0:08

Hello and welcome to another episode of

0:10

the Creating Belonging podcast . Today

0:12

, I have with me Tami Chapek

0:15

. Tami , would you mind introducing

0:18

yourself to everyone ?

0:20

Hi , so happy to be here . Thanks for having me , justin

0:22

. As you mentioned , my name's Tami , I am an executive

0:24

leadership coach and I started my business we

0:27

inspire we about six and a half years

0:29

ago , which is crazy to say out loud

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, and I started it because I really saw

0:34

my passion and purpose kind

0:36

of coming together and supporting other people to

0:38

grow .

0:39

Typically , we like to discuss just any identities

0:41

that you want to disclose ahead of our conversations

0:43

. That may add context to our conversation

0:46

. What might you want to share today

0:49

?

0:49

Coming into this , there's a lot of options

0:51

to dig into on

0:54

a lot of identities that I've had to really

0:56

grapple with over the past . One

0:58

thing that I think just organically

1:00

comes out of the work that I do is being

1:03

a female leader in

1:05

a white , male dominated space

1:07

, and I'll share a little bit of my backstory

1:10

and what led me into the business

1:12

that I have today . But the high , high level of

1:14

it is . I grew up in marketing and advertising

1:16

and I had all male

1:18

bosses . So as I went

1:20

from junior employee , junior

1:23

box nothing stepping into the business

1:25

world and even into , you know , my , my

1:27

highest role before I stepped out of corporate was

1:30

in , was a vice president , and I virtually

1:33

the entire time had male bosses . I

1:35

had a couple of female bosses , but across

1:37

the board they , I would say , replicated a

1:39

lot of masculine and male behaviors

1:41

. I found myself doing that as a

1:43

young person , not consciously

1:45

, really kind of masking my values

1:48

and who I was and how I was showing

1:50

up without realizing it , and it

1:52

did not work , did not help me . So

1:54

I had to really figure out a lot of that stuff of how do I

1:56

do myself , what does that really look like and

1:59

how do I become a great leader that's authentic

2:02

to me and really stepping into who

2:04

I am and what I can deliver to the world

2:06

, and that then led to me saying

2:08

I want to help it , help other people find this

2:10

way faster and not have to have

2:12

as many hiccups or riddles along the way that

2:15

I had to go through .

2:16

Okay , good , so female

2:18

in a male-dominated industry . Any

2:20

other identities that you might want to

2:22

throw in ?

2:23

Yeah , I mean , I think , yeah , I can break

2:25

it down a lot , you know , on the personal side of the

2:27

house . So one thing that still is

2:29

glaring to me and something I grapple with , especially

2:32

around the Christmas , new Year season

2:34

, and I don't know why that time of year is the hardest

2:36

. But you know , I'm 45 years old

2:38

and I'm single and I've never been married , no kids , and

2:41

I feel I get a lot of judgment

2:43

and a lot of questions about that and a lot

2:45

of what's wrong with you , what you know . Why

2:47

haven't you found a partner ? Because society

2:50

says we should be partnered

2:52

off , we shouldn't have families , we should be , you

2:54

know , married , whatever the thing is , and I don't

2:56

fit into that world at all . It's

2:58

a lot of different reasons I can also

3:00

layer into there , you know I you know that

3:03

singleness cascades into my relationship

3:05

with my family . Again , I'm

3:07

married off , all have children

3:09

, and so then I'm this , this weird

3:12

outlier , I turn it into being the fun

3:14

aunt , right , which is great , but you

3:16

know , I am often the odd person

3:18

out in many situations . I

3:21

think I can just layer into that even

3:23

more , into family , right , I have a very religious

3:25

family and I would say I'm a spiritual

3:28

person , and so there's some some

3:30

lack of belonging and connectivity there

3:32

. And I could go on and on and on right , but those are

3:34

the some that jump right out at me at the beginning

3:36

.

3:37

Okay , awesome . So that gives us a lot to work with today

3:39

and we'll see . We'll see if we can not

3:42

go three hours . So let's go back

3:44

to the , the first

3:46

piece that you were talking about . You know your business

3:48

and we inspire we , you

3:50

know . I want to dig in a little bit there

3:53

and kind of talk about you know belonging

3:55

, the role of belonging in your

3:57

background , and then how that , how that

3:59

informs the work that you do today .

4:01

Yeah , as I mentioned , you know , when I was growing

4:04

up in in that business world

4:06

, without realizing it , I just I

4:08

merely did the behaviors of the people around

4:10

me . And so my favorite example

4:12

and he is still a very close

4:15

personal friend to this day , but a boss I

4:17

had was a first generation

4:19

Italian who grew up in New Jersey . So

4:21

we had this very strong , dominant

4:25

, bold personality

4:27

and for him it worked

4:29

right and he was very authoritative

4:31

and was very senior in his career . And

4:33

you know , maybe it didn't flow

4:35

or people loved him , people hated him . There was no

4:37

no in between , right , but I found

4:39

myself starting to emulate some of his behaviors

4:42

as a young white

4:44

female , right and without , you know , without

4:47

all those years of experience and without

4:49

those ethnic roots . And I

4:51

got my hands slapped Like what

4:53

are you doing ? You're too aggressive , too

4:55

assertive , and you know women talk about

4:57

this a lot . It's called the double bind , but there's

4:59

this , the two factor that comes in

5:01

. You're too much of these things where other

5:04

people might not be judged for it . But

5:06

you know , that was one of the first times I realized

5:09

and it probably was 27

5:11

, maybe that I realized that

5:13

, gosh , I can't act like

5:15

that and that's not working . Well

5:17

, what does work ? And it led me down this whole

5:19

path of self discovery who

5:22

am I , what do I have to offer

5:24

, what are those things that are often taken

5:26

true to me and what are my values ? What

5:29

do I really appreciate and what is

5:31

meaningful to me in life ? And start to put

5:33

those pieces of the puzzle together . Certainly

5:35

there was trial and error , if

5:38

you're out what stuck , what didn't , what worked

5:40

, what didn't and then what still needed to be massaged

5:42

. But that was probably the first time I realized that

5:44

I was not behaving like me

5:46

as a person , but a behavior that

5:48

I thought I should have , and that

5:51

disconnect really kept me out of being

5:53

successful and kind of having that like

5:55

sense of belonging in a leadership role

5:57

.

5:58

Yeah . So I'd love to dig in

6:00

a little bit on the authenticity side . You know we

6:02

in in the block creating only model , we have authenticity

6:04

, acceptance blowing created at the middle of those . So

6:07

yeah , your journey was really kind of finding

6:09

yourself outside , of

6:11

emulating what you thought was

6:13

just good leadership behavior

6:16

. I want to talk about that a little bit more

6:18

so , like Just

6:20

tell me a little bit more about that process . I know you've

6:22

done a lot of reflection on that

6:24

journey .

6:25

Yeah , you know it's many , many years

6:27

in the making and it's hard to summarize , but

6:30

this is really the basis of what I do every

6:32

day now in my business is

6:34

helping people uncover what

6:36

it is that they have , that special

6:38

, unique to them . What are your natural

6:41

strengths and tendencies and gifts and talents

6:43

and , truly , what are your values ? Right , what are

6:45

those things that motivated you , like you , kind of

6:47

your North Star , that allow you to wake

6:49

up and show up every day and Really

6:51

shining a lighter , raising awareness to those

6:54

things . And once you have that

6:56

, then you have the decision of saying

6:58

, okay , what do I do with this ? And

7:00

I , you know , I joke with my clients a lot

7:02

awareness is half the battle . I get like

7:04

, once you know what you've got , then

7:06

you can be able to do with them . But if you don't know , you're

7:09

starting , you know At zero

7:11

, you've got nothing to really pull out for

7:14

yourself . And so that was a huge part of

7:16

my process was figure Okay , what am I going to do

7:18

that ? What do I like doing ? What are those things that

7:20

give me joy and and satisfaction

7:22

and fulfillment ? What are the things that I'm good

7:24

at ? And also , analyzing even if I'm

7:26

good at it , do I like doing it , because there's a disconnect

7:29

there sometimes too , right , and

7:31

you know values I think is such a broad word

7:33

that we don't always understand but it you know really

7:36

getting into . What are those things that matter most

7:38

to me ? And I'm very relationship

7:40

oriented , like highly connected

7:42

person , and I don't mean that by way of like Networking

7:45

connections , right . I mean it by way of like connect

7:47

, connected to the heart , to the inner person , right

7:50

. I really believe that you know

7:52

relationships and people are really

7:54

what makes the world go around it . As I

7:56

was walking into those higher and higher roles

7:58

, I was just focused on the work . This

8:01

is the stuff that has to go out the door and kind

8:03

of putting Relationships and the connections to people

8:05

to the wayside , almost dismissing

8:07

the humanity of it , because it was about

8:09

like getting the work done . So I know

8:11

I'm talking in circles a little bit here , but the end of the story

8:14

, right , is like the realization of those

8:16

things and where I was missing and

8:18

then starting , if you got , how to integrate it back

8:20

in and Embrace that for

8:22

who I am and use that as a way

8:25

, even if it's different than my leaders around

8:27

me , as a way to help bring the

8:29

best out of people Still

8:31

have great results from a work perspective .

8:33

But finding the balance between those things and

8:36

then if you were to contrast like then

8:39

thinking about your sense of belonging

8:41

Early and on , when you were emulating

8:44

others and weren't really , you know

8:46

, in your authentic self

8:48

, versus when you

8:51

really had leaned into and settled into

8:53

your authenticity , like , contrast

8:55

your sense of belonging between

8:57

those two periods ?

8:59

Yeah , it's a great question and I

9:01

would say , like my friend got instinctive

9:03

to say to you , right , like in those early days

9:05

when I was emulating others behaviors , I

9:08

belonged in that club . I belonged with

9:10

those I leaders that

9:12

I was emulating , like they accepted

9:14

me as one of their own . It was just replicating

9:17

what they did . And there's , you know , all

9:19

human psychology people that

9:21

we liked , you know , we want to work with and

9:23

do similar things , right . So that became

9:25

a very close knit and tight group

9:28

and so this day I'm still friends with all

9:30

three of those bosses that I had at that time , right

9:32

. So I had this really strong sense of belonging

9:34

with them . But it was in opposition

9:37

to everybody else , in opposition

9:39

to all the people that I worked with and I was in

9:41

a cross functional matrix kind of role

9:43

where I was working with people in my function

9:46

and you know , creative functions

9:48

and finance and accounting functions , like all across

9:50

the board , and if you think about different personalities

9:53

, different motivators and intrinsic values

9:55

, we're very different . So I was excluded

9:59

from fitting in and belonging into those

10:01

groups . So there was this huge tension that

10:03

happened there . So , over time , realizing

10:06

that tension and disconnect and those things weren't

10:08

coming together and having to kind of step

10:10

more into my authentic self

10:12

and own it allowed me to

10:14

belong and have a sense of acceptance

10:17

across all of those groups . Maybe

10:19

not a hundred percent in every capacity , but with

10:22

that acceptance of self and acceptance

10:24

of others right , it really started to click and come

10:26

together .

10:27

Yeah , okay . So something hit me and I haven't

10:29

thought of this from this

10:31

angle yet in all of the work of creating the logging

10:33

and I know you're familiar with the model but

10:35

like would you say that in that time

10:38

then , when you were emulating these other

10:40

leaders but

10:42

still then kind of excluded from everybody else because

10:44

you were in this like exclusive club

10:46

, that sounds to me actually

10:49

like minimizing , because you're

10:51

like hovering up and putting on this other

10:53

facade , and so there was like

10:55

this fake belonging that happened

10:58

, but really you were sitting and minimizing

11:00

. That's what I was like , that's

11:02

what I had the picture that what would you

11:04

say ?

11:05

Yeah , it's interesting , right , because I think there's

11:08

probably a lot of truth to that . It probably was without

11:10

realizing , right . But I also say

11:12

I also think you know , and

11:14

one of the things you call it in your book and the fluidity

11:16

of the model , right , like there

11:18

are parts of me that behavior

11:21

I emulated , there were parts of me

11:23

that embraced that , that are that directive

11:26

of sort of get the work done

11:28

right for results . Like there are parts

11:30

of me that that's very natural too . So

11:33

, even though I was emulating their behavior , there still

11:35

wasn't a disconnect from components

11:37

of me , it wasn't a sneak

11:39

from the purity or

11:42

the full sense of my values

11:44

and who I am . Does that , does

11:46

that make sense ?

11:48

Yeah , well , it's kind of like wait , I just

11:50

thought of like the worst analogy . So

11:52

I was just watching this cooking video

11:54

the other day and they

11:57

were like it was that , oh my gosh , Ethan

11:59

Chamblowski , something like that on

12:01

YouTube and he does all these like science videos

12:04

of like I swear this is gonna have a point . I've

12:06

seen videos of like the science

12:08

behind food and so he was doing this one with garlic

12:11

and like what's better ? Fresh garlic

12:13

or like chopped garlic in a jar

12:15

or granulated garlic or

12:17

you know , dried , diced garlic

12:20

, and what you're thinking

12:22

we think of is how , like the

12:25

moral of the story is fresh whole garlic

12:27

is always the best , no matter

12:29

what . But actually , like

12:31

dried minced garlic

12:34

or powdered garlic isn't bad

12:36

. Like jar garlic , throw it out . But

12:38

like then dried garlic is

12:40

a bad , but the issue with

12:42

it is because it's been processed

12:45

. It's like only one dimension

12:47

of flavor . Yeah , those

12:49

two , all the dimensions you're getting , girl

12:52

. Yes , so

12:54

I have to say that like you were

12:56

like the dried mint , burk

12:58

and Tami right , like you

13:00

were something that was still natural to you , but

13:02

it was like emphasized one dimension

13:05

of you and not a step you .

13:07

Yes , I think that's a wonderful

13:09

analogy and that's true . Right , it

13:11

was a component of me . Right , it wasn't

13:14

talent , a skill right that I had , but

13:16

it wasn't the best

13:19

version of it or the fullest

13:21

version of it . Right , it was a dirt .

13:24

Yeah , yeah , I mean , I think it's a beautiful

13:26

metaphor and like , if you really want

13:28

to like , maybe I'll link to the episode . It's like a 20

13:30

minute episode on garlic week , but

13:32

no , that makes sense . So , like you weren't

13:34

necessarily you were , you were partially minimizing

13:37

. You were minimizing some of your stuff

13:39

, but there was some that like it wasn't

13:41

. You weren't acting out of complete

13:44

unnatural , you just found

13:46

this piece inside of you that actually fit and

13:48

worked , but you didn't get to use the rest

13:50

of it .

13:51

Yeah , that's like Like you

13:53

meant , yeah , and Bear with me on this

13:55

and certainly challenge the way I'm setting this up , right

13:57

, but it's almost like with that group of leaders

14:00

. That component became the sense

14:02

of belonging with them and that was the only

14:04

thing that was focused on or emphasized . So

14:06

everything else was minimized everywhere else , right

14:09

? So it's a blend of these things . The minimization

14:12

, right , is what kept me from truly belonging in the

14:14

rest of yeah , the

14:16

rest of the audience around .

14:18

Yeah , I love that . Yeah

14:20

, so that's , I like that and that's just like

14:22

an example of , I think

14:24

the moral of the story is whole

14:27

fresh garlic is the bath . Wow

14:29

, this is ridiculous . We

14:33

are full authentic self , you

14:35

know . Granted , we've got to balance that with good , you

14:37

know , radical acceptance of others , but

14:39

I love that . Okay

14:42

, I want to switch gears because there is a subject

14:44

that you mentioned that I don't think we've

14:46

talked about , like we haven't talked a lot about Relationships

14:49

. I think one episode this season we've

14:51

dipped into very surface

14:53

relationship . But you

14:56

had mentioned , you know , single

14:58

woman , 45 . You

15:01

said your age , so it's true , it's

15:04

me on it , on it and

15:06

and so there that impacts your

15:08

belonging in different groups , in different places . I

15:12

would love to explore that and just understand a little bit more

15:14

.

15:15

Yeah , can't it be in every

15:17

Dynamic I can't

15:20

think of one word doesn't come into play

15:22

and I'm gonna think a little harder

15:24

on it , but it's a . It's Separates

15:27

me from , I'm different from

15:29

most in most situations . Right

15:31

when I look at my family Parrot

15:34

, siblings everyone's married

15:36

, everyone has children , right

15:39

, so there's there's a disconnect for me . When

15:41

I look at my group of friends and this has

15:43

changed over the years right when I was in my 20s

15:45

I wasn't an anomaly . Now that

15:47

I'm in my 40s , I am kind

15:50

of an anomaly . Very few friends like and put in

15:52

the same bucket as me . But you

15:54

know , everyone's married or has

15:56

children or both , right , so there's

15:58

a separation there and that plays

16:00

into you know how you manage

16:02

your daily lives , how you , where you

16:04

show up , what your interests are , your

16:07

, your priorities , your flexibility

16:09

, you everything changes when you have

16:11

other things in the mix . She

16:13

was up at work . You know , back when I was in corporate

16:16

America in particular , I would

16:18

carry a lot of guilt that

16:20

I've had to work later to compensate

16:22

for my married or and or Parented

16:25

friends or colleagues , right , because

16:27

they needed to go home and take care of the rest of their

16:29

life . I didn't have anything waiting for me . Therefore

16:31

, I should pick up the slack , and

16:33

I know not alone and that I've talked to a lot of Single

16:36

people who feel the same way and carrying this

16:38

around with them . So I just think that there's there's

16:40

so many legs to it . You know , I meet people

16:42

for the first time and that's one of the first questions

16:44

they ask regarding those of who they are right

16:46

like . Well , tell me about your family when my mom's

16:49

right ? You know , I don't think that's what they're

16:51

really asking . So it is . It

16:53

is a big disconnect and I don't know

16:55

that it's always limiting , right , but it's

16:57

very . I am very different than most people , especially

17:00

in the age category .

17:02

Yeah , it's interesting to think about

17:04

. It's something that so I Forever

17:07

, up until seven years ago , identified

17:09

as like the single professional . And

17:12

it's weird now to think like , oh wow , I've been in a relationship

17:14

now for seven years . So like I'm not about

17:16

that same person , but I totally remember

17:18

, like being in my 30s and

17:21

this isn't a Gender

17:23

remark necessarily , other than stated fact

17:25

of the specific incidents Like

17:27

I worked with a lot of senior leaders male

17:30

senior leaders who had wives

17:32

who didn't work , yeah , and like

17:34

I found myself stressed out because

17:36

, like I don't have time to pick up my dry cleaning . Like

17:39

I would be working 12 plus hour days

17:41

and they had their

17:43

lunches ready from their stay-at-home

17:46

partner . They had their laundry taken care of

17:48

from their stay-at-home partner . I'm like , when I

17:50

get to do laundry , like and nobody's doing this

17:52

me , and not that we need

17:55

someone to be at home doing those

17:57

things , but that was something that I remember from

17:59

from those days .

18:01

Yeah , support system right , you have

18:03

they . There's a go-to person , your life . And

18:05

certainly don't get me wrong I'm not saying that

18:07

being in a relationship means that your world is a perfect

18:09

break , because I know there's other good luck , these they

18:12

come into it too right . But you

18:14

know there's a whole support system and a whole other

18:16

set of priorities and a whole set of roles

18:18

that get tied to people on and

18:20

in those Categories , whereas

18:23

being a single person , those aren't

18:25

there and so then you know , society kind

18:27

of says there's something wrong with you if you're not

18:29

in one of those places . It's hard

18:31

to not feel that way from time to time

18:33

when you have other people around you and I

18:35

can't tell you how many times I've been asked the question

18:38

so why are you still single ? It

18:40

really almost as if like , what am I doing wrong

18:42

? You know , I don't know . You tell

18:44

me it's like I'm still single .

18:46

Yeah , it's set . There's so much judgment

18:48

in there of light . I , yeah

18:51

, but that's a weird

18:53

question . I've never asked that . I don't think I've ever asked

18:55

that because , because I identified as

18:57

like a Perpetual single person for so long

19:00

, I hope that I would never skip it

19:02

.

19:02

Yeah , Well , and I think people Best

19:05

intentions right . I don't think people need you and

19:07

that's degrading , but it does come across as like

19:09

I don't know . You tell me this

19:11

can be really off-putting .

19:12

Yeah , yeah , for sure . And you know

19:14

the other piece , the other dimension of that , I think relationships

19:17

and kind of I would broaden

19:19

it to say like none Sis-Hadera

19:21

relationships where , like you

19:24

know , when you don't have kids , like I don't

19:26

never had kids , I will never have kids , like

19:28

there's also that dimension and different expectation

19:31

, right Like there's that guilt of like

19:33

you should work later because you don't have kids . So

19:35

, even if you're in a relationship , so

19:37

it's like the relationship and it's a parental

19:39

status that othered

19:42

a bit .

19:43

Totally . And even , you know , I

19:45

remember my long-stagiancy job

19:47

. You know I had just

19:49

gotten a dog for the first time

19:51

and that was like all of a sudden I have

19:54

a reason to leave . When the office there

19:56

I was something waiting for me , you

19:58

know , and it kind of released some of that guilt that

20:00

I had inadvertently been carrying around of like

20:03

, well , they have to go into their kids , so they have to go home

20:05

and take their kids to soccer or

20:07

whatever the thing is right like . So

20:09

all of a sudden , now I have this other responsibility

20:11

. I don't know , it was just like this interesting shift

20:13

for me . So , having that , you know , being

20:15

in this silo , this world where you don't have those

20:17

things , you can carry a lot of other things

20:20

, other pressures on you that the

20:22

people don't realize .

20:23

Yeah , I , because this is the first time

20:25

we're discussing this topic like broadly

20:28

on the podcast . I'm curious

20:30

how you know if there's

20:32

people who are listening who are like oh my gosh , I totally

20:34

get this , Tammi . Like I'm in that seat too . Like

20:37

how have you positively

20:40

managed that in

20:42

the past , have

20:45

I ?

20:46

like there's an assumption that I have

20:48

well , there's a couple things and I think you

20:50

know , depending on your attention of the question

20:52

, right , how they manage it for myself , a million

20:54

sanity , right and psychological

20:56

safety , how they're doing with other people

20:59

to help educate and maybe bring them along

21:01

in a different way , right ? So

21:03

do you intend well , the other or the other of those

21:06

?

21:06

thoughts are great .

21:07

Yeah . So for me , you know , I think the big

21:09

thing is around false . You know , self

21:12

acceptance , right and sorry . He's seen my , my

21:14

dog , so I'd have to accept and believe

21:16

that I am an amazing person , right , like there's

21:18

nothing wrong with me . I just haven't found

21:20

somebody that I want to send time with

21:22

in that capacity . And then and

21:25

I Openly I will tell you many years

21:27

I didn't even try . I was still worked up with

21:30

focus on work , focus on other priorities

21:32

. It just wasn't a big thing for me , it

21:35

was deep prioritized and

21:37

that led to where I am today . So

21:39

part of it is true acceptance of this is

21:41

my situation . This is where I am and

21:44

I am just fine and I am whole , without

21:46

that other side of the house . When

21:48

it comes to the outside

21:51

perceptions , that's where it gets hard . That's

21:53

why I always feel like holidays are a hard time

21:55

because there's a lot of less

21:57

family get together . Let's

21:59

have coupled off things . I spent years

22:02

with my brother and a bunch of his married friends

22:04

this year being the single person

22:06

, odd man out , and so I had to like height

22:08

myself up going into it , like there , I'm

22:11

fine , it's fine , we're all just people , and

22:14

really kind of separate some of those things out . So

22:16

I think the big thing is like your mental state and

22:18

acceptance of where you are and knowing

22:21

, like , if you desire to be in a relationship

22:23

, great , taking actions toward that , but acceptance

22:25

of the place that you are today , person

22:28

, most is number one . And then , you

22:30

know , it comes to people on kind of putting that pressure

22:32

on you and asking those kinds of questions like

22:34

why are you still single ? You know

22:36

, I find that two things

22:38

I need to do , two things to be successful

22:40

. And that one is truly believe they

22:42

have best intentions , right , like they

22:44

believe that that's the best way for them

22:46

to be happy there , for their shining

22:49

that light on me in the same way , right , maybe

22:51

it's the case , maybe it's not the case , but I need

22:53

to believe that to have that same kind of open

22:55

relationship and connection with them and not feel judged

22:58

by them , I need to have best

23:00

assumptions , kind of walking into it . And

23:02

then I do believe that there's a time to you know kind

23:05

of educate and share perspective

23:07

on why those kinds of questions maybe aren't most

23:09

productive . And so I've had people ask

23:11

me like , well , why are you still single ? And

23:14

you know posing back . You know thought

23:16

for broken questions like well , you know . Again you

23:18

tell me what do you , what do you see ? And

23:20

that's a really quick way to get people uncomfortable

23:22

.

23:23

Now , why aren't you single ?

23:25

Yeah , right , or or what's

23:27

the harm in being single ? You know , I'm just kind

23:29

of putting back questions of people to get them to

23:31

think like gosh . Maybe that didn't

23:33

come across with my intentions or the

23:35

way that I meant to . Yeah , you

23:38

know , I had someone recently asked me about you know , my dating

23:40

or I see anybody , and you know I

23:42

asked back like you know , basically

23:44

like what is ? Why is it you believe that people

23:46

need to be in a coupled off relationship

23:49

? I just kind of put it back to them

23:51

and so you know , it's not . I don't mean it

23:53

in a degrading way , but I mean it in a way to

23:55

educate , like gosh , there are other ways

23:57

to live your life than the way that you do .

23:59

Yeah , yeah . So and I love

24:02

the first point of just the self acceptance , like

24:04

how do you feel about it ? Are you okay

24:06

with it ? Like , accept it , like here's

24:08

where I am , and then you can be much

24:10

more comfortable in being authentic

24:13

with it and then engaging those conversations

24:15

of like well , why aren't you single ? I

24:17

kind of love that , like I have fun

24:20

. Whatever , leave me alone .

24:22

Right . My favorite is when my sister would ask

24:24

questions like that when she was younger and she would talk about

24:26

her children and point out the wrinkles on

24:28

her foreheads like that .

24:30

Yes , yes , and

24:32

you know the family thing , you know what's interesting . You

24:34

just made me think of something explicitly and I

24:36

think I've thought about but like

24:38

as my younger

24:40

, like single , perpetual single self

24:42

, like family stuff , like I moved away from

24:44

my family they're all still in Iowa

24:47

and like the expectation is for holidays

24:50

, for all of that , like you just come home , like what

24:52

, what else do you have to do ? Like you're a single , your

24:54

mobile we all have appendages

24:56

that we need to care for . And Now

24:59

, being in a relationship and it's been more

25:01

in the past recent few years

25:03

that there's just now

25:06

, like Justin's past , some things , so

25:08

like there's actually other things

25:10

and now like it , with the

25:12

odd thing is it in a

25:14

Counterintuitively gives me a little

25:16

more agency over my life compared to

25:18

family . Yes , Because

25:21

even excuse , I don't know , it's

25:23

just weird .

25:25

No , I . There have been years where I

25:27

have not been so inclined to come

25:29

home For specific

25:31

holidays for various reasons going

25:33

on a trip or doing something for myself

25:35

and I've gotten a lot of backlash

25:38

from my family on that , like why are you here

25:40

? You need to be here . This type of family

25:42

and your lack of understanding of there

25:44

are other things you know outside

25:46

of their perception of what needs to happen

25:49

in my world .

25:50

Yeah , yeah , yeah , there's so

25:53

much there . Families play challenging

25:55

. Well , Tami , thank you so much for joining

25:57

me on the podcast . I love the conversation

25:59

. We got a little bit of Professional stuff

26:02

, we got a little bit of personal stuff and

26:04

I love all of it . Comes back to that authenticity

26:07

of you know on the you

26:09

know , understanding that our our

26:11

full , fresh garlic cells and

26:13

then being comfortable with kind of

26:15

who we are in our situation and being able

26:17

to navigate our spaces in that way

26:19

. So I love it . Tami , thank you so

26:22

much . I'll make sure that I provide some links so people

26:24

can find you , connect with you . But is

26:26

there anything that you would like to share before we close

26:28

out About how people can find you

26:30

or anything you want people to know about you

26:32

?

26:33

Yeah , I mean , I think the the Recap

26:36

I'd love to share just around authenticity , right

26:38

, is it so important to know who you are , who are

26:41

today , but also who you want to be ? Right

26:43

, there's always that aspirational side of the house

26:45

where we want to know how we want to grow and continue

26:48

to evolve as a person . And you know , I , especially

26:50

as I think about that the corporate

26:52

me and as I was growing and trying to figure out how

26:54

to be an authentic leader , you know that

26:56

took time and that took practice and kind of figuring

26:58

out like how do I show up , how do

27:00

I lean into these things that are most important

27:03

to me , etc . So so I just kind of want to

27:05

caveat that right like it's , it

27:07

is self-acceptance and it is understanding of

27:09

who you are , but there's still room for growth and

27:11

kind of just keep him keeping and down as

27:13

well . Okay , so

27:16

how to find me ? And please reach out . Reach

27:18

out to me on LinkedIn or Instagram or Facebook or whatever

27:20

. I would be happy to connect my companies , we

27:22

inspire , we and my name is Tami Chapek and

27:25

those are easy , easy Googles , because there's not

27:27

a lot of them out there .

27:28

Awesome . Thank you so much , Tami and

27:30

everyone else . Join us again for another

27:32

episode of creating one you podcast . See

27:34

you soon .