0:02

Jason Manford. Absolute

0:05

Radio. Where real music matters.

0:08

Good morning, it's the Jason Manford

0:10

show on Absolute Radio. Hope you're very

0:12

well. Steve Edge is here. Good morning.

0:15

Morning pal. Are you

0:17

warm there? Are you cold there? I

0:20

am freezing. It's beginning to look

0:22

like a big gas bill isn't

0:25

it? That's what it's beginning to

0:27

look like. Get this.

0:29

So in our little gym, we've

0:31

got a tiny room out the

0:34

back that's got a running machine in

0:36

it and some weights right? And

0:38

my son started getting into it a little bit, you

0:40

know a bit of gym work. So I said yeah

0:42

go in the gym and he went oh dad it's

0:44

freezing in there and it's got on last year because

0:47

it's bitter. I just never, because it was a gym

0:49

I thought oh you don't need heating in a gym.

0:51

It'd be warm wouldn't you? Running. You're

0:53

getting hot but I didn't think just

0:55

about how cold it can really get.

0:57

Especially when you're lifting I mean

1:00

like dumbbells or whatever, the metal

1:02

of a dumbbell. I can't tell you

1:04

how cold it gets. So I

1:07

said to my son yeah no don't worry I'll erm, I

1:09

bought this little on, like a heater that

1:11

goes on the wall. Electric

1:14

heater. That'll do. You only have to stick

1:16

it on for 20 minutes. It'll boost this room and then

1:18

you flick it off. Anyway he went in

1:20

on Monday after

1:22

school. I've give it a little boost.

1:25

I said don't forget to turn that off when you leave.

1:28

I've not been in for five days

1:30

Steve. It's just been going like that.

1:33

It was like a sauna. Oh

1:35

no. Twenty, what is

1:37

that gonna cost? I

1:40

mean an electric heater with like bars

1:42

on it. That's not gonna be cheap. It's,

1:45

oh I'm dreading it. I've

1:48

just had to say it's coming

1:50

out your Christmas. That's fair enough and I've

1:52

already, you know, because Christmas is

1:54

here now I've already unplugged the energy meter. Like

1:56

I said last year I don't need that like

1:59

the ghost of Christmas. Christmas passed every time I walk through

2:01

the you know the hallway and it's just there

2:03

going he's sending 60 p.m. Inage

2:05

I Don't need that Don't

2:09

need it Horrible, Scott Bennett

2:11

the comics as it's like it's like

2:13

being mugged by your house Yeah,

2:16

it is yeah, isn't it running

2:18

around turning stuff off. What's it? What's it? What's

2:20

as it's going up? What's on? Pressure

2:23

of it the stress of it nobody

2:25

nobody needs that awful awful thing Is

2:29

it beginning to look a bit like Christmas? Everywhere

2:32

you go. I think yeah, I mean Toys

2:35

in every store. I know I mean it's everywhere isn't

2:37

it? Yeah, I took a look at five and

2:39

ten Listening

2:46

once again, I think so I'm

2:49

feeling festive early this year Maybe it's because I'm doing

2:51

pants. Oh, and I'm sort of talking about Christmas every

2:53

day But I don't know feel

2:55

I'm feeling festive Steve. Well, we've got the

2:57

decorations down ready, you know, the little all

3:00

the boxes You know ready about

3:03

it. Oh, no, I mean down from you mean

3:05

down where they live Yeah, yeah, and you know,

3:07

I write a little note for myself every year.

3:09

Oh, yeah Yeah, I pop it on so this

3:12

is so for people don't know every

3:14

year the end of Christmas And it's a great

3:16

idea to be fair what Steve does is all

3:18

the things he's learned over the Christmas period He

3:21

writes them into a note So next Christmas

3:23

he goes against these decorations and this note

3:25

is on the top and it remin it

3:27

reminds him Yeah, what to not make

3:29

the same mistakes as you did as you did last

3:32

Christmas. Yeah last Christmas Yeah, it

3:34

was it was it something went wrong last Christmas.

3:36

I don't know what it was I remember I

3:38

remember writing this letter to future Steve and

3:40

thinking what am I gonna say because I couldn't put my finger

3:42

on it I don't know what just a bit of a

3:44

soul Christmas, you know, I was rushing to get the kitchen

3:46

and there was stuff going on The

3:49

right people were there but it just fell a

3:51

bit flat So I was dreading

3:53

it and I found it. I went to go decorations

3:55

there. It was on the top It just says on

3:57

the top on the envelope a message

4:00

for Christmas Steve from 2022 So

4:05

this is last Christmas Right All

4:07

the things that went wrong I mean it

4:09

goes on a bit because like I said I couldn't I

4:12

couldn't put my finger on it It says what went wrong with

4:14

the deer? There's about four question

4:16

marks after it It's

4:19

like witchcraft a who-do

4:21

a curse what made Christmas 2020

4:25

So dull will forever be a mystery But

4:28

here's an extensive list of things that will hopefully

4:30

stop it happening again, please God And

4:32

then it's just a list of you know, it's got it's

4:34

quite a long list So I won't go through it all

4:36

Christmas. I think a little things like

4:38

we bought the Christmas tree We were both working me

4:41

and my wife and they just they sat there in

4:43

their bags just against the wall looking a bit sad

4:45

I think that was where the

4:47

curse started Yeah,

4:50

cuz we just sat there we have a rule

4:52

the tree goes up on the 5th of December,

4:54

right? I'm tell me about

4:56

this. Why is that a rule? It's just been it was

4:58

my mom's birthday. So that's why we always Yeah, you see

5:00

that's me. I'm the same. My dad's birth is is the

5:02

first so I It

5:06

was it was lying against that wall on the 8th

5:08

of December, so I think that's where the curse

5:10

came from Yeah, the curse

5:13

basically just says, you know got

5:15

to get the tree up on the 5th more

5:17

mulled wine more Christmas music Don't

5:19

buy Christmas cards. We've got loads of them More

5:25

board games more Christmas TV, but not more

5:28

come wise because my wife can't stand it

5:30

She's just sick of seeing it. How was

5:32

the same ones more walks? He's

5:35

not made any new ones. That's the problem. They're lazy

5:37

out there. No lazy do not

5:39

let's make this happen again It's

5:41

once a year man Enjoy it and

5:44

then I thought it's rambling and then

5:46

at the bottom it just says more

5:48

faster earlier for longer Christmas is about

5:50

success. So I think that's what nice to

5:52

go on the t-shirts More

5:55

for longer Christmas is about yes,

5:58

so that's what we didn't know It's a good idea, you

6:00

know. Which is one drug already. Absolutely,

6:04

Ahmed, this time of the morning. Eggnog.

6:07

I think it's a breakfast. I'm

6:11

gonna say to everybody right now, and in fact,

6:13

we must put a pin in it for the end

6:15

of Christmas, when we come back to do our

6:17

show in the new year, let's

6:19

all, right, everybody who's listening now, let's all

6:21

do this, right, let's write a note at

6:24

the end of Christmas to yourself for next

6:26

year, and then we'll come back to it and we'll

6:28

see what the vote does. So it's the first thing you

6:30

see. Yeah. They're looking at you. Hello.

6:33

I've got one wrong. First,

6:37

it's, Jason, Manford.

6:40

First, it's, Absolute

6:43

Radio. Where real music matters.

6:45

What are you having for breakfast, Steve?

6:48

I'm having a vegan breakfast

6:50

sandwich. Oh,

6:52

right. Hello, Bob. It's

6:54

a little shopping sandwich, plant the seed, I love

6:56

their sandwiches. Oh, you love that shop, don't you?

6:59

Yeah, down to get one. Yeah. And you're not

7:01

even a vegan, but that's how much you like

7:03

it. Cracking sandwiches, that's all I can say. Nothing

7:05

wrong with that, is it? No. No,

7:08

fair play. When

7:10

you get a bowl of cereal, what's your cereal of choice? I've

7:14

only got a sweet tooth, but weirdly, if I

7:16

have to have a cereal, I will have

7:18

Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, which are quite sweet. The

7:22

trouble is with them though. What?

7:25

Tastes too good. Tastes too good. Tastes

7:27

too good. Talk me through. So

7:29

you get the box out of the cupboard, milk

7:31

out the fridge, I presume. You get the bowl

7:33

out. What's the order

7:36

of events? What do you do after that? Cereal in first,

7:38

and you know how much milk per, you

7:40

know, cereal. You can't, you can't, you don't know

7:42

what you're guessing, don't you? Is

7:44

another way of doing it? Right, listen to this, just

7:46

strap yourself in. Well, strap yourself in for this, Steve.

7:49

New research by Kellogg's have

7:53

found that a quarter of

7:55

Brits pour their milk in first

7:57

and the cereal in second. of

8:00

a what's wrong with this but

8:04

make any sense i can also tell

8:07

you how much milk you need yeah

8:09

if you're pushing it down poking it down

8:11

with a spoon poking it down trying to

8:13

drown your cereal in milk no

8:16

not good that would make any sense to me and

8:18

it says also and half

8:20

of Brits forty one percent nearly half

8:23

of Brits uh... admitted they wouldn't trust

8:25

someone who poured milk first i

8:28

wouldn't no i wouldn't i in fact

8:30

i'd report so twenty five percent pour

8:32

milk first and forty one percent don't

8:34

trust that twenty five percent nah

8:36

that's fair enough that adds

8:39

up for me i'd report

8:41

to somebody i don't know who if

8:44

you think that's controversial steve listen to this the

8:47

research also found that nine

8:50

percent of Brits enjoy cereal

8:52

with water with

8:57

water like we're

8:59

on like we're on passions did they enjoy it?

9:02

did they enjoy it? you said

9:04

enjoy it, it's not enjoy it it says it

9:06

it's not a spell no it says enjoy

9:09

cereal with water and eight percent use

9:11

fruit juice what

9:15

is going on i

9:17

don't i've gone this is why i don't know

9:20

this is wrong this is all wrong the

9:23

average Brits munches through around eighteen thousand

9:25

one hundred and twenty four bowls of

9:27

cereal over their lifetime which

9:29

weighs over half a ton crunchy nut holds

9:32

the number one spot as Kellogg's biggest cereal

9:34

brand was invented right here in

9:36

Manchester over forty years ago the cereal still

9:38

being made in the same factory today salted

9:40

caramel flavor twist is the first new flavor

9:42

of crunchy nut range since nineteen eighty what

9:45

do you think about that salted caramel flavor

9:47

crunchy nut cornflakes? had it at salted caramel

9:49

have you? I'm

9:52

over salted caramel I'm over salted

9:54

caramel and I tell you what the endougeous

9:56

sausage is becoming the salted caramel of the

9:59

savory world It's everywhere.

10:01

It's everywhere. It's too much. It's

10:03

too much. Yeah, Kellogg's

10:05

produced over 20 million kilograms of crunchy

10:07

nuts Using 1.3 million

10:10

kilograms of peanuts each year. Interestingly on

10:12

the peanut allergy thing. We're doing panto

10:15

at the moment Ben

10:17

who's playing silly Simon Is

10:20

throwing the boxes like the the contents of

10:22

a box of celebrations out into the audience. He's not allowed

10:25

to throw Snickers Because

10:27

of the possible peanut There's no others.

10:29

Yeah, you wouldn't think about

10:31

it would you but it what it means

10:33

is backstage loads of boxes of celebrations They've

10:35

just all taken out. Yeah, so you go

10:37

into you go into grab one and it's

10:39

just Snickers left I thought I'm alright with

10:42

that I'm I'm sort of fine

10:44

with it. I quite like a Snicker cuz as as dad's

10:46

you all end up with a Bounty

10:48

anyway. Yeah, whatever's left.

10:50

So Yeah, there you

10:52

go. So I don't know what sort of freaks

10:55

are out there pouring fruit juice on the cereal

10:57

But we're watching you we're

10:59

watching you Okay,

11:16

so we've got some emails in if you want to

11:18

you've got a question for Steve We've got to do

11:20

is email us Jason absolute radio go to you gay

11:23

Janet Curtis is message Steve. She says did

11:25

you have potato puffs when you were at

11:27

school? potato puffs

11:30

potato puffs Rings a

11:32

bell, but I can't well I What is

11:34

a potato? No, I can't really I can't she

11:36

sent me a little picture of those over. I

11:39

don't recognize them She

11:41

says there was and there'll never be anything

11:43

like them ever again sadly

11:45

Burton's who make them Discontinued

11:48

to produce them back in 2009

11:50

and they will never see the light day again

11:52

There's even a Facebook page dedicated to the humble

11:54

potato puff I can remember popping into a little

11:56

school shop across the road from a junior school

11:58

to buy a bag But for

12:01

break time when they were thruppens, so

12:03

that's probably why we don't remember them

12:05

saying they were thruppens. If

12:08

they were a different monetary

12:10

system. Before

12:14

decimalisation I don't remember them. Potato

12:18

puffs. No and I'm looking at a picture of them,

12:20

but they've got all the flavours. What

12:22

was your snack of choice at school? Did you have a tuk-chop?

12:25

We did have a tuk-chop and I think

12:27

it was around the wheat crunchy time when they came out.

12:30

You could blow down them and couldn't you make a

12:32

noise and the country chicken thing was the flavour. I

12:34

like to frazzle me. Do you know what

12:36

they had at our school, which I've never since. It

12:38

was like a maize based one and it was

12:40

called Jaws. And it was

12:42

like the teeth of Jaws covered

12:45

in some spicy tomato flavour I think

12:47

it was. Like Monster Munch. But the

12:49

shape of Jaws. I like

12:51

a Monster Munch. I've got a question about Monster

12:53

Munch. Are they the shape of the monster's hands

12:55

or are they the full monster? I

12:58

think they're meant to be the full monster. I think

13:01

you assume it's their hands don't you? I

13:03

think it's their hands but I looked at one. What's

13:06

the bit then? I think it is

13:08

the full monster. I

13:10

don't know what's going on. I

13:14

remember being in

13:16

third year and we

13:19

got on the student council and we managed to

13:21

get them to start doing sausage and egg

13:23

butties at break. On

13:26

the council. If you

13:28

elect me as your leader I

13:30

will get sausage butties. Brought it

13:33

to this school. You got

13:35

voted as landslide. Landslide mate. I

13:38

was like Donald Trump. Landslide.

13:41

Because I dealt with the issues that people were affected by.

13:43

That's what they care about. Yeah no that's what you've got

13:45

to do. And you delivered.

13:47

You did deliver. Not

13:49

deliver. Yeah of course I didn't deliver. No

13:52

I wasn't about to pledge. I'm

13:55

not bringing it to maths. You've

13:57

got to come to the playground gay. Although

14:00

talking about delivery, I was at my

14:02

son's football game last

14:04

week and they play

14:08

at a school on

14:10

a Sunday, Sunday morning, and it

14:12

was freezing cold. And

14:15

so I said to all the other parents, there was

14:17

about eight or ten parents, I said, hey, shall

14:20

I do a little McDonald's order for

14:23

coffees and breakfast and stuff like that?

14:25

And they were all like, what a brilliant idea. I said,

14:27

you know what, my treat, I get it. So I've done

14:29

the order, put it all in, I

14:32

put it to deliver to this school

14:35

where we were playing football and Deliveroo comes

14:37

up with a thing that says, we

14:40

do not deliver to that school.

14:43

So there's been this previous. You don't deliver to school? Yeah,

14:46

so then I've got this image of

14:48

some kid, sat in double geography going,

14:52

fancy with all the stuff. And

14:55

then there'll be a little knock at the window, little

14:58

Deliveroo gang. Yeah, knock on the app

15:00

report, special instructions, knock on window. Code

15:05

24 mate, code 24 mate. Sorry mate.

15:08

Sorry, carry on. Hey mate, I had some

15:10

chips. Some

15:13

kids ruined it for all of us. That's what's

15:15

happened. Jamie Oliver's probably stopped that. He's made that.

15:17

Nah, be him, won't it? It's all about Oliver.

15:20

Be Oliver. It's all about the noises by the way. I'm

15:22

doing the show from my dressing

15:25

room at the Opera

15:27

House in Manchester because we've got our

15:29

first weekend of shows this weekend. So I'm doing

15:31

the show from here. So I literally

15:33

Manchester is right outside that window. So there's a bit

15:35

of that moss going on. It's good. It's

15:38

just a bit of that moss and it's a bit of that moss. Jason

15:41

Lathford, on absolute radio. It's

15:47

beginning to look a lot like

15:49

Christmas. That's

15:52

the one. So traditions,

15:54

I think when it comes to Christmas,

15:57

it's the only time as a country.

16:00

and as families that we have deep

16:02

rooted traditions that actually even now

16:05

our own families go back sometimes

16:07

hundreds of years you know it'd be something that has

16:09

just been passed on and passed on and even as

16:12

new relationships have formed and families

16:14

have joined together you bring your

16:17

traditions along with you and

16:20

you sort of add them together with your new

16:22

partner with your new family so it's

16:24

quite a nice thing to do but that

16:26

first moment because I reckon up until about

16:29

yeah you can be in your early 20s

16:31

really it's the first time that you go

16:33

and have a Christmas day at someone else's

16:35

house Steve yeah and you see it do

16:37

you know I mean yeah why is

16:39

he wearing that house yeah

16:42

and it's like little things you

16:44

know like you're up at crack of

16:46

dawn and they're like we actually go

16:48

for a walk and have breakfast before

16:51

we open our presents whack yeah I've

16:53

been up since four mate yeah I've

16:58

already opened my mate got

17:00

up at four yeah I

17:03

remember going to my wife's house one time and they all

17:05

just opened their presents at the same time like

17:07

barbarian Steve you got a yeah you don't

17:10

you don't you're gonna straight out a little bit

17:12

of finding that yes it's supposed to take five

17:15

hours that's the point of it somewhere

17:17

in between the two is nothing happy media yeah

17:20

no I know you mean but you know people

17:22

who are like oh we have we have pizza

17:24

instead of turkey no no got

17:26

try no it's gotta be got

17:30

me something so I just asked people

17:32

what about their weird tradition or do you

17:34

know it's not weird weird from not weird

17:36

yeah another point of view might look your

17:39

perspective yeah yeah well when you got together

17:41

with your wife obviously very different upbringings very

17:43

different childhoods hmm what did you bring to

17:45

the table what has she brought to the

17:48

table and what what did you get

17:50

rid of and what did you keep well I

17:52

think because obviously we got young kids as always

17:54

we're sort of trying to establish new ones as

17:56

well but I remember the ones that the

17:58

ones that came in I'm Remember there's one that when

18:01

they were kids, when my wife was a kid and

18:04

mum used to like watch it, you know that you

18:06

get that video tape of a roaring fire? They'd

18:08

have that on when they're out in the presence on the telly. But on

18:10

the telly? It's the video of a fire. No, they

18:13

still want to do that. But

18:15

the telly is above the fire and we've got

18:17

a fire. So

18:20

I sometimes light the fire and then put the

18:22

video of the fire on because it's their thing.

18:25

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I think they've

18:27

got a full like... They have, yeah. I

18:29

think they've got the answer I think Sky

18:31

have as well. But my one is I

18:33

like to have Mario Lanza sings Christmas carols

18:35

when I'm putting the tree up and I

18:37

know everyone else hates it. But

18:39

I can tell. I can see

18:41

it hurting him. He's an opera singer, isn't he? You

18:44

know, he's all not... And that was just... It's all

18:46

not... It's all not... It's all not... It's

18:49

all not... It's all not... It's all

18:51

not... It's all not relaxing at all.

18:53

But for me, that is part of

18:55

my growing up. That's Christmas.

18:57

That's Christmas. I get that. I totally get

18:59

that, yeah. So I never... We never had

19:01

stockings when we were growing up. That wasn't

19:04

something... We didn't realise that if you left

19:06

a stocking out, Santa would fill it with

19:08

400 tiny presents that

19:10

take a good two hours to open. And

19:14

wrap. And a broken... And

19:16

wrap, yeah, before going downstairs. So

19:19

that's been a new thing that

19:21

we've taken on. We did have that but it

19:23

was a pair of me mum's tights, you know,

19:25

an old pair of tights cut in half. What

19:28

do you use? Orange in the... Orange

19:30

in the bottom, yeah. We didn't have a stocking in

19:32

the old days. No. Yeah,

19:34

there's a tansy in the bottom, like a

19:36

walnut and then one

19:38

tiny present. A walnut,

19:41

that's adorable. Are you sure you weren't around

19:43

when... Potato puns. Potato

19:45

puns. Is that a thruppen? Thruppen. Thruppens.

19:50

So I mentioned this story, this topic

19:53

this morning to our director guy of

19:56

the panso. And I was saying, oh,

19:58

we're going to talk this week on... on

20:00

the radio about people's weird

20:03

and wonderful Christmas traditions. He

20:06

said he thought

20:08

every family had

20:11

a pineapple on Christmas morning. I

20:14

had a what? I had a pineapple. Pineapple.

20:17

So basically all his

20:19

family, everyone in the family, they all

20:21

put a pound in for the

20:23

pineapple. So it's pound for the pineapple. And

20:28

everybody goes around the circle. Everyone's

20:30

got to guess how many leaves the pineapple's got.

20:35

And then as it goes, right, it goes around

20:37

and everyone pulls out a leaf and you count

20:39

up and whoever gets the nearest to how

20:42

many leaves gets the money. Yeah.

20:45

So he did like five or six quid a weapon

20:47

in the morning. So that's the little tradition. But he

20:49

said, I thought everybody did it. So

20:51

like he said a few times at school,

20:54

I'd mention it. And I never even noticed

20:56

that people were going, what's he up about?

20:58

The Christmas pineapple. And

21:00

it wasn't until, yeah, until he went and spent Christmas

21:03

with his girlfriend or his

21:05

girlfriend. How easy is it to get a pineapple at

21:07

this time of year? Because I mean, especially back then,

21:09

back in the sort of 80s. But

21:12

it's a very summery fruits, isn't it? I mean,

21:14

I know they they're clear the shelves, don't they?

21:16

Christmas and make it all about Christmas

21:18

stuff. Where are you getting a pineapple

21:20

from? I like

21:22

that. Mad tradition, that idea.

21:25

Mad. Love it, though. Love it. Yeah,

21:27

we're quite traditional, I think we're we

21:30

get we get up crackers,

21:32

though, we do the stockings on the bed.

21:34

Then we go down. But

21:37

then we go for it. Presents in a

21:39

circle. Do all that. Have you got a

21:41

special breakfast you have on Christmas? You

21:43

have a Christmas breakfast? Yeah, Lucy often does like

21:45

a, you know, like a

21:47

like eggs benedict, so like a proper brunch, bacon

21:49

and eggs. And and often we have family over

21:52

for the middle class breakfast, isn't it? That's what

21:54

I have now as well. My family. Yeah. Yeah.

21:57

Yeah. When I was a kid, though. as

22:00

a kid, ready break. Ready

22:02

break of a punch in a gob. No

22:08

because all year, this

22:10

is where we need the

22:12

hovis music in the background

22:14

again. Because we were poor

22:16

Steve. Because we were

22:19

poor, all year

22:21

we would have porridge for breakfast.

22:23

Porridge would be our breakfast of

22:25

choice, get us through the morning,

22:27

never even thought about anything else.

22:29

Sometimes those cheap cornflakes, you know

22:31

like sunblessed I think they were

22:33

called. Sunblessed cornflakes,

22:35

they did not taste like Kellogg's. No,

22:38

no. On Christmas morning my parents

22:41

would get those, you know those

22:43

Kellogg's variety pack. Oh

22:46

yeah that was always a treat wasn't it? Yes I think we

22:48

did the same, that was like a Christmas treat wasn't it? Yeah

22:51

choice. The Christmas morning, choice,

22:54

cocoa pops, often we'd mix them,

22:56

frosties, ricecicles, oh my goodness it

22:58

was absolute heaven, what a way

23:01

to start the day. So

23:04

yeah that was our, that's how we started. But

23:07

yeah so we're quite, you know we're getting

23:09

to it really, then we just get to

23:11

it, get to the presents, we have a

23:13

nice walk around sort of a leavenish, we've

23:16

got a nice little place called Happy Valley near our

23:19

house. Not like the TV

23:21

show, it's actually nice. No that didn't sound good. And

23:23

then get back and then, no

23:25

I say not Christmas. And then

23:27

we just sit down, I don't leave the sofa

23:30

to be honest for the rest of the day. Do

23:32

you ever get to the King's Speech or do you

23:35

go, ah I've missed it again, did

23:37

you get that? I must say I've not

23:39

seen the Queen or King's Speech for a

23:41

very long time. No. Or even

23:43

the alternative one on the other side, I just

23:45

don't bother. I feel like that's the time you

23:47

sort of serve in dinner or, you know the

23:50

end of it trying to get it on, yeah it's the

23:52

wrong time, I have a word with the King and if

23:55

it can move it. Yeah maybe you should sort it a

23:57

bit earlier. I like to get on and watch it, you

23:59

know. I'll watch a Harry Potter

24:01

or a James Bond or you know I love

24:03

sitting down and watching something like that or I

24:05

know they've got Toy Story 4 this year on

24:07

Christmas Day. Yeah, they. Okay. That'll

24:10

be a good one. I mean you won't get to watch that will you? You'll be

24:12

watching Take That. I'll be watching Take

24:14

That or something I would imagine. Yeah, that's one

24:17

of the actually Christmas traditions. Yeah,

24:19

exactly. Mandy Stabler

24:21

says, my stepmother has the weirdest

24:23

Christmas tradition. I remember my

24:26

first time eating turkey with

24:28

her family and they plopped the turkey's bum on

24:30

me plate. I was dumbfounded. Apparently it's tradition to

24:32

pick up the turkey's backside and plop it on

24:34

the plate of the person next to you and

24:36

it goes around the table. I was absolutely

24:39

mortified at this as a child. Yeah.

24:42

That's hard to do isn't it I suppose. Kyle

24:45

says, I went to my ex's one year for

24:47

Christmas. I hope she wasn't an ex at the

24:49

time. That would have really spoiled the day for

24:51

everybody wouldn't it? Didn't expect you to turn up. It's

24:54

a weird tradition. What I do is on Christmas morning I

24:56

go around to warm the ex's. I'm just

24:58

not gone. Yeah, I stopped dinner with them. See if any of them

25:01

are lonely enough so I'll be back. Her

25:04

dad insisted we had a shot of

25:06

tequila at 8am as December's a cold

25:09

and it warms you up. I

25:11

don't know about that. That's

25:13

not right is it? This proceeds to having

25:15

a shot of tequila for the next three

25:18

years at 8am because it's now our tradition.

25:20

He was a strange man. Well

25:22

you know. Alcoholic isn't it? Yeah,

25:24

straight better than alcoholic. Yeah,

25:27

I mean they do say that is

25:29

the only day you can sort of start drinking early isn't

25:31

it? Yeah, yeah. Without

25:33

it being a you know an intervention.

25:36

Yeah exactly yeah. And if it's

25:38

like boxfizz it seems like you know it's allowed isn't it?

25:41

It's allowed yeah. But can

25:43

a Stella I think still frown upon? Still frown

25:45

upon but if you put a bit of orange

25:47

juice in you know like with the boxfizz you

25:49

could go it's a Stella fizz. It's

25:52

a book Stella. Marion

25:56

says I'll be having Christmas in Denmark with

25:58

the family of my... Sun

26:00

in Laws this year. Totally different

26:02

food. Boiled pickled

26:05

red cabbage, boiled spuds and rice pudding with

26:08

an almond in it. If

26:10

you're lucky enough to find the almond, maybe

26:14

that's part of the game. We'll be

26:16

singing around the Christmas tree, playing Pagoli,

26:19

which is a Danish game. It's quite fun

26:21

isn't it? Because it's funny isn't it,

26:23

I think a lot of, like

26:25

in the old days, you used to tell ghost stories at Christmas didn't

26:27

they? Yeah that used to be

26:29

a thing didn't it? And a lot of the

26:31

big Europeans, they do it on Christmas Eve don't

26:33

they most of the big stuff?

26:35

That's right. Yeah so our

26:38

friends are Polish so we go

26:40

there on Christmas Eve and

26:42

have a whole time with them. It's

26:45

quite fish bait as well isn't it in

26:47

Denmark and I've went to Germany. See he

26:49

put some bloody carp in a bath. Carp

26:51

in a bath? In

26:54

the bath Steve. What for? You know when you're

26:56

trying to understand other people's traditions and then somebody

26:58

puts their carp in the bath and you go,

27:00

no I'm just alive. It's

27:03

alive yes, they look after it for a couple of weeks. And

27:08

then I think you're supposed to eat it I think

27:10

but she just goes and puts it

27:12

back on the Christmas tree. You grow attached to it yeah. In

27:16

the bath. Especially if you're having a shower

27:18

and it's around your feet. It's

27:20

alright he won't mind, just don't get any radox in his eyes.

27:27

Absolutely. Manford. Where

27:29

real music matters. Good morning, this is

27:31

Jason Manford show on Absolute Radio. We're

27:33

talking Christmas traditions Steve and obviously there's

27:35

different traditions from around the world that

27:37

we're always aware of. Do

27:40

you know in Japan 1974 KFC

27:42

began to promote itself as the

27:44

ideal Christmas meal. Since then

27:47

a Christmas trip to KFC has

27:49

become part and parcel of the

27:51

celebrations for many Japanese families. We've

27:53

estimated 3.6 million families gathered together

27:55

to share a KFC bucket every

27:58

year. That worked, didn't it? It's

28:00

not even KFC, it's KFC.

28:03

It's not KFT. KFC,

28:05

yeah. That's not KFT. No.

28:08

No, for shame. That's amazing, isn't it?

28:10

Any families choose to order their Christmas KFC

28:12

meal weeks in advance, and those

28:14

that don't are forced often to wait hours due

28:16

to the number of people with the same plan.

28:18

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's big. I

28:20

could smash a KFC Christmas Day, mate. They

28:23

should do a turkey one, though, just for Christmas. Just

28:25

see what that would be. Yeah, that's true. You know,

28:27

turkey nuggets. Imagine

28:30

the size of a turkey wing

28:32

as well. Yeah, turkey wing, yeah.

28:34

A massive one, isn't

28:37

it? Amazing. In Norway, Norwegians

28:39

traditionally hide all the broomsticks in the house

28:41

on Christmas Eve to discourage

28:43

the evil spirits who become active at this time from

28:45

breaking in and stealing them. Hide

28:48

your broomsticks. Have you

28:50

got many in your house? Hide your broomsticks.

28:52

Broomstick, I feel, is very much witch-based,

28:54

isn't it? I've got

28:57

a sweeping brush. Yeah, broomsticks,

28:59

that's the thing. Maybe, well, you have to modernize

29:01

it, yeah. Or if you've got

29:03

like a robot vacuum cleaner, you just have to hide it. Yeah,

29:07

exactly. In

29:09

Venezuela, in the week leading up to

29:11

Christmas, Venezuelans attend a

29:13

daily church service called Misa

29:16

di Aguinaldo, early morning mass. In

29:18

the capital Caracas, it's customary to travel to the church

29:20

service on roller skates. Oh, this is kind of

29:23

like this. Yes, it's a practice that

29:25

is so widespread. Many

29:27

roads in the capital are closed until 8am to

29:29

provide Christmas worshippers safe passage on their road

29:31

with skates. Wow, I mean, they're still on

29:34

the roller case, so it's not that safe,

29:36

is it? Yeah, I'd be up

29:38

for that. I think that was a laugh. I

29:40

mean, I wouldn't do it myself, but I would love to see it. Yeah, I'd like

29:43

to watch it, yeah. Yeah, that'd be quite fun,

29:45

wouldn't it? What

29:48

I'm at here in Catalonia, locals in Catalonia create

29:50

a character out of a log, drawing

29:52

a face on it and giving it a hat. Then

29:55

they spend a fortnight feeding it fruit, nuts and

29:57

sweets. On Christmas Eve, the entire family beats the

29:59

log with a hat. with sticks. Oh

30:02

no. And

30:04

sings a traditional song that translates to

30:06

if you don't crap well I'll beat

30:08

you with a stick until the log

30:10

excretes all its treats. It's

30:14

hard to comprehend why it hasn't

30:16

caught on that one. Now at

30:19

the beginning it sounded a little bit like stick

30:21

man. I thought oh that's nice. Like adopting a

30:23

little stick. And then they

30:25

batter it to bits until all its treats

30:28

come out. Yeah with itself. Like

30:30

with sticks. Yeah

30:32

with his brother or something. Don't

30:35

make me do it. Dave

30:38

what are you doing? I can't

30:41

help it. I can't help it. Just give him

30:43

the sweet. Give him what he wants. Oh

30:48

well. I mean it's easy to take the mickey out

30:50

of other people's customs and that's why we do it.

30:55

Give me with your best facts. Fire

30:58

away. Alright.

31:06

I reckon soon Steve we should start collecting some

31:09

Christmas facts. Yeah

31:11

that's not a bad idea because we're getting towards

31:13

it aren't we? Hit me with your best Christmas

31:16

fact. So we'll start thinking about

31:18

that for the next couple of weeks. That might win

31:20

you some it. Email me Jason at absolute radio.co dot

31:22

uk. Right let's see what we've got for

31:24

this week. What are we looking for Steve? What's

31:27

your criteria? Slightly different to mine.

31:29

The criteria is I want something.

31:32

I don't want the full facts. I want a fact that

31:34

makes me want to Google it. That's

31:36

what we want. That's the facts yeah. But we

31:38

also and then sometimes we want it so it's

31:41

like easily pop. You can pop it

31:43

into a conversation don't we? Yeah

31:46

so right now it would be something

31:48

about Christmas trees. You'd just be able

31:50

to throw it in. Or decorations. The

31:52

invention of the fairy lights. Whatever. Santa

31:54

or Jesus or whatever yeah. All that

31:56

sort of stuff. Alright cool. Let's crack

31:58

on. Err Tracy Thompson. says,

32:00

did you know that the Milky

32:02

Way smells of rum and raspberries?

32:06

Why? What? Why? Why?

32:10

It's almost a Christmas fact, isn't it, that Rayne? It

32:12

feels festive, actually. Yeah.

32:16

How does anybody know? No-one's been there, have

32:18

they? Are we in

32:20

the Milky Way? We're in the Milky Way, aren't we? We're

32:22

in the Milky Way, but nobody kicked their astronaut

32:24

space helmet off to have a sniff, don't they?

32:27

Because the space has been flowed, hasn't it? Do

32:29

you think it's like an astronaut practical joke? Yeah,

32:32

like, get me some sky yolks and some tar sand paint.

32:35

Yeah, go on out there and see if it smells like

32:37

a rum and raisins. Go and smell

32:39

the Milky Way. The space has

32:41

caved in. Smells like Milky Way.

32:43

They won't buy that until they go night.

32:45

No, that'd be too obvious. Rum

32:48

and raisins? They're rum and raspberries, not rum

32:50

and raisins. Rum and raspberries. I know that's

32:52

not any less obvious, but... No,

32:55

less words. How do they know? No. All

32:58

right, Scott T. says, Did

33:00

you know Clint Eastwood, one

33:02

of the world's most famous cowboys, in

33:04

film at least, is

33:07

allergic to horses? Oh,

33:09

that's good, isn't it? That's a good one. That is

33:12

good, isn't it? And in Christmases of my

33:14

youth, that would have been a fact you could trot

33:16

it out, because it was Firefox and stuff

33:18

like that was always on at Christmas. You

33:20

could clip it down something, if you will

33:22

know, but in the old days... Trot out

33:24

as well. That would have been good. Exactly.

33:26

Trot it out. Yeah, yeah. Trot it out.

33:28

Trot it out. Steve, I've got a

33:30

little mug fact for you, actually.

33:33

We've only got three left, apparently. Three? Just

33:36

three now. Three left? What does that

33:38

mean? So to get to the end of the... Actually,

33:40

that's when my contract runs out. That's not

33:42

been renewed yet. That's probably why.

33:44

They just do enough mugs for each week. But

33:49

the guy... What's

33:51

the deal there, then, then? What will we do in the new year?

33:54

It's gonna be for fun, innit? Shut up

33:56

for fun! You can't have a prize for

33:58

three years! No, I'm going on

34:01

strike. Well, when I get my new contract, then

34:03

I call strike. What do you reckon to

34:05

that Steve? For fun? We can't, no.

34:08

No, no one's doing it for fun. No. I mean, not even us.

34:11

No. No fun in this. It's

34:14

not fun, is it? This whole hour? No. No,

34:17

when we got the wrong number, always, you know,

34:19

the wrong country. There's no fun there, we were

34:22

getting... Yeah. There's zero fun. ...we were getting on

34:24

social media. Where was the fun there when we

34:26

were getting trolled? Exactly.

34:28

Exactly. There's still two mugs involved

34:30

in this show, let's be honest.

34:33

Exactly. Yeah, there'll always be two

34:35

left. Me and... always be

34:37

two. It don't matter how many mugs you've got left, there's

34:39

always two left. No, we've

34:41

got... Making a three-mug will be you and a dem. On

34:47

the last day, we all just rock up to your

34:49

house if you win the prize. Now, we're going to have to have

34:51

a word with the big boss. I mean, sorry to go over your

34:53

head, a dem, but can't have that. No

34:55

money in the putty. What's that? There's no money in

34:58

the pot. The mug's a gun, mate. Yeah, you've got

35:00

a new building that's not in the city centre of

35:02

London. The mug's a gun, mate. They

35:05

don't know why you're crying over it, they're mugs are gun time. Can

35:10

we chit the wall off of the old building and then

35:12

give that away? Well, it's got to be short. Like a

35:14

little bit of the original Beaue building. I can get you

35:16

some fixtures and fittings. What do you want us to do?

35:19

There we go. I have just... I've

35:21

just done a big sell on Absolute

35:23

Radio Premium for Chris.

35:25

So someone is earning a pretty penny

35:28

and it ain't us. It's Santa, mate. It's not

35:30

us. Nah, don't give me that. Look,

35:33

I'm going to get the big boss on next week

35:35

and he can explain himself on air. Not

35:39

where our mugs are, okay? But

35:41

it could be something else. I tell you what, if you've

35:43

got any ideas of what you reckon, we've had egg cups,

35:45

we've had mugs. What should be the third

35:48

thing? Beaue, and then people can start collecting these. A

35:50

plate. You get like a cutlery set, full set.

35:54

Soup bowl. Exactly. So your whole

35:56

kitchen out, Absolute Radio. Anyway, I'm

35:58

going to... Wait, wait, wait. What about... Well, we've talked... Go

36:01

on, give me the tickets. There you go. Oh,

36:04

he's backtracking on a thief. Jog on, mate.

36:06

Now he's got an answer, a little attitude

36:08

over here. Unbelievable.

36:11

He must know something about our contract thief, because

36:13

he's got some balls on him. He

36:16

never spoke to us like this before. Well,

36:18

look, we've spoke so much now that we haven't

36:20

actually done any facts in this whole

36:22

thing. So I picked one of the two, yeah? Maybe

36:27

this game's jumped the shark. We'll just get rid

36:29

of it. Jeff

36:32

Davis has said, in 1956, an

36:34

amateur pilot named Thomas Fixpatrick in New

36:36

York, as a result of a

36:38

bar bet, stole an aeroplane and landed it

36:41

in the street outside of the bar. Oh,

36:43

that's good. He was fined $1,000 for it. Two

36:46

years later, in the same bar, another patron didn't believe

36:48

his story, so he did it again. This time he

36:50

went to prison. Yeah, it's a

36:52

one-strike rule, isn't it? And then they went, oh, come

36:54

on, mate. We've got to make an example of this,

36:56

because it's going to happen every week. Every

36:59

time somebody... No way did you write,

37:01

watch. I'm going to go get a

37:03

plane. I mean, he was fined $1,000, but what was

37:05

the bet? Because

37:08

if the bet was $2,000, he's in profit, isn't he?

37:10

Yeah, exactly. Everybody in the bar chips in their $10.

37:14

Perfect. Good story. Phil

37:16

says, in Japan, trains are punctual, but

37:18

any delay over five minutes usually incurs

37:20

an apology and a delay certificate for

37:23

passengers on their way to work. When

37:26

trains are delayed for an hour or more, it

37:28

may even make the news. Wow.

37:30

Yeah, definitely at some time, doesn't it? Yeah.

37:33

That is crazy, that. Well, I've heard that. I've

37:35

heard that, too. Imagine that happened in this country.

37:38

What, the buy-out would

37:40

be a wash with certificates. I'd have them

37:42

everywhere. I think we would be...

37:44

Imagine that it came on the news. And

37:46

today, the five-passer is there

37:49

from Stockport to London. Yeah, it was

37:51

late. We haven't had any time

37:53

for any other news. No. Gary

37:55

Wild says, actor Jack Black's mum helped

37:59

man his boy. here as well. That's a

38:01

Jack Black's man. Help save the Apollo 13

38:04

astronauts. That's good. I'd like to

38:06

know more about that. That's a good one. I

38:08

would like to know. Yeah, he sees us there. He

38:10

sees us. And last

38:12

one for this section. Gareth Tinsley says

38:15

the longest fart ever lasted. Ever.

38:17

Lasted for two minutes and 42 seconds

38:19

and reached a level. Contest is over.

38:25

Two minutes and 42

38:28

seconds. Minutes mate. Could

38:31

that be one of those? That would be like,

38:33

oh that's funny. Oh that's not fun anymore. Oh

38:35

it's funny again. Oh it's not funny there. Yeah,

38:38

100%. It's like a stupid leaf fart. 118

38:44

decibels it's got to. That sounds well. Yeah

38:48

it was loud as well. It wasn't a silent one. Because anyone could

38:50

say that couldn't it? I've actually been farting

38:52

constantly for a week and a half. No but even if it

38:54

was any noise, but I mean if it's a loud one that's

38:57

really good. The

39:04

control on the guy.

39:06

Anal gland though, fair play. I

39:09

was actually going to swear then Steve. I was going

39:11

to swear and say the word that we would all

39:14

use. When we're talking about that part of the body.

39:16

And then because we're

39:18

on the radio I decided not to swear and I

39:20

used the word anal gland and I would say that's

39:23

worse than the word I was thinking of using. Yeah

39:26

I would say so as well. It's more, I

39:28

don't know about it. It gives you the ick.

39:30

It's horrible. It's giving me

39:32

the ick as well. Right, we'll pick a

39:34

winner after this. Right

39:44

hit me with your best facts this week. I've

39:46

had some decent ones. I've got a couple more

39:48

and then we're going to pick a winner. Okay

39:50

we've got Lauren told us William the Conqueror's body

39:52

exploded at his funeral. Get

39:55

out of town. Shut up. Drive in

39:57

here. I'm doing facts. Just

40:01

to explain, I am in my dressing

40:05

room and the wind is right next to

40:07

me. I'm not in a studio, so I'm sorry about that. Craig

40:09

Cost says, Jason, you love a bee

40:11

fact, as you know Steve. Yeah, yeah,

40:14

yeah. Did

40:16

you know there are drug sniffing bees you can

40:18

get found out by the drugs? Maybe

40:21

the police have got them, is that how it works? What,

40:23

in their pocket? They just go... I'd like to know that. What's

40:25

in your pocket there? Just pull a little bee out and go,

40:28

let's have a sniff. Oh,

40:30

that's just some alligana or

40:33

something. My bee bit. Steve

40:39

Peale says, Saria McKellen's great-great-grandfather helped invent

40:41

the concept of the weekend as we

40:44

know it. Well, okay. These

40:47

are good facts. Any

40:49

of them tickling your fancy, Steve. The

40:52

fart one. I want to know more.

40:54

I want to know, you know... I thought it might have been

40:56

filmed it. When was it? It says in... it

40:59

doesn't actually say here, actually. Well, I'll find out. I'd like

41:01

to know. I bet it's La Petomaine, isn't it? I bet

41:03

it's in Victoria and France. It's

41:06

got to be in France. Let

41:09

me tell you as well, just that extra piece

41:11

of information, Steve. 100

41:13

to 120 decibels is a bulldozer, an

41:15

impact wrench or a motorcycle. Yeah, see,

41:18

that's why it's my winner, for all

41:20

of these reasons. It's

41:23

almost like... Wow,

41:25

that's impressive. All right, you can have that, Gareth. Well done.

41:28

One of our last few remaining mugs goes

41:30

to Gareth Tinsley, who told us the longest

41:33

fart ever lasted for 2 minutes and 42

41:35

seconds and reached a decibel level of 118th. Jason.

41:42

That's it. Oh, great.

41:44

We're real music. Not us.