Podchaser Logo
Home
1828: After-School Jobs & Cousins

1828: After-School Jobs & Cousins

Released Thursday, 9th May 2024
Good episode? Give it some love!
1828: After-School Jobs & Cousins

1828: After-School Jobs & Cousins

1828: After-School Jobs & Cousins

1828: After-School Jobs & Cousins

Thursday, 9th May 2024
Good episode? Give it some love!
Rate Episode

Episode Transcript

Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.

Use Ctrl + F to search

0:00

Do you have something you want to improve about

0:02

yourself? Maybe it's something petty or embarrassing. That's

0:05

where Personal Best comes in. Personal Best

0:07

from CBC Podcasts is a self-improvement show

0:09

for people who don't like self-improvement. Vulture

0:11

calls it a delightfully dorky romp through

0:14

a world of hidden wants and quiet

0:16

dreams. And Time Magazine says

0:18

it's one of the funniest podcasts to hit

0:20

our earbuds in years. Did they really say

0:22

that? That is really nice of them. Find

0:25

Personal Best on CBC Listen or wherever you

0:27

get your podcasts. This

0:30

is a CBC Podcast. This

0:33

podcast is an extended version of The Debaters,

0:35

which may contain more mature themes. To

0:38

stream the radio-friendly version of this

0:40

episode, download the CBC Listen app

0:42

or go to cbc.ca/the debaters. And

0:44

thanks for listening to the CBC.

0:51

Hey Canada! We're here to bring some

0:53

thrillage to the village. From Hamilton,

0:55

home of Hess Village, it's The

0:57

Debaters! The

1:05

Debaters, where comedians fight with facts and

1:07

funny in this audience. It's the winner.

1:10

Now here's a man who's a village people person,

1:12

Steve Patterson! Hey! Thanks,

1:14

Graham Clark! Hello, Canada! Welcome back!

1:18

To The Debaters! We

1:25

are here in hearty, lovely

1:27

Hamilton, Ontario. Yes!

1:31

Listen to that! A

1:34

city bursting with natural beauty. Radio

1:38

listeners throughout Canada might not know

1:40

that Hamilton's nickname is the City

1:43

of Waterfalls. Did

1:45

you know that? Hamilton

1:49

has the most waterfalls of any city

1:52

in the world, with 156! Way

1:57

To go, Hamilton! Niagara

2:01

only has three. I

2:07

think that your new official? that

2:10

Dame Hamilton. City. Of

2:12

waterfalls. Is. Way better than

2:14

the unofficial one that I heard growing up.

2:18

Hamilton, ontario his armpits and I

2:20

don't think. That fair, Exactly

2:24

move it was.

2:27

People from London

2:29

dumps, Maybe some of

2:31

you have even taken the opportunity to

2:33

shower in those fall. Will:

2:36

if you're going to thing in the shower, why

2:38

not? Off. Do a way. Yes,

2:48

this as you couldn't. Help

2:51

yourself. That

2:53

the handles his dog isn't it? But please do

2:55

be sure to cover up that are Kiwi Week.

2:58

If you're showering involved now it's time

3:00

to meet you debaters. We take your

3:02

really fall for this comic. Tried to

3:05

socialize with a curling team but couldn't

3:07

get to their inner circle. It's

3:10

Niagara on the. Us

3:16

over here is a

3:18

little making. His way behind

3:21

the podium some I let

3:23

alone hodja. Welcome. And.

3:25

This comic assume that Shakespeare's

3:27

lawyers that all been called

3:29

to the barge it's Kitchen

3:31

or as corporate law. Her.

3:41

Over the podium you

3:43

my Whoa hoo hoo.

3:46

You. Topic is one that you'll have to work for.

3:49

After school job. Should.

3:52

Every kid have one. I

3:55

do think it would be nice if more kids

3:57

had a paper route these days. But. That would

3:59

require. require more people having actual newspapers

4:02

delivered to their mailbox. Not

4:04

just online subscriptions delivered to their

4:07

inbox. Although personally, I

4:09

would love the job of being

4:11

an online newspaper delivery boy. Type

4:15

in some email addresses, hit

4:17

send, workday done. Time

4:20

now for a debate that will

4:23

really deliver. So whereas it teaches

4:25

responsibility, money management, and life skills,

4:27

be it resolved every kid needs

4:30

an after-school job. Joe, you

4:32

are arguing for this please, my friend.

4:34

You have two minutes starting now. Joe

4:36

Pilatary. I

4:42

grew up on a farm in Niagara on the

4:44

lake and I had an after-school job. When you

4:46

work on a farm, you have an after-school job.

4:49

Sometimes you have a before-school job. And

4:51

often I had a during-school job, Steve. Look

4:55

at me now. Hamilton comedy

4:57

on a Tuesday night. It's

5:00

amazing. Let

5:03

me ask a question. If kids didn't have

5:05

an after-school job, what would they be doing?

5:07

I've got a 19-year-old son and he walks

5:09

around looking like he's lost in a hardware

5:12

store most of the time. I

5:16

can't understand why this demographic is so

5:18

important to advertisers. The guy's got no

5:20

money. He can't spend money on anything.

5:22

He needs tasks. He needs something to

5:24

do. And here's the other thing.

5:26

Having an after-school job today is much safer

5:28

than it used to be. Much safer. I

5:31

hear kids talking about women's meetings

5:34

and safety. I

5:36

grew up on a family farm. You know

5:38

my job wasn't 12 years old. It was

5:40

dumping pesticide into a mixing tank. Well

5:42

my father stirred it with his arms. My

5:49

father's never been bit on the right arm by

5:52

a mosquito and he has no idea why.

5:57

It's time to start worrying less about our

5:59

kids' fragile ego. and these silly

6:01

child labor laws that everyone keeps talking

6:03

about. And

6:05

let their parents start enjoying their lives

6:07

without their kids firmly attached to their

6:10

umbilical cord. Time to go to work, kids.

6:14

Thank you, Steve. Thank you,

6:16

Joe Pincheri. Said

6:19

it's time to go to work, kids. Before

6:21

you said the jobs are safe for now,

6:23

you don't have to stir pesticide with your

6:25

arm anymore. Now,

6:29

using her free time here to pick

6:32

up the slack against after-school jobs, let's

6:34

hear from one of the hardest-working comics

6:36

in Canada, Courtney Gilmore. Thank you,

6:41

Steve.

6:46

Hamilton, have

6:48

you spoken to a teenager recently?

6:52

They're terrifying. If

6:56

you think Zit-riddled minors with

6:58

an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex can

7:00

be trusted in the workplace,

7:03

try getting your ears pierced

7:05

at Claire's by a 17-year-old

7:08

who just got dumped by her

7:10

boyfriend on Snapchat. No,

7:12

no, thank you. What

7:16

parents? What parent wants their

7:18

kid to be as stressed out as they

7:20

are? Only one

7:23

person at the dinner table should be

7:25

so exhausted and agitated that they sigh

7:27

100 times and

7:29

say things like, bring me my whiskey, I've

7:31

had a long day, and it shouldn't be

7:33

your little brother, Kyle. Kids

7:40

don't need a job to find money,

7:42

Joe. I had a friend

7:44

in middle school who sold portable fans

7:46

from the dollar store at recess for

7:48

$15 each. They

7:51

were $5 at the dollar store. A

7:55

real entrepreneur makes time during

7:57

the day. Where

8:00

do they want your kids out of

8:02

the house to have their fragile egos

8:04

shattered? That's. What grandparents

8:07

are for? Real

8:11

life lessons. Don't come from after

8:13

school job They come from after

8:15

school Tv shows. When

8:18

I'm the only the forty

8:20

seven pm were watching closely

8:22

to things like full house

8:24

and see. By the bell where

8:26

we we thought the importance of not

8:28

talking to. Strangers were overdosing

8:31

on caffeine pill. Both

8:35

things I'd be doing if I had been

8:37

working at Rb. His. Or

8:45

her whole her

8:47

whole job. It

8:50

is I know for the bare knuckle

8:52

round. were debating whether every kid needs

8:54

an after school job. So.

8:56

At a minimum wage. War.

8:59

On your opponents of the

9:01

audience will compensate you with

9:03

laughter. And proved your

9:05

jokes aren't just entry level. They

9:09

work overtime. You're

9:12

both on the block starting now.

9:20

Though you said you're nineteen year

9:22

old need to have to keep

9:24

his mind and body occupied. whom.

9:27

Look good and nineteen year old

9:29

with a valid Ontario idea do

9:31

to keep their minds and bodies.

9:33

Aren't you imply that? I wonder?

9:37

If. You're suggesting that, my sons of

9:39

Luther, You're wrong. You

9:44

like his old man forty. I had so much

9:46

fun of my first year university just like he

9:48

did in his first year. Queen had so much

9:50

fun in fact that they ask them to come

9:52

back and take a couple of course summer. He

9:57

also happens to be the same person or a the

9:59

borel. Eleven hundred dollars for a phone?

10:03

You know what happened if I asked my dad or

10:05

eleven hundred dollars for a foam when I was nice

10:07

seeing. Collectively, my peers vehicles

10:09

were worth eleven hundred dollars. For

10:14

jill. Well happy for you that

10:17

you spent your youth contaminating people would test

10:19

of said i. I

10:22

believe the in the scary world kids

10:24

to keep their innocence. Of. Beauty.

10:32

Accidentally. So many Satan you know?

10:36

Our that's the they're not allowed

10:38

to deploy the book Once I

10:41

saw. It

10:44

is time now for the firing line

10:46

in my hand. I've a list of

10:48

questions about after school Jobs brought you

10:50

by the late founder of Apple, Steve

10:53

Jobs. He

10:55

made millions after quitting schools

10:57

though really his nickname was

10:59

after School done. Very

11:04

well. family.com says there are for signs

11:06

that a teen is ready for a

11:09

job. Good. Time management, strong communication

11:11

skills, willingness to be a team

11:13

player and what else? Gardening

11:16

Learning. How to use deodorant? To

11:21

point out. Job

11:23

will turn to be able to use your

11:25

phone covertly. Why you're supposed to be working. Sets.

11:30

Them apart. They're. Free

11:32

to have points and it's about as. Ah,

11:35

all of those things to the market or

11:37

feals again. Plus. A sense

11:40

of commitment and follow through. Also,

11:43

desire to buy things that their parents don't

11:45

desire to buy for them. according

11:49

to people magazine at the age

11:51

of eight what was exercise guru

11:53

richard simmons doing as an after

11:55

school job selling home from kits

11:57

that he got to keep whatever

11:59

he didn't say A good answer,

12:02

a good answer. Four

12:05

and a half points for Joe on that one. He

12:09

sold, he sold pralines on

12:12

the street corners of New Orleans. Take

12:14

that information and try to use it somewhere. Family education.com

12:16

says that teens

12:20

who try to balance school and work often

12:25

sacrifice sleep, exercise, and what else?

12:27

Courtney. Chickens. Chickens?

12:37

Audience is with you. Five points. Joe?

12:41

The ability to keep a straight face while telling people

12:43

that the ice cap machine is broken at Timmy's. Like

12:48

that. That one speaks to me. Four and

12:51

three quarters points. Teens

12:54

who try to balance schoolwork and

12:56

work often sacrifice sleep, exercise, and

12:58

time with family. Ah,

13:02

puke. That's the firing line, everybody. Moving.

13:08

Right along. It is almost time for

13:10

our audience vote. But first, here again

13:12

with another after school of thought against

13:15

after school jobs, let's hear again from

13:17

Courtney Gilmore. You

13:22

know, all

13:25

my friends had jobs in high school.

13:27

And guess what? They

13:31

still can't afford houses. It doesn't matter.

13:36

And you know what? Teens

13:38

are inefficient. Hamilton, do you

13:41

think that Tim Horton's founder,

13:43

Ron Joyce, would want

13:45

the legacy of this great Canadian

13:47

establishment to be

13:49

disrespected by some sloth-like kid

13:51

at the drive-thru whose eyes

13:54

are more glazed than the old fashion?

13:56

We need grown animals. Adults

14:00

with anxiety and OCD who

14:03

have seen the real world and

14:05

have something to prove. They're

14:08

bitter, jaded, scared

14:10

of climate change, but

14:12

damn it, they have a mortgage and two

14:14

ungrateful kids to go home to. So they

14:17

will get you your apple fritter

14:19

the way Tim Horton intended, with

14:21

the fakest smile you've ever seen,

14:23

wrinkles in their forehead and on

14:25

tone. Who's this?

14:29

What would be a deal for? With

14:32

a passionate argument against

14:34

after school jobs. Now,

14:36

here to after school his opponent

14:38

on the benefits of after school

14:41

jobs, let's hear again from Joe

14:43

Pilatary. Courtney

14:47

takes these jobs. I've got two daughters

14:49

that have the travel bug, but

14:51

they don't have jobs. The

14:54

only money they have access to is their

14:56

depleted first communion cash envelope from 12 years

14:59

ago. When

15:02

I was a teenager working on the farm, minimum wage was

15:04

kind of like a unicorn. You heard about it,

15:06

but you never saw it. Today

15:09

minimum wage is $75,000 a year with stock options. It's

15:14

not that bad. No time for excuses, Courtney. It's

15:16

time for the kids to go to work. Joe

15:22

Pilatary says

15:24

this has got to work. Courtney

15:26

Gilmore says the opposite, and it is up

15:28

to our Hamilton audience to decide. By

15:30

applause, who liked the way that Courtney

15:32

worked her anti-after school job jobs the

15:35

best? Courtney Gilmore. All

15:40

right, thanks a lot

15:43

for Courtney here. And who thought that Joe's

15:45

after school job market musings were more on

15:47

the money, Joe Pilatary? Sorry, Courtney.

15:52

The Audience is talking. It's time to

15:54

send those kids to work. The Winner

15:56

is Joe Pilatary. Proponents

16:09

content Leisure follow us on Instagram

16:11

at at Cdc debaters and now

16:14

we're saving all cases from Hamilton

16:16

Says as an fourth musical in

16:18

Toronto. My

16:22

name is John Cohen and

16:24

I want to tell you

16:26

a story. It's a story

16:28

about a scandal, broken relationships,

16:30

gossip rumors, mommy's corporate rivalry

16:32

and hurling. It's

16:34

the story of Bloom Eight. How a

16:36

single brew yes, a broom turned friends

16:39

and foes and almost killed the five

16:41

hundred year old. sort of. Currently in

16:43

was a year I'd like to forget.

16:47

Room gates available now.

16:54

It is right to be back here

16:56

in the beautiful dan. Fourth Call in

16:58

Toronto. Of

17:04

city where people love to double up

17:06

their homes. Speaking. Of which

17:08

there's a house near here in the

17:11

Ledley Bill neighborhood called The Doll House.

17:13

Which. Sounds like a house the size of Barbie.

17:15

Three mom. But. It's actually a full

17:18

sized house covered and all. Animals

17:22

and Toy. True. Story. I.

17:24

Can't imagine what it be like a few people ever

17:27

had to move. But. I bet they'd have

17:29

to use the Dali. Baroness

17:32

suffer through not as

17:34

as for us. Now.

17:37

It sounds to me to to voters who

17:39

are all dolled up with somewhere to go.

17:41

This. Comic thinks that opening a pub

17:43

in a basement is setting the bar

17:45

too low. It's. hello

18:01

When this comic ruined her Chewbacca

18:03

shaped cookies, she said, well, I

18:05

guess that's the way the Wookie

18:07

crumbles. This is an everything. This

18:12

is a wookie. Jackie!

18:16

Welcome. Thank you so

18:19

much. Nice to be here. Thank you.

18:24

Your topic is one that we think you'll

18:26

relate to. Cousin. Can

18:30

you have too many? I

18:35

haven't actually explored my extended family tree, mainly

18:37

because I don't want to find out if

18:39

my mom and dad were cousins. And

18:42

that might explain the twitch sometimes in my left

18:45

eye. But

18:47

earlier this year, actor Kevin Bacon

18:49

and his wife Kira Sedgwick found

18:52

out they are actually distant cousins.

18:55

This is a true story, which is

18:57

weird, because according to six degrees of

18:59

Kevin Bacon, we're all related to him

19:01

somehow. That shouldn't be

19:03

that surprising. You know what's even more

19:05

surprising? One celebrity that Kevin Bacon is

19:08

not related to? Jon

19:10

Hamm. Isn't

19:13

that weird? You would think. All

19:17

right. It's time now for

19:19

a debate that will up the ante until you say uncle.

19:22

So, whereas they can be

19:24

strong role models, loyal family members, and

19:26

even close friends, be it resolved, you

19:29

can never have too many cousins. Arthur,

19:31

you are arguing for this,

19:33

please. You have two minutes. Starting

19:35

now, Arthur Simien. Thank

19:42

you, Steve. I

19:44

have over one hundred and fifty

19:47

first cousins. Which

19:49

means my family is very fertile and

19:51

I was built to win this debate.

19:57

Cousins are the best extended

19:59

family members. You are

20:01

loosely related by blood, but you

20:03

don't have to live together or communicate unless

20:05

you need each other. They

20:08

don't have the authority of aunts,

20:10

the creepiness of uncles, the expansiveness

20:13

of nephews and nieces or the

20:15

smell of grandparents. Sugars

20:24

are great way of judging whom of

20:26

your parents siblings settled in marriage and

20:30

ruined their family genetics. Ugly

20:33

cousins serve as a warning to

20:35

your generation to only procreate with

20:37

10s, and

20:41

not the likes of Uncle Steve or Aunt

20:43

Living. Do you understand? No

20:47

task is too much when

20:49

you have cousins. You always have someone

20:51

to help you move. I

20:53

have electricians, plumbers, doctors,

20:56

bankers, farmers, tailors,

20:58

conspiracy theorists, and

21:02

criminals all on speed dial. Many

21:06

of the people in prison simply didn't

21:08

have enough cousins to

21:11

help them hide the body and

21:16

provide an airtight alibi. Many

21:25

cousins mean you can never be the

21:27

worst member of the family. There's

21:30

always a cousin that you can point to

21:32

and say, at least I'm not

21:34

Graham who's delinquent on several child

21:37

support payments to

21:39

five different women. In

21:42

some cultures, cousins are actually marriage

21:44

material, which is not exactly a

21:46

positive thing for you, but we

21:48

shouldn't shame the British for their

21:50

customs. Thank

21:53

you very much. Alright,

21:57

sir. Give a round of applause. Now,

22:04

here to tell us why the

22:06

nightmare of too many cousins is

22:08

the perfect example of cause and

22:10

effect, or in her words, cousin

22:12

effect, let's hear

22:14

from Jackie Pirico.

22:16

Thank you. Thank

22:18

you. Thank you, Steve. I'm here

22:20

to say you can have too many cousins.

22:22

I'm an authority on this too. My grandparents

22:25

had 10 children.

22:27

Like, they hooked up

22:29

10 times. And

22:32

thanks to their insatiable libido,

22:34

everyone in my small hometown

22:37

is my cousin. I

22:39

couldn't even open Tinder there without breaking

22:41

the law. And

22:44

Steve, he mentioned cousins as

22:47

friends and role models. That's rich.

22:49

When you have an entire municipality

22:52

of cousins, the quality

22:54

varies. I've

22:56

got a deadbeat cousin living on my

22:58

couch as we speak. Oh,

23:01

sorry. That reminds me. I promised. Shout

23:03

out to Jess. But

23:10

there's one thing worse than a

23:12

deadbeat cousin, and it's a successful

23:15

cousin, like my cousin Michelle, who

23:17

is a professional runway model.

23:19

Don't you hate her? I

23:23

said, don't you hate her? Yeah.

23:27

That's harsh. I don't hate

23:29

her. I hate how

23:31

I feel when I'm standing right beside

23:33

her. And look,

23:35

I don't think of myself normally as

23:38

some ugly, disgusting mutant from the sewer

23:40

system or anything. So

23:42

no support for me on that. All right. I

23:46

don't normally think of myself as that, but I'll tell

23:48

you this much. I'm a lot hotter when she ain't

23:50

around. And

23:52

it's not even a Job. Have You seen models on

23:54

the runway? I've seen Michelle modeling at Toronto

23:56

Fashion Week. Her and all her model friends

23:58

up there on the... Fashion.greatest.

24:03

Like from or up and down and all of them when

24:05

they get to the end of that thing and then they

24:07

look at the crowd like this: Build.

24:09

A house. And

24:12

know what? Michelle? Is not that special QB

24:14

thing that makes for a model is that

24:16

she's long, that's all you gotta do to

24:18

be a model as be lot of sense?

24:22

So special. Speed miles or so

24:25

long like Michelle is so long

24:27

And she's wrong to see long

24:29

as she's strong and believe probably

24:31

because he. Was. Doing. Or

24:45

Brothers Team on Earth. And

24:47

essentially trash the diner. Don't

24:54

know, Things are bad.

24:57

Thing here. On

25:08

the voters to decide now for the

25:10

bare metal round, were debating whether or

25:12

not you could have too many cousin.

25:15

So. It's time to silence all the

25:17

dna say earth. And

25:21

make more than a distant connection with

25:23

the audience. Remember.

25:26

Many. Are called but nephew

25:28

or choses. Those

25:31

size bring your opponent, sit

25:33

or nice. Lauer. Thirty.

25:41

I don't know why you wouldn't enjoy having

25:43

so many com like. I enjoy all the

25:45

holiday gatherings at Christmas or every that is

25:47

just so much joy and laughter in the

25:50

home. Like, I don't understand why you'd have

25:52

a problem with that. oh and

25:54

that sounds really nice are there for

25:56

you my christmas looks like mad max

25:58

sunder dome and are see I think the

26:00

secret Santa sounds like the New York Stock Exchange. It's

26:04

not pleasant. That's

26:06

not my fault. Arthur,

26:11

you mentioned that your cousins have all of these

26:13

many varied careers. That's the

26:15

problem. These cousins are taking our jobs.

26:21

I mean, I guess I was, or I guess you couldn't be

26:23

the worst cousin. Let

26:28

me clarify. I may load my cousins,

26:30

but I'm a good cousin. You mentioned

26:33

that cousins can be there to help you move. It's

26:36

me helping my cousins move. On to

26:38

my couch. I'm

26:41

a very good cousin. Well,

26:43

if you have a problem with the cousin on your couch, I

26:45

have a cousin that can help you get rid of that problem.

26:49

Well, we'll call you in there right there. Okay, that's

26:51

the firm up around everybody. Yeah. It

26:58

is time now for the firing line. In

27:00

my hand, I have a list of questions

27:02

on cousins brought to you by Kissing Cousin.

27:06

Kissing Cousin, which I guess is fine

27:08

unless you're in Paris, because then they're

27:10

French Kissing Cousin. What

27:17

term would describe your relationship to the

27:20

great grandchild of your first cousin? Jackie?

27:24

I think they would be my primary caregiver,

27:26

I hope. I just don't think I'll have

27:28

many people around by then. I

27:32

don't really have much plan. That's a good

27:34

answer. That's a good answer. Primary

27:38

caregiver. Now you're talking CBC's language.

27:46

Arthur? The term that would describe

27:48

the relationship is, I would be literally dead to

27:50

them. Jackie's

27:53

way more optimistic than I am. I

27:56

am not going to meet that child. There's no way.

27:59

Yeah, but you're related. The zebra just that got

28:01

there are at. A

28:03

fair that the point of on it

28:05

up the to describe your relationship to

28:07

the great grandchild of your first cousin.

28:10

That. Is our first cousin

28:12

twice removed? And. Case

28:14

anyone's wondering, According

28:17

to the Twenty Twenty Four C

28:19

B C article, Cousins are Disappearing.

28:22

Is this reshaping the experience of

28:24

childhood? What is the key factor

28:26

in the current decline of Cousin?

28:29

Jackie. Healthy Boundaries.

28:36

Audience of that it's good to

28:38

have point. The key factor in

28:40

the current decline of Cousins is

28:42

more families choosing to have only

28:45

one child. That. Such

28:47

as Math Friday. Finish

28:50

this tag line from the Nineteen

28:53

Eighty Nine romantic film Cousins starring

28:55

Ted Danson. Love. At first

28:57

sight. Arthur.

29:00

Is when you go to a

29:02

place where everybody your. Fears:

29:08

Gaza. Incorrect

29:10

but I like the thing. And one

29:13

point: Jackie. You mind repeating

29:15

the tagline, sure. Love.

29:17

At first sight. But.

29:19

The phone girl background make it right.

29:24

Price. Rise.

29:30

The actual answer is love at

29:33

first sight. Consequences.

29:35

To follow. Oh. Grow.

29:40

Up although. we

29:46

are going close to that magical time

29:48

when our danforth musical audience places their

29:50

votes but first to tell us why

29:53

even two cousins it's two cousins too

29:55

many according to her it's just keep

29:57

year ago Thank

30:00

you. Like

30:04

I said, you can have too

30:06

many cousins, and I'd even say

30:08

there's too many cousins in general.

30:11

We must abolish these second and

30:13

third and thrice removed cousin designation.

30:15

The dating pool is small enough

30:17

as it is. Okay?

30:20

And my third cousin Ryan has this great

30:23

head of hair, and he works in finance.

30:26

Shout out Ryan. But

30:30

you gotta think of your future. Come on. You

30:32

want to be splitting your inheritance with all these misfits? Why

30:35

do you want to battle for resources?

30:37

I thought my inheritance grooming game was

30:40

very good until Michelle took Grandma on

30:42

a luxury cruise for her birthday. My

30:45

gift certificate to Northern Reflections can't compete

30:47

with that. I

30:51

am a comedian in Canada. I

30:53

am counting on that windfall. To

30:58

conclude, if you really want more

31:00

cousins, Arthur, I'd be more than

31:02

happy to provide Jess with directions

31:04

to your couch. Thank you. Jackie

31:07

Pearson! Too

31:10

many cousins! It's

31:12

too much for her. And

31:14

Michelle's really, really taking a beating in

31:17

this debate. Now,

31:19

here to tell us why a family

31:21

tree can't have too many branches, according

31:23

to him, it's the one

31:25

and only Arthur Sibien! Too

31:33

many cousins? No such thing. Cousins

31:36

are a great cover for all

31:38

your bull crap. Do

31:42

you need a day off work? I have a dead cousin.

31:47

Need to cancel on a portlock? I

31:49

have a dead cousin's wedding. My

31:52

spouse asking you who you were with last

31:54

night, one of my cousins. The

31:58

shirt that I'm wearing made... by one of my

32:00

cousins. Without cousins,

32:03

I'd be naked here tonight. And

32:06

is that what you really want? So

32:09

and so. This

32:16

episode of the Debaters will be

32:19

the most downloaded episode ever because

32:21

all my cousins are going to

32:23

tune in to support me.

32:26

And do you really want to be the people

32:29

that disappoint them? Some

32:34

of you, some

32:36

of you are angry because you have

32:38

just the one cousin who happens to

32:40

be a successful surgeon or model or

32:43

pilot, which makes you the runt of

32:45

the cousin litter. But that's not my

32:47

fault, okay? Don't take out

32:50

your mediocrity on me. Take

32:53

it out on jacket. Thank

32:55

you. Arthur

33:00

Simeon. That

33:03

is a strong closing argument on not

33:05

having too many branches. All

33:07

right, audience, it is up to you. It's

33:10

time for you to vote. By applause, who

33:12

agreed with Jackie that when it comes to

33:14

having too many cousins, that kinship has already

33:16

failed Jackie Pirico. Nice

33:20

defense for Jackie. He's

33:23

taking it all in. And

33:26

who agreed with Arthur that when it comes

33:28

to having too many cousins, you plan if

33:30

you think you plan Arthur Simeon. Well,

33:34

that's it. He's made us all

33:36

cousins to love. So if Arthur

33:39

Simeon, you can't have too

33:41

many cousins. He can for

33:43

Arthur Simeon and Jackie Pirico, everybody.

33:47

Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson

33:49

saying here's hoping you and all your cousins enjoyed

33:51

the show while keeping respectable distance from each

33:53

other. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada.

33:56

Good night. Yeah. This

34:03

week's episode with Forty Nine o'clock

34:05

Calendar, Chloe, Admiral, Seen Jenkinson and

34:07

Graham Far. The continuity by grand

34:09

plot say an apprentice and varied

34:11

your technical for us is ideal

34:14

for Allah and Todd Reimer. Story

34:16

editing by Gary Jones is special

34:18

thanks to Katie Own, Humphrey, David,

34:20

Fight and anything you Executive producer

34:22

Cbc Radio Comedy is easy and

34:25

thanks to everyone is is an

34:27

for Music Home Tomorrow and the

34:29

Mcintyre Performing Arts Center in Hamilton.

34:32

For. More Cbc podcasts go

34:35

To Cbc.see a flash.

34:37

Podcasts,

Unlock more with Podchaser Pro

  • Audience Insights
  • Contact Information
  • Demographics
  • Charts
  • Sponsor History
  • and More!
Pro Features