0:00

Test one one two hello one

0:02

two did that guy stop the music at the

0:05

Goddamnit did his did his music track

0:07

just stop when this fucking

0:09

countdown goes on one likes just perfect

0:11

Sign sitting in silence quietly for an

0:14

assembly to start half-assed Half-assed

0:18

favors, that's my problem. I know

0:20

this is going out of

0:22

the core of Fast favors,

0:24

I don't know if it's half-assed you

0:27

know not everybody thinks Yo,

0:29

hey, what if you know the show didn't

0:31

start on time? I then why was the

0:33

video extended? Hey, can you extend the video

0:36

so because we don't start right at five?

0:38

Yeah, sure are you sure the music went

0:40

out? Are you 100%? No? I'm not now.

0:42

I'm not sure either. Maybe was playing fast

0:44

favors Your man

0:46

Martian. I feel like we did the did we

0:48

not do this or we just discussed it haf

0:52

Well this was relying on friends. I'm gonna

0:54

say because I'm remembering Tony's favor to

0:56

pick up my shit. This was no

0:58

last Shocking

1:00

because he has so much of it, Tony Can

1:02

you get my package from the post office and

1:04

the anticipation of the show sure? Absolutely

1:07

Vito's making this problem about my problem again.

1:09

It is about merch being a merch Merch

1:13

merch planet welcome to Vito's merch

1:15

town We only for sale

1:17

meet the door the cards the

1:19

the card Hold

1:22

on the floors for sale at Vito's

1:24

merch store I'll sign it.

1:26

I'll sign you we have

1:28

outside myself six pieces of merch four

1:30

of which are just our logo on

1:32

Something okay, so we really have three

1:34

pieces of merch. Come on down to

1:36

Vito's merch store. We got three pieces

1:39

of merch That's three for everybody Regardless

1:42

the Ricky shirt now available from kildos you

1:45

done industries the one that says retarded on

1:47

it No, it doesn't say retarded on it.

1:49

Okay if anybody wants a variant that

1:51

actually says Ricky Retardo But I think

1:54

yeah, I think most people said well I can't

1:56

wear this in public and I was like yeah, that's fair.

1:58

You just gotta wear it when you're plowing

2:00

your Wife

2:02

or whatever. It's a nice piece of merch. I

2:04

paid a guy to draw you paid a guy

2:06

for this Yeah, I paid a guy how much?

2:09

Do you really want to know it's like

2:12

a hundred bucks. Whoa a hundred bucks. He did a

2:14

really good job He did a good job. I added

2:16

probably just used AI though. No, I got a

2:18

roof. No, he didn't use AI I just got

2:20

AI written all over it a right click it

2:22

and you can open it in a new window

2:24

You can see it. I don't know this new

2:26

fangled click. I don't know anything about it. There

2:28

you go You can see the whole shirt there

2:30

Wow, can we get some like a more muscular

2:32

male model here? What's going on here? You can

2:34

see the default model that the print shop generates

2:36

I mean, I don't want to be hard on this

2:38

guy I can look at how sexy look

2:40

at how good he would look this lantern Richard Spencer

2:43

jaw that he's got Okay, he's got these

2:45

newly arms down here. I thought what a

2:47

model would our audience identify more with? there's

2:50

a huge muscular black guy that

2:52

they can put it on or a Skinny

2:55

white twink put on a woman with huge tits

3:00

Fucking picture of the logo and have

3:03

some hot or bouncing around there you

3:05

sell t-shirts like crazy people will be

3:07

confused I'll think it's a woman's shirt.

3:09

It has to be all by a mensch now. They're

3:12

not gonna buy it Anyway, and

3:14

I did the I did the you know a little

3:16

graphics thing. Oh, yeah That's

3:19

good All

3:22

right, are you ready to do it? Yes, I'm proud of the

3:24

Ricky Sheraton. I think it looks good. I love it I just

3:26

wish it said something other than Ricky. Like I don't know what

3:28

to put there Yeah, well we tried to I don't know if

3:30

anybody has a good idea. I can still change it Is

3:33

it working is everything working here chickens

3:35

in the chat? Pirate flags

3:37

for harder the pirates in the

3:39

chat It looks like it's worth

3:41

and remember it's $50 for Vito's

3:43

to plunder Vito's booty or $50

3:47

for The

3:50

Pokemon Close your

3:52

prayer or whatever our world called

3:54

our world culture prayer Thanks.

3:57

Somebody's gonna donate the 50 Well,

4:00

let's see people have been

4:02

do we really need even sending some

4:04

really crazy stuff. Yeah, I know I'm

4:07

sending anything crappy That's weird. People

4:09

are only sending good stuff. Well,

4:11

that's what we need their workshop this bit.

4:13

We bit I

4:18

want to do my booty that I look

4:20

forward to that bit evolving cuz at this

4:22

point people are being like Oh,

4:24

I said the crown jewels of England in

4:26

and I'm like well Right,

4:30

you got guess you got no choice then

4:32

don't you veto? I mean, I don't want

4:35

you to burn the crown jewels or the

4:37

ridiculous things people are sending in. Okay, let's

4:39

go Let's do Oh

4:56

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe the

4:58

only show that ranks every problem

5:00

in the universe from

5:02

cops changing their sectors to

5:05

rape lists collectors Your

5:08

host Nick Massey join me Zoey just wall.

5:10

Hi dick. What's up, buddy? Hey Ben. That

5:12

was sent in by Super Serbian Good

5:17

thing or not to be a

5:19

Super Serbian, it's crazy how much

5:21

stuff keeps happening. What do you mean? It's

5:24

like I go to be like You

5:26

know what happened this week? We'll talk about on the show

5:29

and I go. Oh my god There's so much that

5:31

we have not brought up that we have not talked about it

5:33

feels like it's miles away from here

5:36

What are you talking about specifically horseman?

5:41

About horseman at all man, that

5:43

feel like it's a month away.

5:45

It's that was like last week.

5:48

Oh, holy moly. I Didn't

5:52

even make a mr. Ed cut I know that

5:54

Eric sucks up it more than we can keep

5:56

track of it I talked about it on my

5:59

show a lot. Yeah That's the thing is uh

6:01

sometimes I think you talk about stuff on your show and

6:03

then I don't get to join in the fun You could

6:05

have called in you could always call in a discord when

6:07

you're laying down in bed or I was How

6:10

do I call in you have to know beyond discord if

6:12

you have to notice I'm in there text me or something

6:14

I'm sitting there for an hour Okay,

6:17

I'll break it. I'll break in for

6:19

precious. So I don't ruin your lying

6:21

downtime Lying there, although

6:24

I was working on my comic in bed,

6:26

which was pretty cool. Yeah, like no

6:28

dad No, I have the I have a

6:30

monitor built into the wall that I can pull out

6:32

the but the wall or the ceiling the wall And

6:37

you can tilt it and I got a

6:39

little wireless keyboard and a wireless mouse And

6:42

I got a bed. I got a special mouse pad

6:44

for the bed It's like a bean bag with like

6:46

a mouse pad on top of it. So it goes

6:48

on any surface Oh my god, and I was just

6:50

uh wait. It's a mouse

6:53

that you can do on in bed. The mouse

6:55

is normal It's a mouse pad imagine

6:57

a tiny bean bag with a

7:00

wooden circle affixed to

7:02

it wooden circle Yeah, like

7:04

a wooden disc and I had that you use

7:06

the mouse on So

7:08

because it's a bean bag It'll go anywhere and

7:11

like still be you know adhere to the you

7:13

order this with your Temu bucks that you got

7:15

for Chilling that shit. I

7:17

did buy a bunch of stuff from Temu though You

7:20

just go on there and it's crazy the stuff they go.

7:22

So you're working on your comic You're like just

7:25

nitpicking your artist Like what is working on

7:27

a comic mean for not a little bit

7:29

of nitpicking the artist and I feel bad

7:31

about that But it is what it

7:33

is Virus

7:37

it's getting hold I'm being I'm

7:39

not very nitpicking Eric virus is taking hold

7:41

of you the what it is virus Not

7:44

the way something see if it sounds funny

7:46

with this under it. Well, I've been working on

7:48

my calm. It doesn't sound funny You're

7:51

clear you must be inoculated it's

7:53

stuff we're like I got okay as I've

7:55

jive as I've said You know, I read

7:57

a lot of like gag manga, you know

8:00

Japanese comics that are fun. Love it. Love that

8:02

you do that. So I have certain things in

8:04

my head that are funny Yeah, he doesn't read

8:06

as much like comedy stuff. Who? The

8:09

artist. The artist. He does he's not funny. He's

8:11

not funnier than him Yeah, I

8:13

would say that kind of stuff after the comic was done if

8:16

I were you. Well, no, he's not trying to

8:18

be funny He's like an actual artist who draws

8:20

cool superhero stuff people even people who are not

8:22

funny still have feelings I'm not saying he's not

8:24

funny. I'm saying I funnier. Well,

8:27

I I know what jokes it even works Honestly,

8:29

like he'll draw the character being like oh and

8:31

I'll be like no no no he's got to

8:33

be like His eyes are

8:35

bugging out of his head and what no the first

8:37

one was He didn't even

8:40

see I am And

8:42

you're like, oh wow, like that's a little like a

8:44

clown some of it I think you got

8:46

to go over the top, you know, oh boy. I can't

8:48

wait to see this comic you've seen parts

8:50

of it It's looking good. I

8:52

can't wait to hold it in my hand. Well, I've made

8:54

extensive Changes based on

8:57

one particular note you gave me. I don't know why I'm a

8:59

which one The one about the

9:01

characters making decisions. There's a pivotal moment. Yeah. Yeah,

9:03

and then I'd made a change You said well,

9:06

that's bad. I said well, I like this change

9:08

Is it like yeah, and now I've even a

9:10

lot of arriving my through choice that he make

9:12

yeah what he gets at the drive-thru And

9:16

then people keep adding to scheme II to add the isom

9:18

truck I think of one play You

9:22

should just do isom just remake every scene

9:24

and have super killer lurking around like Forrest

9:26

Gump, you know And they edited all those

9:28

scenes Nixon and stuff and it's I

9:31

saw like back to future too and it's super

9:33

killer going through isom You don't have to pay

9:35

for it because those assets are all free. Yeah,

9:37

and he's going through well, and it's it's just

9:39

all you know I saw just the

9:41

model isom and you don't have any other speech,

9:43

right? So it's not it's not illegal and it's

9:45

all following super killer. That is a fucking

9:48

good ass comic So I take

9:50

the entire isom comic yes, or play size

9:52

some with Mike No, you have your guy

9:54

in the background doing other stuff like that's

9:56

the future watching him But

9:59

Martin's in the back doing stuff. Well

10:03

that sounds a little... That sounds a bit

10:05

elaborate. Whoa! Next

10:08

week you're gonna be saying, yeah, now we need

10:10

to figure out that bit too. I think that,

10:12

uh, people are gonna be satisfied. We

10:14

got a lot of fun stuff coming up. Okay, did you drink your coffee

10:16

this week? I told you... No, I haven't touched it

10:18

yet. You made me make it for

10:20

you, and then you sit and stare at it... It's hot!

10:24

While you start this fuckin' outboard motor of,

10:26

uh, uh, energy that you have. I

10:28

took some Adderall, we're good. Ha ha ha.

10:32

It's legally prescribed. How

10:34

much you shotgun that coffee? I

10:36

shotgunned this DC. Dark...

10:38

cock? Take me to

10:40

Washington, cause I'm drinking that DC. Alright. Um...

10:46

Oh wait, I didn't write it down. Ha

10:48

ha ha ha ha ha! You looked at the paper!

10:52

Cop's transferring department's one. Am I on? Okay, I

10:54

think I'm on a streak. What?

10:58

Go through the episodes. Two

11:00

seconds it'll take. Okay.

11:04

I win episode... It's

11:08

not dead air. Oh, the

11:10

show that's a contest is doing the contest stuff. I can't

11:12

believe it. Where's the

11:14

next episode, bud? You tell me.

11:18

You broke the show! It's

11:20

so easy to find. Uh

11:22

oh, okay, now we're clicking randomly in a

11:24

panic. The longest episode is up at patreon.com/biggest

11:26

problem. Maddox would hate

11:28

it if you bought this episode. Ha ha ha

11:31

ha! Biggest problem in China.

11:34

Biggest problem in China. Okay,

11:36

so I won 126. 125

11:40

I won robocallers. Now my mouse

11:42

is dead. Oh, there it goes.

11:46

Wait, 126 I won. 125

11:48

I won. This

11:50

is 126 again, because I hit next instead of previous. Good job.

11:54

Why would previous be to the left?

11:56

Way to seamlessly navigate the site. That

12:00

would take two seconds shut up

12:02

124 ignoring driving signal. Hey, that's

12:04

the problem about driving doesn't matter

12:07

still one One

12:09

this is 123 live service video games. What's

12:11

up for in a row or in a

12:13

row? I think you did I

12:15

think you won this one. Let me see the bonus

12:17

though. Oh, that's a bonus account account Okay

12:21

episode 122 D. I think that was your

12:24

last one price. I Want

12:26

to start bringing in more right-wing problems here

12:28

if you have three in a

12:30

row, it's what what are NBA Jam rules? Then

12:34

you're a flaming I can't say Shit

12:40

chick her and goes he's eating shit. I think I should

12:43

get a free. I should get a free toy out of

12:45

the toy box Yeah,

12:48

quickly if I lose like he's trained on my

12:50

toy game But if I lose three in a

12:52

row you get to burn a toy from the

12:54

toy of life to burn you I get to

12:56

chase You around and light you on fire. All

12:58

right. Well, I won again with cops transferring departments.

13:00

What else? Product placement movies

13:02

that was What

13:05

and remember how you go these problems suck

13:07

this episode sucks. Well, I'm women. Well, I'm

13:09

just saying it wasn't Now

13:12

you're gonna get me started. Everyone said don't

13:14

W is a W and I can't stop

13:16

putting them up the sex offender registry got

13:20

People like you guys like a sex

13:22

offender registry. What the fuck is wrong

13:25

with you? I

13:27

want to know a bunch of little kids

13:29

and women listening to this show. What the fuck

13:32

do you guys care about this sex offender registry?

13:34

bunch of simps a bunch of beta simps

13:37

I want to have white knighting virgin

13:39

in-cell simps Well, it's cuz everybody

13:41

wants to be able to find their friends and sex

13:43

offender registry makes it easy That's the one social

13:45

media. You can't get kicked off of I

13:49

got a new Twitter everyone go check out my sex offender

13:51

registry. I'll put it up there. Check it out That's

13:55

how we got to get rid of it separate Facebook

13:58

only for pedophiles we all start and a bunch AI

14:00

you know women and children for them to

14:02

interact with so they're properly contained. Oh, yeah

14:04

Yeah, we all start doing AI porn of

14:06

Taylor Swift so we can all end up

14:08

on the sex offender registry Is that what

14:11

you think's gonna happen? Yeah, and then we

14:13

could then we could do Twitter on the

14:15

sex offender registry and they can't kick us

14:17

illegally can't kick us off Right. Yeah, that's

14:19

true. That's cool Negative

14:24

you guys are fucking retarded everybody

14:26

has their own Wi-Fi Yeah,

14:29

but you can't connect anywhere. You should have see you

14:31

have the mouse and you lean all over it cuz

14:33

you can't oh my god I put I'm

14:35

not fiddling You're just mad.

14:37

You lost how many tears are gonna end up

14:39

on that piece of paper today I'm gonna count

14:42

for every tear that's on that paper. I'm gonna deduct

14:44

a toy Let me let

14:46

me play with my paper. Let me Actually,

14:53

I have this like really embarrassing memory where this

14:55

is actually a Community

14:57

college. Oh where I

15:00

would just like Incestantly doodle on papers.

15:02

Yeah to the point where I was completely

15:04

tuning out the class And

15:06

I won't I didn't even notice that the

15:09

teacher had been like, okay Let's arrange our

15:11

desks in a circle facing me and

15:13

my desk was facing the other

15:15

way in the center of an

15:17

entire circle tasks, and I'm just

15:19

Autistically trying like anime bullshit. I

15:22

look up and there's just a circle of like

15:24

12 people just staring at me like Are

15:27

you doing dude? We've been here. We've been like this for

15:29

like 10 minutes Like they literally

15:31

just let me sit there for 10 minutes. Hey there.

15:33

I was zoned out No, I was like I was

15:35

like, oh shit. I got up and moved my hip

15:37

to desk. Yeah It

15:42

was a fat kid nightmare Wow,

15:45

that sucks. I felt retarded. I was

15:47

like, oh my god. I'm autistic or

15:49

something So you spent all the class

15:51

doodling? Yeah, and your doodle still look

15:53

like they're still so bad. All right

15:56

Okay, I drew your fucking

15:58

saline injected sack Pretty uh we

16:01

should enter the la art fair remember how I'd

16:03

love to enter the la art fair I think

16:05

I'll do it all of us are entering it

16:07

I think I would do better, but they don't

16:09

rank them. It's like blue ribbon or Participation

16:12

ribbon it turns out. There's a rank lower

16:14

than that veto It

16:17

turns out they'd pick a special yeah,

16:19

they pick a special entrant every

16:21

year and fucking disqualify them Well,

16:24

you should have grounded it as I told you I Saw

16:28

that thing on your table. I said oh, it's gonna

16:30

look really good when you add the grout You're like

16:32

what grout. I went what do you mean? It's a

16:34

mosaic you can't just leave the pieces like you

16:36

know add the layer Are you

16:38

doing any kind of bits or anything? Uh? Let

16:42

me see here. I had a couple of noted up I do

16:44

not have a voted up and the reason is because as I

16:47

explained in my last episode Send me

16:49

news articles oh yeah cuz

16:51

sometimes I did it's hard to find them

16:53

sometimes But you're reading the news if you

16:55

read a news article. They're too busy voting

16:57

stupidly Yeah, well, they're too busy sending everybody

16:59

has time to send garbage to the show

17:01

to humiliate me But nobody has anybody you

17:03

got sent. Oh, I'm not even

17:05

gonna tell you what you got sent I said

17:07

another mother's milk pop figure. I hope no did

17:09

you find it no I didn't look for

17:12

that shit great You

17:14

got sent stuff. It will boggle your mind

17:16

I Okay,

17:18

also people keep like sending me my unbelievable

17:20

stuff. They're like they're tweeting at you They're

17:22

like hey Vito. I sent you my uh

17:25

my childhood the first edition Charizard card that

17:27

my father Ball rages says I'm sending you

17:29

my first edition original set Charizard that I

17:31

opened when I was a child with my

17:34

grandfather was in Vietnam Vietnam vet and his

17:36

sense passed away Fucking

17:38

with me cuz then I'll like go running a

17:40

torturing camp POW camp. He was on the other

17:42

side I know this

17:44

guy yeah, Jackass This item

17:46

has both great monetary value and is of

17:48

emotional significance to me. I

17:51

hope Vito doesn't let it get burned Yeah

18:00

Five hard years. The son did. Five long

18:02

years. In 2003. Yeah. Just

18:04

for fun. For fun. Hit

18:06

it up as well. Well, I hope

18:08

you don't burn this guy's card today. Or

18:12

whenever we do Vito's booty next, I don't know. Cool

18:14

Hand James says. Right, because no one's gonna donate

18:17

50 bucks for your stupid bib. Cool

18:19

Hand James says, Vito, I wanna help the

18:21

environment stop pollution. Also, Vito, I have dedicated

18:23

my whole life to collecting every single plastic

18:25

toy in the world. Yeah, I'm getting

18:27

them out of the landfills. That

18:30

plastic should be in my home. All

18:32

of it. All of it. Then what do you do

18:34

when you run out of, why don't you just move

18:36

to China, where they got, all sorts of plastic crap.

18:38

All the new apartment, just move to a new apartment.

18:40

I already said I wanna be that stone face Chinese

18:42

lady selling TikTok crap. I think I'd be good at

18:45

it. Oh, you

18:47

couldn't, that beautiful gazelle woman,

18:49

that angel, that's just shilling shit, like

18:51

a weatherman that we talked about. That's

18:53

incredible. Watch the bonus episode, you'll see

18:55

that video. Great bonus episode we

18:57

did. NotSmoke says, nice job

18:59

remembering the top supporters, guys. What

19:02

does that mean? We didn't put them up. Oh

19:04

my God. I have to update that list, huh? Ashton

19:08

Morrell says, it's tragic that there are rich

19:10

guys out there with too much money sending

19:12

it all to e-girls when they could be

19:14

sending sealed copies of the Misadventures of Tron

19:17

Bon to be destroyed in front of

19:19

Vito. It's Tron Bon. She's

19:22

a secondary Mega Man villain who got

19:24

her own spinoff game. Mega Man? The

19:27

one with the little robot pedophile. You know

19:29

what Mega Man is. Doesn't that little girl

19:31

in there like a roll? You

19:34

mean his sister? Yeah. She's

19:36

a robot, so it's okay. Nah. I

19:40

got news for you, buddy. No. Al,

19:43

in the Mega Man world, I'm sure Dr. Light gets

19:46

away with a lot. Dr. Light, why did

19:48

you make a little girl robot? Well, you know, because I

19:50

made a little boy robot to molest and I figured he'd

19:52

like to have a sister. DevaTog

19:55

says, I love the flaming Dutchman. Very

19:57

good. Mystic marbles says, Vito, have you

19:59

seen? Shad's comic that Ethan

20:01

Van Skyver reviewed recently. Apparently the book

20:05

that is an adaptation of it is worse.

20:07

The whole thing is the world's most prolific

20:09

child rapist warlord kills himself and magically gets

20:11

a 17 year old body to have another

20:14

shot at life. He goes

20:16

around killing other rapists and

20:18

hanging out with his former rape victims. And there's a

20:20

trial where the women he raped says it's not that

20:22

bad because they got a child out of it. Wow.

20:26

I don't think people understand

20:28

that Shad diversity is genuinely

20:30

insane. Like he's genuinely

20:32

crazy. Yeah, he's really like

20:35

shitty at art. Well, yeah, it's

20:37

when a crazy person believes they're a genius.

20:40

And they go, I wrote a book. What's the

20:42

book about? It's about a guy who raped a

20:44

bunch of women and children and then jumps off

20:46

a cliff and magically becomes 17 years old again.

20:49

I think you're right about that trans shit that you said about. He's

20:51

trans. No, no,

20:53

man. My buffalo bill trans. When a guy.

20:55

OK, there's not a regular chance. When a

20:57

guy chooses to go and draw a little

20:59

anime waifu, there's two ways to draw it.

21:03

One is to draw it like a big

21:05

tiff. Yeah. Someone you want to fuck. Or

21:07

draw it like. And I decided

21:09

to make her feminine curves much like

21:11

this. And I like the

21:13

large phallic sword. And I'm like, yeah, could you

21:15

want to be the little girl? I get it.

21:19

I know you're like coping with that, but

21:21

it's always your dad's cock. Shad diversity. Shad

21:23

is trans. Be right to him. Angrist

21:27

says, if I had a time machine, I'd go back. Everyone

21:29

wants to kill Hitler. I would kill

21:31

Van Gogh. OK. Because

21:34

then all this. Because then all this

21:36

like, well, crazy people are crazy, are

21:38

great artists. Yeah, that would be dead.

21:41

That's all based on him, right? Van Gogh is the

21:43

cut off your ear guy. Yeah, that's why. His art

21:45

sucks. No, it

21:48

does. I remember I was like recently I'm

21:50

like, because you ever have you seen the

21:52

doctor who Van Gogh scene that

21:54

everybody always links to. Will

21:57

you you come into

21:59

my house? house and you ask me if I've seen

22:02

Doctor Who? Not

22:04

the show! I don't know! Have you I

22:06

don't have you watched?

22:08

You've got to be fucking kidding

22:10

me. You've never watched any Doctor

22:12

Who? Okay. Well there's a

22:15

viral scene. Shut up. What is

22:17

this? I'd rather

22:19

a bum shit in my eye. I'm not

22:21

telling you to watch Doctor Who but there

22:23

is a scene that everyone always links to

22:25

where he goes back in time he grabs

22:27

Van Gogh. I gotta drink all the water

22:29

out of a gay bathhouse. I'm not. That's

22:31

an orgy. I'm not a Doctor Who guy.

22:33

I agree with you. I get it. Okay.

22:35

But there's a scene. Who

22:37

gives a shit? Doctor Who?

22:40

Stupid. I'm never

22:42

going to be able to get this out. What's the

22:44

scene? He gets Doctor Who and they bring him forward

22:46

in time to a Van Gogh museum and he learns

22:48

that even though he died penniless or whatever he's a

22:51

great celebrated artist and everybody goes oh my god what

22:53

a touching scene and then I watch that I'm like

22:55

wait is Van Gogh's art actually good and I went

22:57

and I looked up a bunch of it I'm like

22:59

nah this shit sucks. Shut up.

23:01

Hitler's art is better than Van Gogh's.

23:03

No it's not. I would rather own

23:06

one of his watercolor. See then there would be no

23:08

more of this he died penniless but then he was

23:10

a big artist so people who are not rich right

23:12

now wouldn't get to feel good about their art. He's

23:15

only. Yeah. Because that only exists because of Van

23:17

Gogh and this whole crazy makes

23:19

good art thing also myth response

23:22

that Van Gogh's response before. The only reason Van Gogh's

23:24

art is popular. In fact I bet Hitler started painting

23:26

because of Van Gogh. Probably. So I would go ahead

23:28

and shortcut the Hitler thing too. Van

23:30

Gogh is one of those examples of

23:32

someone who dies and we have to

23:34

pretend their art was incredible because they

23:36

died. Okay. Now you're just

23:39

talking crate. No,

23:41

Kirk Van Gogh's pretty good. The

23:43

Claw-ya says Vito. Yeah. He's doing

23:45

you. He's making my voice. He

23:47

says why should America be like

23:49

one of those third world countries

23:51

in the same breath as he's

23:53

arguing for making America more like

23:55

a third world country. That is

23:57

true. That was a profound comment. You felt the need to.

24:00

to bring in well

24:02

actually got you there veto is trying

24:04

to make America worse yeah

24:07

great Arkin Knightman

24:10

says I keep saying this show needs a third

24:12

person who is normal show

24:14

needs a Shawn well fuck

24:16

you you

24:19

don't have anyone like that and

24:21

everyone I'm friends with gets puts on rape lists

24:23

and crazy man who wants to come

24:26

after them we bring in a very normal black

24:29

guy and I have to spend a week pruning

24:31

the comments from all you

24:33

psychopaths yeah yeah it's

24:36

finally good to get one of these people on

24:38

I'm like no you're not helping you're

24:42

not helping the show if you

24:44

want a normal person to be on the show you

24:46

guys you know acts normal

24:49

no they are that is them acting normal

24:52

that's the problem we bring a

24:54

girl on the show and every comments like well I

24:56

hate her British way of talking but I jam

24:58

my man meat down here and I'm like okay

25:00

but they like that I know girls love that

25:02

sure and they want to be a disrespected ZH

25:07

something says vetoes weird burger recounting

25:09

makes me want to make a

25:11

vetoes fat stories stinger what

25:13

was my burger story you told some

25:15

story about eating a hamburger oh cuz

25:18

I took two burgers and I made yeah yeah

25:20

burgers and I don't know why you

25:22

were quadruple cheeseburger cuz it's all protein

25:24

I took a bun out of it

25:26

then there's

25:28

two people talking about how good the videos booty

25:30

and then I wash it down with a

25:32

high C orange because vitamin C you know

25:34

helps you burn calories what would it take

25:36

for you to keep track of your everything

25:38

you eat for a week I'd

25:41

do that I mean you keep track of everything you ate for

25:43

a week yeah I mean I would

25:45

want something out of it of course I mean

25:47

it's beat over I think

25:49

you're gonna do something without getting something immediately for

25:51

it come on I will my talking to you

25:53

here well I just you know when will you

25:56

wonder what you come up with something for you

25:58

to do What

26:01

do you want me to do? Takes

26:05

effort to come up with that. That's why you don't want to, maybe

26:07

somebody else can come up with it for you. I

26:10

hate you. Uh,

26:13

do you want to talk about horseman more? Want

26:15

to do the silly pants skating routine? Yeah,

26:18

I will. How far past, what are

26:20

you, a month past you broke your Patreon record? Uh,

26:23

yeah. What steps have you taken towards

26:25

plan? You might go back down though. Uh,

26:28

oh yeah, the horseman, nah, maybe

26:31

we'll watch it later. I did,

26:33

uh, there was one other. JR

26:35

says, YAR make that land blubber

26:37

walk the plank again. You're gonna

26:39

walk that plank. You're land blubber.

26:42

You're land blubber. Right

26:45

next to Dick's fucked up crippled sechal.

26:47

Can you put the pirate shit on

26:49

her? That would be a good fit.

26:52

Get that disguise. That's

26:54

our ship's whore. I gotta

26:57

fuck that, I gotta fuck that thing before

26:59

it gets too pointy. Yeah, you gotta do

27:01

it with fun. Now the joints are all sticking out, I

27:03

don't want to injure my penis or something. You gotta get like an insert for

27:05

it. What? Some

27:08

of the sechstals you can like put

27:11

a fleshlight in that cavity. That way

27:13

it's easier to... I'll feel too much like a serial killer

27:15

if I have to do that. You already are gonna be, look at her

27:17

fucking eyes, you're already a serial killer. You're

27:20

like raping a retarded woman with broken limbs. What are

27:22

you... This guy

27:24

who looks women in the eyes when he sucks

27:26

them. Okay, I'm sure I'll have a real hard

27:29

time not looking her in the eyes. I haven't

27:31

been training to do that my whole life. Alright,

27:33

whatever. There was one other thing.

27:35

Valentine's Day coming up, I might do it then.

27:37

I don't know if this is the right time

27:39

to bring it up, but a certain man tweeted

27:41

to Eric July. Did you see that? The

27:44

super retards are aligning. The gems

27:46

are combining. See, up until now

27:49

the gems have been separate. No,

27:51

I have them. People don't understand the gems. I have them forever.

27:55

They're trying to team up and get them back. They could

27:57

try to get them. That's

28:00

why they're teaming up like the Avengers

28:02

to you are Thanos in this scenario.

28:04

You have two of the gems Yeah,

28:06

the Avengers want the gems back. Yeah,

28:08

the mighty retarded Avengers council of retards

28:10

Yeah, so I don't know if Maddox.

28:13

Yeah, what read it go ahead I

28:15

don't have the tweet actually because I'm

28:17

an idiot. I brought it up. So

28:19

I'll do it Yeah, go to

28:22

the go to your toy. Oh you

28:24

tweeted it like this morning So I woke up

28:26

at 6 in the morning and I said, oh,

28:28

yeah, I'm gonna check off Yes

28:32

So this was a someone named to let

28:35

to Lanark tweeting at Maddox

28:37

I would not have been funny if he put a to

28:40

be fair in his name and you'd just read it Can

28:43

you shrink it a little bit or something?

28:46

You should really get with Eric D July

28:48

about this fanboy and tubby Have

28:50

been Boy

29:00

and tubby have been messing with him a lot

29:02

last year. Yeah from

29:04

Maddox. He says no An

29:16

African-american I know how to speak to

29:18

this gentleman. He says yo at Eric

29:20

July Let's talk

29:24

So they are a combination may be

29:26

occurring But a lot of

29:28

people DMing me about this for some reason, you know, it's

29:30

funny though I want so I always wish my

29:32

enemies would team up Retard it retard

29:35

to meet sure to me is would team

29:37

up return amis but they never will and

29:39

I always thought it's because like they're impossible

29:41

to work with and get

29:43

along with but I don't think that's true because They

29:46

don't know that so they would at least try to

29:49

team up, right? Yeah, I think They

29:52

see in each other Immediately

29:54

that the other is an insane person in

29:56

the same way that they are right and

29:59

they don't they They're different, right?

30:01

Like Maddox is really- They're smart. Yeah,

30:03

he's like, I'm smart. Yeah, my book

30:05

was great. He's- he's- he's- he's

30:07

bewitched all of these people into- into

30:09

hating me, and I'm a good guy,

30:11

right? I'm being smart. And if I

30:13

go on AM terrestrial radio, everyone will

30:16

understand my plight. I gotta tell him

30:18

that the KKK is involved. The FBI

30:20

isn't listening. Everything's stacked against me. But

30:22

when he sees Eric July, he's like,

30:24

That fucking idiot just couldn't respond to

30:26

criticism. Hahahaha. Right? Right. And when they

30:28

get close to it, they're like, they

30:30

start to think, Uh-oh, wait. Am

30:33

I- I'm not like this retard, am I? No,

30:35

I hate this guy even more. So

30:37

they hate each other, like they count like

30:40

the Legion of Doom, right? Like Lex Luthor.

30:42

Those guys get never- Yeah, they're not- yeah,

30:44

they always fuck up each other's plans. Cause

30:46

they get all- they hate each other. Brainiac?

30:48

Why would you launch a freeze attack at

30:50

the same time I emerge from the sewer?

30:52

How do I tolerate your incompetence, Brainiac? Hahahaha.

30:55

But then on the justices. And like the

30:57

satellite Batman's like, well you know, at least

30:59

you tried. He's always trying to be a

31:01

nice guy. That's like me. I'm

31:05

looking so forward to seeing how this situation

31:07

develops. But I do believe

31:09

Eric July- I'll say this, Eric July is

31:11

a dummy. But I think he's smart

31:14

enough to know that there's not

31:16

really anything he can get from Maddox that is gonna help

31:18

him in any way. He could,

31:20

man. Those guys would be unstoppable if they teamed

31:22

up. I would watch

31:24

that podcast endlessly. I would have a

31:26

real good time with it. What if

31:28

you took Maddox's ability-

31:32

what if Eric July took his

31:34

3D rendering? It gave it

31:36

to Maddox so he could meet a deadline. And

31:39

Maddox took his being

31:41

able to read a little bit and gave it

31:43

to Eric July. I don't

31:45

think Eric July can read a little bit. He didn't

31:48

do what it be. He was my 3D rendering. And

31:50

Maddox was like, I notice you're having trouble reading that.

31:52

Eric, let me help you out. It says,

31:55

you got- As

31:58

long as he's not being recorded, he can read. He just

32:00

has to have this, Maddox has to have this face whenever he's reading.

32:05

Hey, come on, this is stalking behavior,

32:07

Dick. You're stalking right now. We

32:10

can't be doing that. Speaking

32:12

of which, stalking, maybe Maddox can defend the

32:14

warehouse, which has again been breached. Oh yeah.

32:17

Like I said, there's too much to talk

32:19

about. Another person

32:22

infiltrated the- Get bacon. Bring

32:24

home the bacon. Yeah. Infiltrated the

32:26

reverse compound. Fizzlin. The bacon. I think we can take

32:29

a picture of the front door. I don't think we

32:31

can- Yeah, say it. It's boring

32:33

to anyone else. No, just keep talking for

32:35

a second. Well, he went in, he infiltrated

32:37

the rip-averse security, he somehow dodged the wave,

32:40

the hellfire

32:42

of bullets. This is my-

32:44

As they attempted to air raid though. This is the sound that

32:46

I play when I hear Chris Bacon is doing one of his

32:48

spreadsheets. The bacon is fizzlin'.

32:50

Yeah! The bacon is fizzlin'. That man

32:52

does love his spreadsheets. Whoa! His sizzlin'

32:54

on his spreadsheets in there. I appreciate the spreadsheets. Cooking up

32:57

spreadsheets and projections. Oh yeah! My name's Chris

32:59

Bacon, I'm fizzlin'. All right, are

33:01

you gonna do- A problem? He outed your

33:03

trick that if you put the amount of comics you're buying

33:05

to like a billi- Shh!

33:16

He said it! It doesn't matter. It

33:18

doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, don't say it. Okay! I

33:20

know he outed it, but don't say it. Okay, go! What

33:22

are your problems then? All right, all right. Never

33:25

seen you move that bad. Dick, you know, I should

33:28

have sent you a link, but- Look,

33:32

I got a good thing going here. You're

33:34

gonna fuck it. You guys are trying to ruin it. You

33:36

know how many people have to DM? I'm going, hey, shut

33:39

the fuck up. Do you want to bring up this video

33:41

of our good friend Larry David? I'm gonna go ahead and

33:43

do a video of him. I'm gonna go ahead and do

33:45

a video of him. I'm

33:48

gonna go ahead and do a

33:50

video of him. Shut up this video of

33:52

our good friend Larry David on the

33:55

day show. Strangling Elmo? Yeah, why not?

33:57

Really? Yeah, can we see two seconds? So

34:00

that's just to put it in context

34:02

Shawn and I were talking about this

34:05

this week comedian Larry David appeared

34:07

on morning television Elmo

34:09

who had recently gone viral. Oh,

34:12

this is the view. I don't

34:14

want to watch the view talking about it No,

34:16

but no is oh, it's not

34:18

not not on the view on the today

34:20

show. Okay, man. I gotta watch a

34:22

tick-tock. I Gotta do

34:24

a puzzle I'll find it Here

34:28

I'm about to order there. It's a minute

34:30

30 Elmo

34:36

is not Here

34:39

we go. Okay. Hold on. Let me put it in context Elmo

34:42

went viral because he asked everybody how they

34:44

were doing and everybody on Twitter trauma dumped

34:46

on Elmo for some reason They're like a

34:48

little sucker Don't ask like

34:50

you're a nice guy You don't know if you're not

34:52

gonna walk if you're not gonna sit there and listen

34:54

to everyone's fucking I think everyone's problem But everybody took

34:57

away too serious and they're like, well, my dad died

34:59

Elmo and I don't know what to do about it

35:01

Fuck Elmo. I fucking hate Elmo I'm

35:05

a little fruit a little indifferent. Anyway, he went

35:07

on the today show to talk about it. Okay,

35:10

right here This is walking onto an unrelated

35:12

live segment. Hey take the swing Drink

35:18

Elmo grabbing the puppy Oh

35:24

He does take a swing at the dead moment did

35:26

not seem to be planned given the looks

35:28

on everyone's did not seem to be planned Oh

35:32

Because Larry said I don't think it was

35:34

planned Larry said Elmo's Elmo's I would say

35:36

fucking plan that later, then Larry then you

35:38

get up and strangle Elmo and beat his

35:41

Dad who's black and was just talking about how hard

35:43

it is We

35:46

watch that clip right or did you watch that

35:49

on your show forget all these all these anti

35:51

white people clip just run together Well

36:00

they cut away from...

36:04

I'm gonna touch

36:07

people, Larry. I'm gonna touch people,

36:09

Larry. Uh

36:12

uh uh. Elmo's dad does not approve. Oh.

36:17

Elmo's dad is a bitch. He's a race hustler.

36:19

He is kind of a race hustler. He was going

36:21

on about Black Lives Matter at one point. And he's

36:24

so like overly affected over everything he says. Right.

36:27

Point is... I fucking hate that whole family. Yeah. Well

36:30

Elmo family. Yeah. I even hate Mr.

36:33

Noodles. Is he uh... was that Elmo's caretaker

36:35

or something? Some kind of pedophile Elmo

36:37

hangs out with. Elmo's had the intelligence of a

36:39

three year old for 40 years so he's like

36:41

a mentally retarded adult, right? Elmo?

36:44

Yeah. Yeah. That's

36:46

the character. Yeah. I

36:48

don't think that's his real dad. Uh anyway. So

36:50

this happened. Yeah. Elmo was doing this dumb bit

36:52

about how we all need to deal with our

36:54

personal trauma. And that we need to give Elmo...

36:56

like we need to trust Elmo and the family.

36:59

And the Sesame Street brand with this feeling we

37:01

have inside of having been abused. Yes. That's

37:04

what they're going for. It's uh... Or

37:06

David should have chopped his head off. Well yeah. Probably

37:08

I don't know. Maybe they'll be gonna sell the Sesame Street brand to

37:10

the therapy and why not? They're getting

37:13

all these stupid people excited about

37:15

it. Sesame Street reuptaken. Larry David

37:17

reacted as we would like any

37:19

rational human being did and

37:21

said can I shut this fucking pop it

37:23

up because this segment is terrible and moronic.

37:26

And he's a hero for doing so. My

37:29

problem is not this Elmo situation. It's

37:31

the reaction by one certain individual who

37:33

I've always despised and I think we

37:35

should all despise. Oh yeah. A man

37:38

named Will Wheaton. Are you

37:40

aware of Will Wheaton, Dick? Wesley

37:42

Crusher. Wesley Crusher? Uh...

37:45

Come on with your nose. I'm leaking. You

37:47

got like a... Not that you can have. Put your gross

37:49

nose all over. Sorry. Use

37:51

your jacket. Uh... Yeah maybe

37:53

I will. I think I'm good now. Take your shirt

37:56

off. Use that. Alright. I

37:58

think someone's going to help me out and give me a tissue. You

38:00

can use this light bulb. See

38:02

the show, you know you have so much trash on the table,

38:04

you think you could have like some napkins and like some I

38:07

don't know breath mints. How long would you get

38:09

napkins at last with how much beer has been

38:11

spilled in here? Beer snacks on this table, it's

38:14

a nightmare. Oh yeah, you ate

38:16

all your Tim Tams. No, I didn't eat those Tim

38:18

Tams, did I? Nothing to them. Johnny came

38:20

in and he was like, where's Vito's Tim Tams? I ate like

38:22

one of those, I don't like those things. Hahahaha!

38:27

I almost got it. It

38:29

threw it at my head. Alright, Will

38:31

Wheaton, yes Wesley Crusher from Star Trek The

38:33

Next Generation, also the lead in the movie

38:36

Stand By Me, if you're a fan of

38:38

that movie. No. It's

38:40

alright. Wasn't he also in Toy Soldiers?

38:43

No, Toy Soldiers, I

38:45

don't know, it's about a... What,

38:48

with the robots? No, no, it's about, that was

38:50

Small Soldiers. That was a good movie. Well, he's

38:52

not in that. Well, he should have

38:54

been. No, Small Soldiers was the one where it's like a

38:57

boarding school for boys, gets taken over

38:59

by a military group. And

39:01

all the kids have to, whatever. Anyway,

39:04

Will Wheaton in an expletive-filled post

39:07

on Facebook lambasted the creator of

39:09

Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, calling

39:12

the Elmo incident appalling,

39:14

unforgivable, and despicable. Oh

39:17

yeah, he was really going nuts. Oh,

39:19

this was, he, so here's the thing

39:21

about Will Wheaton, he sucked. Something dumb

39:24

will happen. And I go, that's funny

39:26

and dumb. And Will Wheaton will lose

39:28

his mind and post

39:30

these long insane rants. He

39:33

said, when he was young, he was

39:35

abused by his father. Not

39:37

enough. No. When Larry

39:39

David grabbed the Muppet by the face

39:42

and pretended to punch it, the negative

39:44

memories returned. So his

39:46

PTSD was triggered by

39:48

this situation. He says, full

39:50

disclosure, when I was growing up, my dad would grab me

39:52

by the shoulders and shake me while screaming in my face.

39:54

He was always out of control, always

39:57

in a furious rage. I'm a 51 year

39:59

old man. heart is pounding right

40:01

now a little gay well this

40:03

is pretty gay recalling how I

40:05

felt as a little boy who

40:08

loved Grover the way today's kids

40:10

love Elmo oh you fucking sell

40:12

out you fuck this

40:15

is a speckle boy no Grover Wesley

40:17

crush are you more than one raw

40:19

nerve for me and I wish

40:22

I could have been there to defend Elmo seems to

40:24

be what he's saying so almost

40:26

like the dr. Phil of Muppets he likes

40:29

that he has these big promises

40:32

and you know folksy bullshit he grooms

40:34

I'm gonna have a dual problem the problem is

40:36

Elmo and will we hate Elmo I'm

40:40

happy doing both I agree over Sesame

40:42

Street both Elmo and will we know

40:44

yes the Elmo generation you know who

40:46

else hates Elmo Jordan Peterson

40:49

like we'll post because he is

40:51

Elmo yeah the whole section in his book

40:53

about how Elmo is destroying a generation and

40:56

he's constantly tweeting about it and I you

40:58

know what that might be one of the

41:00

parts I agree with him on I

41:03

did want to give you a couple other will

41:05

Wheaton scenarios because I've been tracking this guy for

41:07

a while because you have you well

41:10

okay here's the problem will Wheaton

41:12

was the first celebrity nerd so

41:15

all of this YouTube culture that

41:17

you're aware of right now yeah

41:19

I hate all his fault that

41:22

ready player one book which is complete trash

41:24

and all these fucking endless you not good

41:27

talking bro the movie

41:29

was kind of fun yeah oh it's so cool

41:31

I mean backwards look everything brother's old giants here

41:33

oh my god I can't believe it why don't

41:35

you write a book

41:39

with like your own character the book

41:41

is infinitely worse because that is even

41:43

more parts there's a

41:45

part in ready player one where he has to do the entire movie

41:49

not Ferris Bueller's Day off but another one

41:51

of those movies like Heather's or something where

41:53

he has to recite every line of dialogue and

41:55

play the part of the main character to win

41:58

a challenge and you're like this is moronic What

42:00

the fuck are you doing? Yeah, the 80s were

42:02

cool, but like not without all the stuff that

42:04

was not savings field bird Exactly

42:06

here. I haven't seen the movie, but they changed

42:08

a lot also in the book. He's a big

42:10

fat kid Oh, that would have

42:13

been better. Yeah, cuz he lives in that

42:15

trailer. He's just in VR all the time

42:17

collecting toys Yeah, he was me basically I

42:19

should have I auditioned for the movie and

42:21

they said we decided to go in a

42:23

different direction You read your pedophile We

42:25

decided not to do the big fat guy Will

42:28

Wheaton had a show called tabletop

42:30

where he plays tabletop games And

42:33

one of the things about the show is they would constantly get the

42:35

rules of the game wrong. Oh and He

42:38

you know instead of going here's what you're doing. That's you

42:40

go. Hey guys. We've got the rules wrong You know we

42:43

apologize we're gonna do much better He

42:45

went on his website and posted an insane

42:47

rant about how his producer was the the

42:49

he's like I trusted this guy to get

42:51

the rules of Kingdom Builder right he's a

42:53

good Dude, he absolutely needs to go to

42:55

therapy and by therapy. I mean he needs

42:57

to get his ass kicked Yeah,

42:59

okay a fan made you know how you

43:01

Legos right you know how people make

43:03

little custom figures of the Legos Yeah, okay,

43:05

somebody made a bunch of next-generation

43:07

Legos. Oh cool. Yeah, it's a fan

43:10

of your show They made

43:12

a bunch of Legos of your show in his little

43:14

rainbow Well yeah They gave they had Wesley cross with

43:16

a rainbow shirt and they made Wesley's figure was the

43:18

only one that was crying like a bitch Such

43:24

as Picard and Latroy whatever Latroy

43:26

and Riker and they're all standing

43:28

proudly and Wesley's going Now

43:34

Here's what you do you got to roll with the

43:36

punches right you go. Ah, that's that's fun I get

43:38

it you know my character was a little crybaby Well

43:41

we eaten goes in this particular custom set

43:43

Wesley is depicted as a crying child Wesley

43:46

you that's not just disappointing me

43:48

It's insulting and demeaning to everyone

43:50

who loved that character People

43:52

loved Wesley and were inspired by him

43:54

to pursue careers in science and engineering

43:56

I guess the character they loved

43:58

was a crybaby. Just fucking hard

44:02

And yeah, he thinks he puts a bunch of kids in the

44:04

stem when somebody says like oh captain

44:07

Picard You're like one of the reasons I love space

44:09

you're like well, you know, I'm you know happy Yeah,

44:11

thank you like it so much. You don't go I

44:13

push a bunch of people By

44:16

doing my show because you're not actually

44:18

a science math whiz you played one

44:21

on TV Okay,

44:23

so you didn't actually yeah,

44:25

this guy is the The

44:27

worst when I make it to let

44:30

me see if this Damn

44:32

it. I thought it would be right at the spot Yeah,

44:35

there it is Shut up

44:38

Wesley. Shut up Wesley. He hates right. He

44:40

hates, you know I Wesley shut up Wesley

44:42

No, I hate going on Twitter and I

44:44

you know make a post and goes yeah,

44:46

but you're a pedophile Yeah, well we eaten

44:48

every time he says anything. They just post

44:51

this clip. I can't identify I

44:53

do identify with that Wesley

44:59

Picard is like channeling his real yeah. He's like

45:01

I actually Did

45:03

you ever see how they wrote him? They

45:05

wrote Wesley off the show. Did you watch Star

45:08

Trek? At me he went with Q or something.

45:10

He went with the traveler who was like a

45:12

fake Interdimensional being a weird Q a homeless Q

45:14

what you said made way more sense like yeah,

45:16

he goes to the Academy That's how you write

45:18

him off the show and said they're like no

45:20

because then he might be able to come back

45:23

So we have to manifest a space serial

45:25

killer Wesley. You are so interesting. Why don't

45:27

you travel the cos he went off with

45:30

a space Pedophile basically mom what the episode

45:32

yeah Hey

45:35

mom this strange older man wants to take

45:37

me on a trip around the cosmos Well,

45:39

I have any way of contacting you know, I'm

45:41

just gonna go with you. All right have fun.

45:44

I don't even care Shut up Wesley Wesley

45:47

Sorry, will we Yeah

45:52

He's uh Why

45:55

didn't he just accept it just go yeah, I'm a goof, you

45:57

know, I was a goof on the show But you know, I'm

45:59

just here to have fun Cause he's a fucking

46:01

child actor. He probably got raped by

46:03

every guy on the enterprise. He's uh,

46:06

he's genuinely- Probably twice by Data. He's

46:08

fucking insane. He's uh, so bad of

46:10

an actor that basically everybody who was

46:12

on Star Trek, the next generation, got

46:14

to do a guest starring role on

46:16

that Picard show. You know, they

46:18

even brought Whoopi Goldberg back to run the

46:20

fucking bar. Yeah. I was like, no, what

46:22

we- what we can host the after show

46:24

where he talks about, Wow, that episode was

46:26

really good. I'm so excited about Star Trek.

46:29

Yeah, but he was- he was a good

46:31

actor. He was a good kid actor. I believed that he

46:33

was a really fine kid. Oh really? You

46:35

believed he was a shitty, annoying little kid?

46:38

Yeah. One of the worst things Wil Wheaton does,

46:40

do you know the block list debacle? No. Cause

46:43

you know, you would think Wil Wheaton, uh,

46:45

all the liberals must love him cause he's

46:47

a big pussy talking about his trauma and

46:49

whatever else. He's trying to ruin America and

46:51

like fuck up our hobbies and stuff. He

46:53

doesn't take accountability or anything and he blames

46:55

everybody else for his problems. I feel

46:57

like you're just describing me. Uh,

47:01

I feel like you're throwing shade. About

47:03

eight years ago when Twitter was like getting really

47:05

exciting, right? We're all hyped up on Twitter. Yeah.

47:07

It was like a new fun thing. That

47:10

was when the N words and the brands

47:12

were crossing. Yes. Now it's just brands. And

47:14

that was the wild West. And, uh, at

47:17

this time, Wil Wheaton was blocking

47:19

toxic people on Twitter. That's cool. You know, people

47:21

who are Twittering, he wanted them not to be

47:23

seen. Yeah. Ended up with a block list of

47:26

several thousand names. Okay. And it wasn't just his

47:28

accounts that he blocked. It was also accounts from

47:30

like other people that he knew and they said,

47:32

oh, let me add your block list. Here's another

47:34

400 names, 800 names. Wil

47:37

Wheaton, who was a very influential

47:39

figure in the gaming nerd spaces,

47:41

pinned to the top of his

47:43

Twitter was, here is my block

47:45

list. You can copy it and use it

47:47

and weed out all the negativity in your

47:49

life. Okay. What he didn't realize was some

47:51

of the people who had sent him names

47:53

for the list were like notorious,

47:56

uh, turfs, like people who hate

47:58

trans people. Okay. So

48:00

he was spreading an influential block

48:02

list to his network

48:04

of like connected Hollywood people Yeah,

48:07

and all these trans people were like hey, why

48:09

can't I get anyone to notice the

48:11

stuff? I'm doing why? Oh, yeah, why

48:14

my blowers in second biggest problem? The

48:20

point is they were like making art and like

48:22

trying to get jobs and they're all of a

48:24

sudden blocked by all these influential Industry people who

48:26

they could theoretically be connecting with because

48:28

we'll wheat and set up. All right This

48:30

is your your this is part of your

48:32

problem for voting. Well, we can stop a

48:34

black. He set up an industry black list

48:36

basically He made it

48:38

in Hollywood recover from that Well, it's

48:41

not just trans people was just like all sorts of

48:43

people all of a sudden like you know Because he's

48:45

like his blacklist was like the biggest blockless I think

48:47

they had a website for it and everybody was copying

48:49

and pasting it and all these creatives didn't

48:51

even realize like That they were on

48:53

it and they're like wait, why am I blocked

48:55

by these directors and like studios? I want to

48:58

work for cutting my splitting my right. Well, it

49:00

was this is the reason look You

49:02

don't have to agree with it. These people do

49:04

fuck them. I'm just saying this is why they're

49:06

gonna write like This is why people gonna eat

49:08

him on all the Our

49:12

side hates him for being a whiny pussy in

49:14

the game the trans people hate him for getting

49:16

them all blocked Called

49:18

PewDiePie a Nazi and then

49:20

doubled it down on that

49:23

Guys just this will Wheaton guy.

49:26

He's no good. He's a real. He's

49:28

a real jerk If you

49:30

had a time machine, who would you? Never

49:32

mind. Can we do less time machine bits? We

49:35

already go back and visit our old black

49:37

grandfather every episode I think we've

49:39

traveled back in time enough times

49:42

with this thing Well, Wheaton is

49:44

my problem and I'm gonna double it up

49:46

and say Elmo Elmo my problem. All right,

49:48

Elmo's dick's problem An

49:51

acting ensign but shut up Wesley. Yeah, God,

49:53

that was great You're not allowed to take

49:55

Elma's like a split problem if that wins.

49:57

It's a tie. No I

50:00

brought in the Elmo stuff! You

50:03

didn't... I... You didn't even bring

50:05

that shit in. You didn't send me a fucking link.

50:07

Then you yelled at me when I got the wrong one. Elmo

50:11

and... Will Wheaton. Will Wheaton. And

50:13

he spells his name with a

50:15

1L, is that right? Yeah. What

50:18

an idiot. He's insane! He

50:20

imagines someone makes a Lego of you and he can't just go... You

50:23

know how on this show people send in

50:26

art? Yeah. Look, that's all of me.

50:29

You know how people send in art of me

50:31

raping a cat girl and surrounded

50:34

by junk food? Wait, I got a new art

50:36

for you. Hold on. Great. That reminds me. Okay.

50:39

And you know what I do? I go, oh,

50:41

not this again. You know? And I laugh

50:43

along with it. I don't go, guys, I

50:45

inspired many children to get into being fat,

50:47

lazy Star Wars YouTubers. What

50:49

if one day you could say you inspired somebody

50:52

to lose? Oh, you can say that! A lot

50:54

of people say they got so angry at you

50:56

for losing any weight. People are waiting me to

50:58

prove that I'm a lazy sack of shit. I

51:00

got it. Yeah. Wait, someone sent this in. Let's

51:02

see what you think about it. I had them

51:04

sent... The first one I couldn't show. But

51:06

this one I can. Great. Have

51:10

you not seen this? I have not seen it. The

51:12

missing fucking panel from your

51:14

comic is the real official

51:17

panel that was missing. No.

51:19

It's not happening. You can already see what I had them... What

51:21

I asked them to do. I'm fucking

51:23

doing it! No, I'm saying shrink that. Because

51:25

it's too big. Yeah, shrink it down. And

51:29

then pull that thing down. That's

51:31

not gonna do anything. No, no, no. Your window. What

51:34

the fuck? Make that bigger. Zoom

51:36

in again. Zoom in again.

51:39

I'm gonna do this part. There you go. Okay,

51:42

it says, super killer. See the tits are

51:44

the right size. Shut up. Why did he

51:46

censor the one... Hand me that. Blanket

51:48

type of a wrench. I don't know why

51:51

he didn't leave the N at the beginning.

51:53

So you know what he's been saying.

51:55

More fucking half aftery. Hand me that. Blank

51:58

wrench. Then

52:00

the lady that's obviously his

52:03

sidekick because of her size of

52:05

her tits says, I hate

52:07

when people use that word. That

52:10

bias is unique to your paradigm. It's

52:13

what the tool is called here. Slavery

52:16

never happened in this universe, he says. Actually

52:19

billions of universes in yours is the only

52:22

one it did. Great. So

52:24

she's from the slavery universe. Do you

52:26

have a joke as good as

52:28

that in your comic? The joke is

52:30

that in a universe where slavery doesn't

52:32

exist, you're allowed to toss the onward

52:35

around. Is that the joke? Yes, and

52:37

actually in billions of universes slavery

52:39

didn't happen and yours is the only one it

52:41

did. And she's like, God, I

52:43

feel so stupid. She didn't do slavery. This

52:45

is making it... White. It's a

52:48

brilliant... So all her white guilt is

52:50

useless in other universes. Right. That's

52:52

the joke. Okay, I'll put that in the comic.

52:54

Okay, here's my problem. Uh, I gotta bring

52:56

up this, uh, this Twitter that you did.

52:59

Why is the problem my Twitter?

53:01

Yeah, it's a lot

53:03

of you stocktive Vito because that's a

53:06

better bit. Are you making a lot

53:08

of... I'm getting VMs for guys going

53:10

Vito. We're making big money this week.

53:13

Shit, I thought I had this copied but I

53:15

guess I don't. Stocktive Vito made one guy. Yeah.

53:19

I don't know exactly how much he made but he

53:22

sent me a thank you. I don't know what he

53:24

meant. Alan's here, baby. Vito on Twitter. I

53:26

told you. Yeah, do you find that? Vito being... What

53:29

are you looking for? I'm looking for when you

53:31

said that new math is good because my problem

53:33

is, uh, common core math. I'm gonna

53:35

go to my page and hit the media tab. Oh, wait.

53:38

I might've retweeted it. Here's something about Nick Swen. Here,

53:40

I'll look for it while you talk about it. How's

53:42

that? What is wrong with new math,

53:44

Dick? Well, I'm not gonna talk about

53:46

it until you get it up. You just undid

53:48

all my work by scrolling up to the top. Because I'm gonna

53:51

go to my page but I don't have the keyboard so you

53:53

have to type in A-V at

53:55

the top. Okay, I'll do it. Vito comedy.

54:00

screwed it up because now... Haha!

54:02

I did that! Well... New

54:05

math is great! Let's go.

54:07

Find it. Find it. I am gonna find

54:09

it. There's where you're talking about the

54:11

RV that you want, the weird creepy RV for 800

54:13

bucks. It would be cool to have an RV. Are

54:16

you gonna do a lot of camping in it? I wanna...

54:18

Whenever I go to Vegas, I sleep in my car. It'd

54:20

be better if I had an RV. It

54:25

would! Did you sleep at like a Walmart? Yeah!

54:27

No, I sleeped at my buddy's... I

54:29

swear to God, I copied this. My buddy was at a

54:31

hotel. Don't worry, I'll find it in a few seconds. My

54:33

buddy was at a hotel and I just stayed in the

54:35

parking lot and then I used his hotel shower and it

54:37

was great. Maddox is calling you a thief.

54:39

Did you see that? I did see that. So

54:42

I think Maddox is... Who said he loved me has

54:44

decided he doesn't. Oh wait, wait, wait, wait. I found

54:46

it. Okay. Hold on. Oh man, I feel like I'm

54:48

real close. I know, but I know

54:50

100% where it is right there. Oh, you did

54:53

save it. Yeah, I did save it. Okay. This

54:57

is me saying that teaching kids math

54:59

is good. Yeah, this is somebody that

55:01

said, I don't have the patience for

55:03

this. What I should be expecting with

55:05

kids homework. They

55:08

play in kids' faces too much. I believe

55:10

this comes from Blackwater. It doesn't matter where

55:12

Racy is. Blackwater

55:14

struggling with 12 minus 2. Well,

55:17

cuz, what the fuck is this? This is 12 minus...

55:19

What's 12 minus 3? What's the minus of 12 and

55:21

3? Well,

55:24

first I would take 12. Just say what it

55:26

is. And I would minus 2. No, you

55:28

wouldn't do that. What's the minus of 12 and

55:30

3? 9.

55:33

There you go. You know what I mean? What is this box?

55:36

12 is minus 3, and 3 is split into 2 and 1. What

55:40

if it was... What? You have to fill in the... What the fuck are

55:42

you supposed to fill in this box? How

55:45

do you know that? Cuz I'm not a fucking

55:47

idiot. Yes, if your

55:49

first instinct is to write 1 there,

55:52

you're a fucking idiot. No, I'm not. That means

55:54

anything. It's just boxes connected to other boxes. Okay,

55:56

they could have put a little plus between them,

55:58

I guess, to make it... easier yes

56:00

a symbol like a standard

56:02

symbol that you can learn and that

56:05

but you don't have to use it other people is that

56:07

they tell the kids this is what the boxes are just

56:09

because you can't figure it out because they haven't told you

56:12

yet but they tell the kids what it is if I

56:14

see 12 minus of three oh my

56:16

god I don't need a bunch of boxes you're

56:18

an adult who's been doing math your whole life

56:20

these are kids and they're just figuring it out

56:22

my nephew called me up this week

56:25

and said my

56:27

sister's very upset he missed a day of

56:29

school and they are just starting with dividing

56:33

fractions can you help him you help him

56:35

out yeah what's going on let

56:37

me see this and I look at it and it's

56:39

like two and

56:41

five-thirds divided by with a divided

56:43

by sign six and seven eighths

56:46

I'm like what the fuck is

56:48

this so I said all right well

56:50

let me see the instructions at the top and

56:52

it's like a bunch of goddamn boxes drawn

56:55

all over the place like

56:57

look man I'll be honest with you I

56:59

got no fucking I got no idea yeah

57:01

no what this is supposed to be but

57:03

I'll show you how to do this weird

57:06

problem that no one in the history of humankind

57:08

has ever done he taught him how to do

57:10

it wrong I thought of how to do it

57:12

expediently and correctly the teachers

57:15

instructions yes and that's that's

57:17

I think that's my bigger point um

57:21

comic-core math is retarded

57:23

how wide is your nephew he's

57:26

almost he's nearly 100% white okay so 75%

57:28

yeah okay number one number one people people who don't

57:31

get math cannot

57:37

be taught back math that's number one

57:40

point shortcuts though no they

57:42

cannot yes and it doesn't matter it doesn't matter

57:44

because they'll never need it they'll

57:46

just be getting welfare for the rest of their

57:48

lives number one stupid people cannot be taught math

57:50

number two everybody

57:52

from a very young age kids

57:54

are taught that everything they do

57:57

in life is perverted and destroyed

58:01

because of the 10% of retards

58:04

in their class who are

58:06

never going to learn it, who can't

58:08

learn it, and who will not use

58:11

it for anything. So they're sitting there,

58:13

like they're in a fucking

58:15

prison, trying to pretend that these boxes are

58:17

a good way of explaining something for this

58:19

kid in the class. Or number three, the

58:22

teacher is too stupid to explain

58:24

how to do it correctly to

58:27

kids, so they made up this

58:29

cockamamie system that nobody can intuitively

58:31

understand. I intuitively understand it. Because

58:35

you already know! No, but I'm saying,

58:37

all they're doing is teaching kids the way you're

58:39

supposed to do math in your head, which I

58:41

wish they had taught me in school. Like

58:43

if you had, you wish you had learned with stupid little

58:45

boxes. If you had 120 minus 25, yes, like now obviously

58:47

you can figure out quicker, but if you're not as good

58:49

at it, you can go, okay, 120 minus 25. Well,

58:53

I'll take away the 20 from 120, and then I have an even

58:55

100, and there's five left

58:57

over, so I'll take away the five. Where

58:59

is that in the box? The one and the two, because you're

59:02

10, okay, you start with getting the 12 down to a 10.

59:05

Because a 10 is easy. Yeah. So

59:07

you take two away from the 12. We had that

59:09

already with the little lines. Remember when they were, you

59:11

write them down like a 12, and

59:13

then under it, we already had that. But

59:16

you want, not, you don't want- We already fucking

59:18

had that system. Okay, well we all have phones

59:20

with calculators, so whatever. The point is that you

59:22

want people to not have to rely on a

59:25

pen and paper. You don't want them to have

59:27

to rely on a calculator, and they can

59:29

simply do it in your head. If you're doing

59:32

minuses of anything bigger than 10, I want you

59:34

using a calculator. Because I'm going to use a

59:36

calculator when you tell me, because I'll probably be

59:38

drunk or high on fentanyl when I'm doing this

59:41

math. I think the point is that when kids

59:43

learn this kind of simple logic and how

59:45

to break things down into smaller pieces, it's not

59:47

limited to math. It's like your brain genuinely- So

59:49

it's overall, it's helping people think more better.

59:51

It adds to your cognitive abilities and process. I

59:54

think this is what drives me insane

59:56

about it. It's people explaining

59:58

the concept of smart- Partening

1:00:00

up the whole universe right like doing

1:00:02

these dumb boxes that no one's ever done

1:00:04

and that haven't been proven to work at

1:00:07

all It's like part of this. I

1:00:09

think there's probably this five-year Plan

1:00:12

what's that make everyone to back up

1:00:14

your claim you go here you go. I

1:00:17

don't know I mean, it's not a bunch of box

1:00:19

that's bull shit a bunch of fucking boxes But what

1:00:21

do you call this is when common core math toys

1:00:24

in 2010? Oh, yeah there? What does this look like?

1:00:26

I mean, I'm not I'm so fucking stupid. I just

1:00:28

know how to do math when I look at it

1:00:32

Yeah, the only thing I know like a minor

1:00:34

thing making kids dumber is the boxes on the

1:00:36

mass Sorry here. It is and this is called

1:00:38

This is what we call a flat platter pretend

1:00:40

it's a stock more people buy this I think

1:00:42

more people buy ice cream in summer so ice

1:00:44

cream must be taste would you buy this is

1:00:46

with this stock? I'm a better during

1:00:48

the summer months must see it's better

1:00:52

See this is fucking tanking off a fucking

1:00:54

cliff right there not because of

1:00:56

covet sure More people

1:00:58

killed themselves in the winter. It's pride Santa Claus only appears

1:01:00

in the winter, so I think Random

1:01:04

shit instead of just this is the math that

1:01:07

we're teaching him This is their fucking math scores

1:01:09

look the kids are retarded They all got out

1:01:11

of school because of covet and now they're coming

1:01:13

back, and they're dumb Every

1:01:15

single comment. I see about it is

1:01:17

some redditor shit saying Well,

1:01:20

I know actually I know some engineers, and this

1:01:22

is how they do it yeah, and I think

1:01:24

well Yeah, but you're how come it's never an

1:01:26

engineer saying it It's always some shithead who says

1:01:28

I know and I know a bunch of high-level

1:01:30

math people And they do it's never it's never

1:01:32

someone going I'm a high-level math person I wish

1:01:34

I was taught how to be a total fucking

1:01:36

retard in class and add with boxes

1:01:38

and shit I Think there's

1:01:41

value to giving kids Tools

1:01:44

they can use mentally I think it'll remap

1:01:46

some of those brain pathways and get them

1:01:49

thinking smarter and more efficiently you

1:01:51

really believe that I Actually

1:01:53

do yeah, I think we can make people smart

1:01:55

well we can make we can know 26 year

1:01:58

old woman to sit a person down with

1:02:00

a couple boxes and that this will be a

1:02:02

positive thing that will result in that. Bring their

1:02:04

IQ points up like five, ten points, right? You

1:02:06

can't bring IQ up at all. No,

1:02:09

of course, yes you can. No. Stuck?

1:02:12

No, that's not how it works. It's definitely how

1:02:14

it works. What do you call it? No, because

1:02:16

IQ scores raise depending on your household. Only if

1:02:18

you come in real low. Household incomes

1:02:20

affect IQ scores. Yeah, because economic backgrounds.

1:02:22

Just like talking to kids, but you

1:02:24

can't go, you're stuck at a certain

1:02:27

point, you can't get above that. You're

1:02:30

saying like as surnames you're stuck?

1:02:32

No, I'm saying you're as stupid

1:02:34

as you are. You're in a range. You can go below.

1:02:36

You can test below what you are, but you can never

1:02:39

get above it. Well,

1:02:42

as a genius myself, I don't know exactly

1:02:44

what that would feel like, but I think

1:02:47

we can equip people with certain skills. Teachers

1:02:50

think it's great? No. Reditors

1:02:52

think it's great? Sure. Liberals

1:02:54

think it's great. That's why I like it.

1:02:56

Three strikes, buddy. No. Three strikes.

1:02:59

Three homers. Three of the dumbest people

1:03:01

on the fucking planet. That and the

1:03:03

right, deep right field. Teachers, redditors,

1:03:05

liberals. Interesting. Did you see that study? Did

1:03:07

you try to help a kid? I mean,

1:03:09

a virtual kid. No. Try

1:03:12

to help a kid do this shit. I'm

1:03:14

helping my nephew. I'm going to groom them into

1:03:16

becoming a math whiz. Like, man, you

1:03:18

don't need, don't do this shit. Just do what

1:03:20

I'm telling you to do. Yeah. See

1:03:23

that study going around about how liberals

1:03:25

of course have a higher average IQ

1:03:27

than conservatives? Yeah, average. Yeah.

1:03:30

So maybe trust us to

1:03:32

make your kids not dummies. Oh, yeah.

1:03:34

And if we teach them to cut off their dicks,

1:03:36

that's just a side effect of teaching

1:03:39

them about the boxes. So IQ matters

1:03:41

when it's politics. Any

1:03:44

other IQ studies you want to try on? I think we've

1:03:46

talked about IQ on this show too many times. Just tell

1:03:48

me these are good examples here. I'm going to go through.

1:03:51

What's a good example? This is Common Core math

1:03:53

that they're making kids cry. See, they make the

1:03:55

smart kids feel bad because smart kids know math

1:03:57

right away. Smart kids, you've got to put them

1:03:59

in a separate. class for

1:04:02

smart kids. And we have those. We did away

1:04:04

with all those. Not all of them. They

1:04:07

let stupid kids into them. Yeah,

1:04:09

I mean, there's the high schools in New York where they're

1:04:11

like, ehh, we feel bad that not enough black kids are

1:04:14

getting in, or you know, any kind of kid, whatever. Here,

1:04:16

Vito, here's the minus of 82 and 49. Don't

1:04:20

look at the screen. What's the minus of 82 and 49? Well,

1:04:23

I would add 1 to, I have to look at the

1:04:25

numbers, I would add 1 to 49 to get to Oh,

1:04:30

okay. Smart. That's

1:04:32

smart. Good strategy. 32 plus 50

1:04:34

would equal 82. Yeah, so you

1:04:37

take that one away. So 32 plus 1, no,

1:04:39

I'll take it away. 33,

1:04:42

all right. Well, here's how Common Core does. It's just a

1:04:44

bunch of goofy hopping

1:04:46

around. Start at 49, do

1:04:48

10 hops up, and then

1:04:51

do, this is like how an old lady or

1:04:53

a child, I guess. That seems like a reasonable

1:04:55

way to do it. I can see doing that

1:04:57

as well. Ugh, man. I like to aim to

1:04:59

get to round numbers first. Very frustrating. Very

1:05:02

frustrating to see children suffer. I mean, I'm pretty good

1:05:04

at math. I loved math as a kid. I should

1:05:06

have talked with it. Guys, it's the teachers, ultimately, who

1:05:08

feel good about this, that they're doing something

1:05:10

good and they're the last people who should feel

1:05:12

good. I saw, did you see the

1:05:14

video of students walking out to

1:05:16

protest a cell phone ban on campus? That's

1:05:19

good, I support them. I, you know, the

1:05:21

more I think about it, I do support

1:05:23

them. I think we should

1:05:25

just stop having mandatory public

1:05:27

school. We can't do that. It's

1:05:30

too much money. What do you mean? For

1:05:32

who? Well, you gotta pay the teachers.

1:05:34

Do you understand how many women are being supported by that

1:05:36

system? Yeah, just give them UBI. We

1:05:39

don't have enough OnlyFans for all those women. There's

1:05:42

always room for All of the fans. That

1:05:44

already is UBI. What about

1:05:46

all the women with jobs that send emails all

1:05:48

day? What do you do with them? They gotta

1:05:50

have baby pictures for their kids. I think once

1:05:52

these kids reach the age where they can navigate

1:05:54

the internet, that's

1:05:56

it. You can get whatever information you want or

1:05:59

don't want. If you're a kid who wants to

1:06:01

learn math sure yeah in school and do that

1:06:03

But most kids clearly don't give a shit about

1:06:05

that they want to admit that you don't need

1:06:08

all this math I think most

1:06:10

kids when you hit 14 Either

1:06:13

decide just keep doing math or

1:06:16

go big and become a tick tock

1:06:18

viral sensation Yeah, and just go just

1:06:20

do your tick tock videos kids. You're

1:06:22

nailing it Do

1:06:24

stunts 25 to 35 percent of

1:06:26

students struggle with math. They don't need it. Yeah,

1:06:28

how would you struggle? It's not important get

1:06:30

rid of it who cares no only

1:06:33

for the smart kids I had something else too, but

1:06:37

Who cares okay new math so we're going average

1:06:39

score is once you complain about the I would

1:06:41

prefer to go back to the Point

1:06:43

about the metric system next Yeah,

1:06:47

I don't like it. What do you like the metric? Oh?

1:06:49

Yeah, of course Redditor you love the Space

1:06:52

10 man. It's a lot easier Does

1:06:54

that trip you up a lot measuring shit

1:06:57

and having to convert it into another weird?

1:07:00

It's a little weird find yourself having like a gallon. You're

1:07:02

like. I gotta convert this into a Cubic

1:07:05

heck I constantly have to go online and be

1:07:07

like okay. How many millimeters? You know because I'm

1:07:09

always ordering shit from China, and it goes like

1:07:11

oh, it's 122 millimeters. I'm like okay Well

1:07:14

how many inches of that? Why

1:07:17

don't you know the metric version because I

1:07:19

wasn't you know I haven't internalized I wish

1:07:21

that it was the standard you need that

1:07:23

I would make you a bunch of magical

1:07:25

boxes and shit cuz I have Imperial ruler

1:07:27

in my house, and that's yeah There

1:07:30

you go Okay, lowest

1:07:32

math scores drop to the lowest

1:07:34

level in decades the dick hates

1:07:36

the children are learning. They're not

1:07:39

and I do I Fortering

1:07:42

for them just let them sit in class and

1:07:44

play fortnight well Yeah, I mean that teacher who

1:07:46

took away her students switch is the greatest demon

1:07:48

who ever walked this earth That

1:07:50

child is a hero for getting a switch back

1:07:53

You think you're a good person because you support

1:07:55

this shit right, and it's making

1:07:57

like a good person I just think

1:07:59

it's stupid around against it I think that's how

1:08:01

everyone does math in their head so why not teach

1:08:03

it to kids all

1:08:06

right what you know you're not like

1:08:08

suspicious at all when everything promoting

1:08:10

it when everything promoting is like well then

1:08:12

we get more kids into stem like

1:08:15

how many fucking engineers and scientists do you think

1:08:17

we're gonna have because you taught them how to

1:08:19

add with a bunch of fucking boxes I don't

1:08:21

know I don't know why everyone's obsessed with stem

1:08:23

and making women get into it when they care

1:08:25

yeah they think it's easy what if a lady

1:08:27

made a robot I don't know you see that

1:08:29

thing that wire all the robots white it's like

1:08:31

I don't know man when you care do you

1:08:34

want black robots cuz that slavery yeah I don't

1:08:36

think that you don't want that like that make

1:08:38

them brown so

1:08:40

they can be Mexican or Indian here comes

1:08:42

you know what anything I would say would just sound racist

1:08:45

I was gonna name a black robot and

1:08:47

okay let's not do that dick

1:08:50

what kind of computer you got there

1:08:52

Mac Mac any

1:08:55

other Macintosh products you own Apple products yeah everything

1:08:57

cuz they're good okay and they're

1:08:59

expensive and

1:09:02

so they're better than the other oh that's why

1:09:04

they're better cuz they're expensive yeah Wow

1:09:06

well it sounds like I'm dealing anyone who is

1:09:08

a serious person has a

1:09:10

couple products yeah his PCs and and

1:09:13

androids are shit they're dog shit is

1:09:15

that why your mouse doesn't work it's

1:09:18

a PC that it doesn't work on shithead so

1:09:20

I'll just use it with the Mac cuz

1:09:23

I'm not I'm not streaming on the fucking why

1:09:25

are you not streaming from the man why are you

1:09:27

streaming from PC then once you get a desktop sir

1:09:29

way too expensive you can't afford that oh

1:09:31

they're too expensive but I have a new

1:09:33

you have to suffer with this fucking shitty

1:09:35

mouse it's always messing

1:09:37

up dick my problem is Apple

1:09:40

fanboys there's something wrong

1:09:42

with them and they are idiots

1:09:44

right currently Apple has a new

1:09:46

product the Apple Vision Pro it

1:09:50

is a virtual reality headset that they refuse

1:09:52

to call a virtual reality headset because Apple

1:09:54

is better than everyone I think

1:09:56

they call it a sensory magic whatever

1:09:59

the fuck experience Dick, do

1:10:01

you know how much the Apple Vision Pro costs?

1:10:03

Two grand. Higher. Uh,

1:10:06

three. Higher. Five.

1:10:08

Not that high. Seven. How

1:10:10

high is it? Thirty-five hundred dollars

1:10:13

to experience the future of

1:10:16

sitting in your living room and projecting a TV

1:10:18

in a place where you probably already have a

1:10:20

TV. Right

1:10:22

now, the Vision Pro only exists not

1:10:25

to use it as a VR device,

1:10:27

but to make stupid videos of you

1:10:29

driving around while wearing it to post

1:10:31

on social media for points. That

1:10:33

seems to be the only known function, because everyone who has

1:10:36

bought one is like, what the fuck is the point? I

1:10:38

mean, I guess I can watch TV on it. It looks

1:10:40

kind of cool. What do you mean?

1:10:42

I mean, you can like- Does it look any more

1:10:44

cool than any other VR headset? Uh,

1:10:47

yeah, because you can see through it. Like I

1:10:49

have the Quest and it sucks because you can't see through it.

1:10:51

You can't see through it though. You

1:10:53

can't? I thought that was the whole point.

1:10:55

I'm pretty sure that it's a video- wait,

1:10:57

maybe you can see through it, but you can also put

1:10:59

it down and have a video feed of what you see.

1:11:02

Well, you know, that's the same thing. Uh, well, it's a

1:11:04

little weird. Like you're looking at what's around you. It's a

1:11:06

little different. So you would want,

1:11:08

if you got one for free, you would just not

1:11:10

take it on principle. I got one for free. Like

1:11:13

that's a different thing. If it was like $200, if

1:11:15

Google made one. It was $200 bucks, sure. Yeah, the

1:11:17

point is it's $3,500 bucks. However,

1:11:21

as we know with Apple, the buck

1:11:23

never stops in one place. It just

1:11:25

keeps moving up. Dick,

1:11:27

the Vision Pro has about two hours of

1:11:29

battery life. That's not very good. Probably

1:11:32

going to want an extra battery for that thing. What

1:11:36

should a battery cost? I

1:11:39

don't know. I can currently go on Amazon

1:11:41

and get a big honking battery pack. They're

1:11:43

selling this shit to rich people. Okay. Like

1:11:45

they don't want you. So what would be

1:11:47

a reasonable surcharge for a battery pack that

1:11:50

I can normally go on Amazon for $20

1:11:52

to $30 bucks? $1,200

1:11:54

bucks for the Amazon. $800 bucks. For

1:11:57

the battery? Yeah. It's

1:11:59

not that bad. Normal people

1:12:01

aren't worried about like swapping fucking batteries like this

1:12:03

is just- What are you talking about? It only

1:12:05

gets two hours a thing. You would want a

1:12:07

battery for the fucking thing. You would. Anybody would.

1:12:09

But you want to be locked into it for

1:12:12

like 10 hours. They shacking off. They show people

1:12:14

going on the fucking subway with the thing, okay?

1:12:16

You're walking around- Come on the subway ride. Where

1:12:18

are you riding a subway? From- From

1:12:20

wherever. From wherever. From China?

1:12:23

You gotta charge the thing every two seconds. A 20 minute ride. You're

1:12:25

gonna want a battery. Shut the fuck up. Battery

1:12:27

is $200. It's a deal. You're gonna want

1:12:29

a special locking Amazon lock. I know

1:12:31

you Amazon. Buy your own cord.

1:12:33

Fucking Android guys just love having-

1:12:37

Oh, I love my USB cords. Oh,

1:12:39

a shitty micro USB. It can go in

1:12:41

anything, but nothing uses it. I know USB

1:12:43

cords can suck, but at least everybody

1:12:46

has them. Doesn't have to pay a bunch for it. Yeah.

1:12:49

Dick, let's say you're a glasses wearer. Oh

1:12:52

man, fuck them. Can't keep those on while using your Vision

1:12:54

Pro. You're gonna have to pay $150 to get optical inserts.

1:13:00

Isn't that fun? So we're already

1:13:02

up to almost four grand. But it's for

1:13:04

rich people. Like, you know? But

1:13:07

it's not just for rich people because it's also

1:13:09

for dumb poor people who have to buy the

1:13:11

latest fucking- I gotta get the new iPhone. It's

1:13:13

a rose gold iPhone. Why am

1:13:15

I doing that voice? Yeah, I don't know.

1:13:17

I got to get new iPhones. These most

1:13:19

powerful iPhones. I don't think- Is

1:13:22

that better? I don't think poor people are- Because

1:13:24

you mean black people. I didn't

1:13:26

say black people. Yeah. I could

1:13:28

be any type of person. But I don't think they're

1:13:30

getting on this. It's for rich, like, white people. People

1:13:32

always buy the new iPhone. They think they need the

1:13:34

new iPhone. The new iPhone's like 800 bucks and you

1:13:37

get to like- Playaway. Playaway. And-

1:13:40

Oh, layaway. Okay. It's

1:13:42

like 40 bucks a month. You get- okay. You get

1:13:44

the phone. You get the Vision Pro.

1:13:46

What else do you get? You get the

1:13:49

Apple- Ladies? The Apple Care

1:13:51

Plan. Yeah, sure. So, what's

1:13:53

the price for that? 200 bucks a month? 200 bucks- no, 250. For

1:13:57

the Vision Pro, it is $500. I

1:14:00

believe that's a yearly fee for Apple

1:14:02

care. How do you divide that by month? 500

1:14:05

divided by 12. Yeah, let's see Divided

1:14:09

by 12 would be $50. Okay So

1:14:13

500 divided by 12. I

1:14:16

don't I don't act I don't need I'd

1:14:19

be be Less

1:14:22

that slightly less than six year Dick

1:14:25

it doesn't stop at just the vision pro

1:14:27

of course a Mac Pro the desktop that

1:14:29

you could have because you love Mac

1:14:32

products so much Starts at

1:14:34

around six thousand dollars with all the bells

1:14:36

and whistles can get up to twelve thousand

1:14:39

of course, you're gonna want to get the pro display

1:14:41

monitor for that a monitor a Monitor

1:14:44

dick I've seen monitors their HD. Yeah, I

1:14:46

hate to break you but people have more

1:14:48

money than you I know but And

1:14:51

they don't want to use a bunch of crap that fails all

1:14:53

the time Their

1:14:55

time is worth some no reason. It's

1:14:57

not it's expensive cuz it's Okay,

1:15:01

but still like even the amount of shit that

1:15:03

goes into it the profit margin is fucking it's

1:15:06

worth it to pay that Much money so

1:15:08

people don't accidentally not worth it. You're they're in

1:15:10

the same class as you Android people like that's

1:15:12

the real value of that

1:15:14

is $100,000

1:15:16

to not be green monitor not be green

1:15:19

on someone's phone you could charge a

1:15:22

million dollars for that I can't believe

1:15:24

you're defining this dick What do you

1:15:26

think a monitor stand should cost the

1:15:28

stand that the monitor goes on apples

1:15:30

make Tony? so be so

1:15:32

be To get the long

1:15:34

dong together is it Apple to get

1:15:36

the stand designed in America? That's what

1:15:38

I want get twelve hundred bucks. So

1:15:40

thousand dollars for a monitor deal. I'm

1:15:42

me up right now Electronics

1:15:44

in it. It is a hunk of metal that holds

1:15:46

the monitor $1,000. Sorry Who

1:15:50

is talking about hunks of metal at

1:15:52

least that's metal. You're spending how much

1:15:54

on fucking plastic? I Don't

1:15:56

spend that much on plastic. How much was your

1:15:58

final fantasy figures? Let's do Those

1:16:00

are collectibles. And

1:16:04

I don't spend a thousand dollars on them either. Maybe

1:16:06

if somebody did they said it in. You

1:16:08

might have a chance of winning it tonight. Not

1:16:12

only that, so you've spent six thousand

1:16:14

dollars for a Mac Pro.

1:16:17

So if somebody spent six grand on

1:16:19

a Final Fantasy 7 Windows

1:16:21

computer that was one-of-a-kind and it

1:16:24

was signed by Yuffie or something or

1:16:27

Kokobo shit on it. That's fine. No,

1:16:29

that's still that's stupid. Too much. It's

1:16:31

too much. Dick, okay.

1:16:33

Look, I'll say that if you're a working professional and

1:16:36

you want a top-of-the-line computer short six thousand dollar Mac

1:16:38

Pro might be in your Wheelhouse, I get it. You

1:16:40

can edit video on there. You can do your Photoshop.

1:16:43

Still would be more cost effective to get a PC. You

1:16:45

would get a more powerful machine. They

1:16:47

don't all the time. What are you talking about Max break

1:16:49

too? Do

1:16:52

you own a Mac? My PC's not broken and I've had

1:16:54

it for quite a while. Okay,

1:16:57

yours hasn't broken. Good

1:17:00

for you. Okay, but the shit they nickel and die. Do

1:17:02

you have a backup on it? I've back.

1:17:04

What do you mean like you use a backup? Yeah,

1:17:07

I just have a bunch of hard drives. You

1:17:09

don't have like an automatic backup service. No, I

1:17:11

should get one. Yeah,

1:17:14

but what do you they charge you for that? It's

1:17:16

worth it. Okay. Well, maybe I

1:17:18

use the Apple backup service So it's twice as

1:17:20

much twice as much. Yeah, I could get some

1:17:22

sort of cloud I got Google backing up all

1:17:24

my pictures and stuff. Oh, man, you need to

1:17:26

back that shit up I do have a manual

1:17:29

backup. Anyway, shut up. I have more stats and

1:17:31

I like them. Okay, you get

1:17:33

the Macbook Pro or the Mac Sorry, I

1:17:35

act pro they have a regular man. You want when you

1:17:37

touch one? Touch some extra ones

1:17:39

that I don't even use it. Right and

1:17:41

you say well, you know what? I don't like just

1:17:44

having the feet on it. I want to put like

1:17:46

those little caster wheels, you know Like the ones on

1:17:48

a cart that you roll it around. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

1:17:50

how much yeah how much? $700

1:17:52

for a wheel Screw

1:17:56

in yeah, of course

1:17:58

they screw in the whole family They're

1:18:00

probably fucking silent stupid wheels thing everything

1:18:02

Apple hat does it makes it's like

1:18:05

it works Better than

1:18:07

you think and everything everything else that you get

1:18:09

works a little bit lesser than you thought let

1:18:11

that yeah Let's say you got the wheels

1:18:13

and you go you know what I like the wheels anymore. I want

1:18:15

the feet just four Hunks

1:18:18

of metal for the thing to sit on yeah

1:18:20

$300 So

1:18:23

you paint it to show they're a hundred bucks each and they throw one

1:18:25

in for free Good deal or buy

1:18:27

it by a great deal for free Then you can

1:18:29

go to the Apple store though, and they all like

1:18:32

smile at you dick 16 gigabytes

1:18:34

of memory That's

1:18:36

not any memory. It's like a shitty amount of

1:18:38

my leg. Are you getting is this an

1:18:41

ad for new? Oh, you know Amazon you can

1:18:43

get 16 gigabytes of memory for 40 bucks Yeah

1:18:45

to get 16 gigabytes of

1:18:47

memory for your Mac. That's two

1:18:49

8 gigabyte memory cards

1:18:53

$400 oh Yeah,

1:18:56

oh no Okay,

1:18:58

Apple preys on stupid people who don't

1:19:00

know the price of PC components who

1:19:03

care all about oh, it's a

1:19:05

brush Oh,

1:19:07

it's just a way to like jerk off

1:19:09

when someone comes over and you go hey

1:19:11

have you seen my Mac, bro Yeah, it's

1:19:13

better a thousand dollar titanium stand. It's better.

1:19:15

I'm better You never have to worry about

1:19:17

the elitism of the Apple people know it

1:19:19

works more better It does not work more

1:19:21

better. It works the same You're talking to

1:19:24

me like I just fucking arrived from Mars

1:19:26

or something like I haven't used computers my

1:19:28

whole fucking life I have all season my

1:19:30

computers my whole life, but you did not

1:19:32

max though. I don't

1:19:34

use my don't use max So you don't fucking

1:19:36

know you're sitting here talking about nickel and diming

1:19:38

ram you would never do that in

1:19:40

the Mac world I'm not gonna pay six grand

1:19:42

to get a decent computer I will just build

1:19:45

one because I'm not a moron if

1:19:47

you if you had to use your computer

1:19:49

for like work every day Yeah,

1:19:52

you would you would buy a Mac you buy Mac. I

1:19:54

would not buy a man So why do you think all

1:19:57

real professionals have max then because

1:19:59

they're? They're Fart Sniffing

1:20:02

pedophiles and all

1:20:04

their Apple hard drive. The only reason they expand

1:20:06

their hard drive bay is to put more child

1:20:08

pornography on there. All those people are

1:20:10

sick in the head. They

1:20:12

just like wasting money. Yeah, exactly. It's not at

1:20:15

all because it works better, it works smoother, you

1:20:17

don't have to update drivers. Have you seen my

1:20:19

Apple watch? Yeah, is it better than a regular

1:20:21

watch? No.

1:20:23

Well, what do you do? I can read my

1:20:26

phone's text messages on my wrist. Isn't that what

1:20:28

everyone wants to do? No! No

1:20:31

one's ever wanted to do that at all!

1:20:33

I don't wear my Apple watch because my

1:20:35

real watch is more expensive. Well, there you

1:20:37

go. I don't like the Apple

1:20:39

watch. It doesn't make any sense. Well,

1:20:42

it's better than the alternatives. What

1:20:45

no watch? An Apple watch for what

1:20:47

it does is better than the knockoff

1:20:49

version. They're all the same. No

1:20:51

they're not! Oh my god! Ooh,

1:20:53

I can check the weather on my wrist!

1:20:55

That connects with all the other shit automatically,

1:20:57

it always fucking works, it feels nice, there's

1:20:59

no jagged edges or anything like that. And

1:21:01

it does nothing of value except tell you

1:21:03

the time which you can get on your

1:21:05

phone anyway. Every Apple person has

1:21:08

to go... But you don't have a watch! Well, I'm proud of the...

1:21:10

Yeah, you don't have a watch. Do you wear a watch? When

1:21:12

I go out. Why? Because

1:21:14

it looks cool. Okay, so the fucks

1:21:16

and all accessories like all Apple. Thank you!

1:21:18

Very good point! It looks cool. It's

1:21:21

not an Apple watch, the fucking Omega! Oh, I

1:21:23

want to get an Apple computer! Well

1:21:25

it's not better than regular computers. Yes it is!

1:21:28

It just looks cooler. The computers are great! Look

1:21:30

at my titanium stand! It was designed by... So

1:21:32

what do you think about Unix? It was designed

1:21:34

by what, Joby? What the fuck's the name of

1:21:36

the guy who designed all that shit? I'm queer.

1:21:38

Yeah, I'm queer designed. Look,

1:21:40

he studied radios from the 70s to

1:21:42

come up with the iconic design, and

1:21:44

then Steve Jobs put all his

1:21:46

pants and energy... Why are you so jealous about it though? Because

1:21:48

it's just shit, it's all shit! It's not! It

1:21:50

is! It's great! It's

1:21:52

a waste of money, it's stupid. You

1:21:55

have some kind of bitterness about working

1:21:59

professionals. like real designers. Because

1:22:03

they all have these things. And they all buy

1:22:05

them for that for the reason that they always

1:22:07

work. Well, I

1:22:09

don't actually know what people are editing video on

1:22:11

now because they've all moved to avid. It used

1:22:13

to be Final Cut Pro, but Apple fucked that

1:22:15

up real good. Everybody hated

1:22:17

Final Cut X. Well, when

1:22:20

the time comes, you should you

1:22:22

should get. I'm going to I think I'm going

1:22:24

to upgrade my computer in the next period

1:22:27

of time. Yeah. Can you

1:22:29

get a big old? Have you seen all

1:22:31

the Evangelion computer stuff? No. So

1:22:34

I'll get that. Now, that's cool. How much

1:22:36

is that? Way overpriced. Evangelion memory. It's almost

1:22:38

as bad as the Apple stuff. Yeah. It's

1:22:40

like, do you want a graphics card? It's

1:22:42

like, yeah, it's like, do you want a

1:22:44

graphic card with Oscar on it? You're like,

1:22:46

oh, it's only an extra thousand dollars. All

1:22:49

right. My problem is

1:22:51

freemium shit. Freemium

1:22:54

shit. I forgot you're doing that computer

1:22:56

thing. I shouldn't have brought in another. Why? It's not a

1:22:58

computer problem. It is, though,

1:23:00

because I'm I was messing around with the website and I was

1:23:02

trying to put two factor authentication on it so it doesn't get

1:23:04

hacked. You know, I thought we already had that. Well,

1:23:08

we did. And then every time we logged in,

1:23:10

you had to put in your two factor authentication. That

1:23:12

sucks. Fucking annoying, right? So every time I log in

1:23:14

to find out, OK, to find trying to make it

1:23:16

so it saves it. I said, yeah, how about that?

1:23:18

Remember me for 38 shit, right? Like

1:23:20

I do and everything else. So I go in the back

1:23:22

and I go, all right, where's the thing? Scroll down. This

1:23:26

is only available on our premium. Oh,

1:23:29

you got to pay for it. It's like, OK,

1:23:31

I'm not paying fucking 30 dollars or whatever it

1:23:33

is. Yeah. Where's the free version of this? Remember

1:23:37

every single fucking

1:23:40

one. Yeah, it's like an

1:23:42

endless drug deal that's happening

1:23:44

on everything. Not Apple. These

1:23:47

things. This is all open source. Well,

1:23:49

it's the it's the move from software

1:23:51

from a you buy it and you're

1:23:53

done model to a you

1:23:55

got to subscribe. Yeah. Do you want to do

1:23:57

you want to not have to use your phone?

1:24:00

Every single fucking time you log in yeah,

1:24:02

that's gonna be a hundred bucks a year

1:24:04

a hundred bucks a year You can't just

1:24:06

buy it once well you can get you

1:24:08

buying it once is like If

1:24:11

they always they have it set up so like

1:24:13

every single price points things you know We

1:24:17

are fucked as a society if we

1:24:19

don't push back against the endless subscription

1:24:21

service model They already lured us in

1:24:23

with this Netflix shit. Yeah, we're going.

1:24:25

Oh, it's just $12 a month They

1:24:28

got this you gotta get this Like

1:24:31

I have like an art app on my tablet. I got to

1:24:33

pay for that Thankfully my

1:24:35

work covers my Adobe subscription

1:24:39

Probably should mention that cuz I

1:24:41

think they've forgotten that I'm no

1:24:43

longer working there But they left me grandfathered in

1:24:45

the only Apple app nice nice They

1:24:48

need anything every single fucking thing yeah every

1:24:50

single thing it's gonna be at the point

1:24:52

where you're gonna go to McDonald's and go Yeah,

1:24:55

yeah, you know number one Exercise

1:24:57

supersize me like all right. We got it ready

1:24:59

if you want it right now It's gonna be

1:25:01

another 50 cent where we got to make you

1:25:03

wait a cool McDonald Plus plan, right? Yeah, no

1:25:08

You're on the McDonald's Pro plan you got to

1:25:10

be on the Pro Plus plan hold on let

1:25:12

me get a If you want to

1:25:14

share your McDonald's membership with your family, that's an

1:25:17

extra $7.99 a month that comes

1:25:19

with one happy meal toy But then you get

1:25:21

five memberships. Yeah, I guess six kids Sorry

1:25:25

you're gonna have to get the the corporate package Are

1:25:27

you ever get like a hundred you ever get a

1:25:29

software and you're like hey? Let me put it on

1:25:31

my other computer or my mobile device No, that's gonna

1:25:33

be a problem you only got We

1:25:36

try my you could transfer the license, but

1:25:38

you can only do it once every six

1:25:40

months. Yeah, I'm sorry Sorry,

1:25:43

we're gonna get you for that one. Yeah,

1:25:45

so I just gave in I'm like I'm

1:25:47

tired of fucking looking at my phone every time

1:25:49

I'm gonna log into the site fine And

1:25:52

it's so hard to keep track of how

1:25:54

much you pay for these subscription services cuz

1:25:57

You know you don't have the boxes. You didn't learn the math

1:26:00

Then you can go on a site that tracks your

1:26:02

subscriptions. Mm. You're like, alright,

1:26:04

save me some money. I'm not gonna get paid for that. Ha

1:26:07

ha ha ha ha ha! So you've

1:26:09

reached your amount of detected subscriptions for

1:26:11

this month. Do you write off your

1:26:13

Netflix? Hm, no. I

1:26:16

do. That's illegal. It's not illegal.

1:26:18

Don't talk about it on the air. That's...

1:26:21

I review TV shows and movies. You

1:26:24

know what? You YouTube guys, you write off a

1:26:26

lot of fun stuff and I support it. Ha

1:26:28

ha ha ha! But with Biden in the White

1:26:30

House, I wouldn't be talking about it. But

1:26:32

I can, because if I review Star Wars

1:26:34

shows professionally, I can write off the Disney

1:26:36

Plus, because that's how I access shows. Tell

1:26:38

it to the IRS, man. The IRS doesn't

1:26:40

give a shit about my $120 Disney account.

1:26:44

I'm writing off my hats. Yeah. Well,

1:26:47

I'm wearing them all on... You know what?

1:26:49

I should write off my hats. That's costuming

1:26:51

for the videos. Yeah. You gonna

1:26:53

write off your pirate costume? No. What

1:26:55

are you talking about? I

1:26:58

just returned it. Ha ha ha ha!

1:27:02

But that was a good bet! No, I return

1:27:04

it until it says you don't have to send

1:27:06

the items back. Yeah, okay. So it's a different

1:27:08

scam. Yeah. The IRS doesn't care about

1:27:10

that. No, I don't care if you're a part of Amazon.

1:27:13

Don't worry, my PlayStation 5 controller broke. So on Amazon...

1:27:16

Everything I buy on Amazon, I return to see

1:27:18

if it says you don't have to send it

1:27:20

back. Yeah. Alright, cool. I took my broken PS5

1:27:22

controller and threw it in the box and shipped

1:27:24

it back to Amazon. I'm like, why'd you guys

1:27:26

send me a broken controller? This is bullshit! Yeah,

1:27:28

I've done that one. Yeah, it's a good scam.

1:27:31

Yeah. Alright, so our problems

1:27:33

this week are... Tinder's like that

1:27:35

too. I haven't been on Tinder in a while, but every time

1:27:37

I see it, it's like... It's now... You can pay $800. You

1:27:40

gotta pay for it to give some likes or

1:27:42

follows, or it'll say someone... Someone liked you.

1:27:44

Someone wants to hop on your dick, but we're not gonna

1:27:46

tell you who it is unless you pay $5. Hot singles

1:27:48

are in your area. Hot singles are in my area. Is

1:27:52

there a package where I could know how

1:27:54

heavy they are? No. Sorry.

1:27:59

What about like a million? If I'm like a

1:28:01

Saudi chic, then can I know

1:28:03

how fat they are? Nah, sorry. Computer

1:28:05

doesn't work like that. I should get

1:28:07

on JDate. Because

1:28:11

you think you're going to meet like a Hollywood executive?

1:28:13

Yeah. Yeah, I knew it. I

1:28:16

was going to

1:28:18

say, honestly, I

1:28:20

assume there's somebody in Hollywood who's like, man, if

1:28:22

I can get on JDate, I can meet some

1:28:25

ladies who are working at these studios. You think

1:28:27

a nice Jewish girl in Hollywood is a... It

1:28:30

would be... Not that she's going to get

1:28:32

me a job, but like maybe your dad's like a big time

1:28:34

producer and you marry into some money. I

1:28:37

got to become Jewish, man. It would just be the

1:28:39

number of doors that would open for me. I

1:28:42

would be a great Jew. I love the Jews.

1:28:45

Potato pancakes. I'm there for it. Not

1:28:47

big on shellfish. You'd be a terrible Jew. I would

1:28:49

be... While you talk, kidding me. I'll do

1:28:51

anything for money. I'm like one of their people. See? See?

1:28:55

You can't be saying that shit if you're Jewish.

1:28:57

They say all the time. They do not say

1:28:59

that. They make this people say that. Jews

1:29:02

are always saying now, you know, we

1:29:04

love business. We love... You...

1:29:07

Okay, let's see you react

1:29:10

to someone agoy like yourself

1:29:12

saying something so anti-Semitic. Oh

1:29:15

my God. How

1:29:17

could you say that

1:29:20

about my ancestral people? No, no, no,

1:29:22

no, no, no, no. You

1:29:24

can't be saying this shit. I

1:29:26

went to the delicatessen and

1:29:29

I ordered the roast Jewish accent on

1:29:31

rye and they

1:29:33

didn't give me my coleslaw. What are

1:29:35

these gerbils doing at the delicatessen? What are

1:29:37

these gerbils doing? Girls. Gerbils?

1:29:40

Jesus Christ. No. I

1:29:42

didn't know if you said gerbils or gobils. These are of

1:29:44

those. Oh, that's offensive. That's a little much. Uh... I

1:29:49

did say I would like to own a Hitler painting

1:29:51

instead. Shut up. You wanted

1:29:53

an audience. I'm not getting fucking heckled by...

1:29:55

Heckle him! I'm not saying horrible stuff about

1:29:57

Jews like you are. I'm not saying horrible

1:29:59

things. I love the Jewish... people I've expressed

1:30:01

out of more. No you don't, you wanted

1:30:03

to use a young Jewish girl to get

1:30:05

your shitty comedy made in Hollywood. That's when

1:30:07

you were to fucking basically rape your way

1:30:09

in jail. I want to be a part

1:30:11

of their community, I want to be part

1:30:14

of the tribe. No you don't. You have

1:30:16

to text for them. I want to be

1:30:18

like that blonde lady who sucks Spielberg's dick

1:30:20

and then said, oh I can't wait to

1:30:22

convert, I just love being a Jew so

1:30:24

much. And he's like, yeah sure. Yeah

1:30:27

women can say that, you can't say that

1:30:29

shit. I

1:30:31

married him because I love being a Jew. It's like

1:30:33

yeah that's the reason you're married to me. That's

1:30:36

very offensive to Spielberg also. I'm

1:30:38

saying she's one of the Gentiles who

1:30:40

is sneaking in for ridiculous reasons.

1:30:42

I want in. You're not even a

1:30:44

Gentile, you better fucking, you're especially the

1:30:47

way you're behaving. She

1:30:49

was good in temple with you. What

1:30:51

about she? Willy? Yeah

1:30:53

you know she married Spielberg? No.

1:30:55

Yeah. She was in

1:30:58

that movie. Do you want to be somebody that

1:31:00

marries a rich Jewish director? I want to be

1:31:02

a Willy, I want to be a... You have

1:31:04

a weird thing like Shad diversity about like, you

1:31:07

wanting to make your kids like the weird Jackson

1:31:09

5 and wanting to be a

1:31:11

woman that marries a rich Jewish director? I'm

1:31:13

just saying she was on set and she

1:31:15

said, there's definitely a way to make this

1:31:18

little Jewish nerd fall in love with me.

1:31:20

Yeah that's so horrible. That's misogynist and anti-Semitic.

1:31:22

You're right, he fell in love with her.

1:31:25

Yeah she's hot. I mean she's

1:31:27

fast. And she's funny. Yeah.

1:31:29

She used her skills. Personality.

1:31:33

And she told him what he wanted to

1:31:36

hear. She said, I cannot wait to

1:31:38

convert. It's gonna be great. Which

1:31:40

is what you're saying. I love matzah,

1:31:42

you know? There you go. Why

1:31:44

are you so nervous about this? Jewish women in the

1:31:46

audience. She's shuffling her papers around like you're a car

1:31:48

dealer. I'm just saying if there's any Jewish princesses in

1:31:50

our audience, I will convert

1:31:53

for you. Yeah they're gay men. Well, that's the problem.

1:31:55

They're China's. Alright,

1:31:57

so our problems are well eaten.

1:32:00

Elmo. Yeah. Apple

1:32:02

fanboys. Premium shit. And

1:32:05

Common Core Math. Common Core Math. Totally out of

1:32:07

your mind. Well guys, don't forget to vote on

1:32:09

all the problems at biggestproblem.show. We've also got a

1:32:12

new bonus episode for you. If you hate liberals,

1:32:14

vote for Common Core Math. If you hate teachers,

1:32:16

Common Core Math. If you hate Redditors, especially, vote

1:32:20

for Common Core Math. Will Wheaton complained about

1:32:22

a Lego, so why don't you vote for

1:32:24

that? Don't

1:32:26

forget, new bonus episode, The Biggest Problem in Little China.

1:32:29

Available at patreon.com/biggestproblem

1:32:31

and back.by slash

1:32:33

biggestproblem. We also talked about some fun

1:32:35

stuff on that episode. Superman being gay.

1:32:38

We did talk about that. Yeah, gay

1:32:40

Superman. I think there was some

1:32:42

Eric July talk of some sort. I can't remember

1:32:44

what. Big, big breaking news about Eric July was

1:32:46

on our bonus episode, so check that out. I

1:32:48

don't even remember if you're lying or not. You'd

1:32:51

make a terrible jib. That's

1:32:55

way more anti-Semitic than anything I said. I'm

1:32:57

not referring to anything. I'm not referring to

1:32:59

anything. Just the way you're talking and behaving. I'm

1:33:02

bad at lying. You'd be a terrible

1:33:04

jib. I'm not a liar. We were

1:33:06

covering Eric July stuff. Juicy, dirty stuff

1:33:08

we were covering. What

1:33:11

the fuck are you doing? Just arranging

1:33:13

the papers. They're arranged. Just

1:33:16

want to make sure they're evenly spaced. Are you

1:33:18

ready to weigh in if there's a, if someone has donated?

1:33:21

50 bucks. I can't

1:33:23

even talk about it as myself. I have to

1:33:25

put on my pirate outfit. Look, it's your bit,

1:33:27

okay? Don't you forget it. Wow.

1:33:34

God forbid I give you credit for something.

1:33:36

Yeah, I don't like getting thanked because it

1:33:39

tricks your brain into thinking you owe somebody something.

1:33:41

Well, you do owe me whatever's in the box.

1:33:43

I knew it. I am

1:33:45

owed. Alright, what is this?

1:33:47

Voicemail? Great. Hey

1:33:51

guys, the biggest problem in the universe is trucks that

1:33:53

look like your truck. Everybody's gone

1:33:55

to a parking lot and tried to get in the wrong

1:33:57

car. I'm sure of that or I'm just retarded myself. This

1:34:01

morning, coming outside from the gym, I

1:34:03

do my auto start on my truck. The

1:34:06

fucking white Dodge Ram

1:34:09

starts up, and then

1:34:11

it fucking pulls out and starts driving away. My

1:34:14

fucking truck just goes and I'm like, what the

1:34:16

fuck? So I book it down

1:34:18

the fucking parking lot, waving my hand, screaming,

1:34:20

stop. My motherfucker, stop!

1:34:23

Truck stops. Window

1:34:25

rolls down, and dude pops

1:34:28

his head out and goes, did I

1:34:30

forget something? And

1:34:32

seeing somebody, because I honest to

1:34:34

God thought my truck started by

1:34:36

itself and drove away by

1:34:38

itself. I'm way

1:34:41

more nervous. No,

1:34:43

wrong truck, sorry. Are

1:34:45

you fucking serious? And there's mine. Not

1:34:48

started at all. My assumption would be...

1:34:51

So trucks that look like your truck, they

1:34:53

fucking problem. I'm feeling it. Not that it

1:34:55

started by itself, but your truck is being

1:34:57

stolen. I

1:34:59

thought my car was auto driving away.

1:35:01

You are retarded. Yeah, I think that's

1:35:03

a bigger problem. Although

1:35:06

the car just started driving by itself. No, what? I

1:35:09

do that every fucking week at Pilates with my girlfriend.

1:35:11

I get in a wrong fucking car. I'm like, ah,

1:35:13

damn it. It's like, where you going? Show

1:35:15

me some fucking quip. Oh, you

1:35:18

fucking bitch. Well, I

1:35:21

would do the same. Yeah.

1:35:25

I'd give you a little gun.

1:35:27

Nice car, bucko. It's

1:35:29

really humiliating. Okay.

1:35:33

Something about a pirate. I don't know.

1:35:35

I'm SG Captain Dick. Good

1:35:37

job sticking it to that land

1:35:40

blubber. Land blubber. Who's

1:35:42

the second guy saying? You'll

1:35:46

have two piglets from your diabetes. Ah,

1:35:49

Mr. Mr. Squeak.

1:35:52

I peanut gallery. I get it. What

1:35:55

is his name? Mr. Mr. Schmear.

1:35:59

Mr. Hook? Yeah,

1:36:01

is it Mr. Shmee or is it just

1:36:03

Shmee? I think it's just Shmee, but I

1:36:05

think Hook might occasionally give him a title.

1:36:07

Mr. Shmee. Uhhh... Cop

1:36:10

problems? Mmm... Alright, probably

1:36:12

crappy. First off, dick. Great

1:36:14

job with the pirate bit. Keep that shit

1:36:16

up. Thanks. Great. Don't listen to Vito. Second

1:36:19

off, Vito. My god, you

1:36:21

are such an f-sler. You...

1:36:24

Wish going over worst place. You're a waste

1:36:27

of oxygen. What the fuck? You can't even

1:36:29

believe. You bring in an interesting problem like

1:36:31

the cop thing. Yeah. And then you just

1:36:33

completely botch it. You have nothing interesting to

1:36:35

say about it. What are you talking about?

1:36:37

This is a new kind of opinion. You

1:36:39

said law that you passed has

1:36:41

some sort of defense for it, even though

1:36:43

a cursory look would show that basically every

1:36:45

other state has the same laws and books.

1:36:48

No, that's not true. Only five states don't.

1:36:50

You know, let you guess which

1:36:52

five... like what those five states have in

1:36:54

common. What kind of governor do

1:36:56

they have, Vito? You frickin' idiot. You actively

1:36:59

make the world worse because you make the

1:37:01

show worse. Your toys

1:37:03

don't love you. Your food doesn't love

1:37:05

you. Nobody loves you. The only person

1:37:07

that ever loved you is dead. And

1:37:10

you put it in your stupid comments, it's gonna be

1:37:12

worse than ice on you. Jesus Christ! I ain't listening.

1:37:14

I ain't listening to the first thought. I'm good about

1:37:17

the cop problem. That's

1:37:20

kind of a compliment, though. There's a certain

1:37:22

amount of good-natured ribbing, which I

1:37:24

can appreciate. She's saying that she loved you, though.

1:37:26

Everyone who loves you is dead. No, you didn't

1:37:29

say that. The one person who loves me is

1:37:31

dead. Yeah, he was really specific. Jesus Christ! You

1:37:33

went over the line, man. Why

1:37:36

don't you send a fucking voicemail to Dick about how no one

1:37:39

loves him? I already know that. Good. I

1:37:41

don't care. What about this, uh, how about

1:37:43

shitting on the show, which is your new bit? Let's

1:37:47

see what people have to say about that. Every time

1:37:49

I think I'm out, you keep bringing me back in.

1:37:51

Well, let's see. Honestly,

1:37:53

this new bit of dick just shitting

1:37:55

on the show is so fucking

1:37:57

good just because of how uncomfortable it is.

1:38:00

Alright, well... Keep

1:38:02

it up boys. So sick. This

1:38:04

fucking fanbase. Everything you do is

1:38:06

great. Well yeah, cause I'm being

1:38:08

honest. You know, this show is great.

1:38:10

I do think it's great. I'm just saying the

1:38:12

problems could be better I thought. You're just mad

1:38:15

that I have won four weeks in a row.

1:38:17

Yeah, because when my problem comes up, you turn

1:38:19

into like a fucking grey rock. You're like, ah,

1:38:21

that's fucking dumb. I

1:38:27

don't

1:38:29

like how the kids are doing math these days. Yeah, you're

1:38:31

gonna win with that, you fucking idiot. Yeah, but you know,

1:38:34

like, you're gonna try to help. Good

1:38:36

luck. Cause what do you want me to do? What do you

1:38:38

want me to do? Yeah, you're right dick. Oh man, math. You

1:38:41

don't have to say you're right. Do some math. Do some

1:38:43

math. Yeah, do some math. That'll be a

1:38:45

good show. That'll be a good show. We do a

1:38:47

bunch of math. Let's go. I'll give you numbers and

1:38:49

you do the minus of the numbers. Okay. Ten.

1:38:54

This is the bet. Five. Am

1:38:56

I dividing? Am I, what am I? Seven. Figure, fucking

1:38:58

figure it out. You're the, you're the name of the score.

1:39:00

You're the, you're the common core. You're the, you're the name

1:39:03

of the score. Twelve. Okay. Seven

1:39:05

again. Let's hear it. Fuck

1:39:13

you. Why would you think I'm really giving you any kind of

1:39:15

real name? I don't know. Cause I don't know what the fuck

1:39:17

you're doing. God forbid I guess hand

1:39:19

a bet on this retarded show. Oh,

1:39:22

Vito, I came up with something. Okay. I'll

1:39:25

entertain it. No, I'm just fucking with you. You don't

1:39:27

entertain it. Whatever. He loves shitting

1:39:29

on the show a bit. Great. Really

1:39:32

makes people feel weird and uncomfortable. You shit on the

1:39:34

show and then I shit on your pirate bit and

1:39:36

there's a million comments about I don't understand why Vito

1:39:38

can't love the pirate bit. It's very weird and confusing.

1:39:41

Yeah, no. I can't

1:39:43

believe it. I can't believe a man. I

1:39:46

can't believe a man dressing in a pirate costume

1:39:48

to call me Land Blubber is not my favorite

1:39:50

bit on the show. I can't

1:39:52

believe it. Fire. It

1:39:55

be me. I'll

1:39:57

see you Travis next year. Right.

1:40:00

I'm just phoning in to say

1:40:02

hello to me old pal Captain

1:40:05

Redbeard. Okay, I- we're not doing

1:40:07

20 pirate voicemails, okay? You get

1:40:09

one a show. That's

1:40:11

my one. No, you already did one. I didn't know that

1:40:14

was gonna be a pirate. It's

1:40:16

been mislabeled. I'm not doing a show

1:40:18

where every fucking one show of pirates.

1:40:20

You remember Redbeard? It was

1:40:23

on account of you wouldn't stop touching your

1:40:25

penis. This is not gonna be funny. I'm

1:40:28

gonna neck this bit. It was red. Yeah.

1:40:31

The cigar. College was fun. Anyways,

1:40:35

I just wanted to congratulate you

1:40:37

on the bit light. Thank you.

1:40:40

Captain! Almost all of them bow!

1:40:43

Yarrr! Thirsty B! Man the

1:40:45

cannons! I was right to cut this

1:40:47

off by the way. I was 100% right. I

1:40:49

knew this was going fucking nowhere. Damn

1:40:52

you Tony from half the movies! That's

1:40:55

pretty good. That's pretty good. I like

1:40:57

that. Why would you cut

1:40:59

that bit off? It's funny. What

1:41:01

is this like? Is this like what? Early internet humor?

1:41:03