0:00

Hey welcome. I'm sorry. You

0:02

can clap. Well I

0:05

mean I gotta.

0:14

I have to be in my position. I

0:17

have to have everything perfect before I can

0:19

have an orgasm. You want me to clap

0:21

again? No. That

0:24

was, that's not even in the, have

0:26

you guys, either of you ever watched the podcast? Uh

0:29

huh, every time. Oh shut up. I know

0:31

that you clapped. No, it's been on my

0:33

list though. Yeah. But so a lot

0:36

of things. Do you know what? I

0:38

still haven't done it. It's the 20th anniversary

0:40

of Deadbeat Hero. I

0:42

think, ladies and gentlemen, this

0:45

is a call out to the Crazies podcast.

0:48

If you by any chance have ever thought

0:51

that this podcast or

0:53

any podcast, any

0:55

radio station, any

0:58

shortwave radio, CB

1:00

trucker outlet was talking

1:03

to you, communicating to

1:05

you secretly. You

1:07

were wrong until now. We

1:11

have to go over some things. And

1:15

as promised, when

1:18

I sent out that mailer at the beginning

1:20

of the year asking for mental

1:22

health questions that I can pass

1:24

on to actual teletherapy. So

1:26

I give your problems and then you get

1:28

the help. Well it's, I don't know how

1:31

much help you're going to get. I

1:33

scheduled four sessions. We did two

1:35

in the can. I got

1:37

a lot of great emails that we're going to

1:40

go over some of the cherry picks, some of

1:42

the best ones to

1:44

read aloud. Because some of them are really

1:46

moving. Some of them

1:49

are very well written.

1:52

Funny. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

1:55

They're beautiful. Better than my book. So like

1:57

you're warning in the. Not that good. Don't

2:01

over tell this podcast. I

2:04

mean we had two podcasts where we said

2:06

look just don't try to be funny like

2:08

this is what you, so that helped I

2:10

guess. Yeah. So you don't

2:12

have no way through a mountain. There's a couple of this

2:14

one we get to them. And

2:17

if you were on the live

2:19

happy hour, the last live happy

2:21

hour, I foreshadowed, we had a

2:25

gentleman with schizophrenia stop by.

2:28

He thought he had an idea where

2:30

maybe he could give

2:33

me his dog. He had a dog that he got

2:36

to try to help with his schizophrenia

2:38

and he said, and now

2:40

I'm just a crazy person with a dog.

2:42

And I thought maybe he could take it.

2:44

He was a very sweet kid. And

2:47

at the end

2:49

he told me we would walk

2:52

around the farmer's market together. So

2:55

I could get the story out of him and

2:57

he gave me a box. A

3:00

bag. A bag. A

3:04

bag is about to fall apart here.

3:06

So on the live podcast I

3:09

told the story about this and he gave me

3:11

this at the end and said that it was

3:15

something he rushed to the story of,

3:17

but that he had a

3:19

kid that he didn't mean to have. And

3:22

now he can't find the kid. And if I

3:24

thought maybe I could find a kid. You were

3:26

going to magnum PI it. You were

3:28

going to find the kid. Yeah, he thought that. His

3:31

name is Ari and he's from

3:33

Phoenix. So if you have a

3:36

dad with schizophrenia, he

3:40

said that he packed his bag for

3:42

you and he said, if

3:44

I couldn't find you that I could just go

3:46

ahead and keep it or throw it away. Well,

3:49

fortunately this this

3:52

weekend of 2024, February

3:54

2nd and 3rd, we're

3:56

having a yard sale here

3:59

in Bisbee. at the house I'm not

4:01

fucking stupid especially on the heels of

4:03

call out to the crazy podcast we

4:05

do have a studio a storefront in

4:08

the San Jose district I'll be giving

4:10

that address out on the

4:12

social medias it's a yeah

4:15

I don't know how much of this let's just do

4:17

the unboxing now let

4:20

me get this straight so this inside

4:22

this magical bag is

4:24

what this guy Ari has

4:27

for his kid that he can't find so if

4:29

you can't help him find him you get what's

4:31

in the back you can keep it or throw

4:33

it away just to notice so I know I

4:35

tried to get it and it looks

4:38

like some old textbooks so you can see in the

4:40

top yeah and it sounds maybe like homework you

4:46

know what's really interesting to me is other than

4:48

giving you the bag and telling you that he

4:50

had a kid did you get

4:52

any other information about the kid the year

4:54

you know he was born that right at the very

4:56

end he didn't even bring up the

4:58

kid or anything just right at the very

5:00

end he grabbed us out of the car

5:02

and it's very it

5:05

came from an attic or a

5:07

basement and it sounds like some

5:10

ceramic and metal at the top

5:12

it looks like all the textbooks

5:14

so let's do a quick unboxing

5:17

cuz do you want gloves okay

5:20

fine ooh I know

5:22

what that is yeah that's a Kurt Cobain's journals

5:25

oh okay I think

5:27

he meant that's something I think you

5:29

would enjoy oh wow all right I

5:31

thought it was an actual

5:34

notebook all right this is

5:36

tales of mystery and imagination

5:38

by Edgar Allan Poe that's

5:40

another solid solid yeah it

5:42

doesn't feel like that's gonna last too long

5:44

a little moldy yeah that's falling oh there's

5:46

a lot of a lot of black mold

5:48

in here cool this is a there

5:51

we go a peacock

5:57

choked chitch

5:59

lid I don't know, cichlid?

6:01

Cichlid, it's a fish, tropical fish.

6:04

Of course, Taylor, you know that.

6:07

Cichlid, they're a huge variety of fish. Here, no,

6:09

it's on this side. It's a very strong fish.

6:11

It's not right there. Oh, I see. Go

6:14

to your cameras too, Doug. Okay, well

6:17

I don't know which cameras are... Both of these

6:19

are your... Okay, close ups. This

6:21

is for you, Ari's

6:27

kid. I

6:32

want to say it's a daughter, but I don't know.

6:34

It was early in the morning. I was just walking

6:36

out to go to the farmer's market, and there was

6:38

a shivering man outside of my gate. So I said

6:40

walk with me. Ooh, it's a manuscript or a memoir.

6:43

Thanks, whose name is Amsterdam.

6:46

And this is it. No,

6:51

it's not a script. It's

6:54

a story of some kind. Oh

6:56

well. Let me see if there's a... All

7:00

right, here we go. Clues, clues. Gratitude

7:03

and dedication. There's

7:05

a long list of people to whom I owe thanks

7:07

who have made this book possible. For practical

7:09

reasons, I won't list them here. Instead, I'll

7:12

just say this. I never thought I would be

7:14

able to write a book, but now I have.

7:16

However unoppressive this one might be. Like,

7:18

that was a note you got. Like, you can't

7:20

shit on your own writing in the writing. It's

7:22

like, no, but I did it well. It's a

7:24

dedication. I did it all over the book. Yeah,

7:26

no, you did it well, though. Thank

7:29

you for letting me sleep on your

7:31

couches. Thanks for allowing me a little

7:33

trait and hackney plagiarism. Thank

7:35

you for dealing with me at the work. He

7:38

already told me that

7:41

he's not going to name people, but he does at the

7:43

end say speaking in specifics

7:45

this book, for whatever it's worth, is

7:48

for Betty. That's a

7:50

clue. Okay. Betty might

7:52

be... The name

7:54

of it is Thanks. His

7:57

name is Amsterdam. It's the name of the book.

8:00

Paul Thomas Anderson movie. Let's see if he put

8:02

his name at the end. I

8:04

wouldn't give out his full name, but you

8:06

can't put your, you don't write

8:08

a book and not put your own. Yeah, what

8:11

if it ends up being the next great American

8:13

novel? It's like, well, I don't know. I

8:15

guess we'll look for Lily Berg. Far

8:18

side cartoon. He's

8:21

three for three. I would take all three of those.

8:24

You're gonna get them. I mean, I don't know. Hell's

8:26

Angels, Hunter S. Thompson. There you go, four for four.

8:30

Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing on the campaign

8:32

trail. I never read that one. This is for

8:34

his missing kid? Yeah, it's

8:37

probably all he's got left. Yeah. He

8:40

didn't seem, he wasn't in a good mood, but

8:43

he didn't seem, it was interesting that he thought

8:45

that the things that he bought for his kid

8:47

were also things that Doug would enjoy. Yeah. Well,

8:50

I guess he was just, I think he was, maybe

8:53

he was just saying, hey, if you don't find her,

8:55

I'm not coming back for this shit. Is

8:57

that a nettie pot? No, that's a tea thing. You

8:59

could nettie pot it. Nettie

9:02

pot it with tea, being able to save some

9:04

time. Oh yeah, energy tea. It's a nice tea

9:06

set. Yeah, it's like Mad Hatter shit. Oh here,

9:08

we'll put this up here. Appropriately

9:10

enough. Look,

9:13

there's three. There's a very

9:15

nice. Perfect. We can do this right

9:17

now. Nice illustration. I like that. How

9:19

you doing? Yeah. You

9:22

kept that tattooed on me right

9:24

after this show. Wow.

9:27

Turquoise key chain. If

9:30

you have any new keys, let's go buy another house.

9:34

Now we have the key chain, all we need is that. You

9:37

know what I like about this, is you're not

9:39

losing this in your car. This

9:41

can't get lost without you seeing

9:43

some of the bangles caught on

9:45

something or the bright color. Yeah.

9:48

Celebrity mugshot, David Bowie arrested

9:51

March 25th, whose

9:53

birthday is that mine. Oh, is it? 1976,

9:57

whose birth year is that? Earth. Can

10:00

I do it or can I do it? Oh,

10:02

that should have stuck. It was also

10:05

ceramic, so... Try

10:08

that with a... That's it. That's the unboxing.

10:10

So that, as promised. Alright, let's get to

10:12

the call-out for the crazy... I'm some good

10:14

shit. You keep going. I'll

10:16

keep going. I

10:19

just went into my hotmail, where

10:22

I forwarded some of your emails

10:25

to my hotmail from the

10:27

Meatwig Mental Health. If

10:29

you're sending mental health stuff, send it

10:31

to Meatwig at Hotmail.

10:35

And I went in and they made some

10:37

changes in the Hotmail, which they do occasionally,

10:40

and it just fucks

10:42

me over every time. Okay,

10:45

now they don't have the delete

10:47

button. They have an actual trash

10:49

bucket icon in a different place.

10:52

And now, instead of this, it has a

10:54

different thing over here. Like, who the fuck

10:56

is trying to make

10:59

Hotmail better? If people have Hotmails because

11:01

they're old and they don't like change,

11:04

is Hotmail actively recruiting new

11:06

people to use their service?

11:09

Or are they doing it on purpose to

11:11

try to get people to stop using Hotmail so

11:13

they can just leave it like a junked car

11:15

and not look like dicks? Okay,

11:19

let's just get... I didn't know you could

11:21

still get a Hotmail account. Yeah,

11:24

it's like Outlook now, but I guess

11:26

I've grandfathered in. No, because it says

11:28

Hotmail. The Meatwig's fairly new. Yeah.

11:32

I want to say, just call out

11:34

to the crazies. Let's give

11:36

a quick plug to Maria

11:38

Bamford, where I just started listening

11:40

to her new book, Yes, I'll

11:42

Join Your Cult, or Sure, I'll

11:44

Join Your Cult. Listening to

11:47

the Audible version, which I'm sure... Very

11:49

good. You have to do the Audible

11:51

version because it's Bamford. So

11:53

all the voices and everything. I can't

11:56

imagine getting picked up with

11:59

just the... I'm

12:02

gonna start with this one. Hey my

12:04

book's out. Speaking of

12:06

books. Finally. Hard

12:09

copy. After careers were lost.

12:13

After the race to the finish. Who's

12:16

gonna get... Is my

12:18

book, my hardcover, that's

12:20

like three years old in the making, in

12:22

the waiting? Is that gonna get

12:24

here before the house is done? And it

12:26

came down to within a day. This

12:29

showed up right before they had to

12:31

reinstall the hood over my stove, which

12:33

was the last thing. It

12:35

was within 24 hours. The

12:38

book beat the

12:40

house being done. So your saying

12:43

is it was the contractor's fault.

12:45

Yeah. The book was leaked. No,

12:47

no, no. That was cute. So

12:50

yeah, there's a limited number. Go

12:52

to the merch page and

12:55

pick up No Encore for the

12:57

donkey. There's an actual decent fucking

12:59

proper version. It's

13:02

a nice looking book. It turned out so I

13:04

really like the dust jacket. I don't know if

13:06

you can see that cover there. The

13:09

cameras are working. Yeah, I don't know. I

13:12

don't see what they see. I don't know. They

13:14

might be just seeing a reflection of the cloudy,

13:17

shitty day. I'm going to start

13:19

with this email because we teased

13:21

this on the happy hour and

13:23

Chaylee had a very good line at my

13:25

expense based on it. I'm

13:29

going to try to, they're very well written.

13:31

I'm going to try to cut out some

13:33

of the unnecessary detail, but

13:35

these were people who had mental health

13:37

issues that they wanted me to bring

13:39

up with a mental

13:42

health professional. I

13:44

have one scheduled tomorrow and maybe

13:47

I'll just pick a

13:49

couple of these and meld them into one

13:51

session. You've done like three of them already,

13:53

but two of them? Two is

13:56

one of them. If you saw the

13:58

last podcast was about Alex. from

14:00

Australia. He's not here and when

14:03

we drop the four Telotherapy

14:07

sessions, you'll find out why he is coming

14:09

back But it's a major health issue that

14:12

I discussed with a therapist While

14:15

dropping in a lot of your emails

14:17

subtly just so you you know that

14:19

I was talking about you but it

14:21

winds up being about mostly about Alex

14:23

and Alright

14:26

here we go. This is from Carl

14:29

I'll leave it at just Carl Hey

14:33

Doug Recently

14:35

been diagnosed with a major major

14:37

depressive disorder and PTSD

14:40

complex not by myself by an

14:42

actual doctor. Honestly that diagnosis makes

14:44

a lot of sense to me

14:48

Cut to grew up normal upper middle

14:50

class, New Jersey home weird chubby kid

14:52

always hung around with older kids Who

14:55

were into screamo hardcore metal bands in

14:57

the early 2000s? That

15:00

myspace probably saved me from being a weird

15:02

incel or something worse grew

15:04

up played music on my own didn't work much

15:06

My parents hated me because I was always asking

15:08

for money to buy drugs and alcohol and I'd

15:10

get pretty lit in their house But

15:13

I had a lot of friends who admired

15:15

my creativity and the lack of any real

15:17

obligations They had the time to do some

15:19

cool stuff with my friends Until

15:22

one day I met a guy at

15:24

a barbecue and he asked me if

15:26

I wanted to come be a Stagehand

15:28

at 30 Rock where they do Saturday

15:30

Saturday Night Live and the Tonight Show

15:33

I was 23 at the time and I

15:35

couldn't really say no it turned

15:37

into a 10-year shit show that kind of fucked

15:39

me up I took

15:41

a job working for Jimmy Fallon

15:44

Doing his dumb gags like building

15:46

a machine that would pie some

15:48

shack in the face or a

15:50

cannon that shoots Bread at an

15:52

effigy of whoopi Goldberg, you

15:54

know game show dumb TV shit

15:56

the problem The

15:58

problem is man that

16:00

we all kind of lived in a

16:03

state of perpetual fear. I saw

16:05

a lot of people get yelled at and

16:07

fired on the studio floor because of Jimmy

16:11

Fallon's mood. He'd come in fucking

16:13

hungover or still drunk or on

16:15

blow, allegedly, or on

16:18

blow, whatnot,

16:20

which honestly didn't bother me. This isn't about

16:23

Jimmy, he was always nice to me. He

16:25

saw my band play at an after party

16:27

once and he loved my band, which is

16:29

cool, I guess. Everyone was just terrified of

16:32

getting shit canned all the time. It

16:34

led to tons of sociopathic office

16:36

behavior. People acted terribly towards one

16:39

another. It became like a game

16:41

of people pushing each other into

16:43

trains. They played dodgeball

16:45

with my livelihood. Probably

16:47

the worst thing and what really did

16:50

the most damage is that

16:52

I had to feign laughter on a

16:54

constant basis. I really started

16:56

to lose my sense of self.

16:59

I started to disassociate what

17:01

I'm told is much like a

17:03

victim of sexual assault. My mind

17:06

simply couldn't stand the continued intellectual

17:08

abuse. I quit about a year

17:10

ago, but I haven't been the same since.

17:12

It's hard to focus. I doubt I'll ever

17:14

be able to go back to doing the

17:16

simple things I enjoy. Nothing is

17:18

simple anymore. I wanna find the

17:20

funny again. I wanna stop having

17:22

nightmares and stop being afraid of

17:24

things I like to do. I'll

17:27

gladly answer any and all questions

17:29

that you have. Thanks again, best,

17:31

Carl. Wow.

17:34

When I gave you just a glossed-over

17:36

version, you go, oh, he was being

17:38

a smart fuck. But when you read

17:40

the full letter, you go, this guy's

17:42

serious. The worst

17:44

part is I had to pretend Jimmy Fallon

17:46

was funny for 10

17:48

years. It

17:52

must've been good pay. Yeah,

17:54

no, that's the guy you

17:57

wanna meet. I want you

17:59

here. you want a day drink

18:01

that'd be a good day drink yeah yeah I

18:05

want to trigger you so bad you wouldn't be

18:07

a trigger you got you guys you'd have a

18:09

couple of drinks you'd maybe introduced him to a

18:11

Negroni and then all of a sudden the stories

18:13

start coming no problem

18:17

yeah that's interesting man just

18:20

he's not he's just giving

18:23

you info there's he's not

18:25

asking for anything or he doesn't want you know I

18:27

get a lot of it I've

18:29

enclosed the lily burg read

18:31

it let me know what you think I

18:34

got a lot of them there's a couple

18:37

that had hallucinations that

18:40

weren't bothered by it which is really

18:42

cool like yeah it's kind of

18:44

weird like it happens usually what happens more

18:46

when I'm stressed out and I

18:48

would follow up questions they're like yeah there's

18:50

nothing really I could do like they don't

18:53

it's usually an animal or a person but

18:55

not nothing I specific I know the person

18:57

just something out of the side

18:59

of my eye they go yeah it's kind of fucked

19:01

up nothing I can do about it it's

19:05

not a problem it's just a thing I don't know

19:07

what a like someone is like

19:09

yeah like what I had my rash I get

19:11

this goiter thing it's kind of weird it talks

19:13

to me at night all right

19:16

let's play a commercial I get it throw my shit

19:18

in the dryer you're

19:22

listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast

19:25

all right we're

19:27

back I'm

19:36

gonna I get it I get it your rash clear up by

19:39

the way you know I

19:41

can still feel it there you

19:43

can still see where it was

19:46

yeah it's still that whole area

19:48

kind of feels tender yeah

19:51

yeah like shingles maybe that's what I

19:53

think of it might be a very

19:55

mild case of shingles it's didn't

19:58

go to the dog here's the thing my next Which

20:00

is kind of why I'm rushing through

20:02

I'm going to be a guest on

20:04

dr. Drew's podcast Which

20:07

is funny because Amanda Knox finally

20:09

reached out to me about doing

20:12

her podcast and We're

20:15

doing her podcast about dr.

20:17

Drew. Oh Yeah,

20:21

it was because she said she said But

20:23

what but why I mean,

20:26

I think like here's why

20:28

she reached out I just randomly saw

20:30

she made a tweet

20:32

about her kids first joke

20:35

and it was some kind of poop joke

20:38

from four-year-old or three-year-old or something and Did

20:41

you buy it I? Mean

20:46

it's right in your wheelhouse. It's always funny

20:53

Using it for a while. Let's say I just rent it I'll

20:56

tell it I liked it and I had I

20:58

had a joke that would have been off-color I

21:02

don't know her well enough. Yeah, she's make Yeah,

21:05

so I skipped the joke. I just liked

21:08

her tweet I moved on and then she

21:10

emailed me go. Yeah Wanted

21:12

to ask if you'd be on the podcast. I have to

21:14

keep forgetting to ask you and

21:17

then she gave me the Over it's

21:19

about people's called labyrinths is the

21:21

name of this series of seven

21:24

part series and people's like fucking

21:26

Jill Overcoming adversity or

21:28

whatever and she's like if you have any like

21:31

and I thought oh that would be a fun topic Like

21:34

I was gonna make a joke about

21:37

her You know at her expense about

21:39

her situation that she's been through and

21:41

I had to stop myself, but like

21:43

like Over

21:46

the years I've had to like

21:49

okay like Doug Flutie's

21:51

flipper, baby at the time I did

21:53

that there was no threat

21:55

of the internet or YouTube or

21:57

Google That he's ever gonna hear

21:59

that And then you go, as you

22:01

go, okay, maybe I shouldn't do that. Gabby

22:03

Giffords, you know what, I live in this

22:06

state and now her husband's a fucking senator.

22:08

And I, have you

22:10

ever heard that? You think I wouldn't get

22:12

fucking audited or some shit? If he heard

22:14

me talk. He put a file on

22:17

you or something for the fuck of it. So

22:19

I thought that would be a good place to start because

22:21

she would have a point of view about being the brunt

22:24

of those jokes. I

22:26

went out and defended her when

22:28

she went on a tirade about

22:30

David Spade, made some jokes at her expense.

22:32

And I'm like, I hate it when mommy

22:34

and daddy fight. My two

22:36

best friends in the world are fighting on Twitter.

22:40

Anyway, so it

22:42

all comes around. I'll

22:45

ask Dr. Drew about my rash. So

22:48

Dr. Drew, you're talking to him

22:50

about crazies as well, right?

22:55

Is it a mental health or is it? Addiction.

22:59

I don't know. It's ask Dr. Drew. I don't

23:01

know. But I mean, why you? Are

23:03

you just? We're pals. But I mean, you're

23:05

gonna be a guest and they're gonna. We haven't talked

23:07

since I drank piss on his podcast. Are they gonna,

23:09

maybe that's it. He didn't

23:11

give you a subject matter. No. But

23:13

you're gonna be a guest and then they're gonna take calls? I

23:16

don't have any idea. Oh. I just know

23:19

when. All right. This one, I tried to put

23:21

them in some kind of, this

23:24

one's a dyschronometria.

23:27

I don't know if you were here.

23:30

This one's as interesting. It's nice that

23:33

this is coming on the heels of

23:36

Alex because he's got that thing

23:38

where he has no imagination.

23:40

Yeah, he has an

23:42

inability to imagine. Yes.

23:45

Which is, you're Fantasia. Yeah,

23:47

I'm Fantasia. Dyschronometria.

23:49

This is a, hey Doug.

23:53

Oh, and. I forred myself the

23:55

wrong goddamn email. All Right, now I'm gonna

23:57

have to paraphrase because I keen it. What

24:00

is it is? it's a disease. This

24:03

kid I'd met him in San Francisco

24:05

I see I'm sure I was alone.

24:07

I did dub mushrooms or as and

24:09

he said mushrooms I thought as astronauts

24:11

hundred dollars if this was odds of

24:14

that movie looks I wasn't a more

24:16

in suits this is a picture on

24:18

the guy that was thought as an

24:20

adult see our guys is a work

24:22

for of the and us are laws

24:25

and of records work so up. The

24:28

he was our with me. I went

24:30

out from my balls off and wound

24:32

up at some dive bar with a

24:34

guy who had tattooed. Might see some

24:36

this entire cast has seen that has

24:38

Man does he owe him and his

24:40

girlfriend. analysis of for Zola is that

24:43

was a terrible tattoo. It's

24:46

it's I don't know of. Maybe he

24:48

started mountain biking? Have to the to

24:50

that has satisfy that they have started

24:52

the horse with no evidence dismissed the

24:54

city, get jacked and you look uglier.

24:56

Signatories learn a new way to access.

24:58

The and I'd started to say. Up

25:02

with this guy was

25:04

with be and that

25:06

topple acer. As

25:09

right years. But the years later. During.

25:12

Black Lives Matter if he was

25:14

there at so protests. As a

25:16

conscientious observer once user either like

25:18

the last two knows their arms

25:20

is taking notes on one cops

25:22

fucking suit. people in the face

25:24

would be bags on said don't

25:26

deserve it and lo and behold

25:28

good shot in the face with

25:31

a beanbag. God ah for no

25:33

reason is just sit there have

25:35

taken notice of whatever is doing.

25:37

Ah. Added cause the

25:39

brain damage with no in

25:41

litigation to but they won't

25:44

so. It's good. It's good

25:46

that I get as downloaded the follow

25:48

up email and not of original tests.

25:50

He wanted me to call out the

25:52

cop. the Sacramento cop exists at least

25:54

say his name which I care member's

25:56

name and I like I guess for

25:58

some good and. Out

26:00

More allegedly. But. He

26:03

has amongst other things he was

26:05

a homeless for a while he

26:07

has been is no memories Is

26:09

this a different disc trump describe

26:11

matriarch. As he has

26:13

no sense of time like Alice

26:15

as know a lot ability to

26:17

imagine he says as know every

26:19

day as ground hogs stayed for

26:21

have lagged, he forgets, he forgets

26:23

to take his meds. He deserves

26:25

this crow know they're thrown out

26:27

Millionaire the time for island so

26:29

no time I've done it. I

26:32

thought that was the guy's

26:34

name is that synthetic is

26:36

fine line six assists, yeah,

26:38

that would see genocide our

26:40

our our assistant. A

26:43

take edibles or do mushrooms and just

26:45

try to of are soaked in what

26:48

it would be like. I still haven't

26:50

that I can't imagine what it's like

26:52

some out imagine. That

26:54

has done some can for me out here.

26:57

Is a hard thing to describe yes

26:59

as as you're describing your imagine it's

27:01

like a mythical like clearly of not

27:03

afflicted with. ah

27:06

what a what i did for

27:08

did my so he sent along

27:11

did sisters hey i'm not full

27:13

of shit is nine pages of

27:15

his of medical. Examiners

27:18

we are all the things he's

27:20

got loose. was diagnosed since the

27:23

beanbag the out. since

27:25

his at this. Unspecified

27:28

mood disorder, depression, anxiety, Ptsd,

27:30

cognitive issues due to see

27:32

be I'd dramatic brain injury

27:35

do them mood disorders secondary

27:37

to medical condition or just

27:39

goes on say. A

27:42

as as the of the cops that wasn't

27:44

our fault he Cinnabon they're wrong place, wrong

27:46

time and the I used his charm for

27:49

to get through. Self

27:51

The as A. damn

27:54

see i see he said earth

27:56

by accident reply know remember lot

27:58

of people but he probably remember

28:00

this night and this thing brought

28:02

up the tattooed guy. At

28:05

first I thought he was the tattooed guy

28:07

and I didn't and he said

28:09

no I was the other guy but the

28:11

guy with the tattoo was weird. I was

28:14

there with my girlfriend at the time okay

28:16

maybe I'm confusing his girlfriend for yours. I

28:20

booked the same shitty hotel near

28:22

the venue. That is probably the

28:24

same shitty hotel as the one

28:26

that I booked when the

28:29

kid that was drunk that was

28:31

threw up. He puked so much and made me puke.

28:33

We had to call his mom on his phone. Was

28:38

this punchline or is this car?

28:40

No this was that Ricky Ticky

28:42

Tobby, Ricky Rick Shaw. Rick

28:45

Shaw. Rick Shaw. Oh

28:47

my god I was in one of

28:49

those. Yeah there was one where there

28:51

was a kid at the very end

28:53

of the night when they're throwing everyone

28:55

out and he's like having to carry

28:57

him out and then you grab his

29:00

phone and they take a hard left

29:02

as they're going for the exit. No

29:04

men's room. So the kids spews everywhere

29:06

and then they just put him out

29:08

on the fucking street. You

29:11

grabbed his cell phone and you just

29:13

looked through his thing. Well first of

29:15

all we tried to communicate with him.

29:17

Where do you live? And

29:20

then he just kept

29:22

puking at once. When he puked and I

29:24

was like I'm the bolt. Yeah you don't

29:26

you know. He puked and made me puke

29:28

and I had to. Yeah you were puking.

29:30

I had pictures of you puking. Yeah. His

29:32

phone finally rang because he couldn't tell us

29:34

where he lived or anything and I took

29:36

it and it was his mother and she's

29:39

like I'll have to call his brother then.

29:42

So I told him I'd take him to my hotel

29:44

which didn't have a lobby. So I'd say I thought

29:46

it's the same show because this time I

29:48

don't know if Hennigan was there because

29:50

he's like why would you stay here? I go it's

29:52

cheap and it's close. And we got

29:55

a toy. So yeah

29:57

we We

30:00

had to sit in the

30:02

non-lobby foyer waiting for his

30:04

brother to get there. I do remember that. Other

30:06

parts of the Bay Area. Uh... Next.

30:13

That was a good, interesting one.

30:16

What was that chap's name? Danny.

30:19

Danny? Yeah, Danny Garza. He says you can

30:21

look him up and not wait. You can find the name of

30:23

the cop that fucking nothing

30:26

happened to. This

30:29

was the one that Chale has some

30:31

issues with. Okay, give it to us.

30:35

And rightfully so. But

30:37

I think it's legit. I think

30:39

this guy just writes as

30:42

though he's writing the penthouse because

30:44

that's probably... Wait, why

30:46

do I have an issue with that? Have I heard it?

30:49

I told you the gloss don't. Oh,

30:52

okay. What's this guy's name? He's

30:55

got such a unique name. Alright, forget it. Some

30:58

people... I don't want to put

31:00

it out there if they... He'll know

31:02

who he is. Let's

31:04

just call him... There won't be

31:07

two situations that will be confusing.

31:09

Yeah. Let's just call

31:11

him... Hatchet is

31:13

in his email. Okay, Hatchet. Oh,

31:16

wow. Oh, wow. Hey, Doug,

31:19

been a fan for years. I was 16 when

31:21

I first started listening to you and you're my

31:23

favorite comedian and one of my favorite authors. Anyway,

31:26

enough of me slobbering all over your cock. These

31:28

aren't necessarily issues as I've had time to

31:31

work through them for the most part. I'll

31:33

give you the basic rundown and let you

31:35

add the funny. The first

31:37

pussy I ever touched was my half-sisters when

31:39

I was like five. She was 10 or

31:41

11. Years

31:43

later, my sister... I don't know if this is

31:45

separate from the half-sister. I assume it is. Years

31:48

later, my sister was visiting us from

31:51

her place states away and her and

31:53

I had been smoking and we were

31:55

really high. This is where

31:57

it starts to sound like he's writing like

31:59

fucking pencils. those for him but I never

32:01

thought this would happen to me. Yeah, she

32:03

rested her head in my lap which I

32:05

didn't think anything of at the time but

32:08

I did pick up on that sort of

32:10

sexual energy. A few months later I thought

32:12

she was asleep and suddenly her hand reached

32:14

up and grabbed my dick through my basketball

32:16

shorts. Oh, right there. I pushed her, oh

32:19

yeah it gets a little more. No, I

32:21

mean he had basketball shorts on, that's

32:23

dangerous right there. So you'd step sister

32:25

laying in your lap? Jesus Christ. My

32:28

dick would have gone through her head. First

32:30

of all it's half sister and then sister.

32:32

There's no step. I think steps to... Well,

32:36

is that a half sister of the

32:38

stuff right? No, a half sister is

32:41

a half sister. The

32:43

step is no blood relation. Half

32:45

sister is one of your pair. Oh yeah, okay,

32:48

got it. A

32:50

few minutes later of basketball shorts I pushed

32:52

her hand away again thinking she was asleep

32:54

and just moving you know. She looks up

32:56

and says, I know

33:00

you want it. And with the

33:02

quickness and with the quickness

33:04

I undid my shorts and she was

33:06

like fuck yeah take that cock out.

33:09

I started sucking my rock hard dick

33:11

like it was her job. We

33:13

continued to kind of fool around every

33:15

night that she stayed and she ended

33:17

up wanting to fuck but I just

33:20

couldn't cross that line. What?

33:22

I know it's a weird line. Anyway,

33:25

maybe a day after my sister

33:27

leaves my mother just dies suddenly

33:30

from drug related complications. They

33:32

bring her back but she's brain dead and never

33:34

wakes up. I wasn't a big

33:36

fan of mother towards the end so it

33:39

was whatever. Then

33:41

a few years later my father has

33:43

been seeing a woman and she's very

33:45

emotionally manipulative. He ends up shooting and

33:47

killing her before turning the gun on

33:49

himself. I couldn't resist. To

33:52

me. Yeah. My

33:54

dad was my best friend so that

33:56

kind of sucked. Obviously this is an

33:58

extremely specific story. I appreciate

34:01

anonymity. You don't even have

34:03

to, oh, see, I did the right thing. No,

34:05

no, that's why I asked. You

34:07

don't even have to tell this in a

34:09

session. Like I said, I'm pretty much okay, I

34:11

think, but I figured you'd like to hear

34:13

some fucked up shit. It's your kind of

34:15

thing. Love you, Doug. Yeah,

34:17

that's some pretty fucked up shit. As I

34:20

wrote it back, I go, yeah, I think that ticks all the

34:22

boxes for fucked up shit. I mean, you didn't even need to

34:24

put in the basketball

34:26

short blowjob. I

34:29

mean, it's a pretty fucked up story

34:31

with just the mom and pop and

34:33

stuff like that. But it definitely, leading

34:35

off with the stepsister blowing

34:37

you, that got us hooked. Well,

34:41

it drew us in. It was, like it

34:43

was written, and she looked up at me

34:45

and said, I don't wanna suck. Yeah, rock

34:47

hard cock. And that's what I made. And

34:49

I, evening time. I

34:53

think, and this is what, because

34:56

the two sessions I've done of

34:58

teletherapy, I know I'm

35:00

trying to make it a little bit entertaining,

35:03

but so

35:05

that they're, and it's off the

35:08

beaten path for what they usually

35:10

hear, but they don't seem like they're

35:12

trying. Yeah, yeah. If

35:15

I read this, I keep, I've

35:17

told the teletherapist, what

35:20

I like to do with my problems is, I

35:22

write them to myself in an email,

35:25

so I, Oh, good. You also need

35:28

to tell the therapist that you have that thing where

35:30

you laugh when you get nervous. Yeah,

35:33

I forgot. Good point. Because

35:35

that is a thing for real.

35:37

Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm gonna put

35:39

that in my notes for tomorrow.

35:41

Dis-a-giggle-phobia. No, but it really is

35:43

a thing. It

35:46

totally is. And that's a great way to cover

35:48

your ass, I mean, for what you're doing. Yeah,

35:50

the one with that, the Alex one, I was

35:53

like, because I was

35:55

saying that I was being Alex.

35:57

So I'm telling her, okay, well, first

35:59

of all, have to understand I'm Australian.

36:02

Look out in the accent! Yeah,

36:05

but I had an excuse. I'm not going to tilt the whole

36:07

fucking thing. Those will be out as soon as a couple weeks.

36:10

So have you read Hatchett's

36:14

to the health professional yet? No,

36:17

I did drop the first one

36:19

I did, that was before the this

36:23

one out. I got one mental health

36:25

thing in my regular inbox. I go,

36:27

okay I'll do this one as a

36:29

stand-alone and then as well

36:31

as my own problems, I'll throw those in. And

36:34

then the second one I threw

36:36

a bunch

36:38

of these. That's where

36:40

I got almost a hundred emails

36:42

in the first day that

36:44

that mailer went out. So I had a

36:47

lot of them were the same, like

36:49

the hallucinations of obviously, you know,

36:51

drug abuse things. So I just

36:54

nailed as many as I could and

36:56

dropped in. It was a

36:58

lady that time. I'm like, and there's some issues with

37:00

my sister, but I'll save that for a male therapist

37:02

another day. But these

37:06

are, that's reading that

37:08

and just reading his tone. That's

37:10

a guy that just needs someone to fucking

37:13

tell. You know? He's

37:15

not troubled by it,

37:17

but you go, but when you get that

37:19

floating around in your head, you go, I

37:21

want to share this shit with someone. That's

37:23

what made me think I should do fucking

37:26

back alley fucking coat hanger therapy. I think

37:28

we're going to do that

37:30

for sure. I'm sure we're going to do that.

37:34

I'm going to talk to Dr.

37:36

Drew about the fucking legality of

37:38

how much do I have to

37:40

distance myself, not a licensed contractor.

37:44

Yeah. Well, as

37:46

a medical professional, he can't be honest with

37:48

you. I know.

37:52

Because, you know, if you guys are sitting in

37:54

this bar up there on the, having a cocktail,

37:56

you'd go, yeah, you know, what the fuck. I

37:59

think. Yeah, I would I think

38:01

it would be something that would that would be

38:03

more honest off the air. I would have to

38:05

guess Otherwise you'd be left. Yeah, I

38:07

know I have to do Not

38:09

dr. Drew. I needed lawyer Bob. I need

38:12

to do his podcast But

38:16

I think yes if we

38:18

have some some caveat

38:20

spoken word, I remember

38:22

girls got wild because because they

38:26

even girls underage girls would

38:28

try to fucking get on the camera

38:30

and they'd like check your eye like

38:33

they stop like just Signing the thing

38:35

wasn't enough because they could say I

38:37

was drunk. They'd have to fucking they'd

38:39

also get them on camera Hey,

38:41

you understand so they were you know, you

38:43

could see that they were not drunk at

38:45

the time. They were good. Yeah Yeah,

38:52

so if we do some I

38:55

think the only thing is Thinking

38:57

of you know, how litigious everyone is

38:59

is that if you give someone advice

39:02

even if it is friend to friend

39:05

If it's in a medium where other people could

39:07

take that advice, which is the

39:09

internet that I think that it opens it up If

39:11

he called you and say hey, what do you think

39:13

I should do here? I don't think you can sue

39:15

someone for giving advice Yeah,

39:18

that's the point is what

39:20

advice would you give this guy? I'm not giving advice I'm

39:23

being a guy that you can tell that fucking story

39:25

to that'll go Oh fuck wait, is

39:27

that your ass sister and your sister? Is that

39:29

two different your whole family's we go

39:31

with hotter. Yeah Yeah,

39:38

well there's so many follow-up questions to this

39:41

I mean that would be

39:43

good like open up to Stanhope type of

39:45

thing where you just kind of just talk

39:47

through Yeah, fucked up situation or situations. Yeah,

39:50

I'm a fucking bartender. Yeah I'm

39:52

your best bartender and you're that's

39:54

a good bartender is always your

39:56

best fucking Psych

39:59

guy I'm gonna save you for

40:01

last because Long

40:04

God of Medusa We're

40:06

at 40 right now. Hang on. You know what

40:08

that reminds me of this commercial break and

40:14

We're back alright,

40:17

this is also a trends on some of

40:19

the same ground but I'll

40:22

shorten this a little bit, but it it's

40:25

it's really I love where Tyler

40:28

I'm gonna mention your first name here Tyler.

40:30

I love where he goes with this because

40:33

he Hey

40:36

there, I have a

40:38

problem of productivity I'm

40:40

ambitious and have a modicum of talent

40:42

But I have a hard time actually putting in

40:45

a tedious work that's required to actually see

40:47

a product to its completion Here

40:49

are some examples. I like playing

40:51

music. I think hey, I'll start writing some songs

40:53

So I do I get out the guitar and

40:56

put something together that kind of sounds good It's

40:58

not great, but it's catchy and maybe five percent

41:00

of the population might think oh not bad good

41:03

tune Here's where the fork

41:05

in the road appears and I always take a

41:07

wrong turn One road

41:09

leads to the actual completion of the song

41:12

Recording it editing it actually buying

41:14

the gear and finding some bandmates

41:16

that would want to play it

41:18

Rehearsing it being scared on stage

41:20

laying out an album etc. Etc.

41:23

The other road is just a

41:25

fantasy And yet I

41:27

always go down that road I sit

41:29

in my chair and I think about

41:31

this song the reception of it I

41:33

fantasize playing it in front of people

41:35

and they're like holy fuck. Who is

41:37

this? This is incredible I think about

41:39

how that show our first show there

41:41

happened to be a scout from Columbia

41:43

Records or whatever and he thought Goddamnit,

41:45

this is exactly the sound the world

41:47

needs to hear right now Lo

41:50

and behold we get signed after

41:53

the signing we go on tour and

41:55

the album takes off commercially successful

41:57

But it's also respected. I'm

41:59

admired for making a billboard-friendly

42:01

album that also carries with it

42:03

the admiration of the underground. Groupies

42:05

appear in droves and I fuck

42:08

and I fuck and I fuck.

42:11

In reality, I'm not fucking. I'm

42:13

jerking off in bed and after

42:15

I come, the fantasy dissipates and

42:17

so does all the incentives to

42:19

actually finish the project. Another

42:23

example, I'd like to write a novel. Even

42:25

before I come up with the idea that

42:27

might be cool, half worth reading, I'm already

42:29

thinking about being in the boardroom and executives

42:31

at some publishing company talking about how much

42:33

the check is going to be and when

42:36

they expect it to be completed. I shake

42:38

my head, okay, well, you can work with

42:40

Ingrid here. She comes into the room and

42:43

we start brainstorming and she takes in my

42:45

genius. She looks at me, bites her bottom

42:47

lip and asks, what are you working on

42:49

these days? I say, not much, nothing good.

42:51

Here's a sample. She doesn't read a thousand

42:53

words before she puts it down and starts

42:55

sucking me off. I come and bed all

42:58

alone. The fantasy is gone and so is

43:00

the motivation to put in the work. It's

43:02

starting to piss me off. I have big

43:04

ideas but I seem to

43:06

be only motivated by pussy which is

43:08

lagging in my life and whenever I

43:10

come, it's like I already kind of

43:12

completed the big goal so any

43:15

actual work is just a hassle. How

43:17

does one go from being result

43:19

focused to one of those guys

43:21

that just puts in the work day

43:23

in day out and enjoys the grind? I

43:25

feel like I'm wasting my life and not

43:28

getting anything done. I'm 37. It's almost

43:32

put up or shut up time and so

43:34

far, all I've put up is a

43:36

lot of cum. I'm starting to

43:38

feel the pressure and starting to get scared. What's

43:40

his last name for this? Does it go with

43:42

Amy real good? Because I'm in love. I get

43:47

it. Very well written. Yeah, I'm

43:49

just very fucking well written. That

43:52

was beautiful. I love it.

43:54

I love it. That's a big. That's

44:00

a fucking bit Yo

44:05

Yeah, if you if you

44:07

if you made that problem Again

44:12

like Maria Bamford, what? Whatever

44:15

behind the comedy or yeah the dark

44:17

dark comedy fucking thing where she's like,

44:19

yeah I have mental illness, but it's

44:21

also a cash cow, right? Yeah, you

44:23

could turn that fucking take that to

44:25

open mic Yeah, I was gonna say

44:27

the same thing about yeah, I'm getting

44:30

up there and doing like a tight

44:32

three minutes of just what you read Yeah

44:35

of just the first one and then just

44:37

you know, thanks. That's my time Yeah, that

44:39

would be as good as any over mic

44:42

you've ever seen because I

44:44

would do the first part Very

44:46

very close to just make sure

44:48

it sounds like conversational and just

44:50

brevity is key for the second

44:52

example Same with the

44:54

book I do and just give because

44:56

it's the same beats But just give

44:58

it and then yeah, that would be a fucking

45:01

nice open mic chunk. Good work

45:03

Tyler. Yeah, you've cured yourself I

45:08

mean Tyler in all seriousness the

45:11

journey That's the

45:13

goal. Don't look at things as

45:15

the goal to finish It's

45:18

along the way and if

45:20

you don't find the joy in what you're doing while

45:22

you're doing it You're losing you

45:24

gotta you gotta figure it out. Did you

45:26

I? Completely

45:30

understand that What's

45:32

the point? I mean, but

45:34

you can't be now well since I've

45:36

seen everything that I could ever like

45:39

want to do That's

45:41

worth the hassle people don't understand like when we

45:44

Want to see Bert Chrysler We

45:48

have a couple weeks ago. Yeah, we're like,

45:51

I can't imagine why would you want to like

45:53

the amount of Goes

45:55

in and I know he's not out there,

45:57

you know fucking pulling ropes and you know

45:59

putting up the fucking party tent and but

46:03

just the mental

46:05

anxiety just going to

46:07

a show like that where it's in

46:09

a big fucking arena is is anxiety

46:12

riddled at all what

46:14

door do I meet you after

46:16

so don't get my door do

46:19

I get this fucking laminate or

46:21

why are you guys stressed

46:23

you were a guest I don't like

46:25

fucking crowds I'm living down for a

46:27

reason it's not to be fucking cool

46:29

I don't like traffic I don't like

46:31

crowds these this is I hate LA

46:33

in New York for palpable

46:37

personal reasons it's not

46:39

happy to come home yeah I

46:42

love that and I just it's

46:45

the tour bus I

46:48

know he he fell in love with the

46:50

tour bus when he did the all things

46:52

comedy festival with us with him and Morgan

46:55

Murphy and your buddy

46:57

killed steam yeah I

47:00

remember him talking about that and going we should go

47:03

on tour together like talking to you we'll

47:05

get a tour bus and you're like nope nope

47:07

and he was so excited all the

47:09

time he was so fixated on the

47:11

tour bus I'm thinking he just

47:14

wants a tour bus and

47:16

that's fine I mean some people can roll

47:18

like that and it makes sense but at

47:21

the same time you've done it I like

47:23

it I would have to be a just

47:25

a regular date daytime user of Xanax

47:28

anti-anxiety something yeah cuz

47:30

just you know like fucking in limo is

47:32

like how are you gonna make this turn

47:34

I backseat drives

47:36

so bad you know you know how I'm stopping

47:39

on the fucking breaks I suck

47:41

I'm gonna wrap this up but do

47:43

see I love you and

47:45

thank you for this one encapsulated

47:49

pretty much fucking everything

47:51

so I

47:54

don't know if I anyway

47:58

Medusa says I'll keep it short, all

48:01

of these struggles, all

48:04

of these are struggles with

48:06

no official diagnosis except for

48:08

generalized anxiety and depression. I

48:11

kept a lot from my psychologist when I was 18.

48:14

Binge eating disorder to the point

48:16

of engorgement induced bulimia at times.

48:19

Then the dash of anorexia when

48:21

I detox from the binging. Probably

48:24

schizophrenia, auditory and visual

48:26

hallucinations at times. Also

48:28

the sensation that there's a person standing

48:31

next to me sometimes when I'm alone.

48:33

Probably autism because they don't have much

48:35

of a filter and tend not to

48:38

pick up on subtle social cues. A

48:40

touch of neurosis and a splash of

48:42

rumination. Speaking of touch, I got dittled

48:44

as a kid so having any kind

48:46

of healthy relationship is out the window.

48:50

Intimacy issues. Usually a cry

48:52

during sex or having trouble

48:54

climaxing. Hyper sexualizing, self

48:57

isolation. Sometimes I have climax

48:59

randomly with no stimulation. Just

49:01

doing mundane daily activities. Trust

49:03

issues to the point of

49:05

not being able to form

49:08

healthy long lasting relationships with

49:10

most people. Procrastination and generally

49:12

lying in bed all day

49:14

from being in a free

49:17

state from the overwhelm of

49:19

my insignificant little problems. Probably

49:21

narcissism or bipolar disorder, borderline

49:24

personality disorder because I tend

49:26

to be self centered, jealous

49:28

and insufferable cunt with anyone

49:30

who will have me for

49:33

longer than one night stand.

49:35

Is type 2 diabetes psychosomatic?

49:37

So much for keeping it short. Ah

49:40

me. That was another well

49:42

fucking written out. I get

49:44

that one so hard. The

49:46

button at the end is

49:48

type 2 diabetes psychosomatic. That's

49:51

a fucking gorgeous. That one hit

49:53

my heart real hard. Damn. What's

49:55

the name on that one I want to know. Medusa.

49:58

Medusa. Damn Medusa. the fuck

50:02

she that oh man yeah

50:04

that was so again one of obviously

50:06

one of the few that had the

50:08

hallucinate hallucinations that someone standing over their

50:10

shoulder that was the the other one

50:12

was the same thing damn hey

50:20

hang out well if

50:22

you're not on patreon get

50:24

on patreon in the meantime

50:27

so I can figure out how this patreon

50:29

works and the

50:33

using the reddit oh

50:35

yeah I don't know if

50:37

I already started a mental health thread if I

50:39

haven't I will or someone else should I'll get

50:41

on I'll jump on there I

50:43

like to but I didn't hear I

50:46

try to get back to all of these

50:48

and I most people wrote me back initially

50:50

in the put so

50:53

I am in touch and I

50:56

hope I didn't take liberties not

50:59

goofing on anybody here but some of those

51:02

fucking funny I think they know it's in

51:04

contact I know you're doing it on a

51:06

pot yeah it's always it's always other

51:09

people that get upset for you shouldn't

51:13

because that's triggering to these

51:15

people yeah hmm

51:18

I think it's cathartic

51:20

yeah what's his name

51:23

Tyler but the hatchet I think

51:25

I think he gets something out of being able

51:27

to express kind

51:30

of everybody gets it like you think

51:32

like I take for granted that I

51:34

live in a really solidly

51:38

fucked up world with all

51:40

soft edges round

51:43

corners like there's no problems

51:46

being like that oh yeah

51:48

like yeah I guess

51:50

I never thought twice about it fuck my sister or

51:52

something I can't I have those

51:54

things that go through my head right go

51:57

wow never really considered how fucked up these things

51:59

that that I've done in my life are,

52:02

I think some people are just really,

52:05

like just better at dealing

52:08

with shit than other people. Or

52:10

hiding that they're dealing with shit. How many

52:12

people do we know that would

52:15

otherwise be a collapsing,

52:19

just trying to think of someone like JJ

52:22

from Alaska, who

52:24

has probably been through every fucking

52:26

type of me too situation and

52:29

fucking laughed about it as

52:32

she fucking likes, stole

52:35

a bag of weed on the way out

52:37

of the fucking dude's apartment or something and

52:40

never like, oh yeah, fucking that guy, fucking

52:42

what a weird, never thought, some people are

52:44

just better

52:47

than other people at

52:50

some things. And they get

52:52

just as vilified in this

52:55

fucking climate as

53:01

I really enjoyed that.

53:04

And we're

53:06

gonna put together the back alley coat hanger. But

53:11

you're still compiling it. So it's just one of those things. Well, I have

53:13

to figure out on the website,

53:15

okay, how do you schedule? I know

53:18

there's programs to do shit like that.

53:20

And we got that kid in Michigan

53:22

that could do some web shit if

53:24

we wanna do that. Just

53:27

so they can, I know how I go

53:29

on things. Oh, schedule this here. He's

53:32

dudged down, I'll be available like four

53:34

times a week, maybe five times a week.

53:38

Maybe 10 times a week. I'm just

53:40

saying, so like how do people, I

53:43

don't know how to do the transaction.

53:45

They're not coming to the house for

53:47

this. They're gonna be on Zoom. I

53:49

don't know how to do all that

53:51

to facilitate the back alley therapy, the

53:54

bartender therapy. I

53:56

like coat hanger therapy. That's funny. Maybe

54:02

I'll chat with Dr. True about it. See

54:04

what's the best thing to do. This

54:08

book about way too many copies.

54:12

I had to have the fucking hard copy. I

54:15

had to have the glossy cover, the new cover,

54:17

that there was that piece of shit that went

54:19

out. Hopefully not too many people got stuck with

54:21

that paperback, but I had to have this. Stay

54:25

tuned on the Patreon. We're gonna do

54:27

Patreon first. A higher level Patreon. What

54:31

we're gonna do is we're

54:33

gonna go back to my roots and

54:35

we're gonna telemarket this here book. We're

54:38

gonna get a room. We're

54:41

gonna get Bingo working the phone. Chat

54:44

change. You have the studio. Can't you just do

54:46

it in there? Yeah, we're gonna do it at

54:48

the studio. Thought you were gonna get another studio.

54:50

Oh, I'm gonna put everyone at that big fucking

54:52

King Arthur round table that's not round. Yeah,

54:56

and we're

54:58

gonna telemarket this book.

55:00

We're gonna get your

55:02

phone numbers through Patreon.

55:07

Maybe we package that. I gotta talk

55:09

to our girl, Denise. Shit,

55:11

I gotta sign a book for her. I

55:13

gotta talk to Denise about packaging

55:16

this with the 20 year

55:19

anniversary of Deadbeat Hero. Put those together.

55:21

Yeah, fuck that. That would be beautiful.

55:23

That's the same goddamn size. That's about

55:25

the size of it. Old

55:27

DVD package. DVD,

55:30

CD, and a book and. And

55:32

what? Well, some

55:36

of all this goofy fucking fan

55:38

mail. I find it tons of

55:40

shit. Old Northwest Airlines, Gold medallion.

55:44

I got tons of,

55:46

every package will have something weird

55:48

and unique. Neti pots. Neti

55:51

pots. Yeah.

55:53

Is this the size of a neti pot?

55:55

Yeah, oh. Unpublished.

56:00

Anonymous, what would you call that one? They

56:02

don't use their name. It's

56:05

an Alan

56:07

Smithy. It's the one

56:10

from films where they go, I don't want my name associated with

56:12

it. They put Alan Smithy. That's like

56:15

an Alan Smithy type of book. Yeah.

56:18

Anonymous. Alright, let's wrap it up. Hey,

56:22

go out and be nice to someone crazy

56:24

and get them on the Patreon. Get

56:30

a crazy person on the Patreon? Yeah, go get

56:32

a fucking crazy right now. Get

56:34

them on the Patreon. It's

56:38

not to get subbed. You know

56:40

that at this point. There's someone for

56:42

everyone. And the fucking jocks have

56:45

all been taken. There's plenty of fucking jocko

56:48

fucking... I

56:50

love how many times, and it

56:52

started when I fucking... I

56:55

noticed it with that Fox douchebag

56:57

where I just... I

57:00

got kicked off his program. Jesse Walters.

57:02

Waters. Yeah,

57:05

okay. Yeah, Alex is... He's

57:07

getting that footage put together.

57:10

When you share all these alpha

57:13

male, alpha male, that's

57:15

a beta. Beta cuck must have

57:18

said that. Fucking an alpha male.

57:21

And they're always talking about what man they

57:23

want to lead them. When they talk about

57:26

what alpha men they are. Wait, you're talking

57:28

about... What names on

57:30

the bumper sticker of your fucking

57:32

monster truck, you fucking bootlicking

57:35

supplicants, I think I once said about this. Yes,

57:37

you did. You waving

57:40

a flag with a name on it in the

57:42

back of your truck. Yeah. That

57:45

vote for no man. So,

57:50

that's that. Let's go

57:54

bake some taters for the Dr. Drew comes.

57:58

Because Dave Rader's gonna want to come over and get

58:00

his... haters Feel

58:05

good good. Okay wrap it up

58:08

Chaley well, it's Chaley luck. He's off.

58:10

He's off on a fucking adventure for

58:12

a while We're gonna try

58:14

to live without him. No Gary Lucy's

58:16

gonna have to start doing some work.

58:18

We All

58:22

right, Oh take us out Bingo, okay

58:30

Everyone okay You