0:02

Jason Manford.

0:04

Absolute Radio. Where real music

0:06

matters. Good morning, it's

0:08

the Jason Manford Show on Absolute Radio.

0:11

How you doing? Hope you're very well this Sunday morning.

0:13

Steve Edge is here. Good morning.

0:16

How are you? Morning fella. I'm very well, how are you?

0:18

I'm good. What's the weather like there? It's

0:21

got to be sunnier this now, isn't it?

0:23

God, mate, it is absolutely beautiful.

0:27

How's it down there? It's

0:30

still red hot. There's a bit of

0:32

wind, so you can't go kayaking. Oh

0:35

yeah, you're Gozo, yeah, sorry, yeah, of course. I'm a Gozo

0:37

guy. Yeah, every now and again they predict a thunderstorm

0:40

and it just hits Malta. It sort of misses Gozo,

0:42

because it's so small, you know, there's

0:44

only about 50 raindrops that can land on it. So

0:48

it just goes round it. So

0:51

we must be like similar weather to you then at the moment?

0:53

I think you are. I think you're having a bit of a balmy

0:56

time of it, aren't you? Yeah, we were like 20, I

0:58

think we were like 28 yesterday. I

1:00

was talking 32, I heard something at some point. I

1:03

think today, yeah, yeah, 33, 37. We're pre-recording this in

1:05

the week, so obviously we don't know what the weather's like on Sunday

1:07

morning. But I think it's going to be another

1:10

scorcher on Sunday to be honest.

1:11

That time we got our summer just as the kids

1:14

go back. Yeah, well finally

1:16

you can get to sit outside and have a gin and tonic, but

1:18

obviously you've got to go and get them from school. Turn

1:21

up hammered at half three. Sorry,

1:24

it was the first day back. Which one's mine

1:26

now? You called her a what? Oh, that's

1:28

awful. Anyway, it's only laughing at. Just

1:31

do that. So you've not

1:33

had to do any of that, have you? Yeah, I'm

1:35

in the process of, so I finished

1:39

Wizard of Oz last Sunday. And

1:41

then this week I'm just spending

1:44

that time of like, right,

1:45

what have we not got? You know, and

1:47

suddenly they go, and then they give this list. I

1:49

tell you what, whoever makes school uniforms

1:52

must be a billionaire,

1:54

Steve. Yeah, I know. I

1:57

mean, obviously I've got a lot of kids to buy uniforms for, but my goodness.

1:59

But they grow out of it so quick

2:02

as well. So quick, it's an absolute

2:05

swizz.

2:07

Mmm, I know, I know. There's only one

2:09

shop that you can get it from, really. Yeah, there's

2:11

always one shop. You've got to make an appointment

2:13

these days as well.

2:14

And the people in that shop, generally

2:17

I've found, are not the best at customer

2:19

service. Because they don't have to wait. What you going to

2:21

do? Go somewhere else then. What you going to do?

2:23

Exactly. What beers are like? There's

2:25

no risk. There's no risk, you know, in any other shop.

2:28

There's a risk that those customers might not come back. Well

2:30

we have to come back to your shop because you're on these proper ties. Get off

2:32

Amazon instead. No, you can't get it off Amazon

2:34

instead. This is the only place that sells it. So

2:37

yeah,

2:37

corner of the market. I'm an absolute

2:40

monopoly. What is it? Is it Mafia

2:42

owned you think? Do you think Mafia do all the...

2:45

The uniforms? Triads. Yeah,

2:47

I get an idea. Maybe we

2:49

do some pause uniforms. What?

2:53

I'm glad. C of E. I'm

2:56

glad you did the Mafia and not the Triads, Steve.

2:59

Yeah, no, we didn't do Triads. I'm really pleased

3:01

that... Well I'm in Gozo, isn't it? This

3:04

is very close to Sardinia. I think it's a former Mafia

3:07

island, I think. Yeah, well that's where

3:09

Godfather's from, isn't it? Sardinia.

3:11

Yeah, just up the road. Across the water.

3:14

Who knows? We're not good at facts.

3:16

We both know this. Let's not track the tent. No,

3:18

no.

3:20

We're not good at that. You're

3:23

very good at facts though. So if you

3:25

join us in the last hour of the show, we

3:28

do play Hit Me With Your Best Facts, which if you're

3:30

an early listener to the show you might sometimes

3:32

miss out on, where people send us the best

3:34

facts and we give out a little

3:37

prize. And you can just email us, Jason at absoluteradio.co.uk,

3:39

with you. And hit us with your best

3:41

facts. It's as simple as that.

3:45

This is Jason Manford. This

3:48

is Absolute Radio.

3:53

Hey, have you seen this story this

3:55

week about Roy King getting headbutted by a fella? I

3:58

sort of saw a bit of it. I didn't really... There's

4:01

like a two second footage isn't there? Yeah, yeah,

4:03

yeah. Mika Richards or something, but nothing. Nothing.

4:06

I've not seen anything else. You know the maddest thing about

4:08

it is, this fella, this Arsenal fan, has

4:12

gone to Ed but Roy Keane and

4:14

broke his own nose?

4:16

Is that what's happened? Yeah. I

4:19

mean, that is, I

4:21

mean, that's karma isn't it? I mean how hard

4:23

is Roy Keane? Yeah. But

4:25

your chin though, it's the worst bit to go for

4:28

isn't it? It's all bone. You

4:29

know what I mean? Yeah, it's just silly isn't it? I

4:31

mean, yeah. Also, he's not massive

4:33

is he Roy? He's not like 6'4", and you

4:36

know, he's aiming for his face and his chin. So

4:38

how small is the fella?

4:40

Well, yeah exactly, I don't know. In

4:43

the paper it said he launched a bungled

4:45

headbutt, which

4:48

ended up hitting him in the shoulder.

4:50

Broke his own throat. What do you think the best outcome of that would

4:52

have been? Yeah.

4:55

Never going to go well is it? Is

4:57

that mean? I mean, of

4:59

all, I mean, and also you're

5:01

in corporate hospitality. If you're sat

5:03

near Roy Keane.

5:05

Yeah. You know, he's not in the, he's

5:07

not out there is he? With the oi-baloy.

5:09

He's been having his prone sandwiches, hasn't

5:12

he? He's in the little shoes, isn't he? Was

5:14

he commentating on the game was he?

5:15

Well maybe they watched the game and

5:17

then, I don't know what he was doing, but I think they were

5:20

in hospitality.

5:23

And apparently,

5:25

well, in here he says that, you

5:27

know, they said that Keane had

5:29

hurled abuse at fans. I can't, I don't know

5:31

if I can, I don't know, can it really?

5:34

I can't believe that Roy Keane. I know Roy Keane's,

5:37

maybe. Yeah, but that's

5:39

the thing about football, isn't it? Like, we've

5:42

got this thing, aren't we, where we can literally

5:44

say whatever we want to footballers

5:47

about them, their wives, their mums.

5:49

Their eyesight. Their eyesight. Their

5:51

eyesight. Literally anything.

5:54

Their sexuality, their hair,

5:57

their lack of hair. We can,

5:59

whatever you want to say.

5:59

A few rules in place, but yeah. Yeah, I

6:02

mean, certainly, you know, you

6:04

know, racism and all those sort of things, of course, those

6:06

are stamped out. But after that, the

6:09

abuse that footballers get is

6:11

pretty off the scale. And yeah, the

6:13

second one footballer turns round

6:16

to a fan and does anything back,

6:18

they get in massive trouble. Mm, that's

6:21

it. Hey, did you see him? Did you see him?

6:24

He's shouting back at us. I think you should just go,

6:26

right, all bets are off. Anyone can shout at anyone if

6:28

that's what you wanna do.

6:29

Yeah, if that's the rules, if we're throwing coins

6:31

and lighters and shouting stuff, let's

6:34

just make it like the gladiatorial sort of pitch. Yeah,

6:36

if you throw a 50p onto the pitch,

6:39

then a load of fans get to

6:41

get you, put you in the middle, and then the football you aim at. It's

6:43

halftime entertainment, isn't it? Half-time entertainment.

6:46

You just bring your man, go. You're putting in some stocks, and

6:48

then the footballers are allowed to throw lighters and

6:51

50ps at your head. The actual players.

6:53

Let's pitch it, let's pitch it. I

6:55

think FIFA might go for this. The

7:00

FA would, I think it's a good idea. I think

7:02

so. It's all about money, isn't it? So yeah, if that's the way

7:04

it's going. I'd say so. Jason

7:06

Manford.

7:12

Absolute radio. Where real music matters.

7:14

Oh, do you know what I've done, Steve? I've

7:16

washed my face the other day, and

7:19

I've washed it too vigorously.

7:21

Okay. Face, yeah? My

7:23

face, yeah. Okay, just checking. What

7:26

else is it gonna be? I don't know. I've

7:28

washed my face too vigorously, and my

7:31

little fingernail has gone up my nose and

7:33

cut the inside of my nose. That's

7:37

what Mr. Bean would do. I've

7:39

never done that. How vigorously were you

7:41

washing your face? Like, you know, obviously

7:44

it was like when I was finishing... No, I get, yeah.

7:46

And you can't see, because you've got soap in your

7:48

eyes, so you can't really see where your hands... I've got

7:50

like glue on my face and all that sort of stuff

7:52

from when I was doing the show. And I just, and

7:55

as you're sort of moving your hands up and down,

7:57

I'm doing it now, even

7:58

though I'm on the radio. No, I can imagine it.

7:59

Yeah, yeah. And my

8:02

little fingers obviously slit down and then as

8:04

it's gone back up, full force up my

8:06

own nostril. Ooh, that's painful. But

8:08

the nail has cut me and now I've got like

8:10

a scab inside my nostril.

8:12

What have you been telling people? When people have said, what's wrong

8:14

with your nose? You go, I've got into a scrap, you know,

8:17

stage door, some lads. No, stage

8:19

door, yeah, before the kids and moms dressed

8:21

as Dorothy.

8:22

One of them went at me, so, bang, in the

8:24

next thing, you know. It was

8:26

funny, I did that stage door every day. I

8:29

think I missed one show, so it wasn't well, but

8:32

I did 84 stage doors, right, for about 20

8:35

minutes at the end of the show. Do as many, you know, you're trying to

8:37

do as many as you can. Yeah, yeah. There

8:39

is, most people are so lovely and

8:42

like they just wanna say hi and have a picture

8:44

and, you know. Yeah. And I try and go, after

8:46

that, is there any kids, send your kids up, because you don't want kids waiting

8:49

around at night and stuff like that, so certainly,

8:51

or in the day in the heat and stuff.

8:52

So try and get the kids done first. And

8:54

then I try and just do like myselfies with

8:57

other people, because there's too many people there, it's crazy.

9:00

Yeah.

9:00

There was one woman, one, who was like right at

9:03

the front. And I was like, right,

9:05

kids first. And she was like, well, I've been here longer.

9:08

I was like, yeah, what in life or just in today?

9:11

I was like, I said, I know, but I'm just gonna get the kids

9:13

done first, because, you know, it's a family show

9:15

and it's a kids show.

9:16

And she was like, I could see she was livid. Yeah,

9:20

that's not how the queuing system works. Because all these

9:22

kids were like pushing in, essentially. And

9:25

I was like trying to get them done. Obviously, I've gotta try and get some lunch

9:27

as well between shows and get, you know, see

9:29

my friends, all those sort of things that you've got to try and do as well

9:31

in between. And it's not part of, stage

9:34

knows,

9:35

it's not part of your ticket, is it? It's a

9:37

bonus. It's a bonus. It's a bonus. If

9:40

it happens on that particular day. And

9:43

she said the most passive aggressive thing after

9:47

about five minutes of me doing these pictures with these

9:49

kids, when she pushed in front of a 12 year old and

9:51

she went, I've been waiting

9:53

patiently.

9:55

Oh, dear. Do you think by saying

9:58

that, that's made... sounds

10:00

like she's been waiting patiently because it sounds like she's been

10:02

waiting. Doesn't sound like it, doesn't it? Yeah, impatiently.

10:05

Yeah, just tapping her watch, tutting. I

10:07

know, it sort of did make me want to just not

10:09

do one

10:10

for the first time. I don't want to

10:12

do one now. No, that's, yeah. Right,

10:16

we're going to play, we're going to do a bit of

10:18

questions for Steve in a second. If

10:20

you've ever got a question for Steve or for me, feel

10:23

free to email us

10:25

at anypoint, jasonatabsoluteradio.co.uk.

10:28

What sort of questions do we, are we good at, Steve?

10:30

What sort of questions do we expect from people? I

10:32

think sort of navely disputes,

10:35

sort of boundaries, I think we, you know,

10:38

like physical boundaries and emotional boundaries.

10:41

I think we cover all of those ranges.

10:43

I see us as a kind of, like

10:45

we've always said, like a cross between

10:47

Mystic Meg, Justin Topper

10:50

and maybe Ross King, you

10:53

know, off the rain in the morning. Yeah,

10:55

yeah. Yeah, we know a bit about everything. So

10:57

sleepy, such a sleepy man. So tired

10:59

in front of the, it's four o'clock in the morning here.

11:02

Four o'clock in the Hollywood backdrop. That's

11:05

just a backdrop. You could do that from Scotland. No,

11:07

no, I was out last night with Jennifer Aniston.

11:09

You weren't.

11:14

He's

11:16

got a touch of the ken-bruse up there, Ross

11:19

King. He has a little bit, a little bit of ken-bruse. That

11:21

was out 12 Jennifer Aniston last night.

11:24

A bit of Aniston and a mat le blanc.

11:28

Just starts from friends. They

11:30

all act around together, don't they? They're

11:34

friends in real life.

11:35

Yeah, I think so. I reckon

11:38

so.

11:39

Questions for Steve,

11:43

questions for Steve, questions for Steve, questions

11:46

for Steve. Right.

11:48

Questions for Steve, questions for Steve, questions

11:51

for Steve. One jump. Questions for

11:53

Steve. Yeah, there it is.

11:56

Do you know what's funny is? Because we're

11:58

not in the same studio. Obviously

12:02

it's recorded in such a quality

12:04

that it sounds like you're doing it live. It

12:08

just makes me laugh every time that you're waiting

12:10

for the music, like counting yourself in. I

12:14

have to throw, yeah, and then go for it. And

12:18

the high bit. Yeah, I have to give myself up for

12:20

that bit. That's not been

12:22

sort of, you know, auto-tuned or pitched up or anything.

12:25

That's really... We've

12:28

got an email here from Brian in Hong Kong,

12:30

Steve. Ooh, that's...

12:31

He's x-stop poor. Oh, he's x-stop

12:33

poor. Oh, okay. All right. There's

12:36

the link. Not so... Hi, Steve.

12:39

Oh, this is right up your street, Steve. We are

12:41

planning a kitchen renovation. Okay,

12:44

okay. And my wife has made

12:46

arrangements for the builder to visit. The problem is

12:48

that he has the loudest voice ever,

12:51

and probably even louder than the world's

12:53

record burp that he played last week, he says. He

12:56

shouts about everything. I had to go

12:58

into the bedroom. I could still hear him. What

13:00

makes it worse is that he shouts in Chinese,

13:03

which I don't understand. I suggested to my

13:05

wife, we get a new builder. She... She...

13:08

What's he shouting? Does his wife understand Chinese?

13:11

Does anyone understand Chinese? You

13:14

don't believe one of them does.

13:15

I'd like to think so. If

13:18

they're just going, we're thinking about knocking this wall down, and he's just shouting

13:20

in Chinese, and they're going, is that you for it or against

13:22

it? I don't know. Write it down. Oh,

13:24

that's made it worse. I don't know.

13:27

Brian suggested that we get

13:29

a new builder, but the wife suggested that

13:31

he does the renovations himself. What

13:33

do you suggest? Hang on. Brian

13:36

suggested... He said, let's just get

13:38

a new builder, a quieter builder, so we're told

13:40

rather than shouts. I mean, they're

13:42

there a long time, aren't they?

13:44

You're not going to necessarily

13:46

get on with them, but you've got to tolerate

13:49

each other. They're in your space,

13:51

aren't they?

13:52

I mean, because if you work from home and you're

13:55

upstairs, there's volume, somebody's shouting

13:57

in Chinese.

13:59

I think... Did you get that?

14:02

I wouldn't recommend doing it yourself. No.

14:05

I did that. It's not... I wouldn't

14:07

recommend that. It wasn't fun, was it? No. I

14:09

didn't. I'm still doing bits of it. And

14:12

you sometimes just wander around your kitchen shouting in

14:14

Chinese.

14:15

Yeah.

14:18

I don't record it because it would be bad.

14:20

No, yeah, you can't. Because I don't speak Chinese. It's

14:24

very generic, Jack. No, I think so, though. So

14:26

that's interesting. I

14:29

obviously do it quite well. Yeah, it's good

14:32

enough. Yeah.

14:34

Yeah, I'd say don't do yourself. I'd say I

14:36

think it is time for a new builder. If he is

14:38

a bit... If you've already worked out... They're

14:41

not there two days, are they? He's

14:43

not just come to change a couple of sockets over.

14:45

He's doing a kitchen. He's going to be there. He's going

14:47

to be there six to eight weeks. You need...

14:50

I think, Brian, you might have

14:53

to overrule here and just go, do you know what? I've

14:55

got another... At least get another quote.

14:58

Yeah. A couple of quotes. What if the next

15:01

guy comes in? He's even louder.

15:03

Yeah, but what if the next guy comes in, he's

15:05

quieter, but he's got... He's

15:07

a more expensive quote.

15:09

Yeah.

15:10

He's so quiet you can't understand him.

15:12

He's a whisperer. Yeah.

15:15

So knock the wall down. Did he say knock

15:17

the wall down? Or leave the wall?

15:19

I can't hear what he's saying. He

15:22

said, like, you're going to walk. I

15:24

didn't want those kickboards. I thought he said he did.

15:27

No, I never said I did. You don't

15:29

want a whisperer building up. No. If I was

15:31

the loud builder, and I

15:34

knew he was seeking other builders, I

15:36

would hire an actor to come in and be even

15:38

louder and more annoying. Maybe on stilts

15:40

or something, on a unicycle, with

15:43

a horn, and then they'll

15:45

go back to him. That's what I'd do.

15:48

Yeah, that would be... But that's not the question, is it? None

15:51

of that is

15:53

irrelevant. OK. It's

15:55

all irrelevant. Yeah, true. For

15:59

all three hours, let's be honest.

15:59

Yeah,

16:02

I think we're gonna, I think Brian, I think you're right there,

16:04

Paul, I think it's time for New Builder because those people are in your

16:06

space and you've got a good one. Long

16:08

time.

16:15

Little story in the paper this week,

16:17

Steve. How much are you paying for

16:19

fishing ships these days? It's not

16:21

cheap, is it? I seem to remember when I was a kid

16:24

it was like 35p for a bag of chips and

16:26

then whenever, better September they'd go.

16:29

New potatoes have been bought in so they've gone up to

16:31

40p and then they'd never go down again. I think

16:33

now a fish is about,

16:37

I'd say, 7 quid. Yeah.

16:39

And chips are about 3 quid, aren't they? 4 quid.

16:41

Yeah, it's just that. Is that what we're looking at?

16:44

I think it's best part of it, aren't they? Yeah. At

16:46

least. I'd say so. But

16:50

I guess it's just, it's become an expensive

16:52

trade, ain't it? You know what I mean?

16:55

Fish and all that. Cods not, you know. Demolition,

16:58

cod supplies and all that. And I live

17:00

by the sea, it's no cheaper. You'd think

17:03

it would be, wouldn't you? What, because they've got less

17:05

to travel. Yeah, it's just a sport from there

17:07

to here, aren't they? Yeah,

17:10

exactly. Well,

17:12

there was a newspaper story this week about

17:16

a woman who complained to a

17:20

fish and chip shop and was

17:22

sent quite the reply. The

17:25

classic meal, which was apparently a small

17:27

portion, was purchased by a woman

17:29

at the Oxton Bar & Kitchen in Merseyside

17:32

suburb of Prenton. Debbie

17:34

Davis said the fish and chips were

17:36

lovely, but she left the restaurant a

17:39

two-star review as she felt the meal should have

17:41

been cheaper.

17:42

So she's had like a mini fish

17:45

as she had chips. Yeah, but

17:47

how many fish is a fish, isn't it? You know what I mean?

17:50

But first, Davis took to Facebook and wrote, Lovely

17:52

foods, staff are amazing, but I cannot see how you

17:54

justify your prices. Small fish and chips, £8

17:57

plus. And it was small.

18:00

Okay, okay. However,

18:03

they replied.

18:06

They replied. I love when they reply. I

18:08

love when they reply to TripAdvisor. Oh,

18:11

it's so great. When you just say reply from the manager.

18:13

You just say someone's complaint and then you say on the

18:15

night you came in, you hadn't got a booking,

18:18

you were a hen night, you were drunk, you started smoking,

18:21

and then you punched a guy in the face. And

18:23

it's like a brilliant when the manager remembers it

18:25

all. The

18:28

average price

18:29

across the UK, Steve, is nine

18:31

pound now for fish and chips. Okay, right,

18:34

okay. Food

18:36

inflation, energy and fuel costs. Russia

18:39

invading Ukraine, it says, is one of the reasons.

18:41

Yeah, that'll put the price of vinegar up. That really will. And

18:44

that's put the price of everything

18:47

up. The cost of the ingredients

18:49

and the power to cook. So this is the

18:51

response on Facebook.

18:53

This is how it starts, Steve. Oh,

18:55

is it a little slower? I keep it better. Okay,

18:58

Debbie, where do I begin?

19:00

Oh, dear.

19:02

Out of that eight pounds, our nasty

19:04

government is charging you 20% VAT, which

19:08

we collect by law. It runs this fish

19:11

at John Bishop. Well, it said it was in

19:13

Merseyside, so. Oh, I just, nobody's

19:15

gone very to John Bishop. Oh, I... Yeah,

19:19

maybe I... No, you get some chips

19:21

from the shop. It's just turned into him. So

19:24

we're left with six pounds, 66.

19:29

So the left was six pounds, 66 on that, right?

19:32

Out of this, we need to buy the fresh

19:34

ingredients. One haddock filet.

19:37

Get a chef to make everything from scratch.

19:40

I mean, chef's quiet. A chef's stretching it a

19:42

bit. That's stretching it, but I don't understand. If you dip

19:44

fish in the batter and put it in the fryer, beep. Yes,

19:47

chef. I understand. I'd

19:50

like to go in a chip shop and go. Can I get a

19:52

steak and kidney pucker pie and some

19:54

chips? Steak and kidney pie and pucker pie. Yes, chef. I'd

19:57

like to... I'd like to... I'd

19:59

like...

19:59

I'd like to see that happen. This'll

20:03

be nice. Hanukkah

20:07

chips, I'm waiting on a Hanukkah chip. So, chef! Have

20:10

you warmed that sausage up? Yes,

20:12

chef. Yes, chef. Get

20:19

a chef to make everything from scratch. A

20:21

delicious beer batter, homemade

20:24

tartar sauce, mushy peas and

20:26

chunky chips. The whole cost

20:28

of ingredients for this plate comes to

20:30

roughly £2.70. This

20:33

leaves us with £3.94 for which

20:35

alas, our pesky chef expects

20:37

remuneration. I am a qualified chef.

20:40

Then we realise the lovely food doesn't

20:43

float to you, so we have to pay

20:45

amazing staff to serve

20:47

you and clear up after you. They continued.

20:50

Pay utility bills, we need gas to

20:52

cook, you need lights to see the food. And

20:55

don't get me started on business rates. So,

20:58

if £3.94 is not just a fireball

21:00

for creating and affording this whole experience with us,

21:03

you're welcome to recreate it in the comfort

21:05

of your own home. I doubt

21:08

it will be long before the government

21:10

find a way to tax that too. I

21:12

mean, I'm sort of on his

21:14

side when he said all that. I'm 100% on the side

21:17

of the fish and chip guy. When he said homemade tartar sauce, I was

21:19

like, well, he's got, he's not just a little

21:21

sachet. It's even more work on it. Exactly.

21:24

Homemade tartar sauce. Homemade tartar

21:27

sauce. Yeah, totally. Amazing.

21:32

I'm well on the side of the fish and chippy there because,

21:35

like I said, the average price in the country is £9. So,

21:37

it's already below average.

21:39

It's gone up. Don't

21:42

blame the fish and chip guy. Blame

21:44

Putin. You can't blame Bish

21:46

and Chips or whatever it's called, that shop, those fish and chips

21:48

shop. Bish and chips are big. Bish

21:51

and chips. Don't

21:54

come around here blaming me for

21:56

that.

21:57

Alright. Yes, chef.

22:01

And we wrote that song.

22:12

Yeah, Papenex

22:15

has stolen it. That's our copyright for ours that's been

22:17

stolen and taken back in time. Right.

22:20

Just blankety blank, we wrote that as well. And

22:23

that's well, yeah. If you've got

22:25

a best facts and you think you can win this, you can email me

22:27

jaytonatabsoluteradio.co.uk. What's

22:29

the criteria, Steve? What do we want out of these facts?

22:32

I just want something that sort of

22:34

peaks our imagination. So we go, we want to know

22:36

more. Sometimes people give us the full fact. Yeah.

22:40

Sometimes I think the ones that win are the ones that we're

22:42

desperate to find the answer to. Like

22:44

that fellow who had his portrait painted with a spike through his eye.

22:47

You know, stuff like that. Yes, yeah.

22:49

We always love a Lego fact. There was one week

22:51

when there was too many Lego facts. We're like an octopus

22:53

fact, you know. You love an octopus fact,

22:55

don't you? Do you love an octopus? We know that

22:58

one of the tentacles is no hand. What

23:00

is its penis? Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Never

23:03

looking at an octopus again

23:04

in the same way. Right, let's

23:07

crack through these. Dallas Buckley, this

23:09

is the best fact you'll get this week from

23:12

the American listeners on your podcast.

23:14

Okay. All right.

23:16

Sea urchins are called sea urchins

23:18

because hedgehogs used to be called urchins.

23:21

So sea urchins are basically called sea

23:23

hedgehogs. I mean, that is very good.

23:26

I didn't feel like that.

23:27

I do like that. So for hedgehogs? Why

23:30

do you think of them as hedgehogs? Because hogs, you think of a pig,

23:32

don't you? Yeah. Like living

23:34

a hedgerow. But like, where's the hog bit

23:36

come from?

23:37

I'd have kept urchin.

23:39

I'd have kept urchin, would you? Oh,

23:42

I see. So when people

23:44

saw a hedgehog, they used to be called... Why did they change that then?

23:47

I don't know. What if they're still

23:49

called urchins? Some, you know, like, you

23:51

know, being Spanish or other

23:53

part, wherever, the hedgehog roams.

23:57

Yeah, it's like a very British thing, doesn't it? I

23:59

feel like a hedgehog.

23:59

I feel like they're only in Britain.

24:03

I don't think anyone else has hedgehogs. I think they're ours. They've

24:05

only got one natural predator haven't they? It's like

24:07

the badger or something weird. Badgers just

24:09

do not like the hedgehogs. I don't know what they did to

24:11

them. Like I've said this

24:13

before, I've never seen a live badger. I've only

24:15

ever seen one at the side of the road. I don't know if

24:18

they're fast, I don't know if they can fly, if they can swim. I

24:20

don't know anything about them.

24:22

No.

24:24

John says, Bumblebees

24:26

can put their wings into neutral and

24:29

warm their body up by using wing muscles

24:32

and not flapping wings. This enables them to heat

24:34

up before any more pollen insects

24:36

are awake so they get to the flower before

24:38

anyone else.

24:40

That's good isn't it? That's very good. You've

24:42

got 10 minutes on bumblebees as well, haven't you? I

24:44

love a bumblebee fan, so I'm a big

24:46

fan of bumblebees with glasses on and a little cork

24:49

over the end of it. I think that was it. I

24:51

remember the cork, you reminded me there was a bit

24:53

about the cork. Yeah I remember that. Yeah. It's

24:57

because I did a routine about if

25:00

you could have any animal

25:02

the size of a pet and

25:04

everyone goes big to small, everyone

25:06

goes what about a giraffe or

25:08

an elephant, how good would that be to have the size of a dog?

25:11

And I was saying what a good one. It'd be all neck wouldn't it, a giraffe. Yeah

25:13

exactly. I was like wouldn't it be a pattern. You'd

25:15

pat your rubby's head. And then you'd go

25:17

and give it a rumper rub and you'd be like

25:20

oh it's too far away. Or just stay on the ears. Exactly.

25:24

Wouldn't it be better to just make a bumblebee bigger? That

25:26

was me planning. I feel like they'd be

25:29

fast if they were bigger. They're

25:31

fast but you know it's hard. Maybe they

25:33

stop working as well because they only work in a certain

25:35

way. Well they can't work it out anyway can they? No. Like

25:38

we said they look at it and they go

25:39

they shouldn't fly. We've looked at everything.

25:42

Yeah they do say that don't they? They work. Even

25:44

the scientist go I don't know what's going on. So

25:46

a big one. Maybe they'd be able to say more. Yeah exactly. This

25:49

is your job. I don't know. No

25:51

idea. Steve

25:54

says in Alaska it's illegal

25:57

to whisper in someone's ear while they're moose hunting.

26:00

It's here. That sounds like one of those... I

26:03

thought Moose something was illegal. Not

26:05

in Alaska. I thought it was. I

26:07

thought they were protected. I thought

26:09

they were like a national... Apparently Moose

26:11

is... What

26:13

would you... Do you want to put wild? Do

26:15

you want to print somebody's ear? Yeah. Don't

26:17

shoot the Moose. Don't shoot Moose. It's

26:19

high-get. Why you shoot that in the moose? Why you shoot

26:21

Moose? Right, I'm having you arrested

26:23

for that.

26:24

I'm having you arrested for that. Yeah, hello, please.

26:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bugs just whispered at me here while I was trying

26:29

to shoot Moose. Yeah.

26:31

All right. Yeah. How's

26:33

it going? Fucking being in jail for it? Yeah.

26:36

What are you in for? What are you in for, brother? I

26:39

just ran. My mate was Moose

26:41

something. Whispered his ear,

26:43

did you? Yes, I asked him if he wanted to. He

26:46

wanted to do a snack. He'd

26:48

been out all night. He said, you want a custard cream or

26:50

something? I've got something in my bag. What

26:54

about you? Murder.

26:55

OK. Dave

26:58

Garbert, did you know grapes

27:00

light on fire in the microwave?

27:03

No. Why have you told us that

27:05

now? They light on

27:07

fire,

27:09

and that's it.

27:10

We don't know anything else. He's not said there's a chemical

27:12

compound. He's not said why.

27:13

They light on fire, but they do.

27:16

They couldn't explode because they've got...

27:19

You'd have taken the bit off, so they've got a way

27:21

for the steam to come out when they eat it from the

27:23

inside. They light on fire. They

27:26

light on fire in the microwave. I just

27:28

want to also put out, if there's any kids listening or idiots,

27:32

don't do that.

27:34

No, don't put anything in the microwave that might set

27:36

on fire. That's just a general rule.

27:38

Michael says, since 1974, Air

27:41

Force One has taken off more times

27:43

than it's landed.

27:45

How does that work? How does that work? Wow.

27:50

I like that. Like, officially. Is it officially

27:52

takes off somewhere, but it unofficially lands, so

27:54

no-one knows where it's landed? Is that what it is? I

27:57

love it when you start thinking outside the box.

27:59

You just never know where your brains gonna go.

28:01

Right, we're off on a trip, where you going? Let's

28:04

say, Fala-Raki. We're

28:07

not gonna Fala-Raki. It's not crash, does it?

28:09

It's never crash, so it can't be. No, but they don't want, do they

28:11

not, they won't tell you where

28:13

they, they fly off from the

28:16

same place, I'd imagine, but they won't say where they're going

28:18

to because then people will go, right, let's get

28:20

a load of cannons at the airport and they're gonna land, I don't

28:22

know, maybe it's that. Sweet, here is this. Fire!

28:26

I just didn't wanna make it too barbaric, but.

28:30

Maybe that's what it is, maybe there's a landing

28:31

in places of secret, but I don't know. I'm

28:33

just trying to work it out.

28:35

That's making me wanna go, that is making me wanna Google

28:37

it. That could be up there. And

28:39

Gary McKay says, Teddy bears

28:41

kill more people each year than grizzly

28:44

bears.

28:46

What about vending machines? Oh

28:48

yeah, vending machines. Teddy bears kill more

28:50

people than grizzly bears, okay. How's that?

28:53

People tripping on them, isn't it?

28:55

Yeah, maybe, joking. Or did they come alive

28:57

when you were asleep and kill you? Well, yeah, everybody

28:59

knows they do, yeah. Everyone knows that. Especially

29:01

if you put grapes in the microwave. So if there are any

29:04

kids listening, don't be like, oh, I said

29:06

bear will come alive. Amy

29:10

says, Battersea Power Station once

29:12

generated so much heat, it

29:14

attracted 200 stray cats.

29:17

Well, just to have a little bit of warmth

29:19

by it. Yeah, they were like, oh, what's over there? That's

29:22

nice, isn't it? It's good, isn't it? Still

29:25

thinking about the grapes, if I'm honest, Steve. Yeah,

29:28

as well. Really

29:31

making me go, what is that? Why is that?

29:33

It's interesting when you think of Battersea, you think of the dog's

29:36

home as well, don't you? So there's all them cats just

29:38

kind of warm and all those dogs in care

29:40

have a cat for love, isn't it? Yeah, the power's

29:42

there. Power really shifted

29:44

there, didn't it?

29:48

Dominic from Norwich, who now lives in

29:51

Amsterdam.

29:52

The Netherlands, he says, is

29:55

the only

29:56

country to have eaten their

29:58

prime minister. That

30:01

is interesting. That is good. As

30:05

they say in the Netherlands, eat

30:08

smack a lick. Eat smack

30:10

a lick. Smack a lick. I don't know. I could have

30:12

said anything there. Could have sworn. Yeah, it could have done.

30:14

He's probably written it in a phonetic way. So

30:19

you've just said something really awful. Really offensive.

30:21

You know, premier. The

30:25

Netherlands are the only country that's eaten their

30:27

Prime Minister.

30:28

That is very good, isn't it? I want to know more about

30:30

that. That's good as well. This is

30:32

a strong week, man. Yeah,

30:36

yeah. Strong. Teddy

30:38

bears killing more people than grizzly bears. That's just...

30:42

Mmm, there's

30:44

some good ones. What about this one from Anna,

30:46

who says, The Bishop of Durham's rectum

30:49

is on display...

30:50

OK, hang on. The

30:52

Bishop of Durham's rectum. The Bishop

30:55

of Durham's rectum is on display

30:57

at the Hunterian Museum in London.

31:00

Gosh, that's a commute, isn't it?

31:02

Not the current one, though, yeah?

31:04

She doesn't say. All

31:06

right, it must be. I just presume he commutes.

31:09

Yeah. It goes down every night.

31:12

It's probably like... You can only view

31:14

it like Wednesdays and Thursdays.

31:16

Yeah. There's a big thing happening in Durham.

31:19

We need to sort out this... We're

31:23

going to talk about the roads here and the potholes and

31:25

all that. When's the meeting? Ah,

31:28

no, it can't be Wednesday, Thursday. I'm in London. Why?

31:32

Have they put an hole in a wall? Is

31:35

that how it

31:37

works? I

31:39

think that's how it works. That

31:42

sounds like his actual job. That's another

31:44

good one. Some solid ones there, guys. We've got

31:46

another

31:46

grizzly bear fact, Steve. Oh,

31:48

tell me one week. Two of them. Paul

31:50

Wood says, did

31:53

you know that if a polar bear and a grizzly

31:55

bear mate, their offspring

31:57

is called a pizzy bear or a pizgy bear?

31:59

or a grizzler. Where would they meet? Is

32:02

the important thing, isn't it?

32:04

In the middle? How they meeting?

32:05

Because you got somewhere. One of them is nuts. It'd have to

32:08

be Britain, wouldn't it? Because you got like a warm climate

32:10

and a cold climate. Yeah, Scotland. You'd

32:12

have to meet moderate temperature.

32:15

I think it'd have to be the Highlands. Is he just using

32:17

the laws of like dog breeding and gone,

32:19

Labrador, Poodle, Labradoodle? So

32:22

naturally grizzly bear, polar

32:24

bear, pisly bear. Has he just done

32:26

that? He literally just done

32:28

that. It does sound

32:31

like he's made it up. Because they don't, don't

32:33

they? They don't breed. We don't breed bears. But

32:35

they must do.

32:37

There must be somewhere in the world a

32:39

half polar bear, half grizzly.

32:42

I don't know how, but there must be.

32:44

No.

32:45

Very confused story, isn't it? Because you wouldn't know

32:48

where you belong to. And you know, like

32:50

it warmed, you like it cold. It's a... Yeah,

32:54

I don't know. I don't know how to call it. I don't know how it's...

32:56

A pisly. I'll go for the other

32:58

one, please. The

33:01

grizzler. That sounds pretty good, actually. Grizzler.

33:04

It'd be like a... What was the other one? Grover

33:07

bear? Would it be Grover?

33:09

Grizzly and a polar? Oh, I see. Yeah,

33:11

it could be a goallub. It was a pisly, wasn't it? Oh, yeah.

33:14

No, pisly bear or a grizzler.

33:16

Okay.

33:20

Not sure. I'd like to see one

33:22

though.

33:23

Yeah. John Cook, last one

33:25

of the day. Here we go. John Cook says, as

33:27

a young man, Dave Myers of the Hairy Bikers was

33:29

a makeup artist and painted the white stripes

33:31

on Adam Ant's face in the stand and

33:33

deliver video.

33:35

I mean, that is very good. I knew he

33:37

was a makeup artist, but I didn't know. Oh,

33:39

yeah. It was a TV makeup artist, I thought. I didn't

33:41

think he was doing pop videos.

33:45

No, I would have...

33:47

I feel like, you

33:49

know, Adam could do that himself. You know what I

33:51

mean?

33:51

Oh, really?

33:53

I don't really remember the... He

33:55

had it for about a year and a half, and then he had the

33:58

two little red stripes. and

34:00

Prince Charming you know so like it's not like

34:02

he would have done gigs he

34:04

could I don't know yeah I mean I'll

34:06

take it if it's true it's true I mean it's good

34:08

one all been checked that's very good I mean it's a better

34:11

fact that he used to be a make-up artist to say

34:13

one of the area bikers. Is that the one that's

34:14

just like a white one across his nose? yeah

34:17

straight across his face yeah I got thrown out of

34:19

a school disco for doing it when I was about

34:21

eight. Did you? Yeah.

34:24

Why did you get thrown out?

34:26

They didn't like that. They

34:28

didn't like your paint on your face. Oh

34:30

I see you just like used paint. I just done it myself

34:32

yeah I was just I was eight you know

34:35

we meant to just turn up and

34:36

drink one of those little plastic bottles that was full

34:38

of sherbet and do the Superman

34:41

to black lace. No no

34:44

I'm gonna

34:45

come straight through the window

34:47

like Adam Ant on a chandelier and

34:50

well it's probably that that got me booted. Yeah

34:53

that might be it. Well

34:55

some good ones there we'll pick a winner after this.

35:01

Okay

35:04

we need to pick a winner this week for Hit Me With Your Best Facts

35:06

I'll rattle through them very quickly Steve. Yeah.

35:08

It's been a strong week though let's be honest.

35:11

Yeah. And if you want to join in at any point

35:13

Jason at absoluteradio.co.uk. Sea

35:16

urchins are called sea urchins because hedgehogs used

35:18

to be called urchins so they're basically

35:21

you see hedgehog that was from Dallas Buckley.

35:23

John told us that bumblebees can put their wings into

35:26

neutral. In Alaska it's illegal

35:28

to whisper in someone's ear while a moose hunting according to

35:30

Steve. Dave told us that you

35:31

don't put grapes in the microwave

35:34

because they light on fire. Michael

35:36

told us that Air Force One has taken off more

35:39

times than it's landed. Gary McKay

35:41

teddy bears kill more people than grizzlies.

35:44

Talking of grizzlies Paul Wood told us do

35:46

you know that if a polar bear and a grizzly bear

35:48

mate they're called a grizzler or a pizzy bear. Amy

35:51

Leatherland told us that Battersea Power

35:53

Station once generated so much heat attracted 200 stray

35:55

cats. In the Netherlands it's the only

35:57

country that's eaten their own

35:59

Prime Minister according to Dominic the Bishop of

36:02

Durham's rectum is on display at the

36:04

Ontario Museum in London I've been

36:06

to Anna and John cook

36:08

told us that Dave Myers of the Harry Bikers was

36:10

once a makeup artist and painted the white stripes

36:13

on Adam Ants face So I

36:15

don't know where to go there. There's about four

36:18

or five winners there Well, we are running

36:20

out of got like three months left. So

36:22

it can't be four or five winners. I don't know Watch

36:25

which one do you feel that you'll drop into conversation?

36:28

Most I mean as

36:30

innocuous it is. I think the urchin one is very

36:32

good for that

36:34

Yeah, you are gonna go, you know

36:36

a job used to be called an urchin That's

36:38

why they see it But then I want to know why

36:40

the plane landed the Air Force one Takes

36:43

off morning land and I want to know about the Dutch

36:45

people eating their Prime Minister Yeah,

36:48

so all good on there Which one

36:50

do you think is the?

36:51

That's what should we go for? Mmm,

36:55

I don't know eat the Prime Minister because

36:57

it'd be a good story. What about the grapes

36:59

the microwave? I feel like we can't

37:02

choose that one just for the sake of them

37:04

to safety But I really don't

37:06

work it out because grapes have make wine Maybe

37:08

they ferment really quickly and it turns into alcohol

37:11

and the alcohol cats is on fire There's

37:14

a like instant Fermentation

37:17

is that the word? Yeah, probably

37:19

Mmm Okay

37:24

Yeah, I'm

37:27

going with the Dutch eating their

37:29

Prime Minister because I want to know how that happened and my

37:31

makeup artist at work is Dutch So I can I

37:33

can bring it up with him in about ten minutes So

37:36

what do you want to go with then? I'm gonna go with

37:38

that one the Dutch at the I'll pick the volunteer

37:41

Wow

37:41

out of nowhere the Netherlands the only country

37:43

that has eaten their Prime Minister Yeah, I wanna

37:45

know I wanna know exactly how that's happened Wow

37:48

the circumstances. I want to know all that

37:50

I

37:50

Was not expected to go with that one to

37:52

be honest, but I'll take it

37:54

I'll take it Did

37:57

the Netherlands eat their own Prime

37:59

Minister? Yes, they did, 1672.

38:04

It was obviously something

38:06

going on. Oh, the Dutch Republic in the mid 17th

38:08

century, yeah.

38:09

Johan de Witte, after

38:12

a series of negative events, yeah, you could

38:14

say that, in the 1670s, he

38:17

was murdered in the Hague on the 20th of August, 1672, and

38:21

then his killers at least partially ate him and

38:24

his brother.

38:25

Hang on, what have I done? Yeah,

38:30

you're his brother, so you're going on a bap and all. I

38:33

don't what? A bap.

38:35

I love his brother and chips. How

38:39

much? Belgian

38:43

popping over the board again. We invented chips,

38:45

all right, we know. Oh,

38:49

dear. All right, well, that's our winner. There's

38:51

your fat for this week. Dominic from

38:53

Norwich. Oh, Steve, now living in Amsterdam.

38:56

We've got to send that in internationally

38:58

now.

38:58

We're not in Europe anymore. Oh,

39:01

that's going to cost low. That's never going to get to him

39:03

in one piece. That's going to have gone on like a cargo

39:05

ship, tossed around everywhere,

39:07

not a chance. You might have

39:09

just sent him a shard of smashed cup. He'll

39:12

never know. We can keep the others

39:14

for people who don't live abroad.

39:19

If you want to join in next week, all you've got to do is email

39:21

us, Jason, at absoluteradio.co.uk.

39:26

Sunday mornings, 8-11. Jason

39:28

Manford on absolute radio.

39:31

Where

39:31

real music matters. I've noticed,

39:33

Steve, on our prep sheet that

39:35

we get sent by our producer at M, there's

39:38

now like a comebacks section,

39:41

and this is like emails when people have

39:43

been listening to the show and then emailed us about

39:45

something.

39:46

Oh, do you mean comebacks or do you mean complaints?

39:50

Somewhere in between the two. Yeah, somewhere in between

39:52

the two. More than Jason and Steve, this

39:54

is David Wainwright. I've been a weekly listener

39:57

since 2016.

39:59

and I support everything you do.

40:02

That's nice. Now for some reason, I

40:04

was not aware of the song Hit Me With

40:06

Your Best Shot. So imagine my delight and excitement

40:09

when it came on in my local pub. He's

40:11

never heard it. You thought we just made that up. Yeah,

40:14

I proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes telling everyone

40:16

how this band has ripped Jason and Steve Edges

40:19

and Gachi Ditty Hit Me With Your

40:21

Best Fact. Just as I was imagining

40:24

big copyright court cases, my bubble was burst

40:26

and ego dented when it was pointed out that the above

40:28

song was not the work of Steve and Jayce,

40:30

but a 1980 single by Ben Bannatar.

40:32

You live and learn.

40:34

This is like an episode of Good Night Sweetheart,

40:36

isn't it? When they go off. Yeah.

40:38

Half of his songs are being in My Fair Lady. You

40:40

know, they ripped him off the beat also all that. Yeah.

40:43

Yeah, he'd be livid, wouldn't ya? Yeah, I'm afraid

40:46

it's a classic song. Although I've got to say,

40:48

I think our jingle has ruined

40:50

that song though. You can't actually listen to it ever again without

40:52

hearing Steve

40:54

have a good old thing. Richard

40:56

Lightning as Messrs. Hi

40:58

Jay, Steve. We're coming back from the

41:01

Richard Lightning. Oh, great.

41:04

What a name. Great name.

41:05

Dicky Lightning?

41:07

Just Lightning.

41:07

Do you think he's fast? He's in that's

41:10

the reason he's not that. He might be an ironic nickname.

41:12

Oh, it's his real name, but imagine if he was really slow. Here

41:15

he comes, Dick Lightning.

41:16

Dick Lightning. Wow.

41:20

What a mental image that is, Steve. I know.

41:23

What a super power. Would you be allowed in the X-Men

41:25

mansion? I don't know. What's

41:28

your special power? Right. I

41:30

will watch this. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

41:32

Put your pants back on. What are you doing? I

41:35

think Jason.

41:39

Go

41:42

have a worm of the Avengers, you're not for us. Wait

41:47

till you see how I get thunder. We don't want to know.

41:50

No, sorry. You know.

41:51

Richard says, we're

41:53

coming back from an evening fishing session.

41:56

An evening fishing session? That's going to make it harder, isn't

41:58

it?

41:59

No, they do, don't they?

41:59

They sit there all night sometimes, don't they?

42:02

Yes. Yeah. You

42:04

can't see anything.

42:05

Your broad starts moving, doesn't it? There's

42:07

a glow from the moon and I think they probably work it with

42:10

moon and tide tables and all that. They

42:12

know what they're doing. They just rock up.

42:14

Coming through

42:17

Mosborough in Sheffield, my mate Andrew and

42:19

I couldn't believe our eyes when there was a wallaby

42:21

hopping down the road towards our vehicle.

42:24

What? Sheffield. Wallaby?

42:28

Andrew said, Richard, am I hallucinating? I

42:31

said definitely not. I like the way he's written. He's

42:33

written like a full script here. Yeah.

42:37

The wallaby then hopped off behind

42:39

a parked van. I called S.Y.P.

42:42

and spoke to the police and the lady taking

42:44

the call asked me if I'd been drinking.

42:46

This was around 3am,

42:48

to be fair. She said I'll send a couple

42:50

of officers to investigate. I then received a call

42:52

at 3.45 from the lady who took my call earlier and said

42:54

the wallaby has been spotted by the officers and

42:56

she apologised for not believing my report. Imagine

42:58

somebody on the... On 9.99 giving

43:01

it to you. You better ring and apologise

43:03

to him.

43:03

That's the bit I like. Yeah.

43:07

It was then captured today's later. Yeah,

43:10

what service do you require? I don't

43:12

know, police. I think probably police.

43:16

Maybe. It's not fire. It's

43:18

not fire. No one's injured. No one's injured.

43:20

Yeah, a little police. Yeah.

43:23

It was returned to a family's

43:26

home where the wallaby had escaped. I thought

43:28

it was just going to be like a grey end hopping

43:30

or something. No, it was actually a wallaby.

43:33

No?

43:34

Yeah.

43:35

That is mad, isn't it? So random... What

43:37

you say, I would believe those random neighbourhood WhatsApp

43:40

messages. That must be a reference to something we talked about

43:42

a while back then. Are

43:44

you allowed to have a pet wallaby then? Is

43:46

that a new thing? I don't know if you are,

43:49

you know. That seems not right.

43:51

But then the police investigated it, so if you weren't,

43:53

they'd have arrested them, wouldn't

43:55

they? Isn't that sort of dangerous animals

43:57

act passed in 1969 or something?

43:59

Nobody's not dangerous. No, I know, but it's

44:02

like not all just dangerous, but dangerous

44:04

and sort of going extinct. Before

44:07

like sort of 1966, I think you could buy somebody

44:09

like a baby snow leopard for

44:12

the 21st birthday. Oh, see, all like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like

44:14

an owl in one of those long tubes,

44:16

those cardboard tubes, and you go thunk, and it just falls out the

44:18

bottom. You could buy an owl for somebody. I don't

44:20

even do that anymore, a wallaby. No,

44:23

I don't think so either. I think your

44:26

wallaby's endangered as well, so maybe. It's

44:28

endangered, yeah, yeah, so. Yeah, so.

44:30

Well, there you go. That takes

44:32

all sorts on this show. If you've got any questions for us, anything you

44:34

want to come back to us on, you

44:37

can email me, Jason at absoluteradio.co.uk.

44:39

["The Daily Show"] Jason

44:42

Manford. Absolute Radio.

44:45

We're Real Music Matters.

44:47

Good morning, it's the Jason Manford Show on Absolute

44:49

Radio, and earlier this week, I was

44:51

chatting to top stand-up comedian, Mike

44:53

Babiglia. How you doing? Yeah, pretty good,

44:56

man. Nice to talk to you at last. You too. Really

44:58

lovely. I know we've got lots of mutual comedy

45:00

friends, and it's, you

45:03

just worked with John Bishop, didn't you? Well, John Bishop

45:05

met you in New York. It's kind of the equivalent

45:07

of the comedy store

45:09

in London, is the comedy seller

45:11

in New York, and that's where he and I were doing stuff. Yeah,

45:13

I played it, yeah, yes. And he was- Yeah, it's

45:15

a lovely little room, isn't it? It's great, yeah, great room, and what

45:17

a nice guy and hilarious.

45:19

So you've just done the Edinburgh Festival. Yeah.

45:22

A couple of days up there. How was that? That

45:24

can't be your first time in Edinburgh. Yeah, people were

45:26

very surprised because that I haven't

45:28

been there. Okay, so since 2008,

45:31

I did my first solo show, Sleepwalk

45:33

with Me, and essentially, everyone in my life said,

45:36

oh, you should go to Edinburgh. I'm sure I'm saying

45:38

that wrong, but you should go to Edinburgh. This is

45:40

looking good. That's what I used to. Yeah, Edinburgh.

45:43

Edinburgh is what I landed on. Edinburgh, yeah.

45:46

I just know it's wrong,

45:48

but much respect to you. People

45:50

have always said you should go there, but then what would happen

45:53

was, I would know some people, like

45:55

Demetri Martin, for example, who had a great

45:57

experience, won an award, and it

45:59

was a runaway.

45:59

And then there

46:02

was the other end of the spectrum, which was a majority

46:04

of the people I know who went broke and

46:07

couldn't get four people to their shows and all this kind of

46:10

stuff. And I think there was a part of

46:12

me that was like, I can't stomach it

46:14

somehow. Yeah, no, it is one of

46:16

those places which can make or break you

46:18

financially and also as a person,

46:22

just your soul. No, that's what I've

46:24

heard. Yeah,

46:25

I just feel like I'm gonna go every year from now on.

46:27

Like I feel like I'm a complete and total

46:30

addict. I think Edinburgh really suits your

46:32

style of comedy as well, which is people who are willing

46:34

to listen

46:35

for an hour as well, rather

46:37

than like, in the first

46:39

two minutes, they're not like, what's going on? They're

46:42

ready to go, okay, we've invested in this hour.

46:44

Yes. To see where it takes us. And that's what's

46:47

lovely about it. It's really great. And

46:49

the other person who's been urging me to go for years is our

46:51

mutual friend, Jimmy Carr, who I think, I

46:53

wanna say he goes every year or at least every

46:56

other year. Yeah, he does a lot.

46:58

I mean, Jimmy's on a perpetual tour because

47:00

as we both know, he's part AI,

47:02

I think. So he doesn't need time between

47:05

tours to write a new tour. He's

47:09

the original AI. When

47:13

a baby says, oh, at least AI can't write jokes

47:15

yet. You're like, have you met Jimmy Carr? He's

47:18

QI meets AI. Hey,

47:21

that'd be a good show for you to do while you're in. They're

47:24

filming QI. Oh my God, kidding me, I'd

47:26

love to.

47:27

Are you the booker? Are you the booker?

47:29

Are you the person I'm not personally supposed to go through? I'm not. No,

47:31

but I can put in a word. I can put in

47:33

a word. Please. Well,

47:36

excited about that. I mean, you are, and

47:38

this is not me blowing smoke. You are genuinely my favorite

47:41

working comic to really mean that.

47:43

Honestly, I think you're fantastic. And I've

47:45

seen everything. Me and my girlfriend's boyfriend.

47:48

Thank God for jokes, the new one. I just

47:50

think you're fantastic. And I really, what I

47:52

love about your style of comedy is I've been doing

47:54

it nearly 25 years now. And

47:57

you get to a point where you go, okay, I know what I'm doing. I

47:59

know what I'm doing. and I've reached the top

48:01

of the tree that I feel like I

48:03

can do in the UK and I do the big gigs and I

48:05

do it.

48:06

And then, in fact, I watched your

48:08

show on Netflix with my

48:10

wife. After about 20 minutes, she said,

48:12

you're not really laughing. I

48:15

said, I am laughing. I'm doing a comedian's laugh, which

48:17

is like, mm-hmm. Yeah. When

48:20

you're listening. And I said, you know what? And

48:22

it was afterwards. She said to me, what did

48:24

you think? And I said, I just watched Mike's show

48:26

there and I've realized that I've

48:28

still got things to do. Like,

48:31

I've still got stories to tell and I've still got places

48:33

to go with what I'm doing

48:35

as a comedian.

48:36

And it really made me sort of think

48:38

about my own style and

48:40

career as well, watching you. Because as I said, I thought

48:43

I'd done everything I could do as far as being

48:45

a comic. And I thought, oh, no, I can still be better.

48:48

Oh,

48:48

my gosh. That means the world to me. I

48:50

talk on my podcast, which is where

48:53

this is what's behind me and around me right now. I recognize

48:55

the backdrop. It's called Working

48:57

It Out. And we talk about process.

48:59

We talk about working out jokes. What's funny is I've been

49:01

doing this 25 years and I've had

49:04

the identical experience that you're describing, which

49:06

is

49:07

every time I watch a comedian I like,

49:09

I learn so much. And I keep

49:11

thinking I'm going to be done at some

49:13

point. Like, I'm going to have finished learning. Yeah.

49:17

I've completed this game. I've

49:19

completed the course and it's never

49:21

over. I'm not

49:23

a big athlete, but it's

49:25

like what they say about your golf swing or something. At

49:28

a certain point you go, I got it. I

49:30

figure it out. My golf swing isn't. It's

49:32

like, no, it's not. What would you say about this

49:35

show in comparison to, well,

49:37

firstly, for people who've seen your previous work, what

49:39

would you say about this show being different?

49:42

I think that what's similar, if people

49:44

are listening to you go, I don't know who this is, et cetera, you

49:46

go on Netflix and watch Thank God for Jokes and The

49:48

New One, which are my last two specials

49:51

and My Girlfriend's Boyfriend, which you reference as

49:53

well. It is essentially, it's

49:55

a meditation on death and mortality

49:58

and life and death and hitting middle-aids.

50:00

and realizing that

50:02

old phrase like over the hill, it's

50:04

that moment in your life where you go, oh, I'm on the hill

50:07

and I can see

50:09

the other end of it. And it's like,

50:11

it ends. Like, yeah. And

50:14

it's a wild experience. And I feel like what

50:16

I, of course my defense mechanism is

50:19

jokes. And so I have 150 jokes that make up about 10

50:21

stories

50:22

which

50:25

make up a single story that has

50:27

an arc to it at the end. And

50:29

I like to think that people walk away

50:31

from the show feeling better than

50:33

they walked in. Like I've had so many people

50:36

come up to me

50:37

after the show and say, I lost my dad

50:39

a few years ago and when I was watching your show, I felt

50:41

like I was laughing with him in the audience.

50:44

And that to me, that's like sort of why,

50:47

why we even do any of this. Of course, of

50:49

course. Yeah, no, I totally get that.

50:51

And I think that's part of the deal, isn't it? When you, as

50:54

a comic, I think is when

50:56

people come to the show, they

50:59

can just sort of forget about the stresses,

51:02

the strains, the things that are going on out there because in

51:04

here, we're gonna have

51:06

a good time together.

51:07

And as you said, if you can leave people

51:09

or people leave feeling better than when they arrived,

51:12

then job done. And that's why Edinburgh

51:14

was so

51:15

refreshing in a certain way. Like

51:18

seeing all of these shows

51:20

where these people are just putting their hearts out

51:22

there.

51:23

And I took my daughter,

51:26

my daughter's eight years old. We took her to see this

51:28

guy, Mario the Magician, and it was just

51:30

so invigorating and

51:32

inspired.

51:35

And he had, it's a real message

51:38

to it. He'd be like, use what you

51:40

have and do what

51:42

you love and all of a sudden he's doing tricks

51:44

in the middle of it. And I was like, man, that

51:47

is, I really admire people

51:49

who just put it out there in this way.

51:51

Yeah. And then it was funny,

51:54

I was taking a taxi to the airport on the way out

51:57

and the taxi driver didn't know I was a comic.

51:59

And he goes,

51:59

Oh, did you perform it? Or did you see

52:02

the festival? Like, oh, yeah, he goes, Oh,

52:04

my wife and I went to a show. There were five

52:06

comedians on it.

52:08

And three of them were pretty good.

52:10

And two of them were rubbish.

52:13

And then he goes, and they

52:15

knew they were rubbish. And I was

52:17

laughing so hard because I was like, I don't think

52:19

they knew they were rubbish, but I'm not

52:21

going to tell this guy. And I

52:23

was like, wait, am I rubbish? And

52:26

if if I knew if I was rubbish, would I

52:28

know I was rubbish? I don't think I would. No,

52:31

I don't think any of us. Even when I

52:33

was in Edinburgh, I was thinking about like, oh,

52:36

I could cut that. I could drop that in because

52:38

ultimately, like, yeah, I performed.

52:40

I performed a version of the show without the set

52:43

and the lane design at the Lester Square Theatre about

52:44

a year ago. It's a totally different

52:47

show than it was even then. Like,

52:49

I always think of these things as a work in progress.

52:51

And although my my windoms, my

52:54

windoms shows are going to be the final. It's the final

52:56

finale of the show. I'm done with the show. Yeah. So I was going

52:58

to ask about this. So you're coming to the Windham's

53:00

Theatre, which is a beautiful theatre. So I think I told

53:02

you I sent you a little message about it. It's

53:05

so intimate and oh, yeah, the

53:07

audience is so on like even

53:10

though it's three stories, it's one of the old

53:12

theatres. They're so close. It's lovely.

53:14

And

53:14

I think that really suits your your style.

53:17

You know, that people love to feel that it's an

53:19

evening of just you and them, I think.

53:21

I always I love theatres like that.

53:23

I.

53:25

I love the feeling of going to a

53:27

show and feeling

53:29

as an audience member or performer that

53:31

you're part of a group of

53:34

people that huddled around a campfire,

53:36

because

53:36

I feel like the art of the art

53:39

of standup comedy

53:40

is really dates back to a

53:42

tradition of just like it's one

53:45

person speaking to a group of people

53:48

at a pub or campfire or

53:51

whatever it is. And if if

53:53

you can do that and have it

53:55

have an arc and a feeling and people feel an emotion

53:57

from it and they laugh

53:59

to me, that's just. like the best experience

54:01

for me. So you're doing four weeks at

54:04

the Windhams? Yeah, I'm doing 30 performances

54:06

at the Windhams. And yeah,

54:10

I'm just, yeah, I'm thrilled. So,

54:12

total September to the 7th of October, is

54:15

the only time you see it. And is this gonna be recorded and put

54:17

on Netflix and various things at some point in the future? Yeah,

54:20

we have not made an announcement about it, but people

54:23

should keep an ear to the ground. We're definitely gonna, it'll

54:25

be out there soonish.

54:27

Yeah, yeah.

54:28

And what an experience for, so rare as well

54:31

for us in Britain, to

54:33

see a show that eventually ends up as a Netflix

54:35

special because they're often filmed over in the

54:38

States. So it'd be great

54:40

to go see the show at the Windham, see Mike do his stuff.

54:42

And then when it's on Netflix

54:44

in a year's time or so, you get, I was there, I was there,

54:46

I watched that brilliant show. Mike,

54:49

I really hope it goes well for you. You can get all the details

54:52

online, I'll at Mike on Westend.com.

54:56

And there's a caption performance,

54:58

there's audio described performance. There's

55:01

lots of, everyone can see it essentially. Thank

55:03

you so much. And

55:04

thanks for having me on. It means

55:06

the world to me that my,

55:08

people like you and Jimmy

55:10

and other, my comedic

55:12

brethren are supporting me in England.

55:16

It just means the world to me. I can't even express it

55:18

enough. Yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you mean.

55:20

Well, you deserve it, mate. Honestly, I've watched you for

55:22

many years and every time I see

55:25

you just, you get better and you make me want to be better

55:27

as well. So thank you. Thanks Jason, I

55:29

really appreciate

55:30

it. This

55:32

is Jason Manford. This

55:35

is Absolute Radio. Where

55:40

real

55:40

music matters. Thanks for joining us this

55:42

morning here on Absolute Radio. Steve,

55:44

still filming out and goes over the next week. Yes, I'm

55:47

going now to the Grand

55:49

Hotel in Imjar to get my makeup on and then we're filming

55:51

all day.

55:52

Lovely, lovely. Well, you have a grand old

55:54

time and I am doing nothing.

55:57

The school runs and about to be in domestic.

55:59

God that I am. That'll

56:03

be me this week. But feel free to email

56:05

us next week for next week's show, Jason at absoluteradio.co.uk.

56:08

The podcast is up very shortly. Have

56:10

a great Sunday. Enjoy the sunshine.

56:12

See you next week.