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3:49

to the show, you filthy animals. Turn

3:51

off your TVs, run for your lives. It's

3:54

over. They didn't put you on this planet just to

3:56

give up. If I don't want Joey to do it,

3:58

I can rule the world. What

4:20

up there, Boris? Hey, buddy. Am I allowed

4:23

to say that? Am I allowed to say

4:25

buddy at all? I can't say buddy ever

4:27

again. No, it's okay. It's just when you work

4:29

at Nasally, you know, you

4:33

think I want this voice. I can't. That

4:35

was like the thing that I would never listen to recordings. You

4:38

think I like my voice. I don't like

4:40

my voice either. So don't worry. I don't like nothing that

4:42

I do. I don't like my fucking hair. I

4:44

don't like my face. I don't like my voice. I

4:47

don't like nothing. I'm just, I'm just a

4:49

mope. I just walk around and accept

4:51

things at this point in the fucking game. The

4:54

worst thing I could do ever is

4:57

watch world news tonight. Why?

4:59

Because sometimes like I'm watching something like I

5:02

watched the weather on ABC and then

5:04

I'll leave and I'll come back and world news tonight

5:06

is on and it just fucking

5:08

depresses the shit out of me. Like

5:11

I got addicted to that shit during the pandemic

5:13

and it fucking broke me from

5:16

like March to fucking,

5:19

you know, till

5:21

like a year later, it broke me. I'd stop

5:23

watching it. Like

5:25

when it came out of LA at three 30, I

5:27

would be home to watch it already during the

5:29

pandemic. Isn't that the one was that Diane Sawyer?

5:32

Yeah, but Diane Sawyer was gone during the

5:35

pandemic. She was an incubator somewhere

5:37

on an island. Somebody rubbing her feet with

5:39

Martha Stewart and shit, you

5:42

know, but yeah,

5:44

it's just fucking crazy. And

5:47

did he watch it tonight? Like is. Yeah.

5:50

And then they walked by and it was on and it was,

5:52

you know, like they were

5:54

talking about the election, you know, you

5:57

know, who gives a

5:59

fuck. They were talking about. That. That.

6:01

Biden gave. Netanyahu the

6:03

red light. You know he

6:06

have crossed a red lively bomb Summer. Listen.

6:09

Man you know. Who's got their opinion

6:11

of you want their on. November.

6:14

Six To whatever the fuck an

6:16

app. November October Sixth, October Seven.

6:18

You know, I couldn't even imagine

6:20

being at a fucking festival and

6:22

seen little arabs coming down enough.

6:25

And of bicycle on a bicycle, a bad

6:27

guy and fuckin' The. Road Warrior. He

6:29

had a little bicycle used to follow

6:31

Mel Gibson around. I see that shit.

6:34

I'm traumatize. I'll even know what to

6:36

expect. Melbourne, On landing

6:38

and you know. The. Whole fucking deal

6:40

so I don't want to talk about. What's.

6:43

Going on the world. But it's just. you

6:45

know, I can't watch When the world I

6:47

can watch know fuck in those. Are

6:49

just sit there and go. What the fuck are

6:52

they talking about? Scaring.

6:54

Why people? It was that

6:56

like him for as in you miss my don't stand of

6:58

every night design I can't tell you when I've been home

7:00

to watch the news. What's. Scaring.

7:02

Ip know I'm a do like scared why

7:04

people but if I meant like to like

7:06

that you've literally weren't home to watch the

7:08

news. Know. I was always enough. The

7:11

news comes on at six thirty. What were my

7:13

go. Unless I'm doing an early

7:15

coffee shop before the fuck them. Poetry.

7:17

Night started seven. I

7:19

got nowhere to go at six thirty or everything we

7:22

did starts at. Seven.

7:24

Seven Fifty. That always me. It's seven

7:26

at the fuckin' I. Guess

7:28

because I've watched the news. You know you. At

7:31

one point I was i, you know what? the flat dog

7:33

had him. less to lose a dirty fucking is. The.

7:36

Last time I watched the news of

7:38

the I did to Twenty Two a

7:41

balls and they've bombed Oklahoma City and

7:43

I sat there for four days. bite

7:45

my fingers, snorting coke, looking at a

7:47

window, drink a Fat Tire. Sick

7:49

when when there was is gonna be over there

7:51

were hunted you know I don't watch the news.

7:54

Length. every once in awhile

7:56

like you have it on eat you in

7:58

a hotel you sit and wait for Ride

8:00

and see an enzyme and you watch it and you're

8:03

like, oh I didn't know that happened

8:06

That's how deep I am in this fucking

8:08

marriage I'm surprised

8:10

you even wanted it all. Yeah, I can't I

8:12

never die avoid it now you get old

8:16

You get older and I don't

8:18

know at one point. You're like, let's see what's going

8:20

on the fucking world I've been living in a comedy

8:23

club for 20 years, you

8:25

know and and You

8:27

just watch the news and you remember being

8:29

a kid and watching it and sports,

8:31

you know So when I came

8:33

back in New Jersey's got a station, New Jersey 12

8:38

Listen sometimes I watched the beginning

8:40

of it, but no not really sometimes

8:43

it's like interesting New Jersey news.

8:45

Sometimes it's It

8:48

is interesting because it's your backyard and

8:50

you know where it's going on I

8:52

really like the weather on there, you know, I checked

8:54

the weather. They're okay at night 10 to 11 or

8:57

something I'll put it on before

8:59

I go to bed That's when you know when you

9:01

get no when you check the weather before you go

9:03

to fucking bed That's what I started checking

9:05

the weather right now. I'm like, yeah, I'm

9:08

done I'm done as a fucking savage

9:10

because savages don't give a fuck about the weather

9:13

Well, there's that but then I don't like I think that's what

9:15

it is Like an age thing like my

9:17

like my mom loves the news watches

9:19

it and she's like, oh I gotta know the weather

9:22

What you have your phone it tells you

9:25

like you don't have to wait for the news I don't

9:27

want to look at the phone. The phone is always listen.

9:29

They're all fucking wrong about the weather But

9:32

when somebody tells me to my face, I feel a

9:34

little bit more comfortable. I'm sad at

9:37

that softball field All right with my wife. I

9:39

don't go on I don't even know how to

9:41

check the weather in my phone and

9:43

you'll see You I don't know how to

9:45

check the weather and you'll see clouds, right? Okay,

9:49

and you're like check the weather see and she's

9:51

like it says it's already raining

9:53

in Marlboro, New Jersey three inches I'm

9:56

like, we've been sitting here for two fucking hours Nothings

9:58

come out of this guy not even dead bird and

10:01

you're gonna fucking tell me that these people on the money

10:03

I don't want to talk to these people listen

10:07

the news not the news but the

10:09

weather is an educated guess right

10:11

put all that data it's like us collecting it's

10:14

like us fucking going to bed make

10:16

a bet or you're getting a job

10:18

or you got an audition you go on IMDB

10:21

and you research the role your research of

10:23

the director is what else has he

10:25

worked on it's the same thing with the weather nobody

10:29

could sit there and go mmm it's gonna

10:31

rain tomorrow last week they were on the

10:33

money they said it was not raining in

10:35

Jersey at one o'clock damn

10:37

fucking to the T I went out that one

10:39

o'clock and now you know I test them from

10:41

time to time you gotta check the weather man

10:43

especially because you're at I'm like you

10:46

know if he gives me a time

10:48

and I see it this I'm he's trustworthy do

10:51

you ever like email them and tell them when they when they

10:53

got it wrong no why would I

10:55

do that I know

10:57

that today's today listen you

10:59

picked the wrong fucking weather

11:02

cycle yesterday today

11:04

do a little better and today they were very good

11:06

they said it was gonna be cold in the morning

11:10

they said it would get a little warm in the afternoon

11:12

but the wind was gonna be really bad fucking

11:14

wind was blowing shit up all

11:17

afternoon and

11:20

it ain't a fucking

11:22

party for somebody's parts you

11:24

know the same

11:33

it's got some whiff to it smells

11:35

like fucking energy drinks I didn't

11:37

drink any energy drinks I don't know what that is I

11:44

know not that you have diabetes no

11:47

no no diabetes in the air I didn't

11:49

need no crumpets yeah I'm

11:51

just trying to put the pieces together G money

11:53

I was

11:55

Minneapolis I heard you had a nice time

11:58

You went to the Prince Museum. Yeah.

12:00

Have no doubt. One. Of the best

12:02

places I've ever be Iowa. I want to talk to

12:04

you about a last up but it's a you that

12:07

was. The. Shows were great. Thank you. Have

12:09

wanted him on an all the other comics.

12:11

It was fantastic! But. Like that the

12:13

highlight of the tribe. Was. Paisley

12:15

Park. It was. I

12:18

people who know I know. I went to Niagara Falls

12:20

and I thought it was like the stupidest. It.

12:23

Was not not worth the drive at all. Paisley.

12:25

Park. Is. Worth a trip to

12:27

Minneapolis I think. It. Will I

12:30

was so impressed. Is.

12:32

That they hate you never got to go. When

12:35

the fuck him? A

12:37

bit of where he take everything. I

12:40

went to that club we were staying up the phone

12:42

and we went over one day. Suppose the. Issues

12:45

years ago though, but I never meant

12:48

to pay report. It

12:50

was just because I had no expectation that you

12:52

know you and been you have been on. He

12:54

will have Rudy on the church all time and

12:56

very interesting talks about music but music was just

12:58

never a huge part of my life. So.

13:01

I knew of friends. But. Then you

13:03

go. And it was like it was a

13:05

good to our one tor. They. Talk you

13:07

through like a few different studios and it was

13:09

just. Aren't

13:11

at. As. A Clue as

13:14

someone who performs. It

13:16

was interesting to see all that he

13:18

did. Like you learned the art of

13:20

recording first. And then he learned.

13:22

He did every now and every album, but

13:24

he could do every instrument, He did all

13:26

his vocals and then he would they mix

13:28

it together. He did thirty nine studio albums.

13:32

Thirty. Nine. Legs. And.

13:35

It just to see like the. Ah,

13:38

precision money Hell again reminded me in ways

13:40

of like you just how are you We

13:42

eat hot? You're talking to me a lot

13:44

now about like. Making.

13:46

Specific move for a reason and like

13:49

just the thought behind it and. That.

13:51

Was like. Like. just

13:53

to see the thought he put behind

13:56

everything that he did like even designing

13:58

studios he would design amazon way

14:00

so like had no echo and

14:02

then he would like he they his

14:05

last tour Yamaha sent him

14:07

this purple piano and he

14:09

sent he made Yamaha take it back three

14:11

times because the color purple was wrong and

14:15

like it just he he had it was just so

14:17

cool to see like it was

14:19

just his vision it was just really cool you

14:23

know Lee to be a great entertainer you

14:25

have to get entertained and

14:29

for some people it's live music

14:32

for some people it's poetry jet

14:34

whatever as a as an artist as

14:37

what you are and what we i

14:39

mean i've never considered myself an artist

14:42

but you know that's what these people say we

14:44

are so i'll take the ride

14:46

with it right and it's

14:49

really weird when you go see something and

14:51

it blows your wig off yeah

14:54

to me that's the best feeling

14:57

in the world there's

14:59

two things i miss about california

15:01

we discussed the potato

15:04

tacos we fucked money at

15:06

that place with the with the blueberry milkshake

15:08

with a little bit of honey in it

15:11

fucking money and

15:14

to me there was no better feeling in

15:17

the old days than getting

15:19

stoned on a tuesday after

15:21

my set or before

15:24

my set and sitting in the back of

15:26

the commie store right that

15:29

to me was the biggest learning experience

15:32

that i saw

15:34

comics branch out you know

15:36

and i appreciated it but

15:39

let's get the music you know fucking

15:42

i always liked music and

15:45

then i got into

15:47

stand-up right and then you know you

15:50

go on the road you buy music to entertain

15:52

you then youtube came along

15:56

i think i was doing calmly about

16:01

18 years, 17 years,

16:04

and YouTube came along. I went on

16:06

a search to learn how to headline.

16:10

I really wanted to see how to headline, so for

16:12

a year I went down to Irvine, and

16:14

I watched every headline around Thursday night, and

16:16

I just made a commitment to it. I

16:20

learned a lot in that period because I dove

16:22

into the educational part again, but the

16:24

biggest experience I learned was

16:27

watching the singers on YouTube.

16:31

Live or just listening to? Live

16:34

videos. My

16:38

favorite guy really to watch was

16:41

the singer from Leonard Skidded. Is

16:45

that Robert Plant? No, that's Led

16:47

Zeppelin. Sorry. Robert

16:50

Plant is a strong second, and

16:54

Mick Jagger is a third, and Rod

16:57

Stewart is up there. Then

17:00

you got to look at something like Michael Jackson that took

17:02

it all the way out there. My

17:05

journey went as deep as Little Richard,

17:10

to look at all the singers and their

17:12

body language, and how they

17:14

control you and how they mesmerize you. Like

17:18

the choreography of just them? No,

17:21

no, no, no choreography. Okay.

17:25

Then the singers from the 70s

17:27

and 80s, look

17:30

at their movement patterns. Look at their, they didn't

17:32

move too much. The guy

17:34

from Leonard Skidded was chubby. Ozzy Osbourne

17:37

was chubby with sadness. You know, look

17:40

at what they did. Then you got a guy

17:42

like Bon Scott, who weighed 100 pounds on a

17:44

rock in his pocket, and

17:47

the control he had. Rod Stewart,

17:49

another motherfucker. That,

17:51

you know, they all have something to offer

17:53

you, because they're doing the same thing we're

17:55

doing, without

17:57

a band behind us. keeping

18:00

our attention. Okay,

18:03

that's keeping your attention. Mick Jagger keeps

18:06

your attention, boy. When

18:08

you go see him and you look at Mick Jagger

18:10

and he starts wiggling, and you go, that motherfucker is

18:12

80 years old, my grandfather is 65, he

18:15

can't climb the fucking stairs. And

18:18

look at this guy, he's a professional. At

18:20

this level of Mick Jagger, 40 years of

18:23

singing, maybe 50 years,

18:25

they know all the tricks. And

18:30

that was what I was thinking when I was there,

18:33

because I had the opportunity to see Prince. When I

18:35

first moved to LA, he was doing a residency in

18:37

LA. I don't know if you remember that run like

18:39

2010, 2011. And

18:42

I just, I don't remember if it sold out or if

18:44

I just didn't go because I didn't really know much about

18:46

him and I regret it. I regret not

18:48

being able to see him. So now it's like, I

18:51

know a lot of people give like the older

18:53

musicians shit for still touring. Or

18:56

someone who's never seen him, like it's kind of cool. I hope

18:58

I get the opportunity to see some of these people, even though

19:00

it might not be what it was 30, 40 years ago.

19:06

But if they're selling on the arena or they're

19:08

selling out of theater, they

19:11

still had Jay Gals and the Jay Gals

19:13

band used to move fucking

19:15

like a Mick Jagger. And

19:19

you watch them and some of them, but

19:21

they hypnotize them in their own little

19:23

way. They're

19:26

locking you in Sinatra, early

19:28

Sinatra. Watch that motherfucker control you.

19:31

I even watched a couple of Cuban dudes, Benny

19:34

Moray. I studied fucking

19:36

singers. Body

19:39

language, timing, when

19:42

they in between songs, they talk

19:44

that gibberish shit, but

19:48

they still got you. And

19:51

then as a band, I

19:53

don't know why, and I'm not saying this

19:56

on ego or anything like this. I'm

19:58

just saying that I admired everything. everything they did and

20:00

how they did it. And that

20:02

was Led Zeppelin. They

20:05

did it very hands-on,

20:07

but hands-off. And

20:10

at the end, they skipped a thing, but

20:13

they were gonna get triple the amount

20:15

later. What

20:17

do you mean hands-off and hands-off? It was

20:20

more of a psychological. Led Zeppelin was, the

20:23

manager was very hands-on, very

20:26

smart, every move was planned out.

20:30

Every tour, he even

20:32

took it as far as getting paid

20:34

in advance for

20:37

Led Zeppelin performances. What you wanna charge, that's

20:39

your business. You're paying

20:41

me before we get there. And

20:43

he made them, it's the

20:46

way he did business, he tricked people

20:48

into being bigger than what

20:51

they were. And that's why they became one

20:54

of the biggest bands in the world of

20:56

all time. He didn't let

20:58

them do television appearances. He

21:03

didn't let them just

21:05

do a lot of things that other bands

21:07

did. He didn't see the value in that,

21:09

Peter Grant. So

21:11

he kept his distance. And if you think about

21:13

it, it's a good way of doing comedy, the

21:16

business he had, because

21:18

it's sort of a chapelli. Chapelli doesn't

21:20

have a website. Chapelli,

21:23

he put the data and he sells out.

21:25

That's it. You don't

21:27

have a chance to discuss it. So how are we gonna get there on the

21:29

17th? I don't know. There's

21:31

no chance of that. And that

21:33

was a little bit Led Zeppelin-y. I have so

21:36

much confidence in my game. I'm not even gonna

21:38

do a fucking website. I'm

21:41

gonna do it differently. I'm not even gonna do a podcast.

21:44

Well, if you think about it, especially

21:46

with Led Zeppelin, before

21:49

the internet, before all that, if

21:51

you didn't do interviews, they never saw you.

21:54

Like, it was like- They didn't do interviews. And

21:57

they didn't do interviews. And like they were saying, like

21:59

Prince, for example, refused to do tour

22:01

for uh not tour like press for uh

22:03

the movie Purple Rain but it was

22:06

like it still blew up so it's

22:08

interesting to see like

22:10

that that might have made like since they didn't have them

22:12

when anything came out they're like oh my god we gotta

22:14

see what they did you

22:16

know i still remember that whole prince thing i

22:20

was 21 years old that was the year of music

22:22

summer of 84 prince

22:25

jackson springsteen madonna

22:29

hewie lewis in the news rod stewart

22:32

the pretenders everybody

22:34

was on the road and

22:39

prince was blowing up and i'll never forget i was

22:41

living in my apartment the one i i

22:44

didn't pay rent that for like 65 days and

22:46

i was about to get thrown out and i

22:48

remember that i go what am i doing this

22:51

apartment on a july night so i had to listen to

22:54

see if the landlord was up upstairs and

22:56

i hadn't paid rent i know it was

22:58

july 4th weekend 1984 all

23:01

my friends were down the shore i

23:05

got a job in sea caucus and they wanted

23:07

me to work saturday and sundays during this summer

23:10

and i'm like this ain't gonna work but i worked

23:12

that saturday and

23:14

i got home that night that was humid as fuck and

23:16

i had the fan and i'm like i

23:19

gotta get the fuck out of here i

23:21

smoked a number and i ended up walking the sea caucus

23:25

to harm and cold theaters like

23:27

fucking i don't know how long of a walk it was

23:29

i had done it before and

23:32

i went out there and fucking watched purple rain and

23:34

then when the movie ended i walked back and

23:37

had a sneaking through my shower window you know and

23:40

landing the tub head first and that's my

23:43

adventure with purple rain i really liked it

23:45

i had seen his videos before on mtv

23:49

1999 a little red Corvette and all that shit and

23:53

right now it's like maybe three weeks

23:55

later at this time

23:58

it was like the end of the July

24:00

and I would live downtown,

24:02

but I owed money so

24:04

I couldn't be in my apartment. And I saw

24:06

about four, I would sneak out before the landlord

24:08

got home from work and

24:11

I would walk uptown to my friend Loub's house and

24:13

I would live with him from

24:16

like five to like six thirty. And

24:19

one night we were in there smoking dope, playing with

24:22

his dog, lifting weights and shit and all of a

24:24

sudden on

24:26

the radio. I'm like, K.T.U. it

24:28

said Prince is making a, doing a

24:30

secret show tonight or whatever they called

24:33

it. Pop up

24:35

for a surprise or? Me and him

24:37

just put fucking like water on the armpits.

24:40

I put monkey grease in my hair, it was humid

24:42

and hot and we shot

24:44

over that, it was fifteen dollars. Jesus.

24:48

It was Sheila E and Nucleus. Sheila

24:52

E was the drummer, right? Yeah, she played

24:55

the warm up song, which is the, you

24:57

know, the dangerous life, whatever. And

25:00

it was pretty fucking interesting. He blew me the

25:02

fuck away. Like I didn't listen, I can lie

25:04

to you and say I became a fan. And

25:07

there was too much going on in my world for

25:09

me to become a fan at that time. It was

25:11

1984 and I was about to

25:13

be homeless five months later. That was

25:15

the beginning of my downfall was that July,

25:18

August and September. But

25:21

I always remembered that and I

25:23

think when I moved here, I rediscovered

25:25

Purple, right? I watched it one

25:27

night, I was like, BET. And

25:31

I started, I went in the fucking Prince Hall for like

25:33

a month. There's

25:35

one song on that album that's always,

25:37

his performance is brilliant

25:39

on it. I forget what the name of the

25:41

song, not the obvious ones or it's, I

25:46

forget, I got to look it up,

25:48

but it's fucking amazing. I want

25:51

you. Oh yeah.

25:53

Baby, baby, baby, baby. I

25:55

want you. Woo.

26:00

I'm deep in that hole right next to I don't know. I

26:02

know like the big ones like when dove fly and like raspberry

26:04

bar. Yeah. Look up. Later on, look

26:06

up purple rain. I

26:08

want you Prince and you'll go,

26:10

what the fuck? You

26:13

know, so it's pretty interesting. I'm happy you

26:15

did it because you

26:17

became a fan of the things

26:19

he did. I

26:22

became a fan of the things that I like just it's

26:25

like the work fan is interesting because

26:27

it was a small tour. There was like

26:29

maybe like 10 people. And

26:31

at first I was so I smoked a little bit.

26:33

So I was just a little too

26:35

high for it. But there was like two

26:37

couples in particular, like one, like

26:39

the widest couple you could ever imagine. But

26:42

like. At

26:44

first, I wanted to make fun of like laugh at them in

26:46

my head because like they were crying at certain points. And

26:49

like the guy started giving

26:51

a eulogy to Prince at the beginning, which I

26:53

did make me laugh. But

26:56

no, no, no, not the tour host.

26:59

Just another another another guest like they

27:01

were in like a atrium. It's

27:03

trying really hard to keep it together. But he

27:06

was the guy I think Prince is watching over

27:08

us right now. Were they Gentiles? Yeah,

27:10

well, they were. But I

27:13

turned on them like in a positive way, like

27:16

about half the way through, like it seemed like

27:18

they like they were on like

27:20

an anniversary. Like it was just so important to them,

27:22

like an anniversary trip. Like she was dancing and every

27:24

time they were playing music. But

27:26

it was just like the impact that he

27:29

had, whether or not they were

27:31

being a little bit overboard. Like

27:33

it's just cool to see like that, like. Someone

27:37

is like, that's like what a real fan is. Like

27:39

it was just cool to see that people loved him

27:41

that much. And just

27:43

from his music. It's pretty fucking amazing, man.

27:46

It's pretty fucking amazing how. I

27:50

don't know, you just get to like different bands

27:52

growing up. And, you know, we had no window

27:54

to the world. I didn't have the Internet. Michael,

27:57

First song and look it up and see where they wrote it. You

28:00

know I did add that it was all

28:02

the back of yeah, we'll cover. A

28:05

magazine or Rolling Stone. You

28:07

know if the the information

28:09

on these bands now. Like.

28:12

This money I played. I'll be on

28:15

Brothers, you know? And

28:17

I love that shit special on Monday

28:19

morning. Makes you want to stab a

28:21

mother fucker specially live in the Beacon

28:23

Theater at all as shit about ask

28:25

okay for shows a great you know

28:27

I know, It's.

28:31

Crazy. How would it. It

28:33

makes me fucking joke. Like when I tell people

28:36

to come kidney I'm not gauge. That.

28:38

Type of music makes me go off.

28:41

You know somebody sent me a personal Facebook the

28:43

I've been that I you know we really dig

28:46

you but why do you have to It so

28:48

are the more. You

28:50

know that will music and the

28:52

should I say you know motherfuckers

28:54

get up whenever. And

28:58

I really had a think about. I thought

29:00

about it and he made some backup plan to

29:02

think about a three basic. And

29:05

it was because that was how how rough

29:07

I was on myself. I'm.

29:12

Not a Muslim myself non while,

29:14

but when have a rough on

29:16

myself five six years ago, you

29:18

saw no sweets and Moink was

29:20

me being me to. That's

29:23

me. beaten up on me. That's that

29:25

the world beaten up. My new yet

29:28

that's you getting you fired up to

29:30

get the fuck are that house and

29:32

stabbed three motherfuckers. You

29:35

not yummy times I got home assistant morning when

29:37

no money. And I forced

29:39

myself either eight the a bump into

29:41

somebody, bow five, get a fuck and

29:43

am an egg sandwich or me and

29:46

I'll be tipped.maguwu ready a fuckin' steel

29:48

you. I was born on the I

29:50

was raised on the early bird gets

29:52

the war. Good

29:54

else It's really crazy. I was someone would

29:56

be a friend of mine today. the

29:59

was telling me about that

30:01

his son's in a band and that some

30:04

of the guys didn't want to go on a tour. You

30:07

know? And it lets you

30:09

know how much the game has changed anymore. Why

30:12

would they not want to go on tour? Like

30:14

some of the people were apprehensive about

30:16

going, you know? And it's

30:18

crazy how people

30:21

are scared of experimenting anymore. Especially

30:24

our youth. They didn't have... Our

30:28

youth had a little

30:30

bit more creativity from the

30:32

bottom up. Everything

30:35

we saw got created by, you

30:37

know, now it's... You watch

30:39

Side of That Live, it's a black guy with

30:41

a fucking... with a turntable and he's

30:43

out there rapping, lip syncing. You

30:46

know, it's great, but I don't see the

30:48

work process, you know? Somebody

30:50

today makes a song, they go on

30:52

TikTok, they get a little

30:54

fucking action and then they lay down.

30:59

They lay down, I'm not selling tickets, but

31:01

what do you think this is? A one-shot deal. You

31:04

got to get up every day and fucking, you

31:06

know, have that outlook of... If

31:09

I don't accomplish this, I'm a fucking failure. And

31:12

I know you're not a failure, and you know you're

31:14

not a failure. But in

31:17

your mind and the fucking... The urgency

31:19

you're lighting up under your ass is...

31:22

You're leaving the house not feeling too good about

31:24

yourself. Because you know you got to do this,

31:27

because nobody's going to do it for you anyway. Why

31:30

do you feel bad? I thought you'd feel pumped

31:32

up. Well, I thought you'd feel fucking half a

31:35

fag and a cunt and, you know, you're

31:37

a piece of shit for not having a bank account,

31:39

you know? Now you got to get up

31:42

and steal, you little wormy immigrant

31:44

orphan. You know, I would say

31:47

shit to myself that would kill

31:49

other people. Yeah, I thought

31:51

you were saying, like, get up, grab your balls. I

31:53

didn't realize you were saying, like, terrible things. I'm warning,

31:55

I'm warning. I would say, you know, stop being a

31:58

fucking pussy. You

32:00

know because you need that and listen

32:03

parents were a lot different You

32:07

know, yeah, you come to me as my son

32:09

and go I'm gonna look at look look here's

32:11

the deal You either

32:13

go out there. I'm gonna break your fucking head and

32:15

throw you out the window, but not not even that

32:18

It's like a thing of like Nice,

32:21

then I can't just give it to you Well,

32:24

I didn't like this story of your mom Having

32:27

you fight that kid after like you came home

32:29

and he beat you up. Yeah, I don't think

32:31

would be allowed today No,

32:34

no, but that's that's that's not what we're talking

32:36

about. Not like how would a parent Read

32:39

you the right act and says listen, man This

32:42

is what needs to be done. I Don't

32:45

give a fuck. I Don't

32:48

give a fuck what you need to do from now on. I'm leaving

32:50

here at eight You're leaving with me and

32:52

I'm locked in the fucking house So

32:55

I'll see you back here at six motherfucker Until

32:58

then I don't want to see you in the fucking name, but

33:00

I got I got security, you know And

33:03

this is the urgency. This is

33:05

why I'm not saying I'm right

33:09

but I Started

33:11

going to open mics. I started talking to

33:13

different comics It's

33:17

so weird how You

33:19

have been a gem you

33:22

have really been a gem thank

33:24

you buddy because some people They

33:27

just go off the deep end and

33:31

you know, I Spoke

33:34

to an agent about a month ago and he was telling

33:36

me about some of his clients and he goes this is

33:38

getting You

33:40

know everybody like listen when I started

33:44

When things started picking up for me, it was

33:46

my space remember that with my space and stuff

33:49

and then it went to Facebook or

33:52

whatever the fuck then Twitter then

33:54

Instagram, whatever, right? I Knew

33:58

that once I got. One hundred

34:00

people a show in. That

34:02

was great for guy like me. Yeah.

34:05

That. Was great but guess what? I

34:08

can do a little bit. So.

34:10

I can I get up to fifty. One

34:12

fifty a shelf? Am I gonna do that?

34:15

By. The one more

34:17

fuck and media make believe on some

34:19

my lap. Or. By writing comedy

34:22

and then some point that with the strength

34:24

of a good social media. You.

34:26

Know like fucking going after and that's what

34:28

I didn't know what. I got the one

34:31

fifty show and I was selling whatever the

34:33

fuck that is for the weekend deal. Seven

34:35

fifty ish a weekend I'm I gotta get

34:37

it to a thousand because that's when they

34:40

started paying bonuses. For.

34:42

Thousand people for a vulgar five cel weekend

34:44

of them. Like Daniel Silos, I got to

34:46

get that two thousand and it was a

34:48

leap. I grew with it. I didn't go

34:51

from Go on, America's Got Talent. And.

34:53

Go from duel Eleven people the

34:55

brain prob the fuckin' You.

34:58

Know two thousand people was at

35:00

the the see the four thousand

35:03

people. It's. Just an

35:05

apple like that. but I'm fucking happy. Because.

35:08

I grew with it and I was prepared for

35:10

the growth. What? Happens if you

35:12

go tomorrow You: While America's got talent they

35:14

come to Boston they see if they want

35:16

you to go on a you when first

35:18

place. Threats to do a fuck into

35:21

a like what's his name. Are

35:24

you going to feel fuck? and really. Good

35:26

about a headlining tour with fifty minutes.

35:29

Now I'll admit that until

35:31

it or. On.

35:34

The other side of it though. It

35:37

would be. If it was very

35:39

very it sounds very upon layer the

35:42

everything they want and it's hard to

35:44

like. Not. Go after. I'd

35:46

like to try to get there quicker. Especially

35:48

when you see so many people doing it. I

35:51

did it is. I know that like

35:53

I was talking about with the guys who did the

35:55

salad me this weekend. And. And the

35:57

Go album Great! Ah. Oh. we

35:59

were time about like, because

36:02

people have asked me why I don't headline clubs, which by

36:04

the way, like, I'm not, I know I'm not

36:06

ready for. And I would say no

36:08

to that. But it's just I'm

36:15

just starting to get comfortable. Like I was thinking

36:17

about what you're talking about, selling 100 tickets. Like

36:19

that's a lot of, I know all these clubs and

36:21

they're selling out arenas now 100 people

36:24

to come for like for

36:26

you is

36:28

a lot of great accomplishment. But

36:31

why stop there? Sebastian

36:34

neither would birth neither would joke. Boy, neither

36:37

would have these arena guys, you know, it

36:40

all started with 100. And

36:43

we look a person could do

36:46

whatever they want in this comedy career. But

36:48

I always said one thing. No

36:52

matter what comic we can interview 100 comics, and

36:55

they'll all tell you when they stuck their foot in their

36:57

mouth, maybe once,

37:00

maybe twice, maybe five times.

37:03

And sometimes they made comebacks. And

37:05

sometimes they didn't come back

37:07

from that. A

37:10

lot of people got a lot of chances in this

37:12

business. You get an hour, you

37:14

know, you get a chance to do a fucking an

37:17

hour. I know for me, I want

37:19

to be prepared to do an hour. And

37:22

I didn't feel I was prepared to do an hour

37:24

to the 15th year. And

37:27

even then, and

37:29

this is, you know, working with Rogan

37:32

and learning 15 years is 2006. 2006.

37:37

I wasn't a good comic at all, brother. When

37:42

he was there, but I wasn't

37:44

a good comic at all. And let's face it, I was not

37:46

a fucking headliner. That's why I did what I did 2009 and

37:49

10. I was gonna quit comedy, but not really. I was just

37:55

watching the way I was doing it. wasn't

38:00

working. And

38:03

was it like, was it different from

38:05

a you headlining a bar show

38:08

and headlining a club? Like

38:10

it's like, it's two different fucking words. The

38:14

thing I like about bar shows, the thing that

38:16

always helped me was I always

38:18

did them opposite the comedy

38:20

store, the improv and

38:22

the laugh factory. That was where

38:24

the real growth was because

38:27

I was going to a bar

38:29

and just fucking hand-to-hand

38:31

combat. And

38:34

now you go to a civilized room and now

38:36

that gives you more control. You

38:40

have more control. You know how to corral them in a

38:42

little bit. You told me something the other

38:44

day about a festival with 19,000 people. You

38:47

stay away from that. That's

38:50

a disaster for a guy like you. Trust

38:52

me. Okay. When

38:55

you go out there without a drummer with nothing and there's

38:57

12,000 stoners and they're looking at you and

39:00

you go out there, that's going to be the roughest

39:02

night of your life. And

39:05

it ain't worth it. Okay.

39:08

Never worth it. Okay.

39:12

The stoner era

39:14

of reefer is a very short street. You'll

39:19

see that pretty soon. It was very popular in

39:22

LA years before you got there. When you got

39:24

there, was anybody doing comedy or stoner rooms anymore?

39:28

No. I knew one open mic,

39:30

that's it, yeah. That was LA. When I was

39:32

doing it, we were getting

39:34

100, 150 and an eighth a week. Fuck.

39:37

There was no money in it and it's just

39:40

stoners, fucking nonsense.

39:43

You know, it really is. I'm

39:46

not putting them down, but it's a tune. Who's doing it?

39:48

I'm putting them down, but it's

39:50

a tune. Do you know fucking

39:52

the weed guy? Yeah, yeah. I

39:54

know the weed guy. You know,

39:56

that shit ain't funny at all. 20, 30 minutes soon. You

40:00

got some stone last night. Yeah,

40:02

enough. But, and

40:05

you'll see it, but 19,000 fucking stone

40:07

is by yourself?

40:10

No, I don't think so. I

40:13

don't think so. I think you'll run

40:15

back to that fucking plane and

40:17

shoot the fuck off. That's, think

40:20

of you ever see Walking Dead? A

40:22

little bit, yeah. That's the Walking Dead,

40:24

those things. Think

40:27

and fucking pachoogee juice

40:29

and fucking, you know, it's

40:32

too much. It's too fucking much.

40:35

I tried a couple of those. You saw how

40:37

I got away from those quick.

40:39

First of all, I wouldn't do an outside one because

40:42

there's nowhere to hide. There's

40:45

nowhere to hide. What do you mean, where are you gonna hide? Dog,

40:48

it's night. It's fucking Evil Dead.

40:51

Where are you gonna hide? At

40:53

least in the club. I'm going to that bathroom

40:55

and lock the fucking door. I don't

40:57

give a shit. Oh. Yeah,

41:00

I've done it before. I locked that fucking

41:02

bathroom door. You ain't getting any, I

41:04

need my time. I need my space. I'm

41:07

surrounded by bad olders and chick with long

41:09

hair and a bunch of

41:11

fucking retards walking around, giving

41:13

each other fucking the flu. 200

41:16

people smoking out of the same bum. You

41:18

might as well eat a hooker's asshole and fight for

41:20

the best, you know what I'm saying? Holy

41:23

shit, I can't see that. People,

41:27

you know, look through the bony in that

41:29

Lebanon coffin. I

41:31

just had the flu, really good. I

41:33

don't want it. You

41:35

don't want to smoke with people anymore. I

41:37

haven't in years and that's the reason why.

41:40

Listen, when I was a kid and I smoked, I always got

41:42

sick with people. Those little circle jerks

41:45

behind the high school, two days later,

41:47

I'm at the doctor's office with a fucking blister

41:49

on my tonsil because one

41:51

of those guys didn't brush their teeth, they

41:54

didn't do nothing. And listen, I get it.

41:56

I smoke with you. I smoke with

41:58

people. with three people

42:02

right now. New George and my

42:04

buddy Kenny Chan. You

42:06

ain't touching my bum if I don't know you,

42:08

you filthy motherfucker. You don't want to fight yours.

42:11

We just went through a fucking, you

42:14

know, a thing where lives

42:16

were changing, people were gonna die, you

42:18

know, and now you want to come over here. I just

42:21

had the flu two weeks ago. Get the fuck

42:23

out of here. That means you just

42:25

had it. And they don't tell you until after they

42:27

cough the first time and they have to spit a

42:30

big brown Luger. And then you're sitting there.

42:32

I had plans this week. I

42:35

had plans to smoke with fucking Abraham

42:37

over here with sandals on and

42:39

now my plans are ruined because I'm going to

42:41

be sick off by sure enough, you get sick

42:43

three days later and he goes home. I

42:47

smoke with Joey Lee. Get the fuck out of here.

42:49

Go get a job. Have

42:51

you ever kicked someone off a little bong? Like I said,

42:54

I mean, have you been smoking with someone and they got

42:56

sick and you're like, stop. Yeah,

42:58

I cuddled. You saw in that office, not

43:01

everybody attacked that bong. I had to substitute

43:03

bongs, I had backup bongs. It

43:06

was just you and me to the wheels fall off.

43:08

We knew each other's chromosomes. You know what I'm saying?

43:10

Jesus. Bring some third wheel in here that just

43:12

came in and dog. I learned from

43:15

Ralphie. God rest his soul. That's where all

43:17

that came from. Because I used to see

43:19

him go to town to town and smoke and

43:21

he got so fucking sick. Remember

43:24

when he was lungs, he couldn't even fucking fly

43:26

no more. Can't do that shit. I

43:31

got people I smoke with and then there's people I

43:33

wouldn't touch a fucker. During COVID,

43:36

I went to a friend of mine's house for 30

43:38

years. That motherfucker whipped out a joint. I

43:40

said, you better whip out another one. You

43:42

better roll another one. He's like, what do you call? I

43:45

ain't smoking that shit with you. It's fucking COVID out. I

43:50

never heard it said that way. Yeah, I

43:53

try not to either. It is weird with comedy

43:55

though. Because that's one thing that you taught me.

43:57

And then I try to do it. I mean,

44:00

a place that has weed is like bring

44:02

weed when I'm going to a place for the first time.

44:04

You bring weed and you give them out. That don't mean

44:06

I'm smoking a weed. That's why I'm giving you a joint

44:08

here. Go for a walk. Go

44:10

show Carl the tree. People

44:13

do get really happy when you give them weed. I

44:15

never had anyone like... I'd rather listen. I'd rather

44:17

give you weed and see you smile than

44:20

take a stupid fucking picture or

44:22

smoke a joint with you. It

44:24

drives me crazy all that shit. But

44:26

I love to, you know, I see people. I like

44:28

to make that day. I got four or five people.

44:31

I just drop weed on them all. A couple

44:33

of girls, I just drop it off. I know

44:35

they're young. They're my girls, and I don't want them

44:37

buying shit with fentanyl. And I know they don't make that

44:40

much money. Right. And

44:42

when somebody throws me weed, boom.

44:46

It's the best. When someone gives

44:48

you weed... We're back to normal. We're back

44:50

to making somebody's day. When

44:53

I get up in the morning, I got a joint in my

44:56

car or something like that. Somebody, hey, how you doing? Come in

44:58

for a second, dog. Here you go. And

45:01

they're like, really? Yeah, take it. Is this

45:03

laughing gas? Yeah. Even though

45:05

I'm not working on laughing gas anymore, I have no

45:07

laughing gas left at all. Oh, you're

45:09

out. But any of it. I've

45:13

been going to a place, Lee. Listen,

45:17

for you fucking econ mages and

45:19

all you fucking... In other words,

45:22

cheap fucking people. Okay? Because

45:25

enough is enough, especially New Jersey.

45:28

New Jersey has grown around this

45:31

subweed culture and the weed that

45:33

I was bringing. People refuse

45:36

to buy that strain. And I know

45:38

it's a budget thing, but let

45:40

me tell you, let me put it in perspective to you

45:42

motherfuckers. When I was homeless, I

45:45

was still smoking the best weed that Harlem had

45:47

to offer. And I made sure

45:50

of that because it all goes... When it comes to

45:52

the head, you got to take care of the fucking

45:54

head. If you don't take it ahead,

45:56

it ain't going to take care of you. So

45:58

when I smoke weed... It's like

46:00

anything else. It's gotta be fucking up there. You

46:02

know, it's gotta be fucking up there. So

46:05

when people go to me, I got this good weed and I smoke at

46:07

27%, 27% ain't even gonna give me a

46:10

toothache no more. I'm in the

46:12

30 to 30 fucking something range. And I went

46:14

to a couple places in Jersey

46:17

and everybody had what was supposed to

46:19

be good weed, but something

46:22

was missing. I started going to New Jersey

46:24

leaf. Okay. I

46:27

had a weed called rhythm, a

46:30

label called rhythm. I

46:33

bought four fucking different things all for

46:35

them were mind

46:38

boggling. And that 30% just

46:40

the straight flower? 36%

46:42

from when I got the sunset, whatever.

46:46

Fucking, I

46:48

got another one Choco Brown. Don't

46:50

you kill a meal. I gave my cat a banger.

46:52

That motherfuckers left for four days. You

46:56

know, it's sensational. I don't

46:58

need to do anything. I

47:00

got my little delivery service, you know, but they

47:03

don't switch, you know, they have my weed, but

47:06

it does switch a lot because people don't

47:08

buy it. They have fucking

47:10

tremendous weed, my delivery service. They

47:12

got three weeds output

47:14

up against anybody right now. Run

47:16

it. But I've

47:19

already smoked it four times over. They

47:21

don't move it as fast. Because

47:23

you're the only one buying the super strong stuff. Me

47:26

and a couple of other fucking professionals. Listen,

47:29

I won't go out to dinner for a week if

47:31

I can have my weed. I'd

47:34

rather have my weed than an expensive fucking

47:36

dinner. That's in more

47:38

my budget than anything. I sacrifice

47:40

stuff for weed. And I

47:42

have been for the last 40 fucking years. It's

47:47

10 bucks and have

47:49

three joints. And

47:52

I know I could go for a walk and get

47:54

an order of Szechuan beef, you

47:56

know, white rice. That is my world, is smoking

47:58

pot and eating Chinese. food. What

48:01

I mean? I was 21, 20. So

48:03

I was getting sensational

48:06

weed up there. There was mountain weeds, but

48:10

I want to take care of Uncle

48:12

Joey. I didn't have new sneakers. I

48:14

looked it out underwear for years so I could smoke

48:16

weed. I didn't wear underwear. Was

48:20

that for the weed or the coke? Both. They

48:22

both. You got to save on everything. That

48:26

was on the road. Why would you

48:29

buy soap? You wash everything with shampoo.

48:31

Your balls, your asshole, your feet. I

48:34

would just cut certain items like that.

48:37

Always have deodorant. Always

48:39

got conditioner. But I'm not going to buy

48:41

a bar of Irish soap for two bucks and

48:43

then I'm going to leave it in the fucking hotel

48:45

room. My mother's going to just get shampoo with a

48:47

rubber dub dub. One of those loop of things. It

48:50

takes the dead skin off and your fucking tip top

48:52

goog. You look better. You're buying so

48:54

many expensive things and then you're like, no, I can't. I

48:56

can't swing the $2 soap. Well,

48:58

what I'm trying to say to you is when

49:00

you're a struggling comic, you got

49:02

to pick and choose.

49:06

When I was a struggling comic, I picked and

49:08

choose. There was

49:10

no a stake in a lobster. It was

49:12

a stake in a glass of water or

49:15

a lobster tail in a glass of water. It

49:19

was like being in the movie Friday. You always got

49:21

peanut butter, but no jelly. You

49:23

always got a hand, but no burger, you

49:26

know, shit like that. So

49:28

I did complete meal. I

49:31

can't like what I was going to say is that is

49:34

there out of the three places you've

49:36

lived, Colorado, I mean, I guess you're

49:38

not Seattle. Did one place is weed

49:40

stick out overall? No,

49:43

if you think about it, that's why I went to

49:45

those three places because I know the weed was going

49:47

to be covered from tip top. Magoo, Seattle got great

49:49

weed. Cop Bolder had great

49:51

weed at the time. You know, I don't know what's going

49:54

on now. And

49:56

then we got to LA and everybody had good weed.

49:59

I always made. I didn't stray

50:01

away from wheat. Like

50:03

I wasn't gonna fucking, no, I love

50:05

my reefer, man. And that's

50:07

why I love Colorado so much growing up

50:09

there pretty much, because yeah,

50:12

I was an evil motherfucker. But

50:16

the wheat controlled me from

50:18

being evil. You know what

50:20

I'm saying? Like

50:22

I was evil, but I didn't have a cat in a cape.

50:26

Like if I was really evil right now, I'd have a

50:28

cat in a cape, and I'm looking to fucking light

50:31

the world on fire and steal rice

50:33

from the Hamas, and do all that

50:35

crazy shit. Thank God

50:37

you had wheat. That's right. That's

50:39

crazy when they drop the food off. Right.

50:42

The Palestine, I would love to

50:44

see like a Jew helicopter go

50:46

underneath and scoop it up. 50%

50:49

off and then take it to Turkey and drop it. I

50:53

bet they had some divers out there for those ones

50:55

that went deep in the water. Nah, that shit don't

50:58

go deep. Think about it. They drop it from like

51:00

2000 feet. The little

51:02

Jewish fleet that nobody sees, like smugglers and lands

51:04

in that thing, and they go right to Turkey

51:06

and sell it for half price. The

51:08

Palestinians are looking up, go, where is it? Oh

51:14

my God. We won't

51:16

be on YouTube again this week. Bro,

51:21

they took us down. They

51:24

took us down like we made a video. They

51:27

just kept taking us down, taking us down, taking

51:29

us down. Who gives

51:31

a fuck? I love it. I

51:34

love it. And it's not

51:37

against any podcast, but we listen to podcasts

51:39

now and they're bleeping stuff. Well,

51:41

they're scared. Everybody's scared. Listen, if it

51:43

means bleeping it to

51:45

save an episode, I don't mind, but

51:49

I don't know. I

51:52

don't know. I don't know what's going on anymore. That's

51:54

why my business. I feel bad. I didn't

51:56

go to the Tripoli's last week at the

51:58

dojo on Friday night. I

52:00

did go out last week and I'm going out

52:02

this week. I'm planning on two sets this week.

52:05

Nice I looked

52:07

into some residencies for people who

52:11

Nice. I looked into

52:13

Philadelphia and Atlantic City I'm

52:16

waiting on something in Atlantic and Philadelphia to

52:18

see if it happens and

52:20

then I'll lean More towards Philly

52:22

because I'm gonna have to be there once a week

52:26

So that's where I am right now brother

52:28

besides that auditions I had

52:31

a pretty good audition today for a movie

52:33

called Eenie Meenie and I

52:38

Have one last week and you know, man It's

52:41

a different fucking world and we would

52:43

do it at LA but I've

52:46

adjusted Everybody's

52:48

happy. I'm happy. I

52:50

found the perfect fucking balance. I'm going to

52:52

Austin a few weeks I'll

52:55

keep you motherfuckers posted, you know do some

52:57

comedy down there. I got

53:00

a secret 420 show That

53:03

will be announcing soon. I don't know where you

53:05

are for 20 Lee. No, we're right

53:07

now All right, we might be coming with me. Well,

53:10

that'd be awesome figure out what the fucking

53:12

deal is and don't touch it I'm

53:14

in a good place My

53:16

family's in a good place basketball season

53:18

ended. They lost a championship game And

53:21

she lost the all-star game That's

53:26

it I wish had more, you know, I wish I

53:28

could tell you you know, I'm going

53:30

on tour with this I'm doing a movie with

53:33

the guy that won the Oscar last night. Yeah, I

53:35

got nothing Well, at least

53:37

I'm honest and I'm happy I'm full

53:41

You know, I got some Sun today. Look at me Looking

53:44

good. That's right, but I was

53:46

gonna ask you cuz like and if it who

53:49

knows if it'll work out with the Residency,

53:51

hopefully whenever you're happy with one but

53:54

like I know

53:56

you don't you're not doing it only because you feel like

54:00

Like there's a Do you ever

54:02

feel like you need to do stand-up like you like

54:04

you like do you ever feel like oh? I hate

54:06

like I want everyone who had wants to to have

54:08

the opportunity to see not like you Oh, oh is

54:10

a weird word. Well, like that's When

54:13

when people love you so much like it's Like

54:16

that's like I was wondering that like with like prints and

54:18

everything first off right

54:20

now It's

54:23

like I tell people all the time they

54:25

cram them Ideas

54:27

into your head you cram your own ideas

54:29

into your head and then

54:31

guess what you end up doing nothing You

54:35

think about it so much that you end up doing

54:37

nothing I had a plan You

54:40

know, that's just the first second time

54:42

I got on stage and a

54:44

picture came up That I

54:47

wake up in the mornings and my facebook is full.

54:49

My twitter is full. I start getting texts

54:52

Hey, i'm doing a room in irry pennsylvania It's

54:56

you and a ukulele, you know it's

54:58

it's And I listen

55:00

people made me some pretty nice offers now.

55:02

I was like, it's not what i'm doing

55:04

right now It's not what

55:06

i'm doing right now Right

55:08

now. I just want to go out there feel and you

55:10

send something that hit it I

55:14

don't know what I feel like in the mornings no more I

55:18

don't know when I wake up on a tuesday morning. I

55:20

might tell you yeah tonight I'm gonna go do stand-up by

55:23

six o'clock. I might have a headache, you know

55:26

And i'm I don't end up doing nothing. I

55:28

know I'll tell you like a

55:30

fool if i'm going out that night I'll

55:33

feel it in my balls. Like i'm like tonight's

55:35

tonight i'm going to do stand-up Unfortunately,

55:37

that doesn't happen on fridays and saturday Right

55:40

that urge of being around that

55:43

many people. No But

55:45

the creative juices glee. I love looking

55:47

at my notebook. Listen, you never A

55:50

marine never stops being a marine A

55:53

doctor never stops being a doctor a

55:56

hooker never stops being a hooker and

55:58

a comedian school never

56:00

stopped being a comedian. It's

56:02

like being an addict. Just because you quit, doesn't

56:05

mean your disease stops growing. It's

56:08

growth. Same thing with comedy. There's

56:12

a thousand ways to do comedy. That's why

56:16

I look at what stardom is and what

56:18

success is in comedy. Success

56:22

in comedy is whatever you make it. It's

56:25

not ending

56:28

up. You can't look at these comics and go,

56:30

oh, I want to be like this guy. I

56:32

want to do arenas. I can't wait to hang

56:34

out with Rogan's nephew because by the

56:36

time you hit it, Rogan will have a nephew by then. And

56:43

these things are all great that you look at as

56:46

a young comic. But

56:48

as you move along, life throws curve balls

56:50

at me and life changes. And you

56:53

have to adapt. But what do

56:55

you do? Because you can't do your dream the way you

56:57

wanted it. You quit. Now there's

56:59

another way to take it. Okay.

57:01

They're not going to know who I am in Spain

57:03

and Munich. You know what I'm saying? They'll

57:06

don't know who the fuck I am in Kenilworth, New

57:08

Jersey. If I really want

57:10

to do comedy, or did I really want to be a

57:12

star? Let's narrow this fucking

57:15

goal down. Am I doing

57:17

this to be in Barbie two? Or

57:19

am I doing this because I can't

57:21

live without cracking jokes and seeing people's

57:23

faces. Fucking smile.

57:28

I went out last Wednesday night and I had such

57:30

a great time. Because

57:32

there's no pressure. Right. Guess

57:35

what? I took a

57:37

couple of jokes on the way down there and a couple of

57:40

other ones I wrote on the way there. There's

57:43

no jokes. It's whatever I

57:45

do. And when

57:47

I feel like I could do this every night,

57:49

then the residency isn't going to kill me

57:51

because I'm only going to do it twice a month to

57:54

start. And then

57:56

as it advances, I'll kick it up a little

57:58

bit. And then. And the

58:00

place where I want to do it has a bigger room.

58:02

I could do that maybe Thanksgiving. Right

58:05

back to the small room throughout the year.

58:08

If I chose to do New Year's, I could do the

58:10

big room if I wanted. And

58:13

then go back to the little room the rest of the year. So

58:16

St. Patty's, I could do the big room, I could

58:18

do the little room. I'm not gonna lie to you

58:20

Lee. I don't

58:23

see myself getting on planes every week.

58:25

These bowings are going down like fucking

58:27

Diddy. You know what I'm saying? They're

58:29

going down. Every day there's a new

58:31

Boeing going down. And

58:33

that's more of what I was

58:35

thinking of because I totally understand

58:37

that I'm not getting on a plane. But

58:40

at least if you are somewhere, people could plan

58:42

and come from all over. Listen, who's gonna come

58:44

to Atlantic City? You

58:46

know, what are you gonna do?

58:48

Fly into Newark to go to Atlantic City? It's

58:50

a great time. I'm not gonna lie to you.

58:52

But I don't know. I don't see it. They got

58:54

a beach and shit. You come up with a little

58:57

oil on your neck, you

58:59

know, a little Katrina shrimp in the middle of

59:01

your toes. But,

59:06

yeah, Lee, listen, I'm

59:09

thinking about this job I got off at this summer.

59:12

And it's bothering me. Because

59:15

it would be like four weeks of work. But

59:17

I don't have the time. I

59:20

just don't have the time with what's going on in my

59:23

house. This year,

59:25

every weekend, we're basically going away

59:27

for softball. It's

59:30

an hour away, two hours, pine

59:33

barons. You know, we're going to tournaments and shit

59:35

like that. They're playing the regular

59:37

league during the week, Tuesday. But then I

59:40

think August 4th we start, you

59:42

know, or April 4th, I'm sorry.

59:47

Guess what? Well, Joey, you know, you

59:50

don't have to be there. I don't. But I

59:52

want to. I

59:54

want to. She's getting big

59:56

about a fucking day. You know,

59:59

I got a telescope. Upstairs, I got to replace

1:00:01

it with a fucking machine gun turret because she's

1:00:03

getting old. She's

1:00:06

getting old, but she knows what's going on. I

1:00:09

would love to be able to do this. I just

1:00:11

don't have it. If it was one day of shooting,

1:00:13

yeah. I want to go to Colorado

1:00:15

this summer. She's got a couple of things planned. We're

1:00:17

going to Cape May. Nice.

1:00:23

I don't have it in there. I just

1:00:25

don't have the, I know I'm

1:00:27

going to be mad if I got to

1:00:29

work and something's going on here. I'm

1:00:32

like, well, God damn it. You should have done

1:00:34

that in the wintertime. There

1:00:37

might be a strike in

1:00:40

my life, the stage hands. So

1:00:43

who the fuck knows? I just live day to day now.

1:00:47

Whatever happens this week, I'm waiting on this audition.

1:00:49

If I get it, I get it. And

1:00:51

if I don't, I go to Jiu Jitsu. That's

1:00:55

it. It's that, bro, it's become so

1:00:57

easy. I

1:01:00

even forgot to do

1:01:02

videos on Instagram. I

1:01:05

haven't done a video on Instagram, like I

1:01:07

check in and maybe watch. Well,

1:01:11

it seems like after all those years of being like

1:01:13

mean to yourself, like you're finally like at peace. Well,

1:01:16

listen, I don't have to be mean at myself in the

1:01:18

morning, because let's face it. I got nowhere to fucking go.

1:01:22

I could beat myself up to death in the

1:01:24

morning by myself and then knock myself out. Because

1:01:27

at the end of the day, I got no place to be.

1:01:29

What do you need your fancy suit for? You got no job

1:01:31

to wear it to. Right?

1:01:34

What are you gonna fancy? I could lie to you and tell you I got

1:01:36

all this going on. I'm so stressed.

1:01:41

I chose this right now. And

1:01:43

there's some days I do kick myself in the ass.

1:01:46

But for the most part, I'm like, these days I do something

1:01:48

and I come home and I'm like, what else do I gotta

1:01:51

do? Nothing. Now

1:01:55

I don't know what to do. Sometimes I clean

1:01:57

the office. Sometimes I power the bond. Sometimes

1:02:00

I write little jokey poos. Sometimes,

1:02:02

you know, it's always something. I

1:02:05

go to the gym a lot. That's

1:02:08

it, brother. You know? I

1:02:11

would love to have, listen, it

1:02:14

was so weird where I saw what people were

1:02:16

doing and I always said this. Like people, you

1:02:18

would just ask me to wait tonight and

1:02:21

I'm gonna give you a straight answer. You

1:02:23

think I feel bad when I see people in

1:02:26

arenas and I know that that could have been me right

1:02:28

now? Like

1:02:30

maybe five years later, six years later

1:02:32

with exposure and shit and that

1:02:35

work ethic we had. I

1:02:37

could have done something like that. Looked

1:02:39

at the work and I'm like, I just don't wanna do it

1:02:41

anymore. Not that I quit, I

1:02:43

just didn't wanna do it anymore. So I had

1:02:46

to find a different avenue. And if it's

1:02:48

doing one night a week somewhere, just

1:02:50

to make some, no, I still got a lot

1:02:53

of great jokes coming out of me. I

1:02:55

still make myself laugh. I

1:02:58

giggle like a fucking half a

1:03:00

fruitcake sometimes at night especially, but

1:03:03

I'm like, you know, I'm upstairs. So now

1:03:05

I gotta think about the joke all night and make

1:03:07

sure I remember it in the morning. Oh

1:03:10

yeah. I don't remember shit. I'm

1:03:12

glad you're not upset. I can understand

1:03:14

being a little bit disappointed if you were,

1:03:17

but like if anyone had

1:03:19

asked me, if a hundred people

1:03:21

asked me, does Joey Diaz wanna do arenas? I

1:03:24

think I would have said no a hundred times. I

1:03:26

can't imagine you wanted to do an arena. I

1:03:29

don't like the people looking at our

1:03:31

screen. Listen, we all like

1:03:33

the money. Oh yeah, I'm sure

1:03:35

that'd be great. A person that always thought about these

1:03:37

people. And I know when

1:03:39

I go to a six a game, I'm looking at

1:03:41

a screen, no matter how good the tickets are. Mm-hmm.

1:03:44

You know, and the

1:03:47

people are right on top of you, like

1:03:50

you're like this, you know, I

1:03:52

don't know, it's an event, but

1:03:55

I like small little fucking events. Right.

1:03:58

Like I don't mind this small. You

1:04:00

know once you do it you

1:04:02

just go fuck it. I just want to

1:04:06

Do what I'm good at and just

1:04:08

keep doing it. Well, I'm gonna listen. I

1:04:10

knew I couldn't keep the pace up Mm-hmm.

1:04:13

I knew that eventually something was gonna happen either

1:04:15

was gonna be a health scare. I Always

1:04:18

thought that and I'm like

1:04:20

that's it. I don't have to worry about this no

1:04:22

more I could live my life close to home

1:04:25

and I could still do comedy. Fuck.

1:04:27

Yeah. Yeah, and that's a final result Am

1:04:30

I on posters or my own billboards?

1:04:32

No And

1:04:35

I don't want to be I just want to be happy

1:04:37

and crack some fucking jokes Yeah, and

1:04:39

like my if you ever

1:04:41

as you were talking I was thinking about like my

1:04:44

favorite nights Probably in our time in

1:04:46

LA or Wednesdays in the small room

1:04:48

of the ice house Like

1:04:51

those shows whether they were like our live

1:04:53

podcasts testicle testaments Are you doing

1:04:56

stand-up like especially you doing stand-up in

1:04:58

front of like 80 people on those

1:05:00

Wednesday nights? We're like

1:05:02

under a have me think back. What

1:05:04

do you say? How much fun do I

1:05:06

have? Oh, dude, it was They

1:05:09

were probably the best shows I've ever seen because of

1:05:11

you because I've seen you in bigger rooms and they're

1:05:13

fun And you have a good time, but like the

1:05:15

old I don't know. I'm sure it looks great now

1:05:18

I've never I haven't been but like at the old

1:05:20

ice house stage to Know

1:05:22

what it like you were lifted up maybe a few inches but

1:05:24

like people you were like You could

1:05:26

probably spit on everyone in that room if you wanted to

1:05:29

Like and it was just you had so much fun And

1:05:32

it was like just like the laughs and

1:05:34

that and those days were fucking just the

1:05:37

subtracting the people were loose And

1:05:39

we could that's when I called you to fuck

1:05:41

in front of you were in charge of porn

1:05:43

and orchards one director I mean listen man I

1:05:47

don't know if you know that we were doing the first live

1:05:50

podcast and put them up selling them

1:05:52

and shit I mean we were fucking nuts but

1:05:56

Listen, I could talk about fun all

1:05:58

day long on stage There

1:06:00

was no more fun. If I think of the three

1:06:02

stages later on in my career where

1:06:04

I used to just let myself

1:06:06

go, was the main room at the Comedy

1:06:09

Store. Before the pandemic, I got

1:06:11

really good in there. Considering

1:06:13

how bad I was in there, I got really good

1:06:15

in there, but I learned how to goof on people

1:06:17

in there. I learned how to

1:06:19

just say shit to make them look at their faces,

1:06:22

and it just became fun for me. The

1:06:24

original room, I

1:06:27

could never go back to the original room. Because

1:06:29

my brother in the original room is no longer with

1:06:31

us. And I give credit

1:06:34

what credit is due. I was

1:06:36

a great comic in the original room, but that

1:06:38

was because of Jeff Scott. And

1:06:40

he's no longer with us. And I'm the type of guy, I'll

1:06:42

give credit what credit is due. Since

1:06:44

day one, Jeff Scott knew I liked to dance.

1:06:48

And he would always play music for me in the beginning.

1:06:50

There was a time where he would just put it on in the middle. I'd

1:06:53

be in the middle of a joke and he'd put on

1:06:55

music, and I'd have to dance, then go right back to

1:06:57

the fucking joke. He

1:07:00

made me. I heard that song about

1:07:02

a month ago, on Sirius, and I fucking had, I

1:07:05

had tears in my eyes, come on and do it.

1:07:08

Do it, do it till you're satisfied, the

1:07:10

beginning of that and shit. That's what he

1:07:12

would play? Yeah, always. The

1:07:16

last seven years I was there before the

1:07:18

pandemic, he just caught on to that.

1:07:20

And he was like, Joe, we're doing it every night,

1:07:22

do it. Jeff, I

1:07:25

think about the comedy story, and I'm like, I

1:07:28

can't go in there. They

1:07:31

even built a little wall for Jeff in the back, where

1:07:34

he used to smoke, they put like an ashtray

1:07:36

and gold, they bronzed it. Jeff

1:07:39

was a big part of that fucking place. Huge.

1:07:43

And I also had a

1:07:45

lot of good times at the Houston laptop, that

1:07:49

were old club, holy shit. And

1:07:52

all these rooms are

1:07:55

300 and under. It's

1:07:59

great. at the fucking, uh, the

1:08:02

theater in New York. I

1:08:04

used to do great at Gotham. I

1:08:07

used to blow that fucking room up. I

1:08:11

enjoy myself in those rooms more than the

1:08:13

theaters. I can't

1:08:15

lie to you right now. I just want fun. You

1:08:18

know, so that's where I'm at. Fuck. That's awesome.

1:08:20

How about you, brother? I know you're in Connecticut

1:08:23

this week. I'm in Connecticut. I'm at

1:08:25

city steam Friday and Saturday, but there's a big one

1:08:27

coming up, April 13th, Gramercy theater

1:08:29

with Josh Wolf. And that's in the city.

1:08:32

And that's in the city Gramercy theater. I

1:08:36

think it's a Saturday. Yeah. I'm almost positive.

1:08:39

It's April 13th for sure. Gramercy Friday night,

1:08:42

Friday night, nothing yet. I'll definitely do a trip up

1:08:44

there. And then I also have something coming in May, New

1:08:46

York, but that's a far away way. Maybe

1:08:50

you coming on the 13th and just stay here

1:08:54

and we'll leave the following week for the four 20 show. Fuck.

1:08:57

Yeah. All right. Let me find out what I could do.

1:09:01

And then we'll announce it on fucking here next

1:09:03

week or the week after. That'd

1:09:05

be odd. I would love to do that. That'd be

1:09:07

fucking bad. That's

1:09:09

how we do it, brother. Little four 20 action. You

1:09:11

know, I thought I got to do something for 20.

1:09:13

I didn't feel like doing a solo show. I

1:09:17

didn't feel like going to a fucking weed

1:09:19

store. And, uh, I

1:09:22

didn't feel like going to a weed

1:09:24

store and just like taking pictures and stuff. Some

1:09:27

of you offered me that they work at a weed tool.

1:09:29

Like the owner said, he'll pay you to come up for

1:09:31

20 and take some pictures. Give

1:09:33

you some weed colors in the mood for that. So

1:09:37

I was the mood to do something. Somebody called and

1:09:39

said, are you interested? I was like, fuck yeah. How

1:09:41

long 15 minutes. That's

1:09:43

all you need from uncle joy. So

1:09:46

I'm looking forward to that. And I'll let you know, brother.

1:09:49

That's awesome. I can't wait. Yeah. And

1:09:51

that's it. I wish I had more for these

1:09:53

fucking savages at home, but

1:09:55

you know what? Man, we're doing the best we

1:09:57

can. And

1:10:00

it'll go longer. If

1:10:03

you're having fun, if you don't feel, if you're

1:10:05

not getting burnt out, you'll

1:10:08

do it for longer than if you did a few shows, you're

1:10:10

like, this fucking sucks. There's

1:10:13

nights now where I know I have to get out to

1:10:15

do comedy and I shoot the fuck out of here. I'm

1:10:17

just having to shoot out of

1:10:20

here, like a bat out of hell, I'm like, fuck this. So

1:10:24

it's still my love, just not

1:10:26

to that. It's

1:10:28

a different thing now for me, you know what I'm saying?

1:10:30

G money, how many edibles you take tonight? I

1:10:33

took 300, I don't think anything happened. Yeah,

1:10:35

it doesn't look like it, I only took 100. I took

1:10:37

more than, you said 50 wasn't enough. No,

1:10:40

50, you're part time in it, you know what

1:10:42

I'm saying? I took 300

1:10:44

because I had a little bit of a headache and

1:10:46

nothing happened. My friend gave me some shrooms today for

1:10:48

a birthday. I got like two, I got

1:10:50

these shrooms that are this long, they're the ones gay people

1:10:53

putting their ass up before they go out in LA. You

1:10:55

put it in your ass, you put like a panty liner and

1:10:58

you go out and have more drinks, the

1:11:01

mushroom dissolves in your ass and there you are

1:11:03

with the whistle. Wait, it

1:11:05

dissolves in your asshole? I think so. I

1:11:08

never heard of, what are

1:11:12

you talking about? What

1:11:14

do you mean what I'm talking about? You put like

1:11:16

a mushroom cap in your asshole and it dissolves? Years

1:11:18

ago, the gay guys in Hollywood would take an X

1:11:21

and melting it and stick it in the- What did the

1:11:23

bail do? The turkey bro braced it. Holy

1:11:27

shit. They do

1:11:29

anything. You put sip in your ass, you get higher.

1:11:32

Like I got a butter weed in there. I know if I

1:11:34

stick it up my ass, I'll be high for 12 fucking hours.

1:11:37

Oh, that should be

1:11:39

the test for the

1:11:41

420 show. We have

1:11:43

this thing. It's

1:11:46

gonna happen soon. Some fucking lunatic is

1:11:48

gonna go listen. If you stick 30%

1:11:51

weed up your ass, it's completely different.

1:11:53

You'll eliminate a heart attack, you'll eliminate

1:11:55

this. And there'll be a

1:11:57

bunch of zombos walking stone to with a

1:11:59

fucking limit. From the

1:12:01

bug that backfired in their asshole. They forgot

1:12:03

that they had like fucking bug cleaner in

1:12:05

there. Whatever the fuck they got there And

1:12:09

now your pubic hairs around your ass Thank

1:12:16

God it only one of their asshole. I

1:12:18

don't do that stuff, you know, but if you want a

1:12:20

mushroom up your ass I ain't mad at you I

1:12:26

Put a mushroom on my ass. I'm gonna get a million

1:12:28

followers out of that thing I'm gonna put it on YouTube

1:12:30

and let the fucking let

1:12:33

the friend click it I Wonder

1:12:36

how long they would actually stay on YouTube The

1:12:45

damage is done I got 20,000 kids

1:12:47

put mushrooms in their asshole Going

1:12:49

out at night make him believe they're a rocket ship, you

1:12:51

know saying I Love

1:12:56

you, buddy. I love you,

1:12:58

too. You know, I'm out of my fucking bird dog. But

1:13:01

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1:13:04

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1:13:06

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1:13:11

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1:13:23

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