0:00

And then if you're not a member it'll

0:02

tell you to sign in complicated for

0:04

the merch store no no no I'm talking a

0:07

main store on the main site

0:09

main site. Yeah, just like bonus episodes you click

0:11

it Oh, yeah, so if there's a certain bonus

0:13

up as anyone you listen to you click

0:15

on it takes you right? Oh, yeah, you could do that. Yeah,

0:17

I was gonna do that The question is

0:19

what do I put it under like do I put it

0:21

under problems a fucking problem with this site, man? You're like

0:24

I put all these pages where the fuck am I gonna

0:26

put this yeah? That's what I'm talking about you could do

0:28

it like the 90s You just have like a line

0:30

at the menu bar yeah These

0:33

kids don't realize I might have to shrink

0:35

these the text size of the menu bar,

0:37

and then I could fit it all oh

0:40

Man so good writing and clean

0:42

right now. I know it's clean right now. Well. You got

0:45

to see what I changed it a little bit Put

0:48

a button you what I told you

0:50

then what? You

0:52

did what go to biggest problem

0:54

that oh wait a man?

0:57

And I thought I was my baby that you

0:59

fucked with what the fuck

1:01

is this merch? Well yeah, what

1:03

the fuck or you got me on there,

1:06

too? Yeah? Well I figured that's nice of

1:08

you. Oh, I figured it was unfair to just

1:10

link to oh wow fans Well

1:12

yeah, cuz originally you had a Facebook group. Well is

1:14

that bad should I not link the Facebook group? I

1:16

know there was one. Oh, it's great. You don't go

1:18

on the Facebook group. I love no shit Yeah,

1:21

I'm always posting in there and the reddit

1:23

wow look at us look at all this pro

1:25

shit Yeah, if only there was a trucks

1:27

me shirt in here. Well. We can have that

1:30

I'm gonna have super killer shirt What the

1:32

fuck is this okay? Should I just link? Okay,

1:35

in a minute wait a minute What

1:37

is all this shit? Hank,

1:40

hell is I could just link to

1:42

the biggest problem merge. I know you don't care, but

1:44

it's at the top Yeah,

1:46

what's his mind go to? Type-o

1:48

thanks a lot is it no no no

1:50

you see these stickers that I got in

1:52

the stickers You're gonna switch over the stream.

1:55

Oh, yeah, whoops sorry Sure,

1:57

we go me and dick are arguing

1:59

about the biggest problem website. Trucks me. That's

2:02

the shirt. Well, because you had fan art as

2:04

a header and then under it was the episodes.

2:06

Hey man. That made no sense. I

2:08

don't give a shit. How about that? How about you

2:10

fucking find a menu for that? Well, I just tried

2:12

to clean it up. Add me giving a shit to

2:14

your menu. I tried to clean it up. And

2:17

yeah, people can find the Reddit and the Facebook group

2:19

more easily now. Trucks me. Raise your hand.

2:22

One in the chat if you want a truck. Put a truck

2:24

in the chat if you want a trucks me shirt. Just a

2:26

3D. Just a 3D. Render. Have

2:29

a sketch up truck. Sketch up truck. Trucks me.

2:31

Like that. Trucks me as he thinks he's

2:34

good. You don't gotta explain it. Right caption. That's

2:36

dope man. They should walk up to you at the bar and

2:38

go, trucks me? Like. It

2:40

is a little mysterious. Oh yeah.

2:43

Provocative. And then you

2:45

can explain to them. Provocative. As you're making

2:48

a certain vernacular. Don't I look good? Don't

2:50

I look trucksworthy you say? Don't I look

2:52

trucksworthy. Bitch get those tits out. That's what

2:54

I would say. Trucks me. Don't worry. I'm

2:57

trucksworthy. Do we have to not

2:59

say things like pedophiles and stuff like at

3:01

the beginning of our episode even though we

3:03

did the time at the countdown timer. Trucks

3:05

in the chat. Yeah. Trucks

3:08

in the chat. Back up all that money. YouTube's

3:11

rules are pretty lax these days. And

3:13

it doesn't matter because we do not put a. It

3:16

would only matter if we're putting ads on the episode which we

3:18

don't put because we constantly

3:20

play copyrighted music and other garbage. Oh

3:23

that's why. Yeah okay. Every

3:26

time you play the shaft theme song I get

3:28

an email about did you know that you don't

3:30

own the shaft theme. Yeah there

3:32

you go. This episode is now officially demonetized. Toots

3:34

baby. Toots baby. Toots me. Toots

3:36

me. I was like

3:38

is this comic book going to be good? Yeah

3:41

baby you can truck smash. Is

3:43

it going to ship right away? Yeah

3:45

baby. Toots me. Are you

3:47

going to truck smash too? You

3:51

can truck in me baby. Toots me.

3:53

Toots me. What about Marvel

3:55

DC are you? No I'm talking about Dinkit's

3:57

veto. Oh. In that case,

3:59

toots me. Oh,

6:00

yeah, it's course. All

6:05

right. Trucks and snacks. That's it. Good

6:08

night, everyone. That's it. That's

6:10

the whole thing. Now do the real one. Bana,

6:12

bana, bana, bana, bana, bana, bana, bana, bana, bana,

6:15

bana, bana, bana, bana, bana, bana, biggest

6:19

problem in

6:21

the universe. Welcome

6:24

to the biggest problem in the universe.

6:27

The only show problem

6:29

in the universe. Some

6:32

prices that hide fake suicide. That

6:34

wasn't a very good rhyme. I

6:36

wrote it down. It wasn't. I'm

6:38

your host, Nick Mattsch. I wrote

6:41

that one. Vito just walled me.

6:43

Well, wasn't that funny, though? You

6:45

were allowed to put a spin

6:47

on it. I know, but I

6:49

had to do all the sunglasses stuff that you saw. Yeah,

6:52

that was very important. You're

6:54

actually sweating already from

6:56

the pain of having to find a sunglasses PNG

6:58

on the fly. It's

7:01

just like for some reason when

7:03

I'm having so much fun and everyone else

7:06

is not, it makes me sweat so much.

7:08

I'm having fun. I'm having a lot of

7:10

fun. You too, though. You too. When

7:12

we are having so much fun, I think

7:14

the audience is having fun. Hopefully, the audience

7:17

have themselves a very merry Christmas. Yes. Our

7:20

first show back from Christmas.

7:22

We're a Kwanzaa that did

7:24

not have any rates or torture in it. Did

7:27

you celebrate Kwanzaa the traditional way by

7:29

putting your female family members' toes in

7:31

a metal vise? Oh, God.

7:34

Or perhaps putting a soldering iron

7:36

in their mouth, as is the

7:39

Kwanzaa tradition. That's horrible. Every conservative

7:41

is jumping on that. I

7:43

feel like we were talking about it before. Does that

7:45

conservative calendar come with a Kwanzaa? Marked

7:48

off? Is mine Lisa King Day

7:50

in that calendar today? It

7:52

probably says on Juneteenth, it's

7:55

Rebel Freedom Day. Are you

7:57

going to have some shit like that? That's

8:00

cool. That is cool. We should make see we

8:02

should make an actual conservative calendar, but like yeah

8:04

all the day Oh, yeah, they

8:07

Trump got a What

8:09

do you call it removed from office by

8:11

the evil Democrats? You know oh the day

8:13

you guys stole you like January sex Yeah,

8:15

the day of all mode a day of election

8:17

today. We attempted to save the Republic That's

8:20

way better over like two seconds We have a better

8:23

idea than half these do you think we could round

8:25

up enough old whores to be in our conservative calendar?

8:28

You think we get around up some old give

8:30

me go to the biker bar. Give me your oldest Dirtiest

8:35

claim to relevance by claiming to love

8:37

the Yeah,

8:42

you are an American Joe you know me from

8:45

way back. I used to live up the street

8:47

here I came here to watch Trump get elected

8:49

I need your oldest and your dirtiest leatheriest whore

8:51

you got the one that fell off the bike

8:53

and they didn't drive back for Yeah,

8:55

that one give me your oldest menopause

8:58

east old stringy-haired whore

9:00

that you got the old red-headed

9:02

dyke is not great branding so

9:05

You gotta go with like the red-headed

9:08

libertarian That works a little

9:10

better me. Yeah, give me the oldest one that you

9:12

wouldn't even call it lesbian because it'd be a lie

9:15

You know another woman wants any fire.

9:17

Yeah, no woman wants any pieces Well,

9:20

I'm sure we're gonna talk more about

9:22

that coming up a very special problem

9:25

Sure, we got a ton of super chats to get through Ticked

9:29

the yeah Trixie the trickster

9:32

classic one of her classic gender

9:35

goofs Exactly

9:39

she's a she's a wily

9:41

transgender scamp. That's the best thing about

9:43

being And

9:46

then just like max a bunch of shit over that's the

9:48

best thing about being very tender no matter what you do

9:50

It's not the biggest Perfect

9:55

and you step all over it no one

9:57

had ever even said that joke before Oh

10:02

Did step on oh god Unforgive

10:06

the boys you were doing I didn't realize

10:08

it was that much of a setup Oh,

10:10

it was like boom boom boom like a

10:12

professional joke family. I did do that joke

10:14

though, so what they did

10:17

the joke of Quagmire's mother

10:19

dad mother whatever transgender is

10:21

sitting at a bar And

10:24

he goes oh excuse me ma'am. You can't smoke at the

10:26

bar. She goes. Oh actually I'm transgender you goes Never

10:28

mind do whatever you want forever I

10:35

thought that's what you were doing there. No I

10:37

was writing my own joke all

10:39

right well when you get your tight five together We can

10:41

hit the road Winner

10:45

last week the winner of last week's show was

10:48

Suicide baiting Wow Trixie

10:50

won despite destroying our show and

10:54

so much as people rewarded her for a Bring

10:57

and stop to our antics you let did you

11:00

delete a lot of comments? No,

11:02

I did not delete a Trixie a

11:04

Trixie understands the show so I was

11:07

able to leave all the comments about If

11:12

you didn't delete any then there wasn't many bad one. I

11:14

did not delete any It's great

11:17

problem. I don't normally delete. I don't delete comments

11:19

unless it goes hey Can you guys not have

11:21

n words on your show? Okay,

11:24

that's we're not doing that you know delete that

11:26

that's not for us But if you want to

11:28

call Trixie a scag like you know that's you're

11:30

right. She can take it. What's

11:32

a scag? Well,

11:34

I think it's a nice way of saying skank You're

11:38

slag very nice though. I Think

11:41

those are the enemies from borderlands or skags

11:44

okay? Kubenet says Trixie

11:46

going so hard it makes to grab his head

11:48

has solidified her is the best guest so far

11:51

There's a very good problem turtle bazooka. There's a lot of

11:53

compliments for Trixie as well for being a fan of

11:55

the show It's always growing a fan of the show

11:57

as a guest they understand the format bringing

12:00

social media as a problem. Turtle

12:02

Bazooka, as a trans person who

12:04

pre-transition made my suicidality everyone else's

12:07

problem, I wholeheartedly agree with Trixie's

12:09

problem, huh? What a pain

12:11

in the ass you were. I can't suicide bait anymore. Trixie

12:13

took away one of my most powerful emotional

12:16

weapons on this show. I

12:20

think you can still do it. Yeah, well, because mine comes

12:22

from a place of honesty. Yeah.

12:24

I believe you. Trans

12:28

people, I don't believe you. Yeah,

12:31

see, mine comes from a place of like, yeah,

12:33

I could jump off a cliff at some point. Like,

12:35

none of this matters. This is a small cliff. Yeah.

12:38

See, because there's different, all right, there's the people who go through-

12:40

You can hike all the way up there? There's the suicidal people

12:42

who are like, oh, life is so hard, blah, blah, blah. And

12:44

there's the suicide people who are just like, none of this matters.

12:47

Yeah. At any point, I could just get bored, just

12:50

run for the closest tiger cage.

12:52

Why not? If you're not

12:54

doing heroin, then you're not. There you go. You're

12:56

not making a serious attempt at killing yourself. Cause

12:58

that might fix it. Magic

13:02

number seven says, hey, how much is this

13:04

PM me? Missing price tags is a huge

13:06

problem. Kagan postal says, Vito wins the fact

13:08

that they don't have to legally display the

13:10

price of what you're buying is the biggest

13:12

problem in the universe. That's crazy. I don't

13:14

know why. I mean, I get that like

13:16

menus can change, but- Yeah. I

13:19

also don't think it takes you that long to print out a-

13:22

What do you mean? you

13:25

know, the prices are- Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's

13:27

like, well, just use paper menus. Like why do you have those stupid laminated

13:29

things to begin with? I haven't like

13:31

encountered this problem very much. It's

13:33

always drink menus. You don't know how much a drink

13:36

is. Well, cause you don't care. And then I've gone

13:38

to bars. Hold on. I've gone to bars with

13:40

you. And then at the end of the night, you go, 20

13:42

bucks for a whiskey, you know? And I go, well, there

13:44

you go. If you'd known the price, you wouldn't have been

13:46

ordering all those fucking- Nah, that's not true. Yeah. I

13:49

mean, you still would have ordered them, but you still have to

13:51

complain about it, Les. I don't like knowing. I

13:54

like knowing. Cause then I gotta like pay,

13:56

I gotta count my own drinks. I don't want to do that.

13:59

If I go to a bar and it's- It's like, oh, we got

14:01

the Fruzy-Mazmataz, whatever. Like, put like what

14:03

it is next to it. Well,

14:06

good luck. Cody's

14:09

versus the internet says, interesting that Vito

14:11

says, I, instead of we

14:14

told Eric to settle, taking credit for

14:16

what Ethan Van Shiver and Nick Ricciotis

14:18

said when we would have been accurate,

14:20

actually. I noticed that, too. Well,

14:23

that you are taking credit and saying, I, when

14:25

you're saying what Eric July should have done, when

14:27

on all other instances you say we, except

14:30

for this, when it's actually we. Because I

14:32

don't know what Rakeda

14:35

and Ethan said about settling. I

14:37

didn't watch every fucking video talking

14:39

about, like, there's always so, I'm

14:41

personally dealing with Eric July as

14:43

fucking fans and bullshit every day.

14:45

I don't need to then go

14:47

watch videos about what I've been.

14:50

I'm not pulling my thing, but like.

14:52

I ain't gonna violin music. No, no,

14:54

look, it's fine. Yeah. It's just every

14:56

day from these guys who go, ooh,

14:59

ooh, comic books, go,

15:01

go, go. The

15:04

Atticus Finch says, I gave Vito 300 euros for

15:06

a comic as

15:08

a gift for myself for Christmas. I don't

15:10

have the comic, and now I'm

15:12

hearing rumblings of postage not being included? Question

15:14

mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark,

15:17

I'm an Ireland Vito. You better fucking

15:19

figure something out. Figure

15:21

what out? It's shipping for free. It's

15:24

not shipping for free. That's not happening. Well, he

15:26

paid fucking 300, uh, laws, marks. Look,

15:29

if you bought the crazy tier, like, I'm gonna,

15:31

I'll get you a good shipping deal. You gotta

15:33

pay a little something. Oh. Oh.

15:37

It says on the page shipping's not included. It

15:39

says it's on every tier. Here we go with

15:41

the shakedown. Not a shakedown. You gotta pay for

15:43

shipping for everything. Look, I'm gonna get a really

15:45

good deal, and I'll cut you a break.

15:47

You're not gonna pay the full shipping cost. Are you gonna take a

15:49

little prop, a little taste on the shipping for making a deal? No,

15:51

I'm not gonna take a taste on the shipping. 300 bucks. I'm

15:54

gonna take a hit on the shipping. He's

15:57

not. Here we go. Let me

15:59

get my sad violin. I'm You're

16:05

gonna take a hit on the ship I'm gonna take

16:08

a hit on the shipping ever have you done all

16:10

this work and stuff I've done a lot of work.

16:12

There's still work being done. I had a day over

16:14

there July every day or I forget This

16:18

does not need to be as dramatic Like

16:21

I never I'm getting fucking free shipping

16:23

on $300 for your fucking comic I

16:25

don't know how like look there's some

16:28

comics where I go. I get it.

16:30

They're like years late Like

16:32

some of Eric's fucking people their comics are

16:34

years late Technically my comics

16:36

not even late yet. It's late starting January

16:38

1st right now. It is not even late

16:41

Yeah, people thought they'd get it for Christmas. They did think

16:43

they would get it for Chris That's why they were buying

16:45

because I lied to them. Oh, no, I didn't lie. I

16:47

thought we'd get it done You

16:50

know, we ran into some scheduling issues, but

16:52

now everybody's working on it. It's looking good.

16:54

I'm excited We're making art. We're not making

16:56

widgets How

16:58

about this I'm gonna alright here's what we're gonna do everybody

17:00

who doesn't want a late book I'm gonna photograph my asshole

17:03

50 times. I'm gonna write super killer number one on the

17:05

front You can get it sent to you right now, or

17:08

you can wait for the final edition So I was not

17:10

wait. Why would someone want that? Well cuz they

17:12

want it now then it's not what you want your ass

17:15

Well cuz it's late. That's the worst fucking thing that could ever happen

17:18

So I will send you right now 25 pictures of my

17:20

winking asshole. They have to pay for shipping black and white

17:22

You have to pay for shipping Or

17:25

you wait a little bit and let the artist finish

17:27

what he's doing. So it looks good Okay, but if

17:29

you want the butthole book and if you get the

17:31

butthole book You're not allowed to buy the regular book

17:33

ever again Wow All right, the hard bargain you're I'm

17:35

gonna charge you full shipping I'm not gonna give you

17:38

any any discount on that just seems like you could

17:40

have planned better. I planned it pretty

17:42

good H. D'Tilla

17:44

the female sniper sketch win guys

17:47

getting out of cover to get their dick sucked One

17:50

after the other is funnier to me than the chat GPT

17:52

Blade Runner thing I sent you the script for that too

17:54

and never got made. What are you writing? I? Think

17:57

we need why do you have one of my smurf?

18:00

It's just on the table, I

18:02

don't fucking know. How did you get a

18:04

hold of that? It's just sitting there. It's a private, special

18:06

pen. Can we show the table that it's full of garbage

18:08

and empty beer bottles? And I pick up a pen from

18:10

off. This pen is for you. This is Murph pens for

18:12

me. I gave you pens. I gave you 24 pens. I

18:14

can't use your smurfs. I legit don't know where they are.

18:16

Take your smurf pens. I really don't know where those pens

18:18

are. How did you lose 24 pens? I

18:20

gave you 24 pens. They're about your feet. Okay. Sorry

18:23

I used the smurf pen after gifting you

18:25

the entire box of pens. These pens, I

18:28

got it. They're goo pens, so it's

18:30

all wet and I accidentally got some on the

18:32

heel of my hand and then I

18:34

got it on my brand fucking new shorts here. My

18:37

brand new Lulu women shorts. I'll take the

18:39

pens back. Just get better pens. No, I'll take

18:41

them back. You don't want them. No, I

18:43

want them replaced with a good ballpoint pen. Not

18:46

a goo pen. Not a half a box of

18:48

pens and get you different pens. Well look, it's

18:50

fucking all... How are you supposed to write with

18:52

these pens? Seriously. Don't

18:54

rub your hand all over them. This

18:57

is a good pen. This is the

18:59

kind that you brought. Goo, mess, good,

19:01

solid, cheap. And

19:04

these come with a special cocaine

19:06

dispensing cap. Yeah,

19:09

that's the best part. That's

19:11

why you like these. Just like

19:13

don't. So I go, I get a superior

19:15

pen, I get a superior mouse. Every time I bring

19:17

in anything nice for the show, you find

19:20

a way to make superior guests in. Superior

19:23

guests. How many...what was your

19:25

last guest? You don't bring any guests. No.

19:29

Imagine...I don't think you brought a single

19:31

guest to the show. Destiny. Oh no,

19:33

you did that. Well, I think you might have got Destiny the

19:35

first time. I could try to get Nick Fuentes. Okay,

19:38

well that's the problem. Andrew Anglin. Yeah,

19:40

well we'll get Ralph and Andrew Anglin, we'll

19:42

get fucking Richard Spencer. Site

19:45

with all these boys. Feed some normal people

19:47

for once in your life. Those guys are

19:49

our normal guys. They're our normal Chicago and

19:51

whatever guys. Yale, normal guys go to Yale,

19:53

tuck their shirts in. Can we get Jeff

19:55

Garappi to talk about not killing his wife

19:57

or whatever? He didn't kill his wife. think

20:00

he killed his wife? Is she still missing? Yeah

20:03

she's gone man. She

20:05

probably jumped off the fucking

20:07

into the sea. Well how does

20:09

she go missing that long and not like anyone

20:11

know where she's at? You can't do that these

20:13

days. Sure you can. How? You'd go live on

20:15

a fucking commune. Somebody, she

20:17

would call somebody and be like here's where I

20:19

am whatever. So either she's in

20:21

a ditch that he dug or she jumped you know

20:24

in the sea. That's terrible. A man's wife leaves him

20:26

and everyone's just next to him. He's all happy about

20:28

it. Every tweet I see to him

20:30

is he's like yeah. Well he's got a new girlfriend now

20:32

so it's great. Yeah he moved quick. Man

20:35

him and Ralph. Bob Bob boom. Were they friends or

20:37

are they not friends? I'm not paying attention to that.

20:40

What? Oh the way they turn around.

20:42

Turn it around. Get new women all the time.

20:45

They got the gift. They got the riz. I

20:49

do wonder how Ethan Ralph gets constantly.

20:52

He's got that special fucking mojo. I

20:54

still look I will never. Locks it

20:56

down. He wears those maybe if

20:58

you wore these shades more. Yeah I

21:02

gotta get the shades. There they are. See? That's. Look.

21:05

Way more riz. The fact

21:08

that I still will

21:10

never understand how pantsoo went from.

21:12

Okay let's not. No

21:14

no no no. How do you

21:17

go for it? Did you throw

21:19

to Ethan Ralph?

21:21

Stop. This is what. You're

21:23

saying it's wildly inappropriate. It's not inappropriate.

21:25

Yes it is. It's just saying it's

21:27

like what kind of lady is she?

21:29

That's like how do you make. You're

21:32

going after people who are not going

21:34

after anyone. I'm just saying wow what

21:36

a unique character. And then you're like

21:38

why do people pick five of me

21:40

but you're saying these totally

21:43

out of things. I'm not saying anything bad

21:45

about either of those men but they're clearly

21:47

very different. You're saying bad things about everyone.

21:49

No I'm not. Just weighing in it's bad

21:51

it's negative towards everyone. Okay let's

21:53

just say okay let's not even name names.

21:55

Let's say you were previously dating an

21:58

anime loving basement Dweller

22:00

weirdo There's

22:06

a theoretical different person doesn't exist

22:10

Decided to go for like

22:12

a fat loudmouth psychopath Nazi,

22:15

you know, there's like a lot of different My

22:23

tricksy and I love Ethan out there both great. Oh

22:25

my god, I need it Admit

22:27

there's like a like a difference there, you know,

22:29

you wouldn't think the same kind of lady would

22:31

go for both of those City mouse country mouse.

22:33

Yeah, you know, it's kind of different. All right

22:39

Let's see if I have oh one

22:41

last comment Mikel shit There's

22:43

tons of examples of gay parents molesting little

22:45

boy. Oh, come on with this shit Parents

22:50

molesting little boys Everybody

22:54

I'm gonna make this list just cuz I

22:56

hate how ignorant Lee smug you two are

22:58

about this. Oh my god Okay, let's do

23:00

the one to be molested Why don't you

23:02

pull your pants larger than the number of

23:04

priests molesting kids and you've already lost this

23:06

argument No, they say those are gay priests.

23:08

Oh, okay, so it doesn't count It's

23:13

just like men right you can't

23:16

men are sex crazed weirdo Yeah, so you

23:18

got two men parents like well, you're probably

23:20

gonna get probably gonna be given molested more,

23:23

right? I can understand this statistic

23:25

I can understand the odds have gone up right on

23:27

the fact that I'm playing Russia You let with two

23:29

bullets instead of one like which gun do you want?

23:32

Well the one the one bullet gun too bad

23:34

You got gay day. Yeah, two ball. I'm a gun

23:36

two guys I don't think there's a two and six

23:38

chance of getting molested a gay household. I don't know

23:40

if that's All

23:45

right Look I understand. I'm right.

23:47

I'm right. Oh, yes guys guys

23:49

are the men are sex crazed

23:51

weirdos dad stepjacks fucking day dad

23:54

regular dad I may be

23:56

working on a song

23:58

about that actually About

24:01

molesting kids? No, about how

24:03

if you're experiencing dangerous sexual urges,

24:06

you should just go and masturbate.

24:09

And then not commit a crime or

24:11

make a bad life decision. It's called

24:13

Relax, Don't Do It. That song. Well

24:16

yeah, Relax, Go To It. Yeah,

24:18

it'll be like that. When you wanna come, do

24:20

do do do. I've been talking to Mr. Girl,

24:22

we have a format for a song. Do you

24:25

have a black guy that you're gonna pretend to

24:27

be? Actually I'm gonna be a puppet. I

24:30

don't know how much I can give away. Well you

24:32

already gave the whole thing away, might as well give a little

24:34

more. Well we gotta figure out, where do I get a puppet?

24:37

Who made the puppets for this show? Fiverr.

24:40

Yeah. I was looking online, there's

24:42

like some places that'll make you a custom muppet for

24:44

like 200 bucks. I'm like, that seems reasonable. That seems

24:46

like a good deal. There's a lot of guys on

24:48

Etsy. Alright, what are we, are we

24:50

gonna- Well I have a very special segment,

24:53

am I doing that now? Sure you can,

24:55

yeah. It's a segment I like to call- I

24:57

gotta find it, hold on. Well it's

24:59

a segment with a lot of fun and

25:01

magic and excitement. I wanted to remind people,

25:03

cause we are past Christmas, don't forget Biggest

25:06

Problem Holiday Special. Currently

25:08

available on Patreon at patreon.com/biggestproblem.

25:11

Also backed up by slash

25:13

biggestproblem, where we talk about

25:15

all the typical holiday nonsense you and

25:17

your families have been dealing with. Uh,

25:21

finding presents for your new parents. I haven't even

25:23

like gotten close to finding it yet. Don't

25:25

worry, I'm trying to remember what else was on that bonus episode.

25:27

We had a lot of fun. Where the fuck was I? I

25:30

think we had a little bit of talk about Eric July. Talked

25:32

about Rebel Moon, my new favorite movie. So

25:35

I found out that that's not actually Star Wars. What

25:38

do you mean? I thought it was a Star Wars

25:40

movie. You thought that was set

25:42

in the Star Wars universe? Yeah, I

25:44

thought that was obvious. There was no Jedi!

25:46

That's what was so fucking confusing to me!

25:49

Wait, you're fucking with me. No! I

25:52

thought it was an actual Star Wars movie. There's

25:54

no way! There's no Star Wars stuff in it! It's

25:57

all Star Wars stuff! It's not even the Empire! It

26:00

practically looked like them. I

26:02

think, yeah. It was exactly the same in

26:04

every way except for the rapes. I

26:07

just found out it's not a Star Wars movie. The

26:09

rapes didn't tell you. It was a Star Wars

26:11

thing. It would be on Disney. It would be

26:14

on Disney Plaza. It would be on Netflix. Oh,

26:16

all right. Yeah, no, it's

26:18

that he went. You should say not affiliated with

26:20

Star Wars. It doesn't need

26:22

to say that because it's clearly not. But... But

26:25

she has a laser sword. Kind of. Yeah,

26:28

there are laser swords. So did that Chinese

26:30

guy. What do you call it?

26:32

Basically, Zack Snyder at some point went to

26:34

Disney and said, hey, I want to make a

26:37

Star Wars movie. And they said, well, we can't have

26:39

a bunch of rape. He's like, the rape is necessary.

26:41

I don't see how it works without the rape. And

26:43

they're like, well, we just don't want a rape. So

26:45

it was a Star Wars movie. It was going to

26:47

be a... He wrote it originally as a Star Wars

26:49

movie. That's bullshit. Well,

26:52

yeah. Because then it's a Star Wars movie that's

26:54

just on a different channel and it's confusing. And

26:57

you made it more intense and insane. And

27:00

the cut you saw, that's the PG-13 cut. It

27:03

sucks so much more knowing that it's

27:05

not a Star Wars movie. It's

27:08

so much worse. There

27:10

was nothing... I don't know. There's no point in it

27:12

at all if it's not a Star Wars. I sent

27:14

you a text. It's a Rebel Moon. It's Zack Snyder's

27:17

Star Wars. But I didn't mean that. Literally,

27:19

it is Star Wars. You fucked me up.

27:22

And then I embarrassed myself at my family's house

27:24

by saying it's a Star Wars movie. And who

27:26

corrected you? Everyone. Yeah, because you were wrong. You

27:30

said it was a Star Wars movie. They

27:32

don't reference a single Star Wars thing in it.

27:34

Couldn't you realize that's what was so fucking confusing?

27:36

Okay, well when I say it's Zack Snyder's Star

27:38

Wars, I don't mean literally it's Star Wars. Like

27:41

if I said it's Zack

27:43

Snyder's Seven Samurai, it's not actually Seven

27:45

Samurai. I would have no idea what

27:47

that is. Yeah. It's Tarantino's

27:49

Godfather. You know, it's like In the Vain

27:51

or whatever. That would be great. Right. But

27:54

it's not actually The Godfather. All right, I'm done with

27:56

this. The point is, we've got a

27:58

very exciting segment called Vogue. THOATY

28:18

PR third another

28:25

photo all the problems

28:30

are you on it and about to

28:33

have a PROBLEM is

28:36

that m'lauriton savior again? i love these

28:38

guys check out m'lauriton savior it's terrific

28:41

and welcome back to a very special

28:43

holiday installment of vote

28:46

it up actually a holiday installment

28:48

i have two problems here dick uh,

28:50

kinda play into each other k

28:53

and let's talk about it you may remember

28:55

from the bonus episode we did the biggest

28:57

problem in fast food yeah which i feel

28:59

we should do another one i just think

29:01

okay let's do another fast food one it's

29:03

great is it great? my problem

29:06

which i think won the entire episode

29:08

was death of the dollar menu dick

29:11

well i hate to tell you but

29:13

that dollar menu will not

29:15

be coming back because how's

29:18

this news? just

29:24

a little bit of an update it's a little bit of an update uh,

29:27

fast food chains across the nation are an

29:29

update it's still gone it's still gone it's

29:31

still gone but i'm saying fast

29:34

food prices across the nation continue

29:36

to rise as a result

29:39

of inflation and rising uh,

29:42

goods and labor costs mcdonald's the nation's

29:44

largest fast food chain with more than

29:46

13,000 restaurants has

29:49

raised its prices another 10% this year that

29:52

comes on top of a 10% increase last year in 2022 since

29:57

june of 2021 chipotle has raised

29:59

its price This is five times.

30:02

And on a recent revenue call Starbucks said

30:04

more price hikes for their items are on

30:06

the way. Overall fast food prices

30:08

have jumped 6.2% over the past year. According

30:13

to the Bureau of Labor Statistics October

30:15

report 6%. It does

30:17

seem higher. I paid 70 bucks

30:19

for a medium pizza and wings yesterday. No,

30:22

you didn't. Did you? 65

30:24

bucks for delivery. And I was like, how

30:26

is this, how is this happening to me? I

30:29

yesterday was like, I

30:31

just, I was like, I should cook, but you know what? I'll just

30:33

go get like a cheap fast food burger because I just want to

30:35

get to work or whatever. Shut up. Whatever.

30:39

I was like, it'll be quick and it'll be simple, right?

30:41

And I'm like, Burger King, what's a Whopper

30:43

cost? 10 bucks. I went, I

30:46

went to Burger King. It was double Whopper was

30:48

$9. And I'm like, how is

30:50

this is not worth $9? No, I didn't buy it.

30:52

I was like, nevermind. I'll just go home and cook

30:54

something. Just give me some ketchup. Yeah. Give

30:56

me a bunch of packets. I

30:58

said, I'll just at that point, I'm just going to, from now on,

31:00

I'm just going to keep my fridge. If I want a burger, I'll

31:02

just have, I don't know, frozen patties

31:04

in the freezer. These prices are crazy. This

31:07

is what we're reduced to. Everyone's

31:10

well, it's going to be, it's interesting because they're saying

31:12

more fast food regardless of the

31:14

prices, more Americans, I guess are

31:16

just giving up when becoming like debt slaves and

31:18

just buying more fast food than

31:20

ever. It seems like Americans, I

31:23

don't know if this is happening in the rest of the country.

31:25

Everyone's just agreed to be poor. Instead

31:28

of being like, oh, we don't really have

31:30

a choice though. The grocery store save yourself

31:32

some money. But it's so much there too.

31:34

The meat's like outrageous. Yeah. Honestly,

31:36

I think it was like $9 for a package

31:39

of fucking ground beef last time I checked. I

31:41

don't know, man. And they got rid of George

31:43

Santos, our only hope in Congress. Was George Santos

31:45

the one who was going to fix that? He

31:48

was a blackmail that he was gathering on everybody

31:50

in Congress. Oh, that was a good move. He

31:52

just overplayed his hand. Well,

31:54

here's a solution you'll like or a problem

31:56

or I don't know what you want to

31:58

call it. Okay. you're gonna gloat

32:01

about this nonsense. This was a

32:03

problem for all the way back in episode four. I don't remember

32:05

this is a problem you brought in, but the problem is the

32:07

minimum wage. Yeah, sounds like one

32:09

you would have brought in. Yeah, it's a problem. Yeah. Well,

32:12

due to the minimum wage increases,

32:15

two Pizza Hut operators in California

32:17

are eliminating their in-house delivery services

32:19

at hundreds of stores laying

32:22

off more than 1,200 pizza delivery drivers. The

32:26

Pizza Hut franchisees say they're reducing their staff

32:28

as a new California state law will increase

32:30

worker paid at $20 an hour in April.

32:35

That's correct. All in 2022 Governor

32:39

Gavin Newsom of California signed the FAST

32:41

Act of the law, which would increase

32:43

the minimum wage for fast food workers

32:45

to $22 an hour in 2023. Corporate

32:49

chains did fight the law and the revised

32:51

law changed that to just $20

32:54

an hour. Oh my god. We're so

32:56

fucked. The law affects 557,000

33:00

fast food workers at 30,000 restaurants in California,

33:04

$20 an hour minimum wage coming

33:06

in April. Wow,

33:09

so you only have to work 15 minutes. $20

33:13

bucks. You're

33:17

not gonna be able to afford fast food in

33:19

California. It's not gonna happen. No. I

33:22

got a sent, you know, you get sent, do you get

33:24

still flyers like coupons in the mail? You ever get something?

33:26

No, I don't. I guess it's only certain

33:28

neighborhoods, but they sent me a sheet of

33:31

Jack in the Box coupons. I

33:33

don't like that sourdough Jack burger, right?

33:35

Yeah. What did I use to call

33:37

it? Like five bucks? Three bucks, five

33:40

bucks? Sure. This is a coupon. The

33:42

coupon goes you can get two of them for $14. And

33:48

I'm like, you with a

33:50

coupon? There's seven bucks? Just eat bone meal. Yeah.

33:52

Give me a bag of bone meal. I'll just

33:54

eat that all day. I don't care. Put some

33:56

Sirajah on it. Some heart attack and some, what

33:58

do you call it? We're

34:02

all gonna be eating dirt. Yeah, I'm not I can't it's

34:04

probably good for me. I'm gonna be cooking more I Made

34:07

a big shot. I made a big pot of

34:09

chicken noodle soup for the holidays. I'm still going

34:11

through it Yeah, okay, like chicken noodle

34:14

soup meal prepping. That's what you're doing Yeah,

34:17

the problem with meal prepping though Is then you just end

34:19

up eating the same thing five days out of the week

34:22

or all of it in one day I thought that's what

34:24

you're gonna say how'd your pot roast come out? Um,

34:28

I don't remember good probably yeah You

34:31

didn't scorch the carrots. No. No, I remember you

34:33

walked in and had a problem with my carrots

34:35

right away Okay, yeah,

34:37

you gotta do that. Anyway guys Those

34:40

are my two fast food problems gonna get a

34:42

cool food problems in on the show Don't forget

34:44

please vote it up go to the discord leave

34:46

us your voted up news stories and

34:49

take care of yourself America Ah

34:59

Video Now

35:02

good at the end somebody will super

35:04

chat about it remind us to watch

35:06

the boogie video in your super chat

35:10

Well, you're the big winner Hey

35:25

Both women you're both working on your tits.

35:28

That's true. I got much better tips and tricks. She's

35:30

just gonna step it up I don't know if you're

35:32

going that which way you're going I'm trying to go

35:34

in work. I'm trying to go in work. Have you

35:36

weighed yourself in a while? I'm not gonna talk what's

35:38

the price for weighing you tonight? We're not doing that

35:40

tonight You're not doing it tonight again. Oh No

35:46

free shipping and no no

35:48

way no way for 50 bucks. We'll

35:50

talk about It's

35:56

$200 Well,

36:00

if do I get the 200 you get half of it.

36:02

That's the problem. How is that a problem? I'm

36:07

the one to go dating. I know like I

36:10

like that you get a hundred bucks. I

36:12

mean you Currency

36:14

for you to get paid for weighing yourself.

36:16

We all know what the weight is Okay,

36:18

but the weigh-in thing okay, it was like

36:20

okay, okay I'll tell you what if I

36:22

guess it if I guess it

36:24

and you're under it you get the money If

36:27

I guess it I guess if you have you if you

36:29

weigh yourself And I guess

36:32

the weight no, and I guess

36:34

the weight and you're under it then you get

36:36

I Think that

36:38

the weight loss contest was an exciting

36:42

Six month thing okay. It's not

36:44

a return. It's not a recurring

36:46

bit Thing

36:49

it should be though if

36:51

it's going to be then like we need

36:53

different rules Okay, how much we would have

36:55

to set up another way much. Oh, we

36:58

don't have my weight loss content 200 bucks

37:00

You're too good for 200 bucks Let

37:03

me think about it 200

37:09

bucks nothing to me. It's not it is

37:11

nothing to me. It's that then it's like

37:15

It's just this constant thing where I don't

37:17

want my body constantly scrutinized by the eye

37:19

So you think you are just a nice

37:21

way thing just look at me all right.

37:23

I'm a fat piece of shit What are

37:25

you hiding? You're not hiding anything? Here's the

37:27

thing is money. It's the holidays I've taken

37:29

a little bit of a like okay. I'm

37:31

not gonna think too much about the diet

37:33

whatever then January 1st I'm

37:35

back on the wagon okay, so when

37:38

I'm back on the wagon, and I'm doing

37:40

everything a bigger wagon We're gonna need a

37:42

bigger wagon okay right now. I just want

37:44

to relax Okay,

37:47

I want to eat it. I want to eat a

37:49

big Christmas pie I Don't want

37:51

to think about 200, but I would burn

37:53

200 bucks right now just to show you what

37:56

you're doing burning burning money I Understand.

38:00

They are just saying. The.

38:02

Spirit Of The Holidays. Slimy,

38:04

Be a fat piece of shit for the

38:06

until the end of December. Just let us

38:08

know how bad our as you not a

38:10

big deal guess domains fields as gas and

38:12

you're probably right three twelve. Cr.

38:15

Three Twelve was around twelve, a

38:17

sudden fried square hole. If you're

38:19

do you think you're under Three

38:21

Twelve I'm absolutely under Three Twelve.

38:23

I was a to ninety whatever.

38:25

before this ago. I have that

38:28

age twenty two weeks. Three Twelve

38:30

as Asia is necessary to somebody

38:32

is if somebody down aids. Two.

38:34

Hundred bucks now and I'm

38:37

enjoying yourself and your under

38:39

three twelve yield added. Summer

38:43

last super chat. Two hundred dollars. Two hundred

38:45

dollars and I have to be under three

38:47

Twelve. You are under three twelve. you will.

38:49

Dad and I don't know You'll get the

38:51

whole thing's your. Job.

38:53

Is so you have to look in

38:55

the camera and promise the audience that

38:57

your theory this week only is No,

38:59

we're not saying. well. I'll figure out

39:01

another way back. Sweet this week. Only

39:04

if some psychopath wants to donate two

39:06

hundred dollars to says same my way

39:08

and you're under three twelve, I'm absolutely

39:10

under three Dwelling us in of zero.

39:12

Get Two hundred dollars, Your. Nobody.

39:15

Died two hundred bucks as would

39:17

you do. Promise Shore Fine. You.

39:20

Have to say yes, yeah or it's

39:22

not binding. Yes, it's burn. You. Have

39:24

they Ivy? Dell? Look. I

39:26

put on a little bit extra weight and

39:28

ball is okay, but I haven't gained twenty

39:30

thirty pounds. Bag? okay, Than

39:32

the simply no problem song. Okay,

39:34

I was. Or problem. Ah, my

39:36

promise. We already kind of started

39:38

discussing. Yeah. Is the

39:41

exciting world of conservative pornography,

39:43

which is a new burgeoning

39:45

industry. Which. Are all so

39:47

excited for. Conservatives: Who

39:50

for some reason hate pornography even though

39:52

I'm know that they all consume pornography.

39:54

And yes, the only ones that

39:56

don't are these weird hyper religious ones

39:58

who the have their own problems have

40:01

put out a conservative calendar I'm

40:04

looking for it right now to help promote why don't

40:06

you go to their website or something okay ultra

40:09

right ultra right beer the

40:12

most anti-woke beer you can

40:14

possibly purchase do they

40:16

not understand that like this is turning off

40:18

young don't don't young conservatives think this is

40:20

like the height of cringe aren't

40:23

they trying to attract a young demographic because this

40:26

is not going to do it I don't think

40:28

so well I guess because

40:30

you can just graft off the older

40:32

conservatives and make money from them they

40:34

don't actually care about furthering the conservative

40:36

movement because this hurts the conservative movement

40:38

I would say big time yeah this

40:40

makes conservatives look like weirdos and psychopaths

40:42

everybody involved in this calendar hurts the

40:45

conservative movement all the women I

40:47

hate every single one of them

40:49

Biden celebrating Quanda is less cringe

40:52

than this yeah if

40:54

I have to pick between Dylan Mulvaney a

40:56

man pretending to be a woman and a

40:58

bunch of 40 year old leather

41:00

bags women pretending to be

41:02

models I'm going with Dylan Mulvaney there

41:07

is nothing more despicable on

41:09

earth than a woman pretending

41:12

to be a model yeah did

41:15

you see one of them said people

41:17

were saying you know her picture

41:19

was too provocative she said I don't

41:21

know how you could say that my seven-year-old son took that picture

41:23

of me and I'm like oh my god she's

41:26

a former stripper which is cool

41:28

yeah but then she takes this

41:31

like hoe bag

41:35

picture so to put this into context

41:37

ultra right beer the ultimate anti-woke beer

41:41

which is currently I believe $25 for a

41:43

six-pack or something close to that they may

41:45

have a holiday sale going on has put

41:47

out a calendar the women of the conservative

41:49

movement conservative dads real women

41:52

of America conservative dad is

41:54

a one of these stupid influencers who owns

41:56

this beer brand went

41:58

to these women paid them money to take

42:00

these terrible photos of them being

42:02

I don't know, yeah,

42:05

again, four-year-old women It's like the, remember

42:07

you used to get the Sports Illustrated

42:09

Swimsuit, you know, edition? Yeah. It's like

42:11

that, but what if you just had

42:13

to hire these old skank? What if

42:15

it was your mom and her friends

42:17

in it? Yeah. And

42:19

be like, oh yeah, no thanks. So we have,

42:22

do you know any of these people? Riley Games.

42:25

I know of them, and I hate all

42:27

of them, and the ones that I've interacted

42:29

with, I hate more. Josie the red-headed libertarian.

42:31

How's that even hot? She's just holding cums.

42:35

And this one where, this is more offensive

42:37

than Piss Christ to me. Josie

42:39

the red-headed libertarian with a giant crucifix

42:41

on the wall of what is clearly

42:44

a porn set. So

42:46

this is, look, the cross is

42:48

reflected in the microwave. What's the symbolism there?

42:52

It's an accident. This

42:55

isn't sexy at all. It's just a

42:58

lady standing in her kitchen with a

43:00

pie, a lady working out. It's clearly

43:02

for guys, pay

43:04

pigs to come. Right. It's

43:06

provocative to make men come, and the

43:09

girls know it or else they wouldn't

43:11

have done it. Yeah, so conservatives

43:13

who hate porn have to look at

43:16

pictures of ladies burning the

43:18

New York Times with a cigar, and then

43:20

what, do you just kind of- For her

43:22

pussy? Is the cigar- Yeah,

43:25

why- First of all, you don't want the lady

43:27

holding the cigar. The cigar is a symbol of

43:29

masculinity. Yeah, this is like, I can't say. If

43:32

she's gonna hold the cigar, she should be holding it

43:34

suggestively between her legs. It's a penis.

43:37

Yeah. I

43:39

guess the funniest thing about this is

43:41

conservatives arguing over whether it

43:43

is demonic or

43:46

anti-Christian. You're

43:48

like, you guys are like just

43:50

pathetic on so many levels. Like making

43:52

it was already pathetic. Making it pathetic.

43:54

Getting outraged over it is doubly pathetic.

43:56

Like, I can't believe these conservative influencers

43:58

were debased. themselves by taking a picture

44:00

of them wearing a bikini

44:03

this goes against everything the conservative moment

44:05

stands for I'm like okay,

44:07

so what's the fuck is the deal

44:10

you guys have an identity crisis the conservatives

44:13

What is your losers what yeah, what is

44:16

this? What do you what are you? This

44:18

is the culture? We're anti porn, but also

44:20

hey snowflake suck it up.

44:22

We want sexy women again. Yeah,

44:24

you're anti You know G

44:27

rated bro like yeah G for God

44:30

that's terrible. It's becoming like fucking

44:32

yes. It's G for gross rated.

44:35

It's the straight-edge movement It's like dude. You

44:37

could be hardcore without like doing drugs and

44:39

blah blah. It's like not really now You

44:41

can't yeah, you gotta at least have some

44:43

drugs. Yeah, go to the library The

44:47

funniest thing is this was all started by like

44:49

this young girl Who's

44:51

hot and who's like a new little

44:53

conservative firebrand? She called a she

44:55

called a group meeting of the no

44:58

she called a border agent and the epsilon

45:00

She's like okay epsilon on camera and where

45:03

does she do that like at the border

45:05

border? He was escorting her off the column.

45:07

That's those awesome. I think that's nice. That's

45:09

so hot So

45:12

she's hot dead and she hates this which

45:14

means it's horrible right because she's a young

45:16

girl Well you would imagine

45:18

there probably are a lot of young 20 year

45:20

old conservative girl What about that what about ben

45:22

Shapiro's sister? No what about it? Oh the girl

45:24

what about the one who just looks like ben

45:26

Shapiro though the one who's playing snow white uh? She's

45:29

a hunchback Yeah, but I

45:31

mean that's kind of cool. No. They're

45:34

all like landing pad I'm gonna spurt on

45:36

her back as soon as

45:38

they go into the like the conservative

45:40

ink Money-making grift-o machine

45:42

to like extract money from men

45:44

without being on only fans They

45:48

just get so ugly so fast. It's just

45:50

it's super confusing cuz like the beat okay,

45:52

so they told us What

45:55

happened a bud light bud light? Used

45:58

to be you know there was chicks and bikinis that

48:00

these people are supposed to be conservative like

48:02

influencers that we take seriously but like yeah

48:04

Tim Poole's not doing a shirtless like fucking

48:06

fireman calendar cuz now and then he would

48:08

say like well yeah hey ladies what if

48:10

I did just fuck off so that

48:12

would be you can only do it as a goof

48:14

you couldn't do it seriously but here they're like legitimately

48:16

trying to make these women sexy and again Josie

48:19

the red-headed libertarian or that black lady hugging a

48:21

wall as your seven-year-old takes a picture of her

48:24

ass Josie is such a cunt

48:26

here she's arguing with the young the young

48:28

attractive woman that called her out she's like

48:30

obsessively arguing and she does this shit that

48:32

women do where she's like well I have

48:35

the same measurements of it's just upset cuz

48:37

you're it's you're upset because I'm like Marilyn

48:40

and people like what are you talking about

48:42

because I have the same measurements same

48:44

measurements Marilyn Monroe it's like you like

48:46

we we know this is like a

48:48

weird desperate thing for you

48:50

to pretend to be like you really think

48:52

you are Marilyn but you're just this awful

48:55

off-putting piece of shit the other

48:58

thing is all these women realize I can't

49:00

really do this for more than another like

49:02

10 years because at that point all my

49:04

that my face fat melts away and I

49:06

just look like a Skeletor lady yeah as

49:08

all these conservative shrews end up looking like

49:10

well it is the biggest problem in the

49:12

universe and

49:18

I'll say that yeah you win it's worse than a million

49:20

I win all right there you go it's like worse than

49:22

the million Holocaust and they could only get the end of

49:24

them yeah how do you have a fucking

49:26

calendar with only ten people it's 12 it's a calendar

49:28

you get it that was a doubled

49:30

up on some of them and the fact that it's

49:32

going to the guy who is selling the ultimate you

49:35

can show to the beer can real quick on their

49:37

page if you like

49:39

go back conservative dad's ultra

49:41

right hit order now no

49:43

go down right not that no go

49:46

back shit scroll

49:48

down it's got the beer can right there on the front

49:50

page actually ultra right 100% woke

49:53

free American beer so this is

49:56

anti-woke porn the porn isn't woke

49:58

now they're going to sell the panties

50:00

for an anti-woke casino. I heard Josie the

50:02

red-headed libertarian is gonna sell all of her

50:04

used panties. She's gonna wash them, don't be. Did

50:07

you see the picture from some recent, I think

50:09

it was whatever, Afpag or someone, the guys were

50:11

shilling anti-woke water, liberal tears,

50:13

I think they call it. That's great.

50:16

And I know you guys think

50:18

this is like a fun joke, but it really

50:20

just, you do want that. That

50:23

is, it's not a joke when you spend

50:25

all your time obsessing over that, you know?

50:27

And then you go, well, if we made

50:29

anti-woke water, it's like, well, yeah, cuz that

50:31

it's all stupid. You can't pretend sometimes it's

50:33

stupid. It's always stupid. It's

50:36

funny because it's like a fucking guy. It's

50:38

like a sorority dad. What a stupid fucking

50:40

branding. I hope his kids are

50:42

trans. I hope his

50:45

kids are trans. This is like pelting

50:47

to death with his own fucking beer

50:49

cans. This is like whenever the right

50:51

says the left is like beyond parody.

50:53

This is that. Yes! You're both sides

50:55

of terrible! If you're gonna

50:57

make a parody of a conservative calendar, it

51:00

would be a bunch of dumpy

51:03

broads who are not models, pretending

51:05

that they're models. Who support causes

51:07

that I just despise? Like this

51:09

Riley, I forget her name, the

51:11

Swimmers, like super pro women's

51:14

college sports. Now aren't they saying that

51:16

most young people are turning liberal these days? Like,

51:19

yes. For the first time, it's always been that

51:21

they turn more conservative over time, but this is

51:23

like, yeah, the first generation. Okay, so you have

51:25

a youth problem. You can't do

51:27

cringy shit like this because young people see it.

51:30

They're like, what the fuck is an anti-woke conservative

51:32

calendar? This is stupid. Like an anti-woke beer. Here,

51:34

hey son! I got you a sexy

51:36

lady calendar to beat off to, you know. Your cool

51:38

uncle used to give you a couple playboys. Now he's

51:41

gonna give you the conservative dads. She's

51:43

35. She's married. She's a huge cunt

51:45

online. You're gonna love her. Check

51:48

out the red-headed dick greased up now and

51:50

get ready for this fucking calendar. Look at

51:52

the stilettos on the red-headed libertarian. Don't you

51:54

want her to bake you an apple pie

51:56

under a fucking crucifix? Jesus Christ. No! There's

51:58

nothing sexy about this! at all

52:00

this sucks. Meanwhile us the

52:02

liberals we go hey you want to dress up

52:04

like an animal and fuck all your friends endlessly

52:06

because we don't give a shit you want to

52:08

be a lady and let everybody run a train

52:11

on you come on over and they're like well

52:13

that sounds pretty fun I got no problem with

52:15

that. The guys defending it are

52:17

just like fucking retarded too like

52:19

well I've seen I mean I've

52:21

seen worse calendars and it's like yeah

52:24

those are with models that you buy

52:26

for like decoration like with

52:28

a beer legit beer company they're nice

52:30

to look at this is trash

52:33

this is like someone giving

52:35

you a mixtape that you don't want don't

52:38

mix sex and politics

52:40

I'm gonna say go well

52:42

together or do it the more better do

52:44

it the way Fox News does it which

52:46

is a bunch of blonde ladies big tits

52:49

telling you what the liberals are up to and

52:51

that's it you know Megan Kelly yeah Megan Kelly

52:54

yeah exactly unless you kind of went off the

52:56

fucking deep end but before I had to come

52:58

it was you first showed up and you're like

53:00

hey a lady with big tits a big blonde

53:02

lady with big tits telling me

53:04

that the liberals are fucking up I like this I'll

53:06

watch this all day this

53:08

is stupid I bet

53:11

they didn't get paid anything to do this to me

53:13

that's what makes it worse I hope they did not

53:15

cuz they're vain you know what they might have just

53:17

I don't know he might yeah but that's the other

53:19

thing you can talk shit about a Dylan

53:21

Mulvaney but Dylan Mulvaney apparently got like millions

53:24

of bucks from Bud Light you're like it's

53:26

just one post yeah he

53:28

didn't even pretend that he like drank the

53:30

beer dylons killing it dylon has

53:32

it all figured out folks I

53:35

don't know you could trash it I'm so mad

53:37

I'm like get that bag I wish I could

53:39

pretend to be a lady and get a fucking

53:41

30 million dollar paycheck for going oh my god

53:43

it's there it's uh what do you call it

53:45

was that sporting fucking thing something right I thought

53:47

you're saying Dylan in a weird way I was

53:49

oh is that how you say it that's

53:52

how I say oh from

53:54

that classic Chappelle show sketch remember when

53:56

that all the rappers in the house

53:59

named the five best rappers of

54:01

all time. Dylon, Dylon, Dylon,

54:03

Dylon, Dylon. Is that one

54:05

guy, Dylon? I spit hot

54:07

fire. I spit hot fire. Conservative

54:11

porn. It's the worst. Vote it

54:13

up. There you go. You know

54:15

what else I hate about this? The

54:18

guys who are like the

54:20

real, like the hustle-mind guys. And they're like, well you

54:22

guys are just talking about it. You're giving them free

54:24

promotion. You guys are talking about it. You're talking about

54:26

it. Like, how are you going to fucking kill yourself?

54:29

Like I'm sure they're getting so many new

54:31

impressions. I'm sure the calendars are just flying

54:33

off the shelves because I'm fucking tweeting about

54:35

it, dude. Everybody talks about

54:37

me being a pedophile and I'm not making a lot of money from that.

54:39

So it doesn't always work. Alright.

54:42

Um, my problem

54:45

is big-leaking. Ah yeah,

54:47

like when one of your favorite local

54:50

town baseball stars goes to the majors.

54:52

Yeah. You can't see him at the

54:55

park anymore. Yeah. And

54:57

then he won't even come back to the hometown

54:59

and sign baseballs the way he used to. Oh

55:01

yeah, okay. That's where it's from. That's where it's

55:03

from. It's also like when

55:06

Eric July can't take criticism. So

55:08

he, uh, from anyone. From

55:11

anyone. From guys on

55:13

Twitter with no fault, like 100 followers.

55:16

So he decides to make

55:19

an example of one of them. Someone

55:21

who he sees as beneath him. I

55:24

have guys who like, have been like, you know, I support Eric

55:26

and I want him to do well and whatever else. And

55:29

they're like, I can't believe he's doing

55:31

this. Even this was like a bridge

55:33

too far for them. He's such a

55:35

cocksucker. It's just so weird. Um,

55:38

he found a guy. He found a guy

55:40

who was criticizing him for not supporting or

55:42

not like promoting smaller creators. Yeah.

55:45

So he said, well, I noticed you, I noticed you

55:47

had like a pathetic little Kickstarter. This

55:49

is Eric talking to the guy. This is Eric talking to the guy. He

55:52

said, you have like, I saw you had a Kickstarter and you

55:54

know, I'm such a big success. I'm

55:56

just going to go ahead. You don't have any supporters. I'm

55:59

going to go ahead. and fund the rest of

56:01

your Kickstarter. I'm going to fund your comic.

56:03

The funding goal was $1,000. The

56:06

man was at $300. Air kicked in $700. Mr.

56:10

Fucking money bags. Mr. Money bags. So he

56:12

says, hey, man, I clicked on your page

56:14

and noticed that you had an active campaign.

56:17

You only had 10 backers in six

56:19

months. So what I

56:21

did was essentially fund your

56:23

campaign, of course, giving a big

56:25

tip to FMC. That's a fund my comic.

56:27

Yeah, that's the platform where it was. He's

56:30

such a fucking asshole, man. Well,

56:33

I mean, such a fucking asshole. That's the

56:35

thing about this. Same thing. He

56:37

goes, I noticed you only had 10 backers

56:39

in six months. Eric, everyone understands that you're

56:42

a big libertarian influencer with 500,000 followers. You

56:45

don't have to find those guys who go, I

56:48

noticed you only had 10 backers

56:50

in six months. Meanwhile, my new comic,

56:53

Alpha Core, we all know Eric, we

56:55

know you're a big, big, big shot.

56:57

Incredible success. I know. Congratulations.

57:00

They've got a whole office building working on your

57:03

fucking comic. So what I did was essentially fund

57:05

your campaign. Again, what I did

57:07

was fund your campaign, not essentially. Essentially

57:09

what I did vis-a-vis what it is,

57:12

is that in a way, you might

57:14

say, circle vent the

57:16

ways of the West and found

57:19

my way surreptitiously into making

57:21

a donation of a limited

57:23

amount that would then

57:25

propel you into the funding area.

57:29

Here's what I'd like you to do. Of course, giving a

57:31

big tip to fund my comic. Here's what I'd like you

57:33

to do. Work on your attitude.

57:37

Because it is in a terrible spot.

57:40

Being small does not make you

57:42

admirable, nor does it

57:44

justify your attitude towards creators

57:46

that have worked extremely hard to get

57:48

where they're at. Here's

57:51

a bunch of money. Here's what I want

57:53

you to do. It's like fucking

57:55

Sonny Corleone breaking that guy's camera

57:58

and just peeling off money. It's

58:01

like going up to a homeless guy putting a dollar in his cup and

58:03

going, Why don't you do a little dance? Here's what I want you- Hahahahaha

58:05

Well I want to give you a lecture on how to

58:08

get your life together you piece of shit. I'm gonna give

58:10

you this 20 but I want you to promise me you're

58:12

gonna get a job. Like oh yeah, yes, there you go.

58:14

I look in your cup, I notice there's only dimes in

58:16

there. I put a 10 in there. So let me tell

58:18

you how to live your life. He's one

58:21

of the most unlikable guys I think online.

58:24

Eric July. Well I was discussing with people, I said,

58:26

Can you imagine if he just went, Hey

58:29

today for Christmas, I want

58:31

to help the indie comic community. I'm

58:33

taking $2500 that I have raised from Alpha

58:35

Core and I am giving it out- I'm

58:37

giving $100 out to a

58:39

creator every day for the month of

58:42

December. Yeah, amazing. We

58:44

would have nothing- that's nothing I could say. I'd say,

58:46

wow what a good guy. He gave money to help

58:48

people get their comics made. Can you imagine- He gives

58:50

one guy $700 so he can give him a lecture

58:52

on Twitter. So like little

58:54

stunt. Does

58:57

not make you admirable. Nor does

58:59

it justify your attitude towards creators

59:01

that have worked extremely hard to

59:03

get where they're at. Dismissing or

59:05

attempting to devalue their efforts is

59:07

such a tone- He's talking about himself.

59:10

Dismissing my efforts, right? He's not talking

59:12

about them. He's responding to criticism of

59:14

himself. Dismissing their-

59:17

or attempting to devalue their efforts is such a

59:19

tone-deaf thing to do and will

59:22

only turn people off to your project. You

59:24

could have made a different product. It was a

59:27

moronic way to approach this. He was making the

59:29

point, Eric July, like- Well yeah, you raised his

59:31

money, but like if you made Eric July, you

59:33

know, sneakers or- Or basketballs.

59:36

Well- Any

59:41

sort of product associated with any

59:43

sort of individuals- Yes,

59:47

I know there's a million things you can name Jack, okay?

59:49

We don't need to say them, we all know what

59:51

they are. Or my family feared me with music.

59:53

You made Eric July- No, Eric!

1:00:00

Let me see blood raps! Let

1:00:03

me see blood raps! Dammit! Dammit!

1:00:05

I always need that fucking song and I don't have

1:00:07

it! Well, we- I gotta write it down to have it. Show

1:00:10

me blood raps! Ding.

1:00:12

Lastly- 13% of all

1:00:14

people. Alright, go ahead. Lastly, well you

1:00:16

didn't say- you only had one thing. You can't

1:00:18

put lastly. Lastly, there's

1:00:20

no the community as it pertains

1:00:22

to the independent comics. The

1:00:25

clique- the clique you're around are not the

1:00:27

only people that exist and it is arrogance

1:00:29

to operate as if it does. What?

1:00:33

He's saying that the indie comic community doesn't matter.

1:00:37

Which is a thing he keeps- he's

1:00:39

basically saying like, I know you guys have built a

1:00:42

community but I think it's bullshit and I don't care

1:00:44

to participate in it. Okay, then

1:00:46

go fuck off. Yeah, okay. Go fill food buckets with

1:00:48

tin pool and all his old whores. But everybody else

1:00:50

in it who's making comics and like sharing information and

1:00:52

like helping each other out, we all kinda like it.

1:00:54

Telling stories that don't have to do with money. Yeah.

1:00:58

Uh, to tell someone they don't

1:01:00

participate or they don't help

1:01:03

the marketplace despite them employing more

1:01:05

people in comics than you ever

1:01:07

have is incredibly stupid. You are

1:01:09

in no position to be as

1:01:11

dismissive and disrespectful as you are.

1:01:13

Your project is funded and I

1:01:15

do not want your items. I

1:01:17

just want you to get to work, go

1:01:19

be great, and go work on your attitude.

1:01:22

Good luck. Yeah,

1:01:24

so uh... Well that would have been uh... That

1:01:27

was not a nice little- What a great mic drop, right? What a

1:01:29

Christmas present. This is how this guy

1:01:31

acts around the holidays. You gotta fight with people

1:01:33

on Twitter and then go, I noticed you're a

1:01:36

fucking failure unlike me! Uh,

1:01:38

what he didn't realize, and this is an important addendum

1:01:40

to this, is this guy's comic did get funded on

1:01:42

a different platform. Oh, oops. Yeah,

1:01:44

so he had a hundred backers,

1:01:46

he raised like six grand, which is

1:01:48

pretty good. What's the name of his

1:01:51

comic? Uh, it's Immortals... Immortals Rising. Immortal

1:01:53

Rising. Guys, check out Immortal

1:01:56

Rising. Available on

1:01:58

fundmycomic.com. A lot of people were

1:02:01

just taking that- Did you give the money back?

1:02:04

Well, yeah, that's what I'm giving. A lot of people would have taken

1:02:06

that money and slinked off. I would

1:02:08

have taken that money. People are even saying

1:02:10

he's stupid for not taking the money, which

1:02:12

to me is, you know, there's nothing worth

1:02:14

it. You just berated me for not taking

1:02:16

$200 to humiliate myself on a radio show.

1:02:19

Funny. Yeah,

1:02:24

okay, they're much different situations. Yeah.

1:02:28

His response to $700 and all

1:02:30

that bullshit, all that jibber jabber was, keep

1:02:32

your money and your insults. I don't need either.

1:02:35

That's a storefront for me. Yeah. And

1:02:38

you can feel the contempt dripping off every

1:02:40

sentence. Short, the

1:02:42

punctuation perfect, spelling, immaculate.

1:02:45

Here's what I'd like you to do. You can

1:02:47

address anything I said. We can do it in

1:02:49

DMs unless you need the drama fodder for your

1:02:51

brand. Oh! Yeah.

1:02:54

He fired back. I'm not gonna lie. Mortal

1:02:57

Rising, a classic, the man making this

1:02:59

comic book. He

1:03:02

gave back the $700. I would have just bought a

1:03:04

whole bunch of Miles Morales merchandise and been like, look

1:03:06

what I got. You dumb piece of shit. Oh, man.

1:03:09

Man. Just shoved $700 back

1:03:11

in Eric July's dickhole. That's a

1:03:13

big league move from him. He's in

1:03:15

the bigger league. Yeah, he's in the bigger league. I

1:03:18

don't need your money. Actual artist. You

1:03:20

motherfucker. A businessman with that brand of fan.

1:03:22

I'm not an actual artist. I would have bought another PlayStation. No,

1:03:24

you're not. I'm not an actual businessman trying to big league an

1:03:26

artist. I saw that! That was $700. Why

1:03:29

don't you, you know, here's my advice on actually,

1:03:31

I don't give a shit. Here you go. I've

1:03:33

been disrespecting Eric for more than a year and

1:03:35

he's never given me any amount of money. You

1:03:38

don't deserve it. This is bullshit. He would take

1:03:40

it. I know I would take it. But

1:03:42

if I've never, I haven't seen something so beautiful

1:03:44

as this in a long time. Again,

1:03:47

it's just like, what

1:03:49

does he want? So

1:03:53

I, what is his brand? So then

1:03:55

Eric had a fire sale to get more

1:03:57

attention and dopamine. He said, okay, he, the

1:03:59

gentleman, But uh if

1:04:01

three of you would like my money, please Box

1:04:05

between three people now who knows who cares?

1:04:08

But this guy he couldn't buy so the problem

1:04:10

is that Eric July's brand can't be again all

1:04:13

these people Who you know are saying

1:04:15

oh, he's just like you know, he's the new Stanley It's the

1:04:17

future comics that are also like if Stanley

1:04:19

was like an asshole behind Lee paid

1:04:21

you 700 bucks to take his advice

1:04:23

you'd take it Yeah, I'm gonna go fuck himself

1:04:25

also your money and go family was a big

1:04:27

asshole behind the scenes He wasn't

1:04:29

going out there and going listen all

1:04:31

you chum sucking motherfuckers. All

1:04:33

right I know everything about comics and asshole

1:04:35

making comics that not the Marvel way is

1:04:37

a dumbass and a lunatic How dare you

1:04:39

disrespect Iron Man number? Don't

1:04:42

use don't use parentheses anymore Cuz you

1:04:44

have no fucking idea where they're supposed

1:04:47

to be used you illiterate pieces shit

1:04:49

I think once you make like the big

1:04:51

money like that's your opportunity to become

1:04:53

grandpa Eric You're like you that's

1:04:56

your opportunity become the big fun comic uncle

1:04:59

And you come out and you go well, maybe not uncle. I

1:05:01

know that has certain African-american,

1:05:04

you know Let's go

1:05:06

back to grandpa. Yeah, you come out and you

1:05:08

go listen. I just love comics. I'm so excited

1:05:10

to be making comics I want everybody to make

1:05:13

comics But for some reason Eric has like

1:05:15

this weird thing where you go like and

1:05:17

I think having a dad That's the weird well, that's

1:05:19

part of it, but we're not gonna dig too deep

1:05:21

into that Uh, I

1:05:23

guess I don't know if he's doing it consciously

1:05:25

or not But clearly his brand

1:05:27

is I'm a big tough man from the

1:05:29

streets Tons of my handle things the way

1:05:31

we handle things on the streets. I don't

1:05:33

take no disrespect You just got

1:05:35

disrespected harder than anyone I say yourself all

1:05:37

you a lot of disrespect there and I

1:05:39

see a lot of people are coming on

1:05:41

now being like what the fuck Was that

1:05:44

you gave a guy seven bucks to tell him

1:05:46

that he sucks at raising money and that

1:05:48

he needs to work on his attitude Look,

1:05:52

I know that he's gonna argue like well his attitudes

1:05:55

the reason he's not making money I don't know man.

1:05:57

His attitude seems fine. He basically told you go support

1:05:59

go by immortal risings comic yeah everyone

1:06:01

go buy a real ride from super killer

1:06:03

Vito is happy to give you a refund

1:06:05

so you can go support you

1:06:08

can get a refund on super killer there's

1:06:10

no problem okay if you want

1:06:12

to wait for it to come out and then buy it that's

1:06:14

fine all right I'll get

1:06:16

it fuck you don't get a fucking reef

1:06:18

and you're not getting any fucking refunds I'm

1:06:20

just joking of course go support immortal rising

1:06:23

if you're not gonna do it make somebody

1:06:25

I think he's already raised a couple hundred

1:06:27

bucks and again he's going look I don't

1:06:29

want your fucking big league charity I don't

1:06:31

need daddy warbucks to show up and rescue

1:06:33

me from the orphanage okay I'm a guy

1:06:35

making a comic book people

1:06:37

want to check out my comic book and it

1:06:39

looks pretty good I looked at it I like

1:06:41

the coloring big leaking a moral rising fucking obnoxious

1:06:43

it is obnoxious I

1:06:46

think it's on fund my comic comm you can find

1:06:48

it so maybe we can help this guy raise the

1:06:50

$700 that daddy Erica tried

1:06:52

to give them beautiful now you know

1:06:54

what no one button one

1:06:56

button sat there going I could have 700 bucks all

1:06:58

these people are saying that they would do it and

1:07:01

I'm dumb they're all gonna say I'm stupid all very

1:07:03

expanded sounds to even people who are neutral like I

1:07:05

would have taken it that's dumb nope

1:07:07

I'm an artist man fuck you what

1:07:09

about a giant cardboard cutout of Eric

1:07:11

and put it in my office and thrown

1:07:13

darts at it I wanted to write the

1:07:15

guy 700 I've checked just right there like thank you

1:07:17

here you go man I thought about I did I'll

1:07:19

buy the comic we're gonna buy the comic I'll buy

1:07:21

the comic we're gonna buy the comic I buy the

1:07:23

comic it's the least

1:07:26

I could do it's nearly the least

1:07:28

I could do again though it's like

1:07:30

thank you he's not why argue

1:07:32

with a guy he's got a little comic

1:07:34

he's got like a hundred backers he's perfectly

1:07:36

happy making his comics why

1:07:38

would you go well ab sold this many comics

1:07:40

and here's the reason you're a bust-a-ass piece of

1:07:42

shit blah blah blah it's like why would you

1:07:44

try to humiliate him get over it if somebody

1:07:46

on Twitter doesn't like you yeah I don't go

1:07:48

to like you know like I'll fight with guys

1:07:51

on Twitter but I don't give them $700 try

1:07:53

to teach them lessons I yeah

1:07:55

you and I go about my day

1:07:57

so disrespectful yeah like imagine if he

1:07:59

had needed that money even these guys with

1:08:01

and you have to live with like that shame

1:08:03

of being humiliated by somebody who probably can't read

1:08:06

Like that's horrible man who has no dad even

1:08:08

the reverse guys I fight with on Twitter in

1:08:10

the back of my mind. I'm like I like

1:08:12

these guys I'm gonna win them over that

1:08:14

now I'm zero guy. That's the difference with Eric is

1:08:17

that he thinks all his haters He's just like I

1:08:19

hate all these guys that are my all these haters.

1:08:21

They're gonna see he just sees his dad like that

1:08:23

Polka dot guy in Suicide Squad No, or

1:08:25

maybe his mom like that guy like exactly like that

1:08:28

guy. It's a lot of problems in

1:08:30

the world Okay, your turn uncle Eric saving

1:08:32

the comic industry If

1:08:34

you have a if you have a comic book, he's

1:08:37

like your money away. So you gotta go. Yeah, why

1:08:39

do his tweet? I? couldn't believe

1:08:41

it It's bizarre again.

1:08:43

I said he I noticed that you little

1:08:45

your little campaign wasn't doing so well And

1:08:48

I'm basically the shug night of comics. I

1:08:50

mean, I don't Ask that's badly. Okay. Here's

1:08:52

the here's the other problem is he had

1:08:54

this big falling out with Ethan Van Skyver,

1:08:57

right? Yeah, so he's basically going you know

1:09:00

Fuck the idea of a

1:09:02

comic community and everybody working together to

1:09:04

make comics better. I'm my

1:09:06

own man I don't own collective has ever

1:09:08

thrived under those conditions Yeah when

1:09:10

a press artist got together and never

1:09:13

worked on their craft in a Conclave

1:09:15

of some all artists survive

1:09:17

and thrive in pure isolation with no help

1:09:19

or for us and from anyone else only

1:09:21

in marketing, right? He's

1:09:24

a master of marketing dick. My problem is

1:09:27

one. I think all men will identify with

1:09:29

okay and women don't matter So well, I

1:09:31

don't know. Maybe women have this problem. That's

1:09:33

a calendar. I don't think they do You

1:09:36

know grooming is very important shit Why

1:09:38

did I say that? Personal

1:09:42

grooming is very important. That's what I

1:09:44

say. All right, that's a sound clip

1:09:48

You want to take care of yourself and especially

1:09:50

you want to take care of the hair that

1:09:52

you got growing out of your body This is

1:09:55

a manscaping commercial Our

1:09:57

new sponsor manscaping my

1:09:59

problem is fucking up while shaving. Oh

1:10:01

yeah. There are a

1:10:04

number of ways to do it and I think we've

1:10:06

all accomplished all of them. I don't know if you

1:10:08

noticed, I think when I came in

1:10:10

and I did the weigh in, did I take

1:10:12

my hat off? I wasn't looking. Oh, okay.

1:10:15

I had my camera to make sure that it was on the up and up. So

1:10:17

you might not have noticed the giant patch of bandages

1:10:20

on my head that were disguising

1:10:22

the fact that I had wildly

1:10:25

slashed, somehow

1:10:27

while shaving my head, like right before

1:10:30

the weigh in contest, I went like, huh, something

1:10:32

feels kind of weird and then I took my

1:10:34

hand away. And I went, oh my God, what

1:10:36

the fuck did I do? I had

1:10:38

somehow carved this giant gash out of the top

1:10:40

of my head and it was just... Wasn't all

1:10:42

your hair gone then? Uh,

1:10:45

yeah. Well, what do you mean? I

1:10:47

mean, did you have hair follicles there? You were shaving so

1:10:49

you must have had hair there. There was a little bit

1:10:51

of hair there that I was trying to get rid of.

1:10:53

Now it's gone. Yeah, it's gone along with a giant patch

1:10:56

of my head. No,

1:10:58

I'm saying like, I think I just cut in deep. I

1:11:00

don't think I ripped off. What do you use? Like a

1:11:02

razor? I was using like a razor,

1:11:04

yeah. Do they have those like handheld things? Every

1:11:06

time I get one of those, they break. I have to get a

1:11:08

new one. I've gone through like two of them

1:11:10

so far. I don't know why they always break. How

1:11:13

hard are you shaving? I

1:11:16

don't know. I can't find a good one. Like I

1:11:18

look on Amazon and it goes like, this one has

1:11:20

30,000 reviews so I buy it and then I go

1:11:22

back and I read the reviews. It's like, is most

1:11:24

good razor for good time? Is

1:11:26

the most close shave? And I go, oh, they're all

1:11:28

fake fucking Chinese reviews written by a bunch of fucking

1:11:30

people in a factory, the same factory that makes the

1:11:32

fucking money. I think I got a, well I

1:11:34

keep buying like $50 ones. I probably

1:11:37

got to like, I've tried to figure it out. If

1:11:39

anyone knows the best one of those head shavers with

1:11:41

like 10 little heads on it that like contours to your scalp, let

1:11:43

me know which brand is actually good because they keep breaking.

1:11:46

So anyway, that was broken so I used regular razor and

1:11:49

I gouged my head open. I was bleeding everywhere. It's

1:11:51

gone now. Oh, okay. This was like

1:11:53

two weeks ago. Like it happened

1:11:55

in two weeks. Like it happened in two weeks. You can eat

1:11:57

a lot of cheeseburgers. In the end of the long way. Uh,

1:12:01

so obviously one of the big ones is

1:12:03

to cut yourself a little shaving. Yeah problem

1:12:06

I have lost many mustaches to angry

1:12:09

Clippering or shaving or I'll like be

1:12:12

clippering this and I'll not pay close enough attention Well,

1:12:16

there was one episode where I remember you

1:12:18

accidentally shaved wrong had to shave off your

1:12:20

whole beard I think you've been regoing since

1:12:22

then yeah all the comments on that episode

1:12:24

are I don't like this and

1:12:26

I don't like I don't like it either. I have the

1:12:28

same problem where It's very hard for

1:12:31

me to gauge when to stop shaving my beard

1:12:33

down So if you ever

1:12:35

watch a show right after I've shaved you'll probably

1:12:37

notice it's like super patchy and shitty Cuz

1:12:40

it's just hard to gauge when to stop how short to

1:12:42

go and then I always go too short and I know

1:12:45

well It'll grow back out. Yeah, so

1:12:47

yeah accidentally shaving the wrong hairs

1:12:50

And I'm just like you just never about

1:12:52

your pubes you cut that shit down. I

1:12:54

don't do that, but I don't okay I've

1:12:56

done it a couple times, and I'm like

1:12:58

why did I do this looks fucking we

1:13:00

I don't get it Andy Signore a like

1:13:02

freaked out myself on I'd fuck me like

1:13:04

yeah, Buffalo Bill first of all Buffalo

1:13:06

William as I call Andy has constantly been like what

1:13:08

do you mean? You don't shave your pubes? I'm like

1:13:10

yeah, why would I shave my pubes? He's

1:13:13

like that's insane. What are you talking? You're gonna

1:13:15

get that manscaping. He's like this is the most

1:13:17

important I'm like I don't think it's that big

1:13:19

a deal to shave the is it like if

1:13:21

the girl asks for it You know sure if

1:13:24

anything I want to dense. How would she want like

1:13:26

a prickling all over her mouth, right? Well, I guess

1:13:28

you got to shave it down for that. No.

1:13:30

No you wanted to be saw you right you don't want

1:13:32

it to be Here, yeah, it's a good point

1:13:36

But I guess there are some people who are

1:13:38

trimming down there women's experience you ever try like

1:13:40

shaving all your body hair No, you get

1:13:42

I tried it once. I don't remember why I

1:13:44

was like I save

1:13:47

everything and see what happens. Yeah got

1:13:49

very itchy. It was very uncomfortable. Yeah,

1:13:51

I was like oh my god My

1:13:53

body is rejecting this 100% Point

1:13:57

is shaving. There's just so many things that

1:14:00

can go wrong. Luckily I

1:14:02

have some tips here. Is this

1:14:04

the grossest problem you've brought in? Is

1:14:06

it? I don't know. Again,

1:14:10

the shave are breaking. Big problem. Yeah.

1:14:12

Especially, okay, so here's my, here's why

1:14:14

it sucks for me is clearly

1:14:16

I'm not growing hair very well. So I want

1:14:18

to stay bald. Right. But then this, this hair

1:14:20

on the sides keeps crawling and I keep shaving

1:14:22

and then it gets out of control and then

1:14:25

I got to break out the clippers, but the

1:14:27

clippers don't get a close enough shave. So then

1:14:29

I got to go in. It's just like, now

1:14:31

I got like a little bit of hair and then

1:14:33

you guys show some of this stuff. You can't just

1:14:35

describe. Yeah, that's fine.

1:14:37

I don't like it. It's a lot. Yeah,

1:14:40

it's a lot. And then I don't, I can't see

1:14:42

the back of my head. So like I'll shave it

1:14:44

all about wax, but then I'll leave like a big

1:14:46

patch and I'm just like, Oh,

1:14:48

I'm like having fun. I go to the star and

1:14:50

I'm walking around. There's just one weird patch of hair

1:14:52

back here. I wasn't aware about it. But you can

1:14:54

get together. You can have like a fat guy, like

1:14:56

head shave it on every week. I want to know

1:14:59

what wings is doing cause he keeps that head shaved.

1:15:02

What about a barber? I've been thinking

1:15:04

about, I should probably just go to a

1:15:06

barber and get a head shave like once

1:15:08

a week. I'd probably be happier. Yeah. Find

1:15:11

a nice barber shop and they could

1:15:13

do a nice job. They can use the little

1:15:15

bit of shaving oil. Yeah. Guys,

1:15:17

don't forget to get your skin and hair wet to

1:15:19

make the area soft and slick. You

1:15:21

shaving cream gel or some kind of lubricant

1:15:23

on the skin. You shave, do you shave

1:15:26

gel? He's a shavier.

1:15:28

Yeah. Like whatever it is. Barbers on,

1:15:31

I think I get the blue gel.

1:15:33

It's fun. I don't like that. That's

1:15:35

crazy. I don't know. Blue. Don't

1:15:38

forget to observe the direction your hair

1:15:40

is growing. No, that's bullshit. No, no,

1:15:42

no. It's not bullshit. If

1:15:44

you shave in the opposite direction that your hair is

1:15:46

growing, you will get a closer shave.

1:15:49

So what are you supposed to do this way?

1:15:51

Well, here's the problem

1:15:53

is you get a closer shave. You go against the grain.

1:15:56

You want to avoid skin irritation

1:15:58

and in grown hairs. go with the

1:16:00

grain. So we have very

1:16:03

sensitive skin. Don't go against,

1:16:05

but I always go against. I want to get it all. I

1:16:08

appreciate you shave everything next episode.

1:16:11

Like a razor. That could be a bonus.

1:16:13

Shave our whole faces, like baby face episode.

1:16:15

I have not been a completely clean shaven

1:16:17

in probably a decade. It's horrifying. Oh really?

1:16:19

There are some pictures of clean... Feels weird.

1:16:21

There are some pictures of... You

1:16:24

can watch some old videos of clean shaving if you

1:16:26

don't. I don't know if you saw that a guy

1:16:28

put out a giant documentary about Skullgirls. Ah no.

1:16:31

The fighting game. I didn't see that.

1:16:33

At the beginning of it is Young

1:16:35

Vito interviewing the creator of Skullgirls, like

1:16:37

Young, Thin Vito. Oh yeah. Nobody

1:16:40

has commented on the video. Like it's got like

1:16:42

hundreds of thousands of comments and nobody goes, hey

1:16:44

there's their Vito. Because it's a skinny guy who

1:16:46

looks nothing like me and I'm like, ah that

1:16:48

means a really fucked up. Is that the guy

1:16:50

who sent that hot girl a bunch of DMs

1:16:52

and it was like, he was like, oh, uh,

1:16:55

I'm like, I'm like sweating. Yeah,

1:16:57

and sending emojis and weird shit. Throwing up in

1:16:59

my mouth. But would the lady like to be...

1:17:02

Yeah, and basically he was so autistic that they

1:17:04

tried to kick him out of his own company

1:17:08

for not even aggressively just autistically

1:17:10

hitting on a girl. Yeah. And

1:17:13

like a cute stupid nerd way. Like,

1:17:15

oh jeez, if the lady would perchance

1:17:18

like to come to my cave for

1:17:20

some like pages. But there's more to the

1:17:22

lady than just the boobies. Yeah.

1:17:26

Keep in mind, he shouldn't have been talking

1:17:28

like that though. Well the problem was

1:17:30

that he's in this, again, it's like one of those weird

1:17:32

things where you have these non-traditional

1:17:34

workplaces. This is what fucked Vice over. Vice used

1:17:36

to have this agreement, I think it was

1:17:38

Vice, that you had to sign. I

1:17:41

was like, listen, I understand I'm working in a

1:17:43

non-traditional workplace. I'm working for Gavin McGinnis. People are

1:17:45

going to be drinking and doing coke in the

1:17:47

bathroom. There's going to be pictures of naked ladies

1:17:49

everywhere. And I'm not going to

1:17:51

fire a sexual, I'm not going to fire

1:17:53

off a sexual harassment lawsuit because I understand

1:17:55

that's the nature of the work. And again, the guy's

1:17:57

making Skullgirls, it's like, it's an anime game with a

1:17:59

bunch of boobies in it being drawn by like

1:18:01

a bunch of perverts and weirdos. Yeah, but he

1:18:03

was saying it to like some Onlyfans model, wasn't

1:18:05

he? Something like that. Well, watch

1:18:08

the documentary, get the information. I'm

1:18:10

too close to it though. I know a bunch of the

1:18:12

guys who worked on Skullgirls. Oh. They don't like me anymore.

1:18:15

And that's fine. Why?

1:18:18

Look at me. Come on. Look at

1:18:20

who I'm sitting across from. What did I do?

1:18:23

What did I do? Who's

1:18:25

your friend? Who's your friend, Dick? Oh, he's

1:18:27

pretty cool. He's like friends with Nick Fuentes and what's

1:18:31

that? Andrew Anglin. Andrew Anglin.

1:18:34

Don't forget. Richard Spencer. He

1:18:36

knows a lot of cool guys. No,

1:18:38

he just helped him get funded on

1:18:40

the internet. That's completely different. He

1:18:43

helped run a, you know, he helped

1:18:45

run a fundraiser for the Proud Boys.

1:18:47

He's not a good all around guy.

1:18:49

Everyone deserves a legal defense. That's a

1:18:51

good argument, you know. That's

1:18:54

a lawyer argument. Guys, if you

1:18:57

do cut yourself shaving, here's

1:18:59

the steps. Okay. Get

1:19:01

a washcloth, warm water, press it against the

1:19:03

cut for 30 seconds. That's going to clean

1:19:05

the cut. Bleeding will slow. Ignore it. What

1:19:08

do you mean? Then apply a witch hazel

1:19:10

based toner or other alcohol free aftershave to

1:19:12

disinfect the wound. Alright. After

1:19:15

that, hold an ice cube or cold comp pressed against the

1:19:17

cut for 15 to 30 seconds. That's

1:19:19

going to restrict the blood vessels. You know, no one's

1:19:21

doing that. Grab a knife. I'm going to try this

1:19:23

next time. I'm going to put ice, like, I'm going

1:19:25

to grab an ice cube. I'm going to get blood

1:19:27

and ice all over my shift. And

1:19:30

then after the ice cube, take a

1:19:32

little Vaseline, take like a chapstick, seal the

1:19:34

cut. Boom. You're going to walk

1:19:36

around with a bunch of bloody Vaseline all over your head. I'm going

1:19:38

to have a bunch of blood and ice and chapstick goo all over

1:19:40

my face. They

1:19:44

also say you can get a, a Lum block or

1:19:46

a styptic pencil. You ever heard of these? What's a

1:19:48

Lum block? It is a

1:19:50

block made of the mineral potassium

1:19:52

alum, which will dry out and

1:19:54

disinfect the targeted area. Man, this is

1:19:56

just a selling shit. Just ignore it. I'm not selling it, but that sounds,

1:19:58

if I had a cut and there's Just like a little pencil and

1:20:01

I just gonna go to CVS and order a box

1:20:03

of which I'm gonna get a I'm

1:20:05

gonna get a stipric pencil. Okay, is that

1:20:07

it? Shave at it

1:20:09

fucking up. We'll shaving fucking

1:20:11

fuck up. So My

1:20:14

problem is fingernail piles and

1:20:16

I wish I would have picked a different one since you

1:20:18

did a grooming one I told you shaving. I

1:20:21

know but I already I was fucking

1:20:23

thinking about the Battle of the groomers

1:20:25

thinking about sushi Triangles. Yeah, okay the

1:20:27

battle of the groomers. Look my grooming

1:20:29

problem is better You're sitting there you're

1:20:31

biting off your fingernails and

1:20:34

you got a fingernail, right? Sure. Throw it

1:20:36

in the trash easy, right? But I just

1:20:38

got up to get a

1:20:40

beer. I'm sitting here. I just

1:20:42

let the dog out I'll

1:20:44

just hold the fingernail

1:20:46

for a little bit while I get up. Okay,

1:20:48

I'll throw the fingernail away Sure, okay And

1:20:51

since I got already got the fingernail, why don't I

1:20:53

just bite off another finger? Right now these fingernails have been

1:20:55

annoying me. They've been catching on stuff I just

1:20:58

put this guy right here gonna buy this fucking

1:21:00

guy off put him over there No

1:21:02

problem. All I have to do is remember

1:21:04

to throw away all these fingernails next time

1:21:06

I get let's see what's on Twitter Boop

1:21:09

boop, doop doop doop. Do I have to go

1:21:11

to the bathroom boop boop doop doop three hours

1:21:14

later wife comes home What the fuck is there

1:21:16

a big pile another big pile of fingernails on

1:21:18

the coffee table? While

1:21:20

you're pissing The

1:21:22

fucking fingernail pile again. It's a

1:21:25

good problem. It is a good problem, right? My

1:21:27

fingernail problems are probably worse in years because I

1:21:29

don't have a significant other to come Years

1:21:36

While I tell his coffee's nice I'll put it in the cup

1:21:41

For some reason the primary places I find myself

1:21:43

biting my fingernails are in the shower Don't

1:21:46

know how long you in the shower. I take

1:21:49

I take long showers I'm a shower man me

1:21:51

too, but you're in there biting your fingernails.

1:21:53

Yeah, and then I got I haven't tried that I'll

1:21:55

just give that a shot. Honestly. That's why I always

1:21:57

deal with my toenails is a Because

1:22:00

it loosens up the- It loosens them up, yeah

1:22:02

sure. Yeah. The toenails will come just right off.

1:22:04

I just rip them off and then- I like

1:22:06

this. Yeah. Uh, but the fingernails,

1:22:09

yeah, it loosens up the bottle, or whatever, you bite

1:22:11

them off. And then I have like a little window

1:22:13

sill, you know, that I just go, alright, well I'll

1:22:15

just put that there, and then when I'm done with

1:22:17

the bath- How big are your stacks of- How big

1:22:20

are your piles, like a dragon? By the way, I

1:22:22

fucking told my girlfriend my problem, and she goes, what's

1:22:24

that? I'm like, you know what it fucking is. Because

1:22:26

that's disgusting, no one will have this problem. I said,

1:22:29

I guarantee you every fucking guy listening to this show

1:22:31

has fingernail piles in the fucking promise you. Yeah, except for

1:22:33

the ones whose mothers yelled at them all the time. I

1:22:35

don't even have the plimple thing. No, my mom yelled at

1:22:37

me, I don't care. I mean,

1:22:39

I care, but I haven't fixed the problem. So when I get in

1:22:41

the shower, I always look at the window ledge next to the shower,

1:22:44

and I go, oh man, I gotta get rid of those fingernails. This

1:22:47

is a big pile of them. And I also bite my

1:22:49

fingernails in the car a lot. She says we're gonna make

1:22:51

her barf. Fuck you. In

1:22:53

the car, and then, I don't know why I

1:22:55

don't just throw them out the window, because that

1:22:57

would be the simplest thing. But I put them

1:22:59

in the little coin tray where I

1:23:02

keep all my coins, and then again at

1:23:04

a certain point, I go, oh man, there's like 50 fingernails

1:23:06

there, and then I gotta stop on the

1:23:08

roadside and just throw them out. You can bring them

1:23:10

in and they help for dialysis. If you trade them

1:23:12

in, you can get money to recycle your fingernails. Yeah.

1:23:15

You fill up a milk container of them. I

1:23:18

like that we're both really gross, so we can agree on this

1:23:20

problem. I bet you somebody out

1:23:22

there listening has a fucking 2 liter bottle

1:23:24

full of fingernails. Yeah. Which

1:23:27

is awesome. I wish I was that. I

1:23:29

always thought about keeping a... Okay,

1:23:33

here's another thing that drives me nuts with shaving.

1:23:35

Okay. This is

1:23:37

a vote for my problem, though. Fingernail piles. Sure.

1:23:40

Do you get that residue on your scalp that's dead skin

1:23:42

and oil and whatever else? Dandruff?

1:23:48

No. It's

1:23:50

kind of like dandruff, but it's like

1:23:52

a thin layer of just goop on

1:23:54

my head almost. Con? No,

1:23:57

it's just like... I just have a bunch of... Dead

1:24:00

skin and oil and yes sweat is mixed

1:24:02

in with it. I have hair

1:24:04

so I wouldn't know well whenever I wash

1:24:06

my hair Whatever I shave my head it

1:24:08

gets down to that whatever layer Yeah

1:24:11

I can like literally take a Butter knife

1:24:13

and like scrape it across the top of my

1:24:15

head and come away with these

1:24:17

like I'm a high I'm a legit

1:24:19

throw up You know it

1:24:22

looks like like poster putty You know

1:24:24

it looks like and I've always went like

1:24:26

what if I just kept saving that you know

1:24:29

And I like could have like enough of it to

1:24:31

make another human being it's just dead

1:24:33

skin putty man Putty man.

1:24:36

Yeah, I could make a putty like from

1:24:38

a Pet valve I think the

1:24:40

power Rangers no the power is I

1:24:43

think that's what it's made of is all that dead skin Well

1:24:47

yeah, cuz I wanted off my head Butter knife

1:24:49

that you're talking through your head I've looked online

1:24:51

to see if there's like such a thing as

1:24:53

like a head scraper because I like a fucking

1:24:55

chia pet or a Play-doh fun

1:24:58

factory guy shooting yellow putty through your

1:25:00

head. I just have this this horrible

1:25:02

layer of dead skin And

1:25:05

again, I can like I could take a

1:25:07

knife and just like you know I

1:25:09

will take a knife and like scrape the top of my head How

1:25:12

often I've not what anytime I shave? I'm

1:25:15

a fuck are you and are you too

1:25:17

embarrassed about the weigh-in, but you're talking about

1:25:19

buddy scum I have taken like sandpaper to

1:25:21

try and like sand down the No,

1:25:25

but I have run sandpaper on my head

1:25:27

before to see if that would help what kind of get rid of

1:25:29

it Like grip like

1:25:31

grip gotta go with the heavy grit I

1:25:33

have all sorts of likes you know like bath

1:25:36

brushes and like loofas and shit none of

1:25:38

it helps What about like

1:25:40

a skin condition? I've bad skin

1:25:43

I definitely have like certainly not a What's

1:25:46

the thing in psoriasis you ever see that where

1:25:49

like people's skin come yeah, yeah, put up a

1:25:51

picture psoriasis I think

1:25:53

I have like the beginning stages of that What's

1:25:57

the advanced stage the advanced stage is the picture? I was

1:25:59

gonna show you those disgusting patches of skin. I'm not

1:26:01

gonna put it on the stream though. All

1:26:04

right, PS, OR. Thanks.

1:26:07

There's a chronic long-lasting skin where the

1:26:09

immune system becomes overactive. Oh

1:26:12

God! Yeah. Bro!

1:26:15

I think that's- No! Well, I don't

1:26:17

have that yet, but I feel like Killer Croc from

1:26:19

Batman. It's like the tree people, like, it's

1:26:21

like that scale disease from Game of Thrones. I think I

1:26:23

watch Game of Thrones. All right, well, it's like you get

1:26:25

covered in this- Oh, look at this chick's holding your tits

1:26:27

up. Ooh! Come

1:26:29

on. What do you mean? It's a nice tit. I

1:26:31

think I'm pretty close to the, I gotta go to

1:26:34

a doctor. Why would the Mayo Clinic put this chick

1:26:36

with obviously huge tits holding her tits

1:26:38

up to show the underside of her

1:26:41

tits to psoriasis? There's no other

1:26:43

examples of psoriasis they could show. Maybe a lady wants

1:26:45

to know what she has. She has red blotches under

1:26:47

her boobs and she needs to know what you want

1:26:49

to call it. And she has to have big tits

1:26:51

so they show her. Why don't you just show it

1:26:53

so people know what we're talking about? I can't, I

1:26:55

already got, I already lost one channel for sexual

1:26:57

nudity of this- This is medical. This is

1:27:00

not sexual. I'm broke. Fucking topless men is

1:27:02

definitely not sexual. All right, well, point

1:27:05

is I have dead skin. Look it, I'll bust

1:27:07

a nut right there in the middle where

1:27:10

her big psoriasis target is. My

1:27:12

doctor sucks though. Every time I go to my

1:27:14

doctor, I leave her office and

1:27:17

she goes, all right, I'm gonna- I found your problem.

1:27:19

I have a lady doctor. Yeah, it sucks. Every

1:27:22

time I leave her office, she goes, okay, I'm gonna call

1:27:24

this this and this end of the pharmacy and

1:27:26

I'm gonna set you up with this thing and blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:27:28

I'm like, okay, and then like two, three days later, I go to

1:27:30

the pharmacy and they go, oh yeah, she didn't do that. You

1:27:33

should know I got a call and be like, hey, remember you said

1:27:35

you were gonna get me this thing and whatever. She

1:27:38

Asian? No, yes, actually. She's

1:27:40

trying to fuck, she's trying to kill you. She's

1:27:42

trying to kill me. You should go to a- A

1:27:45

white man. A

1:27:47

priest. An Irish priest. An Irish priest. For

1:27:50

you. Okay. Yeah.

1:27:52

I'm gonna help me out. I'm gonna go with this.

1:27:54

And Vito's weird dead skin problem on the

1:27:56

top of his head. I do

1:27:58

have like dandruff though. What

1:28:01

about like a medical shampoo? I've tried the

1:28:03

head and shoulders and it doesn't really... Maybe

1:28:05

like a more... like a medical shampoo. Like

1:28:07

a prescription. Yeah, I've had that, the orange

1:28:09

stuff. I don't know. Honestly,

1:28:12

though, the dandruff doesn't bother me that much. I mean, do I

1:28:14

even have anything on my shoulders? Used to be worse. Look,

1:28:17

I'm wearing a black shirt. I don't even have anything.

1:28:19

I don't have any hair left, so... But that head

1:28:21

scum, though, that's gotta be... The head scum's weird. That'd

1:28:23

be a problem. I'm gonna start collecting... I'll

1:28:25

collect it in a jar. I'll bring it in so you can see

1:28:27

what it looks like. Then it's Justin Wang. Then it's Justin Wang. I

1:28:29

could be... He could make a video. I

1:28:32

could be the head scum guy. I could make a little doll out of it.

1:28:34

How thick is it? It's... I

1:28:36

mean, I don't know how to describe it. What would I say? Between

1:28:40

semen and spaghetti. Well,

1:28:43

it's definitely between those two. Okay.

1:28:46

I mean, if I leave it out to dry on like

1:28:48

the windowsill, you know, if I take off a bunch of

1:28:50

it and I just like put it on the windowsill, it'll

1:28:52

dry out. Then it's kinda like a...

1:28:54

How much do you generate? It's like... surprising.

1:28:57

That could mean

1:29:00

anything, man. All this dead

1:29:02

skin is just sitting on top of my

1:29:04

head and it mixes with all your

1:29:06

sweat and the oil and it makes like silly

1:29:08

putty, basically. Why don't you make hair out of

1:29:10

it? I could make hair out of it. Like

1:29:13

a Lego man. Honestly, I could make little lines

1:29:15

of it. I

1:29:17

could look like... What was Spider-Man's

1:29:19

friend who had that weird looking cornrow hair?

1:29:23

Harry Osborn. Harry Osborn. Oh,

1:29:25

he's in the comics. Okay. Had those

1:29:27

cornrows. Okay, well... So

1:29:30

we can get a zinc shampoo. Yeah, that's what it

1:29:32

is. Fingernail pile. That might help. That's

1:29:34

the problem. That's the problem. And shaving, which

1:29:36

reveals, of course, your scum-soaked head. That's

1:29:40

the show, everyone. Thank you. That's

1:29:43

a great show. We got a lot of Super Chats because

1:29:45

we got to read the ones from last week. I'll play

1:29:48

two voicemails. And we

1:29:50

may talk about Boogie dunking

1:29:53

on this show but celebrating me. Huh,

1:29:56

what? Did you watch the clip? No.

1:30:00

I didn't. You should. Okay,

1:30:02

this guy says conservative porn. Oh, hey! He agrees

1:30:04

with you. Merry

1:30:06

Christmas boys. Just

1:30:09

wanted to comment saying that there

1:30:11

definitely is conservative

1:30:13

porn. Okay. It's the

1:30:16

Stepbrother step-sister shit. So

1:30:19

we talked about conservative porn on the show before I

1:30:22

guess. Maybe last

1:30:24

week. Then we brought it up in summer. They did

1:30:26

that calendar. Alright, here's what's what's what's. Okay, so I

1:30:28

downloaded like the whatnot app because Vito

1:30:30

is gonna do his fun wheel of console on

1:30:32

it. The wheel of console? And just browsing it.

1:30:34

It's like the most sketchy place that you could

1:30:36

possibly be selling shit on. It

1:30:39

feels like walking by those guys who are trying to

1:30:41

like give you their mixtape. It's

1:30:43

legitimately very uncomfortable to browse through because a

1:30:45

bunch of guys being like please buy like

1:30:47

all this bullshit that I have. Um,

1:30:50

so, you know, Vito,

1:30:52

please just sell it normally

1:30:55

like a normal person. Don't use all this

1:30:57

jiggery-pokery in order to I

1:30:59

don't think you'd say jiggery on YouTube. I

1:31:03

wish we had recorded after the show we went

1:31:05

upstairs and I argued with you

1:31:07

and Trixie. First of all, we argued about whether

1:31:09

or not it was legal for me to run the wheel of consoles. And

1:31:12

then I started showing you guys all the other

1:31:15

fun scams on YouTube and TikTok. Oh, dude, it's

1:31:17

so bad. That there's just video order

1:31:19

pushing machine of like guys who just have a

1:31:21

webcam. Guys own their own coin pusher, but they

1:31:23

set it up and make you think they're in

1:31:25

a casino and they go oh, we're about to

1:31:27

hit a hundred thousand on the coin pusher. It's

1:31:30

like it's like a sculpture of a

1:31:34

250 thousand dollars in poker chips. Yeah,

1:31:36

sitting on quarters and they're feeding in

1:31:38

quarters. And then when it falls they're

1:31:40

like, oh wow jackpot. Just won a hundred. Yeah, just

1:31:42

won 250 thousand. Oh my god. Guys

1:31:46

who buy a hundred and fifty million views and

1:31:48

the dick kept telling me I should do it

1:31:50

because I should do it. Well, there's the videos

1:31:52

of guys who buy like one of the arcade

1:31:54

crane games and they put a bunch of like

1:31:57

iPhone boxes in it and they go, oh

1:31:59

look I just won ten. iPhones cuz I

1:32:01

hacked the crane game. It's so

1:32:03

obviously fake. I've never seen anything

1:32:05

more depraved Like oh god,

1:32:08

you can win all the iPhones if

1:32:10

you do this and it's like dude

1:32:12

That's clearly just in his basement. No

1:32:14

no fucking Crane game

1:32:16

is loaded up with 50 iPhones in a

1:32:19

stack that you can just not go empty

1:32:21

boxes. Yeah Oh

1:32:23

my god, you know what? I gotta bring that

1:32:25

in next week. I'll save it. I'm gonna save

1:32:27

that That's their job and well, I was just

1:32:29

one. Oh, that bad. He just won seven million

1:32:31

dollars And that should have been his comic the

1:32:33

guy who wins the lottery. Yeah, I

1:32:36

won the lottery Honestly,

1:32:38

yeah, I got a superhero. It's just like

1:32:40

and I won ten million dollars Consumerism

1:32:46

porn is good. All right any

1:32:49

other ones Oh, all right Everyone was correcting

1:32:51

me about Floyd Mayweather Floyd Mayweather is not

1:32:53

the one who knocked out Conor

1:32:55

McGregor's leg I think I

1:32:57

knew that but I just knew that some guy

1:33:00

he had fought had fucked up his leg. Who

1:33:02

cares Yeah, it was an MMA fight. I don't

1:33:04

even remember a video Merry Christmas question

1:33:07

for veto Vito, how do you

1:33:09

decide what video game the hat to wear

1:33:11

in the morning? Fuck? I fucked that up Nice

1:33:15

one. Well, they're gonna be an insult

1:33:17

to that. I guess so.

1:33:19

Oh, is that the question? It's a normal question

1:33:21

the normal. I must have been like I Try

1:33:24

to coordinate the hat with the color of the shirt

1:33:26

I'm wearing so for instance you see I put on

1:33:28

an orange shirt Yeah, it comes first. I

1:33:31

said I'll put on an orange hat to go along with it.

1:33:33

Thankfully. I have an orange hat very cool

1:33:35

Very well, you know, all right Let's do

1:33:37

super Chad since we fucked it up to

1:33:39

all since Trixie fucked it up last week

1:33:42

Play this boogie clip at some point we're gonna play

1:33:44

it during the super check Well, if somebody wants to

1:33:46

if somebody wants to read that about it super Chad

1:33:48

remind us about the boogie clip Do

1:33:51

a clip about myself nobody wants to hear it

1:33:53

if nobody wants to pay to hear it. All

1:33:55

right So the

1:33:57

last show before new year's guys

1:34:00

You know you're gonna spend New Year's alone.

1:34:02

You're not going out. You're not buying liquor

1:34:04

Why not spend it here on some super

1:34:06

chats or yeah? I did to patreon.com/biggest problem

1:34:08

listen to the biggest problem holiday special 2023

1:34:12

Also available at back by by slash biggest problem.

1:34:14

Don't forget all the problems you heard on the

1:34:16

show here today You can

1:34:18

vote on at biggest problem dot show

1:34:21

Please vote we want to see big votes on

1:34:23

the show All right, you got

1:34:26

we got a long way to go from last week.

1:34:28

Well. We just got a power through it I don't

1:34:30

even remember where we're at Here

1:34:33

I can probably figure it out. We're not the mouth No

1:34:39

no no no no no no I don't remember

1:34:41

where Trixie yanked out the okay,

1:34:44

we definitely read that I 'm

1:34:51

gonna say we're right here Keemstar killed

1:34:53

at it Erica. Do we read that

1:34:55

I think you meant Etika all

1:34:57

right well Thanks guys. We're gonna start

1:35:00

from last show where again Trixie and a Guys

1:35:05

could be dead we don't even what's even

1:35:07

the point gonna read them cross purposes five

1:35:09

I'm done dude Joe cool for two says

1:35:11

Keemstar killed Erica I believe you mean Etika

1:35:13

random guy for two don't kill yourself a

1:35:15

veto might get your stuff Dean shock

1:35:18

for a big $20 as I may be

1:35:20

drunk, but I think you all skipped the intro

1:35:22

and rhyme No, we

1:35:24

always we definitely did the intro last week another

1:35:26

thing didn't the guest last week explicitly not give

1:35:28

you an n-word pass We don't anyway Mary Chris.

1:35:30

He didn't have an n-word pass himself He even

1:35:32

said it with an a and he then he

1:35:34

was like oh shit Sorry, he did not what

1:35:37

you want you give him out. They're gone You

1:35:39

only get three yeah a very sad cat for

1:35:41

two vetoes NWA cover group ends with questions Sam

1:35:44

for new reparations when black people are

1:35:46

born we give them an NFT of

1:35:48

a n-word pass now three People

1:35:51

will pay millions for that Elon

1:35:55

Musk if we almost would buy one

1:35:58

Sam for ten big dollars you

1:36:00

Trixie. Well that's disappointing. Been watching since 2013 so

1:36:02

I'm pissed I can't stay for the whole show.

1:36:04

Well don't worry you did stay for the whole

1:36:06

show. Show ended

1:36:09

short thanks for introducing me to the Dick Show and

1:36:11

biggest problem. Yolanda, thank you for

1:36:13

two. Dick, do you have a Neo

1:36:15

Geo? No, I do. Cross purposes for

1:36:17

two. Definitely not going to Greenland. Don't

1:36:19

worry. Jacob Wagner for two says Vito

1:36:21

get Maddox to take your consoles. I

1:36:24

think that man has done enough gaming for his life.

1:36:27

He's gamified his bed. Oh he's a little

1:36:29

more. Ash Vampire for a big $20 says

1:36:31

Hey Trixie good to see you doing good for

1:36:34

yourself after the drama from several years ago. I

1:36:36

joined your server after your Dick Show appearance. Hope

1:36:38

to be able to have good anime conversations with

1:36:40

you again. There you go. I feel bad because

1:36:42

Trixie was not able to do another plug because

1:36:44

the show was ended short so I'll remind everybody.

1:36:46

Trixie's new show is called Comments on Comments. Search

1:36:49

for that on YouTube. Again, comments

1:36:51

on comments going through hilarious comments

1:36:53

on your favorite YouTube videos and elsewhere.

1:36:56

A good show. Cheese 1000 for $20. Merry Christmas to

1:36:58

Dick and Trixie.

1:37:01

The fuck? And Vito

1:37:03

if you're still under 300 pounds right now,

1:37:05

Merry Christmas you do. Well I am under

1:37:08

300 pounds. Okay, let's see. Joe Cool for

1:37:10

five. Vito, Radium, Swatmeat, and Gardenia. It has

1:37:12

a bunch of old game consoles and games

1:37:14

if you want more stuff. I might

1:37:16

check that out. Swatmeats have been

1:37:18

a... All the Swatmeat guys are just

1:37:20

going on eBay now. Cool for five. What the fuck

1:37:22

Trixie? Don't tell them moe-ays for

1:37:25

PDF files. Leave us K-On!

1:37:27

fans some plausible deniability. Thanks

1:37:29

for not killing yourselves. Roxanne

1:37:31

Kaiser five asks what is Trixie's

1:37:33

fursona? Is Trixie doing the fur... They

1:37:36

all do. They all the trans-films.

1:37:38

Everybody has fursona. Don't say that.

1:37:40

What do you mean? What's your

1:37:42

fursona? Hyena, Bone made it. Okay.

1:37:44

I don't have a fursona sadly. What

1:37:47

animal would I identify with? It's

1:37:51

a big fat sleepy... I'm a bear. I'm

1:37:53

a bear man. No, no, no. You can't do

1:37:57

that. You gotta get it picked for you. I'm sleepy and

1:37:59

I'm a hoe. You don't get to pick your

1:38:01

own fursona? No. Lord

1:38:03

Pepsi for five, y'all ever go to the LA

1:38:05

Goth Club? Merry Christmas. Not a long time. I've

1:38:07

never been to the LA Goth Club. I went

1:38:09

to a Goth Club back in Massachusetts before they

1:38:11

shut it down. How was it? Sucked.

1:38:14

Goths were the worst. Yolanda

1:38:16

Finkelstein for two, I would absolutely watch

1:38:19

the Vito's diet show. Well,

1:38:21

we'll see what we can do. God of Hellfire for a

1:38:23

big $50. Says

1:38:26

Vito, be fair. Okay,

1:38:29

thank you. Toby fair? Vito be

1:38:31

fair? Oh, that doesn't count

1:38:33

though. Gotta be V2 be fair.

1:38:35

Well, let me be... I

1:38:38

will too be fair to this user. I suck, Vito.

1:38:40

There you go. Merry Christmas. Warren for two. Wait,

1:38:42

gain Vito, lard ass Vito. Vito

1:38:46

with V-C-A-D. Okay, thank you.

1:38:48

Don't laugh. Find Dutchev. I didn't

1:38:50

read it in advance. 5,

1:38:53

this ninja has a question. That was a good

1:38:55

quote from me. Let's run with your idea for

1:38:57

10. I'm glad to have finally found another podcast

1:38:59

worthwhile. Regular PKA viewer, thank you for not killing

1:39:02

yourselves. Thank you. We're taking that whole PKA audience,

1:39:04

every single one of them. Yeah, and

1:39:06

we're taking Taylor. I

1:39:08

want to take Taylor. Not Jizz though. Take Taylor to

1:39:10

move to LA and bring a third of the audience

1:39:12

with him and then you have the third share on

1:39:14

this show. The whole thing, 80%. 80% of this show?

1:39:19

No, take 80% of the other show. 80% of the audience. Yeah,

1:39:21

bring 80% of your audience and you'll get 30% of the proceeds

1:39:23

from this show. Move in. You could live in my basement. Yeah,

1:39:25

why not? SummerSwan, WinterRaven for five,

1:39:27

happy holidays, Vito. Screw the haters. Be

1:39:29

happy and do you. I do. Clyde's

1:39:33

your after destroyer for 10. Says money. That's the

1:39:35

best Super Chat of all. Thank

1:39:37

you. Super Chat the word money. SummerSwan,

1:39:39

WinterRaven for five. By the way, Eric July

1:39:41

is the fake Christian calling people names and

1:39:43

being a racist misogynist is not a true

1:39:45

Christian. It's true. He is a fake Christian.

1:39:47

SlimWillis96 for five. Wasn't sure how this was

1:39:49

going to go since Trixie rarely talked on

1:39:51

Monday Night Grift. Now I want to see

1:39:53

her back on here. Great problem. Trixie's

1:39:56

great. Speaking of Monday Night Grift, in the new

1:39:58

year we may do it too. Tuesday, she oh,

1:40:00

that's my hope but whole we

1:40:02

for to admit you eat butthole, okay

1:40:06

Yolanda Finkelstein to five. What is the DIY

1:40:08

estrogen made from please? Tell me it's soy

1:40:10

dang it I don't know what actually comes

1:40:12

from all good questions Joe Ray for 10

1:40:15

Trixie your lecture got me into the dick show

1:40:17

so happy to see you as a guest This

1:40:20

would have been a nice and this is so

1:40:22

positive for We're gonna have to

1:40:24

tell Trixie to listen to the show and Ignore

1:40:27

the part where I refer to her as

1:40:30

a basement dwelling anime weirdo Which

1:40:32

I think is a term of endearment all anime

1:40:34

weirdos should be in a basement Yeah Great

1:40:37

guy game for 279 my three

1:40:40

favorite naggers spider eternal for

1:40:42

two I train in Jeet Kune Doo Vito

1:40:44

You're full of it lol. Okay, you're gonna

1:40:46

beat me up Not

1:40:50

a lot of guys commenting on fighting yeah, and they

1:40:52

all said I was right They all said I was

1:40:54

right and you were wrong about what the

1:40:56

Chinese guy you said all this Chinese mysticism martial

1:40:58

arts Shit is like powerful and say now you

1:41:00

just get a guy. I didn't say that I

1:41:02

said That's

1:41:04

obviously he did not go to

1:41:07

jail because he's going around fighting

1:41:09

guys guys who are pretending Sharon

1:41:12

was the most powerful martial arts He

1:41:15

is he could kill you just

1:41:17

by saying your name Probably give him

1:41:19

a folding chair and I'm fucked drunken a the

1:41:22

studio for a big. Well, yeah, I Think

1:41:25

that Jackie Chan with a folding chair could probably beat

1:41:27

you up as well if you wanted to Five

1:41:29

bucks drunken a the studio who I've got to

1:41:32

mention has been editing together our clips We got

1:41:34

a new great clip on the channel the famous

1:41:36

entry man things Blow

1:41:39

up we should put those eventually we'll put those up.

1:41:41

Maybe if you pay I put up and I put

1:41:43

up that Clip I

1:41:46

know no the actual tree. Oh the actual treatments that

1:41:48

could be a yeah something for people to figure it

1:41:50

out Very special

1:41:52

goal. I was thinking about and I'm like

1:41:55

we should just like foam a

1:41:57

pilot Why? Because

1:42:00

it'll be because then we could go to people and be like

1:42:02

I think uh Yeah,

1:42:04

but you still need a treatment. No no

1:42:06

no no cuz we wouldn't we wouldn't do it as like an

1:42:08

internet show We're

1:42:11

all the internet funded that shitty What

1:42:14

do you call it? How'd it go mystery

1:42:16

science theater? I don't know they fucked up the

1:42:18

show Oh, so it didn't work the most recent

1:42:20

round of funding didn't work for the last the

1:42:22

couple did I Think

1:42:25

we said to the audience just like commenting on

1:42:27

a movie though like a commentary track Yeah,

1:42:29

like filming Shit

1:42:32

yeah, they got they got Oswald.

1:42:34

Well that's the thing is that they wanted like

1:42:36

a million dollars their wife Got

1:42:39

Pat not they want like a million dollars to get

1:42:42

Pat Oswald to comment over a movie, and I went

1:42:44

well, that's ridiculous I Think

1:42:47

we could do like a we could do like

1:42:49

a shell fish tanks going strong, and they got

1:42:51

funding right yeah But there's no editing or anything

1:42:53

on that. It's just cameras. I can

1:42:55

edit we can find editors. I know editors People

1:42:59

want to edit. So you're not want to

1:43:01

edit drunken a the studio. I tell our clips for free

1:43:03

And I feel bad about it. We're happy to

1:43:05

have to get Camera

1:43:08

guys lighting sets all

1:43:10

this shit. It was like a sketch show I

1:43:13

want to do that you people liked with the USB

1:43:15

stick a bit that we can do I think

1:43:18

we could do that go to jail I think

1:43:20

we don't look we have a lawyer. We'll go to

1:43:22

jail. They'll say look anytime you talk to a lawyer

1:43:25

They're just well. Don't do it. You'll go to jail.

1:43:27

We'll go to jail for a night We'll

1:43:29

go to jail for 20 years. We're not

1:43:32

gonna go to 20 We're gonna be sharing

1:43:34

a honey you're sharing a prison cell with

1:43:36

Enrico fucking Tariqo whatever his name was if

1:43:38

we push a dolly down the street and

1:43:40

then spill a bunch of USB sticks across

1:43:42

the street Oh, yeah, I don't think we're

1:43:44

gonna go to fucking disrupting an election It's

1:43:47

not disrupting an election. How did any of

1:43:49

those guys do it? No no listen? I

1:43:52

will go to jail. You'll go to jail. Yeah.

1:43:54

I'm there's no difference with MME Oh,

1:43:57

the prosecutor's gonna have a very good case against

1:43:59

you yeah May they're gonna go

1:44:01

the fat guy having fun. I'm gonna say he made

1:44:03

me do it. You can say that That's a good

1:44:05

argument. We can do the classic we each blame each

1:44:07

other. I Understand

1:44:09

your concerns with the legality. I think there

1:44:12

are rules about filming your near a polling

1:44:14

place Haha, if we did

1:44:16

it in a different embarrassing We do it in

1:44:18

a different part of town though Like we're on

1:44:20

our way over to the we're gonna have to

1:44:22

come out and say like we think Trump's a

1:44:24

pedophile Trump's like an orange man bad and then

1:44:26

we did this like jokey bit like it's real

1:44:28

just like we'll have to announce Everybody we're doing

1:44:30

a jokey bit. It's a joke. We hate Trump

1:44:32

Oh for those of you don't know this was

1:44:35

actually I thought this one biggest problem. This was

1:44:37

on the dick show I did a guest episode.

1:44:39

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we discussed my idea for a

1:44:41

election fraud skit Where we

1:44:43

go in front of a polling place and

1:44:45

spill USB sticks all over the ground USB

1:44:47

sticks marked fraudulent votes We go shit shit

1:44:49

shit. Just shovel them back into the bag.

1:44:51