0:06

You're listening to the group , uh , Devin

0:08

Pence.

0:13

Hey guys. Welcome back to the group podcast.

0:16

Thanks for jumping back in. We had to take

0:18

a little bit of a break due to some work requirements

0:21

and a little thing called the pandemic.

0:23

But nevertheless, here we are, and we're

0:25

starting season two, and we're very excited

0:28

about that. A couple of quick notes before

0:30

we jump into this episode, this

0:32

season, it will be yours truly hosting.

0:34

It was great having Reggie for season one,

0:36

but he's really taking off with his brand over on

0:38

Facebook. I think he's got a couple of live

0:40

shows over there. Now he has a new blog

0:43

group and he's doing a lot of cool stuff

0:45

with his music. So be sure to head over

0:47

to Facebook and check out what Richie ham is

0:49

doing. And you never know. He

0:51

may surprise us and pop in on a couple of episodes

0:54

in season two. I'm still

0:56

very excited to continue bringing you guys

0:58

stories. You know, we've all been through

1:00

some very challenging times these past several

1:02

months, but a lot of times I

1:04

think challenging times offer up opportunities

1:07

for overcoming things and rising above

1:09

more than anything we thought we could ever do

1:11

before. And we can still find ways

1:13

to move forward in a positive direction,

1:16

even through the struggles. And my goal is

1:18

to keep talking to people and give them

1:20

a chance to share their stories because everyone

1:23

has one. And I think as we move through

1:25

this season, you're going to hear some really

1:27

cool, interesting and inspiring stories.

1:30

Speaking of my first guest for

1:32

season two is Brian

1:35

Williams, man, he's got an incredible story

1:37

and I'm super excited to share it with you guys.

1:40

But before we jump into this episode, here's a

1:42

little bit about Brian . He began his career

1:45

specializing in developing multi-platform

1:47

marketing campaigns for feature films.

1:50

Now for more than 10 years, he's

1:52

been a leading figure in brand integration

1:54

and digital marketing. Brian's

1:57

been a part of forming strategic partnerships

1:59

with several major studios and has radically

2:01

grown the product integration space across

2:04

all forms of media, including film,

2:06

television, video games, live

2:08

events and web series. Currently

2:10

Brian is the founder of it. City

2:13

entertainment. Be sure to head

2:15

over to the groove podcast.com

2:17

to check out more about Brian and his episode.

2:20

We'll have the show notes with links to where he

2:22

can be found as well as some cool pictures

2:24

from the episode that you're about to hear. And

2:26

without further ado, let's hop into this

2:28

episode with Brian.

2:31

All right,

2:31

Welcome guys to the group podcast.

2:34

And I'm excited today to have Brian

2:36

Williams on the show. So welcome Brian. Glad

2:39

to be here. Thanks Devin . Thank you for

2:41

doing this.

2:42

Oh, you're a very, very busy guy.

2:44

One of the busiest people. I know, actually there's

2:47

a few people who tell me that , uh,

2:49

just real quickly. Um , can you just kind of introduce

2:51

yourself a little bit and tell everybody what you

2:53

do and kind of why you do it? Sure.

2:58

Well , I, in entertainment

3:00

And what I do is

3:02

basically help content creators,

3:05

figure out the best vehicle

3:07

to develop and distribute

3:10

their product that could be television

3:13

property or film,

3:15

or even a new media enterprise.

3:19

And , uh, I do

3:21

it because I really enjoy

3:23

taking the creativity

3:26

that somebody else has put into a story

3:29

and helping it to find an audience. I

3:31

really enjoy that process of creating

3:34

connections between , uh,

3:37

creatives and consumers.

3:40

That's awesome. So basically , uh, without

3:43

guys like you guys

3:45

like me who make things, nothing

3:48

would ever get seen or heard?

3:51

Well, I , I, yeah. I

3:54

mean, I guess that is sort

3:56

of the role we've feel , you know,

3:58

I live here in Nashville now, but my

4:00

career was started in Los Angeles

4:03

and there is

4:05

a huge pool of

4:08

really talented people here. And

4:11

it's writers , storytellers,

4:13

musicians , uh , even

4:16

directors, producers , um,

4:19

but there's not a thick

4:21

pipeline in distribution

4:24

in this part of the country. So there's

4:26

all the stuff that gets created and then

4:28

it kind of circles around and

4:31

never finds a home. And

4:33

so sometimes you have to think outside

4:35

of the box and try to figure out how

4:38

do we get this, the

4:40

attention that it needs and how do we

4:42

sell it.

4:43

Yeah. And it's, and certainly

4:46

pre I don't even what you want to call

4:48

it pandemic. Let's just call it the pre

4:50

pandemic days. It was challenging

4:52

enough. Um, I think we've

4:54

all seen so many different

4:57

things change and

5:00

we as , uh , you know,

5:02

as humans and as survivalists,

5:05

I guess if you will, those of us who are freelance

5:08

and have our own companies and that sort of

5:10

thing, and even, even larger companies, obviously

5:13

you have to find a new way forward

5:16

and a new way to survive and

5:18

has a lot to do with not only,

5:21

you know , having good business practices, but also

5:25

surrounding yourself with good people and

5:27

people that are able to persevere

5:30

through a lot of these challenges

5:32

and things. And, and let's jump into,

5:34

you know, one thing that we talk about a lot on the group

5:37

are inspirational stories. Our lives

5:39

are kind of made up around work and what

5:42

we do for a living and that kind of thing. And

5:44

, and, but there's a personal

5:46

side that affects everything and

5:49

full disclosure, you know , you and I

5:52

have worked together. We've known each other for several

5:54

years and worked together on a

5:56

few things and hopefully working

5:58

on the process of working

6:01

together again soon. And

6:04

I guess it was last year, Brian, you can

6:06

correct me if I'm wrong. We

6:08

were talking on the phone one day and you kind of dropped

6:11

some incredible news

6:14

just outside of work. And

6:16

I'd love for you to share that story with

6:19

the listeners if you will .

6:21

Oh yeah. I'd love to it's I

6:23

enjoy talking about this more than

6:25

almost anything. It's a

6:28

pretty great story that I

6:31

can't take that much credit for , uh

6:33

, which those are the best kind. So

6:36

, uh, I was adopted

6:40

and , uh, what

6:42

I knew about my own story

6:45

was that my , uh,

6:49

that I was born and

6:52

let's say an ambulance born in an ambulance.

6:56

Yeah.

6:57

That's a great, let's start there for an ambulance

7:01

And brought to the hospital. And

7:05

when I got there , um,

7:08

what I was always

7:10

told was that my birth

7:14

mother mentioned to some of the nurses

7:17

that she wanted to give

7:20

this baby up for adoption. I

7:22

mean , it just so happened that my grandmother

7:26

was a nurse, not my biological

7:28

grandmother, but my adoptive

7:30

parents adoptive

7:33

father's mom. She was

7:35

a nurse and had told

7:37

all the OB nurses that if anybody

7:39

ever came in wanting to give the baby up for adoption,

7:42

then to call her. So

7:44

she came down to

7:46

the OB and

7:48

, um, at that point, net

7:51

my biological mother

7:53

and grandparents, they

7:57

then called my

8:00

mom and dad and

8:02

said, Hey, there's a baby here. Why

8:05

don't you come see in ? So

8:07

they came to the hospital and the

8:10

way I always knew it is two

8:13

days later, I went home with

8:15

them. And,

8:18

you know, I have one of those stories where

8:20

I never had any sort of dramatic moment

8:22

where my parents sat

8:24

me down and said, Hey, we've, we've got

8:27

something to tell you. Um , you're adopted,

8:30

it's something I've always known

8:32

because they, you know, told

8:35

me before I could speak. I

8:37

remember I had this book that said

8:40

that was called. Why was I adopted? And

8:43

, um, it was a picture book

8:45

you'd read through and hear the sweet

8:48

little story about how, you

8:51

know , uh, it was loved by my

8:53

birth mother, but , um,

8:56

maybe she had some difficult

8:58

circumstances and

9:00

now I'm with a family that loves me and narrative

9:05

New , almost as learning

9:07

to talk, walk, you

9:10

know, just as part of your cognitive, you

9:13

know, initial learnings,

9:16

this was just all part of the story and

9:18

scene and was just part of who you were

9:21

Part of, who I was felt totally

9:23

normal. Um, if anything, it was like

9:26

something that made me a little different or special.

9:30

Um, and I got to

9:32

tell ya that was the way to do

9:34

it. I mean, it, I think

9:37

drastically reduced any trauma

9:40

or even , um

9:42

, deep abandoned issues

9:44

or anything like that. Um,

9:48

but as I got older , um,

9:50

I began to get curious about

9:53

that. Um,

9:56

and I, I would often think

9:58

about what an encounter

10:01

with my birth mother would be like,

10:03

what would I say, what would I ask? Or

10:07

How well would you say you were when you started feeling

10:09

that

10:12

Maybe about 11 or 12.

10:15

Alright , so pretty young, you know ? Yeah. Pretty

10:17

young. I , about

10:20

two years after

10:22

I was adopted, my mother

10:24

had an operation and she was able to have

10:27

two biological children

10:29

of her own. So I had grew up with two younger

10:32

sisters , um, and

10:35

we sort of even looked alike

10:37

, uh, at least enough for nobody

10:40

really would question whether

10:42

or not we were all from the

10:44

same family. Um,

10:48

but there, there was

10:51

curiosities . And I think a lot of it was because the

10:55

story was always the same

10:57

and it was always real short.

11:00

And I just

11:02

knew there had to be more,

11:05

I think that was your adoptive parents

11:10

saw their initial kind of strategy.

11:13

If you will, you know , wouldn't

11:15

call it a strategy, but letting you

11:17

in on this from the beginning. And then all of a sudden, wait

11:19

a second, Oh, now he's asking questions.

11:22

You know, what are we going to say? Let's keep

11:24

it short and sweet kind

11:26

of thing.

11:30

Uh, yeah, maybe there's a little bit of that.

11:33

I think it mostly came from

11:35

a really good

11:37

place, which was just that, you

11:41

know, where are your parents? We

11:43

love you as

11:46

much as we would love any child. And

11:49

what else is there to know what else matters?

11:52

Okay. And I think it was

11:54

more out of wanting

11:58

to protect their own

12:00

emotions. Um,

12:02

like for example, I I'd asked

12:04

my mom from time to time questions

12:08

and I

12:10

could tell that

12:13

just the questions

12:15

were uncomfortable and , and maybe

12:17

even hurt her feelings a little bit.

12:21

Um, I understand more of that

12:23

now at the time it was

12:25

just like, this is obviously

12:28

painful and I

12:30

didn't want to cause pain. Uh,

12:33

so I, so I stopped asking questions

12:36

until I got older. Um,

12:40

and , and like I said, now, I feel like I've got

12:42

a better understanding of where that came from.

12:44

It turns out that my

12:47

biological mother and

12:49

my half

12:52

brother lived, you

12:54

know, a block and a half

12:57

from where I grew up, that my mom

13:00

knew that. And she , she, she just,

13:03

she was always so worried that, you

13:05

know, somehow , um,

13:08

my birth mother would change her mind

13:10

or

13:11

Ring the doorbell. Hey, I was

13:13

just walking around the block and

13:17

want to see my son.

13:19

Yeah, you got it. So I

13:21

have better context

13:23

of that now. And then what happened

13:26

is, you know , uh,

13:29

got , you know, got married and

13:31

, uh, we had our

13:33

first child and

13:36

I remember being in that hospital

13:39

and my daughter being born

13:42

in and just being overwhelmed

13:44

by that moment and thinking

13:46

to myself, there's

13:48

no way that this

13:50

is something that you

13:53

can go through, you know, carrying

13:55

a child for nine months and

13:57

then the birth experience and

14:00

not have some sort of

14:02

attachment or , um,

14:08

just a desire to want

14:10

to know and protect any

14:13

of your children. Um, and

14:15

that gave me even a deeper desire

14:18

to , to really just want to have that moment

14:21

where I could say to my birth mother, Hey

14:23

, uh, I had great

14:25

parents. I, I'm not looking for

14:28

another , uh , parent,

14:31

but I, I just

14:33

want to say thank you for caring

14:35

me for nine months. Um,

14:38

and making sure I got

14:40

to the right place , uh, in

14:42

case you ever wondered if that was a good

14:44

decision, it was thanks.

14:47

You know, I , I didn't really have any expectation

14:49

of a relationship. So I

14:52

would say I started looking in my

14:54

early twenties , um

14:56

, could never find

15:00

anybody or my

15:02

biological mother , uh,

15:05

with the information I had. And

15:08

They were limiting your, your information.

15:12

Do you think to kind of keep you from,

15:16

I mean, having her a ride around the block, your mother

15:18

knew that, or your , your

15:20

adoptive mother knew that. And I, and I'm

15:22

sure that, that it was, like

15:25

you said, how unnerving

15:27

it would be to , um, cause I have some

15:29

other friends, who've multiple

15:32

friends who have gone through the adoption process

15:34

and, and you've , you know, there's the private

15:36

adoption or the open adoption that

15:38

various types of

15:40

adoptions, our mutual

15:42

friend, Reggie ham, you know, he

15:46

adopted his child from China, no

15:48

chance. And you know, of

15:50

any, you know , uh , run bumping into her,

15:53

her mother somewhere, right. Or somebody

15:56

that lives in another, another state or

15:59

even another, you know, another country or whatever. But

16:01

I can't imagine the angst, your adoptive

16:05

parents must've felt knowing your birth

16:07

mother was just sort of a

16:09

block and a half away.

16:11

Yeah. I think that played

16:14

a bigger factor, especially

16:17

for my mom.

16:20

Then she might've even

16:22

known herself. Um,

16:26

there was a lot of stories.

16:28

You mean your birth mom? You think, you think

16:30

your birth mom knew that you were

16:32

right around the block? No.

16:35

Okay . I don't think I missed that. Okay .

16:36

Okay. I'm pretty sure she, she

16:39

didn't realize how close they were. My

16:42

mom is now pretty sure she

16:46

saw my brother

16:49

and either

16:52

her or another woman

16:54

, um, just taking

16:56

a walk one day. And

16:58

, um, she

17:00

had a hard time with that. She kinda freaked out about

17:03

it, but I can imagine. Yeah,

17:06

I, I

17:10

understand there were, there were some cases

17:13

in the eighties where, because

17:15

of the way the laws were at the time,

17:18

you know, you'd have somebody

17:20

give a child up for adoption. And

17:22

then sometimes, you know, a

17:24

year later more, they come

17:27

back and change their mind and it

17:30

go through the courts. And then this

17:32

child was ripped out

17:34

of one home and put

17:36

in another. And

17:38

I think she had a real fear about

17:40

that because of those stories.

17:44

And just, again,

17:46

them being in such close proximity,

17:49

I found out after,

17:52

after being able to hear directly

17:54

from my birth mother, that

17:57

, um, the day

17:59

that she met my

18:01

birth mother, when I was born and

18:03

in the hospital , um,

18:07

she saw her

18:09

and made the commitment

18:13

that she was never going to,

18:19

she's never going to interfere or

18:22

do anything that would , um

18:25

, jeopardize

18:28

the relationship between me

18:31

and my parents and

18:33

she never did. So

18:38

I think my mom still held those

18:40

spheres .

18:41

Interesting walk, walk us through

18:43

the process of kind of fast

18:45

forwarding, a little bit of the

18:47

discovery and where your birth mother

18:50

was and kind of the process.

18:54

Yeah. Which is the greatest.

18:57

So I, I

19:00

had this echo in my

19:02

ear, it was some

19:04

sort of nerve damage. So

19:07

I started going to some doctors and

19:10

your nose and throat and audiologist

19:13

and neurologist. And every time

19:15

I'd go and see someone they'd ask me

19:17

about my family medical history.

19:21

And I got tired of

19:23

not being able to answer that question. And

19:26

I remember being on the phone with

19:28

my sisters and just kind of complaining

19:30

about that. Like chase, be

19:33

nice to know if there's something I should

19:36

be worried about are going to drop

19:38

dead at 50 or something. Um,

19:43

so for Christmas they decided

19:45

to get me the , uh , 23 and

19:47

me genetic tests that had

19:49

the house scan. And

19:51

, uh, so

19:54

that man, I don't know. I just, I got that thing.

19:57

I didn't even think about it. I thought, Oh, I'm going to learn

19:59

all these new traits

20:01

, uh , about myself and

20:03

whether or not I'm a carrier for

20:05

anything. And this'll be great. So

20:09

I got the results in January

20:12

and , um, I'm

20:14

looking through and I'm like, what year was

20:16

this? This

20:19

was January, 2019. And

20:24

, uh, the,

20:26

the upside was, as

20:29

far as my genetics are concerned,

20:31

they're in real good shape. And

20:33

, uh,

20:34

And you're not wanted for any , you're not wanting

20:36

for any outstanding murders that

20:38

are in the DNA database base

20:40

files would , that's also a good relief.

20:45

We'll save that for another episode. Anyway,

20:49

we ended

20:51

up going through this report, getting to the end

20:54

where it lists

20:56

your DNA relatives.

20:59

And it said I had 1500 of them.

21:02

Um , I mean, I just remember being

21:06

shocked like, Oh, this is

21:08

just here. And so

21:10

then it kind of puts it in the order

21:13

from the person you share the

21:15

most DNA with until

21:17

the least. And I had

21:19

three first cousins listed

21:21

at the top and

21:24

one of them had a pretty unique name.

21:26

So I mean, I had their

21:28

names and everything. Yeah. Oh yeah.

21:30

Wow. Full name.

21:35

Uh, which I thought about a lot

21:37

since then about, you know, what about all

21:39

these people who did negotiate

21:42

closer, the options? Um,

21:45

you know, what about , um, situations

21:48

where, you know, you were just a sperm

21:50

donor, you know, looking for

21:52

extra cash during college

21:54

, um, that

21:57

was supposed to be anonymous. Now

21:59

you might have kids running around everywhere, 300

22:02

kids , your name. Yeah.

22:05

I put this first

22:07

cousin name into Facebook and

22:10

she popped up immediately and she

22:13

was like 31 years old at this point

22:15

I was 39. And

22:18

, um, I clicked on her. I said,

22:20

well , hi , not good. See, I can see

22:23

some similarity there. And

22:26

, uh, looked at her about,

22:28

I saw that she had a grandfather listed,

22:30

listed. I clicked him. He

22:33

had five daughters listed.

22:35

One of them had the first

22:37

name of my birth mother. Oh

22:40

man. So I clicked it and it was like,

22:44

my heart stopped. Uh , just

22:47

I saw her face. I saw myself.

22:50

I, I knew

22:52

wow. And I

22:55

, I , I immediately saw

22:58

that we had a mutual friend listed

23:01

and it was the same guy that was listed

23:04

as a mutual friend on my grandfather's

23:06

Facebook page. And

23:09

he was a guy that I knew fairly

23:11

well. Uh, we, he,

23:13

he was , uh , um, head

23:16

of business of Mela development

23:18

for a , um , automotive group

23:21

in the San Fernando Valley. And

23:24

they were a client of the company I worked

23:26

for. And I thought,

23:30

how does he know both my

23:32

grandfather and

23:34

my birth mother? And it turns

23:36

out that my

23:39

mother worked for the same automotive group

23:41

and my grandfather had been the

23:43

CFO of that company since

23:45

like 1974. Um,

23:49

and of course this, this company

23:51

, uh, Galpin is , um,

23:54

a huge car

23:56

dealership that was

23:59

in the San Fernando Valley, right

24:02

near where I grew up. Uh,

24:05

I drive by it every single day

24:07

on my way to work. Um,

24:10

my company did business with that company,

24:13

or I had been there , uh, met the executive

24:15

team before. Um,

24:18

so it was shock

24:20

Shocking there . I think we might've

24:22

talked about this before, so there's

24:25

actually a chance that you met your

24:28

grandfather and didn't know

24:32

it like you're in the same room if

24:34

he was on the exec committee. Right.

24:36

I'm pretty sure we did. Uh , my

24:38

sister and I, along with our

24:40

CEO, took a tour

24:44

and of the, of the whole

24:46

, uh , dealership. And

24:48

I remember going into these

24:51

offices and , um,

24:54

shaking hands with, with

24:56

some of the executive team. And

25:01

there was something eerily

25:03

familiar about my grandfather when I

25:05

met him. It was like Tasia Fu

25:08

Really? That's interesting. Let's talk about that

25:10

for a second. Yeah . Was it a

25:12

feeling, was it a

25:14

, uh , a resemblance?

25:17

Did you, or

25:19

what was it, what was that moment like?

25:23

Yeah, well, what

25:26

I ended up doing was calling

25:29

this guy who was our mutual

25:31

friend and I said, Hey

25:33

, uh , Brian , his name's also Brian . Uh,

25:36

I know we haven't talked in a few years. Um,

25:40

but I want to ask you about Phil

25:42

Marshall Marshall. And he said,

25:45

well, I've known Phil for 40

25:47

years. What about him? I

25:50

said, I think

25:52

he might be my biological

25:54

grandfather and

25:56

it was silent . And I said,

25:59

well, how about Michelle? Do you know her?

26:02

And he said, yeah, that's,

26:05

that's his daughter. Of course I do.

26:07

She she's worked for Galpin as well.

26:10

I said, well, I think , I think that might

26:12

be my mother. Oh

26:15

man. He didn't know what to do with it. I mean, he had known

26:18

him for so long. I mean, there's pictures

26:20

of him and then , um,

26:22

on their Facebooks and , uh , needless

26:25

to say he was pretty

26:27

surprised. And I said, well, listen, I,

26:31

I think I'm pretty lucky to have you

26:34

in this connection because you

26:37

know, I'd like for you to reach out to them , if you wouldn't

26:39

mind , um, tell

26:42

them who I, and

26:45

be interested in having a conversation.

26:48

Yeah, no pressure, middle, middle

26:50

person, friend now. So this,

26:53

this being an adult, you know , you're an adult,

26:56

you've got a family of your own, as

26:58

you were going through this process, once

27:01

you kind of found out all of this information

27:04

and it was, I'm sure it was just a flood of emotion

27:06

, uh , for you personally, did

27:10

you mention this to your adoptive parents

27:12

at that time?

27:14

Or did you, were you thinking,

27:16

look, I'm just going to go down this path and see

27:19

where it takes me.

27:21

Well, I definitely wanted to confirm

27:24

that I'd stumbled or a

27:26

long the, the right people.

27:29

Um, yeah , so good choice. I

27:32

went through this process with Brian

27:34

, you know, it , it

27:36

was like every day was

27:38

just anxiety. I think I called him on a

27:40

Friday and he said, okay, well,

27:43

call father this weekend. And

27:45

then let you know. And

27:48

about a week went by and

27:51

I called him back and I said, Hey , uh,

27:54

and he locked . And he said, Oh, I've just been busy.

27:56

And haven't talked to him yet. Come

27:58

on man. Then right

28:00

. A few more days went by. And

28:03

I thought, you know, maybe I put this guy in a

28:06

uncomfortable position. So I think

28:09

I sent him a text message and I said, listen, you know,

28:11

this is, it's my thing. So

28:13

, uh, I totally understand if you, if

28:15

you don't want to do that and I'll

28:18

reach out. And he said, no , no, no, no, no.

28:21

Um , um , just, just, just give me two

28:23

more days. I've been traveling and it , okay. So

28:27

then he called me back and he said, Brian,

28:30

I think you're going to get a call.

28:33

Um, from Phil. He

28:37

is beside himself.

28:39

He's shocked. But I

28:41

think in a good way and

28:44

giving me your number, he'll reach out, reach out to you.

28:47

Yeah . And I often wonder on a

28:49

, like on, on his side, you

28:51

know, you guys worked with all these years

28:54

comes into his office or whatever it calls him up. And he's

28:56

like , Hey man, I know this guy, Brian

28:58

. And he just, you know, call me and

29:00

he thinks you're his

29:03

biological grandfather. What do you, what

29:05

do you think Phil? I

29:08

mean, that's like, it's that some news

29:10

right there, man.

29:12

I can't imagine. And I

29:15

had no idea whether he even knew I existed.

29:18

I didn't know that part of the salary. He

29:23

could have been like what that's crazy.

29:26

Um, so he said, he,

29:29

he said Phil had asked him to give him about

29:31

two weeks. The next day

29:33

I got a call and

29:37

I answered the phone and

29:40

he said, well,

29:42

it's been a while .

29:48

And I said , that's what he said. Yeah.

29:53

He said, you know, Brian

29:55

, I have five

29:58

daughters that have given me

30:00

15 grandchildren of

30:02

those grandchildren. 10

30:05

of them are female. Uh

30:07

, five of them are male.

30:10

Four of those are still alive.

30:12

And one of them is you. And she

30:14

said, he said, I've never

30:16

given up hope this day

30:18

would come. Wow. And

30:22

that breath

30:25

that I breathed after that

30:27

was 39

30:30

years of baggage

30:34

that I never felt like

30:36

I was carrying until I felt

30:39

the relief of

30:41

it being

30:43

lifted from me and,

30:46

and something I could

30:49

never describe. It was physical.

30:53

Um, but he

30:55

then proceeded to tell me

30:58

parts of the story I'd never heard.

31:02

Um, like for instance,

31:05

he got a call from my birth

31:07

mother and she said, dad,

31:10

I need you to come over. She

31:13

was in labor , uh,

31:15

at, at their house. Um,

31:20

he showed up along

31:22

with the , uh, paramedic

31:26

and I was born there, the house

31:29

, um,

31:31

the EMT, I believe delivered

31:34

me. Um,

31:36

my older half brother

31:39

was about a year and a half old.

31:42

He witnessed all that. Um

31:46

, then, you know, I was quickly

31:48

wrapped in a blanket handed to my

31:50

grandfather and then he,

31:53

myself and my birth mother

31:55

got into the ambulance and headed to the hospital.

31:59

And he said, you know, all those children

32:01

and grandchildren, I have, you

32:03

were the only birth I ever

32:05

witnessed. And he said, and

32:07

then I helped you all

32:09

the way to the hospital. And he said,

32:13

I've never stopped thinking about you,

32:16

Man. That's heavy dude .

32:17

Quite something. Yeah. Yeah man.

32:21

Yeah . How long did it take you emotionally

32:24

on the phone? I mean, like

32:27

you said, it was physical. Were

32:30

you able to respond right

32:32

away or were you just having to take all this

32:34

in?

32:37

Well, you know, I never, my

32:40

father's dad

32:43

passed away when he was 21

32:46

and my mother

32:49

and her father were not

32:51

all that close. And

32:53

so I never had a relationship

32:56

with a grandfather and

32:58

I think I was so

33:02

stunned at even just how natural it was

33:05

to talk to him. Um,

33:10

it just it's

33:13

, it was like a , like an amalgam

33:15

of, of all the grandfathers

33:17

. Um, I

33:20

ever said scene . It was like, like, I

33:23

don't know , he just had all those qualities and

33:26

he was so warm and it

33:28

was a happy occasion for him.

33:30

So I couldn't feel

33:32

anything other than just , um,

33:35

joy. Yeah.

33:37

That's such a special, that is

33:39

such a special feeling. Uh, the

33:42

feeling of a grandfather. I

33:44

mean, it's, it's , it's hard to put your finger

33:47

on. Um, but

33:50

it's, it's a , it's an , it's a connection.

33:52

It's a special connection, you know?

33:56

Yeah . I'm learning that. And

34:00

he, he said,

34:04

what would you mind if, you know, I'll

34:07

give you your mother's

34:09

name and number.

34:12

Um , and you'd give me yours and,

34:15

you know, would, I think she'd probably

34:17

like to talk to you, would you be open

34:19

to that? And I said, you kidding? Wow.

34:23

I can't even, I can't even fathom that

34:26

moment. I mean, that's what

34:29

a bridge right to cross.

34:32

Yeah. Just how

34:37

fast my

34:39

life changed. You know, it was just

34:43

unraveled so quickly,

34:45

the story, it just , um,

34:49

filled in so many gaps. It's weird.

34:52

Um, and then we played chicken

34:54

for, I dunno, a couple of days because

34:57

she , um, had

35:00

waited all those years. Never

35:02

wanted to dishonor

35:05

what she

35:07

promised my mom and

35:11

figured that if I ever wanted to reach out,

35:14

then I would. Um,

35:18

but my wife

35:20

finally said to me, she , you know, she's not going

35:22

to call you, you, you, you

35:24

need to call her. And

35:27

I did. Um, and I remember

35:29

her when she answered her phone,

35:31

she knew it was me because of the number. And

35:35

it was just the , a

35:39

quiet, hello. And

35:46

Man, it felt like,

35:52

Like I already knew, I

35:55

wasn't talking to a stranger just

35:57

from the very first moment.

36:00

And , um, and

36:02

then just similar to my grandfather, I listened

36:05

to her, tell

36:07

her story, or at least,

36:10

you know, a big portion of it.

36:13

And she said , um,

36:20

You know, I

36:25

Had no plan to give you

36:28

up for adoption. My

36:32

mother, when we got to the hospital,

36:34

started asking some questions

36:37

and then before I knew it,

36:40

I was talking to your grandmother. She

36:42

said everything was happening so fast.

36:46

And I was not at peace and I

36:48

didn't know what I wanted to do. I was scared.

36:51

I was young. And

36:53

then I

36:56

saw your mom and

36:58

dad. And they said, she said,

37:00

when they walked into the room,

37:04

she just knew that

37:09

they were going to take care of me and

37:13

that's where I needed to be. And

37:16

she somehow was able to experience

37:19

peace in the midst of

37:22

what was a very confusing situation.

37:26

And she said, you know, it was like, okay

37:28

,

37:29

Um ,

37:32

The hand of God just picked

37:34

you up and put you

37:36

in your parents' arms. And

37:40

I knew that even though it was the hardest

37:42

thing I've ever done, that

37:45

it was right. And

37:47

, um, she

37:49

said, but I, I

37:51

always hoped you would reach out.

37:54

And it was like, she was like, almost

37:56

saying like, why did it take you so long?

38:02

And I found out then

38:04

that, that actually was

38:07

an open adoption, but

38:10

I didn't know that I

38:12

was always under the impression

38:15

that that information was sealed

38:18

and unavailable to me. Um,

38:22

and I don't, I don't think

38:24

that was intentional. It just, I

38:29

think my parents were trying to

38:32

, um , protect me and

38:35

, uh,

38:37

That must've been very , it must've

38:39

been very scary for your parents because

38:41

as you said, the laws were

38:43

different than I think,

38:45

than they are now. And I'm certainly no expert

38:48

at all and adoption laws,

38:50

but based on what you said, I

38:53

mean the fearful

38:55

day to day of not

38:58

knowing what the day could bring.

39:01

Um, so that's,

39:03

that's quite a story, man.

39:07

Yeah. Well, you asked

39:09

about my parents and sort of

39:12

going through that process of telling them,

39:14

and that came shortly after

39:16

because I almost immediately

39:18

made a plan to fly

39:21

back to LA and meet

39:24

her. Um, and

39:27

of course I was just

39:30

couldn't believe I had three

39:32

other siblings.

39:34

So, and I remember this, you know, cause this

39:36

is, this was, I think, you know, we're working together

39:39

or talking a lot back

39:41

then. And I re, I

39:43

remember you telling me all of this

39:45

and I could hear the,

39:49

I don't know the uncertainty or

39:51

the peace , the, the

39:54

excitement in your voice, that the

39:56

unknown , um , what you were about

39:58

to experience. And it

40:01

was, I can remember pretty

40:03

emotional for you at the time.

40:06

And you know, anything, anytime, something

40:08

like this happens, especially years later,

40:11

it's not just you, it's not just Brian

40:13

, you know, it's Brian and it's your wife

40:15

and your kids and your , uh , you

40:18

know, your , your parents and

40:20

, um , these new people,

40:22

there's a whole string of people

40:25

that are going to be

40:27

emotionally affected

40:30

. And depending upon

40:32

kind of the outcome, you know, forever

40:36

kind of joined to

40:38

some people that they, that have been complete

40:40

strangers.

40:44

Yeah. And my immediate

40:47

family, you know , my wife and

40:49

three kids were, were

40:52

immediately supportive and then pterygoid

40:55

. And we would spend hours

40:57

kind of, you know , going through Facebook

40:59

and looking at pictures

41:02

of my biological mother

41:04

and trying to figure out, you know,

41:06

is that her son? Is that my

41:09

brother? What about that girl? Who's that Facebook

41:12

man. Yeah.

41:15

So we have a lot of those experiences.

41:17

And then I remember this, I

41:20

had made this play to go plan , to go out to LA.

41:24

And I knew I

41:26

had to have the conversation

41:28

with my parents. And I gotta

41:30

tell ya , I was much

41:32

more about that conversation

41:35

than the one where I called my birth

41:37

mother really. And that was just because,

41:40

yeah, man, I really, The

41:44

last time that

41:46

anything related to my adoption had even

41:49

come up was the

41:51

night of my wedding, my

41:53

grandmother, the one who was the nurse,

41:56

you know, she said to me, you're getting

41:58

married now. I mean, aren't you , aren't

42:00

you curious? Don't don't

42:03

you want to know more like on your wedding? It

42:05

was like, yeah, here's

42:08

the right kid . I remember my

42:11

mom was like, geez , I can't believe she

42:13

just brought this over. Um,

42:16

and of course, because my mom was

42:18

present, I just kind of blew it off.

42:20

And it was like, Oh , I don't know . I haven't thought about

42:22

it. Right . But

42:24

, um, you know, it was

42:27

not a common

42:30

discussion in our family.

42:32

So the

42:35

only thing that I

42:38

just never wanted to hurt him , I

42:40

wanted it to be clear that

42:42

I wasn't looking for

42:46

a replacement mother.

42:48

I didn't

42:50

feel like I was

42:53

missing and the next thing in my life,

42:55

but I did want to know. And

42:58

I wanted to be able to have the ability

43:01

to walk in the light of my

43:03

own story. Why

43:06

like, why should there be question marks around that?

43:08

And so I only had

43:10

a brief time with

43:12

them. And so my

43:14

mom tends to be a talker

43:17

and she's talking about this and that and the other

43:19

thing. So finally I just yelled

43:21

out, Hey, by the way , uh

43:24

, I've been in touch with my biological

43:27

mother and grandfather and

43:30

, um, it's pretty cool. They're

43:32

nice. And I tend

43:34

to go meet them. And of course

43:37

my dad,

43:39

who's not a very excitable guy. And I think

43:41

his eyebrows went to the top

43:43

of his head. He leaned forward what my

43:46

mom hears

43:49

. Yeah. Yeah. They

43:51

always tease my sister that she's

43:54

the actual one who was

43:56

adopted. She hates it. So, so

43:58

your mother burst into tears. She

44:01

did. And she said, I,

44:04

how, what happened? I can't,

44:06

I can't believe it. You know? And then

44:09

she immediately said , um , I'm

44:12

so happy. She said, you know, Brian

44:14

and I, our relationship

44:17

is strong enough to

44:21

withstand anything that should come out

44:23

of this. And I

44:26

do think it's time for you

44:28

to know everything. And

44:31

, um, it

44:34

was not the

44:36

reaction I expected. I, I thought,

44:38

you know, it would immediately be kind

44:41

of retracting and

44:43

getting quiet. Um,

44:46

but it, it gave me the encouragement

44:49

I need. And since then, I mean, we've

44:51

navigated a lot of emotion,

44:54

you know, there, she, she did retract

44:57

quite a bit after that initial

44:59

, uh, discussion.

45:02

She, she started to have some

45:05

of those old fears creep in again,

45:07

and then it was less about

45:09

me and now all of a sudden about my

45:12

kids and, you know , she

45:15

can't have my grandbabies , you know, and

45:18

, um, at the same

45:20

time she acknowledged me. She said, you know,

45:22

maybe this

45:24

is time for me

45:27

to let go. Of

45:29

some of those fears that I've been carrying

45:31

for all these years. And man,

45:34

it felt like within a pretty short

45:36

period of time,

45:38

All this weight

45:41

that just comes

45:43

From a transaction

45:47

like this , um,

45:51

started to loosen

45:54

up with all

45:56

of us. And,

45:58

and like I said, I mean, somewhat some of this stuff,

46:01

it's like, I didn't even know I

46:04

had these sort of deep

46:06

emotional attachments around

46:09

it. And , um,

46:12

man, there was nothing like that

46:14

moment of seeing

46:17

my birth mother for the first time.

46:20

Um, hugging

46:22

her, the , the smell,

46:25

the, the

46:28

connection, the

46:30

familiarity. So bizarre. Um,

46:34

did you find that my role

46:36

there , half brother at that time too?

46:38

That's crazy. Did you see any like resemblances

46:40

at all or was

46:43

it like running into somebody,

46:45

like you said, and you just felt like you've known

46:48

them forever.

46:51

Yeah. We look alike. Wow.

46:53

And It's,

46:58

it's a bizarre feeling

47:01

when there's, when

47:04

you don't know anything about

47:06

a person SLIFE and what

47:08

they've done, where they've been, and

47:12

yet she

47:15

wasn't a stranger to me. Wow.

47:18

Crazy. I mean, you think about studies

47:21

around adoption and even

47:24

about the sort

47:26

of in utero , um

47:28

, attachment that

47:31

gets developed between a mother

47:34

and child. Um,

47:37

and that, that happens really

47:39

early on. And to

47:42

think that that many years went

47:44

by, and

47:46

there's still something that happened

47:49

in that nine months that,

47:52

you know , um, was still there.

47:55

Well, I mean, it it's it's yeah.

47:57

I mean, I think it's on , uh , all sorts

48:00

of levels from a , a DNA

48:02

level to a spiritual level

48:05

connection. Um, I can't

48:07

remember the name of the doc

48:09

off the top of my head, but it was a doc on

48:11

Netflix about the three triplet

48:14

boys. And they were all,

48:17

you know , adopted out to three separate homes,

48:20

all of different economic

48:23

standings and

48:25

ultimately in the end, as they grew older

48:27

and things, I mean, the things

48:30

that would come out in their lives or whatever, certainly

48:33

a bizarre different outcome, but

48:35

then what you're talking about, but that

48:38

connection is, is there. And

48:41

there's nothing that could, you

48:44

know , separate that

48:47

That's, it's so true. And

48:50

you know, when you,

48:52

when you start to see that there's

48:55

purpose and design in

48:57

your life, that , uh,

49:04

that again, you couldn't have

49:06

created for yourself, you know, it's, it's,

49:09

it's, there's so many strange connections.

49:12

Um, remember I told you that

49:14

when I started to really have the desire

49:17

to want to find my birth mother was right

49:19

when my daughter

49:22

was born. What I didn't know

49:25

is that

49:27

miles from the hospital where

49:30

we were, my birth mother

49:32

was had just given birth

49:34

herself , um,

49:36

to my youngest sister who's

49:40

within a month of

49:42

the same age as my oldest daughter,

49:45

man. And yeah,

49:47

it was actually my middle's

49:50

middle daughter's doctor delivered

49:54

my sister. I mean,

49:57

These connections are crazy, man. Yeah,

50:00

Yeah. You couldn't. So , so

50:03

then my , um,

50:07

this is so strange, but there

50:10

was a , my father was

50:12

a LAPD officer

50:15

and one of the guys

50:17

in his unit was a guy named Steve

50:20

park. He, he

50:22

was somebody I knew growing up, his

50:25

wife, Debbie is

50:27

my birth mother's um,

50:31

bye

50:32

Man, Brian, you've had now

50:35

go ahead. That's that's just, I

50:39

don't know. Have you ever done like a, a

50:41

, just like on a white board

50:43

, just like

50:46

written out I'm a visual thinker,

50:48

right? I would , I think I would have

50:50

to write down names

50:52

and then, you know, use yarn

50:54

or something. And just

50:56

like, it'd be interesting to see all of these

50:59

different connections on, at, on

51:01

a timeline to see where everyone

51:03

was at a certain period of time and

51:06

just how close you were orbiting this

51:08

whole life,

51:10

this whole group of people that you

51:13

were connected to. Um,

51:16

and before I get, yeah , before we go off too

51:18

far on that, I wanted to say something about

51:20

your mom, what a , um,

51:23

an amazing woman. She sounds like

51:25

to be able to unselfishly

51:29

sort of unwind herself and , and,

51:32

and open up to this. I

51:35

mean, that had to even open up the door even further

51:37

to make this much more of a , an

51:39

amazing experience for you. So you

51:42

weren't having to now all

51:44

of a sudden deal with serious

51:46

emotional baggage on one side.

51:48

And I know that there's probably been challenges, like

51:50

you said, along the way, but , uh,

51:53

your mom sounds like an amazing person.

51:56

She is pretty special. Um , there's

51:58

no question about that. And, you

52:01

know, that's why I

52:03

never wanted this story to be

52:06

at her expense and

52:10

I could never have predicted

52:13

how this would turn out. I mean,

52:17

they talk all the time.

52:19

It's usually, you know, there's

52:22

wine and tears involved, but

52:24

they'll call each other. And , um,

52:28

That's pretty amazing.

52:30

And there's been this healing between the two

52:32

of them. That's it's,

52:36

I can't even describe it,

52:38

you know? And , and then my , um,

52:41

my mom, they started calling each other , um

52:44

, sister mothers . Okay.

52:47

You know, it's

52:51

man , I, I, would've never

52:53

in a million years, all I really

52:55

wanted to do is be able to say

52:58

thank you. And to

53:00

think that we get to

53:03

expand our family in this way.

53:07

And , um, be able to share

53:09

love between us is, is

53:12

more than I could have ever asked or

53:14

imagined. You know, I told my mom

53:17

when she was sort of struggling

53:20

a little bit, I said, you

53:23

know, whenever

53:25

you have a child, you

53:28

automatically have the capacity

53:30

to love that child, even though you don't

53:32

really know who they are, who they're going to turn into.

53:35

It's like, it's just there , the love,

53:37

the capacity to love within you

53:39

just grows. It's not like

53:41

you have to take love

53:44

from, you know, your , one

53:46

of your previous children and then share

53:48

it. It just expands. And

53:51

so in that same way, you know, I told

53:54

my mom, like, this is

53:56

expanded love. Like I you're,

53:58

my mother and

54:01

nothing will ever change that. And as

54:04

we've leaned into

54:06

some of those , um, tougher

54:08

conversations, it's, it's

54:12

always , um, put us in a better,

54:14

stronger place.

54:17

I know there's more to the story and you guys have really

54:19

connected and everything. And , um,

54:22

but how has it changed your perspective on,

54:24

on what you do, you know, as a father,

54:28

as a husband, as

54:30

a , as a son. Um, and

54:32

then how has that sort

54:34

of affected you kind of , you

54:37

know , personally and your, and your, and your , and your professional

54:40

life.

54:41

That's a great question. Um, I

54:46

think the biggest revelation

54:49

for me was realizing

54:52

that my past,

54:54

my present and my future aren't

54:58

are not different life

55:00

stages. All

55:02

those things are connected to one

55:04

another, right. You know, in my own personal

55:07

journey. So even separate from,

55:10

you know, the , the DNA part of it, I've

55:13

always wanted to understand my

55:16

own identity, my

55:18

, um, relationship

55:21

to God. Um,

55:25

and one of the things I've always

55:27

questioned is what, what

55:29

was the purpose and all of that, you know,

55:32

all those years ago, and,

55:35

you know, had I not been adopted, where

55:37

would I end up? And , um,

55:40

what would my life have been like? And,

55:43

you know, you ask yourself those kinds

55:45

of questions. And then when

55:48

you see the big picture

55:50

stitch together, the way that God

55:53

was always able to see it, it's

55:55

like you get to see how

55:59

your life matters

56:02

and has always mattered to

56:06

God. And for

56:08

me, that

56:10

now influences every

56:13

interaction I have with my kids,

56:16

with my wife, with strangers

56:18

, um, because there's

56:22

divinity in of life. And

56:25

, um, the ability

56:27

to just see all those

56:29

times I questioned lonely moments,

56:32

sad moments, depression, feeling

56:35

disconnected. It's like,

56:37

God could use that story

56:40

and show me the bread comes and say,

56:44

I've always been there.

56:47

That's amazing, man. And it, it sounds like

56:49

it is, you mentioned

56:51

a while ago, it's, it's given you the opportunity

56:54

to just expand

56:56

your capability

56:59

to, to love

57:01

and to see things

57:04

that you didn't see before. And that's,

57:07

we all need more of that. Um, these

57:10

kinds of stories, they just don't end, you know, and

57:12

it's the kind of stories you want to sit down and you want to talk

57:14

about, and , and they're , they're the kind of stories I want

57:16

to shoot and film and make, you know,

57:18

make stories out of. Um, so

57:21

, um, I'm sure we'll get around to that one

57:23

of these days, but again, Brian

57:25

Williams, thank you so much for being on the groove podcast

57:27

today. Um , where can people

57:30

find you? Are you , uh, are you on social media

57:32

guy or do you just kinda , uh,

57:35

my knee , I knew you were on Facebook.

57:37

You know, you're an expert Facebook stalker,

57:40

but , uh, where

57:43

can people

57:43

My profile? Um, I

57:46

, I don't post a lot. Um,

57:49

but I , I do definitely have some

57:51

pictures up there. Um, so you can, you

57:53

can find me on Facebook.

57:56

I'm mr. M R B E

57:58

E w on

58:00

Instagram. So mr. BW, find

58:04

me on LinkedIn,

58:06

Dude . Are you a DJ as well? Okay, we'll

58:09

go on that. Uh, well, that's awesome,

58:11

man. Um, thanks again, Brian.

58:13

And , uh, man,

58:15

I wish you the best of luck in this continued

58:18

expansion in your life. Cause it seems to me like,

58:21

it's just, it's doing nothing, but it expanding

58:23

further and further.

58:26

No doubt about it. And like you said , um , it

58:28

really is a story

58:30

that that never ends and that's true for all

58:32

of us and , um, you

58:35

know, in a , in a year

58:37

like twin 20 , um,

58:41

all we have is the people around us and

58:44

, um, you know, so anytime

58:46

I have the opportunity to , um

58:49

, share my story,

58:51

it's, it's life-giving

58:54

to me. And I really appreciate the opportunity,

58:56

man. Thanks.

58:57

Thanks Brian . You know what? Sometimes the group

58:59

finds us and sometimes we find the groove and

59:01

in this case it sounds like it was a perfect

59:04

combination of both , uh , take care, man.

59:06

And we'll talk again soon. Look

59:08

forward to it. Thanks. To get

59:10

more information about Brian and to see some cool

59:12

pictures of his newly expanded family,

59:15

head over to the groove podcast.com.

59:17

Also, if you'd like to help support our show,

59:19

click on the Patrion and

59:22

join up with some of our other patrons like

59:24

Maria, Elena, and Sue van Fossen

59:26

. We really appreciate all the support

59:28

and be sure to subscribe and

59:30

rate and give us a review

59:33

wherever you listen to your podcasts, it really

59:35

helps us out a lot. You can check out my [email protected].

59:39

I have a photography blog now, and

59:41

I've been posting some old school film photography,

59:44

and I'm usually hanging out on Instagram

59:46

at Devin Pence and feel free to join

59:48

my Facebook pages as well. That's

59:50

it for this episode, hang in there, stay

59:52

strong, stay safe, and stay

59:54

tuned for another episode of the groove.