Are you dealing with chronic illness? I hear you. I have been there myself. I still have issues that I'm dealing with, but thank goodness I have found some relief in remission for the past several years. But if I could go back and give myself something to latch onto and to hope for, I would tell myself the following:

Hang on! No matter how hopeless and frustrating things may feel, please trust that things will get better. But don't just wait for that day. Do the best you can today, this hour, this minute, with the situation you are in. Just do what you can, forgive yourself for what you can't, and try to press forward with an attitude of gratitude for the little things that do go right today. And know that you are still valuable, loved, and useful to society and your family, even with all the challenges that you have. Be grateful for the good days, no matter how few and far between.

That is the advice I would give myself if I could go back and reach out to the suffering version of me that couldn't hardly get out of bed some days and felt frustrated and in pain. It's so hard though, and I know that it can seem impossible to even move forward for another minute. But you can do this. And it will get better. ~JS~ 🌞 #WellnessWednesday

I'm excited about today, because it is wellness Wednesday, and there is a topic that I've been wanting to talk about for a little while, and I actually went back and was looking over my blog this morning, to find if I had any posts about it, and I couldn't find anything, and I'm sure that there's something there. But, I wanted to talk just a little bit today about chronic illness, and then I want that to springboard into just sharing a funny story with you, from several years ago, that I found in my journal, that I should have totally made into a post, but apparently I never did, so today, its going to become one.

So, chronic illness. The reason I wanted to talk about this briefly is I just wanted to share a little bit of my journey through some health issues that I had, and hope that maybe that can connect with some of you who might be out there still dealing with issues related to chronic illness. And, I just remember through this time, when I was struggling so much with my health, you know, just not being able to do all the things that I used to do for fun and enjoyment, and to make my life meaningful, and I really had to find new ways to contribute.

So, long story short, on another day I will tell probably the whole story, but long story short, basically sometime after my sixth child was born, I started having some major health issues where I just ... I mean, it was like chronic fatigue, pain ... Anyway, it ended up being diagnosed briefly for a while as probably just fibromyalgia, which of course means that ... A lot of times it means that they can't figure out exactly what's going on, but you have the symptoms, so that's a whole other podcast right there.

But, later, a few years after that, I ended up being diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, which is when your immune system is attacking your joints and your skin. So, if you've heard of psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis is psoriasis but then also that immune system is not just attacking your skin, which is the psoriasis, but it's also attacking your joints, which is the arthritis part of it.

So, I never did end up suffering any visible joint damage, however, so we're totally, maybe a little bit unsure of whether that's really what was going on, but long story short, for about three years, I was being treated with pretty heavy-duty medications, trying to get my immune system to calm down, and I just ... And I still had life going on. You know, I had seven kids by the time all that was going on, and my youngest being like preschool aged, and my oldest in high school, and it was just still a very busy time for me.

Luckily, I was blessed that my husband was, you know, working, and I didn't need to at the time, and so financially, we were doing okay, but health-wise, there were days when I spent most of the day in bed, and I would get up, and I would start to ... You know, I'd get dressed or whatever, and then I just kind of made like a little desk on my bed, and I would sit in bed with my laptop, and that's kind of when I started getting into a lot of different online things. For a while, I did some web designing for people and things. I just had to find stuff that I could do that wasn't physical stuff, because I was in so much pain, like just swelling and stuff, that I couldn't really do like normal household tasks very easily. So that was a longer version than I was planning to share, but I know you're really surprised right? Probably not.

But anyway, the point is that I had this time period where things were pretty rough, and for whatever reason, and by the grace of God, I was able to go into remission with that illness, I don't even know how many years ago now. So it's a little bit in my distant past, and to the point where sometimes I forget that there are people out there that are struggling every single day, just to put one foot in front of the other, and to do the very, very most basic things, and I just wanted to put, I guess, a plug out there, and some empathy for anybody going through those kind of issues, and just encourage you to just keep going, and to try to find ways that you can still contribute with your new situation.

It honestly wasn't until I, like, 100% accepted my situation and said, "Okay, this is how it's going to be the rest of my life, so I'm just going to have to do the best I can," and I kind of like stopped fighting it, I guess, and accepted it. It was shortly after that, within the next year after that, that it went into remission. So, I don't know exactly all the reasons everything happened the way it did, and I'm always knocking on wood, worried that it's going to come back, and I still deal with fatigue and occasional more pain than should be normal for my age, but it's definitely taken a backseat.

And, last week, I came across somebody's Instagram, who was posting about dealing with a major chronic illness, and just trying to make it through each day, and I was like, "Oh my gosh. I mean, how could I forget those years of struggle?" But, you know, I don't know. I just wanted to make a point to share that part of my story.

For those of you who are like, "Well, it's easy for you to be happy and cheerful, because your life is perfect," you know? It totally isn't. As a matter of fact, I started [inaudible 00:06:37], the blog, when I was in the middle of a lot of those issues, so I just discovered that you know, I would feel like, "I am such a terrible mother. I cannot make dinner for my family. You know, I'm laying in bed. I should be out there cleaning the house, and helping take care of my family."

And I had to learn to be like, "Hey," to one of my kids, "Hey, let's sit down here together and you show me something cool on the computer," or, "Let's have a show that we watch together," or, "Let's read a book together." I had to find other ways to be a good mom than the ways that I had traditionally thought I had to act to be a good mom.

So, if you are dealing with any of these kind of situations, I just want to reach out and put a big hug around you, and tell you that it will be okay, and it might not go away when you want it to, or in some cases ever. But just enjoy the good days that you do have, and look forward to them, and just do the best you can on your bad days, and don't put yourself down. Because I guarantee you, if you have a good day, you're going to be up doing stuff. It's not that you're lazy. You are not lazy. You are suffering from illness, and that was another thing that was really hard for me during that time.

Anyway, I just wanted to bring that up a little bit and then springboard that into a fun little story that I want to share with you that I came across. 

Journal Entry from Monday, April 04, 2011: 

Well, this morning I woke up a little groggy and slow, so after getting dressed, eating some Rice Krispies, and saying goodbye to the children, I settled into my "bed workspace" with my laptop to tackle all the email that has built-up over the weekend. I clicked on "email game" because I've found that's a great way to buzz through the email quickly, feeling challenged to deal with every single email without skipping any. 

I was just getting on a roll and feeling really good about my accomplishments, when my husband, Lonny, came in and said, "Don't you have a dentist appointment at 9am?" ARG! I had completely forgotten. Last night as I was looking over my calendar I realized that I had the appointment, but this morning it was erased from my mind! Another reason to make sure and LOOK at the calendar FIRST THING every morning, right? 

So, I jumped up quickly since it was already 8:30am and it takes about 20 minutes to get over to the dentist's office. I really needed a bath because my hair was disshelveled and greasy, but there wasn't any time for that. I put it into a hopeless ponytail, low on my head since I would be laying back in a dentist chair. Then I grabbed my baggy jeans and a comfy long-sleeve shirt so I could look half-way decent but still be comfy during my dental work. 

Last week I went to the dentist and learned that I was going to need a tooth totally redone - I think he said a cap. A portion of it had broken off a couple of months ago, and while it had alarmed me at first, it didn't hurt at all, so I thought it might have been a piece of dental work, not the actual tooth. Considering our efforts to save money right now, I just kept putting off going in. 

SO - now that I knew the truth (it was real tooth broken off, with dentin showing - the dentist couldn't believe I hadn't felt any pain!) and the tooth was cracked, I had some major dental work. So he had postponed my cleaning and said I could so it when I had my regular dental work done, which I was very happy about because the cleanings are so uncomfortable, it would be nice to have the gas for that. 

Anyway - so we were rushing around and I was wishing I hadn't taken my pain meds yet because I wasn't sure how they would react with dental gas, and thinking to myself, OH WELL! I also had the thought occur to me that it was odd that they hadn't called to let me know that my appointment was today. They nearly always make a reminder call on the morning of your appointment, or the night before if it's a really early one. But I brushed it off, after all, there wasn't time to call. 

Lonny was driving me because I am always really groggy for far too long after they stop administering the nitrous oxide, and I don't think it's safe for me to be driving myself home. We drove over there quickly, arriving about 10 minutes late. There were tree branches broken and laying all over the sidewalk in front of the building. I guess all that snow that dumped on us yesterday was particularly hard on Dr. Rees's trees. We stepped over the branches and the extension cords to the power tools that a worker was using the clean up the mess, and entered the office, panting and stomping our feet. 

The clerk looked up at me, as did the hygienist, and they both had quizzical looks on their faces. Usually they say, "Hi Erika! How are you? Dr. Rees will be ready in a minute." I had a fleeting thought that I was in a dream, but shook it off and walked up to the desk. "Hi - I have an appointment at 9am. Erika Ward." She looked at her computer and typed a few things, then weakly said, "okay. . . well, I don't have you on the schedule for this morning. Let's see. . . it looks like I have you at tomorrow morning at 9am." 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! 

The only thing I can say is that I'm glad I hadn't had to get a bunch of toddlers ready to go with me and then dragged them all over there. I wish I had listened to that still small voice that kept putting little thoughts in my mind about calling to check on the appointment. Oh well. Lonny sweetly said, "Well, at least I got to spend half an hour holding your hand while we drove." 

Is he the best or what?

~JS~ 🌞

#WellnessWednesday

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