0:02

Jason Manford absolute

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radio where real music matters

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good morning it's the Jason Manford show

0:10

here on absolute radio hope you're very

0:12

well this Sunday morning Steve Edges here

0:14

good morning morning

0:18

robotic no I've had one

0:20

of the nights where the one of

0:22

the kids has just been not sleeping

0:24

great so it's fine

0:26

and then I've got like a fella standing

0:29

the staircase you're gonna paint them George yeah

0:32

I'm a little bit going on

0:34

yeah there's a lot going on I'm a little bit brittle

0:37

I hear ya I hear ya yeah

0:39

no I'm feeling it this week as

0:41

well I found parents in really hard

0:43

this week yeah just the

0:45

hard you know just some side

0:48

new problems or just just new some spit

0:50

hey bit of new bit of old mm-hmm

0:52

you know me a bit of recurring yeah

0:56

I don't know I just think sometimes I

0:58

don't know if other parents have that you

1:00

know you just you just have to look one

1:02

of those moments where you look in the mirror and you just go I

1:04

don't know what to do like I know you

1:07

know because you forget really and I think obviously

1:09

kids don't know which is this is the first

1:11

time we've done this as

1:13

well yeah you know I mean

1:15

and whoever your oldest child is that's just

1:17

I would say to my oldest daughters I'm

1:19

like everything that you're going through for the

1:22

first time I'm also going okay

1:24

and the default setting is

1:26

to go when I was your age yeah

1:29

so you think this is bad this up

1:31

when I was growing up yeah because only

1:33

so much they don't get it like well

1:35

don't live in that world anymore the way

1:37

no well that's your thing because the world

1:39

has shit I would not want to be

1:42

a kid now crikey no my goodness simple

1:44

when we were kids when it simple just

1:46

got on with it got home I'd have played

1:48

on the broke got some tadpoles in a bag

1:51

got on your bike did

1:53

a wheelie when oh I was here that

1:55

was it bad yeah to

1:59

watch They have to worry about like, oh, can I

2:01

watch the end of this? Can I tell you to watch? No, there's

2:03

no Netflix. No. Nothing.

2:05

Oh my gosh. And social media. Our kids are getting

2:08

through that. I don't know how they're doing it. Yeah,

2:11

that's exhausting. But

2:13

anyway, I won't put you in the listeners

2:15

with that opening link of

2:17

the show. Just to

2:19

know that some days you've just got to

2:22

go, it is hard today and I

2:24

don't know what I'm doing. But you

2:26

know what? A little bit of time. Tomorrow's a new

2:28

day, isn't it? And there's also, we've gone out of

2:30

the January blues stage. We're in the Feb's now.

2:32

Yes. Let's raise that. Not

2:34

out. Not out. Gaitan, Blanford. That's

2:37

fake radio. Where real music matters.

2:39

We missed out last week, didn't we, on talking

2:42

about the trailers?

2:50

Yeah, we did. We went out on a Friday night. We've been watching all

2:52

the way through. So we are a week behind the rest of the nation.

2:54

Yeah. But still. We had

2:57

a little WhatsApp group, didn't we, where

2:59

we just talk about what you're writing,

3:01

watch, don't trust him. Yeah. Played

3:04

a good game though, Harry, didn't he? He did play

3:06

a good game. He did very well. Very well, yeah.

3:08

He did. He started tipping over into

3:10

cocky towards the end. There was a bit of smugness

3:12

going on, yeah. He became a bit less likable. I

3:15

think once Paul went to be honest. Yeah,

3:17

but yeah, because once he'd taken down Paul, you know

3:19

what I mean? He's indestructible, isn't he? King is dead,

3:21

long as the king. Long as the king, exactly. That's

3:23

exactly what it was. Yeah,

3:27

there was a bit of smugness,

3:29

but at the same

3:31

time he was really good, and he won. So

3:33

is it smug when you are really good and

3:35

you're winning? There was a

3:37

few clues I think they should have got, you know what

3:39

I mean? Like when they were

3:41

voting people off at the end and Jazz went, let's

3:45

go again. I felt there's a stronger way. Let's vote again. I

3:47

know. Why would you do that if you're Australia? I don't know

3:49

what she was thinking. Yeah, you wouldn't do that if you were

3:51

Australia. I won. Yeah, you'd go away

3:53

with it. I know, I didn't quite get that. And then she

3:55

went again. I saw her write his

3:57

name and then she'd tell them to speak

3:59

to you. I saw follow up. She was thinking with

4:01

a heart once here things. Yeah, it shows a bit

4:03

smitten with him and Well,

4:06

no, but she hates him We

4:09

know crazy things for love Yeah

4:13

Yeah, it was it was brilliant telling though, wasn't

4:15

it such good telling it's good cuz it's not

4:17

on that long It's just three days a week

4:20

for like yeah for weeks three weeks and that's

4:22

in it 12 eps You

4:24

know, I can get into that. I don't let

4:26

me know. I don't like every night being taken up No,

4:30

no, that was yeah. I'm

4:32

a celebrity and all I'm yeah You got

4:34

tune in every night and then you

4:36

miss one and you flicking on Twitter and you're like, oh See

4:40

what's happened now Yeah.

4:43

Yeah, I know you mean but I know I thought was great very

4:46

People do say sort of Shakespeare and don't they in the

4:48

thing that I did I felt a bit

4:50

grubby if I'm honest Did you towards

4:52

the end what just that you witnessed? I

4:54

think yeah, just cuz he basically gas lit

4:56

this girl And you know,

4:59

you just think but he said it was like

5:01

a name like she'd be but I say, you

5:03

know I mean, I know and it just made

5:05

me feel a bit grubby and a bit like

5:07

cuz it's for a game again It but you

5:09

also know that's happening out there all

5:11

day long and you know, I've got daughters who will

5:14

meet I've said this before, you know, we've

5:16

had this conversation before but if you were a faithful

5:19

You know for a good chunk of it and then right

5:21

towards the end somebody offered you the chance to be a

5:23

traitor Would you take it? Mmm, I

5:26

wouldn't know No,

5:28

but I wouldn't I'd rather I'd rather die on the sword

5:31

of the faithful It's

5:33

not because it what if I was a threat from the beginning fine Yeah

5:36

I wouldn't swap allegiance halfway through because I think

5:38

you've set out what sort of person you are

5:41

If you if you're a track you play in the game, but to

5:43

be lovely for like, you know most of

5:45

it and then suddenly be all my Kim Mackey

5:48

of Elliot and I'm

5:50

feeling wrong. I Know

5:54

I feel I felt like it has a trade to have

5:56

to win it Because last year a faithful won it

5:58

and if a faithful won it this year you'd be

6:00

like well this game's broken. And change

6:02

the title for a start off. Yes,

6:04

exactly. The play falls. But

6:06

it's fair play to

6:08

old Harry Clarke there was 95 grand.

6:11

Who took your family out for a

6:13

meal? Yeah, I can very much

6:15

do that. That's what you wanted to do with his

6:17

money. Anyone else was like I was my

6:19

kids and spending on my kids, I'm into this, what do you do? I've

6:21

got a big family, I'd like to take them out for a meal. What?

6:25

I mean, it's just... Come on man. Unbelievable.

6:27

Thanks for the help. I know,

6:30

exactly. Harry was on

6:32

home time with Bush and Richie last

6:34

week so if you want to hear the full interview

6:36

you can download Bush and Richie's daily take away from

6:38

wherever you get your podcast. Do

6:44

you think some weeks it just feels like

6:46

it will never stop? Yeah,

7:00

most weeks I think. And

7:04

we got this one from Brad in

7:06

Burnley. He said, good morning Steve, I'm

7:09

currently on holiday in Fort Aventura and

7:11

one night my young daughters were fast

7:13

asleep and my missus decided on an

7:15

early night so I went to

7:18

sit on the terrace and have a couple of

7:20

Captain Morgans and a diet coke and relax and

7:22

catch up on your podcast. I was halfway through

7:24

listening on my Bluetooth speaker and a couple walked

7:27

past and heard what I was listening to and

7:29

the wife said, oh, you're not listening to that

7:31

rubbish are you? There's a

7:33

radio show that talk about bins. That

7:38

happened five

7:40

days ago and I flanked them by

7:42

the pool every day. Oh, good.

7:44

Good, good. Bare plate, bad plate. I

7:47

mean, you can simplify anything to that can't

7:49

you? You know what I mean? Yeah, of

7:51

course. You can say breaking bad is just a finger bad

7:53

chemistry teacher. You know what I mean?

7:55

Yeah. There's more to it. Not

7:58

much more. Not much more. I mean,

8:00

what I will say to these people, to a

8:02

wife, sorry. I

8:08

can't wait to see that one. So, a couple walk past

8:10

her, what I was listening to. Oh, and the wife. So

8:12

he's not his wife. His wife is asleep. No, no, just

8:14

a couple came by the pool. Oh, my, okay. What's

8:16

just a couple of walk past? Just thrown in across the

8:18

pool. They've just come back from, you know, listed. Oh, you're

8:21

not listed that rubbish, are you? Oh, it's been about bins.

8:25

What I will say to that lady, I mean, she's not

8:28

listed, obviously, because we only talk about bins. She knows enough

8:30

that we talk about bins, and she's not enough. Exactly.

8:34

Binchat, hashtag Binchat. We can't help that, so

8:36

it took over the nation's

8:39

talking point. There

8:41

was very little during the pandemic to talk about, and that's

8:43

how it came from. We didn't, you know. Don't

8:46

you defend it, Steve? Don't you defend it. I don't have

8:48

to. Do you have to, my friend? Well,

8:51

I'll say, we don't try and

8:53

pretend to be anything more than we

8:56

are, which is two blokes talking absolute

8:58

rubbish. Quite literally,

9:01

in some instances. She's not a

9:03

bro. She's not even a monobrow.

9:05

Nonsense with no consequence. Nonsense.

9:08

No. We've

9:11

decided we weren't going to use that word. No,

9:13

but, you know, maybe that's the new hashtag. Hashtag,

9:17

non-sequence. Yeah. Yeah,

9:21

let's see if it takes off. But,

9:24

yeah, but if any, I mean, I love

9:26

that Brad has defended us there and blanketed

9:28

a couple. Yeah, thanks, Brad. Thank you. That

9:30

does actually mean a lot to us. I'd

9:33

have thrown the Bluetooth speaker at them. Through

9:36

the window. Yeah, straight through the window. I'd

9:39

have found their hire car. I'd have put the

9:41

windscreen through. Put the windscreen through. And

9:43

then you'd gone back to

9:45

the... Yeah. And ideally,

9:47

put it through with a bin. Yeah,

9:50

an idea like. A Spanish

9:52

bin. Yeah, exactly. But

9:56

thanks, Brad. That's nice of you to say, but... And

9:58

to that lady. I

10:00

sort of fight, like we get our listeners,

10:03

I think we do about three quarters of

10:05

a million listeners, Steve, and I'm fine with

10:07

that, like that's enough. Yeah.

10:10

To me, I don't need any more than that. No,

10:12

no, that's fine. It's just

10:15

surprise as it is, isn't it? So we

10:17

don't need to be any more surprised. No,

10:19

it's unbelievable. And to be honest, if next,

10:21

on the next listeners figures, they

10:23

went, you've lost half a million listeners,

10:25

you only got 250 now, I'd still be going, well,

10:28

that's 250,000 more than I thought. Expected,

10:30

yeah. We wouldn't be getting so I'm, why

10:33

am I the only one who's still chuffed by this? Yeah, what's the

10:35

matter with you, people? Jason! Man

10:41

fed. Now we've got a

10:43

lovely message here from Suzanne Nelson, who

10:45

says, absolutely love the show, guys. I've

10:47

listened to all your podcasts

10:49

twice. Twice? Oh, that's dedication.

10:52

That is dedication, fair play. I

10:54

have a question for the fabulous Steve. Oh,

10:57

okay. Nice, it is. What a

10:59

lovely message. Very nice, yeah. A

11:01

few times now, Steve has said, that needs

11:03

to be put on a t-shirt when hearing

11:05

a funny, witty one-liner. My

11:07

question is, what one-liner would Steve

11:09

put on his t-shirt? All

11:13

the best, Suzanne Nelson. Oh, it's hard out of context, isn't

11:15

it? Yeah, I mean, you know,

11:17

my Christmas one, what was my Christmas one?

11:19

That was the one that, you know, bigger,

11:23

faster, more, Christmas is about

11:25

excess. I think I'd go with the

11:27

t-shirt. Yeah. What was your t-shirt? Now

11:30

I'd have something like, cheer up, it's February now.

11:33

I think I'd have to with that. Yeah, we're over it now. Yeah.

11:37

The year started now, just get on with it.

11:39

I know we've been bombarded with like, you know,

11:41

Valley Day stuff now, aren't we? Yeah, yeah, we'll

11:43

talk about that, actually. And then we're going, you

11:46

know, towards Easter. So I don't know, I

11:48

think I'd go with, yeah, just at the minute, just

11:51

smile. Just smile, I'm having

11:53

that, just smile. Just smile, that's nice. Because

11:55

I Can't do the t-shirt, though I don't

11:57

have to. Well, that's true, yeah, it's true.

12:00

For said what else is. My.

12:02

Favorite see so I've got his them. It

12:05

is. It's he said that says ask me

12:07

about my ninja disguise and that when's the

12:09

last me about manages the skies are of

12:11

put the seizure over the has. No.

12:13

On the inside of the splat seizure is

12:15

just the eyes of an engine itself has

12:17

I am many people oscar because it is

12:19

well the last one swalec yeah no one

12:21

ever if you walk into a time a among

12:24

us to the he there and and someone else

12:26

in our today I. Have

12:28

a in the the main problem is

12:31

obsolete by listen to teach him through

12:33

the ninja and it shows The physique

12:35

that is very was not ninja like

12:37

so know. But. that are

12:39

looking at that like her than into another look at

12:41

it in your eyes airport the guy that says that

12:43

you're the guy when it a design that asia as

12:45

idea of a sad at via. The. Since

12:48

as a for say yes or stable go

12:50

with a smile more an assemblage of with

12:52

us we have up and injured to say

12:54

go a whole day with the answers you

12:56

were looking for so that if you do

12:58

is ask any questions could be about anything

13:00

we don't mind is an email is Jason

13:02

apps the Radio Dakota you can. Now

13:09

video one was a cheeky Suites they

13:11

take you viral City viral yeah thought

13:13

Sir Republics we see by a lot

13:15

Hannah wanting I'm for were you what

13:17

math and that's what is Drama Bay

13:19

So know it was the I was

13:21

me on an hour south of Salt

13:23

the last week on Bbc. Brett first

13:25

step for big not the musicals was

13:27

on the sauces I was you can

13:29

feel silly. I play. And

13:32

so the roots of About Just Drama

13:34

school? Because quite a law schools now

13:36

have been forced to get rid of

13:38

drama. Departments and up on them into music

13:40

departments and on the you know. That.

13:43

If a thomas easy subjects and them

13:45

and i was just offended else and

13:47

actually you know he did you sell

13:49

for the service that with them. With

13:52

with game is a drama I'm focusing solely

13:54

on you must city science and yeah hearing

13:56

this is a some kids not cloud for

13:59

it but also. The people

14:01

forget almost drama gibbs.

14:04

The confidence to give to somebody as

14:06

they hadn't said lay allies over the

14:08

an enormous if you're if you're a

14:10

manager of us, have a supermarket even

14:12

after talking for the people as zero

14:15

a lawyer. If you're a doctor you

14:17

know a lot says lots of skills

14:19

you learn from. From. Muscle com

14:21

for of the earns and security of

14:23

the drama class. But. You need

14:25

a broad range of effort to know your

14:28

skill. A means some kids don't my football

14:30

and they've made to play online. So the

14:32

second half the be assessed his simpkins, more

14:34

gagged Gap gets was Alma. Well I'm Amber

14:37

Jimmy Carr say months in a some possesses

14:39

listen city said the world Does that leave

14:41

anyone whose average physics. Know.

14:44

Why you're full? Seems like a fifteen

14:46

year old to still do it like

14:48

you don't. You know, even? I guess

14:50

now forty it you roughly know. What?

14:53

They're gonna be a to be a physician

14:55

and not gonna be scientists since how are

14:57

they must? some may be so apparently to

14:59

global it's but nope. a frame for that

15:01

pitifully pray for a lot once again. yes

15:04

but that wasn't you know Monavie every adult

15:06

sad love one of the city. something scientific

15:08

or medical yeah go how That's where you

15:10

are. The A the what I wanted us

15:12

to do I want to be a sing

15:14

and dance man uma young adult. the signal

15:17

and yes numb all Bolivia A totally thought

15:19

that leaves us will have to be about

15:21

mister of a riot plays plays. My

15:23

at my youngest daughter life size but against is

15:25

only nine so lots of that then that could

15:27

go that as a boy but I don't know

15:30

I just feel like I was a blast. Said

15:32

it because we with the. The. Ah Mason's

15:34

and I'll say they will see you know

15:36

is that get rid of it in state

15:38

schools say whether not getting rid of the

15:40

drama apartments private schools so the most know

15:42

some fit here though they must know some

15:45

for they'll spend money on not an outlaw.

15:47

This assists another argument isn't well yeah that

15:49

is why made his If If it's not

15:51

a pool and it's drama is the importance

15:53

of the syllabus. Why? private

15:55

school still don't miss final see

15:58

a tsunami lights so it must

16:00

be important, but are you saying

16:02

it's just not important for you

16:05

down there? Well, that's what it looks like.

16:08

That's what it feels like, and you did drama, and you obviously

16:10

have done very well. No, we didn't have drama at school. Did

16:13

you have? Sorry, I did it after. No, I did it

16:15

on a sick thing. We didn't do drama. We didn't have

16:17

drama classes at school. Different bad guys, only. It's coming late,

16:20

you know what I mean? Coming late,

16:22

mate. Coming late to it, yeah.

16:24

Gools. But it is, yeah, massively

16:27

important. And drama groups,

16:29

they just give, I just think it's a

16:31

little safe space for kids where you don't,

16:33

school is hard, mate. But

16:36

it's another, you know, after school

16:38

activity sometimes with drama groups, especially, you know,

16:40

drama, you know. Yeah, even they're great as

16:42

well. It's a different thing, you know what

16:44

I mean? That's not sport based, not all

16:46

kids are sport based. They don't all want

16:48

to do karate and Taiko and Deva football.

16:51

Some of them just want to do jazz hands.

16:53

That's fine as well. I'll

16:56

do a five, but it has to be

16:58

a pretend one. Yeah. Is

17:00

it fencing? Exactly. That's what

17:02

we're after. So

17:04

yeah, so just a big up to all the

17:06

drama teachers and all those people who run drama

17:08

groups at weekends and after school and stuff for

17:10

kids. Keep at it. And any kids who are

17:12

thinking about not doing it or

17:14

just get stuck in, you'd be surprised what you

17:16

find out about yourself. Jason Manford on Absolute Radio. Big

17:25

shout out, big birthday shout out to

17:27

our main man, Jeff Bezos this

17:29

week. How was your birthday? Birthday, big 60th stake. I

17:31

wonder what's on his wish list. He must have a

17:33

wish list. He didn't expect so, wouldn't you? Yeah. I

17:37

wonder if anyone like last

17:40

minute bought him a present off Amazon

17:42

and then he was able to check on the system. Hey, you

17:44

only bought this yesterday. Yeah. And

17:46

also I had his birthday now as well. It's

17:48

not like June, Black Friday or November or whatever.

17:50

No, exactly. He's like, you know, not getting a

17:52

cheap Echo Dot out of me. Get

17:56

an Echo Dot for his birthday. I've

17:59

been there, yeah. I've

18:01

been looking at my am you know every

18:03

so often he they rob really to look

18:05

at what is going out of my bike,

18:07

of how and what we're spending money on

18:09

and and so far as we went through

18:12

our and I look for our Amazon or

18:14

with spend that on Amazon Steve I'm surprised

18:16

basis as Gazza said these are space or

18:18

specifies eyes of busy the Us or Lays

18:21

eyes us say I'm surprised phases hasn't got

18:23

the yachts named ask them up the month

18:25

it's. See. My have. A

18:27

last resort and a month it's today let everyone got

18:29

my was it While you're automatically get more them yeah

18:31

you know you know when yachts get so big that

18:34

I'd say a big they are there to your expensive

18:36

is to fill them with actual specifically as a million

18:38

quid to fill up with a the. The

18:42

other yeah a sixty third party.

18:44

Last weekend's the themes the was

18:46

a celestial space age. Okay,

18:49

Rise. To was paypal Comments: On

18:51

an icy don't know what that

18:53

unless you're space science. Celeste Sluggish,

18:55

zealot. Celeste feels less versus space.

18:58

Say stones does that? Period

19:00

of of it that's just a space as an what

19:02

that means yes by like I feel know. That.

19:05

Among. By. The Why:

19:07

People with celestial is not just as

19:09

like having a space A Stars spiced

19:11

Parties net. At

19:14

the a his own family or Metlife in Ivory

19:16

a million Com as a vehicle us of com

19:18

is Michelle see some famous yeah Vague has to

19:20

fix up the. Other

19:23

types of the soiree: Hard as

19:25

easy and be on site. Katy

19:27

Perry dresses an Alien who got

19:29

on stage before the hits as

19:31

well as the Black Eyed Peas

19:33

socialites. Paris Hilton was also in

19:35

attendance. Talk show legend Oprah Winfrey,

19:37

Kim Kardashian was that Ivanka Trump

19:39

at basically. A list Big

19:41

A lists and. He was

19:44

catered by Mcdonalds sized and I remember

19:46

pay his first job at sixteen but

19:48

there was also caviar. The much caviar

19:50

burger. yeah they need to know so

19:52

I dunno that the Rebels paypal for

19:55

the so get over it. The other

19:57

studies remembered the little guys were came

19:59

from. I just

20:01

found say Lauren the Sunset us know

20:03

wants to bring gifts a strict no

20:06

gifts policy as rope not is the

20:08

richest man in the hook up with

20:10

our Lawrence. Just accuracy six zero say

20:12

nodes. Imagine in a in

20:15

a fifty someplace same as him

20:17

I'd say probably say made less

20:19

on the outset set. Soleus Lauren

20:21

son says, I think so, at

20:23

least Nice Mississauga and I mean

20:25

very midsize salty things here. That.

20:27

Several authors and says as

20:29

answer spell it was your

20:31

son says right? So we.

20:34

Would. See his

20:36

am. Yeah. right?

20:38

Fifty four. I go through a little

20:40

so that. We do. You have

20:42

been due to an awful and I was very those

20:44

are both you. If given the kids you say five

20:46

it up with a yes or no is a good

20:48

is a good on his models. And

20:51

muskets in Ibiza goods. the been together uses

20:53

the fia. Amzallag.

20:56

Else has that's the happiest look. At least

20:58

know me know if I know there are

21:00

on them. But

21:03

yeah, is that so yeah? See single those

21:05

people of Israel friends. Amp

21:07

with did a good long was mean eighty

21:09

one night birthday to go read like to

21:12

see I dream of round what it would

21:14

be a good chunk nine or something authors

21:16

that yeah oh to chop night out Jaycees

21:18

com in Randy likes of be a big

21:20

a big traffic to get upset is at

21:22

the sit notes get policy decision by Basis

21:25

who's among the richest people in the world

21:27

highlighted his preference of valuing the presence of

21:29

her company of his guests over receive a

21:31

material gifts of the lavish event you know

21:33

lots of able to get. I know he

21:36

said no gifts but I saw. This.

21:40

Senses from ma'am we're to could well as

21:42

if one of addicted the don't have one.

21:44

Is there any myself notes disseminate nice is

21:46

them in is the aka smelling sale for

21:48

like a wry another? no point but you

21:50

know like something else have a satellite a

21:52

local one. Local. You

21:55

know, like yes. Funny because

21:57

I remember rotten randomly speaking

21:59

to of. An entrepreneur while but

22:01

he was this is the second. didn't have to go with

22:03

it but who was like to know what I think reserves

22:05

going to the gym of and I had this or weight

22:07

loss group online. He said he said he sits in that

22:09

your own a. Lot. Energy Drink or

22:11

your own that that may proceed cycle

22:14

ever lights I felt I don't think

22:16

that has look at it mean begins

22:18

He looks the picture of Apple's are

22:20

now but you never have a gym

22:22

guy of assume it's in the valley

22:24

area. Anyway one of the things

22:26

I said same was am book lists grenade in

22:28

oh it was all these the road Do anything

22:31

on Reagan say it was older adults I wrote

22:33

those dogs installing a little and not gonna appear.

22:35

I know where just take over the market is

22:37

that know But he said that was good. Points

22:40

made this as well. Go with us is he

22:42

said you don't need to take over the market

22:44

is a multi billion pound market. All you need

22:46

is a bit of it. Allows

22:49

us and and seek by the month as

22:51

protein shake when I saw the price on

22:53

it is among us. The prime guy isolated

22:55

yeah Alaska yeah that will not drink about.

22:57

So easy on if I'm talking about it

23:00

because twenty five quid in a shop and

23:02

know that nobody can find them as muslims

23:04

line. ever since another soccer we go now.

23:06

never tested Asda as everywhere on I always.

23:09

Thought. Was marked as easy to be fair

23:11

from whoever it was. care sizes will on

23:13

a somebody is nice view to process of

23:15

excellent. We've

23:26

got friend of the show Queen

23:29

but Donald Ck Mcdonnell on the

23:31

phone. This monument equate. Martins.

23:33

As however is goods Girl goes month. Pretty

23:35

good. Always love. It's well beyond the show

23:38

up. Resume it either. The beginning for chat

23:40

sounds like uber is a book. Yes,

23:42

Yeah, but he's obviously always happy to chat with.

23:45

Yes, I have a point. Bizarre coincidence. I have

23:47

yet to get released. Know the books as early

23:49

as is. also set the cities

23:51

are straits times is a yes vote for

23:53

a while as a success is becoming a

23:55

real treadmill it's worth honestly the at when

23:58

you realize i've got book coming out just

24:00

don't plan any travel for that week. Because

24:03

I've had to avoid, I've been going up

24:05

down the country, it's been brilliant, I've had

24:07

to avoid two named storms. And

24:10

then, the majority of the area this week, I had to

24:12

get up at 5am to get out of my hotel in

24:14

Glasgow because there was 60 mile an hour winds and heavy

24:17

rain coming. And that didn't even

24:19

get a name, that's just Wednesday in Scotland

24:21

apparently. Wednesday, that's Storm Wednesday. So

24:25

you're a bit of a jinx here when you're writing

24:27

these books. I really like my fire is

24:30

the latest, and this is the fourth instalment,

24:32

is that right? That's the fourth instalment of

24:34

the Stranger Times, yeah. Brilliant. And setting Manchester

24:36

with the newspaper with all the weird stories

24:38

and all that, yeah. It

24:41

says here, Hugh's the original fast-paced,

24:43

fun and very funny Manchester set series

24:45

revolving around the investigations of the Stranger

24:47

Times newspaper into the weird and the

24:50

supernatural. Yep, pretty much

24:52

that, yes. I mean, pretty much. This

24:55

one is, you know people always ask you about where you

24:57

get your ideas from when you're a comedian and a writer

24:59

and stuff. Where this

25:01

came from, this is kind of almost an embarrassing

25:04

story. I had another idea for a book, you

25:06

know they've all got names, before this was Global

25:08

Terrace Apart and This Charming Man, they're all Manchester

25:10

based songs. Nice. And I had another

25:13

idea for a book, I was looking for a

25:15

song title, I'd gone through all the cool Manchester

25:17

bands frankly, couldn't find anything to

25:19

fit, I went on to take that, no

25:21

disrespect to take that, wonderful band there. And

25:23

then I saw Real Out My Fire, I texted

25:26

your friend and mine, Gary Delaney, who as

25:28

you know is a massive obsessive zombie fan.

25:31

And I texted him and said, is it my imagination

25:33

or is Real Out My Fire a really funny name for

25:35

a book about zombies? And he texted back and said

25:37

that or Back for Good? Yeah,

25:39

Back for Good as well, yeah. And

25:42

by the time he texted back, I had the idea for the

25:44

book. Yeah, well if

25:46

you've already had Global Terrace Apart, I mean that's

25:48

probably the best one, isn't it? As a title

25:50

for zombie

25:52

related. That's

25:54

brilliant though. So that's what you do, you just go

25:56

through the sort of Manchester songs and go, that's

25:59

a good. And then you've got the idea of the

26:01

song, you don't have the idea of the book from

26:03

the song. Yeah, yeah, I got the idea

26:06

just from the song title. I wasn't supposed to write in

26:08

a zombie book. And I literally just thought that was really

26:10

funny. And by the time Gary texted back my brain to

26:12

come up with the basic idea for the book, which

26:15

is bizarre. And so

26:17

what roughly is it about without giving away any

26:19

spoilers? Well, it's sort

26:21

of, let's just say, I

26:23

actually genuinely had this in the pitch that

26:26

I gave to the publishers, which was like the last

26:29

bit was, what would

26:31

happen if Brian Cox used his power for evil? Cause you know what used to

26:33

be a dream? Yeah, yeah. I

26:35

had the idea that somebody basically tried to get

26:37

his career back. And like the publishers like rang

26:39

me and said, we love it. You're not actually

26:41

gonna use the real Brian Cox, there he is

26:43

like, no, I'll make somebody else up. It's

26:45

just a basic idea. Well, when we're watching it, we'll

26:48

know. Yeah,

26:50

we'll know. Yeah, you'll know. But yeah, so make your zombie book.

26:52

I am the resurrection would have been a good one for a

26:55

zombie. A zombie, yeah. It's a good one. I

26:58

might have to say, I

27:00

might come up with another book idea now. They just popped

27:02

in, yeah. I was just about to throw the man's first

27:04

song. While you were all talking. I

27:06

was just literally thinking about songs. I'm just

27:08

like. So it's out

27:10

now, is it? Yes, it's out now

27:12

available at all good bookshops and everywhere

27:15

else basically. Brilliant, well look,

27:17

they've all been fantastic so far and

27:19

some great quotes from

27:21

people. And actually we've had, when you've been on the

27:24

show before, the amount of people have messaged us back

27:26

to say, thanks for having me, I bought the

27:28

book and we love it and stuff. And I've

27:30

seen it on socials and stuff. So I'm really

27:32

pleased that it's going so well for you, mate.

27:34

Because it's a fantastic series. Yeah, it's

27:37

been great. Thanks very much. There's loads of the

27:39

Manfred Posse. I've met them at the events and

27:41

stuff now and everything. So it's been a delight,

27:43

yeah. Brilliant, brilliant. Right, well we're gonna keep Cui-Von

27:46

now and we're gonna play

27:48

a little game of Stranger

27:50

Times. One

27:52

lie and two real stories. So

27:55

we've got to work out which one the

27:57

lie is. Which is the fake story. Yeah,

27:59

yeah. So go for it.

28:01

This is The Stranger Times with

28:04

C.K. McDonald. And this time they're

28:06

all sort of flying related. Flying

28:09

related? Okay. So here's the first story,

28:11

Love is in the Air. A German

28:13

man's attempt to propose to his girlfriend

28:15

by hang gliding over her, naked, with

28:17

the message, will you marry me, written

28:19

on his chest, fell a fail of

28:21

high winds. Resulting in him

28:23

crash landing in a forest, breaking both his

28:26

arms, and having to be saved by mountain

28:28

rescue. She said yes, but

28:30

he is now banned from hang gliding for

28:32

three years. Okay. Well he did

28:34

go down on one knee, but he went down on...

28:37

The knee was behind his head. Yeah.

28:39

I'm just glad when you said the proposal was

28:41

written on his chest. Yeah.

28:44

He's like, how good is the right sight? He

28:46

just said like the beginning of an episode, the

28:48

casualty. Just a fellow getting it, just

28:50

putting it in hang gliding together. Like

28:53

our family's done so. Like

28:55

the day before. Well

28:57

that's going to propose to Mary, ain't it? What

29:00

are you doing? The

29:02

one lying to real ones. Okay. Let's go. So that

29:04

could be the lie. Right. Story

29:07

number two is Snake in a Plane. A

29:09

woman got stopped going through security in

29:11

Tampa airport when an x-ray revealed that

29:13

she had a four foot bower constrictor

29:16

in her carry-on luggage. She

29:18

explained that he was called Bartholomew and

29:20

he was her emotional support reptile. She

29:23

was not allowed on the plane. Well,

29:25

we know the system. If it's America, we're going to leave

29:27

it. And not just America. Florida.

29:31

Yeah. Everything happens in Florida.

29:34

Queen knows that we know that. I

29:36

know. He's double-bluffing us. Yeah.

29:40

He's double-bluffing us with this. I

29:42

automatically see him going, in Miami I went

29:44

real. Like I didn't even listen to the message.

29:46

I stopped listening. Do you know what? I didn't even know what I

29:48

was about. Sold out. He said Snake. Yeah.

29:51

Absolutely good. Okay. Next one

29:53

then. Right. The third one. Up,

29:56

up and away. Two Chinese men attached

29:58

themselves to a large... hydrogen balloon in

30:00

order to collect pine nuts, with all of

30:03

this. The balloon stripped its moorings, one of

30:05

the men managed to jump off but the

30:07

other flew away. After a

30:09

search, rescuers were able to

30:11

contact the man by phone the next morning

30:14

and he eventually landed 200

30:16

miles away, suffering from nothing more than

30:18

a bad back. I

30:22

mean that one's brilliant. I

30:26

don't know what to make of that. I don't know.

30:29

What was it? A hydrogen balloon? A

30:32

hydrogen balloon, yes. I mean

30:34

I presume there was no ladder is available, that could not even

30:36

be the only ladder up there. Again, start of an episode of

30:39

Casualty, just don't know what a hydrogen balloon is. What are you

30:41

doing? Well, I'm just going to go and get some pine nuts,

30:43

you want to come with us? Yeah? You

30:45

got your phone, yeah yeah.

30:48

I'm just impressed you got a signal, like I

30:50

live on a slight hill, I can't get a

30:52

signal. I know, I struggle some places out here.

30:54

He's not with O2? No. He

30:57

in Wales, forget it. I

31:01

was at Holley's in Wales and we had no

31:03

phone for the entire week, I've got a mountain

31:05

to ring me mum. Yeah, awesome. Right,

31:07

recap those three stories for us then, see

31:09

if you can, we'll go from there. So

31:12

you've got a hand-cliding German, a naked hand-cliding

31:14

German. You've got the

31:16

woman with the boa constrictor in her luggage

31:18

in Tampa airport and you've got the Chinese

31:20

man whose mate jumped off and then he

31:22

ended up flying round the hydrogen balloon for

31:24

what seems to have been at least a

31:26

day. 200 miles away. 200 miles away, yep.

31:31

Right, okay, so one of those is a lie

31:33

Steve, what are you thinking? I'm going to say the

31:35

last one. Oh really?

31:38

I mean, just, there's too much, you know,

31:40

200 miles in a balloon in

31:43

a day. I don't know if that's achievable.

31:45

It just seems quite far. But

31:48

I don't know anything about, it could be a high wind.

31:50

It could be a cherry blossom season. Do

32:00

you think he's trying to do the bluffers for the thing? I

32:02

think Miami's trying, I think he knows we know about

32:04

Florida. I mean, it's the leek mad of all of

32:07

them as well. It is to be fair. And

32:09

I've seen someone with a little horse

32:12

as one of those support animals. So,

32:15

well, can you have a look at it? Yeah,

32:17

yeah. No, Google it. Google

32:20

horse, tiny

32:22

horse, support animal airplane.

32:25

And there's a picture of a

32:27

woman sat with a little horse. On an

32:29

airplane. On an airplane. Then let it on.

32:31

Are you sure you

32:34

didn't just dream this? Surely he had a passport.

32:36

He had a passport for a cat and a

32:38

dog, let alone a little horse. Well, I don't

32:40

know where she was going. It's irrelevant

32:42

where she was going. It was

32:44

in Florida. It was in Florida. It was in

32:46

Florida, okay. How did you get the horse into

32:48

the passport booth to take his photograph? I mean,

32:51

that's the... Yeah, they wouldn't.

32:53

I've literally Googled it now. And

32:55

there's a miniature horse. She's not mad. How

32:59

big is the woman? I mean, is

33:01

she small as well? Like, are they sort of... She's a regular size.

33:04

A miniature horse on a plane. It was from 2020. A woman took

33:06

her 115 pound miniature horse on a plane as a service animal. And

33:11

now she's worried that it could be his last flight. I don't know why

33:13

that bit's been added. No, I don't know why that bit's been added. I

33:15

don't know why that bit's been added. I don't know why that bit's been

33:17

added. I don't know why that bit's been added. I don't know why that

33:19

bit's been added. Did he not like it? He clicked the synopsis on a

33:21

film on Channel 5. Googled it on a one case. What's happened to the

33:23

horse? I'd

33:25

love if the horse was like a nervous flyer and

33:27

he just had a smaller horse with him and then

33:29

it was just like a bit perception. Just a load

33:31

of horses. Yeah, I'm looking

33:33

at... There's even a little video of the

33:35

horse on the plane. Wow.

33:40

Yeah. There you go. So that's

33:42

a true one. Is that added to your theory

33:44

or... No, I'm still... Is there any

33:46

more weight to the... Yeah, yeah, it has. The Americans

33:48

are letting miniature horses on as service animals. They

33:51

were letting a snake on. Then

33:53

a snake's not that mad, so I'm going to say

33:55

that. And the Miami thing. So yeah, I'm going to

33:57

say that. So which ones are the fight?

34:00

Well, you remember previously we've done this game and you

34:03

two have been so bad at it that literally if

34:05

you just picked a number beforehand you would have done

34:07

better. I'm going through. I'm going through.

34:09

Yeah, it's number one. Oh, what? Are

34:12

you kidding me? I'm going through again. How are we both

34:14

getting wrong? He puts the

34:16

mad one at the beginning so we haven't set

34:18

up our palette for how mad they're going

34:27

to be yet. So the mad one comes in first and

34:29

then we have to... I remember the first one. The German

34:31

Anglider. Oh,

34:33

that does feel real now. I

34:35

think it's called Hans Glide. I

34:38

think he said that at one point. We

34:40

went along with his name was Hans Glide

34:42

and we went, yeah, that sounds real. Yeah,

34:44

go on. To be fair, I was tempted

34:46

but last year we did this and Jason

34:48

spotted it because I had one about involving

34:50

a submarine and I called the guy in

34:52

charge of it something like William Free and

34:54

he went, oh, it's Free, will you? Oh,

34:56

damn it, he spotted the plane. Yeah,

34:59

not having that. Not having that, yeah. Now,

35:01

fair play. He's tricked us there. So the Hans

35:03

Glide one wasn't real. So

35:06

fair play, yeah. Damn

35:08

it. Damn this game. I

35:11

really thought he was double bluffing me with the Miami

35:13

thing. I thought that he didn't think it. He's got

35:16

to think because of the flight. Yeah, it is. It

35:18

is. All right, well, look,

35:20

best of luck with the book. Realite

35:22

My Fire is out now. CK

35:24

McDonald, it's the fourth instalment. Can you read it by

35:26

itself and start with it and go back or? Yeah,

35:28

this one you can read by yourself, a lot of

35:30

people have. Great stuff. All right, mate,

35:33

all the best. See you soon. Thanks a bit,

35:35

boys. Sunday morning, 8.11, Jason Manford

35:38

on absolute radio. Where real music matters. Now,

35:43

Steve, do you remember when

35:46

I was playing The Lion in The Wizard of

35:48

Oz back over the summer and I

35:50

had a weird photo, a video

35:53

that I sent where

35:55

an ear had landed, a hair had landed

35:57

on my ear. Yes. And like. reattached

36:00

to the follicle, we don't know what's going

36:02

on. That's what we think, otherwise overnight a

36:04

massive hair. Yeah you would have seen it

36:07

yesterday. Had I seen it growing? When it

36:09

was half that size. Weird, anyway Ben has

36:11

emailed six months later. He's had a think

36:13

about it. He's had a real think about

36:16

it, he's obviously listened to it on the

36:18

podcast maybe and it's just come up. So

36:20

Ben says, he's emailed me at jason at

36:22

absolute radio. So we'll hear this reply in

36:24

about six months time. Exactly yeah, he says

36:27

hi Jason I have a theory in regard

36:29

to your random long a-hair mystery. Just

36:31

as a bit of pre-explanation, I've been

36:33

a barber for a number of years

36:35

and often with the job you get

36:37

something called hair splinters. Hair

36:40

splinters? This is a problem caused by cutting

36:42

the hair with clippers, where the end of

36:45

the hair that has been

36:47

cut becomes a needle-like sharp edge. This

36:49

results in that end sometimes sticking into

36:51

your hand or fingers, in between fingers

36:54

and having to just be pulled out

36:56

by tweezers in most cases. So hang

36:58

on, so as a barber, an occupational

37:01

hazard, you come back with like really

37:03

airy hands like a wolf man. All

37:05

different colours, curly hair, straight hair, peroxide,

37:08

ginger, all the hairs. All

37:10

the hairs. Wow. My

37:12

theory says Ben is that one of

37:15

the hairs potentially came from your cowardly

37:17

lion costume mane and may have become

37:19

loose with it potentially being real hair,

37:21

much like hair extensions or potentially synthetic.

37:23

With you being under the stage lights

37:25

and your paws most probably being opened

37:27

with the heat of the costume, one

37:29

of those could have become loose and

37:31

stuck in your ear. That's my

37:34

theory to the mystery. Well I mean he's a

37:36

barber so I don't want a theory. If

37:38

anyone knows about hair reattaching or hair generally,

37:41

I'd want him to have a proper

37:43

answer rather than just pontificating. Well first

37:45

of all he says your costume was

37:47

made of real hair, I

37:52

doubt it was, was it? I don't

37:54

think so. But even if

37:56

it was, unlikely, let's just say that's

37:58

more likely. If it's like a

38:01

polyester, that's not going to reattach itself. Yeah,

38:03

but he's saying because of the heat from the

38:05

stage, my paws were open. Yeah, but anything

38:07

could drop in. Anything could drop in there.

38:10

A pool cue, anything with that logic. Not

38:12

that, Dave! Yeah, but

38:14

it's polyester. It's made out of some sort

38:16

of synthetic thing. You think that's not going

38:18

to reattach? It'll drop in and

38:21

then it'll fall out again. It's not got any sort of

38:23

root or a sharp... I'm going to

38:25

side with the barber. How's that bit fallen off

38:27

your costume? Have you been shaving the lion at

38:29

half time? No, but obviously bits come out as

38:31

you're moving around. Yeah, but not sharp bits. He

38:33

said a clipper has to be sharp enough to...

38:36

He said to be sharp enough, clipper sharp. Not

38:38

just falling out. I mean, by that

38:40

case, Dorothy could have a face full of it, couldn't

38:42

she, as well? I guess so. Anybody

38:45

who's in the vicinity. Yeah. Well, look, it's

38:47

as good a theory as any, Steve. I

38:49

don't want a theory off a barber. I want facts. Hit

38:54

me with your best facts. Fire

38:57

away. It's

39:06

the game that nobody is talking about. It is Hit

39:08

Me With Your Best Facts here on the Jason Manford

39:10

Show. All you've got to do is send us your

39:12

best facts. Jason at absoluteradio.co.uk

39:16

and you can win yourself an Absolute Radio mug is

39:18

what it says now. I feel like we're being done

39:20

here. I feel like we're being swizzed here. A generic

39:23

mug. Soon it'll just be like a turquoise mug or

39:25

something. Yeah, or later on

39:27

it'll be... If there's a mug in

39:29

your house, can you just use that? Yeah, we'll send

39:31

you a Sharpie pen and you can just write on

39:33

it. Yeah. So here's our facts

39:36

this week. Joe

39:38

Fox says, nobody knows how

39:40

electric eels are born or

39:42

reproduce. What? Nobody

39:45

knows. Nobody. He

39:47

says, I think I should know because I'm an

39:49

electrician. But he says, nobody knows. Nobody knows how

39:51

they're born. So nobody should know because you're an

39:53

electrician. I don't think that's in your area. If

39:56

you're a marine biologist or something, you should know.

39:58

But electricians... I should know,

40:00

I'm electrician so I should know all about electric heels. What?

40:06

What is it like? No, nobody. What? Nobody,

40:08

are they that dull? Because somebody, like everything,

40:10

like somebody's seen a mushroom and gone, I'm

40:12

going to get my life to just study

40:14

in mushrooms. But no, everyone's just looked at

40:16

electric heel and gone, whatever.

40:20

So no one bothered. What are they bothered? I

40:23

guess two, you know, two electric

40:25

heels going at it. Do they, do

40:27

they? I'm just

40:29

trying to work out what they know. Electric you to the success and then? Like

40:33

tasered. What? It's

40:35

a submission. Somebody don't help. Exactly.

40:38

I don't understand how that... Is it so

40:40

far? I'd say it's like so

40:42

far down that no one knows but then they've got... Well,

40:44

so he's never observed. An eel, isn't it? They're

40:47

not that far down eels, are they? Even

40:49

the ones in captivity though, you can't just put two in captivity and

40:51

just wait. Just have a look at them. Yes. Oh

40:54

wow, it's throwing me there, it's confusing, isn't it?

40:58

That is weird. Okay. Okay, I

41:00

quite like that one. That's a good start because that

41:02

makes me want to know more. Darren

41:05

Noble... I don't know much about eels, false stop though,

41:07

do you? Well, no, not really. No, not

41:09

like... Wasn't there a flood last couple of years when

41:11

there was some eels just like that? They're

41:14

high street in Dudley or something. No, it was just

41:16

Hastings. Yeah, there was an eel just going... But then

41:18

we lived by the coast, don't we? Oh

41:21

yeah, Hastings, that's right. Yeah, it was near you. Fair

41:23

enough. Yeah, true. Yeah.

41:27

Darren Noble says, in just one day,

41:29

Ethiopia planted 350 million trees. In

41:33

one day? In one day. 350 million trees.

41:37

How many people were doing that then? I

41:39

want to know more about that. How? That's

41:42

a good fact, isn't it? 350 million. Paul

41:46

Bullows says, have you ever

41:48

wondered where WD-40 gets its

41:50

name? Right, Water Displacement 40.

41:53

Yeah, so they tried and failed 39 times

41:56

to get their Water Displacing formula to work. But

41:58

On the force of your attempt, they got it right. The big

42:00

way to be the forties Cancer water

42:02

displacement fortieth formula can. When I last.

42:06

Saw it live in it. So. right?

42:08

But yeah, we knew when I thought that's pretty

42:10

good that you know we like that so you

42:12

can use them in real life as well. Didn't

42:15

tantalizes enough that we got we have mental under

42:17

the most of the thanks to my. Master.

42:21

Our I also write a been ours is

42:23

on a a mug. Else

42:26

I'm still thinking of allah to he'll sit

42:28

on the so I am as of my

42:30

mind since like to decide to Anna fellows

42:32

in Atlanta dribs and sixty million it's old

42:34

bloke one ethiopians out the earth with for

42:36

it with the to go on here from

42:38

care and old Donald says with as com

42:40

taking place at the moment here is my

42:43

best facts as as calm. As

42:45

it is, it's African nations out

42:47

a couple of among African nations

42:49

or is it as an addict

42:51

abbreviate before congress? and yeah scott

42:53

African nations and or but this

42:56

is my best that in Nigeria.

42:58

Dundee, United is used

43:00

as an insult. For. Example.

43:03

Don't. Be so to Dundee United. By.

43:07

Less. Than the known as it on the Soma thought

43:09

that's what let some flies is that the. New.

43:12

Anti. Good ones and mister

43:14

by like pre season friendly. With.

43:16

The others years ago the and I did some

43:18

pin them down the last night that I been

43:20

old. them is like you have been sent Coventry

43:22

Then suffice. Blast

43:25

not visible. same as it up. No,

43:28

no, but you know it's it's. Subs

43:30

have the war as know. Very

43:33

odd. sorry off high level. that

43:35

is a story. Enough of story

43:37

Dundee United as an insult. it's

43:39

if the. Cla

43:42

says Jay! So there's a bookseller

43:44

this week England as more tornadoes

43:46

per square mile that any other

43:49

country gang gets. Oh. I.

43:51

Just really really tiny we are

43:53

noticeable. the clusters his own

43:55

i have a without regard maybe maybe because you

43:57

know that you when you see like documents about

43:59

pay They go, this is what they call

44:01

this tornado alley. There's loads of tour, we

44:03

have four every month. And I

44:06

don't remember ever seeing a tornado. It was a bit of

44:08

wind and they give it a name,

44:10

don't they? Yeah. But

44:12

we're all little country as well, aren't we, I suppose. So per

44:15

square mile, if we have, what

44:17

are we like to say, can't they fit three of

44:20

us in Texas or something? I don't know. Something like

44:22

that. Yeah, or maybe, yeah. I don't know. Karen

44:25

Hale says, since 2004, Hollywood has outlawed the

44:27

use of Silly String on the streets of

44:29

Hollywood for the 24 hours of Halloween. There's

44:31

even a $1,000 fine for using or selling

44:35

the product around Halloween. Really? People just go mad

44:37

on Halloween and just start spraying it everywhere. Yeah,

44:39

you don't really see it over here, do you?

44:41

It's not a thing that we use a lot.

44:43

No, it's a good idea, didn't it? Yeah. Yeah,

44:45

I feel like it's, yeah, not

44:47

a thing. Well, just a clean up operation.

44:50

They went, nah, stop that. I can understand

44:52

that. To be honest, New Year's Eve at

44:54

ours, we had one of them confetti cannons.

44:58

And 10, nine, eight, give

45:00

it all that. Confetti cannons. In a

45:02

moment, hey, happy New Year. It's

45:06

lovely. Next

45:08

day. Oh, mate, not just the next

45:10

day. We're February and I'm still finding bits. Yeah,

45:12

you will, that's it now. Bits of this. So

45:15

I can only imagine what it must be like when you're cleaning

45:18

the streets. And it's in

45:20

Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah. No, I

45:22

couldn't, I'm right behind. All over Mel Gibson's star. Exactly.

45:27

I'd put that fine up to be honest. But

45:30

I'd ban it all year round, not for one thing. Yeah,

45:32

all year round, yeah. It's just a stupid thing, yeah, I

45:34

get that. Chris joins in trying to

45:36

win the mug this morning. Says, if Loch

45:38

Ness was to freeze over, 268 million people

45:40

could stand on it. Wow.

45:44

That's how big it is. I didn't realise it was that

45:46

big, did you? Massive. 268

45:49

million. That's

45:51

crazy. That's mental. I

45:53

thought then, that's a million. 268,

45:56

not even like three million, I'd

45:58

go, shut up. Yeah. I

46:00

know! How

46:02

many people are in the UK? Like 60 million or

46:04

something? 70 million? 70 is like that.

46:07

I know 65 million. That's mad! Madness!

46:09

I love it. It's a good one. Please

46:12

do. Let's have a party. I like this. Find

46:14

him. Finally. Michael

46:17

Price says, In the

46:19

film Jurassic Park, there's a scene where one

46:21

of the characters is watching another Steven Spielberg

46:23

film on his computer. Oh.

46:27

Doesn't tell you which one it is though. No. That's

46:29

like, I love that little Easter egg. Did you see that

46:31

one back to the future that I'd never noticed before? No.

46:34

So, you know at the beginning of the film, when he goes

46:36

to the mall, do you remember what the mall's called? It's

46:38

called Twin Pines Mall. Right.

46:42

That's what it's called. And then when he goes back in

46:44

time, the first time, at the car park, which has been

46:46

chased by the Libyans, he crashes into

46:48

a pine tree in the old

46:50

farmer's... That's

46:52

what he is, a pine farm. He crashes into his pine tree, smashes

46:55

one over, crashed in the shed, I think he's an alien, all that.

46:58

When he comes back at the end to rescue Doc, the

47:01

mall is called Single

47:04

Pine Mall. They've changed

47:06

it because he crashed into it. No way.

47:09

I've never noticed that before. It came from a thing,

47:11

and I was like, what? That's good. Have a look.

47:14

It's mad. Lone Pine Mall,

47:16

I think it's called. Lone Pine Mall at the end. It's

47:18

Twin Pines million. I love the rest of it. No one

47:20

notices it. No one notices it. Apparently,

47:22

in the Polar Express, there's a flux

47:24

capacitor in one shot. In the engine, yes. That explains the

47:26

thing or two, yeah. I

47:29

like that. We're doing well here.

47:31

Yeah, brilliant. I

47:33

like when facts become other facts. Yeah.

47:36

Good work. You might win the mug this week, Steve. I don't want

47:38

it. I don't want it. It's not

47:41

worth it to you that you're making it. I've got one of the real ones. I've

47:43

got one of the real ones. That's

47:48

an egg cup. Neil says, me and

47:50

my son Jake love listening to your show

47:52

and the best facts on Sunday. Jake, 12, has

47:54

a fact for you. Has no bearing.

47:57

No bearing. We treat kids the

47:59

same as adults on this show. game going. The

48:01

magic six. The magic six. Okay. Well, 12

48:04

definitely not. But anyway, we'll

48:09

hear you out. Did you know

48:11

each oven in the Great British Bake

48:13

Off is tested before each show by

48:15

baking a Victoria sponge in the oven

48:18

to ensure it works perfect

48:20

before every show? Well,

48:22

that makes sense, doesn't it? Because you'd want to

48:24

know that they were an even temperature. Like, because

48:26

if somebody won, the thermometer was

48:28

set wrong or something. That makes sense. Quite a

48:30

nice idea that when you go on Bake Off,

48:33

there's just a load of Victoria. It's just

48:36

how much you've tested the ovens. And

48:38

they just sat there, three cakes. I don't remember that when I did it. I

48:40

would have loved a bit of... Although I

48:42

was in the zone, to be fair, I was in the

48:44

bake. But you were probably after the series, so they already

48:46

tested the ovens, aren't they then? Ah, maybe. You'd have to

48:48

recalibrate them and test them before every... No, each show, he

48:50

says. Each show, yeah. So I mean, you must have to

48:53

calibrate them. You just... Makes sense. That

48:55

clip popped up the other day

48:57

on something. You know, when... Right

49:01

at the very beginning, it's like right when Mel

49:03

and Sue were still presenting it, where someone just

49:05

took some guy's thing out of the freezer. Oh,

49:08

yeah. Oh, it called onto the top of the

49:10

day. It's proper horrible. And

49:13

he just throws it all big in the bin. Oh,

49:15

yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I do remember that. It

49:18

is very vicious, aren't they? You can't mess with old

49:20

women when it comes to bake-off. They will have you.

49:23

Oh, yeah, I'll take you down. That's right. And

49:25

rightly so. I don't

49:28

care. Pretty good that one, Jake.

49:30

Thank you. Wes says, right, this

49:32

blew my mind. Okay. Okay. All

49:34

right. Let me see. I'm sitting

49:36

comfortable. New Ipswich Town signing. This

49:39

is actually really good. New

49:43

Ipswich Town signing. Axel Tuanseby.

49:45

Yeah. I think I've said

49:47

that right. Is

49:49

a Guinness World Record holder at

49:52

Hungry Hungry Hippos? This

49:55

is brilliant. He's

49:57

the fastest time in the world at clearing a complete board of

49:59

paper. Was this instrumental in

50:01

being signed or was it inspired by the bar?

50:06

What? So he's got a

50:08

work record. He's got a work record. He's

50:10

got a work record. He's got a work record. Oh

50:12

my God. That's good, isn't it? That is pretty good. I

50:14

don't know why that makes me laugh so much. I

50:17

don't know. I think it's going to be

50:19

a premier manager and, you know, a football manager, isn't

50:21

it? It's so right. I feel like I managed Ipswich

50:23

a few years. You know, it

50:25

was when David Johnson was there, I think. I

50:27

think I was a manager of that club on

50:29

the Amiga. Oh, you all right?

50:32

Are you OK? No, just pull

50:34

off me. Microphone leader. I

50:36

was thinking back to... It's

50:39

so slow. Well,

50:41

it could have been worse. It could

50:43

have been the microwave. It could have

50:45

been. Well, that's very good. Really

50:48

good. That's good. I've got to

50:50

have a think about this and have a little think about this and

50:55

then come up with a winner shortly. OK,

51:08

we need to pick a winner, Steve. I'm going to rattle through them. We

51:10

have got the information about electric eels

51:14

from Joe Fox. We don't know how they're born.

51:16

Darren Knows told us that. One

51:18

day in Ethiopia, they planted 350 million trees. Paul

51:21

Bullows told us about WD-40. The

51:25

African nation, the best

51:27

fact there is that in Nigeria, Dundee United

51:29

is used as an insult. Stop being

51:32

such a Dundee United. They're

51:35

all good, aren't they? I want to know more about that one. Shelley

51:37

says England has more tornadoes than any

51:40

other country. Karen Hale told

51:42

us about Silly String in Hollywood being banned.

51:44

The Loch Ness froze over. 268

51:47

million people could stand on it. In

51:50

Jurassic Park, there's a little Easter egg of a Steven

51:52

Spielberg film being watched. Jake told us about the

51:54

British Bake Off. Victoria's

51:56

Sandwich is cooked in every oven before every show.

52:00

And Alex Tawansabi, we

52:02

think his name is, he's

52:05

a Guinness World Record holder at Hungry

52:07

Hippos. He's just signed for

52:09

Ipswich Town. So, some

52:11

good as that, mate. Tricky, isn't it?

52:15

I feel like, you know, we know

52:17

those facts. Some of the ones that we know, like, so

52:19

we know he's the Hungry Hippos Champion, and we know about

52:21

the WED40, we know. But

52:24

the electric ear thing is a very high-brow thing.

52:26

I'm confused as to nobody knows

52:28

about that. The trees in Ethiopia

52:30

is good. But for me, I want

52:32

to know why they don't do United in Nigeria. I want

52:34

to know why that's saying so. Yeah,

52:36

I think you're right there. I do like, I

52:39

also feel like the electric ear one might send

52:41

us down a route where somebody just goes,

52:43

Yeah, and of course we do. Do you

52:45

know what I mean? Like... Yeah, but we

52:47

didn't know until 1996, basically. And we

52:49

were like... Yeah. Um...

52:53

I'm just trying to find out why they, I'm

52:55

trying to find out why it's used to be

52:57

an idiot in Nigeria. A

53:00

country of 200 million people, and have

53:02

apparently been using Dundee United as a

53:04

byword for fool all these years. It

53:06

says here in The Guardian, it

53:09

doesn't make a lot of sense, but it

53:11

is true. Nigerian Scot based in Glasgow, Yewande,

53:13

says that when I was little, living in

53:16

Nigeria, it was quite common. People would say,

53:18

you're just a Dundee United, or don't be

53:20

such a Dundee United. And it basically meant

53:22

idiot or loser. But why did this happen?

53:24

Yeah. Dundee United unfortunately did not

53:27

respond to requests for comment on the

53:29

question. The club's silence represented an

53:31

early blow to an investigation that already appeared

53:34

complicated, as it was

53:36

pointless. I like this honest... Yeah,

53:38

yeah, yeah. Who's the journalist here? I like this guy. Liam

53:41

Kerkaldi at Nutmeg the magazine. Um...

53:44

I mean, there's several theories, Steve. Yeah.

53:46

On why it's there, but it looks

53:49

like there's no definitive reason. It's just

53:51

become... Become a thing. That

53:54

somebody's got a theory... Yeah, someone's got a

53:56

theory that it goes back to 1989, FIFA. Under-16

54:00

World Championships. Right.

54:03

The one Gundi were there? No it was

54:06

like something in an

54:08

online chat room it says

54:10

but in 1989. There can't

54:13

be many online chat rooms

54:15

in 1989. Oh no it's

54:17

popular on the online chat rooms about the

54:20

1989 FIFA World Cup. Right.

54:22

The tournament was actually a very successful one

54:24

for the Scotland Under-16s team which made it

54:26

to the final before losing to Saudi Arabia

54:29

on penalties. Records show Nigeria were also present

54:31

with the team knocked out by the Saudis

54:33

in the quarters. Significantly the match was played

54:35

at Denz Park. In fact the ground

54:38

was home for four of Nigeria's games

54:41

and the team also trained there. Could

54:43

that be the answer? Is it possible that

54:45

a continuum of mischievous Dundee fans could have

54:47

played a part in the original phrase? Could

54:50

they have taken it upon themselves to form a group

54:52

of 15 year old Nigerian youth that

54:54

Dundee United was local slang for an idiot?

54:57

Guess what? We're a million miles away

54:59

from your Dunderhead. Oh

55:02

I see yeah yeah. I

55:05

don't know I'd love to know. If anyone knows do

55:08

we go out into Nigeria? I mean

55:11

if anyone could just make up

55:13

a theory. Do we go to Dundee?

55:15

Do people in Dundee know? Let's get

55:18

Dundee because somebody in Dundee must know.

55:20

Someone must know. Your silence is deafening

55:24

Don't be such a Dundee United and

55:26

let us know. Come on. You

55:29

can email us jasonabsoluteradio.co.uk Thanks

55:40

for listening this morning here on

55:43

Absolute Radio. You can get in

55:45

touch anytime jasonabsoluteradio.co.uk. Next week we'll

55:48

be chatting things all

55:50

things Valentine's. Love. The

55:52

language of love. So we love one

55:55

of our favorite topics is reasons

55:57

you didn't go on a second date. You've

56:00

just had such a terrible moment. And

56:02

in a date you thought, why am I

56:05

gonna go on a second date with this guy or girl? So

56:07

email us your reasons you didn't go on a second date. Jason

56:10

at absoluteradio.co.uk. We

56:12

got more Madame Blanc this week, Steve. We have, I

56:14

think it's the last one this week. Yeah, I think

56:16

it's the last one this week, yeah. Amazing. Okay,

56:19

I've been watching that. That's on channel five

56:21

and the five player. My five, is it?

56:23

My five. My five. Your five. And

56:25

you can still catch. The National Lottery's

56:27

Big Night in Musicals, which is on the BBC

56:30

and I Player as well, which I hosted last

56:32

week. Have a lovely Sunday. Enjoy the rest of

56:34

your week and we'll see you next week.