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Jason Manford

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Absolute Radio Where real music

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matters. Good morning it's

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the Jason Manford show on Absolute

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Radio. Hope you're well this Sunday morning.

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Steve Edge is here. Good morning.

0:17

Morning fella, how's it going? I'm alright yeah.

0:19

What are you doing for the half term

0:21

little bit now? You know that when we're trying to record a radio

0:23

show, what are your kids doing? Just out of curiosity.

0:26

My kids, we've been doing crafting

0:29

Steve. That's very good. Are they doing that now

0:31

without you? I've left them to it. We

0:36

obviously recorded the show a couple of days before so it's not yet

0:38

Halloween yet. Yeah no it's not yet now. You've

0:42

been crafting for Halloween have you? I've been crafting

0:44

for Halloween. I've

0:46

done that thing where I went

0:49

too big Steve. Oh dear. And

0:52

I'm not an artistic man. No.

0:55

So

0:57

basically we've got a

0:59

party on Saturday night, last night

1:01

obviously. And I

1:04

had the idea that we'd get like a

1:07

photo booth. Thought

1:09

it might be quite a fun thing to have. Good idea. In

1:11

their outfits and stuff.

1:13

And the photo booth came, reasonably

1:15

priced. But

1:19

then they were like, oh do you want a backboard behind

1:21

it?

1:22

And I was like, okay yeah maybe

1:25

that might make sense. It's not just the wall. And

1:27

it was like 400 quid or something. I was

1:30

like, nah, I'll make

1:32

my own.

1:33

Anyway I've regretted that decision

1:35

ever since. What

1:38

am I doing Steve? So what have you put on your

1:40

backboard? Well I'm going to send it to you on our little

1:42

group now. Because I actually went full Tony

1:45

Hart on this. Oh did you? Yeah.

1:47

I've just sent it on our little

1:50

group.

1:50

I've got my phone on silent.

1:54

Oh wow. Well that's pretty good. I like

1:56

that. Spooky house on a hill. Spooky house

1:58

on a hill. For...

2:00

Funny looking bats, but bats, okay. Do

2:02

you think they're bats? They are bats. Massive

2:05

heads. Bats. That head. Well.

2:08

Those wings would not support that head. I'm

2:10

just telling you no. Well, do you know what

2:13

I've got though? I've just bought some googly eyes.

2:15

Yeah, oh that changes everything. So

2:17

I think when I put googly eyes on them you'll see that they're

2:19

like cartoon bats. They're not supposed to be like scale.

2:22

Yeah, to scale, yeah. A little spider's

2:25

web on the floor and the back of one of the paintings

2:27

there which is quite nice. You

2:29

do know that's there. That's not just you need to clean your eyes.

2:32

Yeah, that was a fake one, yeah. So that's

2:34

what we're doing. That's neat. That

2:36

board is 7'4". I can see your

2:38

feet are in the last shot. Is that a scap for scale?

2:41

Yeah. See how big it is? It's massive.

2:43

What planet is that? Is that the moon? Is

2:46

that like a... That is the moon, yeah. I mean I'm colourful and is

2:48

that like an orange moon? Yeah, I've made it a bit orangey.

2:51

Yeah, yeah. You know. Very

2:53

good. Very good. I mean

2:55

in all the years you've known me I have have painted a picture.

2:58

No, no, no. Very good. Very

3:00

good. Never. So, but I did

3:02

that thing where I said to my youngest, he's

3:04

five, why don't we do it and he calls us

3:07

the craft bros. Mmm, craft bros. Craft

3:09

bros. And we go to Hobby Craft and we,

3:11

you know, we make a day

3:13

of it sort of thing and go for it. But

3:15

this, because this is going to be used in photos,

3:18

I got to that point where I was like, no, no, you

3:20

paint, you just paint in the bottom

3:22

end there. But he won't say. Yeah,

3:24

exactly. You paint down there and

3:26

I'm up there like shading in the moon.

3:29

Yeah, very good. The way that the

3:31

light just dissipates into

3:33

the night sky is great. It's really good.

3:36

Thank you. Good job. I'm

3:38

getting a lot more respect for you than I am for my wife who.

3:40

What did she say? No, I think about that.

3:42

No, no, I think she's more bothered about the amount of time

3:45

it's taken and the space it's taken up in the kitchen.

3:48

Oh, no, but it's very special. You

3:50

can't put that in storage. No, you put that in storage. You get

3:52

that every year, that. Do you know what I mean? Jackson

3:55

Pollock's wife is going, mess in here.

3:57

Yeah, it's a bit of a mess in here. When are you going to cook?

4:00

You know what I mean? No he didn't have that did he? Can't

4:03

he get it just on the actual canvas?

4:05

It's everywhere man. Throw it everywhere. It's

4:07

everywhere. It's like a blooming Jackson

4:10

pot. There you go. That's

4:12

how I started. So

4:15

anyway that's what I've been doing crafting but I'm

4:17

into it. I love a bit of crafting. I've even

4:19

and you know when you're at the shop and they say can

4:22

we have you an email for whatever

4:24

they want your email address for? Yeah and you go yeah

4:26

of course yeah. Can't tell you anything honey.

4:29

Yeah well usually I say no so

4:31

I'll get enough crap and they go 10% off. I

4:33

go is it worth it to give up my

4:36

email freedom? You know it's 10%

4:38

this time. If

4:40

you'd have told me at the beginning of the shop I might have been able to

4:42

capitalize on that 10%. But

4:45

Hobbycraft I've signed up. They happen everything.

4:48

You got a loyalty card again? Do they have a loyalty card

4:50

scheme? 15% off I got. Well

4:52

you're in there Mr Hobbycraft. I'll find out

4:54

where my nearest one is. Mate I tell you.

4:57

I'm a craft guy now. I

4:59

left my son downstairs watching Twister. Watching

5:03

or playing? Watching.

5:06

He's playing it. That's really sad. He's

5:09

trying to spin it. No

5:12

he has got like a beanbag that

5:14

he flings around the room going there's a

5:16

Twister. So he could

5:19

play while watching. You had a film Twister.

5:21

It's only a page 8 so it's fine. Yeah yeah

5:23

I know. I wasn't questioning it. Mild

5:26

peril I think it says. Well

5:28

he seemed Jurassic Park hadn't

5:30

he? That's terrifying. To

5:33

me. But obviously if you're into dinosaurs

5:36

it's exciting isn't it? When a kind of dinosaur comes

5:38

around the corner. Yeah it's lovely.

5:41

Has it been a tough half term Steve?

5:46

It's been alright actually. The other

5:48

one's not been great. So

5:50

it's been alright. He's been a dream

5:52

the older one. He's got the front

5:55

teeth that have fallen out so he looks very

5:57

Halloween. He's very much gone for

5:59

that. part in every picture he's smiling

6:01

with the teeth missing. It's been

6:04

alright. Oh bless them. Yeah

6:08

it's a tough one. I mean my kids get two weeks

6:10

after him Steve. Oh dear. Sat

6:13

him back. You were only halfway through were you? Yes

6:16

essentially yeah. Another week next week. And

6:18

then I'm doing this job at the moment where

6:21

I'm on someone else's schedule so I

6:23

thought I had two days off next week and I was

6:26

like we're going to go out on towers with that and then they

6:28

changed the schedule last

6:31

minute and then now I'm not and I've got to come in. So

6:33

that was pretty disappointed. For

6:36

all concerned. But

6:39

yeah so we've not done loads if I'm honest

6:42

but we've done a bit. We weren't bowling the other night.

6:45

That's good bowling's always a good one. Gotta

6:47

go wrong with bowling but you're fine with bowling.

6:50

One game isn't enough but two games is too

6:52

many. Too much. Yeah you start to get

6:55

half way through you get a bit bored don't you. You need a game and a

6:57

half. Half. Yeah you need a game and a

6:59

half. Yeah they should

7:01

advertise that. Game and a half of bowling. We

7:04

do it up to 15. Yeah. You

7:06

know what I mean 15 bowl. Because it's just too much. We

7:08

actually stopped in the end. The daughter ate her finger

7:11

and my shoulder was going in it. I

7:13

thought oh gosh. It's too long. It's

7:15

too long bowling. We

7:18

did about that and then we got into the arcades.

7:22

Which the Abbott we went to the place. Where did

7:24

we go. Oh in Didsbury in Manchester.

7:26

I went into the arcades there and they and

7:29

that's another 20 quid a kid gone. Yeah

7:31

easy. Unbelievable.

7:34

And they just take it as like

7:36

this is what we're doing. 20 quid a kid and it

7:39

lasts about four minutes. No.

7:42

Don't know the poem. Don't know the poem. I

7:45

won't mind. To my daughters

7:47

they play on those on the games. You

7:49

know machines they get on those motorbikes.

7:52

Yeah. You've not got a home.

7:55

Yeah stuff you haven't got. My son he

7:59

just plays that gravity. machine where he's trying to win a teddy

8:01

bear. You never win. You never win as well.

8:03

It grabs it, it lets go, what's the system?

8:06

I don't know what it is. It's an absolute

8:08

swiz, Steve. But

8:11

saying that, he has got a knack for

8:13

it. I'd say he wins one every time, but

8:16

he cost him the 20 quid to

8:18

win what? A £4 bear? Exactly, he's a £4

8:21

bear. You

8:23

can't explain all that to them at that age. No,

8:26

economics. No, pointless.

8:29

No, but it keeps him

8:32

occupied. It's all good. But

8:35

yeah, we've done as much as we can do. I really

8:37

want to go. I'll tell you what, there is in Manchester now, there's

8:39

a thing called Chaos Carts. Have

8:41

a look on Instagram if you get a second. Yeah.

8:44

And it's like real life Mario Kart.

8:46

Oh, that sounds good. Yeah, so I think the floor,

8:49

the track is massive, is

8:52

like a huge LED screen essentially.

8:54

Which is gold arrows pointing. Arrow

8:56

pointing, you get like little speed boosters,

8:59

you can drop like bombs behind you for

9:01

someone to crash into and then they spin

9:03

out and stop. Wow. I

9:05

know, how good does that sound? Right, it sounds good, I'll have to look

9:07

at this. Yeah, trying to get in though.

9:10

I mean, it was obviously hammered all

9:13

the while during half term. So yeah,

9:17

I'm going to try that next week when we get a chance.

9:20

But that looks wicked, fancy a bit

9:22

of that. And then the other thing we do is

9:24

we see Trolls twice. We're going

9:26

to do that today. That's what this afternoon

9:28

is. Well, let me tell you, it's all right once,

9:30

but it's not a film you watch three

9:33

days later with two other different children.

9:35

No, I mean, I'm a big fan of the Trolls films.

9:37

I love them. Yeah, I love them. I

9:40

think this one sits in between, to be honest. I think it's

9:42

not quite Trolls one. No.

9:45

But it's better than Trolls two. Yeah, that's

9:47

a rock one, wasn't it? It's

9:50

fine. But this one, you know, it's

9:54

sort of like the opposite of the Godfather trilogy.

9:56

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one three is actually

9:58

better than two, which is. unusual so

10:00

yeah I recommend it

10:03

for four stars from what

10:05

show the smaller parent

10:21

all right so

10:23

this is from Robin and Emma Hirschfield who it

10:26

says in eastbourne and it says just

10:28

down the road from Steve not far not

10:30

far hi Jason and Steve my wife

10:32

and I are big fans of the show and love listening to you both

10:34

every week good yeah

10:38

our question for Steve is this how many times

10:41

is it okay to go for a wee in the night

10:43

when you're in your 40s is more

10:46

than once acceptable or is that frowned

10:48

upon until at least 60 we look 60 so we look forward

10:52

to your reply many thanks Robin and Emma oh

10:54

it depends what you've what you've drank before

10:57

you've gone to bed really I think that's a bearing

10:59

on doesn't it what is your nighttime

11:03

well let me ask you this question I'm gonna go on look at this question

11:05

do you and you wife go to bed at the same

11:07

time yes like more often than not

11:10

yeah yeah okay so one of you sat

11:12

down no no we always waiting

11:16

together I mean last night she was watching something

11:18

and I went I'm just gonna have a little nap on the sofa here oh

11:20

yeah so I don't look a little half an hour cheeky you know and

11:22

you know there's sofa naps the ones I think

11:25

sofa naps you know when it comes over

11:27

you and you feel like you go in you

11:29

can't control it that's the strongest the

11:33

nap energy there you know like in films

11:35

when people get shot stuff and they go stay with me stay

11:37

with me and they're gonna mmm and they're black it out that's

11:39

what sofa nap feels like you can't control you

11:42

know you go in and you really want to watch this thing you're watching

11:44

but you can't and I love a sofa

11:46

nap my wife follow them hey you're

11:48

gonna sleep oh I hate

11:50

that no I think that's one of them

11:52

you know when they say like you shouldn't you shouldn't wake

11:54

up like a hibernating tortoise you could kill it yeah

11:57

yeah let's sleep your dogs live but yeah

12:00

Yeah, I mean there is that as well. Yeah.

12:03

But just the thing like, I'm not that guy. You can't do that

12:05

as hard as it is. Yeah, I would, if she goes, I go, I'll let her have

12:07

half an hour. Ah, great. Watch something I

12:09

want to watch now. I'm the same. And then what

12:12

I do is I turn the volume down

12:14

like gradually. Yeah. Then I select

12:17

what I want to watch. Yeah, that's the air. Or if

12:19

she's not lying on me, even, I can even get the PlayStation

12:21

on it in a few times. Yeah, that's good.

12:24

And then I just put the volume back up a little bit. So

12:27

it's not like jarring to her sleeping. Yeah, but sometimes you need the controller,

12:30

the volume and the controller, because

12:32

sometimes the whistle going off with a free kick

12:34

on FIFA. How do you turn that off? I don't know. I've

12:38

turned the volume right down on the teller to

12:40

have a sneaky game. And then the whistle

12:42

goes off. Oh, God. Makes you get the life out of

12:44

that. Yeah, I've had

12:46

that as well, yeah. Yeah, that's awesome.

12:49

So yeah, so what's acceptable? Yeah, it depends

12:51

what you've drank. I mean, if you've gone to bed and you've had

12:53

like, you know, half a bottle of wine. I will say, by the way,

12:55

just on the nap thing, I think people who wake

12:57

you up from a nap on the sofa are the same people that

12:59

when you go into one of them daytime stairs,

13:02

yeah, like do that in front of your

13:04

face, like with their hands. You know what? I

13:06

can go one better than that. My wife does the thing. When

13:09

I yawn, how many yawn you close your eyes? She

13:11

puts her finger between my teeth. So we're like,

13:14

oh, it ruins the end of the yawn. Oh, no. That's

13:18

awful. That is awful.

13:21

These are the things I'm putting on the list for Chris.

13:25

Waking me up on the ZZ. Putting

13:28

a finger between my teeth when I'm in the mid yawn. Microaggressions,

13:32

though. Yeah. That's just what they are.

13:35

They are, yeah. Yeah, we'll touch

13:37

on it in a couple of weeks' time, maybe. Maybe we'll

13:40

do it today. But yeah,

13:42

I had like a micro argument with my

13:44

wife the other day that made

13:46

me realise that there's a point in marriage where

13:50

like at the very beginning of a relationship,

13:53

if she says, oh, that's a nice jumper, you

13:55

wear it every day to please her. And

13:58

then there's a point where it turns where she says she doesn't like it. like

14:00

a jumper and you wear it every day. Just

14:02

to annoy her. It's weird

14:04

isn't it? Yeah. It's flip. Yeah

14:06

you know you're doing it. It's not a big thing but you're

14:08

still doing it. No, you're well aware.

14:12

The answer to your question Robin and Emma is, you

14:15

go to, well I mean it's like the old joke

14:17

isn't it? I'm regular

14:19

as clockwork, I'm 90 years old and I still

14:22

have a wee at 5am every morning whether

14:24

I'm awake or not. Yeah I get up at 6.

14:28

Yeah exactly. So in your

14:31

40s I'd say if

14:33

you've gone before you go to bed I think you're

14:36

allowed one. I think you need to go again but one maybe

14:38

yeah. My problem

14:40

is my ankle wakes her up. What?

14:43

Make a clicking noise. I'm going to click the ankle.

14:46

Yes. Yeah

14:50

but you know because of my name and he's clicking now as well.

14:52

What's that? Are

14:56

you up? Sorry I was trying to get this. Are

14:58

you watching West Side Story? Sammy

15:02

Davis Jr on the YouTube. So

15:06

I've got to leave me crocs next to the bed

15:08

to elevate me heel

15:11

so I can walk in silence. Well

15:14

that's a good system. Yeah it's the only way I can get away

15:16

with it because it's that loud Steve. One day

15:18

I will record the click for the radio

15:21

because it is not.

15:23

So I say once is acceptable

15:25

more than once I maybe see a doctor maybe because

15:27

that seems too many times. Yeah

15:30

could be.

15:42

I've been having the

15:45

fear this week. I've had a couple of nightmares

15:47

because my tour went on sale last week and

15:49

thank you very much for all the people who bought tickets. It's

15:52

always very nice of you. Thank you. I can't wait to see you next year.

15:55

But my brain in like

15:57

at night likes

15:59

to pretend. And that the gig is now. Right,

16:02

yeah, this is the anxiety dream that

16:05

comedians have. Yeah, the gig is now

16:07

and you've not written the show. So

16:09

just to picture the dream, so you're like

16:12

backstage and somebody's going, right, just want to,

16:14

yeah, Mike's all working, right, so they're all out there.

16:17

What's this? This is Wembley Arena, this

16:19

is the end of the tour, start of the tour. Go

16:21

on, I'm not ready. No, I've

16:24

only written a couple of ideas about psychopath

16:26

children and funny things your mum says.

16:29

Well, it's 25 past seven, so you're on, you're on in five

16:31

minutes. That's it, yeah. And

16:34

then you wake up. Yeah, thank you, man, Chilton.

16:38

What, you're all right? Bumblebee. Bumblebee,

16:40

so you have to bring that back. Click

16:42

it, you've worked on the toilet. Click it,

16:44

yeah. Oh,

16:48

God. So you're still in the process

16:50

of like smashing it all together? Yeah,

16:52

just, well, just... Are you before

16:54

that? Before that bit, it's not going together, it's

16:56

just me writing down ideas. But

16:59

it's fun actually, it's a nice, it is,

17:02

as it's moments of like a bit of like, sometimes

17:04

a whoosh of like, oh my God, I'm so here. But

17:09

actually, you have to remind yourself that

17:12

you've done this six times, six tours.

17:15

Yeah, you work better under pressure, don't you? Totally.

17:18

And every one of them has been better than the last,

17:20

so, yeah. So I'm really

17:22

excited. That can't last forever, can it? No,

17:25

at some point it will have to come to... Three

17:28

o'clock in the morning, I've left you that for three o'clock in the

17:30

morning. That's why you go like, that can't

17:32

last forever, can it? Can it? Well, no, but you

17:34

know what, that is one of my fears about

17:36

the tour, because the end of the last tour,

17:39

we managed to get from,

17:41

obviously it was post lockdown, managed to get from that

17:44

into talking about songs, like

17:46

things you remember at primary school, because at home school... Yeah, assembly bangers,

17:48

yeah. Assembly bangers, which we'd done a little bit on the

17:50

radio, which then developed and got

17:53

DJ'd to make that brilliant record that

17:55

we ended up releasing for charity, isn't it? And

17:57

it was just such a wicked end to the show. Yeah,

18:01

all I'm thinking of is all I've got what

18:03

do you do this time when all you've got is jokes at

18:05

the end Yeah, well

18:08

tap dance Tap dance met met

18:10

work and I can do that with just me ankle. That's

18:13

what I mean. You need one shoe Yeah, I just might

18:16

put it on the foot without the clicky thing Can they

18:18

click with one and I go you can do it in the air?

18:20

It'll go how's he even doing this? It's clicking

18:23

and he's foot's not even on the ground I Might

18:27

be the way forward but if you want

18:29

to come and see the show, I will be grateful and

18:31

it's always lovely to have You there's

18:34

a few warm updates But we'll go on sale at some

18:36

point in smaller venues by the moment where

18:38

the arenas on sale So have a little

18:40

look at my website Jason Manford dot-com

18:46

Manford now Steve I'm

18:50

gonna be honest with you here because You

18:52

know, that's what this show is all about. Okay, so yeah,

18:55

and I know I won't be judged. Okay, and

18:57

anyway the other day We

18:59

were going out to a kid's birthday

19:02

party, right? With our kids.

19:04

Yeah, yeah, no, no That

19:07

would be weird. And and it was

19:09

over in Liverpool. We were going to See

19:14

a llama farm I think Alpacas

19:16

one of the one likes yeah. Yeah. Yeah

19:19

llama farmer. There was sort of similar. But

19:21

anyway, it's a lovely place I'll find out the name

19:23

for it a minute and post it online because

19:25

it was really lovely We're going for

19:27

our friend big day on Dublin Yeah

19:30

for his daughter's birthday. So we were going down there

19:32

and Once you allow

19:34

my farm with the on Dublin I am very

19:37

slowly Turning into a party.

19:39

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was

19:42

a lovely day Anyway,

19:44

I love a day. There's all lots of fun but before we

19:46

got there in the morning was

19:49

getting ready to go everyone was dressed ready to go

19:51

and there

19:53

was a moment where I Put

19:56

on some aftershave right I

19:58

liked. Mm-hmm and my

20:00

wife was getting ready nearby

20:03

and she came in and she went, oh, oh, what

20:06

are you wearing that one for? I don't like it, okay.

20:08

Don't like it. Yeah. And I was

20:10

like, I don't know what happens in a man's mind

20:13

every so often. Most of the time

20:15

I am so placid, I ask, I was

20:17

like, all right, if I go out with Dave and, yeah,

20:21

yeah, I ask it. And then every so often, a

20:23

little like, a bit from caveman

20:26

like time comes into play. I

20:28

want, yeah. Exactly, I don't know

20:30

where it comes from. Ask you, I'm not gonna ask

20:33

for permission. I will just do it.

20:36

I don't know where this guy comes from, but he keeps getting into

20:38

it. No, I don't if I like him, but anyway, carry on. He's

20:41

not fun. Well, he actually

20:43

is fun, that's probably. Probably too much fun.

20:46

Yeah. And I

20:49

just for some reason just got it,

20:51

I just got it, a baby bonnet where I was a bit like, how

20:54

dare you? Tell

20:57

me what I want to smell like. Your

21:01

smell, isn't it? It's my smell. Well,

21:03

so you go bust, because that's your rules, isn't

21:05

it? I mean, if it was, you go bust. Steve,

21:08

this is what's gonna get you even more on my side. It

21:10

was Creed, Steve. Okay,

21:12

well, yeah, I'm very much on your side.

21:15

And that is your favorite. Which one was it? Do

21:17

you remember which one it was? It was, oh gosh,

21:19

it's in a white bottle. I

21:21

don't know what that one is. I can't remember what it's called now. It's been so

21:23

long ago since I bought it because I've not used it,

21:26

Steve, have I? No, no, because you

21:28

didn't like it. No, I didn't like it. So

21:31

anyway, I put this, put it on and

21:34

then she sort of, give it the smell. Tender

21:37

nose up. That sort of thing. Tender nose up without this perfume

21:39

you're in the world. Yeah. I

21:42

knew you'd be on fire when I mentioned what the brand was.

21:45

He loves the Creed, Steve. If he said Joe Malone, I'd have

21:47

kept living on her side. So

21:52

I, Steve, she went downstairs and I, I

21:55

was just, I was just helping it, did you? Everywhere. That

21:58

would be the way that you would think. as

22:00

though, no Steve, what I did, even though we were

22:02

already having to leave at that moment

22:05

and we were going to be late for this kid's party,

22:08

I got undressed and into

22:10

the shower and washed

22:12

the smell off me. Washed the Creed, washed about 15

22:15

quid's worth of Creed on you. Off me. Then

22:18

I put the Creed in the bin, Steve. Oh

22:20

what? With all the... Who is

22:22

this guy? I prefer the caveman guy now.

22:24

I know. Who is this guy? Yeah,

22:27

in a total, like a sassy

22:29

mood. Yeah, you rub some

22:32

dirty egg all over you and stuff. Like muttering

22:34

on your breath. Just melt like something else. Muttering

22:37

the whole time. And the thing was, even in the

22:39

shower, as I was doing it, I knew

22:41

I was being an idiot. Yeah.

22:44

I knew I was being an idiot. Yeah. And

22:47

yet I was still doing it.

22:48

Oh,

22:49

I've done it. And then there was even a moment where

22:51

I was... I thought, oh, she's

22:54

going to come back upstairs a minute, see what I'm doing.

22:58

And I don't know what I was expecting to happen. No, I don't

23:00

know what you expected either. But she never came

23:02

back up. She never even saw this process.

23:04

I was just doing it by myself. And

23:07

eventually she saw and she was like shaking

23:09

her head like, idiot. And then

23:11

I got in the car and about 20 minutes into the journey,

23:13

I apologized. And

23:16

then when I got over, I took my aftershave out

23:18

of the bin.

23:20

Yeah. And then you went out when you're going out on your

23:23

own. Yeah, I guess I'll just leave it as

23:25

well. Yeah, put that in the travel bag now, leave it in there. I

23:27

might as well. There's no point in being at home, is there?

23:30

But anyway, and then we were late for the llama farm and

23:32

I couldn't really tell anybody the real reason till now. And

23:35

the llamas were all just spitting at you because you smelled

23:37

weird. You didn't smell the creed.

23:41

So my question was, have you ever gone overboard

23:43

in an argument? Yeah. Have

23:45

you gone a bit extra in an argument, whether it was you

23:47

or the person you were around with? Obviously,

23:50

we've got a popped it on social media. I've got lots

23:53

of answers for this week. If you if this is

23:56

a topic that rings true for you, do

23:58

feel free to email us. Jason, absolutely. radio.co.uk.

24:02

What about you then Steve? I mean I can think

24:04

of a couple of instances now. I can't,

24:06

I don't think, I can't, I've

24:08

completely gone from my mind. What of

24:10

microaggressions? Well like

24:13

when you've gone a bit extra, like what about like leaving

24:15

the house in the freezing cold? No

24:17

I did it in the heat. It

24:20

was when Sam was pregnant with

24:23

the youngest now, so last year

24:25

and we had a row about something

24:27

and it was like midday and I stormed out

24:31

and it was midday, it was 46 degrees

24:33

outside, there was no trees, Gozo's

24:36

not a lot of trees you know in the main bit. She

24:39

was in the air con at a lovely

24:41

like 18 degrees. I

24:43

just went straight back in within 5 minutes. Let's

24:46

not argue, it's not worth it is it? It's more important

24:48

things than being right, forget it, come on, just

24:50

standing under there. Put that on tilt, put

24:52

it on tilt. Yeah,

24:56

it just happens doesn't it sometimes? Like you said,

25:01

we're going to put it down to misplaced passion.

25:03

So all these people who

25:05

sent us messages. Just out of curiosity,

25:08

the people who sent us stuff in, is it mainly men,

25:10

mainly women or a mixture of both? What do

25:12

you reckon Steve?

25:15

A mixture of both maybe. 100% female I would say. 100%

25:22

women and straight women as well. So

25:25

the bloke's just forgotten they've done it or don't want

25:27

to admit to it? Either they don't want

25:30

to admit that they've done it, which is true

25:32

to form or they're just a bit

25:34

cleverer and gone, I am not

25:36

putting this on the internet where I know my

25:38

wife also follows Jason Mufford. Or

25:41

at the time they did it, they were gaslighting

25:43

their wife then as well going, but you may have put it after

25:45

shave on, haven't put more after shave on, haven't had

25:47

a shower. They were doing that. So

25:51

they're still carrying on the fact that it never happened,

25:53

it was all in their head. Yeah, exactly.

25:56

So let's rattle through some of these. Tanya.

26:00

Says Jason. This is

26:02

a hundred percent true. We all Do

26:04

something a bit extra? But nothing

26:07

could beat my granddad Well,

26:10

I'm gonna say okay, so this

26:12

is a blow who's done something here. Yeah,

26:14

she's grass in this guy up. What the grass with

26:16

us Unreal

26:19

okay, so we're rarely do we

26:21

start at number 10? Okay,

26:23

but we have but we're just going for it My

26:26

granddad got into such a massive fight

26:29

with my grandma that he stormed out the house

26:31

went and signed up to the merchant Navy when

26:35

he and came back three days

26:37

later as World

26:41

War two Was just

26:43

announced he was gone for six months. Oh

26:47

He's not thought that through as a he's not for me imagine

26:49

sign up for the merchant Navy right? I'm out of here and

26:51

you've not picked up a paper over the last few weeks I Know

26:56

that'll be safe, wouldn't it? No, no, no with

26:58

a seize is that it'll be absolutely

27:01

fine Tanya says if anyone

27:03

needs to know where the family temper comes from it's

27:05

right there I'd like to see him coming back in three

27:08

days later again I forget about it with the

27:10

with the little sailors uniform on with a half

27:12

on a cocked angle And then just pick it

27:14

up the pipe again What? British

27:18

declares war Oh

27:23

right I think

27:25

six months That's all I've

27:28

got good news and bad news. Yeah, I've

27:30

left. I'm not you know, I've got a lovely

27:32

uniform. What's the bad news? You're

27:34

not gonna do it

27:42

Lindsay as emailed she says I

27:45

make my hubby a pat lunch every day. Mmm.

27:48

Okay. He made his sandwiches himself Exactly

27:51

what I thought of that joke as well Right

27:54

away where I was just jumped off the top of

27:56

the building Every

27:59

day Classic, classic

28:01

gag. One day he had

28:03

ham and cheese sarnies. He obviously thought

28:05

I'd been a bit stingy with the cheese and texted

28:07

me, saving money on cheese, are

28:10

we? Oh my God. The

28:12

gold on this guy. Question mark,

28:15

couple of dots. Wow,

28:18

that's like my dad when he makes a cup of tea. Cow

28:21

on strike, is it? Cow on strike, a little bit of milk.

28:24

Yeah, saving money on cheese,

28:26

are we? Oh wait, you see how

28:28

it does it? Oh, saving money on cheese,

28:30

are we? I said nothing, but

28:32

a week later I did the same sarnies with a whole

28:35

block of cheese in there. So why, in

28:37

case my frown did it. Therefore,

28:39

it couldn't go great. You can't eat that. No. I

28:42

didn't eat it at all. She said I did win that

28:44

one, but what a waste of a good cheese. He didn't respond,

28:46

he didn't say. All right. Too

28:49

shame, I love. I'd have come back

28:51

with saving money on ham, are we? I

28:54

thought I'd have come back with it. Gosh,

28:58

the absolute gall

29:00

of the fella. Someone's making my sandwiches, I don't.

29:02

I don't criticise the amount on there, no. Absolutely

29:05

not. Claire Ferguson

29:07

says, my other half made a sarcastic comment

29:09

that we had no baked beans or chickpeas,

29:12

and that surely they are a household

29:14

staple, and how could they possibly

29:16

be known? So I went to Asda, and

29:18

I filled the trolley up with baked beans and chickpeas,

29:21

and I took them home, and put them in the boot of

29:23

his car, because there was too many to

29:25

fit in the cupboard. Boot of his car? You

29:28

never asked for them to be in the boot of his car.

29:31

No, but that's, there was too much, that's,

29:33

yeah. No,

29:36

no, well. Unbelievable. I think, yeah, if

29:38

you opened the cupboard, and it was like tops

29:40

of awesome, just beans, and

29:42

then she stood behind going, happy now. What

29:46

I will say is, I understand

29:48

the baked bean being a staple of the cupboard,

29:50

but the chickpeas. Yeah, but what was the other one? Chickpeas. Chickpeas?

29:54

No, we've got two cans of chickpeas in there, and they've been to every

29:57

house we've been to. And

29:59

moved around. Yeah, they just come with us each

30:01

time. Tick peas are not a staple. No.

30:03

Natalie Clark says, I once had an argument with my

30:05

fella and we were giving each other the cold

30:07

shoulder. Mmm, okay.

30:09

I came upstairs to relax on my own and brought some

30:12

snacks I'd got from the shop earlier.

30:14

I sat on the sofa and couldn't for the life of me get the TV

30:16

to work. Finally managed by changing

30:18

the remote batteries, sat down, opened my drink

30:21

and it went everywhere. Next day, after

30:23

we'd made up, he told me he'd flipped

30:25

the batteries round and shaken up my drink.

30:28

What? What? Lord.

30:31

Mate. I just want to go upstairs and have

30:33

a bit of time on my own mid-drink. Alright. Trick,

30:35

trick, trick, trick, trick, trick the battery. Enjoy

30:37

yourself, have a nice time watching The Kardashians.

30:42

Right, shaking up the drink thing's one. I

30:44

mean, all of that, as he was doing it,

30:46

he must have been thinking, what am I doing? I'm a grown man. He literally

30:48

was listening downstairs, just

30:51

outside the door, sweating for

30:53

even the little ring pull. Oh

30:56

my God. He was like, hah. Gotcha,

30:59

gotcha. Arul

31:03

says, I didn't drive and my

31:05

husband was moaning about giving me a lift. I

31:08

was in a huff, especially since he was

31:10

making plans to pick up his mate later.

31:13

So I decided to hide the car keys. And

31:15

when he asked where they were, I said they could be down the

31:18

drains or anywhere, so we'd better get looking.

31:20

I then messaged his friend and said he'll probably be late. If

31:22

I have to get the bus, so do you. Wow.

31:27

Wow. Well, depends when

31:29

the plans were made, weren't they? Yeah. They'd

31:31

planned already. Yeah. That's

31:33

a tough one, that. Also

31:36

learn to drive, maybe, very well independence.

31:40

Maybe. My dad doesn't drive, even now. No.

31:44

Just won't do it. You've never fancied

31:46

it? No, just won't do it. And my

31:48

mum, so my mum does all the driving, but it

31:50

works in his favor because it means nobody asks

31:52

him to do anything. Yeah, and you

31:54

never did the designated driving. No one's gonna always

31:57

have a drink, yeah. Debbie Moore says,

32:00

I went on strike with my husband and refused

32:02

to wash his clothes or cook for him because he wouldn't

32:04

cook for one night. That's

32:07

right, that's a strong word isn't it? I went

32:09

on strike I know. All

32:13

out. All out. Oh it's just me. But

32:15

if you think about it like, when do we want it? Whenever

32:18

we want it's only me. If

32:20

you think about, I know we live in different times

32:22

now when it's not necessarily

32:24

a housewife and a husband at work and

32:26

all that sort of stuff. But if everybody

32:29

who was doing

32:31

the housework essentially and all that

32:34

actually went on strike, I mean

32:37

the country would grind to a halt wouldn't it? More

32:40

than any other industry I think. Yeah,

32:43

I mean you'd still be working, there'd still

32:45

be the agricultural

32:47

jobs and the office jobs, they'd still be

32:49

being done but everyone's house would be a tip. And

32:52

I wouldn't be eating. Productivity would

32:54

be low. Yeah because that would affect

32:57

morale. Yeah they're ringing in sick, I

32:59

can't go in today, you know, because whatever,

33:02

childcare, I'm starving, all these

33:04

things. I've only eaten, I've had 400 cans

33:06

of beans, that's all I've eaten. I can't, there's

33:09

no food in this house. I can't plan a can

33:12

of cankey. I'm joining the Navy to

33:14

get this. It's to get a meal. And

33:18

you sign up to the Navy for the first meal, chickpeas. You're

33:20

like yah! Kelly

33:23

Knight says, I can't remember what

33:25

he did to upset me so much but years ago

33:28

I made up, she can't remember what it was. And

33:31

she's even put in inverted commas, made up with

33:34

my husband by running him a bubble bath that

33:36

I had taken a full wee in.

33:39

I mean I will say one thing Steve,

33:42

and there's a reason I think some of the men aren't

33:45

telling us about these stories because if a lot of these stories

33:47

were met, you'd be like, right you

33:49

need to get rid of him. He's

33:52

got life in you. He's

33:54

an awful person. Throw a freak.

33:57

If a fella had said that one, she wanted a little

33:59

bit of a little bath and I did a little wee in it. Yeah

34:02

you'd be like... I reported you number of the police.

34:05

I've been sending someone round. Contruder

34:09

says I once threw my hair dryer across the room and

34:11

the cable unwounding mid-air and the plug

34:14

smacked me in the forehead.

34:17

Well that's fair enough. That's karma isn't it?

34:20

Yeah.

34:22

Emma says although I bet it was still his fault.

34:25

Yeah of course it was because he was the one who wrapped

34:27

the cord round. He wrapped it

34:29

the wrong way. If it had done it the other way around it wouldn't have flung

34:31

off. But he did. Idiot. Emma says

34:34

my husband and I had a row years ago and he hates

34:36

humming so I got out of the bed stood in the

34:39

corner of the room and hummed. It was

34:41

really weird at this time but it just felt like the right

34:43

thing to do. It's

34:46

really weird. That

34:49

is really... what are you doing?

34:54

What tune is it? Oh

34:58

that's terrifying. Emma

35:01

says I once argued with my then partner about

35:04

him playing on FIFA all the time so I hid

35:06

it and then made a ransom note if

35:08

you ever wanted it back. I cut out the letters for the newspaper

35:10

and everything. That's good. I

35:13

have a weird relationship with the

35:15

PlayStation because well

35:19

I've clearly hates it but often

35:21

she's going to bed anyway or not

35:24

there. It's not like she's sat next to me and

35:26

I go I'm just having a quick game of

35:28

this instead of hanging out with you. Yeah

35:31

she's going to bed anyway. She's got a bed

35:33

or I've come in late and everyone's in bed already but

35:35

it's a weird... I don't know where that comes from that

35:38

sort of thing. I've sort of got to the point with a couple

35:40

of things lately as well. FIFA being one of

35:42

them. I know it's not called that anymore

35:44

and Twitter's not called Twitter anymore but I can't

35:46

be bothered to change me. I don't know what it's called. I'm

35:49

just gonna

35:52

say FIFA and Twitter. Is that alright about

35:54

that guy? I don't know what

35:57

those things are called. I agree. that

36:00

I'm not into that at all. Right let's have one

36:02

last one shall we. Laura Quail says I was

36:04

at a bike rally with my boyfriend at the time on

36:06

the last day we had a massive row about something.

36:09

A lot of these arguments people can't even

36:11

remember what they are. Doesn't that

36:13

tell you how important the argument was in the first place doesn't

36:15

it? I had his keys in my pocket so

36:17

I launched them into a patch of brambles.

36:19

Oh sorry motorbikes sorry

36:22

I thought cycles. So what keys? I

36:26

got a lift home with my mate he never found them and

36:28

had to get another mate to put the bike in his

36:31

van and take him home not that he could

36:33

get in when he got home because his flat keys were the same key

36:35

ring so he had to come round to my house

36:38

and get the spare one which I thoughtfully left on my

36:40

front doorsteps so I wouldn't have to speak to him. I can't

36:43

remember what the argument was about. I can't

36:46

remember what the argument was about that he's very telling. I

36:48

mean how can you have an argument on a

36:50

bike you're just driving aren't you and it's loud?

36:54

I guess it was a bike rally so

36:56

maybe they were watching I don't know. I don't

36:58

know. I don't know. But I know

37:00

what you mean because interestingly like

37:02

for me I can't

37:06

go to sleep on an argument I just can't do it. No.

37:09

Even if it's just a case of going right I'm just gonna work

37:11

out an apology even though I think I'm not

37:14

really that wrong. But just so you can all

37:16

go to sleep. I can't do it Steve what if you

37:18

just didn't wake up that's what I worry about. I

37:21

think that's the sort of thing you talk when you're kidding

37:23

you know never go ahead of an argument. Well

37:25

my wife's crikey. Always got to work on an egg all

37:28

those things. She

37:31

can quite clearly just... she's gone

37:33

not a not a not a problem.

37:35

Conscience. I can sit there three hours. Yeah

37:38

exactly. Sit there three

37:40

hours humming. Yeah it's not worth it. Not worth

37:42

it. Humming.

37:58

A couple of weeks for now. controversy. It's

38:00

quite nice isn't it? We've done well haven't we? It's been nice.

38:03

Yeah, all been the facts have been good. There's been a

38:05

lot of talk on Twitter about some people rigging the system

38:07

and getting more than one car. Yeah. But I mean that's not, we

38:10

can't oversee that if someone's using

38:12

fake names and stuff. That's just, yeah. I think

38:14

we should put one of them signs up like they have in building

38:16

sites. You know what they say? It's been 45 days

38:18

without an accident. Yeah. Yeah.

38:21

Well it's not, it wouldn't be that impressive

38:23

at the moment. No. 16 days. 16

38:26

days. No fact controversy.

38:29

Yeah. Let's find out this

38:31

week. Although what do I say when you ring

38:33

me every Sunday? You ring me every Sunday. I ring

38:35

him like midday

38:38

on a Sunday when I'm sort of taking

38:40

my son to football or whatever. And every time he

38:42

goes, I ring him, he

38:44

answers and he goes, what's happened?

38:46

Have we been cancelled? I

38:49

think something's happened. Because you always ring during

38:51

the, when the show's on and I'm like, oh, something's happened.

38:53

Something's happened. Something's happened. Something's happened.

38:55

I know, but that's the problem is that one time

38:57

we got a complaint and then now

39:00

it just plays on our mind sometimes. That's it

39:02

now. One time we got a grist on. If

39:05

you want to join us, Jason Absolute Radio

39:07

dot go to you. Okay. And you can win yourself an

39:10

amazing Jason Manford show

39:12

mug. This week's fact

39:14

starts with James Ling who says St.

39:17

Peter's school in York is the only

39:19

place in England that does not celebrate bonfire

39:21

night as a show of respect for their

39:23

former pupil. Oh, Gida.

39:27

Yeah, really? I knew it was York

39:29

because I remember doing a theater there and they've got a big

39:31

thing about him. So I knew it was from York. So they, because

39:33

he's one of the alumni, they don't,

39:35

all right, burning our alumni stop

39:38

doing that. So they don't celebrate.

39:41

That is good. And also we're coming

39:43

up to the November the fifth time in its week.

39:45

So yeah, that is

39:47

good. That is a good fact.

39:50

What's the school called? St. Peter's. St. Peter's

39:53

in York. Yeah. Good

39:55

to know. I like that. I like

39:58

that indeed. What did they say?

39:59

last month to enter Parliament with honest intention.

40:02

What else have we got? Phil Jared says

40:08

did you know in 1956 school children

40:11

in France were served wine

40:14

on their lunch break? I can believe

40:16

it. I mean it's

40:18

one of the things when you're like because obviously we do when

40:21

we film Madame Blanc we film in Gozo but it's set

40:24

in the south of France and people always bring

40:26

that up there's always French actresses and go you

40:28

know we serve with our lunch we have like a little

40:30

glass of wine you know in the middle of filming

40:32

yeah and you're like coming up this

40:34

is set in France isn't it but then you just think

40:37

about the afternoon going shut up you

40:39

do it you mac idiot and

40:41

it wouldn't work but like I have a lovely idea. I

40:43

have a problem with carbs in

40:46

the afternoon. Oh you

40:48

struggle with no well it's I think it's what

40:50

I've defined it as is the mash

40:53

crash if you've had mash for dinner. Yeah that's

40:55

good or the chip dip if you've had chips

40:58

sometimes that can the mash crash in

41:00

the chip dip I think they're the two main ones

41:02

the starch I think never good. Yeah we

41:04

have really good catering on this thing that I'm

41:06

filming at the moment and it's really

41:08

good every so often he just makes a weird

41:10

decision and I have to get delivery. Yeah.

41:13

What do you mean? Yeah

41:15

like he's really solid like I'm really enjoying the breakfast

41:18

great dinner and fantastic but like pork I

41:20

think pork is a very brave choice when

41:23

you're cooking for a lot of people yes

41:25

because it can go tough too long it can

41:27

be. Yeah and also just like people like religious

41:29

reasons people don't have it like taste

41:32

reasons people I don't know it's weird choice but the other

41:34

day he just made Dona kebabs which is a force

41:36

and everyone was just it's all these all

41:38

these crews going I don't

41:40

think I've ever had one sober. It's

41:45

weird isn't it? Patrick

41:48

Conway says human teeth

41:50

are the only part of the body that

41:52

can't heal themselves. The

41:55

only part is it? Yeah that's interesting.

41:58

Annoying that though isn't it because that is the one part that you could

42:00

really do. I mean how much

42:02

money would that save you to get? Yeah. I

42:05

mean that's just one of those made up prices isn't it? Yeah

42:09

and you've got your dentist. Well then you've

42:11

got an orthodontist haven't you? It was two different

42:14

jobs. I know. And you ask the orthodontist things

42:16

like you know the fill in and they go I don't know mate because

42:18

they're just basically like virgins

42:20

aren't they? Yeah they're hygienists. Yeah

42:23

they're never fun either the hygienist. No.

42:27

Just telling you off aren't they? And no matter

42:29

how much you brush your teeth I think they tell you off anyway. Yeah

42:31

but they're like what are you cleaning between

42:34

your teeth? I am actually. What size are you using?

42:36

Oh I knew I couldn't get it right.

42:40

And I tell you and this might just be my experience

42:43

dental nurses always

42:45

fit. I don't

42:47

know what it is about the dental nurses job

42:49

but always an absolute hotty

42:52

and you're at your

42:54

absolute worst. Yeah

42:57

you're not. Mouths

42:59

on the side of your face

43:02

no. Putting a hoover in. And you're sucking

43:04

drivel out of your face. Yeah you're

43:06

never gonna. There's never gonna be any sort

43:08

of. You've got those glasses on. You've got those glasses on.

43:11

But you never like the first time you, I never forget the first

43:13

time you put that hoover in the mouth to suck out

43:15

all me spit. I looked into your eyes and

43:18

I thought I should go for me. You

43:20

know what I mean? Always. Always.

43:23

Yeah. It's weird. Anna

43:26

Graves says in England in 1752

43:29

the day after September the 2nd

43:32

was September the 14th. What?

43:35

I don't know. She

43:37

tells us no more Stephen. That's gorgeous

43:39

teeth. The

43:41

day after September the 1st was Emma just get hammered.

43:44

What year was this? 1752, 1066. What happened then?

43:46

I don't know. What

43:51

happened for 12 days? It's

43:54

just a massive bender. Maybe it was the end of school holidays. Maybe

43:56

yeah yeah. We'll just celebrate it. I don't

43:58

know. That's a good

44:00

one that, because it's making me want to know. But

44:03

also, have we caught those days up? That's the other

44:05

thing I want to know, is it still 12 days behind? Is

44:09

that why they invented that leap year with February?

44:11

And then went, I've messed up here. But

44:14

we'll just take a day off every year. Every

44:16

year? That would catch up in 14 years then. Every

44:21

four years then. Just every four years. Well,

44:24

make a day every four years. Don't

44:26

forget to change it though. After four

44:29

times 14 years, because the people

44:31

born on that, you'll never hear the end of it.

44:33

I'm only five. You'll have all

44:35

that going on. What's

44:40

up, the nurse? Josephine

44:43

Stephen says British dung beetles

44:46

are estimated to be worth £40 million

44:49

a year to the cattle industry for clearing

44:51

up cowpats. Really? They

44:54

do for free. Yeah, I take it. They don't have a union. I

44:57

mean, I'm just thinking of bugs, right? Yeah,

44:59

I mean, they should do... Oh, gosh, yeah. Imagine

45:02

they found out how much they're worth at the

45:04

end of it. Oh, yeah, that'd be a bit

45:06

awful. We should never tell them.

45:08

No, we could keep it to yourself if you ever do dung beetles.

45:11

But like that bees movie with Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah,

45:13

exactly like that, yeah. They found

45:15

out. Poor, they found out. Tony

45:18

George says there are two billion parking

45:20

spaces in the US. There's only 331 million

45:22

people. That's

45:25

good for parking, though, isn't it? I mean, great

45:28

for parking. It's like

45:30

the great

45:42

name. Sounds like a... I don't know what

45:45

he could be. He's like a cartoon character.

45:48

He could be. Or, you know, not very bright.

45:51

You're Mellon. You know what I mean? I don't

45:53

know. I bet he's had that.

45:55

Well, let's have a look. Is there any good factors and what's good?

45:57

Well, I do like it. The first high-speed train project

45:59

in New York. I'm in already. Yeah.

46:02

The first high speed train project in Indonesia

46:04

is called WUSH. WUSH.

46:07

W-H-O-O-S-H. I wonder if that is an acronym. Well,

46:10

I mean, it's Indonesia, is it? What would it be?

46:13

It might be an Indonesian acronym, I don't know. Well,

46:15

I know, but I can't think of anywhere in Indonesia that starts with a

46:17

W. I'm sure there is one, but... Oh, I missed

46:19

a geography over here. Well, I mean, well,

46:22

it's Bali's in Indonesia, isn't it? Yeah, one place.

46:24

You know one place. You can't then go... One island, to

46:26

be fair. No, I know, but I think of the big one. I

46:29

can't think of anywhere if you could even still be in Indonesia. You

46:31

can just ask for it over here. It's

46:34

the Bali ones. No, I bid twice.

46:38

You'd think I would have, you know, I know the

46:40

name of the volcano, I met Ranjani, I know

46:43

stuff, I know things. The three islands, Gili

46:45

Travagan, Gili Air, Gili Meino. I

46:47

know places, I know stuff. Lombok.

46:50

I know you will. But there's no W. Mr

46:54

Indonesia over here. Unbelievable.

47:01

Hello, Radio. Manfrid.

47:02

Where real music matters. Look,

47:04

last couple of facts. Then we've got to

47:06

pick a winner, Steve. Okay. Jessica

47:08

Wells says, read this

47:11

and it shocked me. Okay. Twenty...

47:14

I'm just reading ahead and... Okay,

47:17

okay, all right. It does not shock me. Are

47:19

you shocked? No, I'm the opposite of shocked. Oh,

47:21

okay. 25% of

47:24

Britons do less than 30 minutes

47:27

of physical activity a week. I'm not shocked. What

47:29

part of that shock... Have

47:32

you got eyes, Jessica? Have

47:34

you looked out of the window? No. 25%... A

47:38

quarter of Brits do less than 30 minutes

47:40

physical activity a week. The only shocking

47:43

thing about that is the 25% is the higher. Yeah,

47:46

it was higher. Madness.

47:48

Madness. Gary White

47:50

says, Shakespeare's epitaph contains

47:53

a curse for grave robbers. Say

47:55

that again. That's a

47:57

good idea, isn't it? Say that again. Shakespeare's...

48:00

Epitaph contains a curse for grave

48:02

robbers. Oh, that's very good. Do you

48:04

think he insisted on that? And it's written in

48:06

like... He probably wrote it. Oh. Oh,

48:09

you're alright, so I'll reverse it. Erm, I

48:11

think that is... I don't know how that's

48:14

happened, but I think that's... My

48:16

son came up a while ago and took the

48:18

train set downstairs. That is the remote

48:20

control for the train set. Oh. I

48:23

don't know how it's turned itself on, though. Oh,

48:26

that's weird. Carry on talking, I'll... Oh,

48:29

sorry. That's what I was going to say, I've been here to be on a mattress.

48:31

You can't even get to it. Hilarious.

48:35

We just have to live with that. I think the good thing is

48:37

that it's not annoying. I

48:39

think that's what's really good about it. And

48:42

I guess we're just waiting for those batteries to die. Yeah,

48:45

they're good batteries actually, so be about... I'd

48:48

say about a week. Unbelievable.

48:52

Anyway, alright, well there's the facts this week.

48:55

Right, I tell you what, you go and deal what

48:57

you need to deal with there, Steve. And then

49:00

we'll come back after a bigger winner. It's

49:03

not annoying, but it just sounds like someone's

49:05

reversing a bin truck on your road. No,

49:08

it's beyond a mattress. I'll

49:10

get it, I'll get it. You can get it in

49:13

three minutes. Massive boxes could be anywhere. See you in

49:15

about 20 minutes. Alright

49:26

Steve, we've got to hit me with

49:28

your best fact winner. You sorted that

49:30

roll out? It was actually

49:32

a train. It was

49:34

a Polar Express. Oh right. Setting

49:37

off early. Yeah, well it is

49:39

that time of year, isn't it? Fair enough.

49:42

Alright, I'll rattle through these facts and we'll

49:45

pick a winner. St Peter's School

49:47

in York is the only place in England that does not celebrate bonfire

49:49

night because of their former pupil Guy

49:52

Fawkes. In 1956, French children

49:54

were served wine and a lunch break. Patrick

49:56

Conway, human teeth are the only part of the body that can't

49:58

heal themselves. 1852 it just

50:01

went from the September 2nd to September 14th.

50:03

Nobody knows why Or maybe

50:06

we do know we just haven't googled it yet Dung

50:09

beetles are estimated to be worth 40 million

50:11

pound a year to the British cattle industry Tony

50:13

George said two billion parking spaces

50:16

in the US took over 331 million people

50:18

a high-speed train project in Indonesia

50:21

The first of its kind is called whoosh even though

50:23

there's no place is called starting with W couldn't be No,

50:25

so there is Mr. Indonesia

50:27

and Jessica Wells Was shocked

50:30

to find out that 25% of Britain's do less

50:32

than 30 minutes of physical activity a week We were in

50:34

Steve. However have met people

50:36

then so we're not shocked and

50:38

Gary white Tells us that

50:40

Shakespeare's epitaph contains a curse

50:42

for grave robbers What

50:46

do you reckon Steve you got a way I mean I

50:48

think it's weird Isn't it because you've got the one

50:50

that on one hand you've got the I think

50:52

the bonfire that the Guy Fawkes fact Good

50:55

that we can you might come in next week. Yeah,

50:57

we could use that one I think that's very good. But I

51:00

also wanna know why did with his 14 days?

51:02

Where did those? 12 days 12

51:05

days. Sorry. Yeah, well the game too. I

51:08

can't think of anywhere in Indonesia Puzzling

51:13

me that's great. What do we go on? Do

51:15

we go on what? Gary

51:17

Gary was that we

51:19

go on what's puzzling me what's relevant

51:22

or what's with the 12 days? Yeah,

51:25

what the heck? Well, Gary

51:28

white did actually include the Shakespeare's epitaph.

51:30

Oh, God He said well William Shakespeare

51:32

died at 52 years of age on

51:34

the 23rd of April 1616 The

51:37

only 52 is a lot to me He's

51:42

buried in a tomb that features an epitaph meant

51:44

to ward off grave robbers good friend for Eve's

51:47

sake for bear to dig The divs

51:49

been closed heart here blessed

51:52

be you man. It spares thy Stones

51:55

and curse be he yet moves

51:57

my bones

52:00

Even in death I've got not a clue what

52:02

he was saying. No, no, I did.

52:04

I've robbed his grave I'm gonna I don't know what he's saying.

52:06

I don't know we never did it at school. Yeah Yeah,

52:10

no idea. Absolutely. No idea makes only

52:12

I robbed his grave Nothing

52:14

in there. It's a lot of black feathers her

52:17

writing Right,

52:20

here we go. So what do you want

52:22

to know Steve? What do you I think I think

52:24

I mean I will take with me

52:27

the guy folks quote, but I need to know what I

52:29

would lost 12 days

52:31

Right. Okay. So who's your winner? Who's

52:33

your that one? It's gonna right gonna be that one

52:36

Isn't it's gotta be that one. I just need to know why we've lost 12 days.

52:39

Okay, well Give

52:41

us our 11 days the English

52:44

calendar riots of 1752 The 11

52:48

days referred to here it's got 11 now apparently

52:52

Are the lost 11 days of September 1752

52:55

skips when Britain changed

52:57

over from the Julian calendar? To

52:59

the Gregorian calendar bringing us in line

53:01

with most of Europe the Gregorian calendars today's

53:03

international calendar They ain't after the man who first

53:05

introduced it Greg Gregory Greg

53:10

Greg before the legs

53:12

calendar. I'm gonna use Greg Instead

53:15

of Julian, I actually trust Greg more than

53:18

no, but Julian. I think he's Julius Caesar,

53:20

isn't it? You know So

53:23

August it Julie I use him isn't it and August

53:25

is Augustus and that's why they used to be ten

53:28

months in a year That's why December is a decent month,

53:30

which is ten and October should have been eight

53:32

cuz oct But it's not because Julius

53:34

Caesar and his brother went come here me brother. I have two

53:36

months in the middle It's all sort of done on

53:38

their 10 scale. I showed up. You know,

53:41

that's what's happened there. What are you going to end? What

53:43

is cold right doing? I don't

53:45

want to call one. Nice months in

53:47

the middle. Yeah, exactly We'll straight

53:49

in the middle. Yeah, right Greg

53:52

and Julie Yeah, but the fact that

53:54

they riot it is incredible, isn't it? Well,

53:56

I might now I know that it's a fact I might start

53:59

rising now I want me 11 days

54:01

back. I think we should. I'm gonna claim those back,

54:04

yeah. It was before 1752, 1752, Britain

54:08

and the Empire followed the tune in Canada. However,

54:11

this calendar had an in-built error of

54:13

one day every 128 years due

54:16

to a miscalculation of the solar year by 11 minutes.

54:18

Who's come up with that? Aw, they've key-balled it up

54:20

on the other day. This is flawed, this is. Well,

54:22

every 128 years. What?

54:25

128 years. Don't worry about it then. Yeah, okay,

54:27

it'll be fine, mate. Any time they find out,

54:30

I'll be along death. Yeah,

54:32

I'm not gonna, yeah. No paper trail, is there in these

54:34

days? There's no paper. The

54:38

affected, the date of Easter, traditionally

54:40

observed on March 21st as it began to move

54:42

further away from the spring equinox

54:45

with each passing year. Anyway, to get over the problem, they popped

54:48

in the Gregorian calendar. This is a solar

54:50

calendar based on the 365 days divided

54:52

by 12. Makes more sense, yeah. Obviously,

54:54

you've got the leap year thing, we'll forget about that. But

54:57

yeah, there was a whole civil unrest

55:00

as people demanded, give us our 11 days. It's

55:03

a very good fact, it's good fact. Yeah,

55:06

I love it, I

55:06

love it. Absolute

55:12

radio. We're real music. Thanks

55:15

for joining us here this morning on Absolute

55:17

Radio. Do give

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