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This Week's Top Stories | The Royals Take On America

This Week's Top Stories | The Royals Take On America

Released Saturday, 3rd December 2022
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This Week's Top Stories | The Royals Take On America

This Week's Top Stories | The Royals Take On America

This Week's Top Stories | The Royals Take On America

This Week's Top Stories | The Royals Take On America

Saturday, 3rd December 2022
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Episode Transcript

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0:01

You're listening to Comedy Central monkey

0:11

pocks. This morning, the World

0:13

Health Organization announced that,

0:15

because of concerns that the word monkey

0:18

pocks is racist and stigmatizing

0:21

the disease, will officially be renamed M

0:24

pocks. And

0:28

I don't know who this is for. You

0:31

know, all this sounds like they were trying so hard not

0:34

to be racist that they ended up being

0:36

racist. You know. Some guy

0:39

was like, we can't use monkey.

0:41

That immediately makes me think of you

0:43

know, all

0:45

right, come on, we're all thinking it, right. I

0:47

might there only on because

0:50

here's the thing. If you're really trying to get rid of the stigma,

0:52

just give it a completely different name, all right, because

0:54

you realize just abbreviating the word that you don't want

0:56

people to think about, which works until

0:58

someone says what the M stand for.

1:01

Ah. In

1:04

international news, a French court has

1:06

officially ruled that companies cannot

1:08

require employees to have fun at

1:11

work, after one man was fired

1:13

for refusing to participate in office

1:15

parties. Yeah,

1:17

and I'll tell you now, I am with this guy. Yeah,

1:20

if you ask me, companies require way too much of

1:22

their employees or making them go to office

1:24

parties, team buildings, You're forcing them to wash

1:26

their hands after going into the bathroom. Is too much? You

1:29

gotta pick one. Oh. In

1:31

some news out of the Pentagon, the U. S

1:34

Defense Department just failed a government audit,

1:36

with officials saying that they are unable

1:39

to account for more than sixty of

1:41

the military's three point five trillion

1:44

dollars in assets. Yeah,

1:47

they just don't know where it is. And

1:50

I don't I don't even know how it's possible to lose

1:52

track of that much money. Like, what are

1:54

they water boarding people with Christal? What are they doing

1:56

there? Huh? And honestly,

1:58

the Pentagon deserves to be punt for this. Unfortunately,

2:02

they happened to have all the missiles, So we'll let

2:04

it slide. This time bent'ter gone, but

2:06

next time. All right, let's move on to some

2:08

of the bigges stories of the day, starting with China

2:11

America's loan shock that

2:13

since the coronavirus originated in one of China's

2:15

major cities, Jijing Ping's government has

2:17

been doing everything it can to clamp

2:19

down on COVID nineteen. But after three

2:21

hours of some of the strictest lockdowns

2:23

in the world, it looks like the Chinese people

2:26

have officially had enough. Protests

2:29

are spreading across that country. Thousands

2:32

are taking to the streets, some even calling for China's

2:34

president to step down. All of this amid

2:37

rising frustration over the government's

2:39

zero COVID strategy. Crowd

2:42

swelled and defiance spilling

2:45

over to the heart of Beijing

2:49

right out chanting

2:52

for freedom from the grip of the COVID

2:54

policy that protesters say has

2:56

worn on too long. They're calling

2:58

for the end of lockdown, is the end of

3:00

testing all of the zero

3:03

COVID measures that have ruled daily

3:05

life here. Yeah, that's right. People in China

3:07

are taking to the streets to protest the government's

3:09

draconian COVID policies, which is

3:12

a big deal because remember, China

3:14

is not one of those chill countries, because

3:17

like talk trash about the government, or storm

3:19

the capitol, or plot to kidnap a governor. No,

3:21

no, no, no. Protesting

3:25

in China is a big deal. It's like

3:27

growing up in an African family and trying

3:29

to tell your parents that you don't think Noah's

3:31

ark is real, you know, because

3:33

like I'm just saying, Mom, think about it. How can they

3:35

fit all those animals on one ball to be like the

3:37

same way I'm going to fit all this foots on your back side?

3:40

Are you saying that it is not real? You

3:43

send that faflore? Just just something

3:46

now. Now,

3:49

there are many reasons why China has been so hard

3:51

core with its lockdowns. Right, less than half of

3:53

the elderly population is vaccinated, The Chinese

3:55

vaccine isn't particularly effective, and

3:58

the Communist government has refew used to

4:00

bring in outside vaccines obviously

4:02

because they think it will make them look bad. You know,

4:04

what's the same reason I was reluctant to bring a dudo

4:07

into my relationship. Yeah, I

4:09

don't mind that you use it, but the fact

4:11

that you cuddle with it off towards that's what hurts me, Candice,

4:13

That's what hurts me. And

4:21

almost three years into this pandemic, it is still

4:23

crazy to see the range of responses from different countries

4:25

around the world. Right, China shuts

4:28

down an entire city if one person

4:30

coughs. Meanwhile Americans are

4:32

like, hey, guys, I tested positive

4:34

for COVID, So I'm just gonna

4:36

play the first few rounds of spend the bottle tonight. Okay,

4:39

let's be responsible, but

4:45

let's move on from a dictatorship to

4:47

someone who wishes they could stop their own Donald,

4:50

You making me crazy Trump. Ever

4:53

since Donald Trump announced that he would be running

4:55

for election, many have been

4:57

wondering, will this finally

5:00

be the moment when he becomes presidential?

5:03

Well, judging by his recent dinner party with Kanye

5:06

West, the computer says no. Former

5:08

President Donald Trump is facing fierce criticism

5:10

tonight, even from his own allies, for

5:12

having dinner at his Moral Lago estate with

5:14

controversial musician Kanye West

5:17

and white supremacist Nick Flentes.

5:19

If you're not familiar, Fluentes is this high profile

5:21

figure on the far right holocaust

5:24

denier, but he's best known for running the America

5:26

First Organization, which, according to

5:28

the A d L Quote, seeks to forge a

5:30

white nationalist alternative to the

5:32

mainstream GOP. Even for Donald

5:35

Trump, this was outrageous, okay.

5:38

First of all, First of all, this whole

5:40

story sounds like the set up to one of those jokes

5:42

that your uncle tells you at dinner, you know, Like,

5:44

Okay, So a racist billion nian, anti

5:47

Semitic rapper and a white supremacist

5:49

walking to a bar and

5:51

then what happened to hold on the black weight is

5:53

coming. Hold a diet? Could please? Thank

5:55

you? Thank you. Secondly,

6:05

why do journalists still act surprised

6:08

when Donald Trump does Donald Trump

6:10

stuff? Uh? Even for Donald Trump?

6:12

This is what do you mean? Even for Donald Trump?

6:14

Is Donald Trump doing Donald Trump? Trump having

6:17

dinner with Nazis is not outrageous. He had dinner

6:19

with vegetables. That would be outrageous. That would be crazy.

6:21

What yeah and he was spelling words what.

6:27

But because of this dinner, Trump has taken a lot of flak

6:29

from all sides, and so, in classic Trump style,

6:31

he sent out a few posts about why. As

6:34

for usual, he isn't to blame

6:36

for anything that he did. But

6:38

Mr Trump tried distancing himself,

6:40

posting on social media that West

6:43

called me to have dinner, expressed

6:45

no anti Semitism, and claimed

6:48

I didn't know Nick Fuentes Yeah

6:50

yeah yeah. And Trump's defense, I

6:53

mean, how would he know that the guy Kanye rolls with

6:55

could be a white supremacist? I mean I get

6:57

what he's saying. He's like, I just wanted to have dinner

6:59

with this, and I sent out I didn't know he was going to bring a

7:01

friend. Because

7:04

I love how Trump tries to immunize himself by saying,

7:06

Kanye expressed no anti Semitism

7:09

at the dinner, and then what, I'm

7:11

also sure he didn't wrap up the dinner, but you still know

7:13

that he's a wrapper. Now

7:16

you might be wondering, if

7:18

Kanye didn't want to talk anti semitism

7:20

at the dinner table, what did he want to talk about.

7:23

Well, apparently he was trying

7:25

to convince Trump to not run

7:27

for president, but not in the

7:29

way you think. The dinner was not

7:31

completely amiable. Trump became

7:33

angry when West asked the presidential

7:36

candidate to serve as running

7:39

mate for West's own newly

7:41

announced presidential bid, posting

7:44

this video to Twitter titled mar

7:46

Lago Debrief, explaining

7:48

he asked if Trump would be his vice

7:50

presidential running mate at the dinner. I think

7:52

the thing that Trump was most

7:55

perturbed about me asking him to

7:57

be my vice president. But then he goes

7:59

on to say that

8:03

Kim is that you can

8:05

tell her. I said that, and I was thinking, like, that's

8:08

the mother of my children. Trump started

8:11

basically screaming at me at the table, telling

8:13

me I was gonna lose. I mean, has

8:15

that ever worked for anyone in history?

8:20

I'm like hold on, hold on, Trump, you're

8:22

talking to ya.

8:32

Okay. First of all, Kanye,

8:36

whoever made his video, they bleeped him

8:38

when he said the thing that Trump said,

8:41

And I'm going you have people

8:44

that bleep you, why don't you use them

8:46

more? He

8:48

should be like, here's what I think about the bood. And

8:55

also the fact that Trump got so mad at

8:57

Kanye just shows you, like where his priorities

8:59

are. Right, Here's no problem hosting a guy who

9:01

wants to go death con three on the Jews

9:04

or the Holocaust deny that he brought to

9:06

dinner with him who he got along with. But if you ever

9:08

suggest he should be number two on

9:10

someone's take at Trump would be like, you discuss

9:12

me, sir, talk like that. There's

9:14

no place in America. We don't talk like that

9:16

in this gut jam. Can

9:19

I get where Trump is coming from? Kanye is asking

9:21

Trump to be his Mike Pence, and

9:24

Trump is probably like you, I could never be Mike

9:26

Bench. I have sex with my eyes open. The

9:33

World Cup with the United States has moved

9:36

on to the round of sixteen after

9:38

defeating your own one zero.

9:42

Guess that's such an amazing win for

9:44

them. It means that they go to the next round and they

9:47

now get to say Iran instead of

9:49

Iran. In Hawaii,

9:51

the world's largest active volcano has just

9:54

begun erupting for the first time in

9:56

thirty eight years, which

9:59

is a shame. Another brother

10:01

fallen during no not November.

10:06

It was so close, man, it was so close. In

10:09

now the Science News, researchers have now

10:11

reanimated a so called zombie

10:14

virus that has lain dormant

10:16

under the Arctic ice for nearly fifty thousand

10:19

years. Yeah. Now, the good news

10:21

is that Joe Biden is immune. He already had it as a kid. And

10:25

I know, I know a lot of people are worried. They're like, why are

10:27

we doing this? It is dangerous to mess with viruses

10:30

this way, But think about the people. It's actually pretty smart because

10:32

these viruses are eventually going to emerge

10:34

anyway when the ice caps melt. So the

10:37

quicker we can learn about them, the quicker we can

10:39

make a vaccine that no one will take. Oh

10:41

and in some legal news, a

10:44

Florida woman is suing

10:46

Craft Foods over it's

10:48

microwave mac and cheese, arguing that

10:51

while the box says it's ready in

10:53

three and a half minutes. That doesn't

10:55

include the amount of time it takes to add the water and

10:57

then wait for the sauce to thicken. And

11:00

you can laugh, but

11:02

she's rights. I

11:04

mean, the box doesn't even include the time it takes for me

11:06

to cry over the fact that I have to eat craftmac and cheese

11:08

for dinner. That's another forty five minutes.

11:11

And you know, stories like this make you think about it. He must be so

11:14

hard for the lawyer who works in a case like this to

11:16

discuss their work with their peers. You know, they

11:19

like they're just sitting in the rooms, like I'm working

11:21

on a case to protect the right to abortion

11:23

in the South. It's like, yeah, I'm working

11:25

on it. A case to shut down a company that's

11:27

been poisoning the water of poor communities.

11:30

How about you, Ellen, It's like, well, you know,

11:32

you know how sometimes back and cheese

11:34

takes longer to

11:37

make than you expect. All

11:40

right, well, let's move on to some of the biggest stories

11:42

of the day. Slot with the ongoing firestorm

11:45

facing Donald Trump, former presidents and host

11:47

of the most disturbing dinner since the one Jeffrey Dahma

11:49

had last week. Trump Ate dinner

11:51

at Marlonga with Kanye West and a prominent

11:53

white supremacist named Nick Fuentez.

11:56

And we don't know exactly what happened

11:58

at that dinner except that nobody at Luckys.

12:00

But apparently a lot

12:02

of Republicans don't think it's a great

12:05

look for the leader of their party to

12:07

be splitting apps with neo Nazis. Donald

12:09

Trump facing growing backlash to his dinner

12:12

last week with prominent white nationalist

12:14

Nick fuent Is. Republican politicians

12:16

now among those calling out the former

12:18

president. I think there's has

12:20

been clear that there's no bottom to the degree

12:23

to which President Trump will degrade

12:26

himself and the nation. Well,

12:28

thank you, make better choices. Obviously

12:31

that was a bad decision. There's no place

12:33

for that in the Republican Party. President

12:36

Trump was wrong to

12:38

give a white nationalist,

12:42

an anti semid and Holocaust denier

12:44

a seat at the table, and I think he should

12:46

apologize for it. Uh,

12:49

and he should denounce those individuals

12:53

and their hateful rhetoric without qualification.

12:55

Let me just say that there is no room

12:59

and repel looking party any

13:02

semitism

13:04

or white supremacy. That's rob

13:06

there's no rule at

13:09

all. But cross we're already fault.

13:13

I mean, we don't have room for someone who hates doth rockets.

13:15

That would be a new one. You

13:17

know, It's so funny watching Republicans try to

13:20

chastise Trump for hanging out

13:22

with someone who has the exact same views as him

13:24

without chastising Trump for having those views right.

13:27

Because here's the thing, I'm willing to believe. I'm willing

13:29

to believe that Trump didn't know who Nick Fluences

13:31

was when he came to his dinner, As Trump says, I'm willing to believe

13:33

that, But you've gotta admit it says a lot about

13:36

him that he enjoyed this man's company

13:38

and everything that he had to say. Al

13:40

Right, Like, if your friend brings doth vade to your house

13:42

for dinner, that's not your faults. But

13:45

fifteen minutes in, any decent person would be like, I'm

13:47

not comfortable with how much this guy talks about

13:49

blowing up planets. Also, why

13:51

is he wearing a mask? We've all been tested and

13:55

it is nice. It is nice to see Republican officials

13:57

speak out against Trump for a change, but we

13:59

all know how this is gonna end. Republicans

14:01

get mad at Trump for a little while, and then

14:03

they always get back together with him in the end. Trump

14:06

scandals are basically like Hallmark movies,

14:08

you know, except Trump never actually changes

14:10

and becomes a better person. It's just like Donald,

14:12

either you choose your career or you

14:15

choose me. Like, well, I choose my career. Okay,

14:17

you can't have me too, Donald. But

14:20

let's move on to some news about trains,

14:23

or as I call them, choo choo trains. You

14:26

may think about trains is just a form of transport

14:28

or a place where people gather to solve murders,

14:30

but they're not just that. It turns

14:33

out that trains are responsible for carrying

14:35

billions of dollars in goods

14:37

across America every year. But over the past

14:39

few months, railroad workers have

14:41

been trying to negotiate better working conditions

14:44

with the railroads, and the dispute has gotten

14:46

so bad that now President Biden

14:49

Amtrak Joe himself is stepping

14:51

in. President biding his client Congress

14:53

to a vertal looming rail strike and impose

14:55

a settlement that some union members are rejected. The

14:57

President's involvement signals a major for

15:00

him he that could potentially pit him against

15:02

his union allies. But right now, George,

15:04

he says that that he was reluctant to get involved

15:06

in this one, but the potential that cripple, that

15:09

this could cripple the economy was just too much. A

15:11

strike could threaten everything from farming and

15:13

food to crucial chemicals for clean water, causing

15:16

major supply change disruptions. Yeah,

15:18

that's right. A railroad strike wouldn't just inconvenience

15:21

passengers. It would devastate the entire

15:23

economy, which you've got to admit sounds

15:25

weird in two right, No,

15:27

it does because railroads feel so old timing and

15:29

it was like all the railroad and

15:32

the like. It will devastate the economy. And now is like finding

15:34

out you're losing your job because the whale

15:36

hunters union went on strike. But

15:39

I welcome computers. Yeah, well, actually the internet

15:41

runs on whale oil. What are you gonna do

15:44

now? The situation is complex, but basically,

15:47

some railroad unions are threatening to strike

15:49

because despite railroad companies making billions

15:52

in profits, workers schedules

15:54

are so unpredictable that they can't plan their lives

15:56

and they definitely don't get nearly

15:59

enough sick days, which they deserve, especially

16:01

because every few train rides they have to climb on the

16:03

roof because they hear a sound and as James Bonden is coming

16:05

to punch them and take over the train. That's at least

16:07

a mental health day. So

16:10

it's kind of messed up for Joe Biden to step in and

16:12

forbid the workers from striking. You know, that's

16:14

the only points of leverage that workers have. If they can't

16:16

strike, what are they supposed to do and be like, all right, we'll

16:18

run the trains, but when we blow the whistle,

16:20

it's gonna be real sad to too. At

16:25

the same time, though, I can see why Joe Biden is willing to

16:27

stop the unions from going on strike. He can't have the

16:29

economy take a hit on his watch. His

16:32

administration has enough problems, high interest

16:34

rates, war in Europe. They can't find

16:36

a center for Pete Boudhage. Times are hard,

16:39

But if anyone can solve a train crisis, it's

16:42

Joe Biden. This man has spent

16:44

his whole life obsessed with

16:46

trains. This is his moment.

16:49

Can you imagine he's made for him? This

16:51

is like if Trump had to solve the crisis

16:53

involving the mac rib You know, he's

16:55

just buy everyone out of the room. Millennia,

16:58

give me the Hamburglar and I secure and

17:00

we're gonna solve this. But

17:03

this isn't yet another reminder of all the things

17:05

happening in the supply chain that we all just take

17:07

for granted. Right, we take it all

17:09

for granted, because a banana doesn't just

17:12

show up in a grocery store. Somebody

17:14

grows a tree in Costa Rica,

17:17

and then it's picked and it's loaded onto a

17:19

truck and then a ship, all

17:21

right, and then another truck and then

17:23

a train and then another

17:26

truck. And that's when

17:28

you buy it at the store. You put

17:30

it on your counter and you let it slowly

17:32

rot before throwing it in the garbage.

17:34

And that garbage is picked up by another truck

17:37

and then it shipped back to Costa Rica.

17:39

It's actually beautiful when you think about it. It's a circle

17:42

of life. I

17:44

fill out my ti Hi.

17:48

Finally, history

17:50

is full of famous feuds, you know, Godzilla

17:53

versus Mathra, swift Ease versus

17:55

ticket Master, herschel Walker

17:57

versus Condoms. And now there's a new one.

18:00

Elon Musk. The Wold's richest man

18:02

is picking a fight with the world's richest

18:05

company. Elon Musk has a beef

18:07

with Apple. He claims the tech giant has threatened

18:09

to pull Twitter from its app

18:11

store, a move like that

18:13

would, of course, crush Musk's new company.

18:16

Musk tweeting a series of claims against Tim Cooking

18:18

Company, calling out the iphonemaker for

18:20

pulling back on advertising on the social

18:22

platform, also complaining about the

18:25

fifteen fee that is placed

18:27

on app developers. Musk also said

18:29

that Apple had threatened to remove Twitter from its

18:31

app store as part of its review moderation

18:33

process. He likened this move

18:35

to a suppression of free speech. This

18:37

is a battle for the future of civilization,

18:40

he writes. A free speech is lost even in

18:42

America. Tyranny is all that

18:44

lies ahead by

18:48

Elon, Tyranny.

18:50

You can't you can't give the brave of speech about

18:52

everything everything.

18:55

This dude is walking around Twitter headquarters like this

18:57

threatens the very existence of democracy

18:59

and and kind and the gender is like, okay, jeez,

19:02

I'll refill the paper towels. Stop

19:04

shouting now. We

19:06

should unpack this a bit because Elon went

19:08

full on ludicrous mode yesterday with a bunch

19:11

of different claims about Apple. The first thing

19:13

he complained about was that Apple stopped

19:15

advertising on Twitter, which he

19:17

thinks is an attack on free speech.

19:21

And maybe it's just me, but like,

19:23

g also find it funny how free speech and

19:25

giving Elon Musk money always seemed to be perfectly

19:27

aligned, right, Elon's like, oh, so the world's

19:30

most perfectly perfectly protected brand

19:32

doesn't want ads showing up next to Nazi memes.

19:34

I guess you believe in censorship. Secondly,

19:37

Elon is bitching that Apple has threatened to drop Twitter

19:39

from the app store, And if that's true, it's probably

19:41

because Apple requires all of its apps to be safe,

19:44

and Musk has essentially fired all the

19:46

people who are responsible for content moderation

19:49

and replaced them with a sign that just says, hey, don't

19:51

post that. And the

19:53

third point, the third point that Elon's crying about, is

19:55

that Apple has too much power

19:58

over iPhone apps. Yeah, because if he

20:00

charges eight dollars a month for Twitter verification,

20:02

Apple automatically gets to take up to of

20:05

any money people spend in the app. Ellen

20:08

doesn't want that. I mean, you can't afford to give Twitter's

20:10

money away just because some idiot made

20:13

him spend forty four billion dollars on an app that we all

20:15

used for free. He can't afford that ship. And

20:18

so that's where we are right now, the richest company versus

20:20

the richest man in the world. And the stakes

20:22

could not be higher because remember,

20:25

the outcome of this war couldn't determine

20:28

how we spend our time while we poop. Today

20:35

is Spotify Wrapped Day.

20:38

Yeah, well,

20:41

the day that Spotify looks at our music and

20:43

reminds us that we're all a basic bitch.

20:48

You know. I was thinking, thank god Tender doesn't do a year

20:50

and wrap up just

20:52

to remind you of all the terrible decisions you made

20:54

on desperate nights. It's like, wow,

20:56

I did a lot of people with pet snakes this year.

21:00

In international news, the United Nations

21:02

has officially added the French

21:04

baguettes to the UNESCO World

21:07

Heritage List, which

21:12

it's cool, but it's another reminder that the United

21:14

Nations really needs to eat lunch before making big

21:16

decisions. It's like, should we

21:18

give Chinese food a seats on the Security Council?

21:20

I'm so hungry and

21:23

you would think that this is great. Here's some of you clapping.

21:26

Oh yeah, I love bagetts, which remember, now it's protected

21:28

by the U. N. Yeah,

21:31

so now every time you're trying to take a bite out of the baguette,

21:33

a peacekeepers gonna jump out and kick your adds, Like stop

21:35

that ship. Meanwhile,

21:38

in presidential news, Joe Biden's Secret

21:41

Service detail had a bit of a scare recently

21:43

when five cars they had rented

21:46

suddenly burst into flames after

21:48

they were returned to her rent a car.

21:51

Yeah. Now, the good news is Biden has

21:54

got full coverage insurance. The

21:57

bad news is Senator Republicans blocked it. So

21:59

he's gonna need to borrow some money from Kamala now.

22:02

But my question is why is the why is the Secret

22:04

Service even renting? Cause from hurts

22:07

I the person who was thrown by that with like, like

22:10

what happens if the suv they want isn't

22:12

there? What now the president is rocking up

22:14

to a state dinner in a hunt day? Is that how it's gonna

22:16

work? Oh

22:19

and while we're talking about things exploding, experts

22:21

say the United States is now facing

22:24

a shortage of bomb sniffing

22:26

dogs. Yeah,

22:29

which probably explains how Morbius made it into

22:31

theaters. And

22:33

it makes sense, you know, when you think about it. Of

22:36

course, this is always gonna happen. If you had the choice of being

22:38

a bomb sniffing dog or a drug

22:40

sniffing dog, what would you choose? What

22:44

would you choose? So

22:49

simple? Option A you

22:52

might explode, Option be frea cocaine.

22:54

I mean it

22:58

is. It is hard for us humans though, you know, because

23:01

now you know what this means. We're gonna have to resort to bomb

23:03

sniffing cats. And

23:05

then those are good. They can figure out where the bombs

23:08

are, but they just won't tell us about it. The

23:12

cat will be there like I have nine lives, bitch,

23:14

not my problem.

23:17

All right, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day,

23:19

starting with the twenty two mid terms.

23:21

And I know what you're saying right now, you like, for Trevor, the

23:23

mid terms are over. I killed them. I watched

23:26

them die. Well you thought you did, but

23:29

you never took a headshot. And after you left, the mid

23:31

terms busted out of the dirt. And now they're back

23:34

because down in Georgia they're just a few days

23:36

away from a runoff between

23:39

incumbent Senator Raphael Warnock and

23:41

the reason you're putting yourself out of football her show Walker,

23:44

and we're gonna tell you all about the latest updates and other

23:47

installments of Vote Demick. There

23:56

is now less than one week to go until the Georgia

23:59

runoff election, and once again Herschel

24:01

Walker is battling controversies.

24:03

First of all, he might not even live

24:06

in the state that he's trying to represent. Yeah.

24:08

According to new reports, the

24:11

Georgia home that he's claimed as his residents

24:13

has actually been rented out for years.

24:17

Yeah. And apparently Walker even admitted in a speech

24:19

earlier this year that he lives in Texas,

24:23

which I was shocked about because I did not

24:25

think Herschel Walker knew the names of two different states.

24:27

This was really impressive.

24:32

And I know, I know this might piss some people

24:34

off, but when you think about it, this just proves that Herschel

24:36

Walker views Georgians as

24:38

family because he's never around them.

24:41

And of course, of course there's the other

24:44

problem for Herschel Walker, which is that every time he speaks,

24:46

things go wrong. For

24:49

instance, Walker was recently at a campaign

24:51

stop giving his views on

24:53

the border and any speech he's

24:56

trying to explain why he will build

24:58

Donald Trump's border war but

25:01

in a way that only herschel Walker can.

25:04

He goes on to debunk his own

25:06

argument about a wall and

25:08

then takes us on a wild ride that somehow involves

25:11

his dog the border. How

25:13

you're gonna do that, I said, way I can do it. Then you

25:15

had to put up a wall in the wall new world wall

25:18

working around your house. Where you gotta wall around your

25:20

house. People don't yah, they can get in,

25:22

but you know what they get in to be hard to get

25:24

out because I got a dog, my

25:26

dog ride when he put vad anyway,

25:28

But anyway,

25:36

I'm sorry, what did

25:39

this man just win an argument with himself because

25:43

he's like, I think his plan is to what build a border

25:45

wall so that he can trap immigrants

25:48

inside America? Is that what he's doing? You

25:50

see? He once they get in, they can't get up. Then they got

25:52

a good job and read the family settles down and that's how

25:54

we get them. Yeah,

25:57

it's it's almost like it so like

26:01

it's almost like Walker started out talking about border

26:03

security and then ended up telling everyone

26:05

how to break into his house. And

26:08

personally, I don't think he needs a wall, you know,

26:10

because the hardest part about breaking into hertual Walker's

26:12

house is figuring out which state it's in jokes,

26:15

You've actually live in Kansas, Hawaii.

26:18

Yeah, but let's

26:20

move on to some news from social

26:22

media. Ever since Elon Musk pranked himself

26:24

into buying Twitter forty four billion dollars,

26:26

he has been trying to reshape the entire

26:28

website according to what he likes.

26:31

He's brought back thousands of suspended accounts,

26:34

He's made it easier to get a blue check mark,

26:36

and now any number you tweets

26:38

automatically changed to sixty nine.

26:41

Yeah, you post that your dad only

26:43

has three days left, Now he has sixty nine.

26:46

Nice. Rest in peace, but

26:48

nice. But Elon's biggest promise

26:51

is that under his leadership, Twitter is

26:53

completely open for free speech, no matter

26:55

how wrong that speech

26:58

might be potentially dangerous.

27:00

New change on Twitter, the social media

27:02

side, is no longer enforcing its policy

27:05

against COVID misinformation. Twitter

27:07

suspended more than eleven thousand accounts

27:09

for breaking the policy and removed

27:11

almost one hundred thousand pieces of content

27:14

between January in

27:16

September, and

27:18

Musk is promising to restore many previously

27:21

Bay and Twitter accounts as soon as

27:23

this week. Health experts are concerned

27:25

that it could diminish efforts to stop the

27:27

spread of the virus and could discourage

27:29

vaccinations. Okay,

27:32

look, maybe this is my vaccine

27:34

microchip talking, But I

27:37

don't think it's responsible for Twitter to bring back the people

27:39

who are spreading COVID misinformation. But

27:41

but on the other hand, on the other hand, it is

27:45

like, how can you still be misinformed about COVID?

27:48

You know, we're just running around, Like I heard the vaccine church.

27:51

It's been three years. Do you see any lists? You

27:53

see any limits here? It

27:56

probably had it. I

28:01

forget COVID for a second. It's crazy that anyone

28:04

would go to Twitter for any medical

28:06

information. You

28:09

know, people should be going to the doctor for this stuff. But because

28:11

no one can afford a doctor in America, people

28:13

are out here searching hashtag bump on

28:15

my dick and hoping to find the cure. So

28:18

like cocaine on my penis, That's not what I was looking

28:20

for. Anyway.

28:22

Let's move on to some news coming out of San Francisco. Like

28:25

many big city, San Francisco has been struggling to

28:27

get crime under control. And if you're thinking,

28:29

oh, it's San Francisco, what are they doing prescribing

28:32

all the criminals CBD oil No, I

28:35

mean yes, but not just that. They

28:38

also have more hardcore solution

28:41

dude. This morning, San Francisco officials voted

28:43

to allow city police to have remote controlled

28:46

robots that could use deadly force

28:48

in extreme situations. Critics

28:50

of the decision say it militarizes San

28:52

Francisco's police, but city Supervisor

28:55

Raphael Mandelman, who voted in favor of

28:57

the robots, said that the killer machines would only

28:59

be used if lives are at stake. ASFPD

29:02

said they don't have pre armed robots

29:04

and they don't plan to arm the ones they

29:07

do have with guns, Assistant

29:09

Chief David Lasar said they could

29:11

deploy robots equipped with explosives.

29:14

Wait, wait what what They're

29:17

not gonna arm the robots, They're just gonna give them explosive

29:19

That is much worse. Who

29:21

who came up with that pr statement? Don't worry,

29:23

people, the robots aren't gonna have guns.

29:26

They're just gonna be suicide bombers. Okay,

29:28

calm down, everyone's going

29:32

this is such a bad idea. Do you know how often

29:34

robots make mistakes? Can

29:37

you imagine if Siri had a bomb.

29:40

It was like, hey, Siri played one savage

29:42

now killing your family? No, no,

29:47

wait, which which members of my family? But still

29:49

know, but let's talk about it now.

29:52

To be clear, just so we're on the same page, the robots

29:55

will not actually be deciding when

29:57

to use deadly force, all right. They will still

29:59

be trained human police officers

30:02

on the remote control triggers, So don't worry.

30:04

It's still gonna be mostly black people that get killed. And

30:07

it's wild. It's wild house cities can

30:09

always find money for high tech gadgets for cops,

30:12

but when it comes to investigating or

30:14

like investing in long term solutions that

30:16

might actually fix the problems, then they pockets are

30:18

empty. If you even noticed that. Yeah, they're like, oh

30:20

yeah, robots money, we got that. We

30:23

got that. People asking you're

30:25

like, wait, you're building robots that are police

30:27

with bombs. Can we do something about like the homeless

30:29

people, They're like, oh yeah, yeah, the robots can blow them off too.

30:31

Yeah, we canna handle that. It makes no sense.

30:37

The Democratic Party easily one of

30:39

the two parties in the United States. As

30:41

you know, Democrats lost control of

30:43

the House in last months midterm elections,

30:46

and as they get ready to be in the minority.

30:48

They're making some big changes at the top.

30:51

Democrats in the House have made history with their

30:53

new leadership. Congressman Hakim

30:55

Jeffries of Brooklyn has become the first black

30:57

leader of either party in Congress.

31:00

He will take over from Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

31:02

It was you know it was remaining in the House after stepping

31:04

down from the top job. Jefferis is fifty

31:07

two, thirty years younger than the outgoing

31:09

how Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a leader

31:11

with the style all his own and a pension

31:13

for weaving in the legacy of hip hop. That

31:15

is why we are here, Mr second

31:18

Loan. And if you don't know,

31:21

now, you know, I'm

31:29

glad no one else in the room finished that lyric.

31:33

But I don't know. As much as I enjoy

31:35

it, I think it feels kind of weird to called biggie

31:38

in such a serious and boring place

31:40

like Congress. Like I love I love hip hop.

31:42

I love hip hop, but I don't want to hear it everywhere,

31:44

you know, Yeah, Like I don't want my doctor

31:47

shoehorning that ship in. So,

31:49

Mr Noah, what are your symptoms?

31:51

Palm, sweaty and these weak arms are heavy.

31:54

Please take this very seriously. I'm very ill, but

31:58

that's right off the chunter. In fifty years, I'm Erica

32:00

finally has a minority minority

32:03

leader, which is amazing. Although

32:05

you will notice the Democrats only gave it to a black

32:07

guy after they lost the House. Yeah,

32:10

it's kind of like someone crushing their car and then being like, hey,

32:12

Kim, I know you've always wanted a BMW. You don't need to say

32:14

thank you. Also, the cops want to talk to you by

32:19

but no, you still you still have to give credit to the Democrats.

32:21

Right, Republicans haven't done this yet. I mean

32:23

they still think minority leader was the original

32:25

title of black Panther. And this isn't

32:28

just a big deal because Jeffries is black. Remember

32:30

that this also marks a shift

32:33

for the Democrats to a much younger generation

32:35

of leaders. Although again,

32:42

and we also don't really know, you

32:45

know, because Kim Jefferies is

32:47

black, so he could be like ninety, we don't actually

32:49

know how old he is. Because

32:52

you realize, even at fifty two for

32:54

a party leader in America, he's actually

32:57

a young man. I mean, think about it this way. Joe

32:59

Biden was in Congress when

33:02

Hakim was literally in diapers,

33:06

and now that her Kim is in Congress, Joe

33:08

Biden is the one in diapers.

33:11

The circle of life. Now,

33:16

if we had more time, we could talk about how

33:18

the House Democrats are just a sideshow for the

33:20

next two years, because the main events is whether Kevin McCarthy

33:22

will be able to wrangle his clown cough crazy

33:25

to get anything done. But we don't have the time to talk

33:27

about that because while her Kim Jeffreys is plotting

33:29

to take over the House, Elon Musk is plotting

33:31

to take over our brains. Elon

33:33

must said on Wednesday, a wireless device developed

33:36

by his brainship company, neural Link, is

33:38

expected to begin human clinical trials

33:40

in six months. The company is developing

33:43

brainship interfaces that it says could enable

33:45

disabled patients to move and communicate.

33:47

Again, We've been working hard to

33:50

be ready for our first human Essentially

33:53

that it's sort of like having

33:55

an Apple Watch or a FITBITU

33:59

replacing a piece of goal with like

34:01

a you know, a smart watch

34:03

you have in your link device, like I could have

34:05

in your link device, uh implant

34:08

right now, and you wouldn't you

34:11

wouldn't even know. I mean, yeah,

34:14

yeah, Elon, if if you told us you were a part

34:17

robot, all of us would be totally surprised.

34:19

We we would would be like I never saw

34:21

that coming. Look,

34:23

I will admit the idea of this technology

34:26

sounds amazing, but

34:28

in reality, the idea

34:30

of an Apple Watch or a fitbit in my

34:32

brain gives me a little pause

34:35

because if have you ever used an Apple Watch or

34:37

a fitbit? When it messes up on my roost,

34:39

I'm just like, ah, when it messes

34:42

up in my brain, then

34:44

what all of a sudden, I'm on Alex Jones praising Hitler

34:46

for inventing the microphone? Is that what's gonna happen? Just

34:49

like ah? And secondly, if

34:51

I'm going to get a chip in my head, I don't know if I want

34:53

Elon Musk to be in charge of it. You

34:55

know, Like a year ago, I would have been

34:57

like the Tesla guy. Maybe maybe,

35:00

But now I'm like the Twitter guy. I'll

35:03

pay him a dollars the stairway. Now,

35:07

if we had more time, we could talk about how

35:09

Elon previously promised that his brainship would

35:11

be ready for human trials three years ago, or how

35:13

he promised that Tesla's would be self driving by,

35:16

or how he built a high speed underground train

35:18

by, or how he'd land on Mars by

35:21

two basically just due to a guy in the strip club making it rain

35:23

with io us. But we don't have

35:25

time to talk about the techno king because

35:27

some real royals have just rocked up to America

35:30

shows. It was a royal welcome

35:32

for the Prince and Princess of Wales Wednesday,

35:34

on their first US visit in eight

35:36

years, here to present the earth Shot

35:39

Prize, which honors environmentalists.

35:42

They kicked off the trip by helping turn Boston

35:44

City Hall green. Katherine and

35:46

I are absolutely delighted to

35:49

be with you today for our

35:51

first engagement in a great city

35:53

of Boston. The couple also took in an

35:55

NBA game courtside, watching the

35:57

Boston Celtics beat the Miami Heat.

36:00

Then they hold this big star centered event on

36:02

Friday night where they're going to hand out five prize

36:04

is worth more than a million dollars each. Two

36:06

folks who are trying to tackle the climate

36:08

crisis. Okay, first of all, Prince

36:10

William is clearly a liar. Right, No

36:13

one has ever been delighted to be in Boston

36:15

in December. December,

36:18

what are you excited about? Oh, I love chap lips

36:20

are getting thrown up on by Patriots fans. How peachy

36:24

you've been in December? And you might be saying, no,

36:26

Trevor, they're having a good time. They even have course

36:28

sight seats. You think these people are impressed

36:31

by court side seats. The

36:33

man's regular seat is a throne. This

36:36

man has never set on a folding chair in his

36:39

life. He's probably like, look at this

36:41

thing. This chair has a mouth or something. Kates.

36:44

Now, if we had the time, we could talk more about

36:46

how great it is that Prince William and Kates are awarding

36:49

money to people who are trying to solve

36:51

climate change, or how shitty it is

36:53

that they ignored my idea to plug in a bunch

36:55

of air conditions neither glaciers would have worked. But

36:57

we just don't have the time for that, because while these royals

36:59

are having fun in America, the royals back home

37:01

in the UK are not having a good time

37:03

at all. Overshadowing the

37:05

trip controversy. Back at bucking

37:08

and Palate, the Prince's godmother,

37:10

Lady Susan Hussy, resigning

37:12

amid accusations of racism

37:15

in Gosie Flani, the founder of a

37:17

women's nonprofit and a black woman

37:19

born in the UK, says Tuesday

37:21

at the Palace, Hussey repeatedly asked

37:24

where she was really from,

37:26

implying she wasn't really British,

37:28

and Gosie Faloney tweeting the exchange,

37:30

which reads in parts, what nationality

37:33

are you? I am born here and I'm British.

37:36

No, but where do you really come from?

37:38

Where do your people come from? Hussy

37:40

also asking quote what parts

37:43

of Africa are you from? After and goes

37:45

he said she was from London tonight

37:47

and I witnessed, describing her shot at

37:49

the exchange, goes he was a white woman.

37:52

That line of questioning wouldn't have taken

37:54

place. People, How

37:57

many times do we have to go through this? There

38:00

is only one socially acceptable

38:02

way to find out someone's heritage.

38:06

You swabbed their DNA while they're asleep. Okay,

38:08

it's the polite thing to do. This

38:12

is like the first thing they teach you in avoidable

38:14

racism one O one. It is

38:16

just never say the word

38:18

from That's it. A lot

38:21

of racism includes the word from,

38:24

So just avoid it all together. Where

38:26

are you really from? Go

38:28

back to where you came from?

38:31

You see this clip from Tucker Carlson

38:36

from just stay away from it? And

38:38

I also love how this woman was given

38:40

a chance to control out delete racism

38:43

right, but instead she just copy pasted and carried

38:45

on where are you from?

38:47

I'm born here and I'm British. No, no,

38:49

no, you don't understand I'm being racist?

38:52

How black are you?

38:54

Show me on this map of Africa I brought

38:56

with me. Let me put it in words.

38:58

You understand? GODMANA

39:01

cook pottles falling from the sky

39:04

before we go. Please consider donating

39:07

to One Simple Wish, a charity that grants

39:09

wishes to kids and young adults who are in

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foster care. If you want to help grunts a wish

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or donate towards their holiday Wish fund, then

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please do so at the link below. What's

39:19

the Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central

39:21

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39:24

anytime on Paramount Plus. This

39:29

has been a Comedy Central podcast

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