0:02

Jason Manford Show on Absolute

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Radio Good

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morning, it's the Jason Manford Show on Absolute

0:10

Radio, hope you're very well. This Sunday morning, Steve Edge

0:12

is here. Good morning. Birthday

0:15

boy.

0:16

Birthday last week, yeah. Was, wasn't it? A little birthday

0:18

boy, yeah. I must

0:21

have rang you about four times, six times.

0:24

I was prepping each time to sing you

0:26

a full happy birthday to you. With the how old

0:28

do you know bit and everything. I was going to do the second

0:30

verse that nobody knows. How old are

0:32

you now? I mean, did you think I was just,

0:34

he must be having a great birthday party, because

0:36

he's not answering the phone. This is what I thought, I thought,

0:39

because you know that moment where you, because

0:41

obviously we're best friends. Yeah.

0:44

Obviously the first couple of times I thought, well, kids, busy, you

0:46

know. And then like the fourth time I was thinking,

0:49

have I not been invited

0:51

to something? Oh, do you think there was a big,

0:53

you could hear just like a string, every

0:55

time you rang, that's why I couldn't hear the phone. Yeah.

1:00

Or like you were with like your new, you know,

1:02

southern mates. Yeah. And he was chatting

1:04

away. And then like my name came up and he was like. I kept pulling my phone out of

1:06

my pocket, Jason calling and going. Not

1:10

even flicked it to, can't

1:12

talk now, busy, call you later. Not even done that,

1:14

just gone, dick line. Yeah. So

1:19

what was happening? What was, what was, sounds amazing. I

1:22

actually don't remember, so probably I was just. Oh

1:24

really? Moving children from one place to another place,

1:26

you know. What day was it? What did you actually

1:28

do for your birthday? You can't do anything when you've got little kids, can you

1:30

really?

1:31

No. So we got

1:34

them in bed and then we

1:36

sort of ran down the hill to

1:38

the seafront and had a little meal

1:41

in St. Leonard's. Lovely. That was

1:43

it really. And you know, not a nice, not

1:45

one of the meals you digest. Those ones

1:47

that like any minute now you're going to get a phone call from mother-in-law going,

1:50

he's woke up screaming. Yes. Better

1:52

get back.

1:52

Yeah. went

1:55

down a couple of pubs, very nice. Nice. Very

1:58

thin down here, we went to a pub, a very nice pub.

1:59

called the St Leonard's. As we left the pub,

2:02

they started following us on Instagram. We're just

2:04

like this. Weird. It's

2:06

lovely. But we followed us back. No,

2:08

I think we followed them. They followed us back. That's

2:11

the way it was. You're where our patrons, we follow you. Oh, that makes

2:13

sense. Yeah. The way

2:15

you described it was like it was a bit creepy. No, no,

2:18

no. I think it was a very

2:20

good service. You know, Insta, that's what

2:22

it's for, isn't it? Knowing

2:25

your audience, getting in contact with your audience. Yeah,

2:27

makes sense. I

2:30

had a similar thing. We

2:32

went to a pub quiz the other week. Oh, okay. You

2:35

said that weird. Not a pub quiz. A pub

2:37

quiz?

2:39

Yeah, because

2:40

I've just not been to one for years. Pub quiz? A

2:42

pub quiz? Not a pub quiz. A pub

2:44

quiz? A pub quiz. A pub

2:46

quiz? A pub quiz? How did

2:48

you get out? Yeah, I went to a pub quiz. And it's... I've

2:51

not been to one for ages. Pretty locked down. Pretty

2:54

locked down. My mother-in-law loves a quiz. So I try

2:56

and get... She

2:58

tries to rope me in every week, but I don't always get there.

3:00

But yeah, go on. I want to know how you did. I

3:03

want a team name. I want to know what the... Oh, you're

3:05

helping the team name. How many within the team? You know

3:08

that table with 12 of them. That lot. They're

3:11

always with. Where one of them's got something wrong with his bladder.

3:13

He keeps going to the toilet every five minutes. Then comes

3:16

back with the answer. Yeah. Literally

3:18

comes out of the toilet and goes to his table. Do

3:21

you know why? Japanese equivalent. I think it might

3:23

be my pleasure to have a toilet. Yeah. You're

3:26

like, what? You just found that out whilst having a wee?

3:29

What, it just came to you, did it? Yeah, of course it did. It

3:32

came... Well,

3:34

it's our local, the Jolly Sailor

3:36

in Bramall. It's

3:40

locked up. And actually did really well. It

3:43

came third the first week.

3:46

Nice. Came third. And then...

3:49

And won it last week. How many did you team? This

3:52

is me, Luce. And then our

3:55

neighbours across the road there, David

3:57

and Claire. And then our old

3:59

neighbours. Carl and Julia

4:02

so

4:03

six

4:04

that's a good that's a good number yeah

4:06

and then the other day which is a bit of a ringer

4:09

I think but I'll take it and

4:12

David and Claire brought their son George who's just

4:16

qualified as a vet and young

4:18

as well so like young

4:20

so like like the young pop stars what's the name

4:23

it was a lot of music yeah yeah exactly

4:27

but but that was good it's good we're

4:29

up for like I think we're like 35 quitting drinks

4:32

outches at the Jolly Summer so good

4:35

quiz love a pop quiz

4:54

it's a lot of just gets me right the end yeah

4:57

that jingle and this is

4:59

from Helen Sawyer in York

5:02

okay like Tom Sawyer they

5:05

say hi Jason Steve question for you both from saw

5:07

a Z9 and mom Helen good

5:09

good good she doesn't put her age please

5:12

could you retell

5:14

the bee in your pocket story he

5:17

makes me tell him at least twice here and tonight

5:19

came to find me with Spotify to find the actual

5:21

episode which I couldn't thank so

5:23

much for a great show many people won't know the

5:25

bee in the pocket story I didn't

5:27

realize it was such a like a legendary story

5:30

well you know like to lawyer to Sawyer

5:32

here he's there yeah it's

5:35

actually a really well I mean well

5:37

I mean roughly you know I hope I didn't

5:39

exaggerate before or exaggerate now that

5:42

he's done that

5:44

job this is my

5:47

memory I was at Stafford

5:49

College I was probably about 18 19 years

5:52

old I just had a pair of new trousers

5:55

right and I was walking through Stafford Park had

5:57

my hands in my pockets and there was a bit of lint

6:00

in the bottom of one of these new trays of pocket.

6:02

And I was rolling it for about an hour, just

6:04

walking around the park, doo doo doo doo doo doo,

6:06

rolling, rolling, rolling. And then

6:09

at some point, another

6:11

bit of my brain went to God. Why is that

6:13

thing you've been rolling? But you better check that, because I

6:16

hadn't been thinking about it. And then I pulled it in my pocket

6:18

and it was a B. And

6:20

I'd been rolling it just between my

6:22

fingers, obviously pushing his wings in, and his finger

6:25

was just, he couldn't bend it around to get my fingers.

6:27

So he just spent an hour trying to get at me.

6:30

And I was just, that's my memory

6:32

of it. And then I went, ah, and it just

6:34

flew away. Yeah, bet. And

6:36

all the other Bs laughed at him. Did I put that in before?

6:39

A little extra bit there

6:41

to show you. Yeah. I

6:43

like that, I like this new, this could be a new feature.

6:46

Tell us stories you've already told. Yeah.

6:50

Well, I thought you'd have thought the new feature's called lint or B,

6:52

and you had to disguise it to work out whether

6:54

it was lint or insect. Yeah,

6:57

we could do it like carpool

7:00

karaoke as well, do it with celebrities, get celebrities

7:02

to do it. Yeah, yeah. That'd

7:05

be quite a good shout, wouldn't it? Lint

7:07

or B? Yeah, yeah. Do

7:09

we need a jingle, Steve? Lint

7:12

or, we'll think about it, yeah. Not for too long,

7:14

obviously, but we'll think about it. That

7:16

happened weirdly the other day, even though it's November,

7:19

the other day, my wife was sort of messing with

7:21

her hair, and a B flew out of her hair.

7:25

In the house. This

7:27

time of year? No, and a single one as

7:29

well. We thought it was

7:31

a hornet. We were like, there's a hornet's nest. It happened

7:34

to us. One just flew at me

7:36

one night, out of nowhere, in the middle of... I

7:38

sat there watching telly, and

7:41

it came sort of from up near the light, and we've got like

7:43

a ceiling rose, there's like holes in it, you know, Victorian, there's

7:45

a hornet's nest in the ceiling rose, but

7:49

it's not, we've not seen another one since. Just every... Just

7:52

one, one scary in it. Do you think, yeah, one is terrifying?

7:55

One B. Is

7:57

more scary than... It depends if you've been chased by

7:59

them, but... You know, if there's one

8:01

beast, like one zombie, isn't it? You

8:03

know this more. Do you

8:06

think it had been set up there for a while, like ready

8:08

to go? I don't know. I don't know.

8:11

What did it, do you think, was

8:13

it in Lucy's hair or do you think she, you

8:15

know, had been in there like trying

8:17

to get out, trying to get at her? I don't know. I

8:20

don't know what happened. It was just weird. It was just in

8:22

the middle of something in the kitchen. She went, oh,

8:24

she's scratching her head and the beef flew out. It was like something from,

8:27

you know, like The

8:29

Witches or something like that. Like it was something. Yeah.

8:32

Yeah. Do you bomb up my routine

8:34

just straight away? I

8:35

don't look like really natural. This

8:40

is Jason and Manford. This

8:43

is Absolute Radio. Where

8:48

real music matters. It was Bomb

8:50

Finite last week of course, Steve. Yeah,

8:52

did you do anything? Last Sunday. Mate, did

8:54

I do anything?

8:56

Did I do anything? No.

8:58

Yeah. Yeah. I

9:00

don't know. Three, all three

9:02

nights. Really? I mean,

9:05

I'm not obsessed with it, but it just happened to fall

9:07

that way. Yeah. The,

9:10

the, yeah, I don't understand the evidences

9:13

against me. Yeah. On the

9:15

Friday, what did we do on the Friday? We did a local

9:17

one at Stockport Rugby Club. Right.

9:20

That big. Fireworks to music. I like when

9:22

they do fireworks to music. They do do fireworks

9:24

to music. Yeah, that's good. They do that.

9:27

They did that very well actually. It's, it's

9:29

just mad busy. It's just

9:32

got mad, you know, just a lot

9:34

of, a lot of young people in black

9:36

coats. Is it fireworks? Is it

9:38

fireworks and a bonfire? No,

9:41

Steve, I can't find an actual

9:43

bonfire anymore. I think the bonfire's gone. I mean, they've

9:45

seen to have, yeah, they seem to have, um, got rid

9:48

of the bonfire. I mean, I know it's not good for the planet,

9:50

but you know, to burn load of pallets.

9:54

No. And also you have to keep checking for the red

9:56

chugs, do you remember? Yeah. Yeah.

9:59

Well, and the rest of. the rest badgers or

10:01

all sorts of that. I

10:04

had an American message

10:07

me on, I posted a picture on Instagram

10:10

and just of me eating a toffee

10:12

apple. Yeah. Let's get a

10:14

toffee apple. I've won it then for years. Real

10:17

retro, you had a real retro bonfire and I've had a

10:19

proper hello. Exactly.

10:22

I felt like going, doing Penny for a guy around the town

10:24

centre. That's the last

10:26

time I was still living there. It's all like,

10:29

lads in the 18 outside of petrol station

10:31

going Penny for a guy and there's just like a trolley with a

10:33

mask in it. Not even a thing to

10:37

do. It should go, well, you

10:40

don't mean a penny, do you? You mean a pound and if

10:42

I don't you'll probably batter me. So

10:44

yeah, here's a fiver. Yeah. An American

10:47

messaged me

10:50

on Instagram just to say,

10:53

what's the occasion?

10:55

It

10:58

has dwindled a little bit, but when you have

11:01

to explain it, because

11:04

you never have to explain it. Hey

11:06

buddy, what's this occasion? Your

11:09

fireworks and your bonfire. What is it, man?

11:11

I said November the 5th.

11:14

Remember the 5th of November. Why?

11:17

Well, because it's Guy Fawkes night. Guy,

11:19

I like that guy. Guy Fawkes. Yeah, he's,

11:21

I think we saw his brother. What's

11:25

that? Is he Guy Nice Brother or

11:27

Guy Spoon? Guy Fawkes? No,

11:30

brothers usually have the same surnames, rather than the

11:33

same first names.

11:40

I just said it's where we celebrate the

11:43

anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot in 1605, which was a

11:45

failed attempt to

11:47

blow up the Houses of Parliament in London by a group of

11:50

dissident Catholics. Yes. Okay.

11:53

We don't talk about it on the night. No, you

11:56

don't do, either. now

12:01

well I mean they do say

12:03

that the Guy Fawkes was the last

12:05

person to go into the

12:07

House of Parliament honest intent mmm

12:09

I do say that yeah but

12:12

yeah well we had that fact last week it was from

12:14

St. Peter's School in York you know they celebrate celebrate

12:17

because one of their alumni yeah yeah Guy was one of alumni

12:23

but it was it was it was good I did that and then

12:25

and I tell you what I did the I did

12:28

the Alton Towers one we went all

12:30

towers for the day I'll let you know all out Steve

12:33

unbelievable 25 minutes

12:36

it lasted is that

12:38

too long do you know why it wasn't it

12:41

wasn't because it was done they

12:43

had a narrative that they'd made it a little story

12:46

okay no I bet the other part of the plot there

12:48

just about not about the gunpowder plot no just about so

12:50

fault and towers but but it

12:53

was in Paris very impressive music

12:55

and projections and lights and lasers and

12:57

all sorts this over did everything

13:00

good but the timing I don't understand

13:02

how they time there

13:04

were timing these things going off with the

13:06

music well that's perfect no

13:08

it takes to ignite and go off

13:10

and then they've you know it's all plants or computerized now

13:13

probably no less if not blow with a match is it when

13:18

we were kids it was just your dad at the end of the garden

13:20

a milk bottle and if you like light

13:22

in the fireworks with the same fact that

13:24

was in his mouth it's

13:27

not that on tell us is it

13:30

to be fair wasn't close enough like I'd

13:32

like to think instantly round

13:34

in the timing right you may at the

13:37

end if you've enjoyed

13:41

tonight's show this is the man responsible

13:44

I like that'd

13:49

be amazing and mention

13:51

in the firework displays that Steve I

13:53

would like to mention that I am only interested in

13:56

the genuine organized

13:59

events I don't

14:01

I'm not into this, I don't think this should just be

14:03

selling them in shops for just random people to...

14:05

No. What to do in the back garden then? Well,

14:08

I just, I think, or if you

14:10

do that you go right, here's

14:13

some fireworks, the deal is the

14:15

law is on November

14:18

the 5th. Just that one day? At 7.30

14:20

to 9 o'clock. I think that's too late. Because it's dark

14:22

the time of year. Yeah, because the kids go. Yeah,

14:25

right. Too late this time of year. Well actually, I'm not going to be here.

14:27

Dark early isn't it? Yeah, and that started at 5. 6 or 7.

14:30

Let's say 8 o'clock Steve, it's only fair. I know you've got little ones, but I think, half 7. Let's

14:32

say half 7. Compromised? Okay, alright,

14:34

and compromise half 7.

14:35

Okay, between 5 and half 7

14:36

you're allowed to let your fireworks off.

14:49

Any other time it's illegal. That

14:51

should be illegal. Yeah. Because...

14:54

Well that's it, we're dogs and cats though, they get a bit. Yeah, but

14:56

if you're... That's what I mean though, we're

14:58

helping them. Because we're saying, look, this is going to happen

15:01

anyway. There's nothing you can do. But

15:03

there's going to be at 5th time, so you've got an hour

15:05

and an hour and a half. Yeah, couple of hours. Just

15:07

make them calm and all that. Exactly, put

15:09

the telly on, whatever you need to do. Put the air defenders

15:11

on. I don't know what you'd do. Right over on

15:13

that film, put that on. They'll watch that. Yeah,

15:16

they'll be all over that. Yeah, they'll go to heaven all that. They'll

15:18

go to heaven all that. No, they didn't tramp any of

15:20

them. Any of them. And then they'll just

15:22

distract them. Yeah, and then, at least we all know

15:24

where we are. I mean,

15:26

we're nearly a week after Guy

15:29

Fawkes night now, and they're still going off. They're not

15:31

going off there. They're going off there. Yeah. I

15:34

think that must be a city thing. It's not happening down there. But

15:38

then, weirdly, because the

15:40

Battle of Aestin thing is like three

15:43

weeks before bonfire night, they do a big bonfire

15:45

thing then. And then there's hardly any fireworks

15:47

around firework night. That's it, we've

15:49

done that. Are you nearby where they do the parade

15:52

through the town? Lewis. Lewis.

15:55

Yeah, they do a parade here, but the Lewis's... The

15:57

bad one, I think, which is near Brighton. And that is, we

15:59

went there one year.

17:32

yourself

18:01

I would say because it's

18:03

a time killer it really is. I

18:05

follow a fellow

18:08

called Max Maker on there

18:10

who's an engineer, YouTuber

18:13

engineer from Germany and

18:17

he well I'll let him tell us to

18:19

be honest because I'd like to know a lot

18:22

I've got a lot of questions basically. Max

18:24

good morning. Good morning. So you're a proper

18:26

engineer like you're not just a you're

18:28

not like a TikTok engineer that's your actual

18:30

job is it? Yeah. Yeah

18:33

and try and describe for us what

18:35

it is you've made in your back garden. Well

18:38

I solved the problem that every homeowner

18:40

has but many haven't realized yet and

18:43

that is that bins are ugly but

18:45

their best placement is right in front of the door

18:48

so I build a train that moves my bins

18:50

from a hiding place in the bushes right in front

18:53

of our front door. It's

18:55

genius. It is good. It's genius.

18:57

It is annoying. The bins are

19:00

and I saw Steve. Yeah. And

19:03

Max as he said that has solved the problem

19:06

we didn't know was a problem. Has anyone

19:09

taken you up on the on the

19:11

bin train? Not yet I mean

19:13

a lot of people said it would be great a lot

19:15

of Americans they have apparently very

19:17

long driveways and very long

19:20

walks to bring it to the street but

19:22

I'm exploring the idea and maybe it will be

19:24

commercial one day but for now it's just

19:27

it's just a fun gimmick.

19:29

Yeah and but it has a lot

19:31

of people have got a commented

19:34

in and watched the video haven't they? Yeah

19:37

it's my most successful video on YouTube we've

19:39

got think about 4 million views

19:42

somehow turns out yeah

19:45

everybody has a problem everybody has bins. Yeah

19:48

everyone's got bins there and nobody can be

19:50

bothered taking them down to the bottom of the driveway.

19:54

I love it I love it. This is

19:56

one of those things that you've you've invented

19:58

and you know sort

20:01

of a bit of fun and You know

20:03

you put it on tiktok and put it out there

20:05

But the more you think about you there's a point of

20:07

you thinking this could actually be a thing and

20:10

my second question is Are you genuinely

20:13

using it yourself at your house first

20:15

of all yes every day we use it and

20:18

it works It's pretty reliable Which

20:21

is always a challenge when you build something you obviously

20:23

at the beginning it was not I think

20:26

it would be great for Accessibility

20:29

for people with who are disabled

20:33

Because they also have to move the bins and

20:35

bring them closer to the street or We

20:38

can't do it all the way to the street because you

20:40

have to build on the street But I think it

20:42

would be something that that would be useful

20:44

for the people yeah But it

20:46

would be difficult to get to a state where

20:49

it's cheap enough to build How

20:51

was he was quite an expensive build month? It

20:54

wasn't too bad. It was about two grand I know

20:57

but you know it's worth it.

20:59

Is it as you as you call the bins? Is there

21:01

a button? Do you press a button? Yeah,

21:04

I tell Siri. I can't say

21:06

it now. It was controlled as well. Then it would move Bin

21:09

get here now, and then the bin just comes

21:12

here Yeah,

21:14

but Siri often times it would say

21:16

I don't know anybody cause

21:19

bin Yeah of course

21:22

I totally agree with that Could

21:25

totally see that and yeah, and so

21:27

what you have to do you have to get up So it's at the bottom

21:29

of your garden where the bins are it was near where the bins are

21:32

you put the bins on? The on the

21:34

train yeah, I've got little platforms

21:37

little Little train

21:39

cars and then they just sit on there,

21:42

and we have a locomotive at the front with some

21:44

lights the flying dust. Yeah There

21:47

you go, that's the online name Oh

21:50

some some train fans told me I did it

21:52

wrong with the lights because trains they have three

21:54

lights not like cars They have just two oh

21:57

yeah, oh yeah, you go with half of those train train

21:59

people Yeah, they definitely do. Yeah,

22:01

that's their stage. It could

22:03

have used for other things like, you know, if you were sunbathing,

22:05

somebody could bring you snacks. Yeah, I mean,

22:08

I would like to extend it all the way to the bed garden,

22:10

because when I'm raking up the leaf, I

22:12

want the organic bin to be

22:15

right in the garden. That would be nice. Good point.

22:17

It is a good point. That's a bit of a carry in it all the way,

22:19

all the way with the organic bin. I've had that problem.

22:22

I agree. Good idea. My God,

22:24

that's a bit of a slope, though. So I feel like I'd need

22:26

like a viaduct or something

22:28

to strain it up. Well, that's

22:31

what Rec. Opinion gears are for, like the trains

22:33

and the alps. They have little gears. I

22:36

could have a funicular, just going all the

22:38

way up. A funicular. That's a term,

22:40

correct? I

22:43

love it. Max, thanks so much for joining us this

22:45

morning. And people can follow

22:47

you. What do they need to look for

22:49

on YouTube and TikTok? Yeah,

22:52

just go on YouTube and put in Trash

22:54

Train or Max Maker, and you find some

22:56

fun engineering projects. Brilliant. All

22:58

right, mate. Thanks for joining us. Yeah,

23:01

thanks as well. Jason

23:05

Manford. Absolute

23:08

radio. Where real music matters.

23:10

Now, Steve, I was in a situation a few

23:13

weeks back where I was at a

23:15

restaurant, local restaurant here in

23:18

Bramall, really nice Juniper's

23:20

called little cafe. And

23:24

great. They do proper good, great

23:27

food, I would say. But it's hammered in

23:29

there, really busy. Just

23:32

very popular. People cue in all sorts of things, one

23:34

of them. And anyway,

23:36

we're in this, it's Saturday morning and

23:39

we're in the local restaurant. And we've

23:41

been waiting quite a bit of time for the food to come.

23:43

Sometimes it happens, doesn't it, when it's very expensive? Yeah,

23:45

it's a bit busy. And I was,

23:47

I was fine, we were chatting away, but my son,

23:50

my five-year-old, impatient.

23:52

You know what kids are like. Yeah, kids aren't they? Do

23:54

you want to get fed? Yeah, they're

23:56

not looking at the staff

23:59

to

23:59

customer ratio.

24:01

No but they're also not there to enjoy

24:04

the conversation. They just want their food. That's

24:06

true, that's true. So my son

24:08

was in inverted commas starving,

24:11

absolutely starving. When it eventually

24:13

arrived, the waiter put

24:15

the food on the table and I said to my

24:17

son, what do you say? And

24:20

he looked at his plate, looked at the waiter and said,

24:23

finally. Oh okay.

24:25

Yeah. Yeah. I mean if I

24:28

was the waiter I might have laughed at that. Oh the waiter,

24:31

the waiter laughed. We had a good old chuckle at

24:34

that because we go in there already. Were his

24:36

eyes laughing or just his face? No

24:40

his eyes were laughing. Okay.

24:42

Yeah it wasn't just like a ha ha what a sweet

24:44

boy. Little pig with the

24:46

elbow. Yeah sorry there, we got you with

24:48

the elbow. Be

24:50

careful the plate is hot, touch

24:53

it if you want. There was none of that though. Yeah.

24:55

No no he was like my attitude. No

25:00

no he laughed, I laughed, we all had a laugh. It

25:02

was one of those moments, I

25:04

don't say it was one of those moments where the whole restaurant.

25:08

Everybody clapped. No

25:13

it wasn't one of those moments, only we heard it. Yeah. It was only

25:15

on our table. But me and the. Everyone

25:18

heard it when he went in the kitchen. You ever believe in someone

25:21

over there that table, that little one? I said.

25:24

Put his food down, if dad said what he said he said

25:27

finally. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

25:31

Obviously I was trying to get him to say thank you. I just I

25:34

hope that I had it. Yeah yeah. Yeah of course.

25:37

I wasn't giving him himself to a gathering. But

25:43

it's um, I put it online and I'll

25:46

tell you what, kids say the

25:48

sassiest things, I think that should be a new. Well that's

25:50

a good show. I'd watch that. New TV show. ITV2. ITV2's

25:54

a bit of sassiest things. I

25:56

would watch that. Yeah I would. I

25:59

think I would watch that. Gillian

26:01

Hammond messaged me, she said, my daughter was fussy

26:03

about breakfast. I said, can you please choose

26:05

one thing or another? It's not a five star hotel.

26:08

And her reply was, if it was, you'd

26:10

be getting a one star on TripAdvisor.

26:12

Oh, that's good. That is good. That is a good

26:15

response. I

26:18

mean, gosh, can you imagine doing a TripAdvisor

26:20

review for your mum

26:23

or dad when you were younger? Yeah,

26:25

it's in the world, isn't it? Yes. I

26:28

mean, I don't know what my parents would get. It's all about quantity,

26:30

isn't it? You know what I mean? It's all about, you know, ratio,

26:33

the mix, grow, the ratio of meat for the

26:35

price. Yeah. You don't really

26:38

care about quality. We have

26:40

a shower and a man's house. Limited

26:44

menu. Yeah. Sirly stuff.

26:52

You have to eat when they say. Yeah.

26:55

Yeah, it's not a bad time. I'm in the middle

26:57

of watching something and it's always

26:59

the then. Yeah. You

27:02

have to do your own washing up. Do your

27:04

own washing up. They say if you don't eat it, there's

27:06

nothing else. Yeah. One

27:09

day. Selection on the menu, nothing. One

27:12

day, I didn't eat my dinner and

27:14

the waiter brought it back out for me breakfast. Cold.

27:18

Stone cold. One star. One

27:20

star. And then you

27:22

get a reply from the manager. They're

27:25

always great, actually, all of you. I'm the dang

27:27

question. You're grounded,

27:29

you little. They

27:33

just come back at you, don't they, sometimes? They're so quick. Yeah.

27:37

Well, they're just off the top of their heads, isn't it? They're

27:39

not buying any of this. No, that's true.

27:41

That's true. Although, weirdly, I think

27:44

this is young for five as well. I

27:46

got a macardi with A. Oh, this

27:48

sounds... I just realised this

27:51

story sounds like a humble brag. I'm

27:53

halfway through it. Right. Well,

27:56

do you want to... Do I carry on, or...? Can I give

27:58

you more for the judge of it at all? OK. So,

28:03

I don't know Steve, because I'm a man of the people and

28:05

this makes it sound like I'm not. Yeah,

28:07

okay. The maths slipped here. Alright,

28:10

basically I got in the car the other day and

28:14

there's a thing in my car, Hey Mercedes.

28:17

Mm-hmm. Basically,

28:20

it's like Siri but... Oh okay, so you

28:22

say Hey Mercedes, turn the lights on or whatever. Yeah,

28:24

Hey Mercedes, turn the heated seat on

28:27

or whatever, you know. Oh that's good, that's another good thing. Yeah, it's good,

28:29

it is clever, yeah. But

28:32

you know, I just think people probably think

28:34

I drive a little. Well you mentioned

28:36

the electric car, you know. It was electric. It's

28:38

a real thing, you're just driving on electric. Yeah, but

28:40

the Volkswagen, Pop or whatever it's called, you

28:42

know, they think you just drive that. I've

28:45

got one of them as well. Yeah, I have two

28:47

cars now, I'm Bob Bragg. Anyway,

28:51

it went off randomly, but I was supposed to press something and

28:53

it went, which

28:56

contact would you like me to call? And

29:00

my son in the back just went, your mom.

29:03

Five? I

29:05

thought you said that was early for your mom. It's

29:08

a better... It's early for your mom,

29:10

isn't it? It was good. It was very good.

29:13

It was very unexpected. Your

29:15

mom. Your mom. That's brilliant, that's very

29:17

good. Yeah, so it did. Did it work? I

29:20

mean it didn't, thankfully it didn't.

29:25

So you think the car was intelligent enough, instead of going through the

29:27

contact to the rig and your mom, your car went, oh

29:29

he's having a go at me. He means

29:31

my mom. He means my mom. He

29:34

means Mercedes. Oh,

29:38

very funny. Very funny. But you

29:40

get in your electric car and shut

29:42

up. Sarah

29:45

Futter says, we were in Wildwood,

29:49

which is a restaurant. I think it's like a... Oh,

29:51

it's a chain, hey Wildwood. You have been in the Wildwood.

29:54

Yeah. Ten-year-old niece

29:56

ordered pasta, took ages. When

29:58

it came, she asked if they'd been to the to Italy to get it.

30:01

That's good. That is good. 10 years

30:03

old.

30:04

Sass. Sass.

30:06

Jay Bowden, my youngest was acting up once when we

30:08

were out and in an attempt to embarrass her into

30:11

stopping, I said, look, people are staring

30:14

at you. She replied, I was

30:16

born to be stared at.

30:18

Oh, that is good. Wow.

30:20

That is such a... Wow. I put that on a

30:22

t-shirt. I was born to be stared at.

30:26

And then on the back of the t-shirt, stop looking.

30:28

Now stop looking. Yeah. Yeah,

30:31

I mean, obviously, there

30:33

is a fine line between sassy and cheeky,

30:35

isn't there? Yeah, what is the line

30:37

though? I think if it's sort of funny and,

30:41

you know, above their age, that's

30:43

sass. That's sass, yeah. If it's just

30:45

cheeky. Yeah, I agree. I don't know, I think they've gone

30:47

to Italy while it's on the line. It's on the border,

30:50

yeah. It's on the border there. Yeah, it is definitely.

30:52

And Holly Capstick says, when

30:55

my eldest daughter was about two, my younger

30:57

daughter was then a new baby and they shared

30:59

a room. One night I was shushing and rocking

31:01

a baby who was crying for a while. My eldest

31:03

was lying in her bed, looking

31:06

at me. And after a while, she just looked at me deadpan

31:08

and said, just stick it in the car

31:11

and turn over. There you go, Mommy.

31:13

Did it work? I mean, you know, sometimes- Stick it in

31:15

the car. Stick it in the car.

31:18

Imagine though, at two, you've shared a room

31:20

with a baby and you're just like, I'm over this.

31:22

Yeah, never even delivered. I was looking forward

31:24

to this thing and now look at it, never shows up.

31:27

It's all the attention, all the love that I used to get. Imagine

31:30

it's pretty infuriating. Ali

31:33

says, my friend was shopping with a six-year-old, needed

31:35

a new brush for the floor. So

31:37

we picked up a makeup brush and tried

31:40

to give it to him. He said, no, I don't need that brush,

31:42

thanks. But he was insistent and said, you do,

31:44

to fix your face. And sorted it off. Tough

31:48

that from a six-year-old. That is good, that is good.

31:51

Tough from a six-year-old. Sharon

31:53

McCormick says, my mom took my little

31:56

cousin to an old-fashioned Christmas show and near to

31:58

the end of the show, the guy singing asked if... if any of

32:00

the children had any requests, Aaron

32:02

put his hand up and when he asked what Aaron

32:04

would like, he said, can you make sure

32:06

this is your last one please? Oh, that

32:09

must be, this is your job

32:11

innit, you know. I've said this

32:13

before I think, but I remember when I was a kid, there

32:16

was a Texas home care, like the DIY

32:19

store opened in Wolverhampton or

32:21

somewhere. Right. And Colin Baker,

32:23

I think it was probably Dr. Drew at the time, I was about 10. And

32:28

I think like Pepsi Max, one

32:30

of the new Pepsi's had just come out. And if you queued

32:32

up, you got a signed photograph and a Pepsi

32:35

Max. Now I wasn't really a fan of Colin

32:37

Baker's Dr. Drew at the time and I queued up, I was 10. Queued

32:40

up for about an hour, me and Mum and Dad were obviously getting some

32:42

from Texas Home Care. And I got to the

32:44

front of the queue and maybe had a massive face, really

32:46

big smiley face, really lovely face. Yeah,

32:48

and he went, would you like a signed photograph? And I went, just to kind

32:51

of cope please. I remember

32:54

the sass on it. I know, it's

32:56

awful isn't it? Oh, that's slightly heartbreaking.

32:59

No, I know. But there was loads of other kids

33:01

who were. Yeah, no, it would be fine. I saw

33:03

him weekly at another event about three weeks ago,

33:05

I nearly went over and did it again. Just

33:07

to keep it remember. I

33:13

think the same Christmas, I got a signed photograph

33:16

from Darth Vader saying Merry Christmas

33:18

in the Sadler Centre in Warsaw.

33:20

So he weren't all bad

33:23

Darth Vader. He said Merry Christmas, he

33:25

signed it. Jennifer

33:30

Louis says, when my son was two, me and him

33:32

picked my friend up to drop her at

33:34

her first date. Oh,

33:38

the friend. My son was two

33:40

and me and him picked my friend up to

33:42

drop her off at her first date. Gotcha. Okay,

33:44

I'm there now. She got in the

33:46

car with her hair all blow dried and

33:49

her winged eyeliner applied

33:51

to perfection. And

33:53

said, hi, pal, to my son who replied, all

33:56

right Batman. Thank

33:59

you. That's

34:03

very good. That was crushed,

34:05

didn't it, before you died? He's not even

34:07

got to this day. No, was

34:10

my hair alright? Is it too much for this jacket?

34:14

I like Batman. Unbelievable.

34:19

Brilliant. Wow. Yeah,

34:23

you can't put anything new on near

34:26

a kid. No, because they'll

34:28

have a reaction to it. They've got a reaction.

34:30

They'll definitely come at you. Jan

34:32

Wild says, my six-year-old granddaughter refused to

34:34

wear a coat. When I told her she would get cold, she looked

34:37

at me and sang, Well, the cold never

34:39

bothered me anyway. That's sass.

34:42

That is sass. That's sass. Nicola

34:45

Grundy, what's that? Did she get a cold? She

34:47

got cold, yeah, cuts. Nicola

34:49

says, my daughter said, you don't need to do

34:51

more exercise, mummy. You're always going up

34:53

and down the stairs to get snacks. Ooh.

34:57

That's double-edged, isn't it? That's double-edged. Yeah,

35:00

it is. Allie Jefferson says, I told

35:02

my then seven-year-old niece no to something,

35:05

and she came back with, hello darkness,

35:07

my old friend. Wow. Yeah,

35:11

that is kind of creepy as well. Kind of

35:13

creepy and well before a child's

35:15

time. Yeah, I've been here before. Yeah,

35:18

definitely. Kelly Foreman says,

35:20

my seven-year-old didn't like his dinner at Legoland.

35:24

Well, I mean, they're notoriously not

35:27

great at the theme parks where they put food in that. No,

35:29

I can't remember what a food's like at Legoland. I

35:32

can't remember. Is it on Lego

35:34

plates as well? It should be all square,

35:36

shouldn't it? Should be all shaded. Yeah,

35:39

you can put it in a little machine that makes... It's a train. Everything

35:42

else there is. Yeah, well, how do you put all your

35:44

carrots mashed up into the shape of Lego

35:46

bricks? Like a bloomin' towel. It looks like a brick.

35:49

When you bite it, it's like an ollie when it just explodes in

35:51

your mouth. Yeah, that's what they need to do. It looks like

35:53

a green-yellow brick. I went to the roller

35:56

coaster... I said that wrong, didn't I? Roller

35:58

coaster. That's

36:00

not even a roller coaster. I

36:03

went to the roller coaster, I can't

36:05

say it right now, I went to the roller coaster restaurant

36:07

at the Alton Towers last Saturday. Yeah. Have

36:10

you been there? No, no. Oh, mate.

36:12

I'll send you a little video.

36:14

Okay, all right. So basically,

36:16

the kitchen's upstairs

36:18

and all the tables are downstairs

36:20

on ground level and there's all these tracks

36:23

going around the restaurant and

36:27

they put your meal on a track with

36:30

a little lid on obviously and then it goes

36:32

down a roller coaster right to your table.

36:36

If it comes right, let's see it now. Can I have a spool

36:39

or anything? Do you have to have solid

36:41

food? You can't have the soup.

36:46

So all scalded kids. Yeah.

36:49

Just put it down. Yeah, I'll

36:51

get the French onion soup please. What

36:53

is this? No,

36:56

I think it's mostly just burgers and chicken

36:58

burgers and wedges and wings.

37:00

Yeah, but I mean, they put a lid on and then they sort

37:02

of attach it with elastic. Right,

37:05

so it stays. Not like, the only thing I'm relating

37:07

to is that bit on Blue Peter when people had packed lunch

37:09

on a roller coaster. That didn't

37:12

go that well. No one watched that

37:14

and went, do you know what'd be a good idea? If we could in

37:16

the restaurant bring people's food to their table

37:18

on a roller coaster. No,

37:22

but it does weirdly work.

37:24

Like it is quite fun. It's

37:26

quite fun. And it doesn't get spilled. It is

37:28

good. I did

37:31

order a Coke though and I did think that should maybe

37:33

become via a waiter rather than... Yeah,

37:35

just by spring it out. Did

37:37

you drink, winking its way down? It

37:39

didn't quite work. But no, it was

37:42

good. I think

37:44

I was in the middle of somebody's

37:46

message. Here it is. They were at Legoland,

37:49

that's right. The weather waitress came

37:51

over to ask how it was. His

37:54

response was, my mommy and daddy

37:56

paid a lot for me to come here and your food

37:58

is awful.

37:59

Well sometimes they need to be told. Yeah

38:02

but not by seven year olds like that. No I don't know

38:04

though. I don't know. It is expensive. And

38:06

there's a lot of weight in it, Legoland wins.

38:09

It's lovely. But there's, you know, there's a

38:11

nice business that says this ride's got an

38:13

half an hour queue, this one's got a ten minute queue.

38:16

It's, you know, so you want, you

38:18

know, if you're paying for your food. No fair,

38:20

fair. It's not cheap to get in there. Yeah I know, I understand

38:22

that. Maybe the seven year old maybe though. It's

38:26

hard to take from a seven year old. The

38:28

world has been created for him. The land is

38:30

created for him. There is that. There

38:33

is that, yeah. I feel

38:35

like your lad has got a bit of sass to him and he

38:38

needs to. Yeah he's done,

38:41

I've seen him like hold out

38:44

like an olive tray to give to

38:46

the weight when he's finished the olives. Just point

38:48

it out behind him and then says more olives.

38:51

I've told this before but there's a pizza

38:53

restaurant in St Leonard's. And right

38:55

next to it used to be a cocktail bar and we went in the

38:57

pizza restaurant and it wasn't open for

39:00

another ten minutes or something and

39:02

he loves the margarita in the pizza restaurant. That's his favourite,

39:04

you know. And we went to the cocktail place

39:06

next door and he just sat there and he's a bit of a mood because he couldn't

39:09

have his pizza yet and then the woman came and went, can

39:11

I get you a drink? She went, just get me a margarita. And

39:14

obviously, that

39:16

looked like sass but he was talking about the pizza

39:18

I think. Yeah but

39:21

it looked, from her perspective, it looked really

39:23

good. Yeah the worst day ever, you just made

39:25

a margarita. And

39:29

Abbott said, I took my eight year old daughter

39:31

with me to get my belly button pierced. As

39:34

I'm picking out a stud she said, Mummy, what

39:37

are you doing with your life in

39:39

front of the whole shop? I

39:43

think that's a real sober

39:46

isn't it? That really sobers you up. Yeah,

39:48

what am I doing? She's right. She's

39:51

eight and she's... It's just copyright proof,

39:53

everything. Right, do you know I'll leave it today

39:55

girls, thank you very much.

39:59

says I took my son to the cinema to watch

40:02

the Mario movie as usual

40:04

there's a whole load of trailers before the film the trailers

40:06

finish and the cinema goes quiet before

40:08

the film starts at which point my

40:10

son loudly shouted finally

40:14

I agree I think I you know I

40:16

think I've done it myself yeah

40:18

I've traded on kids films they just want to get in

40:20

and watch the film it depends how old they are but you know when they're

40:23

like five or six I've got

40:25

my attention span for an hour and a half to

40:27

watch a film and then you I actually miss I

40:29

sort of get there try yeah the film starts at 20 past 2

40:32

I arrive at 20 past 2 all right and

40:37

I get my snacks and I do and generally

40:39

it takes 15 minutes 20 minutes and

40:42

then that's yeah cuz like you say it's just

40:44

too much no just too

40:46

much Belinda Clifford says we

40:48

had struggled with money in the past but my son

40:51

always thought he deserved the finer things

40:53

in life the age of eight

40:55

I surprised him with

41:00

a posh villa for the week at

41:02

Center Parks when

41:04

when he walked in and I mean crazy

41:08

when he's walked in and took around look around

41:10

he said finally we're moving

41:12

up in the world good

41:16

good good response knows what he likes

41:18

he knows what he likes that's boy right

41:21

I'm gonna finish on a couple here Steve all right we've

41:24

got a couple of decent ones we've got

41:27

Kimberly Wilson who's seven year old

41:29

let out a massive burp at a table at

41:31

a Tenerife restaurant when she said Elliot

41:33

what do you say he said ah I needed that yeah

41:37

I had out the name Abigail

41:40

says I told my daughter off for laughing

41:43

at me when she's being rude and she replied

41:45

fine I'll just go laugh at you upstairs yeah

41:48

perfect perfect no comeback no

41:50

come up for that one good one from

41:53

Tracy greens little little

41:55

girl who's getting told off or something

41:58

for something she shouldn't do and say well

42:00

how am I supposed to learn from my mistakes if you won't

42:02

let me make any that's

42:05

twisted dread that's twisted dread

42:08

unbelievable that and Sally says my niece

42:10

yesterday was asked what she thought of grandma's food

42:13

that she made for teens she described it as

42:15

nearly delicious mmm

42:18

that's a good review isn't it really you

42:20

could take whichever word you want there you know

42:23

could be seen as a compliment and

42:27

Jody Harris says walking my kids to school

42:29

today I said oh my chin's freezing

42:32

my eight-year-old daughter replied

42:34

which was okay

42:39

so hit me with your best facts

42:41

is the game we play every single week

42:43

if

42:56

you

42:59

just join us for the first time it's essentially where

43:01

you send us your best fact

43:05

and we decide which ones the winner and the

43:07

winner gets a Jason Manford show mug if

43:10

you can wow us with the food but what the parameters

43:12

Steve what do we want from these facts ideally

43:14

we want we don't want the full facts unless it's amazing

43:16

and it can only be shown in full fact form but

43:19

we want something that tickles our fancy

43:21

enough that we want to Google it and

43:23

we also like something that's topical so

43:26

you know we can start looking at you

43:29

know the end of the bonfire ones

43:31

we've sort of done those we're not going to Chris so there's

43:33

nothing happening at the minute is there you know going

43:36

into Christmas you know I'm a celebrity

43:38

fact I don't know what is happening this time of

43:40

year this is a weird time yeah

43:43

yeah okay I like it good good

43:46

good set of rules for the pit with

43:48

your best facts all you got to do is email was Jason

43:50

absolute radio dot-co.uk Peter

43:53

Long starts us off Steve okay

43:55

it would take a human 12 days to

43:58

consecutively count to one million

44:00

okay how long

44:03

would it take what today that's

44:05

what he's the state of fact yeah

44:07

yeah what do I days 12 days

44:10

yeah to consecutively count to a million

44:12

however it would take them eleven

44:16

thousand five hundred and seventy

44:18

four days to consecutively count to a

44:20

billion

44:22

okay 12

44:24

days you could do in two weeks counts

44:26

a million in two weeks if

44:29

you lose you know if you forget your number you know 8

44:33

747 and 92 hey Dave you want a cup of tea? someone says a number at

44:35

you yeah 4 7 2 4

44:49

7 1 2 3 Sean

44:51

Ben says the actor Michael Keaton's real

44:53

name is Michael Douglas oh

44:56

interesting that's good isn't it so we have to change

44:58

it I guess because it was already a Michael Douglas

45:00

they would have been Michael Douglas would have been before

45:02

and wouldn't they want a Michael Douglas? say so. Oh baby

45:05

isn't it? of course before

45:08

they were nepo babies yeah

45:11

they were called they were called acting dynasties

45:13

in the olden days yeah but the same thing

45:16

in it it's just a different you know world's

45:18

a bit meaner now the world

45:20

is meaner yeah yeah

45:22

Don Tower that's a good name Don

45:25

Tower Don Tower he'd like

45:27

to build anything I just think you know

45:30

or if there's you know somebody's rescuing this hostage

45:32

situation at the top give me Dan

45:34

Tower it's a problem

45:37

action hero doesn't it yeah it does

45:39

it also sounds like you know we do sometimes do this sort of

45:41

etymology of where the name

45:44

of names yeah that you can you

45:46

know what house he lived in don't you know

45:49

massive house where's Don? he's

45:51

out by the lake Don

45:53

lake? No not Don Lake that's he's

45:56

out by the river Why?

46:01

He's gone for a walk, isn't he? I don't, they don't have to

46:03

stay where their name is, mate. All

46:06

right. Yeah, well that's Sam

46:08

Walker for you. That's Sam Walker, he's always

46:10

never stopped standing still. Never stops, never stops. Don

46:13

tells us, Canada has over 90 million

46:16

liters of maple syrup in reserve.

46:19

Reserve. Just in case in reserve. Keep

46:21

though, does it keep? You have to keep it in the fridge once you've

46:24

opened it. I mean, I don't know how it works, but.

46:28

Yeah, I don't think mine's in the fridge. Once

46:30

you've opened it, that's the only fridge I've opened. What

46:33

about your honey? It's like honey, don't

46:35

you? And it just lasts forever, but I don't think it does. You have a little lot

46:38

in there, like the Philadelphia surprise. There'll

46:40

be a little. Oh, I'll flap. Oh, we

46:43

cleaned the fridge out the other day and there was some Philadelphia

46:45

in there. We were waiting for the Philadelphia surprise. The

46:48

foil hadn't even been punctured. It was completely

46:50

fine. Fine, yeah, it does last for a while though. Yeah,

46:53

we had to clean out the fridge there because there was

46:57

flies in it. It's

46:59

like not alive. No, like we are

47:01

alive. There were fruit flies, but I was like

47:03

how's that? Fruit flies again, I'm in Earth

47:05

this year. How fruit flies got inside

47:08

the fridge? I don't know, because

47:10

they've been buzzing around your bananas and your apples

47:13

to the point where you've gone right. Just put the apples

47:15

in the fridge and they're on there going, oh,

47:17

what's happened? It's gone cold. Yeah,

47:20

that's what's happened. Andy

47:23

says, did you know that France has 11 time

47:25

zones but China only

47:28

has one. France has got 11 time

47:30

zones. 11 time zones, isn't it?

47:32

France. Did you know that? I

47:34

didn't know. No, it's not,

47:37

is it? And China only has one,

47:39

but China's massive. I

47:41

thought, has France got 11 time zones? That's

47:44

it? I thought

47:46

it was an hour ahead. An hour ahead is what I thought,

47:48

yes. I don't

47:50

believe that. Because when you get to Spain,

47:53

it's still only an hour ahead. What, that's a, no.

47:56

I don't know. I

47:58

mean, sometimes when you go, drive from

48:02

over the border Portugal to Spain and

48:04

it goes up an hour because Portugal's the same time as us.

48:06

What on your phone does it go up? Yeah it just changes

48:08

across the stone. That's fair enough. But 11

48:12

different time zones. So we said

48:14

it's somewhere in France, it's 10am and then

48:16

somewhere else it's like 9pm.

48:19

That has piqued me interest because that can't be,

48:21

I don't know idea that was a thing. How

48:24

is that even possible? It's not that big

48:26

is it?

48:27

No.

48:28

Hmm

48:31

interesting. Alright.

48:34

Very good. Ian Lucas says in the USA

48:36

if your car boots is

48:39

big enough to fit a three-year-old child

48:42

in then there must be an unlocking

48:44

mechanism inside and must be visible in the dark.

48:46

We mentioned this last week. We did mention this but

48:48

they're all big enough to get a three-year-old child in

48:50

aren't they? I would say so. Why

48:54

only three-year-old children though? Why is that being, why

48:56

is that? Open your boot sir. He's

48:59

four. Oh on you wait sir. Have

49:01

a lovely day. Very

49:06

specific. Very specific.

49:09

Random. Izzy, as

49:11

give us a facts, he says the film Home Alone was

49:13

released closer to the moon

49:15

landing than it was today. Oh. She

49:19

said that Steve. What is it about 1989? It's

49:22

like 20 years. Yeah. It's not 20

49:24

years is it? No moon landing

49:25

from

49:26

1989. Oh

49:29

Steve I thought you were in

49:31

the 90s. That's what I'm saying it's more isn't it? Yeah

49:33

yeah sorry yeah. I thought you were like in

49:35

the 90s about what year. You know because sometimes you go oh you

49:38

know like in the 90s as if it was. Yeah

49:40

last week. Exactly. Yeah and now

49:43

it's like a themed event at a bar

49:46

in town.

49:47

Yeah. 90s night. Carol

49:50

Rockets. Again great

49:52

name.

49:53

Where'd you get that name from? Is

49:55

it something exciting like an actual rocket or

49:57

was she just always going around rocking things? Maybe

50:00

she rocked it. Yeah, yeah, she

50:02

was like big and big into music.

50:05

She was like yeah Maybe

50:07

that makes that This

50:10

is from her seven-year-old son Kai we know

50:12

we make no special Arrangements

50:14

no no child. Yeah, they get

50:16

treated the same as grown-ups on this show in this

50:19

game But Kai

50:21

says you're fat. Of course.

50:23

It's about fun Yeah, sometimes they get to the

50:25

number of it quicker. I think with the kids that's the that's the thing

50:28

You'd be disappointed if a seven-year-old wasn't

50:31

sending you in a fax back fart Yeah,

50:33

it was about anything else. Yeah, but we

50:35

are swayed go on carry us you fart

50:38

roughly 14 times a day Okay,

50:41

and each fart goes through your body

50:44

at seven miles an hour seven

50:48

Paced in it Goes

50:51

through your body. That's not what it that's not

50:55

I've done faster farts and that's yeah, but

50:57

if it goes through you believe oh You

51:00

said I see the air you guys it's the air as

51:02

it's traveling around. Okay. Yeah, you

51:04

know, just having a little light lights

51:07

change Yeah,

51:10

I wonder I'd love to know the measure the

51:12

speed of a fart as it leaves your backside

51:15

No, yeah, you get like a wind turbine next

51:17

to it for measuring Yeah

51:20

speed gun so that thing they have it Wimbledon when you went

51:22

to the serve Well, you're a Hawkeye

51:24

in your ass. I want that technology How

51:27

on that technology? No, not for not for on the line

51:30

for the speed or coaches for on

51:32

the line in it I want to be a are of I want

51:34

to be a are some be a are Yeah,

51:37

it works 14 times

51:39

a day so Steve is that accurate for you?

51:42

I feels like mine are more

51:45

condensed and Double

51:47

the power I'm gonna go with my face

51:49

seven seven good ones rather

51:51

than 14. Yeah, literally once

51:53

I Mean it's interesting

51:56

in what time of day they I think a lot more

51:58

mornings a good time Yeah,

52:00

yeah when you first get up, yeah. Yeah Yeah,

52:03

many people before they go to bed. Are they? No,

52:06

I don't think so. It's not it's not really a farty Hey,

52:08

anyway, we're bringing down the tone of the show and we

52:11

are I did yeah No, I

52:13

did to be fair kind is with we're grown

52:15

up. So we want to yeah, so basically we want to know the

52:17

fastest Must is

52:20

it the Guinness Book of Records? Yeah, he probably will

52:22

there's effort in there

52:28

Let's

52:31

finish off these facts even then pick a winner Okay,

52:34

so Alan Says you can

52:36

cook chicken by slapping it at 3725 point

52:42

nine five miles an hour Say

52:44

I'm not say that again slapping

52:46

it Say

52:52

how many times just says three thousand seven

52:54

and twenty five point nine five miles an hour. How do

52:56

you know this? But nothing travels

52:59

that speed Speed

53:01

is that speed does it get hot? Is that the point and then

53:03

it's maybe in a 70 degrees and the impact

53:06

just cooks the chicken in one slap Imagine

53:09

that you could just imagine going

53:11

to a restaurant like your saltbait. There's a

53:13

fellow there Yeah, do you want chicken?

53:15

He just puts on telling a bang That

53:19

was he was like one you would literally clean

53:22

up if you could see I go breast Yeah

53:24

bang here you go. Yeah, sorry,

53:26

mate. Did you know one penny penny? So I'll do another one bang

53:29

There's another one magic. That's not

53:31

magic. He's one of the lesser thoughts

53:33

about X-men He a chicken

53:35

slapper. Yeah, he doesn't make this he doesn't make the film

53:39

He's not even allowed. He's in the kitchen in the

53:41

mansion Yeah, yeah, but but

53:44

he cooks the food that keeps them going throughout

53:46

the day exactly. Yeah again,

53:49

I Wonder

53:51

if he could just line up all those chickens and then

53:53

run along What just like

53:56

my line high five chickens and

53:58

then some is a banquet and then

54:00

Wolverine comes in. Where's my chicken? It's

54:03

a good guy to have at a barbecue because you're never sure if it's cooked.

54:05

Does that look cooked in your gut? Did I have a look?

54:08

Yeah. Master. It is now.

54:11

Harriet Biddle says a snail can

54:13

sleep for three years.

54:15

Lazy. Lazy lady

54:17

of a tale. What

54:19

were you ever waking up and going, Oh what have

54:21

I missed? Not my mate,

54:23

you've missed me. Martin,

54:26

uh, Martin flouts. Again,

54:29

good name. I think we know what

54:31

his answer is. Every single argument

54:33

just flouts out all the rules.

54:37

Americans on average eat 18

54:40

acres of pizza a day. 18 acres?

54:43

Each. Not each. An

54:45

average. No, he says Americans. I

54:48

don't know how big an acre is. I'm not foshing

54:51

up. We're eating double-decabuses

54:53

of football pitches. We know this, we've said

54:56

this before. We have football pitches about an acre.

54:58

Okay, well just say football pitches then. Why

55:00

are you trying to be clever? Exactly,

55:03

they'll give us real measurements. We measure

55:05

things. Sounds like one of those lottery minutes. Yeah, at least

55:07

it's the ass we've bought with a lot of it, man. And

55:09

we've got a 12 football pitches worth

55:11

of land. Right,

55:17

so we've got all those facts there, Steve. We need to

55:19

pick a winner. 12 days to consecutive

55:21

accounts for a million, according to Peter. Michael

55:24

Keaton's really called Michael Douglas, the Sean

55:26

Don Tower. Told us about 90 million

55:28

litres of maple syrup in Canada, just in case,

55:30

in reserve. France has 11 time zones,

55:33

but China only has one, according to Andy. In

55:35

the USA, if your car boot is bigger than

55:38

a 3-year-old, it has to have a

55:40

button on the inside. I don't know, I'm laughing at that, it's a very serious offence.

55:43

Izzy says the film, Holo was released

55:45

close to the moon landings, and it was today.

55:47

Kai told us that you fart roughly 14 times

55:50

a day, and it travels through your body at 7 miles an hour. You

55:53

can cook a chicken by slapping it at an incredible speed. A snail

55:55

sleeps for three years, and Americans

55:57

on average eat 18 acres of maple syrup. of

56:00

pizza a day. Some great facts

56:02

there Steve. All good really. Tricky

56:05

isn't it? I'm thinking chicken slapper because

56:07

I want to know more about this. Yeah

56:09

you want the chicken slapper? I need to know more about it. I

56:12

want to see the evidence. I wonder if anyone

56:14

could do it with a machine. You know

56:17

what I mean? Yes I want to know about that as well. I want to see it in

56:19

front of me. Just get us, you know. Right.

56:22

I'm going to look into it for next week. Which would be

56:24

like us but we'll see. Yeah I'm

56:27

going to look into it for next week and I

56:30

want to know more about the chicken slapper at 3,725.95 mile an hour.

56:33

Jason Manfred is

56:36

your mug. Head in to you Alan Evans.

56:40

Some good facts. If you want to join in next week you can

56:42

email me at jasonatabsoluteradio.co.uk. Good

56:47

morning. It's Jason Manfred on Absolute

56:52

Radio. Where real music matters. Thanks

56:54

for joining us this morning here on Absolute Radio. What

56:56

have you got planned for the rest of your week Steve? I'm

56:59

just trying to, one of our cats went missing

57:01

for two months and we got him back the other day. No

57:04

way. He was in somebody else's

57:06

house. Don't feel sorry for him. He was clearly in somebody

57:08

else's house. The woman rang me and said we've just

57:11

seen him at the top of the stairs. Not on the garden,

57:13

at the top of the stairs. Anyway, we're

57:16

keeping him in until after Christmas now and he's literally,

57:18

I'm in the room with him now, staring at me like he's in

57:20

a hostage situation. I bring his

57:22

food up like a butler just to make him feel at home

57:24

again. So that's what I'm doing. I'm

57:27

bottling for a cat. That

57:29

sounds a lot of fun.

57:31

I'm off to Gibraltar this weekend

57:33

for a couple of gigs in a cave. Nice.

57:36

Yeah, it's just

57:38

what I do. I

57:41

am about to start rehearsals for

57:43

Jack and the Beanstalk in Manchester, doing the panto

57:45

for a second year. So come along

57:47

to that at the Manchester Opera House and my tour

57:49

is on sale as well so that starts the

57:52

end of next year. Have a lovely Sunday, enjoy your week.

57:54

See you again. Bye bye.