Episode Transcript
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0:00
Do you have something you want to improve about
0:02
yourself? Maybe it's something petty or embarrassing. That's
0:05
where Personal Best comes in. Personal Best
0:07
from CBC Podcasts is a self-improvement show
0:09
for people who don't like self-improvement. Vulture
0:11
calls it a delightfully dorky romp through
0:14
a world of hidden wants and quiet
0:16
dreams. And Time Magazine says
0:18
it's one of the funniest podcasts to hit
0:20
our earbuds in years. Did they really say
0:22
that? That is really nice of them. Find
0:25
Personal Best on CBC Listen or wherever you
0:27
get your podcasts. This
0:30
is a CBC Podcast. This
0:33
podcast is an extended version of The Debaters,
0:35
which may contain more mature themes. To
0:38
stream the radio-friendly version of this
0:40
episode, download the CBC Listen app
0:42
or go to cbc.ca/the debaters. And
0:44
thanks for listening to the CBC.
0:51
Hey Canada! We're here to bring some
0:53
thrillage to the village. From Hamilton,
0:55
home of Hess Village, it's The
0:57
Debaters! The
1:05
Debaters, where comedians fight with facts and
1:07
funny in this audience. It's the winner.
1:10
Now here's a man who's a village people person,
1:12
Steve Patterson! Hey! Thanks,
1:14
Graham Clark! Hello, Canada! Welcome back!
1:18
To The Debaters! We
1:25
are here in hearty, lovely
1:27
Hamilton, Ontario. Yes!
1:31
Listen to that! A
1:34
city bursting with natural beauty. Radio
1:38
listeners throughout Canada might not know
1:40
that Hamilton's nickname is the City
1:43
of Waterfalls. Did
1:45
you know that? Hamilton
1:49
has the most waterfalls of any city
1:52
in the world, with 156! Way
1:57
To go, Hamilton! Niagara
2:01
only has three. I
2:07
think that your new official? that
2:10
Dame Hamilton. City. Of
2:12
waterfalls. Is. Way better than
2:14
the unofficial one that I heard growing up.
2:18
Hamilton, ontario his armpits and I
2:20
don't think. That fair, Exactly
2:24
move it was.
2:27
People from London
2:29
dumps, Maybe some of
2:31
you have even taken the opportunity to
2:33
shower in those fall. Will:
2:36
if you're going to thing in the shower, why
2:38
not? Off. Do a way. Yes,
2:48
this as you couldn't. Help
2:51
yourself. That
2:53
the handles his dog isn't it? But please do
2:55
be sure to cover up that are Kiwi Week.
2:58
If you're showering involved now it's time
3:00
to meet you debaters. We take your
3:02
really fall for this comic. Tried to
3:05
socialize with a curling team but couldn't
3:07
get to their inner circle. It's
3:10
Niagara on the. Us
3:16
over here is a
3:18
little making. His way behind
3:21
the podium some I let
3:23
alone hodja. Welcome. And.
3:25
This comic assume that Shakespeare's
3:27
lawyers that all been called
3:29
to the barge it's Kitchen
3:31
or as corporate law. Her.
3:41
Over the podium you
3:43
my Whoa hoo hoo.
3:46
You. Topic is one that you'll have to work for.
3:49
After school job. Should.
3:52
Every kid have one. I
3:55
do think it would be nice if more kids
3:57
had a paper route these days. But. That would
3:59
require. require more people having actual newspapers
4:02
delivered to their mailbox. Not
4:04
just online subscriptions delivered to their
4:07
inbox. Although personally, I
4:09
would love the job of being
4:11
an online newspaper delivery boy. Type
4:15
in some email addresses, hit
4:17
send, workday done. Time
4:20
now for a debate that will
4:23
really deliver. So whereas it teaches
4:25
responsibility, money management, and life skills,
4:27
be it resolved every kid needs
4:30
an after-school job. Joe, you
4:32
are arguing for this please, my friend.
4:34
You have two minutes starting now. Joe
4:36
Pilatary. I
4:42
grew up on a farm in Niagara on the
4:44
lake and I had an after-school job. When you
4:46
work on a farm, you have an after-school job.
4:49
Sometimes you have a before-school job. And
4:51
often I had a during-school job, Steve. Look
4:55
at me now. Hamilton comedy
4:57
on a Tuesday night. It's
5:00
amazing. Let
5:03
me ask a question. If kids didn't have
5:05
an after-school job, what would they be doing?
5:07
I've got a 19-year-old son and he walks
5:09
around looking like he's lost in a hardware
5:12
store most of the time. I
5:16
can't understand why this demographic is so
5:18
important to advertisers. The guy's got no
5:20
money. He can't spend money on anything.
5:22
He needs tasks. He needs something to
5:24
do. And here's the other thing.
5:26
Having an after-school job today is much safer
5:28
than it used to be. Much safer. I
5:31
hear kids talking about women's meetings
5:34
and safety. I
5:36
grew up on a family farm. You know
5:38
my job wasn't 12 years old. It was
5:40
dumping pesticide into a mixing tank. Well
5:42
my father stirred it with his arms. My
5:49
father's never been bit on the right arm by
5:52
a mosquito and he has no idea why.
5:57
It's time to start worrying less about our
5:59
kids' fragile ego. and these silly
6:01
child labor laws that everyone keeps talking
6:03
about. And
6:05
let their parents start enjoying their lives
6:07
without their kids firmly attached to their
6:10
umbilical cord. Time to go to work, kids.
6:14
Thank you, Steve. Thank you,
6:16
Joe Pincheri. Said
6:19
it's time to go to work, kids. Before
6:21
you said the jobs are safe for now,
6:23
you don't have to stir pesticide with your
6:25
arm anymore. Now,
6:29
using her free time here to pick
6:32
up the slack against after-school jobs, let's
6:34
hear from one of the hardest-working comics
6:36
in Canada, Courtney Gilmore. Thank you,
6:41
Steve.
6:46
Hamilton, have
6:48
you spoken to a teenager recently?
6:52
They're terrifying. If
6:56
you think Zit-riddled minors with
6:58
an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex can
7:00
be trusted in the workplace,
7:03
try getting your ears pierced
7:05
at Claire's by a 17-year-old
7:08
who just got dumped by her
7:10
boyfriend on Snapchat. No,
7:12
no, thank you. What
7:16
parents? What parent wants their
7:18
kid to be as stressed out as they
7:20
are? Only one
7:23
person at the dinner table should be
7:25
so exhausted and agitated that they sigh
7:27
100 times and
7:29
say things like, bring me my whiskey, I've
7:31
had a long day, and it shouldn't be
7:33
your little brother, Kyle. Kids
7:40
don't need a job to find money,
7:42
Joe. I had a friend
7:44
in middle school who sold portable fans
7:46
from the dollar store at recess for
7:48
$15 each. They
7:51
were $5 at the dollar store. A
7:55
real entrepreneur makes time during
7:57
the day. Where
8:00
do they want your kids out of
8:02
the house to have their fragile egos
8:04
shattered? That's. What grandparents
8:07
are for? Real
8:11
life lessons. Don't come from after
8:13
school job They come from after
8:15
school Tv shows. When
8:18
I'm the only the forty
8:20
seven pm were watching closely
8:22
to things like full house
8:24
and see. By the bell where
8:26
we we thought the importance of not
8:28
talking to. Strangers were overdosing
8:31
on caffeine pill. Both
8:35
things I'd be doing if I had been
8:37
working at Rb. His. Or
8:45
her whole her
8:47
whole job. It
8:50
is I know for the bare knuckle
8:52
round. were debating whether every kid needs
8:54
an after school job. So.
8:56
At a minimum wage. War.
8:59
On your opponents of the
9:01
audience will compensate you with
9:03
laughter. And proved your
9:05
jokes aren't just entry level. They
9:09
work overtime. You're
9:12
both on the block starting now.
9:20
Though you said you're nineteen year
9:22
old need to have to keep
9:24
his mind and body occupied. whom.
9:27
Look good and nineteen year old
9:29
with a valid Ontario idea do
9:31
to keep their minds and bodies.
9:33
Aren't you imply that? I wonder?
9:37
If. You're suggesting that, my sons of
9:39
Luther, You're wrong. You
9:44
like his old man forty. I had so much
9:46
fun of my first year university just like he
9:48
did in his first year. Queen had so much
9:50
fun in fact that they ask them to come
9:52
back and take a couple of course summer. He
9:57
also happens to be the same person or a the
9:59
borel. Eleven hundred dollars for a phone?
10:03
You know what happened if I asked my dad or
10:05
eleven hundred dollars for a foam when I was nice
10:07
seeing. Collectively, my peers vehicles
10:09
were worth eleven hundred dollars. For
10:14
jill. Well happy for you that
10:17
you spent your youth contaminating people would test
10:19
of said i. I
10:22
believe the in the scary world kids
10:24
to keep their innocence. Of. Beauty.
10:32
Accidentally. So many Satan you know?
10:36
Our that's the they're not allowed
10:38
to deploy the book Once I
10:41
saw. It
10:44
is time now for the firing line
10:46
in my hand. I've a list of
10:48
questions about after school Jobs brought you
10:50
by the late founder of Apple, Steve
10:53
Jobs. He
10:55
made millions after quitting schools
10:57
though really his nickname was
10:59
after School done. Very
11:04
well. family.com says there are for signs
11:06
that a teen is ready for a
11:09
job. Good. Time management, strong communication
11:11
skills, willingness to be a team
11:13
player and what else? Gardening
11:16
Learning. How to use deodorant? To
11:21
point out. Job
11:23
will turn to be able to use your
11:25
phone covertly. Why you're supposed to be working. Sets.
11:30
Them apart. They're. Free
11:32
to have points and it's about as. Ah,
11:35
all of those things to the market or
11:37
feals again. Plus. A sense
11:40
of commitment and follow through. Also,
11:43
desire to buy things that their parents don't
11:45
desire to buy for them. according
11:49
to people magazine at the age
11:51
of eight what was exercise guru
11:53
richard simmons doing as an after
11:55
school job selling home from kits
11:57
that he got to keep whatever
11:59
he didn't say A good answer,
12:02
a good answer. Four
12:05
and a half points for Joe on that one. He
12:09
sold, he sold pralines on
12:12
the street corners of New Orleans. Take
12:14
that information and try to use it somewhere. Family education.com
12:16
says that teens
12:20
who try to balance school and work often
12:25
sacrifice sleep, exercise, and what else?
12:27
Courtney. Chickens. Chickens?
12:37
Audience is with you. Five points. Joe?
12:41
The ability to keep a straight face while telling people
12:43
that the ice cap machine is broken at Timmy's. Like
12:48
that. That one speaks to me. Four and
12:51
three quarters points. Teens
12:54
who try to balance schoolwork and
12:56
work often sacrifice sleep, exercise, and
12:58
time with family. Ah,
13:02
puke. That's the firing line, everybody. Moving.
13:08
Right along. It is almost time for
13:10
our audience vote. But first, here again
13:12
with another after school of thought against
13:15
after school jobs, let's hear again from
13:17
Courtney Gilmore. You
13:22
know, all
13:25
my friends had jobs in high school.
13:27
And guess what? They
13:31
still can't afford houses. It doesn't matter.
13:36
And you know what? Teens
13:38
are inefficient. Hamilton, do you
13:41
think that Tim Horton's founder,
13:43
Ron Joyce, would want
13:45
the legacy of this great Canadian
13:47
establishment to be
13:49
disrespected by some sloth-like kid
13:51
at the drive-thru whose eyes
13:54
are more glazed than the old fashion?
13:56
We need grown animals. Adults
14:00
with anxiety and OCD who
14:03
have seen the real world and
14:05
have something to prove. They're
14:08
bitter, jaded, scared
14:10
of climate change, but
14:12
damn it, they have a mortgage and two
14:14
ungrateful kids to go home to. So they
14:17
will get you your apple fritter
14:19
the way Tim Horton intended, with
14:21
the fakest smile you've ever seen,
14:23
wrinkles in their forehead and on
14:25
tone. Who's this?
14:29
What would be a deal for? With
14:32
a passionate argument against
14:34
after school jobs. Now,
14:36
here to after school his opponent
14:38
on the benefits of after school
14:41
jobs, let's hear again from Joe
14:43
Pilatary. Courtney
14:47
takes these jobs. I've got two daughters
14:49
that have the travel bug, but
14:51
they don't have jobs. The
14:54
only money they have access to is their
14:56
depleted first communion cash envelope from 12 years
14:59
ago. When
15:02
I was a teenager working on the farm, minimum wage was
15:04
kind of like a unicorn. You heard about it,
15:06
but you never saw it. Today
15:09
minimum wage is $75,000 a year with stock options. It's
15:14
not that bad. No time for excuses, Courtney. It's
15:16
time for the kids to go to work. Joe
15:22
Pilatary says
15:24
this has got to work. Courtney
15:26
Gilmore says the opposite, and it is up
15:28
to our Hamilton audience to decide. By
15:30
applause, who liked the way that Courtney
15:32
worked her anti-after school job jobs the
15:35
best? Courtney Gilmore. All
15:40
right, thanks a lot
15:43
for Courtney here. And who thought that Joe's
15:45
after school job market musings were more on
15:47
the money, Joe Pilatary? Sorry, Courtney.
15:52
The Audience is talking. It's time to
15:54
send those kids to work. The Winner
15:56
is Joe Pilatary. Proponents
16:09
content Leisure follow us on Instagram
16:11
at at Cdc debaters and now
16:14
we're saving all cases from Hamilton
16:16
Says as an fourth musical in
16:18
Toronto. My
16:22
name is John Cohen and
16:24
I want to tell you
16:26
a story. It's a story
16:28
about a scandal, broken relationships,
16:30
gossip rumors, mommy's corporate rivalry
16:32
and hurling. It's
16:34
the story of Bloom Eight. How a
16:36
single brew yes, a broom turned friends
16:39
and foes and almost killed the five
16:41
hundred year old. sort of. Currently in
16:43
was a year I'd like to forget.
16:47
Room gates available now.
16:54
It is right to be back here
16:56
in the beautiful dan. Fourth Call in
16:58
Toronto. Of
17:04
city where people love to double up
17:06
their homes. Speaking. Of which
17:08
there's a house near here in the
17:11
Ledley Bill neighborhood called The Doll House.
17:13
Which. Sounds like a house the size of Barbie.
17:15
Three mom. But. It's actually a full
17:18
sized house covered and all. Animals
17:22
and Toy. True. Story. I.
17:24
Can't imagine what it be like a few people ever
17:27
had to move. But. I bet they'd have
17:29
to use the Dali. Baroness
17:32
suffer through not as
17:34
as for us. Now.
17:37
It sounds to me to to voters who
17:39
are all dolled up with somewhere to go.
17:41
This. Comic thinks that opening a pub
17:43
in a basement is setting the bar
17:45
too low. It's. hello
18:01
When this comic ruined her Chewbacca
18:03
shaped cookies, she said, well, I
18:05
guess that's the way the Wookie
18:07
crumbles. This is an everything. This
18:12
is a wookie. Jackie!
18:16
Welcome. Thank you so
18:19
much. Nice to be here. Thank you.
18:24
Your topic is one that we think you'll
18:26
relate to. Cousin. Can
18:30
you have too many? I
18:35
haven't actually explored my extended family tree, mainly
18:37
because I don't want to find out if
18:39
my mom and dad were cousins. And
18:42
that might explain the twitch sometimes in my left
18:45
eye. But
18:47
earlier this year, actor Kevin Bacon
18:49
and his wife Kira Sedgwick found
18:52
out they are actually distant cousins.
18:55
This is a true story, which is
18:57
weird, because according to six degrees of
18:59
Kevin Bacon, we're all related to him
19:01
somehow. That shouldn't be
19:03
that surprising. You know what's even more
19:05
surprising? One celebrity that Kevin Bacon is
19:08
not related to? Jon
19:10
Hamm. Isn't
19:13
that weird? You would think. All
19:17
right. It's time now for
19:19
a debate that will up the ante until you say uncle.
19:22
So, whereas they can be
19:24
strong role models, loyal family members, and
19:26
even close friends, be it resolved, you
19:29
can never have too many cousins. Arthur,
19:31
you are arguing for this,
19:33
please. You have two minutes. Starting
19:35
now, Arthur Simien. Thank
19:42
you, Steve. I
19:44
have over one hundred and fifty
19:47
first cousins. Which
19:49
means my family is very fertile and
19:51
I was built to win this debate.
19:57
Cousins are the best extended
19:59
family members. You are
20:01
loosely related by blood, but you
20:03
don't have to live together or communicate unless
20:05
you need each other. They
20:08
don't have the authority of aunts,
20:10
the creepiness of uncles, the expansiveness
20:13
of nephews and nieces or the
20:15
smell of grandparents. Sugars
20:24
are great way of judging whom of
20:26
your parents siblings settled in marriage and
20:30
ruined their family genetics. Ugly
20:33
cousins serve as a warning to
20:35
your generation to only procreate with
20:37
10s, and
20:41
not the likes of Uncle Steve or Aunt
20:43
Living. Do you understand? No
20:47
task is too much when
20:49
you have cousins. You always have someone
20:51
to help you move. I
20:53
have electricians, plumbers, doctors,
20:56
bankers, farmers, tailors,
20:58
conspiracy theorists, and
21:02
criminals all on speed dial. Many
21:06
of the people in prison simply didn't
21:08
have enough cousins to
21:11
help them hide the body and
21:16
provide an airtight alibi. Many
21:25
cousins mean you can never be the
21:27
worst member of the family. There's
21:30
always a cousin that you can point to
21:32
and say, at least I'm not
21:34
Graham who's delinquent on several child
21:37
support payments to
21:39
five different women. In
21:42
some cultures, cousins are actually marriage
21:44
material, which is not exactly a
21:46
positive thing for you, but we
21:48
shouldn't shame the British for their
21:50
customs. Thank
21:53
you very much. Alright,
21:57
sir. Give a round of applause. Now,
22:04
here to tell us why the
22:06
nightmare of too many cousins is
22:08
the perfect example of cause and
22:10
effect, or in her words, cousin
22:12
effect, let's hear
22:14
from Jackie Pirico.
22:16
Thank you. Thank
22:18
you. Thank you, Steve. I'm here
22:20
to say you can have too many cousins.
22:22
I'm an authority on this too. My grandparents
22:25
had 10 children.
22:27
Like, they hooked up
22:29
10 times. And
22:32
thanks to their insatiable libido,
22:34
everyone in my small hometown
22:37
is my cousin. I
22:39
couldn't even open Tinder there without breaking
22:41
the law. And
22:44
Steve, he mentioned cousins as
22:47
friends and role models. That's rich.
22:49
When you have an entire municipality
22:52
of cousins, the quality
22:54
varies. I've
22:56
got a deadbeat cousin living on my
22:58
couch as we speak. Oh,
23:01
sorry. That reminds me. I promised. Shout
23:03
out to Jess. But
23:10
there's one thing worse than a
23:12
deadbeat cousin, and it's a successful
23:15
cousin, like my cousin Michelle, who
23:17
is a professional runway model.
23:19
Don't you hate her? I
23:23
said, don't you hate her? Yeah.
23:27
That's harsh. I don't hate
23:29
her. I hate how
23:31
I feel when I'm standing right beside
23:33
her. And look,
23:35
I don't think of myself normally as
23:38
some ugly, disgusting mutant from the sewer
23:40
system or anything. So
23:42
no support for me on that. All right. I
23:46
don't normally think of myself as that, but I'll tell
23:48
you this much. I'm a lot hotter when she ain't
23:50
around. And
23:52
it's not even a Job. Have You seen models on
23:54
the runway? I've seen Michelle modeling at Toronto
23:56
Fashion Week. Her and all her model friends
23:58
up there on the... Fashion.greatest.
24:03
Like from or up and down and all of them when
24:05
they get to the end of that thing and then they
24:07
look at the crowd like this: Build.
24:09
A house. And
24:12
know what? Michelle? Is not that special QB
24:14
thing that makes for a model is that
24:16
she's long, that's all you gotta do to
24:18
be a model as be lot of sense?
24:22
So special. Speed miles or so
24:25
long like Michelle is so long
24:27
And she's wrong to see long
24:29
as she's strong and believe probably
24:31
because he. Was. Doing. Or
24:45
Brothers Team on Earth. And
24:47
essentially trash the diner. Don't
24:54
know, Things are bad.
24:57
Thing here. On
25:08
the voters to decide now for the
25:10
bare metal round, were debating whether or
25:12
not you could have too many cousin.
25:15
So. It's time to silence all the
25:17
dna say earth. And
25:21
make more than a distant connection with
25:23
the audience. Remember.
25:26
Many. Are called but nephew
25:28
or choses. Those
25:31
size bring your opponent, sit
25:33
or nice. Lauer. Thirty.
25:41
I don't know why you wouldn't enjoy having
25:43
so many com like. I enjoy all the
25:45
holiday gatherings at Christmas or every that is
25:47
just so much joy and laughter in the
25:50
home. Like, I don't understand why you'd have
25:52
a problem with that. oh and
25:54
that sounds really nice are there for
25:56
you my christmas looks like mad max
25:58
sunder dome and are see I think the
26:00
secret Santa sounds like the New York Stock Exchange. It's
26:04
not pleasant. That's
26:06
not my fault. Arthur,
26:11
you mentioned that your cousins have all of these
26:13
many varied careers. That's the
26:15
problem. These cousins are taking our jobs.
26:21
I mean, I guess I was, or I guess you couldn't be
26:23
the worst cousin. Let
26:28
me clarify. I may load my cousins,
26:30
but I'm a good cousin. You mentioned
26:33
that cousins can be there to help you move. It's
26:36
me helping my cousins move. On to
26:38
my couch. I'm
26:41
a very good cousin. Well,
26:43
if you have a problem with the cousin on your couch, I
26:45
have a cousin that can help you get rid of that problem.
26:49
Well, we'll call you in there right there. Okay, that's
26:51
the firm up around everybody. Yeah. It
26:58
is time now for the firing line. In
27:00
my hand, I have a list of questions
27:02
on cousins brought to you by Kissing Cousin.
27:06
Kissing Cousin, which I guess is fine
27:08
unless you're in Paris, because then they're
27:10
French Kissing Cousin. What
27:17
term would describe your relationship to the
27:20
great grandchild of your first cousin? Jackie?
27:24
I think they would be my primary caregiver,
27:26
I hope. I just don't think I'll have
27:28
many people around by then. I
27:32
don't really have much plan. That's a good
27:34
answer. That's a good answer. Primary
27:38
caregiver. Now you're talking CBC's language.
27:46
Arthur? The term that would describe
27:48
the relationship is, I would be literally dead to
27:50
them. Jackie's
27:53
way more optimistic than I am. I
27:56
am not going to meet that child. There's no way.
27:59
Yeah, but you're related. The zebra just that got
28:01
there are at. A
28:03
fair that the point of on it
28:05
up the to describe your relationship to
28:07
the great grandchild of your first cousin.
28:10
That. Is our first cousin
28:12
twice removed? And. Case
28:14
anyone's wondering, According
28:17
to the Twenty Twenty Four C
28:19
B C article, Cousins are Disappearing.
28:22
Is this reshaping the experience of
28:24
childhood? What is the key factor
28:26
in the current decline of Cousin?
28:29
Jackie. Healthy Boundaries.
28:36
Audience of that it's good to
28:38
have point. The key factor in
28:40
the current decline of Cousins is
28:42
more families choosing to have only
28:45
one child. That. Such
28:47
as Math Friday. Finish
28:50
this tag line from the Nineteen
28:53
Eighty Nine romantic film Cousins starring
28:55
Ted Danson. Love. At first
28:57
sight. Arthur.
29:00
Is when you go to a
29:02
place where everybody your. Fears:
29:08
Gaza. Incorrect
29:10
but I like the thing. And one
29:13
point: Jackie. You mind repeating
29:15
the tagline, sure. Love.
29:17
At first sight. But.
29:19
The phone girl background make it right.
29:24
Price. Rise.
29:30
The actual answer is love at
29:33
first sight. Consequences.
29:35
To follow. Oh. Grow.
29:40
Up although. we
29:46
are going close to that magical time
29:48
when our danforth musical audience places their
29:50
votes but first to tell us why
29:53
even two cousins it's two cousins too
29:55
many according to her it's just keep
29:57
year ago Thank
30:00
you. Like
30:04
I said, you can have too
30:06
many cousins, and I'd even say
30:08
there's too many cousins in general.
30:11
We must abolish these second and
30:13
third and thrice removed cousin designation.
30:15
The dating pool is small enough
30:17
as it is. Okay?
30:20
And my third cousin Ryan has this great
30:23
head of hair, and he works in finance.
30:26
Shout out Ryan. But
30:30
you gotta think of your future. Come on. You
30:32
want to be splitting your inheritance with all these misfits? Why
30:35
do you want to battle for resources?
30:37
I thought my inheritance grooming game was
30:40
very good until Michelle took Grandma on
30:42
a luxury cruise for her birthday. My
30:45
gift certificate to Northern Reflections can't compete
30:47
with that. I
30:51
am a comedian in Canada. I
30:53
am counting on that windfall. To
30:58
conclude, if you really want more
31:00
cousins, Arthur, I'd be more than
31:02
happy to provide Jess with directions
31:04
to your couch. Thank you. Jackie
31:07
Pearson! Too
31:10
many cousins! It's
31:12
too much for her. And
31:14
Michelle's really, really taking a beating in
31:17
this debate. Now,
31:19
here to tell us why a family
31:21
tree can't have too many branches, according
31:23
to him, it's the one
31:25
and only Arthur Sibien! Too
31:33
many cousins? No such thing. Cousins
31:36
are a great cover for all
31:38
your bull crap. Do
31:42
you need a day off work? I have a dead cousin.
31:47
Need to cancel on a portlock? I
31:49
have a dead cousin's wedding. My
31:52
spouse asking you who you were with last
31:54
night, one of my cousins. The
31:58
shirt that I'm wearing made... by one of my
32:00
cousins. Without cousins,
32:03
I'd be naked here tonight. And
32:06
is that what you really want? So
32:09
and so. This
32:16
episode of the Debaters will be
32:19
the most downloaded episode ever because
32:21
all my cousins are going to
32:23
tune in to support me.
32:26
And do you really want to be the people
32:29
that disappoint them? Some
32:34
of you, some
32:36
of you are angry because you have
32:38
just the one cousin who happens to
32:40
be a successful surgeon or model or
32:43
pilot, which makes you the runt of
32:45
the cousin litter. But that's not my
32:47
fault, okay? Don't take out
32:50
your mediocrity on me. Take
32:53
it out on jacket. Thank
32:55
you. Arthur
33:00
Simeon. That
33:03
is a strong closing argument on not
33:05
having too many branches. All
33:07
right, audience, it is up to you. It's
33:10
time for you to vote. By applause, who
33:12
agreed with Jackie that when it comes to
33:14
having too many cousins, that kinship has already
33:16
failed Jackie Pirico. Nice
33:20
defense for Jackie. He's
33:23
taking it all in. And
33:26
who agreed with Arthur that when it comes
33:28
to having too many cousins, you plan if
33:30
you think you plan Arthur Simeon. Well,
33:34
that's it. He's made us all
33:36
cousins to love. So if Arthur
33:39
Simeon, you can't have too
33:41
many cousins. He can for
33:43
Arthur Simeon and Jackie Pirico, everybody.
33:47
Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson
33:49
saying here's hoping you and all your cousins enjoyed
33:51
the show while keeping respectable distance from each
33:53
other. I'll argue with you again soon, Canada.
33:56
Good night. Yeah. This
34:03
week's episode with Forty Nine o'clock
34:05
Calendar, Chloe, Admiral, Seen Jenkinson and
34:07
Graham Far. The continuity by grand
34:09
plot say an apprentice and varied
34:11
your technical for us is ideal
34:14
for Allah and Todd Reimer. Story
34:16
editing by Gary Jones is special
34:18
thanks to Katie Own, Humphrey, David,
34:20
Fight and anything you Executive producer
34:22
Cbc Radio Comedy is easy and
34:25
thanks to everyone is is an
34:27
for Music Home Tomorrow and the
34:29
Mcintyre Performing Arts Center in Hamilton.
34:32
For. More Cbc podcasts go
34:35
To Cbc.see a flash.
34:37
Podcasts,
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