Marc is off doing jury service (and not even for a dance-off jury, so he doesn't get to be the mean one with the catty comments), so Julia is joined by her other half, Joel, to have a look at the opening set of actual dances in this year's contest, which is taking place as a distraction in Britain's new hunger games style dystopia, a contest which will unusually be TO THE DEATH. (This may not be true,)

Warning: contains occasional fruity language which may offend and surprise anyone who's never backed their car into Shirley Ballas' MG.

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