0:00

You don't think you're funny?

0:01

I don't think I'm funny.

0:02

Okay, so that's different. You think you have a sense of humor depends. Okay. Yes.

0:03

Ask me. God asked me.

0:15

Do you have a sense of humor?

0:16

Absolutely. I sense

0:16

if you have a great sense of humor.

0:23

I have my moments. But everybody

0:23

thinks they have a sense of humor,

0:27

which I guess has a sense of you

0:27

know,

0:30

everyone thinks everyone has

0:30

a sense of you know,

0:32

that I just that I

0:32

disagree with. I mean, I don't want

0:36

to go to like an extreme example

0:36

here. But did Hitler have a sense

0:38

of humor? Hello, welcome to this week's

0:46

episode of The interracial couple

0:49

podcasts.

0:49

It's not Wednesday. My name

0:49

is Sarah. And I am Matthew.

0:59

Which is a very

0:59

fitting beginning to today's

1:02

conversation on humor in a

1:02

relationship.

1:05

I think we have to tell

1:05

people why we laughed well,

1:08

otherwise, it's gonna sound really.

1:11

It's not even that

1:11

funny. But we've been expecting

1:15

this camera to our second camera to

1:15

simply turn off in the middle of

1:19

our conversation because it started

1:19

doing that recently. We've just sat

1:23

down, got everything ready. It

1:23

seemed like it was going and then

1:26

it just shut off random like so.

1:26

And it made a nice little beep to

1:30

tell us. You're not getting a

1:30

second camera today. Yeah, so humor

1:35

in a in a relationship. Humor as a

1:35

part of a healthy relationship? Is

1:40

it important to find each other's

1:40

jokes funny?

1:43

I think it's so important to

1:43

find other like to find your

1:48

partner's joke funny.

1:49

What if your

1:49

partner's just not funny? Leave

1:52

them. Sorry, your I don't find your

1:52

jokes. Funny. I'm like, No,

1:56

this is the thing is like,

1:56

everyone's funny in their own way.

2:00

There is no truth

2:00

to that statement at all. Like I

2:03

know, everybody believes that they

2:03

have a sense of humor that is

2:06

totally dribbles. Like I totally

2:06

have a sense of humor. But that's

2:09

true for very, very few percentage

2:09

of people.

2:12

I don't think I'm funny to

2:12

some people. But clearly, I can.

2:20

You're funny to you. I'm funny, too. You're funny to me.

2:22

Well, that definitely can

2:22

entertain myself. And am I find it

2:25

to you.

2:26

You're I think

2:26

you're a very funny person.

2:28

But I don't think a lot of

2:28

people know I think a lot of people

2:31

think you're funny. No, I am not

2:31

like I don't. I'm not funny at all

2:34

to other people.

2:35

So well, I guess

2:35

being funny and having a sense of

2:37

humor do different things. Yeah,

2:37

but I think a lot of people don't

2:39

think they're funny. I never

2:39

thought I was particularly funny.

2:42

You don't think you're funny? I

2:42

don't think I'm funny. Okay, so

2:44

that's different. You think you

2:44

have a sense of humor? Depends. No,

2:47

come on. Like, just like, do you

2:47

have a sense of humor? Sarah? I do.

2:50

Okay, yes. Ask me. God asked me.

3:00

Do you have a sense of humor?

3:00

Absolutely. I

3:02

Besides, if you have a great sense of humor,

3:04

Matthew Temple.

3:08

I have my moments.

3:08

But everybody thinks they have a

3:11

sense of humor, which I guess has a

3:11

sense of you. But

3:15

everyone thinks everyone has

3:15

a sense of you know,

3:18

the I just that I

3:18

disagree with. I mean, I don't want

3:23

to go to like an extreme example

3:23

here. But did Hitler have a sense

3:25

of humor? He definitely they

3:25

thought he did. I don't think he

3:28

had a sense of humor at all. That

3:28

was no humor. How about like, how

3:31

about Moy? How about the ex

3:31

dictator of Kenya?

3:33

I am sure it thinks that he

3:33

did. Yeah,

3:35

right. And then he

3:35

didn't like what you said he might

3:38

feed you the lions. That's the

3:38

thing though, is like I guess it's

3:41

kind of funny. This is the thing is

3:41

like, like not for the person who's

3:44

blind food but like,

3:46

I meet some people. My mother

3:46

doesn't not think I am funny at

3:50

all.

3:50

No, she does. She just doesn't think some of your jokes are appropriate, which is a

3:51

totally different thing.

3:55

Some jokes in front of my mom

3:55

she just was like out No, I did not

3:59

raise you to be that is not how I

3:59

raised you.

4:01

But that but but that you

4:03

find those jokes funny.

4:04

I do. I do find

4:04

those jokes fun. And

4:06

I don't make those jokes

4:06

publicly. Because I know that not a

4:10

lot of people will find that. Yeah,

4:10

some people may take it off as

4:13

offensive.

4:14

Yeah, well, that's fair enough. But I think that so I guess there's a bit of a difference

4:16

between his sense of humor and

4:21

being funny. But but having a

4:21

similar set. So maybe that's

4:25

actually the better question. Is,

4:25

is having a similar sense of humor,

4:30

important in a relationship?

4:31

I think it's so important

4:31

because that is the key, like

4:35

having the same sense of humor.

4:35

Because if your partner like I make

4:39

death jokes, that most people don't

4:39

find, like, a lot of people don't

4:44

find it a little morbid.

4:46

They're a little

4:46

mccobb. Your death jokes are morbid

4:52

because, by definition, there has

4:52

to be more benefits a death joke

4:58

and I don't know Make those

4:58

jokes. Like those jokes don't land

5:03

well with anyone. No, not with me

5:03

with everyone with everyone. So

5:06

yeah,

5:07

they love me most

5:07

of the time sometimes, right? Oh,

5:10

that one didn't land, but that's okay.

5:11

Yeah. And even when I make

5:11

them myself, I'm like, oh, Sarah,

5:14

like, Don't think like that. You've

5:15

said, some, you've

5:15

made some pretty bad jokes you've

5:18

made, you've made jokes that I

5:18

definitely will never repeat. I

5:22

don't want anyone to know you've

5:22

made some pretty bad jokes. Yeah.

5:24

So sometimes, and sometimes they're

5:24

funny. And that makes everyone feel

5:27

even more uncomfortable. Because

5:27

you're like, I don't want to be

5:30

laughing at what you just said.

5:33

And that's the thing is, if I

5:33

was making those jokes all the

5:37

time, and you found them like,

5:37

offensive, and you're my partner.

5:41

That means like, I'm okay. Like,

5:41

first of all, like, I just want to

5:45

say, like, I'm really okay, not

5:45

making offensive jokes. Like, if I

5:48

joke is going to offend someone

5:48

else. Like, I don't need to make

5:51

it, you know, and that's my rule.

5:51

If one is gonna be offensive to

5:55

someone else, I don't need to use

5:55

that word. There's so many words I

5:58

can use. There's so many other

5:58

jokes I can make. So I don't do

6:01

that. But if I had to center myself

6:01

with you, is like that would.

6:08

Yep. I think I

6:08

think that's actually really

6:11

important. I think that's really

6:11

kids. Something that as that I

6:15

recognize was so important. When we

6:15

got together is I made a joke. And

6:21

it really wasn't a terribly, like,

6:21

yeah, it was it, it was maybe an

6:25

off color joke. And you laughed.

6:25

And we also, we both kind of

6:30

acknowledge that that's not a good

6:30

joke. But there was no shaming

6:35

around it. And I think that

6:35

particularly in like this time

6:38

right now, where we're finding this

6:38

balance between, like, canceled

6:43

culture, and then also respecting

6:43

other people's viewpoints. And

6:48

that's a challenging place to be

6:48

sometimes, right? It's like,

6:51

sometimes, an off color joke has a

6:51

place. It's like, it's got to be

6:56

okay, we also have to find out

6:56

where the limits are. What joke is

6:59

little too far, some jokes are too

6:59

far for some people, not for

7:01

others, even within a particular

7:01

community or whatever, right? So

7:05

being able to have me like, I got

7:05

to test my boundaries. And it's one

7:10

thing when we got together, I

7:10

remember making a joke, and like

7:13

that one was too far. But it was

7:13

too far. But you did not hold that

7:19

against me as like, oh, thank you

7:19

for telling me that was too far.

7:22

And now I get to kind of like say,

7:22

all right, but if I don't test it

7:26

out with you, then who? Do I test

7:26

it out with nobody? Right?

7:30

Yeah. And that is so

7:30

important. And that's what it's

7:32

like, even with like, in

7:32

relationship, like I think that

7:36

needs to be is like, you got to be

7:36

able to make the jokes that you

7:39

think are funny with your partner,

7:39

and then you can talk about it. And

7:43

that's why I also I'm happy, I'm

7:43

extending the same rule to my

7:46

friends. If a friend says something

7:46

that I don't like, I can tell them

7:50

that I didn't like it. Or if I say

7:50

something that they didn't like,

7:53

like, they can come up to me and

7:53

say, you know, Sarah, like, maybe

7:56

that joke you made like, wasn't

7:56

like, I didn't find that funny

7:59

because my experience of death is

7:59

not similar to us.

8:04

But you also made a

8:04

domestic violence joke once we

8:08

walked with someone that was close

8:08

to you. And she was just like, very

8:13

much like, That was too much. And

8:13

it was like this moment of just

8:18

kind of like, could have been

8:18

really awkward. But it was like

8:21

your family member who you also

8:21

feel so so comfortable with that

8:25

you're like, oh, okay, I got to

8:25

check that that was definitely not

8:29

like, not appropriate. But you were

8:29

in a container where you're like,

8:34

oh, and I feel like one reason why

8:34

people can get really kind of tense

8:39

with other people around humor is,

8:39

is that you could have been like

8:44

wanting to defend that. And someone

8:44

could have been wanting to in she

8:47

could have been wanting to like prove a point with that. And instead, it was like, Oh, you know

8:49

what, there's no shame for making a

8:53

mistake. And that becomes okay. And

8:53

I think that that in a relationship

8:58

is vital. Now, the other part of

8:58

that, that you can maybe speak to

9:02

is when like, I make a joke that's

9:02

too far, or you make a joke, that's

9:07

too far. How do we say if one of if

9:07

you're like, No, I think that's

9:11

fine. And I'm like, no, that makes

9:11

me really uncomfortable. Where do

9:15

we begin to find that balance? Or

9:15

is that what you're talking about

9:17

why it's so important to share a

9:17

similar sense of humor.

9:21

I think the balance comes

9:21

also with the person who is making

9:24

the joke being okay not to make the

9:24

jokes. Some people really feel

9:28

entitled to their jokes, and their

9:28

sense of humor, and I just don't

9:32

feel like that. Like, my thing is

9:32

like, if, if I make a joke, and

9:37

someone says it, that you crossed

9:37

the line, my responses like, No, I

9:43

didn't cross the line. It's like,

9:43

I'm sorry. I crossed the line.

9:46

Like, I want to hear why from their

9:46

perspective, why I cross the line

9:51

and I don't need to make that joke.

9:51

And that's the like, I think that's

9:55

the line is like some people like,

9:55

you know, you can send to me, you

9:59

can send to me But it's like, it's

9:59

not censoring, like if it's

10:02

offensive, don't say it.

10:04

And it's censoring

10:04

within a also within a community,

10:06

like I'm going to be sensitive to

10:06

things that other people won't be

10:09

sensitive to. And I think around

10:09

humor too, is that good humor

10:13

actually exposes some part of our

10:13

blind spots,

10:18

you know? Yeah. And it's

10:18

because the jokes that I've made

10:23

that have close the line, it's

10:23

like, actually something that I

10:26

need to be educated on. Right? And

10:26

they need to learn more of that.

10:31

No. So it's really good when

10:31

someone says, like, you cross the

10:35

line, and then you take a step back

10:35

and say, I'm really sorry, like, if

10:39

the response is like, I'm really

10:39

sorry, not defending why you cross

10:43

the line is like, now they can be

10:43

able to tell you like, you open

10:48

that space, where it's like, why

10:48

did I cross? Like, if you The first

10:52

thing is apologizing,

10:53

right? Yeah, and I

10:53

love that I just feel like that's

10:56

really important. I love that with,

10:56

you know, with with our humor, and

11:02

just a freedom around that. But

11:02

there's another kind of shadow side

11:06

to that, in some ways. I think a

11:06

good friend back in Vermont, who

11:11

was in a very long term

11:11

relationship, I don't think they

11:14

were married, was someone who was

11:14

really, really funny. But the humor

11:21

actually became a, a wall, I can

11:21

always hide behind humor, because

11:26

I'm funny, I can throw out one

11:26

liners I can kind of like always

11:31

keep the mood is always good. As

11:31

long as we don't go past this

11:36

thing, or if things get

11:36

uncomfortable, I can make you

11:39

laugh, and therefore we don't get

11:39

to go into the depth of it. And I

11:41

think that that I've seen that even

11:41

more times in one in a

11:45

relationship, a funny guy. Right?

11:45

And everybody laughs But it's like,

11:49

Oh, is that also a way of keeping

11:49

your partner at a distance keeping

11:53

people at a distance?

11:55

It's gonna, it's interesting,

11:55

you say that, because I've seen it

11:58

to where I take people or people

11:58

who are like, don't want to talk

12:02

about a certain thing, making fun

12:02

of like, making jokes about it,

12:06

when it's like really detrimental

12:06

to their own, like, health. And

12:11

like,

12:11

do you have an example?

12:13

I think it's, I don't have an

12:13

example. But I've seen it with

12:16

like, friends and family and like

12:16

colleagues where take someone will

12:20

make a joke and you're like,

12:21

yeah, I mean, I've definitely seen like, when I was younger, particularly around

12:23

homosexuality, right? Like the like

12:27

someone who's like always who's

12:27

like, as soon as something gets

12:29

uncomfortable around them, like

12:29

make a joke, or kind of tell, you

12:31

know, like a a an offensive

12:31

homosexual joke or as offensive

12:37

sexist joke or something because

12:37

like, there's something within

12:41

dealing with, with to homophobia or

12:41

my own sexuality or my own

12:48

relationship with gender or

12:48

whatever, that it's too

12:52

uncomfortable to go there's only make a joke about it.

12:53

And I think to go back to

12:53

your like, questions about like, a

12:56

funny guy. And I find women that

12:56

we've all seen, like, well find a

12:59

woman and that funny guy in like,

12:59

couples dynamic. Like we've we all

13:04

know, those couples, you know, we

13:04

take when you're around them,

13:08

you're always laughing, but you

13:08

actually don't know them. Apart

13:12

from the jokes like, right? There's

13:12

something about like, it's like,

13:17

they're, oh, these are so funny,

13:17

and it's fun to hang out with them.

13:21

But at the core, like you haven't

13:21

met them, like Soul to Soul,

13:26

because everything is funny, and

13:26

everything is a joke, right? You

13:30

know, and so you don't get to like

13:30

really know, like, what? Like, who

13:35

are they? You know, when like, when

13:35

when that Cotton's come out with

13:39

tech, not funny. Like, who are who

13:39

are these people? Right?

13:43

Yeah, totally. And

13:43

I think that can come into a

13:45

relationship. And you've done this

13:45

a few times. Sorry to call you out

13:49

on this, but we're like all, like,

13:49

something you'll do might offend

13:53

me. And you'd be like, get your

13:53

take a joke. Right? Oh, my gosh,

13:57

has a story behind it has

13:58

a story. And I have to tell

13:58

the story was I babysitting for my

14:02

best friend and her 13 year old

14:02

made a joke. And I got really

14:08

serious. And he was like Sarah tick

14:08

a joke. And it was the funniest

14:14

thing that way he looked at me and

14:14

I was just like, I said, this, I

14:18

literally went from like, being

14:18

really serious to taking a joke

14:22

because the truth was, is like I

14:22

should have been, yeah, I could I

14:26

should be taking the joke, you

14:26

know? And since then, I say kind of

14:30

like reconsidering, like, Am I too

14:30

serious? When people say something?

14:34

Like, sometimes it doesn't need to

14:34

be serious. Like sometimes I need

14:37

to be like this 13 year old to say

14:37

something to me. And I'm like, now

14:41

and then he's sick. Take a joke.

14:41

And I was like, I'm gonna try that,

14:45

you know, and it was really funny.

14:45

So but then again, you can also

14:48

that can be something to also

14:48

deflect taking responsibility, and

14:52

sometimes I do it to deflect,

14:54

no, that's kind of

14:54

where it comes up. It's like take a

14:56

joke is almost when you say it to

14:56

me now as a way of basically saying

14:59

I Might have crossed the line. I

14:59

don't want to take responsibility

15:03

for that head. So I'm going to

15:03

blame you, for me not taking

15:07

responsibility for crossing the

15:07

line.

15:10

Do that how to feelings when

15:10

I say that?

15:13

Honestly, yeah, it

15:13

does hurt because it becomes this

15:16

thing of like, this isn't actually,

15:16

that really wasn't a joke. And this

15:21

isn't a joke. So now you're like,

15:21

it's almost as though you're

15:25

attacking my integrity or something

15:25

that we feel does feel a little

15:28

uncomfortable. And it's like, what

15:28

do you look like? Was it really a

15:30

joke? Is it like or definitely

15:30

wasn't a joke? Why are you saying

15:34

that? Can we have this

15:34

conversation? So humor is like so

15:37

important in a relationship to the

15:37

point where we also have to be

15:42

careful that we don't use humor as

15:42

actually a divisive thing, because

15:46

humor is really about bringing us

15:46

right. It's like this. What is our

15:49

common language? How do we also use

15:49

humor to exposing is one reason why

15:53

I think we love comedians, as a

15:53

comedian will get up and say things

15:57

like, you don't, you're kind of

15:57

embarrassed about and you probably

16:01

have some relationship to it to

16:01

where it's a slightly embarrassing

16:03

story. And they're like, I'm cool

16:03

with this embarrassing story. Like

16:07

I remember at one point, like

16:07

watching a comedian talking about

16:10

like, being on a first date, and

16:10

like finding it like oh, like

16:13

farting in bed thing or something

16:13

with on a first date. And I was

16:15

just like, everybody's roaring

16:15

laughing. Because we're all like,

16:19

Oh, my God, I'd been on that. Like,

16:19

we're not a first day but like,

16:21

first time sleeping with someone is

16:21

like, Oh, my God, like, a little

16:24

fart squirted out or something, you

16:24

know? And it's just like, Oh, this

16:27

is really I never want to tell

16:27

anybody was humiliating. And then

16:30

there's this comedian up there just

16:30

talking about like farting in bed

16:33

on you know, sleeping with them for

16:33

the first time. Yeah. Oh, it's so

16:36

funny. It's cathartic, because it

16:36

gave us sort of this

16:39

permission to

16:40

just like

16:40

permission, right? Oh, at least I'm

16:43

not alone. Right. So the humor does

16:43

that. But as we know, humor can

16:48

also be can get mean spirited, and

16:48

it can also be used, like, take a

16:51

joke when it's like, that wasn't a

16:51

joke. You were being a jerk. And

16:54

you can't call that a joke. A joke.

16:57

Yeah. And I want to

16:57

apologize. When I see take a job.

17:04

Fair it up.

17:06

Next time I do it, because

17:06

I'm not perfect. And I may do it

17:09

again. Just tell me it's not a

17:09

joke. And I'll take

17:14

for telling you

17:14

kinda though, I'll say kind of

17:17

going back to humor too. And this

17:17

is something that I could not have

17:19

done earlier in my life. I like,

17:19

sometimes I thank God that I'm

17:22

older. No, not sometimes always.

17:22

But I don't always think about it.

17:26

But it's like, we've had these

17:26

times where I've tried to remember

17:31

a specific example. But where you

17:31

did something were not in like the

17:36

humor side of the world. But where

17:36

you really like you did something

17:39

was really kind of hurtful or

17:39

painful. And then I'm like, I

17:43

really need an apology for that.

17:43

And you will be like, it's as

17:48

though this like, Sarah, from what

17:48

I hear from all of her cousins,

17:51

aunts, uncles, and mother was a

17:51

stubborn child. And it shows up and

17:56

I'm like, that was so crossed the

17:56

line, I really, you really need to

18:00

apologize for that. If it's really

18:00

cross a line, and she knows was

18:05

really bad. And she really needs to

18:05

apologize, she will not be like,

18:09

Oh, I didn't realize my boyfriend was so sensitive. And you like do these things. But

18:17

it's like, but you do it in a way.

18:19

That's also like, really funny, and

18:19

you'll kind of skirt around ever

18:23

make an apology. And you'll be

18:23

making all these jokes. And some of

18:25

your funniest jokes are times when

18:25

you really just need to apologize,

18:29

but you won't. And so you're

18:29

dancing around it. And in my

18:32

younger years, that would have been

18:32

so offensive and early on in our

18:35

relationship. It was really, really

18:35

offensive. And like, and then I

18:39

would be like licking my wounds for

18:39

another couple days. I'm not gonna

18:42

get an apology, she was really mean

18:42

to me, and I'm like licking my

18:46

wounds. And now, it's actually

18:46

become kind of endearing, which as

18:51

soon as it became endearing. Also,

18:52

it's not India. And will you

18:52

do I can tell you like us? No, no,

18:55

so we're turning

18:55

this frown on me. Hold on, I'm not

18:58

finished telling my story about

18:58

you. Okay. And you can talk about

19:04

what a hypocrite I am after I'm

19:04

done. So, but, but then, at a

19:10

certain point where I was like, You know what, so there were these times I was kind of like stewing

19:11

about it. And it was like, I learned to let it go. And now I've

19:13

come to actually recognize when

19:17

you've got Mike, you actually feel

19:17

so bad, that it hurts your soul too

19:22

much to apologize. So you have to

19:22

make a joke about it, which also

19:26

has now come turned around where

19:26

I'd be like, Oh, I can actually

19:30

feel like I got an apology because

19:30

I know it. It hurts you so bad. You

19:34

feel so bad about it that an

19:34

apology is too painful. Which, by

19:39

me accepting that about you the

19:39

last time or two I mean, these

19:43

aren't like common occurrences by

19:43

any means. You're actually able to

19:47

say like, Hey, you know what, I

19:47

really apologize because I was able

19:49

to actually except early on that

19:49

for you to get to a point where you

19:53

could really look at me and say, I

19:53

really apologize for that was going

19:58

to be a process and I had to

19:58

respect your process. Yeah, no,

20:01

tell everyone how bad I am.

20:03

Actually, you just see what I

20:03

was gonna say, to be honest, was

20:07

like, I feel like you see how much

20:07

I am suffering and struggling a

20:14

little bit is like you get joy in

20:14

like seeing me like making jokes

20:19

around it because it's just, I

20:19

don't know why took me so long to

20:22

learn that process. And I still do

20:22

that to just be like, it's so much

20:26

easier to just be like, I'm sorry,

20:26

you know, rather than done to

20:29

Rhonda and like, make excuses. It's

20:29

just like, it's a really, really

20:35

painful process, rather than just

20:35

like, and I'm not just like, you

20:38

know what, literally, I'm like, I

20:38

will know, I've come of age, when I

20:44

like when just apologizing is just

20:44

like, so easy. You know, we take

20:49

talk about like, growing up, like,

20:49

that's what I make taking

20:53

responsibility when I do something

20:53

to just be like, not laugh about

20:57

it, not defend it and just be like,

20:57

take full responsibility. Like, you

21:00

know what, I'm sorry. And some, in

21:00

some ways have learned that. But

21:04

it's, it's that

21:07

I'm still learning

21:07

apologies are are a hard one. And

21:10

humor can sometimes be a nice way

21:10

to skirt it. And sometimes humor

21:14

leads to it.

21:15

Oh, we're gonna end this with some humor.

21:17

Oh, yeah, well, well,

21:18

I got serious,

21:19

it did get a little serious. And we're gonna go back to humor. I want to take a brief

21:21

moment to say that if you haven't

21:24

gotten your lovers journal yet, by

21:24

all means, we highly recommend it.

21:27

It's see all this humor and love

21:27

that we share. It's the magic

21:30

recipe isn't here. Actually, I

21:30

should take that back where there's

21:33

a disclaimer that none of this is a

21:33

magic recipe for anything. None of

21:37

it's been approved by the FDA or by

21:37

the American Psychiatric

21:42

Association. Right, this will not

21:42

cure COVID I promised that normal

21:50

cause COVID. So that's a good

21:50

thing. But right now, also, if you

21:54

use the code podcast 15, you get

21:54

15% off. Additionally, any sales

21:59

that are currently on the website

21:59

lovers, unlimited.co. Week 21 of

22:04

the lovers journal, by the way, is

22:04

actually about humor, which we're

22:08

going to be doing this week, we

22:08

haven't done it yet. This week, it

22:10

actually is list three things about

22:10

your lover that makes you laugh,

22:13

and three things that you do to

22:13

make your lover laugh. And this is

22:18

going to be fun to kind of think about because even though we just before we started the podcast,

22:20

we're thinking I was like, Huh,

22:23

like it wasn't? Those are questions

22:23

that immediately come to mind. And

22:28

I think that's something that in

22:28

doing the journaling work is so

22:31

vital is that sometimes there's

22:31

some of these like, Oh, I can list

22:34

five things like this, or this is

22:34

an easy question. Sometimes the

22:38

questions are not super easy, it's

22:38

not top of mind. And I think that

22:43

that's so vital. It's so vital. But

22:43

when I look at that the expectation

22:47

is like it's just gonna be easy.

22:47

But it's not when I actually sit

22:51

down to write, it's not right. It's

22:51

kind of a tough, it's a tough

22:55

question in some way. And the

22:55

question, the answer might not be,

22:58

you know, like a follow the rules,

22:58

paint by numbers kind of kind of

23:02

answer. But it causes this piece of

23:02

thinking about about it. And we've

23:08

had a few of these that like we

23:08

just write it in like three minutes

23:11

later, like, Oh, I wrote two pages,

23:11

let me share what I wrote. And

23:14

other times, it's like, a half an

23:14

hour, and we don't get much out.

23:18

But it's the process of going

23:18

through and really thinking about

23:22

it. That is so rewarding in the

23:22

long run. And why don't you go

23:28

ahead and read Rumi's quote that we

23:28

have on

23:31

that paid leave life as if

23:31

everything is rigged in your favor.

23:37

I love that. And I

23:37

I think it's a, it will certainly

23:42

also help when it comes to sense of

23:42

humor to help people like me, take

23:47

a joke. If I can be like, Oh, this

23:47

is rigged in my favor. This is not

23:52

someone trying to insult me or hurt

23:52

my feelings is rigged in my favor.

24:00

So one of the things that I noticed

24:00

back in the short period of time

24:04

when I was on dating apps, one

24:04

thing and I was when I was like

24:07

reading about it because I was back

24:07

in or not back in the dating world,

24:10

really in the dating world for the

24:10

first time of my life at the age of

24:13

38 or 39. I was like, this whole

24:13

thing of like sense of humor is so

24:19

important. But like, what does that

24:19

mean, exactly? And was that? Do you

24:24

think that that was a part of like

24:24

our early connection?

24:29

It was because I remember

24:29

like you said something and I said

24:34

something that you didn't expect

24:34

that I was gonna say back and like

24:38

we said laughing about it. And I

24:38

just remember like we just didn't

24:41

take ourselves very seriously but

24:41

we also didn't go out on a date

24:45

went out as friends. And because of

24:45

that I just kind of felt like it

24:50

was a little bit different because

24:50

it's just like I could see whatever

24:53

I could say to a friend because I

24:53

was in there was in like I want a

24:56

second date with this. I wasn't

24:56

trying to Casio you know,

25:02

I was just trying

25:02

to be me, which is why I fell in

25:04

love, by the way, because you

25:04

weren't trying to impress me. So at

25:06

the time I had a big old mustache.

25:06

I'd grown it from November and it

25:10

was two months later, and it was

25:10

like this bigger, wider thing. And

25:14

I didn't know what she did for

25:14

work, and she was a student, and

25:18

you're gonna run an online

25:18

business, but I could never sell

25:22

men's razors, because I would just

25:22

give them away and say here, please

25:26

shave that shit off your face. And

25:26

I just thought that was really,

25:30

really funny. And

25:31

but if I wanted a second date

25:31

from you, I probably would not have

25:34

said that.

25:35

Yeah, I'm really

25:35

glad. Because if you hadn't said

25:37

that, I don't know if we'd be doing

25:37

this podcast. I needed someone to

25:42

make fun of my

25:43

God, like any person who hit

25:43

mustache and like, is listening to

25:47

this, like you totally would get

25:47

why, like, I would have given you

25:51

the reasons. Yeah.

25:52

And I would just

25:52

tell you for everyone who has a

25:54

mustache and loves their mustache

25:54

or has shaved it off because of the

25:58

woman that you love. First of all,

25:58

my condolences. As you can see, I

26:01

no longer have my fantastic

26:01

mustache, and all the compliments

26:05

that I got from it not from Sarah.

26:05

Those are gone. But but there is

26:11

there is hope in humor, even when

26:11

you have to lose your mustache. So

26:17

with that there we go. This was our

26:17

compromise. This was our

26:22

compromise. So all right. Well,

26:22

thank you so much for joining us

26:27

this week on the interracial couple

26:27

podcast weights now black and

26:31

white, and we will see you next

26:31

week. As always make sure to

26:35

subscribe, follow share in any

26:35

questions, thoughts, comments or

26:39

concerns, info at lovers

26:39

unlimited.co

26:42

See you next time.