0:16

What's going on , everybody ? This is

0:18

Coach Steve . You're listening to the Cornerstone

0:21

Athletics Podcast . We're

0:23

back , we're rolling and

0:25

I'm excited . Today . I'm going to keep this short because

0:28

I'm hungry and I got some food right

0:30

here . It smells good and

0:32

we're going to do a little recap . Man , we're going to get this thing

0:34

rolling , but before we jump into it , I just want to say

0:36

a quick prayer and

0:39

then we'll have our conversation for today . So

0:41

, father , god , we are here today , thankful

0:44

and blessed One , just

0:46

to wake up . Too

0:49

often we take it , take that for granted . We take , you

0:51

know , just take it way

0:53

too too

0:56

for granted , far

0:58

too much . There's a lot of folks that don't wake

1:00

up . I'm

1:03

thankful that I woke up today , thankful for anybody who's listening

1:05

, and that they wake up today . They woke up today and

1:07

, yeah , hopefully

1:09

we're doing something impactful with our life and our opportunity

1:12

. So I just ask that you cover this

1:14

conversation , let your spirit move through me

1:17

and , uh , hopefully , hit

1:20

home with folks that are listening

1:22

to this and we pray

1:24

this in your son's name Amen . So

1:27

, gang , I

1:29

apologize about last week . Some

1:31

folks that hit me up said that there were some technical

1:34

difficulties , and there were . I went back and listened

1:36

to it and I was not happy , but

1:38

I do hope that you were able

1:40

to hear as much

1:43

of that as you could

1:45

. What took

1:47

place up in Chicago was amazing . The Easter

1:49

service was amazing . It

1:51

talked about just the Holy Week

1:53

, the Easter story , christ

1:56

dying for our sins and talking

1:58

about how much God loves us to

2:01

go through and send his son to

2:03

do everything that was done for us

2:05

to have eternal life in that relationship with

2:07

him . But also we talked about what Jesus

2:10

did not die for . And

2:13

just a very quick recap he didn't

2:15

die for us to live in shame . He didn't die for us

2:17

to beat ourselves up and try to be perfectionist all the time . He didn't

2:19

die for us to beat ourselves up and try to be perfectionist

2:22

all the time . He didn't die for us to be hypercritical

2:25

and gossipy and vindictive

2:27

and angry . He didn't die for us to live

2:31

in sadness , and not that we will not experience

2:33

some of those things . We are human . We will have

2:35

moments of guilt

2:37

and shame and anger and frustration

2:39

and disappointment and insecurity . But

2:41

he didn't die for us to wallow and

2:44

walk around covered in that . So that's

2:47

the cliff notes Today we're

2:50

going to talk about . Stop

2:53

letting your kids be scared . Okay

2:56

and brief

2:58

. You know we've been on

3:00

the road with our clubs . We've

3:03

been traveling . Kind

3:06

of every other week is , I believe

3:09

, kind of the cadence with the three different

3:11

teams . So all of us were in St

3:13

Louis , turned around , my

3:16

two oldest went to Chicago , double

3:19

back and then you know

3:21

, oh , it might have been every week , I

3:23

don't even remember . It becomes a blur . If you're a club

3:26

parent , you know how this goes . You start to lose

3:28

track of time and what team is what and

3:30

the whole ticket . But anyway , we

3:32

were in Dallas last week and

3:36

it was a great trip . You

3:38

know my youngest is

3:40

on

3:43

another great team . I wanted

3:45

to , probably one of the best in the country

3:47

. Objectively and

3:49

if you've listened to me in this podcast

3:52

enough , you know I'm . I

3:54

do my best to be truthful , forthright

3:57

and objective . So that's

3:59

an objective statement , not a oh . My kids on

4:01

the team and I think they're great , they're , they're damn

4:03

good . And sometimes

4:05

we struggle . Oftentimes we struggle

4:07

to find formidable competition

4:10

and you know

4:12

we always are looking for an opportunity

4:14

to do what

4:16

competitors of all

4:18

ages have to do and

4:20

experience what they all have to go through , which

4:24

is stress and

4:27

pressure and anxiousness

4:30

and nervousness and all of that kind of stuff . So

4:32

took our

4:35

show down to Dallas and

4:37

if there's anything

4:39

that's coming out of Dallas , it's a lot of great teams

4:41

and a lot of pressure . So the

4:43

reason I say don't

4:46

let your kid be scared

4:48

. Here's

4:50

why I think

4:53

a lot of times when we start to get

4:56

into competitive environments , because

5:00

we don't necessarily

5:03

and I'm saying we I

5:05

know that I've been blessed

5:07

to have experience competing at a high level

5:10

, but we're all in this thing together

5:12

, whether you have or you haven't . So

5:14

the reason I

5:16

say don't let your kid be scared

5:19

we have to stop letting our children be scared

5:21

is because that is something , believe it

5:23

or not , that

5:25

can be addressed . It's

5:27

not necessarily easy to address . It's

5:30

a consistent conversation

5:32

, but at the end of the

5:34

day , it's not something

5:37

that we should allow

5:39

to go unchecked and

5:42

I think it's something that a lot of people try

5:44

to . It's almost like an elephant in the room , in

5:47

a sense , in the terms

5:49

of it's there

5:51

, they hope it's not there , but

5:53

when it's there , they don't address it to

5:55

try to make it not there . Hopefully

5:57

, hopefully . That sounds

5:59

way more clear than how

6:01

I sounded in my head , but we're

6:05

going to experience fear as competitors . We're

6:08

going to experience

6:11

stress , we're going to experience

6:13

pressure , and

6:16

it's kind of relative to all levels . You

6:19

know whether you're just beginning and

6:22

whether you're one of the best

6:24

in the country . That

6:26

is competition in

6:29

a nutshell . There's a lot of stuff that goes into

6:31

it . Those are some of the things that you can guarantee

6:33

will be a part of it , and

6:36

too often we try to

6:38

hope that

6:41

we don't have to

6:43

deal with it . We try to protect

6:45

our kids from dealing with it . We try to

6:47

protect , you

6:50

know , them from feeling any discomfort

6:52

and the sheer nature

6:54

of competition . If

6:57

you're smart , you realize it is

6:59

all discomfort to

7:01

some degree . You

7:03

know we're always at risk

7:06

and that's why I've always said , and

7:08

I will always say , I don't care what age

7:10

, what skill level , you

7:12

are so brave , these kids

7:15

are so brave for putting themselves in

7:17

a situation where there's

7:21

a 50 50 chance you might lose . I'm

7:24

going to say it even more because you know , I think

7:26

failure hits

7:29

people a little bit harder . There's a 50-50 chance

7:31

you might fail . There's

7:35

no guarantee . I

7:38

was telling this to my kids

7:41

all the time , but I was

7:43

talking to some parents and I said you know the

7:46

one thing that if we can

7:48

get our children to understand this and

7:50

they embrace it and they can digest it and

7:52

they accept it , they're going to be fine

7:55

in the realm of competition . If

7:57

your kid and

8:00

I'm saying this to coaches and parents , right

8:02

, because you know , uh , maybe

8:04

next week I'll talk about , um , the

8:07

, the cornerstone athletics philosophy

8:10

on parents , coaches and athletes and how

8:12

that all interconnects more deeply but , as

8:15

parents and coaches , if your kid

8:17

can

8:20

accept the fact , understand

8:22

the fact that everything that

8:24

they do , everything

8:28

that they do and we're going to assume you

8:30

know high level , elite stuff , because

8:32

that's what I try to push

8:34

people to be , no matter what the habits

8:36

of being

8:38

elite , habits of being elite , okay , not

8:40

necessarily . Oh , I'm on varsity because

8:43

and that makes me elite , no , like the work that you

8:45

do is what makes you elite . That creates

8:47

a by-product of X national

8:50

championship made the varsity team best

8:52

on the team , whatever . But if

8:54

your kid and

8:57

understand and accept the fact that every

8:59

practice , every camp , every

9:02

workout , every experience

9:04

watching film , eating

9:07

right , getting rest , doing

9:09

the recovery stuff , hydrating

9:11

, blah , blah , blah Only

9:14

gives them the best opportunity To

9:18

succeed , doesn't

9:20

guarantee it . Just because you went and worked hard at practice doesn't guarantee you're going to succeed , doesn't guarantee it . Just because

9:23

you went and worked hard at practice doesn't guarantee

9:25

you're going to win . Just because you

9:27

do push-ups every night and sit-ups every night

9:29

doesn't guarantee you're going to win . Just

9:32

because you've put yourself in a situation

9:34

to be on a really good team doesn't

9:36

guarantee you're going to win . It

9:39

just gives you the best opportunity . Your

9:43

kid can understand that . If

9:46

your kid can digest that

9:48

, your kid will

9:51

be absolutely fine in the world of competition

9:53

. They

9:56

will . If you

9:58

realize that , all of the stuff that these

10:00

coaches are telling you your parents , hopefully

10:02

are telling you the extra

10:05

work that you're doing just gives

10:07

you the best opportunity . It increases

10:09

your chances of having

10:12

success , not guaranteeing success

10:14

. You'll be fine , because

10:17

then you can move a lot of noise

10:19

that interferes

10:21

with the pretty simple process

10:23

of success Not

10:26

easy , but simple . You

10:29

can move all that noise and distraction of

10:31

what didn't

10:33

go well , what didn't right . When you don't win

10:35

Right and I'll get to that

10:37

in a second you

10:40

say okay , no

10:42

, that's good . You know you can look at it

10:44

objectively or more objectively , you

10:47

know you can break down what went

10:50

wrong to why we didn't win and

10:52

you can know it wasn't

10:54

because we didn't do the work or it wasn't because

10:57

of this . You know I wasn't eating

10:59

right , I was eating crap before the game . It wasn't

11:01

because I stayed up all night partying and

11:03

having a good time when I should have went to

11:05

bed . It wasn't any of that . It was just

11:08

sheer nature of competition . On

11:11

this given day , this team

11:13

was better than us . On this given day

11:15

, this team executed better

11:17

than we did . I

11:23

find it's not even interesting . I have found that

11:25

competitors

11:28

, teams , organizations , whatever

11:30

that can't articulate

11:33

, that they can't process that

11:35

always usually have

11:38

some kind of a story for why

11:42

they didn't get the outcome they wanted . There's

11:45

usually some emotional thing it was the referees

11:48

and oh , you know that

11:50

other team was doing this and

11:53

I can't believe this happened

11:55

, and

11:57

any real competitor knows . You

12:00

know , as long as we can say that we did everything we

12:02

could possibly do to be prepared

12:04

. Sometimes

12:07

you lose Not

12:10

any more complicated than that especially

12:12

when you're playing at a high level , when

12:15

other players are really good , when

12:17

other coaches are really good , and

12:20

you're now in a pressure packed

12:22

situation . That that , that pressure

12:25

cooker situation

12:27

of every single point , every

12:29

single possession , every single

12:31

at bat insert . Whatever your sport

12:34

is matters , it's

12:38

just what it is . So

12:40

take that for what it's worth . Take

12:42

it with a grain of salt . We

12:46

went down to Dallas . We

12:50

had success , you know

12:52

. We

12:54

went through the first two days pretty smooth

12:56

and then we got our money's worth . The

12:58

last days in the semifinal and the championship

13:00

, you know , play some really good teams , some

13:02

um teams that were at

13:05

our level or better in some areas

13:08

than than us , and we

13:10

fought , we dug in and we

13:12

had to again , even

13:15

with these young ladies being 11 , at

13:18

the end of the day they're at the top

13:20

of the food chain , if you

13:22

will , in their age group . So they're playing big time volleyball

13:25

for 11 year olds and

13:27

playing great defensive

13:29

teams , teams that can serve at us , teams

13:31

that can hit the ball relatively well

13:33

. And we got we were under some pressure Semifinals

13:36

. We I don't know if this

13:38

is the first time we went to three all year

13:41

, but we went to three

13:43

, one in a very , you

13:46

know , wonderful fashion and I love that stuff

13:48

. I find

13:50

myself having to do a lot

13:53

to get excited about anything other than those

13:55

moments . To get excited about anything

13:58

other than those moments . I don't

14:00

know if it's years of being a competitor

14:02

. I don't know if I'm just a

14:04

. I got to get my

14:06

crap together as a parent , you know , and

14:08

I and

14:10

I do my supporting and all of this . But I also look at it like this , knowing

14:13

who we are , just truly and objectively

14:15

. No , no emotional , anything

14:18

like . We're a well-coached team , we

14:20

don't make a lot of mistakes , we're

14:23

very skilled . So

14:26

it's really

14:29

a challenge to beat us if

14:32

you're not one of the best teams in the country

14:34

. Truthfully , you know you think

14:37

about any sport , sport when you can say you are going

14:39

up against a team that's well coached , you

14:42

know , athletic and skilled

14:45

and mentally there

14:47

, you know , the majority of the

14:49

time that's a tough task to

14:52

knock them off . So it's hard for me to get

14:54

excited , you know . And if you're a volleyball parent

14:56

, you know how the first couple of days go when

14:58

you're , if you're , a top seed , you

15:00

know the competition is a little . You know underneath

15:03

you if you will , and then day

15:05

two should be harder sometimes and then

15:07

the last day is really the you

15:10

know the best teams playing in the gold bracket

15:12

or whatever . So the

15:14

semifinal and the championship games are the games

15:17

that I really get excited about because it's

15:19

going to reveal where

15:21

we are as a team , you

15:24

know , because it is the stressful

15:26

moments , it is the pressure moments

15:29

. It is , you know , hopefully

15:31

the competition can do some things that we haven't

15:33

seen . That forces us to adjust and adapt

15:36

. So I get really excited about seeing not

15:38

just my kid but competitors in those

15:40

environments . You

15:43

never will know who you

15:45

really are , and this is honestly , not

15:47

just a competitive statement , it's also

15:49

a personal statement . This

15:52

is why , you know , being comfortable is so

15:54

dangerous , because you never know who you

15:56

really are . You can only find

15:58

out who you truly are is

16:02

when you're facing adversity or stress . That's

16:07

why sports are so cool . You see

16:09

, men , women , young men , young

16:12

women do some awesome stuff under duress

16:14

that the majority

16:16

of people couldn't even . They can't even fathom

16:18

it sitting on the couch watching

16:21

it , let alone being in

16:23

a game , doing it under

16:25

the lights , under the pressure . So I love

16:27

seeing all athletes

16:30

of all ages in those moments

16:32

, because those are those character building moments

16:34

if you're in the right situation . And

16:37

so ladies battled

16:39

, you know , got beat up

16:41

on pretty good the first set in the semifinals

16:43

. They bounced back in the second set and

16:46

then , uh , won a tight one in the third

16:48

set , and then we went to the championship and I

16:51

think , on paper , where you know the team we played

16:53

in the championship is , you know , a

16:55

back and forth between you know , one and two in the

16:57

country , more than likely , and

17:00

so there was

17:02

nerves , there were , you know

17:04

, some anxiousness , and at

17:07

the end of the day it's like , okay , we're

17:09

going to find out who we are , we're going to find out

17:11

where we're at and

17:18

you know we're going to , no matter what takes place , move on from

17:21

here and gear up to get ready for nationals , cause

17:23

these are going to probably be the teams we see in

17:25

nationals in the games that really count . You

17:31

know , when you're pursuing what we're pursuing , and we came out and , uh

17:33

, you know we didn't get it done . You know , uh , you know it's

17:35

. Uh , you know life goes on , but you know it's uh

17:38

, you know life goes on , but you

17:40

know that they were a good team . We didn't play our

17:42

best . Uh , some of our , some

17:44

of our , you know , collectively as a group

17:46

, um , we just didn't play our best

17:48

, and that

17:51

that happens , you know

17:53

, were there some kids that were probably nervous

17:55

and you know that got the best of them sure

17:57

were , um , some of us just

17:59

under stress from playing another

18:01

team that could do some great stuff and make plays

18:04

that we haven't seen , sure , but

18:06

the collective situation is , we just didn't get it done

18:08

. And

18:10

so why do I say cause

18:12

I didn't forget , don't

18:14

let your kid be scared Address

18:26

that quickly and aggressively is because when you can say that you have a well-coached team , when you

18:28

can say that you're putting in the work , when you can

18:30

say that you are

18:33

close to on par athletically

18:36

at

18:38

any level , it's all upstairs , it's

18:41

internal . So

18:44

all

18:46

of you listening , you could probably think of

18:48

a moment that you've either seen on

18:50

TV Maybe you saw

18:52

it in real life , maybe it was your kid where

18:55

they defeated themselves before they even

18:57

got to the game . Well

19:00

, look how big they are , oh

19:02

my goodness . Look how strong he is . Did

19:05

you see what she just did ? Oh

19:08

my gosh . We've

19:13

all seen it . We've all seen it . You see it

19:15

often and again , directly or indirectly , and

19:19

I believe wholeheartedly that is something

19:21

that can be addressed , that is something that

19:23

can be fought and

19:25

taught , because

19:28

you know , for us at Cornerstone

19:30

, being a faith-based organization , we

19:32

don't come from a spirit of fear or

19:36

timidity . Being timid , we

19:39

are fearfully and wonderfully made . We don't show

19:41

up anywhere scared . And

19:44

again , it's not to say that there won't be moments

19:46

where we're uncertain or , you know

19:48

, we experience fear , but

19:50

we don't let it persist

19:53

in a way that we defeat ourselves

19:55

before we even get an opportunity

19:57

to . You know , play

20:00

the game . So

20:03

I'm a hit hit

20:05

you on the head with this . That starts

20:08

with you as the leader . You

20:13

don't want your kids to be scared . You don't

20:15

want your kids to be fearful or worried

20:17

because they are kids

20:19

. I'm going to ask you to look in the

20:21

mirror and see how you respond to

20:23

stressful environments and stressful situations

20:26

. Don't

20:31

worry , I'll wait . How

20:35

do you handle that ? Are

20:37

you the one that's always worried about any and everything

20:40

that's going on and you're

20:42

giving away power because , oh

20:44

well , oh , the name

20:46

on that jersey , oh , my goodness , oh

20:50

, what about ? Is that you ? Every

20:54

time your

20:56

kid makes a mistake , it's the end of the world . Is

21:01

that you ? You

21:05

sitting on the sideline holding your breath , because

21:08

every single point is life or

21:11

death , whether

21:15

you think it does or not , that has

21:17

a bearing on your child . That

21:22

is manifesting itself in other

21:24

ways that your child is picking up

21:26

. That

21:29

is , and

21:31

you might not be aware of it . That's why I'm even

21:33

saying this is how you conduct

21:36

yourself about these situations

21:38

that were you all players

21:40

, coaches , parents are going

21:42

to be in Subconsciously

21:46

, sometimes consciously . That's affecting

21:48

your child and

21:53

we get to get away with a lot of stuff

21:55

Under

21:57

the umbrella of competition . There's

21:59

a lot of stuff under the umbrella of competition . There's

22:02

a lot of craziness that happens because it's

22:04

competitive and oh , I'm just competitive

22:07

. You

22:13

have the ability to

22:15

determine and help

22:18

your kids show up a certain way Because

22:22

it's easy . When you see it everywhere , like I said

22:24

, you see kids be scared all the time that

22:26

doesn't mean that it's OK . So

22:29

just because you see it everywhere doesn't mean that's

22:31

what should be happening . Just because

22:33

you see parents or coaches acting crazy

22:35

doesn't mean that's what is supposed to be

22:37

happening . Just because you see parents or coaches acting crazy doesn't

22:39

mean that's what is it's supposed to be happening . Just because you hear

22:41

and I know the girls here because we

22:44

have a , we will address it but

22:46

just because you hear other girls talking

22:48

about themselves negatively , talking

22:53

about how not good they are and oh my gosh

22:55

, I suck , and all of this , and you think it's okay

22:57

because everybody does that . Here's all I'm saying

23:00

for your

23:02

consideration . Maybe you should think about addressing

23:04

it . There's

23:08

going to be enough pressure and stress and

23:10

resistance on the road to success

23:13

. You don't

23:15

need to be a part of the equation the

23:20

whole group , all the stakeholders

23:22

, parents , kids and athletes . We don't need

23:24

to be an added barrier

23:27

to the success that we want

23:29

to achieve , and that's

23:31

just a very simple and subtle way

23:33

we are . How

23:38

do you manage your emotions as

23:40

a parent or coach ? Is

23:44

it okay for you to scream and yell and

23:46

act a fool and throw your

23:48

bag and throw your

23:50

hands up every time something don't go

23:52

right In volleyball ? That's

23:54

crazy , because it's every

23:57

single point is

23:59

something . Somebody's making a mistake on every

24:01

play . Can

24:03

you imagine what kind of energy you're sending

24:05

into that environment ? And we're all guilty of

24:08

it at certain points . Every

24:11

time something doesn't go well

24:14

, we're oh . Something

24:24

doesn't go well , we're oh . It's wild , but it's true

24:27

, especially how impressionable these athletes are . Something to think

24:29

about . I

24:32

told you I'm going to keep this short , so I

24:34

want you to take this with you , process

24:37

this , how you have to process it . You guys know

24:39

you can hit me up , it's whatever , but

24:42

like listen , how

24:45

do you , as a leader , manage

24:47

yourself ? You

24:53

don't want your kid to be scared . You shouldn't be scared , and

24:56

I'm hoping that , as an adult , you have the ability to

24:59

at least fake it . Right , you can at least

25:01

fake it . So when your kid looks at you

25:03

, when

25:10

your kid sees you , you are a source of strength , you are a source of encouragement , not

25:12

amplifying what they're

25:14

feeling or what they're going through in

25:16

that moment , and

25:19

that's all it is . I do want this

25:21

to be confrontational for you , because I take

25:23

leadership very seriously , but

25:25

I don't want this to be condemning , right

25:29

, because we've all been in those . It

25:31

does feel like that , but that's

25:33

the thing is , if we're riding the

25:36

feelings wave , we're not

25:38

helping , unless

25:40

it's encouragement , unless it's cheering

25:42

, unless it's supporting . You know

25:44

. So we don't want our kids to be

25:46

scared , and we could probably expand

25:49

on this , but you know , like I say , I want to keep it brief

25:51

for you today . We don't want our kids

25:53

to be scared , our athletes to be scared . We

25:56

should be modeling the behavior

25:59

that we want them to embody , because

26:02

that becomes a talking point , right

26:05

? That becomes a thing that we can point to

26:07

to say listen , I understand

26:09

what you're going through , right , because secretly we

26:12

are going through the same thing , probably . But

26:17

here's what I want you

26:19

to think about Boom , insert whatever

26:21

it is , and

26:27

if it ain't you , maybe you got somebody in your circle that can deliver that word

26:29

. Because , again , competition , this is the thing , and

26:31

I'll wrap with this . Competition demands

26:35

certain things . It

26:37

demands emotional stability , it

26:39

demands confidence , it

26:42

demands it , and that's just a couple

26:44

of things . At

26:50

the foundation of every meltdown you've

26:52

ever seen , there was probably a lack

26:54

of emotional stability . There

26:58

was a lack of the ability to manage

27:00

stress . The system failed and

27:02

now we're so under duress

27:04

, we're so overwhelmed , we're

27:07

so unstable emotionally

27:09

. In that moment meltdown

27:11

. And

27:14

I just want you to know you have a hand in that as

27:17

the leader . You

27:20

can teach to that , you can speak to

27:22

it , you can have systems

27:24

and little practices in place for your

27:27

athletes I don't care what age

27:29

to navigate these

27:31

stressful environments and

27:33

situations . They're in much better . So

27:36

take that for what it's worth . Man , I

27:38

hope you have a blessed day , keep

27:41

fighting , a good fight . For those of you

27:43

who are in the volleyball world listening to this

27:45

, I know the season is coming with

27:47

. A regular season is coming to a close and

27:50

as you approach the weekend , if you got a tournament

27:52

, finish strong , you

27:54

know , speak that into your kid man . Go out there , lay it all on the line

27:56

. Finish strong , you know , speak that into your kid man , go out there , lay it all on the line . Finish

27:58

strong so you can move into either

28:00

next season or the postseason with

28:03

some momentum , on a high note . So I love

28:05

y'all , appreciate y'all for listening . We'll talk

28:07

soon .