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Hello,

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it's Mike, it's Saturday. What a

0:21

show. In fact, the Saturday show.

0:24

And this Saturday, I wanted to

0:26

use the show to highlight the

0:28

depth of my voice work So

0:32

on Wednesday of this

0:34

week, when the Trump indictment

0:36

was nigh before we knew

0:38

it was nah, I talked

0:41

about Cohen, the Michael Cohen-ness

0:43

of it all, Michael Cohen in the middle of

0:46

the Trump which didn't happen.

0:48

Michael Cohen

0:49

has a podcast called Mia

0:51

Copa with Michael Cohen and

0:53

on it he does he does this every week and I played

0:55

a little clip of him doing it he talks

0:58

over a bed of music that sounds like

1:01

Got Yourself a Gun by Alabama 3

1:03

is it got yourself a gun and

1:06

he

1:07

inflects

1:08

his criticisms of Trump and the Trump

1:10

family with a fair degree of profanity

1:13

he seems to end every sentence while while

1:16

choking a little bit. I think it's

1:18

a virtuosic performance. It's quite

1:20

funny. And luckily it's right in

1:23

the wheelhouse of my voice

1:25

work talents, such as they

1:27

are, as many would say, they

1:30

aren't. So I bring to you the

1:32

Michael Cohen spiel from

1:34

this week. And then we go way

1:36

into the past.

1:38

2015, Vladimir Putin has

1:41

always done these mega

1:43

press conferences. Sometimes they

1:45

take form of a telephone

1:48

call-in show where he connects

1:50

to the elements of the public that are

1:52

allowed to ask him pre-approved questions

1:55

or why even risk the actual questions.

1:57

they're all setups, but Vladimir.

1:59

Putin did this back in 2015. Sunday,

2:04

let's also note, is the anniversary

2:07

of Vladimir Putin's 2000 election

2:09

as president of Russia, position

2:11

that he's held prime minister of

2:13

Russia. He's also held, he has

2:15

gone back and forth, just in a very important,

2:18

and as you can hear from the column, it's a very popular

2:20

guy in Russia. So I give you both of these.

2:23

Mike Peska doing an outer

2:26

borough Jew and

2:28

an inner Muscovite,

2:29

well actually it's from St. Petersburg

2:32

isn't it, and an inner Muscovite Russian,

2:35

enjoy.

2:43

Spring

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is in the air, but forget the air, it's on the ground,

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it's in your lawn. Yes, I live in Brooklyn, but

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we have a well tended to

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yard. Now when we bought

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tended to, in fact, it had not to be tended.

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Then a genius botanist named Michelle

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running. But that doesn't mean our work is done.

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The Gist.

4:31

And now, the spiel. The

4:34

first ever prosecution

4:36

of a former president, and it is a slam

4:39

dunk case. Well, not a slam dunk,

4:41

a layup. Okay, a contested

4:43

corner three. All right, no. A top

4:45

of the key three with a man in your face, which

4:48

could be waved off by the referee. a possible

4:50

shot clock violation. Sounds like a tortured

4:52

metaphor, but it's apt. It is apt, my friends.

4:55

At issue is Donald Trump's $130,000 payments. You

4:59

store me Daniels knee, Stephanie Clifford, a

5:01

campaign contribution to be sure,

5:03

or as is alleged now,

5:05

Trump most certainly falsified business records.

5:08

In recording the hush money payments. That

5:11

was, it's not hard to prove turbo

5:13

tax from Intuit, by the way, it does not yet have a line

5:16

item for hush money. Though the law

5:18

offices of Michael Cohen would like it to be in the next

5:20

version maybe with control H as the keyboard

5:22

shortcut So Trump certainly

5:25

falsified documents I'm not here to argue that he

5:27

didn't but that is a misdemeanor under

5:29

New York State law to get to felony

5:31

the Manhattan district attorney Alvin Bragg

5:33

has to prove that he falsified records

5:36

in service of some other crime and

5:38

that would be violation of Election

5:40

law, but it gets complicated as

5:43

the New York Times pointed out a really good article

5:45

today

5:46

New York State election law would

5:48

seem to be at play, but this was a federal

5:51

election. So federal

5:53

election law would seem to be at play, only

5:55

Trump's lawyers have a pretty decent argument

5:57

that it doesn't actually apply.

7:59

or other questions. So he was rejected

8:02

as a cooperator

8:03

by the Southern District of New York. The other problem with Michael

8:06

is you want your witnesses to

8:09

be and to appear as impartial

8:11

and unbiased as possible. You never want

8:13

even a cooperator, you never want the cooperator

8:16

to appear like he's got an axe to grind. The

8:18

man's business model is an

8:21

axe to grind. All Michael Cohen does

8:23

is talk about, write books about, and do podcasts

8:25

about how much he hates Donald Trump. I mean, you

8:27

know,

8:28

it is the defining feature

8:30

of his professional existence. And so you

8:33

cannot have a more biased witness.

8:36

And now let's hear from Cohen himself.

8:39

The MC, Michael Cohen. MC

8:42

is also Mia Culpa, the name of his podcast,

8:44

which I have come to enjoy in short bursts.

8:47

This is my Mia Culpa. Oh

8:51

baby don't lie for me if I die.

8:53

Here with some of today's episode. This is Michael

8:55

Cohen and you're listening to the Mayor Culpeh

8:58

Podcast. It's almost impossible

9:00

to believe. Donald Trump, a

9:02

fucking loser in every sense of

9:05

the word, is still the front-runner in the

9:07

Republican Party. As pathetic

9:09

and bizarre as it may be, this man

9:11

who is running from the law is still creating

9:14

chaos that will ultimately dictate

9:17

the fate of his entire party.

9:19

And now, as we wait for the

9:21

possible indictment to come down in

9:23

the Manhattan District Attorney's case and

9:25

that of course is based upon Donald's

9:28

statements himself. The disgraced

9:30

twice impeached president is trying

9:33

to change the game. But even though

9:35

Michael Cohen hurls insults

9:38

and fucking invective at Donald Trump

9:40

and does it with a rip

9:42

off theme song from the Sopranos in

9:44

the background, it doesn't

9:46

mean he's right. I mean

9:48

I've heard of breathless coverage, but

9:50

Michael Cohen's line reads, or

9:53

straight from the Paramas, New Jersey dinner

9:55

theater. meets Woodmee along

9:57

Island's Sagaba! Okay,

10:00

let's kill the theme song for a second. Does

10:04

a tainted star witness and an untried

10:06

legal theory and the possibility that the

10:08

judge throws out the case before it gets

10:11

to a jury, plus a DA who

10:13

campaigned on the idea that he would be prosecuting

10:15

Trump, does that add up to the ideal

10:18

circumstance under which to launch

10:20

the first ever criminal prosecution

10:22

of a former president? Let's

10:25

bring back the Cohen music for me to say this. It

10:27

does

10:27

not! But you know what else

10:29

isn't ideal? The fucking

10:32

behavior of Donald fucking Trump!

10:35

That is not, by the way, my description of the former

10:37

president. That is my impression of Michael Cohen. That's how

10:39

he describes him. And I didn't get a chance in

10:42

my Cohen impersonation

10:44

to launch into Cohen insulting that

10:46

idiot Donald Jr. Cohen is unsparing

10:48

in his assessment of the intellectual capacity

10:51

of the Trump scion.

10:52

But you know, the law doesn't

10:55

only apply when there's no rebuttal. The

10:57

law doesn't only apply when it's

10:59

a very clear case. The law

11:01

literally makes no distinction for the category

11:04

of defendants called former presidents

11:06

and the category called everyone else. If

11:08

this were the sum total of

11:11

misdeeds of a former public servant

11:13

who left office in a state other than one

11:15

of ignomie, I'd have a

11:18

certain opinion about the prudence of

11:20

this prosecution. But

11:21

that's not the set of circumstance at stake

11:24

here. since Donald Trump left office

11:26

in a state of disgrace, plus a state

11:28

of document disarray in Florida, plus

11:31

a state of election interference in

11:33

taped recordings in Georgia, plus

11:36

at least obstruction of an official proceeding

11:38

in Congress, well then maybe this

11:40

crime

11:40

isn't so novel. Maybe

11:43

it's part of a pattern. And prosecuting

11:45

a pattern means examining

11:48

and scrutinizing every individual

11:50

component of that pattern and putting

11:53

each one to the test of legality.

11:56

And if any individual component

11:59

is found wanting

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14:15

And now the spiel, Putin

14:17

calling. Last night was the annual

14:20

Vladimir Putin calling show

14:22

on Russian television for four hours.

14:25

The Russian strongman and I speak only of

14:27

his butt muscles four hours 74

14:30

questions he fielded calls He

14:32

defended sorry Vlad does not defend

14:34

he explained that supplying s 300 Surface

14:38

to air missiles to Iran was okay because

14:40

the US sends more weapons to

14:42

the Middle East Took a call from a lady

14:45

who begged

14:45

Putin to tell her husband to get a

14:47

dog Took a call from a little kid

14:50

who asked about his sleep habits Putin

14:52

says it's good that you like to sleep a lot, you'd

14:54

make a good president. Putin

14:56

also said the ruble was rebounding nicely.

14:59

Well, let's put it this way. A year ago a ruble was worth about

15:01

three cents. Now it's worth about two

15:03

cents. In between it was worth about

15:05

one and a quarter cents, so it depends where your starting

15:07

point was. Of course, Putin doesn't

15:10

deal in cents,

15:11

he deals in strength and consistency,

15:13

and this snappy intro. Here

15:17

at the GIST we have a special translation. We

15:23

are not going to rely on the official

15:25

Russian translation. We have a special translation

15:28

of select highlights of Vladimir

15:30

Putin takes the calls of Russians.

15:35

Here now, that's special. Hello,

15:42

hello. Vladimir Putin, we're taking your

15:44

calls on the blinny hot, fresh-take

15:46

hotline via Yuri. Go ahead,

15:48

Yuri. Yeah, hi, President

15:50

Putin, first time, long-time patriot. I

15:56

think you should trade Crimea for Moldova and maybe

15:58

a sign and trade with Vladivostok.

15:59

that contract's like an albatross.

16:02

Let's get some new blood in the system. I'll take my

16:04

answer off the air. In fact, out of the country in case

16:06

I've angered you. Okay, and thanks for

16:09

the call, Yuri. You

16:11

know, we're not going to do that. Vladiv, Vladstok,

16:13

it's a veteran city. It's near the head

16:15

of the Golden Horn Bay, home

16:18

to the Russian Pacific Fleet. Quite

16:20

frankly, the contract, not that easy to unload,

16:22

and Crimea's lottery protected. So I do

16:24

not think that will work out. Okay, next

16:26

call, Olga! Reformo. Volire, apojos.

16:29

The pension reformo is the one with million

16:31

russians. Yes, hi, Vladimir

16:33

Putin. It's a pleasure, a real pleasure.

16:35

I just wanted to know if you're ever going to legalize ferrets.

16:38

Ferrets? Yes, they're also known

16:40

as Siberian polecats, so I thought that might

16:42

influence your decision. They're a kind and loving

16:44

animal. Kind and loving? No, this is not

16:46

the proper Russian animal. Okay,

16:49

then they're a toothy and vicious animal, but they are,

16:51

like I said, Siberian polecats. I'll

16:53

take my answer in a fortified bunker. No,

16:56

I said go for cover.

16:57

Look, in this coffee

17:00

routine you can talk to You

17:16

can see so many ridiculous things OK,

17:21

this conversation is over free some

17:24

help, something has gone wrong with

17:26

you and it's a sign

17:27

of something wrong in your personality

17:30

you have a sickness Olga. Okay

17:32

next call, wait oh no he's 14 past

17:35

the hour let's see here we go. Alright

17:37

here we go. We're backed up

17:40

on the M5 from Moscow to Cheblinks.

17:42

We're bumper to bumper on the garden ring,

17:45

stop and go on the boulevard ring, jammed up

17:47

on the third ring row, we're at a crawl

17:50

on the P216 to Stavropol,

17:52

that's apparently an oligarch

17:55

blocking the approach lane on the A104

17:57

all the way to Dubna. We've

17:59

got