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Jason Manford absolute

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radio where real music matters

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good morning it's the Jason Manford show

0:10

on absolute radio hope you're very well this

0:12

morning Steve Edges here good

0:15

morning morning pal how's it going

0:18

all right yeah yeah yeah a coffee

0:20

on the go just coffee like everyone

0:22

else one yeah got a little coffee

0:27

I've gone in I went a bit fancy this morning

0:31

more out of like rubles that

0:33

no no I've just got normal coffee I'll tell you I have

0:35

actually got was right a normal tea

0:37

bags I've got them ones that taste like biscuits

0:39

have been dipped in them oh

0:43

yeah I remember you mentioned these yeah

0:46

just say you're on your biscuit yeah

0:50

I went mainly

0:53

because stuff was going off you know

0:55

in our bread that just you don't notice

0:57

it going off and then you sort of halfway through

0:59

a piece of toast and you're like ah

1:02

yeah nothing worse I've gone

1:06

in I went crumpets

1:09

Philadelphia with smoked salmon you've

1:12

got what you've gone there you've gone with

1:14

the three things that literally go off in

1:17

a in a click of a finger yeah

1:19

because the crumpet is famous for it the

1:21

Philadelphia when you open that guy and you

1:23

forgot it was going on with the tops

1:25

all yeah Philadelphia's no it really

1:28

like frightened yeah it's frightening you're

1:34

aghast when you when you pull that lid yeah

1:36

it's like the cure for covids in there like

1:39

it's in there when they say that we're you

1:42

know we're like we're just bacteria and you know

1:44

floating on somebody's toast in the universe that's what

1:46

I think when you throw that in the bin

1:48

I think you've destroyed a universe with the world

1:50

and everything the hell yeah no and salmon obviously

1:53

you see leave salmon out for three seconds too

1:55

long yeah well done You

1:58

like Bear Grills having breakfast? Really?

2:00

we a minute while they live. all

2:02

like literally today's day on the results

2:04

a lot right? cited. Oh good, good,

2:07

good of all right. So felt that

2:09

the breakfast sealed smoke some at least

2:11

caught decadent I think yeah smokes a

2:14

nice though isn't it? Feels like a

2:16

yeah Christmas morning on Sunday or something

2:18

is fake decadence that. You

2:21

know just like this is a try

2:23

to prison code is not the I

2:25

just of hundred and thirty months to

2:27

the get myself right? Enjoy! So yeah

2:29

exactly exactly. What is all about? We. Were

2:31

going in so late for school the

2:34

other day that the all three of

2:36

my bills had cereal in them plastic

2:38

containers when the car in the car

2:40

here. Here and then benign

2:42

yeah activism don't read the base. your

2:44

fault was your for when he bragged

2:47

to quit Yeah exactly. So the don't

2:49

in the milk. So I us ally

2:51

I'm driving a muslim mental dravid other

2:53

see I wanted to open the window

2:55

and poll like serial milk out the

2:57

bowl like just while I'm driving smite.

3:00

Since. Falsely little things. It looks

3:02

like one of those so stop oil

3:04

protests you know, maybe pick up direct

3:07

yes at her, pour it out milk

3:09

on them on the curb of of

3:11

the electric car. And

3:13

level obviously all have different milks now as well.

3:18

Because the main milk of choice with

3:20

blouses deal with Bill the cow. To

3:22

be fair the Co is the classic

3:24

that yeah for some of you have

3:26

you experimented with the milks yeah of

3:28

the on note that you're happy with

3:30

a top of don't mind a bit

3:32

of a milk. But

3:35

I don't watch any t. Not.

3:38

Somewhat since he i think out notes or

3:41

i am porridge because when he put Lj

3:43

taste like you've just been a in porridge

3:45

and he thought to compensate by putting porridge

3:47

oatmeal yeah well I love live in the

3:49

same thing in it and yes I am

3:51

a tell us an almond milk so seems

3:53

to guilt or and so a lot says

3:56

of Atlases coffee how I don't know how

3:58

the get in. Milk

4:00

how have noticed That's what I don't understand

4:02

the the I got my the game milk

4:04

and I ate a you imagine that but

4:06

are either lead to squeeze you the images

4:08

image of by fast on a little still

4:10

would like at a twig of its ray

4:12

and then just like. Like like

4:14

soy milk going go out, email

4:16

hypnosis branches. A Cessna has

4:18

a lot of yet it's still a thing

4:21

to know what this that question you just

4:23

ask is the saw a thing if it

4:25

was the inside the factory greg Wallace about

4:28

it I guess that denied burial tennis it's

4:30

a would be over the bloke showered with

4:32

a blue and on that as a male

4:34

cannot a disarming ask us to ask exactly

4:37

what I'm having a are we don't milton

4:39

enough as it always alone not seen as

4:41

one in a were know all that a

4:43

busy with all that level and then as

4:46

you my lego according to the poor. The

4:48

Dmv greg was poorly no sense of

4:50

our and he picks the oh and

4:52

he just a pose I'm all over

4:54

the floor brings. The fact is that

4:56

garb and are a big they rely

4:58

on a how say us in society

5:00

by find him annoying if he added

5:02

some fella I console myself my other

5:04

milk base question before with sicker songs

5:06

is and how come that all whites.

5:09

Like. Cow Milk Center well you know

5:12

the others of couple of Crimea one

5:14

of them wrong coconut. Better place to

5:16

at yeah heavily as as has made.

5:19

Banana. Built get now like

5:21

succeed. Know easily melts Muslims

5:23

if is a misquote. If

5:26

we have outmoded of an animal. Team. Won

5:28

milk how? How? why are they own? Why

5:30

Why the or why some of them are

5:32

little bit basie aren't very idea. But.

5:34

Still to will it away saying is you want to

5:36

blackmail you though he wasn't like it or like a

5:39

red mill or to some crazy college know another red

5:41

mail Would they know that. to

5:43

fulfill right now know any a thing

5:46

that's why the about without their own

5:48

quest for best antibiotic a lead go

5:50

know know what they are they make

5:52

it a white through Hey

6:04

Steve, how did you gig go

6:06

the other day in London Town?

6:09

With Robin Asker. It went well. There

6:12

was some drama there wasn't there? There was a

6:14

tiny bit of drama before. I saw a picture

6:16

of Robin with some paramedics around him. Yeah, I

6:18

took that picture. He asked me to. Basically,

6:22

we were getting ready for show about half six and stuff

6:24

and then it was just like

6:26

a rogue nail sticking out of a wall

6:28

and he caught himself on it and it

6:30

was pretty painful looking. And

6:33

then we had to get the paramedics

6:35

there just to... it was

6:37

a big old hole and it sort of ripped

6:39

his skin and he's a very active man Robin.

6:42

So he had polio when he was a kid so he

6:44

swims like two, three miles every day, always has done and

6:46

then he can't swim there for a month and he sort

6:48

of asked... Why is that? Because there's a hole in his

6:50

hand. There's a hole in the arm, yeah. The water was

6:53

up. Yeah, the sea water was having bad

6:55

in it and the pool water was having bad in it.

6:58

Oh no. And he was really upset because he wanted

7:00

to miss a show and stuff. But then they were

7:02

there. Somebody came down on a bike within, from

7:04

the top of Charing Cross Road within like five

7:06

minutes had a look at him. Then like ten

7:08

minutes after that, a full paramedic five team, a

7:11

five man team arrived and looked

7:13

after him. It was interesting because it would have been...

7:16

You know when you watch Ambulance and they go, is the

7:18

patient still breathing? All that. And they

7:20

go, is this 73 year old man losing

7:23

consciousness in the Felix

7:25

Theatre? And they came in and he

7:28

said, excuse me sir, can we ask you now? And he

7:30

was like, Robin, Robin Asquith. I was

7:32

like an Edmonton himself. It was brilliant. It

7:34

was brilliant. And I thought, well he's alright

7:36

now, he's better. He's blood pressure dropped a

7:38

bit but he was absolutely fine. Troopan

7:42

did the show, obviously he gave him

7:44

something to talk about. Obviously he went backstage, he had

7:46

this, when they were all attending to him, he

7:49

had this white vest on and I remember thinking, this

7:51

is the worst die art, remake I've ever

7:53

seen. It's awful. Just

7:55

an old fella in a vest. He

7:58

went on with the show though. He did go

8:00

on with the show, True Pat, and we did it, and

8:02

everyone seemed to enjoy it. Everyone was very, very drunk. You'll

8:05

notice this more than me, but after we... We

8:08

obviously did the show, so we didn't have a

8:10

drink, and obviously there's a delay. We finished at

8:13

like, you know, half twelve at night. Yeah. Everyone

8:16

had been drinking, it's five o'clock. Oh, man.

8:19

I understand a word. Eyes rolling

8:21

back in the... Yeah, there's a show! On

8:24

a Monday as well. I never fucking... I

8:26

just was like, let's get out of here. I just want to go, and he's like, well,

8:28

I've got to go, so I've got to stitch some of that, and I'll come

8:31

with you. I'll just go. But

8:33

yeah, it was nice. It was very enjoyable.

8:35

I've had that on my own shows, where

8:38

it might be the end of a tour, or maybe I'll be

8:40

in Manchester, or... I'll put on some

8:43

drinks, you know, for after this show. A little

8:45

party. And now with some friends, yeah, that sort

8:47

of thing. And then of course, everyone's absolutely battered,

8:49

and you're the only one sober. At your own

8:51

party that you paid for. You don't want

8:53

to spend any time with those people. That's not

8:55

fun. Do you think you'll do some more? I

8:58

don't know. Maybe. We'll stay. Well, you know, he

9:00

sort of... He lives in Malta, doesn't he? So

9:02

it's difficult. Right. Fun though. Fun though. But yeah,

9:04

we had a lot of fun. Cracking stories. Oh,

9:07

he's got loads of... You know, that's the thing. He

9:09

does these nights, and lots of people, the same people

9:11

come. So they've heard a lot of these stories. So

9:13

we were trying to do different

9:15

stories, just because... I've heard a lot of

9:18

stories that he hasn't told publicly. And there's

9:20

reasons for some of them. Yeah, at least

9:22

there is. But I think,

9:24

let's just see what happens. A little

9:26

free, yeah, exactly. But it was a lovely... Three

9:29

of the mangoes there as well. They wrapped up...

9:31

Oh yeah, Jason Manford Fan Club, the mangoes. Yeah,

9:33

the second half was... You

9:35

sort of Q&A, and one of the questions was, can you

9:38

give me some octopus facts? And he

9:40

also got given an octopus mug, where one of the

9:42

tentacles was the handle. But I didn't want to touch

9:44

it. Do you know what I mean? Well, it's got

9:46

to be, hasn't it? It's got to be. We've learnt

9:48

too much about the... I'm not touching that one. The

9:51

octopus. Yeah, so... I've

9:53

yet to drink a cup of tea out of it, because... It

9:56

just feels wrong. It's not worth it. Manford.

10:02

Absolutely crazy. Where real

10:04

music matters. The other

10:06

day, I know if you saw this, I posted it on

10:09

the social media, my daughter, my sassy 9 year old. Yeah.

10:12

We'd booked in a little,

10:16

it was Saturday, so we were like, right,

10:18

let's do some fitness stuff, let's

10:20

not just sit on our iPads and watch

10:22

Italian football and stuff, let's get out and

10:24

do something. So I booked in

10:28

some tennis, there was like a tennis camp with a load

10:30

of other kids, my little two,

10:32

my wife went to Reformer Pilates.

10:34

I don't know if you know

10:36

what that is. What's that? What's

10:38

Reformer Pilates? It's Pilates, but it's

10:40

on like a wooden bed, which

10:44

like moves and stuff, so let's

10:47

say you do like a lunge, you

10:49

lunge, but then this seat sort of moves

10:52

so you get an even deeper lunge. Oh,

10:54

okay. We don't fall off. Well,

10:57

you can fall off, the ropes and stuff like that,

10:59

you can sort of... I just want to bump into

11:01

somebody and then go, what's happened to your arm? I

11:03

said to you in the sling going, I was doing

11:05

Reformer Pilates and a lunge too far, you know what

11:07

I mean? He just sounds like, I wouldn't like myself.

11:09

Yeah, I know, I hear you. But

11:14

I don't know, do you know what, it's one of those, do you

11:17

ever see like the odds, we went to a museum a

11:19

few weeks ago, do you ever see like the old medieval

11:22

rack? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You

11:25

know where they tied the legs, they

11:27

tied the arms and they stretched them

11:29

until death, right? Awful. But

11:32

have you got to an age now where you think to yourself,

11:34

I know that's awful, but for like in

11:37

the middle somewhere for about five seconds, ten

11:39

seconds, yeah. Yeah, no, you can

11:41

just turn it a little bit. Don't keep turning it.

11:44

I'll tell you when to stop, stop there. Yeah, you'll

11:46

know. Just leave it there for a bit. Yeah, yeah,

11:48

yeah. I hear

11:50

you, yeah, I agree. Anyway,

11:53

she did that and I was doing, what was

11:55

I doing, paddle tennis. I was like paddle tennis.

11:58

Oh, paddle tennis. I'm a paddle tennis guy. I

12:00

know you are we've discussed before your little guys

12:02

go you got your own penalty you got me

12:04

the booty you can't yeah you've got a better

12:06

to go paddle tennis I'm ready go I'm anyway

12:08

on the way that my total goes daddy how

12:10

long are we gonna be a fitness family this

12:13

time okay so she's she'd

12:15

feel like she's seen this before yeah

12:17

she's been through this rigmarole before where

12:19

yeah and usually me yeah

12:21

goes right come on come

12:24

on let's get out there come on guys we're gonna

12:26

do this with I'm a paddle guy paddle

12:29

guys yeah you yeah

12:31

but daddy used to be a kayaking guy and

12:33

a snowboarding guy it's

12:36

all still in the last it's

12:38

all like projected so cuz I go

12:42

yeah but we've just got to be more active she was

12:44

like should you know do you know what my week's like

12:47

she's nine this session yeah yeah go

12:49

on go no my week's like essentially

12:51

I've got pee I do games I'm

12:53

on the rugby team I play hockey

12:55

I play football I do judo at

12:57

lunchtime on Wednesday she's like yeah she's

13:00

like I'm active okay yeah don't

13:03

worry about me yeah yeah like fair enough

13:07

but we're a fitness family now Steve I'm

13:09

a fitness guy well you don't know

13:11

what your kids are up to here we've no there's

13:13

a sort of half like a little

13:15

kids but there's a marathon this week or

13:18

the next week in their hasty

13:20

st. Leonard's and but there's

13:22

like a kids one it's like sort of three kilometers or

13:24

something called how down for it to do it he's not

13:27

doing it with his mate her be to the same age

13:30

and then I said it's you know it's pretty

13:32

about like if you know just a mile and

13:34

just under two miles that's okay we do we

13:36

do a daily mile at school I was like

13:38

yeah yeah we run a mile every day at

13:40

school I thought I never knew this he

13:43

does a daily mile at school I just thought he

13:45

won't be able to do this but you know you'll

13:48

have a babe smashing it I don't know

13:51

do you? I

13:58

Wasn't gonna do this Steve. Cause of you.

14:01

Eminence told her about it and

14:03

I spent the last two or

14:05

three weeks. Unless you're still a

14:07

series, ignore him. My wife's obsession

14:09

with the whereabouts of. Kate.

14:12

Middleton. oh yeah yeah okay or the

14:14

other I dunno about have missed. I

14:16

missed this or that of I Will

14:18

I i confused with the royal family

14:20

generally both try try may. Rise.

14:22

See other one is married to the

14:24

the bold one or the agree What?

14:26

We think that it's the who sees

14:29

married zoo Prince William. Rice.

14:31

These the both of these that yeah, and he's

14:33

He's the one who abdicated. I

14:35

was actually Joseph Smith of Cillizza as Conrad gonna

14:37

have to be held against them as a normal

14:40

a Big A as well as Obama. The is

14:42

that Charlotte. And that the current

14:44

get diarrhea. He's the king. That he's not well

14:46

at the moment either man when either. So he

14:49

is not well. And this is

14:51

going on. I just, I'm worried that was

14:53

invaded. This is the sort of thing that

14:55

what what when the royals are distracted like

14:58

this After the French had given him. With.

15:01

The media this domain to say

15:03

oh yes the say they said

15:05

distracted am so yeah faces the

15:07

where I had on my suit

15:09

because I thought everyone thought about

15:11

this and then I literally as

15:13

athlete a pop to this morning

15:15

and sam I was a substance

15:17

officer who some that about Kate

15:20

Middleton to lie or something similar

15:22

of i. Was. We was

15:24

happens where this is the for the

15:26

whole world is talking about this and

15:28

but my wife's just obsessed with it

15:30

and so now I've become us. Insight:

15:33

Edmunds is that what he was One

15:35

episode Love Island and Un Summit I

15:37

said and sixty Fps offer a debate

15:39

with them but was take me out

15:41

I'm hobby So the idea yeah losses

15:44

robots suppose they want to go for

15:46

away, get a gutless and I would

15:48

surrender. And right Yeah yeah exactly that.

15:50

And so basically she's not been seen

15:52

steve in public. since

15:55

like christmas december or for them as

15:57

a photograph of her with know Oh,

15:59

Steve, so this is the Mad Thing.

16:03

So, we've released this photo. And,

16:06

but it's full of Photoshop errors

16:09

around here. What has it been made?

16:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah, essentially, or it's been doctored to sort

16:15

of make it look like a different photo, whatever it

16:17

is. You know, it's like a green tree

16:19

in the background and little things that you go, well, that can't

16:21

be right. You know what I mean? Like, little bits like that.

16:25

The cuff was wrong, I don't know. Weirdly,

16:27

the print's had its fingers crossed, like as if

16:29

you'd gone, I love you, but, or whatever with

16:31

his fingers crossed, and demean it. Nobody

16:33

knows what that is about. No one's really talking

16:35

about that. Is that Bonnie Prince Charlie? That's the,

16:38

how do I say I get confused with the Royal? No, that's

16:40

George, George, yeah. Right, he was George.

16:42

He was either one in the fire of

16:45

London, that one. No, I get

16:47

confused with the Royal. I love you getting mixed up.

16:49

Yeah, that's King Charles, sorry. Yeah,

16:52

and, but the

16:54

weirdest thing about the whole thing is, right,

16:58

if they'd have said, oh, sorry, yeah,

17:00

look, we released this photo, we did

17:03

do a bit of Photoshop on it, like

17:05

most photos, like most people, most people have

17:07

a doctor in their own photos before they

17:09

put them on their own social media. It's

17:12

not weird for that to happen. The weirdest

17:14

thing is they went, yeah, Kate

17:16

did it. Kate

17:18

did what? What, a doctor's photo? Yeah,

17:21

Kate's got like a, Adobe, and,

17:27

and, is going through and doing her own photos.

17:29

Brushing them up, touching them up, oh, I make

17:31

that cuff a bit weird, just to get a

17:33

little chat in, put some more leaves on that

17:35

tree. She

17:38

released, apparently she is the one

17:40

doing her own, I mean, imagine you've worked so

17:42

hard to become a princess. Yeah.

17:44

And then you have to do your own press photo.

17:47

Yeah, but she must have had that scale originally, and

17:49

just because you're a princess, and if you've learned to

17:51

do Adobe, do you still use it? You know, it

17:53

makes popular looking programming flash, doesn't it? You

17:55

might as well, if you still do it. It's so

17:58

weird that they, anyone

18:00

is expecting us to believe

18:02

that K- who

18:13

knows, we'll just

18:16

turn up guess what's back Steve?

18:19

what's back? what about

18:21

that? it's

18:32

like an old friend arriving for a visit

18:35

isn't it? sometimes

18:38

on a morning I will just write

18:40

bins into Google and then click news

18:42

and see what's going on just

18:45

to check what's out there in the

18:47

bin universe the big headlines

18:51

in the tabloids of the day was a

18:54

huge bin collection chain sees millions of Brits

18:56

forced to pay to have their rubbish taken

18:58

away every other week Coventry

19:02

Telegraph also reported that Fury has

19:04

Coventry residents face fortnightly bin collection

19:06

charges what is this because of

19:08

the cancelled loot going bankrupt and

19:10

all this, you've got to

19:13

chip into your own bins they'll be

19:15

fly tipping in Wolverhampton they'll

19:19

be fly tipping so I'll read

19:21

you the headline go

19:24

on Wolverhampton residents complain of

19:26

fly tips after bins go uncollected

19:28

as a new resource I

19:30

told you it's like I've

19:32

got a crystal ball exactly

19:37

what's good about them yeah,

19:39

there's lots of news people

19:42

breaking recycling rules will have their bins tagged

19:44

as a warning does anyone

19:46

check that now? I don't know do

19:48

you know what I mean? they just load into the back

19:51

of the van do you wash everything out? I mean

19:53

I try my best to but sometimes that do my best

19:56

like that Philadelphia thing we were talking about earlier on

19:58

I'll just throw that in as it is Well

20:01

I mean you've got, it's white or white as well

20:03

isn't it? Yeah. I

20:05

probably don't see it anyway. Exactly. But

20:08

we've got an actual email of course, so if you've

20:10

got any bin related news that you want to spread

20:13

to the world, you've got any questions, we

20:15

know what we're doing over here, with the binpluencers

20:17

over here on absolute radio. This

20:20

is from Susie, Chris, Finn

20:22

and Alex from Surrey. Okay,

20:24

okay. Hi Jason and Steve, we

20:26

love your show. Thanks guys. I

20:29

sound surprised. It

20:31

does actually come with an exclamation mark as well. We

20:33

love your show, don't know why, but I'm sorry. We

20:38

would like to know if we are supposed to

20:40

clean, oh Steve this is literally what you just

20:42

opened. Oh go on, yeah. If we are supposed

20:44

to clean out plastic food containers before we put

20:47

them in the recycling, my husband always chucks in

20:49

yogurt pots etc with half a tonne of yogurt

20:51

still left on them and it drives me mad.

20:54

I'd clean out every container diligently.

20:57

Yes, can the bin technicians help us resolve

20:59

this family argument? Well I

21:01

think he meant to, but at

21:03

the same time, I think when that gets

21:05

to the recycling centre or wherever it goes,

21:07

or they put all the plastic on a

21:09

big conveyor belt, at some point it's going

21:11

to get a wash, isn't it, before it

21:14

gets melted down. So like, I

21:16

think it makes it a little bit easier if

21:18

it's not full of food because it'll just gunk

21:21

the machine up. That's adorable, yeah. Yeah, but like

21:23

I'm with him, a little bit of yogurt's not

21:25

going to... If you've got a recycling centre that's

21:27

a little bit of yogurt springing down, then the

21:30

planet's had it. Yeah,

21:32

and also like, no one's

21:35

buying an eco-friendly handbag made

21:37

from recycled tins and plastics

21:39

and then like a bit

21:41

of peach melber yogurt in

21:43

the corner of the... Like

21:46

a brick corner, like a molar brick corner. Yeah,

21:49

you're like, oh some dirty getty, why did he

21:51

just wash that? Yeah, exactly.

21:53

Oh that's a great idea though, isn't it? Just

21:56

like, you know when they do make a carrier bag out,

21:58

like keep some of the... the label on so

22:01

it's just there's like go up Greek yogurt

22:03

down the bottom and you know I

22:06

would say the rule of thumb is I quit

22:09

rinse out I don't think you need to go

22:11

crazy I think anything that will I think it's

22:13

very much I see it like the dishwasher so

22:16

anything like if there's like like a bit of

22:18

rice in it or noodle or something get rid

22:20

of that because that's not gonna that's gonna stain

22:22

your dishwasher so that I'd do the same with

22:24

that level if there's a little bit of sauce

22:26

in the bottom you know that would

22:28

water would get rid of I'll just yeah go on do

22:30

that yeah absolutely you know what about when

22:32

you get like bacon and stuff and it says you

22:35

can recycle this but you can't recycle that bit you know

22:37

that and you make the peel a bit off do you

22:39

just chuck the whole thing in I

22:41

mean yeah on occasion yeah I mean I

22:43

don't really know if I do you

22:46

know I'd like to do I think I've said this to you before I

22:49

wouldn't mind spending a few hours at a recycling

22:51

place I'd like to go from

22:53

I'd like the bin men to pick me up here

22:55

with the bins and then just drive

22:57

me through this and I want to see the

23:00

system because I don't fully

23:02

believe that what

23:04

I'm doing in the kitchen is actually helping

23:07

the dolphins well yeah

23:09

but it might be up in it might not

23:11

be I know I hear what you're saying but

23:13

it might not be hindering the dolphins right

23:16

I've got you so you know we can only

23:18

do as much as we can do can't we

23:20

but it's confusing I

23:22

think but don't you think like we're

23:25

just and I get it everyone's

23:27

just one person one family and all that right

23:29

but unless a company full of

23:31

oh yeah thousands of people's doing it you'll

23:33

have it like that when I say hotels

23:35

they've got those little plastic was like shampoo

23:39

and conditioners and all that yeah I think what's that is

23:41

that just done I've just used this that's gone in the

23:43

bin now yeah that's

23:45

meant if that's the case well

23:47

yeah that is mad the little ones yeah I know

23:49

it should be a little pump one shouldn't you anyway

23:54

anyway one of the planets day we belong we

23:56

belong we belong on but not nice to the

23:58

kids is it really a huge Yeah, I

24:01

tried my best. When

24:03

I was a kid we used to take our

24:05

pop bottles back and get debate. We don't do

24:07

that anymore. That's what we say. And that somehow

24:09

gets us to the argument. Absolute

24:15

radio. Manage. Where real

24:17

music matters. We've got an email from

24:20

C. It just says C. C?

24:22

C on email, yeah. It says,

24:25

hello you lovely pair. Nice,

24:28

innit Steve? Lovely, yeah. I

24:30

was listening to your other brilliant

24:32

podcast. We have

24:35

got another podcast, that's it. It was the best men

24:37

one, yeah. Best men. Very good. When

24:39

Jason told the story of a time he pretended to be

24:41

Irish and it unlocked a very

24:43

embarrassing memory. Euro Disney. It was Euro Disney when I

24:45

was a kid. Yeah, a lot of English

24:48

people were getting mugged and I just thought everyone loves the Irish.

24:52

And my family were Irish so I thought I

24:54

can do the accent. And then in the middle

24:56

of Euro Disney, ended

24:58

up finding the only Irish guy. I

25:02

thought that was there. Working there. Who

25:05

ended up being from the same village as

25:07

the only village I could remember. Pretending to

25:09

be, you pretended. I was pretending to be

25:11

from, yeah. No way. Upper

25:14

or lower. That's one of them. Anyway,

25:18

C said, this

25:21

has unlocked a very embarrassing memory for

25:23

me. When I was younger, I

25:26

was, let's say, heavily refreshed and

25:28

I met a lovely Irish fella. Well, for

25:30

some reason, I thought the way to impress

25:33

him would be to put on an Irish

25:35

accent. People love that, by the way. Yeah,

25:37

I think it's the three accents everyone will

25:39

do back at you. Irish, Jordy, no Scouse

25:41

as well, and Bromy. They will all do

25:43

back at you. Yeah, Bromy. And they actually

25:45

say it, they'll say, Bromy. There you go.

25:47

You're right. And they go, you're right. Yeah.

25:51

People from Burnley get that as well. You're

25:54

going to have to burn, wait. Like people got to help it.

25:57

He must also have had a few... as

26:00

I'm shocking at accents but I somehow pulled

26:02

it off. When he said he

26:04

was from Derry, I replied, no way, same,

26:06

what are the chances? They must

26:09

have been in a loud club, this, if she's

26:11

not very good at accents. Because that is a

26:13

tough accent to get to. Very specific, isn't it?

26:15

Derry, yeah. Derry,

26:17

we ended up going back to his when

26:19

I then discovered he lives with his nan. She

26:22

wakes up as we walk in at 3am

26:24

and stands at the top of the stairs.

26:26

He proceeds to tell her that I'm also

26:28

from Derry and she insists on singing Derry's

26:31

like national song, whatever that is, and encouraging

26:33

me to sing along. Not wanting to be

26:35

rude, I attempt to sing in an Irish

26:37

accent to a song I'd never heard. She

26:39

soon called me out and told him I wasn't

26:42

Irish and even asked me

26:44

to leave. Well, I mean.

26:47

I left it very red faced. And luckily

26:49

never saw him again. Well,

26:52

it's got something right tickle there, ain't it? She

26:54

has really, actually. And she's not even 3am. That

26:59

is the point where you think, right, this is on. Yes. I

27:02

mean, if you've got back to someone's house, where do

27:04

you want it all done? Never, where'd you go from

27:07

there? You're three o'clock in the morning, you're outside going,

27:09

I'm gonna get a taxi with a sort of home.

27:11

Oh, but yes, oh, stop it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

27:14

Yeah. Oh, you're not gonna do that, do you?

27:16

Yeah, you can't do it. What are we gonna do? Slow

27:19

down, Phil, have a point, Phil. Yeah,

27:23

that is unlucky, isn't it, that

27:25

crying? Well, that did

27:27

it. I can't say, though, that is a

27:29

guy who loves his nan. Because

27:33

I wouldn't care what my nan would say, it's 3am. When

27:35

she was singing it, did you imagine that, she was

27:38

at the very top of the stairs, there at the

27:40

bottom of the stairs, and she was doing that thing

27:42

where you dance with your feet and you lift your

27:44

skirt up over your knees and flip it up. Herry,

27:47

diddy, diddy! I would imagine her doing that. I would

27:49

say that as well. Full safe knot in. No.

27:52

Just singing along. Also,

27:55

at what point did the nan go, I

27:58

smell a rat, you know what I mean? What

28:00

but you're not Irish. This is not the first

28:02

time this has happened. Get

28:06

out. Get out now. Right.

28:09

Let's see if she knows the dairy n- Do you know what

28:11

the dairy national anthem? I don't know if

28:13

there isn't one. I tricked

28:15

ya. The Macarena. You

28:18

thought that was the dairy national anthem and you did know

28:20

all the words. I

28:23

just can't understand this bloke. It was put

28:25

all the effort in all night to pull

28:27

someone. Get home. It's happened. She's come home

28:29

with ya. You are getting it on. You

28:31

must have sensed it at some point as

28:33

well. Of course you did. Exactly. Don't

28:36

bring King Derry sniffer than Nan who will straight

28:38

away know that she's not. But

28:40

whatever you do, don't bring her out. She's not Columbo.

28:44

And she's ruined his night. I

28:47

just can't. I'm certainly back in

28:49

the day. I wouldn't

28:51

care what accent you pretended to

28:53

be having or what Manana was saying. Get

28:56

to bed. We're busy. Yeah.

28:58

Come on, Nan. Not now. Sunday

29:05

morning, season 11. Jason Manford

29:07

on Absolute Radio. Where real

29:09

music matters. So our email that we got from

29:12

C there who told

29:14

us that she'd pretended to be Irish. Yeah.

29:17

To his presser fellow. And

29:20

then ended up not getting kicked out

29:22

essentially of the hell with the Nanner. Found

29:26

her out to not be Irish. She asks

29:28

this question. Have either

29:30

of you ever lied or pretended to be

29:32

something to impress a girl? No.

29:38

I don't think I have. Well you're naturally

29:40

impressive aren't you so you don't need to. Well

29:43

that's it yeah. I remember going to

29:45

like when we were, I was in Manchester and we

29:47

used to stand up. I remember we used to get

29:49

invited to like the Man United Christmas parties. And there'd

29:51

be lots of like sort

29:53

of sultry sort of young girls who

29:56

were after like, you know,

29:58

me and Paddy used to go. this and

30:01

we'd just be there just two lads and they'd

30:03

go, what you doing? We'd go, we're in the

30:05

oopsie team, even though we were

30:07

like twenty fives. Because we were there, so there's

30:09

nothing else we could say. And obviously... And this

30:11

was pre-internet. I mean, it never worked. We didn't

30:14

do it with any conviction.

30:16

No. But yeah, we used

30:18

to say we were in the oopsie team. And then I think sometimes we used to say

30:20

we were bin men, which I don't know

30:22

why we would be at the May or the night of Christmas

30:24

party, but we were, which, you know. Hashtag bin men. Night out,

30:27

innit? Yeah, of course, sort of, innit? I feel,

30:29

I don't know, I feel like, do you

30:31

know what's hard as a stand-up is that

30:34

you spend your life sort of pretending a

30:36

little bit to impress people. So

30:38

I've got to a point where I don't, sometimes with

30:40

stories and information, I often don't know

30:42

where the truth

30:45

ends and the glistening of the idea. I

30:49

don't. I can truly

30:51

visualise things that have happened and

30:53

then they haven't happened.

30:56

I've made that up. Yeah, my wife's

30:58

gone, no, I've never happened. My wife's not been like,

31:00

that never happened. Or I've done it, obviously, we've been

31:02

friends for so long, where you've told

31:04

me a funny story. Yeah, and then you've called it

31:07

back at me. Like weeks, like,

31:09

some months later I've gone, hey, is it

31:11

a funny story? Yeah, and now

31:13

that's, that's like, you know, it's just to simulate

31:15

the story and add a little bit to it.

31:17

Yeah, Flourish, had a flourish here, flourish there. But

31:20

there's a director called David Sons and he told

31:22

me this story, like when I worked with him

31:24

first about 12 years ago. And I've told this,

31:26

I won't tell it now, I've told this story

31:28

about 12 years. And then I'm, about

31:31

a year ago, I said, I was telling that story about you and what is the story?

31:33

I said, well, I think I might have added a bit. And I told him the story,

31:35

he went, literally none of that

31:37

happened. You've added everything. None

31:40

of it. Like, so much I've added. And I can

31:42

picture him saying 12 years ago, 15 years ago,

31:45

but no, he never did. None

31:47

of this happened. I love that.

32:00

Questions for Steve, Questions for Steve, Questions

32:03

for Steve, Questions for

32:05

Steve, Love it.

32:09

So we have got questions for Steve, if you've

32:11

got any questions that you want to ask us

32:13

you can email us jason at absolute radio.co dot

32:16

uk. This

32:18

is from Jenny in Chelmsford who

32:21

says a question for both of you

32:23

and it's something I've

32:25

thought long about myself. You've

32:28

got ten million pounds in your hand right

32:31

now but

32:33

there's a catch. A

32:35

snail is chasing you for

32:37

the rest of your life and if it touches you,

32:39

you die. These

32:42

are the rules. The snail

32:44

cannot be killed or any harm at all.

32:47

So it lives forever? Lives forever.

32:49

It knows your location at all times.

32:53

It's only purpose is to find you, it

32:58

can travel so if you move country it

33:00

will eventually get there. Yeah but only

33:02

if you move country. Ah you're taking the money. Well that's what I

33:04

mean. I mean

33:07

if you'd have said monkey or something. I don't

33:09

know if you'd have said like. We'd have been about it. Yeah

33:12

like if you'd have said like hamster I would have been,

33:14

they can move at a bit of speed if

33:16

they wanted but a snail. Can

33:20

I get, I've got ten million pounds,

33:22

can I get a company to make

33:26

like a snail alarm which

33:28

is an app that's on my phone and when there's

33:30

a snail within 50 metres of

33:32

me it goes off and

33:35

then it can never get near me can it because

33:37

the alarm on the phone. Snail

33:42

impervious to alarms and

33:44

GPS. Is she saying you can't even fall asleep

33:46

because suddenly it's just in your room? How's

33:49

it getting through doors

33:51

and that? I don't know, well that's yeah,

33:54

but you can't lock yourself in a room forever can you?

33:56

No no but you can go to bed I mean, like what

33:58

I mean is are you constantly. He'll wait. No,

34:01

he'll wait outside the front door for you, wouldn't he? Then I'll

34:03

see him when he comes out to get in his car and

34:05

then you come out in the morning and get in your car

34:07

and he goes, right, he's in his car. So

34:10

I don't know how to snail. I

34:12

think out of the two, the snail's got the

34:14

harder job. I think so, yeah.

34:16

You know what I mean? I think you're going to be, you

34:19

know, you crack it on with your day and then suddenly you

34:22

know, Shelley rocks up. Shelley rocks up, yeah.

34:24

Or whatever it's called. Let's call it Shelley.

34:26

Yeah. But they do look

34:28

similar, don't they? So you're scared of all snails,

34:31

that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what my worry

34:33

is. Is it, do they work together as a

34:35

team? I think the only way you can get

34:37

here is if it's got, it's like a little

34:39

plane that it can fly in a little car

34:42

that you can drive. Oh yeah. Do you know what I

34:44

mean? What if it's got a little car and then when

34:46

you drive through France and it's in its little car and

34:48

the French go, oh, look at that S car go. Do

34:51

you know? Traffic. Sorry.

34:54

Oh, fuck. Oh my God. My

34:57

God. My

34:59

God. I got to it quite. We've hit it in the

35:01

hole there. We've hit it in the hole. I got to

35:04

it quite. Because you were, you were,

35:06

you were up to the idea of having a car, weren't you? I

35:08

was actually thinking this is, this

35:10

is a good idea, I like this. Yeah.

35:14

But I think the snail alarm on your phone. No,

35:16

don't start talking again like you didn't just do that. There'll

35:20

be a French float somewhere going, oh, oh,

35:22

oh, oh, it's going all. Laughing

35:27

his head off. He'd probably be the king of France

35:29

eating that one egg for breakfast. Oh,

35:31

here he goes. No,

35:35

I'll let you finish the catches. Give

35:39

me with your fans back. Fire

35:41

away. Has

35:47

your been jingle happy this morning? We must have

35:50

missed. All three of us. All three

35:52

of our jingles. All three of our extra long

35:54

jingles. Yeah, we are. This

35:56

is a simple game if you've never played before. All you

35:58

got to do is email us. and absolute

36:00

radio.co.uk with your best facts and

36:03

try to wow us with your amazing facts and if you do

36:05

you can win Amazing

36:08

absolute radio mug that I think you

36:11

saw one the generic. No, I didn't

36:13

know it No, they

36:15

bought the Jason Manford show mug.

36:17

They've all school. Yeah Well,

36:21

this one was it was cracked down the side because

36:23

as I pointed out Janet, it's they're not fit for

36:26

purpose, you know They're not But

36:28

you'd signed one side and now I'd sign the other side. So

36:31

it's a full When it

36:33

breaks in off you've got a signature for each each

36:35

day. There you go if

36:37

you want to join in the The

36:39

facts just need to be something that make us go. I

36:42

might be able to use it in everyday life That's what

36:44

we like. Don't we Steve? We like you. I'm a lot

36:46

less of a fact spring Yeah, spring facts is what we're

36:48

looking for now. So it's a bit about constant right now

36:50

fact about constant It's

36:53

not good, is it not nice out there Steve

36:56

York actually gives us a topical one that would it

36:58

be in the Cheltenham Festival this week? Yeah,

37:02

I feel like the word festivals overused

37:04

when it comes to a horse race.

37:06

Yeah. Okay. Yeah I just recalled the

37:08

Cheltenham horse racing. Oh Festival

37:10

feels like there's gonna be like a little show on You

37:13

feel like the horses are gonna race for a bit and

37:15

they go right who's on the horses food fighters Exactly

37:21

Steve York says during this week's Cheltenham

37:24

Festival the race course was the UK's

37:26

busiest temporary airport receiving

37:28

over 400 flights in four

37:30

days The

37:34

race course Oh Does

37:37

he mean helicopters of Company,

37:39

there's no like runways. No, is there

37:42

I don't know. No, there's definitely no

37:44

runway Cheltenham Race

37:46

course, I guess it is a long stretch

37:48

if you are if you want to 100

37:55

flights 100 helicopters land in a

37:58

day of the thousands of people and

38:00

a lot of them have got money. That sort of makes

38:02

sense doesn't it? There's more than 100 flights that

38:04

leave an airport in a day there, wasn't there?

38:06

Like E-throw. Busiest temporary airport.

38:08

Oh, temporary airport. Oh okay, I've

38:11

missed that there. Fiona

38:14

Morgan throws in this one, did you know

38:16

that bees, we love a bee fact. Oh,

38:18

I watched, yeah sorry, I watched that Jason

38:20

Stainan film the other day. Oh yeah, what's

38:22

it like? Absolutely awful but brilliant. I

38:27

mean just to give you a little summary,

38:29

so in the level of intelligence and super

38:31

spies, you know, there's the

38:34

invisible ones and then there's the ghosts

38:36

that are completely invisible, you know, there's

38:38

no fingerprint, no effort and then above

38:40

that, even more invisible than that, they're

38:42

called beekeepers, this special breed of super

38:44

spies, invisible beekeepers. He's a beekeeper. Guess

38:46

what he does in real life is

38:48

he's cover, he's a

38:50

beekeeper. He's got an actual beekeeper. Yeah, he's got a

38:52

load of beekeepers, like if he was still a ghost,

38:55

he'd feel like he'd be dressed as like one of

38:57

them blue ones there, Pac-Man. He's literally a beekeeper on

38:59

a hill speaking gruff and he'd

39:01

go, are you a beekeeper? And then the next

39:03

beekeeper, when you see her, she's dressed like Pat

39:05

Benestar, she's not keeping a low profile. Anyway, watch

39:07

it yourself, it's the best slash worst film ever

39:09

made, it's great. All right, I

39:11

mean, well he's got three stars in the Guardian.

39:14

Well, they know their stuff because I'd give

39:16

it definitely three stars as well. Yeah,

39:19

they said the actor stays in the same

39:21

lane to play a trained killer taking down

39:23

the bad guys in this

39:25

enjoyable silly time waster. Yeah,

39:27

well that's what I would say. Yeah, there

39:29

you go. Fair enough. Anyway, the

39:32

rest of this fact from Fiona

39:34

says, did you know that bees

39:36

have photographic memories and can recognize

39:38

human faces? Oh, bees are good, aren't they?

39:40

Bees are clever, aren't they? There's just so much

39:42

about bees, you can do a book on bees.

39:45

Well, there is a lot

39:47

of bee references, it's really weird,

39:49

they keep going, no, in the bee colony, the

39:51

queen bee controls the hive and sometimes the horn,

39:54

it gets it. There's all these analogies, which are

39:56

really well thought out, but you keep going, yeah,

39:58

but he's not really a bee. So

40:00

it's just like with a gun you're not

40:02

really a bee so like regardless of what

40:05

happens to the hive and the structure of

40:07

the hive and the honey He's just a

40:09

bloke Oh,

40:12

I see yeah, there's a few quotes here like

40:15

when someone hurts in all the person sometimes

40:17

they're left to face the hornets alone Yeah

40:23

Right the beginning that's right at the beginning

40:25

part of a high protect to the queen

40:27

hornet It's when them someone hurts an older

40:29

person. They left the horn. It's what hornets

40:31

attacking old people We're

40:46

real music matters Steve edges here and the

40:48

new Barry Norman Yeah, record-building

40:50

films left right and center here the big

40:52

keeper just yeah I mean if

40:55

you know what you know what you're getting if you're

40:57

after that on a Friday or a Saturday night What

40:59

do you want it to be what's exactly what you

41:01

literally that's what should we go? I mean we all

41:03

love the rock but it's a similar sort of film

41:05

you go Yeah, you'd be disappointed if the rock made

41:08

a film and it was a better mathematician who was

41:10

struggling with Alzheimer's you'd be like Is

41:17

it funny is it is early chuckles in there? Oh,

41:19

yeah, but not intentional. I think it's

41:22

weirdly set in Chicago I think

41:24

and Clearly felt well it is

41:27

something London so you can see like like

41:29

goo straight in the background and it's like pelican

41:31

crossings There's an all-bar one in one shot, but

41:34

they're just making it Chicago. It's great

41:37

It's brilliant and there's lots of actors. I know in

41:39

it doing an American accent who I

41:41

know are from about war song Yeah,

41:45

and it's funny good.

41:47

I got Watching I've

41:51

been watching Reacher on Prime. Oh,

41:53

yeah, and he good Yeah, it's

41:55

actually again. It's sort of a bit of

41:58

silly waste of time, but yeah It's got

42:00

a bit of conspiracy in there, it's got a bit of

42:02

fighting and a bit of... It's

42:06

got some good lines from one line of...

42:08

Yeah, quite similar. Yeah. He is massive. And

42:11

so there's quite a lot of... I'm nervous with you,

42:13

Steve. I feel like I can say this to you

42:15

because we know each other well. Yeah. The

42:17

body on this guy, Steve. Honestly, I...

42:21

I sometimes have to... There's been a couple of times where I

42:23

paused it and shouted Lucy in to come and have a look

42:25

at it. Look at this. Look at

42:27

that. He's got glutes on that. He's

42:30

got glutes on glutes. He's

42:32

got a muscle, Steve. Yeah. The

42:35

other day I paused it and shouted Lucy and I

42:37

said, is that supposed to be... Are

42:40

we supposed to have that? Have

42:42

we all got one? He's always saying, but

42:44

it's... Basically,

42:46

he was in bed and his duvet

42:48

was just up to his, like, privates.

42:51

And then above that it was naked.

42:53

He had a six-pack and then under

42:55

the six-pack towards his privates... Yeah. There

42:57

was, like, a triangle sort

43:00

of muscle shape. Yeah.

43:03

Like... I think... Yeah.

43:06

I think... Maybe. I think

43:08

he's been lifted too many weights. I don't

43:10

know what it was, Steve. It didn't make sense to me

43:12

at all. I was like, I didn't... I mean, I've not

43:15

got the six-pack. I presume you've got to get that first.

43:17

Yeah. It's a bonus. It's one of

43:19

the seven. You get a special triangle when you

43:22

get the six-pack. Yeah. I'm getting

43:24

to the belief now with muscles that

43:26

it's genetic. I think

43:28

so. Some of them look weird. You're back in your family

43:30

or you haven't... Those ones that come out your neck, they're

43:32

your traps. I think they feel like they're... We don't need

43:35

them, do we? No. What's that

43:37

for? Is that the one where the neck ends and

43:39

the shoulder begins but it's like... Yeah. Connects

43:41

to two. Yeah, but you don't need it connected. No. It

43:45

would feel like you'd have to buy special shirts.

43:48

Yeah. Because the collar wouldn't work anymore. It'd be like you

43:50

had a neck pillow on all the time. Yeah.

43:54

It'd be great when you're on an airplane. I'm on an

43:56

airplane. Oh, you're on an airplane. Sleep on your own traps.

43:58

You're on... Yeah, it's

44:00

not alright that. Maybe that's what it's

44:03

for, maybe they travel a lot with

44:05

bodybuilding competitions and the like.

44:07

Yeah, that'll be it. You can play little marbles down

44:09

that little triangle one. There you go. Perfect,

44:11

there you go, that's what it's for. So

44:14

we've got Steve Hurst who

44:16

says, in Norway, university students are given

44:18

a sword and a hat when they

44:20

obtain a doctorate. Really?

44:23

Mmm. That shows you how much

44:25

they can trust Norwegian students. Imagine that with a load

44:28

of students from Salford Uni. Especially

44:30

on graduation day, that's the day you get to

44:33

have a little drink isn't it, and you're just

44:35

running around like Chapel Street Salford with a sword.

44:37

I think Salford Uni... Did we say you'd blend

44:39

in? They have to say Salford

44:41

Uni, they should give you that on the first

44:43

day of university. Yeah. And

44:45

then like a special commemorative golden sword, if

44:48

you didn't have to use it, that's all

44:50

you do. You didn't have to use

44:52

it, hold on. You're doing your degree. Barry

44:55

Zool says the Egyptians invented the colour

44:57

blue. Until we met them,

44:59

no European or Asian civilisation had the

45:02

colour blue. I love that. Just

45:04

the Egyptians going, yeah, just whack a bit of blue on

45:06

that. They did a bit of what? Blue, you've never got blue.

45:10

You've heard of blue. I've never heard of blue, what's blue?

45:12

Blue, you've never heard of blue. Because

45:14

we also had the fact the other week

45:17

that the colour orange wasn't called orange. Yeah,

45:19

the fruit came first. So there'd

45:21

be some European blokes going, well, I've got this

45:23

orange and the Egyptians going, what's that? They'd

45:26

mean yellow, red. And they've gone, no, orange. The

45:28

fruit's orange, we call the colour orange. But

45:30

you've never heard of blue. What

45:33

did they call the sky then, like when they looked up?

45:36

It must be a, yeah, it must

45:38

be a shade of blue, mustn't it?

45:41

Like, never had blue. That's bizarre, isn't it? I

45:43

don't know. What did they call the Australian cartoon? They didn't

45:45

have a name for that bluey. They didn't know what it was called. Yeah,

45:47

I don't know. They didn't know what it was called. I don't know if

45:49

they came first, to be honest. No, I can't, I'd get confused. Well,

46:01

it's a good fact, it's a good fact. It

46:03

is a good fact, I like that. And as a

46:05

city fan, I could use that. Well,

46:08

yeah. At the match I'm surrounded by, huh? Yeah,

46:11

well, they think, what

46:13

will everyone else think, except for the Egyptians? Something

46:16

moon, they just think. They

46:18

must have called it... Like with the orange, the yellow,

46:20

they must have called it something. Sky,

46:22

they must have called it sky or something, like you said.

46:25

Yeah, it makes sense. What's

46:28

good on there? Well, yes, I like it. Good fact,

46:30

though, good fact. Lee

46:33

Patterson, a slightly morbid but yet fun fact

46:35

for your Sunday morning. The

46:37

rock band Kiss sell their own

46:40

range of coffins. Do

46:42

they? Wow.

46:46

That is a bit morbid, but I quite like it. You've got to

46:48

be a bit of a kiss, haven't you, to... Yeah.

46:51

For life as well, to buy one

46:53

of their... Yeah, life

46:55

and death. Yeah, because you might

46:57

like them when you're like... That is... When

46:59

you're taking ages, it's a bit of fun, they've got

47:01

their makeup on. And then

47:04

you invest in a coffin and you're in

47:06

your 50s, 60s and you

47:09

get buried in a coffin. Not an infill anymore. Yeah,

47:11

well, a paper now, though, that's the thing. I

47:14

don't think you're off-fitted anymore, you know? Yeah,

47:18

that's the thing, you're really counting on it, aren't you? Yeah. A

47:21

kiss... A kiss-casket. A

47:24

kiss-casket. A kiss-casket, there you go.

47:27

What are our favourite subjects for facts, Steve?

47:31

Well, we're like octopuses, we're like

47:34

Lego... Yeah. We're

47:37

like... What's the

47:39

other animal we like a fact on? I've forgotten what it's called,

47:41

you know, I don't think it's the same one. The one that

47:44

sits on the sofa. Yeah, that's it. Yeah,

47:46

it's got... It's on the sofa.

47:49

That's what we imagine, just from Gogglebox, the advert

47:51

with the sloth. When

47:53

you think of a sloth, that's where the first place I think of them.

47:56

So what do they do, they come down out of a tree to have a poo, or

47:58

do they throw it at the Sherk of the I can't remember. There's

48:01

a lot of sloth facts. I can't remember. Yeah, a

48:03

lot of them. Yeah, there's fair poos, yeah. Louise

48:05

tells us, since you love a

48:08

sloth fact, how about this one? Sloths

48:11

can cure some strains of cancer. Hmm,

48:14

doctor sloth. Really? I

48:16

imagine you got into the doctors and there was a sloth there. Wow.

48:20

Yeah, what's this guy? Yeah. I don't

48:23

know. What is that? Is it

48:25

because it's blood or it's saliva

48:27

or? Fair poo. Knowledge.

48:31

Knowledge. How is it doing it? Well,

48:33

it just, I don't know. Or is the

48:35

rest of that sentence, sloths can cure

48:37

some strains of cancer but they can't be

48:40

bothered? Yeah. Or

48:43

is it just, is it their genetic make

48:45

up that their cancer is

48:47

rather than, you know? Oh, right. Do you

48:49

know what I mean? Do you know

48:51

what I mean? Oh, I like it though. It's making us ask

48:53

questions, Steve, and we do like that. We ask the question. The

48:56

following voice says there was over 300

48:59

banana related injuries in Britain in 2001.

49:04

In 2000, why is that? Sort

49:07

of white specifics for that year, I don't

49:09

know. Everyone just sort of relaxed a

49:12

bit because we got our other millennium bug without

49:14

our video recorders turning off. And then just kept

49:16

leaving banana skins all over the floor. So

49:18

happy. Is that one? Yeah, is it

49:21

like, weird though, isn't it? It's funny,

49:23

I know. I

49:25

imagine it is from people slipping on them.

49:29

Have you ever tried it? Yeah, it's

49:31

not as slippery as you think, but. It is. No,

49:33

it is. You get it on the right floor. You

49:35

get it on the kitchen floor, get it on the tile floor or

49:38

any floor with a bit of a sheen, bathroom

49:40

floor, put it, the skin side

49:43

out, the inside down, you will

49:45

go flying. Really? He's

49:48

dead slipping. I mean, I had to

49:50

do that. But

49:53

get two bananas, put one on each feet,

49:55

wipe it down, wipe side down and you

49:57

can skate across your kitchen.

50:00

No way. There you go. It's something to do this

50:02

afternoon, isn't it? Yeah, I'm going to do that. There

50:05

was a guy... 2024 had 4,000 on the record, isn't it? 2,000

50:11

was absolute radio listeners. Don't.

50:15

Don't. It's because it's... Yeah,

50:17

because it is, basically. Yeah. There

50:20

was a guy once who died from slipping

50:22

on an orange peel. Really? Yeah. He'd

50:25

gone over Niagara Falls in a barrel

50:27

as well. He was famous for that.

50:30

But then he died, like an orange peel. Yeah, so

50:33

he'd done that, but then the orange peel that took

50:35

him out. I

50:38

thought it was going to be a joke. I'm

50:41

sorry. He wasn't peeling very

50:43

well. I was waiting for it, yeah. Yeah,

50:45

sorry. There's no gag there.

50:47

Just a man's death, Steve. No, I

50:49

know. That's why I thought it was so stark. I thought it was

50:51

going to be a lift at the end of this,

50:53

but no. No, sometimes we're just... Life

50:56

facts. Life facts, not happy facts. This isn't really best facts.

50:58

The world is not fair, is it? It's not. Hit

51:01

me with your jokes, Steve. Well,

51:03

that sort of disproves karma, doesn't it? Because he seems

51:05

like he's done... Did he

51:07

say he went over for charity over Niagara Falls? Well, I

51:09

don't know if he went for charity or not. I'll just

51:11

relapse. He's

51:16

pretending he was from Derry. Okay,

51:21

let's pick a winner

51:23

for our best facts

51:26

this week, Steve. I'll

51:33

rattle through what we've got. We

51:35

had that bees have got a photographic

51:37

memory. They can recognise human faces in

51:39

Norway. Students are giving a sword and

51:41

a hat when they get

51:43

a doctorate. The colour blue was

51:46

invented by the Egyptians. Cheltenham Festival

51:48

was the UK's busiest temporary airport this

51:50

week. A slightly morbid one was that

51:52

the rock band Kiss sells its own

51:54

range of coffins. Sloths

51:56

can cure some strains of cancer

51:58

and 300 banana-related injuries. in Britain

52:01

in 2001. What do you reckon Steve? I

52:03

think I'm gonna have to go for the

52:05

Egyptians invented the colour blue because that that's

52:07

gonna come up all the time because it's

52:09

one of the main colours and then we

52:11

can just throw that around willy-nilly

52:13

if it's a good one it's not not

52:16

specifically that it's this when you take that

52:18

bit away. I mean I'd like to know

52:20

some of the banana you know Jasper Carrot

52:22

used that routine about insurance claims I'd

52:24

like a list of the banana injuries some

52:27

of the 300 banana injuries in 2001 but

52:29

like you said I reckon they're

52:31

just slipping on them. There's

52:33

not much else you can do is there really? No

52:35

I do like that one they um because

52:37

you remember we had a fact a while back actually

52:39

about blue in in

52:42

paint in paintings is that ring a

52:44

bell? So basically it's like

52:47

it's like one of the most

52:49

expensive pigments to... Oh yeah yes

52:51

no this is also in Madame

52:53

Blanc in dye the colour blue

52:55

was purple this was

52:57

in an episode of Madame Blanc says someone, spoiler

53:00

alert says someone was poisoned with

53:02

it and weirdly it comes from snails which

53:04

brings us all the way back to

53:07

where we started full circle. The dye used

53:09

to come from snails and it was poisonous

53:11

to human touch but we're dying so there

53:13

you go. There you go so the

53:16

winner this week is Barry Soule who says

53:19

that the Egyptians invented the colour blue. Jason

53:23

Lamford on Absolute Radio.

53:26

Thanks for joining

53:29

us this week here on Absolute Radio what have

53:31

you got planned the rest of your Sunday Steve?

53:33

If it stops

53:35

raining I'm gonna do a little bit of gardening and

53:37

it's starting to get there's a little bit of buzzer

53:39

starting to appear now and this is the bit you

53:41

need to attack it now because if

53:43

you get too much started you've got another

53:45

job now everything's growing like mad. I hear

53:48

ya. What have

53:50

I got? Well it's St. Paddy's Day today of course

53:52

so out later on with the family. Oh yeah. Yeah

53:56

got going to head into. into

54:01

Manchester later on with the kids and there's

54:03

lots of Irish celebrations going on Then

54:05

what we're doing tomorrow, we've got to see Rob Brydon tomorrow.

54:07

I have a little sing song with Rob who's on tour

54:09

at the moment Filming

54:12

QI on Tuesday I

54:16

don't know when that's on and then

54:18

I've got to see Ian McKellen in a

54:20

play on next Friday I've got a gig

54:22

next Saturday in Liverpool that laughter house. So

54:24

quite a busy one Steve! Cultural and busy.

54:26

Yeah, nice Cultural and busy, that's me But

54:28

even so we'll be back here same time

54:30

next week on Absolute Radio. We'll see you

54:32

next Sunday. Take care