0:00

The future is a hefty responsibility and

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not one that we take lightly. But then

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taking things lightly has never been what

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hefty is about. That's why we've created the

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Hefty Renew program that turns hard to

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recycle plastics into valuable resources like park benches

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and building materials. To participate,

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simply fill up an orange hefty renew bag

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with accepted items, tie it up and drop

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it in with your regular recycling. That's it.

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It's that easy. It's time to

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rethink recycling with Renew. Particular-valued

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resources may vary by geography. More

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info available at hestrerenew.com. Los

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Angeles. Sunday, May 12th,

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I'll be at the Bourbon Room for

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my show during the Netflix

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Is a Joke Fest. Miami, Florida. I'm

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0:54

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.

1:07

Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're

1:09

over here doing it in the Knight

1:12

Pant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan

1:14

Sickler on all your social media. I'm

1:16

going to start this episode like I

1:19

start them all by saying thank you.

1:21

Thank you very much. Thank you. However

1:23

you support me, whether it's podcasts, stand

1:26

up or all of it.

1:28

However it is, thank you. Whether you're new

1:30

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job because of you. Thank you for supporting

1:35

this show. Thank you for supporting

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the way back. That thing's doing awesome right

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now. There's nothing more fun

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than sitting down for 30 minutes and just

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laughing with somebody about their absurd childhood and

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how we're still even alive. Come

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see me on tour if I am in

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town when you're around. All of my tickets

1:53

are available at ryansickler.com. All right. Now that's

1:55

the business you guys know what we do

1:58

here. We highlight the lowlights, always say. That

2:00

these are the stories behind the storytellers

2:02

and I'm very say they have discussed

2:04

on today First time here on the

2:07

Honey Do ladies and gentlemen please welcome

2:09

key to Thiel All offered for the

2:11

attributes enough. St Yeah I'm

2:13

so excited! As. My see thank

2:15

you for being here and here

2:17

are you look like you about you

2:19

don't put yourself out again you're a

2:22

general secretary so nervous and have severe

2:24

H D R from a response just

2:26

to be transparent why proceed that heads

2:29

of law keepers focus thank you. Ah

2:31

but before we get into your story,

2:33

please promote anything you'd like. Yes,

2:36

I have a podcast with

2:38

Libby Higgins Slop City. Gotta

2:41

plug that. And doing that for

2:44

five years. Slap. City Podcast

2:46

My Instagram at seen a

2:48

D Ball Ah I'm. Yeah,

2:51

think that's going to be at you on the road

2:53

doing stand up dates right now as well. Yes, I'm

2:55

on. See where with Chelsea land

2:58

that ah I'm an that yeah

3:00

go to eatmytask.com. Real. Website:

3:02

That's her website and that's where you.

3:04

Can. See I thank. Ah

3:06

John Wall. Ah thank you for being here!

3:08

First of all, I know Kirsten and everybody's

3:11

a big fan. Were big fans of Chelsea

3:13

and Page and know all your little crew

3:15

there. Hell yeah! Ah, but I hear you

3:17

have quite a story and it's been one

3:19

I wanted to do with why we're here

3:21

on Earth. Ah, curse and was the last

3:23

time we did a Saturday episode. May.

3:26

Be Never. Saw. This as

3:28

beer be honest center for this and

3:31

everything we're ready to go! Love Am

3:33

So please tell me your story. Start

3:35

at the very beginning. Okay,

3:37

I'm. While on

3:39

teen A D Ball and I

3:41

was born on December twenty Cyst,

3:43

Nineteen Ninety Two. Your. Christmas be

3:46

Christmas baby know where? He

3:48

added star at the beginning.

3:50

You're fucked. I'm suggests. Guy

3:52

deserves Ah God. and I

3:54

was born in Belarus so. It's

3:56

like real yeah, that sounds born.

3:59

Okay, so. country in

4:02

Russia or anything. Yeah.

4:04

Well, no, it's not. Is it not? So

4:07

Belarus is its own country. Okay, it

4:09

is. There's Belarus, Ukraine, Poland, all kind of

4:11

right next to each other. And then you

4:13

got big old Russia. So they were all part

4:15

of, you know, the Soviet Union.

4:17

Well, back then, that was what the

4:19

other USSR or Soviet Union? Yes. Okay.

4:21

Well, Soviet Union and USSR are interchangeable.

4:24

Are they? Yeah. Okay. See, I'm ignorant.

4:26

I don't know that. Yeah. All

4:28

right. So you grow up when Rocky's

4:30

beaten up Drago. Yeah. Basically, that's when

4:33

you're born around then low after that.

4:35

Yes. Right after Belarus gained independence

4:37

from the Soviet Union. And the cool

4:39

thing about Belarus, the country I was

4:41

born in is they've had

4:44

the same president since I was born. Nah.

4:46

31 years, baby. Same dude.

4:48

Same dude. But is he, but is he

4:50

in there because he's like, fuck everybody I'm

4:52

staying or is he going to left every

4:55

time? You know what I'm saying? Oh, dude.

4:57

Is it an election or is he like,

4:59

I'm staying? Yeah, it's an election. I'm going,

5:01

that's a king is what we call that.

5:04

Oh, dude. And now he's grooming his son

5:06

to be the next guy.

5:08

Yes, what they do. Oh, it's pretty. I

5:10

mean, it's not cool. It's actually horrific. So

5:12

your mom and dad are married at the

5:14

time. Are they? Yes. Yes. And how old

5:16

are they? Are they young parents? Young parents,

5:19

they are about, I think they're 22, 23. Are you their first? Parents

5:22

were born in 69. I'm their first.

5:24

Okay. So parents met in college.

5:26

They both went to a linguistics

5:29

college north of Minsk,

5:31

which is the capital of Belarus. And

5:35

so they met at this linguistics college. And

5:37

my mom was like such a nerd, you

5:39

know, definitely a virgin. She did. She didn't

5:42

tell me that, but like, I know she

5:44

was. There's no doubt you would know it. No.

5:46

Oh yeah, for sure. That's

5:49

such an odd thing to say about your own mother. To

5:52

know she was just like uptight and prudish

5:54

a little bit, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. No, like

5:56

my mom probably will watch this and be like, I'm not the

5:58

virgin. What the fuck is she talking about? She

6:00

thought oh, yeah, she has a thick accent.

6:02

Yeah, so that Lana is her name Bet

6:05

Lana. Yep, that's fucking yeah. Oh, yeah.

6:07

Oh, yeah, and my dad I

6:11

would cut your fucking throat Yeah, but

6:13

she's so kind and like meek and all

6:15

that but she is like a boss bitch

6:18

in certain ways Like she got

6:20

us on wick when we got here,

6:23

you know, she was fucking moving and

6:25

grooving garage women infant children Yeah, don't know

6:27

what that is. Yeah, it's a program that

6:29

helps. Yeah, yeah, it's a program All

6:33

right, so they left why? So

6:36

my dad got a job at a summer

6:39

camp and I think it was like a

6:41

nonprofit Hey,

6:44

what's going on people come

6:46

on this show to escape Russia for

6:48

their Y'all

6:51

left for a fucking summer

6:53

camp game. Come on. That's

6:55

a part-time job I

6:59

was a summer camp counselor. I drove a

7:01

YFCA man. I wouldn't leave the US to

7:04

go do that Okay,

7:06

I brought you guys here the summer

7:09

camp gig Yeah,

7:16

my dad was like Oh Fuck

7:27

Okay, oh, yeah, okay, but listen I

7:33

heard it pretty much what I heard. I Literally

7:39

heard you I heard I heard what

7:41

you said. I took it and then I had a

7:43

real response So

7:46

yeah, my dad got like he got some

7:48

like Job hookup and they

7:50

didn't know where he was gonna go. He was

7:53

gonna go like teach English

7:55

and something else because my dad, you

7:57

know, they're only with the linguistics nerds

8:00

They love grammar. What else do you do with

8:02

that other than teach it to someone else? There's

8:04

nothing else. The

8:06

amount of times I've heard the

8:08

most annoying grammar terms come

8:10

out of my parents' mouths, they're

8:13

just hard. Further is distance, further is time.

8:15

I can hear that one a lot too. My

8:17

dad's like, oh, this is adverb, okay? I'm

8:19

like, okay, no one needs to know that.

8:22

Stop. And your mom's like, he's

8:24

right because they both know that. No, they bicker

8:27

constantly. My mom would be like, no, this

8:29

is actual verb. And then Igor

8:31

will be like, no. Well, dad's name

8:33

is Igor. Jesus Christ, Igor is

8:35

that lava? There's no way. I

8:38

swear you're going to fucking die. What's your

8:40

real name? An 18a. You're going to

8:42

die when you hear my middle name. What's your

8:44

proper birth first name? Is it Christina?

8:46

Yes. Okay. It's

8:49

Christina, like Christina P. Christina. Yes, but

8:51

not like an Italian guy. You go, Christina. Is

8:54

there a K? It's Christina. Like

8:56

that at that? No, it's just

8:58

a Christina. Igor, Ivna, the

9:00

ball. They come. Yeah,

9:02

baby. That's

9:04

what we do in the USSR. Do you really?

9:07

It's not, it's a common thing. Common

9:09

thing. You take your daddy's name

9:11

and then you add on whatever

9:14

cool ending of mom. You

9:16

said like that. Igor what? Igor

9:18

Ivna. Igor Ivna. Okay. Man.

9:21

Hot, right? Yeah. Oh God. Kids

9:24

hated me. Cause I mean, it's

9:26

such a scary name. I remember like being in middle

9:29

school. If you smile, I'd be waiting for you

9:31

to drop fangs. You know what I mean? If

9:33

you were said you were Igor in Svetlana, I'd

9:35

be like, this bitch is going to bite my

9:37

neck. Yes, dude. All of my

9:39

friends growing up were so scared of

9:41

my parents. Did they come to your house and

9:43

hang out? Oh, no,

9:45

because they would come one time and they'd be

9:47

like, why is there herring? What

9:51

is herring? Why is your dad sleep upside down? They're like, dude,

9:53

what's my hair? Like

10:00

your dad wearing a trench coat. We developed

10:02

a fish over here. Yeah, it's

10:04

like just pickled beets on, it's

10:06

just, no, no one ever wanted

10:08

to pickle it. So here, I'm ADHD and with you,

10:10

no problem. So one, you're one, you

10:13

come to the States with your mom and dad.

10:15

Yes. But now, can I ask you? Dad came

10:17

first. Sorry, go ahead. Do you have family here

10:19

or anything? Or are you guys starting brand new

10:21

here? We are raw dogging it. We

10:23

are raw dogging it. That's the only way

10:26

to do it. They

10:28

got a chance and my dad

10:30

didn't know that it was going to

10:32

be America. Oh, really? Yeah, so

10:34

they had all this wild

10:36

ass shit and you're not going to

10:38

fucking believe this. The KGB approached my

10:40

dad for what? At college because

10:43

they found out that he was going

10:45

to America and they were like, hey,

10:48

buddy, buddy, what's going on? JVC here. Do

10:52

you want to join KGB and stuff like

10:54

that? My dad was like, I don't want any

10:56

part of this. So at

10:58

least that's what he told me. Can I ask you

11:00

this about the KGB? Because is it

11:02

would you say it's equivalent to our

11:04

FBI or more of our mafia? Bro,

11:08

big time more illegal than FBI

11:10

or what would you say? I

11:13

don't even think it's like it

11:16

would be considered mafia because like everyone accepts

11:18

it. That's just what they're like. Oh, those

11:20

are the rules. Okay. Yep. And I can't

11:22

remember what it's called now. I think it's

11:24

like FSB or something. They

11:26

rebranded? Yeah, they rebranded. They

11:29

were like, listen, guys, we are

11:31

not KGB anymore. KGB was kill

11:33

guns, booty. And now

11:35

it's like we're rebranding. They're

11:37

crazy. So they changed the name

11:40

or whatever. So right before he leaves, they come to your dad and

11:42

be like, hey, you want to be one of us? And

11:44

he's like, no, I'm good. Yeah. He

11:46

was like, no, I'm good. I'm going to

11:48

teach English to small fat children in America.

11:51

And then he came over here and he

11:53

goes first. He goes first. And then you

11:55

and mom come. Then me and mom come.

11:57

And where do you go in the state?

12:00

Where do you land? We make a little stop

12:02

in Pennsylvania and then we

12:04

head to Warrensburg, Missouri Warrensburg,

12:07

Missouri. Yeah, which is pretty rural right

12:09

outside of Kansas City about an hour

12:11

Okay, so yeah, and I met you and we

12:13

all had dinner the other night. You had your Chiefs

12:16

jacket on and shit Yeah, so you're right there Kansas

12:18

City girl then okay through and through and

12:20

then you grow up in Kansas City Is that

12:22

pretty much where you stay go to school and

12:24

everything? Yep. I left Kansas

12:26

City in oh nine to go to

12:29

rehab to go to rehab. Yeah,

12:31

Oh nine sixteen All

12:34

right, so let's back up. Yeah, sure what

12:36

happens where you Begin

12:38

to go off the rails before

12:41

you get the rehab. Why are we going to

12:43

rehab? What happened? I love

12:45

that you asked that because that's literally the

12:47

question like every time

12:49

you ask someone like someone's like I've drug stuff It's

12:51

like yeah. Okay. So what happened before like what was

12:53

the thing? I Think

12:57

there's a combination of things but overall

12:59

I now that I'm older and

13:01

can look at it I think it

13:04

was a lot of Russian people

13:06

just kind of like Their

13:08

kids they treat them like adults from a

13:11

very young age so I think

13:13

my parents kind of trusted me a little too

13:15

much and They

13:17

were very intelligent people, but they were not

13:19

very street smart people So they

13:21

didn't really know like signs to look out

13:24

for when I was then their linguistic

13:26

people book smart nerds Yeah, could have

13:28

used one. It wasn't yes Exactly,

13:31

and they're both fucking nerds dude Like

13:34

I mean, I don't even think they've smoked a doobie

13:36

in their life in their life in their life

13:38

They've never smoked that chronic dude never

13:42

But that's fine. So fine They

13:46

yeah, so I think it was a lot of

13:48

that kind of like Parents

13:50

kind of left us to our

13:52

own devices, you know Type of

13:54

thing and not in a neglectful way. It's just they're

13:57

like, you know, like you need to do your

13:59

shit You need to be reading your books and like

14:01

I was fucking reading way too early.

14:03

Like my mom

14:05

still to this day is like Christina

14:07

was reading when she was two years

14:09

old. And my boyfriend, Rafe

14:12

is always like, no,

14:14

she, there's no way she was reading

14:16

full books at two years old. But

14:19

my mom's always like, you and cat William, you

14:23

and cat. Oh God. Oh

14:27

yeah. So yeah,

14:30

I think it was some of that kind of set me

14:32

up for it. And then I got into middle school and

14:37

I don't know, man. I started like

14:39

partying a little bit. And then

14:41

in eighth grade, I got sexually

14:43

assaulted. In eighth grade? Yes.

14:46

By who? So it was like one

14:49

night, like at a party, multiple

14:51

dudes over the night. And

14:54

then. Were you passed out or something? Not

14:57

at the like beginning of the night with,

14:59

I was like at going to a party,

15:01

whatever. And then. In eighth grade? Yes.

15:04

All right. Can we stop there for a second? Is

15:07

this a house party? A field party? Like where are

15:09

you going? Okay. So somebody's parents are gone. Yes. So,

15:12

you know, we were like at someone's house, parents were gone, person's

15:15

house. I was at had a little older brother type of

15:17

thing, you know, older brother, all the

15:19

friends. The high school kids are doing this.

15:21

Exactly. You're the younger sibling. Exactly. Got

15:24

it. So, yeah,

15:26

that happened one night. Is this

15:28

your first time drinking or doing anything

15:31

at this party? No. Rank

15:33

before multiple times. Probably smoked weed

15:36

for sure. And yeah, I mean,

15:38

was definitely getting into drinking. Was

15:40

not a pro by any means.

15:42

But after all this, became one.

15:46

Okay. So yeah, basically that

15:48

happened. And I was a

15:50

child. I mean, I was like 11,

15:53

12 years old. And I, after

15:57

this all happened this night, you know, this

15:59

was, spending the night at someone's house,

16:01

whatever, this all happened kind of that night and

16:03

earlier in the night. And then, um,

16:06

I kind of just like packed my shit and

16:09

I walked home to my parents' house. How far

16:11

is that? Uh, probably like a mile or something.

16:13

I walked home to my parents' house and,

16:16

uh, yeah, just basically rumors got spread.

16:18

Things got very, very ugly and no

16:20

one ever asked me a question. Can

16:22

I ask some questions? Yeah, go ahead. Do you mind?

16:25

No, not at all. Um, basically, not

16:27

basically, you were raped by these boys. Yeah.

16:29

How do you, do you remember, like, were

16:31

you, I don't, how

16:34

many do you remember? And did you know, did

16:37

you know who they were? No, not really. Did

16:39

you at least know that Cindy's brother or whatever

16:41

you could tie to that. Oh yeah, totally new

16:43

of them. Absolutely.

16:45

New of them. How many boys did that

16:47

to you? Uh, so it was like two earlier

16:50

in the night, you know, like some kind of whatever

16:53

being taken advantage of drunk in a car type

16:55

of thing. And then later when

16:57

we went back to the home, then it

16:59

was that evening, I was like walking to

17:01

the bathroom or something and this person kind

17:03

of like passed me. Different person than the two

17:06

in the car. Different person than the two in the car. And

17:09

yeah, very

17:11

heavy shit, dude. That is very. So when

17:14

it's like, dude, how you lost your virginity.

17:16

Yeah, I know. I know.

17:18

And it's like, I bet it's so

17:22

terrible. Like I

17:24

feel so sad for like

17:26

small Tina. Little Tina D little

17:28

Tina Deeb all dude off

17:31

bitch. I was walking around like this then probably

17:33

to being like, Hey, you guys want to party

17:35

that night? Are you, do you mind

17:37

talking about this? No, not at all. And you

17:39

don't have to get super into details. This is what the

17:41

show is. But yeah, fuck no, I'm not going to

17:43

get into details. The details I want to know are

17:45

things like this after it happens. Do you, is there

17:47

a girl at the house, your friend, do you tell

17:50

anyone or do you just get the hell

17:52

out of there? I

17:54

literally grabbed my belongings.

17:59

And I, And I parts

18:01

of this are hazy or whatever, but I

18:03

grabbed my belongings that somehow I did leave

18:05

an item of clothing at their house So

18:09

like I had walked home and then I I

18:11

told my parents in the morning when I walked

18:13

home I was like, oh they dropped me off

18:15

like I was lying. I can't tell your parents I

18:17

don't know why because we didn't have

18:19

that kind of relationship We and it's

18:22

not I'm not mad at very

18:24

closed off. No, but they if your

18:26

mom watches this Yeah, and I've

18:28

got my podcast. I love to so

18:31

I was gonna say no, no, no, it's

18:33

okay It's yeah, I've never like said

18:35

oh it was like this one night

18:38

these three dada But

18:40

whatever shit happens and I'm

18:43

alive. I'll tell you what as a parent I

18:45

don't want to find out this happened to my

18:47

daughter on some podcast 20 years from now. Yeah

18:49

I hope I she comes to me. Yeah,

18:51

I'll kill every motherfucker in that place. Yeah,

18:53

be a great reason to beat some kids

18:57

Oh god

18:59

Just some high school fucking punk dude.

19:01

Hell. Yeah, who here's under 80? Yeah

19:08

People up who's 18, you know

19:10

laws gonna take care of it.

19:12

Yeah all you motherfuckers So,

19:16

yeah, I didn't and these are kids in

19:18

your circle ish so are they in your

19:20

community? They're in my school. You

19:22

gotta see them and shit Ryan So

19:25

many people found out about it afterwards like

19:27

and social media was starting so people were

19:29

like And what

19:31

are they saying? You're a slug you're a

19:33

horror Yeah, oh god.

19:35

No, I don't think like hardly anyone asked me

19:37

a question about it So these boys got

19:40

ahead of it. Yeah, went out and said that

19:42

you basically did this shit with them I'm not

19:44

sure there's no way they did. Well, here's

19:46

what happened. Yeah, so there was there Well,

19:48

there was like some some stuff some evidence

19:50

like left on my front porch The

19:53

following day by these people would buy

19:56

these girls Living

19:59

that I love at the home and they

20:01

like wrote on there like, hi, I'm Tina

20:03

Deebol. I'm a slut. I blank blank blank

20:06

this person So then yeah, dude

20:08

girls are fish. Oh my god. It's

20:10

like a lifetime movie. I couldn't fucking

20:13

write I was like now

20:15

when I look back at it, I'm like, what the

20:17

fuck? How am I alive? How

20:19

did I not fucking like end

20:21

it? That's so sad. This is

20:24

the beginning This is your origin story

20:26

of heading into substance abuse heading in.

20:28

All right. Let's yeah Let's move on

20:30

to that. Great. Love it. What happens?

20:32

What is your first taste of whatever

20:34

and what do you like love? What

20:36

is it that gives you a problem?

20:40

I mean, honestly, I think after that

20:42

moment really anything but

20:45

Opiates were like something that really

20:47

like when I started doing those

20:49

that took me To

20:51

a turn for the worse But like

20:54

I kind of dabbled with everything. Um, so let's

20:56

see I was probably like 12 when I really started

20:58

like drinking partying raging

21:01

Yeah Dude me

21:04

at frat parties. I was like well, yeah Oh

21:06

god, god damn because I skipped a grade

21:09

my mother demanded that me and my brother

21:11

skipped grades She's like Christina and anton are

21:13

going to be skipping this grade and

21:15

and we did we skipped a grade We were

21:17

already young for a grade. Yeah, who's

21:19

gonna argue with vet lana? Yeah,

21:21

you can dude Counselor office. No,

21:24

but like they're skipping the grade.

21:26

No, you can't dude. It's like she's

21:28

like they're like, uh, she's thin but terrifying

21:32

What the fuck? Speaks perfect.

21:34

They're like what the fuck? Well, her grammar

21:36

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that much easier. So. When

25:00

do. When. Does it gets?

25:02

or point where your parents have to call it

25:04

out, send you to a rehab? Like yeah, be

25:06

wholly. It's ah, sixteen. Here's the

25:09

thing now I with the one

25:11

who kind of had the like.

25:13

Kind. of jump start a lot of as to be

25:16

like hey I need to go to rehab they definitely

25:18

started to notice a lot. A problem. They were

25:20

hiding it that well. I it wasn't

25:22

great. it was definitely I had been

25:24

getting caught coming home drunk stuff like

25:26

that. You know, like coming home, booze

25:28

on my bras and all that. And

25:31

you know with all these trying

25:33

like stay out party, be like

25:35

friends' houses and staff after that.

25:38

Does he know I'm trying to suck in

25:40

cope? Dude, I'm in survival now because I

25:42

just none did our I literally was like

25:44

boom let's go on to the next thing.

25:46

So that's when the. Drug. But also, these

25:48

girls are still in years your school when

25:51

everything slows them. Constant reminder you know they're

25:53

not. Still, Bullying you

25:55

are bother you. You walk past these

25:57

people happen that not be about online.

26:00

of that shit. Terrible. So,

26:02

so you finally step up

26:04

and say, Hey, I'm, I'm not hiding

26:06

it well, but what I am hiding

26:08

is how fucked up I really am

26:10

over here. Okay. And I need help.

26:13

Well, yeah. So things, here's when

26:15

it really spiraled was I

26:18

was, I think 15 and I had been

26:20

15. Yeah, it was probably 15. I'd

26:23

been doing heroin at this point for

26:25

like six months because things went basically

26:27

from like booze, weed, hydrocodone,

26:30

Coke, you

26:32

know, Molly, fun stuff like that kind of

26:34

all of those things all at once. So

26:36

it was like, I went from like booze

26:38

and weed to like everything else. So

26:41

like I've done every drug except acid and

26:43

smoked meth. I'm

26:45

not a piece. When you say heroin, was

26:47

it just pills or would you

26:49

ever? Oh, I shot it. Yeah.

26:53

How, how are you? I got a C.

26:56

So from needles. Yeah. When

26:58

I was 16, you got 16. Yeah.

27:01

You're a baby. I know. You had a needle

27:03

in your arm. It's like, yeah. And

27:06

what piece of shit's teaching you how to do

27:08

that? Yeah. I mean, whatever. I'm

27:10

not. I don't want

27:12

to fill up my uncle. Listen,

27:15

Oh God. I

27:18

know I said it didn't have family here, but I did. No,

27:20

I'm kidding. So you have

27:22

health issues that flag

27:24

everything, hepsies. Exactly. And that's

27:26

when your parents find out. This

27:28

was the wildest spiral

27:30

of events. Cause it was like, I

27:33

get really into drugs. I mean, this went

27:35

from like probably 12 to 16, four years.

27:39

I lived like 30 or like

27:42

15 years in that

27:44

like four year period. Cause I

27:46

mean, I was Janice Joplin for fucking four years.

27:48

Dude, I was raging. I'm

27:51

fucking 30 year old guys. I swear.

27:54

It's like Tina. I know. I

27:56

know. I know. I

27:58

know. I know. There

28:00

were 30 year old men that where were you

28:02

finding them do you and drugs drugs

28:05

partying older guys? You know what

28:07

I'm saying and listen, I know

28:09

that this sounds so wild to you, but this is

28:11

not uncommon Like I

28:13

know that's the serving is for sure

28:16

I'm sure you probably knew girls your age even if

28:18

you weren't friends with them that were doing the same

28:20

thing 100% 30

28:23

oh, yeah, I mean whatever 20 year old 30

28:25

year old older guys for sure I

28:27

know for a fact just for drugs or

28:30

the eight-year-old fucked up just drugs

28:32

stuff like that You know just being

28:34

in a weird spot in their

28:36

house these drugs can't have houses

28:38

or trap houses or yeah There

28:41

was some people's houses some people's

28:43

cars. You know what I mean

28:45

people I was hanging out with at the time friends

28:49

Yeah, dude wild. I mean it's like I

28:52

was I was I was raging Hard

28:55

and it's crazy because my parents, you know, I lived

28:58

in a nice area I'll make a joke

29:00

here, but go I would say we

29:02

take that G out and put a P in there and it was

29:08

That's exactly what was happening Dude

29:13

I know heavy shit I'm

29:19

so sorry. Like I can't even it's

29:21

hard to look in your eyes and know that happened

29:23

to you Oh, that's that's really

29:25

sweet. This is insane Yeah,

29:28

I know it's fucked up all you

29:30

got Libby to like the fucking I

29:32

mean man, man Yeah, it's

29:35

crazy. And then here's the crazy thing

29:37

too is the more I sit across

29:39

from women Uh-huh, the more I hear

29:41

what you just said. Yes, this isn't

29:43

that crazy It's not like I have

29:45

friends telling me now your daughter's nine.

29:47

Mm-hmm in a few years Ryan Yeah,

29:49

you're gonna see perverted men at the

29:51

mall Look at your kid and

29:53

I'm like what? Because you

29:56

know, I can't think like that. I

29:59

was never an adult man looking at

30:01

someone's child in a sexual way. So

30:03

I don't assume that you

30:05

would want to, but I have

30:08

to. And

30:11

she's like, you better start watching out for it. I'm

30:13

like, don't tell me that, but

30:15

I need to hear it for sure. And I

30:17

hear this shit and I'm terrified. I know. Just

30:20

for your life and you are, how are you here

30:22

for real? You should be dead. What do you mean?

30:24

And like, just in life in that seat

30:27

right now, oh, I, I trust adult men

30:30

when you're a child and you're doing

30:32

drugs and I overdosing, you're not being

30:34

murdered in these cars. I mean, man,

30:36

you've seen dateline. Oh yeah. Oh

30:38

God. Yeah. I mean, I've OD'd, I've,

30:41

I've OD'd multiple times. Never. I've

30:43

never been. I've gone to

30:45

Florida twice. Listen, stop. I gotta tell

30:47

you this. Chelsea and I were in

30:49

the car the other day, Chelsea Lynn. Um,

30:52

we were in the car the other day and I was like

30:54

telling her about something. And I go, you know, man, it's like,

30:57

we like, we lost our first friend to

30:59

an overdose together. And Chelsea was like, and

31:03

then started laughing so hard. She goes, Tina,

31:05

the fact that you just say shit like

31:07

that, like it's normal, like a right of

31:09

passage. We were laughing so hard, but it's

31:12

like, it truly it's, it's crazy. But I

31:14

also can't even believe I was that person

31:17

now in a way. Like I see

31:19

everything I've like come through

31:21

and, and, and all that I've

31:23

been through and all I've like, I'm like, I know

31:25

it's really fucked up, but I'm like, I'm

31:28

obviously not glad that it happened.

31:30

It is horrible. It is an

31:32

actual tragedy, but

31:36

like, I don't know,

31:38

dude. I think it's like made me

31:41

who I am today. No doubt.

31:44

I feel like I found my people, dude.

31:46

Well, here's the thing too, about people

31:48

like you and, and us and people

31:50

that sit in that chair and go

31:52

through these things, like you have a

31:54

choice. Yeah. You have a choice to

31:57

stay there and

31:59

either die. or get murdered god

32:01

knows what's gonna happen to you

32:03

on that side of things. Yes.

32:06

Or you fucking Get

32:08

up and you go that way and you figure

32:10

it the fuck out day by day the best

32:12

you can. Yeah, that's it That's all you

32:14

can do. Yeah, and you're

32:16

doing great. Thanks. So now We

32:19

go to rehab Yeah Is your are your parents about

32:21

to find out you've had sex with men in their

32:23

30s when you were a kid in the car And

32:26

stuff like is that about to happen? Just

32:31

as a pair up there We

32:33

could totally edit this by the way, honestly,

32:35

we can totally edit this out. Yeah. Yeah.

32:37

Yeah. No, I know we can and whatever It's

32:39

fine Wolfic, I don't know

32:41

we go to rehab. Let's get the rehab.

32:44

Yes. All right, where is rehab and who

32:46

sends you to rehab? Your parents agree like

32:48

okay, it's time you need help. Yeah,

32:50

so after so

32:53

I get Diagnosed with hep

32:55

C. I'm in hospital and Mind

32:57

you I'm 16. So I

32:59

am in the pediatric ward

33:01

because I am a minor And can

33:04

I ask you this too? Like are you sure

33:06

the hep C is not not from just me

33:08

the man You can't get it sitting next to

33:10

me. Okay. No, but you're having sex with these

33:13

men How do you know one of them wasn't

33:15

sick and gave it to you? Um, I

33:18

don't yeah I don't for sure

33:20

that is very probable It's

33:23

pretty unlikely because all the people I was sharing needles

33:25

with you were sure half. Yeah. Yeah.

33:27

Yeah. Oh, yeah Well, I was we

33:29

were we were fucking oh

33:32

god. I know it's so it's

33:34

like what the fuck But

33:36

hey, man, I was fucking flying by the

33:38

seat of my pants and just fucking literally

33:41

I Was

33:43

like hey, man, I will take these off if you can help

33:45

me out All

33:47

right, so now we're in rehab where where is that?

33:50

So I start in Kansas City in rehab

33:53

and then I go from Kansas City to

33:55

st. Louis They deem me they're like, hey

33:57

listen, you gotta go you gotta get out

34:00

out of Kansas City. You got to get

34:02

your shit together and you got to go. So I don't

34:04

know. I just kind of agreed to it because I was like

34:06

I knew I knew I was going to die. Like I

34:09

was like okay. There's nowhere else the

34:11

story goes. You're right. And I was like

34:14

okay. I got to get it together. So

34:17

go to St. Louis in 2009

34:19

and I go to rehab there. This place called Crossroads.

34:22

Crossroads, Crossroads. Yeah. I was at 16. Yes, I was

34:24

16 when I went in.

34:27

And your parents are okay. Positive for

34:29

Hep C. Just rolling in like hey

34:32

ladies how y'all doing. How far is

34:34

St. Louis to Kansas City? Four hours. Three and

34:37

a half, four hours. Alright. So your parents could

34:39

still get to you. Yeah. And my mom

34:41

drove me there and everything. And

34:43

I think it's my parents

34:45

just didn't really they didn't know they were going to deal

34:47

with this kind of shit. So that's all

34:49

you know they kind of just like learned. What's

34:52

the same thing I'm saying like I

34:54

don't think of children sexually. Yeah. And

34:56

the way your mom is probably in

34:58

dad or nurse they probably never even

35:01

considered Molly or why would

35:03

anyone go that way. Yeah. They can't even

35:05

imagine you're doing what. Well and they

35:07

grew up in Soviet Russia. Dude they they

35:09

were in survival mode man. They were raised

35:11

by parents that had trauma. You

35:14

know like who went through fucking World War II and

35:16

all that bullshit. Yeah. And your dad's like we

35:18

got to go to a summer camp. Yeah. And

35:20

my dad. My dad's in World

35:22

War II. Oh stop. Can you. His

35:25

family probably. He's like you're going where.

35:27

I just. I

35:29

just realized why they hate us.

35:31

Why they're mad at him. They're rapping food and everything.

35:33

He's going to fucking die. Oh

35:36

no why they're mad at him now. I didn't

35:39

understand it until now. They

35:42

literally are mad. Because they're like you

35:44

know ego kind of a bit. Something

35:46

whatever. They've got some bitterness. That's why.

35:48

Because they're like oh Mr. Egor went

35:50

to summer camp. Jumping in lake.

35:53

Sending photos of him waving

35:55

from lake like this. Like Forrest Gump.

35:57

No doubt that's what it is. Oh

36:01

no, that's all good. Alright,

36:03

so we're in St. Louis Rehab

36:06

and what sort of rehab is this?

36:09

So the what day breach? What are

36:11

your days like? Yeah, so I

36:13

entered into an intensive outpatient program which was

36:15

five days a week, four hours a day.

36:17

I... Can

36:20

I ask you a question? Yeah. You're 16 so

36:22

outpatient, where are you going when you leave there?

36:25

I am staying in at

36:27

someone's house who is like part

36:29

of the program. Okay. Like

36:32

a family... So you're supervised still. I'm supervised.

36:34

You're not free to go buck wild in St.

36:36

Louis now. No, no, no, no, no. No,

36:38

I'm supervised. I've got, you know, I've got

36:40

a very limited amount of money.

36:44

I'm being doled money out. It's

36:46

very, you know, and I was

36:49

smoking hella sigs at the time too, which is so

36:51

funny that I was having like people buy me cartons

36:53

of cigarettes at school. Cartons of cigarettes at 16. Yeah. And

36:56

everyone did it. They're like, yeah, this bitch has been

36:58

through a lot. You know, let's buy her cigarettes. Hey,

37:00

get her some ice cream, get her some cigarettes. Let's

37:02

just fucking get her through this next six months. So

37:06

yeah, so I stayed at someone's house who

37:08

was part of the program. And I

37:10

was in this intensive outpatient program for

37:13

four months, just about. I

37:15

turned 17, I think, right when I got out of

37:17

treatment. And I mean,

37:19

this shit was crazy, dude. Like that's

37:22

a lot of time to be spending.

37:24

And I, the

37:26

guy that was my counselor, I think

37:29

he was 22 at the

37:31

time had, you know, probably

37:34

some licensing. I don't really think any

37:36

kind of accreditation to be like, yeah,

37:38

so let's talk about it, you know,

37:40

because they were in town. I promise you.

37:43

There's no fucking way what you're bringing

37:45

into there. That guy is qualified for.

37:47

That's what I'm saying. There ain't no

37:49

way. This 20 year old assholes

37:51

right here, what you got to say with his

37:53

little certificate on the wall. Oh yeah, dude. And

37:56

he's there. Oh God. And

37:58

he was kind of a nurse. Nice guy. Everyone

38:00

there was great. I mean, like they were nice,

38:02

but the first day I got there,

38:05

I am literally like, I got high eight

38:07

hours before. I'm like, smoking

38:09

figs on the way in. And people

38:11

are like, hi Tina, we love you. And

38:13

everyone's hugging me right away. Right when I

38:16

walked in, Ryan, first thing they do.

38:18

And I was so like, I mean, I'm like, what

38:20

the fuck's going on here, bro? I

38:23

was just like, okay, this is fucking crazy. Like I

38:25

don't really know what's happening. And I mean, it was

38:27

just like a bomb. They like love bomb you right

38:30

when you get there. And

38:33

then you got to love bomb new ones when

38:35

they come in. That's where my head's at already.

38:37

I ain't hugging no new motherfucker in here. I'm

38:39

already on that. Oh dude, but then I get

38:41

like a year into rehab and I'm like, bop, bop,

38:43

bop, bop. I'm like on steering committee. I'm like leading

38:45

meetings. I'm like fucking killing it.

38:47

Were you? I was. Isn't

38:51

that hilarious? I fucking

38:53

started a fucking, I

38:55

started a rebel. No, not really, but I

38:57

was like on the steering committee. Like I

39:00

took that motherfucker over. I

39:02

know I'm using cult language. It's like

39:04

Scientology. I say it like it's like

39:06

everybody knows that. You just said cult. So what

39:08

is this? Tell me where we are. Where the

39:10

hell, are we in robes? We are in,

39:12

no, everyone wears normal clothes. So they

39:14

have one little building that's

39:17

called the satellite, the

39:19

shop, it has multiple different names.

39:21

And there's younger group and older

39:23

group rehab in, going

39:26

on. What's the youngest kid you

39:28

remember seeing in there? Dude, like 13

39:30

and he was like such a pussy,

39:32

like smoking one weed one time. And

39:34

yeah, and his parents were like, oh

39:36

God, oh God, Kevin's gonna

39:38

die. And it's like, dude,

39:40

Kevin's a fucking pussy. Kevin, what

39:42

are you talking about? Kevin's five.

39:45

Like Kevin's 14 and sucking dicks and

39:48

pick up trucks. You're calling me. Yeah,

39:50

I'm like, I'm like the fucking poster

39:52

child. I'm like, listen, you guys don't need

39:54

to be bringing your kids here, okay? You're

39:57

fine. You're

40:00

the one, you're the litmus. Oh

40:03

my god, yeah they're like, I'm the- What do you

40:05

think, Zeta? He's back. Oh,

40:08

dude, things got so- Yes,

40:11

it was, I was like that. So,

40:14

um, the way that these places

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40:18

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on the wheel. Not like

41:30

the driver to the right of you who's

41:34

really going after that drum store. Save

41:37

the drive lives on the Allstate app and only

41:39

pay a rate based on you. I

41:49

don't care. And

42:00

listen, I want to say this. I'm not making

42:03

fun of like I'm not trying to be like

42:05

oh fuck that little pussy guy I think that

42:07

joint could have sent him in the

42:09

psychotic fucking mental breakdown or something Exactly

42:13

dude and people deal with trauma differently like

42:15

you could have had another girl could have

42:17

had the same thing that happened to Me

42:19

happen to them, but they might have had

42:22

the resources to deal with it and they

42:24

could have been better off afterwards Whatever

42:26

so that's the point of all this is to

42:28

talk about shit So we fucking learn from our

42:30

mistakes and don't fuck this up for the next

42:32

generation like your daughter That's all

42:35

we can do is better than we

42:37

got. Yeah, okay, so back

42:39

to the rehab. So I love you

42:41

They're doing it. I'm the ringleader. I'm

42:43

on steering committee steering committee Was

42:47

just basically like, you know

42:50

The leaders like we led meetings because

42:52

we had I mean our weeks were planned

42:54

out at this place dude Monday through Friday

42:57

Outpatient four hours a day you hang

42:59

out with people from the program Every

43:03

single night that is your life. Where

43:05

where are we going for that people's houses? Doing

43:08

weird fear missions. I mean we did fear

43:11

mission It's Basically

43:16

something that they they do to like be like,

43:18

oh we're gonna like get this newcomer out of

43:20

their head You know, we're gonna get them out

43:22

of their head and we're gonna have fun tonight

43:24

It's gonna be crazy and basically they like scare

43:27

people like there was a

43:29

traumatizing traumatized people Like

43:32

that's the hazing, you know what they did We

43:36

were all why are we hazing? anyone

43:41

I was a part of it one time. I was

43:43

like sitting in the car and they were like, okay

43:45

watch this We're gonna go into this

43:48

creepy little area and then right when you get

43:50

there Someone's gonna come out of here open the

43:52

door and pull one of you out and we're

43:54

gonna scare the newcomer And it's gonna get them

43:56

out of their head and they're not gonna think

43:59

about doing drugs for a minute and I was like, okay,

44:02

what the fuck? That might make

44:04

me do drugs, that's nice and shit

44:06

like that. Yeah, so you know, they just,

44:08

there was a lot of weird, weird, weird

44:10

stuff like that. A

44:12

lot of cult language, you know. Any

44:16

weird behaviors too, like is there

44:18

rituals or is there? Oh

44:21

yeah, before every meeting, because we would

44:23

do meetings twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

44:26

Every meeting they would do these chants and

44:29

this is what they would

44:31

literally like do this chant, they

44:33

called it Earth. I think it was like, I

44:35

think that means emergency relief fund. Do

44:38

you know what I'm talking about? I

44:40

know what an emergency relief fund is, but I've

44:42

never, no, I know Nerf. I

44:44

don't know Earth. What's Nerf? Football,

44:47

Nerf football. Oh, okay, gotcha. Yeah.

44:50

I don't know what they mean. They have a bunch of

44:52

Nerf toys actually, but football's the one I go to. Right

44:54

on. Yeah, so they do

44:56

chants before every meeting. How many people

44:58

are in this? I'd

45:00

say a hundred at a time. Oh wow, that's a lot. So,

45:03

and I mean about like 20 of them are

45:05

in, maybe 20 to 40 of them are in

45:07

treatment. And then the rest of the people

45:09

are just part of the group until they graduate. Oh,

45:12

so they're actually recovering addicts

45:15

and then they graduate out. Yes,

45:17

and that's what I did. I was there from 2009 to 2012

45:19

and I graduated. You

45:22

were in your thing for three years? Yeah, dude. Oh

45:25

my God, three years. Oh yeah. This

45:27

is your high school. Oh

45:29

my God, I didn't even fucking think of that, kind

45:32

of. It is. You're 16, you

45:34

go in. Well, yeah, I mean I was

45:36

16, 17 or whatever. I

45:38

was a junior when I went in. Okay.

45:41

So, junior, senior, and freshman year

45:44

of college is in rehab. Exactly,

45:46

yeah, it was. And are

45:48

they teaching you anything in there? Like do you

45:50

have a curriculum or are they doing math? Are

45:53

you just in there just... No. No.

45:56

No, not at all. They know you're obviously not in

45:58

high school. anymore because you're

46:00

there. Yeah. I mean, I, so I dropped out, I

46:02

had to drop out of high school, obviously to go to rehab,

46:05

get my shit together. Um, I

46:07

ended up getting my high school diploma online

46:09

because I had like in rehab. Yeah.

46:11

I'd like two more credits left because I was in

46:14

like college classes. I got out of school at like

46:16

11 AM. So

46:18

I had the perfect time to

46:20

do drugs. You know what I mean? So

46:23

because you were smart and accelerated, you would

46:25

get out early because you were ahead in

46:27

credits. And then you would take that time

46:29

to do drugs. The

46:31

opposite of smart and accelerate. You

46:35

were smart so you could do drugs. Yeah.

46:37

That's kind of wild. It was great. So

46:40

what are these chants? Give me an example of some

46:42

of these chants and it's a hundred people doing this.

46:44

Oh yeah, dude, it gets lit in

46:47

there. People are like, uh, you know,

46:49

they're booking hype. Like it's creepy. It's

46:52

got a real like church vibe, but, um, here,

46:54

let me think of some of the chants I

46:56

would like start out. They'd be

46:58

like, okay.

47:01

One of them, when they would pass this hat

47:03

around and be like, you know, you shouldn't

47:07

you shouldn't think if you don't give

47:09

to earth, like they would have these

47:11

like chance that everybody would sing along.

47:14

I can't really remember any of them to be honest.

47:16

So that's all I remember is like naming

47:18

off things that you would be

47:21

called if like you don't give to earth. So

47:23

you're a piece of shit. If you don't donate

47:26

to earth, basically you're into it. But

47:28

where the fuck are you supposed to get money?

47:30

If you're in this goddamn rehab? Yeah, which costs

47:32

a lot of money. Don't you think they're preaching

47:35

to the wrong people, the most broke ass people

47:37

that's stuck in this building and can't go earn

47:39

an income. Yes, but yeah, people,

47:41

they're really telling you to tell your parents.

47:44

Hey, we want some more money and we're trying to

47:46

hustle it out of you guys. Guess so. Something

47:48

like that for sure. And

47:51

what's shit and sinks? Um,

47:53

okay. So I, when I was

47:55

probably like six months over, I

47:58

thought it would be really funny one night. to

48:00

just shit in some people's sinks. Sober.

48:06

100% sober. That's the opposite for me. I

48:08

think if I ever had that thought cross

48:10

my mind, it would definitely be shit faced.

48:12

I would never be sober. 100% sober. What

48:15

do you mean they're sinks? What kind of

48:18

sinks? Like, they're kitchen sinks? Where

48:20

are these sinks that you're going to shit in? And

48:22

how many shits are you going to take that you're

48:24

going to do multiple sinks? One of the

48:26

girls had like a lifelong eating disorder, so she had

48:28

a lot of bowel problems. It was like, oh, I

48:30

could knock one out whenever. And she

48:32

was down to do this with you? You

48:34

got a teammate to do this with? You

48:36

rallied people to do this? You weren't solo-vishing

48:38

on this? How many girls

48:41

did this with you? I think two of us

48:43

were the shitters. One of them might

48:45

have let like a little Hershey's kiss out. Little

48:48

two. But yeah. So

48:51

yeah. Where are the sinks? There

48:53

are various bathrooms. We went

48:55

to two locations. And you

48:57

shit in the sinks. And

49:00

then what happened? I mean,

49:03

people flip. People

49:07

lose their fucking mind. We're

49:10

getting phone calls. Get

49:12

the fuck back here and

49:14

clean up your fucking shit.

49:17

Oh, people are losing it. What the fuck? What

49:20

the fuck's wrong with you? Oh,

49:22

dude. It's over. Every floor. The

49:26

counselors the next day are like, what

49:28

the fuck? What the

49:30

fuck? Who told on you? Were

49:32

there cameras? Did they have cameras everywhere? No. It's

49:35

just that's the thing. No, everyone tells on

49:37

each other there because they're kind of like they're

49:39

like, hey, so what was Tina doing last night? Like, when did she get to

49:41

the function? Oh, seven o'clock. She shit in

49:43

the sink. They're like, you're

49:45

not going to believe this. Yeah, go believe

49:48

it. God

49:51

damn it, dude. It's all P to D ball

49:53

shit in the sink. Yeah. Oh,

49:56

and they pulled me into a room and they were like, what?

50:00

What were you thinking? And I was like, I thought it was funny. And

50:03

what did they say? That they literally were like, it's

50:06

not funny. And I was like, okay, but it is

50:08

funny. Like it's kind of

50:10

funny. They went into

50:12

their bathroom and they're just sitting

50:14

there. And then that really became part of

50:16

the chain. Their thing. It became part of

50:18

the chain because people were appalled. People

50:21

were appalled. And listen, this

50:23

place has locations in other

50:25

areas. They've got Kansas city. They

50:27

got Phoenix. They got all these other areas. I

50:29

mean, people were chit chatting about the shitting in

50:31

the sink. Maybe I tried to relive my high

50:33

school thing or something. I was like, yeah, I'm

50:35

going to make a name for myself again. And

50:37

I'm going to reclaim it. This is

50:40

my time to shine and I choose to.

50:42

Shit in the sink. That's

50:44

what I'm saying. You got good

50:46

grades, bid drugs. Your time to shine,

50:48

chat in the sink. Yes.

50:51

I'm just so sad. I'm just so sad. Dude,

50:53

I gotta use this. You're

50:56

like, don't do it on it. I

51:00

could have used it to do something powerful. And

51:02

what I did was shit. And I'm telling

51:04

you, I stood by it. Pretty powerful. I

51:07

gotta say that there is a photo of me.

51:09

Powerful message. Do you know what I was for Halloween that

51:11

year? Piece of shit

51:13

in a sink. No, where are you really? The big

51:15

piece of shit. You have that picture. Yeah, somewhere. Send

51:17

that. I will. I will. And

51:20

we took a Tupperware bot thing and

51:22

we're like drilled it. And I

51:24

was like the sink. I

51:26

love that you're leaning into it still after the

51:28

like, what's wrong with you? Well, it's like they

51:31

were like, well, you're doing it to make yourself not attractive

51:33

to men right now. That's what you're doing. And I was

51:35

like, no, I shit in the sink because it's fucking funny.

51:38

And they were like, no, you're trying to, you're

51:40

trying to make yourself unattractive to everybody. And

51:42

I was like, what the fuck are you

51:44

talking about? I shouldn't these guys think because

51:46

we were fucking bored and we're all trying

51:49

to not get fucking high. We're at Denny's

51:51

chain, smoking cigarettes inside, playing fucking spades, all

51:53

trying to not fuck each other. And it's

51:56

like, what? And you're asking

51:58

me why I shit in a sink. Because

52:01

I'm trying to like, I was, what

52:04

do you mean why? Yeah. So, um,

52:07

here's the thing I had, I really

52:09

do think it saved my life in

52:11

a way. And, but it's like, it's

52:13

so problematic that because

52:16

a lot of people can't take what they

52:18

learn at places like that and internalize it. Yeah.

52:25

Listen, be like me guys, get it all

52:27

out. You know, let me tell you something.

52:29

Yeah. I am not going to sit

52:31

in this seat, nor do I ever sit in this seat

52:33

and judge anybody. I would happen

52:35

to you. Whatever goes on

52:38

after that, you didn't hurt

52:40

anybody. You didn't hurt anybody. Just shit in the

52:42

sink. Just a little dookie. Y'all allowed to do

52:44

whatever the fuck you want to do the

52:46

rest of your goddamn life. Thank you. Yeah. I

52:48

appreciate that. You're allowed to do it. For sure.

52:51

But it's like, I kind of know. I'll tell you

52:53

what, if those people put

52:56

up one of the stories

52:58

I've heard you tell today versus I

53:00

promise you I'm less appalled by you shitting in

53:03

the sink than anything you told me about what

53:05

happened to you growing up as a kid. Yeah.

53:07

Yeah. For sure. I mean perspective. Yeah. So

53:10

hell yeah, brother. I mean, I don't know if I'd continue

53:12

that, but you know, you got shit in the sink. Oh,

53:14

for sure. I'm not going to do that. Yeah. That's a

53:16

wrap. And then I shit in someone's backyard or

53:18

like something in the yard. Yeah. I

53:21

did it in middle school. This

53:24

girl Bianca, I shit in her backyard. I

53:26

don't know what's. Was she part of

53:28

that fucking crew? No, she

53:31

was like a nice girl that like, you know,

53:33

we became friends and like partied together in high

53:35

school. Did you ever tell her after this all

53:37

happened? It's like, I kind of got into drugs,

53:39

but you know, people still hung out with me

53:42

and stuff, they, it was just kind of like

53:44

a penis crazy, you know, she's doing drugs to

53:46

hide your purse when she's around kind of thing.

53:50

Um, okay.

53:53

So we're, we're shitting in sinks. We

53:56

get cleaned up. Did You realize that I

53:58

just ADD'd out? I was like, Now

54:00

I just the to tell people to hide their

54:02

purses around the would you steal from people's purses.

54:04

Money and stuff like that. Soviet that

54:07

makes me worry about up

54:09

yeah. Body and

54:11

stuff flush out of here to take

54:13

my mid my go. Your

54:16

yeah you know jewelry amount of the

54:18

shit like that year the suit everyone

54:21

worries about the his mother earth. Sure,

54:23

I won't say I was the greatest

54:25

an ideal. I am sorry to anybody

54:27

that I did her and whatever. And

54:29

all that that's fine grained. The or

54:31

stores did you ever do thou? Yeah,

54:33

love somewhere, Shoplift. Less. Got banned from.

54:36

Me: Span: yes, What would you get caught

54:38

with the got you banned? I. Well was.

54:40

So here's what I was doing this: I

54:42

was on a competitive the and seem at

54:45

the time so I was a police. Car

54:48

know twelve or thirteen I compared of

54:50

the and seems me and an older

54:52

dell go to the mall. In. Between

54:54

rehearsal you know will get ready to his

54:56

it's production time like we need to be.

54:58

Falcon are a game. We got nationals and

55:01

stuff so we go to the mall. I.

55:03

Shoplift something I guess while we're there.

55:05

think a little brar something. I get

55:07

caught apprehended, my mother has to come

55:09

and get me. And. I get banned

55:11

from Macys until I was eighteen. Real

55:14

Yeah. But my mom was so funny because when

55:16

I was in rehab we were in St. Louis

55:18

and I got the and in Kansas City. My

55:20

mom's like. Unseen. I

55:22

wish we could both of Macys. And

55:26

I was like mom, we can go in there like they don't have

55:28

like. Face. Recognition run. Any they can

55:30

do that. Fixer uppers. I literally she.

55:32

Got know we cannot go in there until you're

55:34

eighteen years old. That is what they said. The

55:37

and she stuck to that see that

55:39

as soon as I didn't do as

55:41

I know that whole staff has gone

55:44

now and six hundred is a cigarette.

55:46

Teenager and worked in there that one day.

55:49

As they tell you to the Red Rover.

55:51

Who are in the what happens where you

55:53

finally get out of rehab is there are

55:55

zero The have to pass a test of

55:58

your near for three years. Yeah why? Why

56:00

is it? And. You. Know you have

56:02

to be eighteen to get out. Was your a minor? Like

56:04

what? is it? Into am I don't think

56:06

so. I mean I just and it kind of

56:08

got to the point where like I think I.what

56:10

I needed out of there and they kind of

56:13

like. Start.

56:15

Tat! Here's some kind of what I think

56:17

they kind of push some people to graduate

56:19

out because they're doing things that are kind

56:21

of like not gonna align with the program

56:23

type of thing. Because I started going to

56:25

comedy clubs when I was in stand like.

56:27

Just don't wanna hurt. yeah,

56:29

sorry in rehab aka. Just

56:31

a watch because it was a place that I could

56:33

go smoke cigarettes. They had midnight shows that the funny

56:36

bone in St. Louis like. You did I

56:38

just spit on, you know, on my

56:40

toes Mars old? Okay, no problem. Biggest.

56:43

Sin Security. I

56:46

promise of the tv dissidents but only

56:48

outdoor person the market okay and let

56:50

everyone we would edit around the all

56:52

that's great Yeah I'm. So.

56:56

Sorry. Was I talking about? You were talking

56:58

about they would graduate some people out of

57:00

what you had to do. You said you

57:02

got what you needed out of. Yeah, I

57:04

think I kind of got were any out of that, but

57:06

I'm very. Long were you clean and sober in there?

57:09

The. Whole time. So. Two

57:12

thousand nine to like July

57:14

Something Two thousand and. Nine

57:16

glasses. No. No me. Or last, there's

57:18

nothing real. Two thousand and nine to

57:20

two thousand and thirteen. So I had

57:22

about four years sober total off everything.

57:24

Your how know be without drugs on.

57:27

Eighteen? Yeah, Nine Twenty. And where do you

57:29

go back to Kansas know? The. State and

57:31

cyclists. is it such? My plan was go

57:33

to rehab here in St. Louis, move back

57:35

to Kansas City. Obviously I just try to

57:37

state year to decide I built a life.

57:39

Next thing I know I had a job.

57:41

Next thing I know at a friend's I

57:43

had an apartment I had. You know things

57:46

were like look it up and I was

57:48

like working the city's only four hours away.

57:50

like it just felt right to stay in

57:52

St. Louis. So am now

57:54

and then I'd I'd worked

57:56

bar jobs kinda like. Was.

58:00

figuring it out, living life. And that wasn't

58:02

tempting or problematic to work at a bar?

58:05

Oh, um, yeah. In 2014, I started

58:07

like drinking again and smoking weed and all

58:09

that. How long were you clean total?

58:12

Four years. And then you started

58:14

drinking. Were you using

58:16

anything else? I

58:19

definitely did like have some Coke dabbles and all

58:21

that. Cause in my mind I was like, well,

58:23

I'm not doing heroin. You know, I'm just farting

58:25

around just doing some Coke. So,

58:27

um, yeah, I did do

58:30

some of that stuff, but got

58:32

away from that. So now just booze

58:34

and, um, weed. Only.

58:38

Yep. And responsibly. Yeah.

58:40

A hundred percent. So, I

58:42

mean, I, I've had some slip ups

58:44

and all that. I'm not saying I've been fucking

58:46

perfect. Like it's like, there has definitely been some

58:49

times where it's like, I've gotten out

58:51

of control and the, you know, with

58:53

drinking in the past five,

58:55

eight years, whatever, um, but

58:59

I feel like where I'm at now and where I've

59:01

been at for the last few years is a

59:04

super good place. Yeah. I smoke so

59:06

much more weed now than ever. And I

59:09

love it. Like I don't drink as

59:11

much as I used to. I

59:13

definitely smoke more weed now. And I just think it's

59:15

kind of good for me. Like it kind of helps

59:17

my anxiety. Oh, no doubt for

59:19

me too. I focus so much better

59:21

on it. Same. I'm a, I really

59:24

believe like I'm

59:26

a better person, better parent.

59:28

Yeah. Better everything. My

59:30

mood. I mean, it's really

59:32

helped a lot. I'd rather do that

59:34

than take some medication I'm giving. It's got

59:36

40 side effects. Can I just step outside

59:38

for 15 minutes? Yeah. I'll smoke

59:40

a joint. I'll come in with fucking build

59:42

Legos. We'll do whatever you want. Hell yeah. And I

59:44

won't yell when I step on it. You

59:47

know what I mean? You're going to be like, hell yeah. I'm fucking

59:49

grateful for that Lego. Yeah. You

59:51

know what I'm grateful for? I'm grateful for

59:53

you for doing this episode. I'm grateful that

59:55

you're alive. I can't even believe that's out

59:57

and ends right now. Do you a lot?

1:00:00

Yeah, can I ask you how old you are

1:00:02

31 Jesus Christ you've lived a

1:00:04

hundred fucking years. I know you have you're

1:00:06

only Such a

1:00:08

chaotic story at all. Well, I apologize

1:00:10

for what happened to you in your

1:00:12

life. No, you didn't do

1:00:15

that Yeah, you're right man And

1:00:17

do you I guess I want to ask you this too

1:00:19

Do you have a good relationship with your parents where you

1:00:21

like when they watch this? Will you be able to talk

1:00:23

to them about it after or will it just be one

1:00:25

of those like I didn't know that and No,

1:00:28

I think we could totally talk about it But it's

1:00:30

like it's it's just heavy and I'm kind of like

1:00:32

oh god, I've dealt with so much of it I'm

1:00:34

kind of like let's kind of you know I'm

1:00:37

trying to like shed that last layer

1:00:39

of all this shit.

1:00:42

It's like done therapy I've done

1:00:44

rehab. I've done a lot of the

1:00:46

stuff. I'm not and I didn't press on everything you

1:00:49

Try to bail all of it. Yes, I'm

1:00:51

trying to shed these motherfucking layers and I'm

1:00:53

I will shit whoever's think I

1:00:55

got to along the way All

1:00:57

right I'm gonna ask you this question and then we're gonna wrap

1:00:59

it up here because I'm curious to know what you would say

1:01:02

to your 16 year old self. So what 16 what

1:01:04

advice are you giving to 16 year old Tina? Because

1:01:08

you're you're going to rehab Whoo,

1:01:11

sorry, um Um,

1:01:19

I think the

1:01:22

advice that I would give myself

1:01:24

is I Got

1:01:31

it's so fucking cliche, but it's like

1:01:34

hey, it's okay. You're

1:01:37

gonna be fine. I Want

1:01:40

to cry in a

1:01:42

good way, I mean we say it all tense okay

1:01:44

to not be okay You'll be

1:01:46

fine. You did great. Good

1:01:49

for you. I'm happy for

1:01:51

you. Thanks. Oh Will

1:01:54

you promote whatever you'd like to again,

1:01:56

please? Yes. Oh god all of this

1:01:58

with all of that That we

1:02:00

get we got heavy shadow way now.

1:02:03

Go listen to my fucking podcast. I

1:02:05

do Slop City with Libby Higgins. It

1:02:07

is the greatest podcast ever. With Bits

1:02:09

Improv we started Stand Up Together. We're

1:02:12

best friends. Please listen to her. I'm

1:02:14

so proud of it and. That's

1:02:17

a great thing for me to say about something

1:02:19

I do so. Subsidy.

1:02:22

See. Me on to or. Ah, I'm

1:02:24

isn't yes, see what? whatever city

1:02:26

I'm in Atlanta? d ball on

1:02:28

everything Also souls. And

1:02:30

that's it as all I gots.

1:02:32

Thank you very much. An easy job

1:02:34

as always. Ride sick or all your

1:02:37

social media Come see me on tour.

1:02:39

All tickets arise suckler.com Will told the

1:02:41

all next we. Needed

1:03:04

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Food read next were led. By

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Walmart towards are pushing for

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1:03:20

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