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0:29

As if the McChrisspy

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and Ranch just entered the chat. The

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Ba da ba ba

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ba

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ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

0:48

ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

0:50

ba ba ba ba ba Oh

0:55

you don't have to be on the screen because you're

0:57

in the same room. It's

1:00

like why is he not on the screen? What

1:02

the fuck is up everybody? Welcome to the fuckery

1:04

with Leslie Jones and Lenny Marcus. I'm

1:06

Lenny Marcus. And I am Lesnar

1:08

Jones. In the flesh, and this is the podcast.

1:11

And I'm motherfucking flesh. Where the mission is to keep it 100 at all times.

1:13

We talk about the fuckery going on in the world and in our lives,

1:16

all while having a whole lot of fun doing

1:18

it. In the studio today is Leslie

1:21

Jones in New York, thank you. And we

1:23

have some comedy industry with us today.

1:25

Comic strip live booker Tommy Latch. And

1:28

of course we end with the fuckery of the week.

1:30

But

1:30

first, Leslie's in New York, what the

1:32

fuck is up? You're like, why am I not on the screen?

1:34

Yes, because I'm three feet away from here. Yeah, because

1:36

I was like, I was looking at the screens going, well,

1:39

I don't see you. I

1:41

was like, Jordan, put him up on the screen. Well,

1:44

that's why I insisted Jordan be on the screen. I feel weird

1:46

that it would just be a disembodied voice talking

1:48

to him. I know, huh? I know. This big

1:50

part right there, Jordan, make yourself big. You

1:53

could be all Jordan, if you want, on the screen.

1:56

Yeah, Leslie's in New York because we headed on the

1:58

road so we'll tell you all about

2:00

our trips to Richmond, Virginia, and

2:02

Atlantic City and upcoming shows, but

2:04

Leslie got to New York so we could start it from here

2:06

and run some stuff before we leave and

2:08

plane ride was fun, huh? The red eye. The

2:11

plane ride fucking sucked. It fucking

2:13

sucked. And I'm getting too old to

2:15

fly a fucking plane. My body doesn't

2:17

agree with it. I get dizzy as fuck. I

2:20

have to take like three or four drama mean to

2:22

fucking even survive the flight. And

2:25

if you fall asleep, if I fall asleep and wake

2:27

up on a plane, I'm gonna be sick as fuck. So

2:29

I'm laying

2:30

there, I'm laying there dying

2:32

of nausea and I'm just like reaching

2:34

for stuff to try to take care of myself, like don't

2:36

die. I'm trying to calm myself down, like don't

2:38

die. Don't die on the plane. Leslie

2:41

Jones can't throw up on the plane. You can't throw up

2:43

on the plane. You can't do this, you gotta

2:45

stay calm. Why can't you throw up on the plane because somebody

2:47

will be holding a phone? Yeah, exactly,

2:50

Leslie Jones, Earl's on the plane. I mean, how

2:52

you think Mike Tyson got caught hitting the dude,

2:55

there's somebody else recording this. That's true. So

2:57

then I start throwing up at everybody like, I ran up on a plane,

3:00

does she have COVID? You know, that

3:02

type of shit. So I had

3:04

to take my, I had to be calm and

3:06

calm myself down. And you landed. And I

3:08

landed. And then- Do you feel better when you

3:10

land? A little bit, I had to piss, but then I

3:12

was exhausted. Then I was just fucking

3:15

exhausted. And then, you know, when you trying

3:17

to like, I don't do everything myself

3:19

anymore. I have housekeepers and assistants

3:22

and people who are supposed to help this trip

3:24

be smooth. And I swear, fo'

3:27

God, them

3:27

motherfuckers. It's almost

3:29

like they pull out a revolver and shoot me in the back. Because

3:33

it's just like, it'd be little stupid

3:35

shit. Like, where's the fucking deodorant?

3:37

Where's the fucking, like, little stupid shit? Don't

3:39

you have New York deodorant and LA, dude?

3:42

I do. It's supposed to be like that. So someone

3:44

was supposed to come and unpack those boxes and

3:46

put them up. But then the front desk has

3:48

some fuck shit going on where they wouldn't let them have

3:51

the boxes. So what do I get when

3:53

I open up the door? a whole hallway

3:55

full of boxes. And then Brian was supposed to

3:57

come over and I'm like, Brian, why you ain't come over? He's

3:59

like, oh. There was no boxes. I said there's a

4:01

million boxes and half of

4:03

them is your shit. So it's like,

4:06

oh my god It's like that type

4:08

of shit and then trying to do my own makeup

4:11

and when they're packing shit They pack it the

4:13

way instead of is when you pack something

4:15

like if I was packing for you, right? Yep,

4:17

and I packed them one shirt But

4:21

even if I yeah, let's say I packed you four shirts.

4:23

Yeah, I'm gonna text you and say hey

4:25

Lenny

4:26

I packed you four shirts. If

4:28

you doing, especially a makeup kit, if

4:30

you putting new stuff in there, you putting new brushes

4:32

in there, all that needs to be explained

4:34

to me because you know why? I'm not a fucking

4:37

makeup artist. I'm a goddamn comic.

4:39

So it just looks like people think, and

4:41

I know people are listening to this going, oh, rich people

4:43

problems. Well, you can go suck my dick.

4:46

This is my fucking problem. Also rich people problem.

4:49

Yeah, it's just suck my dick,

4:51

okay? And that's why I was telling

4:53

somebody the other day, I used to do all this shit

4:55

myself. I used to pack myself. I used to do all this

4:57

shit myself. It is the worst thing

5:00

when you do get into a position where you can't do

5:02

that shit yourself no more. You have to depend

5:04

on people to think like you. It's a nightmare.

5:07

I always have to tell them, when you guys fuck

5:09

up,

5:09

I suffer from your fuck ups. So I don't understand.

5:12

What did you need the vacuum cleaner for anyway?

5:14

It was a vacuum cleaner for New York. I had just sent

5:16

the vacuum cleaner for New York. Oh, I see. And

5:19

so the lady who cleans my house don't have

5:21

to tug her vacuum cleaner where she comes. I

5:23

just since I'm gonna be here a lot just by

5:26

vacuum clean for the house and of

5:28

course somehow it gets sent to the wrong address Address

5:31

in Harlem. I'm so glad they didn't

5:34

sell it

5:39

Man

5:42

only you could have a vacuum right

5:45

go through this type of shit Oh, that's

5:47

crazy. That's crazy. It don't

5:49

make no goddamn sense. Oh Well,

5:52

you made it. Yes, I did. And why are you

5:54

half an hour late today? trying

5:56

to figure out Lola's a fuck shit

5:59

of a brush

6:00

We're trying to do my makeup. Trying to,

6:02

because, okay. You did it though, it looked good. No, I

6:04

did it, motherfucker. So let me tell you what

6:06

this day was supposed to be. I was supposed to get up, 12, 15, workout

6:09

with Thaddeus, then start getting ready. But

6:11

I canceled the Thaddeus thing, so at

6:14

least I had a little extra time. But see what I have

6:16

to remember is I have to take my hair down, because my hair

6:18

be braided. So I have to take my hair down. It's

6:21

so many things to get ready, because then I know

6:23

I'm coming here, I gotta put makeup on, I know I'm going to the

6:25

game afterwards. I gotta look nice, I gotta

6:27

do everything now. I should've started

6:29

at 10 o'clock.

6:30

And

6:33

then you send me this to get the sandwich, the famous sandwich.

6:35

The famous sandwich. And why is the sandwich different? Because

6:38

I get there and apparently they're jam packed. So

6:40

I'm standing online looking at the clock going, oh

6:42

my God. The same place? So my guy who

6:44

makes the sandwiches, he's got an assistant now.

6:46

And apparently the assistant is not up to speed. So he

6:49

was doing something before he took over this job

6:51

and she did it. And I'm telling you, that place

6:54

is great. The owner is

6:56

a maid, but they hired this girl. She's

6:58

the counter girl. She doesn't give up. We gonna

7:00

go curse that bitch out after this. Don't

7:02

you ever make me a bad sandwich, you fucking

7:05

whore. You live in fucking New York. I'll

7:07

kill

7:07

you, bitch. She does not give a shit.

7:09

Jordan, look at this shit, Jordan. Jordan, look at this

7:11

shit. Can you see it? What

7:15

happened? No love on this one? Look

7:17

at this. Whatever it was,

7:19

she started it in media. Why would you put bacon bits?

7:22

Bacon bits? This is what this bitch put on there,

7:24

bacon bits. This is not bacon, this is bacon bits.

7:28

the worst part of the bacon. I

7:31

beat that bitch ass. Beat that bitch

7:33

ass. And I didn't even get to smoke the weed today.

7:35

So that,

7:36

ladies and gentlemen, is a

7:38

goddamn problem. You've

7:41

had a kind of a whirlwind of 48 hours, which

7:44

is just- It's so awful. You know what?

7:48

You know what's so funny is that, I

7:50

think when you're planning stuff, I

7:52

don't give myself grace time. So

7:55

like I was supposed to come Saturday night. That

7:57

would have been crazy. That would have been better. Better.

8:00

I would have been better because I would have came Saturday

8:02

night, got here Sunday morning, and rested for

8:04

two days. Slept all day, yeah. And then that would have

8:06

gave me time to really have my mind wrapped

8:08

around what the fuck it is I need to do. Because I would have

8:11

slept all day Sunday and then got up Monday

8:13

in the middle of the afternoon and then

8:14

fucked with shit. Well, that's why we're coming back from Atlantic

8:17

City right after the show so we can have a whole

8:19

extra day for you to rest. Yeah, yeah, because that's what

8:21

you told me. Yeah. But yeah,

8:24

I mean, you were at the Chris Rock thing at

8:26

the Comedy Store on that was

8:28

Friday night. Yeah, you still

8:31

haven't got to see that, huh? No. Like

8:33

people got reels and stuff, I'm gonna go through the thing and send it

8:35

to you so you can see it, but I was

8:37

so nervous. I was really, well, you

8:40

know, I always pull stuff off. I

8:42

knew the story and all that stuff. But when I got

8:44

there,

8:44

because they told Jay it was a

8:46

tape too, because I said, Jay, I thought you told me it was a

8:49

tape. She said they told me it was a tape. So

8:51

when we got there, they're like, no, it's live. And

8:53

I was like, oh, okay. You

8:56

know, that makes you a little bit more. Yeah, it makes you

8:59

a little bit more nervous because you're like, oh shit, I really

9:01

gotta get the story, right? There's no editing in this.

9:03

So when I got up there, if

9:05

you, I want you to see it because when I

9:07

first got up there, you could tell. You were nervous.

9:10

That I was nervous. I was like, oh,

9:12

I wasn't even shaking my voice. I was like,

9:14

oh, you know, Chris, Chris Rock is,

9:17

cause that fucking father shit you put

9:19

in the goddamn script. I didn't put anything in the script.

9:21

You can edit whatever you want. It fucked

9:23

me up. You said my phone, it

9:26

fucked you up again for the millionth

9:28

time, it's not fucked you off. Fuck

9:30

me off. That's not the right expression.

9:33

Listen, listen, listen. You

9:35

put, you put, he's a father, he's

9:37

a, and I'm a- You

9:38

said it, Amer, of course. I did

9:40

not

9:40

say, you know, a fucking father. You, you,

9:42

you recorded into my phone,

9:44

my phone got dictated into

9:47

the, into word. I said

9:49

brother, what is the dictation said, it made

9:51

a mistake and said father instead of- Farther,

9:53

what did you say, farther? That's the only thing that would have been

9:55

close. Brother.

9:57

Brother. So that might have been

9:59

mistaken. But anyway, Jordan, fucking

10:01

father's on the script. So I'm like, Chris Rock is not

10:04

my motherfucking daddy. So just change

10:06

it. No, it's already stuck in my fucking head.

10:08

So now I'm out there and I'm like, oh

10:10

no. But you

10:12

could tell that I was trying to find another word.

10:15

So I was like, he's my mentor. He's

10:19

my brother. There's no prompter? Yeah,

10:21

there was a prompter,

10:22

but the prompter got brother on it. Fuck,

10:25

I said listen. So I was like, he's my father.

10:28

He's

10:28

my brother. He's my friend.

10:30

He's my uncle. And then so then you

10:33

know me and you know who I am. The

10:35

way that I do things, I always like

10:37

to hit the elephant in the room because

10:40

that makes everything empathetic.

10:42

Everybody loves you after this, like some

10:44

real shit. So what I said was, yo,

10:47

they told me that this shit was gonna be a take,

10:50

but it's actually live. And I'm

10:52

tripping out that I'm here on a Saturday

10:55

performing live and everybody

10:58

started voting. But so it was good.

11:00

And then after that, I was able to really go into

11:02

the story. Because it's a great story. It

11:04

was great. It was great. Everybody loved

11:07

it too. They loved that. And so what's the vibe

11:09

going on in that place? You're at the comedy store and Ronnie

11:12

Chang is hosting this thing somehow. And I don't even

11:14

know how it ran. Was the camera just going from

11:16

place to place in the comedy store, like room to

11:18

room? You wouldn't even recognize the comedy store. It was so

11:20

crazy. They made it look like they should keep it

11:22

like a studio. No, it looked like a

11:25

fancy club. It looked really

11:27

nice. I was like, y'all should, you should have seen how

11:29

they had the belly room. It was like a

11:32

backstage, it was dope. I was like, damn,

11:34

production can do anything anywhere. But

11:36

they made this, you gotta see this,

11:38

I don't know if you've seen the stage. The only thing I saw

11:41

was the Dana Carvey, was

11:43

that where they were? No, no, that was back. No,

11:46

I think I got some pictures, I'll show you, but

11:48

that was back in the main room, back

11:50

green room.

11:52

green room. Oh, okay. Oh,

11:54

yeah. Yeah. They got so they probably fix

11:56

that up. Oh, wow. Cuz you know, they got a lot of place they

11:58

get fixed up in the comedy store, but you know.

12:00

on Common Stories. It was so big. Yo,

12:02

they made it really nice, dude. It made

12:04

it really nice. I don't think that they'll keep the room

12:06

like that because I feel like they can seat more

12:08

people with the way that they're

12:10

seating. But it was really nice. But

12:14

the vibe was, how

12:17

can I put the vibe? It's

12:19

really hard to explain vibes for

12:21

me. Well, was it fun? Was it like

12:23

people were excited or? I was having fun because I was

12:25

with Nef and like Zuri,

12:28

this other girl named Zuri and stuff, We were laughing

12:30

and stuff, but it's the comedy

12:32

store and there ghost there and the ghost is

12:34

trying to figure out why the fuck is all these people in there. And you

12:36

can just, you can tell it's just a little, it's a- I

12:38

mean, Kareem is, you're with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Kareem,

12:41

yes. And he told me the secret to the

12:43

sky hook. Just want to let you know. But Kareem

12:45

is like,

12:46

he's so tall. Yeah. No,

12:48

like for real, like, you know you- Seven too. I

12:50

know. And I was standing by him and I was like, goddamn.

12:53

You feel small. Yeah, I felt tiny

12:55

as hell. And I had the nerve to say to

12:57

him, like I will block you out. He

13:01

just looked at me like, should

13:03

we get your motherfucking ass away from me? Did

13:08

he say he was gonna do our show? He said you asked him? Yes,

13:11

yes. We just have to hook up with him today. Yeah, I would

13:13

love to have him in here so we can ask him all the questions.

13:16

But he

13:16

said the secret to the sky hook is big

13:18

hands. Big hands. He said so many people

13:20

try to learn it, but they don't have big enough hands. And

13:23

he showed me his hands.

13:24

Oh my God, that dude's an alien. It

13:27

was like, my hand was like in the palm

13:29

of his hand. My whole hand was in the palm of

13:31

his hand. Well, it's not only big hands,

13:33

but he's got, he's leaning away from the guy

13:35

and he's taller than everybody. He

13:38

said the fact that my hands are so big, you

13:40

can hold the ball any type of way you want, I do got this

13:42

long arm. He said, and then I lean. Wow,

13:44

yeah. It's like, wow. It's

13:46

genius, can't block it. It's genius, you can't block it. And

13:49

so the atmosphere, and I hate to

13:51

say this because I love everybody there, but.

13:53

Mm.

13:56

Weird. It was weird

13:58

only because I felt like Like some of the comics

14:00

that were there were there and...

14:05

They just wanted to be seen. Shouldn't

14:07

have been there. I don't know if shouldn't

14:10

have been there is the word that I want to use. I

14:12

want to just say that...

14:16

It's just like, cause I don't want to say cause

14:18

I don't want to... I don't understand. Let me just ask a couple

14:20

questions. Was everybody who ever, if

14:22

you were in LA and you were working at the comedy store

14:25

and you were passed at the comedy store, you were allowed to come

14:27

down and hang, was that the vibe, you know? or it

14:29

was just invite only. No, I didn't see any

14:31

regular comics. If they were there, they were maybe outside

14:34

in the parking lot or whatever, but everything was filled with

14:36

production stuff, so they wasn't having too many

14:38

people there. Oh, okay, okay. It wasn't too many people.

14:40

It was just the people that came to the shows and stuff. But

14:43

what I'm saying is... I'm

14:46

not picking it up. I'm trying to say it for

14:48

you. I'm gonna say it, and then we'll decide

14:50

if we cut that shit out. But I feel

14:52

like there was a lot of past-day prime

14:55

comedians there. And I feel like

14:57

the stuff that they were trying When

14:59

I went out, the things that they were, Arsenio

15:01

was actually great. Arsenio was great because Arsenio

15:04

gets it. Does that make sense? But everybody

15:06

else was still in some stuck-on

15:08

shit. Like, I can't explain it. Like,

15:11

I love Dana Carvey, but he did Joe Biden.

15:13

And I was like, we didn't need that. Oh,

15:16

you're talking about

15:16

the after show or? No, this was the

15:18

before show. I was like, we didn't need

15:20

that. We didn't need that. JB was funny as fuck

15:22

though. JB did this bit about

15:25

not having his seat. Like, he kept, it was really

15:27

funny. It was very funny. JB was

15:30

hilarious. But it was like some of the stuff

15:32

that was in there, I was just like, okay, so they're

15:34

Chris's friend, that's why they're here. You

15:36

know, that's why they're here. Well, that's the whole idea. Yeah, okay.

15:39

Well,

15:41

I mean, look, they're also contemporaries.

15:43

You know, Chris is 58 years

15:46

old. You're gonna see a lot of people 58 years

15:48

old. Yeah, absolutely right. And I took that into consideration.

15:51

I really did. I did. I just wish that

15:53

we would...

15:55

What'd you think of the special? Oh,

15:58

me myself? Yeah. was hilarious.

16:00

I laughed my ass off. There was some, but

16:03

I'm, you know, I'm just, maybe I'm, I

16:05

don't know, maybe I'm just a couple. I

16:07

just love some of the stuff he did. Yeah. He has

16:11

a lot of stuff he, when he hits, he hits big. That's,

16:13

that's for me. Makes great points.

16:16

Yeah. All the points he made. I love

16:18

the, um, there was one joke he did. And I was

16:20

just like, that's funny. Yeah. Oh, the, the

16:23

thing about Beyonce, uh,

16:25

working at

16:26

Burger King, you know, and

16:29

like, uh, and Jay-Z working at Burger

16:31

King. Beyonce working at Burger King, she's the hottest chick

16:33

he's ever seen. Oh yeah! She was working at Burger

16:35

King. Yes! And but if Jay-Z, he could get that!

16:38

Yeah.

16:39

Yeah. Was really funny. So when he

16:41

hits, he hits, he's very as good as anybody. I like some of

16:43

the stuff he was doing. I loved it actually. My

16:45

only criticism of this is the same criticism I

16:47

tell you all the time. Like these guys do,

16:50

if he sat with it for two years,

16:53

some of that stuff wouldn't be in there and he would

16:55

be able to see what the world is, You

16:58

know he would have been a little more it would have been

17:00

more polished as far as like not

17:02

flubbing the last joke or you Know

17:05

or some of the stuff is like other

17:07

people do selective outrage

17:09

itself is Already

17:11

sort of what do you mean? That's

17:14

the name of the title of the okay, but he's talking about

17:16

select people having selective outrage It works for

17:18

Wilson the Will Smith thing the narrative of

17:20

the show Yeah, I'm saying again if he would

17:22

have run it for another year the

17:24

same thing it probably would have been a different set.

17:27

I think it would have been better. But see, see what this

17:29

is. But you don't have time. He doesn't have time to do it. I was just going

17:31

to say like that shit would have been dated then. And

17:33

then you got to like to me as an artist

17:35

for him to come out and do it live. I thought it was brilliant.

17:37

I thought I loved

17:40

I loved when he said the Meghan Markle. Yeah,

17:42

that was great. Like this in law shit. It's

17:44

like that stuff. It's I

17:46

like to say and at the end

17:48

of it, him venting about will.

17:51

To me, this is what I want to tell everybody. Comedians.

17:53

Are you going to do it at the end? Yeah.

17:54

You're gonna do it in the fucker of the week, so

17:56

I don't wanna say it. Awesome, awesome. Look,

17:58

he had to do it now.

18:00

He had to say that stuff now and

18:02

the way he presented it, yeah, I didn't need the pre-show,

18:04

I love you, but I didn't need the pre-show and I didn't need

18:06

the post-show, but just a little

18:08

bit. If you would have come out, told that story and said, and

18:10

ladies and gentlemen, Chris Rock, I was good. You

18:13

know, nothing against Ronnie or anybody, like come

18:15

on, man. Like you would have come out and said, you're

18:18

in for a great treat. Let me tell you

18:20

a quick story and then boom, let's go to Baltimore,

18:22

here's Chris Rock. And at just good night,

18:25

you know, and like bye, that would have been enough

18:27

for me. But they make it into an event

18:29

like the Super Bowl.

18:30

CC, but I don't think Chris had anything to

18:32

do with that. No, I'm sure Netflix. It's all

18:34

Netflix. I'm sure, well look, once they

18:36

pay you, like probably whatever he made, 10, 15 million

18:39

dollars, whatever he made for that. Once they do

18:41

that. He did not make 10, 15 million. What?

18:43

I don't know. Do you think Netflix would pay somebody 10

18:46

or 15 million? No? I don't know. No, baby. He

18:48

didn't make that much. No. He probably made a good night, but he

18:50

made 10, 15 million. All right, well, whatever he made, they get

18:52

to, you know, once they say that, we're gonna put a whole thing

18:54

in front of it, make it a whole special and make it like an event.

18:57

And it was, cause people were running, I was running home to

18:59

try and catch the

19:00

middle. Everybody watching though, definitely. It got

19:02

the views. It got the views. It got the views.

19:04

Hey, good for Chris, right? And I like Chris, yeah. And

19:07

I feel like that's something, who else has done

19:09

that? Who else has done that? I think Chappelle,

19:11

maybe? Did he do a live one? I don't think he did

19:13

a live one. No, I'm not doing a live

19:16

one. I'll tell you that. I would do a live, I would do it. You

19:18

would do it live? Mm-hmm. Oh

19:20

yeah. Cause you know I'm crazy. Yeah,

19:22

you just have the camera crew just watch it be sweat to

19:24

death. You in hell, yeah, man, I love that shit.

19:27

But I would have did two shows, though.

19:30

Well, to edit it into one. Yeah.

19:33

We'll be right back right after

19:35

this. ["I'm Not Gonna Give You Up"]

19:40

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19:43

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19:45

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20:50

And we are back. Yeah,

20:52

that's funny. We did, we went bowling

20:54

as a family. And I, that

20:57

was my first question. You went bowling as a family? Yeah.

20:59

So you, Gina, and Birdie? Birdie, and we took another mom,

21:02

dad, and kid because it's Birdie's friend. You know

21:04

what? Fuck. Oh my God, you love bowling.

21:07

Fuck you. I knew you loved bowling. And how dare you

21:09

do it without me, you motherfucker. We can go

21:11

again while you're here. No, no, no, no, no, it's not, I don't

21:13

wanna go back. You weren't in town. No, I wasn't the first one. No,

21:16

I wasn't the first one you went bowling with. We've been

21:18

bowling before, but that's Birdie. Do you have like

21:20

bowling shoes? No, no, no, no, no, no. You have your

21:23

own bowling ball? I used to when I was a kid. Really?

21:25

Yeah.

21:26

That was the thing. Was it a kid bowling ball? No, no,

21:28

it was a real bowling ball. It was probably like,

21:30

I think I got it when I was like 12, 13, so it was

21:32

like 100 and, I mean, it was like

21:35

probably a 12 pound, 13 pound ball, so

21:37

it wasn't a full 16. So then you could really

21:39

bowl then? I was decent. I'm

21:42

not that good. Then why would you have a bowling ball if you weren't decent?

21:44

Well, it was a whole thing, because my, I told

21:47

the story, my mom who has no athletic bone

21:49

in her body, She worked at Two Pen Plaza,

21:51

which is the garden where you're going to. She worked

21:53

in that building in the high rise. And

21:56

on lunchtime, they used to have a bowling alley

21:58

there and they used to film bowling. for dollars

22:00

there. Remember Bowling for dollars? That was a great

22:02

TV show. I love Bowling for dollars. And

22:05

so now it's not there anymore. Now it's like

22:08

the felt, it was the felt forum. They do wrestling

22:10

there and now it's, I don't know what it is now. It

22:12

was like a little theater. But where you go bowling

22:15

now? Well, now there's bowling

22:17

alleys all over New York. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh yeah, there's

22:19

one in Port Authority. There's one on 42nd

22:21

street. There's one in Chelsea Pierce. Okay.

22:24

Okay,

22:25

so anyway, my mother who worked in that building

22:27

And lunchtime, the

22:28

whole group, the bowling

22:31

was big then, so the whole group would go to

22:33

lunch and they were like, we need one person because

22:35

they bowl against other departments. And

22:37

so my mother, they were like, we need one for our team. And

22:40

she's like, I'm not doing that. You know?

22:42

And she's like, come on. And next thing you know, she comes

22:44

home, ah yeah, they're making me go bowling. And all

22:46

of us are like,

22:48

bowl? You get to bowl at lunch? We're

22:50

freaking out. So now my mother who again

22:53

bowls maybe 100, she goes, I'm

22:55

embarrassing our team. so can we go on

22:57

the weekend? So we all went as a family bowling,

23:00

and now we all fell in love with it. So now, can

23:02

I get my own ball? Whatever, so I joined

23:04

the bowling league with my friends, so and

23:06

then we took her, so I joined the bowling league,

23:08

she got me my own ball, so I had my own ball. It was,

23:10

I mean. Yeah, it's such a cute story. It's

23:13

about your family. Yeah, that was fun, yeah, that was fun. So we

23:15

went bowling. So fucking innocent. I'm fucking

23:17

so shit.

23:18

Yeah, but I beat Gina, so that's

23:20

all I care about. Now I got through it at 157. Yeah,

23:22

my okay ball really well. But get this one. This

23:25

is my highlight of the day. I

23:26

knocked down the six seven split

23:29

which is

23:30

Very close to ten to

23:32

ten seven ten split You know what Gina was

23:34

doing while I knocked down that six seven split which

23:36

is about a point eight percent chance for

23:38

pros Okay, just that's how lucky

23:40

I got she was filming the giant pretzel

23:43

they bought for the kids I

23:45

mean everybody in the whole place went nuts. I look

23:47

up my wife goes. I missed it.

23:49

I missed it I missed it. I

23:51

missed it Why? Because they took a picture

23:53

of you doing it. So no one has a picture

23:56

of you doing it. No one has a picture of you doing it.

23:58

400 pictures of birdie rolling it down

24:00

God damn Gina, you had one fucking

24:02

job Gina! You

24:03

had one fucking job! And then I got to give

24:05

it to her, she murdered me again at Papa Shot. Can

24:07

you Papa Shot? You know the basketball, that little stupid

24:10

arcade game,

24:11

the little basketball game? Wow, I'm surprised you didn't beat her as

24:13

much as you talked shit. I do talk shit,

24:15

but the thing moves. I don't know, she's like

24:18

a savant. Did she used to play basketball? Yeah.

24:20

Yeah, so that's it. No, no, real basketball, she has no

24:23

chance of ever scoring, ever. There's defense involved.

24:25

Oh, you're a dickhead. I am a dickhead.

24:27

You don't fucking know. Gina could play. You're a

24:29

dickhead. I'm gonna tell you right now, my wife and I play

24:31

basketball, I'm not letting her score. It's zero. That's

24:34

because you're a dickhead. You're

24:36

a fucking dickhead. I hope that you do play

24:38

your wife and I'm on your team because I'm gonna file the fuck out

24:40

of you. I'm

24:41

gonna file your motherfucking ass, bitches.

24:44

That whole weekend with Birdie, so we did that, and then

24:46

we did this candy thing. They have these things for kids you

24:48

can pay and create candy. They

24:50

take them in into one room and do a candy

24:53

thing. It kills a day. Gina

24:55

went and got a haircut, so I had to do something with Birdie. I

24:57

took her to this. It was a great activity. And

25:00

sugar. I know sugar. And then on the

25:02

way home, we stopped at the comedy cellar and I took those

25:04

pictures of her on stage. Yeah, I don't think I like that

25:06

you took her into that dingy disgusting

25:08

ass club. It's a fucking dingy ass disgusting

25:11

club.

25:11

She's a child. You

25:13

let her put her mouth to that

25:16

mic. She didn't lick the mic. We

25:18

washed her hands before. You don't

25:20

know how many people got herpes and shit. You

25:23

don't fucking let her touch that fucking mic. You

25:25

let your child touch anything in that comedy club. Oh,

25:28

you are the worst. Come on. Then she had a hamburger

25:31

fries watch the like the Charlie

25:34

Chaplin movies in that place. She had a great

25:36

she had a great day an eight. Yeah Yeah,

25:40

we had lunch that's why

25:41

we went there not to take the picture Okay,

25:44

I was like this is where daddy works gave her a nice little tour.

25:46

She won't remember any of it She's not gonna did she was she

25:48

impressed at yeah. Yeah, she loved it She

25:50

but she when she was holding the mic she had that

25:52

thing with like with you scared out

25:54

of her mind So you know what she does, you know what she does.

25:56

She just starts smiling. She just starts smiling. Like,

25:59

eh.

26:00

That's why it's such a great picture because she's like, eh,

26:03

she's just frozen. She just started smiling. It's

26:05

so funny, Jordan Jordan. She literally just

26:07

freezes Sheriff Hoeface. Her whole

26:09

face be like this. Oh.

26:11

It's like so funny.

26:14

It's very cute. And then it's like,

26:16

take them slowly, put them on the microphone.

26:18

I'm holding her the whole time I came over the house, and

26:21

I'm holding her the whole time. The whole time she's

26:23

like this.

26:23

Yeah. But we have a picture of funny that when

26:26

she was three months old, so tiny,

26:28

Leslie came, we took Leslie to lunch, and

26:31

we put, we put Birdie in

26:33

her hands, and Leslie has that same face, like,

26:35

I'm gonna drop the baby. I'm gonna drop the baby. The smile.

26:38

Because the baby was so white. He

26:40

was such a white ass baby. And

26:42

then up against me, it's just so white.

26:45

And then it's a little baby. I was like, oh, get

26:47

this white baby out of my hand. Oh

26:50

my God. All right, we'll be right back with white

26:52

baby Tommy Latch

26:53

right

26:54

after this.

27:02

The last thing you want to hear while listening to

27:04

your favorite podcast is another gimmicky

27:07

ad. NJM feels the same way. It's

27:09

why they provide award-winning service without

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the use of mascots or repetitive jingles.

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even save on your auto insurance. Better

27:19

service than possible savings? Sounds like

27:21

a win-win. No jingles or mascots,

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27:30

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27:32

As if the McChrisspy

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couldn't get any better, Bacon

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and Ranch just entered the chat.

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The Bacon Ranch McChrisspy. Available

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27:52

Welcome back to

27:53

the show everyone! Now it's time for

27:55

who the fuck is this?

27:57

Who the fuck is this?

27:59

Well, we- Welcome and interview special guests

28:01

on the show today We have

28:04

one of the bookers of comedy in

28:06

New York City has been the general manager

28:08

and club booker at the comic strip Live in

28:10

New York City for over 10 years He's

28:12

also the sound guy a repairman bartender

28:14

if need be and can do 10 minutes if you really

28:16

need him to Please welcome Tommy

28:19

Latch What's

28:21

up, buddy? Your last name was

28:23

latch. I know I know I didn't

28:25

even realize you remembered. Yeah Well,

28:28

it's just in my phone as Tom

28:30

e yeah, Dash. Yeah, yeah,

28:32

Mr. E. Mr. E Yeah,

28:35

mr. E welcome mr. E and that's

28:38

all you know why it's mr. E because the club

28:40

soda Kenny Norton remember that guy you know club

28:42

soda Kenny Norton's guy that talks like

28:44

this he goes I go it's Tommy.

28:47

He goes by Tommy goes hello, mr. E So

28:50

he calls mr. E Tom e Oh

28:53

Tom II Yeah,

28:56

so now he's been mr. Ian my phone. I was my stage

28:59

name

28:59

Tom II Tom II that's it.

29:01

You didn't go by last name, no That's

29:04

why I'm here. How long were your comedian

29:06

before you were did

29:08

what you do now?

29:10

How long did you do stand up for I

29:12

did it when I was when I I did it in the early

29:14

90s Yeah, me and JR who

29:17

was also works the globe and then I quit

29:19

and then did it 2004. And

29:21

then how did you hook up with? But I was already working at

29:23

the club. The reason I started doing it was because I was watching all

29:25

the open mics. I was like, I can

29:28

do this man. I can do this again, you know.

29:30

And then it went pretty well. Yeah, I

29:32

did good. Well, I did fine. But I didn't have

29:35

the drive. I'm not that

29:36

come watch me. I'm funny. Put me up. I'm funny. Are

29:39

you a funny enough for Lisa Lampanelli to take you on

29:41

the road? Yeah. That was good. Something. Yeah,

29:43

it was something. Would

29:47

you like to elaborate? It was a nightmare.

29:49

It was fun at first, then it was just an absolute

29:52

nightmare. Why was it a nightmare?

29:53

Cause, you know, she's

29:56

a nightmare. I

30:00

don't know her like that. There was two of her. There

30:02

was friend Lisa and then business Lisa.

30:05

And then when you had to deal with business Lisa, it was

30:07

a nightmare. The first time I

30:09

ever went and opened up for her, we did this little theater

30:12

in Connecticut or something. My first

30:14

time. And I'm like, oh, this is awesome. Whenever.

30:17

And we get there and they spelled her name wrong on

30:19

them, Marquis. And we're in the

30:21

dressing room or waiting room, whatever. And she's like, can

30:24

you go wait outside? I was like, yeah.

30:26

Slams the door and starts yelling at this

30:28

guy.

30:29

I was like, what the fuck did I get myself

30:32

involved with? Oh boy. Like letting

30:34

them have it. Like I was like, what? Wow.

30:37

But it was fun too. It

30:42

was just you and her everywhere you went? No, there was

30:44

always another like an opener. It

30:47

was like I would open and there was a middle and

30:49

then.

30:50

And how long did you get? How long did you?

30:52

Two years. And then that was that's the

30:54

end of comedy for you? You're like, no, I kept doing

30:56

it. Oh, okay. with her

30:59

anymore, but then I kept doing it in

31:01

the city. And then once I started

31:03

managing... Well, how did that come about? Like, how did

31:05

you decide to... Who offered

31:07

you that job?

31:08

Jeannie. Oh, at the con... The owner

31:11

of the... Well, I mean, I was already working at the club as a job.

31:13

I was the phone guy from 2004. That

31:16

I remember. Yeah, until like 2013, then... When

31:19

Lucifer was there? No, I was there right

31:21

when Lucian... Lucian Hold was dying. Lucian

31:24

Hold was the general manager of the... Lucifer. with

31:26

the comic strip from whatever,

31:29

late 70s to 2004. And

31:32

apparently Leslie didn't like him. Apparently

31:34

no one liked that motherfucker. Leslie,

31:37

who you know like Lucifer? Just not my

31:39

cup of

31:39

tea. Go fuck him yourself you fucking

31:42

leprosy having ass bitch. Fuck

31:44

him. So Leslie was thumbs down on Lucian. He

31:47

died exactly how he's supposed to have died. Piece

31:49

by piece. Yeah, he had

31:52

a disease called scleroderma. It

31:54

was leprosy. And God was getting

31:56

him back for all the evil. Body parts would

31:58

start to fall off. That's lepra

32:00

Okay, yeah My

32:03

love so his fingers wouldn't fall off so you were there

32:05

for Lucian. What did what's your experience with Lucian

32:08

home? Oh, you

32:09

didn't like me around Probably

32:16

straight-up Jewish white motherfucker well now I

32:19

mean he was he'd said some crazy stuff to me

32:21

too, but I live close to him So if he

32:23

needed something I would go over there and help him out if you need

32:25

a finger God, are you serious?

32:27

Computer, he had to do everything on the computer side I

32:30

hate you for that. Yeah.

32:31

I hate you for that. Or you can't say no. Well, why wouldn't

32:34

you tell him, though, why you fixing this computer? He's

32:36

a dick. No, seriously.

32:39

Hey, hey, hey, hey,

32:41

I got this done for you. But

32:44

hey,

32:44

I just wanted to mention something real quick. Why

32:46

are you such a dick? Like,

32:48

you fixing this fucking computer, he needs you.

32:51

I don't know why y'all don't be saying shit. No, I got a-

32:54

I had no problem telling motherfuckers because when they was foul. I

32:56

have a funny story about that. I was fixing his computer.

32:59

I was under his desk fixing

33:01

the computer, and he's in the other room. He

33:03

has a computer room, so I was in

33:05

his back room, and I'm under the desk, something went

33:07

wrong, so I'm rewiring

33:09

something. And I hear him in the other room, he's talking

33:11

to Aspen Comedy Festival about

33:13

a few people, and then he's really nice and brings

33:15

up my name, right?

33:16

This brings up my name, because apparently I'm fixing

33:19

the computer under his desk. So then he comes

33:21

in and he's like, And they did mention you, but

33:23

they seemed to not buy

33:25

your persona as a computer programmer.

33:28

And I'm like, you know what I'm doing right now,

33:30

right? I'm under the desk fixing

33:33

the computer, you know, like they didn't. I

33:35

don't know. I was I was friends with

33:37

so many comments that would go and get they fucking hard

33:40

broken by him. Oh, Mike B. I mean, he

33:42

used to drive Mike B crazy and

33:44

fucking Nicky Carr. I went with her one time because

33:46

I used to always ask these people because

33:48

Jim I had some kind of crazy thing like

33:50

that too. And I used to ask these comments,

33:53

why would y'all let these motherfuckers tell

33:56

you what these motherfuckers like, Like

33:58

Jamie wanted to be a comedian. so

34:00

he couldn't, so that's why he started booking. I

34:02

would never, there's a line

34:04

out the line with the new jacks that have to sit and talk

34:06

to him while he's in a chair. Do

34:08

you think I actually would get in that line? So I never got in that

34:11

line. So he never liked me, because I was like, I

34:13

don't fucking- You kissed the ring, yeah. You a piece of

34:15

shit. Like, why the fuck would I kiss your ring? You fuck,

34:17

fuck, you a fuck, asshole. Fuck

34:20

you, motherfucker. Like, listen. He's at the laugh

34:22

factory. He's at the When

34:25

I started comedy, I came from dope dealers, crackheads,

34:28

I came from the hardcore motherfuckers.

34:30

So when I got into this business and

34:32

people tried to be hardcore, I'd be like motherfucker.

34:34

You're a bartender I'll beat

34:37

your ass with your bottles motherfucker. You

34:39

are Booker in a goddamn That's all you are

34:41

you not a fucking gangster that they would try to

34:43

act like a gangster So Lucian my friend

34:46

Nicky Carr went to went to

34:48

audition Nicky comes out in tears because I ain't even

34:50

going to club

34:51

I didn't go in the club cuz I didn't even like seeing

34:53

him. Yeah, because I was just like

34:56

go fuck yourself I used to, I literally would,

34:58

he would be like, who I fuck off, you don't

35:00

need to know who the fuck I am. Bitch, I ain't never doing this

35:02

club. Literally, I would tell him that. So

35:04

Nikki comes out and she's crying, and I'm like, why

35:07

you crying? And she was like, he told me that,

35:10

you know, people

35:12

are laughing at me more than with me. Oh,

35:15

I went back in there and I said, what the fuck does

35:17

that mean, bitch? She's a fucking comic.

35:20

If they're laughing, that's what you're supposed

35:22

to be doing. That's why I'll never do this bitch

35:24

ass club. You a bitch. We'll

35:27

cut to 20 years later. Listen, he'll be appearing at

35:30

the comic strip this week. And I'll be

35:32

at the comic strip this week, because

35:35

that motherfucking dead now. He

35:37

dead as fuck, so now I can

35:39

go in there. Yeah, yeah,

35:42

Jordan, cut it off. I'm going to fuck.

35:44

Well,

35:47

yeah. He has no say anymore,

35:49

for sure. No, but for real, like, this is the

35:51

thing. Then it gets so mad at me

35:53

when I be like really honest about the

35:55

way that I feel about people, because I'm

35:58

not scared. Y'all motherfuckers

35:59

be s- to tell people who are shitty

36:01

to other people that you shitty motherfucker.

36:04

Well here's the thing, there's only a certain

36:06

amount of clubs you could work at the time in New York City

36:09

and at least the one

36:11

thing they had at the comic strip I will say back

36:13

in the day, they had a system of how to

36:15

pass the club. What, go ahead.

36:18

For white comics, y'all

36:20

had very few places. Me

36:23

as a black comic, I worked three or four clubs

36:25

a night. Oh there you go. Do you get what I'm saying?

36:28

I wouldn't give a fuck about the white clubs because

36:30

if you're not gonna book me, fuck you, I can make $150 over

36:33

here in this room. So

36:35

I think white comics stuck to the

36:38

seller. And what was the other one? There was

36:40

another one, New York Comedy Club. Gotham, New

36:42

York. And what was the other one? There was

36:44

a bunch of Boston.

36:45

Boston and then New York Comedy Club. At

36:47

Stand Up New York. Stand Up New York, yeah. They used

36:49

to fuck with them. And you could just see

36:51

the depression on these motherfuckers face because

36:54

you don't go up. Come

36:55

do some of these other rooms, but you don't wanna do these other

36:57

rooms because you don't think they're good enough. Well, I

36:59

was good enough to, lucky

37:01

enough, to pass everywhere,

37:04

but it's not like they were throwing spots out,

37:06

so I'd have to run around the clubs. But

37:08

they all, the one thing Lucian had was, I

37:11

don't even know how he passed. You don't even know how he

37:13

passed. The one thing he had was leprosy. He was just

37:15

Monday night, you could try and pass the club. Black

37:19

gloves on, like he thought he was looking. Did you ever

37:21

actually audition for him? No, he never wrote.

37:24

She fucking finger, she never

37:24

wrote. No? Ever I did

37:27

strip before he seen me perform before but

37:29

he was too scared to talk to me I was why

37:32

why wouldn't he be? Cuz

37:35

I ripped it I ripped it and I dare you to tell

37:38

me I wasn't funny motherfucker I'll beat you

37:40

out the leprosy gloves you got on Fuck

37:47

him and I asked what a big dick at a rapid pace

37:51

Got like one The

37:54

figures flapping in the race somebody tell me what he would

37:56

golf

37:56

when he would golf the finger flap

37:59

of the one finger he's missing would flap as with

38:01

the golf club. Listen, and y'all didn't

38:03

make fun of that. I didn't golf with him. I would have

38:05

made fun of that. Oh, that

38:07

little bit of that little bit of finger don't throw

38:09

your head off, boy. That little flap finger

38:11

that little, little flap.

38:12

So he was like the

38:14

chick off of

38:16

a handmaid's tail. The one that got his finger

38:18

cut off, had that one glove. Man,

38:21

listen, I don't give a fuck. I

38:23

give no fucks. And trust me, that's

38:25

exactly how God gonna make me die. He gonna make me, all

38:28

my shit just fall off of me, Just because I did that today.

38:30

Just because you did that. Sorry, Lord. You know Lucian

38:32

was Lucifer. The point is, the

38:35

point is, all these clubs,

38:37

we'll get back to Tommy. That's exhausting. The point

38:39

is all these clubs are like little kingdoms,

38:42

and the people who run them are like the little

38:44

king and queen of that little kingdom.

38:46

And they don't, and he'll tell, Lucian would tell

38:49

you, I'm a big fish in a

38:51

small pond, and I like it that way.

38:53

And he was, he was the emperor of, he could

38:56

tell who passes and who doesn't, who gets

38:58

on stage and who doesn't. And they're all like that, from

39:00

Jamie Mestad in LA to the Booker,

39:02

Adam, Agat, Ben, LA, and when

39:05

it was that, Mitzi and Esty

39:07

and- What kind of fish? What kind of fin? This

39:09

is a fish. Is it a fish

39:11

with no fingers?

39:12

Is

39:14

it a pond with blackboard? Ah!

39:18

That's what it was! Yeah,

39:20

it's like that everywhere. What's

39:23

so unfortunate now is the way that

39:25

that happens now. Like back in the day, Like

39:28

real comics would get a chance, you know, you'd get a chance

39:30

to get up. You know, the bookers and

39:32

the people in the club cared more about

39:35

putting up good comics and stuff, but now

39:37

everybody get up. Everybody gets up. Yeah,

39:39

it ain't like it used to be. Yeah. Yeah,

39:41

everybody gets up. It's a little bit more liberal, but

39:43

in 2004, he passed away in 2004, and that club, I

39:46

gotta hand it to him, you know, he was great at marketing

39:49

or whatever he did. That club went down the

39:51

shitter quick. Yeah. Well,

39:54

talk about that. Yeah.

39:56

Like Gowan. there was three owners that didn't help and

39:58

immediately as soon as he dies

40:00

That was right when I first started working there. McGowan had

40:02

me in JR ripping out the booths

40:04

during Lucien's funeral. There were three owners,

40:06

John McGowan, Richie Tinkin, and

40:09

Bob Wax, and they all came

40:11

in. I'd never seen them since I

40:13

worked there from 99 to, with

40:16

Lucien years, from 98, 99 to 2004, and

40:19

then I'd never seen any of them, and all

40:22

three of them were there. And Richie Tinkin

40:25

wanted to take over the place, and Bob Wax

40:27

wanted to manage the place, And the

40:30

third guy wanted his bar back. He was a bar

40:32

owner, he was a bar man. So he

40:34

cut the bar in half and took out everything. He

40:36

didn't want the bar, he messed everything. He

40:38

didn't want comics hanging out. He

40:40

made it as uncomfortable as possible. Why?

40:43

I don't know, because the club was doing so well that

40:45

he didn't give a shit about the comics. He

40:47

just gave a shit about the money. And

40:50

he don't understand that the people was there for the fucking

40:52

comics. He's dead too. I hate

40:54

the fucking comics. No, club owners,

40:56

y'all got that shit fucked up. It

40:58

was amazing to me how club

41:00

owners can be so shitty to the people who make

41:02

them a show. Yeah, exactly, dude, it was nuts.

41:04

But the thing was that Lucian ran

41:07

this place such a McVellian

41:10

way that he ran everything. And while

41:13

he, yeah, he was crazy, but the club succeeded.

41:16

And those three guys basically did

41:18

not have to leave their houses and just collected

41:20

money.

41:21

That's how good he could do it. And they just wouldn't fuck

41:23

themselves off because they're fucking privileged

41:26

ass white men who think they know everything. And then

41:28

eventually Lucien dies and they all try

41:31

to get their cut. Well Bob wasn't around. No

41:33

but Bob, I met Bob, he came

41:35

back and he started managing people there. That was

41:37

in 2008, 2009?

41:40

It took four

41:42

years for these. Is that the one that destroyed the bar

41:44

in Atlanta? No McGowan. No McGowan destroyed the

41:46

bar.

41:47

Bob and

41:50

Richie, or Richie

41:52

and John ran the club. Bob was

41:54

in LA. He stayed in LA

41:56

the whole time. for a while. Yeah. really

41:59

good. But they all eventually came back to get

42:01

their hand and brought in Peter Shapiro

42:04

and it's very slowly started going down the toilet

42:07

Yeah, Richie got sick. So then

42:09

John was taking advantage robbing the place

42:11

blind just Shutting it, you know

42:13

ruined it cut the bar out took

42:15

out the boost Everybody's like the comics are gonna

42:18

be upset you're taking these booze out. Fuck them I

42:20

don't care because

42:21

he was like I can have people standing in

42:23

here waiting to get into the club buying

42:25

a drink Yeah, which they didn't do but he

42:27

didn't even he didn't even want them buying drinks

42:29

in there right didn't want them he wanted he goes he wanted

42:32

it to be just a waiting room and make the money in

42:34

the back crazy and just make it as long he turned

42:36

the cable TV off so the comics couldn't watch

42:38

sports I think there was a comic I

42:40

don't know who it was with reading a newspaper

42:42

in there and he ripped it out of their hands like smile fuck

42:44

them library oh no I would have

42:46

walked his ass he would have got his ass whoop but

42:49

he but he never really saw the comics

42:51

or anything he was only there during the day well

42:53

and then Richie was there at night and

42:55

Bob was never there but you the point is it's

42:57

slowly So where do you come in? What year? Start

43:01

managing after Bob died what

43:03

we were in 2013 Okay,

43:05

so it took so ten years late almost ten years later.

43:08

Yeah, wow, but I was doing comedy I didn't care

43:10

about that kind of stuff, but then I realized

43:12

fuck comedy. It's a pain in the ass I'm never gonna

43:14

make a living. I'll be a manager and then

43:17

once I started managing I

43:18

was still doing comedy for a little bit

43:21

and I couldn't concentrate was horrible because

43:23

I'd be up there looking and I'm like

43:26

why don't the table have any drinks why

43:28

is that waitress over there fucking off in the corner

43:30

what the hell is going on and then I'm trying to tell my

43:32

jokes and I'm like this is ridiculous but

43:35

and you again a steady paycheck to run a place so

43:37

absolutely hey there you go exactly I don't

43:40

have to go and beg everybody every day that I'm

43:42

good you also have a demeanor for you kind of calm

43:44

no yeah I tell you 90% of the comics

43:47

don't even realize a book like I

43:49

just like I just like I don't want and You

43:51

know, they just send in an email and it comes back right?

43:54

I'll walk right past people I book

43:56

every day and I have no idea who I am.

44:00

That works that's hilarious. Huh? There's

44:02

a beginning like genie was like, you know, let's just

44:04

keep it Let's don't let anybody know who's fucking

44:06

I'm like, well people are gonna know like you would know you know You

44:08

have to know but

44:10

you know forever be like who the hell's booking that place?

44:13

That is I don't want that people coming up

44:16

and you know begging or whatever Look,

44:18

I admire you for doing that. But you know,

44:21

you know, either you're funny or not Yeah, I'm

44:23

a sinner, but I'm gonna know about you if somebody else suggested

44:25

you that's what most people get and

44:27

then we have the lottery There's a lottery that we

44:30

do. Do you bring it? This is the lottery in place now?

44:32

Yeah Tuesday night we do

44:34

say okay. It used to be Monday every Monday

44:36

night There was a lottery you could it

44:38

happened twice a year. Sorry the

44:40

lottery happened twice a year You get a ticket you

44:43

come into the showroom. They put your name in a

44:45

book Like

44:46

and then you come back on that date you

44:49

audition for the club you go up with

44:51

you know And then if you pass you'd have to come

44:53

back the week later to talk to Lucian Or

44:55

and then if you'd like to then

44:58

if

44:58

he liked you then after the MC gave

45:00

you notes or whatever You passed the club.

45:03

Yeah, I went twice through Starla. Okay,

45:05

so star two weeks and I explained starlet So

45:08

starla was the house MC for from

45:10

like 2000 2004 maybe

45:13

and she the directive that Lucian

45:15

gave that host was If you pass

45:17

them to me and I don't like them or

45:19

I think they're terrible. I'm going to yell at

45:21

you Yeah,

45:22

so she was really hard on comics,

45:24

but he date. She doesn't know doesn't explain

45:27

that directive she just People

45:30

just screamed at her. You're not funny Why

45:32

are you telling me? I'm not ready because

45:34

you're not even fun, and they would scream on

45:36

the way out I mean they were clowns. I mean literal

45:39

clowns that would come in audition anybody could audition

45:41

I saw a guy in a KKK outfit

45:44

put a KKK hood a go on And he's like,

45:46

Anybody can get in that line. Anybody, junglers,

45:48

guitar acts. You can be

45:50

homeless and just walk up and get a date. If you

45:52

can get a date. That's how it is at the Communist Party. It's

45:54

crazy. So they were always stuck to it. They got a night like

45:56

that too. So it was just, oh sorry guys. Oh sorry guys. It's

45:59

really hard to pass it.

46:00

It was really hard to pass, but when you did, you realized

46:02

you're legitimate. You're, it took me like

46:04

three times, four times to pass. So you...

46:07

Really? Yeah. Ugh.

46:09

I couldn't pass Starla. I couldn't get to Lucian. I don't

46:11

even understand the word pass. Only place I passed

46:14

that was Comedy Store. That was it. And

46:16

then even then when they came and told me I passed, I

46:18

was like, bitch, I didn't know I was, I

46:21

thought I was just performing. I didn't know that this was what's up. Yeah,

46:23

they don't say I'm dead. They don't, I

46:25

thought, I literally, that's how green

46:27

I am. I'm thinking, is there some kind of ceremony

46:30

where he takes out a set there and I get down on one

46:32

knee and he says, you've passed the clip.

46:34

I'm like, nope. Yeah, you came under and was like, yeah,

46:36

start calling your veils. You pass. That's what

46:38

it means, you pass. Start calling your veils, you pass. I was like,

46:40

bitch, what? The fuck are

46:43

you talking about? Pass what? Fuck

46:45

outta here. I'm fucking auditioning for you

46:47

bitches. This is a fucking

46:50

comedy tour. Well, when you get the number, you

46:52

pass. That's always helpful, so. Well,

46:54

how's the Tuesday? Have

46:56

you found anybody from these two days? What

46:58

time does that happen?

47:00

It's just during the regular show on Tuesday.

47:02

You have a couple of pros and you put a four. I know, but

47:04

what time is it? Eight o'clock. Eight o'clock

47:06

to what, 10 or something like that? Yeah, and then like, you know,

47:09

we'll do two acts, then put up two auditioners,

47:11

then another act, and then two auditioners.

47:13

You find anybody good lately? Just two so

47:16

far. This month or this year? The whole

47:18

time. Oh, wow. But after,

47:20

you know, it's brutal now. I mean, it's COVID

47:23

fucked everything up, man. Everybody thinks

47:25

they're funny. Everybody the internet

47:28

they do dumb shit. Yeah, like doesn't even

47:30

there was this old lady like it's just

47:32

brutal man No, it was back then

47:34

too. I remember there was old ladies and

47:37

crazy people and Just

47:40

go get out we don't talk to them

47:42

and we have the host the

47:45

post just let them know if we're interested Well, we'll

47:47

come talk to them If not, we have their number

47:49

and we'll get back to them But

47:51

like it's just brutal don't you like to sit

47:53

through it like they did Lucian Nude is doing

47:56

because he had Starla watch that crap first so

47:58

it never got to him.

48:00

we just watch is a good system. Yeah.

48:02

You know what's so funny when comedy act theater, the

48:05

club owners just would, I remember Sharon

48:07

running comedy act theater, and if you wasn't funny,

48:10

she would come up to you and go, don't bring

48:12

your motherfucking ass back to my fucking club

48:15

until you get some fucking jokes. Don't

48:17

ever do that on my stage again. Oh, your feedback? We

48:19

didn't. And then Rico, Rico

48:21

would be nice about it. At Mavericks

48:23

Flat he would be like, you're

48:26

just a little bit,

48:27

you're not ready yet. made me go and, you know,

48:29

he was very nice about it. Me, I like

48:32

the fucking straight up approach. What

48:34

the fuck are you doing? Why are you on stage?

48:37

But wait, what if somebody was close? What would you say?

48:39

Like if somebody was close, like I was close a lot and they were

48:41

really nice about it. Like you're close. You should have been

48:43

past the first time, I'm sorry. Well, you know, they're

48:46

like, you're close, come back, you know, like keep

48:48

working on it and you're gonna pass. When

48:50

I look at the new jacks, I look at the seriousness

48:53

that they take about doing their set. If

48:55

they're up there and they're really concentrating on the joke

48:57

that they're doing. If they're up there with

48:59

this nonchalant, oh yeah,

49:01

I should have been a comic. If they do that,

49:04

I'm fucking done with you. If you

49:05

get up there with shit, you know that's not funny.

49:08

You know this is not funny.

49:10

You know that's not funny, you not laughing. But

49:12

you're telling a joke. Like when I first started

49:14

comedy, I didn't know that you had to write

49:16

jokes about, I was telling

49:19

jokes and that's why I wasn't funny. I

49:21

wasn't funny, I was just, they was like, yeah, you got

49:23

the stage, but what you're saying don't

49:25

make no fucking sense. That's what people

49:27

need to realize when you, if you wanna be a comic,

49:29

take the shit serious. Do one joke.

49:32

You don't, you're not supposed to have more than one joke.

49:34

You're supposed to have five minutes of material. Five

49:37

tight minutes of material that you can do and

49:39

get the fuck off stage. Yeah, it's brutal.

49:41

Dude, how about the people who, it's a five minute

49:44

audition, they take two minutes pulling the stool

49:46

out. Oh my God! Immediately, immediately.

49:49

See, I'm the type of person would be like, all right, turn

49:52

that mic off. Turn it away. I don't

49:54

even, turn the mic off.

49:55

You think you got time to sit down? What

49:57

are you doing? It's amazing. GIMME

49:59

COM that's, there's only maybe four

50:02

comics, maybe even less than that, that

50:04

I can say that can sit on stage

50:07

and do fucking comedy. When you

50:09

sit on stage, you piece of shit.

50:11

I hate it. It makes me crazy. Unless

50:14

it's a total act. Like I've seen people

50:16

do, this is one comment, I can't think of his name

50:18

right off top, but he started

50:20

on TikTok doing these little

50:23

videos. He's actually really, really funny.

50:25

So when he starts doing standup, he

50:28

tried to do it standing. Like he and

50:30

if the jokes wasn't hidden because he needed

50:32

to understand that his the way he did them

50:34

on the thing was him I said dude,

50:37

I've never told anybody this but I'm giving you

50:39

permission And

50:42

do your jokes and that not a kill but

50:44

see that's the only reason you should be doing it unless

50:47

you're somebody like Patrice O'neill yeah who

50:49

could come up there and fucking rip that motherfucker

50:51

apart because he's a beast Yeah, but

50:53

you're not supposed to be sitting your ass down like brand

50:56

new comics It's

51:03

tough to sell me that you're

51:06

Anybody who bring

51:09

beer and shit up on stage I used

51:11

to. Only though, but only though

51:13

because she was already doing it though. Anuja?

51:16

Anuja, you don't deserve a fucking drink

51:18

for five minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Especially

51:20

in auditions. Or like I'll be sitting in the back,

51:23

me and Jeannie will watch. We watch them every week. And

51:25

like the other auditioners that are waiting to go on will

51:27

start talking to you while other people

51:30

audition and Jeannie flips out.

51:32

She's like, how rude. Like, why? I'm

51:34

watching them. Now we're going to go talk during

51:36

your auditions. Let me tell you something. Missy?

51:39

motherfucking, you know, when Mitzi started getting kind

51:41

of sick, she was just like, didn't have the attitude.

51:44

Man, I remember Mitzi passed me. Mitzi

51:46

is the one who passed me. And when they came and told

51:48

me, I was like, whatever, this old woman passed, whatever.

51:51

So then they had this, they had the show for the

51:53

women of, of, of comedy stores back

51:55

in the day. Dude, I'm thinking it's like, I

51:58

want to say this is something like. 99, 2000, something

52:00

like that. It was a long

52:02

time ago, long time ago, but I remember the

52:04

comedians that are not comedians now.

52:07

They're so funny and they were like popular

52:10

then. And I was the

52:12

new Jack on the show. And

52:14

I ripped, I ripped, the other girls did,

52:17

they,

52:17

I don't know what jokes they were doing. I was like, in

52:20

my head when I was coming in, I was like, how would they

52:22

consider these women funny? Like, the

52:24

fuck they doing bullshit. So

52:26

I went up, I ripped, I mean ripped.

52:29

So I decided that I was gonna go over there

52:31

to Missy and say, hey, you know how you

52:33

doing? Thank you for the spot or whatever. And

52:35

I go, hey, Missy. She was like, why are you talking

52:37

to me? Really? Why

52:40

are you talking to me? Who are you? Why are you talking

52:42

to me? Yo, tell her to get the

52:44

fuck away from me. Like, no. And I

52:46

was like,

52:47

ah, okay. Okay.

52:51

I respected it. I honestly

52:53

respected it because I was like, that's what

52:55

I would have did. That's what I would have did. Why

52:57

are you talking to me, new Jack? She just fucking called you a vale's

52:59

in. But what's so funny though,

53:02

after that,

53:03

I was like, ah, and walked off.

53:06

After that, I think maybe two or three months later,

53:08

that bitch loved me. All right, she's

53:10

looking for you. She loved me after

53:12

that. I got a good

53:15

one. So I did a show in 99 out

53:17

in LA. My big break was, I

53:19

think it was 98, 99, was a

53:21

comedy showcase with Louis Anderson. Do you remember that show

53:24

out there? Louis Anderson, yeah, I remember that. So we all

53:26

flew out there to do that show. And that show

53:28

was crazy, that trip was crazy. That started

53:31

Norton working with Dice and

53:33

until he got the radio show. It's a whole thing,

53:35

very seminal

53:36

trip. But I went out there for that.

53:39

And Lucian, I

53:41

was getting like 11 o'clock spots at the club

53:43

before I left to work on it. And then

53:46

when I got that show, he was so proud, even

53:49

though I did love a clock, he would give

53:51

me like nine o'clock spots every night to

53:53

run that set, right? So yeah, for

53:55

like a week. Nice! At least for a week

53:57

leading up to it I got it. So I come back and I mean.

54:00

I was so grateful that he did that

54:03

and

54:05

I was passed to the club. I felt like I'm in the club

54:07

now. So he's sitting in one of the booths,

54:10

right? And I see him and it took me everything

54:12

I could to go up to him and go, Lucian,

54:15

I just want to say thanks for all the spots

54:17

you gave me to work up for the club. And

54:20

that was so great. It was so great working

54:22

at nine o'clock and I got to work out the stuff

54:24

and the trip was amazing. So thank you so

54:26

much for all the spots. And he just looks up from his Chinese

54:28

food and goes, Well, don't

54:31

get used to them.

54:32

And I very

54:35

slowly backed out. And I went back

54:37

to 11 o'clock. Oh my

54:39

God,

54:40

it was so classic. They

54:43

get you every time. Tommy, can you stay around

54:46

for, we're gonna play a game. Is that, can we do that? Absolutely.

54:48

All right, well, wait, what's the state of, give me, before we

54:50

do it, tell me what's the state of the club now? How do you feel

54:53

about it? Great, it's doing good,

54:55

man. What do you think about comedy period

54:58

right now though?

55:03

Well, has it changed since you've taken over? Have

55:06

you seen it changed? For the worst. Answer.

55:11

No, I told you COVID fucked everything up, man. So

55:13

it's like hard to find anybody new. And

55:15

then it's like, you know.

55:17

I see before I left, I started doing spots

55:19

there. Was it before? Yeah, that was the whole

55:21

question I wanted to ask. Leslie coming to town is

55:23

a big thing. 100%, absolutely. We

55:26

patch it out on a fucking Tuesday

55:29

and a Wednesday. And I love it because I go in there every time.

55:31

It's way more relaxed. I love that club because for

55:34

one, it's right down the street from my house. Two,

55:37

I swear to God, I do not

55:39

get stressed out at your fucking club.

55:42

Do you understand what I'm saying? Other

55:44

comics don't stress me out. The other

55:46

comics that be at the

55:47

strip are always

55:49

so nice. They're always

55:52

so nice to me. They're always so respectful. And

55:54

I'm not, listen, I'm gonna say this, y'all can

55:56

cut out and get fucked, but some of the comment is,

55:58

when I go to seller, I always need this.

56:00

Do the Lenny always be like, God

56:02

damn it. Why do you talk to them? Whoa, whoa,

56:04

whoa. Why did, cause they, it's just, I don't

56:06

know what the different atmospheres. Nobody's video tripping

56:09

at the concert. I know, but I don't, there's

56:11

a- Everybody knows like they are what they are.

56:14

Nobody's like, I'm this. There's also

56:16

less people that are there to do their job.

56:18

I always tell Leslie the leader to do job. And then there's

56:20

like, the spots are 20 minutes long. So there's not

56:22

too many hangers out there. There's no, there's not

56:24

five rooms that people have to run in. So the people

56:26

you book are really nice. and then she only has to deal

56:29

with way less people than she

56:31

has to. Yeah, we only have like six people on one show.

56:33

And also, if you don't like somebody, I've eliminated

56:35

their presence before you get here.

56:39

Oh, you didn't know? No, I think it's got bodies.

56:41

We have a few people that are not allowed

56:44

to show up when you show up. You mean it's a strip?

56:46

Yeah.

56:46

Yeah, that should be everywhere.

56:48

That's right. That's right. That's right.

56:51

Oh, man. All

56:54

right, we're gonna leave it there. Oh, my. I'm

56:57

gonna eliminate myself in a minute. We'll be right back

56:59

with Tommy Latche right after this. Oh my God,

57:01

that's so funny. Oh. Oh.

57:04

Oh. Oh. Oh.

57:06

Oh. Oh.

57:08

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

57:11

Oh. Oh.

57:13

Oh. Oh. Oh.

57:16

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

57:19

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

57:23

Oh. Oh. Oh. or

57:26

record a voicemail message and send it to fuckrepodcast

57:28

at gmail.com. That's fckrypodcast

57:32

at gmail.com. Okay,

57:34

this segment is called,

57:36

We're Doing a Fucking Quiz. Fucking

57:39

Quiz. Your

57:44

musical department's amazing. Yes,

57:47

this is a great musical department. We're gonna get a fucking

57:49

Grammy. Tommy Latch has decided

57:51

to take on Leslie in today's quiz, And the topic

57:54

is 90s music.

57:58

Oh, okay. 15 questions.

58:00

Whoever answers first, Jordan and Cassie

58:02

will keep score. And if I need Jordan,

58:04

our resident musician, to sing a few bars in case

58:06

you guys get stumped, she will. Okay, Jordan,

58:08

this is your moment, bitch. But we'll see. This

58:11

is your moment, Jordan. I don't think it's gonna be a problem. Here's

58:13

the quiz. Very simple. Whoever says

58:16

the right answer first. Tommy was born in

58:18

the 90s, wasn't he? I wish. Oh

58:20

my God. He's about our

58:22

age. He's about our little estimate.

58:24

We're still good. This is songs

58:27

of the 90s. I'm gonna give you the song

58:29

name

58:30

all you got to do is give me the band first one

58:32

who comes in with the band Song name, okay,

58:34

okay, okay, okay? 15 questions

58:36

okay, this is the easiest 90s No

58:38

it's not because I know these songs so No

58:41

because you don't know shit I don't know what yeah okay

58:43

It's easiest for the person with the answers in their hands Yeah exactly

58:45

bitch ass Alright here we go here we go Number

58:48

one smells like teen spirit Oh Nirvana

58:50

Nirvana Okay well Tommy

58:52

got it Alright number two mo money mo

58:54

problems Biggie Smalls Okay, listen,

58:57

you're not gonna beat me. Listen,

58:59

my head

59:00

don't work that fast. Biggest waltz. Come

59:03

on, Leslie, here we go. Number three, no scrubs. Oh,

59:05

TSC. Ooh, who we giving that

59:07

to? Sean. We tired.

59:12

Number four, wannabe.

59:14

Oh, shit. Ooh, I know that, I know

59:16

that, I know that, wannabe. Jordan,

59:19

can you please sing? She

59:21

don't know what that is. No, George

59:24

Chokin, I'll sing it if you want. No, Jordan's gonna

59:26

sing it. Oh

59:31

my God. Jordan? Jordan.

59:34

Isn't it? Don't say that. Isn't it? Don't

59:36

say that. If you're a vegan, my lover. Yeah. Oh,

59:38

Spice Girls. Yeah, Leslie Way's in. Good job,

59:40

Jordan. That was fucking great, Jordan. Good

59:43

job. You fucking star. There's a lot of Spice

59:45

Girls songs, so I was like, which one? I'll

59:48

tell you what you want, what you really, really want. That's what. I

59:51

didn't know it was called wannabe, though. Me neither. Wannabe.

59:53

I don't know, whatever. Number five, Wonderwall.

59:57

Oh, Oasis. Yes. What?

1:00:00

Oasis well go go ahead Jordan

1:00:09

Yeah, that's white people

1:00:11

shit Yeah,

1:00:15

don't you ever fucking do that to me again.

1:00:17

Say some goddamn teddy pinaigrezz you don't have any black

1:00:19

people in this I got I did it.

1:00:21

I actually broke them up at the half black half white.

1:00:24

You're such a racist Here

1:00:31

we go Gangstas paradise.

1:00:34

Oh cool. Yeah,

1:00:35

I thought Leslie won that one All

1:00:38

right, you ready Leslie we talked about this one this

1:00:40

week. All right fucked it up. Whatever here Here we go,

1:00:43

baby got back. It's not

1:00:44

even close. Wow. I got a big

1:00:46

stop. I got a big stop dad. That's

1:00:48

funny. How do you see nose tone look? That's

1:00:51

cool. Huh? Does it only see nose

1:00:53

tone look? That's

1:00:53

true. That's true. All right,

1:00:55

here we go. If it makes you happy. Oh, Jordan. Jordan,

1:00:58

sing it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

1:01:01

sorry. I'm

1:01:02

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

1:01:05

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

1:01:07

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

1:01:09

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If

1:01:13

it makes you happy,

1:01:15

I know the song I don't know who the hell it is that

1:01:18

it can't be

1:01:19

there If

1:01:24

it makes Third

1:01:31

grade And Nevada,

1:01:33

I know that song. It's a woman, right? Yeah.

1:01:36

If you make sure. Cheryl

1:01:38

Crew. I was going to say Cheryl Crew. Yeah, I was

1:01:40

going to say. That's the only white bitch I know in

1:01:42

the night. Oh, wow.

1:01:44

All right. This is a real white one. And

1:01:47

it was Lucian's favorite song. Lucian

1:01:49

listened to music instead of the devil's guitar. For some reason,

1:01:51

he liked this song. The radicals.

1:01:54

Yeah, it is.

1:01:56

You

1:01:59

get what you. Yeah, the actually

1:02:01

that it's the new rat new radical.

1:02:03

I have to remove that question. I was unfair. How did you know

1:02:05

that? Yeah

1:02:09

They did go

1:02:11

is a good do you know that song

1:02:14

don't let go you got a

1:02:16

reason to live yeah

1:02:41

Oh my god.

1:02:44

All right. That's great. been

1:02:47

answered every question. I know, that's dope. We'll

1:02:49

see everybody in hell, but we might as well finish to this

1:02:51

quiz. Might as well. All right, here we go, Leslie. This

1:02:53

is your, this is a shot. Unbreak

1:02:56

my heart.

1:02:57

Oh Tina, Tony Grexel. There you go. All

1:03:00

right, here we go, Leslie. I will always, I will

1:03:02

always love you. Whitney Houston, come on. There you go. All

1:03:05

right, here we go. Candle in the wind.

1:03:07

Oh, Elton John. Ooh, I'm gonna tie, I think

1:03:09

that's a tie. That's a definitely tie. Here

1:03:11

we go tears in heaven Clamping

1:03:14

yes Sun

1:03:22

falling out the window That's the tears in

1:03:24

him. It's beautiful. It's

1:03:26

sad. It's very sad. It's

1:03:28

the song of the year. It was everything of the year. His son walked off

1:03:30

a boat. That's so, that shit broke my heart. It's

1:03:33

crazy. Yeah. And he's a racist, so. He's

1:03:35

a racist? Yep. Fucking son.

1:03:38

Okay, I'm not gonna say fucking son, but

1:03:40

I'm just saying. He's not

1:03:42

helping himself these days, he'll

1:03:43

say that. No, he didn't help it at all. I'm just saying, oh my

1:03:45

God. You know, here's the reason I wouldn't

1:03:47

let my guy's son go out on the balcony. And

1:03:49

my back, it was very safe. And that's look

1:03:52

good. on the ground floor. All right, here we

1:03:54

go. All right, here we go. All right, here

1:03:56

we go. All right, Leslie,

1:03:58

you better know this one, Cause I didn't even know.

1:04:00

answer this I didn't even know and I've heard this song

1:04:02

about a billion times okay what

1:04:05

is love what is love

1:04:07

yeah I

1:04:09

wouldn't know the name either Who

1:04:12

sings that? Who sings that?

1:04:15

Who sings that? You

1:04:17

got it? I don't

1:04:19

know, take a shot No but that's a

1:04:21

good one it's hadaway Yes

1:04:25

That's his only song Yeah

1:04:30

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

1:04:32

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

1:04:32

Made a lot of money off that one song though. Yeah, he made a lot of money

1:04:34

off that song. Just from the movie and that's it all. Yeah.

1:04:37

For the look. All right, last one. No diggity.

1:04:40

No doubt. Black streak. Wow.

1:04:44

Black streak. And see, and I almost said the

1:04:46

other one that Teddy Riley had

1:04:48

and that would have been wrong. It was Teddy Riley and

1:04:50

Black streak. It was Teddy Riley, but he had another one

1:04:52

that used to do Rump Shaker, Rump Shaker,

1:04:55

Rump Shaker. That wasn't by the Black

1:04:57

streak though, but it was by somebody else. But yes,

1:04:59

Black Street. That's Black Street featuring Dr. Dre

1:05:01

and Queen Penn. Okay, give

1:05:03

me the total who, I think we know who won

1:05:05

that one. I think we tied on everyone. It

1:05:08

was really, really close, but Tommy

1:05:11

won. Yeah, Tommy

1:05:12

won. Hey Cassie, Cassie,

1:05:15

Cassie, you're fucking fired, okay? You're

1:05:17

fucking fired right now, okay? And I

1:05:19

don't think you counted that right. I don't think you was hearing

1:05:22

me come in. You can come

1:05:24

work at the comic store. Wow Cassie, that's some

1:05:26

real fuck shit, you know what I'm saying? I'm

1:05:28

gonna tell Judith that you didn't do what you're supposed to do.

1:05:30

I'm gonna tell Judith that you fucked up everything We

1:05:35

love Cassie, thank you Cassie We

1:05:38

could have recorded this shit, but this bitch named

1:05:40

Cassie Judith didn't even push play

1:05:42

like Judith is at the ambies will also

1:05:44

know if we won The next show

1:05:47

Tommy. Thank you so much for coming. Thank

1:05:49

you for having that was funny Thank you If

1:05:51

you want to go see comedy in New York City

1:05:53

and you can't get into the cellar of course where everybody

1:05:56

tries to go But you can

1:05:58

see great acts all the time. Auditioners,

1:06:01

the next one, you should be able to say this, you're like, if

1:06:03

you wanna see celebrities go to the Comedy

1:06:05

Store, but if you wanna see up and coming, great

1:06:08

talent,

1:06:09

this is the place, the Comic Street, that's what he

1:06:11

used to say. I need to start selling it as

1:06:13

Eddie Murphy's ex-home. Like Eddie Murphy used

1:06:15

to live at the Comedy Street. Yeah, but I feel like,

1:06:17

you know, we've lived in the past

1:06:19

for so long. Yeah, moving on. So,

1:06:21

the comic street live is 81st and 2nd here

1:06:25

in New York City. You can tell them it's my home. Enjoy,

1:06:27

yeah. And when Leslie's in town, So she's

1:06:29

home away from when I'm in town. That's where

1:06:32

I'm at. We'll be right back with

1:06:34

the fuckery of the week right after this.

1:06:46

Welcome back, everybody. Thanks, Tommy Latch,

1:06:48

for coming in. Now it's time for that part

1:06:50

of the show we like to call the fuckery

1:06:53

of the week. Fuckery

1:06:55

of the week. I will

1:06:57

go first this week Leslie

1:06:59

Leslie We work

1:07:01

with a lot of people we don't like You

1:07:03

know we just have to tolerate them production

1:07:06

companies agents assistants sometimes

1:07:08

drivers directors showrunners publicist

1:07:10

PA's I mean we've had all of them, but

1:07:12

when we get somebody good you and I like

1:07:14

to hold on to these people Yesterday

1:07:16

serious radio our parent company cut eight

1:07:19

percent of the workforce so out of five

1:07:21

thousand eight hundred sixty nine people in

1:07:24

the company, they cut 469, and one of them was

1:07:27

our board operator Dan Spaventa. And

1:07:30

look, I don't know what his responsibilities were outside

1:07:32

of our show, but we recorded 8 p.m. on

1:07:34

Tuesday nights here in New York, and that's a lot to ask

1:07:37

for anyone who wants a personal life. I

1:07:39

know he ran the Laugh USA

1:07:41

Network, he did everything we asked, he

1:07:43

ironed out our New York tech problems every single

1:07:46

time. That's what I know. And look, there

1:07:48

are a million reasons for this stuff at a

1:07:50

higher level. probably our salaries included,

1:07:53

but my God, Howard Stern makes $120 million

1:07:55

a year and is worth

1:07:57

a billion dollars. and don't even

1:07:59

get me

1:08:00

started on what the CEO of this company makes

1:08:02

and we wonder what is wrong with the world. But

1:08:05

here's what's most important for me.

1:08:06

He's a great guy. He's been here since

1:08:08

he was 22. He's a fan of

1:08:11

comedy. He roots for the shows he works on.

1:08:13

He came to the Daily Show because he loves the entertainment

1:08:16

business. He comes to watch us do stand-up

1:08:18

because he's a fan. Attention companies,

1:08:21

it's not easy to find good people who work

1:08:23

hard and actually care about their

1:08:25

jobs, figure out a way to grow them,

1:08:28

nurture them, educate them, and retain

1:08:30

them, or you won't have a company, you'll have

1:08:32

a mess. Fuckery. We're

1:08:34

gonna miss you, Dance Prevent. Send me that resume.

1:08:37

Leslie and I will help you.

1:08:39

And that was Lenny's

1:08:41

last day on The

1:08:44

Fuckery.

1:08:45

It had to be

1:08:47

said, we miss you. I

1:08:49

mean, he's a good guy, he was good at

1:08:52

his job for us. Yeah, I just

1:08:54

feel like sometimes company and I get it, they

1:08:56

look at that bottom line. I'd be wondering what

1:08:58

the line they are looking at because if you're

1:09:01

losing like,

1:09:02

okay, I know this might sound crazy, but

1:09:04

like a couple of million when you're making 100,

1:09:09

kinda don't understand, but. If hours

1:09:11

there makes $119 million a year, that

1:09:14

million dollars goes a long way, you

1:09:16

know? Like at least let them finish out

1:09:18

the shows for us. I mean, I just,

1:09:21

I don't, whenever I hear cuts,

1:09:23

budget cuts, I go, what is this about?

1:09:25

What is it about, really? And are

1:09:27

y'all cutting the right motherfuckers? Yeah, that's

1:09:29

a tough, that's a tough job too. Sorry,

1:09:31

Dan, I love you boo. Okay,

1:09:34

so, and then you know people gonna be like, well,

1:09:36

why y'all didn't get his job back? We're

1:09:39

working on it. We're working on it, you fuck dicks. We're

1:09:42

gonna help, bub. Didn't you just hear the fuckery of the week,

1:09:44

you fucking assholes? Sucks

1:09:46

dicks. I'm so

1:09:48

tired. I like how you speak for the

1:09:50

good and the bad people. You

1:09:54

don't know what people are saying out there. They're probably... I

1:09:56

know!

1:09:57

Okay.

1:09:59

you guys Okay, my fuckery of the week

1:10:02

is hypocrites. Oh, that's a good

1:10:04

one. So it's amazing to

1:10:06

me how everybody always has an opinion

1:10:09

of people's reaction or

1:10:11

how people react to things and

1:10:14

they never put themselves in that person's

1:10:16

shoes. So the Chris

1:10:18

Rock thing happened, his special

1:10:20

happened and there are all kinds

1:10:23

of reviews. And the most one that I

1:10:25

see is people like, oh, he need to get

1:10:27

over that. Oh, Will is spending,

1:10:29

he's spending time in his brain. He

1:10:32

has a spot in his brain. He need

1:10:34

to let it go. I mean, it's been a year. He

1:10:36

sound great. It's like, whoa, whoa,

1:10:39

whoa. Y'all

1:10:39

kill me with that shit. Y'all

1:10:42

kill me with that fucking hypocrite

1:10:44

shit. You're fucking bitches.

1:10:46

First of all, let me explain something to you. I

1:10:49

watch TikTok. I watch

1:10:52

Instagram. I watch Twitter

1:10:54

and all these social things. You motherfuckers

1:10:56

can't take shit.

1:10:58

So imagine if you got smacked,

1:11:01

not smacked, punched in

1:11:05

front of the world. We're

1:11:07

not talking about getting suck a punch in front of your girlfriend

1:11:09

or your fucking families or at job and shit. We're talking

1:11:11

about in front of the motherfucking

1:11:14

world, in front of his kids, in

1:11:16

front of his mom, in front of his

1:11:19

family, in front of his peers,

1:11:21

in front of the audience, in front of the people

1:11:23

who are watching,

1:11:25

that shit and then got replayed

1:11:28

over and over and over

1:11:31

and over again.

1:11:32

You telling me in your

1:11:34

wonderful heart of yours, you would

1:11:37

be like, whoa, I'm just gonna let it go.

1:11:39

You know, that happens, I'm just gonna let it

1:11:42

go. You bitch ass motherfuckers would still

1:11:44

be bitching about it. Y'all would bitch about it on Twitter.

1:11:46

You would bitch about it to your friends. You would send

1:11:48

messages, you would complain. You would do all

1:11:51

that shit. What the fuck do you

1:11:53

think Chris is supposed to do?

1:11:55

Is that the bigger person? Is

1:11:57

that the fucking bigger person? Because if If

1:12:00

he was a singer, he would write a song.

1:12:02

We hear songs like that. Shit, Taylor

1:12:05

Swift can't fuck nobody without writing a song

1:12:07

about her ex. She destroys

1:12:10

all her fucking exes, but y'all don't call her

1:12:12

bitter.

1:12:13

The fuck outta here. Beyonce, and

1:12:16

God bless Beyonce, nobody's saying nothing better about Beyonce,

1:12:19

Beyonce did Lemonade,

1:12:21

okay? She went through a town with a baseball

1:12:24

bat, bustin' shit. Y'all ain't had

1:12:26

shit to say about that. But then Chris

1:12:28

comes out and

1:12:29

fucking defends himself and says, yeah,

1:12:32

I got slapped by a motherfucker and talks

1:12:35

about it. Y'all got something to

1:12:37

fucking say. Shut your stupid

1:12:39

ass up. Shut your

1:12:41

stupid ass up. Because let me tell you

1:12:43

straight up, straight the fuck up.

1:12:46

Everybody who got something to say. Will

1:12:48

Smith was fucking wrong. I

1:12:51

don't give a fuck what

1:12:53

you put up for the defense for it. Oh,

1:12:55

he was defending his black queen. But he would know

1:12:57

he wasn't. He made a fucking fool

1:13:00

out of himself, and his family, and

1:13:02

black people, period. You

1:13:04

could've waited till after the ceremony and

1:13:06

stepped to Chris. Because see, when nobody gave

1:13:09

a fuck about us, fight

1:13:10

at an after party because we would've been trying to

1:13:12

figure out if the shit is true or not.

1:13:14

But you got your ass up.

1:13:17

You got your ass up, and

1:13:19

went and fucking stepped on a stage

1:13:21

and physically assaulted another

1:13:24

man. I don't give a fuck what

1:13:26

reason you had for it, bah. Oh,

1:13:29

my queen, you was laughing, nigga. I

1:13:31

saw you. And then she makes

1:13:33

a face. And let me say you some Jada,

1:13:36

Miss Pickett. You could have

1:13:38

had a bomb-ass fucking movie

1:13:41

role after that. How about play it all?

1:13:43

Hey, that's right, write that role. But

1:13:45

instead, y'all motherfuckers

1:13:48

did exactly what white people be expecting

1:13:50

us to do. You fucking went up

1:13:52

there and did exactly Why

1:13:55

the fuck they don't let us in that motherfucking

1:13:57

building? Are you fucking serious? and

1:14:00

And this man, who

1:14:02

didn't fight him back because I would have rolled

1:14:04

Will's back all the way off that stage, I

1:14:06

would have been fucking fighting him with the mic, I would

1:14:08

have fought his bitch, I'd have fought his fucking

1:14:10

kids.

1:14:13

Well, Chris handled that shit with

1:14:15

much grace in that moment.

1:14:17

Don't get mad at him, because now he's

1:14:19

expressing the shit that he had to

1:14:21

go to. Do y'all realize that this man had to

1:14:23

go to therapy with his children?

1:14:26

Because his children saw him get

1:14:29

hit

1:14:30

on national fucking TV?

1:14:32

Do y'all realize that? So

1:14:34

go fuck yourself, motherfuckers. If

1:14:36

you got something to say, cause you's a hypocrite,

1:14:39

you's a fucking hypocrite. And if you

1:14:41

got something to say to me, please

1:14:43

make sure that you defend yourself before you walk up

1:14:45

to me. Cause I'm that bitch

1:14:47

and I'm looking for it. I like to fight

1:14:50

and I don't give a fuck about being famous. So

1:14:52

please try me. Please try

1:14:55

me. Please walk up

1:14:57

on the stage when I'm on there. Please Please

1:15:02

It's my fuckery other week. That's great. Yeah

1:15:04

people like he should hit him back. He just did

1:15:07

that was it And that's how he hits back.

1:15:09

That's how he hits back, and that's how comedians and

1:15:11

then people go you shouldn't do that okay? Well, yeah,

1:15:13

yeah, yeah, he couldn't win because

1:15:15

if he would hit him back physically I would have said that

1:15:18

was wrong. Yeah, I'm gonna fuck us get on my nerves

1:15:20

you fucking hypocrite your hypocrites

1:15:22

hypocrites It's

1:15:23

hypocrites. And now I'm done with that. I

1:15:26

said it, but I said it. That's good. Leslie, we'll be here

1:15:28

next week. I'll get fired for

1:15:31

the dance piventa, but no, that's fine. Yeah, Colin's

1:15:33

going to fire you. Colin's going to be like, while

1:15:35

we just talk. And then this motherfucker

1:15:37

went and made a whole fucking speech. Jordan, Jordan,

1:15:40

Jordan is already there. And she pushed me, of course, she's going

1:15:42

to go take it. She's like, yo, did you not hear what?

1:15:44

Did you not hear that? Lenny just fucking called

1:15:47

you a fucking asshole? Wait,

1:15:49

I don't remember hearing that. Anyway,

1:15:52

that's our show for the day.

1:15:53

Send us your letters at fuckrepodcast.gmail.com.

1:15:57

Follow Leslie at Les Dog.

1:16:00

That's

1:16:00

L-E-S-D-O-G with three G's

1:16:02

on Twitter, four G's on Instagram,

1:16:04

and five G's on TikTok. Why,

1:16:06

Leslie? Cause I'm a motherfucking G

1:16:09

sign. If you want to follow me, it's Lenny Marcus, NYC

1:16:12

on all platforms. Jordan Duffy,

1:16:14

our audio engineer, has a music video

1:16:16

coming out. Yeah, Jordan! Called Wonder

1:16:19

Woman. So look for that, you can download it on

1:16:21

Spotify. And when this show, when

1:16:23

you listen to the show, it's out. So go find

1:16:25

it wherever you find stuff. I'ma sing a little

1:16:27

bit for you. Wanda Wanda,

1:16:30

Wanda, and then it

1:16:32

Wanda Wanda. Yeah,

1:16:36

that's it. That's gonna be a hit. Nailed it. The

1:16:38

fuckery with Leslie Jones and Lenny Marcus was created

1:16:40

by and stars Leslie Jones and Lenny Marcus.

1:16:42

Our producer today is Cassie Jerkin,

1:16:45

stepping in for Judith Kargbo.

1:16:48

Jerkin. Our audio engineer

1:16:50

in Los Angeles is Jordan Duffy. Our

1:16:53

New York City audio engineers are Jared

1:16:55

O'Connell and Corey Kesluck. Our

1:16:57

production coordinator is Abby Aguilar.

1:17:00

Music for the show is done by Marina

1:17:02

Pais. Pais! This is

1:17:05

an airwolf

1:17:05

production. Because

1:17:07

the wolf has ears.

1:17:16

A Fortune Forecast Update brought to you

1:17:18

by the Ohio Lottery. Well hey there, Ohio.

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We're tracking a lot of jackpot activity over

1:17:23

the next few days. We have Rolling Cache 5

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and Lucky for Life in the forecast the entire

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week. But we also have major drawings

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for Powerball moving in, followed by

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scattered Mega Million drawings through the week, with

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some classic lotto drawings popping up here

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and there as well. There are big drawings every

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day, so stay tuned to the Fortune Forecast Center

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for the latest jackpot developments. Autery players

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are subject to Ohio laws and commission regulations. Please

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play responsibly.

1:17:47

As if the McChrisspy

1:17:49

couldn't get any better. Bacon

1:17:51

and Ranch just entered the chat. The

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Bacon Ranch McChrissy. Available

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and participated in McDonald's for a limited time.

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