Episode Transcript
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0:01
You're listening to Comedy Central monkey
0:11
pocks. This morning, the World
0:13
Health Organization announced that,
0:15
because of concerns that the word monkey
0:18
pocks is racist and stigmatizing
0:21
the disease, will officially be renamed M
0:24
pocks. And
0:28
I don't know who this is for. You
0:31
know, all this sounds like they were trying so hard not
0:34
to be racist that they ended up being
0:36
racist. You know. Some guy
0:39
was like, we can't use monkey.
0:41
That immediately makes me think of you
0:43
know, all
0:45
right, come on, we're all thinking it, right. I
0:47
might there only on because
0:50
here's the thing. If you're really trying to get rid of the stigma,
0:52
just give it a completely different name, all right, because
0:54
you realize just abbreviating the word that you don't want
0:56
people to think about, which works until
0:58
someone says what the M stand for.
1:01
Ah. In
1:04
international news, a French court has
1:06
officially ruled that companies cannot
1:08
require employees to have fun at
1:11
work, after one man was fired
1:13
for refusing to participate in office
1:15
parties. Yeah,
1:17
and I'll tell you now, I am with this guy. Yeah,
1:20
if you ask me, companies require way too much of
1:22
their employees or making them go to office
1:24
parties, team buildings, You're forcing them to wash
1:26
their hands after going into the bathroom. Is too much? You
1:29
gotta pick one. Oh. In
1:31
some news out of the Pentagon, the U. S
1:34
Defense Department just failed a government audit,
1:36
with officials saying that they are unable
1:39
to account for more than sixty of
1:41
the military's three point five trillion
1:44
dollars in assets. Yeah,
1:47
they just don't know where it is. And
1:50
I don't I don't even know how it's possible to lose
1:52
track of that much money. Like, what are
1:54
they water boarding people with Christal? What are they doing
1:56
there? Huh? And honestly,
1:58
the Pentagon deserves to be punt for this. Unfortunately,
2:02
they happened to have all the missiles, So we'll let
2:04
it slide. This time bent'ter gone, but
2:06
next time. All right, let's move on to some
2:08
of the bigges stories of the day, starting with China
2:11
America's loan shock that
2:13
since the coronavirus originated in one of China's
2:15
major cities, Jijing Ping's government has
2:17
been doing everything it can to clamp
2:19
down on COVID nineteen. But after three
2:21
hours of some of the strictest lockdowns
2:23
in the world, it looks like the Chinese people
2:26
have officially had enough. Protests
2:29
are spreading across that country. Thousands
2:32
are taking to the streets, some even calling for China's
2:34
president to step down. All of this amid
2:37
rising frustration over the government's
2:39
zero COVID strategy. Crowd
2:42
swelled and defiance spilling
2:45
over to the heart of Beijing
2:49
right out chanting
2:52
for freedom from the grip of the COVID
2:54
policy that protesters say has
2:56
worn on too long. They're calling
2:58
for the end of lockdown, is the end of
3:00
testing all of the zero
3:03
COVID measures that have ruled daily
3:05
life here. Yeah, that's right. People in China
3:07
are taking to the streets to protest the government's
3:09
draconian COVID policies, which is
3:12
a big deal because remember, China
3:14
is not one of those chill countries, because
3:17
like talk trash about the government, or storm
3:19
the capitol, or plot to kidnap a governor. No,
3:21
no, no, no. Protesting
3:25
in China is a big deal. It's like
3:27
growing up in an African family and trying
3:29
to tell your parents that you don't think Noah's
3:31
ark is real, you know, because
3:33
like I'm just saying, Mom, think about it. How can they
3:35
fit all those animals on one ball to be like the
3:37
same way I'm going to fit all this foots on your back side?
3:40
Are you saying that it is not real? You
3:43
send that faflore? Just just something
3:46
now. Now,
3:49
there are many reasons why China has been so hard
3:51
core with its lockdowns. Right, less than half of
3:53
the elderly population is vaccinated, The Chinese
3:55
vaccine isn't particularly effective, and
3:58
the Communist government has refew used to
4:00
bring in outside vaccines obviously
4:02
because they think it will make them look bad. You know,
4:04
what's the same reason I was reluctant to bring a dudo
4:07
into my relationship. Yeah, I
4:09
don't mind that you use it, but the fact
4:11
that you cuddle with it off towards that's what hurts me, Candice,
4:13
That's what hurts me. And
4:21
almost three years into this pandemic, it is still
4:23
crazy to see the range of responses from different countries
4:25
around the world. Right, China shuts
4:28
down an entire city if one person
4:30
coughs. Meanwhile Americans are
4:32
like, hey, guys, I tested positive
4:34
for COVID, So I'm just gonna
4:36
play the first few rounds of spend the bottle tonight. Okay,
4:39
let's be responsible, but
4:45
let's move on from a dictatorship to
4:47
someone who wishes they could stop their own Donald,
4:50
You making me crazy Trump. Ever
4:53
since Donald Trump announced that he would be running
4:55
for election, many have been
4:57
wondering, will this finally
5:00
be the moment when he becomes presidential?
5:03
Well, judging by his recent dinner party with Kanye
5:06
West, the computer says no. Former
5:08
President Donald Trump is facing fierce criticism
5:10
tonight, even from his own allies, for
5:12
having dinner at his Moral Lago estate with
5:14
controversial musician Kanye West
5:17
and white supremacist Nick Flentes.
5:19
If you're not familiar, Fluentes is this high profile
5:21
figure on the far right holocaust
5:24
denier, but he's best known for running the America
5:26
First Organization, which, according to
5:28
the A d L Quote, seeks to forge a
5:30
white nationalist alternative to the
5:32
mainstream GOP. Even for Donald
5:35
Trump, this was outrageous, okay.
5:38
First of all, First of all, this whole
5:40
story sounds like the set up to one of those jokes
5:42
that your uncle tells you at dinner, you know, Like,
5:44
Okay, So a racist billion nian, anti
5:47
Semitic rapper and a white supremacist
5:49
walking to a bar and
5:51
then what happened to hold on the black weight is
5:53
coming. Hold a diet? Could please? Thank
5:55
you? Thank you. Secondly,
6:05
why do journalists still act surprised
6:08
when Donald Trump does Donald Trump
6:10
stuff? Uh? Even for Donald Trump?
6:12
This is what do you mean? Even for Donald Trump?
6:14
Is Donald Trump doing Donald Trump? Trump having
6:17
dinner with Nazis is not outrageous. He had dinner
6:19
with vegetables. That would be outrageous. That would be crazy.
6:21
What yeah and he was spelling words what.
6:27
But because of this dinner, Trump has taken a lot of flak
6:29
from all sides, and so, in classic Trump style,
6:31
he sent out a few posts about why. As
6:34
for usual, he isn't to blame
6:36
for anything that he did. But
6:38
Mr Trump tried distancing himself,
6:40
posting on social media that West
6:43
called me to have dinner, expressed
6:45
no anti Semitism, and claimed
6:48
I didn't know Nick Fuentes Yeah
6:50
yeah yeah. And Trump's defense, I
6:53
mean, how would he know that the guy Kanye rolls with
6:55
could be a white supremacist? I mean I get
6:57
what he's saying. He's like, I just wanted to have dinner
6:59
with this, and I sent out I didn't know he was going to bring a
7:01
friend. Because
7:04
I love how Trump tries to immunize himself by saying,
7:06
Kanye expressed no anti Semitism
7:09
at the dinner, and then what, I'm
7:11
also sure he didn't wrap up the dinner, but you still know
7:13
that he's a wrapper. Now
7:16
you might be wondering, if
7:18
Kanye didn't want to talk anti semitism
7:20
at the dinner table, what did he want to talk about.
7:23
Well, apparently he was trying
7:25
to convince Trump to not run
7:27
for president, but not in the
7:29
way you think. The dinner was not
7:31
completely amiable. Trump became
7:33
angry when West asked the presidential
7:36
candidate to serve as running
7:39
mate for West's own newly
7:41
announced presidential bid, posting
7:44
this video to Twitter titled mar
7:46
Lago Debrief, explaining
7:48
he asked if Trump would be his vice
7:50
presidential running mate at the dinner. I think
7:52
the thing that Trump was most
7:55
perturbed about me asking him to
7:57
be my vice president. But then he goes
7:59
on to say that
8:03
Kim is that you can
8:05
tell her. I said that, and I was thinking, like, that's
8:08
the mother of my children. Trump started
8:11
basically screaming at me at the table, telling
8:13
me I was gonna lose. I mean, has
8:15
that ever worked for anyone in history?
8:20
I'm like hold on, hold on, Trump, you're
8:22
talking to ya.
8:32
Okay. First of all, Kanye,
8:36
whoever made his video, they bleeped him
8:38
when he said the thing that Trump said,
8:41
And I'm going you have people
8:44
that bleep you, why don't you use them
8:46
more? He
8:48
should be like, here's what I think about the bood. And
8:55
also the fact that Trump got so mad at
8:57
Kanye just shows you, like where his priorities
8:59
are. Right, Here's no problem hosting a guy who
9:01
wants to go death con three on the Jews
9:04
or the Holocaust deny that he brought to
9:06
dinner with him who he got along with. But if you ever
9:08
suggest he should be number two on
9:10
someone's take at Trump would be like, you discuss
9:12
me, sir, talk like that. There's
9:14
no place in America. We don't talk like that
9:16
in this gut jam. Can
9:19
I get where Trump is coming from? Kanye is asking
9:21
Trump to be his Mike Pence, and
9:24
Trump is probably like you, I could never be Mike
9:26
Bench. I have sex with my eyes open. The
9:33
World Cup with the United States has moved
9:36
on to the round of sixteen after
9:38
defeating your own one zero.
9:42
Guess that's such an amazing win for
9:44
them. It means that they go to the next round and they
9:47
now get to say Iran instead of
9:49
Iran. In Hawaii,
9:51
the world's largest active volcano has just
9:54
begun erupting for the first time in
9:56
thirty eight years, which
9:59
is a shame. Another brother
10:01
fallen during no not November.
10:06
It was so close, man, it was so close. In
10:09
now the Science News, researchers have now
10:11
reanimated a so called zombie
10:14
virus that has lain dormant
10:16
under the Arctic ice for nearly fifty thousand
10:19
years. Yeah. Now, the good news
10:21
is that Joe Biden is immune. He already had it as a kid. And
10:25
I know, I know a lot of people are worried. They're like, why are
10:27
we doing this? It is dangerous to mess with viruses
10:30
this way, But think about the people. It's actually pretty smart because
10:32
these viruses are eventually going to emerge
10:34
anyway when the ice caps melt. So the
10:37
quicker we can learn about them, the quicker we can
10:39
make a vaccine that no one will take. Oh
10:41
and in some legal news, a
10:44
Florida woman is suing
10:46
Craft Foods over it's
10:48
microwave mac and cheese, arguing that
10:51
while the box says it's ready in
10:53
three and a half minutes. That doesn't
10:55
include the amount of time it takes to add the water and
10:57
then wait for the sauce to thicken. And
11:00
you can laugh, but
11:02
she's rights. I
11:04
mean, the box doesn't even include the time it takes for me
11:06
to cry over the fact that I have to eat craftmac and cheese
11:08
for dinner. That's another forty five minutes.
11:11
And you know, stories like this make you think about it. He must be so
11:14
hard for the lawyer who works in a case like this to
11:16
discuss their work with their peers. You know, they
11:19
like they're just sitting in the rooms, like I'm working
11:21
on a case to protect the right to abortion
11:23
in the South. It's like, yeah, I'm working
11:25
on it. A case to shut down a company that's
11:27
been poisoning the water of poor communities.
11:30
How about you, Ellen, It's like, well, you know,
11:32
you know how sometimes back and cheese
11:34
takes longer to
11:37
make than you expect. All
11:40
right, well, let's move on to some of the biggest stories
11:42
of the day. Slot with the ongoing firestorm
11:45
facing Donald Trump, former presidents and host
11:47
of the most disturbing dinner since the one Jeffrey Dahma
11:49
had last week. Trump Ate dinner
11:51
at Marlonga with Kanye West and a prominent
11:53
white supremacist named Nick Fuentez.
11:56
And we don't know exactly what happened
11:58
at that dinner except that nobody at Luckys.
12:00
But apparently a lot
12:02
of Republicans don't think it's a great
12:05
look for the leader of their party to
12:07
be splitting apps with neo Nazis. Donald
12:09
Trump facing growing backlash to his dinner
12:12
last week with prominent white nationalist
12:14
Nick fuent Is. Republican politicians
12:16
now among those calling out the former
12:18
president. I think there's has
12:20
been clear that there's no bottom to the degree
12:23
to which President Trump will degrade
12:26
himself and the nation. Well,
12:28
thank you, make better choices. Obviously
12:31
that was a bad decision. There's no place
12:33
for that in the Republican Party. President
12:36
Trump was wrong to
12:38
give a white nationalist,
12:42
an anti semid and Holocaust denier
12:44
a seat at the table, and I think he should
12:46
apologize for it. Uh,
12:49
and he should denounce those individuals
12:53
and their hateful rhetoric without qualification.
12:55
Let me just say that there is no room
12:59
and repel looking party any
13:02
semitism
13:04
or white supremacy. That's rob
13:06
there's no rule at
13:09
all. But cross we're already fault.
13:13
I mean, we don't have room for someone who hates doth rockets.
13:15
That would be a new one. You
13:17
know, It's so funny watching Republicans try to
13:20
chastise Trump for hanging out
13:22
with someone who has the exact same views as him
13:24
without chastising Trump for having those views right.
13:27
Because here's the thing, I'm willing to believe. I'm willing
13:29
to believe that Trump didn't know who Nick Fluences
13:31
was when he came to his dinner, As Trump says, I'm willing to believe
13:33
that, But you've gotta admit it says a lot about
13:36
him that he enjoyed this man's company
13:38
and everything that he had to say. Al
13:40
Right, Like, if your friend brings doth vade to your house
13:42
for dinner, that's not your faults. But
13:45
fifteen minutes in, any decent person would be like, I'm
13:47
not comfortable with how much this guy talks about
13:49
blowing up planets. Also, why
13:51
is he wearing a mask? We've all been tested and
13:55
it is nice. It is nice to see Republican officials
13:57
speak out against Trump for a change, but we
13:59
all know how this is gonna end. Republicans
14:01
get mad at Trump for a little while, and then
14:03
they always get back together with him in the end. Trump
14:06
scandals are basically like Hallmark movies,
14:08
you know, except Trump never actually changes
14:10
and becomes a better person. It's just like Donald,
14:12
either you choose your career or you
14:15
choose me. Like, well, I choose my career. Okay,
14:17
you can't have me too, Donald. But
14:20
let's move on to some news about trains,
14:23
or as I call them, choo choo trains. You
14:26
may think about trains is just a form of transport
14:28
or a place where people gather to solve murders,
14:30
but they're not just that. It turns
14:33
out that trains are responsible for carrying
14:35
billions of dollars in goods
14:37
across America every year. But over the past
14:39
few months, railroad workers have
14:41
been trying to negotiate better working conditions
14:44
with the railroads, and the dispute has gotten
14:46
so bad that now President Biden
14:49
Amtrak Joe himself is stepping
14:51
in. President biding his client Congress
14:53
to a vertal looming rail strike and impose
14:55
a settlement that some union members are rejected. The
14:57
President's involvement signals a major for
15:00
him he that could potentially pit him against
15:02
his union allies. But right now, George,
15:04
he says that that he was reluctant to get involved
15:06
in this one, but the potential that cripple, that
15:09
this could cripple the economy was just too much. A
15:11
strike could threaten everything from farming and
15:13
food to crucial chemicals for clean water, causing
15:16
major supply change disruptions. Yeah,
15:18
that's right. A railroad strike wouldn't just inconvenience
15:21
passengers. It would devastate the entire
15:23
economy, which you've got to admit sounds
15:25
weird in two right, No,
15:27
it does because railroads feel so old timing and
15:29
it was like all the railroad and
15:32
the like. It will devastate the economy. And now is like finding
15:34
out you're losing your job because the whale
15:36
hunters union went on strike. But
15:39
I welcome computers. Yeah, well, actually the internet
15:41
runs on whale oil. What are you gonna do
15:44
now? The situation is complex, but basically,
15:47
some railroad unions are threatening to strike
15:49
because despite railroad companies making billions
15:52
in profits, workers schedules
15:54
are so unpredictable that they can't plan their lives
15:56
and they definitely don't get nearly
15:59
enough sick days, which they deserve, especially
16:01
because every few train rides they have to climb on the
16:03
roof because they hear a sound and as James Bonden is coming
16:05
to punch them and take over the train. That's at least
16:07
a mental health day. So
16:10
it's kind of messed up for Joe Biden to step in and
16:12
forbid the workers from striking. You know, that's
16:14
the only points of leverage that workers have. If they can't
16:16
strike, what are they supposed to do and be like, all right, we'll
16:18
run the trains, but when we blow the whistle,
16:20
it's gonna be real sad to too. At
16:25
the same time, though, I can see why Joe Biden is willing to
16:27
stop the unions from going on strike. He can't have the
16:29
economy take a hit on his watch. His
16:32
administration has enough problems, high interest
16:34
rates, war in Europe. They can't find
16:36
a center for Pete Boudhage. Times are hard,
16:39
But if anyone can solve a train crisis, it's
16:42
Joe Biden. This man has spent
16:44
his whole life obsessed with
16:46
trains. This is his moment.
16:49
Can you imagine he's made for him? This
16:51
is like if Trump had to solve the crisis
16:53
involving the mac rib You know, he's
16:55
just buy everyone out of the room. Millennia,
16:58
give me the Hamburglar and I secure and
17:00
we're gonna solve this. But
17:03
this isn't yet another reminder of all the things
17:05
happening in the supply chain that we all just take
17:07
for granted. Right, we take it all
17:09
for granted, because a banana doesn't just
17:12
show up in a grocery store. Somebody
17:14
grows a tree in Costa Rica,
17:17
and then it's picked and it's loaded onto a
17:19
truck and then a ship, all
17:21
right, and then another truck and then
17:23
a train and then another
17:26
truck. And that's when
17:28
you buy it at the store. You put
17:30
it on your counter and you let it slowly
17:32
rot before throwing it in the garbage.
17:34
And that garbage is picked up by another truck
17:37
and then it shipped back to Costa Rica.
17:39
It's actually beautiful when you think about it. It's a circle
17:42
of life. I
17:44
fill out my ti Hi.
17:48
Finally, history
17:50
is full of famous feuds, you know, Godzilla
17:53
versus Mathra, swift Ease versus
17:55
ticket Master, herschel Walker
17:57
versus Condoms. And now there's a new one.
18:00
Elon Musk. The Wold's richest man
18:02
is picking a fight with the world's richest
18:05
company. Elon Musk has a beef
18:07
with Apple. He claims the tech giant has threatened
18:09
to pull Twitter from its app
18:11
store, a move like that
18:13
would, of course, crush Musk's new company.
18:16
Musk tweeting a series of claims against Tim Cooking
18:18
Company, calling out the iphonemaker for
18:20
pulling back on advertising on the social
18:22
platform, also complaining about the
18:25
fifteen fee that is placed
18:27
on app developers. Musk also said
18:29
that Apple had threatened to remove Twitter from its
18:31
app store as part of its review moderation
18:33
process. He likened this move
18:35
to a suppression of free speech. This
18:37
is a battle for the future of civilization,
18:40
he writes. A free speech is lost even in
18:42
America. Tyranny is all that
18:44
lies ahead by
18:48
Elon, Tyranny.
18:50
You can't you can't give the brave of speech about
18:52
everything everything.
18:55
This dude is walking around Twitter headquarters like this
18:57
threatens the very existence of democracy
18:59
and and kind and the gender is like, okay, jeez,
19:02
I'll refill the paper towels. Stop
19:04
shouting now. We
19:06
should unpack this a bit because Elon went
19:08
full on ludicrous mode yesterday with a bunch
19:11
of different claims about Apple. The first thing
19:13
he complained about was that Apple stopped
19:15
advertising on Twitter, which he
19:17
thinks is an attack on free speech.
19:21
And maybe it's just me, but like,
19:23
g also find it funny how free speech and
19:25
giving Elon Musk money always seemed to be perfectly
19:27
aligned, right, Elon's like, oh, so the world's
19:30
most perfectly perfectly protected brand
19:32
doesn't want ads showing up next to Nazi memes.
19:34
I guess you believe in censorship. Secondly,
19:37
Elon is bitching that Apple has threatened to drop Twitter
19:39
from the app store, And if that's true, it's probably
19:41
because Apple requires all of its apps to be safe,
19:44
and Musk has essentially fired all the
19:46
people who are responsible for content moderation
19:49
and replaced them with a sign that just says, hey, don't
19:51
post that. And the
19:53
third point, the third point that Elon's crying about, is
19:55
that Apple has too much power
19:58
over iPhone apps. Yeah, because if he
20:00
charges eight dollars a month for Twitter verification,
20:02
Apple automatically gets to take up to of
20:05
any money people spend in the app. Ellen
20:08
doesn't want that. I mean, you can't afford to give Twitter's
20:10
money away just because some idiot made
20:13
him spend forty four billion dollars on an app that we all
20:15
used for free. He can't afford that ship. And
20:18
so that's where we are right now, the richest company versus
20:20
the richest man in the world. And the stakes
20:22
could not be higher because remember,
20:25
the outcome of this war couldn't determine
20:28
how we spend our time while we poop. Today
20:35
is Spotify Wrapped Day.
20:38
Yeah, well,
20:41
the day that Spotify looks at our music and
20:43
reminds us that we're all a basic bitch.
20:48
You know. I was thinking, thank god Tender doesn't do a year
20:50
and wrap up just
20:52
to remind you of all the terrible decisions you made
20:54
on desperate nights. It's like, wow,
20:56
I did a lot of people with pet snakes this year.
21:00
In international news, the United Nations
21:02
has officially added the French
21:04
baguettes to the UNESCO World
21:07
Heritage List, which
21:12
it's cool, but it's another reminder that the United
21:14
Nations really needs to eat lunch before making big
21:16
decisions. It's like, should we
21:18
give Chinese food a seats on the Security Council?
21:20
I'm so hungry and
21:23
you would think that this is great. Here's some of you clapping.
21:26
Oh yeah, I love bagetts, which remember, now it's protected
21:28
by the U. N. Yeah,
21:31
so now every time you're trying to take a bite out of the baguette,
21:33
a peacekeepers gonna jump out and kick your adds, Like stop
21:35
that ship. Meanwhile,
21:38
in presidential news, Joe Biden's Secret
21:41
Service detail had a bit of a scare recently
21:43
when five cars they had rented
21:46
suddenly burst into flames after
21:48
they were returned to her rent a car.
21:51
Yeah. Now, the good news is Biden has
21:54
got full coverage insurance. The
21:57
bad news is Senator Republicans blocked it. So
21:59
he's gonna need to borrow some money from Kamala now.
22:02
But my question is why is the why is the Secret
22:04
Service even renting? Cause from hurts
22:07
I the person who was thrown by that with like, like
22:10
what happens if the suv they want isn't
22:12
there? What now the president is rocking up
22:14
to a state dinner in a hunt day? Is that how it's gonna
22:16
work? Oh
22:19
and while we're talking about things exploding, experts
22:21
say the United States is now facing
22:24
a shortage of bomb sniffing
22:26
dogs. Yeah,
22:29
which probably explains how Morbius made it into
22:31
theaters. And
22:33
it makes sense, you know, when you think about it. Of
22:36
course, this is always gonna happen. If you had the choice of being
22:38
a bomb sniffing dog or a drug
22:40
sniffing dog, what would you choose? What
22:44
would you choose? So
22:49
simple? Option A you
22:52
might explode, Option be frea cocaine.
22:54
I mean it
22:58
is. It is hard for us humans though, you know, because
23:01
now you know what this means. We're gonna have to resort to bomb
23:03
sniffing cats. And
23:05
then those are good. They can figure out where the bombs
23:08
are, but they just won't tell us about it. The
23:12
cat will be there like I have nine lives, bitch,
23:14
not my problem.
23:17
All right, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day,
23:19
starting with the twenty two mid terms.
23:21
And I know what you're saying right now, you like, for Trevor, the
23:23
mid terms are over. I killed them. I watched
23:26
them die. Well you thought you did, but
23:29
you never took a headshot. And after you left, the mid
23:31
terms busted out of the dirt. And now they're back
23:34
because down in Georgia they're just a few days
23:36
away from a runoff between
23:39
incumbent Senator Raphael Warnock and
23:41
the reason you're putting yourself out of football her show Walker,
23:44
and we're gonna tell you all about the latest updates and other
23:47
installments of Vote Demick. There
23:56
is now less than one week to go until the Georgia
23:59
runoff election, and once again Herschel
24:01
Walker is battling controversies.
24:03
First of all, he might not even live
24:06
in the state that he's trying to represent. Yeah.
24:08
According to new reports, the
24:11
Georgia home that he's claimed as his residents
24:13
has actually been rented out for years.
24:17
Yeah. And apparently Walker even admitted in a speech
24:19
earlier this year that he lives in Texas,
24:23
which I was shocked about because I did not
24:25
think Herschel Walker knew the names of two different states.
24:27
This was really impressive.
24:32
And I know, I know this might piss some people
24:34
off, but when you think about it, this just proves that Herschel
24:36
Walker views Georgians as
24:38
family because he's never around them.
24:41
And of course, of course there's the other
24:44
problem for Herschel Walker, which is that every time he speaks,
24:46
things go wrong. For
24:49
instance, Walker was recently at a campaign
24:51
stop giving his views on
24:53
the border and any speech he's
24:56
trying to explain why he will build
24:58
Donald Trump's border war but
25:01
in a way that only herschel Walker can.
25:04
He goes on to debunk his own
25:06
argument about a wall and
25:08
then takes us on a wild ride that somehow involves
25:11
his dog the border. How
25:13
you're gonna do that, I said, way I can do it. Then you
25:15
had to put up a wall in the wall new world wall
25:18
working around your house. Where you gotta wall around your
25:20
house. People don't yah, they can get in,
25:22
but you know what they get in to be hard to get
25:24
out because I got a dog, my
25:26
dog ride when he put vad anyway,
25:28
But anyway,
25:36
I'm sorry, what did
25:39
this man just win an argument with himself because
25:43
he's like, I think his plan is to what build a border
25:45
wall so that he can trap immigrants
25:48
inside America? Is that what he's doing? You
25:50
see? He once they get in, they can't get up. Then they got
25:52
a good job and read the family settles down and that's how
25:54
we get them. Yeah,
25:57
it's it's almost like it so like
26:01
it's almost like Walker started out talking about border
26:03
security and then ended up telling everyone
26:05
how to break into his house. And
26:08
personally, I don't think he needs a wall, you know,
26:10
because the hardest part about breaking into hertual Walker's
26:12
house is figuring out which state it's in jokes,
26:15
You've actually live in Kansas, Hawaii.
26:18
Yeah, but let's
26:20
move on to some news from social
26:22
media. Ever since Elon Musk pranked himself
26:24
into buying Twitter forty four billion dollars,
26:26
he has been trying to reshape the entire
26:28
website according to what he likes.
26:31
He's brought back thousands of suspended accounts,
26:34
He's made it easier to get a blue check mark,
26:36
and now any number you tweets
26:38
automatically changed to sixty nine.
26:41
Yeah, you post that your dad only
26:43
has three days left, Now he has sixty nine.
26:46
Nice. Rest in peace, but
26:48
nice. But Elon's biggest promise
26:51
is that under his leadership, Twitter is
26:53
completely open for free speech, no matter
26:55
how wrong that speech
26:58
might be potentially dangerous.
27:00
New change on Twitter, the social media
27:02
side, is no longer enforcing its policy
27:05
against COVID misinformation. Twitter
27:07
suspended more than eleven thousand accounts
27:09
for breaking the policy and removed
27:11
almost one hundred thousand pieces of content
27:14
between January in
27:16
September, and
27:18
Musk is promising to restore many previously
27:21
Bay and Twitter accounts as soon as
27:23
this week. Health experts are concerned
27:25
that it could diminish efforts to stop the
27:27
spread of the virus and could discourage
27:29
vaccinations. Okay,
27:32
look, maybe this is my vaccine
27:34
microchip talking, But I
27:37
don't think it's responsible for Twitter to bring back the people
27:39
who are spreading COVID misinformation. But
27:41
but on the other hand, on the other hand, it is
27:45
like, how can you still be misinformed about COVID?
27:48
You know, we're just running around, Like I heard the vaccine church.
27:51
It's been three years. Do you see any lists? You
27:53
see any limits here? It
27:56
probably had it. I
28:01
forget COVID for a second. It's crazy that anyone
28:04
would go to Twitter for any medical
28:06
information. You
28:09
know, people should be going to the doctor for this stuff. But because
28:11
no one can afford a doctor in America, people
28:13
are out here searching hashtag bump on
28:15
my dick and hoping to find the cure. So
28:18
like cocaine on my penis, That's not what I was looking
28:20
for. Anyway.
28:22
Let's move on to some news coming out of San Francisco. Like
28:25
many big city, San Francisco has been struggling to
28:27
get crime under control. And if you're thinking,
28:29
oh, it's San Francisco, what are they doing prescribing
28:32
all the criminals CBD oil No, I
28:35
mean yes, but not just that. They
28:38
also have more hardcore solution
28:41
dude. This morning, San Francisco officials voted
28:43
to allow city police to have remote controlled
28:46
robots that could use deadly force
28:48
in extreme situations. Critics
28:50
of the decision say it militarizes San
28:52
Francisco's police, but city Supervisor
28:55
Raphael Mandelman, who voted in favor of
28:57
the robots, said that the killer machines would only
28:59
be used if lives are at stake. ASFPD
29:02
said they don't have pre armed robots
29:04
and they don't plan to arm the ones they
29:07
do have with guns, Assistant
29:09
Chief David Lasar said they could
29:11
deploy robots equipped with explosives.
29:14
Wait, wait what what They're
29:17
not gonna arm the robots, They're just gonna give them explosive
29:19
That is much worse. Who
29:21
who came up with that pr statement? Don't worry,
29:23
people, the robots aren't gonna have guns.
29:26
They're just gonna be suicide bombers. Okay,
29:28
calm down, everyone's going
29:32
this is such a bad idea. Do you know how often
29:34
robots make mistakes? Can
29:37
you imagine if Siri had a bomb.
29:40
It was like, hey, Siri played one savage
29:42
now killing your family? No, no,
29:47
wait, which which members of my family? But still
29:49
know, but let's talk about it now.
29:52
To be clear, just so we're on the same page, the robots
29:55
will not actually be deciding when
29:57
to use deadly force, all right. They will still
29:59
be trained human police officers
30:02
on the remote control triggers, So don't worry.
30:04
It's still gonna be mostly black people that get killed. And
30:07
it's wild. It's wild house cities can
30:09
always find money for high tech gadgets for cops,
30:12
but when it comes to investigating or
30:14
like investing in long term solutions that
30:16
might actually fix the problems, then they pockets are
30:18
empty. If you even noticed that. Yeah, they're like, oh
30:20
yeah, robots money, we got that. We
30:23
got that. People asking you're
30:25
like, wait, you're building robots that are police
30:27
with bombs. Can we do something about like the homeless
30:29
people, They're like, oh yeah, yeah, the robots can blow them off too.
30:31
Yeah, we canna handle that. It makes no sense.
30:37
The Democratic Party easily one of
30:39
the two parties in the United States. As
30:41
you know, Democrats lost control of
30:43
the House in last months midterm elections,
30:46
and as they get ready to be in the minority.
30:48
They're making some big changes at the top.
30:51
Democrats in the House have made history with their
30:53
new leadership. Congressman Hakim
30:55
Jeffries of Brooklyn has become the first black
30:57
leader of either party in Congress.
31:00
He will take over from Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
31:02
It was you know it was remaining in the House after stepping
31:04
down from the top job. Jefferis is fifty
31:07
two, thirty years younger than the outgoing
31:09
how Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a leader
31:11
with the style all his own and a pension
31:13
for weaving in the legacy of hip hop. That
31:15
is why we are here, Mr second
31:18
Loan. And if you don't know,
31:21
now, you know, I'm
31:29
glad no one else in the room finished that lyric.
31:33
But I don't know. As much as I enjoy
31:35
it, I think it feels kind of weird to called biggie
31:38
in such a serious and boring place
31:40
like Congress. Like I love I love hip hop.
31:42
I love hip hop, but I don't want to hear it everywhere,
31:44
you know, Yeah, Like I don't want my doctor
31:47
shoehorning that ship in. So,
31:49
Mr Noah, what are your symptoms?
31:51
Palm, sweaty and these weak arms are heavy.
31:54
Please take this very seriously. I'm very ill, but
31:58
that's right off the chunter. In fifty years, I'm Erica
32:00
finally has a minority minority
32:03
leader, which is amazing. Although
32:05
you will notice the Democrats only gave it to a black
32:07
guy after they lost the House. Yeah,
32:10
it's kind of like someone crushing their car and then being like, hey,
32:12
Kim, I know you've always wanted a BMW. You don't need to say
32:14
thank you. Also, the cops want to talk to you by
32:19
but no, you still you still have to give credit to the Democrats.
32:21
Right, Republicans haven't done this yet. I mean
32:23
they still think minority leader was the original
32:25
title of black Panther. And this isn't
32:28
just a big deal because Jeffries is black. Remember
32:30
that this also marks a shift
32:33
for the Democrats to a much younger generation
32:35
of leaders. Although again,
32:42
and we also don't really know, you
32:45
know, because Kim Jefferies is
32:47
black, so he could be like ninety, we don't actually
32:49
know how old he is. Because
32:52
you realize, even at fifty two for
32:54
a party leader in America, he's actually
32:57
a young man. I mean, think about it this way. Joe
32:59
Biden was in Congress when
33:02
Hakim was literally in diapers,
33:06
and now that her Kim is in Congress, Joe
33:08
Biden is the one in diapers.
33:11
The circle of life. Now,
33:16
if we had more time, we could talk about how
33:18
the House Democrats are just a sideshow for the
33:20
next two years, because the main events is whether Kevin McCarthy
33:22
will be able to wrangle his clown cough crazy
33:25
to get anything done. But we don't have the time to talk
33:27
about that because while her Kim Jeffreys is plotting
33:29
to take over the House, Elon Musk is plotting
33:31
to take over our brains. Elon
33:33
must said on Wednesday, a wireless device developed
33:36
by his brainship company, neural Link, is
33:38
expected to begin human clinical trials
33:40
in six months. The company is developing
33:43
brainship interfaces that it says could enable
33:45
disabled patients to move and communicate.
33:47
Again, We've been working hard to
33:50
be ready for our first human Essentially
33:53
that it's sort of like having
33:55
an Apple Watch or a FITBITU
33:59
replacing a piece of goal with like
34:01
a you know, a smart watch
34:03
you have in your link device, like I could have
34:05
in your link device, uh implant
34:08
right now, and you wouldn't you
34:11
wouldn't even know. I mean, yeah,
34:14
yeah, Elon, if if you told us you were a part
34:17
robot, all of us would be totally surprised.
34:19
We we would would be like I never saw
34:21
that coming. Look,
34:23
I will admit the idea of this technology
34:26
sounds amazing, but
34:28
in reality, the idea
34:30
of an Apple Watch or a fitbit in my
34:32
brain gives me a little pause
34:35
because if have you ever used an Apple Watch or
34:37
a fitbit? When it messes up on my roost,
34:39
I'm just like, ah, when it messes
34:42
up in my brain, then
34:44
what all of a sudden, I'm on Alex Jones praising Hitler
34:46
for inventing the microphone? Is that what's gonna happen? Just
34:49
like ah? And secondly, if
34:51
I'm going to get a chip in my head, I don't know if I want
34:53
Elon Musk to be in charge of it. You
34:55
know, Like a year ago, I would have been
34:57
like the Tesla guy. Maybe maybe,
35:00
But now I'm like the Twitter guy. I'll
35:03
pay him a dollars the stairway. Now,
35:07
if we had more time, we could talk about how
35:09
Elon previously promised that his brainship would
35:11
be ready for human trials three years ago, or how
35:13
he promised that Tesla's would be self driving by,
35:16
or how he built a high speed underground train
35:18
by, or how he'd land on Mars by
35:21
two basically just due to a guy in the strip club making it rain
35:23
with io us. But we don't have
35:25
time to talk about the techno king because
35:27
some real royals have just rocked up to America
35:30
shows. It was a royal welcome
35:32
for the Prince and Princess of Wales Wednesday,
35:34
on their first US visit in eight
35:36
years, here to present the earth Shot
35:39
Prize, which honors environmentalists.
35:42
They kicked off the trip by helping turn Boston
35:44
City Hall green. Katherine and
35:46
I are absolutely delighted to
35:49
be with you today for our
35:51
first engagement in a great city
35:53
of Boston. The couple also took in an
35:55
NBA game courtside, watching the
35:57
Boston Celtics beat the Miami Heat.
36:00
Then they hold this big star centered event on
36:02
Friday night where they're going to hand out five prize
36:04
is worth more than a million dollars each. Two
36:06
folks who are trying to tackle the climate
36:08
crisis. Okay, first of all, Prince
36:10
William is clearly a liar. Right, No
36:13
one has ever been delighted to be in Boston
36:15
in December. December,
36:18
what are you excited about? Oh, I love chap lips
36:20
are getting thrown up on by Patriots fans. How peachy
36:24
you've been in December? And you might be saying, no,
36:26
Trevor, they're having a good time. They even have course
36:28
sight seats. You think these people are impressed
36:31
by court side seats. The
36:33
man's regular seat is a throne. This
36:36
man has never set on a folding chair in his
36:39
life. He's probably like, look at this
36:41
thing. This chair has a mouth or something. Kates.
36:44
Now, if we had the time, we could talk more about
36:46
how great it is that Prince William and Kates are awarding
36:49
money to people who are trying to solve
36:51
climate change, or how shitty it is
36:53
that they ignored my idea to plug in a bunch
36:55
of air conditions neither glaciers would have worked. But
36:57
we just don't have the time for that, because while these royals
36:59
are having fun in America, the royals back home
37:01
in the UK are not having a good time
37:03
at all. Overshadowing the
37:05
trip controversy. Back at bucking
37:08
and Palate, the Prince's godmother,
37:10
Lady Susan Hussy, resigning
37:12
amid accusations of racism
37:15
in Gosie Flani, the founder of a
37:17
women's nonprofit and a black woman
37:19
born in the UK, says Tuesday
37:21
at the Palace, Hussey repeatedly asked
37:24
where she was really from,
37:26
implying she wasn't really British,
37:28
and Gosie Faloney tweeting the exchange,
37:30
which reads in parts, what nationality
37:33
are you? I am born here and I'm British.
37:36
No, but where do you really come from?
37:38
Where do your people come from? Hussy
37:40
also asking quote what parts
37:43
of Africa are you from? After and goes
37:45
he said she was from London tonight
37:47
and I witnessed, describing her shot at
37:49
the exchange, goes he was a white woman.
37:52
That line of questioning wouldn't have taken
37:54
place. People, How
37:57
many times do we have to go through this? There
38:00
is only one socially acceptable
38:02
way to find out someone's heritage.
38:06
You swabbed their DNA while they're asleep. Okay,
38:08
it's the polite thing to do. This
38:12
is like the first thing they teach you in avoidable
38:14
racism one O one. It is
38:16
just never say the word
38:18
from That's it. A lot
38:21
of racism includes the word from,
38:24
So just avoid it all together. Where
38:26
are you really from? Go
38:28
back to where you came from?
38:31
You see this clip from Tucker Carlson
38:36
from just stay away from it? And
38:38
I also love how this woman was given
38:40
a chance to control out delete racism
38:43
right, but instead she just copy pasted and carried
38:45
on where are you from?
38:47
I'm born here and I'm British. No, no,
38:49
no, you don't understand I'm being racist?
38:52
How black are you?
38:54
Show me on this map of Africa I brought
38:56
with me. Let me put it in words.
38:58
You understand? GODMANA
39:01
cook pottles falling from the sky
39:04
before we go. Please consider donating
39:07
to One Simple Wish, a charity that grants
39:09
wishes to kids and young adults who are in
39:11
foster care. If you want to help grunts a wish
39:13
or donate towards their holiday Wish fund, then
39:15
please do so at the link below. What's
39:19
the Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central
39:21
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39:29
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