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0:26

The Imperfects. Hi there!

0:29

I'm like The Imperfects. Oh yeah,

0:31

sort of, but I'm a quick fix. Get

0:33

for an hurry or something. I'm a helpful

0:35

mix of archival tips from episodes past. You

0:38

can listen to me fast. Get

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0:45

this is Josh and this is The

0:48

Imperfects. F-A-X, a shorter form of The Imperfects,

0:51

where we go back through the archives and

0:53

find conversations or bits from conversations that we

0:55

think are worth revisiting. And as always,

0:57

you'll be able to go back and listen to the full episode

0:59

in the show notes. There are links there if you need it.

1:03

I think for most people, the idea of

1:06

suffering a spinal injury is

1:08

pretty terrifying. I know it is for me, and

1:11

I don't really even use my body to its

1:13

full capability. I must admit it's a source of

1:15

shame for me. I don't move

1:17

anywhere near enough. So I imagine for

1:20

someone like Sam Willoughby, who was an

1:23

Australian BMX rider, Olympian,

1:25

someone who pushes their body to the absolute

1:28

limits of its capabilities to lose some of

1:30

that through an injury for the

1:32

rest of their life, must have been terrifying.

1:37

In this conversation, Sam

1:39

takes us through the accident itself,

1:41

a broken neck that rendered him

1:43

a tetraplegic. He talks about

1:45

the initial trauma, the recovery in rehab,

1:48

his mental state and the relationship with

1:50

his now wife, Elise. And

1:52

he also tells us about the time he met Hootie

1:55

Barker, the NASCAR crew chief,

1:58

and the way this meeting reframed Everything and

2:00

change his life forever and will hear

2:02

all about this shortly. The

2:10

and I had a really successful threats from

2:12

Twenty twelve through the sixteen. Now. I.

2:14

Want to add. Another. While title

2:16

and a couple years a Bmx

2:19

title isn't. as part of

2:21

the most successful period of my career

2:23

over here. But yeah, And then

2:25

I was the like. Elise and I've

2:27

bought a house and living together in

2:29

one. It got a dog and. Yeah,

2:33

I normal stuff as a relationship progressive

2:35

than. The. I just kind of continued to grow

2:37

up together. I guess. And. And

2:39

not long after that deal last for Tiger.

2:41

pretty. Sharp. Charging.

2:44

Direction or this. Yeah says.

2:47

I think looking back at it now that it

2:50

is probably. Somewhat. Led to my

2:52

accident in a way just that I was.

2:54

After a i was very like. Very.

2:57

My him the san like. Just keep

2:59

digging in and try to win the next

3:01

race. And it was literally. Four.

3:03

Weeks after the. The final

3:06

in Rio Sad I have a

3:08

training accident at Mile as the

3:10

track here in Chula Vista. just

3:12

in a routine warm up. And.

3:15

Was probably a bit fatigued. I'm.

3:17

Mentally. And physically just. Tired.

3:20

And. I. Remember coming around

3:22

the corner. In. My warm up

3:24

and coming into what we call a rhythm section

3:26

was just a bunch of little jumps all in

3:28

a row and. Out always go

3:30

through the whole sex on my back wheel

3:32

and that was kind of like signified to

3:34

me like how the balance them warmed up

3:36

and. This. Particular time I

3:38

just over corrected and. I. Remember

3:41

to the point of being upside down

3:43

in the ebb and thinking. Like.

3:45

Had been in that position hundred times in

3:47

my life. Like I have Maleficent. Slipped off

3:49

the back of my bike and. I

3:52

remembered. Seeing. Man. thinking.

3:54

Like I'm I'm loop an hour like I'm in

3:56

Atlanta. My back. It's. In I like

3:58

when you got to take a mock and for the and come

4:00

down the back of like how many winded. And

4:03

it all happens quick. but he have these

4:05

thoughts in hat and that small window of

4:07

time and. Came

4:09

down, landed on top of my head and.

4:12

Realized. That I wasn't winded and.

4:15

That was that of when. He

4:18

naturally. Day the whole body scan and.

4:21

Realize. That can. Feel. My legs at

4:23

that point in the dispel like. My. Legs

4:25

were like way off in the distance and.

4:28

Broke. My neck at sea, Five,

4:30

six, and seven and was basically

4:33

instantly. Paralyzed. From the

4:35

neck down. House. when he asked

4:37

added sense of as the panic of if.

4:40

You're. In pain at this point Nine never

4:43

know lame and never had any pain

4:45

the whole. Whole. Time

4:47

I'm houses. Yeah.

4:50

Just fell Like the best way I can describe it is

4:52

it felt like. I was wearing a

4:54

wetsuit that was is full of water and.

4:56

Because. It is fell on my chest was like

4:59

way off in the distance and. By.

5:01

The time he but like the. Never

5:03

see parents though. We're at the track to the

5:05

local practice day came down and. They

5:08

were trying to you next to me, still an

5:10

arm. And. I tell him he other. Things.

5:13

As he day and I relax and breathe

5:15

and luckily one of these dad's was actually

5:17

a M T and he ran through. They.

5:20

Say attack of my whole body and. Style.

5:22

That my see and like squeeze them I see.

5:24

can you feel that night and you move This

5:27

night. And. I

5:29

remember he got his hands and my chest and he

5:31

had his hand on my chest and I could see

5:33

his hands. Like. Right there. When.

5:36

It fell like it was just. Prolia.

5:38

A couple of feet above my chest as

5:41

I just felt like my whole body was

5:43

like a. Basically.

5:45

I was so full of water. Service.

5:48

I spend a bit of airlifted to hospital. We spend

5:50

a bit of time in hospital. You family get over

5:52

there. Was

5:54

a like a first time you saw your. Parents.

5:56

Or your family. yes i when i

5:59

got was life flighted to hospital, which

6:01

was like a five minute helicopter ride.

6:03

And then when I

6:05

got there, I was

6:07

basically rushed into an MRI machine and then

6:09

ripped out of there and then put behind

6:12

a curtain in emergency

6:14

and still just by myself. And

6:18

eventually a doctor came around

6:20

and he said, just he

6:22

said, close your eyes. And then he

6:24

said, what am I doing? And I said, you're

6:26

squeezing my right big toe. And

6:29

he said,

6:31

okay, well, we need to go now. I need to

6:33

go to surgery now. And at that point, I still

6:35

didn't know what my injury was. No one

6:38

had told me it was just kind of this

6:41

frantic rush around the hospital.

6:43

And he

6:45

said, I'd broken my C567

6:48

and C6 was a birth fracture and

6:50

it was crushing my spinal cord. And

6:53

if they didn't relieve that pressure now,

6:55

then my chance of recovery was zero.

6:58

And at that point, I'd never even been under

7:00

the knife. And I

7:04

remember in that point feeling pretty alone just because

7:06

I didn't, there was no

7:08

one to turn to. And, you

7:11

know, at least wasn't there. Yeah, mom and dad

7:13

obviously weren't there. Matt wasn't there. And

7:16

I'm, I looked

7:19

at the doctor and

7:21

I said, what are the risks? And he said,

7:24

well, if we, you know, we're going to go in there, we're

7:26

going to have to pull a bunch of bone fragments out of

7:28

your spinal cord. And when we're trying to relieve that pressure, if

7:30

we hit any higher, we could,

7:32

you know, you could do permanent damage and

7:36

your condition would be permanent.

7:39

And then I

7:41

said, do you know what you're doing? And

7:43

he said, yeah. And that was that.

7:46

And we went to surgery and my

7:48

next memory is waking up

7:51

from surgery and they

7:53

fused my neck and woke up

7:56

from surgery and I was still the same. I mean, I was

7:58

still Laying on a stretch. Paralyzed

8:01

but surgery went

8:03

good and. Then.

8:06

There was a phone hour later

8:08

after I'd woken up that Elise

8:10

arrived and. See

8:14

was there and. Put. Her

8:16

hand them on mine and. I.

8:18

Said to her in that moment you

8:20

not marrying me in America vegetable. And.

8:26

I regret saying that now, but. At

8:29

the time that was thousand how I sell.

8:31

I just. I didn't

8:33

know what to expect for us to my life and

8:35

I didn't. It's just

8:37

still seem doom and gloom at that point.

8:40

And them. As just scared

8:42

and scared for her. I mean, we

8:44

were twenty five at that point and.

8:47

I didn't know what to expect them in I was

8:49

laying on I'm sad. Completely. Paralyzed

8:52

and. With. No no

8:54

real hope. So many doctor that

8:56

point of of recovery from on

8:58

the my back to. Normal.

9:01

I guess is what all I can think

9:03

about That point was normal like normal was.

9:06

Athletic. Running around, jumping around in

9:08

a racing be max and. He.

9:10

Meant. Doing. Whatever I wanted,

9:13

and. There. Was no sign of

9:15

going back to that and. I

9:17

didn't know how I was going to deal with

9:19

that level and drag someone else along with it

9:21

and them. Size. Dinner. I

9:23

didn't really know what else to say at that

9:25

point. I am. I need. caring,

9:28

loving person that she was. She wasn't

9:30

the kind of person that was just

9:32

gonna run away and them. What?

9:35

Does she say when you said that she said

9:37

don't say that I'm I'm not going anywhere and.

9:40

We. Were gonna get through this. And.

9:44

As well as you are supposed

9:46

physically recovering as far as being

9:48

able to move out of the

9:50

rehab facility, What I'm interested in

9:52

in your state? Who was that?

9:55

To. Go from points. Stride.

9:57

As to do the surgery to be saying.

10:00

You're. Not Going to marry Me. I.

10:03

Mean you have c married now. Sight

10:05

seeing such says see you slowly Is

10:07

that right? Yeah was pretty slow on.

10:11

The. Whole time I was in love

10:13

rehab hospital. it was. A

10:16

Leases. Vi my side the

10:18

whole time. I mean she is on the

10:20

phone back here like renovating our house and

10:23

getting everything ready so that when I was

10:25

time to come home at was somewhat accessible

10:27

and. See. This picked up

10:29

and. Went. With it and.

10:32

I'd. It. Took me a

10:34

long time and I this am. I

10:36

found it really hard because. I

10:39

wasn't in any way proud of the person

10:41

I looked up. In the

10:43

mirror and I was just as

10:46

insecure or am I was. Scared.

10:51

And. I think. I.

10:53

Struggled to understand like. And.

10:57

I'm I'm understands the right word but. I

11:00

think as I was so disappointed and

11:02

not satisfied with myself about point and

11:04

so scared of what the future health

11:07

allows like how can see be this.

11:09

Good in this. supportive over and. You

11:13

know that point? I can. I can take a

11:15

shower by myself, I can dress myself, I can.

11:18

Brush my teeth light, hold

11:20

the toothbrush. probably. I'm. In.

11:23

I go to the toilet by myself, I

11:25

can and and just. Out

11:27

all. I could think of is like this. You.

11:30

Don't want this life like I don't want this

11:32

life. Season One: This life. And it

11:34

was a scary. Year. When.

11:37

I do remember the point where you. Said.

11:40

To self know odd or do. I

11:42

do want to pursue this last two different I

11:44

do want to start to get things back on

11:47

track or was it was it a long time

11:49

or do still struggle without feeling years as have

11:51

not been happy with. With. yourself

11:53

know i so that now and

11:56

that i'd definitely remember that point

11:58

elysium So

12:00

we got home New Year's Eve

12:03

of 2016 going into 17. And

12:08

it took, it was around April. My

12:11

brother had moved over to live with us,

12:13

with his wife and little one to

12:16

help sort of share the load with

12:18

all my therapies and that kind of

12:21

thing and help us transition

12:23

back to life at home. And

12:26

at that point I needed sort of help with everything.

12:29

And when I came home, it was,

12:31

for me it was, I

12:34

had to walk. Like that was

12:36

the definition of recovery for me. And

12:39

if I didn't walk,

12:41

then I was useless. I

12:45

didn't understand what there was for me to

12:47

do in life. That

12:50

was my way of, that I felt to

12:52

get independence. And if I

12:54

couldn't get to that point, then I didn't, yeah,

12:57

they terrified me to even think of what I, what

12:59

life would be like. And

13:01

it was about four months

13:03

into being home. It was in April

13:06

and I hadn't really

13:08

left the house at that point, other

13:10

than a doctor's appointment here and there. It

13:13

was just all about therapy, rehab, rehab, rehab,

13:15

you know, three times a day when

13:17

I wasn't doing rehab, it was like trying

13:20

every, you know, form of

13:22

Eastern medicine or visualization or anything.

13:24

I was any, wanted to try

13:27

everything to recover. Which

13:30

was, you know, move my legs and

13:32

walk again. And

13:34

it got to April and my brother was

13:36

here helping us and I

13:38

hadn't really left the house. I was pretty skinny,

13:40

didn't really go outside much. And I'd

13:43

say, yeah, I was pretty depressed at that point. And

13:45

just burying my head in the sand mentality.

13:48

And my brother knew

13:50

I was a fan of NASCAR and

13:53

there was a NASCAR race in California, it was about

13:55

two hours away. And

13:58

So he organized some tickets through. A

14:00

friend of mine that worked in the industry. And

14:03

he said i got these tickets like when

14:05

go into the race in Fontana this weekend. And

14:07

I was like i'm not down there

14:10

like no way and I wanna be

14:12

seen in crowds about wanna. Know

14:15

either on a dirt and he he just said a

14:17

put his foot down like we're going. And.

14:20

Basically. At that point literally threw me

14:22

in the car cause I couldn't get in

14:24

the car and hum. Took.

14:26

Me to the race and he would got

14:28

to the race and the guy had organize

14:30

the tickets here like a family friend of

14:32

ours and works in the industry. He.

14:34

Said in offering. Still this stuff and I meet

14:36

and greets and. Athena, Jimmy

14:38

Johnson and tasty came and Richard

14:40

Petty. You know these big names

14:43

of Nascar? Which. I was

14:45

pretty scared county because I didn't in a

14:47

you just feel the energy or her p

14:49

for email like of the light on interviews

14:51

does all this is Sam Hugh and had

14:54

the Olympics, a Bmx. And the

14:56

here I am sitting in a wheelchair and he

14:58

could tell their kind of like well. What?

15:01

Happened, but since then and now

15:03

and them you clearly don't I'd

15:05

be next. still. Am an

15:07

artist in I didn't know how they interact

15:09

for him interact that at that point? Really?

15:12

in a wheelchair outside of the. The.

15:14

Hospital. Anyway, them. so he

15:16

did all this. Scene. I mean great

15:18

all the superstars, but the guy that organized

15:20

tickets he said at ten o'clock an easy

15:22

to go to the number thirteen truck. And.

15:25

Meet someone. He

15:27

said his name's Booty Barca. A

15:29

hand his arm. He's.

15:32

In a wheelchair and he said, i've known

15:34

beauty for thirty years. And. He's

15:36

a great guy and you need to meet this

15:38

guy. And. When.

15:41

Matt told me this sounds like us. I.

15:44

As shallow as that sounds, now I didn't want to me

15:46

any one in a wheelchair. Cause I

15:48

was like that's that's not what I want

15:50

to be And what are they gonna have

15:52

to tell me. And.

15:54

Them. and i

15:56

hate this i hate the thing that i thought like that but that's

15:59

how i thought of the time And so

16:01

anyway, we went to do the

16:03

right thing. I went over

16:05

to the number 13 truck and Matt

16:07

pushed me over there. And there's Booty.

16:09

This guy comes rolling out. And

16:12

he's just this bubbly, outgoing

16:15

guy. And here

16:17

he is. And he's in the wheelchair. He had the same

16:19

injury as me 30 years ago. And

16:23

he's an engineer. And he's running this multimillion

16:25

dollar race team. And he comes out the

16:27

trailer in his wheelchair and he's wheelies down

16:29

the back of it. And he's, hey Sam,

16:31

how you going, man? And

16:34

southern accent. And I won't do it any justice.

16:36

But he's like, come on. Pretty

16:38

good. I didn't mind that. He's like,

16:40

come on up here and takes us up into the trailer. And

16:43

there he is in the back of this semi-trail.

16:45

And he's climbing up the walls and pulling all

16:47

these exhausts out and pulling up his laptop showing

16:50

us all his engine data. And

16:53

he looks at me. And he's just full

16:55

of beans, happiest guy

16:57

you've ever met. And he's

16:59

like, when did you get hurt? And

17:02

I was like, eight months

17:04

ago. And he's like, you

17:06

look great. What are you going to do now?

17:08

And I was pretty

17:11

taken back. Because I didn't

17:13

know what I was going to do now. And

17:17

Matt, with us, an awkward silence. And my

17:19

brother jumped in. And he's like, oh, you

17:21

know, Sam. He's rescheduled

17:23

his wedding. And he really wants to walk at

17:25

his wedding. So he's working really hard to try

17:27

to get back on his feet and doing a

17:29

lot of rehab. And Booty's

17:32

like, that's great, brother. Then what? And

17:35

I didn't know how to answer

17:37

that either. And I was

17:39

like, ah. And my brother kind of

17:41

looked at Booty.

17:43

And he said, well,

17:46

when did you stop

17:49

rehab and kind of just

17:52

get on with it? And Matt was a bit

17:54

scared to ask the question, I think. He was

17:56

kind of tentative, obviously. And Booty looked

17:58

at him. And Booty's like. rehab,

18:00

I didn't do no rehab. They

18:03

said if I can dress myself, I can leave the hospital.

18:05

I did that in a month, got the hell out of

18:07

there. I went to university, got my engineering degree and here

18:09

I am. He's like, you got

18:11

to get on with it, brother. And

18:16

I was just taking, I just couldn't believe

18:19

it. And just because I think

18:21

at that point, I just put so many limits on

18:23

myself and every, all the

18:25

advice I'd been given at that point was,

18:27

was medical advice. And it was very like,

18:30

you know, you're going to need help with this. You're going to need

18:32

to do this. You're going to need to do it this way. And,

18:34

you know, someone's, you know, basically you're

18:36

going to roll into a minivan for the rest

18:39

of your life and someone's going to

18:41

pull you out of that minivan and help you get into bed

18:43

and help you take a shower and that's, that's

18:46

your life. And I felt like I'd become

18:48

this object and it was everyone's job to

18:50

kind of keep me moving. And

18:53

I hated that. And, you know, I was, I've always

18:55

been a very independent person and

18:59

then I met Booty and all

19:02

of a sudden that just opened my eyes to

19:04

like, old, here

19:07

he was, you know, on this traveling

19:09

circus, traveling around the country, you know,

19:11

36 weekends a year, doing

19:13

it himself, no helpers, you

19:15

know, driving a big F-150

19:17

truck and he's

19:21

strong as, strong as hell. And he's

19:24

married, lives independently. And

19:27

he looked at me and he said, he said, you go to the gym.

19:30

And I was like, I used to, I used to love the gym, like

19:32

the racing and stuff. He's like, you're going to have to go to the

19:34

gym, brother. You're going to have to get strong. You're looking a little weak.

19:37

And he starts telling me about his stuff. And he's,

19:39

he's like me bench press, 140 kilo,

19:41

dude, pull up. You need to do a lot of pull ups. You're going

19:43

to have to pull yourself in the car. You're going

19:45

to have to do all this stuff. And

19:47

he just went on and told us the way he

19:49

lived his life. And it was just like, I

19:53

was just mind blown because I'd just

19:55

been in this institution, kind

19:58

of hospital, I guess, institution. in the

20:00

way in that, you know, I'd

20:02

been given all these modalities and ways that I

20:04

was gonna have to live my life. You know,

20:06

traveling was gonna be a nightmare. Everything

20:08

was too hard and, you know, I need all

20:10

these things to help me do stuff. And then

20:13

Booty was just like, no, you just,

20:16

you figure it out. And he

20:19

looked at my brother and he said, here's the deal.

20:21

Him and I, we're the same as you.

20:23

We're just gonna have to drag ourselves around a little more. And

20:27

since that day, I've, I

20:29

think I've lived by that expression.

20:31

Like, you find a way, you know,

20:34

you drag yourself around and you

20:36

learn to enjoy and embrace the struggle

20:39

because believe it

20:42

or not, they were the struggles before this

20:44

as well. And

20:46

I think when, after that

20:48

day, it was like, all right, we went home and

20:50

I remember that night, my brother and I, we got

20:52

back to the hotel and Booty

20:55

had told us, you know, that he

20:57

just stayed in normal hotel rooms and he just gets

20:59

himself in the bathtub. So they were me and Matt

21:01

were like, let's try to get you in the bathtub.

21:06

And it was like this new excitement of

21:08

like, I'm gonna learn to be

21:10

independent. I'm gonna learn to live

21:12

my own life again. And I mean,

21:15

I had to start small. I had to start

21:17

with getting in the bathtub, learning to, you know,

21:19

brush my teeth, put my own shoes on. I

21:22

mean, I always tell the story.

21:24

The first time I dressed myself, it took me 35 minutes.

21:26

And by the time I was done, I went,

21:29

I was in the bed and I went back

21:31

to sleep because I was exhausted, but

21:34

it got better and better and better.

21:36

And eventually I was able to

21:39

get myself to a point of

21:41

where I'm at now. And I do,

21:43

I live a fully independent life and

21:45

I look at myself in the mirror and I'm

21:47

proud and happy and love

21:49

what I do. But yeah, back

21:52

to the original question, it was kind of

21:54

a long winded answer, but that was the

21:56

turning point for me that the day I

21:58

met Judy Barker. The

22:02

Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and

22:04

is not a substitute for professional mental

22:06

health advice, treatment or assessment. The

22:09

advice given in this episode is general in nature

22:11

but if you're struggling please see a healthcare professional

22:13

or call Lifeline on 13 11 14. And

22:17

as always if you'd like to hear more from this conversation

22:19

you can find a link to the full episode in the

22:21

show notes.