0:00

For all my dad business owners out there, I want

0:02

you to listen up to what you're about ready to

0:04

hear from one of our clients, Mark

0:06

Hildebrand, who's been doing a life with

0:08

us for quite some time. His experience

0:11

in the Dad Edge boardroom, formerly known

0:13

as the Dad Edge Accelerator. If

0:16

you're looking to get results like Mark did, just

0:18

check out what he has to say. Hey

0:20

guys, what is going on? My name is Mark

0:22

Hildebrand. I'm a member of the Dad Edge Accelerator.

0:24

So when I first joined, my primary thing was

0:27

like, hey, I wanted to increase my business while

0:29

I'm still working my full-time job without putting my

0:31

family and the career and my health on the

0:33

back burner. Now, what I have

0:36

to say is initially I thought this

0:38

was just going to be related to business and I

0:40

did 5X my business in the

0:42

year that I've been in here. However, what I

0:44

didn't realize is just the power of who you

0:46

surround yourself with other men who are like growing

0:48

to become better fathers and better husbands and what

0:51

they would do in transform in my life. So

0:53

yes, I love the fact that I was

0:55

able to 5X my business. I'm able to

0:58

retire from my job early next year, but

1:00

in reality, my true thing, the life-changing thing

1:02

that happened for me was the connection with

1:04

my family as well as not making

1:06

sure that I didn't put my health and

1:08

fitness on the back burner. Now, if that's

1:10

something that you're interested in, definitely reach out

1:12

to them. The Accelerator is a game changer

1:14

for sure. The level of people that you

1:16

will reach will get you to push like

1:18

you've never pushed before. I definitely think it's

1:20

safe to say that no business owner wants

1:22

to go to his grave building an incredible

1:24

business empire while leaving his

1:27

marriage and the connection with his

1:29

kids on the table. Head on

1:31

over to thedadedge.com/mastermind. If you want

1:33

similar results is our client

1:35

Mark here and good friend. Fill

1:38

out an application, book a call with our

1:40

team, do the work, and your results will

1:42

most likely be the exact same, if not

1:44

better. Welcome

1:48

to the Dad Edge podcast. The

1:50

Dad Edge movement creates leaders of

1:52

men, leaders of families,

1:54

and leaders of communities. We

1:56

will not only impact this generation of fathers,

1:58

but the next generation. The

2:01

kids we are raising will have better chances

2:04

and odds stacked in their favor because of

2:06

the amazing example that their fathers emulated to

2:08

them. We are here

2:10

to change the world. We are

2:12

here to change relationships. We

2:14

are here to positively disrupt this generation

2:16

of fathers so no man goes to

2:18

their grave with regret. We

2:21

disrupt the drift of busyness and replace

2:23

it with razor focused intention, passion,

2:26

purpose and direction. We

2:29

are the Dad Edge and we're here

2:32

to change. Hey,

2:47

what's up gentlemen? Welcome to the Dad Edge

2:50

Podcast. I'm Larry Hagner, your host and founder

2:52

of this podcast, this show and movement. I've

2:54

got a great, great guest for you guys

2:56

today. For some of you guys who are

2:58

entrepreneurs or side hustlers out there, which is

3:01

probably the majority of our audience, not

3:03

many guys are just only leaning on

3:05

the W-2. They're also out there doing side

3:07

hustles. But hey, if we're doing that, if

3:10

we have a W-2, we have side hustles,

3:12

we've got that entrepreneurial spirit. Sometimes

3:15

it's hard to balance all the

3:17

things necessary under our own roof. So

3:19

today, my guest on the podcast

3:22

is Ryan Alford. He's been a

3:24

true trailblazer in the realm of

3:26

success stories. He's from Greenville, South

3:29

Carolina, and his

3:31

journey defies the norms and embraces

3:33

resilience. Ryan's ascend into

3:35

the agency world is literally

3:37

unparalleled with five promotions in

3:39

seven years, culminating in senior

3:41

positions that are quite frankly,

3:43

usually out of reach. He transitioned

3:46

to New York City where he spearheaded

3:48

iconic marketing campaigns for global giants. Yet

3:50

he ultimately found his true calling back

3:53

in North Carolina. And

3:55

despite owning five companies, Ryan

3:57

still prioritizes coaching his kids'

3:59

team. embodying a commitment

4:01

to his family amidst the relentless pursuit

4:03

of success. For Ryan, work-life

4:06

balance is a myth yet he

4:08

navigates the challenges with grace. And

4:11

with a blended family, for all my guys out

4:13

there who have blended families, Ryan

4:15

has two two-year-olds and a four-year-old

4:17

and he understands the complexities of

4:19

the modern family dynamics. And

4:22

he draws wisdom from mentors like guests

4:24

that he's had on his own podcast

4:26

like Bruce Buffer, Grant Cordon, many others,

4:29

but lessons from his father most

4:31

importantly as well. And he's going to share

4:33

insights on what it means to navigate life,

4:36

work, family, business,

4:38

marriage, the whole nine yards. So

4:41

fear also played a huge role in

4:43

Ryan's upbringing, but it's

4:45

a challenge he's overcome and establishing

4:47

boundaries for a fully functional blended

4:50

family. And don't forget Ryan's

4:52

podcast, which is called the

4:54

Radcast, ranks among the top

4:56

20 podcasts globally on

4:58

Apple. And he's had a ton of amazing

5:00

guests on his show. So join

5:03

us today as we dive into Ryan's journey

5:05

and glean wisdom from his experiences. Gentlemen,

5:07

you will love today's podcast. It's

5:09

so much fun I had. And by the way,

5:12

look for me as a guest on Ryan's podcast

5:14

coming up here in I think Q2. So also

5:17

one quick announcement before we get started today. If

5:19

you guys are looking for a live

5:22

event this year, we are now hosting

5:24

our sixth annual Dad Edge Summit. This

5:26

is the sixth one. I can't be

5:28

supposed to be the seventh one, but

5:30

2020 kind of put a snag

5:32

in that. But this year, we are going

5:34

to be we are coming to Orlando, Florida.

5:37

We are going to be right next

5:39

to Disney. So it's a perfect opportunity for you not

5:41

only to come and join us for

5:43

this for this event in October,

5:45

it's going to be October

5:47

16th to the 18th in Orlando, Florida.

5:52

And our early bird pricing actually

5:54

expires here in a couple days. So if you're looking

5:56

for an event that will help you out, we're going

5:58

to be right next to you. help you

6:00

elevate marriage, leadership, connection

6:03

with your kids, physical mental, emotional health,

6:05

all of these things that we're going

6:07

to be really helping our men

6:09

with and our participants this year, it's gonna

6:11

be awesome. Plus, I think a lot of

6:13

guys are extending their stay and

6:16

just hanging out with family at some of

6:18

the Disney properties. But you can head over

6:20

to the dadedge.com, forward

6:22

slash summit 2024, again, the

6:25

dadedge.com/summit 2024, again,

6:28

early bird tickets are still on sale and

6:30

they will be until the end of February. Hopefully you

6:33

guys can join us out there, it will be amazing.

6:36

I can't, personally, I can't wait last year, we

6:39

set the bar so high at our summit in

6:41

St. Louis. It was the

6:43

reviews that we got on that particular summit was

6:45

the best we've ever had. And this year, we're

6:47

gonna elevate it even more. So for

6:50

all my guys out there in the southeast of the

6:52

country, come join us and it doesn't matter where you're

6:54

at, we have men literally from all over the world

6:56

who joined us at that event. Again,

6:59

head on over to the dadedge.com/summit,

7:03

All right, gentlemen, no more talk from me. Let's get right

7:05

to my interview with Ryan. Ryan, what's going

7:07

on, man? Welcome to the dad edge, my friend. Larry,

7:10

it's great to be here with you. Appreciate you having me

7:12

on. Yeah, man, I'm seeing like, like, look at this background

7:15

you have going on here. Like these are all the guests

7:17

you've had on the Radcast, correct? That's

7:19

right, man. I'm blessed to have

7:22

some of the who's who in business and celebrities

7:25

and otherwise. I love it, man. Well, you

7:27

know what? You know what I think would

7:29

be actually kind of cool to start

7:31

off this podcast is I would love to

7:33

just maybe go back and forth on

7:36

a couple things. Like you've had some high level guests, I've

7:38

had some high level guests. I would love

7:40

for you to just reflect on maybe one or two

7:42

guests and something that they said, you're like, oh my

7:44

God, like that, that was

7:46

gold. Like that's something I haven't heard

7:48

or maybe I've been reminded of, whatever it is. But

7:51

looking back on all your guests, like who is

7:53

somebody in particular that when you heard them say

7:55

something, it was just like the world stopped for

7:57

a moment. Man. And

8:00

I could probably name a bunch,

8:02

but ironically, because it was the first

8:04

thing that came to my mind when you said it, I'm

8:06

going to have to reach over my shoulder. If somebody's watching

8:09

the video right behind me, Grant Cardone.

8:11

You've heard of Grant. He was on, uh,

8:14

undercover billionaire. And I mean, he's been on a

8:16

lot of shows. He's one of the, if you're

8:19

in that circle, you know who he is. If

8:21

you don't go look him up, super successful in

8:23

real estate. And, um, he

8:26

said something to me that it

8:28

seems like kind of one of those cliche

8:30

things, but it's not. So, you

8:33

know, Grant gets asked to do a lot of things, go

8:36

a lot of places, be a lot of people, shake

8:39

hands, kiss the babies, do all those kinds

8:41

of things. And he said,

8:43

you know, Ryan, he said, I get asked to do a lot

8:45

of things I don't want to do. He

8:48

said, but I make a commitment that

8:50

I'm going to show up and I'm going

8:52

to do it. And he

8:55

put a little more sauce on it than that. But

8:58

what he was trying to say is we,

9:00

as human beings, as dads, as fathers, as

9:02

people, as business owners, we got to

9:05

do a lot of things that we don't always want to

9:07

do or that we may not be in the mood to

9:09

do, but no matter what, the

9:11

key is to showing up and putting it

9:14

all in. And he

9:16

says, no matter what he said, if you'll do that, that's

9:19

80% of it. Show up

9:21

and do it. He said, we, we make a lot of

9:23

excuses today. And you know, it was

9:25

one of his, he get asked him for three keys to success. And

9:27

that was the first thing he said. He said,

9:29

just show up baby. And

9:32

I think it could resonate with

9:34

this audience because we've got fathers, we've

9:36

got business owners, we've got a lot

9:39

of people and we all get asked and we've

9:41

got to get tasked with things that aren't always

9:43

what exactly we want to do. But

9:45

we need to show up and be there. Yeah. A

9:48

hundred percent. I know we're going to dive deep

9:50

into that because your story in particular, running five

9:52

companies having four boys, which by the way, we're

9:54

a rare breed. My friend, not many

9:56

dudes out there can be like, I have four

9:58

boys, you know, and maybe you'll appreciate. I get

10:01

asked a lot like, man, what's it like raising

10:04

four boys? And I've been saying the same things,

10:06

just a joke for like years, which is just

10:08

imagine a fraternity house where

10:11

everybody's drunk, nobody wants to sleep, and

10:14

you never get to leave. That's

10:16

pretty much my house, right? But I

10:18

embrace the energy, I love the energy. It's a lot

10:20

of energy, as you know. But that's gold,

10:22

man, is showing up. And

10:25

you really alluded to it there in the beginning, which

10:27

is showing up well, right? Not

10:29

just showing up and being a spectator, but

10:31

showing up and doing it well,

10:34

doing it intentionally. Because I think our kids,

10:36

right, and our wives, people in general, even

10:38

our teams in our business, they

10:40

know when we're just simply showing up to check the

10:42

box, and they know when our feet are planted in

10:44

the ground in front of them. So I love that,

10:46

man. What's

10:49

another guest that you've had in the past that you

10:51

can, that sticks out? You

10:54

know, it's funny, the UFC

10:56

is really taking off. I'll go to the right and the left of

10:59

my head here. He

11:01

surprised me, is why I'll bring him up,

11:03

and it's the voice of the octagon, Bruce

11:05

Buffer. That dude, let

11:07

me just tell you, a

11:09

ball of energy, he's running like, I thought

11:12

I had side hustles. This guy's got side

11:14

hustles on side hustles. He's like, he's

11:17

got a liquor brand, he's got

11:19

an energy drink brand. You

11:21

know, his whole catchphrase is, it's

11:24

time. Yeah, and

11:26

by the way, if you go listen

11:28

to that episode, he does a custom

11:30

version that was my intro for the

11:33

Radcast for a while. It's time for

11:35

the Radcast with Ryan. It's great. Oh

11:37

my God. So

11:40

go listen to, if nothing else, just to hear that,

11:42

and then, you know, shoot me a DM or something,

11:44

tell me how wonderful it was. But no,

11:47

the dude is super smart in business,

11:49

and he understands how leverage works, and

11:51

how his persona and what

11:54

he does on UFC, which,

11:57

when he first started, he got paid nothing.

12:00

a couple thousand dollars. He's like flying

12:02

himself to like the first USC events.

12:04

He paid like a couple grand, probably

12:06

barely even covering the travel costs, but

12:08

he saw how big that sport was going to

12:10

be. And he also saw the

12:12

leverage that it created for himself to

12:15

do other things by

12:17

the magnification that was going to happen with

12:19

that sport. And it's

12:21

a huge tip. It's really how I, I mean, I

12:25

resonate with me because that's what I believe. I believe in

12:27

building leverage and building. You start with one

12:29

thing that creates a halo for others. And

12:32

he's done that with so many, lots of

12:34

interest. So super insightful. Interesting just

12:36

because look, he's a voice, he's

12:38

a celebrity on some levels, if you're into that and

12:41

a personality, but just super

12:43

insightful and understanding how business and attention

12:45

works. That is so cool, man.

12:48

I've always been, you know, I've had a

12:50

ton of UFC fighters on this podcast and

12:53

one is, you know, I've always liked

12:55

Bruce Buffer. In fact, when we run

12:58

our live events, we run the data at summit. We

13:00

do really fun stuff like just joking around. Like we,

13:02

we do like a pushup contest. We even have a,

13:04

have like a championship belt for the guys

13:06

who come back the next year and they're still wearing their, their,

13:09

their reigning champion. And every time we do it, we're like, it's

13:12

time. Like I just love that guy's

13:14

voice. That's so cool. You know,

13:16

it's interesting. I had Matthew McConaughey on the podcast

13:18

and since we're talking about people and names and

13:21

something, I, I

13:24

interviewed him like three years ago

13:26

in 2021, but there's something

13:28

that I remember about his podcast that I

13:30

thought was really, really gleaming and really, really

13:32

cool. And that is when it comes to

13:34

marriage, when it comes to fatherhood, we all

13:36

put our pants on the same way. And

13:38

no matter what it is that we're doing in our

13:40

life, whether it's parenting, work, health,

13:44

marriage, our business or whatever, there's

13:46

always going to be something in there that just

13:48

slips just a little bit, depending on what we're

13:50

focused on. We can't, you and I were talking

13:52

back and forth before we got started today. The

13:55

balance thing is a myth, right? There are going to

13:57

be seasons in our life that our marriage is going

13:59

to be. The require more of us that our

14:01

business. there's gonna be seasons or life at a

14:03

business might require more of us and our marriage

14:05

and and all those things can get jumbled up

14:08

a little bits. But when I was talking to

14:10

Matthew me Matthew can be anybody he wants and

14:12

everybody will believe on my you can say anything

14:14

once people believe him. So and I

14:16

asked him about several different things like is acting

14:18

career and being a being a father. Nicer things

14:20

I asked my like your hey, how do you

14:22

keep your marriage on point with Camilla I car

14:24

you keep that it is it looks like jazz

14:27

or always You guys are always in the same

14:29

direction, things are goods and he said something me

14:31

that I was incredibly humble right? for all of

14:33

us to be reminded he took a deep breath,

14:35

he's like you know man of early on a

14:37

such an opportunity right now for me. He's.

14:39

Like that. To add, I'm in a season right

14:41

now Where. The kids are super

14:43

busy non still ming right now. There's a

14:46

lot of things that have my tension and

14:48

quite frankly, even as you ask me, that.

14:51

I'm. Reminded that I haven't given her the

14:53

proper attention. So being as a May I'm

14:55

going to schedule a date night based on

14:57

you reminding me why that that really set

14:59

is important and that's not me. A couple

15:01

things and were one. No.

15:04

Matter how busy we are, our marriage is

15:06

going to need our attention right? even if

15:08

it's a little bit but number to. You.

15:11

No matter who we are and and

15:13

how high were operating rights, it's not

15:15

all sunshine, that sunshine and rainbows over

15:17

there and we have the opportunity. Be.

15:19

Humble and if I look at comments and and

15:21

emails and I got after that podcast who is

15:24

that part of the show. Where. He was

15:26

a hundred percent authentic, a one hundred

15:28

percent real and a makes us like

15:30

him even more. About. That so

15:32

ambidextrous. And them and I was there

15:34

was a very solid reminder. So Mrs.

15:37

Dive right in. So. Before

15:39

we get year for boys and I know you have

15:41

a blended family and before we get to or five

15:43

businesses what was growing up like for you I'm I'm

15:45

curious. what was the relationship with your own dad like

15:47

Gonna. You know,

15:50

I had a great relationship with my

15:52

dad. iom. It was.

15:55

At the is probably a classic. Eighties

15:58

Nineties. dad What do I mean

16:00

by that? Yeah, what do you mean by that? I'm dying now.

16:04

I think it's like the traditional dad

16:07

relationship. Like my dad was there.

16:10

He was an entrepreneur. He

16:13

owned several companies. He

16:16

tried to teach me from

16:19

a level of I'm a father.

16:22

And look, my parents started young. My

16:25

mom was 19 when she had my

16:27

sister. So my mom

16:30

and dad were married at age 19. They

16:34

got married when my mom got pregnant. And

16:37

they were dating and probably

16:39

headed that way anyway. So

16:42

it wasn't too much a run to the altar, but

16:44

it was certainly accelerated. And

16:46

my dad was in the military, and

16:49

so he was in the Air Force. And

16:52

so what I mean by that is there's

16:54

probably a lot of military families

16:56

and traditional like father-son relationships.

16:59

And I think I had like a semi

17:01

– my dad was not a drill sergeant,

17:04

so I want to make that clear. But

17:07

he had fundamental beliefs and was brought up

17:09

by a traditional family

17:11

in that you have the parent relationship,

17:14

the kid relationship. And

17:17

I will transition to kind of my relationship with

17:19

my kids where I think it's more modern where

17:22

maybe you have those roles,

17:25

but maybe you try to be a little more

17:27

vulnerable and more on

17:29

the plane. I try to be on the plane

17:32

with my kids where my dad kind of always

17:34

stated that father-son relationship. I have these things

17:36

to share with you. You're my son, and

17:38

you will learn them. And

17:40

I respected my dad, but I had

17:42

a fear of my dad because

17:46

big guy – I'm now 5'2 60.

17:49

I'm a big dude. My dad's a big dude. He

17:52

was in the military, and so

17:54

there was always a little bit of that fear

17:56

factor of my dad was

17:58

authoritative on a lot of people. levels but

18:01

not, you know,

18:03

it wasn't beating me in the corner.

18:05

It's like over every spilled milk. But

18:08

it was sort of a, I

18:11

just think it was just that traditional father.

18:13

I think the classic 20,

18:15

30 years ago, there was a little bit of

18:17

that fear factor between parents and kids. Does

18:19

that make sense? Dude, are you kidding

18:22

me? Like, yeah, I mean, like, so

18:24

I think that's one

18:26

thing that's really fascinating if I could kind of

18:28

comment on what you just said

18:30

because here's what I find about

18:33

this generation of kids, right?

18:36

So, you know, in our house, I

18:38

would say it's a really good balance of

18:41

love, but yet also you really

18:43

know the boundaries and you know the structure, right?

18:45

And if you deviate from those, then there's

18:47

gonna be consequences, right? You know, like, for

18:49

instance, my boys, even though one is almost

18:51

18, he's gonna be 18 in a couple

18:53

months, my other

18:55

one is 16, they both have phones. Both

18:57

of them have an hour of screen time on that phone.

19:00

And then all those apps shut down, right? I don't

19:02

know any of their other friends who, I mean, most

19:04

of their friends are like, dad, so-and-so's got, you know,

19:06

he spends like eight hours on Snapchat. I was like,

19:08

well, you know what, we don't do that here. We're

19:10

just not doing that, right? So I

19:12

think that there needs to be some structure in there.

19:15

There needs to be respect. There needs to be discipline,

19:17

right? And I think the way you and

19:19

I grew up, because I was also a child of the 80s

19:21

and 90s, right? And that there was

19:23

that tough love. There was like very fine

19:25

lines. And dude, I remember growing up and

19:27

I'm like, oh my God, like, I

19:30

don't want to see my dad. And mostly it

19:32

was my grandfather who was around. I don't want

19:34

to see that guy angry, right? Because like, and

19:36

that, but it also kept me in

19:38

line. They didn't keep me so fearful that

19:41

I didn't want to have anything to do with

19:43

them. It was a respect thing, right? And I

19:45

think right now this generation, like, so for instance,

19:47

my son, my two boys who are in high

19:49

school, they came home about a month,

19:51

a month or two ago, this is right before Christmas. And

19:54

they were talking about how this, this dude,

19:57

like took a swing at the principal and this, the

19:59

principal. The principal of my kid's high school

20:01

is an ex-drill sergeant. And this

20:04

principal dodged, you know, grabbed him,

20:06

just to restrain him, the kid

20:08

kept fighting him, and then

20:10

the principal ended up having to take him down and

20:12

just hold him, right? And I'm sitting here

20:14

thinking, and I was like, I asked my kids, I was like,

20:16

what were people doing around him? They were like, they were filming

20:18

and laughing. I was like, you gotta

20:20

be kidding me. Filming, like, so I

20:22

say that because it's like this generation,

20:24

like, they look at it, I think,

20:26

as entertainment. Like, when adults

20:28

get pissed and fiery, and

20:31

when you and I were growing up, it's like, oh

20:33

my God, I don't wanna see this. And I think

20:35

that might have a lot to do with this stuff

20:37

that they see. They see the Karens on video all

20:39

day long, and they laugh about it, and it desensitizes

20:41

them. And I think it reduces maybe that fear and

20:43

respect factor a little bit. And

20:47

I had a lot of, I had

20:50

enough love at home, but

20:53

it definitely, it teetered

20:56

towards the respect side and

20:59

the discipline side, and

21:01

the teaching you right from wrong versus

21:05

maybe loving your way through it. I think

21:07

we've ventured too far into loving our way through everything

21:09

a bit. And I mean, I'll even say this. My

21:14

parents spanked us as children. I

21:16

will say this, my sister and I were both pretty

21:19

damn good kids, and

21:21

I think I got spanked my

21:23

entire life like four times. That's

21:26

all it took. Yeah. And

21:30

no matter how you feel, I don't know how, and

21:32

look, we haven't had to, we

21:35

don't, I don't know if it was just

21:37

the threat of it, but I think I've

21:40

popped like one of my kids one time

21:42

ever on the leg, and that like, like

21:45

to stop or something, and not, it

21:48

was like capital punishment or anything. But

21:51

like the fear of that seemed to

21:53

resonate, and we haven't had to put

21:56

that fear in them. And I kind of

21:59

have probably. gone with the

22:01

times that I feel like you can get your

22:03

discipline across without the physical side of it. But

22:06

at the same time, growing up

22:08

for me, that fear

22:11

and that thought of

22:14

disappointing them, letting

22:17

them down and then being upset mattered

22:19

to me. And so I

22:21

grew up with that, but I also had a very

22:23

caring and my parents came to every game. They

22:25

took me to every practice. They were

22:28

there for me. My dad was always

22:30

around when I needed him,

22:34

but it was definitely probably a

22:36

more fundamental, like you mentioned, structured

22:41

environment for the typical

22:44

father-son-children relationship

22:47

as I grew up. I think that's really

22:50

important and I do agree with you

22:52

that I think to some degree we've

22:54

let the compassion love aspect and I frame

22:56

that as it's still a positive thing, but I

22:58

think we can take that and run with it

23:00

a little too far to where at

23:03

times, look, there's

23:05

tough love that's needed. It's

23:08

interesting that you're talking about this very thing. So my oldest

23:12

son is a wrestler and

23:15

the cool thing about the reason

23:17

he does it is my

23:20

younger son is 16. He's a football player. He's

23:23

been in football since he was in third grade

23:25

and his attitude is wins, losses

23:28

and I'm gonna be a savage to go out

23:30

and win at all costs. I think

23:33

some people doing sports, some young people are

23:35

wired to do that and quite

23:38

frankly, some just aren't. My

23:40

oldest son does want to win, but he also doesn't

23:44

take his losses to extreme of like,

23:46

well, I just suck and I'm just gonna

23:48

give up. He doesn't do that at all. He

23:50

does it because he wants to learn mental and

23:53

emotional resilience. He wants to be physically active. He

23:55

wants to learn some self-defense. So it's like he's

23:57

out there to grow physically, mentally and emotionally. That's

23:59

his That's his stick, wins or losses. But

24:02

there are times, obviously, when I see him wrestle,

24:05

that I see that switch get turned on

24:07

and he's a savage. And then

24:09

there are times where I see that

24:12

he's sabotaging and he's letting the

24:14

dark thoughts get in there before he gets out on the mat and

24:16

then he enters the mat and you can just tell from the energy,

24:18

he's not in it. So

24:21

there are times where you wanna love, you wanna

24:23

compassion, right? But there are also times where, and

24:25

I've been doing this lately, I'm like, hey, permission

24:27

to speak very directly to you of

24:31

what I'm seeing. And he's like, and sometimes

24:33

he'll be like, and if it's right after a

24:35

match, he's like, can you give me a minute

24:37

to cool down? Can you give me

24:39

a minute? Because I'm in a bad mental head space

24:42

right now and I won't receive it the way you

24:44

want. And I'll give him that, of

24:46

course. But then there are times I'm like, look, and

24:49

he's like, yeah, I'm ready for it. I'm like, okay, here's the thing, I'm

24:51

gonna be very direct with you. You're

24:53

out there and you're defeated before you even hit the mat. I see

24:55

it in your eyes, I see it in your body language and

24:57

the guy you're going up against, it's blood in the water.

24:59

He senses it too. I was like,

25:02

what would it look like if you didn't

25:04

really worry about the outcome? You didn't

25:06

worry about this guy who's standing across from

25:08

you and this guy's gonna annihilate me. What

25:11

if it was, I'm gonna go out here and I'm gonna

25:13

score as many points as I can, period.

25:16

Because if you're scoring the points, you're

25:18

going to get closer and closer and closer to that win.

25:20

Whether you pin him or not, because the guy at the

25:22

end of the match who has the most points is the

25:25

one who's gonna win. So don't worry

25:27

about this guy slaughtering you. Don't

25:29

worry about this guy beating you. Don't worry about

25:31

this guy pinning you. Worry about

25:33

how you're gonna get that next point, those

25:35

next two points, whatever it is. And

25:38

that is what we're after. And

25:40

you can just tell, okay, cool. But I'm

25:43

very blunt, very direct with him. And I

25:45

think sometimes, yeah, your kids need

25:47

it versus like, oh, you did great, don't worry about

25:49

it. You'll get him the next time. No, I don't

25:51

think that's the best way sometimes. And

25:55

that's the approach, I think

25:57

the flip for me, with

25:59

my kids. is I think I've

26:02

gotten more relatable and more, you

26:05

know, again, I think with my own father, it was

26:07

very clear, the

26:09

top and the bottom, the structure of

26:11

father-son. I've tried,

26:14

I think, to take a lesson from that

26:16

to be, it's

26:18

very clear, I mean, that I'm the sorority,

26:21

but to try to be a little

26:23

bit more relatable because I didn't always

26:25

feel relatable with my father. And I've

26:28

tried to take that into, you know, how

26:30

I raise my kids is

26:33

they can respect me and I

26:35

can hold their respect and hold

26:37

structure while

26:39

also trying to be more

26:42

relatable and more, I don't

26:45

know, modern on some level to

26:47

hopefully have a

26:50

deeper relationship. I

26:53

think you nailed it because if we, if

26:55

you think about it, if we can combine

26:57

those two things, if we can be relatable,

27:01

but we can also be structured and

27:04

we can be, we can provide

27:06

also consequences and discipline, but yet relatable, that gives us

27:09

more credibility, right? Because if our kids

27:11

can relate to us more when we're talking and

27:14

when we're trying to guide them through something, they're going

27:16

to give us way more credibility and they're probably going

27:18

to listen a whole lot more closely if they know,

27:20

like, well, at least I know dad understands me, right?

27:23

Like he understands it. I mean, I wrestled in high

27:25

school. I got my ass kicked sometimes. And

27:27

I think it's really, it's important to

27:29

also realize, yeah, man, like I know it sucks

27:31

to get your butt kicked. Like, and sometimes like

27:34

when you go out there, that switch is not

27:36

flipped and we know how defeating

27:38

that feels, right? So I love that

27:40

you brought that up. You are

27:42

part of, you and I were talking before we

27:44

hit record today, you're part of a blended family,

27:46

you know, you guys got married with

27:48

two, two year olds and a four year old. And so

27:50

you had three boys in the mix right out of the

27:52

gate. You got the his, you got the hers and the

27:54

ours, but from a blended family approach,

27:56

we have a lot of men out there that are

27:59

either going to the house or going to going through

28:01

a divorce process, they're moving on to a different relationship,

28:03

or maybe they've been married for quite some time in

28:05

a blended family. But over the past

28:07

10 years, what I've noticed is that

28:10

can be a really

28:12

difficult dynamic. We see a lot

28:14

of questions come out of our

28:16

community around, hey, how do

28:18

I talk to her kid and be

28:20

disciplinary, or do I

28:23

treat my kids a little different? And then there's

28:25

the hours, do we have this one kid together

28:27

and do I go about that differently? There's

28:29

a lot of moving parts and it's really dynamic, but

28:31

for you, what are some things

28:33

that you and your wife agree upon as

28:35

a blended family of roles, or

28:38

how you go about this parenting thing together? Many

28:42

times I get asked why I started the

28:44

Dad Edge, and quite frankly, I started the

28:46

Dad Edge back in 2011 because

28:48

I was overwhelmed. I was

28:50

burnt out and I didn't

28:53

have a playbook for marriage,

28:56

for kids, for my

28:58

own mentality, and I was literally

29:00

burning the candle at both ends. It

29:03

wasn't until I started learning, going through personal

29:05

development, that I really understood

29:07

what to do, how to do it, and

29:11

if I really looked at the main

29:13

problem, it was burnt out. I

29:15

was really, really burnt out. I

29:17

was burnt out at work, I was burnt

29:19

out with family, I was burnt out emotionally,

29:21

I was burnt out mentally. I

29:24

was just literally fried and I had no place to go.

29:27

Studies have actually shown that

29:29

work-related stress and burnout actually affects 44% of

29:31

men on a daily basis, and

29:35

parental burnout actually impacts 70% of us as fathers.

29:40

It leads us to emotional exhaustion,

29:42

detachment from our kids, and

29:44

even detachment just from our own fulfillment

29:47

and joy, as it means

29:49

to be a man, husband, and father, but the

29:51

thing is that there's hope, and

29:53

that's why I'm excited to share with you guys

29:55

what we're doing in the month of March in the

29:57

Data Edge Alliance mastermind community. We are tackling burnout. out

30:00

head on with our March agenda and

30:03

it's designed specifically for men who are

30:05

ready to reclaim their lives. And

30:07

in just four weeks in the month

30:09

of March we're going to equip you

30:11

with the tools and the strategies to

30:13

identify and understand and overcome burnout. Whether

30:16

it's work-related burnout, parental burnout, marital burnout,

30:18

our program in March is going to

30:21

cover all of it. From recognizing the

30:23

signs of burnout to prioritizing self-care and

30:25

redefining your priorities, we're going to guide

30:27

you every single step of the way.

30:30

So don't let burnout dictate

30:32

your life any longer. Join us over

30:34

at the Dad Edge Mastermind and we'll

30:36

help you take the first step towards

30:38

a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

30:41

Head on over to the dadedge.com/mastermind, fill

30:43

out a quick application, meet with

30:45

our team, and if it's a fit let's

30:47

go do this work and march together. What

30:50

are some things that you and your wife

30:52

agree upon as a blended family of roles

30:55

or how you go about this parenting thing

30:57

together? Yeah and

30:59

I want to start

31:01

by saying this Larry because

31:04

I think it could resonate

31:06

with people that might be

31:08

going through it, considering it.

31:10

Our kids are a

31:12

lot more aware of our own happiness

31:15

than we realize in our own what's

31:18

going on around us. And

31:20

I made a decision I was very

31:22

unhappy in my first marriage. I made

31:24

a lot of mistakes. I'll

31:27

come out and say you know I married the wrong person,

31:30

you know and not because she was a

31:32

bad person, it was not the

31:34

right fit. It was not who I and

31:37

look we're human beings we make a lot

31:39

of how many decisions do we make in

31:41

a day that end up

31:43

being wrong? You know like but

31:46

for some reason we're expected for

31:48

that one who we marry is

31:50

always gonna be right you know you're supposed to stick

31:52

with it for thicker thin and it can't

31:55

be the right thing to do I don't think you throw

31:57

the towel in for nothing but I

31:59

also don't think miserable parents make

32:01

for good kids. So

32:03

I made a very tough decision to

32:06

leave my first marriage and it's the

32:08

greatest thing I ever did for my children. I'll

32:11

say that without it is the single

32:13

greatest thing. Well, why is that? It's

32:16

a few things and it has to do with well,

32:18

meeting the right person and

32:20

now being together for 10 years long, twice as long

32:22

as my first wife and I were together. And

32:26

so Nicole and I brought two,

32:28

two-year-olds and a four-year-old together. We didn't have

32:30

the roadmap, but we

32:33

were both successful people. We

32:35

both understood and had equal

32:38

moral compass and plain, you know,

32:40

and beliefs, core beliefs, more

32:43

so than my first wife and I

32:45

think did. And I think it was

32:47

like, well, one was a

32:50

Christian, one was a Satanist. I

32:52

left the book of Satan behind

32:54

and came to... No, it was

32:57

not that dramatic of a change,

33:00

but I think fundamentally in our

33:02

drive, our approach to life and other things,

33:04

there's a lot of other things in alignment.

33:07

And so we didn't have the rule

33:09

book, but I think we set... We did a couple

33:11

of things right. We

33:13

set up clear structure. Like

33:17

we created calendars that stayed

33:19

the same. We didn't

33:21

venture from that. We created children like

33:24

structure no matter what.

33:27

They love it. They will

33:29

thrive in it. They will indirectly

33:31

ask for it once they have it.

33:35

My eight-year-old is like a perfect example. Like if we

33:37

get like one

33:39

chapter off of the nightly routine

33:41

or the weekly routine, and

33:43

he's like his mother. My wife is a

33:46

principal to middle school and

33:48

lives dies by, you know, process procedure

33:50

and everything like that. Very structured type

33:52

A and my Eight-year-old

33:55

that way. If We get one off the playbook.

34:00

You know, until she brushed my teeth right

34:02

now. it's say to five I need to

34:04

be in the bed with you singing Bay

34:06

Fourteen, Ah, Six, Three And. Alia,

34:09

I still think our own area

34:11

for my son before he goes

34:14

to bed is already but assess

34:16

the but look we set up

34:18

in a move when we first

34:20

brought together. We. Didn't have the right

34:22

way to do things. We were good people. Revised

34:25

Good. I think. Ah,

34:27

Examples. In. I'll get

34:29

more about that. But. We

34:31

did something right we we set up really

34:33

clear structures with our exes and week it'll

34:36

of we were blessed to avoid the X

34:38

rama. I can't imagine

34:40

I can imagine have seen it. The.

34:43

Toll that takes when you

34:45

deal or don't have like

34:47

clear divides like. We.

34:50

Both had clear divorces done. It

34:52

was purely matter we the we

34:54

had the exact custody situations worked

34:56

out. And but my

34:59

wife being a structure is. Worked.

35:01

With my ex wife and her ex

35:03

husband we set of clear exact structure

35:06

for when everything's and of torque took

35:08

place and certainly get allow for flexibility.

35:10

Things like that. But. It

35:12

did create the new normal for our children.

35:15

And. That new normal just became

35:17

normal. Does like today

35:19

because now. They're. Twelve.

35:23

Soon. To be Twelve Twelve Models They told

35:25

there about to be Twelve Twelve Fourteen

35:27

and Eight. And so we've

35:29

been together. Ten years. a fourteen year olds, her

35:31

down the out, Fourteen and twelve. And

35:34

we have a very thriving good kids.

35:36

All thirty students for the most part

35:38

may be here and there are played

35:40

multiple sports. But.

35:43

We did set up the I was

35:45

not ever gonna be. Person's.

35:48

Dad. But. That I

35:50

was the for a father figure him was gonna be

35:52

around him more. Than. His father was,

35:54

but I never tried to replace his dad.

35:57

I. just write it to give him structure

36:00

and an understanding of what my role

36:02

is, what's within the house and that,

36:04

you know, I'm

36:06

going to give you an example and I'm going

36:09

to live and breathe it. And

36:11

I think more than you

36:13

realize by giving your

36:16

kids the example of way. Okay.

36:19

My parents get up early. They work

36:21

out, they go to the, they doing these things. We go

36:23

to practices. Look, I've been

36:25

at every game. My, my stepson's

36:27

ever had. I think I've

36:30

missed one ever. And so

36:32

that repetition, that structure, that

36:35

understanding of who I am in the relationship bread

36:40

more than I could have ever like forced upon

36:43

it. You know, I think sometimes

36:46

we think we

36:48

have to say or do something

36:50

specific. When more

36:52

it's the overall structure of the

36:54

situation that breeds

36:56

natural behaviors. And

36:59

I was like, that's a big key with

37:01

bringing two blended families together. I

37:05

heard a quote not too long ago that the best lessons

37:07

in life are caught, not taught. And

37:10

I think what you just did there is just nailed it.

37:12

Right. And the other thing too

37:14

is, uh, providing a

37:18

knowing your place, right? You're not the kid's father.

37:20

You're not, you're not your son's father, but, and

37:22

you're not trying to replace him, but

37:24

you're also trying to show him what good looks like. I

37:27

also think you nailed it with the fact that

37:30

our kids really do, or they're keen, they're keenly

37:32

aware at our level of

37:34

happiness and fulfillment and satisfaction,

37:36

right? Especially within our relationships,

37:39

right? Been saying for a

37:41

long time that our kids have a front row

37:43

seat to either a fully

37:45

functional relationship between me and their

37:47

mom, one that's completely

37:49

dysfunctional, something in between. Right.

37:52

And, and they're, they're watching, they're learning. And

37:54

the thing that's interesting is, is they can't

37:56

really necessarily articulate. This is what I'm seeing.

37:59

This is what I'm learning. What happens though

38:01

is it shows up for them later on in life. You

38:03

know, to double down on what you just said, I

38:06

didn't have a good father figure growing up. I mean,

38:08

there were men constantly in and out of my life.

38:11

And, but one thing that was constant,

38:13

I lived one mile for my grandfather.

38:15

My grandfather was an amazing example. And

38:17

I think he really understood like the

38:19

things that I was up against as

38:21

a kid. And he really stepped in.

38:23

You know, he spent a ton of time with me. I

38:26

was at his house quite a bit, but he was married

38:28

to my grandmother for 52 years before

38:30

he passed away. And my

38:32

grandfather was exactly what you and

38:34

I were just talking about. He was

38:36

this great balance of love and compassion,

38:39

but they were lines you didn't cross, right?

38:42

And they were very well laid out. The

38:44

other thing too is I got to see a man

38:48

love his wife, right? And

38:51

to respect his wife, how to talk

38:53

to his wife. Here's the other interesting thing too. I

38:56

got to see a man who also wouldn't tolerate

38:59

disrespect from his wife. So

39:02

like, and he was never mean about it. So

39:04

if my grandmother ever got a little fiery, he

39:07

would just simply say, please don't talk to

39:09

me like that. Please talk to

39:11

me with respect. I have to speak to

39:13

you with respect. Please do the same with me, right?

39:16

And he would draw that line on the sand too, very lovingly,

39:19

but also wouldn't tolerate it. He wouldn't allow her

39:21

to walk all over him, which I thought was

39:23

really fascinating. I think that that's

39:25

exactly what kids in general

39:28

need is exactly the structure you're laying out,

39:31

but it's even probably more important for

39:34

a blended family because the kids have to

39:36

know like, what are the moving

39:38

pieces here? What is my structure here? What

39:40

is your role? What is my other,

39:42

my dad's role over here? My mom's role,

39:44

right? So I think that's gold. And

39:48

we never forced to that end, we

39:50

never first forced the, even

39:52

though, calling

39:55

me dad, calling me mom, like my

39:57

wife's name's Nicole and I have no

39:59

idea why. but she picked up Miss

40:01

Cole, Nicole,

40:03

but my kids call her Miss

40:06

Cole to this day. And I'm Mr.

40:08

Ryan. And so

40:10

we, we never tried to be, well, you're going to call

40:13

her stepmom or mommy or dad, you know, like we didn't

40:15

force any of those kinds of things. Like some of that

40:17

stuff fell into nature, but like, but

40:19

we did have the structure of like, you

40:21

know, the roles of what they are. And I

40:23

will say this back to like loving, you know, that

40:26

was the one thing, you know, I didn't

40:28

want my kids to see. And look,

40:30

we didn't, it was not like my first wife,

40:32

like we were berating each other or like whatever,

40:34

but it was just a lot of unhappiness. And,

40:38

but what my, our kids have seen is

40:40

that my wife and I

40:42

do a really good job of we go to

40:44

all the practices. We do all the stuff. So

40:47

a lot of times it's all about the kids, but

40:50

we also really set along that

40:52

we're the parents and that

40:55

we love each other non-negotiably

40:58

first and respect one another, my wife

41:00

and I, and that I put

41:02

on a platter. And that if the,

41:04

if the cards got to get thrown

41:07

down, Nicole is coming first. Not

41:10

at the expense of like something

41:12

do or die for the children,

41:14

but they understand that

41:18

our love and our relationship

41:21

is on a solid plane and that

41:23

I won't tolerate our

41:26

kids are really respectful. We get told this all the

41:28

time. Yeah, you got good kids. They don't ever

41:30

do stuff. Like, what do you do? You

41:32

know what? I mean, we get that. I mean, literally almost everywhere

41:34

we go. Cause our kids don't misbehave

41:36

when you go to a restaurant, they don't run around

41:38

acting like crazy people. And

41:40

I'm like, they know the standard

41:43

that we set. They know what we expect.

41:46

We didn't have to tell them a hundred times. We needed

41:48

to tell them like four times. We don't

41:50

do that. And

41:52

that's all it took. And,

41:54

but a lot of parents, I

41:57

don't think I see it. They do not

41:59

set. That standard and

42:02

it's because they don't either respect themselves or

42:05

they don't understand how

42:07

to set boundaries. I

42:10

think you just nailed it. They don't know how to set

42:12

boundaries, right? There are things that

42:15

we tolerate and the things

42:17

that we don't. And if we tolerate one thing

42:19

on Monday and then we don't

42:21

tolerate it on Tuesday, well, that's not sending a very

42:23

clear message or

42:26

vice versa. My

42:28

wife and I were just talking about this because

42:31

when we tell our – I'll

42:34

give you an example. When

42:36

we tell our kids to

42:39

do something, maybe it's a – maybe it's clean their

42:41

room. And

42:43

then they clean it and then we

42:45

go in and we inspect it and we're like, this is not

42:47

clean. There's still clothes on

42:49

the floor. Your drawers are still

42:51

half open. Your bed is a shambles. The

42:53

sheets haven't been washed. And

42:55

the laundry, even though it's in your

42:57

closet in the basket, it's spilling over

42:59

and overflowing. And the kid's like, well,

43:02

there isn't – it looks better than it did before.

43:05

My wife and I, this was years ago.

43:07

We were hitting this snag

43:09

about exactly that. And

43:12

we finally just looked at each other and I think it was me

43:14

and I said, I don't think

43:16

they clearly understand what a clean room –

43:18

what the expectations are. They

43:21

have their definition of it and we see this

43:23

in our businesses all the time. They

43:26

have their definition of it and we have our definition

43:28

of it and neither one of those are communicated what

43:30

they are. So we – I'll

43:32

never forget. One day we helped our kids clean their

43:34

room. We're like, this is how you clean the room.

43:36

And then we took a photo of it and

43:39

we're like, when we say clean the room, this

43:41

is a clean room. Not anything

43:44

in between. But

43:46

it's really – and here's the interesting thing

43:48

that might sound hardcore, but

43:50

it's so much less work and so

43:53

much less emotional and mental work as

43:55

well. Because now when I say

43:57

go clean your room, well, the kid clearly

43:59

understands. What does a clean

44:01

room entail? There is no guesswork, right? And

44:04

my expectation is well, he now knows

44:07

What the expectation is and what a clean room looks

44:09

like and I think that there isn't really that structure

44:12

and sometimes it's Sometimes it's that

44:14

structure and sometimes it's not but I think that's what

44:16

gets lost in translation a lot 100%

44:19

and I think it's also there's the boundary

44:21

side of I Don't

44:24

there's no perfect roadmap to this, but

44:26

there's some stuff That you just

44:29

got to let go and not worry about like

44:31

as part of the structure like there needs to

44:33

be non-negotiables And

44:35

there needs to be things that okay

44:38

this Doesn't need to be You

44:41

know on the Mount Rushmore priorities, you know,

44:43

like of whatever that might be It's

44:46

not because it needs to be loose. I'm not suggesting

44:48

structure on one side and loose on the other But

44:51

I think you know at certain times we Nicole

44:53

and I will have a conversation like is this a

44:55

big deal or not? A big deal do we

44:57

need to make you know? It and I'm not

44:59

here to tell you which one of those things we could

45:01

have a whole episode on You know a hundred different things

45:04

that we do as parents. I think but

45:07

You know core schedule core

45:09

expectation around Tasks or

45:11

duties. Yeah, and this would be nice Clarity

45:15

expectations clear and

45:17

there's other things like, you know, we're not gonna

45:19

like If if

45:22

we go to bed at 830 one night

45:24

at 840 the next like it we're

45:26

not drill sergeant, you know It's

45:29

like you gotta be a drill sergeant

45:32

It's not a big deal you know, but it

45:34

doesn't need to be 940 if it's supposed to

45:36

be 830 and like there's just you know, there's

45:38

just core things and then Kids

45:41

are smart man if you

45:44

don't have to set up like the

45:46

drill sergeant playbook They can

45:48

get clarity from how you treat

45:50

and talk to one another and how you set

45:52

the expectation for what's allowed and

45:55

what's not allowed and You

45:57

know, I'm a firm believer you I

46:00

can't tell people, you know, do

46:03

what I say, but not what I do. You

46:06

know, if I'm putting it out

46:08

there, unless it's, I'm having a

46:10

beer. Okay. Can't have a beer. Sorry,

46:13

you're six, but we're not, that's not, that's

46:15

not necessarily what I'm talking about, but I mean, I'm talking about

46:17

like just general behaviors. Like,

46:19

okay. It's just funny. I

46:22

work out a lot. I go to the gym

46:24

a lot. I prioritize my, my health. Low

46:27

and behold, my 14 year old suddenly working

46:29

out every day. Go figure, you

46:33

know, I mean, and

46:36

I didn't even have, I've never gone. Hey man, you

46:38

need to get with it. You need to start working

46:40

out. Hey, I expect you when you come home from

46:42

school, you're working out. No, the kid

46:44

just started doing pushups before he went to bed. Now

46:47

he does 300 pushups where he goes to bed

46:49

every night. I never told him to do that. You

46:51

know, like, and, but

46:53

he's watched and had an example. And

46:57

so it's just funny. Kids

46:59

are smarter and adaptive,

47:01

but they do learn from what we do.

47:04

Hi. So you're talking about the gym and I

47:06

love this, this particular analogy. I mean,

47:08

fitness has been a part of my life for 30 years.

47:12

I've always worked out. So has my wife. We

47:14

used to do with the two older two, we

47:16

used to do it with, called fun family garage

47:19

workouts, right? Where we grab like our kettlebells and

47:21

pushups and all this other

47:23

stuff. I mean, and we would just, our

47:26

main goal was during

47:28

family workouts is have fun. I

47:31

really don't care. Like as long

47:34

as you are moving and you're

47:36

finding enjoyment in your exercise, that

47:39

is the launching pad for a kid who's going to

47:41

be excited to go take care of his fitness. Now

47:43

I'm the exact same way. Part of

47:45

the reason my oldest son wrestles is because he's like,

47:47

I want to do something different for fitness besides go to the

47:49

gym because he goes to the gym all the time. My

47:52

16 year old loves the gym. I actually have

47:54

this photo of him. He went to, he went

47:56

to the gym on Christmas day, actually Christmas night.

47:58

He's like, we're done wrapping. we're doing presents,

48:00

right? I'm like, yeah, he's like, all right, well, I'm gonna go

48:02

work chest and tries with Clark. And I'm like, dude,

48:05

it's Christmas. He's like, well, yeah,

48:08

he's like, but still workout day. And

48:11

there's nothing else really going on today. And

48:14

can I go to the gym? And I'm like, I'm sitting

48:16

there thinking like, I can't believe this, right? But yeah,

48:19

you're exactly right. If we are

48:21

that role model, and we

48:23

don't have to be a drill sergeant, we can actually

48:26

show and showcase the enjoyment and the good things that

48:28

come out of it versus like, you

48:30

gotta go do this thing. Cause they're probably gonna be

48:32

more resistant to that. But I love that example, man.

48:35

And I'm already scared of your son who can do 300 pushups. Like

48:38

the guy is gonna look like a specimen

48:40

in his like, you know, high

48:42

school years. It's crazy, man. Yeah, he's just,

48:45

he's an actor, man. He got a pull

48:47

up bar. We got him that for Christmas.

48:49

So we're now encouraging things because he took

48:51

a natural response to it. We got him

48:54

curl bar, a punching bag, and like all

48:56

that stuff. And you know,

48:59

it's funny. His, he's gonna

49:01

hit the growth spurt here any day now that

49:04

scares some people. Scary

49:06

already. I know, but I will say this,

49:08

like I mean, the physical fitness thing, if

49:10

you're a dad, like, you

49:14

gotta make time to take care of yourself. You

49:17

have to be right physically. The only

49:19

way to be right mentally is to be right physically. And I'm not saying

49:21

you need to have a six pack, but

49:23

if you got the dad bod and you're unhealthy and

49:25

you feel unhealthy, it's hard to be a good dad.

49:27

I'm just gonna tell you. I'm

49:32

blessed with a gene. I don't know what's in the Alford

49:34

family or what. My dad ran five miles a day.

49:36

My sister works out like an animal. My

49:38

mom's very physically fit. It's

49:41

in our blood. I don't know how or why,

49:43

but it is. Like I'm just wired that way.

49:45

So like, don't get me wrong, I have moments

49:47

of eating better or not eating

49:49

better, which affects like maybe my weight and things like

49:51

that. I don't always have the

49:54

perfect physique, but I'm always in pretty good shape.

49:56

And I just can't even

49:59

fathom. trying to be

50:01

a good dad, a good husband, without

50:04

some level of taking care

50:06

of myself physically, which then releases a

50:08

lot of things mentally. So

50:10

I can't encourage a dad that might be

50:12

listening to get that in order. I

50:16

think mentally and emotionally. So I'm the same

50:18

way, actually, I have a degree in sports

50:20

medicine with a minor in nutrition. I

50:23

was never really meant to do this. I

50:25

was gonna go into corporate wellness back in my younger

50:27

years, or I was gonna go get my master's in

50:29

physical therapy, which at the time the industry was completely

50:31

swamped and there wasn't a job to be had, so

50:33

I moved on. But my

50:36

kids will ask me, early on, they would be like, why do

50:38

you work out so much? I'm like, actually, I was like, I

50:41

work for demons out. And they're like, what does that mean?

50:43

I was like, it's

50:45

awesome taking excess

50:47

energy, which by the way, everybody

50:49

has, whether that shows

50:51

up as stress or whether that shows

50:53

up at whatever, it's there. And

50:56

being able to, I think of

50:58

working out is recharging your battery. Like

51:00

literally you plug your phone in every night to recharge

51:02

the battery. Well, you go into the gym, your body's

51:04

made to move. Your mind is

51:07

made for your body to move. And

51:09

when we do that, all dopamine

51:11

gets hit and dorphins get released. A lot

51:14

of really good things. I

51:16

think some of the best ideas in business have

51:18

come in the middle of a workout, because the

51:20

mind is free and you feel really good. There's

51:23

something to be said about that. I

51:26

do agree with you. You don't need a six pack

51:28

to be a great father, but just kind of a

51:30

quick comparison, right? Like I said, I've been doing this

51:32

for 30 years. I got injured

51:35

in August during a workout with my oldest

51:37

son, just radically messed up

51:39

my knee. And my knee

51:42

bled internally for 12 straight

51:44

weeks. They couldn't figure out what was going on. And

51:46

finally, after 12 weeks, I had to

51:48

have the knee drained several times. Blood was always there.

51:50

I'm like, oh my God, I'm like Googling things on

51:52

the internet, like, oh my God, I'm gonna lose my

51:54

leg. None of that

51:56

happened, but 30 years of fitness. And

51:59

then suddenly. I could only operate

52:01

it as about the 30% level that

52:03

I was before. Couldn't do any cardio, couldn't

52:05

train legs. Basically was going in working upper

52:07

body as much as I could, but it

52:10

really took a toll on my mental and

52:12

emotional health because I didn't have that

52:14

outlet. And I realized how important that outlet really

52:16

is for us as men and husbands and fathers.

52:19

And now I'm pretty much healed. I had to

52:21

get surgery to get it taken care of. It's all good now,

52:24

but not having that. I

52:27

was showing up as

52:29

like a 1.0 version of myself and I

52:32

knew it. I didn't have the tolerance. I didn't

52:34

have patience. I just didn't feel right. It

52:37

just not having just that release

52:39

was critical. And I've learned how

52:41

critical it is. I'm like, man, now that I

52:43

can do it again, I'm doubling down, training

52:46

every day again. But yeah, it's hard

52:48

to do it without. And I stress

52:50

this outlet, this positive outlet,

52:52

because I think every guy

52:54

has an outlet. It's just a determination

52:56

of, is this outlet healthy or

52:59

is it a detriment? There's a lot

53:02

of outlets out there. A lot out there on

53:04

the other side. Yeah, for sure.

53:07

As we wrap up here, I wanna really hit on

53:09

this notion of balance. When

53:11

I first got involved in the dad space, it

53:14

was work-life balance, work-life balance, work-life balance. And then

53:16

doing this journey for as long as I have,

53:19

you know and I know, there is no such thing as balance.

53:22

But there can be optimization and there

53:24

can be effectiveness and there

53:26

can be efficiency. You run five businesses. You

53:28

have four boys. You're married

53:31

to Miss Nicole or Miss

53:33

Cole. And you

53:35

know, it's kind of funny. We have

53:38

a babysitter named Nicole and my youngest, I

53:40

couldn't say Nicole, he called her my Cole.

53:42

So we all call her my Cole. So

53:44

it's kind of funny how it's somewhat similar.

53:47

But how do you run five

53:51

businesses? You integrate yourself in there. How

53:54

do you keep that level of

53:57

connection with Nicole? You've got four

53:59

boys. Ways How do you do it all? I

54:03

have a look. It's

54:05

not easy member the let

54:07

me say that First and

54:09

foremost I will say this:

54:12

I. Read really hard really long

54:14

early. They. Had lots do

54:16

a pie by first marriage not working along

54:18

which is compatibility. I

54:20

worked in Manhattan where didn't

54:22

man at Madison Avenue some

54:24

largest companies the world or

54:26

ad agency the Marquis business

54:28

working on campaigns that at

54:30

you and all know it

54:32

probably was So tv ad

54:34

at enough pride myself on

54:36

some level. But. I'd

54:39

have realized that money isn't

54:41

everything. But. It's important. And

54:44

so i did have some learn lessons

54:46

coming into my second marriage that and

54:48

of adapt me so i five companies

54:50

but i put a really. Strong.

54:53

Line in the sand. Non. Negotiable.

54:56

And if you do that with yourself, With.

54:59

Your employees in him with your

55:01

clients. They'll. Respect you

55:03

for they understand that. The. First

55:06

and foremost, my family comes

55:08

first. And no

55:10

matter what's going on, if it's

55:12

an emergency with the family or

55:15

that game. Or. A practice or

55:17

whatever. I'm going to be there. And.

55:20

I said that expectation both with

55:22

myself, them with everyone else and.

55:25

I also you have to. You

55:27

have to extract joy from those

55:29

situations. And.

55:32

A lot of times if you're unhappy with

55:34

yourself, are unhappy in your marriage or something

55:36

like that. It. Strips the joy

55:38

out of some of those things which

55:41

then create excuses because you are truly

55:43

wanting to be there. And.

55:45

So you gotta get that right. First, You.

55:48

Gotta get your marriage right? Yeah, To get your

55:50

family right? You gotta be happy in that. Organization

55:53

or unit. you know, like as a

55:55

family. So yes, start they ever wants.

55:57

That's right, Vignette. The said it's.

56:00

Patients both internally and externally. And

56:02

look. I. Don't care who you

56:04

are, what you do. So. Me

56:07

one boss. One. Client.

56:09

One. Person. That's. Gonna

56:12

tell you when you go. I've.

56:14

Got go to my son's practice. can take an hour and a

56:16

half. I'll get back to you. At. Seven dollars.

56:19

Or the next day. Or. Whatever.

56:21

Somebody. One client, one person, and twenty twenty

56:23

four. That's good. A faulty were tell you

56:25

can't do that. They're. Not.

56:28

They're. Not in your make it up in your

56:30

head if you think it is. We do

56:32

what we want to do. We.

56:35

Make the choices that we want to make.

56:37

We create the balance that we want to

56:39

make. If. You don't have work.

56:41

Life balance is because you aren't happy at

56:44

home and you wanna be at work more.

56:46

period. into story. Ss

56:48

And so if you truly

56:50

want it, Then. You

56:52

better get happy with yourself. And

56:54

they get happy with your wife. And.

56:57

The kids if you're have your kids yet

56:59

proms anyway but let me just kinda like

57:01

the that a home other you know says

57:03

it's health subject you know my office like

57:05

laying down on the brown cow see her

57:07

who gets authors of the zoos but the

57:09

but you get a bit a source with

57:11

happiness with your wife and that balance there.

57:14

And. As long as that is there because

57:16

that's of at. That's where the only time

57:18

I have a point when I haven't had

57:20

work life balance it's wonder relationship my wife

57:22

was not right. That's

57:24

happened with Nicole. On.

57:27

Some levels, Nothing like a day with my ex.

57:29

But. The truth of the matter

57:32

is we we make the time for

57:34

what we want to do as men.

57:36

And you can have it all. You.

57:39

Can. Ah, but you've

57:41

got to prioritize and you do have

57:43

set boundaries. I.

57:45

Gray you can have at all. It's

57:48

one thing that we say we we actually have a mastermind

57:50

just for business owners. We have. We have one for nine

57:52

to five hours. Call the Alliance only have one for business

57:54

owners. Call the Boardroom. We say that all the time. You.

57:57

Can have it all. If. you under

58:00

and understand how it works, right? And

58:02

I think men go about this the opposite way. I know I did

58:05

for a long time, which is I need

58:07

to make everybody else happy first. Now,

58:10

don't get me wrong. There's some nobility in that,

58:12

right? There's some selflessness in that. But

58:14

it's also a trap. It's also a trap.

58:17

Because what happens is if we run full

58:20

bore in trying to make

58:22

everybody else happy, your wife, your kids,

58:24

your team, your business, whatever, all

58:27

the while, you aren't putting gas

58:29

in your own car, well, that's

58:31

gonna be a problem. Your car is gonna run out of

58:33

gas. We don't expect our cars to run without fuel, but

58:35

yet somehow, some way, we expect us to do that. And

58:38

that's a no-ended situation. The other thing too

58:40

is once we're in that trap, I

58:42

think it's actually really hard for us to see what's actually going

58:45

on. Because when we're in that trap

58:47

and we're trying to make everybody else happy and we're trying

58:49

to serve, serve, serve, serve, serve without taking just a little

58:51

bit of time. I'm not talking about taking a lot of

58:53

time, but a little bit of time to fill us up

58:56

in whatever means that is for you. Fitness

58:58

is probably one big thing for you as it is for me.

59:01

But if we're not doing that, we're

59:03

actually showing up at the overwhelmed, stressed out, burnt out

59:05

version of ourselves, which by the way, your kids really

59:08

don't want that version of you and neither does your

59:10

wife. But yet we somehow, we're

59:12

not, we're so far down the rabbit hole and

59:14

in that trap that we just can't see it.

59:17

But as soon as we just step back, and sometimes, man,

59:19

it just takes like 20 minutes, 30

59:22

minutes, go do something so you

59:24

are your best. I don't know about you, but I do love

59:27

to work out in the morning, but

59:30

there's certain things that I do before I

59:32

leave this office, before I go hang out

59:34

with my kids. If I do

59:36

them, I'm gonna be better. So if

59:38

I go full boring here and

59:40

do some burpees or I do

59:42

work, train abs or I do

59:45

some pushups or something to release

59:47

that energy, I

59:49

feel like I can tackle the world

59:52

with my kids and my wife. But

59:54

I think a lot of guys don't create that space, which

59:56

I think it could be a huge mess. I

59:59

think it is. But I'll say this on the

1:00:01

other side of that coin. So

1:00:03

10 years ago, I

1:00:05

mean, I used to be a five handicap golfer.

1:00:09

Uh, I played golf once a week

1:00:12

and you know, it was a pretty good

1:00:14

golfer. Me remember the country club, uh,

1:00:16

when my wife, my second wife and I got married,

1:00:18

we were still members of the country club for the

1:00:21

first few years. But

1:00:23

I made this determination. You know, we say you can have it

1:00:25

all. You can have it all. But you

1:00:27

know what? I realized that spending

1:00:30

six hours on the golf course, every,

1:00:34

you know, weekend or every, every other weekend

1:00:36

or three times, three times a month on

1:00:38

a Saturday or Sunday was

1:00:41

not conducive to a healthy family

1:00:43

relationship. I have not

1:00:45

played golf in three years. I only play

1:00:47

now when I get invited with family or

1:00:49

friends or like, there's just something that makes

1:00:51

sense, a tournament or something, and I can

1:00:53

still hit it around decently. But

1:00:56

I gave it up because it just, it,

1:00:59

do I love golf? I love golf. It's a blast.

1:01:01

Is it fun? Yeah, I love it, but

1:01:03

it just wasn't conducive to look,

1:01:05

the kids got stuffed like six, it takes six

1:01:07

hours to play golf. And I don't like to

1:01:09

play nine holes. Cause even nine holes, by the

1:01:11

time you pack up, do it, it's still three

1:01:14

and a half hour venture. And

1:01:16

so I made the decision

1:01:18

that that may have made me

1:01:20

happy, but it did absolutely nothing

1:01:22

cause none of my kids really got into it.

1:01:24

They, for whatever reason, you know, showed them, took

1:01:27

them, we played all that, none of them really

1:01:29

took to it. Didn't wait my

1:01:31

wife happy. She didn't care about golf. And look, she

1:01:33

didn't make me do that, by the way. Yeah.

1:01:36

I just realized, you know, the

1:01:38

second time around going,

1:01:40

I really love my wife. I really love my

1:01:42

kids. I want, you know, like I

1:01:44

love myself and want myself to be happy. And

1:01:47

so I do other things that do the physical fitness thing, but

1:01:50

that, that wasn't conducive. And so again,

1:01:53

you still have to make some hard

1:01:55

decisions and then it decides some things and draw some

1:01:57

lines in the sand for what works and what doesn't.

1:02:00

I'm so glad you said that. What are the

1:02:03

things that are gonna be most effective

1:02:06

that I can do that aren't gonna completely rob

1:02:08

me of my time? I feel you on this

1:02:10

one. I

1:02:13

did martial arts for many years of my life, and

1:02:16

it was on my bucket list to be a

1:02:18

black belt in this one martial art that took about

1:02:20

five years to get the black belt. And

1:02:23

my instructor at the time, so

1:02:26

I was doing Kukso-wan, which is a traditional

1:02:28

Korean mixed martial art of Taekwondo

1:02:30

and Hapkido. They blend them together. And

1:02:33

so I did that for years, and then I started

1:02:35

having kids, but

1:02:40

my instructor was a diehard. He's

1:02:42

like three times a week, an

1:02:45

hour and a half per class. So he would run hour

1:02:47

and a half classes. He had to be there three times a week.

1:02:50

That's not really conducive to a young

1:02:52

family. It was basically

1:02:55

five and a half hours of time, almost the

1:02:57

exact same thing. And it just got up to

1:02:59

the point where he was taking

1:03:01

so much time that I unfortunately,

1:03:04

I was one test away from

1:03:06

my black belt, and I had a conversation. And

1:03:08

they only tested for black belt once a year, which was brutal.

1:03:12

I went to my instructor and I'm like, listen, man, I know all the curriculum. I'm

1:03:14

up for testing. Are you gonna test me in

1:03:16

October? And

1:03:20

he was like, you have an average three classes a week. You've

1:03:23

averaged two. I was like, that's all I can do,

1:03:25

man. Like, I can't do more. He's

1:03:27

like, well, then you won't be tested. And I'm

1:03:29

like, so you're telling me if you don't test

1:03:31

me in October until I start to average three

1:03:33

classes per week for a year, you're

1:03:35

not gonna test me until the following October? He said, yeah. And

1:03:38

I was like, well, unfortunately, I need to leave. And

1:03:41

I left. I left that black belt on the table

1:03:43

after training for four and a half, five years in

1:03:45

that martial art, and I left it. It

1:03:48

sucked to leave, but what sucked

1:03:50

worse was having my wife be a

1:03:52

single parent for six hours. And

1:03:55

it was right in the ideal times of the day.

1:03:57

It was in the evenings. It was a Saturday. It's

1:04:00

like it wasn't working out. So I totally get that, man.

1:04:02

Yeah. And so we got to make those

1:04:05

decisions. I mean, there's, and we do and

1:04:07

I'll, let me get throw another one at you.

1:04:09

Dads and people listening, but golf's good

1:04:11

for business, man. You know, but deals have closed the

1:04:13

sort of. Let

1:04:15

me just tell you right now in 2024, you know,

1:04:18

how many people were playing six hours of golf to

1:04:20

get business? Very few, just

1:04:22

clients don't have time for that. They're not going

1:04:25

to do it. I told and

1:04:27

convinced myself forever that that mattered. And

1:04:29

I didn't close one deal on the golf course. And look,

1:04:31

I worked a job that probably could or should have closed

1:04:34

deals on the golf course, so keep

1:04:36

fooling yourself. Well,

1:04:41

listen, Ryan, where can guys find you connect

1:04:43

with you? You're doing a lot of amazing

1:04:45

things. I know you, you, you run a

1:04:47

marketing agency. You really know branding really

1:04:49

well. We've got a lot of guys who own businesses.

1:04:52

Um, where can men best connect with you?

1:04:55

Yeah. I'm most active on Instagram

1:04:57

at Ryan Alford. Um,

1:04:59

had that blue check before you could buy it. Had

1:05:05

the blue checks somehow make

1:05:07

that a part of your bio. Yeah. Before

1:05:09

you guys, I say it a lot. Yeah.

1:05:12

I, uh, now our podcast is pretty

1:05:14

popular to the Radcast. So either one

1:05:16

of those, uh, you can find me

1:05:18

and, uh, the, uh, but

1:05:21

happy to talk. And I answer most of my DMs.

1:05:23

I get about a thousand a week, but

1:05:25

I like just from the show

1:05:27

and everything's, but I do answer all the

1:05:29

ones that are legitimate. So I'm very accessible

1:05:31

and I would love to connect with

1:05:33

anybody that listens and this resonates with them. Well,

1:05:36

not to worry guys. We're going to have all

1:05:38

the links in the show notes for you. All

1:05:41

you have to do is head on over to

1:05:43

the data.com/Friday, one four four for the show. Again,

1:05:45

the data edge.com/Friday, one four four for the show.

1:05:47

We'll have Ryan's website. We'll also have his Instagram

1:05:49

in there so you can get connected there. Uh,

1:05:52

Ryan, this has been awesome, man. It's not very

1:05:54

often that I get to speak with another man.

1:05:57

Who has four boys as well. But

1:06:01

we're a rare breed my friend, but thanks for

1:06:03

giving your time today. This was a ton of

1:06:05

fun. My pleasure Larry. Thanks for having

1:06:07

me on. You bet brother.