0:00

Who is the man? I mean, close your eyes and think about manly men.

0:06

Who is it you see in your head and yell?

0:09

Hell yeah, that's a fucking man, depending on the decade you're born.

0:14

There's a variety of imagery that may be going through your head.

0:18

Lee Marvin, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Sly Thelon, The Rock, Vin

0:22

Diesel, James Dean, The Fonz, maybe you're seeing a character more

0:26

than the actor themselves, right? Maybe Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders or John Wayne from any

0:32

number of movies, or maybe James Bond, man, you're James Bond, man.

0:35

Our. In this era, John Wicker, Jason Bourne, right?

0:38

Men's men. How about King Leonidas from 300?

0:41

Like that was that kind of manly man. Right.

0:43

You get the point. We all have that picture in our head.

0:47

The first time I walked into a sportsman's warehouse store, I don't

0:50

know if they have the works where you live that they have them where I live,

0:53

they had a picture of John Wayne, the Duke matted leather and a hardwood

0:58

frame right there in every doorway.

1:01

I thought, hell yeah, this has got to be a good store.

1:03

The problem is, well, all of these people had awesome traits.

1:07

We admired about them for whatever reason, their real life doesn't always match up

1:12

because most of them are actors, right?

1:15

TV movies, whatever. Especially now.

1:18

So what is required to be a man in this modern world that we live in?

1:25

Well, today we're going to talk about that on the show. And I'm going to hook you up with 10, 10 things that you need to develop in your

1:30

life to be a man in this modern world.

1:34

Let's get into it. Here's the million dollar question.

1:42

How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men we

1:46

dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working,

1:50

being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves.

1:55

Well, that's the big question in this podcast.

1:58

We'll help you answer those questions and more. My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast.

2:06

Now, being a Gen Xer, I could take all kinds of potshots at the

2:09

following generations, but the truth is the generation before me

2:14

had complaints about us and how.

2:17

I'm sure. And the generations before them definitely whined about them too.

2:23

So a more accurate thought, there were some advantages to growing up when I did.

2:27

I think we had a lot of really cool things growing up with Gen Xers.

2:32

Gen Xers. I think some of the younger generations now missed out on a lot, because there

2:38

were definitely advantages that I had and I can see it just raising my own kids

2:42

at the difference in the world they're raising up that they're living in now.

2:46

There are young people who have outpaced me, however, in so many areas

2:53

already because of those differences.

2:55

So I'm glad for them. I'm glad there are differences between the generations and I wish I had been

3:00

taught things like entrepreneurship.

3:03

At a much younger age. And that's something that younger generations are getting exposed to

3:07

much early on, thanks to the internet. Yes, I am old enough that we didn't always have readily

3:12

available internet for everybody. One question that's always existed, however, in every generation of

3:19

men that the answer has continued to evolve is, where is my place

3:24

in this world as a man and what does that look like as modern men?

3:29

By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.

3:33

You're home for all things, man, big shout out to fallible nation.

3:36

That's what I call our long time listeners. And Hey, we'd love to have you join that and welcome to our first time listeners.

3:43

Thanks for checking us out really from the bottom of my heart.

3:46

I know there's a lot competing for your time, so I hope you really enjoy the show.

3:50

Be sure and connect with me at the fallible man on most social media

3:53

platforms, while Instagram is where I am the most active, I will be sure to respond

3:58

and just let me know what you thought of the show and if you get something

4:01

out of it, Hey, you can leave us review.

4:04

That'd be nice, but share it with somebody who needs it.

4:08

That that's even better, right? Our goal is to reach out and touch as many lives as possible.

4:13

And you sharing this with a friend is the biggest compliment you ever give us.

4:19

Now, my grandfather fought in world war two.

4:23

What a man was then was very different than who my father was as a man.

4:29

The man I've learned to become is not exactly the same as my father or my

4:34

grandfather and the little boys that are growing up now into our future.

4:40

Well, the way they look at being a man is going to be a little bit different.

4:44

Now there are some traits and roles that will always stay the same.

4:49

Many will change with our rapidly changing environment and reality.

4:52

Cause that's just the world, right? It's Utterly nuts these days, how quick things are changing.

5:00

However, today I want to share 10 things that are required to be men

5:04

in this modern era and going forward.

5:07

Some will be added over time as the era continues on in

5:11

the future comes into view. Some might fall away, but for today and in the current generation,

5:17

hopefully in the next few, these 10 things are absolutely critical.

5:22

To be a man. Number one, you need to have a North star metric.

5:29

Now in business, this is the motivation that drives you and will continue to

5:33

align all your decisions and actions to stay on point with your business.

5:37

Most commonly in business is one of three things.

5:40

It's income driven, it's time driven, or it's impact driven.

5:44

As a man, you're going to have to decide what your North star metric is.

5:49

It will be about having more freedom of time, more resources, or bigger impact.

5:55

Most likely because it usually mirrors the whole business thing

5:59

as well, but not necessarily.

6:02

You can say, well, Brent money buys all that.

6:06

No, it really doesn't. It comes close.

6:08

It definitely comes close. I'm not going to argue that, but there will be a moment where you have to

6:13

decide to trade one for the other, specifically a moment where you have

6:17

to trade freedom, impact or money for one of the other ones, right?

6:25

It will be a hard choice, but you're really going to find out what shines

6:28

for you because you will have to make that decision sooner or later, more

6:33

money, more time, or more freedom.

6:36

However you want to say that number two, you need to plant a flag.

6:42

What hill are you willing to die on?

6:45

I mean, hopefully in a figurative manner, but maybe not a man needs

6:51

to work out where he stands on things in his life that he sees.

6:55

As beyond is important, beyond important as well as what's really not.

7:02

I was asked on a podcast one time, how I became so apathetic about a lot of things.

7:08

There's my 50 cent word for the episode. The truth is I stopped caring about things that have no impact

7:14

or meaning on the things that I find out are important to me.

7:20

I truthfully couldn't care one way or another about a lot of things.

7:25

I have too much of my life.

7:27

It's important to me. To waste emotional energy on things.

7:30

I just don't care about now.

7:33

Some people see it as a plus or minus, but really like you can ask

7:37

me about things and nine times out of 10, the answer is don't care.

7:43

A man needs to have an opinion, but on things that matter,

7:47

that opinion, maybe don't care.

7:49

Unfortunately, people around me probably hear that a little more than they want to.

7:53

But he needs to know what's important to him, what's worth fighting

7:57

for, and what's worth dying for. It will really give you a solid foundation for the rest of your life.

8:04

There is nothing wrong with deciding I care about this and the rest of it.

8:12

Well, it's really inconsequential. I'm not saying that there aren't other things outside of what I care about.

8:19

I'm saying, I just don't spend the emotional energy on things

8:23

that aren't a value to me. So I don't really get worked up over what restaurant I go to or things like that.

8:30

Because. Really? I don't care. I'm going to eat, man.

8:33

I'll eat something. I'll find something I like at this restaurant or that.

8:36

So figure out what's important to you. What hill you're willing to die on plant that flag as a man,

8:42

because that's part of being a man. You have to have an opinion on what's important, what has value and what's not.

8:50

Number three. Your physical health.

8:54

This is a hill I'm willing to die on. Like it or not, a man's whole world is tied up in his physical health.

9:01

The world has no respect for an unhealthy man.

9:04

Women can lie all they want about the dad bod BS.

9:09

Part of that social pressure, some part of that's generational.

9:12

Part of that's women who don't want to have to take care of themselves as well.

9:17

But women have no respect for an unhealthy man, no matter what they say.

9:21

Society has no respect for an unhealthy man.

9:25

You're judged by your health in every interaction.

9:28

Don't argue with me based on fairness, because that's a bunch of crap.

9:33

Nobody cares. Fairness doesn't exist. Whether you are trying to get a date, interview for a new job, or just walking

9:40

into the store, you're being sized up based on your external health markers.

9:45

Plus, most things we're valued for as men are largely based on our health.

9:51

If you don't believe me, Roll that thought around on your head for a little while and

9:55

really, really start to think about it. And I promise you, when you start to analyze your life, there are a lot of

10:02

times in your life, most of the times that you are going to be gauged on your health.

10:06

I actually just talked to an image consultant on the podcast.

10:09

That will be later this year. I'll share that episode with you guys, but it's one of the things we both agreed on.

10:15

She tends to focus on outer things like the clothes you wear and the way you take

10:19

care of your hygiene and stuff like that. But she agreed, your physical health absolutely impacts every interaction

10:28

and the way people judge you.

10:31

It may not be fair, but no one cares.

10:34

That's just how it is. So as a man, you need to take care of your physical health because it will largely

10:40

impact every other part of your life.

10:44

Number four, men to be men need to have purpose.

10:49

We'll see if I can get the banner up for the YouTube people.

10:53

This may be a lifelong purpose, but it doesn't have to be, but it can be.

10:59

Are you confused yet? You have to have a purpose.

11:02

And more importantly, you have to align with your purpose.

11:08

Otherwise you're going to feel like there's a hole, no matter what.

11:12

Men frequently mistake that hole is needing a female or needing

11:17

materials or something like that. Men are largely mission oriented and having a mission

11:22

is not finding your purpose.

11:25

And it will not fill that hole. You're going to have lots of missions in your life.

11:30

Happiness is not alignment with your purpose.

11:33

You can be happy and not be living your purpose.

11:36

You just won't feel whole.

11:39

I'm trying to emphasize, I hope I'm getting this clear, feeling whole and

11:43

complete is not the same thing as having them being in line with your purpose.

11:48

Well, I'm afraid to start feeling whole and complete is something that comes from

11:53

living in alignment with your purpose.

11:56

It is not something that is necessarily based on your happiness.

12:02

We do a lot of things for short burst of heartbeat, happiness, right?

12:06

Some people drink, some people party, some people go spend

12:09

lots of money on themselves that makes you happy in the moment.

12:13

It doesn't make you complete living in alignment with your

12:16

purpose, makes you feel complete.

12:19

So find your purpose, seek it with conviction and enthusiasm.

12:24

You're going to have many, very missions throughout your life.

12:26

And not all of them will be in alignment with your purpose.

12:29

But once you find your purpose, you can align your missions with your purpose.

12:35

As a bonus, finding your purpose will attract the right kind of women

12:39

into your life, if that's something that you still haven't figured out.

12:42

Line up yet. Women are attracted to men with a purpose, men who know what their

12:48

purpose are unpopular opinion.

12:52

Let me throw all this out there as a young man.

12:55

I think you should focus on your purpose and finding and

12:59

aligning with your purpose. Over women, the right kind of women will be attracted to you because

13:07

a, you have a purpose and it's the purpose that she sees and believes

13:12

in and can align herself with. And the right kind of woman will be aligned, attracted to,

13:17

and will want to align with. With said purpose.

13:20

And then you have a force multiplier in a really powerful way in a woman who is

13:25

aligned with your purpose and your goals and your mission, find your purpose.

13:31

It's absolutely necessary as a man number five.

13:35

And it looks like I lost the light. If you guys are watching this on YouTube, so you don't have to look at me as much.

13:41

So that may be a bonus for you. Number five.

13:44

Man to be a man needs to find his tribe.

13:49

I was the guiltiest of all when it comes to the whole buying the whole

13:54

lone wolf scenario, I didn't spend much time with groups of men until the

13:58

last couple of years, but since the earliest days of mankind, we've come

14:03

together in communities while many men have a solitary nature to themselves.

14:09

They still need a tribe. A tribe is where you come to exchange ideas.

14:14

To learn from elder men who have more experience to level

14:17

up who you are takes a tribe.

14:20

A tribe is a group of trusted men who are in fellowship with each other.

14:24

For common goals and interests. It can take many different forms and there's not an ultimately right form.

14:32

As long as it has certain pieces to it.

14:35

This may be a faith based men's group, or maybe a group of friends you go to the

14:38

range with and drink coffee and shoot guns while you talk, it might be a group of

14:45

guys you play games with, whatever it is.

14:50

You know, you found the right tribe.

14:52

When you can exchange value with them, you bring some areas and ideas into it that

15:00

improve the other guys in your circle. They also bring in some different ideas and different areas and value the ups you

15:07

in the circle together, you inspire and encourage each other and you come away a

15:11

little better every time that is a tribe.

15:15

Don't mistake. A tribe with a bunch of guys that you're just wasting time with

15:19

because that's far more common. If your tribe isn't helping you level up and you're not helping them

15:25

level up, you're not in a tribe. You're in a group of guys who just didn't outgrow it or haven't grown into it.

15:31

One of the other. So look, you don't have to solve world hunger together, but at the very least

15:37

they should help you want to be and help you become a better person and vice versa.

15:43

So tribe guys, it's absolutely crucial to be a man.

15:50

Number six is growth mindset.

15:53

Now growth mindsets are really important and you probably hear that buzzword

15:58

all the time on the internet, right?

16:00

It's really popular term these days. And still very few people actually understand the value of a growth

16:07

mindset, no matter how much is talked about on social media.

16:10

So gone are the days when men were just allowed to live the simple existence

16:13

of going to work, coming home, minimal interaction with family, chill, and just

16:20

trust your, Children know they're loved.

16:23

There were some generations where this is very common.

16:25

It's not there. It's not now and it's not how you're a man in this day and age.

16:31

It's not enough to have reached the milestone of what you call

16:33

the American dream, right? We all know the American dream.

16:36

House, car, two and a half kids.

16:38

I still have never figured out how they came up with two and a half kids.

16:42

That sounds really complicated. It's not enough to have reached the milestones that

16:48

we were told are, that's it. Kids expect parents to be more involved than ever.

16:54

Your spouse demands your time and emotional energy.

16:57

They also expect you to listen and connect.

17:01

You must be active in your community. You got to care about things.

17:04

You must continue to grow professionally and personally.

17:07

Oh, so frustrating. No, it's not guys.

17:10

Let me say this. This is not a bad thing.

17:14

It's not because you're capable of all of it, but you're going to have to

17:19

adopt a growth mindset as a modern man.

17:22

Are you going to fall short? This is just basic survival as a man in modern, the modern era.

17:30

You can't just cruise through life and.

17:34

Wonder about aimlessly. You have to engage and you have to have that growth mindset, or

17:42

you're going to just fight the struggle bus all the way along.

17:47

Number seven, you have to have a plan for a plan for a plan for a plan.

17:53

We no longer live in the old west. You can't just drift aimlessly and the world has no more

17:59

room for useless individuals. You have a North star.

18:02

We talked about that earlier. You know, what's important.

18:05

Um, and. You're seeking a purpose, right?

18:08

We talked about it too. You need a plan to guide the growth mindset and to take care of your

18:14

health, to achieve those goals. More importantly, you need a backup plan for when the plan goes to shit,

18:21

then be able to pivot when that doesn't work out either, and ultimately have

18:25

the fortitude to regroup, recover, and come up with a new plan, see.

18:33

You have to have resilience to go with your plan because guess what?

18:40

It's not going to go right the first time or the second time or the third time.

18:45

One of the best lines in the entire Harry Potter movie series is in the

18:52

last book or if you're in the movies, it's seven B the second half of seven.

18:59

And the three main characters are talking.

19:03

And they come up with this really kind of rash idea.

19:07

And they're like, no, we got to make a plan.

19:09

Hermione, the sensible one. It's like, no, we got to make a plan.

19:13

And Harry's like, when have any of our plans ever actually worked?

19:17

We plan, we get there all hell breaks loose.

19:21

Well, that's more common than we want to admit.

19:24

A lot of times we like to pretend all our plans go in order.

19:28

But usually we're like on plan G H K.

19:31

We're way down the line before anything actually works out.

19:34

It's part of the learning curve for life. So you have to have a plan, but guys, you have to have resilience along

19:41

with that, because your plan is going to be retooled, retooled, retooled,

19:44

pivot, change, new plan, backup plan.

19:47

Oh my goodness. What are we doing? You got to have the resilience for your plans.

19:53

And so maybe that's a twofer. We'll call it that.

19:58

Number eight, guys, you have to have emotional intelligence.

20:01

Oh my goodness. Brent, you're asking too much.

20:03

Now I can hear the groans already.

20:06

No, we're talking about a mode.

20:08

No. Okay. Modern men in keeping with the changing demand and the way we live as people

20:13

these days, Must develop their EQ.

20:17

All of your relationships demand it, right?

20:20

We live in a quote unquote, more sensitive society now that that's

20:25

probably being a little harsh, but people talk about their feelings.

20:28

People are more about their feelings.

20:30

It's really weird. Almost too.

20:32

Well, I will say people are more about their feelings to a detrimental level at

20:37

this point, but it doesn't mean that you don't have to deal with your families.

20:42

Your feelings just can't let them be absurd.

20:45

More importantly, having a good emotional intelligence, intelligence

20:50

will keep you from doing stupid things.

20:54

While many of you know, I believe in principles, including.

20:58

Mastering your emotions and not letting your emotions control you.

21:03

It has not changed the fact that men have emotions and we need to get better

21:08

at processing them in a healthy way, prisons are full of men who let their

21:13

emotions get the better of them and did not process them in a healthy way.

21:19

In case I need to spell it out, bearing your emotions, it's not processing

21:25

them in a healthy way or at all.

21:28

And doing that, burying those emotions just sets you up for the possible

21:33

possibility of a catastrophic failure.

21:36

In a key moment in your life, burying those emotions just ends up with more

21:41

prison population because we fly off the handle and do something stupid and

21:46

punch the dude that desperately deserved it, but we know we're going to jail.

21:50

If we do, it's not worth screwing up the rest of your life because you

21:56

didn't take the time to master your emotions, learn to process them in

22:01

healthy ways and keep moving forward.

22:04

Man, we can't get by without it anymore.

22:07

It's a requirement because we live in a litigious society that will not

22:12

let us express certain emotions the way that some of us are prone to.

22:18

So emotional intelligence guys, to be a man in this modern era, you have to master

22:24

your emotions and get them under control.

22:27

Now we already touched on it a little bit, and I'm gonna say

22:29

number nine is resilience, right? We touched on this just a little bit in number seven, my

22:35

sixth grade wrestling coach. May have taught me one of the most valuable lessons anybody

22:39

has taught me in my life. And that's the lesson of resilience.

22:43

Now he had a particular way of addressing this every day in practice.

22:48

We ran one drill, alternating our starting positions.

22:52

If you know about wrestling, there's two starting positions. There's opposition and the down position.

22:56

No, we're not talking about WWE. We did take down and escape drills for 10 minutes at a time for 10 minutes.

23:06

Our practice partner. Hit us over and over again with takedowns and drove us into the

23:12

mat over and over and over again. We had to break the takedown escape and immediately start over again in

23:19

that position or that down position, depending on which one it was.

23:25

We would do this for 10 minutes and then we'd switch roles and we'd do

23:28

it to our partner for 10 minutes. That way we learned to get up and escape, no matter how beat down and

23:35

exhausted we were, we did over and over again, every single day in practice,

23:41

after we had already done 20 minutes of this, which is physically exhausting.

23:47

We continue to train for stamina because after 10 minutes apiece,

23:51

we ran for the next 15 minutes.

23:56

Only stopping to bust out pushups, sit ups, up downs, and then back to running.

24:02

We're not talking to jog guys. They ran us, our team had one of the greatest records in our district

24:11

because of this resilience training.

24:15

There was no quit. You had to technically outscore us.

24:19

Because you couldn't pin us because our coaches drove this in 35

24:26

minutes, solid breaking us down to an exhaustive level that most people

24:33

don't understand and making us get up over and over and over again, life will

24:39

drive you to the ground mercilessly over and over again, as Rocky said.

24:45

It's how you get up and press on that defines you, not the exact quote.

24:50

Sorry. I should have like dropped the Rocky voice, but I'm like, Hey, that's not how

24:54

hard you get to get hit and get back up.

24:57

It's a horrible Rocky impersonation. I hope Sly doesn't hear that one, but guys, resilience is critical and you

25:04

build resilience by doing hard things.

25:07

It's not fun things, not exciting things.

25:11

You build resilience by doing hard things.

25:14

So challenge yourself and build that resilience because you will

25:17

not survive as a man without it. Now, number 10 is perhaps one of the most important and that is discipline.

25:25

And man is nothing without this four letter word.

25:28

Yes. I know it doesn't actually have four letters, but it's a four

25:31

letter word for some of us. This separates the men from the boys.

25:35

This defines success and failure.

25:39

I've done full episodes on discipline because discipline

25:43

is that incredibly important. Discipline's hard.

25:46

I'm not going to lie, but it makes a man great.

25:52

Discipline is critical to make all the rest of this work.

25:55

Without discipline, your life falls apart. Without discipline, these other nine things will not function in your life.

26:04

Now, some of you more astute listeners may have realized or noticed that I

26:10

have not said even once in this entire list, anything about biology or social

26:16

constructs, Are how someone identifies.

26:19

If you're confused about the biological science required for this discussion,

26:24

you're probably in the wrong place.

26:27

And I'll leave that at that. Navigating what it means to be in a man in today's world requires both

26:35

timeless values and modern challenges.

26:38

Looking back at famous figures who once represented the very essence

26:41

of masculinity, we see that being a man has meant slightly different

26:47

things throughout different times. From the bravery of a World War II soldier to the expectations of today's society,

26:54

masculinity goes beyond stereotypes.

26:57

It involves finding our personal goals, standing up for what matters to us, taking

27:02

care of our health, farming our purpose.

27:05

It also means surrounding ourselves with a supportive tribe and adapting

27:09

to changes and learning to back us back even when times get tough.

27:14

So here's to embracing the many sides of being a modern masculine

27:17

man and exploring these ideas further here on the Fallible Man podcast.

27:22

Now be sure and check out this episode. If you're listening, I've got it down in the show notes.

27:29

Uh, the next episode that will be great to continue to hear this discussion.

27:33

If you're on YouTube, it's right up here in the corner.

27:36

Be sure to check on it for more information on this topic.

27:39

As we explore this a little further, thanks for joining us on this episode

27:44

and be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see on the next one.

27:49

This has been the fellow woman podcast.

27:52

You're home for everything, man, husband, and father, be sure to

27:56

subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www.

28:02

thefallibleman. com for more content and get your own fallible man gear.