0:00

Day

0:04

one. Alright. This

0:06

is day one of seclusion for me.

0:08

My therapist recommended that I get away

0:10

for at least a week to try and get myself

0:12

together. He also suggested

0:15

that I keep a journal of my time in voluntary

0:17

isolation to keep track of my progress.

0:20

I'm not entirely sure what this is supposed to

0:22

accomplish, but I guess we hit a wall in

0:24

my treatment or something. Between

0:26

mild schizophrenia, a boatload of

0:28

other mental ailments, combined with some

0:30

less than healthy drug and alcohol abuse,

0:33

he seemed to think it best for me to get

0:35

away from the world and just be alone

0:37

for a time. It might not

0:39

be too bad out here if I'm being honest.

0:42

I've never really hurt for money, so

0:44

I opted for a nice private beachfront

0:46

house rather than some sort of cabin

0:48

in the woods. I've watched way

0:50

too many horror movies to think that would be a

0:52

good idea when I'm trying to heal.

0:55

It's nice and peaceful out here and the

0:57

closest thing to civilization is a small

0:59

town, some thirty or so miles from

1:01

here. Of course, that does me

1:04

and I'll have to take a drive if I need anything,

1:06

but I stocked up when I passed through there

1:09

on my way here. I

1:11

feel like doctor Samuel has been helping me,

1:13

and I don't doubt that a little isolation

1:16

could be good for just about anyone, really.

1:19

It is beautiful here though. I

1:21

can see for miles over the ocean and

1:23

the sky is such a vibrant blue today,

1:26

The breeze feels wonderful and the sand

1:28

feels lovely between my toes. The

1:31

house itself is gorgeous and

1:33

it's fully furnished with all the creature comforts.

1:36

It even has a full bar which will make

1:38

for some peaceful times reading beside

1:40

the fireplace. Good thing the

1:42

doctor know about that part. What

1:44

he doesn't know won't hurt him as far

1:46

as I'm concerned. I do have

1:48

WiFi and cable too, so I

1:50

can't complain there either. I

1:53

do wonder how that works as

1:55

this place is so far removed from

1:57

civilized life. I used

1:59

to live in the country some years back, and

2:01

there were plenty of other housing developments

2:03

and neighborhoods around, but I never

2:05

could get WiFi out there, only

2:07

cable. Still, I

2:10

can't say I know too much about that sort of

2:12

thing, and I'm sure not going to argue

2:14

about the convenience. I

2:16

think this next week is going to be pretty nice,

2:18

just what the doctor ordered, quite literally

2:21

so. But anyway, that's enough

2:23

for today's journal. I'm going to enjoy

2:25

the rest of my day and what little there

2:27

is left of this one anyway. And

2:29

I'll talk to you tomorrow. Day

2:33

two. I didn't accomplish much

2:35

on the first day, though I'm not entirely

2:37

sure what I was supposed to achieve to tell you

2:39

the truth. It was pretty

2:41

late when I got here yesterday, and that

2:43

was pretty much beef from the drive. So

2:45

I just immersed a few drinks while watching

2:48

some mindless TV and turned in early.

2:50

And maybe it's because I'm so used to living in

2:52

the city but out here with

2:54

no life around with the exception

2:56

of the population beneath the water, you

2:59

hear some strange stuff. I

3:01

was buzzing pretty good when I laid down,

3:03

so it could have just been my swimming

3:06

head in the waves brushing the shore outside.

3:09

Maybe it was the seagulls squawking against

3:11

the emptiness beyond these walls that sounded

3:13

like laughter in a way. That's

3:15

what it sounded like in the bedroom anyway.

3:18

It was like kids laughing, which

3:20

combined with the odd tapping sound,

3:22

made me imagine children quietly

3:24

running through the hallway outside my bedroom

3:26

door. I even got up a couple

3:28

of times to look around, but after

3:30

a while, I just shrugged it off and

3:32

passed out. It could also be

3:35

that my half sleeping mind took me back

3:37

to my apartment in the city where the brat

3:39

of a kid upstairs is always hammering his

3:41

feet across the ceiling. I

3:43

swear it sounded like he was going to break

3:45

through and land on my coffee table sometimes,

3:48

I really need to move out of there. I

3:50

do sort of wonder what keeps me in that

3:52

ratty old building, to be honest. Like

3:55

I told you yesterday, I'm not exactly

3:57

poor. I could certainly afford something

3:59

better. I wondered

4:01

where I put my keys. I thought I

4:03

may have left them on the dresser at home,

4:05

but that would have made it hard to drive

4:07

here. I did drive here.

4:09

Right? Why am I asking you?

4:12

You're not going to know what put my keys? I

4:14

just looked outside. My car is right there

4:16

in the parking spot where I left it. I

4:19

knew I drove here. Weird.

4:21

I keep feeling like there's something I

4:23

forgot to do before I left home. Not

4:26

like I left the stove on or anything,

4:28

but I just have that strange nagging

4:31

feeling in the back of my head. I

4:33

should probably take my meds. My

4:35

doctor prescribed me dopamine to help with

4:37

my schizophrenic symptoms. Honestly,

4:40

the name made me laugh at first, dopamine.

4:43

It's like dope of mine.

4:45

The pharmacist didn't seem to find it as

4:47

funny as I did when I asked him for

4:49

the dope of mine, though. The

4:51

old lady in the line behind me enjoyed it

4:53

at least. Speaking of

4:55

drugs, I wonder if I could score any

4:57

weed out here. Maybe I'll take a

4:59

trip to town later. Though

5:02

my sleep had plenty of odd interruptions,

5:04

I still rested well. I

5:06

actually slept in for the first time and

5:08

I don't know how long, Having

5:10

to be at work doesn't exactly allow

5:12

much opportunity for just turning off

5:14

the alarm and sleeping until I wake up

5:16

naturally. I hate the job

5:18

too. It's not where I saw myself

5:21

when I was a kid, you know? I

5:23

was never the office type, and

5:25

that cubicle practically suffocates me

5:27

every day. Gerald, my

5:29

uptight douche canoe of a manager, can

5:31

eat a giant sack of dicks for all I care.

5:34

He may be solely responsible for

5:36

my mental state as of late. Well,

5:38

him and my shitbag of a dead,

5:40

if you can even call him that.

5:43

My apologies. You didn't ask to hear my

5:45

life story and all this complaining. We're

5:47

here to rest and relax, and that's just

5:49

what we're gonna do. I do

5:51

need to look for a new job though. That

5:53

being said, I don't even need to work.

5:55

Do I? Why do I put up with

5:57

that prick Gerald when I could just retire if

5:59

I wanted to? I've made some

6:01

strange decisions in my life for sure. I

6:04

don't know. I'll see you later. I

6:06

think I'm gonna go for a walk, maybe

6:08

jump in the water for a minute. Oh, Christ,

6:12

the water is cold. I jumped in

6:14

for like a minute and then rushed back

6:16

out. Almost busted my leg on the

6:18

sand too. Well, not

6:20

that the sand could really bust anything,

6:22

I suppose. The doctor told me

6:24

I had a tendency to overreact to little

6:26

things, but wet sand can really

6:28

hurt. I took a hot shower

6:30

after I ran back into the house, which

6:32

made me feel pins and needles all

6:34

over. Once my body got

6:36

used to the heat again, it felt pretty

6:38

nice. And I stayed in there

6:40

until my fingers were all wrinkly and pruney.

6:43

There's a hot tub outside, so I may go

6:45

out and sit out there later tonight when it gets

6:47

dark. And I'll take my cooler

6:49

with me too. One cannot enjoy the

6:51

hot tub experience without one's trusty

6:53

beverage. I don't know why,

6:55

but that last line made me laugh a little.

6:58

You probably think I'm crazy. Don't you journal?

7:00

But just for that, I'll leave you inside.

7:03

No hot tub for you, buddy boy. I

7:07

don't know what I was thinking. There's no hot

7:09

tub out there. Must be seeing things.

7:12

Still sat outside and enjoyed the night air

7:14

though. There's a boat way out in the

7:16

water. I can't tell what kind it

7:18

is from here, but it's probably some sort of

7:20

yacht if I had to guess I'd

7:22

love to own a boat. Maybe I'll buy a

7:24

boat and quit my job and just

7:26

enjoy the open sea and tour the

7:28

world. Would you like to come a long

7:30

journal? I don't know how many pages

7:32

you have at all, but you're pretty thick.

7:34

I bet we still have a few good

7:36

years left together. But I need to

7:38

give you a name, I think. I

7:40

can't keep calling you journal, and that would

7:42

be like naming my kid. Well,

7:44

kid. I don't have a kid

7:46

though. I don't

7:48

think I want children. I think I'd be

7:50

a pretty bad dad like my old man.

7:52

I wonder if he had schizophrenia too.

7:55

They say it's hereditary and that would

7:57

explain a lot about his parenting methods.

8:00

I don't think he ever went to a

8:02

doctor his whole life now that I think about

8:04

it. I can't speak for before

8:06

I came along, but I don't remember

8:08

him going to any. He wouldn't

8:10

even go to the emergency room after he punched

8:12

his hand through the living room window, He

8:14

just wrapped his hand up and went about his day.

8:17

I think it bled for, like, three days.

8:19

He was stubborn. That's for

8:21

Dancer. I didn't know there would

8:23

be a full bar here, so I bought a

8:25

six pack of beer at the liquor store when I drove

8:27

through the little town a ways back.

8:30

I went ahead and knocked back all of them over the

8:32

last few hours, but I dropped the last

8:34

one before I could finish it. The damn thing

8:36

landed right on his base, It shattered

8:39

only on the bottom, which looked

8:41

cool, to be honest, and never seen that

8:43

happen before. I did

8:45

empty out most of the beer before tipped over,

8:47

but at least I got a good buzz

8:49

before I let that last one slip through my

8:51

fingers. I think I'm gonna go

8:53

to bed journal. It's getting late and I'm

8:55

pretty sleepy. Think of a name for you

8:57

tomorrow. Day three.

9:00

Bob, that's what I'm gonna call you. Do you like

9:02

it? It's a great name because you can

9:04

flip it up down, it turn it all around, and

9:06

it still spells Bob. Now I didn't

9:08

sleep at all last night. I heard the

9:10

laughing kids again, and they were certainly

9:12

not seagulls this time. wasn't

9:14

just the footsteps running through the hall

9:16

this time either. One of the little

9:18

freaks pounded on the bedroom door.

9:20

I jumped out of bed, through the door open,

9:22

but they were gone. I went around,

9:24

turned on every single light in the house.

9:26

I even went outside and ran around with

9:28

a flashlight for like an hour. I

9:30

think someone's messing with

9:31

me. I bet it's the people in that

9:34

boat. It does look a little closer

9:36

today. So I bet they got close last

9:38

night and cut the lights off so I wouldn't see

9:40

them. Before I go to sleep

9:42

tonight, how are you about your ass? I'm gonna check

9:44

every door and window. There's

9:46

an inherent eariness in kids'

9:48

laughter, you know. I think

9:50

that's why they always have some sort of creepy

9:52

ghost kid in horror movies. I

9:54

mean, why anyone would want to have

9:56

children? I'll never know. You have to be

9:58

freaked out all the time hearing that stuff.

10:00

I think I'm gonna break

10:02

up with Becky, Bob. She

10:04

keeps talking about moving in together, but

10:06

we've only been calling out for like six

10:08

months. It's a little premature, don't you

10:10

think? Why don't I keep asking you

10:12

questions? Great. And I just asked

10:14

another one. Well, if you

10:16

actually answer me, Bob, we're in both way

10:18

more screwed than I thought. Maybe

10:20

I'll get a dog. I had one when I was

10:22

a kid, so I'm sure I could handle one

10:25

now. He would always bark, though,

10:27

and got on my nerves something serious.

10:29

He was a big muck

10:31

too, had a deep, I'll mess you up,

10:33

so to bark. Still

10:35

broke my heart when he died though. I

10:37

can't remember what happened, but I

10:39

remember my dad wouldn't even let me see the

10:41

body before he buried him. He told

10:43

me it'd scar me for life if you let me see

10:45

it. I'm pretty

10:47

scarred though. I wouldn't be in

10:49

therapy and loaded up on drugs if

10:51

I wasn't. At least he tried,

10:53

I suppose. Maybe he

10:55

wasn't such a bad father after

10:57

all. I think I'm gonna go for a

10:59

drive, Bob. You wanna come along? Alright.

11:01

Actually, don't answer that. You stay right

11:03

here. I'll be back later.

11:08

Didn't realize what a shovel that town was

11:10

when I passed through it on the way here.

11:12

I stopped and got some necessities at the

11:14

grocery store on the Red Inn, but don't

11:17

remember it being as a rundown as it looks

11:19

now. It looks like the city may have

11:21

a population of maybe a couple

11:23

of hundred. And half the buildings have

11:25

boarded up doors and windows. Maybe

11:27

they got hit with a hurricane sometime

11:29

back and just never rebuilt. The

11:31

guy at the counter in the liquor store looked

11:33

sick too. I didn't even wanna

11:36

accidentally brush against his hand when he handed me

11:38

my change, so I just told him to

11:40

keep it. And the guy didn't even thank me.

11:42

It's strange to see a place so

11:44

dilapidated, so close to a beautiful

11:46

place like this. The air

11:48

feels so much cleaner here than it did

11:50

there too. But I'll tell you this

11:52

much, Bob. If I feel the urge to

11:54

go into town again, I'll drive in the

11:56

other direction and see where it takes me. I

11:58

think I'm gonna go take a shower now and

12:00

I feel gross. Well,

12:04

didn't get much of a chance to enjoy my

12:06

shower. Some guy came pounding on the door when I

12:08

was right in the middle of lathering my hair.

12:10

I wrapped a towel around myself, ran downstairs,

12:12

ready to beat someone's ass, if it wasn't

12:14

something important, turns out it was

12:16

the guy who actually owns the house.

12:18

And he was one strange freaking individual

12:21

too. He was probably at least six

12:23

foot five balled as a damn

12:25

cue ball, and he was pretty pale

12:27

looking. You'd think he'd have at least some kind

12:29

of tan owning a place like this.

12:31

I invited him in, which

12:33

felt kind of strange, asking the owner if

12:35

you'd like to come into his own house.

12:37

He asked me if I was enjoying this day and

12:39

all that good stuff. I mean, he was

12:41

asking genuinely concerned questions,

12:43

I guess, but The way he asked them

12:45

felt more like a damn interrogation. He

12:48

just had that domineering way

12:50

about him. I myself backing

12:52

up further into the chair I was already

12:54

sitting in, all defensive like. I

12:56

told him about the noises and that I

12:58

thought someone was trying to mess with me but

13:00

he just said the mind can play tricks with

13:03

the sounds of the ocean and stuff. I

13:05

don't know though. He seemed

13:07

like he knew something and didn't wanna tell

13:09

me, you know. I wonder if he was

13:11

just checking in to make sure they were getting to

13:13

me. But I use the ringleader.

13:15

He's he's probably not even the owner and just

13:17

wanted to come lay out the place so he can mess

13:19

with me more fish Certainly. Maybe

13:21

I should have run a gun. I

13:23

think I'm gonna stay awake tonight. It's

13:25

been getting dark outside and I keep

13:27

hearing things I could

13:29

have sworn I saw something out of the corner of my

13:31

eye a little while ago, but it was just

13:33

the light reflecting on the TV. I'm

13:35

not sure where the light was coming

13:38

from, but it could just been the sunset

13:40

causing light to just pan through the window,

13:42

like a movie credits in reverse or

13:44

something. By the way, I'm

13:46

going to check it out. I grabbed

13:48

a fire poker since I don't have a lot of

13:50

options to defend myself with. I

13:52

could grab a butcher's knife from the kitchen,

13:54

but I think the poker looks more intimidating

13:56

if I see anyone out there. I'll be back

13:58

in a bit. Keep an eye on things

14:00

here. What you, Bob? I

14:05

didn't see anyone out there, but I swear to

14:07

Christ, I heard the laughing again. It

14:09

sounded like it was coming from way over to

14:11

the side of the beach where it meets the trees.

14:14

I ran over there and shouted out that I

14:16

was armed and that I'd kill him, but he

14:18

just laughed harder. What

14:20

are they playing at? Someone's

14:22

messing with me. I swear to God. The

14:24

boat was closer too. It's

14:26

maybe, I don't know, like, forty or

14:28

fifty feet from the shore now. The

14:30

light from the moon was playing tricks with the

14:32

water, but at first, it looked like

14:34

an harness to God pirate ship or

14:36

something. I was like, do I even make

14:38

those anymore? Until I got

14:40

distracted by the laughing again.

14:42

It sounded like they were running through the sand

14:44

right behind me too. I

14:46

turned around and of course, and there

14:48

was nothing. when I look back at the

14:50

water, the boat just looks like a yacht

14:52

again. I'm starting to think that

14:54

the medicine is messing with my head more

14:56

and more. Doctor told me it

14:58

was supposed to stop me from seeing

15:00

things, but it sure as hell isn't doing the

15:02

trick, I'm gonna call

15:04

him tomorrow the solitude thing ain't working

15:06

out, not for me anyway. I'm

15:08

definitely not sleeping tonight. I'm gonna

15:10

catch these guys and make them sorry for messing

15:12

with the wrong person. I'll I'll

15:15

get back to you tomorrow, Bob. They

15:17

need to think I'm sleeping, so I can't talk to

15:19

you anymore tonight. Day

15:24

four. I saw them, Bob. I

15:26

got one of them across the back of the head with the

15:28

fighter poker too. They were fast for

15:30

having tiny, little scampering legs,

15:32

but they weren't planning for me to be on

15:34

guard. Even though I splattered the wall

15:36

with the little bastard's blood, he still got

15:38

away from me. They were like six

15:40

of them or something. They were

15:42

all wearing Halloween masks, but they

15:44

still laughed and get gold like stupid little

15:46

kids. They scream like kids

15:48

too or at least the one I clipped

15:50

in. I called the police and they're on

15:52

their way as we speak. I'll show them

15:54

where I sprayed the wall with tiny

15:56

hoodlum blood and they'll have to believe me.

15:58

I ain't got any cuts or anything

16:00

so they can't say I just plead myself to

16:02

sell the story. For sure, they'll try to

16:04

make some excuse or pretend there ain't

16:06

nothing there or something, but I didn't

16:08

know what I saw. I know what I

16:10

felt when the iron rod made

16:12

contact to. There's no way that

16:14

kid don't have a hole on his skull

16:16

now. I bet he dropped close

16:18

by or something. Probably

16:20

running on pure instinct when I nailed him.

16:22

Oh, yeah. He's sorry

16:25

now. He messed with the wrong guy.

16:27

There's the blue lights now.

16:29

Okay. I'll be back, Bob. Figures.

16:34

Of course, they didn't believe me. They even

16:36

threatened to arrest me if I wasted their time

16:38

like this again. Yeah. I know it's

16:40

a long drive to get here, but they sit

16:42

serious. And I'm being harassed. As

16:44

I predicted, they claimed they couldn't see

16:46

the blood on the wall And if I'm

16:48

being honest, I didn't see it either now.

16:51

I bet somebody washed it off while I

16:53

wasn't looking. Maybe they didn't know

16:55

I was awake and hung the tarp

16:57

up or covered the wall with a thin strip of cardboard

16:59

or something like that. That's

17:01

probably it. They they sent me

17:03

up. That's that's that's That's

17:05

why the kid kept running because he wasn't hurt

17:07

in the first place. Damn. I

17:10

know I made contact with something

17:12

though. Did I hit the wall? No.

17:14

No. No. I didn't hit the wall.

17:16

I just checked it. There's not even a mark.

17:19

Maybe the fake blood splatter wall

17:21

was metal. It didn't feel like I hit

17:23

metal, but I had a lot of

17:25

adrenaline pumping too. And maybe it's

17:27

just a lack of sleep or something. Can

17:29

I have inadvertently fallen asleep and dreamed

17:31

it all? It felt so real.

17:33

I need to call

17:36

Samuel, his meds and messing with

17:38

my head. I don't really have any

17:40

mental conditions and he's performing some

17:42

sort of sick experiment on me,

17:44

like some sort of messed up social

17:46

experiment for one of his stupid journals

17:48

and I'm just the perfect guinea pig with my background.

17:51

If he's the one behind this, though the

17:53

pharmacist had to be on it too, the

17:55

bottle says dopamine, but

17:57

maybe it's actually some sort of hallucinogen.

17:59

Yeah. I need to do some research on

18:01

this. I bet it doesn't even look like the

18:03

pill I'm supposed to be

18:04

taking. Oh, yeah. I'm on to

18:06

you, doctor Sam. Yeah.

18:11

They're supposed to be pink. The pills are

18:13

supposed to be pink. And these ones are green. I

18:15

knew it. Yeah. I knew I wasn't

18:17

crazy. I flushed every one of those pills down

18:19

the toilet and I called my

18:21

lying doctor. Of course, he claimed that I'm

18:23

having some sort of episode or reaction to

18:25

the pills. He even said he's calling

18:27

someone else in, but I'll be

18:29

damned if I trust the word he says

18:31

now. I told him I was onto him, and he

18:33

told me to calm down and come home immediately,

18:35

or have someone come pick me up.

18:37

Like I know anyone who drive all this way

18:39

to come get me. Who the hell does he

18:41

think I am?

18:42

Oh, yeah. I'm going home alright.

18:44

And as soon as I get there, I'm kicking the shit

18:46

out of a certain doctor too.

18:48

He even had the nerve to bring up my dad. The

18:51

last thing I asked him for was a therapy

18:53

session over the phone. I know

18:55

damn well, it's not my fault

18:57

he's dead. The bastard attacked me and I defended

18:59

myself. He was the first

19:01

in a long line of folks who thought they could

19:03

push me around and get away with it.

19:05

Hits his own fault really. He's the one who taught me how

19:07

to use the gun in the first place. He showed me

19:09

so I could protect myself if anyone ever tried

19:11

to hurt me. What the hell did

19:13

he expect when he was the one that tried to hurt

19:16

me? I was still a kid when he tried

19:18

pushing me around, and I'm a krona's man

19:20

now. What does my doctor expect happen

19:23

now? He's just trying to save his own

19:25

ass. I'd tell you, Bob, you better than

19:27

ever try pushing me around and you'll get

19:29

yours too. I'm sorry,

19:32

Bob. I got myself worked up

19:34

and I didn't mean to take it out on

19:37

you. I let that guy get to me and it's probably

19:39

my own fault for trusting him in the first

19:41

place. Maybe I'll stay out here

19:43

just one more day. Sure.

19:45

I haven't been sleeping much, but now that I'm

19:47

not taking the medicine, maybe my head will

19:49

clear up. I think I'm gonna go for

19:51

a drive though. No way I'm going

19:53

back to Tetness town, but maybe

19:55

I'll see what's out the other way.

19:58

It does make me feel better talking to

20:00

you though. You may be my only

20:02

real friend even if you were just

20:04

an empty book before I started

20:06

scribbling in your guts. decided

20:08

I'm not going to kick Samuel's ass

20:11

either. I suppose intellectuals like

20:13

him have to experiment on people

20:15

if they wanna make change in

20:17

the world. Or at least get their name in the history books of

20:19

mental health and whatnot. Once

20:21

whatever it is he had me on is

20:23

completely out of my system, I'm sure I'll

20:25

be back in the right mindset. Just

20:27

bear with me, Bobby, my boy.

20:29

The world seems quieter

20:31

again, and I I think I'm starting to

20:33

feel like me again or

20:35

at least getting there. I'll be

20:37

back later. Don't wait up.

20:45

There's literally nothing out

20:48

there, not that way anyway. I

20:50

drove for like two hours and didn't see

20:52

so much as a single gas station. Luckily,

20:54

my little Honda is economical, but I

20:56

may have to visit that little town that

20:58

time forgot if I want to get gas anytime

21:01

soon. Maybe I should just try to get

21:03

one of those electric cars. I'm sure

21:05

I can afford one if I can afford

21:07

to stay in this place. Strangely,

21:09

I can't even remember what I paid for

21:11

this week. Probably just my foggy

21:13

brain coming down from whatever those little

21:15

green pills were. I'm sure

21:18

Oh, some more good news though. I don't see

21:20

the boat anymore. So that may have

21:22

just been another hallucination or

21:24

maybe whoever they were decided

21:26

to move on. Either way, I should

21:29

sleep better tonight. It's

21:31

raining outside now, so I won't be spending

21:33

any time on the beach tonight. I

21:35

should call Becky. Maybe

21:37

tomorrow. She hasn't called me

21:39

though. Maybe she's finally grown tired of

21:41

me. I'll call her

21:43

tomorrow. No reason to stress anything

21:45

like that. Honestly,

21:47

I'm pretty exhausted. It's been

21:49

a rough couple of days, Bob. I think

21:51

I'll turn in early tonight. We'll see

21:53

you tomorrow, bud. Day five.

21:58

They cut me. They cut

22:00

me deep, Bob. They're real.

22:02

And it's not the trunks. God

22:04

Jesus Christ hurts. I must

22:06

have been sleeping hard because I didn't even feel

22:08

them strap me down. It wasn't until

22:10

one of them bit my thumb off that I even

22:12

knew they were a room. I was

22:14

fighting as hard as I could, but the straps were

22:17

tight. How did they get them so

22:19

tight? They only looked like they were

22:21

what? Eight or nine years old

22:23

at most? How could the job be so

22:25

strong? There were three of them in the room and I

22:27

heard more of them laughing outside the

22:29

door. Jesus Christ. I can't believe

22:31

this is really happening. And he just got

22:33

biting off my fingers while the other two were

22:35

just carving into my chest and stomach

22:37

with kitchen knives. They didn't even realize I

22:39

was slipping loose when all the blood that was

22:41

spilling out of me made it so easy for my

22:43

right hand to get free. Before the ones

22:46

cutting me knew what happened. I jammed my fingers into

22:48

the chubby little biters' eyes. He

22:50

started wiggling and flailing around while

22:52

chunks of my middle finger were spewing out of

22:54

his

22:54

mouth. I didn't quit digging in his

22:57

sockets until he couldn't move anymore. I

22:59

got them deep in his little brain pan and

23:01

the lights route for that little evil shit. The

23:03

other two were out of the door by the time I got

23:05

the rest of the straps off me. Oh, I

23:07

caught them though. Oh, yeah. Oh, I caught

23:09

those little surgeons and I showed them how

23:11

a real surgeon operates. There's bits

23:13

of them all the way down the hall, and I'm

23:15

gonna leave them there too. If any of

23:17

the ones who were laughing on the other side of the

23:19

door come back, they'll see why happens

23:22

when you mess with me. I I need

23:24

to get to the hospital. It's a good thing

23:26

I'm right handed. I still have the ring

23:28

and pinky finger left though. Nah, a good

23:30

thing the little cannibals didn't start with

23:32

the most useless fingers on my hand.

23:34

I'm sorry. Bob

23:36

Bob my friend. Bobby boy.

23:38

It's shock. I think, man, I think I'm in

23:41

shock. Bob, I called

23:43

nine eleven, called an ambulance,

23:45

and blood loss, what?

23:47

Months of blood. Oh, so much blood

23:49

loss. I don't know how much. I don't

23:51

know if it's just mine, but

23:54

blood everywhere, bloody walls,

23:56

bloody floor, bloody me,

23:58

bloody Bob, sticky

24:01

blood, blood all over. I

24:04

think I think I'm gonna pass out till the

24:06

ambulance get day

24:12

six. It all felt so

24:14

real. I know it was real,

24:16

wasn't it? I woke up and

24:18

it was morning again. I think it

24:20

was morning. It was light,

24:22

but it was light when I passed

24:24

out too. looked at the calendar

24:26

and it's the twelfth now. That

24:28

means it's the sixth day.

24:30

Right? Yesterday would have been the fifth.

24:32

So what happened? There's

24:34

no blood. There's no bodies

24:36

or the bits of them I left scattered

24:38

through the hall. My left hand

24:40

is fully fingered. They

24:42

just had to have been a dream, but I

24:44

know it wasn't dreams

24:46

don't hurt. Not really. That's

24:48

the way it works. Right? I

24:50

need to get away from here.

24:53

Maybe it's this place, you know.

24:55

Maybe there's something in the air or the

24:57

water or something. Whatever turned that town

24:59

and took your noble's little brother, you

25:02

know. Maybe it was a spill or

25:04

something toxic in the water supply,

25:06

but it's powerful stuff.

25:08

I'm packing my stuff and getting the hell out of here

25:10

right now. First thing I'm doing

25:12

when I get back is finding a new

25:15

psychiatrist. Even if I didn't need

25:17

one before, I sure as hell need

25:19

one now. I'm gonna stash

25:21

you in my luggage until I get back home,

25:23

Bob. I'll talk you soon. It's

25:25

gone, Bob, but the town

25:27

isn't there anymore. Well, not

25:29

all of it anyway. A lot of

25:31

the buildings have crumbled has if it's

25:33

been deserted for centuries, and

25:35

there's not the slightest sign of any

25:37

life around. I thought I could have driven

25:39

in the wrong direction at first but there

25:41

was nothing out that way yesterday. I

25:43

know it was the same town. The

25:46

more I think about it, I know it

25:48

was wasn't dilapidated when I first drove

25:50

through it on my way here. What could

25:52

cause a town to rapidly decay in a

25:54

matter of days? It has only

25:57

been days. Right? I couldn't get

25:59

gas. The gas station was in ruins, and

26:01

I couldn't access any gas that may

26:03

still lay beneath the concrete ground.

26:06

I had to turn around and come back to this caught for

26:08

second beach house. I didn't

26:10

think I would make it. The car was sputtering

26:12

something awful those last few miles

26:14

of running on fumes. I can't go anywhere

26:17

now. I tried to call Becky, she

26:19

didn't answer. I haven't tried to call the

26:21

dock, but they kept ringing there

26:23

too. This is all his fault,

26:26

Bob. First, the recommendations to even

26:28

take this damn trip and then there was the

26:30

hallucinogens. I think this was all

26:32

a trap. All part of his sick

26:34

experiment. I bet he's

26:36

watching me now. The house still has

26:38

power and cable and Internet

26:40

but the closest town apparently closed its

26:42

doors, what? A hundred years ago?

26:44

If I ever get out of here, I'll

26:46

put good old doctor Sam through

26:49

a few experiments of my own. What am I gonna

26:51

do, Bob? I

26:54

hear something outside I

26:57

hope it's just the waves playing tricks again. I've

27:00

gotta check it out.

27:02

Jesus Christ, it was a kid.

27:05

Bob, it was a kid. Not

27:07

one of the ones from before. He wasn't scary

27:09

and demented, but he was hurt.

27:11

He he was crawling out

27:13

in the woods like dragging

27:16

himself across the ground. I was

27:18

scared, you know. I thought it was

27:20

one of the little demon seed bastards

27:23

again. I ran to him with my trusty firepoker

27:25

held high. I was ready to just swing

27:27

it into his skull, but he just flipped his

27:29

body over and looked up at

27:30

me, his feet. Jesus,

27:33

someone had cut his feet off. I

27:36

dropped the poker and got down on all fours.

27:38

He was crying and wailing in pain.

27:41

I tried to pick him up, but he screamed when

27:43

I attempted to wrap my arms around his little

27:45

body, his shirt was covered in blood.

27:47

I didn't notice at first because of

27:50

his feet. I lifted his shirt up

27:52

and had to fight to stop myself from

27:54

puking all over the poor kid. His

27:56

body was all cut up. His

27:58

intestines were hanging And his

28:00

chest had been spread open. I tried

28:02

to help him. I just went

28:04

to Christ I did, but I actually

28:06

saw his heart make its final beats.

28:08

I watched it stop. Who would

28:11

do something like that? I

28:13

brought him inside. I didn't know what else

28:15

to do. I couldn't leave him

28:17

out there. I know him Bob. I know

28:19

his face. I can't remember where

28:21

I know him from though. I

28:23

tried to call the police, but

28:25

nothing I can't stay here.

28:27

I have to get away from this place.

28:31

She's gone. I took a

28:33

shower to try to calm down and clean the

28:35

blood off. I came back downstairs and

28:37

nobody was there. Like like like

28:39

no body, no blood

28:41

from where I carried him in. It was

28:43

dripping everywhere when I brought

28:45

him in. I still see it on my hands though.

28:47

I see it dripping on the floor from my

28:49

fingertips, but the drops don't stay

28:51

on the ground. It's

28:53

almost like it sinks right through

28:55

without leaving a mark. I see

28:57

it covering my fingertips and

28:59

dripping down my pencil while I write this but

29:01

it doesn't stay in your pages.

29:03

I went outside and even the

29:05

blood trails from the kid's ankle stumps that were

29:07

gone from the tree line. I'm losing

29:09

it, Bob. I'm never getting out of here.

29:12

I know that now. Day

29:14

seven. I'm not getting out of bed

29:17

today. No use, no

29:19

reason. I think I'll just

29:21

stay here for now. Day

29:23

eight, I'm going numb, Bob.

29:26

Emotions are drained. Mine

29:28

just slips flipping. All six

29:30

of them came in this time.

29:32

The boy from the woods was there.

29:34

He was the last one came through my door.

29:36

They already had me tied down before

29:38

he walked in. He still didn't

29:40

look evil or sinister. He just

29:43

watched. He just stood there

29:45

with his arms crossed and looked

29:47

on while they cut me apart. His

29:49

expression seemed no different than if he

29:51

was watching curious George.

29:53

The masks were gone now. Just cute

29:56

little kid faces smiling down at

29:58

me like they were playing a board game

30:00

or drawing funny little pictures.

30:02

They didn't look hateful or angry or anything,

30:04

you know. Just looked like

30:06

children having fun. The same

30:09

chubby kid bit my fingers and

30:11

toes off He looked no more

30:13

harmless than if he'd just engulfed

30:15

a whole jar of strawberry jam

30:17

and it smeared all over his

30:19

face. The little blind girl

30:21

sculpted me, carved her box cutter

30:23

all around my head and just pulled the

30:25

skin off like it was a wig of one of her

30:27

dolls. The girl with

30:29

brown hair tied into pigtails

30:31

Clipped off my nose and ears with some head

30:33

streamers. She tossed them to the fat kid

30:35

like she was rewarding her puppy.

30:39

The two other boys, a shaggy haired

30:41

blonde kid, and one with a buzz

30:43

cut just cut my shirt off with some

30:45

scissors and splayed it open. They smiled at

30:47

me. It was a genuine sort

30:49

of smile, you know? It was

30:51

friendly in a strange sort

30:53

of way. When they turned their

30:55

heads back at each other, they dug their

30:57

fingernails into my skin.

30:59

It was like one of those zombie movies

31:01

where the undead ran their fingers into

31:03

the victim's stomach and just pull it

31:05

open like a trash bag. The

31:07

kids grabbed my intestines and organs

31:09

and pulled them out one by

31:11

one. They tossed them over their shoulders landed

31:13

on the floor with a splat.

31:15

All of this was going on at one

31:17

spot. I was scalped or had my

31:19

nose and ears severed My

31:21

fingers and toes chewed off and my insides pulled

31:23

apart within minutes. I can't

31:25

even describe the pain. I had

31:28

no idea such pain could

31:30

even exist. I always assumed

31:32

shock would kick in and block out the nerve

31:34

endings, block it from making its

31:36

way back to the brain or

31:38

something. I felt everything, Bob.

31:41

Every bite, every tear, every

31:43

cut, all of it.

31:45

I felt the life drain out of me and

31:47

the darkness on it to surround

31:49

me. I was actually glad. I just wanted

31:51

it to end. No sooner did

31:53

the lights go out, and I found myself laying

31:55

there again, not a mark on

31:58

me. It happened, Bob. I

32:00

swear to god it did.

32:02

I'm leaving here today. I'll keep

32:04

walking until I can't stand.

32:06

I won't stay here again.

32:09

Day nine. I walked all

32:11

day most of the night. I ate

32:13

some of the sandwiches I made for the trip

32:15

and slept on the ground. I

32:17

slept for maybe four hours, but

32:19

when I woke up, I started walking

32:21

again. The century may be

32:23

titled day nine, but I think it may encompass

32:25

a few more than just one

32:27

day. I already made it through the crumbled

32:29

town, though there's far less of

32:31

it remaining now than the last time I

32:33

passed through it I think I may

32:35

be approaching the highway soon.

32:37

I hear the rumbling of speeding vehicles in

32:39

the distance. Maybe I can hitch a

32:41

ride from someone or that's what I'm hoping

32:43

at least. I probably don't

32:45

look like the most inviting hitchhiker at

32:47

this point, but perhaps some

32:49

kindhearted driver will offer me an

32:51

olive branch This will

32:53

hopefully be my last stop off before

32:55

reaching the real world again. My

32:57

feet are throbbing. My back

32:59

hurts like hell and my supply of sandwiches is running

33:02

low. My head feels clearer

33:04

now and the idea of seeing civilization

33:06

makes my heart soar quite

33:08

a bit. Whatever happens from here on

33:10

out, I'll never go back to that beach

33:12

again. That's a fact.

33:14

I think I'm going to break up with Becky

33:16

too. She wants kids and I think

33:19

I didn't plan to ever be a father before,

33:21

and I'm sure I don't want

33:23

children now. Maybe this was

33:25

just some sort of psychological warfare

33:27

my own brain waged on me to make me

33:30

realize that once and for all.

33:32

One thing is for sure, I'm not

33:34

built for solitude. I can't say I

33:36

care for people in general, but I realize

33:39

now that I at least like to know

33:41

they're around. Not far to

33:43

go now. Day ten

33:45

through twelve ish. I made

33:47

it home, Bob. I never thought I'd see this

33:49

shitty apartment again. I sat in

33:51

the bathtub for close to two hours when I got here

33:54

and just dropped my stuff from the floor and

33:56

headed straight to the bathroom. I

33:59

would have showered, but I could barely

34:01

stand. I walked down the

34:03

breakdown lane of a highway for three hours

34:05

before I could convince someone to offer me

34:07

a ride. And looked worse than a mangy dog when the truck pulled over

34:09

to the side of the road. I had

34:11

nothing left, but the pure joy of

34:13

seeing my long walk come

34:15

to an end gave me a second wind enough to sprint to

34:17

the passenger door of the big

34:20

rig. The driver was a really cool guy

34:22

and he didn't even say a word about the way

34:24

I looked when I hopped in. He looked like he was

34:26

likely some kind of weekend biker or

34:28

something. Long gray beard,

34:30

Bandana tied around his pony

34:32

tailed white

34:34

hair. He even wore one of those leather Harley Vests.

34:36

He wasn't planning to drive into the

34:38

city, but he said he'd get me close.

34:42

By the time we reach the city limits, he decided to just go ahead

34:44

and take me the rest of the way. He's a

34:46

really cool guy. I'll tell you. I offered

34:48

him a hundred dollar bill for

34:50

his trouble, but he just waved it off and told me to pay it

34:52

forward someday. I definitely have a

34:54

new outlook on people in general. I'd

34:58

probably still be walking the highway if he hadn't come along.

35:00

I think I'm gonna keep you around,

35:02

Bob. You may be the only thing

35:04

that got me through last week.

35:07

Samuel may be full of it, but the journal was

35:09

a good idea. Credit what credits

35:11

do and all that. That being

35:13

said, I'll see you tomorrow,

35:15

Bobby Boy. I think I'm going to

35:17

the bar where I can be around

35:19

people for a while. Day thirteen? I

35:22

don't know why I'm still numbering the days now

35:24

that I'm

35:26

home. I may just keep it up and see how high the number gets before

35:28

I get to the last page.

35:30

Saying that though, I'm not entirely sure

35:32

why I'm so deep into this book already.

35:36

You're pretty thick, Bob. No offense intended.

35:38

My last thirteen days should logically

35:40

only take up thirteen pages at

35:44

most, but I'm clearly a good halfway into this

35:46

journal. Have I noticed that

35:48

before? It feels like

35:50

I have. But I strangely

35:52

have no urge to flip through the first

35:54

pages. My head feels a little

35:56

swimmy. I think we're going to take

35:58

a nap. I

36:00

quit my job, Bob, and it was a dead end job, and I

36:02

deserve better than that place. I say

36:04

I quit, but I just chose not to

36:07

go in or even call them. Not

36:10

a great way to end a meaningless career choice. I know, but

36:12

what can you do? I tried to

36:14

call Becky again, but she's still not

36:18

answering. Maybe she's ending this relationship the same way I ended

36:20

my job. Doesn't matter, really

36:22

makes things easier in the

36:26

long run. I did think I'll go see old doctor Sam

36:28

today. I've got a few things I'd like to say

36:30

to him. I'm not trying to get

36:32

arrested, so I'll keep it civil and

36:34

all, but screw that

36:36

guy. Alright. Later, Bob.

36:38

Actually, I think I'll take you

36:40

with me. I wanna be able to show

36:42

him what he put me through. I

36:44

wonder if missus Jacobs moved out. I haven't heard her little

36:47

brat running back and forth since I got

36:49

home. I hear someone up there walking around

36:51

and I ain't a kid.

36:54

Maybe things are looking up

36:56

for me. Jesus Christ, I

36:59

saw them bought all six

37:01

of those little bastards I

37:03

was in the taxi on the way to Samuel's office and

37:06

they were just playing on the side of the

37:08

road. I told the Cabby to pull over

37:10

and let me out tossed them at

37:12

twenty and ran after them. Did they

37:14

follow me here? Maybe they work for the

37:16

doctor. It can't be coincidence that

37:18

I saw them so close to the

37:20

office. Right? As soon as I ran it, then they took off down in

37:22

alley. They're pretty quick, but I was

37:24

able to keep up with them. I've got them

37:26

cornered, I

37:28

think, They ran into an abandoned warehouse or something, but is

37:30

the only entrance. No. No. I'm

37:32

not going to hurt them, Bob. I just

37:35

want some answers. Yes, I

37:38

know it's them. You don't think I'd

37:40

recognize the brat patrol that delayed me

37:42

like a fish. I could

37:44

really use my firepoker

37:46

right now. Forget it. I'm going

37:48

in. No. No. It's not

37:50

real. This can't be real.

37:52

I ran

37:54

in, Bob. All six of them were standing there in the center of the

37:56

room. It wasn't a warehouse. I don't

37:58

think there was plastic lining

38:00

on the walls and

38:02

the floor It's like that clear plastic stuff killers used

38:04

in the movies to help them clean up evidence and

38:06

all that. It almost looked

38:08

like the walls

38:10

were wooden. I could even see light shining through the splits and walls

38:12

behind the tarp. They weren't alone this

38:14

time. It wasn't just the kids anymore.

38:18

Standing behind them like a ringleader was me. How

38:21

how can that be, Bob? How

38:23

could I be there behind them when I was

38:25

standing right in front of

38:28

them? Do I have a twin? I

38:30

didn't know about or something? They all had blood dripping from their fingers every

38:32

one of them. They just smiled at

38:35

me with mouths that were way

38:37

more wide than they should have been. I

38:40

ran Bob. I ran out of there

38:42

and ran as fast as I could, back

38:44

through the door I came in. They all laughed

38:46

at me when I turned tail. Every one

38:48

of them gave me.

38:50

That one kid though, the one

38:52

that was bleeding in the trees the

38:54

one that just stood and watched while the others tore me apart. I

38:56

know who he is now. He's

38:59

Jacob's boy, the brat

39:02

from upstairs, I'm going to knock on their door. I don't think they

39:04

live there anymore, but maybe whoever is

39:06

in that room now could know where

39:08

they went. The only

39:10

thing that makes any sort of sense was that this

39:12

was all in my head. Everything

39:14

seemed to lead back to that

39:16

one kid. This is just a riddle

39:18

that I need to solve and I'll bet

39:20

money on him having the answers. It

39:22

was a man, an older guy,

39:24

maybe in his fifties, He walked

39:26

with a cane and he looked terrified when

39:28

he saw my face at the door. He

39:30

actually just screamed and slammed the door

39:32

back in my face I pounded on the damn thing and called out that I needed to

39:34

talk about the folks who used to live

39:36

there. He just yelled.

39:38

Not again. Never

39:40

again. And sounded like he had burst

39:42

into wailing sobs. I

39:44

think I remember something. I

39:46

feel cold all of

39:48

a sudden. My hands are covered in blood. all

39:50

over them. I washed them, but

39:52

they won't get clean. I think

39:54

I did something, Bob.

39:58

Christ. Whoop. What could I have done?

40:00

I won't go back up there again. It's late. I'm going to

40:02

get some sleep. Day fourteen.

40:06

I'm going to see doctor Samuel. I won't get distracted

40:08

from my mission this time.

40:10

I'm starting to remember things, Bob.

40:13

It's still fuzzy, but I think I know what

40:15

I've done. The blood is still on

40:18

my hands, but it's not

40:20

dripping anymore. It's just stained

40:22

my skin. My ruby red

40:24

hands glaring up at me with their

40:26

accusing stare. Part of

40:28

me wants to stall, you know. to

40:30

go see Samuel, but I fear I

40:32

know what will happen when I do

40:36

Desjardins perhaps. There's something

40:38

unsettlingly familiar about all of

40:40

this, but it's time to

40:42

raise the

40:44

veil. I know everything now, Bob. I think this may be the last

40:46

time we talk, at least with this

40:48

much clarity. I went to

40:50

Samuel's office, but it wasn't an office

40:54

anymore. It's a house, a pleasant little house on the beach.

40:56

It's not just the house now

40:58

though. There's a barn out by

41:01

the tree line. A small wooden barn with plastic

41:03

lining the inside. That's where I killed them,

41:06

Bob. All

41:08

five kids. I

41:10

killed adults too mind you. Some were just

41:12

for the purpose of keeping my secrets though.

41:14

I never took any pleasure

41:17

in killing adults. Well, most of the time

41:19

anyway. They fight back, you see. They're

41:22

not as easy, and I didn't

41:24

feel as powerful when I tried to hold

41:26

them down. It

41:28

started when I was a child myself, you know. I

41:30

convinced everyone that my father was

41:32

self defense, but I just didn't like the

41:34

way he talked to me that day. Sure.

41:37

They put me in therapy and I talked for hours

41:40

and days about how he beat me and

41:42

berated me and I finally had

41:44

enough. He never did those

41:46

things though. He did love

41:48

me, I think. I think he knew

41:50

something wasn't quite right with

41:52

me. He tried his best after my

41:54

mother died, She was technically my first, but I didn't

41:56

exactly get the blood on my hands for that

41:58

one. I just pinched the tube

42:00

that was feeding oxygen into

42:02

her cancer lungs for a few

42:04

moments. She wasn't long

42:06

for this world, and I helped her, I

42:08

think. Dad never suspected

42:10

that one, but it broke him regardless.

42:13

He was suffering. And I'm sure he

42:15

didn't mean to talk down to me that day,

42:17

but the damage was done. I

42:19

almost regretted it at first.

42:21

The waking looked at me while he was choking on his

42:23

own blood, stays with me to this

42:26

day. He appeared

42:28

genuinely surprised Even when I forgot the still

42:30

saw that. I guess,

42:32

technically, Buddy was the

42:34

first time I got blood on

42:36

my hands. His barking

42:38

kept me awake one night too many,

42:40

and I just had enough. I

42:42

carved him up a good bit. I made sure

42:44

to clean the knife before I put it back in

42:46

the kitchen, I don't think

42:48

dad ever suspected me of that one

42:50

either. Molly was the first

42:52

kid I killed. She was the same age as

42:54

me at the time. She mocked me in front

42:56

of everyone and they laughed at me for weeks

42:58

because of it. I didn't kill her

43:00

until the whole thing was forgotten though.

43:02

I was smart enough to point the finger away from me. When they saw

43:05

what was left of her, they did not

43:07

suspect that another child could have

43:09

done something so brutal. Randy

43:12

came next. He was another one who made fun of me.

43:14

I cut him off worse than Molly,

43:16

and they thought an animal got

43:20

to him. Tim and Julia

43:22

didn't happen until I was in

43:24

college. I didn't have any good reason for those

43:26

two. I guess I just didn't like

43:28

how they looked at me while I was walking past

43:30

the playground. Vincent

43:32

was a little after my thirty first birthday.

43:34

I'd gone a long time in between

43:36

feeding my impulses, and he just

43:38

happened to be in the wrong place at the right

43:40

time. Becky was the first adult I had killed since my father,

43:42

while aside from a couple of people

43:44

who saw things they weren't supposed to,

43:48

Those were a necessity and not pleasures, so I don't

43:50

count them. I didn't mean to

43:52

hurt her, Bob. She got pregnant and

43:54

I had to remove my seat from

43:58

her. If she'd confessed her pregnancy to me earlier, it wouldn't

44:00

have caused her so much damage, I think.

44:02

She was four months long when

44:04

she finally admitted it to me.

44:07

I didn't mean to hurt her, not really.

44:10

Gerald was easy. I

44:12

think I just did him for

44:14

pure fun. He was an awful and condescending

44:16

prick, another case of the wrong place for

44:18

him and the right time for me,

44:20

even if it was his

44:22

own home. I was

44:24

just driving by when I saw him sitting

44:26

out in his rear deck and his hot

44:28

tub. I didn't even know he lived there,

44:30

but I couldn't resist

44:32

the opportunity. It was late and most of the city was asleep.

44:34

I was the only car on the road, so I

44:36

didn't even try to hide what I

44:38

was doing. I

44:40

pulled over and snuck up onto his deck, drowned him in

44:42

his own jacuzzi. Finally, Jimmy

44:44

Jacobs, who kept pounding across

44:46

the ceiling of my apartment no

44:49

matter how much I protested against

44:51

it. It was homeschooled and was rarely

44:53

away from the apartment, so I had

44:55

to lure his mother away for enough time to

44:57

take care of him. I paid a

45:00

bum forty bucks to pretend to be a

45:02

cop. He told her that her sister had been

45:04

arrested and that she would have to bail

45:06

her out. She apparently wasn't the smartest of people, but she

45:08

ran out of the building leaving Jimmy home

45:10

alone. Had I made a

45:12

quicker work of him, she would have been none the

45:14

wiser when she

45:16

got home. But I wanted to make an example of what he'd put me

45:18

through. I tied him down

45:20

and cut off his feet with a

45:22

hacksaw. How was I to know that his mother had run

45:24

out without

45:26

wallet I was enjoying my work so much that I didn't even notice

45:28

her coming in. She screamed and

45:30

I turned around just in time to receive

45:32

an entire magazine worth of ammo she

45:35

fired into me. That's when I met

45:37

doctor Samuel, or as I would come

45:39

to know him as Samuel

45:42

the accuser. I still don't

45:44

fully understand the beach

45:46

house. The barn I did my work in was

45:48

abandoned and hidden by

45:50

the forest. Perhaps the beach is just because I always dreamed of

45:52

living there. Maybe it's just

45:54

that one final insult, you

45:56

know, seeing my dream

45:58

turn sour. I understand

46:00

now why I'm so deep into your

46:02

guts, Bob. Hell is

46:05

in repetition. It keeps

46:07

going back and back and back again. Whenever

46:09

I find the truth of my horrific deeds,

46:11

I go back to the

46:14

beginning. Repetition. Over and

46:16

over, and never ending

46:18

cycle. I deserve this,

46:20

Bob. I'm

46:22

a monster. I'm well aware of that. Even

46:24

before I knew who the children were, I

46:26

wanted to kill them, even before they

46:28

started cutting me, I wanted to cut

46:30

them first

46:32

Maybe if it ever gets to the point that I don't want to feel

46:34

their blood spraying across my face and

46:36

leaking between my fingers, maybe

46:39

then I'll be free. Will

46:41

I vote? Repetition, Bob.

46:44

I will be going now,

46:46

my only friend. I fear

46:48

I will see you soon. Do

46:51

I always call you

46:53

Bob? I wonder. Day

46:56

one. Alright. This is

46:58

day one of seclusion for me.

47:00

My therapist recommended that I get away

47:02

for at least a week to try and get

47:04

myself together. He also

47:06

suggested that I keep a journal of my

47:08

time in voluntary isolation to keep

47:10

track of my progress. I'm

47:12

not entirely sure what this is supposed

47:14

to accomplish, and I guess we hit

47:16

a wall in my treatment or

47:18

something. Between mild schizophrenia,

47:20

a boatload of other mental ailments combined

47:22

with some less than drug and

47:24

alcohol abuse, you seem to think it best for me to

47:26

get away from the world and just be

47:28

alone for a time. It might not be

47:30

too bad out here if I'm being honest. I've

47:34

never really heard from money, so I

47:36

opted for

47:38

a mess.