0:00

Burn attention

0:02

Beck to cast listeners.

0:05

We're going on tour.

0:07

We really are. And it's not

0:09

just any tour. It's a tour in the

0:11

UK and it's a tour where

0:13

we are covering Titanic

0:15

and.

0:16

Shrek brilliantly titled

0:18

the Shrek Tannic Tour. Yes,

0:21

Shrek Tornic. We're working on

0:23

it. There's a couple there's a couple months

0:26

before the tour, but yes, we're really

0:28

excited. We're currently doing five shows

0:30

in the UK, with more shows to

0:32

be added. Stay tuned at

0:35

the end of May.

0:36

Yes, starting with two shows

0:38

in London on May twenty second, once

0:41

at six point thirty that's a Shrek show, one

0:44

at nine pm that is a

0:46

Titanic show. Then we

0:48

are scooting over to Oxford

0:51

on May twenty fourth we are covering

0:53

Titanic. Okay, Then

0:57

we're scooting up to Edinburgh on

0:59

May twenty sixth and doing Shtrek.

1:02

If you're a Scottish Titanic fan, you are

1:04

going to have to commute. And I

1:07

know that that's not but

1:10

listen, yeah, you live in Edinburgh

1:12

recovering Shrek.

1:14

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but also

1:16

you're welcome. And then if you do want

1:18

to see Titanic somewhere

1:21

nearby, you can

1:23

head down to Manchester. We're

1:25

doing a show on May twenty eighth,

1:28

and that's a Titanic show. So yeah,

1:31

you're just gonna want to come to kind of all of

1:33

them if you live in the UK, if you live

1:35

kind of anywhere in Europe, or

1:37

sort of just anywhere in the world.

1:39

As your Bechdel Cast allies in the US

1:41

can attest to. Our live

1:43

shows are super fun. It is

1:45

like a live episode

1:48

plus a bunch of fun stuff. We dress

1:51

up, we bring audience members on stage sometimes

1:53

we do. It's just it's big and goofy

1:55

and silly, and we're covering two

1:57

of our favorite movies that are Bechdel Cast can

2:00

and so we want to have a good time. We'll

2:02

be bringing exclusive merch

2:05

and we will be doing meet

2:07

and greets before and after the show. We want to meet

2:10

everybody, and we're really

2:12

really excited. And tickets

2:14

are already going fast because we released

2:16

it to matrons first, plugging

2:19

the Patreon really quick.

2:20

Little perk for the matrons.

2:23

Yep, So if you live in those areas,

2:25

get those dang tickets because these shows

2:27

will sell out.

2:28

Yes, they will, so head over

2:30

to our link Tree Link Tree

2:33

slash Bechtel Cast. All the tickets

2:35

are posted there and like we said, we're

2:37

working on at least

2:39

one more show in a different city,

2:41

so stay tuned. We're hoping to announce

2:43

that soon and otherwise,

2:46

grab your tickets for

2:48

the Shrek Tanic.

2:52

And enjoy the episode.

2:54

On the doodcast, the questions asked

2:57

if movies have women and are

2:59

all the discussions just boyfriends and husbands

3:01

or do they have individualism? It's

3:04

the patriarchy, zeph and Vast

3:06

start changing it with the Bechdel Cast.

3:09

Happy Valentine, Jamie.

3:13

No, Caitlin, I'm having

3:16

and I hate Valentine's

3:18

Day party? And guess what. It's

3:20

at a restaurant where, for some reason, my

3:23

party's double booked with a wedding reception.

3:27

Sorry. Oh, do you

3:29

think they were gonna put up a curtain or a

3:31

partition between these two parties? No, the

3:33

parties are facing each other for

3:35

some reason.

3:38

Well, sounds like a nice time.

3:40

Wait, what is the name of the god my brain

3:42

is gonna be confetti today? Romeo

3:46

Midnight. That's the name of the DJ.

3:48

The DJ Gary Marshall's where he's

3:50

like, hey, all you Los Angeles

3:54

fuckers, Like, who's ready to

3:56

fuck? It's Valentine's Day.

3:58

You're like, lash,

4:01

welcome to the Valentine's Day episode.

4:04

A day earlier than normal. Normally

4:06

we release episodes on Thursdays.

4:08

But it's a special day. Today's Wednesday,

4:10

and you're getting a Valentine's Day episode

4:13

early on the movie Valentine's

4:15

Day Day.

4:16

Good lord. I feel like this has to be

4:19

the last contemporary movie like

4:21

this, right, the last. Gary Marshall thinking

4:24

that he's gonna read I mean, and may

4:26

he rest in peace. He made some.

4:28

Good stuff, not this, but

4:30

not in the past. Well, he's dead

4:32

decade and a half.

4:34

Well, I mean, to be fair, Cale, he's been dead for eight

4:36

of those years since we will look you sure

4:38

God has asked though, No, I

4:40

mean I love Gary Marshall. I

4:43

mean, for crying out loud, the man directed

4:46

the Princess Diaries. Like, let's

4:49

be serious, and you can tell he directed the Princess

4:51

Diaries because there's three Princess Diaries

4:53

cast members in this movie.

4:55

Wait, obviously Anne Hathaway, but

4:57

who.

4:58

Joe Hector Ellis, Oh

5:01

yeah, Joe, just Joe.

5:03

And this one is harder but Paolo

5:06

Putneska is also in this movie.

5:09

Oh, he's at the Southwest gate

5:11

at the airport being like this counter is

5:13

for oversized luggage only.

5:15

Yeah, I mean, say what you will love about Gary

5:18

Marshall, including he's a legend and he's dead

5:21

but and uh

5:24

huh, he's loyal to his

5:26

character actors. He also

5:28

made Happy Days.

5:29

You know.

5:29

It's like late Gary Marshall. For some

5:31

reason, he spent the last years of his career trying

5:34

to realchemize love.

5:37

Actually, yes he did, and I'm realizing,

5:39

Caitlin. Unfortunately, there is

5:41

one more that we have. It's not with this

5:44

many cast members, but there

5:46

is a Gary Marshall movie called Mother's

5:48

Day. Oh well

5:51

that was I believe his last

5:54

film credit brutal.

5:57

I guess we've got something we have to cover

5:59

in anyways.

6:01

Anyway, So to be clear, we

6:03

are fans of these movies because

6:06

they are some of the most fun episodes.

6:07

Because we've already covered New Year's

6:09

Eve, Yes, but Gary Marshall ensemble

6:12

cast movie from twenty eleven.

6:16

Yeah, and then we've also covered Princess

6:18

Diaries. That might have been the only other Gary

6:21

Marshall movie we've covered.

6:23

Because we have not done Pretty Woman

6:25

yet.

6:26

No. Oh, he also has Pretty Woman loyalty

6:28

in.

6:28

This Julia Roberts is in the movie.

6:31

I would say Julia Roberts is perhaps doing

6:33

him a favor. God, so

6:36

many late twists in this movie. I

6:38

can't wait. I was writing down all of the twists

6:40

at the end where you're like, the twist is Bradley Cooper

6:42

is gay. The twist is Julia Roberts is not dead.

6:45

The twist is that the kid was in

6:47

love with Jennifer Garner, like you're just

6:49

like, every twist more

6:51

baffling than the last.

6:53

Yeah. Oh.

6:53

Also, Gary Marshall directed Overboard, which

6:56

we haven't covered.

6:56

We have not covered. We have covered Runaway

6:59

Bride, which we have he directed.

7:03

Did he also not direct A League of

7:05

Their Own, which we have covered?

7:07

No, that is a Penny Marshall movie.

7:10

Oh, oh, silly me?

7:13

How dare I wow erasing women's

7:15

work classic Caitlin Durante?

7:17

No, I mean? Which is another cool element

7:19

of Gary Marshall. Maybe the coolest thing about him

7:21

is that he is Penny Marshall's brother, and

7:24

we love Penny Marshall, and heways like,

7:26

you know, part of a Hollywood dynasty. Has directed

7:28

a lot of great stuff, and also

7:30

this movie that we're covering today,

7:33

I would be really curious, like outside

7:36

of trying to realchimize like make

7:38

American Love actually over

7:40

and over, like what the motivation

7:43

is. Maybe at some point in your career,

7:45

if you're getting older, you just want to like have

7:48

fun and hang

7:51

out with all of your cool Hollywood friends

7:54

and the quality is not

7:56

as important. I don't know. I'm like kind

7:58

of unbothered. I'm bothered by a lot of specific

8:00

things in this movie. Conceptually,

8:03

I do think that right now, now, more than

8:05

ever, there is a desire

8:08

for smooth brained entertainment of

8:10

this ILK. Yeah, because life

8:13

is hard.

8:13

Life is so hard and we need an escape.

8:16

But also watching this movie

8:18

is hard, so it's challenging.

8:20

Oh, should we explain what the Bechtel test is? I

8:23

guess all right, all right, all right,

8:25

we'll tell you what this show is. You win.

8:27

Also, my name is Jamie.

8:29

And my name is Caitlin, and

8:31

this is the Bechtel Cast, where

8:34

we examine movies through an intersectional

8:36

feminist lens, using the Bechtel test

8:38

as a jumping off point. But Jamie, what is

8:40

that?

8:41

Well, the Bechtel Test

8:44

is a media metric created by

8:46

queer cartoonist Alison Bechdel, often called

8:48

the Bechdel Wallace Test due

8:50

to it being created with Liz

8:53

Wallace. It was originally put into

8:56

Bechtel's comic strip Dikes To

8:58

Watch Out For. It has since

9:01

become kind of an iconic media

9:03

metric that has been used in a

9:05

lot of things, including this show.

9:08

Sometimes at the end of every episode we use it as a

9:11

jumping off point for discussion. You talk about

9:13

larger intersectional issues today

9:15

inside of the movie Valentine's

9:18

Day, I will say, you know, just

9:20

leading with this that this movie

9:22

does pass the Bechdel Test.

9:25

It does.

9:26

The ways in which it passes are really

9:29

weird. Sometimes

9:31

between Ann Hathaway and

9:34

Queen Latifa talking about sports

9:38

marketing, it's such a rom comp thing

9:40

sports marketing, You're just like, what,

9:43

okay, okay, yes, what is your

9:45

history with Valentine's

9:48

Day? Gary Marshall, twenty ten.

9:50

You'll never believe this, but all I

9:52

had seen this movie before. I

9:54

don't know what on earth would have

9:56

ever compelled me to watch

9:59

it.

10:00

Okay.

10:00

I think it might have been because

10:03

people were just they were

10:05

up in arms about the

10:07

Taylor Latner and Taylor Swift of

10:09

it all.

10:10

That's the main thing I remember from this

10:12

was that unbelievably

10:14

effective marketing.

10:16

Yes, but that still wouldn't

10:18

have compelled me to watch this movie because like, I

10:22

like Taylor Swift, I think she's

10:24

talented, but I'm also like, I

10:26

wouldn't call myself a Swifty. I'm

10:28

not enough of a fan to really

10:30

engage with her music that much,

10:33

so that wouldn't even been it. Like, I don't know why

10:36

on earth I would have ever watched this movie.

10:39

But I did.

10:40

But I didn't even know that until I started prepping

10:42

for this episode. I was like, wow, all of this

10:45

is familiar. I apparently watched this within

10:47

the past three years.

10:49

Why, though, why did I do that? We'll never

10:52

know?

10:52

Why did you do that? Were you getting ready for her? I

10:54

Hate Valentine's Day Party? Sorry,

10:57

of the many like hysteric,

11:00

baffling phrases that this script turns

11:03

out, there's so many good ones. The

11:05

I Hate Valentine's Day Party is one of my favorite

11:07

ones because it's just like clunky,

11:10

clunky, clunky, and people keep saying,

11:12

are you going to the I Hate Valentine's Day Party?

11:15

It's no I'm gay and I'm gonna

11:17

play. That's

11:20

a pretty iconic line that happens in this

11:22

movie. It sure does, I mean talk

11:24

about trailblazing. I'm

11:26

gay and I'm gonna play. I had an explosion

11:29

of emotion when he said I'm

11:31

gay and I'm gonna play. So you had seen

11:33

this movie.

11:34

I really had more than once, just that

11:36

one time, okay, and now twice

11:38

more to prep for this episode.

11:41

Love it and I

11:43

don't like that that's true about

11:46

me? What is your relationship

11:48

with this movie?

11:49

I didn't see this, but I was kind

11:51

of surprised because I was in high school when this movie came

11:54

out, Like theoretically I

11:56

could have seen it, but I think I got I

11:58

remember specifically seeing He's

12:00

just not that into You, which is this same formula

12:03

of a million storylines that we have covered,

12:05

and I think after I saw that, I

12:08

was like, I'm good on this format

12:10

and I just did not go to

12:12

see this movie

12:15

fair. The thing I also remember about this movie

12:18

was the Taylor Taylor marketing

12:20

Yes, which makes sense because

12:22

they kind of are the big

12:25

millennial draw of this movie. It like

12:27

most of this cast appeals to Gen

12:30

X, if not boomers, with

12:33

the casting. So it's like we

12:35

had the tailors. If you weren't hooked

12:38

by the tailors.

12:39

Maybe Ashton Kutcher would have brought you in

12:41

if you were a younger.

12:43

Even then, it was like tofer Grace and Ashton

12:45

Kutcher, like that seventies show had kind of come

12:47

and gone at that point. I think it was over.

12:49

Well definitely, But when I was in high school, I was

12:51

watching that seventy show. So if you're if

12:54

you're an elder millennial such as.

12:56

Myself, maybe you would shot up for them.

12:58

I would have maybe shown up for them.

13:00

You have, you know, a lot of two thousands fixtures.

13:03

You have McDreamy, you

13:05

have Jessica Alba, you have Jessica

13:07

Beal. I'm just gonna read

13:09

off the cast really quick, just so,

13:12

and are you comfortable with I'm not gonna

13:14

know what the character names are.

13:15

No, I okay, I did what I did

13:17

last time for the New Year's Eve episode.

13:19

I'm using strictly actors' names

13:21

and zero characters.

13:23

Names, although I am going to toss some of the names

13:25

out because they are the most rom commified

13:28

gobbltycook ever. Jessica Alba as Morley

13:30

Clarkson, You're like, what

13:33

is Yeah, sorry about

13:35

Morley Clarkson and sorry

13:37

to all our Morley Clarkson listeners out there,

13:39

but that name is very fake.

13:42

We have one million Morley Clarkson's

13:44

who just unsubscribed, Like,

13:47

how dare you.

13:48

Not all Morley's would

13:51

break up with? Ashton Kutcher, Okay,

13:54

Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica, Bill,

13:56

Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane. I don't

13:58

remember who that is, but he's gay, he's gonna play.

14:00

Wait, we just covered a movie that he was in. He's

14:03

in Burlesque that we covered

14:05

on the Matreon.

14:06

I didn't know who he was then. I don't know who

14:08

he is now, with all due

14:10

respect to him. I guess he's

14:12

on Euphoria, which I haven't watched.

14:15

Oh, he's I think Jacob

14:17

Ellerty's dad.

14:19

We love that for him.

14:20

Yeah, I've only seen one and a half episodes of that

14:22

show. And then I was like, this hurts my feelings.

14:24

I have to stop.

14:26

I just simply didn't watch

14:28

it. And if that makes me old, I don't want to be young.

14:31

Anyways. In this movie, Eric Dane's gay, He's gonna play.

14:34

Then we have Patrick

14:37

Dempsey, Hector, Elizondo aka

14:39

Joe for Princess Diaries, Jamie Fox,

14:41

Jennifer Garner, tofer Grace

14:44

and Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah,

14:46

Taylor Lowner, George Lopez, Shirley

14:49

McLean. Really confusing, assuming

14:51

she was doing him a favor, assuming

14:53

they've worked together before. Emma

14:56

Roberts, Julia Roberts and Taylor

14:58

Swift. Wow, five thousand

15:01

people. It's one of those movies

15:04

and we don't like love actually no,

15:08

and this is like, I don't know. At least

15:10

this one is like so smooth brain

15:13

that I'm like.

15:13

Well, I don't know love

15:16

actually, whether you like it or not, at

15:18

least it's like mostly coherent. This

15:21

movie is not.

15:23

Yeah, I mean, I just love how incoherent

15:25

this movie is. I'm gonna give it five nipples no matter

15:28

what.

15:29

And I'm gonna give it negative five just to counteract.

15:32

That, oh so much of this. They

15:34

open with Morley Clarkson, well,

15:37

I guess it should be. Should we get into it?

15:39

Yeah, before you start the recap,

15:41

I did just whatever. If you're listening, you

15:43

know the format of these movies. You see little

15:46

vignette. Every scene is forty five seconds

15:48

long, and something really dramatic

15:51

happens in forty five seconds and then they

15:53

keep it pushing. Yeah, but like in

15:55

this one, it's the first three scenes

15:57

you see are I believe, three white

15:59

hetero couples in bed and

16:02

something important happens while the man is

16:04

standing up and the woman is lying down.

16:06

Oh, I didn't even there's no

16:08

variety.

16:09

There's no variety in what is

16:11

happening in these seas.

16:12

The second time I watched this movie,

16:15

I was kind of only just listening

16:17

to the dialogue and not actually looking at

16:19

my screen because it's

16:21

feels so visually uninteresting

16:24

and it doesn't really matter what's

16:27

taking place on screen because it's just like.

16:29

Although sometimes there's good stuff

16:31

though, like every time they show the tailor

16:33

swift bear, which looks

16:35

to me not to but like it looks like,

16:38

I don't know why I kept writing down like horcrux

16:41

bear, Like it just looks like something is something

16:43

evil is inside of it. And

16:45

then they do this, like at the end of the

16:48

Incredible Story in between the Tailors,

16:51

they end it with like this lingering

16:53

shot on the bear, and it just kind of felt

16:55

like Muthriagan to

16:57

me. H Lotters

16:59

got camera's and the bear I'm calling it.

17:02

I don't know when this movie's coming out, but

17:04

there's that movie Imaginary

17:07

Okay. There are two movies coming out this year that are

17:09

both about imaginary friends. One is

17:12

like an animated movie for like children,

17:15

okay, and one is a

17:17

horror movie where a little girl

17:19

has a little stuffed bear who

17:22

her like demons spirit imaginary

17:24

friend lives inside and he like makes her do evil

17:26

things. And so it's

17:28

kind of like that.

17:30

Now we're talking. I love that shit. That's I

17:32

think that that is the energy I was getting

17:34

from the Taylor Lotder Taylor Swift bear, and

17:36

also from the Taylor Lotterer Taylor Swift relationship

17:39

in general, which it's so like,

17:42

I'll go this is one of our goofy episodes

17:44

that we do every year. I'm gonna go ahead

17:47

and plug one of my favorite podcasts two

17:49

Weekly and also Less

17:51

called Juristas, where they both

17:54

discussed the recent resurgence

17:56

of Taylor Taylor. Because now, Taylor Lotner,

17:59

I've said many times on the show,

18:01

he bought around at the chaw Chaw Lounge once.

18:04

That's not something you know someone who's doing

18:06

well would.

18:06

Do or it's

18:09

someone who's doing great.

18:11

Here's the thing, though, would you I was talking

18:13

about this with friend of the show

18:15

Melissa Lozada Oliva last night. When

18:18

you buy around for the

18:20

bar at the chaw Chaw Lounge on a Wednesday,

18:23

you have effectively spent thirty six dollars.

18:25

So are you doing great? You know it's

18:27

not the baller move, it's it seems

18:30

to be anyways, all

18:32

love to Taylor Lotner. But it's so

18:34

wild because like, Taylor Swift is forty times

18:37

more famous than she was when she was in

18:39

this movie, and she was already really famous.

18:41

Yeah, and now Taylor Lotner like did

18:44

a backflip at a screening of

18:46

the Taylor Swift Concert movie recently.

18:51

Wow, have you seen that video? No?

18:53

I haven't.

18:54

It's kind of awesome it, Like, I mean, all

18:56

shade aside, Taylor Londer is a very

18:58

funny. He seems like a good sport.

19:00

But like, why did he go to the AMC

19:03

and do a backflip? Oh?

19:04

He did it at the AMC.

19:07

He did it just like around civilians.

19:11

He just like went to Burbank and

19:13

did a backflip. And also

19:15

everyone was like, oh the Taylor Taylor relationship

19:17

is even in the blueper reel, and for some reason,

19:20

I know it's come up on this show. Before Taylor

19:22

Lotner married a woman named Taylor the

19:24

Taylor's lot.

19:25

Oh that's right.

19:27

So he just seems I don't know, he seems

19:29

maybe lovely, but also like, what's

19:32

going on with that guy? He did a backflip

19:34

at the AMC. That's all I'll say. Yeah,

19:36

that's the like varying levels of fame that

19:38

they're at these days. She's at like billionaire

19:41

global pop star getting regularly

19:44

rightfully criticized for her carbon

19:47

footprint. Famous. Taylor

19:50

Lotner, meanwhile, backflip at the AMC.

19:52

Burbank awesome.

19:55

And let's not forget the crime he committed

19:58

by in five I have Twilight

20:00

Movies playing an indigenous character

20:03

when he is not indigenous.

20:06

Yes, I mean I also still mainly

20:08

blame the production for that because he was like a teenager

20:10

when he started doing this.

20:12

Yeah, many mistakes were made, but

20:16

let's take a quick break and then come back

20:18

for the recap.

20:29

And we're back. I am

20:32

curious if I don't know if Taylor Latner has

20:34

ever commented on being

20:36

cast as a indigenous

20:38

character. Down the line, because I do feel like he has

20:40

a responsibility to, you

20:43

know, comment on it at some point. You know, when

20:45

you're a teenager, it's like, Okay, the adults

20:47

in the room need to make the right decision

20:50

and not cast him. But I

20:52

just wonder. I don't know.

20:54

Yeah, I will have to look into

20:56

that. In any case. Here

20:58

is the recap for the movie Valentine's

21:01

Day. Like I mentioned, I will

21:03

be referring to the characters

21:05

as their actors' names because there are one

21:08

thousand characters and zero

21:10

of them are memorable. So yay,

21:13

I'll be using the actors' names. Okay.

21:16

So the story takes place in

21:18

Los Angeles. Ever heard of it?

21:20

Oh? Yeah?

21:21

And guess what day it is?

21:23

Oh, they won't stop reminding you.

21:26

Is Valentine's Day.

21:28

First we meet Ashton Kutcher.

21:31

He proposes to his girlfriend

21:33

Jessica Alba, and she says

21:36

yes, and then he's like we yeah.

21:39

This is the first scene where women

21:41

in the bed, guy out of

21:43

the bed. Forty five second scene,

21:46

something critical happens. The

21:49

baffling part of this scene is that Jessica

21:51

Alba has like perfect

21:54

hair that is down when she

21:56

wakes up.

21:57

And makeup perfect just everything.

21:59

She's stunning.

22:01

I mean, God, bless, I would like to

22:03

live in this world.

22:04

Yeah, so Ashton Kutcher

22:06

is so excited.

22:08

To be engaged. Also, he's a florist.

22:11

Yes, he goes to work. He's a florist.

22:13

His colleague is George Lopez,

22:16

and they're doing lower stuff.

22:18

George Lopez iconically is

22:21

an authority on love and the poetry

22:23

of Roumy in this movie, and

22:26

he also is constantly referencing

22:28

this wife that he's in love with, who

22:31

never speaks. At the very

22:33

end she does appear correct,

22:35

but for most of the movie it again,

22:37

just if we're reframing this is a horror movie. I'm

22:39

like, I don't necessarily think this wife

22:42

exists, and if she does,

22:45

I don't know that she's alive.

22:47

Imaginary friend, more like imaginary

22:49

wife. Where's that movie?

22:51

Probably on tub?

22:52

That movie is called The Joker Got

22:56

Their Ass?

22:58

Oh it?

23:03

Oh okay. So then we meet

23:05

Jamie Fox. He's a sports

23:07

journalist at a local news station

23:10

and his boss, Kathy Bates,

23:13

wants him to cover Valentine's

23:16

Day stories, even though that's not

23:18

his job.

23:19

Kathy Bates was available for

23:21

forty five minutes to shoot this she

23:24

is in two seeds that are in the exact

23:26

same location.

23:28

Awesome, yeah, so cool. So

23:31

Jamie Fox goes to the flower

23:34

market and ends up interviewing

23:36

Ashton Kutcher.

23:38

Sure, yes, not before something

23:41

racist happens. But we'll get back to those.

23:43

Oh, we'll get there. Yeah. Then we

23:45

meet Patrick Dempsey. He is

23:47

a doctor, not unlike his

23:49

job on Gray's Anatomy.

23:52

Right, I've never seen that show.

23:53

Yeah, they were not pushing

23:56

him up.

23:58

He is dating Jennifer Garner, but

24:01

he can't spend Valentine's Day with her

24:03

because he has to fly to San Francisco

24:06

for a surgery or something. Then

24:09

we meet tofer Grace and Anne

24:12

Hathaway another there

24:14

you wake up in bed together.

24:16

Yes? Oh wait, I forgot to

24:18

say. The interesting thing about this scene with

24:22

Patrick Dempsey and Jennifer Garner is that she

24:24

is eating an apple in bed

24:27

first thing in the morning.

24:29

Well, that's to set up an amazing

24:33

metaphor. Jamie, tell me if you can

24:35

understand this visual metaphor.

24:37

I was hoping that this would come up

24:39

organically. Please, yes, here we

24:42

go. So, in a number of

24:45

scenes, we see Patrick Dempsey's

24:47

character juggling pieces

24:49

of fruit and it's to symbolize

24:54

the fact that his character is also

24:56

juggling two different relationships,

25:00

do you understand. I think it's

25:02

really important that they get the metaphor

25:04

across exclusively by comparing women

25:06

to objects, to pieces of

25:08

fruit at least, you know, beautiful

25:11

organic objects. The metaphor

25:14

is not lost on me. And also the

25:16

stark visual of a

25:18

woman eating an apple in bed at

25:21

seven in the morning, My

25:23

gums would be gushing. It

25:25

would be being a blood

25:28

bath. So I just I

25:30

love I love movie. I love

25:32

it movie. No one has gum disease in

25:34

movie.

25:35

Oh but they're too hot, they're

25:37

too sexy. Okay,

25:40

So we meet Tofah Grace and Anne

25:42

Hathaway. We find out later that they've

25:44

been dating for a couple weeks.

25:46

The weird thing she's doing is taking polaroid

25:49

pictures of him in bed like a serial

25:51

killer. Yeah.

25:53

Anyway, they're smooching, but then she has

25:55

to leave in a big hurry because

25:57

surprise, she is

26:00

a phone sex operator who

26:02

needs to take a.

26:03

Call, but she also has several

26:06

other jobs. I mean, this is like contextualized

26:10

in the story, but

26:13

just the way it's ritten, and I get like this movie

26:15

came out during the recession. It was like badly

26:18

written timely commentary

26:21

on.

26:22

Like millennials trying to be

26:24

adults in the world, but it's hard.

26:27

She's just like sneaking

26:29

out of her job at Queen Latifa

26:32

World to loudly

26:35

take the.

26:35

Phone sex operator calls, and it was just like, this

26:37

is just not how it would go. Surely there's

26:39

a break room. She's like in front of

26:42

Queen Latifa's door.

26:44

Yes, I have a list of

26:46

just like what the fuck okay

26:49

things that happened in this movie, and that

26:51

is on my list. I will perfect go over

26:53

the list later on love it. But yes,

26:56

none of that makes sense, not slick. No.

26:59

So then we meet Shirley McLain

27:02

and Hector Elizondo. They

27:04

have been married for many years. They

27:07

have a young grandson

27:10

who goes to Ashton Kutcher's

27:12

flower shop to order roses

27:15

for the girl at school who he's in

27:17

love with. Then we

27:20

meet Julia Roberts and Bradley

27:22

Cooper. They are strangers

27:24

sitting on a plane next to each other headed

27:26

to la She is

27:29

in the military, also is having a difficult

27:31

time believing that Julia Roberts would play

27:34

a military person.

27:36

Which I don't doubt her acting ability,

27:38

but she just does look

27:41

like Julia Roberts, and

27:44

I really loved I mean, we're

27:46

supposed to be thinking that Bradley and Julia are going to

27:48

get together for the whole baby and then there's a twist

27:50

at the end. But yeah, I have written out

27:52

thank you for serving Julia Roberts.

27:55

And I also really

27:57

like there's like this scene between them

28:00

where she's like, I'm in the military,

28:03

so I can tell that you

28:05

have trouble committing because

28:08

you don't like heart shaped candy. I

28:10

was like, do they teach that in

28:13

army?

28:15

She's I think it's implied

28:17

that she is in some kind of like special

28:20

forces.

28:21

Yeah, it seems like she's doing war

28:24

crimes. And she's

28:26

like, listen, the first thing you learn

28:28

in Navy Seal's basic training is

28:31

what Bradley Cooper looks like when he's having trouble

28:33

committing.

28:35

It's so bizarre.

28:36

I love it.

28:37

Anyway, we learn that she's on a

28:40

fourteen hour flight from wherever

28:43

she's coming from.

28:44

I think that they keep it intentionally vague,

28:46

super vague to not imply her in any

28:48

specific war crimes, right.

28:51

Right, Yeah, And so she's on this fourteen

28:53

hour flight to spend only one

28:55

day with her loved one, whoever

28:57

that might be.

28:59

Bradley Cooper assumes they're fucking. Yes,

29:01

Bradley Cooper bakes all sorts of assumptions.

29:03

For sure, and I'll talk more

29:05

about that later, but anyway,

29:08

we get all that information. Then we cut

29:10

back to Jennifer

29:13

Garner and Ashton

29:15

Kutcher. They're best friends. Exhausting,

29:18

he encourages her to surprise

29:21

Patrick Dempsey in San Francisco.

29:24

But this is when we learn that

29:27

he was lying about going

29:29

to San Francisco and he actually

29:31

has a wife and a kid,

29:34

which Jennifer Garner does not know about.

29:36

He's a dog. Yes.

29:39

Back to Anne Hathaway. So

29:41

when she's not doing phone

29:44

sex work, she works

29:46

for Queen Latifa, who is

29:48

a sports agent who reps

29:51

a football player, Eric Dane,

29:54

whose career seems

29:56

like it's on the decline. People

29:58

are like, is he going to retire?

30:00

They keep calling him old. Yeah,

30:03

yeah, I feel like they're trying to make

30:05

him like Tom Brady coated. Oh

30:08

yeah, but maybe that wasn't true, a twenty

30:10

ten whatever. A football player who people

30:13

speculate his career is almost over. But

30:15

the twist is he's gay and he's gonna play.

30:17

He's gay and he's gonna play.

30:20

Yeah, I just love that line.

30:22

Wow. So Queen Latifa and Eric

30:24

Dane get together for a meeting,

30:26

along with his publicist Jessica

30:29

Beale. So Jessica has

30:31

entered the.

30:32

Chat and she is a mess.

30:34

She's so neurotic.

30:35

Good, we need to get her to a hospital.

30:38

This is like a really great just

30:40

so bananas over the top

30:43

manic pixie dream girl taken to an

30:45

extreme that it does seem

30:48

like she's not well.

30:51

Yeah. Then we meet

30:53

Emma Roberts. She is a high

30:55

school student who plans to have sex

30:58

for the first time with her boyfriend during

31:00

their lunch period.

31:02

Awesome Kristin Shall appearance

31:04

where Kristin Shall plays a teacher

31:07

and Emma Roberts is like, I'm going to go fuck right

31:09

now and Christinshaw's like, oh,

31:12

that's started the scene. I

31:14

enjoyed that jump scare. I thought it was fun.

31:17

Also, Emma Roberts is big like peak

31:19

twenty ten in this movie by only wearing

31:22

really uncomfortable looking ballet

31:24

flats in every single scene.

31:26

Oh true.

31:27

Yeah, where it's like the kind of shoes where you can see

31:29

the knuckles of your toes. Oh

31:32

nasty.

31:33

Anyways, I was also wearing those in twenty

31:35

ten.

31:36

We all were, We were all flat footed

31:38

barbies back then.

31:40

Okay, So, also at this high school

31:42

are Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner.

31:45

They are dating. He has bought her an

31:47

enormous teddy bear that's haunted,

31:49

that might have an evil demon living

31:51

inside of it.

31:52

Yes, harkrks bear. Yes.

31:54

Then Emma Robert's boyfriend goes

31:57

to her house to prepare

32:00

for their sex that they're gonna have, and he

32:02

takes off his clothes, but Emma Robert's

32:04

mom comes home and catches him

32:06

naked, so he runs outside

32:09

still naked, and we're like,

32:12

ha ha, awesome comedy.

32:16

Meanwhile, Ashton is

32:18

so annoying excited about

32:21

being gay. He's so annoying.

32:23

Jessica Alba, However, his fiance,

32:26

she's not as excited, and he

32:29

doesn't seem to notice anyway.

32:30

I mean, honestly, fair

32:33

like not to go back to their first seed together.

32:36

But again he wakes her up. She's

32:39

perfect because it's a movie. She's perfect.

32:42

But the first thing she says, hi, and

32:44

then he launches in and says, when

32:47

I was a kid, most of the advice my dad

32:49

gave me was crap. I was like, if you, as

32:51

my boyfriend, are starting the day with that,

32:54

no, like good

32:56

morning would be awesome.

32:58

And then he proposes, and we don't

33:00

see her actually say yes. It almost

33:03

seems like he just shoves the ring on her finger

33:05

and assumes the answer is.

33:07

Yes, right, which at least is

33:09

sort of commented on later

33:12

when she dumps his ass. But I

33:14

just do it like this is like a place where

33:16

like love actually actually does feel

33:18

like way better paced, but because

33:21

so many scenes have to happen, it does feel like

33:23

there's like a bomb in the room

33:26

that will go off after seventy five

33:28

seconds if they don't get all this

33:30

stuff out, like some of the scenes move. So

33:33

it for a movie where like nothing interesting

33:35

happens. It's really hard to watch these movies because

33:37

so much is happening, like

33:39

you cannot look away, and they're two hours

33:41

long. So it's and you cast

33:44

forty people.

33:46

Right exactly? Okay,

33:48

So Patrick Dempsey goes

33:50

to Ashton Kutcher's flower shop

33:52

to buy flowers for both his

33:54

wife, his wife and

33:58

his secret girlfriend, Jennifer Garner and

34:00

Ashton Kutcher is thinking to himself,

34:02

hang on, that's my friend

34:04

Jennifer Garner, which means my friend's boyfriend

34:07

is secretly married. So

34:10

he goes to Jennifer Garner's

34:12

work, she's an elementary school teacher,

34:15

to try to tell her that her boyfriend

34:17

is secretly married, but he doesn't

34:19

get a chance to tell her she

34:21

still doesn't know. Then

34:24

Ashton goes home to his lady

34:26

love, Jessica Alba,

34:28

to leave a Valentine's Day gift, but

34:31

he discovers that she's about to

34:33

leave him. All of her stuff is packed up,

34:36

and she breaks up with him.

34:37

And even his dog doesn't love him.

34:40

It's kind of awesome.

34:42

Brutal uugh, and

34:44

he's like, damn well, I

34:46

better go stop Jennifer Garner from getting

34:48

on that plane to San Francisco. So

34:50

he rushes to the airport. We get an extremely

34:53

rom com cliche running through the

34:55

airport, but this time it's not

34:57

to stop the love of his life,

35:00

it's to stop a friend, and we're

35:02

like, wow, subversive.

35:04

But actually, I think the weirdest part

35:06

of that scene is that, like, it's

35:08

such a well worn trope that I was like, conditioning

35:11

myself to be like, oh wow, the movie's almost

35:13

over, and then you look at the run time you're like, it

35:15

is like we're less than halfway in at

35:18

the airport run Seriously,

35:21

I was like overwhelmed with such relief

35:23

and then dread that whole

35:25

scene is so long. We do get Paola Putnzka

35:28

at least true.

35:30

Yes, anyway, so he does

35:32

tell her that her boyfriend

35:35

is married, but Jennifer Garner refuses

35:37

to believe it and she gets on the plane

35:40

anyway, question Mark. I have

35:42

a lot of questions about that

35:44

because the next time we see her, she's

35:47

in LA.

35:49

I was so confused.

35:51

I was like, did she get off at San Francisco? But

35:53

then you could hear a nurse clearly say

35:56

also a very funny bad line, Hello,

35:58

you've reached Los Angeles Hospital.

36:00

As so you're like, not a real place.

36:02

Well, I guess they are in LA.

36:05

I would love to reach Los Angeles Hospital.

36:09

Yes, Okay, So none of that made

36:12

sense either. Jamie Foxx

36:14

goes and tries to get an exclusive

36:17

on Eric Dane, the football player

36:19

from Jessica Biale, who

36:22

is upset because she's single

36:24

and she feels all alone.

36:26

First of all, she's on the floor and he's like is she good,

36:28

and they're like, well, she's usually fine

36:30

on the Fourth of July and

36:32

even Saint Patrick's Day, but

36:34

on Valentine's Day she is sad,

36:37

which sucks. She like looks

36:40

dead, You're right, and then

36:43

they.

36:43

Fall in love and you're like, you're

36:45

like sure, but anyway, so yeah, she's

36:47

upset, not only because she's single

36:49

and she feels lonely, but also no one

36:52

has rsvped to her. I

36:54

hate Valentine's Day party.

36:57

Which she's throwing at an Indian restaurant

36:59

at this same time as a wedding reception, which

37:02

I'm just like, we've got to call

37:04

the restaurant because

37:07

you do have to pick one of those events.

37:10

Yeah, and it's the wedding because no

37:12

one's coming to Jessica Biale's

37:14

I Hate Valentine's Day party.

37:16

But then everyone shows.

37:17

Up, including twenty

37:19

people we've never met before, like

37:22

majority characters we do not know.

37:24

Yes, anyway, She's like, I hate

37:26

Valentine's Day, and Jamie Fox is also

37:29

like, I hate Valentine's Day.

37:31

I wish I could just sports

37:33

all day long, and she's

37:36

like, I wish I could sports all day long,

37:38

but I also crave love

37:41

and he's like okay, and then there's a

37:43

big pratfall with a bunch of chocolates.

37:46

Yes, disaster.

37:48

Oh anyway, he leaves

37:50

and then Eric Dane,

37:52

the football player, comes out

37:55

as gay at a press conference.

37:57

But what does he say.

37:58

He's like, I'm gay and

38:00

I'm gonna play.

38:02

What a win?

38:03

Well because everyone's like congratulations,

38:05

good for you, But are you retiring? Like that's

38:07

what this press conference or supposed to be.

38:10

Yeah, he does come out instead

38:12

of answering a question, but

38:14

then he expands because he's

38:17

gay and he's going to play. And

38:20

I mean, as goofy as that scene

38:22

is, I was like, okay, twenty ten

38:24

not bad? You know, yeah you gay

38:26

marriage was not legal in many places

38:29

at the time when this movie came out and was tremendously

38:32

successful. So can

38:34

we chalk that legislation

38:36

eventually passing up to Eric Danes saying

38:38

I'm gay and I'm gonna play.

38:40

I think we obviously can.

38:42

I think that it's certainly a big

38:45

part. I don't know, any inclusion in this movie

38:47

is like very bare bones

38:49

twenty.

38:49

Ten's I mean, that's what most of my notes

38:52

are about because it's abysmal.

38:54

Yeah, I'm sure that we have identical

38:57

notes, but never forget

38:59

that he is gay and he's gonna

39:02

play. But when we let him kiss on screen,

39:04

we.

39:05

Won't no anyway.

39:07

So then tofra Grace takes

39:10

Anne Hathaway to a Valentine's dinner

39:12

where he discovers that she's a

39:14

phone sex worker and he's like,

39:17

ooh, yucky, bye

39:19

forever awesome. Uh

39:22

huh. Then Taylor Swift and

39:24

Taylor Lautner are at gym

39:26

class or track practice, We're

39:28

not really sure, being

39:31

interviewed by a reporter.

39:34

My boyfriend at this part of the movie got very critical

39:37

of a specific background actor who

39:39

I then could not stop looking at, not

39:41

the reporter, the guy holding the camera,

39:44

or just like based on his energy.

39:47

It's just like so obviously

39:49

not a real camera and not on like

39:52

it's not really pointing at anybody, and

39:55

he's sort of like slouching over. And

39:57

I celebrate that background doctor.

40:00

I love that. It's like when a movie

40:02

where someone like takes a sip

40:05

from a mug that's clearly empty

40:07

and they like, don't the mechanics

40:09

and physicality of drinking are like.

40:11

Just there's a couple of moments

40:13

in this movie where it's like, I don't think we've

40:15

brought this up in an episode in a

40:18

while, but the sort of like character

40:20

with one line energy where it's very like

40:22

sag card please. There's a couple characters

40:24

in here that have huge sag

40:26

card please energy about them. I love

40:29

the security guard at the airport

40:31

who's like, Hi, I'm a security guard.

40:34

You're just like, give her her sagcard.

40:37

She's like, put your shoes on. Ashton Kutcher,

40:39

it's gross here.

40:42

Great, but yeah, so it's I unfortunately

40:45

know exactly enough about Taylor Swift to

40:47

know that a lot of what they're saying in this scene where

40:49

nothing happens is like references

40:52

to twenty ten era

40:54

Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner where it's like, my

40:56

favorite number is thirteen. I would

40:58

never take off my shirt.

41:00

Like okay, okay.

41:05

So then Shirley McClain reveals

41:07

to her husband, Hector

41:10

Alizondo, that she had an

41:12

affair with his business partner some

41:14

years ago.

41:15

And also in this movie, she's Shirley

41:18

McClain.

41:19

It appears to be that she is,

41:22

Yeah, she's just playing herself.

41:24

But she's named Estelle, but

41:27

she's actually because later

41:29

they go to Hollywood Forever and they see a Shirley McLain

41:31

movie and he's like, that's my wife, right, Literally.

41:34

Do you know what movie that was?

41:35

No?

41:36

I don't.

41:36

I didn't either. So he's upset

41:38

and he's, you know, discovered that his wife,

41:41

Charlie McLain, was unfaithful.

41:43

He's straight and he's not gonna play.

41:47

Exactly. So

41:50

he goes to Hollywood Forever Cemetery

41:53

by himself. For any

41:55

non LA listeners,

41:58

that's a place that's a real cemetery,

42:00

but they do a bunch of movie screenings. So he goes

42:02

to watch a movie there that

42:05

his wife, Shirley

42:07

McClain is in. So they're

42:10

like watching a movie from I

42:12

don't know, the fifties or sixties.

42:14

I guess the sixties, yes, And I

42:16

wanted to figure out I meant to, and then

42:18

I apologize to our listeners. I did not remember

42:21

to follow through this because I was like, it looked like the

42:23

scene that they eventually kiss in front of where Shirley,

42:25

a younger Shirley McClain is kissing another actor.

42:28

It didn't seem like it was like a really

42:30

happy scene. Yeah, Like

42:33

it seemed like a sad goodbye kiss,

42:35

not like a I'm getting back

42:37

together with Joe from the Princess Diaries.

42:40

True, but that is what happens because

42:43

Shirley McClain comes to the cemetery

42:45

to find him, and then she's like, I'm

42:48

sorry, but if you love me, you

42:50

have to love all the parts of me, even

42:52

the cheater parts. And he's like, you're

42:55

right, okay.

42:56

That I mean what a mess is like,

42:59

first of all, no, he doesn't,

43:01

No, he doesn't. You had sex with his best

43:03

friend. He doesn't have to forgive you. And

43:06

he's like, yes, I do. I was wrong. You're

43:08

like, when were you wrong? I mean, I

43:10

understand that she Let's

43:12

take this story really seriously. I

43:14

was just struggling with it because it was like, Okay, she said

43:16

that she was lonely and that he was away a

43:18

lot, and I understand that

43:21

that level of spousal neglect

43:23

will sometimes lead to infidelity,

43:27

right, but does

43:29

he have to forgive her six hours later?

43:32

Good question or ever? And

43:34

also the fact that Topher Grace seems to think

43:36

that that is like a one to one with his

43:39

situation, which is completely

43:41

different, and he is very much

43:43

the villain of Yes. Anyways,

43:46

I liked the cape that Shirley

43:48

maclain wears to her own movie.

43:51

If I was a movie star,

43:54

I would show up in a cape to my

43:57

movies also and be really

43:59

disruptive.

44:00

Yeah, everyone's like down in front, and she's

44:02

like, shut the fuck up, I'm trying to kiss my

44:04

husband.

44:05

I think it's so weird that he just went ahead

44:07

and said he's married to Sholie McLean. And

44:10

then she's like, Hi, I'm a.

44:11

Stelle anyway,

44:13

will they kiss and make up? So everything's

44:16

fine there, and then Tilford Grace sees

44:18

this and he realizes that he

44:20

judged Anne Hathaway and her

44:22

job too harshly.

44:25

He sure did.

44:26

Meanwhile, Jennifer Garner gets

44:29

confirmation that her boyfriend

44:31

Patrick Dempsey is married.

44:33

Yeah, she goes to Los Angeles Hospital in

44:35

San Francisco and San Francisco

44:38

find out, but she I guess

44:40

she just doesn't get on the plane and we're never

44:43

told.

44:44

But we see her go into the

44:46

doorway to get onto the

44:48

plane.

44:49

I know she just got off on the

44:51

tarmac and bought us. I

44:54

don't understand. And then he said he was

44:56

going to do heart surgery in San

44:58

Francisco. I don't. I don't know any

45:00

heart surgeons. And there's also

45:03

like a weird line he has at the beginning where he's like,

45:05

you know, doctors, we're always traveling.

45:08

I was like, that's not really the first thing I think of

45:10

when I think about doctors.

45:12

Right.

45:12

Anyways, I don't know

45:14

what city she's in, but

45:17

her boyfriend does have a wife.

45:19

Yeah, and she finds out where he's

45:21

having dinner with his wife.

45:24

Oh yeah, another great fake name for something.

45:26

It's like Peepee Gardens or something, bistro

45:29

gardens. You're just like, that's words.

45:32

Yep, taking the wife out

45:35

to Pepee Gardens for our fifteenth anasy.

45:39

Anyway, So Jennifer Garner goes to this restaurant

45:41

and pretends to be the

45:44

server and she calls him out for being

45:46

a two timing cheater and

45:48

he's like, oh no, and then

45:51

his wife is like, what's going on

45:54

that?

45:54

Yeah? Another very like weird.

45:57

I mean, it's like, if Jennifer Garner can't make

45:59

something think charming, then you're

46:01

in trouble. But it's such a weird

46:04

scene where she's talking about like killing

46:06

a pig or something. We

46:08

get it, we get it. Sure, Dinner

46:10

at Pepe Gardens ruined. Yeah.

46:14

Then Jennifer Garner goes to Jessica

46:17

Bial's I Hate Valentine's Day party

46:20

where the little boy from earlier

46:23

shows up and professes his love

46:26

for Jennifer Garner.

46:27

Hate this twist because we've been led to believe,

46:30

And first of all, I'm like, why am I invested in this

46:32

nine year old's love life.

46:34

They're clearly trying to replicate the Little

46:37

Boy from Love actually in his storyline

46:40

where he loves one of his classmates, so

46:42

we think that same thing is happening here.

46:44

But no, no, no, The twist

46:47

is he's in love with his

46:49

adult teacher, and I feel

46:51

like it's almost implied that he's in love

46:53

with her because he misses his mom, who

46:56

ends up being Drea Roberts.

46:58

Which it's like you could examine

47:01

that dynamic in a

47:03

movie that's not this movie where it's

47:05

like he's because it's like whatever, kids get

47:07

confused all this stuff. At least

47:09

she doesn't say anything really creepy,

47:12

like I was expecting her to, like one of those like

47:15

call me in ten years. You're like, anytime

47:17

someone says that to like an eight year old in a

47:19

movie like Don't Call

47:21

Her in ten Years. Yeah, but

47:23

that Secrets of Events was really fun because

47:26

these movies so desperately need every character to

47:28

be tangentially connected to someone else that

47:30

like Emma Roberts not for

47:32

nothing, worst babysitter in the history

47:34

of babysitters. The kid gets

47:37

kidnapped twice under

47:39

her view because

47:41

the kid makes his teacher

47:44

realize that she's in love with Ashton

47:46

Kutcher. Meanwhile, unbeknownst

47:49

to Jennifer Garner, Ashton Kutcher

47:51

has just technically

47:54

kidnapped this

47:56

kid, yeah, and driven him to the restaurant,

47:59

which obviously this kid

48:01

is not at risk for a stranger danger. Apparently

48:04

he's like, I've met this florist. He

48:07

could give me a ride, And then Emma Roberts

48:09

sees him and thinks he's being abducted, which he kind

48:11

of is, but then he's like, don't

48:13

worry, I'm a florist, and you're like what.

48:16

And meanwhile, his grandparents are too

48:19

busy kissing it at the Hollywood

48:21

Forever Cemetery to notice that he's

48:23

missing.

48:24

Well, in their defense, they did hire a babysitter.

48:26

She just is too horny to babysit.

48:30

Yeah, they did hire Emma Roberts,

48:32

but she was so focused on fucking

48:34

her boyfriend at lunch.

48:37

Her boyfriend who's the delivery driver at

48:40

the restaurant where the I

48:42

hate Valentine's Day party is taking places.

48:45

It's all connected, all

48:49

right. So then the little boy professes

48:51

his love for Jennifer Garner and she's like, well,

48:53

what about that girl who's your age, from

48:56

your class, your friends, but maybe

48:58

that could turn into love. And this helps

49:00

her realize that maybe the person she has loved

49:03

all along is her best friend, Ashton

49:05

Kutcher.

49:06

Don't do it. Don't do it.

49:09

And then this is when we start to get some

49:12

you know, tying up of these storylines

49:14

where Emma Roberts realizes she's

49:17

not ready to have sex yet and she tells

49:19

her boyfriend and he's like, that's

49:21

okay, we can still make

49:23

out and then they kiss.

49:24

Amazing journey that they've been on.

49:28

Then Julia Roberts and Bradley

49:30

Cooper's plane lands in la

49:33

He gives her access to his private car so

49:35

that she can spend extra time with

49:37

her loved one, who he assumes

49:40

is her husband, but it ends up

49:42

being her son, the little boy

49:44

who loves Jennifer Garner.

49:46

Wow, WHOA. I do feel like

49:48

they bury the lead of that big time where

49:50

they talk about her as if she is like dead.

49:53

Yes, they do at the beginning. The twist

49:55

is she's not dead.

49:55

She's Julia Roberts and she's in the

49:57

military.

49:59

She's Navy. The those Julia Roberts.

50:02

I really I'm just like she is getting

50:04

back from doing something so evil,

50:07

catastrophically evil. Yes, but

50:10

her son is so big. That's

50:12

she just ends with it. You're so big, You're so big.

50:15

Anyways, goodbye to those characters.

50:17

Yes, goodbye to them. Then

50:20

we find out that the person Bradley

50:22

Cooper is going to see

50:25

is Eric Dane because they're

50:27

together, or they were, but they broke

50:29

up. But then Bradley Cooper saw

50:31

him coming out publicly and

50:33

he's proud of him, so then they get

50:36

back together question mark.

50:37

But again the timeline on that does not work

50:40

out at all, because we are led to believe

50:42

that the Eric Dane character comes

50:45

out while Bradley Cooper is already

50:47

on the plane.

50:48

For sure that yeah, one hundred percent, that's what happened.

50:50

So how did he know.

50:52

Where was he going? How did he know?

50:54

He was like, if you don't come out on national

50:57

television on Valentine's Day, I'm

51:00

dumping your ass and.

51:01

I'm gonna get a flight to la just in case

51:03

that does happen.

51:05

And like, what was his job and why was

51:07

he fourteen hours away by plane?

51:09

I think he was also doing war crimes

51:12

because he has a lot of money. I don't know. I think he's

51:14

like an oil executive or he's something like

51:16

really quite evil. But anyways,

51:19

they're gay and they're gonna play and

51:21

then it cuts away in

51:24

a very twenty ten move. It's like, oh

51:26

wow, two gay characters. They

51:29

can't kiss, they can just be

51:31

near each other.

51:32

They can lightly embrace. But that's

51:35

it.

51:36

Yeah, representation When I

51:39

can't get that line out of my mind. It's so funny.

51:42

It's poetry, is what it is. Okay.

51:46

Then tofra Grace goes to

51:48

Ann Hathaway and they make

51:50

up. I'm gonna gloss over this because I want to talk about

51:52

it later in the discussion. Yeah, disaster

51:55

truly, she should dump him seriously. Then

51:58

Jamie Foxx and j Soca Bie'll

52:01

get together in what I feel might be

52:03

the most contrived storyline of them

52:05

all. But they're kissing

52:07

now.

52:08

Yeah, they're kissing in front of a green screen.

52:12

And then Jennifer Garner goes to Ashton

52:14

Kutcher being like, Hey,

52:16

maybe we're in love, and then they

52:19

kiss and it's awkward and

52:21

they're like, I don't

52:23

know, but I don't know. Maybe we can make this

52:25

work. And that's how the movie ends.

52:29

Oh and then one more shot of the horcrucks bear.

52:33

We mustn't forget.

52:34

Taylor switches in an elevator and I

52:36

think half of she's in four scenes.

52:38

Two scenes, she's in front

52:41

of the school, she's at the football field, and

52:43

then she's in the elevator two times. Her first scene

52:45

is so funny because she's just like

52:47

talking to Jennifer Garner and being annoying.

52:50

Question work, Yeah, we'll get there anyways,

52:52

that's the movie. And then a thousand

52:54

bloopers. Yeah, and then it's finally

52:56

over.

52:57

It's finally over after two hours. Let's

52:59

take another and we'll come back to discuss,

53:12

and we're back.

53:13

Today was a fairy tale.

53:16

There's also like original Taylor Swift song

53:18

to go with. It's true this movie

53:20

was so successful.

53:24

I mean in the sense that it got a

53:26

lot of money at the box office. It had a fifty

53:28

two million dollar budget. It grossed

53:30

two hundred and sixteen million. Yes

53:33

at the box office. A critical

53:35

flop though.

53:36

Oh, I mean goes with that saying this whole

53:38

era of not even just Gary Marshall,

53:41

just this format, because it's like he's just not that

53:43

into you, same same deal.

53:45

But when it's a drama like Crash,

53:48

then it wins an oscar for some reason,

53:50

even though that movie is peepee poop.

53:52

Who I was saying, We just

53:54

recorded our burlesque episode, And

53:56

I confess that I sometimes mix up

53:59

Stanley Tucci and Alan Cumming for

54:02

a similar baffling. I often

54:04

mix up the movie Crash and Sideways.

54:07

So I've been avoiding watching Sideways

54:09

for years for apparently no reason.

54:12

I guess it's a good movie, and I thought

54:14

it was Crash, which is a bad movie.

54:17

But I just just like, I don't

54:19

want to why, I don't know.

54:21

Well, anyway, let's talk about Valentine's

54:23

Day.

54:24

Jesus Christ. Okay, didn't

54:26

like my little story, all

54:30

right, don't know, no,

54:32

no, no, who do you want to talk about

54:35

first?

54:35

Well, I guess I just want to make

54:38

a broad statement that

54:41

in an ensemble movie like

54:43

this, where there are literally dozens of characters,

54:47

it is very very easy to have an

54:49

incredibly diverse cast, but

54:52

just does not have a movie he doesn't do that. It

54:54

largely centers white,

54:57

straight, cis, able bodied

54:59

people who are traditionally

55:01

attractive by Western beauty standards.

55:04

Yeah, the characters who are not

55:07

white generally don't have

55:10

the same love stories. I think the only characters

55:12

that have actual love stories are

55:14

Jamie Fox right.

55:16

I mean, for example, George Lopez

55:18

is there to uplift Ashton Kutcher's

55:21

character. He does have sort

55:23

of, but it's not a love storyline. No,

55:25

it's just a scene where he kisses his

55:27

wife for two seconds.

55:29

And it's also so scary because they don't let her

55:31

speak, And I was like, right, what is it's

55:34

really giving? Like decoy wife?

55:36

Yeah, it doesn't work like you're saying, He's

55:38

just there to read roomy poetry

55:41

to Ashton Kutcher. Yeah,

55:43

and the same with like Queen Latifa is very

55:45

much like a supporting character comic

55:48

relief who does not get

55:50

even an attempted storyline,

55:53

amongst other things that are

55:56

off about that character. But yeah, for the most part,

55:58

it's like overwhelmingly like we're looking

56:00

at white and white passing couples who

56:03

are bad for each

56:05

other.

56:06

Yeah, for sure, there is

56:09

one queer couple. True,

56:11

And it feels as though the

56:14

writer of the movie, who is

56:17

named Catherine Fugate,

56:20

she also wrote New

56:22

Year's Eve, if I'm not mistake she

56:24

did.

56:25

She also wrote a Julia Styles

56:27

movie I've never seen, but I know as a kind

56:29

of a millennial movie called The Prince in Me.

56:31

Haven't seen it.

56:33

Oh yeah, I vaguely remember that.

56:35

It feels like it's just like, oh, we have

56:38

a quota to phil we need one gay

56:41

couple so that everyone

56:43

will shut up about there not being

56:45

enough queer representation.

56:47

Well, it's really telling that the fact

56:49

that there has been a gay couple in the movie the whole

56:51

time is like a twist at the very end of the exactly

56:53

like the twist Bradley Cooper is

56:56

gay because you're supposed to. I think you're

56:58

supposed to think the whole time that he's going to

57:00

end up with Julia Roberts, for sure, because

57:03

in movies like this, if you're sitting next to each other,

57:06

you have to get married.

57:07

Yeah, exactly, but not the case

57:09

here.

57:10

Instead, all of the scenes between him and

57:13

Julia Roberts are incredibly weird because

57:15

they're talking around this

57:18

trope of if you sit next to each other, you have

57:21

to get married, and then they're like, surprise,

57:23

he's gay.

57:24

The end that's framed as

57:26

a twist. Also, Eric Dane

57:28

being gay is set up as another

57:31

big reveal where rather than the audience

57:33

learning that he's gay early on and

57:36

then like we see him decide

57:38

whether or not to come out publicly because

57:40

that would be a major choice, especially

57:43

for an American football player, where

57:45

like that's an extremely homophobic

57:48

organization and you know, right, like

57:51

it still is, but we don't see that

57:53

him coming out is treated like

57:55

a big twist, right, And that seems

57:58

like it only happens to

58:00

set up a string

58:02

of homophobic jokes that Jamie Foxx

58:04

will make later on during his sports

58:07

journalism broadcast.

58:09

And it's like the fact that the jokes are framed

58:11

within the movie is like good natured

58:13

and like, ultimately he's supportive, but he's

58:16

just gonna say a bunch of homophobic stuff on

58:18

TV and then be like, ah, just kidding,

58:20

buddy, I support you.

58:23

You're just like it's

58:25

so so dated the way that the

58:27

only queer couple of the movie, which is

58:29

like, this movie is so weirdly

58:32

written that everything was surprising to me

58:35

because it wasn't actually set up

58:37

in anyway. So you're like, oh, okay,

58:39

I guess Julia Roberts

58:42

is alive and that kid's

58:44

mom. Huh, Yeah, I know. I thought

58:46

the entire I mean, it was a very twenty

58:49

ten attempt to include

58:51

a gay character. But yeah, every plot point is

58:53

like, surprise, surprise, he's

58:55

gay, and we don't

58:58

see them together for most of the movie.

59:00

There's just like one ten second moment

59:02

at the end where they lightly embrace. Again, they're not

59:04

allowed to kiss, because heaven

59:06

forbid, we had queer characters kissing

59:09

on screen in a movie in twenty ten.

59:11

Which is like a conversation that was at least

59:14

extent to like twenty seventeen, with like Josh

59:16

Gadd being like a huge win for queer

59:18

representation. I slow danced

59:20

with a man in the background of a scene

59:22

and Beauty and the Beast and you're

59:25

just like, get out of here, Josh Gadd.

59:28

Anyways, Also, as we discussed,

59:31

Bradley Cooper keeps talking to Julie

59:33

Roberts being like, Wow, that guy

59:35

that you're in love with romantically, who

59:37

you're gonna go visit for one day. What

59:40

a lucky guy. And oh my gosh, wow.

59:42

Why doesn't she just correct him?

59:44

Why doesn't she correct him? And it's also just weird

59:46

that so he's like seemingly

59:48

making an assumption that she's seeing

59:51

a romantic partner. It doesn't make

59:53

any sense that one of the few queer characters

59:55

in the movie would be making such a heteronormative

59:58

assumption. Yeah, that doesn't

1:00:00

track to me.

1:00:01

The whole thing doesn't make sense unless I'm like, I

1:00:04

guess we don't technically know if that character is

1:00:06

closeted, although we're led to believe

1:00:08

that he isn't based on how he reacts

1:00:10

to like his partner coming out,

1:00:12

because I feel like the vibe is supposed to be like, no, we can

1:00:14

be together, right, But I don't know.

1:00:16

Is he like an out

1:00:19

oil executive?

1:00:21

We know nothing about him.

1:00:23

I guess that that is the job I projected onto him.

1:00:25

But I do think I'm right for some reason.

1:00:28

I mean, he has enough money to have

1:00:30

a private limo pick him up from the airport

1:00:32

and take him anywhere. He wants to go. The

1:00:34

trouble is we don't know enough about

1:00:36

him or his relationship with Eric Dane.

1:00:39

We have to project all this stuff onto him

1:00:41

because the movie doesn't care enough about

1:00:44

I mean any of the characters, but especially

1:00:46

this queer couple.

1:00:47

Yeah, it's like it always feels pronounced in

1:00:51

the one relationship out of forty

1:00:53

that is a queer relationship, and it's like, I

1:00:55

don't know, outside of existing, it's

1:00:57

not doing anything. This

1:01:00

is just a general observation. This

1:01:02

movie like really goes willy nilly

1:01:04

on like who gets the last name and who doesn't.

1:01:07

There's really no rhyme or reason. Half

1:01:10

the characters have full names. Half the characters

1:01:12

don't. Jessica Alba is Morley

1:01:14

Clarkson, whereas Bradley

1:01:17

Cooper is Holden. Yeah,

1:01:20

Jennifer Garner is Julia Fitzpatrick,

1:01:22

whereas Tefer Grace is Jason. We

1:01:25

don't know. I liked that. That's

1:01:28

a compliment I'm gonna get. It's

1:01:30

just like brain dead, you know. Yes,

1:01:32

so that's one relationship that is

1:01:35

horrible. I mean, I just wanted to sort

1:01:37

of talk about the overall just very

1:01:40

like of the time twenty ten racism.

1:01:43

That's present in this movie

1:01:45

at every opportunity. I feel

1:01:47

like you have what we were talking

1:01:49

about earlier, which is that the

1:01:52

non white characters that are there generally

1:01:54

don't get the exhausting

1:01:57

love story that we get for

1:01:59

most of the white characters in the

1:02:01

story. And then there's like stuff that's even

1:02:03

more aggressive, like the

1:02:05

character who works at the florist

1:02:08

shop and the family

1:02:10

that runs the Indian restaurant is just like

1:02:12

so so so heavily stereotyped

1:02:15

that it feels like, yes, egregious

1:02:18

for twenty ten, Like it

1:02:20

feels like it's like nineteen eighty two

1:02:23

egregious movie racism for sure.

1:02:26

This movie is obsessed with jokes

1:02:29

that are at the expense of people

1:02:31

who don't speak English as their first language.

1:02:33

There are a number of jokes to

1:02:35

that effect. There's stereotypes

1:02:38

about LATINX people in La

1:02:40

We see the like George Lopez's

1:02:42

cousin in his car and

1:02:45

that's hilarious because Ashton Kutcher

1:02:48

drives in the car and it's all

1:02:50

very tropy.

1:02:52

Then there's an Asian character

1:02:54

that works at the floral shop. We don't even

1:02:56

know where. It's

1:02:58

just like a general stereotyped

1:03:01

Asian racist character, Like

1:03:03

the movie doesn't give us enough information

1:03:06

to even it's ridiculous.

1:03:08

Yeah, yeah, what happens there is Jamie Fox

1:03:10

is interviewing him. Oh, I'm

1:03:13

thinking of another character. So there's another character where

1:03:15

James Fox is interviewing a man who

1:03:17

works at like the flower market, where

1:03:20

floral shop owners.

1:03:21

Go, oh, sorry, yes, but there is someone

1:03:23

who also works at them. But yeah, right, remember right,

1:03:25

So it's just racism all over the

1:03:27

place, and I know we have to reference

1:03:30

it, it just feels deprossing to even give it

1:03:32

airtime. The character who

1:03:34

works at Ashton Kutcher's flower

1:03:36

World or fucking whatever, it's another

1:03:38

fake ass name where it's like Santa

1:03:41

Flowers or I don't even

1:03:43

know, like something

1:03:45

ridiculous. But the character

1:03:48

who works at the

1:03:50

flower shop is subjected

1:03:52

to the same lazy joke

1:03:55

about like why don't you speak English. He's like

1:03:57

yelling at a Bulgarian woman for I

1:04:00

had to learn English, so do

1:04:02

you? And then Ashton Kusher joins

1:04:04

in on the fun. And then

1:04:06

also he's subjected to like homophobic tropes

1:04:09

too, where I feel like he's heavily queer coded

1:04:11

and he's saying that he knows every dressmaker in Las

1:04:13

Vegas and then anyways, you never

1:04:16

see him again.

1:04:17

True. Yeah, A

1:04:19

lot of the humor of this movie, or attempts

1:04:21

at humor and comedy, come from

1:04:24

just relying on stereotypes,

1:04:27

harmful, reductive stereotypes.

1:04:30

Yeah, and the end, like a huge

1:04:32

chunk of the movie takes place at an Indian restaurant.

1:04:34

The only character that we really

1:04:37

get to know Ish is

1:04:39

the child who

1:04:41

is friends with Julia Roberts's son

1:04:44

question Mark. We know that she likes

1:04:46

Frank Zappa. I don't know why

1:04:49

we know that, but we are told that. We

1:04:51

are told that, and there's just

1:04:53

a lot of heavy, heavy stereotyping.

1:04:57

I don't even want to like.

1:04:58

Yeah, it's bad, it's bad.

1:05:00

On top of that, as we mentioned

1:05:03

again, there's so many opportunities for this

1:05:05

to be a far more diverse cast

1:05:08

based solely on just the number of characters,

1:05:10

but we see very

1:05:13

little diversity in every

1:05:15

regard. There's no body diversity,

1:05:18

especially for the characters who are afforded

1:05:21

a romantic storyline. Yeah, none

1:05:23

of those characters are fat, none of those characters

1:05:25

are disabled. There are

1:05:27

no trans or gender queer

1:05:29

characters.

1:05:30

Right, which is not shocking

1:05:33

for the time this came out, but I was like, on

1:05:35

top of being just like grossly

1:05:38

negligent in any interest in any

1:05:40

diversity in your cast, I feel like we end

1:05:42

up talking about this every time we cover a movie like this. It

1:05:45

also makes a movie really confusing

1:05:47

to watch because it's a lot of

1:05:49

like white women with

1:05:52

straight brown hair, and you're just

1:05:54

like, you know, it's not even a dig to the actors,

1:05:56

but there was a few moments where I was

1:05:58

like, wait, did that up in Anne

1:06:00

Hathaway's character or Jennifer Carter's character,

1:06:03

Like they have the same hairstyle, everyone's

1:06:05

the same age. It is really

1:06:07

confusing, certainly, and

1:06:10

also because it's like impossible to get invested

1:06:12

or root for any of these coupls

1:06:14

that you're just like, who is

1:06:17

this?

1:06:17

Who is anybody? There is

1:06:19

one couple who are seniors

1:06:23

in Shirley maclain and Hector Elizondo. I

1:06:26

was surprised because older

1:06:28

people's romantic life is rarely

1:06:30

included in movies. It

1:06:33

is a story about people who are already

1:06:35

together, rather than like an

1:06:37

older person meeting another

1:06:40

older person and finding love. That

1:06:42

is something that's largely ignored and

1:06:45

rarely shown on.

1:06:46

Screen until the

1:06:48

Jane Fonda assance of the last

1:06:51

five to ten years. So it's like those

1:06:53

movies do exist, but yeah, this movie

1:06:55

has no interest in it. I was sort of I was back

1:06:57

and forth on that because it's all nonsense, right,

1:07:00

But you're like, at least they were given a genuine

1:07:02

conflict, like it wasn't just like

1:07:05

we're old, because I feel like sometimes

1:07:07

you know, like grandparent characters are just there

1:07:09

for comic relief or just like for sure,

1:07:11

especially in these kinds of comedies. I mean,

1:07:13

and also, it would just be really insulting to those

1:07:15

two, like really successful

1:07:18

actors to give them nothing. So

1:07:20

they're given a solid conflict,

1:07:22

but that it like also it doesn't go anywhere

1:07:25

because that she just shows up in a cape and she's like,

1:07:27

you have to forgive me, and he's like, oh,

1:07:29

okay, all right, and then

1:07:32

they're back together, yes

1:07:34

whatever. So that one is bad.

1:07:37

We have who else? We have? Jamie

1:07:40

Fox and Jessica

1:07:42

Biale, this couple,

1:07:44

I agree. I mean, they're all so flimsy,

1:07:47

but these two are really I

1:07:49

guess they do. I will say

1:07:51

they have more in common than some of the

1:07:53

couples. I'm happier

1:07:55

for them than I am for Tofa Grace a Dane

1:07:57

Hathaway. They both like sports

1:07:59

and they I hate Valentine's Day. I think

1:08:01

they're gonna make it.

1:08:03

That is true. Is that

1:08:05

the basis for a

1:08:07

relationship. Well, we just see them kiss.

1:08:09

We don't know what happens after that. But

1:08:12

I mean, the bottom line in a movie like this is

1:08:15

fine, an ensemble cast with vignettes,

1:08:17

it can work, but you need fewer

1:08:20

characters basically to allow any

1:08:22

of them to have any real depth

1:08:24

or characterization. But instead there's forty eight

1:08:27

million characters in this movie, and so they're

1:08:29

all completely glossed over

1:08:31

and given very little characterization,

1:08:34

very little context. Yeah, the nature

1:08:36

of the relationships is super glossed

1:08:38

over, right, It's all messy, But

1:08:40

this one feels especially

1:08:42

vague and like real.

1:08:44

I guess it didn't stick out to be as vague

1:08:47

er than the other ones. That's true,

1:08:49

but I just I think I was so actively it's

1:08:52

like one of the only interracial

1:08:54

couples in the movie. And then outside of that, I

1:08:56

was like, yeah, they basically have nothing in common and

1:08:58

the actors have no chemistry, but like, which

1:09:01

actors in this movie do?

1:09:02

Oooh, that's very true.

1:09:04

I feel like it equal opportunity fucking

1:09:06

sucked. I don't know I should have ranked

1:09:09

the couples in order of how little I was rooting

1:09:11

for them. I feel like they are in the upper fifty

1:09:13

percent ale for me because at least

1:09:15

they hate Valentine's Day

1:09:17

and love sport.

1:09:20

That is more context than we get for

1:09:22

a lot of the couples. It's true. I would

1:09:24

say the storyline that I

1:09:26

simultaneously hated the

1:09:29

most and the least. Ooh,

1:09:31

for reasons all explain right now. Okay,

1:09:34

was the tof for Grace and Anne Hathaway

1:09:36

story.

1:09:37

Oh, that one is brutal.

1:09:39

I also just wanted to quickly say, because

1:09:42

this movie bears a lot of resemblance to He's

1:09:44

Just Not That into You, two of the same

1:09:46

story by credits go to Catherine

1:09:49

Fuguet and then Abby Cone and

1:09:51

Mark Silverstein, who also wrote He's

1:09:53

Just Not That Into You. So it's

1:09:55

all the same. It's all the same.

1:09:57

Movie, It truly is. Okay,

1:10:00

So the Tofer Grace anne Hathaway storyline,

1:10:02

the beats are that they've been dating

1:10:04

for a couple of weeks. He does not know

1:10:06

at first that she works part time

1:10:09

as an adult phone entertainer,

1:10:12

he finds out he doesn't like it, and he breaks

1:10:14

up with her because of it. Then he

1:10:16

realizes his mistake after

1:10:19

hearing other characters talk about how

1:10:21

when you love someone you have to love all

1:10:23

of them, even their gross parts, and

1:10:25

so he shows up at Anne Hathaway's

1:10:28

apartment to try to win her back, and ultimately

1:10:30

it works. The reason I like

1:10:32

it or I like kind of what happens here is

1:10:35

based on a few lines of dialogue where Anne

1:10:37

Hathaway says, I feel

1:10:39

bad about how you found out about my job.

1:10:42

That was awkward, but that's

1:10:44

the only thing I'm going to apologize for,

1:10:46

implying that she's not going to apologize

1:10:49

for doing phone sex work, nor is she

1:10:51

going to stop.

1:10:52

But the big problem is that she then forgives

1:10:55

him. I don't because

1:10:57

they've been dating for two weeks. Right,

1:11:00

get out of there.

1:11:02

Yeah, you have an easy out.

1:11:03

He's not a tolerant person. Get out

1:11:05

of no's.

1:11:06

And she says that, like she says, when you found

1:11:08

out something about me that you didn't like, you

1:11:11

judged me and bailed, And that's not a

1:11:13

promising foundation for a relationship.

1:11:15

I feel like that's the most meaningful

1:11:18

analysis we get of romance in

1:11:20

the entire movie that's otherwise about

1:11:22

absolutely nothing, right.

1:11:24

But that was why I think this is a relationship.

1:11:26

I kind of hate the most because

1:11:29

it's like, it gets so close to saying

1:11:31

something, but then in the next two

1:11:33

seconds it undercuts that completely. She's like,

1:11:35

yes, but I forgive you and I want to make love

1:11:37

to my boyfriend. I was like, you guys have been together

1:11:39

for two weeks. Two

1:11:42

weeks.

1:11:43

Well. The reason I hate it so much is

1:11:45

because of the implication that he

1:11:47

only decides to get back together with

1:11:49

her after learning that when you

1:11:51

love someone, you have to love the gross parts

1:11:54

about them, implying that her

1:11:56

doing sex work is one of the gross

1:11:58

things about her that he has to learn

1:12:00

to love, right, So the whole thing just

1:12:03

sucks.

1:12:04

And then on top of that, I was also frustrated

1:12:07

by the implication that

1:12:09

I mean this felt less

1:12:11

actively. I don't think that the writers were

1:12:13

like actively trying to imply this, but because

1:12:16

the cultural dismissal

1:12:19

of sex work is so prevalent that

1:12:21

when Anne Hathaway introduces this

1:12:23

information, first of all, like she's

1:12:25

hiding it from people because she doesn't want to be judged,

1:12:29

which makes sense to me to the extent

1:12:31

that like, society is very hostile

1:12:34

towards sex workers, but it also is

1:12:36

implied that she is ashamed of it

1:12:38

and the only reason that she's doing it is

1:12:41

because she's in debt, which

1:12:43

can be true, but again it just felt like a very

1:12:45

underthought, like, well, the only reason that we are rooting

1:12:48

for this character is because she doesn't actually

1:12:50

want to do this forever, Like she just

1:12:52

wants to do it until she's out of debt and

1:12:55

then she'll stop and get a quote unquote

1:12:57

regular job, which it did seem

1:12:59

like what the implication was was like I appreciated

1:13:02

that she was unapologetic about it

1:13:04

and that she's like I'm going to keep doing it, like

1:13:07

fuck you, I need this job,

1:13:09

but I feel like it also is like but as soon as I

1:13:11

don't have to do it, I will

1:13:14

not because it's I don't know.

1:13:16

It just felt like a very like no, I got

1:13:18

that too.

1:13:18

Yeah, And then she says one of the worst lines

1:13:21

in the movie, which is Sugar

1:13:24

can't answer the phone right now, she's got to make love

1:13:26

to her boyfriend on Valentine's Day, which

1:13:28

literally turned my

1:13:31

stomach. He also so her

1:13:33

the thing she's doing in bed at the beginning is taking the scary

1:13:35

polaroids he's kept them and

1:13:37

turns them into a murderer

1:13:39

card and like tapes

1:13:41

them all on a piece of construction of paper like

1:13:44

a six year old and is like, take me back.

1:13:46

And I'm just like, he's gotta go, He's

1:13:48

gotta go, get him out.

1:13:50

All of these people have to go.

1:13:53

Yeah, I'm rooting for Anne Hathaway's

1:13:56

character. I do think that she needs

1:13:58

to find another room and Queen

1:14:01

Latifa Sports Agency to take

1:14:03

the calls.

1:14:04

Okay, not only is she taking

1:14:06

the calls at her other job,

1:14:09

which like whatever, I've definitely

1:14:11

worked, yeah, one job while I was

1:14:13

at my other job.

1:14:14

Yeah, but she gotta be smooth about it.

1:14:16

You gotta be smooth about it. And she's

1:14:19

not only taking those calls at

1:14:21

this office where she works,

1:14:24

but she's using the office phone a

1:14:26

lot of the time and not her private cell

1:14:29

phone.

1:14:29

And she also is like sort of lightly implied

1:14:32

that Queen Latifa is like picking up and listen

1:14:34

listening, But she's just like

1:14:37

what Queen Latifa's character. Not

1:14:39

only I mean we already discussed

1:14:41

the fact that I mean, as with many

1:14:44

of the non white characters in

1:14:46

this movie. She there's no suggestion

1:14:50

or interest in giving her a storyline.

1:14:52

I believe she's the only black woman

1:14:54

in the movie. Yeah, and they give

1:14:57

her nothing. Uh wull they do

1:14:59

give her is really

1:15:02

weird. She Yeah, she makes

1:15:04

a very dated comment about bipolar

1:15:06

in her first line,

1:15:09

and then everything she says

1:15:11

is just kind of like vaguely like

1:15:14

girl Boss soup talk, where

1:15:17

she's like, I have to business.

1:15:19

My football is gay, Like you're

1:15:22

just like what.

1:15:23

Also, the thing that they have her

1:15:26

say toward the end of the movie,

1:15:28

when she takes up a phone call

1:15:30

that's intended for Anne Hathaway because

1:15:32

it's another phone sex call,

1:15:35

Queen Latifa assumes the role

1:15:38

of adult phone entertainer

1:15:41

and then says something just

1:15:44

very racially charged

1:15:46

and just icky. And I

1:15:49

felt so embarrassed that Queen

1:15:51

Latifa had to do that, and.

1:15:54

That like three white writers put that together.

1:15:56

Yeah, I just pray to God

1:15:58

that that was like bad prov on

1:16:00

her part and like not, I

1:16:02

don't know, yeah, that was she's given simply

1:16:05

nothing to do. I'm like, she's I

1:16:07

don't know, but I mean, if you look at everyone in this movie,

1:16:09

the Queen Latifa at this point is Oscar

1:16:12

nominated Jamie Fox has an Oscar no

1:16:14

idea like did he want a boat? We don't

1:16:16

know who knows why anyone

1:16:19

is here? Who

1:16:21

else is there? I guess oh, Jennifer

1:16:24

Garner, Ashton Kutcher.

1:16:27

I feel like some of these storylines aren't even worth

1:16:29

Like, I kind.

1:16:31

Of feel like I have nothing to

1:16:34

say about

1:16:36

that, right.

1:16:37

A lot of my comments are just sort of broader

1:16:40

in the sense that, like, for example,

1:16:43

the way class is handled in this movie.

1:16:45

Every character seems to be middle

1:16:48

class, upper middle class. Yeah,

1:16:51

there's no romance shown between

1:16:53

two poor people. That's another thing that's

1:16:56

rarely seen in movies in general. Or

1:16:58

if there is a poor person who falls

1:17:00

in love, it's almost always them

1:17:03

getting with a rich person a

1:17:05

La Titanic, Allah,

1:17:07

Woman's true stories like that, but very

1:17:10

rarely do we see a romantic

1:17:13

storyline between two

1:17:15

characters who are poor

1:17:18

and stay poor.

1:17:21

Now, that's just like that didn't

1:17:23

even occur to me, because we've covered

1:17:25

so many movies like this where you're like, yeah,

1:17:27

I would have been truly shocked if

1:17:30

that it happens. The whole movie seems to take place

1:17:32

like in West La, Like, yeah,

1:17:35

it's such a bummer.

1:17:36

And then the other thing is like this, and

1:17:39

I get that this is a

1:17:41

movie about Valentine's Day, which

1:17:44

centers on romantic

1:17:46

love, so it's gonna be stories that focus on romantic

1:17:48

love, but it's also a very narrow view of

1:17:52

romantic love. Again, Like, it

1:17:54

would have been very shocking if a movie

1:17:56

in twenty ten would have included anything

1:18:00

that wasn't you know, a cis

1:18:02

hetero monogamous love story.

1:18:04

But like, I guess I just want

1:18:06

to see more stories where there

1:18:08

are romantic storylines between polyamorous

1:18:12

people kink stuff.

1:18:13

Yeah, where with the furries?

1:18:15

Where with the furries? Where are the people who

1:18:17

were just kind of dating casually and who

1:18:19

just want right a fling or a one night

1:18:21

stand or friends with benefits? Like

1:18:23

all of these stories are about people who were in very

1:18:26

serious, committed relationships or like falling

1:18:29

deeply in love and you know stuff

1:18:31

like that.

1:18:31

That was the thought that I had about the Jessica Bale.

1:18:33

Yeah, like these are all super monogamous

1:18:35

relationships. And I feel like there was basically no public

1:18:38

discourse about anything other than monogamous

1:18:40

relationships when this movie came out. It's

1:18:42

like it is pretty bleak that like the

1:18:45

way Jessica Biel's character is acting, which

1:18:47

is like she's like ready for Death's

1:18:50

sweet Embrace, is like

1:18:52

a more plausible character than

1:18:55

someone who's dating casually. Like

1:18:57

it's just like really depressing

1:18:59

that this person who doesn't exist is put there

1:19:02

instead of someone who

1:19:04

you know very much existed in

1:19:06

twenty ten. Like it's yeah,

1:19:09

but this movie is basically

1:19:11

like Hallmark propaganda. You

1:19:14

know. It's like people don't buy Christmas

1:19:16

ornaments for people they're casually

1:19:18

dating, so that is

1:19:21

useless to Gary's

1:19:24

goal here. I don't know. I mean, yeah,

1:19:26

it is like frustrating, but it's also

1:19:28

like it' Valentine's

1:19:31

Day twenty ten. I don't know.

1:19:34

So I will say that this movie

1:19:36

does appear to try

1:19:38

to subvert some things.

1:19:41

All of these subversions are very surface

1:19:44

level. They go nowhere. Nothing very

1:19:46

meaningful is said about any of

1:19:48

these things, but I

1:19:50

did find it, I guess interesting

1:19:53

that, for example, with the

1:19:55

Ashton Kutchure Jessica Albo storyline,

1:19:58

it is the man who appears

1:20:00

to be a hopeless romantic who's

1:20:03

gushing about love, and the

1:20:05

woman who is the more stoic

1:20:08

and not so obsessed with romance.

1:20:11

Usually you see the opposite

1:20:13

in movies, especially rom

1:20:16

coms.

1:20:16

I felt that too, but that it was also like the way

1:20:18

she was talking was so like weird.

1:20:22

I wish she had just been like I don't love you, because

1:20:24

it seemed like that was the issue, because I felt

1:20:26

like the undertone of what she was saying was like, I

1:20:29

love my career, so I cannot

1:20:31

be married, right, But that he's

1:20:34

like, no, you could be married and have a

1:20:36

career, which is really brave of him to say.

1:20:38

Well feminist icon Ashton Kutcher.

1:20:41

Right, and he's wearing a pink shirt, which is a

1:20:43

twenty ten signifier for male

1:20:46

feminists. That he's like, well, what do you mean

1:20:48

you can have a job and be married to me. But then she's sort of

1:20:50

instead of saying I don't love you, is like no I

1:20:52

can't, and you're like, oh, okay,

1:20:55

well whatever, bust of luck to her with

1:20:57

whatever her jobs, because of course we don't know what it

1:20:59

is. She is, like, the first thing I thought about

1:21:01

was my meeting at work, and you're

1:21:03

like, not your meeting at work.

1:21:05

My meeting at my work job.

1:21:07

I half expected her to show up at Queen Latifa

1:21:09

industries, but that was

1:21:11

not the way it went. For as little as we know about

1:21:13

this character, I think it is pretty awesome that she

1:21:16

has a last name, which is Clarkson,

1:21:18

Morley.

1:21:19

Clarkson, more clark

1:21:21

from me.

1:21:21

Yes, every realm common name. Sounds

1:21:24

like your mouth is full when you say it, just

1:21:26

full of marbles, yeah, carom on a hand.

1:21:29

Another some version I

1:21:32

think is the Shirley Maclain Hector

1:21:34

Elizonda's story where it's the woman

1:21:36

who has the affair. I

1:21:39

feel like it's more common to see a

1:21:41

man cheating on his wife

1:21:44

in movies. Yes, And also

1:21:47

it's more common for a man to demand forgiveness

1:21:49

and be immediately granted by the other character.

1:21:52

Very true.

1:21:53

So girls could do anything including

1:21:55

gaslight they're spousal to forgiving them for

1:21:57

something pretty awful.

1:21:59

Yep, exactly.

1:22:01

Yeah.

1:22:01

Again, this movie does not have the purview

1:22:03

to discuss or examine

1:22:05

any of these things meaningfully, but

1:22:08

it did show something which

1:22:10

is the opposite of what you might expect. I

1:22:13

think the last one would be

1:22:16

a hyper masculine football

1:22:18

player is gay

1:22:20

and ready to play.

1:22:22

Yeah.

1:22:22

That I felt like was a genuine attempt

1:22:25

at as a version, And we also talked about

1:22:27

the flip side of that of like the twist

1:22:29

as He's gay happens several times

1:22:31

in this movie. I

1:22:33

don't know. This movie got nominated

1:22:36

for a number of Teen

1:22:39

Choice Awards and Razzies.

1:22:42

I wanted to single went out because I think the Teen

1:22:44

Choice Awards and the MTV Movie Awards

1:22:47

and all of this there's always like a

1:22:49

real datedness to not even

1:22:52

the people nominated, but to the awards themselves.

1:22:55

I think that there should be, if there isn't already, there

1:22:57

could be a whole like doctoral thesis written about

1:22:59

the empty the award for Best Kiss

1:23:02

where so many I mean, I

1:23:04

cover it in Lolita podcasts, where like a

1:23:06

kiss from Lolita was nominated

1:23:08

for Best Kiss at the MTV Movie Awards. Like, there's

1:23:11

just all sorts of shit, but the one that stood out to me is

1:23:13

not a I guess maybe I never watched

1:23:15

the Teen Choice Awards. I don't really know, but

1:23:17

there is a

1:23:19

award for Choice Movie Colon

1:23:22

hissy Fit. This

1:23:25

award was given out through

1:23:28

twenty eighteen. It has since been

1:23:31

discontinued, which is really

1:23:33

brave. The me Too movement, You know,

1:23:35

it didn't do nothing.

1:23:36

It killed Teen Choice Award for

1:23:39

Choice hissy Fit, but I

1:23:41

just wanted to shout out Jessica Bill was nominated. She

1:23:43

did not win Choice hissy Fit

1:23:45

for a scene where she lays on floor, so

1:23:49

I just I don't know that was such. And then

1:23:51

there's of course, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lotter were

1:23:53

nominated for every kissing award there was,

1:23:56

and bravely they lost I'm pretty sure

1:23:58

to Kristen Stewart and Robert Patton.

1:24:00

Whoa I know, double Taylor Lautner

1:24:03

snub brutal. I'm just looking at

1:24:05

who's one.

1:24:05

I mean, I guess at least the hissy

1:24:08

Fit Award is not just women

1:24:10

who are nominated for it, which is sort of what

1:24:12

I assumed. Oh wow, okay, so

1:24:15

it's an inclusive all genders

1:24:17

could have a hissy fit at

1:24:19

the Teen Choice Awards. I just want to see who

1:24:21

she was up against. Okay,

1:24:24

So Miley Cyrus actually one one

1:24:27

Choice hissy fit two years in a row. Congratulations

1:24:29

to her for what Hannah Montana.

1:24:33

She won for Handah Montana the movie in nine,

1:24:35

and then she won for the last song question

1:24:37

Mark in twenty ten.

1:24:38

Oh that's one of those. I think it's a Nicholas

1:24:40

Sparks adaptation.

1:24:43

That sounds right. She's tied

1:24:45

with Madeline Petch

1:24:48

of Riverdale for most hissy

1:24:50

Fit Awards won. Okay,

1:24:52

so that's exciting. I just wanted to shout out that

1:24:54

baffling award. So yeah, Miley Cyrus one

1:24:57

Puff Daddy was also nominated

1:24:59

for him is hissy Fit and get

1:25:01

him to the Greek Giovanni

1:25:04

Vrabisi was nominated for his hissy

1:25:06

Fit and Avatar one. Oh yeah,

1:25:09

And Vince Vaughn was nominated for

1:25:11

his hissy Fit and Couple's Retreat.

1:25:13

Wow.

1:25:14

So you know, when it comes to that now

1:25:16

defunct a word, I'm sure it was just

1:25:18

an honor to be nominated.

1:25:22

I'll go through the remaining things on

1:25:24

my what the Fuck list?

1:25:27

Sure, we've touched on a few of

1:25:29

them. The ones we haven't touched

1:25:31

on, the whole scene

1:25:34

where that teen boy is

1:25:36

naked in front of his girlfriend's

1:25:39

mom and then runs out into the street

1:25:41

while he's still naked. Sure.

1:25:44

Emma Roberts tells basically everyone

1:25:46

that she comes into contact with that she plans

1:25:49

to have sex today for the first time. She

1:25:51

tells her teacher, she tells the family

1:25:53

she babysits for, people

1:25:55

who don't necessarily need to know. But

1:25:58

also I'm glad that she feels

1:26:00

open.

1:26:00

Kristin Shall gets to know.

1:26:02

Oh Shall gets to Also, speaking

1:26:04

of Christian Shall, don't disrespect

1:26:07

her by putting her in

1:26:09

the movie and only letting her have two

1:26:12

lines. Also, Kathy

1:26:14

Bates, don't disrespect Kathy

1:26:16

Bates like that, I see.

1:26:17

I disagree. I think the less you're in this

1:26:20

movie, the more you are respected.

1:26:22

Fair. Fair.

1:26:23

I think Charlie McClain is in this movie too

1:26:25

much. She's too good to be in this movie

1:26:28

as.

1:26:28

Much she is too good.

1:26:30

What else let's see. Jennifer Garner is

1:26:32

an elementary school teacher. She's teaching her

1:26:35

young students about protons

1:26:38

and electrons. They are supposed to be

1:26:40

fifth graders, although some of them look like

1:26:42

they're seven.

1:26:43

Yeah. There's also like a kid

1:26:46

who knows about the Saint Valentine's

1:26:48

Day massacre in Chicago. Yeah,

1:26:51

which I was like, who told him about that?

1:26:53

That's what a prey?

1:26:54

Cool? Either way, I don't

1:26:56

think kids start learning about Adams

1:26:59

when they're in fifth grade. I was learning about

1:27:01

like nimbus clouds in

1:27:04

science class, so that's not

1:27:07

tracking.

1:27:07

I was learning about Valentine's Day and protons

1:27:10

in the same class.

1:27:13

Okay, what else during the

1:27:16

Little the little kid's name is Edison,

1:27:18

I think whatever. He plays a soccer

1:27:20

game. He's distracted because he's so freaking

1:27:23

in love with Jennifer Garner. And then

1:27:25

the ref comes up to him to encourage

1:27:27

him to keep playing. Not the coach,

1:27:30

but the ref. That is not the ref's job.

1:27:32

Oh, I didn't even notice that.

1:27:33

I don't think the people who wrote this

1:27:36

movie understand how a

1:27:38

soccer game is played. Final

1:27:41

thing. Anne Hathaway

1:27:43

wants to be a poet, so

1:27:45

she's working for a sports agent

1:27:48

because she says she wants to learn

1:27:51

the business. As if working for a

1:27:53

sports agent is going to help with

1:27:55

her poetry career.

1:27:59

She's a mess, you know. Oh another

1:28:01

line I liked, call me mister engaged.

1:28:04

Sure, there's a moment. This

1:28:07

is like an attempted, botched,

1:28:09

really confusing joke. It's

1:28:12

another offensive thing that happens at the Ashton Kutcher

1:28:14

Flower World. There's a woman

1:28:16

with a baby in front of a nun

1:28:18

in line for flowers. She

1:28:21

needs to hand the baby to someone to

1:28:23

hold flowers. Question mark. The nun

1:28:25

says, I will hold the baby. She says, you

1:28:27

should know we're Jewish, and I was like, well,

1:28:31

so we're gonna miss on that joke. And then and

1:28:34

wait, good keeps going though because the nun is like it's

1:28:36

okay, God loves everyone

1:28:38

or something, and then the baby collaps

1:28:41

for the nun's tolerance.

1:28:43

It's really weird. It's

1:28:46

really bizarre. I also liked the scene.

1:28:48

We mentioned this before, but I wrote to some of the

1:28:50

lines because Taylor Swift's line reads

1:28:52

bless her heart. They're just not very good. But

1:28:54

that scene where she's in the elevator

1:28:56

with Jennifer Carter and Taylor Swift is

1:28:58

like, I have to go to school. I have

1:29:01

a boyfriend, I live here. I

1:29:03

hope to get a lot of Valentine's Valentine's

1:29:05

Day. Isn't this sweet that my boyfriend

1:29:08

got me this bear. I have to go to school.

1:29:10

You're just like she's just talking and talking

1:29:13

and talking, and it's like supposed to be a joke. But it also

1:29:15

just feels like it was written by

1:29:18

AI. This whole movie feels like it was

1:29:20

maybe written by AI.

1:29:21

The one compliment I will pay this

1:29:23

movie is the

1:29:25

movie does take the time during

1:29:28

the press conference where

1:29:31

Eric Dane says I'm gay and

1:29:33

I'm gonna.

1:29:34

Play thank you for saying it.

1:29:36

Of course, the movie does

1:29:38

take the time to cut away to

1:29:41

a sign language interpreter who

1:29:43

is signing during Eric

1:29:46

Dane's speech. That's I appreciated

1:29:48

that because that rarely happens. That's

1:29:51

rarely shown on screen. You never see that in

1:29:53

movies. So that's a good point. I

1:29:55

was like, Wow, not that that

1:29:57

character ever comes back, like the sign

1:30:00

interpreter.

1:30:01

I mean, but I do appreciate that, Like, yeah,

1:30:04

that that was just like a normalized part of the world. That's

1:30:06

a good point.

1:30:07

Yes.

1:30:07

I also wanted to shout at the

1:30:09

actor who plays Ronnie,

1:30:12

who is like the love interest of Edison. She

1:30:15

is now a very successful working

1:30:17

actor. She was in one of my favorite

1:30:20

movies to watch on a plane missing

1:30:22

Have you seen it? I love a computer movie.

1:30:25

I love a movie that happens on the computer. She's

1:30:28

storm Read's best friend.

1:30:30

Is that the John Chow

1:30:32

and Deborah Messing is also their movie.

1:30:34

No Zion is. Deborah Messing is not in this

1:30:36

movie. This is the new one It came

1:30:38

out last year, where Gabrielle Union

1:30:41

plays a bomb who goes missing. The first

1:30:43

one is called Searching. This is missing.

1:30:46

It takes place in the Searching universe. I

1:30:48

don't know why you would get confused, but

1:30:51

she's also she's also in a typical

1:30:54

she was in Never Have I Ever,

1:30:56

and she was in Poker Face.

1:30:59

Okay, I feel that I'm too old to watch

1:31:01

all of those shows, but there's

1:31:03

no.

1:31:03

Such thing as being too old for anything.

1:31:07

If my sure, I

1:31:10

guess what I'm saying is I probably won't watch those shows.

1:31:12

But it's nice. I feel like it's very rare that you see

1:31:14

like a character actor with one scene who

1:31:17

goes on to have it seems like a pretty successful

1:31:19

career. And she's like only in her early

1:31:21

mid twenties, So shout out to

1:31:24

her nose and her having

1:31:26

Frank Zappa on her iPod or whatever.

1:31:29

Yeap, do you have anything else

1:31:31

you'd like to say, Jamie.

1:31:34

I'd like to say that I'm gay and I'm going to play. But

1:31:36

that's all I have to say at this time. I

1:31:40

have an announcement. Uh

1:31:45

just it's like the raw conviction with

1:31:47

which he says the line is really

1:31:49

awesome. And again, I really do

1:31:51

think it's like it is a impactful,

1:31:54

like cool thing that

1:31:57

that character is included

1:31:59

an out and the even though it's unbelievably

1:32:02

dated and messy, that the movie is like

1:32:04

supportive of him. Yeah,

1:32:07

and then it's just like that they wrote that line

1:32:09

down and that's awesome.

1:32:11

So yeah, shout out to Eric Dane, a man whose

1:32:14

face I just can never commit to memory.

1:32:16

Yeah, the movies he's in this year in

1:32:18

twenty ten or Valentine's Day and Burlesque, this is

1:32:21

like a banterer year for him,

1:32:23

being in some of the worst movies of our

1:32:26

time.

1:32:27

Just one last thing on his character. And admittedly

1:32:29

I did zero research on this, and

1:32:31

I know really nothing about the

1:32:33

NFL. But oh, since that

1:32:35

movie came out, I think a number of

1:32:38

NFL players have come

1:32:40

out as gay. And I

1:32:42

honestly, again because I did no research,

1:32:44

don't know what the response to that

1:32:47

was from the NFL, from

1:32:49

the general public. I simply don't

1:32:51

know. But I know that this is

1:32:53

a thing and maybe I'll research

1:32:56

more about it. But because I do not care

1:32:58

anything about American football, I

1:33:00

didn't bother.

1:33:03

I don't think you need to apologize for otisfied. Yeah,

1:33:05

to the extent that it's like professional football

1:33:07

is still unbelievably homophobic, and anyone

1:33:10

who does come out is even if they're

1:33:12

accepted by the league, are generally

1:33:15

bombarded with hate speech

1:33:17

from a lot of professional football fans.

1:33:19

So I'm reading here that I'm a player

1:33:22

named Carl Nassib was

1:33:24

the NFL's first openly gay player

1:33:27

to play in a regular season game

1:33:30

in twenty twenty one, so

1:33:32

eleven years after this movie came out.

1:33:35

So I don't want to like not as mishandled

1:33:37

as it is, this plot point

1:33:40

was a bit ahead of its time, and

1:33:43

I also wanted to because I guess if we have Gray's

1:33:45

Anatomy fans listening to this, I truly

1:33:47

haven't seen in an episode. Sorry. So apparently

1:33:50

Eric Dane is mixed Steamy

1:33:53

to Patrick Dempsey's

1:33:55

Make Dreamy, So

1:33:58

I'm sure that in two thousand ten people

1:34:00

were like mc Stevie and Make Dreamy in

1:34:02

the same Anyways,

1:34:05

I'm sure it's a great show. I haven't watched it and I

1:34:07

won't in same but that

1:34:10

is probably a very critical

1:34:12

I'm sure that that is like what he was most famous

1:34:14

for at this time was being he was four

1:34:16

years deep on mixed steam when

1:34:18

he was in this movie. So there you go. There you

1:34:20

go, I have nothing else to say.

1:34:23

This movie, as we mentioned, does pass the

1:34:26

Bechdel test a few times.

1:34:29

For example, when Jennifer Garner and Jessica

1:34:31

Biale talk about the I hate Valentine's

1:34:33

Day party.

1:34:35

Yeah, but it quickly derails.

1:34:37

Right, It's mostly very small exchanges

1:34:39

that are part of larger conversations

1:34:41

that don't pass the Bechdel test. Most

1:34:44

exchanges in the movie are

1:34:46

about heterolove

1:34:49

and attraction. It's a lot

1:34:51

of men and women talking to each other. It's

1:34:53

a lot of women talking to other women

1:34:55

about men, but it's also men

1:34:58

talking to each other about women,

1:35:00

such as when Ashton Kutcher and George Lopez

1:35:03

talk about like mushy romantic love.

1:35:06

Right, But you don't see very much in movies, So I

1:35:08

was like, okay.

1:35:09

Again, would have been helpful if you got to see George

1:35:12

Lopez's relationship at all until

1:35:14

all in silent montage

1:35:17

right late in the movie. But yeah, it is.

1:35:19

I guess you do have like a lot of people

1:35:22

in this movie that are hopeless romantics of all genders,

1:35:24

right, or of the two genders that this

1:35:26

movie recognizes. Right, And

1:35:28

then the same is true in the reverse, where it's like you have,

1:35:31

although it's not quite in the same way where I feel

1:35:33

like you don't unless there's so many people. Maybe I'm

1:35:35

wrong about this, but I don't think that there's a

1:35:37

woman in this movie who is like fuck

1:35:40

love. You get Jessica Biel being

1:35:42

like I want love so badly that it's ruining

1:35:45

my life and I'm laying on the floor, which

1:35:47

is quite different.

1:35:49

Right, I don't really get Jessica

1:35:51

Bile's thing where it's like I

1:35:54

hate Valentine's Stay so

1:35:57

much, not for any institutional

1:35:59

reasons, it's more because I'm so freaking

1:36:02

lonely and pathetic.

1:36:03

Yeah, it makes no sense.

1:36:04

And okay, oh I forgot to mention

1:36:07

this. When Jennifer

1:36:09

Garner is describing her friend, who turns

1:36:11

out to be Jessica Bile, she's

1:36:13

describing her as neurotic

1:36:15

and a hot mess. We're like, that's

1:36:18

not a nice way to talk about your

1:36:20

friend.

1:36:21

I know. Yeah, I was like, wow, do you

1:36:23

guys like each other? Also, how do you guys know

1:36:25

each other?

1:36:26

How does anybody know each other? In this movie?

1:36:29

They all go to the same

1:36:31

plate studio or something like, we don't

1:36:33

We're not given the reason this

1:36:36

movie takes place in space, like I don't

1:36:38

even know. Yeah, I hope that the couple

1:36:41

that got married at the Indian restaurant sued

1:36:44

Jessica Bihl for making such a loud ass

1:36:46

party about how

1:36:48

much they hated love directly

1:36:51

facing their wedding.

1:36:52

Rude, so rude.

1:36:54

Yeah, I don't know this. It's a funny,

1:36:57

bad movie. Like I would watch

1:36:59

this in a group. It feels ripe

1:37:01

for a drinking game.

1:37:02

I was just gonna say I would play a drinking game

1:37:05

to this movie. Yeah, absolutely, But.

1:37:07

Yeah, it does tactically pass the Bechtel test. I

1:37:09

think it also passes between like Anne Hathaway

1:37:11

and Queening Latifa at some point. But their conversation

1:37:13

is so bizarre that you're like, is

1:37:16

this a meaningful exchange of dialogue? Does a

1:37:18

meaningful exchange of dialogue exist in this world?

1:37:20

Hard not say.

1:37:23

But what about our metric, which is important.

1:37:25

Our nipple scale where we rate the

1:37:27

movie zero two five nipples based

1:37:30

on examining the movie through

1:37:32

an intersectional feminist lens. I'm

1:37:34

giving it, as I already foreshadowed

1:37:37

negative five nipples the

1:37:40

end.

1:37:41

I'm going to give it half of one

1:37:43

nipple actually for attempting

1:37:47

to include gay characters in twenty

1:37:50

ten, even though they do arguably

1:37:52

a not good job, horrible job. I

1:37:54

feel like the fact that there was even an

1:37:56

attempt that is not openly

1:37:59

hateful. It's just laden

1:38:02

with stereotypes. But

1:38:04

that's a very very small comfort. But like

1:38:06

I do think that that is something

1:38:09

that most movies in twenty ten had no

1:38:11

interest in even attempting. So true,

1:38:14

there you go, there's that and

1:38:16

kind of yucky to everything

1:38:18

else. Did I have fun watching it? Was I

1:38:21

laughing? Yes?

1:38:22