0:00

Hey, it's Kelly Henderson. Thanks so much

0:02

for checking out the Bobby Bones Show replay

0:04

podcast. This is the preview of my

0:06

podcast, Velvet's Edge with Kelly Henderson,

0:09

where I tap into the fashion, beauty,

0:11

travel and lifestyle section of my website,

0:13

Velvet's Edge, also known as Nashville's

0:16

Cool Girls Guide to x y Z. I

0:18

also love to have real, honest conversations

0:21

with my guest and give you a look at the

0:23

industry in Nashville beyond through that

0:25

lens. On this episode, you'll hear

0:27

from my longtime client and friend, Dirk Spentley,

0:30

as we navigate his journey to being one of

0:32

country music's biggest superstars,

0:34

how he balances that with his family life,

0:37

and more about the real guy behind the fame

0:39

and the shows and the road life. Did

0:41

you guys know that Dirk's isn't his real

0:43

first name? Find out what it is

0:45

by subscribing on Apple Podcast, listen

0:48

on iHeartRadio or wherever you listen to podcast.

0:54

Okay, what

0:56

do you mean podcast gets you in trouble? Just

0:59

gotta I'm not. I never watched what I

1:01

Say so and I never go back and listen

1:03

to it. But um, yeah,

1:05

you just never know what you're gonna It's this like

1:07

the unfiltered Dirk Spentley that we're about

1:09

to get you. You've had a lot

1:12

unfiltered me over the years,

1:14

a lot of unfiltered other going to get that unfiltered.

1:16

That's uh, that's that's band level

1:19

unfiltering. Uh, that you know about. But

1:21

no, let's talk pretty pretty unfiltered.

1:23

Yeah, okay, we'll see what happens. I

1:25

do a lot every interview I do, like newspapers or

1:28

radio. I'd never like there's something off limits,

1:30

and I don't usually just see

1:32

whatever on my mind much. Let's do my sugar

1:34

and later on. But uh yeah, let's let's dig

1:36

into it. This

1:39

is an interesting thing, by the way, podcast

1:41

wise, I don't know why'd you ask me that I could?

1:43

I feel like I could have been like one, you could have been number

1:46

one, number one. How it could have been your first

1:48

but that was it was a rough time you had album,

1:50

really, yeah it was. And feel

1:53

like you also wanted to see they

1:55

wanted to tape us on TV doing

1:57

this for very cavaliery Yeah, of course they did.

1:59

Why I wouldn't That's interesting, It's

2:01

fascinating. I know the show

2:03

was amazing. Also, did you want to see

2:05

kind of what the podcast was going to be before

2:07

before you signed up? To be honest,

2:10

No, I sold well

2:12

at the time, and they get a start with the shot of tequila in your

2:14

podcast, and yeah, that was right

2:19

the rules. And then I

2:21

don't know, I just the TV taping thing, the album's

2:24

coming out. I just kind of was like, yeah,

2:25

I think I just been

2:28

been in LA doing some looking at some TV

2:30

stuff. I was just kind of like, I don't know. The

2:32

TV thing probably threw me off. That was a

2:34

big one. Yeah, we'll get you on very

2:37

Cavalaria later. I need to be on the show I

2:39

hung out with the other night. We were all hanging out. The Jay

2:42

was at the Whiskey Row and what after

2:44

my concert? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

2:48

be buddies. Yeah, you'll

2:50

be assumed to be reality star too. I

2:52

don't think Jay Cutler ever thought he would be one, so

2:55

you just never know. That's what makes me great is he just

2:57

does not fit that mold. Yeah,

2:59

when I I'm googling, I kind

3:01

of like to do research because obviously I've known you for

3:03

almost ten years. Yeah,

3:05

I mean I feel like I know everything about you. I could

3:08

probably do your interviews for you

3:10

really could. Yeah, this is actually Kelly

3:12

speaking for me. She's actually

3:15

she's the only one in the room right now. But well,

3:17

I go back in because I'm like, there's gotta be stuff

3:19

I don't know, or I look for a different

3:21

angle because I need to know what people would

3:23

think was interesting about you. And

3:26

the first thing that comes up, of course, is that your name

3:28

is really Frederick. Yeah.

3:30

Did you always go by Dirks though? Fred?

3:32

I almost have gone by Dirks. Yeah, my mom named was

3:34

Saw. Like we have like a family name first.

3:37

Actually both my names are family names, but like, that's my

3:39

grandfather's name is Frederick, and then our

3:42

middle name is what we go by. So my sister's like Katherine

3:44

Vanessa. Right, Okay,

3:47

well there's Newell. My brother really got to shorten the sick.

3:49

I thought fred was bad. My brother's name is

3:51

Newell. What is that? How you sell w

3:53

e ll? Grandfather's

3:56

name too? Wow? So he goes

3:58

by five, he goes by five, which is that's my

4:00

dad's family

4:02

names. So that's a cool name. It's pretty messed up. Yeah,

4:05

fred Brett Bentley did not have the same ring

4:07

too. I retire, you know, and I want to go off and hide

4:09

it and hide out and be unknown and obscure. I'll

4:12

pick up Fred. Maybe Fred in the Mountains, I could

4:14

see that. Yeah. Okay,

4:16

So obviously people mostly know you for country

4:18

music, so we have to talk a little bit

4:20

about that. I

4:23

do want to note, like, I'm not going to break down every song

4:25

or album or anything like that, because you can just google

4:27

that. But will you tell people a little bit about

4:29

how you got your starts? Yeah,

4:34

I really We're

4:36

gonna start with you know, I listened to country music with my dad.

4:38

But what I love about country music for me is it's it's

4:40

really been like my own journey. My dad listened to it

4:42

and we loved listening to it together in the

4:45

car, and it was always kind of his music, and I didn't mind

4:47

it. I liked it because my dad liked it, but

4:49

it wasn't really like my necessarily

4:51

like my thing. And when I turned thirteen and discover

4:53

the electric guitar definitely wasn't my thing. I just didn't

4:56

listen to any more country music at all. I still

4:58

liked it because my dad liked it, and it was, you know, kind

5:00

of like older people's music and all that and

5:03

then when I was seventeen, I went through all sorts

5:05

of phases too, like between thirteen and seventeen, dove

5:08

deep into like heavy metal and playing

5:10

a lot of power chords on electric guitar. But when

5:13

I turned seventeen, I had this moment.

5:15

I've had a couple of these in my life where it's

5:18

just, you know, like I

5:20

don't know how to describe. It would be like a coin

5:22

going out a slot machine and hitting all the right levers. Where

5:25

I just heard this. A friend of mine stopped me and played

5:27

me this Hank Junior song, and it just I knew

5:29

exactly what I was,

5:31

like, I want to do with the rest of my life. It was crazy. It

5:33

was seventeen. I remember like sitting down into a chair

5:35

and being like, WHOA, that's it. That's the sound that

5:38

I'd been like looking for. And it was so different than my

5:40

dad's country music. Was Hank Junior, you know, screaming

5:43

electric guitars and he's singing about

5:45

naked women and beer. And I was seventeen, going,

5:47

yeah, this is like this a lot country

5:50

music. Wow, I want to do this, And

5:52

so then I got into like right, I mean, from

5:54

that moment on that day I probably listened to

5:56

I know, I listened to Marty Stewart's a song called

5:58

That Country and started

6:00

listening to Why Yoakam and Alan Jackson. I mean, he just could

6:03

not get enough of it, and it really continues to stay.

6:05

I'm always digging, digging deeper for you

6:07

know, going back in music. Anyway.

6:09

So I moved out to Nashville when I was nineteen.

6:11

I went to school for a year in Vermont, and I

6:13

did the best I could have. Transferred to Vanderbilt

6:16

and the same friend that turned me on to country music,

6:19

he was going to school here, his family

6:21

had gone to school here and definitely wrote

6:24

a good recommendation, help me get ink. So my grades were terrible,

6:26

but I got in. The day I got here, I

6:28

got a job at the CMA, interning

6:31

for free, working in the Country Music Association,

6:34

worked all over town, temping organizations.

6:37

I tempted everywhere, just trying to learn how to make that work.

6:39

And it was all over Laura Broadway listening

6:41

to bands playing. I was writing songs with people,

6:43

and it took like eight nine years. It's a long story, but I

6:45

had a gig down Laura Broadway. Had such

6:47

a long story. But you

6:50

know, let's just say, after like eight to nine

6:52

years of moving here, I got a publishing deal and

6:55

that led to a a record deal, but it started with

6:57

publishing. Yeah, once you decided this

6:59

is what I want to do. Though, do you think because you

7:01

talked about the mail room, I feel like you've told

7:03

me a story where used to be an extra and video

7:05

It's like you're just trying to be around

7:07

it as much as possible, right, Yeah. I

7:09

mean I have a plaque in the wall that I've had since

7:11

I was about seventeen. It's a quote from

7:15

Herbert Hoover, the President, but um,

7:17

it's about nothing takes the place of a persistence

7:19

or determination, right, Like you can be education

7:22

won't, Talent won't, Genius won't. Persistence

7:25

and determination or nipotent

7:27

and just talks about how that's been my whole thing. It's

7:29

just like there's a lot better singers than me out there, a lot

7:31

better songwriters out there than me, And

7:34

I think everyone this town's better guitar player than me.

7:36

But I just I worked harder.

7:38

You know, I'm not saying that's the reason why I and I got lucky,

7:41

but you know I had the I bought

7:43

a PA system. I'd play backyard

7:45

barbecues and crawfish boils and tailgate

7:47

parties and weddings and so

7:50

many times without a PA just playing against the wall

7:52

and no one's even just blended in with the wallpaper.

7:54

And I was also working trying to make

7:56

money, so I was I was a PA on. I

7:58

worked for the National Network and for CMT, and

8:02

I was one of the people backstages of the award shows with them

8:04

headset mic on and uh. I worked these

8:06

terrible I worked a terrible reality TV show

8:09

where these like three girls trying to get one guy's no.

8:12

So this is not like yours, yours is good. This

8:14

one was bad. It was. It

8:16

was so bad. It's like this three girls were competing

8:18

for this one guy. I can't think the name, like a Limidate

8:21

or something like that. So like a bad version

8:23

of the Bachelor, like a kind

8:25

of like kind of like a like a Tennessee Ver. Yeah,

8:29

it was actually shot down to Antioch La

8:32

version the Bachelor, not

8:34

not Los Angeles but lower lower

8:36

Antioch version of this thing. And um

8:39

yeah, I was just so it was just the way the guy was

8:41

talking the girls, so it was just maybe uncomfortable

8:43

and I had to walk off the set. I lost.

8:45

I missed out one hundred dollars pay

8:47

day that day. But um yeah, I had also all sorts

8:49

of crazy jobs. I'm just trying to kind of stay in

8:51

the game long enough to you know, to get my

8:54

my craft going. That is kind of how

8:56

Nashville works, or that's how it's been for me too.

8:58

It's once you get in and just get around

9:00

it. You meet one person and then that person

9:02

connects you to another. Yeah, and it's

9:04

the greatest lesson and like this

9:07

door closes in your face. He thinks like the

9:09

one that was meant to be, you know. I remember playing the Bluebird

9:11

and so and so was supposed to show up

9:13

and it was a It wasn't these bluebird gigs.

9:15

You have to audition for him. The Monday night ones. You have to audition

9:17

for him, and then they gave you a letter

9:19

and saying hey, and six months you can if you made it

9:23

wait like six months, it was crazy and

9:25

I did, and there's my big night down there and this guy

9:27

didn't show up, and it's like, oh, well, there goes my whole

9:29

career. You know. It's like you learned like that. There's

9:31

just you have to just keep like staying

9:33

around, meeting people, and and for

9:35

me, it wasn't so much about like a

9:38

work thing or business thing. It's just because I love doing

9:40

it. I love being Lorria Broadway, listening to bands. I

9:42

love, you know, being able to ask app and running

9:44

songs with my fellow unsigned writers,

9:46

and I love being around the business.

9:48

When I was tempting for ranstat staffing

9:51

organization, so it was

9:53

just, you know, I never really

9:56

was worried or anything because I just I didn't know anything

9:58

what else to do, and I was I loved what I was doing

10:00

and felt like I was Yeah, there's

10:02

obviously low moments, but I feel like I was like in

10:05

the in in Nashville, Tennessee. You know, wasn't

10:07

it was fun? I was in the hull living, Yeah, living.

10:09

So would you if someone I'm sure you get asked this question

10:12

a ton, But if you were going to say, what's

10:14

the keyband to your success? It's just obviously

10:16

persistence. Yeah,

10:19

if it's if you, I mean, do it for the right reasons? Obviously

10:21

what do you mean by that? Daughter? There day? It's like it sing

10:24

because you love to sing, you know, not

10:26

because you want to be fun house engineer because

10:28

you love mixing songs, being monorn engineer because

10:31

you love being close to the stage and working with bands. I mean, whatever

10:33

you're doing, make sure you're doing for the because you love to do

10:35

it. And that's the case, and you'll be able

10:37

to do forever, you know. I was I was

10:39

down Lower Broadway and I was there and Joe Nichols

10:42

got signed and I'm still playing the bars

10:44

and I was kind of bump because I'm waiting for my shop, but well,

10:46

I've got another set, so here we go. It's fun. Yeah,

10:48

I loved what I was doing, And if

10:50

you have that love, it makes the persistence in the determination

10:53

a lot easier, you know, because

10:56

I just just really love what you're

10:58

doing. Was there any one person and that taught

11:00

you that? Or did you just did you look

11:02

at anyone else's career and see them doing that? Or

11:05

you just naturally did that? I

11:07

credit everything, just do a crazy

11:09

just love of country music. I just

11:12

love it. And when I moved down here, I moved here

11:14

not to be a star. I moved here like to find the source

11:16

of this thing that I love so much. And

11:18

I remember getting here and being on music Row and seeing

11:21

everyone kind of dressed like Arth Brooks and I

11:23

don't dress that way and kind of be like, dang, I don't really

11:25

dress that way, but I love this music, but I don't really wear

11:27

the stars, wranglers and the you know,

11:31

oh everyone was the line down the front

11:33

of the wranglers. He had that line pressed right in there,

11:35

and the belt buckles everyone's It was kind of like a Garth

11:37

you know, not to say everyone was

11:40

trying to be like Garth, but it was kind of like he was having a

11:42

huge moment right that was look man,

11:44

and I was like, that's not me. But then I found out people that weren't

11:46

writing their own songs, and that was such a

11:48

revelation to me. I'm like, what, like,

11:50

I'm looking for like this authentic like genre

11:53

of music and the source of this river of music

11:55

that I love so much, and like this kind of like

11:58

it feels like people are kind of dressed in a certain way because

12:00

that's what's they're supposed to do. Maybe they're writing these

12:02

songs because they're not writing songs and which

12:05

you know, I have total respect now for

12:07

songwriters in the community, but the time I thought just

12:10

I just didn't realize that's how it worked and so kind

12:12

of put me off. Um,

12:14

So for me, it was

12:16

just I feel lucky that had this like inner

12:19

kind of mused guiding me towards trying

12:21

to find this authentic thing, which I found in bluegrass

12:25

the same year I moved down here, Um, ninety

12:28

four. Now, I guess I've had that like ninety five. So

12:30

within like a year or two being down there, I discovered

12:32

the station in and kind of found what I was looking

12:34

for. And so I guess those people kind of taught me about

12:37

doing it for the love of doing it, because that's why

12:39

you don't play bluegrass to make money, right, It's

12:41

not it's not the commercial success you

12:44

would see also, as they would

12:46

say, picking and singing. Right, let's

12:48

talk about what makes a good song, because I do

12:50

think it's like you get this record deal, you get this publishing

12:52

deal, and then all of a sudden, like the real

12:55

work actually starts too, Like that's not the

12:57

end of the road, So you have

12:59

to create all these amazing songs.

13:01

Why do you think certain songs work

13:03

and certain ones don't, Because we've

13:05

always talked about that, it's the ones that I like on your album

13:07

don't do well on me. Yeah, yeah, Well

13:09

it's funny you say that because that's like that the song

13:12

on the Mountain, and you know it talks about you know when you just

13:14

when you think you get to the top, there's always in their peak. I mean, this

13:16

whole business is all about like you get to the top of

13:18

one thing and then you start all over again.

13:20

Right. Yeah. You get a publishing deal and it's

13:22

like, oh, I'm a ground zero. You get a record deal on the ground

13:24

zero. You find to get a headline,

13:26

your first gig, get a club, and it's like, oh, there's

13:29

bigger venues like theaters and eventually arenas.

13:31

So it's all about just like um,

13:34

constantly looking, you know, climbing. But um, it's

13:37

that's the thing that makes it music, you

13:39

know, songs you try to Like when I make a record then someone

13:42

asks me about it, it's like it's called music.

13:44

I can't it's not math. I can't describe

13:47

the record to you. You have to listen to

13:49

it, internalize it, and you tell me what you

13:51

think. If I could just like you know, quantify

13:54

it, it would be a totally different It wouldn't

13:56

be music. So it's like, what makes hit songs, so specially

13:58

because nobody knows the stock

14:00

market or something. It's like you can't. I

14:02

mean, I keep hearing like about technology

14:05

that's like coming along. It's gonna can actually like be able

14:07

to like predict a hit song based on like

14:09

some sort of crazy algorithm or something which sounds

14:12

so like unsexy. That's terrible. Height like this

14:14

computer is deciding what you need to listen to. But I'm

14:16

sure it's probably already happening. But I

14:19

think that's so cool about songs as nobody

14:21

knows and the song he thinks like really slow

14:23

and you look like strawberry wine

14:25

for you know, Dinna Carter's like the song never

14:27

work, he's a massive hit or you

14:29

just never know what's just so cool about

14:31

songs? But um, what I have learned. You know,

14:34

we were just talking earlier about people not

14:36

writing their own music about three three albums

14:38

in I really should have started like leaning on the Nashville

14:40

songwriting community a lot more than I was, because I was

14:42

trying to write everything. And I don't

14:45

know if you're gonna you can pick hits, you know, it's not

14:47

a guaranteed, but you're gonna have a lot

14:49

bet there's a chance of success, you know, picking

14:51

songs and writers that are doing it every

14:53

day. You know, their pencils are sharp. They

14:55

got their ear to the you know, knows the grindstone.

14:57

They're listening to the poles. They have their finger the

15:00

pulse of Nashville. What's working. So definitely

15:03

rely heavily on those folks, whether

15:05

co writing or or just

15:07

you know, using their songs. Um, they had

15:09

the best idea of what hit is because I don't the

15:12

song's mind of their hits. I didn't think we're hits until they

15:14

became its, you know, like drunk. Yeah,

15:17

so many people thought that song was going to tank, and me

15:19

I did. My

15:21

buddy Jaron Johnson, He's like Rednecks

15:23

don't fly. It's never gonna work. And

15:26

it's like your biggest song, right, it's

15:28

pretty big. Do you get super attached?

15:31

I've heard you. I mean, I could answer this question for you. This is one

15:33

of them you get asked a lot. But how do you

15:35

just throw a song out there and not get

15:37

super attached to people loving it or

15:40

it being a number one song or yeah

15:42

does that matter? Did you do your feelings get hurt

15:44

if it's not like what does that feel like, Yeah,

15:49

it's a great question. I mean, like

15:52

the very first single I put out, what was I thinking, you

15:54

know, the day got released, I've just done like a ninety

15:56

radio station visit over four months and my

15:59

hometown stations and add the song right in Phoenix,

16:01

And I was like, so I was angry.

16:03

I was pissed off. I'm like, I don't what. Yeah,

16:06

I didn't understand the business of it

16:08

at the time, and now I don't really get I

16:10

really don't take an offense to someone adding a night

16:12

ating the song because there's so many of their factors involved,

16:15

and and you know,

16:17

it's I've been luckier than most.

16:19

I could work with a great record label, and I get

16:21

a better shot than most too, I think, and being a guy

16:23

too, better shot than

16:25

most of having a song have a chance of having success.

16:27

But I don't take anything

16:29

personally at all when it comes to like a song being

16:31

played or not being played anymore. And maybe I can say that because

16:33

I've had some success to kind of lean back

16:36

on, but it's

16:38

it's not a it's not you

16:40

know, it was really personal for me. Was that movie

16:42

only the Brave A

16:45

movie? Like I want to ask Josh Broland,

16:47

like, how do you move on from a movie? Because

16:49

that movie didn't do very well, which is crazy because

16:51

it's so good. I was so invested in

16:53

that movie. That's song the movie

16:55

it came out in papers that like it, you

16:57

know, hadn't done well, and I was like, it

17:00

still hurts me now, I mean I still I just actually

17:02

wearing a bracelet that I just took off yesterday about

17:04

those those nineteen hot shot firefighters.

17:07

I still keep touch with a a lot of those families.

17:09

And so that movie, like

17:11

that hurt that that movie didn't do as well, not for people,

17:14

had nothing to my personal success. I was just like all

17:16

in on this story and this movie so personal

17:18

to me and to the people I know, and like, you

17:20

know, I don't know how it's doing on on demand or

17:22

you know, secondary markets, but if that

17:25

crushed me, I don't know how actors move on from

17:27

like a project like that, because you

17:30

know, you know, it would hurt too. I guess I've

17:32

been lucky. All my albums had been pretty well. The Mountain had not done

17:34

well, that would have like really hurt

17:36

overall, Like this that was a really personal yeah,

17:38

that would be like you know, yeah, but

17:40

as far as like things that you can't control,

17:43

I mean, like award shows, and yeah,

17:47

you can't control that stuff, so you drive yourself and

17:49

you drive so crazy, and it's just kind of a dumb

17:51

thing to focus on. So you just feel like, I mean, let's

17:53

just be honest, you're basically the Susan Lucci

17:55

of country music. I am. I've I

17:57

mean, hey, at least I woun't even know if she was if you

18:00

hadn't lost never one, here you go people's

18:03

radar. I think of the one award I have. I got the Flame

18:05

War, the award that Jake won in two thousand and three

18:07

for Best Appearance, and

18:10

I got my Red Rocks. I don't have any. I don't really

18:12

have a lot of like awards around because I haven't won

18:14

many. I guess. No.

18:16

I have won a few things, but not not

18:19

a lot. Do you not get disappointed?

18:21

I mean, or how much does that weigh into

18:24

your validation that you're doing something

18:26

right? If you win, it validates

18:29

your entire career, right right? If you lose

18:31

this all politics,

18:33

that's the healthiest way to look at it. No,

18:37

I mean, this sounds like such a stock answer,

18:39

but if you just

18:41

think about it for a second. It's such a it's a kind of a bizarre

18:44

thing, like voting on a song and you know all the stuff

18:46

that we all know, something goes on, like, hey, so these

18:48

people are voting for this, so we're gonna vote for this person.

18:51

A lot of block voting happens, whatnot. I mean, if you went

18:53

that's it's awesome to win and the people

18:55

that win are totally deserving and

18:57

and they should be and uh, it's it's

18:59

awesome and just to be in that room and being

19:01

dominated is is crazy

19:04

awesome as far as validation goes. I

19:06

mean, you got a microphone on stage every night, and people

19:09

spend all this money to come out and see you. I mean,

19:11

like think about the money that goes into coming and seeing a

19:13

show. I look out there. I

19:15

don't like to see a mass of people. I see like

19:17

individual people. And I you know, I know

19:20

from personal experience going into a show what

19:22

a pain it is. And like you got to get a babysitter,

19:25

and the money and the parking and the T shirts and the drinks

19:27

and eight dollar beers, and it's

19:29

like that's a pretty good validation that

19:31

you're doing something right. Someone gets off their button

19:33

and come see you. You know, you get every weekend,

19:36

every weekend, and like there's people come through town that I love

19:38

and I'm like, oh

19:40

man, it's nine thirty.

19:43

Yeah, that's sad, don't think so. So

19:45

for someone to come out and see your show is like the ultimate

19:48

validation to me. Do you feel like

19:50

that helps you? Because I feel like you still have

19:52

this passion for the music aspect of it, but

19:54

this is a business. Yeah, So do you

19:57

feel like that helps you if

19:59

you ever get bogged down with just like

20:02

passion totally just a job? Oh man.

20:04

I never the day that feels like it's just a job. I would

20:06

like I'd be done so fast. So I always say, like,

20:09

be like a NASCAR driver that's just like kind of out

20:11

there so other people can go around them. You know. It's like I have

20:13

no desire in doing that. I'd be. I would be. I

20:16

would definitely just hanging up because that's just

20:18

a waste of everybody's time, and that's like that's

20:20

not good for me, not good for my band,

20:22

and not good for the fans, you know. So

20:25

for me, and I talked to the guys in the band about all

20:27

the time, it's like every night feels

20:29

like I'm learning something new. You know, I'm learning some new

20:31

physically about the way I'm moving. You know a

20:34

lot of dance moves or anything, but like this way

20:35

I interpret us. I have the one move

20:38

I got the well, if you count the hot country

20:40

nights, I have a lot. But Doug

20:42

has a lot more moves than I do. But uh, you

20:44

know, just finding way a song makes you move physically on

20:46

stage, the way I sing something, the way I find

20:49

a new way to connect with somebody. And I

20:51

always feel like every show is just a little

20:53

bit I don't say better,

20:56

but there's more growth with every

20:58

show. And I talk to the guys in the band, and you

21:00

know, they might not be like up front singing and

21:02

y song, but they're trying things behind me, they're going for

21:04

stuff, they're they're they're they're engaged.

21:06

And that is it can never

21:09

just feel like a show, Like we're not out there to

21:11

go put on a show. It's like it

21:13

has to be some sort of like growth

21:16

learning process and has to be some goal

21:18

of getting better, not necessarily getting bigger and playing bigger

21:20

shows and having more people come out, which is always awesome,

21:22

and but just The main focus is just

21:25

like always being a student. I'm

21:27

a student of lead singers and how to be the best

21:29

lead singer, and how to interpret my

21:32

songs, old songs, how to make them feel current, how

21:34

to make them connect to people, you know, what to

21:36

say leading into them, where to physically go on

21:38

stage, maybe leave the stage, maybe bring somebody

21:40

up on stage. So it's just that

21:43

is what makes me, makes it interesting and fun

21:45

and and and

21:48

keeps me moving on and you know, and making albums

21:50

too. I'm just kind of starting to think about maybe another album,

21:52

and it's really fun because

21:54

I feel like you get to kind of adopt a character. You know, you get

21:56

to go inside yourself and see like what part

21:59

of you is like kind of speaking the loudest,

22:01

and you know, with Riser Knox

22:03

have been Born and that was kind of new Twists and my album

22:05

Black Cast and I've been married for ten years.

22:07

That was interesting, And obviously the Mountain was

22:09

a lot of my energy was

22:12

going towards thinking about the West and maybe

22:14

I'm moving out there, and so I'm

22:16

kind of looking forward to exploring the next thing.

22:18

But I was actually going to bring that up next. I

22:20

feel like your albums even since

22:22

I've worked with you are always pretty attached

22:24

to where you are in life. Yeah, you know you

22:26

mentioned Knox, but it was also your dad passing,

22:29

and then yeah yeah yeah,

22:31

and then cast and then The Mountain is so

22:33

much more than just moving out west. To me,

22:35

it's just like, well, it's this whole like it's

22:37

where I'm from. Yeah, I will

22:40

be. It's such a big part of who I am. It's

22:42

it's like a no acceptance I've seen in you

22:45

too. Yeah. I feel like with that one too,

22:47

it's the most comfortable I've been, like, and

22:49

I feel it's just like the stage. The albums are the same

22:52

way. It's like any more and more comfortable with trying stuff,

22:54

going for stuff, yeah,

22:56

reaching for songs. You know. I feel like every album has

22:58

songs that aren't necessarily made. It begin

23:01

with to Become Me, which is kind of a weird

23:03

thing, but I'm always trying to like grow

23:05

in that regard to But yeah, The Mountain feels like the most

23:08

Definitely, everyone says this it's the most

23:10

personal album, but it's definitely the most

23:12

like just

23:15

felt from

23:17

the top to bottom, like truly like really extra

23:19

authentic about you

23:21

know, who I am. And and that that side

23:24

of me, that and the way, not just physically

23:26

the mountains the West, but just the song

23:28

Living, which kind of the cornerstone on the album.

23:31

It kind of has like a lot of my current

23:34

attitude and views on life

23:36

and my experience in the

23:38

album. So there's a lot going on there.

23:41

How do you feel like you've changed through

23:43

the years with through your car like

23:46

what you just mentioned, I mean, it's

23:48

a totally different mentality. I feel like there was

23:50

such a striver type just

23:52

chasing everything at the beginning, and now you're

23:54

getting to this place where you're you've got a whole new

23:57

level of success. So what

23:59

does that feel like? You've you've worked

24:01

so hard to get here in some

24:03

ways, now you're here, what does that feel

24:06

like? Yeah, I mean, I think all

24:08

my albums and all my career are really

24:10

closely mirroring like kind

24:13

of where I am in my personal life, you know, I think it's all

24:15

a big part of it. I'm not I don't I'm not making

24:17

albums that kind of go back and talk a lot about I'm

24:20

trying not to make it, write songs that that

24:23

kind of tap back into like nostalgia or

24:25

or like the way this an

24:28

idea of doing something that this I don't do anymore. You

24:30

know, I'm not gonna I'm I

24:32

don't. I can't Like I'm not gonna go write what was I thinking again?

24:35

You know? Or how am I doing? I hope not a lot

24:37

of even left to do. That's just something who I am? But you

24:39

know what I mean, Like, iven know those are

24:41

hits. It's like I got all right songs that reflect like who I am

24:43

now, and when I get to put a song on that really it's

24:45

a huge hit. But also it's like like so

24:47

authentic, like women and men like burning Man,

24:50

like living these three songs right now, Like it's

24:52

like almost a joke that they're they were that

24:54

stuff that's so me

24:57

and not necessarily like down the

24:59

road country radio or a

25:02

country lifestyle at all. That they work is

25:04

is like that's the best feeling at

25:06

all. Um doing Traveling Light on

25:09

the ACMs with Brandy Carlisle, It's like

25:11

I feel like I'm kind of getting to cheat the system a little bit,

25:13

you know, by getting I don't have to play

25:15

the game at this point, I can kind of put out songs they're

25:17

like so me and so passionate

25:19

and important to me and and and see

25:22

them work. So that's been and every albums

25:24

everyone's been kind of snapshot of where I am. And I feel

25:26

like now I'm just gonna you know, I'm

25:28

really there's a lot of wisdom that comes

25:31

for me, has come in my forties, and I feel

25:33

like I'm getting a chance to apply that with more

25:36

in a more brave way on these albums.

25:39

Would you describe yourself as satisfied?

25:41

Is that what it feels like? I

25:44

feel satisfied at times, um,

25:46

but I'm not like, well, I feel like but

25:48

I'm not content. That makes sense, right, Like still

25:51

like I feel really achieved

25:53

more than I ever dreamed

25:56

of, you know, Like they're playing

25:58

Matt at Square Garden. That was like something I wanted just so

26:01

bad, but it didn't even dare dream because I didn't

26:03

be just I don't want to be so disappointed. Would never happened, right,

26:05

I was like, it's just never gonna happen, so to eaven,

26:07

like, just don't even dream that one, so to sell

26:09

that out as it was ridiculous. And also playing

26:11

like hometown show here in Nashville like a couple times.

26:14

Now, that's like I just never thought that would actually

26:16

happen, and then things like

26:18

the music festival, Seven Peaks all that

26:20

stuff. I mean, there's these there's things that happened there

26:22

beyond what I could have dreamed that if it ended

26:24

now, it would be fine. Um,

26:27

but there's still like this crazy fire. I mean,

26:29

like this last run was really hard and I was totally fried

26:31

after mid this Canadian

26:33

the Midwest run, and I was just like needed

26:36

to break so bad. But I was like watching my ten

26:38

and eight year old do like children's theater and

26:41

I just feel like that it's like a sharp

26:44

smelling blood. I'm like, God, I cannot wait

26:46

to get back out my thing.

26:48

Like I'm just like it's such a cool yeah,

26:50

like like I'll appreciate what they're doing,

26:52

but it's just like being on stage and

26:54

getting to perform a front of people and the experience

26:57

is like it's still really uh

27:00

it's really fun for me, and I just uh so

27:02

it was like here I'm watching them, I'm thinking about like,

27:05

you know, Toledo, Ohio, I'm gonna come in so

27:07

hot. I can't wait. I'm gonna destroy

27:09

it. So it's still there. But yeah,

27:11

I you know, there's there's just a

27:13

lot going on, you know, with the family

27:16

stuff too. So there's I wouldn't be doing if

27:18

it wasn't like super super

27:20

fun and right now for me, because you

27:22

know, I have these

27:24

kids that are so fun to hang out with and do stuff

27:26

with, and it's busy. Weekends are busy, so it's definitely

27:28

sacrifice to get out there and do that. Um.

27:30

But so I wouldn't do it if I didn't

27:32

didn't still really love it. Well, let's

27:35

talk a little bit about your family lives. Since you brot

27:37

it up, you keep it pretty private. Why

27:39

is that SEPs

27:41

coffee trying to distract?

27:44

Just deleted instant on Facebook

27:46

and Twitter off my phone. I'm

27:49

definitely going major major.

27:53

I know what's that. It's the key to life. Variety

27:55

and like everything to do except relationships

27:57

that's actually friend upon but something

28:00

else. Um, I think variety

28:02

is like the key, right. I mean, I think one of the reasons why I didn't

28:04

to the podcast with you to begin with it was because

28:06

I wanted to have I think the major reason was because I

28:08

would to have like an honest conversation. Yeah. I

28:10

was really into like not eating meat, not

28:13

eating dairy, not drinking,

28:15

saying no using a flip phone. I was like way

28:18

hardcore at that period in my life, and I just wasn't

28:20

really comfortable like talking about

28:22

that with an album coming out and people like, well,

28:24

especially in country music. All right. It's

28:26

like I told Karen Fatch, I

28:28

was we wanted to go see YouTube play.

28:30

And I was at a this laughter party

28:33

and Caleb follow while

28:35

I was there from King's Leon and in

28:37

the little big towns there who I love, And I wasn't

28:40

drinking, you know. I was just there's some most trying last

28:42

year and I was kind of getting some shipped

28:44

for it. And then I was talking to Karen and I said, oh, yeah,

28:46

I'm actually nat meat either, and she starts laughing.

28:48

She goes, you can't be a country

28:50

singer and not eating meat. You're

28:54

like not drinking, not eating meat,

28:57

Like that's more like an emo album.

28:59

Not no, but it was

29:01

just something that's like to do it this

29:03

long, you have to like throw in life and jail.

29:05

You just have to, like you gotta switch

29:07

things up. I mean, people ask what your

29:09

favorite vine to play, It's like it's

29:11

the variety. If I played like Mad's

29:14

Score Garden every night, it would get old. After a couple. You know, it's

29:16

just changing up. Never know what you're gonna get into. And

29:18

I think, like from longevity standpoint and health standpoint

29:21

and not just like I

29:23

want to be healthy, like going on stage and

29:25

being optimal, like being giving my audience

29:27

peak energy every night. I have to like very

29:29

up insides as well as like what I do outside,

29:32

right, So like this, you cannot eat the same food over

29:34

and over again. It's just like our diet

29:36

is. So we know, we humans

29:38

have been around for like you know, two

29:41

million years Holmo sapiens

29:43

for seventy thousand years up

29:45

until like you know, six thousand years

29:47

ago. We ate everything and now we just eat

29:50

like wheat. You know, it's you have

29:52

to like find a way to vary up your food or it's just you're gonna

29:54

be it's just not gonna be a good situation.

29:56

So, um, yeah, I was just trying some stuff last year.

29:59

But this year it's like the exact opposite. It's like the start

30:01

off the year, like drinking heavily, eating

30:04

anything everything I want to, not working out,

30:06

not getting up earlier, not doing the cold plunges,

30:08

being back on my highphone. Um,

30:11

and I was actually really happy for a little while,

30:13

but I'm starting to kind of rain it back in a little bit, not

30:15

with the food, but try and balance

30:17

the food thing is because it taught me just starting

30:19

eating a lot more vegetables in general. But actually this

30:22

year I'm gonna be like, I'm like, I'm

30:24

gonna go I'm planning my my deer hunt in the fall.

30:26

So I'm going, whoa, I'm

30:30

on YouTube like, oh, I'm going full

30:32

opposite direction this year. It's amazing. Yeah,

30:34

full. I'm totally embracing the Tennessee. Yeah

30:38

they do, because I'm like, are they supportive? Oh?

30:41

Totally there. We are like such our our

30:43

group is like such a homogeneous group. It's crazy.

30:45

Like when we one person kind of starts switching to diet,

30:47

we right, I watch it. I'll

30:49

try that tractice like a vegan um diet

30:52

at least. And then and

30:55

then we remember one night we were playing somewhere

30:57

and I was so damned hungry and they're

30:59

the huge like I didn't know what kind of

31:02

it was a huge bone with a piece of meat on

31:04

it. Right, it wasn't turkey like it was like it's like crazy

31:07

like buffalo rib or something. And I

31:09

was like I crabbed two of and ran back the

31:11

bus. I walked on there when anything over and would any

31:13

would be on there? And Casside Feasbe, our bass player, was

31:15

gnawing on one and he was like the most hardcore about

31:17

the diet of any of us. I'm like, dude, He's like, I

31:20

need protein. I'm like me too. So

31:22

we've like we've all come off it. Now

31:24

we're all back to eating meat and talking

31:26

about and yeah, we're going to the exact opposite

31:28

direction this year. But yeah, I'm like, you

31:31

don't know. My family, Um grew up.

31:33

My dad hunted birds and stuff,

31:35

but by the time I was born, he was

31:37

fifty and he was just over it. So I didn't have that like influence

31:39

grown up. But I recently

31:41

got some land out west of town,

31:44

and I'm like, just you

31:46

know, you're out there, you appreciate the land. He started

31:48

appreciating the water and the animals and

31:50

the lifestyle. It's like, I'm just getting really

31:53

into that right now. So fascinating.

31:56

I was at I was at the gun range yesterday.

31:59

I was only knew it last year. Looked

32:01

like National Armory

32:04

shooting at my couple of pistols

32:06

that I got. I mean, you always keep us guessing.

32:08

I'll give you that. I won't bring up gun

32:10

control. That's a sensitive topic. I

32:13

posted something from my friend and just

32:16

to give a buddy of mine a little good

32:19

on you for being passionate about something. And

32:21

I don't, you know, I don't really I still know what

32:23

the fallout was. I know, people, I just

32:25

freaked out. I don't. I hardly

32:28

use Instagram at all. I mean when

32:30

I the way I mused Instagram now

32:32

And I recommend this book to anybody Digital minimalism.

32:35

It's a great book. Um, but

32:38

just you know, it's your Your

32:40

time is equals their money. And if you don't,

32:42

if you can find times in your life to contake a little

32:44

break from it, you know, just do for

32:47

me. I'm talking to myself personally, I got, I'm just so bad

32:49

when I'm on the road. Yeah, you know what the road's

32:51

like. You go out there sitting their phones all day

32:54

long. We're on them all all day

32:56

day long. There's no living, right. And when you're back

32:58

here nashurally you have your life, you were teams or stuff.

33:00

Okay, you can kind of like balance it. But when you're

33:02

on the road, it's just kind of dark. You're

33:04

away from family, away from friends, you're away from like

33:07

nature, and then you're just on your phone all time. So

33:09

I had to like find a way to kind of balance that um

33:11

on the road. So for me, it was like kind of higging off my phone

33:13

doing on my computer so I can kind of like or my

33:15

eye texting device, my iPad texting

33:18

call. Yeah, this big iPads. Like, Okay, it used

33:20

to be a little more like intentional about it because I'm just

33:22

I'm just bat on it out there. But anyways, I don't know what the comments

33:24

where. I don't look that stuff. But yikes,

33:27

it's just not a good topic for Yeah, I

33:29

mean shout out to my buddy Blake there

33:32

for being passionate about kids

33:34

and stuff and uh you know,

33:37

but yeah, well I'm gonna go

33:39

back to families since you've completely

33:42

change the topic. Yeah, I don't think

33:44

this day and age. I'm like, I'm like, uh,

33:47

I don't do teams. I'm not I don't don't

33:50

do politics. That's probably smart,

33:52

I would say, I mean even independent,

33:55

like I'm an independent voter. I'm like, I'm

33:57

not even that because that's like something I don't. Yeah,

34:00

you want screwed everybody like you do you That's

34:02

how I feel your own rights. Cast

34:04

as a marathon runner, I'm always like, that's

34:06

like we use that analogy of her kids, like run

34:08

your own race. Yeah, your race, I'll run mine.

34:11

Yeah. Like, and let's police, let's have a common

34:13

goal of getting in the end together. Yeah, it's not the way.

34:15

That's not the world we live in now. So

34:17

speaking of cast, well, you had a lot of questions

34:19

when I asked my followers what they wanted to know. How did

34:21

you guys meet? We met

34:23

in eighth grade. That's one of the questions. Yeah,

34:26

that was one band practice yesterday. You were you

34:28

were? I mean they submitted some really good, interesting

34:31

questions that they might not get asked because

34:33

my mom would be really upsets. It's

34:35

funny we we met eighth grade.

34:37

We want both of the public school, uh school

34:39

called Engleside. It was like this big

34:41

school. I want to say, it was like four under

34:44

kids in the is

34:46

your fourner kids and eighth grade or four kids in seventh

34:48

and eighth grade? But um,

34:50

I yeah

34:53

liked her a lot then, you know, yeah, and she's

34:55

cute. She was she was dating one of my friends. I was

34:57

dating one of her friends. We all kind of did a double dating

35:00

together and that's really

35:02

funny. Yeah, you know,

35:05

and I you know, liked the girl that I was dating at

35:07

the time, but I also kind of like gas and uh

35:10

and uh it just uh over

35:12

the you know, I think it came back for a few weddings

35:14

and stuff. You know, we just kind of started

35:17

actually started dating over like seventeen. I guess

35:19

we started dating a little bit, but um

35:22

obviously left for school and for Nashville.

35:24

We just kind of dated here and there. Never could find the right

35:26

time to make it work. And then I was playing

35:28

a show for opening for Georgia straight um

35:30

two thousand February two thousand and five

35:33

of uh yeah, in Las

35:35

Vegas, and she came out to the show and

35:37

I was I thought she was kind of coming out as a

35:39

friend, and I was like, yeah, I come out. I'll be on the bus. And

35:42

she came on the buses in the back of the bus watching old

35:44

School for like the hundred million times, like

35:46

maybe yeah, because we don't because I have Instagram, so I did

35:48

come agaut That's like, I guess Instagram is actually

35:50

better than just watching the same Like Will Ferrell

35:53

movies over and over again. Uh, at least you're maybe

35:55

learning something. But uh and then

35:57

uh, she came out and I was like, wow,

35:59

the most walked to the bus is like right, because

36:01

you always hear the right time, right person,

36:04

right place has to be all three. And I was like, this just

36:06

feels like it's all three. And we

36:08

um eloped at the end of that year. It

36:10

was fun. We met Veas, met Las

36:12

Vegas, and then we got engaged in Las Vegas in

36:14

December, so it's like within a year. Then three

36:16

days later with to Mexico, got got

36:19

married. So you just say, you've told

36:21

me before when she came on the bus and I you were like, I'm

36:23

going to marry that guy. Yeah, I knew right away.

36:25

How did you see? Like hearing country music is

36:27

the first time hearing like juniors the same and that moment

36:29

just being like wow, I this is like

36:32

so clear, because okay, we

36:35

I'm bringing up the kind

36:37

of broken engagement type thing because we have that

36:39

in common. Yeah, so you've had tried

36:41

before and that obviously in those moments you

36:43

would know, right, But the girl

36:45

before I tried to marry Yeah, so I

36:47

tried to marry some once before I didn't work out so wet,

36:50

but um,

36:52

but so then what was different with Cass? Well,

36:55

that was just like, well, I want, I want to

36:57

say maturity, because I was not many much much

36:59

more mature. But the first time around was more like

37:01

out of desperation. I was just

37:03

like trying to make this relationship work

37:06

and I was trying to solve a lot of

37:08

problems with that, which is a terrible

37:10

reason to get married. Yeah, thank god she

37:12

kind of recognized that. Um.

37:15

With Cass, it

37:17

was just like yeah, just something

37:20

just clicked. I don't know what it was. I think, you

37:22

know, being on the road for some of us,

37:24

you know, you see why there's so many young

37:27

artists get married right now, Like Luke Hombs

37:29

is getting married and he's

37:31

married, and Marion's married and yeah and all,

37:33

but like no tr and uh

37:36

fgl guys. I mean they like all got married

37:38

really young, I think, And people in industry

37:40

are like, why are you getting married? So you like stay single,

37:43

you keep grinding and keep working having fun. It's like it

37:45

just gets kind of lonely out there. You have no one to share any

37:47

of your ups or downs with. It's like, you know,

37:50

one to like, you know, you got an award show,

37:52

and there's you don't even want to share that experience with her

37:54

and all these amazing things that are happening in your life.

37:56

For the first time, it's like no one's like they

37:58

really talked to him about us. So when

38:03

Cass, when I just thought about her, that

38:05

moment was just like yeah, and then

38:07

I didn't once I said got the marriage

38:10

train rolling, I was I definitely try to tap the

38:12

brake breaks a few times, and I'm like, whoa,

38:14

whoa, Okay, this is working better than I expected, Like this

38:16

is really going fast. You're

38:18

moving to Nashville. Yeah, so it

38:20

was like your idea and then you were like, oh yeah,

38:23

yeah, it's like and honestly,

38:25

it probably took me like eight

38:28

years to like recover, uh

38:31

like to musically kind

38:33

of get back on track because I feel like everything

38:35

I'd done was like geared towards this like single

38:37

guy on the road, you

38:40

know, as known as like the hardest working guy in country music.

38:42

We did like forty one shows in forty

38:44

five days one time, I mean twenty

38:47

six in a row. I was just

38:49

working NonStop. Loved the road, loved

38:51

the bus, loved the lifestyle. That's

38:53

kind of who I was. That train that's like, yeah, it's like train

38:55

building up, momentum is going faster and faster

38:57

and faster and faster. This is your guy, not to I

39:00

never use like the term brands and all stuff, but you're kind

39:02

of creating your own lane, right and like you gets

39:04

it's there's more heat and you're

39:06

nominated for stuff and things are happening, and

39:09

then you get married and it just feel like as

39:11

a songwriter, I'm like an

39:13

identity. I didn't know. It's like I gotta find this.

39:15

I don't know who this person is right about? Who am

39:17

I? You know? And then one starts coming out to you like, oh you

39:19

can art songs about being married here. Everyone

39:22

just looks at you differently and even though you kind of feel

39:24

the same, and so it's almost like you have to stop

39:26

that train, which takes a long time to do,

39:29

and like back it into the station

39:31

and go start up a whole new one. That's the way I really

39:33

feel like it was for me. And I don't

39:36

think you know, because you're not trying to go back and

39:38

sing songs about the single days. But doesn't

39:40

resonate with me because that's not who

39:42

I am down you

39:44

know. I really feel like for me it wasn't till like two thousand

39:47

and uh. I mean the

39:49

Bluegrass Record was a departure in twenty and ten.

39:51

Home wasn't kind of an attempt in that direction

39:54

for sure. And then I feel like like with

39:56

with Riser in two thousand and twelve was probably

39:59

like I started coming back, Yeah,

40:02

and me embracing this

40:04

whole life, embracing

40:07

all there is to write about from from that standpoint,

40:09

I mean, so much more to write about

40:11

for me after I've done all the other stuff,

40:13

you know, the heartbreak stuff like being married

40:15

and everything goes along with that, and certainly having kids

40:17

a lot or you don't have to write sing songs about kids,

40:20

but they teach you so much more about to have taught

40:22

Meatley so much more about life, and

40:24

I just find I could write deeper and better songs.

40:27

Uh. And and and we'll just

40:29

not be afraid to go there and embrace

40:31

that, you know. I think there's also some fear that you're gonna like, you

40:34

know, alien eight totally. Yeah, it's

40:37

a hard business to have a serious

40:39

relationship in. I would say I

40:41

always think that about I actually think I might do a

40:43

podcast with Cash just talking about what it's

40:45

like from her perspective, because your your career

40:47

is kind of navigate or you

40:49

have to navigate through that with your whole entire frame and

40:51

totally yeah,

40:54

you wives podcast would be interesting.

40:56

You know, I could never do what she did. I would you

40:59

know, be on the road and and

41:01

just you know the parties

41:03

we have after the show and stuff or you

41:05

know, it's nothing. Nothing's

41:07

not doing a thing wrong, not doing aything right either, but you're not different.

41:10

I'mn't doing anything wrong. But it's just like why we

41:12

haven't you know, why are you doing this? Why why are you?

41:14

You know? For me, it was like, hey, Saturday. You know these regular

41:17

people get a Thursday, Friday, they get their weekends. I don't

41:19

get a weekend. I don't get to go to the local bar. So

41:22

we create a bar. You know, we have our we

41:24

have fun and hanging and

41:27

uh, I would be the worst. I

41:29

would be so jealous. I could never handled it at

41:31

all. I would be like, yeah,

41:33

she's on like a night, I'm like, where are

41:35

you? Yeah exactly. So

41:37

there's a lot a lot of growing a lot

41:39

of me having to grow up you know, Cass

41:42

has been so amazing how

41:44

she's like pulled me

41:46

through every like major man

41:49

life hurdle. You know, I think like

41:51

this day and age is so it's so much harder now

41:53

to do what you're supposed to do as a guy because of

41:55

the phone. I mean, it's just everything he wants

41:57

at your fingertips. It's just like, why would you

42:00

you take these bigger steps when

42:02

like you really don't have to. You know,

42:04

it's just like I'll just go to my phone and hit up

42:06

one of these social like dating apps and stuff.

42:08

So for me, like the marriage thing was babe

42:10

then like helped me kind of really adjust to that.

42:12

And then having a kid. You know, it's like I

42:15

I think of myself of wanting a kid, but do I

42:17

really want one? That's a lot of like you know, you

42:20

know, or even getting a second dog was Gass's

42:22

idea, and then that's kind of helped me along. You

42:24

know, she's given me the stepping stones and having

42:27

me a kid, thank god we had. You know, she pulled

42:29

me along and made that happen, and

42:31

the second one and talking about a third one. You

42:34

know, it's like these are not my um, these

42:36

are not things I was leading the charge on, but once

42:38

she kind of pulled me through them. I'm so thankful she,

42:41

you know, had the wisdom that

42:43

women have to do that, because I'm

42:45

so you know, I would hate it, would have missed out on

42:47

a lot obviously, um say the least. So

42:50

I don't know what the hell we're talking about here. Well, right

42:53

now you have three kids? You have it feels

42:55

like a thousand. Well because you have three dogs,

42:57

is that right? Three? Yeah, three dogs.

42:59

There's a lot going on here, a lot, and

43:02

we're all sleeping in one room. This situation

43:04

blows my mind. You why,

43:07

you know, you just as

43:10

a parent, there's no blueprint, and

43:13

you know, you think when you have kids, you're like, you know, I say,

43:15

there's any new parents out there and they're listening. Um,

43:18

it's like you know, they need to be in the room. And they

43:21

regimated, you know, and a lot of it's like for Castide

43:23

with but Aby was born. It's like we just want some time to be lundering

43:25

some wine and didn't right, you know, like so like you gotta

43:28

we had on a pretty good schedule. You know you did this. This

43:30

is a book called baby Wise. It like has the scheduling

43:32

mapped out and Okay, in like seventh third,

43:34

like be in your room, you know, go to

43:37

have to sleep, so we can like hang for a

43:39

little bit here, right, She'd be screaming and you

43:41

know she hated be in the room. I didn't reverse

43:43

the locks on her door, so she couldn't get out. She'd

43:46

be like staring with one eye under the door,

43:48

like screaming. Heart

43:51

that work, I know. I found it later on aby Hatess

43:53

been alone, but I didn't know that at the time. But

43:55

really right now, it's just there's

43:58

so many moving parts at night. It's

44:00

just like they usually come in their room anyway,

44:02

so it's kind of like threw matches on the floor. And I

44:05

was reading this book. Oh,

44:08

it's the last book I just read. Crap

44:11

I can Oh it's called Go Wild, great

44:14

book. But you know, we're all

44:16

in country in the world, like majority of the world. Everyone

44:18

sleeps in one room. They sleeping. Oh yeah,

44:20

like they would think it's like child abuse to make

44:22

a kids sleep by themselves. Yeah, it's just so unnatural

44:25

for the millennium that we've been around. We all slept

44:28

on a camp fire before fire.

44:30

We were all just kind of near each other. It's safety, you

44:32

know. It's like, you know, someone is always

44:34

up, Like the older people would be up later kind

44:36

of watching the group, the camps, the tents, whatever,

44:38

and then these people get really early

44:40

in the middle night or something. Someone gets up early in the morning. There's always

44:42

someone awake around. It's how you sleep well knowing that,

44:44

like you you get to know the

44:47

sounds of the fire or the animals that you

44:49

know people sleeping near by you, and that's what makes

44:51

you feel safe. Throw a kid in a room by themselves.

44:53

For some kids, it's just it's a really terrifying

44:55

experience. So we're just like

44:58

now like a little older,

45:00

but they're still in joy. It's like everyone's gonna

45:02

matches on the floor. Bedroom looks like hell,

45:04

but everyone's sleeping good, which is the only

45:07

that really matters. And it kind of makes sense

45:09

to me right now. I just kind of call it the wolf

45:11

pack wolf in.

45:14

Was it different for you because you have two girls?

45:16

And then Knox came along and we've

45:19

obviously been spending a lot of time with Knox. We just filmed

45:21

the living video movie is so

45:23

cute. Yeah, it's amazing. Um, So,

45:26

anyway, what was there any difference,

45:29

like with having a boy, did that change you

45:31

in any different way? You

45:34

know? I think any most guys out

45:36

there probably want a boy for the first kid because that's all

45:38

they really know. And then if you're lucky,

45:40

you get a girl, and you know, Vye just totally

45:43

changed the shape at my heart. She just like it's

45:47

she's just amazing, you know, She's just what she did

45:49

to me. And then have another girl. I want another girl after Vy

45:51

because I wanted ano sisters because my wife has

45:53

a sister and that's a unique bond. The third

45:55

one, I was cold, we're gonna get a get

45:58

a boy here, and it's definitely I

46:01

mean, he's like such a mini me. I got

46:03

so lucky with Knox. He just loves

46:05

everything I love and he's total comedian

46:08

and he's also really kind too. I think having older

46:10

sisters has taught him a lot about like being

46:12

a nice person. Um. But

46:15

yeah, it's uh,

46:17

you know, I think when you talk about people, I

46:19

talk about some of this food stuff I try, or the ice bass,

46:21

the plunges, their exercise stuff. A lot

46:23

of it's about obviously wanted to feel now and

46:26

feel great in the present moment, but planning you

46:28

know what, what how I wanted to look and feel

46:30

ten years down the road when Knox is fourteen,

46:32

when Jordan's eighteen and ev he's

46:35

twenty, Like I want to be able to hang in there with him and be

46:37

active and and so.

46:40

But certainly with Knox. Yeah, he's a

46:43

yeah, he loves we

46:45

play hockey together. He plays hockey. I stopped playing

46:47

hockey because he plays more than I do. Now he's only five

46:49

and he's there three times a week and it's

46:52

a great skier. He and I just want to call out together. It's

46:54

the two of us. It was it was awesome. We he

46:57

goes ski school at ski and then we come

46:59

back. He'd get a sprite, I get a few beers and

47:02

some food and go home and watch Star Wars and

47:04

do it all over again. It was like he's

47:07

like kind of like my you know, as far

47:09

as my male friends goes, he's my best

47:11

friend. So we have a unique

47:13

relationship. So he calls me as a brother

47:15

because we're not having any more kids.

47:18

So I was like, I will be your brother. I will

47:20

do all the dumb stuff with you. And

47:22

so he kind of he calls me brother. Were you like

47:24

that with your dad, because you guys were

47:26

really close. I was older so my dad by

47:29

time. My dad had two kids before me

47:31

with his first wife, and she she had a brain

47:34

cancer and she passed away. So

47:36

he remarried my mom, and

47:38

so he had me when he was fifty and he there twenty

47:40

years apart, and my brother when he was sixty.

47:43

So he wasn't that

47:45

he was. He did stuff with me, and

47:47

he taught me a lot of mechanics, working

47:49

on like lawn moors and

47:52

and just how to drive boats

47:54

and cars and stuff. But he wasn't as physical as

47:57

I am with Knox. You know, Knox and I fight daily.

48:00

Oh yeah, yeah. Um. But

48:02

my brother who's ten years younger than me. Um,

48:05

I feel like the relationship I have with Knox is a lot like

48:07

the one I have my brother five because I

48:09

was ten years older than him and we did everything together, and

48:12

it's I still feel like I'm, you know, a

48:14

teenager, you know most of my

48:17

Yeah, we feel like either feel like I'm a teenager or

48:19

I feel like I'm like eighty years old. That's like, that's what I never

48:21

feel. What you're doing age,

48:23

And I'm always like either feeling really

48:25

young on stage or playing with Knox or I

48:27

feel like it's incredibly exhausted. What

48:30

is that? Like? I think about you a lot because

48:32

you're very hands on with your kids and

48:35

you can go play these huge venues

48:37

and literally you walk off the stage. Let's

48:39

say, I don't know wherever you are. You come

48:42

home and they don't give a shit that

48:44

you're Dirk smently like it doesn't

48:46

matter at all to them, doesn't

48:48

matter at all. No, you make that transition.

48:51

It's the best though. I mean, it really is the thing. Anyone

48:53

would tell you that. It's like having that waiting

48:56

for you at home is like the best. Like you can just

48:58

come home and be like and

49:00

I work really hard to maintain that as far as

49:02

like with the house looks and stuff. I've line around.

49:05

There's a lot of guitars, not too many guitars. There are guitars

49:07

and Mandolins. Aren't line around stuff. There's

49:09

no like pictures of

49:11

me on Gold records or anything. You know. I

49:14

don't want them. I want them to treat me like you

49:16

know, I don't want them treat me like crap, which they they

49:19

can do sometimes. No, but now I just wanted

49:21

to like just be known as Dad. And you know,

49:24

I've trained them to like, they will

49:27

not they won't leave me alone. I mean they know I'm like mister activity.

49:29

Guys. So it's like the backyard like dad,

49:31

dad, dad dad. You know, let's still plays hockey,

49:34

Let's go play basketball, let's go. Um. They

49:37

they're just I'm kind of like they're big, like I camp,

49:40

camp counselor more than I'm like anything

49:43

else with these guys. And uh, but I'm you know, I'm

49:45

trying to be pretty trying to do the best I can.

49:47

There's no blueprint for this ship. So you're just like, how do you

49:49

you know, raise kind, nice,

49:52

compassionate kids and

49:54

um, and and try to help them,

49:56

you know, find with whatever they're interested

49:58

in. So is that the most import thing for

50:00

you to teach them? You think? I think, yeah,

50:03

I think for them to have like, you

50:06

know, just yeah,

50:08

compassion, I was looking

50:10

for the truth and every situation and

50:13

um being you know, yeah,

50:15

be nice, respectful and um you

50:18

wouldn't need it. You know. Jordan's very vocal, and

50:20

as girls, we teach them to be like, you

50:23

know, be vocal and say what you want to go after

50:25

what we want to do and and uh, yeah,

50:27

you know in that regard and um, but yeah,

50:30

I just I think being compassionate is

50:32

is huge us to consider they're my kids and they're

50:35

really fortunate, right exactly.

50:38

This is Kelly Henderson and you've been listening

50:40

to the Velvet's Edge podcast. I

50:42

truly believe that every one of us has

50:44

a little velvet and a little edge, so

50:47

it's so important to remember that to be strong,

50:49

you must be soft too. Thank

50:51

you so much for sharing in those stories with

50:53

me. You can follow Velvet's Edge on

50:55

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50:58

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51:00

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51:06

for more conversations on lifestyle,

51:08

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51:11

for listening.