0:00

Welcome to the everyday

0:00

determinator podcast with your

0:05

host Anne Okafor founder of the

0:05

determining or collective, we

0:09

want to help you get off that

0:09

hamster wheel of life and turn

0:13

you into an everyday the

0:13

Terminator by shooting stories

0:17

for Americans who have overcome

0:17

varying challenges in life on

0:21

careers and by reviewing and

0:21

signposting you to help or

0:25

resources to start you on the

0:25

journey to achieving your goals.

0:30

For more information on the

0:30

Terminator collective, please

0:33

visit www.un okafor.co.uk Thanks

0:33

for listening determinator.

0:50

Hello, and welcome

0:50

to the everyday determinator

0:52

Podcast. Today I'm talking with

0:52

Emilah Dawn DeToro, a

0:56

professionally certified life

0:56

coach who works to coach teach

1:00

and empower people to engage

1:00

their intuition. Emilah has her

1:04

own story of transformation.

1:04

When a car accident changed her

1:08

life, allowing her to gain

1:08

clarity and trusting her own

1:11

intuition previously employed

1:11

within the higher education

1:15

field. She now works to help

1:15

others transform their lives by

1:19

teaching them how to trust their

1:19

intuition to Hi, Emma is great

1:23

to have you with us.

1:24

Hi, and

1:24

thanks so much for having me.

1:27

You're very

1:27

welcome. So let's start about a

1:30

little bit of background and I

1:30

want to share with our listeners

1:33

a little bit about what your

1:33

life was like prior to 2000. And

1:36

for

1:37

sure. So

1:37

prior to 2004, I was in the

1:41

higher education field. So I

1:41

started, you know, after

1:45

college, I was a residence hall

1:45

director. So I lived in with

1:50

students managing residence

1:50

halls, and doing a lot of

1:53

programming on campuses. I lived

1:53

in upstate New York, I was

1:58

married, I was divorced, I was

1:58

very left brained. So I was

2:03

really into processes and how

2:03

things happened. And I've always

2:09

been kind of a natural coach or

2:09

advisor. I've always been a bit

2:13

empathic and very connected to

2:13

other people. So in 1998, I

2:19

moved to Tucson, Arizona, to

2:19

start a PhD programme and higher

2:24

education student affairs. at

2:24

the Centre for the Study of

2:27

Higher Ed and I loved Tucson. It

2:27

was a really, as I said, when we

2:33

were starting I'm here now I

2:33

like to come down here in the

2:36

winters. It's so warm. And I was

2:36

very academically driven. Like I

2:42

knew that I wanted to be an

2:42

administrator, I wanted to move

2:46

up the ranks of student

2:46

services, be a Dean of Students,

2:51

maybe a vice president and I was

2:51

really active and all of that. I

2:57

was studying power politics and

2:57

gender and higher ed and in

3:01

student affairs programmes and

3:01

doing a host of other jobs

3:06

within higher ed. And then I

3:06

really had kind of a personal

3:11

crisis. And you could say got

3:11

sober, right, and started to

3:17

work some 12 Step programmes,

3:17

started to do some yoga, started

3:21

to meditate. I took a part time

3:21

job at the centre of the

3:27

programme and integrative

3:27

medicine, which is here at the

3:29

University of Arizona and learn

3:29

about alternative medicines,

3:34

homoeopathy, acupuncture, things

3:34

like that, that I really wasn't

3:39

all that aware of before. And

3:39

then one day I was coming home

3:43

from work and a traffic light in

3:43

front of me turn from red to

3:48

green. And I went through and a

3:48

white van sparkle dryclean van

3:56

came in the passenger side of my

3:56

car. And my car was in a black

4:02

Subaru. It flipped on the roof

4:02

and spun and slammed into a

4:08

post. The I woke up I obviously

4:08

blacked out. I woke up and I was

4:14

hanging from my seatbelts and

4:14

just looking down at the

4:18

steering wheel kind of like wow.

4:18

What just happened? No. Yeah, it

4:23

was very, I mean, really, it was

4:23

just a day in the life right of

4:28

somebody doing qualitative

4:28

research on classical

4:31

homoeopathy efficacy that was a

4:31

normal job.

4:37

It's just incredible, you know, and it's, yeah, I mean, it's just

4:39

incredible because these things happen every day. You know, I

4:41

mean, and that's the thing you

4:44

know, like, I guess for me,

4:44

having you know, Touchwood

4:48

Nothing like this has happened

4:48

to me and but it does happen

4:51

every day. And that's the scary

4:51

thing that can happen to anyone.

4:55

You know, a day in the life of

4:55

it can happen to anyone, you

4:58

know, just going home from work

4:58

and As these incredible things

5:01

do happen, and then, you know, I

5:01

really resonate when you're

5:04

talking about your three car

5:04

accident life, you could be

5:09

talking about me in a lot of

5:09

these ways, you know, in terms

5:12

of the processes and quite

5:12

academically driven, and I mean,

5:16

different scenarios, maybe you

5:16

know, but I'm very focused on

5:19

helping, you know, younger

5:19

people and the processes of how

5:23

these things work. And you know,

5:23

how we can help people and, and

5:26

a lot, I think a lot of what you

5:26

did before, like you said,

5:28

natural coach, quite empathic,

5:28

but actually, that was kind of

5:32

your job as well like that, you

5:32

know, you were helping people

5:35

and advising. So I guess that

5:35

part of you has always been

5:39

there. But now, perhaps maybe

5:39

more amplified, because you've

5:44

maybe leaned into it more is

5:44

still your job, but maybe in a

5:49

different capacity that's chosen

5:49

that now you've chosen to focus

5:54

on that. So obviously, you know,

5:54

this day in 2004, going home

5:59

accident, tell us a little bit

5:59

about that recovery and the

6:03

aftermath of those in the first

6:03

days, because obviously, your

6:06

life literally turned upside

6:06

down, you know, car accident,

6:10

you know, but actually, in the

6:10

aftermath, there were some

6:14

things that you need to reassess

6:14

because of this.

6:18

Absolutely.

6:18

Yeah, my life did literally turn

6:21

upside down. So as I mentioned,

6:21

in the few years previous to the

6:25

accident, I had been studying

6:25

yoga, I had been certified as a

6:29

yoga teacher, I had taken on

6:29

teaching classes around town, I

6:34

had actually just taken on the

6:34

responsibility for teaching yoga

6:38

at a very large retirement

6:38

community. So I had a contract

6:43

to teach there. I did a lot of

6:43

meditation. In fact, I had spent

6:47

the summer at an ashram, a Nanda

6:47

ashram, in New York, deepening

6:53

my meditation practice and

6:53

chanting and things like that.

6:57

So when the car accident

6:57

happened, you know, I was

7:03

brought to the hospital, they

7:03

checked me out, I didn't have a

7:06

scratch on me, actually. It was

7:06

really miraculous. And I had a

7:12

mild traumatic brain injury,

7:12

right, I had a concussion, my

7:15

brain was shaken and stirred.

7:15

And it's not uncommon. I find

7:21

out later, that people who have

7:21

a mild traumatic brain injury

7:26

have some capacities open around

7:26

meditation, being able to be

7:33

more psychic or channel healing

7:33

energies, maybe see things that

7:40

are not informed or people that

7:40

are not informed. And I made

7:45

sense of that experience through

7:45

the lens of yoga and Vedanta,

7:50

and the spiritual teachings of

7:50

that lineage. So I would be in

7:55

my house sitting in my living

7:55

room, and I would have visions

8:00

of Ascended Masters of Indian

8:00

teachers or gurus and have

8:06

conversations with them. I

8:06

remember really vividly a

8:10

conversation with mother Mira,

8:10

who was an Indian teacher. And

8:17

it was both shocking and

8:17

comforting at the same time,

8:21

right. And that went hand in

8:21

hand with cluster migraines, a

8:26

body that had been really shaken

8:26

and so even though nothing was

8:30

broken, or cut, I had

8:30

osteopathic manipulations for

8:35

many months because my whole

8:35

body was disjointed. It was out

8:39

of place. And of course, because

8:39

I had been working at a

8:42

programme and integrative

8:42

medicine, I had groups of

8:47

people, I had people in my life

8:47

who could direct me to both

8:51

allopathic medicine and

8:51

alternative medicines. And since

8:56

I had been studying classical

8:56

homoeopathy, I also used

9:00

homoeopathy to help mitigate the

9:00

experience, but honestly it was

9:05

probably four years before I

9:05

felt like my brain had settled.

9:12

during those four years. I moved

9:12

from Tucson. I spent another

9:17

summer at the ashram in New York

9:17

and then I moved to Albuquerque,

9:22

New Mexico to study i Your VEDA

9:22

at the Ayurvedic Institute,

9:26

which is a Indian form a similar

9:26

to traditional Chinese medicine.

9:32

So, my life really turned upside

9:32

down. I couldn't work. I didn't

9:36

have access to my left brain. I

9:36

couldn't follow through on

9:40

things very well. In fact,

9:40

during that period of time, I

9:45

sold a house I moved to

9:45

Albuquerque and then a few years

9:48

later, I filed for bankruptcy

9:48

because I couldn't hold a job. I

9:52

couldn't think I couldn't budget

9:52

I couldn't really do many of

9:57

those left brain things I had

9:57

done Previously, I was floating,

10:02

that's how I like to think I've

10:02

often talked about it was I

10:05

spent four years high, right?

10:05

Like floating in the ethers,

10:10

being able to communicate with

10:10

animals and trees and rocks and

10:14

learning to work with the

10:14

healing energy that came through

10:16

my hands, learning how to create

10:16

boundaries around what I was

10:21

hearing and seeing, because

10:21

frankly, it's, it's pretty

10:24

overwhelming to walk around the

10:24

world and know things that are

10:30

really none of your business. Or

10:30

I perceive it that way. At this

10:35

point that really not on my

10:35

business to know what the person

10:37

in front of me at the grocery

10:37

store is thinking or

10:40

experiencing, right, or a

10:40

healing that may help them. But

10:44

at that time, I was pretty

10:44

dysregulated. And I didn't

10:48

necessarily know that was

10:48

problematic. It was pretty cool,

10:52

right? But it was overwhelming

10:52

for my nervous system for my

10:56

life. I was single at the time,

10:56

and I stayed single for quite a

11:01

bit of time. Because I just

11:01

couldn't cash I just it was hard

11:06

to make my life work. Right. I

11:06

couldn't really earn a living. I

11:10

started doing intuitive readings

11:10

for money, and I started doing

11:14

energy healing. And I bounced

11:14

around through several part time

11:19

jobs until 2009. Yeah, it turned

11:19

my life upside down.

11:26

It's almost two

11:26

different, you know, two

11:28

completely contrasting

11:28

experience, you know. And I

11:31

wonder, you know, you said that,

11:31

when the accident happened

11:35

originally, you sort of took the

11:35

teachings that you got from yoga

11:40

and things prior. And I just

11:40

wonder, in hindsight, do you

11:43

look back and think that almost

11:43

that turnin? Because I mean, I

11:47

don't know why you initially

11:47

went into yoga. But do you have

11:51

a feeling though, that that was

11:51

almost the reason you turned to

11:54

that with some sort of

11:54

preparation for this new stage

11:57

or, you know, I kind of wonder

11:57

if that might have occurred.

12:02

That was

12:02

definitely I think that is true.

12:05

In retrospect, I mean, I have

12:05

always been really drawn to the

12:08

esoteric, and Yoga and Ayurveda.

12:08

And meditation was incredibly

12:15

resonant for me, like I just

12:15

couldn't get enough of it. No

12:18

matter what I just wanted to

12:18

meditate more, I wanted to do

12:22

more yoga, like it was just in

12:22

my being. And so I think it was

12:28

a preparation to help me make

12:28

sense of what happened. I think

12:34

it was also a preparation to

12:34

understand like in Yoga and

12:39

Ayurveda, they talk about

12:39

Kundalini rising, which is the

12:42

energy of you might say, the

12:42

snake that of awakening that

12:47

comes up the spine. And for most

12:47

people, that's a pretty hard

12:52

process. To do that you have to

12:52

meditate a lot, you have to do a

12:55

lot of yoga, you have to have

12:55

kind of restrictive lifestyles.

12:58

And in a way that car accident

12:58

just went, bam, there you go on

13:03

a good luck with that. And I had

13:03

an understanding of that. So I

13:07

do think it prepared me for it.

13:07

I also think it prepared me for

13:12

how to take care of my nervous

13:12

system. Because when you have a

13:16

head injury, when anyone has a

13:16

head injury, it just regulates

13:20

the nervous system. And the

13:20

practices of yoga meditation

13:24

helped to calm down the nervous

13:24

system, and it helps to

13:27

integrate. And in fact, over

13:27

time, I've come to understand

13:31

that my my brain kind of got it

13:31

healed itself in a different

13:36

way. Right now I have a really

13:36

lovely balance of left and right

13:40

brain. I once had a an energy

13:40

healer, who worked with me say

13:45

that, you know, most brains work

13:45

bilaterally, you have the left

13:48

brain, your right brain, and

13:48

they kind of talk to each other,

13:51

but they have this kind of

13:51

experience. And what he

13:55

suggested was that migraine

13:55

looks more like an infinity

13:57

symbol. Like there's more of a

13:57

movement between the two and the

14:02

left and the right brain inform

14:02

each other. Now, I don't think

14:07

that's particularly special. I

14:07

think we see this in long term

14:11

meditators, right, they have a

14:11

capacity to move more seamlessly

14:18

through the left and right

14:18

brain, creative and structured

14:24

capacities. And so I think it

14:24

really served me well and I'm

14:28

still a part of those worlds,

14:28

you know, today, maybe not as

14:32

intensely as I was early on, but

14:32

they've certainly created the

14:37

foundation for my life. Right?

14:37

And as you can see, I'm even

14:42

wearing a shawl religious, you

14:42

know, Sanskrit on it. So they

14:46

have become foundational.

14:49

I also feel that

14:49

when you telling your story,

14:51

they're hidden, you know, in the

14:51

beginning, so pre 2004 pre

14:54

contract so everything's very

14:54

left and processing and you'd

14:58

all like quite structured bank

14:58

on accident, and then that

15:02

disappears completely. And then

15:02

for the sort of four years, you

15:05

have this other side experience.

15:05

Yeah, completely different. Like

15:10

you said, you compare that with

15:10

being high, you know, for four

15:13

years. So, from one to really

15:13

structure and and really process

15:17

to really, you know, out there.

15:17

And you know, you mentioned like

15:21

no boundaries, you mentioned

15:21

Philippi floatin, that's almost

15:25

like full control to no control.

15:28

Absolutely,

15:28

I think you hit that right on

15:30

the head, like I went from a

15:30

person who controlled her world

15:35

in order to feel safe to a

15:35

person who had no control,

15:40

really, of her world. And there

15:40

was so much creativity in that,

15:44

I think I got a window into what

15:44

it's like to be an artist, what

15:49

it's like to be a writer, I

15:49

mean, I would wake up at four in

15:52

the morning and start writing,

15:52

and write and write and write,

15:56

and then it would just like turn

15:56

off at six o'clock, and I'd get

15:59

up and go about my day. So there

15:59

was a creative aspect to it, not

16:05

just a woowoo, kind of out of

16:05

this universe aspect to it. That

16:10

was really interesting. I was

16:10

much more spontaneous, I was

16:14

much more interested and curious

16:14

about things. And I was less

16:20

emotionally stable, frankly,

16:20

right, that because of the

16:25

chemical changes in the brain,

16:25

so it was completely different.

16:30

Yeah, that's really

16:30

interesting. And you know, a lot

16:32

of that you recognise, I sort of

16:32

almost benefit to that part, you

16:36

know, even though, if you'd

16:36

probably told your pre 2004

16:39

self, that that's what it would

16:39

have been, like, you probably

16:42

would have, like, you know, me,

16:42

I was thinking, you know, if

16:45

someone had said, Oh, my God,

16:45

you know, as you're recognising

16:51

the benefits of that creativity,

16:51

so I think we, you know, I quite

16:55

often talk to children. And I

16:55

often think that we don't think

16:59

outside the box, we don't have

16:59

that sort of child's creativity

17:02

that we have when we're

17:02

children. And I just wonder how

17:05

someone, now obviously, you're

17:05

managing to consolidate the two

17:09

and have that balance, you know,

17:09

you obviously gained back some

17:12

of the control, you're, you know, you've got your own business. So you're obviously

17:14

learning to put processes and

17:18

boundaries and things back in.

17:18

And I just wonder how you

17:21

consolidate those two, now to

17:21

have a balance that works for

17:24

you.

17:25

Now, so I

17:25

spend a lot more time in the

17:29

space of being, I guess, and

17:29

following the internal or

17:35

sometimes external guidance that

17:35

I receive. So we often talk

17:41

about this dichotomy between

17:41

being and doing. I mean, it's

17:45

really all the rage now. To be

17:45

just be, don't do everything,

17:50

don't strive so much. And I

17:50

think over the last 10 years,

17:54

for sure, that's really my

17:54

orientation has been cultivating

17:59

that. So allowing the structured

17:59

work, the intense work times,

18:06

you know, the building of the

18:06

business, the setting up the

18:08

client, management system, the

18:08

marketing, the things like that

18:12

to come from this place of

18:12

internal impulse, instead of,

18:19

oh, here's my list for today, I

18:19

must get it all done. Right. So

18:23

I wake up in the morning, I do a

18:23

meditation, I do some

18:27

journaling, and I get a sense of

18:27

what's in store for me for the

18:30

day. Right. And that includes,

18:30

you know, it may include client

18:34

work, it may include more

18:34

administrative work for the

18:37

business. So the doing is

18:37

informed by the being. I've also

18:43

talked about it actually as

18:43

putting the mind in service of

18:47

the heart. Yeah, so the heart is

18:47

the one to kind of give the

18:51

inspiration and then tells the

18:51

mind, or that left brain, okay,

18:56

so you could really help me by

18:56

doing this, this, this and this.

19:01

As opposed to how I lived

19:01

previously, right. Previous to

19:05

the car accident, which was, I

19:05

had lots of to do lists, I had

19:08

lots of obligation, I have lots

19:08

of duty. And maybe if there's

19:13

time left over, I could take

19:13

care of myself, or play or

19:18

things like that. I think the

19:18

other thing I wanted to just

19:22

comment about that is in my

19:22

business, I talk about the

19:27

metamorphosis of a dragonfly,

19:27

that for many years, a dragonfly

19:33

nymphs will live at the bottom

19:33

of a stream. And then one day it

19:38

just simply crawls out of the

19:38

stream and onto a blade of

19:41

grass. And the water from the

19:41

stream pumps out those ways and

19:48

the eyes and creates the

19:48

dragonfly and a very vulnerable

19:51

place on the grass where it

19:51

could be scooped up by a bird at

19:57

any time. You know, it's very

19:57

vulnerable. Ball and, and I

20:02

think that was really my

20:02

experience in the beginning of

20:06

learning how to live again, a

20:06

totally different life in a

20:10

vulnerable way. And that took a

20:10

lot of psychological healing as

20:16

well, you know, the dragonfly

20:16

has two wings, I think of that

20:20

as one wing is the spiritual

20:20

development, you might say,

20:25

which came upon me very

20:25

suddenly, even though the pump

20:28

had been primed. And then the

20:28

other side is more

20:33

psychological, emotional healing

20:33

the wounds from childhood

20:38

healing the difficult

20:38

behaviours, or the unstable

20:42

emotional places that were from

20:42

the trauma of my childhood. So

20:47

there was this way in which,

20:47

over the last 10 years, in

20:51

particular, that those have come

20:51

back into balance. And in order

20:56

to fly, I had to do both, I had

20:56

to see a therapist, I had to do

21:00

the emotional work, the

21:00

therapeutic work, and integrate

21:04

that with the spiritual

21:04

awakening and intuitive work and

21:09

the the healing energy work.

21:09

Right. And, and I think the

21:12

balance of those two is

21:12

coaching. Right? The balance of

21:16

those is what I've come to love

21:16

and the work that I'm doing in

21:20

the world, which is Intuitive

21:20

Life coaching. So it's not been

21:24

without its like, literal work.

21:24

Right?

21:28

Absolutely. I think

21:28

that the one thing I've learned

21:30

from speaking to him, lots of

21:30

people have stories like yours,

21:33

you know, myself included, is

21:33

that it is work to change

21:37

things, you know, people think,

21:37

you know, you go through

21:41

traumatic experience, or, you

21:41

know, a car accident, or

21:44

whatever it may be, we all have

21:44

something, I think we all have a

21:47

story. And there's something

21:47

that's, that changes things for

21:50

us. It takes work to, to get

21:50

back to you after that, you

21:56

know, I don't think one of my

21:56

guests said to me, that, when

22:00

we, you know, are quite often

22:00

after trauma, we tell our

22:04

things, bad things, we tell our

22:04

things, bad stories, you know,

22:07

about maybe are worth or

22:07

whatever. If you're telling

22:10

yourself something bad for 10

22:10

days, you then at least need to

22:14

do good stuff for at least 11

22:14

days to mitigate back, you know,

22:17

so you need to if you're, if

22:17

you're in a bad place for four

22:20

years, you know, you need to at

22:20

least be four or five years in a

22:23

good place and doing that work

22:23

to try and, you know, get

22:27

yourself back or get to that

22:27

place where things are back in

22:31

balance. I think your story, as

22:31

horrible as the experiences

22:36

you've had, it really

22:36

beautifully explains the stark

22:40

balance between one and the

22:40

other. And however, then the to

22:43

then come back to balance once

22:43

you've done the work and utilise

22:47

one of the courts that you

22:47

mentioned on your website on one

22:50

of your blog pages was that

22:50

because I wondered about the

22:53

Dragon flight, you know, it's

22:53

through your literature and

22:56

things quite a lot. And one of

22:56

the things that you'd said was

22:59

through conscious living, we'd

22:59

become capable of flying. And I

23:02

think it's that that sort of

23:02

making a choice. It's that

23:05

understanding why we're here.

23:05

And it's almost an acceptance of

23:10

the bad things that we've come

23:10

through, doing the work to

23:14

understand that and to accept

23:14

it, because you know, nobody

23:16

just accepts these things

23:16

overnight. It does take work as

23:18

hard work because well, you

23:18

know, but it's worthy work,

23:22

because we can understand why we

23:22

can fly then and why we're

23:26

capable of flying under the two

23:26

wings. And I really like how

23:29

you've just brought that to life

23:29

for us. And it really fits with

23:33

your story as well.

23:35

Yeah, well,

23:35

I think what you're pointing to

23:37

is the process of integration,

23:37

right of integrating all the

23:42

parts of us into our lives and

23:42

accepting them and supporting

23:47

them. You know, there's a lot of

23:47

ways that happens

23:51

therapeutically through inner

23:51

child work through EMDR through

23:55

talk therapy. And there's a lot

23:55

of ways that that happens in

23:59

spiritual work as well as the

23:59

awarenesses of our connection to

24:04

something larger than us. And

24:04

Don and also how, in a way, it's

24:11

not special. You know, I'm not

24:11

the only one who can do this

24:14

around the world. Right? You can

24:14

follow your intuition too. You

24:17

can be a spiritual being having

24:17

a human experience. And you may

24:23

language that differently. You

24:23

might use a different religious

24:26

frame, you may use a different

24:26

spiritual frame, but the

24:29

integration of our traumas, the

24:29

healing of our traumas, the way

24:34

our brains function, the

24:34

experiences of our lives. To me,

24:39

that's where the juicy healing

24:39

is integration, because then we

24:44

become more than just a sum of

24:44

our parts. So having become

24:48

somebody out together and it's

24:48

something

24:50

I totally get,

24:50

because for a long time, I kept

24:54

parts of me isolated and cut off

24:54

in a little corner. And I didn't

24:58

bring them in to my being

24:58

utilised. Just there were there.

25:01

And nobody knew, you know why.

25:01

And suddenly, essentially

25:05

accepting them and bringing them

25:05

as part of me and my story and

25:08

my process, then I feel like I'm

25:08

holed out, I feel like I'm doing

25:12

more of the work, because I'm

25:12

able to help others who have

25:15

been through similar things

25:15

through talking about it. It's,

25:18

it's that understandable that

25:18

actually, you're not so special.

25:20

But also, that is what makes you

25:20

special, you know? Exactly.

25:25

Yeah,

25:25

it's quite a hard

25:25

thing to get your head around at

25:28

the beginning, I think because

25:28

we spent so long telling

25:30

ourselves all these life

25:30

stories, actually, you know,

25:33

many people have a story. And

25:33

you know, many people have

25:36

different reason. And part of

25:36

the reason we're here is to talk

25:39

about those and talk about the

25:39

things that we can learn at the

25:41

back of those. And I think, you

25:41

know, it's really important in

25:44

that sort of getting unstuck

25:44

process, you know, that's a real

25:48

big realisation for people is

25:48

that, you know, everyone has

25:52

something, and we can help each

25:52

other you know, what you need to

25:55

bring into, you know, you need

25:55

to bring that part with you, who

25:58

you don't need to bring it

25:58

along. And I think one of the

26:01

big things for me, that's true,

26:01

yeah,

26:03

I think you're, again, you're pointing to this idea of like, we think

26:05

of life and polarities, right?

26:09

I'm special, look at me, I'm

26:09

special, I can do these cool

26:12

things. I'm not special at all,

26:12

everybody can do these things,

26:17

right. But the truth is

26:17

somewhere in the middle, like we

26:21

are individual beings are

26:21

individual souls, higher selves,

26:25

whatever you want to call that

26:25

spark of that makes us us.

26:31

Right. And that is special. And

26:31

all humans have a specialness to

26:37

them. And I think that's so

26:37

important for us to remember.

26:41

And I think in some ways, it

26:41

takes a good bit of our life, to

26:46

really get to, to the centre of

26:46

the polls, right? Yes, so many

26:50

places, right, and to really

26:50

know and believe, I have

26:55

something to offer. And all of

26:55

the things that were such

27:00

challenges along the way, helped

27:00

me offer that better. Right,

27:06

because, like you said, we all

27:06

have trauma, we all have big

27:10

issues. Mine was a car accident,

27:10

mine was an opening, but other

27:13

people have very different

27:13

experiences. But if they've

27:17

integrated those experiences,

27:17

like you have, and others, then

27:22

we just become a more full

27:22

human. And we don't live in the

27:26

black and white anymore, we live

27:26

in the grey, and we do what's

27:30

ours to do. And that's just so

27:30

much more satisfying than doing

27:34

the list of things that we think

27:34

we ought to do, or we showed or

27:38

our family told us, or whatever

27:38

the story is that we grew up

27:42

with.

27:43

I just love that.

27:43

And I really do resonate with a

27:46

lot of what you've said, there,

27:46

you know, I have, it's exactly

27:49

where I'm at in the world. And

27:49

then, you know, I feel like

27:52

bringing the two together. And I

27:52

think, you know, we talk about

27:55

authentic a lot. And that's

27:55

exactly what it means, you know,

27:58

being bringing your whole self,

27:58

you know, the good and the bad.

28:02

And understanding that, you

28:02

know, we're not either special

28:05

or not special, everybody's got

28:05

something to offer to the party

28:10

or to the table or whatever

28:10

situation you may be in,

28:12

everyone can bring something and

28:12

contribute. And it's certainly

28:15

something that I try and speak to my young and new professionals about as you'll be

28:17

yourself. That's what people

28:20

want to see. They want to know

28:20

you. They want to know what you

28:23

can bring, and trying to get

28:23

people to understand that. And

28:26

you've really put that into

28:26

words for me there as to why

28:30

that's so important to you.

28:33

Well, the

28:33

other thing is that, you know,

28:35

I'm 55, I was just 55. This

28:35

year, I'll be 56 this summer.

28:40

And when I was growing up as a

28:40

professional, they didn't really

28:45

want your whole self in the job

28:45

in the work world. I think

28:49

that's a profound difference

28:49

today, like the millennials and

28:54

the Gen z's. I think I hope I

28:54

have the right Zooks there, you

28:59

all are much more clear that,

28:59

wow, you're getting all of me.

29:05

And I think for that reason, you

29:05

go through a transition earlier,

29:09

younger in life, right? Whereas

29:09

for my generation, if we weren't

29:14

gonna make it in our careers, we

29:14

really did have to hide a part

29:18

of ourselves for a period of

29:18

time. And it's only been in the

29:21

last few years that the world

29:21

has changed in that way. Right.

29:27

And that those of us who have

29:27

been doing that integration and

29:31

changing how we work in the

29:31

world, and how we show up for

29:35

the last decade or two or

29:35

finally Lego, thank God, there's

29:38

momentum, right? Yeah, because

29:38

younger people are like, Hey,

29:45

we're not going to tolerate

29:45

that. You get all of me. I have

29:48

kids. I have a family. I'm not

29:48

going to work until I dropped

29:51

dead. But that was literally

29:54

Yeah, people aren't

29:54

arson. We are who we are. And

30:00

that's the right thing, you

30:00

know, and it should be. And

30:03

hopefully, you know, we're still

30:03

not all the way there yet with

30:05

that concept. But we are a lot

30:05

further on than we were a few

30:09

years ago. And I hope that we

30:09

get to a point where we can all

30:13

be our whole selves wherever we

30:13

go. Let's see, I

30:15

think. Yeah,

30:15

I think it's one of the gifts

30:21

behind the COVID tragedy, right,

30:21

is that people learn how are

30:27

learning to slow down, they're

30:27

learning to listen to their body

30:31

and to accept and create the

30:31

world they want to live in, you

30:35

know, which is

30:37

gentler, allowed us

30:37

to reevaluate what was

30:41

important, you know, I mean,

30:41

because I think before a lot of

30:43

people were still very much

30:43

going through that career, Mel,

30:47

you know, like, job, you need to

30:47

go to work nine to five, you

30:51

must work from the office,

30:51

because that's what we were

30:54

always told that we had to do.

30:54

And no, the pandemic's comments

30:57

really accelerated this

30:57

alternative way of working,

31:01

where people can experience a

31:01

life work harmony, which is much

31:06

more in tune with what they want

31:06

to do. And I think it goes to

31:10

your way of speaking about the

31:10

heart first, and then the mind,

31:14

it's the heart first, you know,

31:14

I need to take care of my

31:16

family. But I can do that by

31:16

working from home and being here

31:20

and being able to pick the kids

31:20

up from school and go to the

31:22

appointments, but I can still do

31:22

the work. Whereas before it was

31:26

very much Well, I must go to

31:26

work, and the head kicking in

31:29

first, so that I can then look

31:29

after the family. And so you

31:32

know, that for me, it's been a

31:32

really big shift over the

31:35

pandemic. And I think it's

31:35

really accelerated beyond what

31:39

we would have seen without it.

31:39

So although the pandemic has

31:42

been an absolute tragedy, for

31:42

many things, it has also brought

31:46

around opportunities, and

31:46

hopefully some learning and how

31:50

we operate and how we, you know,

31:50

work forward with things in the

31:54

future,

31:55

and how we

31:55

prioritise, you know, how and

31:58

what we prioritise, you know,

31:58

the great resignation, because

32:02

that's just what it is, people

32:02

are prioritising their well

32:05

being their physical health,

32:05

their mental health, over the

32:09

grind. That's how I see it in a

32:09

very simple form. But

32:14

I agree as well, I

32:14

think many people will find

32:16

themselves in that, you know, in

32:16

that space, as well. So I would

32:21

just like to give you an

32:21

opportunity to tell us a little

32:23

bit about what you do. As a

32:23

coach, obviously, you're always

32:25

mentioned about coaching, and

32:25

you have any intuition based

32:29

approach, obviously, because

32:29

that's your experience. And I

32:32

think one of the things that

32:32

you're referred to, and I really

32:35

love this, because it's quite a

32:35

visual thing, but you've been

32:38

called the midwife to the soul.

32:38

And I think that gives me really

32:41

sort of visual about, you know,

32:41

rebirth and you're just moving

32:44

into this new phase of life, I

32:44

guess. So tell us a little bit

32:48

about the work that you do at

32:48

the moment with your clients.

32:51

Sure. So I'm

32:51

an intuitive life coach, I work

32:55

with people long term, six

32:55

months minimum longer to engage

33:01

their intuition, put themselves

33:01

at the centre of their lives,

33:05

and trust themselves and like

33:05

intuitive guidance that they

33:09

receive. So it's a way of

33:09

working with people, we work

33:14

deeply were looking at both

33:14

emotional and intuitive

33:19

understanding, how do you

33:19

receive guidance? What does that

33:22

look and feel like for you? Is

33:22

it visual? Is it audio auditory?

33:27

Is it kinesthetic through the

33:27

body? And how can you use the

33:31

information that you get through

33:31

your own internal guidance

33:35

system, to make decisions in

33:35

your life that move you to a

33:40

more satisfying place. And so

33:40

some people I work with are

33:45

doing that in their personal

33:45

lives around relationships, or

33:48

around codependent or people

33:48

pleasing strategies or things

33:53

that they've done in the past,

33:53

wanting to heal those. Some

33:56

people do that around work,

33:56

they've come to a point where

34:00

the work that they're doing

34:00

isn't satisfying, and they are

34:03

stuck, and they just don't have

34:03

any idea how to move forward.

34:08

And I think by following those

34:08

internal cues, or guidances,

34:13

that's midwifing the soul,

34:13

right, that is asking what we

34:18

know, the question I asked them

34:18

often, which is a little

34:23

stunning for people is, what do

34:23

you know that you wish you

34:27

didn't know? Because if you can

34:27

point to that, if you can say

34:32

that out loud, then we can make

34:32

some momentum, right? But

34:38

there's always something for us

34:38

that we know that gosh, we wish

34:41

we didn't because if we say it

34:41

out loud, it could rock our

34:45

world. We could change a lot.

34:45

And so I walk with people as

34:50

they make these changes as they

34:50

change their lives. And so it's

34:55

often the most satisfying ones

34:55

for me our longer term because

34:59

we get to, I get to, like

34:59

witness and hold their hold

35:03

space with them teach skills,

35:03

and teach curiosity and

35:08

different ways of thinking over

35:08

a long time and to see how their

35:13

lives become much more

35:13

satisfying, much more joyful,

35:17

much more aligned with what

35:17

their soul is here to offer,

35:21

right and here to live. And so

35:21

as a coach, as an intuitive life

35:26

coach, that's like the whole

35:26

shebang. That's what I call the

35:29

package, right? That's the whole

35:29

thing. But I also offer

35:32

individual sessions around

35:32

intuitive readings if people are

35:37

stuck, and they just want some

35:37

help clarifying their next steps

35:41

or energy body alignment, which

35:41

is, is really coaching for the

35:45

energy body. It's helping

35:45

untangle what we hold in our

35:49

body so that we can think more

35:49

freely and move more freely,

35:54

maybe it will reduce pain, maybe

35:54

it will bring new awarenesses.

35:58

And then I've just started

35:58

offering healing for pets in

36:01

their people. I've been working

36:01

with pets for years, but I've

36:05

never thought to offer it

36:05

publicly. So just last month, I

36:09

tossed that up on my website as

36:09

an opportunity for people if, if

36:13

they have a dog or a cat or

36:13

horse or lizard, needing some

36:18

support, in terms of their

36:18

physical, emotional health, I do

36:22

energy work and a reading mix

36:22

together for them. So I've been

36:26

doing this work really since

36:26

2006, and 2010, I went through a

36:31

coaching programme and

36:31

integrating the coaching with

36:34

the energy healing and intuitive

36:34

work. And so I've been doing

36:37

that whole shebang work, you

36:37

might say, since 2010. and seen

36:43

a lot of people through this

36:43

transformational process before

36:49

it became mainstream, right?

36:49

Like my social media manager.

36:54

Who is I don't know, I think

36:54

maybe she's 30. I'm not even

36:58

really sure. I love her. But she

36:58

calls me an OG, here are the

37:03

original gangsta that you're

37:03

doing this when I was just like,

37:08

kid, and I'm like, there's some

37:08

truth to that, you know, and I'm

37:13

really grateful. It's come

37:13

mainstream now. Yeah, right.

37:16

Nobody really blinks when you

37:16

say I'm going to

37:18

transformational process, I'm

37:18

getting comfortable with

37:21

uncertainty. And learning to

37:21

choose work that really

37:25

resonates for me, I'm learning

37:25

to follow my soul or my

37:29

guidance, you know, today that's

37:29

more common than it's ever been.

37:33

And gosh, I hope that's where we

37:33

keep going.

37:36

I guess, you know, you say nobody blinks. But actually people are seeking that

37:38

out know, exactly. It's becoming

37:42

much more forefront. And I

37:42

really liked the question that

37:45

you posed about what do you know

37:45

that you wish you didn't, and

37:47

there's many things where I can

37:47

look in my life. And sometimes,

37:50

you know, and we say all the

37:50

time, I know deep within myself

37:54

something not right in this

37:54

situation, or something that we

37:57

don't voice it, we don't because

37:57

like you say, when you voice

38:00

those things, sometimes that can

38:00

be that acknowledgment that if I

38:04

say this out loud, it changes

38:04

everything. And I think it's

38:08

really important that we do ask

38:08

ourselves that question, I think

38:11

it's a great question to ask

38:11

ourselves to actually get

38:15

comfortable with that and ask

38:15

the question, because nine times

38:19

out of 10, that's where the work

38:19

needs to happen. That's where

38:21

the change needs to happen. And

38:21

you know, change is scary. We

38:24

know that, you know, going into

38:24

the unknown is scary, and quite

38:27

often staying in uncomfortable

38:27

situations is far more

38:31

comfortable for us. Until

38:31

unfortunately, sometimes, but

38:36

unfortunately, sometimes we're

38:36

forced, it takes me back to a

38:39

book I read, and it's about the

38:39

iceberg. And you know, we do

38:43

what we know, even if it's

38:43

killing us, because we're scared

38:48

of the unknown. And even if we

38:48

think the unknown might be a

38:51

chance to, you know, survive,

38:51

often, we are quite happy on

38:56

that iceberg that is potentially

38:56

killing us. So, you know, it's

39:00

really important to ask that

39:00

question of yourself. What do

39:02

you know, that you wish you

39:02

didn't say, thank you for

39:04

sharing that with us? I should

39:06

give some credit to that that actually came from Adi Ashanti is a

39:08

spiritual teacher and the Zen

39:13

Hindu tradition. And in one of

39:13

his books, he talks about that,

39:17

what do you know that you wish

39:17

you didn't know? And it's from

39:21

his book called the end of your

39:21

world? So I just found that it

39:26

was so powerful for myself, I

39:26

started asking my clients

39:30

No, absolutely. You

39:30

know, I really like that I think

39:32

we do. Maybe sometimes,

39:32

subconsciously ask ourselves

39:37

that, but then we run the other

39:37

direction when we realised what

39:39

we think we know is probably too

39:39

skinny to address. So I think

39:43

being consciously asking that

39:43

question is quite a it's

39:46

something I'm gonna adopt as

39:46

well. I find that quite a

39:49

powerful concept as well. And

39:49

I'm going to take that on board.

39:51

So thank you for sharing that.

39:51

And I'll check out the books

39:54

that you mentioned there as

39:54

well. Just before we finish up

39:57

and MLR could ask you to share

39:57

with us maybe what you're up to

40:00

Obviously tips for someone who

40:00

is looking to you know, someone

40:03

who's maybe kind of maybe in a

40:03

similar space to me in terms of

40:07

they know that this intuition

40:07

based approaches is probably

40:11

within them. They've kind of

40:11

recognised that. And they're

40:14

looking to explore it further,

40:14

what would be your top three

40:17

tips for a person in that situation?

40:20

Yeah, so my

40:20

first tip would be, just get to

40:24

know your intuition. Play with

40:24

it, don't take it super

40:28

seriously. But just notice what

40:28

happens. So notice if you hear

40:33

information, if you hear words

40:33

or tones, or notice if you see

40:38

pictures or see videos, or if

40:38

dreams inform you, or if there's

40:43

something that happens in your

40:43

body, right when I'm walking

40:47

down a path, I'm, I tend to be

40:47

kinesthetic, my intuition. So if

40:50

I'm walking down a path, and I

40:50

come to a fork in the road, one

40:53

of my hands gets hot or heavier,

40:53

and that's the direction I go.

40:58

So notice how you receive

40:58

information. That's really my

41:02

top tip. And as you do that with

41:02

curiosity, then you'll begin to

41:07

trust it more know, right. And

41:07

so that's tip number one, get to

41:11

know it, get to know your

41:11

intuition how it works for you,

41:14

because it's individual for each

41:14

person. The second tip is start

41:19

to get comfortable in

41:19

uncertainty with not knowing

41:24

because intuition often just

41:24

gives us the next step. It

41:30

doesn't actually open the whole

41:30

door, and give us the whole

41:33

staircase and tell us where

41:33

we're gonna go at the end. So we

41:38

have to be able to work like by

41:38

following the breadcrumbs. And

41:43

that requires a comfortability a

41:43

comfort with uncertainty, and

41:47

not knowing the outcome. But

41:47

doing the work anyway. Yeah.

41:51

Right. So that's tip number two.

41:51

Tip number three is make it fun.

41:59

Gosh, right, life is serious

41:59

enough, you know, so put some

42:03

fun and curiosity into playing

42:03

with your intuition. Learn how

42:08

to play with, you know, if you

42:08

like visual cues, learn how to

42:12

play with a tarot deck, or

42:12

oracle decks. Or, if you like,

42:17

stones, or rocks, play around

42:17

with stones and learn about

42:21

like, what properties stones

42:21

have, play with your friends

42:24

about it, talk to people about

42:24

it, like, just give yourself

42:28

permission to play with

42:28

intuition and have fun with it.

42:32

Because fun and curiosity and

42:32

play opens our intuition. So

42:38

much like we can just get so

42:38

much information and learn so

42:42

much. Animals play all the time

42:42

to develop skills in their

42:46

natural habitats. And us humans,

42:46

we often put our serious world

42:51

first so play, play be created.

42:51

Through that way,

42:57

I think, you know,

42:57

when when I mentioned earlier on

42:59

about children and that big

42:59

thing kale and stuff, we, you

43:03

know, we encourage children to

43:03

learn through play, we encourage

43:05

them to, you know, a very much

43:05

at young ages, that's, you know,

43:08

developing skills, like you

43:08

said, and animals and, and, you

43:12

know, that's how they learned.

43:12

That's how they learn to know

43:14

what they like. And what they

43:14

don't like, is by trying

43:16

different things. And I think

43:16

when we get to an adult, or you

43:19

know, older children age, people

43:19

tell us all you must grow up,

43:24

you don't do that anymore. And

43:24

then we stop. And then we also

43:27

stopped this big thinking that

43:27

children do you know, they think

43:31

without possible, you know,

43:31

without the constraints of

43:34

financial constraints or time

43:34

constraints, you know, they want

43:37

to fly to the moon, they want to

43:37

do all the great big stuff. And

43:40

here, you know, I mean, I know

43:40

people are flying to the moon

43:43

now, but we're very much, you

43:43

know, on a day to day level,

43:46

they're like, Yeah, that's not

43:46

impossible, because we don't

43:48

have the money or we don't have

43:48

the time or we don't have the

43:51

technology, our hands to be able

43:51

to do these things. And I think,

43:55

you know, play is really

43:55

important. And just, you know,

43:58

being curious and being, I think

43:58

it's something that can probably

44:01

all of us do some more of that.

44:01

So, thank you so much for

44:05

sharing those. What I would like

44:05

to ask you know, is where can

44:08

our listeners find you online,

44:08

on your website and on your

44:11

social media, so that they can

44:11

come and find out more about

44:14

this intuition based approach.

44:16

So because

44:16

I've been doing this so long, my

44:19

website is really simple. It's

44:19

mlo.com ilh.com. And you can

44:27

read more about me, I'm an avid

44:27

blogger, so I, I blog once a

44:32

month, but I'm writing and

44:32

sending out an email to my list

44:36

three times a month, every

44:36

Friday, so you can join my email

44:41

list there. Of course, there's a

44:41

freebie about how to use your

44:44

intuition that you can download

44:44

when you join my list. That's

44:49

where you get the juiciest

44:49

content, frankly, is on my email

44:52

list because I blog with my own

44:52

experiences and use teachings

44:57

through that that come out on

44:57

Friday. days, you can find me on

45:01

Facebook. That's my primary

45:01

social media. And it's my full

45:05

name am Allah Dawn da W en de

45:05

Toro. That's my Facebook page.

45:11

And then I have an Instagram

45:11

page Amala Donta Toro and a

45:15

LinkedIn page for mo Adonijah.

45:15

Toro, I'm just shifting my

45:20

attention to go more towards

45:20

LinkedIn, and less towards

45:25

Instagram, I noticed that, oh, I

45:25

don't know, maybe because of my

45:30

age, I just like LinkedIn

45:30

better. So

45:33

I agree with you.

45:37

And also,

45:37

because these days, I work a lot

45:40

with people in career

45:40

transitions. And that makes a

45:43

lot more sense with LinkedIn,

45:43

and Instagram. So So those are

45:48

the primary places you can find

45:48

me and the juiciest really is my

45:52

email list. But all my offerings

45:52

are on the website. You can

45:56

learn more about me, I have a

45:56

lot of stories to tell on my

45:59

blogs. And yeah, my coaching is

45:59

up there and some testimonials.

46:04

So that's where you can find me.

46:04

I live in Santa Fe, New Mexico,

46:08

in the US, although for a bit

46:08

more this spring. I'm in Tucson,

46:12

Arizona. So I do see people in

46:12

person when I'm in Santa Fe, I

46:18

have an office there. So if you

46:18

happen to be in Santa Fe, you

46:20

can schedule a time to see me in

46:20

person. Well,

46:23

I know there's

46:23

actually one lady one of my

46:26

LinkedIn connections, she's from

46:26

San a thing that she had had a

46:28

post on LinkedIn and said or you

46:28

noticed, I'm surprised how many

46:32

people I think you know, how

46:32

many people she knew that new

46:35

people from Santa Fe and things.

46:35

And I said, I'm interviewing a

46:38

lady from. So I'll be sure to

46:38

share this with her. Because

46:43

it's funny how you know, it's

46:43

such a small world of salmon,

46:45

Scotland. But now I have two

46:45

people that I know that are in

46:48

Santa Fe, which is you.

46:50

Santa Fe is

46:50

a small town like, like maybe

46:53

80,000 people, it has broken

46:53

100,000 people yet. So it's not

46:58

uncommon that we bump into each

46:58

other there. It's a small place.

47:01

But it's a it's a mighty place

47:01

for sure. Absolutely.

47:04

I think yeah, she was talking about it in terms of like, what films and TV shows

47:06

and things have been filmed. I

47:09

think there's quite a lot as

47:09

well, that goes on there. So

47:12

that's, that's that's the

47:12

context. That's you started out

47:14

and we weren't seeing, you know, we knew and then she's like, I can't believe I know how many

47:16

people from here. So excellent.

47:20

Emily, thank you so much. You

47:20

know, I think I could talk to

47:23

you for about 10 hours on the

47:23

subject is so interesting. And

47:28

really, you know, there's lots

47:28

lots there. So I hope our

47:31

listeners will go to the links,

47:31

I will include the links to your

47:34

social media and your website

47:34

and things in the show notes. So

47:37

if you are listening, just drop

47:37

below and you will be able to

47:40

link directly with MLR. From the

47:40

show notes there. It'll take you

47:44

directly to her pages. And you

47:44

can find out more about Angela

47:48

and her intuition coaching

47:48

approach. Thank you, Angela.

47:52

You're remarkable. Really. I've

47:52

enjoyed our conversation so

47:55

much.

47:56

Thank you so

47:56

much. I have enjoyed it too. And

47:58

it's just a pleasure. And thank

47:58

you so much for having me. And I

48:03

look forward to connecting some

48:03

more. Yeah, absolutely.

48:06

We'll make sure to

48:06

do that. And listeners. So thank

48:09

you so much for listening in

48:09

again. And whether you're

48:11

bouncing back from a challenge

48:11

or storming forward to the next

48:14

one, the determinant a

48:14

collective is here for you. Stay

48:17

remarkable determinated

48:19

if you enjoyed this

48:19

episode, be sure to subscribe so

48:22

you don't miss when new episodes

48:22

are posted. We will continue to

48:26

deliver real life insights on

48:26

overcoming challenges, tips and

48:31

advice on becoming unstuck with

48:31

a collective of people just like

48:36

you are every day the

48:36

Terminator. Until next time,

48:40

take care of yourselves and your

48:40

friends. Thanks for listening to

48:44

terminators