This episode is with Ursula Tomlinson, a wonderfully generous retired paediatric oncologist nurse I met recently on a personal development program. 

Born into a large family, and as the eldest she learned to be highly independent, self reliant and from a young age instinctively wanting to spend a lifetime helping others.   Drawing on this experience she has a fascinating insight on not only offering help as a nurse but also asking for help for herself.  And is honest about her own blockers towards accepting help from others.

There so many gems to highlight, some include:
- Being a kid in a classroom of 70 in the 1960’s, asking for help would be seen as slowing the lesson down.
- Asking for help is often mistakenly seen as stupid or overly bothering people
- The distinctive influences of northern vs southern European cultures and male vs females approach to asking for help.
- Her teacher giving tasks that they couldn’t finish, forced them to ask others for help.  And this made them realise that you can’t know everything and you can't do everything by yourself.  
- Culturally, it's easier for women to depend on each other, and how this more naturally encourages a sense of teamwork in  female sports.
- As a nurse, you can’t get through a shift alone - and that you know you’d always get the help when you asked for it.   Help other others/patients  help each other …. but not necessarily yourself!
- The importance of the help me help you culture in paediatric care - what do I need to know to help you // Parents saying thank you for asking.
- The power and importance of a specific and empathetic offer of help to make it so much easier to accept.  And the significance of doing so without expecting any thanks. 
- How saying ’ My pleasure’ instead of no problem to those who express thanks for someone’s  help - highlights beautifully the wonderful buzz the offerer feels.  And this may encourage the receiver to more readily accept help in the future.
- Selfish altruism - help yourself by helping others
- Offering and accepting help bonds a community.
- Put the specific request for help out there, and it’s likely there will be someone who’d be happy to offer - like a match making service
- The mental block to asking for help can come from thinking no one will offer and the anticipated feeling of disappointment and/or rejection.  So to avoid it, we don’t ask.
- The power of phrasing an offer of help by saying ‘nothing would make me happier than letting me do this for you.”
- In these current times, we’ll need each others help a lot more moving forward, and how this will make us better listen to, and help, not only each other but also ourselves. 

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