28

I stopped playing it because I'm like, well, I just want to play that

1:00:30

one then. I'll play the new one.

1:00:32

Yeah. Were they updated it? I was playing

1:00:34

the streaming one on like the cloud.

1:00:38

Yeah. Whatever. You got to

1:00:40

get... Last of Us is great. I haven't

1:00:42

played Last of Us 2, but I just got done... I'm

1:00:44

still playing a little bit Seafood, this kung fu game. Oh,

1:00:47

okay. And it's fucking fun. I

1:00:49

played Battlefield 1. Basically, it's just Battlefield 1. Yeah.

1:00:52

It's always funny to find out who plays what

1:00:54

games. Yeah. Like...

1:00:57

Oh, shit. No, he plays like Military Strategy. No,

1:00:59

yeah. He plays like... He

1:01:01

plays like... He plays like Military Version. He does

1:01:03

like Age of Empires. Yeah, he's like... Yeah, Age

1:01:05

of Empires. That game's awesome. I got... That

1:01:08

game's awesome. Napoleon's like fucking... Rollercoaster Tycoon.

1:01:11

He's playing Waterloo City. Yeah. Yeah. He's

1:01:14

like, what are you doing? He's like, you can't attack in the winter. I

1:01:17

had him pick his like Just Madden. No, he's

1:01:19

good at Madden. We play... When

1:01:22

I... At Skankfest, he was there a day early,

1:01:24

and then I showed up, and I went into his hotel room, and he was playing

1:01:26

like one of those. He's like, no, I have a battle right now. Yeah. And

1:01:29

I was like, what? Yeah. And

1:01:32

he was like, what are you doing? The Soros. He's...

1:01:35

He's Soros. Shane's made too much money. And he's gonna

1:01:37

do that too. He's Soros. Because you

1:01:39

know, and he's getting there. He's making that kind of

1:01:41

money. Or he can start turning people against it. And

1:01:43

if he's already... They're gonna be common. If he's already

1:01:45

playing fucking like little human chess... He's got La Mer

1:01:47

in Gardenia. Shane is three years away from making La

1:01:49

Mer, he's like, go down there. Go down there and

1:01:51

say fuck Israel. I'll

1:01:54

give you a... Mark, one of those heads that's called... Go

1:01:56

down there and say, I'm black and I hate Israel.

1:01:58

Yeah, I'll do it. and if you

1:02:00

tell him or you're gay, he's like,

1:02:02

oh right, I guess I don't. I

1:02:05

don't know. Okay, I'll guess I'll do

1:02:07

a train or something. Sounds

1:02:10

great, impressive. Yeah, I don't know. I

1:02:12

don't know if he's retarded Asian. Go down there and

1:02:14

pretend that Down Syndrome and say, I'm Down Syndrome and

1:02:17

I'm black and I'll

1:02:22

add in a new jersey. Dude,

1:02:24

which one of our friends is going to have Soros

1:02:26

money? I think Shane might be Nate has it. Nate

1:02:28

has Soros money. Yeah, Nate could be

1:02:30

like, I want you to go. I want

1:02:33

you to go bomb something. But is he like

1:02:35

that though? No. He's just going to

1:02:37

buy haircuts. It's

1:02:39

just like, yeah, I'm getting each one. You're going to

1:02:41

buy a hoverboard and think it's modern? No,

1:02:44

I got a guy that comes by and he

1:02:46

cuts each hair. He goes, am I one by

1:02:48

one? I pay him by hair. I got the

1:02:50

world's smallest scissors made. Yeah, and this guy, it's

1:02:53

the only one guy that can use them. They

1:02:55

shrunk a guy down and he lives in my

1:02:57

hair. You know Willie Walker, how they go across

1:02:59

the room? It's like that. He's

1:03:01

got a $80 million to have tiny men

1:03:03

like that. Dude, I never thought that Nate

1:03:06

is Willie Walker-ish. He's just going

1:03:08

to do a bunch of stuff where he's

1:03:10

got a cane and fake trips. He could

1:03:12

make a bunch of kids die in his

1:03:14

factory. He goes, it's fun, man. My joke

1:03:16

factory. I made a fat German boy die.

1:03:19

I watched Nate and I paid his dad

1:03:21

off. I paid off his dad. Singer style.

1:03:23

Yeah, I made this bitch turn into a

1:03:25

blue bear. I remember doing a podcast, doing

1:03:27

one of my podcasts with Lewis and Tim.

1:03:30

And fucking Lewis. Oh yeah, Bastard Radio. Yeah, it was

1:03:32

one of them. Maybe it was just a real ass

1:03:34

podcast. I think, and I don't recall, and

1:03:37

then somebody's probably going to fact check me on this,

1:03:39

but I remember Lewis being like, we can make

1:03:41

$10 million off like comedy. I was like, it's

1:03:43

not going to happen. We're not going to make $10 million.

1:03:46

Yeah, and then Tim's like, it's not going to

1:03:48

fucking happen. Lewis is like, I promise you, I'll

1:03:50

make $10 million. I mean, Tim laughed

1:03:53

at him. And now Lewis

1:03:55

is nowhere close to making $10 million, but Tim

1:03:57

has $10 million. He's surprised. Yeah.

1:04:00

Jim not only did it. Yeah, Jim

1:04:02

took Lewis's dream and floated the top.

1:04:04

That's a great idea Louie goes Lewis

1:04:06

it's and so it shall be done.

1:04:08

Louis Yeah,

1:04:10

my original idea that you're doing

1:04:14

Yeah, we're you goes what if a

1:04:16

chair could hug you? Yeah, dude.

1:04:19

What if a back massager had an alarm clock?

1:04:26

Sharper image brain because

1:04:28

goggles Like It's

1:04:34

like all the gear for a grill lasers

1:04:38

laser guided Imagine

1:04:46

more guiding the fork into the he's

1:04:49

like do you have Brookstone? And so I got this all

1:04:51

oh, so yeah, I was on my way to Denver. Do

1:04:53

you kind of work? I spent I spent $10,000 at the

1:04:55

Brookstone in the Dead

1:04:59

whoever started sharper image goes we'll sink

1:05:01

the idiots with Trap

1:05:06

Money, right? Yeah new boor. Oh,

1:05:08

yeah, you're you're fat your fat

1:05:10

neck uncle We'll come in here

1:05:13

and be so tired from walking

1:05:15

around high-tech backyard He'll

1:05:17

walk around with his stupid family in

1:05:20

the mall and then he'll land here and

1:05:22

want a massage. Oh, it's gonna be nice

1:05:24

It's called Brookstone. That sounds like the

1:05:26

name of a sub development for billionaires. You know, it's funny As

1:05:29

they turned around and named chocolate

1:05:32

raspberries and acai's Brookstone

1:05:35

to grab the same Wait,

1:05:38

what are you saying demo? Have you ever had Brookstone?

1:05:40

I Talk what acai I I had

1:05:42

acai one time in my life and then I

1:05:44

realized oh, this is what they just took the

1:05:46

day And I don't like I didn't I thought

1:05:48

I was getting like a grains bowl. No, that's

1:05:51

like it's like yeah Frozen you I went into

1:05:53

an acai place because I'm like, oh I hear

1:05:55

this is healthy And then I was just eating

1:05:57

dessert for lunch and I was like this. Oh,

1:05:59

it's bro Brookside I was wrong, but

1:06:02

they got it so like Brookside, but

1:06:04

you know they're going for Brookstone That's

1:06:06

like they're going they're hoping you remember

1:06:08

sharper image. Absolutely. I remember sharper That

1:06:11

was the place in the mall where you go like

1:06:14

I'm gonna go sit down They got that was one

1:06:16

they had doing as soon as the recession hit they

1:06:18

were like oh, we're done It's a wrap. No way

1:06:20

there is no way survive

1:06:23

Any kind that was a hundred percent for drug

1:06:25

money. Yeah, it got well, it's just for America

1:06:27

having two months No, he's right. It's for a

1:06:29

guy that sold weed and he was like I

1:06:32

don't know what I'm gonna do and then

1:06:34

all of the stone you already bought the

1:06:36

volcano then you need the yeah Yeah, like

1:06:38

the fish tank like ladies Do

1:06:40

it for older people and everyone went that's

1:06:42

a fucking genius like a volcano for older

1:06:45

people. Yeah Yeah, it was all the stuff

1:06:47

for people that when they had to smoke

1:06:49

and weed it smokes your medicine Yeah, your

1:06:51

blood pressure. You're vitamin fucking brilliant. Yeah Yeah,

1:06:55

vaporized Vaporize

1:06:57

your diabetes Down

1:07:01

your Dude

1:07:09

I hit a bag of insulin the other day.

1:07:11

I'm ready. I can eat dude. I got head

1:07:13

ease. I checked Fucking head

1:07:15

ease. My brain is whopping. Yeah,

1:07:17

I took too much insulin. I

1:07:20

love that Yeah, I

1:07:22

guess it is those guys that like start

1:07:24

making too much money at 19 from like

1:07:27

flipping weed And then have a kid

1:07:29

have a son that they would die for Die

1:07:32

for him. I would die for him. Yeah,

1:07:34

I'm gonna put all my money in sharper

1:07:36

image. Yeah, they're still fucking 14 year old

1:07:38

girls It's a singer plan

1:07:40

dude. The singer stop. Yeah It's

1:07:43

a singer roadmap. I gotta get into something

1:07:45

that'll feel one's just too good I rediscovered

1:07:47

it recently because I played a lot in

1:07:49

2016. Do you play battlefield one? Battlefield

1:07:52

is it third person or first person first person

1:07:54

don't do first person? Gives

1:07:56

me the war. It's World War one. Oh, yeah,

1:07:59

like bolt-ax rifles yeah the most

1:08:01

fun the most satisfying thing in a

1:08:03

game the iron sights on

1:08:05

a bolt-action rifle and shooting somebody in the fucking

1:08:08

head you can't even see them they're just like

1:08:10

a little dot on the other side of the

1:08:12

map trench warfare blink yeah yeah is there mustard

1:08:14

gas and shit yeah yeah there's gas but

1:08:17

those sound fun they did third person I'd be all

1:08:19

in it wire everywhere I know it fucked up in

1:08:22

the bar guard it shows you how stupid I am

1:08:24

but I like third-person games that makes

1:08:26

it what was the Xbox one Gears of

1:08:28

War yeah Gears of War was great yeah

1:08:30

here's where you had the giant suit I

1:08:33

don't remember maybe there was a suit I had

1:08:35

a huge gun it came for free I bought

1:08:37

I bought an Xbox 360 and I think Gears

1:08:39

of War 3 yes free with

1:08:41

it exactly and it was I remember playing

1:08:44

it and not knowing any of the backstory

1:08:46

I was like this is the dumbest like

1:08:48

the the characters names were

1:08:50

stupid yeah like Marcus penis isn't that

1:08:52

the guy it was all names of

1:08:54

guys that have barbed wire tattoos around

1:08:56

the right yeah exactly it was all

1:08:59

it was all like a 47 year old guy at

1:09:01

the gym hoping people he's on

1:09:04

steroids they want to ask people to look

1:09:06

if I were a flame

1:09:12

be and I get bad enough people are gonna

1:09:14

think I'm on steroids and if I if I

1:09:17

take a supplement yeah right and then they can

1:09:19

ask me about my supplements yeah I

1:09:21

I'm gonna I'm uncharted is what

1:09:23

I'm rediscovering I played well harder

1:09:26

to play battle folk spider-man miles Morales

1:09:28

yeah it's good if you put spider-man

1:09:30

2 I play both spider-man

1:09:32

2 is great he was so stressed out

1:09:34

trying to get into hip-hop college and his

1:09:36

deaf girlfriend was doing her graffiti there should

1:09:41

be an Ian finance game what an Ian

1:09:43

finance game being awesome where you suck a

1:09:45

trans and then they get mad at you

1:09:47

it would it would be awesome hot I

1:09:49

got a deal where like some companies decide

1:09:51

to work with him and he's like doing

1:09:54

a whole he's like the road

1:09:56

to my video and he's like turning

1:09:58

it into content And then it

1:10:00

comes out and it's the worst game ever. It's

1:10:02

just terribly programmed, unplayable. Yeah, your

1:10:05

like, PlayStation burns. Yeah, you go, I'll

1:10:07

smoke. This is just the worst. That's

1:10:10

what happens when your PlayStation melts down. It's like,

1:10:12

bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

1:10:14

Yeah, yeah. The Ska level has been described as

1:10:16

the worst video game in the universe. It gets

1:10:19

people's seizures. It's so funny.

1:10:21

And it takes two years. And

1:10:24

he's like, just down here

1:10:26

at Rockstar, Santa Monica. And

1:10:28

I'm like, dude, we're working on

1:10:31

the Ian game. And I'm dude, hashtag don't

1:10:33

plug it into a power strap. He gets

1:10:35

blessed and amazed to be able to like,

1:10:37

experience this super cool stuff in my life.

1:10:40

That's awesome. There's a class action lawsuit. He's

1:10:43

just absolutely decimated. His external appearance is like

1:10:45

a guy that's excited with the journey. Yeah.

1:10:49

The reality is, is a man that's barely

1:10:51

hanging on him. And

1:10:54

he's just... You're saying he's the

1:10:56

kid poster? Yeah, right. He's

1:10:58

like a guy in the camps eating a

1:11:00

dried rat that he's hidden from the

1:11:02

guards. And he's closing his eyes and

1:11:04

imagining it's a cheeseburger. In his mind,

1:11:06

he's like, party. And

1:11:08

people from the outside see the fantasy.

1:11:10

They see the fantasy where they're like,

1:11:12

wow. Oh my God, he's got vodacious

1:11:14

babes around him? This guy's like, happy.

1:11:16

Is he in a convertible eating a

1:11:18

cheeseburger? Working and enjoying the

1:11:20

product. And then you just choose the heavy

1:11:22

boots of a Nazi soldier walking around outside.

1:11:25

If you put him in a room that was

1:11:27

like airtight and there was silence for longer than

1:11:29

30 seconds, I think

1:11:31

his skull would implode. It would just... There'd

1:11:35

be a singularity. Just

1:11:37

Matthew McConaughey would come out. All

1:11:40

right, man. Look how I'm bored. Is

1:11:43

that my daughter? He goes, oh man, I'm going

1:11:45

to tell you right now. I sucked him off.

1:11:47

Interstellar was on TV the other day and I

1:11:49

watched him. You know what I

1:11:51

noticed too? You know how they have those block robots? At

1:11:55

one point in the movie, Matthew McConaughey

1:11:58

does the Matthew McConaughey close talking. one

1:12:00

of the block robots, where they get him

1:12:02

over the robot shoulder, he's like, do

1:12:04

you mean to tell me that we don't have

1:12:07

any way to get down to that planet? He's

1:12:10

just a block. He's like

1:12:12

just doing close talking. Do you think

1:12:15

when he eventually goes crazy, when he's

1:12:17

like 80, he'll just be

1:12:19

doing that to appliances? He's already crazy. But

1:12:22

I'm saying like when he truly loses it and they can't

1:12:24

put him out in public. He's going

1:12:26

to be Eugene Carroll. He'll be Eugene

1:12:28

Carroll. You think?

1:12:30

Yeah. He has

1:12:32

the same kind of story. Donald

1:12:35

Trump. I wasn't Bergdorf Goodman. And it

1:12:37

was Chex. We were in the back

1:12:39

of the radio shack. They

1:12:42

do have the same voice. We were in the back

1:12:44

of the radio shack. I took what he wanted. He

1:12:46

said, I said to him, I was writing for Ashen

1:12:48

Elford. This is my favorite part of the story. I

1:12:50

was writing for Ashen Elford at the time. So

1:12:53

I said, why don't I tell Donald Trump to

1:12:55

put on a bathing suit? I thought that would

1:12:57

be so funny to watch Donald Trump put on

1:12:59

a woman's bathing suit. But she says it in

1:13:01

the context of I was working at

1:13:03

SNL. Yeah, like Lauren goes, I kind of

1:13:06

like that structure. Yeah. How

1:13:08

about this guy? She just comes in the razor. And

1:13:10

he goes, she pitches a bad idea. She's

1:13:13

like, how about this for a sketch idea? We

1:13:16

do Jimmy Carter and he can't get

1:13:18

the hostage back. I don't know. Something

1:13:20

in there. And then Lauren goes, wow,

1:13:23

yeah, really funny. How about we do

1:13:25

you getting raped in a dressing

1:13:27

room? Next time you're going to picture me as sketch,

1:13:29

it better be because Donald Trump raped you. Here's

1:13:32

an even better sketch idea. I got one for

1:13:34

you. Donald Trump raping you in a department

1:13:37

store. AEG boring. How

1:13:41

about you ask Donald Trump to put on a bathing suit

1:13:43

and maybe get raped? Yeah. What's

1:13:47

the E stand for? Extremely raped

1:13:49

by Donald Trump. There's

1:13:52

roaster and she comes back. And

1:13:55

he goes, I don't know what, you couldn't hit

1:13:57

one of those buttons on the thing, on the

1:13:59

tag. took a while to go

1:14:01

shopping did somebody get raped in the

1:14:03

dressing room perhaps this

1:14:06

is a mean girl this is

1:14:08

a mean girl it's a bully

1:14:10

girl that's how

1:14:12

I say what SNL is like yeah they

1:14:14

gossip hey everybody look who's back

1:14:16

from Bergdorf Goodman what happened did you get raped by a

1:14:18

businessman I rule anyways

1:14:22

we got shoot but we ate most of it cause

1:14:24

you were out getting raped she's like

1:14:27

wow thanks oh

1:14:31

well there I was well

1:14:33

I wouldn't describe it that way it was more of a fight

1:14:35

more of a lie we

1:14:38

sort of fought each other we

1:14:40

fought each other we

1:14:42

strangled like two rams bucking

1:14:45

into each other is she from Texas what is

1:14:47

that she's just doing wrong her

1:14:50

being Matthew McConaughey is hilarious yeah

1:14:52

her and Ron White and

1:14:54

she was loaded Trump raped

1:14:56

haters I drove 45 hours

1:14:58

to get raped in

1:15:02

the Bergdorf Goodman you

1:15:05

ever have a president's cock up

1:15:08

your ass that'll give you

1:15:10

a little US value I said

1:15:12

okay I'll vote for the Democrats

1:15:15

I was raped okay

1:15:21

I did Ron White doing Bergdorf Goodman

1:15:23

rape here we go I

1:15:28

was right yeah I got some

1:15:30

crazy stories and he wiped

1:15:32

his penis of my butt

1:15:34

cheeks you ever had shit

1:15:37

come you ever have

1:15:39

a man wipe your butt cheeks

1:15:41

with his cock I don't

1:15:43

know if you know how deep butt

1:15:45

cheeks are you ever have a man

1:15:47

use his cock like toilet paper in

1:15:49

your ass it's called a credit card

1:15:51

flap it's like hey I've had a

1:15:54

dipstick rubbed on my forearm but I've

1:15:56

never had a cock rubbed on my butt

1:15:58

cheeks he's lost his mind That's why

1:16:00

they called him. He's just a guy in the biggest

1:16:02

hat you've ever seen, just not laughing. He was going,

1:16:04

I paid for this. We messed up. I paid for

1:16:06

this. I thought he was the

1:16:08

good one. I thought Ron would say stuff

1:16:10

about it. I thought George Soros, Ron White.

1:16:12

I thought, honestly, I haven't checked in since

1:16:15

the blue collar commentary. I thought we were

1:16:17

coming to see transphobic hate speech. I had

1:16:19

no idea that he was... I

1:16:21

didn't know. I thought he still had his four-seam fastball.

1:16:23

I had no idea that he just thinks he was

1:16:25

the wrong one. He really went off the reservation. Oh,

1:16:28

fuck. Dude, I can't wait to

1:16:30

watch all the transporters. All right, well, go ahead. Thanks

1:16:32

for joining us. Thanks, dude. I

1:16:34

will be at Helium in Philadelphia. We

1:16:36

just added a show on May 16th,

1:16:39

Thursday night, late show. That's

1:16:41

in a couple of weeks. We sell that one out,

1:16:44

then maybe we'll add Sunday show. But

1:16:46

16th through the 18th, everything's gone

1:16:48

except Thursday late. Please come out to

1:16:50

that. And also, just

1:16:52

announced for a pre-sale, Boston, the

1:16:54

Wilbur Theater, and the Lincoln Theater

1:16:57

in DC in September. That'll be

1:16:59

the weekend of the 29th,

1:17:02

I think, 28th, 29th. I'm

1:17:04

in one or the other or something. But

1:17:07

you can check it out at my website,

1:17:09

maul.dog slash live dash shows. Thanks.

1:17:13

Where are you? Grand

1:17:15

Rapids, Dr. Grins, May 16th

1:17:18

through the 18th. And

1:17:21

then I will be at Columbus Funny Bone, May

1:17:23

31st and June 1st. And

1:17:28

then I'm on the Burt

1:17:30

Kreischer Fully Loaded Tour. And

1:17:33

then Addison Improv. So let

1:17:35

me ask you this. When you're doing the

1:17:37

shows at the Burt tour, he's not on

1:17:40

stage. You're just in the back. Yeah, funny.

1:17:42

Is his shirt on? Yeah. So

1:17:44

he's wearing... His nose is off. Okay.

1:17:47

All right. You never know what you're getting.

1:17:49

Yeah. I

1:17:51

want to know what the radio is. I've explained

1:17:53

it. I've said this to Burt's face. He's

1:17:56

a blank check. Remember the Disney movie blank

1:17:58

check? Yeah, he's a thing with Burt. is

1:18:00

like I love them the joke is taking his

1:18:02

shirt off it's a pop but I kind of

1:18:04

like it's listen I see him I see him

1:18:06

so often with his shirt off it's like does

1:18:08

the shirt ever come off I'm gonna do if

1:18:10

he just starts off with the shirt off I

1:18:13

don't understand what's happening you don't have it you

1:18:15

don't have the angle right yeah it's Hulk Hogan

1:18:17

tearing your shirt off yeah that's what I'm

1:18:19

saying but I'd never you see Hulk Hogan with the shirt

1:18:21

off all the time I know but you see him tearing

1:18:23

the shirt off but the tearing the shirt off is what

1:18:25

gets the Trish get mad at you about that when does

1:18:28

that happen with Bert because it seems like at the beginning

1:18:30

of the show so he takes the shirt off he comes

1:18:32

out dude it's a pop so it's

1:18:34

a shirt's on when he comes out then they tear

1:18:36

how many minutes in right off the

1:18:39

top dude that's his opener boom get

1:18:41

into it sure but here's the other thing that I

1:18:43

don't understand anytime I've seen a picture of Bert Kreischer

1:18:45

with his shirt off his hat

1:18:47

is still on I don't know how dude he

1:18:49

does the shirt with the

1:18:52

hat still on Wow what

1:18:54

now buy a ticket you're gonna hear buy a ticket

1:18:56

to it Bert I'm gonna give

1:18:58

you a little bit of advice right and I

1:19:00

think this is a big move big move for

1:19:02

Bert is if he could figure out a way

1:19:04

to instead of tearing the shirt off have

1:19:06

it suck it into his own

1:19:08

asshole yeah you already

1:19:13

to party yeah I call that the

1:19:16

e gene Carol why you know what

1:19:18

we're gonna do

1:19:24

it is cold open yeah that's

1:19:27

gonna be our cold open live from New

1:19:29

York all right

1:19:34

guys thanks for watching I made the Spokane

1:19:37

in July there are more dates to

1:19:39

be announced I think I'm gonna do

1:19:41

a special call do it dude do

1:19:44

it I hope you

1:19:46

wanna you wanna come do it

1:19:48

you wanna do my you wanna do the set for

1:19:50

me do it thanks a lot guys bye managing

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