0:00

Well, in the second half, Nate's hanging out.

0:02

We're doing news, and we'll do that right after

0:04

this. As we

0:06

celebrate fourteen years of podcasting,

0:09

Here's another memorable moment from

0:11

the Adam Corolla show's ace awards

0:14

archives. Were you on the Man

0:16

show?

0:17

I was indeed. Oh my heavens.

0:19

You mean, you don't remember. I'm heartbroken.

0:23

Who's this egg, miss Morrish? It does sound like I

0:25

can go. Lovely. I

0:28

don't sound like I guess more hit because she sounds

0:30

a lot deadder than I do at the

0:31

moment.

0:32

She is. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I was

0:34

on the man show remember a segment called,

0:37

was it the women of Uglyville? Allegedly,

0:40

as I recall, a village that

0:43

was established by Hillary Clinton for

0:45

the ugliest blood on the

0:46

planet. We were hunting.

0:49

Some guys are obsessed with the Hilary can't get

0:52

over. Was

0:53

which

0:53

one of you, Melody? mean, we know which one I look

0:55

for. Well, I show up

0:58

a couple of times, but you'll see a waitress

1:00

bowing into frame with a horrible grin

1:02

on her face. And it was probably

1:04

the most fun addition I ever went to because I

1:06

got a chance to really look absolutely

1:09

lousy. I walked in looking like ten loud a

1:11

bad road and got the job.

1:13

Normally,

1:14

she's nine, but she went the exercise.

1:16

Hi. Now for some new memorable

1:18

moments, let's get back to the

1:20

Adam Corolla Show.

1:22

Alright. I don't remember that call.

1:24

Yeah.

1:25

It's kind of a weird you know, it's weird always

1:27

think about it, Nate. You can tell me what

1:29

your experiences. You can do

1:31

an audition going. We're just auditioning ugly

1:34

women. And the women

1:36

who come in to audition to

1:38

be ugly do not think of themselves

1:40

as ugly, but they do think of everyone else

1:43

in there as homely

1:45

who are coming in for an audition. Like, if you do

1:47

a corporate gig for lawyers, Yeah.

1:49

And you go, you first

1:51

you walk out on stage ago, lawyers. They're

1:54

such miserable prick. They'll all start laughing.

1:56

Yeah. But it's like, But we're talking about

1:58

you. But they don't think they're talking about them.

2:01

Not me ever. Not me the

2:02

lawyer. Yeah. Not me the homily woman.

2:05

Kinda interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I would imagine yeah.

2:07

It's, like, if you're auditioning that,

2:09

you're I don't know if you want it or don't want

2:11

it. You know, you want job.

2:13

The job.

2:14

You would like to be rejected. Yeah.

2:16

They you want to go, like, alright.

2:19

This is ridiculous. You're not. Okay. You're not. You

2:21

can't be in here. Right. But you hold

2:23

on. Hold on, sir. You too. No.

2:26

No. No. No. Wait. Wait. Don't

2:27

leak. Don't leak. Don't leak.

2:29

Oh my god. That would be the where okay.

2:32

So every modeling story, every

2:35

hot chick Oh, right. There's

2:38

rule that hot chicks can't

2:40

know they're hot when they're seventeen.

2:42

So when you talk to any model,

2:45

any hot chick, you go, well,

2:47

And they always go, I was a Tom Boy.

2:49

I was a I was an a student. III

2:51

thought I was gonna be an engineer, you know.

2:54

And you go, well, why why are you into

2:56

modeling that? And I go, I went with a

2:58

friend to an audition. That's

3:00

important. And then I was picked out -- Yeah.

3:03

-- which I always think is bullshit. But

3:05

they the story is they went with a friend

3:08

who was auditioning for a noxima commercial

3:10

or something, and the casting agent pointed

3:12

at them. Which is awesome.

3:15

But if you're going for the

3:16

ugly, homely man show audition

3:19

and that happened to you, That would

3:21

brutal. I did. There

3:23

used to be I

3:25

wanna say it was JCPenney or

3:27

maybe cast or not, cast You

3:29

mean in that store? There's a don't know. I don't know. I don't

3:31

know. I could be

3:33

making that store up completely. But

3:37

it's they there was, like, this they did,

3:39

like, a modeling,

3:40

like, in high school where, like, you wear a clothes

3:42

from JCPenney

3:43

and they're doing in the mall. So we went with

3:45

a bunch of friends and I was the

3:47

only one that didn't get in mall

3:49

my buddies. They they were models. We

3:51

had the mall model squad

3:54

-- Yeah. -- here too

3:55

at, like, with Bullocks or Broadway

3:57

or something like that. And my best friend did

3:59

get the model gig.

4:02

I didn't go on the dish

4:04

in, but it was understood. I didn't wanna

4:06

say I don't wanna waste my time. I showed

4:08

up with just, like, a thought, well,

4:10

I guess we're all just gonna and they gave it to every

4:12

single one of our buddies except

4:14

me. Yeah. The

4:15

same thing happened. Yeah. III

4:18

applied for a store called Hollister. It's like, you

4:20

know,

4:21

as a group interview, they take us all out

4:23

to the to, like, the food court area. They line

4:25

us up. Yeah. And she was she's and she's,

4:27

like, oh, just hollister, we wanna make sure it

4:29

looks like you just got back from the beach and she's walking

4:31

back and forth like an army general and she stops

4:34

at me and

4:34

goes, you're good. You can you can come.

4:40

Well, let's do a little news.

4:41

Alright. So remember lady

4:43

Gaga's dogs that whole story about

4:46

her dog her dog walkers walking the dog

4:48

and a guy shot him and they stole

4:50

two of the two of the three dogs. Yes.

4:52

And then so lady Gaga goes,

4:55

and she says, if anybody can return my

4:57

dogs, I will give you

4:59

a five hundred thousand dollar reward.

5:02

No questions asked. Yeah.

5:04

So this woman comes

5:06

back with Lady Gaga's

5:07

dogs. Like, I got your dogs, but

5:10

it turns out that she was part of

5:12

she was part of the kidnapping team. All

5:15

that's gonna do is get Paris Hilton's

5:17

dog kidnapped. Yeah. Katie Perry's

5:20

dog kidnapped because if the scam

5:22

is kidnapped the dog, then

5:24

wait for the reward, and then underline

5:26

the no questions asked -- Right. -- then

5:28

you just take the chick in the

5:30

group, not the guy worked in the kitchen. With

5:33

three strikes. You get the lady, the

5:35

host, who bring the dog

5:37

back to Lady

5:38

Gaga, there's no questions asked.

5:41

And then get the five hundred grand. Betty,

5:42

wouldn't she get the five hundred grand? Should be no

5:44

questions at Yeah. Well, that's the thing. So she she

5:46

returns the dogs. Turn they find out that

5:48

she was connected. They find everybody else trigger

5:51

man's going to jail. Everyone's going to jail except this

5:53

lady just gets charged with

5:56

something it took a plea deal to dismiss

5:58

murder charge two years of

5:59

probation, but she returns to the dogs and Lady

6:01

Gaga does not give her the five hundred thousand

6:03

dollars. So now

6:05

she's suing Lady Gaga. I

6:07

do love Yeah. So she's suing for

6:09

breach of contract, fraud

6:11

by false promise, and fraud by misrepresentation,

6:14

and she wants to be compensated five hundred thousand

6:17

dollars plus compensation

6:19

for financial damages, pain

6:21

and suffering, mental anguish

6:23

and,

6:23

quote, loss of enjoyment of life.

6:26

You know, first off, she

6:28

has to some

6:31

lawyers gotta go contingency

6:35

on this. That's that she's not paying

6:37

billable hours. This chick doesn't have

6:39

deep enough pockets. She had to find a

6:42

lawyer -- Yeah. -- who will do this

6:44

on contingency. If I get you that five hundred

6:46

grand, I'm taking forty. Percent plus

6:49

expenses. You know? Right. So

6:51

she had to walk into a lawyer's

6:53

office and pitch it. Mister

6:55

Garrigous and mister Garrigous. Yeah.

6:58

So she had to sit there and

7:00

go, I wanna sue Lady Gaga.

7:02

And the lawyer's gotta go, what were your

7:04

personal assistant, or confidant,

7:07

or an accountant for her? No.

7:10

I didn't have a long relationship with Lady

7:12

Gaga. Well, what did what did Lady

7:14

Gaga do? Was she paying you

7:16

under California minimum wage?

7:19

Or did she somehow did

7:22

did she traumatize you? Because the lawyer

7:24

the whole time, when you come in and go, I wanna

7:26

sue Lady Gaga, that

7:28

lawyer has to think you were her tour manager

7:31

or something. Right? Yeah. And she'd

7:33

sharded you or she didn't

7:35

provide health insurance -- Not your contract.

7:37

-- or something. Something like that.

7:39

And it's like, at some point,

7:41

he had to say, how did you

7:43

meet Lady Gaga? And

7:45

then this person would go, I

7:48

met her when I dropped their dogs off in

7:50

their apartment. And they'd go,

7:53

Oh, you were the Dog Walker, and

7:55

I'd be like, no. I hung out

7:57

with dudes who stole her dog.

8:01

And you want what now?

8:04

But because it's no questions

8:07

ask. If you say no questions asked,

8:10

you should be expecting that somebody

8:12

connected to the crime will be going

8:14

forward. Always do some questions asked

8:16

because I wanna leave the door open. Yeah.

8:18

Just a

8:19

question. You have one question. And

8:21

that one question

8:22

might be for more question.

8:24

Yes. Like, the genie -- Yeah. --

8:26

working more with him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or

8:28

what if you had a lawyer? What

8:30

if the lawyer brought the dogs back? If

8:33

you she should've went to lawyer first and

8:34

say, I want you to go take these dogs back so we wanna

8:37

remain anonymous.

8:38

Yes. And and and you have

8:40

you have attorney client privilege there.

8:42

And then you and then the The lawyer gives

8:44

the dog back, and then it's, like, large is makes

8:47

it deal with I think you could have a priest

8:49

do it too. Because you're not allowed

8:51

to ask them questions. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

8:53

So now this is like split the

8:55

room because half the people are like,

8:58

fuck that felon and the other half are

9:00

like, hey, no questions asked means no questions.

9:02

Yeah. I mean, yeah, not rooting for the felon,

9:04

but it's it's just I mean, you know,

9:06

principal of it is yeah. It's like a

9:08

weird

9:09

yeah. Yeah. I'll turn off his lights. I'll turn

9:11

around. Just leave my dogs there. And

9:13

if they're there, I'll pay you

9:14

money. I'll I'll give you If I were Lady Gaga,

9:17

I would just say, come get it,

9:19

bitch, and I'll lawyer up and

9:22

it's gonna cost her more. To

9:24

see this through in court. But this is

9:26

a fuck me thing. She's got enough

9:28

money. She's got f me money.

9:30

Mhmm. She can go screw this man. Or if you are a

9:32

lady, guy, guy, hey. Hang on a go. I'm not gonna give

9:34

you the five hundred grand. I'll donate the five hundred

9:36

grand to dog charity. To show

9:38

you I would I would pay. Right.

9:41

But I'm not giving you stole the dog

9:43

so you don't get it. Yeah. So it's like I

9:45

was saying, you know, it's like sometimes like if you're

9:48

if or if you could ask for money somewhere,

9:50

like like a crazy person's asking you.

9:52

And you're like, I just you in your

9:54

head, you think, I don't wanna make

9:56

you think I'm not gonna give

9:59

you money. Or I always thought you had a really bad

10:01

server, and if you didn't wanna tip them -- Mhmm.

10:03

-- you wanna go you're a

10:05

horrible server, but I'm not trying to

10:07

make you think I don't want to tip.

10:09

And you're like, I'll go I'm gonna here's the money

10:11

I would have given I'm gonna give it to another person.

10:13

Man, I put that chick

10:14

left. But -- Yeah. -- she went home,

10:17

but she's not there. Yes. Like, where is she?

10:19

Like, the guy guy's net worth three

10:21

hundred and twenty million.

10:23

Alright. She's got FME money.

10:24

I say five for

10:25

it.

10:25

Yeah. Fuck this too. Yeah. Yeah.

10:27

Alright. Let's see. So there are reports

10:30

of Tom Brady. Like yesterday,

10:32

so it was reported that Tom Brady's thinking about

10:34

doing

10:34

standup. Right? He's

10:36

he's retired. Yeah. So so it's

10:38

So some of his friends are like, yeah, they tried

10:41

out his his he tried out his jokes in us. We're

10:43

trying to talk him out of it. It's not we're

10:45

we we we don't want him to do this. But

10:48

because he's been he's been posting, like, viral videos

10:50

lately. He's he's definitely been in front of the camera

10:52

a lot more and he signed that ten

10:54

year three seventy five million

10:56

dollars broadcasting deal with Fox for

10:58

twenty twenty four. But now TMZ

11:01

just reported today that

11:04

Tom doesn't wanna do stand up from another

11:06

source, but he is working on

11:09

a Netflix roast special or they're gonna

11:11

roast them. Well,

11:14

He

11:14

wants to just look like a person, dude. Like, I

11:16

mean, he's --

11:17

Yeah. -- it's it's I I'm

11:19

AII think Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback

11:21

ever. I'm a giant fan of him, and he

11:24

I kinda started, like, getting over it.

11:26

He just started popping up too much.

11:28

He was not he's he doesn't have the

11:31

main thing. Where mining's

11:33

kind of, like, your mining's, like, funny and,

11:35

like, they're they're dealing with them. Yeah. They're,

11:37

like, this kind of thing. Tom's, like, you're

11:40

you're, like, go be an announcer, and then you

11:42

started, like, posting underwear pictures

11:44

and, like,

11:46

it almost felt like the last year was him just

11:48

trying to sell everything he's trying to

11:50

do. He's got the TB twelve and you're

11:52

like, no one's doing the TV twelve. Like,

11:55

I don't He is kind of the Tom

11:57

Cruise of athletes. You know what I

11:59

mean? Like You're like, go do your

12:00

thing. Go -- Yeah. -- but I don't wanna

12:03

hear that much from him outside

12:05

of doing things. He doesn't

12:07

seem particularly human -- He's surpassed

12:09

him. Like, yeah. He right. He just doesn't seem like

12:11

a human. Yeah. I

12:13

I would just like him to do standup.

12:17

So I could be there, like, for the first night,

12:19

like, back stage, and he could be going

12:21

out to do four minutes, and I could be

12:24

like, alright, there's twenty

12:26

two people in the room. You're gonna be nervous.

12:28

There's no there's no doubt. That's

12:30

gonna hit hard when he get out there.

12:32

But the question is, is, would

12:35

Tom Brady ever be nervous? He's

12:37

walking out with a hundred million

12:39

people watching and play the Super Bowl

12:42

and there's two minutes left and he

12:44

needs a touchdown and he's not

12:46

nervous. You know what I mean? Would he

12:48

would the nerves kick in? I don't

12:50

think he'd know. I

12:51

don't think he'd know he was bombing. I think I think

12:53

he'd go past the light. I

12:56

I think wrong The lines are it's different

12:58

when you have a when the joke

13:00

doesn't work. I mean, I just stay the night.

13:03

I had one little thing, not

13:05

work. And and I felt

13:07

like I got hot. I got, you know,

13:09

and I've and I'm done this for twenty

13:11

years. And it was fine. But it's

13:13

like, even when you do

13:15

it for a long time, you have one little

13:18

one

13:19

little gimmeeting. Tell us the joke that didn't

13:21

work. I was, like, trying to do a callback. I forget

13:23

the whole joke, but it was, like, a callback. Oh, that's

13:25

fine there in the kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm,

13:27

like, yeah. Like, fighting the kitchen. Like so

13:29

I I did it. I it was a callback, and

13:31

so then I I was like, let me try this callback,

13:33

and I tried it. And so that so when you do

13:36

a callback, you're kinda sticking yourself out there.

13:38

Because it's something that's kinda standing on its

13:40

own. It's not and then I saw I did it,

13:42

and then it just got

13:43

nothing. And then I just, like and

13:46

I felt just the rush of, like,

13:48

the blood to my face. And

13:50

then you're like, then you're like, what's the

13:52

next joke? And I'm just trying to get to the next joke

13:54

to get I'm trying to get so far removed

13:57

from that moment. Yeah. So

13:59

that could happen to Tom then. I mean, you

14:02

gotta have somewhere to go. I don't know

14:04

where he's gonna go.

14:05

Like, you know, I hope he does

14:07

it. I hope he bombs. And I hope there's

14:09

flops wet on him in his hand shaking. I

14:11

would just want two minutes of footage

14:14

of Tom

14:14

Brady. Being insecure. I

14:17

am nervous. I did too, but I I don't

14:19

see a Tom Brady where he's not excellent.

14:21

I know. He would he would have practiced

14:23

a million

14:24

times. Even going out. Alright. Oh,

14:26

can we do one more, Nate? know you got a

14:28

heart out here, but I think maybe we can do

14:30

one more.

14:31

Sure.

14:31

Alright. We'll do one more. So the

14:33

Oscars are are coming up. Mhmm. Kim

14:35

was hosting. So they have

14:37

a crisis team in

14:39

place. Speaking of a crisis team

14:42

in the Oscars, Jimmy

14:45

sent me over, like, all the monologue jokes,

14:48

you know, or just all the jokes. Yeah. They're like

14:50

thirty pages, you know. And

14:53

I just did what I'd do as I'm old

14:55

school, had someone print them out. And

14:58

then I took them, like, with me when I went

15:00

on the road and when I was in Baltimore. I in

15:02

the lobby of the hotel, like, putting numbers

15:04

by the jokes. I like this joke. I don't like

15:06

that joke. You know? He just said, you're rating

15:09

him? Yeah. He's like, I got enough jokes.

15:11

I need you to help me sort through the

15:13

jokes and tell me what you think of the jokes.

15:15

So last Sunday,

15:18

I I have thirty pages of of,

15:20

like, numbers and little little

15:22

notes and just just stuff. Right?

15:25

But then So I send Jimmy

15:27

Tex and I go, I wanna get you

15:29

back all this stuff and he goes, yeah,

15:31

okay, good. So

15:34

then I go to my son and I go, how

15:36

do I get this pile of papers

15:39

to to Jimmy? I got it on my phone too,

15:41

but I don't know how to write the

15:44

note, the number on the

15:46

phone, and he looks at it for,

15:48

like, five minutes. You're gonna have a hard

15:50

time. And I'm like, I can't then he says,

15:53

take a picture of every page and

15:55

just text it. I was like, there's thirty

15:57

four

15:58

pages. A lot of data. Yeah. Right.

16:01

So

16:02

then I'm just, like, sitting around, it's a Sunday,

16:04

and I'm, like, I

16:07

have to walk this to his house. Like,

16:10

gotta go old school here. Yeah. Like,

16:12

And then, like, I like,

16:14

it's the only time in my life, anything's worked

16:16

out. I just go I said to my daughter,

16:19

did you say you're going to brunch today and and,

16:21

like, LA or Hollywood or something? She's

16:23

like, yep. I go, I got

16:25

a stack of papers for you. You know, uncle Jimmy's

16:27

house. She's nowhere he lives. And he's, like, She's like, yeah.

16:29

Like, okay. She's a courier now?

16:31

Yes. Yeah. It's just the one time

16:33

I got some use out of my kids.

16:36

Yeah. And I'm going out. Because I lived

16:38

super far away, but she was going

16:40

there. And I was like, take it,

16:42

put it in the thing. It's raining

16:44

outside and putting it in a plastic

16:46

grocery sack and throw it

16:48

over his

16:49

fence. Yeah.

16:50

I mean, how old school is that? Having

16:52

the most. The most. Right? Like, I

16:54

maybe carry your pigeon. Yeah. Or Pony

16:57

Express. Yeah.

16:58

Sorry. Same effect. The Oscars. But they have a

17:01

crisis team in place if the Will Smith

17:03

type slap happens again,

17:06

Yeah. So they just there's a They're ready for anything

17:08

now. Yeah. What's the crisis today? just thought,

17:10

hey. If anybody walks on stage

17:12

and

17:13

then, like, yes, stop it. Like, that that's

17:16

what the the CEO just like, we got a crazy

17:18

team. I wanna do a press announcement here.

17:20

Yeah. But exactly.

17:21

Like, what is it like? Exactly what it was

17:23

Well, it's got a the crisis

17:25

team has to be composed of, like,

17:27

one of those seventies caper

17:30

films or it's, like, we need a knife thrower

17:32

We need a demolition guy. We get a

17:35

weekend, sir. We need a wheel man. Like,

17:37

you need a licensed therapist. You

17:40

need a security guard. You need an

17:42

MMA fighter, you need

17:44

you need you need emergency technician,

17:47

like someone who tries stop bleeding, like,

17:49

you can't just have all muscle No.

17:51

When when is the Oscars? March

17:54

twelfth.

17:54

Oh, man.

17:55

Because Chris Rock's live thing

17:57

comes up March fourth.

17:58

Oh, really? Yeah. Doing

17:59

a live Netflix special. Oh, a live

18:02

network special. And then he so it's it's

18:04

And he's not talked about it. And he hasn't talked

18:06

about it. I saw I saw him in New

18:09

York, and it's, like, So

18:11

it's gonna be it's gonna be awesome. And

18:15

so, yeah, it makes it you

18:17

know, as it made it where I can't watch old

18:19

Will Smith stuff now. I

18:21

don't I can't think

18:22

of it. I wanted to

18:23

watch, like, I am Legend or, like, you know, just

18:25

stuff on the road where watching old movies. And

18:27

III I'm kinda

18:29

done. I can't even watch an old Will

18:31

Smith thing. Like, guys, you're not

18:32

even fresh prints. No. Because

18:34

it just takes me out of it. You're like, ugh.

18:37

These guys thinks. Well, what about

18:40

watching the shit out of emancipation

18:43

where he's a slave, but he's being beaten,

18:45

constantly, and thrown in a horrible

18:47

cage? Maybe you could watch

18:49

that. Maybe

18:49

you can watch that.

18:51

Exactly. So I thought that But that's not him

18:53

kicking the ass of zombies. Let's

18:55

him

18:55

get it to him down. Yeah.

18:56

Yeah. And then you'll watch that. Yeah.

18:59

Maybe that's the route he's gotta go, is only do

19:01

movies where he's getting beaten down.

19:03

Yeah. He's getting flocked. Yeah. There's

19:05

a Dodge or named Will Smith. I can't even watch him

19:07

anymore. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

19:09

It goes. And you're, I'm sorry. They

19:11

trade them. They trade them. They're like, look, you're

19:13

valuable to this

19:14

team. But honestly, we don't you know, we're just not Will

19:16

Smith fans anymore. Like, the

19:18

problem with the crisis team whether

19:20

it's, you know, the Chris Rock

19:22

thing or even sometimes when

19:24

the president, like, when Reagan gets shot

19:26

and stuff like that, All they

19:29

can do is come in after the fact.

19:31

They're kinda like the cops, but a little speedier.

19:34

They don't prevent the husband from killing

19:36

his wife. They show up after the wife

19:39

is dead. You know? Like, somebody

19:41

in the first row, the empathy, and it just jumps

19:43

up on stage. And tries

19:45

to take Dave Chappell down to the ground.

19:47

He's gonna get there before any

19:50

crisis team members arrive.

19:52

Yeah. When they're doing with Harrison Fordwalks

19:54

on stage, like, are you gonna go tackle them?

19:56

Like, you don't know what to do? That's the part that

19:58

makes this hard is it was Will Smith. It's

20:00

someone famous. It's not a

20:03

a regular person would have walked on that stage.

20:05

They would have gotten

20:06

destroyed. Right.

20:07

If they were the security guard there the first

20:09

time when you guys said, tackle anybody who

20:11

walks stage.

20:11

Treat walks on stage and you're like, she can't

20:14

hit the brothers. And now Just

20:16

lays them out. Tell you who I want.

20:19

I want Ray Lewis and

20:21

not in a suit. I want

20:23

Ray Lewis Full pads. Full

20:26

pads in a three point in

20:28

the stance He's in before he blitzes,

20:31

just right in the wings. It's like any

20:33

shit happens. Go. Yeah. You

20:35

go. We'll get into we'll sort it out.

20:37

Lance you on the phone. guy

20:38

that guy'll take someone off you fast. I'll

20:40

tell you what, Lawrence Taylor, Elsie?

20:43

He didn't die. Right? No. Yeah. He

20:45

might do it too. Yeah.

20:46

He's only getting a little longer than a tooth.

20:47

Yeah. Want to say, bro, you can get him out there?

20:50

He

20:50

can handle it. Yeah. Alright. Let

20:52

me give a plugged to Nate.

20:54

Hello World is the name of

20:56

the special very funny on

20:58

Amazon Prime watched it just

21:00

last night. It's got live shows coming

21:02

up all over the place. I mean, if you're

21:04

in Dublin, Ireland or Oslo,

21:07

Norway, go out and find him. But just

21:09

go to Nate Vargazzi, and

21:11

I'll spell it

21:11

out. BARGATZE

21:15

dot com for any live shows

21:17

--

21:17

Yeah. Yeah. -- and where you're gonna be. Right? Yep.

21:20

All there. Always good to see you, my friend.

21:22

Always good to see you. Thanks for having me. We'll take a quick

21:24

break, come back, mop up the news right

21:26

after this. In

21:31

celebration of Jim Corolla's upcoming

21:34

ninety second birthday, here's

21:36

a list of ninety two things

21:38

Jim Corolla has never done.

21:43

Number twenty five, warn

21:46

work boots. Just

21:48

one of ninety two things Jim Corolla

21:51

has never done. Let's get back

21:53

to the Autumn Corolla

21:54

Show. Alright. We got

21:56

a little more news to go.

21:59

Yeah. So speaking of awards shows, so the

22:01

SAG Awards just happened in

22:03

everything everywhere all at once won a ton

22:05

of them as usual as they're probably gonna win

22:08

at the Oscars. But when they were

22:10

presented with an award for

22:12

Mark Walburg was the one

22:14

presenting. And a lot of people were criticizing

22:17

that choice given his

22:19

troubled history when

22:22

an eighty eight sixteen year

22:24

old Mark Walbrecht hit a Vietnamese man

22:26

in the head with a stick while trying

22:28

to steal alcohol, and touch another

22:30

in the face while trying to avoid police.

22:33

One man was sent to the hospital. He served about

22:35

forty five days in jail. So,

22:37

of course, with that, in his

22:39

history, watching him give an

22:41

award to an almost exclusively Asian

22:43

cast, was troubling for people

22:45

online. I'm

22:48

also as as

22:51

people in Hollywood Wahlberg's

22:54

kind of this guy. But in general,

22:57

as they sort of slowly

23:00

let out that they're sort of Republican

23:03

--

23:03

Mhmm. -- they end up getting commensurate amounts

23:06

of shit.

23:07

Yeah. But

23:07

they it it starts to slowly

23:09

trickle out that they're basically conservative.

23:12

Right. Like, so he did that interview. He was like, I'm not

23:14

I'm leaving California. He's not doing he

23:16

did an interview where he's wearing his ashes from

23:18

Ash

23:18

Wednesday. Right? So he's showing He's

23:21

religious. He's whatever. It it's

23:23

kinda the same thing that

23:27

happens with the oh, shit. What's

23:29

like, if you take a Jurassic Park Chris

23:31

Pratt. Chris Pratt. Like, somebody

23:33

found out that he's religious, and he hunts,

23:36

and stuff like that. And so you start seeing some

23:38

sniping. You know what I mean?

23:40

Like, now we gotta beep. Hollywood

23:43

is so fucked up that if you, like, announce

23:45

that you're religious, and

23:47

you're conservative or you're, you know,

23:49

believe you you should raise your kids

23:51

or something like

23:52

that. They don't like it. Right. Oh, there remember that

23:54

there's girl in euphoria who was

23:57

she had a birthday party. And in the

23:58

background, someone is wearing a MAGA hat

24:00

or something,

24:01

and they tried

24:01

to cancel her just because the attendees showed

24:04

up her her great uncle

24:06

showed up to the fucking party wearing a

24:08

MAGA hat. Yeah. So what you

24:10

have to do is you go Well,

24:13

let's say let's say this

24:15

wasn't Mark Walbert,

24:18

like the the thought experiment. Okay.

24:20

Let's just say this was a

24:22

guy, a black actor from

24:24

the wire, who started off in

24:26

the streets, got into trouble,

24:29

and then turned his life around. And

24:31

became omega whatever, but he did

24:33

punch in Asian when he was sixteen. Would

24:35

they give a fuck about

24:37

him And the answer is no. You know, I

24:39

find that the whole let's switch

24:42

the races or switch the genders and see if

24:44

it would

24:44

happen.

24:44

It never really works. Right? I mean, it it

24:47

it never it'll never be the same story.

24:50

No. Well, it's

24:53

it's it's it's a sticky wicket,

24:56

but it's like if you said everything

24:59

that Scott Adams said, because

25:01

I switched it switched

25:03

out black for white, white for black, there no

25:06

one would care. Right. No. So Exactly.

25:08

And then and then someone else would go, yeah. But

25:10

you can't do that when now we're

25:12

into a weird argument that

25:14

can never really be settled. But no,

25:16

it never does work.

25:19

Now, the the biggest one is whatever

25:21

the news do does with the

25:22

cop. Shootings. You know what I mean? If

25:24

the white guy gets shot, there's like that.

25:26

Yeah. But so guess the question

25:28

is, can Mark Walberg

25:30

be forgiven for something he did when he was six

25:32

see now on. We don't care. Nobody

25:35

cares. That that might my argument

25:37

is whether it's Mark Walburg

25:40

or CECL the lion, No one gives

25:42

a fuck. You idiots. Remember

25:44

when everyone was, well, that dentist shot

25:47

CECL the line. It's like, yeah. Okay.

25:49

It's one less line. Sorry. Oh,

25:51

no. We're outraged. You're outraged.

25:53

Alright. Well, call me when you're outraged about

25:55

the next thing that you're not outraged about.

25:58

Yeah. There's too many fucking stupid people.

26:00

Who spend too much time looking at

26:02

their phone and not enough time

26:04

like tilling soil and tilting up

26:06

barns and doing doing shit

26:08

like that. I just had this talk with doctor

26:11

Drew. He's like, why is everyone going crazy?

26:13

Mhmm. I said, because I've lost

26:15

your ability to think clearly. But

26:18

the only thing that really college

26:20

doesn't give you the ability to think

26:22

clearly building

26:25

shit and fixing shit gives

26:27

you an ability to think

26:29

in a linear fashion, a mechanical

26:31

fashion, and a logical fashion. So

26:34

how did so many people get swept

26:36

up in COVID or whatever whatever

26:39

the Desjardins, whatever

26:41

the atrocity Desjardins. Because

26:44

they don't think clearly because

26:46

they're not out on farms anymore

26:49

fixing things, like solving problems.

26:51

Like, It cannot

26:53

be a coincidence that every fucker

26:56

I know who worked with his hands didn't give

26:58

a shit about any of this stuff. Nothing.

27:01

And everyone who was sitting in their air conditioned

27:04

cubicle was freaked out or sitting

27:06

in their home, just watching seeing

27:08

it staring at their phone was freak

27:10

the fuck out. Right. So here's

27:12

how it works. We

27:15

need a certain percentage

27:18

of this country problem

27:21

solving and doing something of

27:23

a physical, mechanical nature

27:26

that used to be built in

27:28

to everyone's life. Every

27:31

every dad would have to clean

27:33

the gutters or fix the projects

27:35

on the weekend or, you

27:37

know, you walk outside of

27:40

your house in a big branch has fallen

27:42

against your side of your house, you know. And then

27:44

you have to look at it and you have to

27:46

go Should I get up on a ladder

27:48

and try to pull it off? And then

27:50

you think, well, maybe,

27:52

but if I did, it could hit the ladder,

27:54

knock me off the ladder, and I could get fucked

27:56

up. Right. Right. So then thought process

27:59

number two is I could go to

28:01

the middle of this big tree branch and

28:04

start sawing it in the middle, but then what if

28:06

it just taco in half and hit me?

28:08

So then you go, what if I take a

28:10

row and I tie it to the base of it and then I

28:13

tie it to my trailer hitch and I pull

28:15

the bottom out in my car and I'll drop it on the

28:17

ground and then I'll cut it into smaller pieces.

28:19

These are all thoughts that

28:21

people would have on an o almost

28:24

daily

28:24

basis. Yeah. Well and also, it's it's

28:26

like if you had to take that branch off and

28:28

you put and you put a kid in front of it, it

28:30

wouldn't be you would say, hey, just move the

28:32

branch and and make it gone by the time get

28:34

back in two hours. They

28:36

would ask how. Right? They would they

28:38

would need direction. It's almost impossible

28:41

for people just to do it themselves

28:43

now. There were sort of

28:46

physical, mechanical mandates

28:49

that were woven into every

28:51

Americans' life on a

28:54

on a daily basis. It was like

28:56

it was like a you had to

28:59

factor in risk you know, it's

29:01

like, alright, you can get a chainsaw out, but you wanna

29:03

do the chainsaw on the ladder? Maybe

29:07

maybe you should tie the ladder off to

29:09

the house. You know, just just all

29:11

the assessments. It's all all the stuff

29:13

that people who have real jobs and

29:15

and build and everything every day. And then

29:17

that used to be half

29:19

society. Every every guy has worked in

29:21

logging camps and lumber mills and they

29:23

have worked on farms and stuff. And

29:25

so those people had a very

29:27

pragmatic relationship with

29:31

life. Well, now

29:34

we said to those people get

29:37

off of the get off of

29:39

the farm, get out of the logging camp,

29:42

and get onto a college campus.

29:44

And then you could evolve. You

29:46

you could you could go further in life. You'd

29:48

have more ideas and stuff like that. So

29:51

so we So that became the goal. And we hold down

29:53

a higher priority. He's the first he's

29:56

the the first Romanowski to go

29:58

to college. Whatever the name

30:00

was. He'd be the first. You'd be you'd

30:02

be hailed as a hero as the first guy

30:05

in your and then it started happening

30:07

more and more, and then colleges turned

30:09

into some fucked up bizarre upside

30:12

down the indoctrination world of

30:14

horrible ideas taught by like

30:16

minded people who never worked on

30:18

a farm. These these people

30:21

have tenure on college campuses

30:23

have no experience in the real world.

30:25

Like never ran a small business, then they're offloading

30:28

their shitty half baked for cocked ideas

30:30

on every eighteen year old that walks in there. Now,

30:33

society is littered with

30:35

dumbass people who don't think

30:37

in a linear fashion.

30:39

They don't know how to solve problems. They they don't

30:41

think mechanically. They think and

30:43

their feelings based. And now

30:46

they're in charge. So

30:48

when some shit goes down, of

30:50

course, they react like

30:52

hypochondriac posts. They they don't

30:54

know any better. They're not they're not thinking

30:56

in a sort of risk not they're not

30:58

assessing risk. They're not thinking linear

31:01

in a linear fashion, and they're not

31:03

mechanically based. They're just there's

31:05

a thing out there and it's coming for me. Yeah.

31:08

Mask up in between bites. That's

31:10

not that's not the

31:12

thought of a guy who works with his hands. And

31:15

also, as doctor

31:17

Drew pointed out, how come the

31:19

middle of the country didn't get all fucked

31:21

up about this? You know,

31:23

the flyover states. Why are

31:25

they in full push mode

31:27

like New York and California in

31:30

these, you know, Seattle. And he's like, why

31:33

why didn't why didn't they go nuts in

31:35

Muncie

31:35

Indiana? Because those

31:38

guys work.

31:39

Right. But we think on

31:41

the on the

31:41

coast We went to college. Why did we

31:43

tell your dumb blue collar ass? How

31:45

COVID work. They're looked at from the coast

31:48

as us. Yes. They're dumb.

31:50

And they they just don't know what's going on. The red

31:52

next. They what do they know?

31:53

Right. So, you know, And then Drew

31:55

said, nami, by the way. Then

31:57

he said he he strained his pool,

32:00

he skimmed his pool with the pool skimmer Uh-huh.

32:02

-- that he felt good

32:05

after doing that as myself. You gotta do

32:07

something. Sure. You you have to

32:09

you have to have a project. You you

32:12

will your brain will eat itself. Everything

32:15

you're seeing around you is

32:17

the function and caused by

32:19

people leaving the farm going

32:22

to college campuses and then going into

32:24

a cubicle. These were all these are all the

32:26

worst ideas. And then who the

32:28

fuck is running the society? I

32:30

mean, who's the mayor, who's the

32:32

governor, who's the health coordinator.

32:35

Not a guy worked on a farm. Yeah.

32:37

The college people. And they bring

32:40

their fucking horrible ideas that

32:42

never work because they can't

32:44

think of a mechanical you tell a mechanical

32:46

mind here's what we're

32:47

doing. He's gotta go he's gotta go it's

32:49

gotta work. Gotta results.

32:52

Yeah.

32:52

Alright. Well, that's why we're where we're Do

32:54

we is that something you wanna teach in schools?

32:56

Or is it just we got we'd we'd

32:58

start drafting people into doing manual

33:00

labor for a couple years? No. I mean, Drew

33:03

is like, Well, how does this end? And I'm like,

33:05

look, there's no course

33:07

correction. You can't tell these dumb shit.

33:09

They need to go out chops of wood.

33:11

You just

33:11

have to go move to Florida and move

33:13

into neighborhood with people of chop wood.

33:15

Oh, so you just have to just surround yourself in that kind

33:17

of environment now. Yeah. You have to just go

33:20

whenever the next pandemic comes in,

33:22

if you would like to take your kids to Disneyland

33:25

or Disney World, you can't do it if

33:27

you're here. Mhmm. And if you're

33:29

a small business, you can't stay open if you're

33:31

here. So you just gotta you gotta move.

33:33

Yeah. You don't have a kid on the way, and I'm thinking,

33:36

okay, get that college fund started.

33:38

But

33:39

what the funds everyone do? How it doesn't

33:41

even mean anything anymore,

33:42

eight funds started or something. But,

33:44

yeah,

33:44

it's it's It's a different

33:47

time. So alright. Well,

33:49

I also wanna talk about Woody

33:50

Harrelson. So he hosted SNL --

33:52

Mhmm.

33:52

-- last weekend. And he sparked some

33:55

controversy with a little bit of

33:57

his monologue. So he took

33:59

aim at COVID vaccine mandates

34:01

when he was talking

34:03

about, quote, a craziest script

34:05

he's ever read. Okay. Yeah. Here's

34:07

the video. Hey,

34:11

so the movie goes like this. The

34:14

biggest drug cartels in the

34:16

world get together and buy

34:18

up all the media and all the politicians

34:21

and force all the people in the world

34:23

to stay locked in their homes And

34:25

people can only come out if they

34:27

take the cartels drugs and

34:29

keep taking them over and over.

34:32

I threw the script away. I

34:34

mean, who is gonna believe that crazy

34:37

idea?

34:38

Yeah. So people didn't really like

34:40

that. And -- Yeah. --

34:43

and Rolling Stone is too

34:44

easy. I love

34:45

I love what Rolling Stone has

34:47

turned into. Yeah. So Rolling Stone first

34:49

they tweeted, Woody here, I'll and COVID

34:52

conspiracy theories during SNL

34:54

monologue. I love that we're at

34:56

the point where Rolling Stone is on the side

34:58

of big pharma. That's rock and roll,

35:00

man. Yeah. What happened? They

35:02

love the government. I look. Rolling

35:05

All I wanna do is reanimate my

35:07

mom and my grandma next explain to them,

35:10

oh, whose side are you on? Oh, mom,

35:12

you didn't know this? You're on the side

35:14

of big pharma. You defend

35:16

the FBI. You love China.

35:19

Those are your that's those are your new marching

35:22

orders. So go fucking do it. Go do

35:24

your new marching orders because that's your new marching

35:26

orders. Rolling

35:27

Stone. Jesus Christ. That's a

35:29

tweet. That's a tweet. Woody

35:31

Haroldson, who has a history of spreading

35:34

COVID conspiracy theories goes

35:36

on bizarre anti vacs tangent

35:38

during the S and L

35:39

monologue. First

35:41

off, Their

35:45

e? Okay. Okay. Can we

35:48

Rolling Stone, can we sign off on

35:50

on some simple notions? At least to

35:52

find some form of agreement. Can

35:55

we sign off on the notion

35:57

that big pharma is in the

35:59

business of selling their product

36:02

sometimes to the detriment

36:04

of society at large. Can we

36:07

sign off on a general concept.

36:09

Just open

36:10

your mind. Just open your mind to all

36:12

the oxycodine that was out

36:14

there and all the pain pillows and killers.

36:17

Can we open our mind to the concept

36:19

that they are for profit businesses?

36:22

And that occasionally,

36:26

People take their product who don't

36:28

really need their product, but they would like

36:30

them to take it because they

36:32

then profit from that.

36:35

Is that is that a concept that the rolling

36:37

the rolling stones will sign off on? Right. The

36:39

magazine.

36:39

Okay.

36:40

Just a little bit. Okay. Then

36:43

can we can

36:45

we shine off on the concept that

36:47

oftentimes big business

36:50

and it could be big

36:53

pharma. And I don't know who's bigger

36:55

than big pharma, but it could be big

36:57

anything, big agriculture. Which

37:00

ironically is not named pharma, but

37:02

it should be named pharma. Or

37:04

Big O'L or whatever or medicine.

37:06

Can we insurance can

37:08

we also sign off on the concept

37:12

of those guys having

37:14

lobbyists and paying lots

37:16

of money to lots of lobbyists and

37:19

lots of politicians campaigns to

37:22

do legislation that might benefit

37:24

their business. Can we sign

37:27

off on that? Here's Can

37:30

we sign off on the concept of

37:32

big pharma spending billions

37:35

of dollars on advertising,

37:38

on news stations,

37:42

for their products. Can

37:44

we sign off on that concept? And

37:47

if I'd say if we've signed off on those

37:49

three concepts, This

37:52

cannot be a conspiracy theory.

37:54

It can be a theory. Right?

37:56

Because there's way too much

37:59

in Woody's favor here And

38:02

the concept of telling

38:05

young people who are perfectly healthy

38:07

to get vaccinated with a vaccine that's

38:09

not effective. Or

38:11

that or that you have to retake

38:14

constantly. Does that seem

38:17

fishy? To people

38:19

considering, remember who profits

38:22

from it, the more people.

38:24

Look, if you can get a bunch of eighty year olds to take

38:26

the vaccine, that's fine, but they're gonna

38:28

die in two years. They're not gonna need to get

38:30

boosted. If you can get if

38:33

you can make it part of the fact seen protocol

38:35

for every fifteen year old or twelve

38:37

year old in the country, you're

38:39

gonna be buying a lot of that toothpaste

38:42

for the rest of your life. So,

38:44

yes, Woody, maybe

38:46

a little out there, but it's

38:48

not a conspiracy theory.

38:51

Yeah. It's just a theory. Where

38:53

where is the line for between conspiracy

38:55

and theory then?

38:58

Well, as you've learned, from

39:00

all the lab leak

39:03

theories, they add conspiracy

39:06

in front of it or they just add

39:09

debunked theory, you know,

39:11

that's the debunked lab leak theory.

39:13

And then you go, oh, Yeah.

39:16

So that's like like Trump's version

39:18

of that is like sleepy Joe Biden. He

39:20

put sleepy in there. I don't know how

39:22

sleepy Joe is, but he inserted

39:25

it. So then you turn on the news and

39:27

they go a debunked lab leak theory

39:30

from senator Tom Cotton you know,

39:32

two thousand, you know, two thousand

39:34

twenty of April, and then idiots

39:37

watch it and they go, oh, no. That was debunked.

39:39

They said it was a debunked theory. They put

39:42

conspiracy theory or they

39:44

put conspiracy or debunked in front

39:46

of shit they don't like that probably

39:48

either happened or is happening.

39:50

Yeah.

39:51

Now what Rolling Stone is doing?

39:53

I know. I know not. I don't

39:55

know why everyone wanted to cash in

39:58

all their fucking credibility and

40:00

just turn into fucking boot licking

40:02

hacks. I don't know when that happened,

40:04

but they are, they

40:06

have, and now Rolling

40:09

Stone is on the side of the FBI

40:12

and they're on the side of Big Pharma and they're

40:14

on the side of

40:14

China. I think it started when they put in sync

40:16

on the cover. Oh, really? That was the beginning

40:19

of the coming

40:19

fall. Yeah.

40:21

They're compromised. Yeah. And and look,

40:23

they can't even come up with a greatest singer

40:25

list. And

40:25

--

40:26

No. -- with Serena on in it. Come on.

40:28

Would you look. Wasn't rolling remember

40:30

rolling stone? Remember that we can find the

40:33

picture. Members

40:35

like two years ago

40:38

and they printed that story that

40:40

people are being turned away from

40:44

emergency rooms, gunshot victims

40:46

were being turned away from emergency rooms

40:48

because people are all piling in to get Ivermacked

40:51

in or something. And it never fucking

40:53

happened. And that was in,

40:55

like, the middle of the summer and

40:58

and it was on the Midwest or

41:00

something like that. And the picture they

41:02

showed was people wearing ski beanies

41:04

and parkas, and I was like, that's not

41:07

people lined up in front of a hospital -- Right.

41:09

-- trying to get Ivan McDavid. And by the way,

41:12

no emergency room would turn away somebody

41:14

with a gunshot wound because someone

41:16

is ODEED on Ivermacked in or whatever

41:18

whatever. I didn't even know what their theory was. It never

41:21

happened. Is is my my

41:23

whole point.

41:24

Yeah. It's rolling. So what month is

41:26

this from? Yeah. The the titles,

41:29

gunshot victims on the left

41:31

waiting. As horse dewormer

41:34

overdoses

41:35

overwhelm Oklahoma hospitals. Yeah.

41:38

Oh, yeah. That's very leaving. Came out

41:40

during the summer. And everyone is

41:42

wearing hoods with the hoods

41:44

up and park us. And

41:47

we're still being had warmer overdoses.

41:50

I don't know what Rolling Stone is

41:52

doing. I don't know what they're doing.

41:55

You know what I mean? Like like if if

41:57

you said Oh,

42:00

Brian Cranston has agreed to do

42:02

a commercial and be a spokesman for a butt plug

42:04

company. You've

42:05

got, like, No.

42:07

Like, don't No.

42:08

Don't do it. You don't

42:09

you don't take ten, but yeah. Don't do it.

42:12

Yeah. Preferably used, but You

42:14

don't Brian, like, don't do it. You have

42:16

you have you're held in high regard. You've

42:18

earned a reputation. It took you

42:21

years to get to that point. Why