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0:51

Welcome. Feedback Friday I'm your host Jordan

0:53

Harbinger There's always I'm here with Feedback

0:55

Friday Producer: a guy with whom I

0:57

literally saying hit Me Baby one more

0:59

time by the one and only Britney

1:02

Spears in the North Korean karaoke bar

1:04

Gabriel Ms right number I gave of

1:06

course how could I forget? do you

1:08

remember. Visiting. Kim Jong Il

1:10

personal asteroids farm where they made us were

1:12

white lab coats for absolutely no reason yes

1:15

and was like this is not a sterile

1:17

area. There's like ostrich poop everywhere but okay,

1:19

I've got a cold out. The deal. What

1:21

are we doing here? The real reason I

1:24

remember that is because the tour guide for

1:26

that farm said she remarried. They make you

1:28

go there every time rights because it's very

1:30

important and she said she remembered me because

1:33

I was so handsome. I will literally never

1:35

forget that whenever I'm having a bad day.

1:37

I just remember that a sixty something. Year

1:39

old North Korean ostrich farmer has a crush

1:41

on me or had one once upon a

1:43

time. probably still does. Not a lot of

1:45

action in North Korea. I think she's now

1:47

of clinging about memory but I'm so happy

1:49

you guys ever experience together we will always

1:52

have that. I just yeah you're right. the

1:54

lab coats was weird. Yeah, why do they

1:56

make us were lab coats of the Ostrich

1:58

farm? It was like we were visiting. The

2:00

and then tigers something beryllium was just ostriches.

2:02

and and on the way out they tried

2:04

to sell as ostrich leather wallet. Switch Vs

2:06

made me feel very sad about what we

2:08

do see. Also, do you even know ostrich

2:10

a leather existed before that? I certainly didn't

2:12

know. But why would you take us on

2:15

a tour of the ostrich farm? And so

2:17

as always, I mean they're not the nicest

2:19

animals, but that you know they're just doing

2:21

what they Third, they don't know. better. get

2:23

understanding on the ostrich egg. illegal if you

2:25

can jump on it. so it's I know,

2:27

I don't remember this and all. Yes, super

2:29

hard. Eggs great. So the super hard eggs

2:32

in this crazy difficult species to give birth

2:34

there and then they're like and then we'd

2:36

turn it in. Do a thing you can

2:38

buy your insurance garden relic. I don't want

2:40

that. Not North Korea Man, none of it

2:42

ever makes any sense at all. nor does

2:45

not. Anyway, on the Jordan Harbinger show it

2:47

eco the story secret and skills the world's

2:49

most fascinating people in turn their wisdom into

2:51

practical advice. The you can use the impact

2:53

your own life and those around. if our

2:55

mission is to help you become a better

2:58

informed, more critical thinker. During the week we. Have

3:00

long form conversations with a variety of

3:02

amazing folks like mafia, unforced errors, arms

3:04

dealers, money laundering experts, rocket scientist generals,

3:07

fortune five hundred Ceos are extreme athletes.

3:09

This week we had Charles Do Hague

3:11

on Super Communicators. These are the habits

3:14

of some of the best communicators. persuade

3:16

years in the business, from Cia agents

3:18

to business people. Really fascinating interview. The

3:20

Stairs awesome. He's a friend of my,

3:23

just a really amazing think a writer,

3:25

etc. Digital of that episode, we also

3:27

had Miles Johnson from The Financial Times.

3:30

On international intrigue so drug cartels, arms trafficking.

3:32

If you're into that whole thing, you're gonna

3:34

dig that episode with Miles Johnson as well.

3:37

So little bit of variety for you here

3:39

this week. On Fridays that we

3:41

share stories, take listener letters, offer advice,

3:43

and occasionally reminisce about the hilarious and

3:45

borderline reckless travels the game and I

3:47

have once upon a time done together

3:49

before we kick off gabe crazy story

3:51

that a sort of i don't know

3:53

why ostrich eggs reminded me of this,

3:55

but about eight years ago I was

3:57

getting a haircut in New York City.

4:00

Gonna do some media or something of other

4:02

guys. you get a haircut to have time.

4:04

So run of this random barbershop on the

4:06

west side. I'm in the chair and this

4:08

guy's work and away and I make a

4:10

comment him i go you must be really

4:12

into your job because he has this tattoo

4:14

on it on his forearm of barber shears

4:16

and as like eyes right? really and gotten

4:18

Herrick Scissors know like the electronics gonna lecture

4:20

series like they're like the sheep's years that

4:22

you get when you get a closer guess

4:24

a double tattooed on his. yeah okay I

4:26

was like do this guy this guess really

4:28

into gotten hair for sure but committed. Yeah,

4:30

what if you to make a career to

4:32

into the after, explain out for the roster

4:35

less. Let's say he wasn't making a career

4:37

change. That's what a story we're going anyway.

4:39

while he's cutting my hair another Barbara the

4:41

barbershop is reading i think the New York

4:44

Times in their reading this newspaper story out

4:46

loud about a crime. And the crime

4:48

was a sexual assaults in central Park in

4:50

his reading it to my barber and I

4:52

was I tell that so cool As your

4:54

friends reading you the paper says he gets

4:56

another dispose where's my barber was really into

4:58

the facts of the story like a little

5:01

to internals like why you haven't I'm repeat

5:03

stuff oh you like to say that again

5:05

how do they do Like than that however

5:07

we did it would be sorted out of

5:09

lego What? where did this happen and I

5:11

was just like dude it's just our is

5:13

this not just one of many random stories

5:15

you're being read today Anchor as you cut

5:17

hair and I kid you not just minutes

5:19

later the police bustin' and the like ah

5:21

you're under arrest is that I want to

5:23

know what I'm under arrest for it I'm

5:26

like I was. I certainly want to know

5:28

what you're under arrest for because you're just

5:30

say where they arrest him for that crime.

5:33

Of notice I remember the female cop was like

5:35

i don't think he wanted to tell you why

5:37

you're under arrest. You know I want to know

5:39

and they're like okay you're under arrest for the

5:42

sexual assault of a literally is like a seventy

5:44

two year old woman in Central Park News Like

5:46

it all the other barbers were like whole mad.

5:48

At is so bizarre. Yeah this is

5:50

the guy was working on you write

5:52

this is my barber. Got arrested for

5:55

rape while being read the story about

5:57

said rape while he's cutting my hair.

6:00

That is so insane. What is zany story Okay

6:02

yeah but so who finished your hair certain a

6:04

guy read a newspaper, end up finishing my haircut

6:06

and I'm like hey I'm in I'm sorta have

6:08

here I got the backstrom nicely the task and

6:11

along and weird I can go out like this

6:13

I look like James L teacher and I'm were

6:15

in a plastic smart as some crazy recovery of

6:17

like that big like mob of hair as other

6:20

the i wasn't quite Of course I don't have

6:22

a vague marvel curly hair but as is like

6:24

the bottoms they call train there for the but

6:26

ah it's like I'm like why do we the

6:29

as it's yeah but. As long as A.that's

6:31

so funny ago so especially awkward right is

6:33

that guy just starts cutting my hair and

6:35

he says like oh boy and that was

6:37

like all the com and he wanted to

6:39

make on that and one lives. Well anyway

6:41

that happen as on think and what on

6:43

earth is happening I go. How long is

6:46

that I worked here and the other guys

6:48

again Not long. Nobody basically knew this guy

6:50

and the new barber was like oh man

6:52

he did that Wow and just kept working

6:54

ago I'm in here and I'm thinking what

6:56

and on earth how you not shocked by

6:58

this And here's the kicker. The reason

7:01

the police found this guy is the victim.

7:03

Remember that her assailant had a tattoo on

7:05

his forearm of a barber? Sheer wow and

7:07

somehow they triangulated that cool with a few

7:10

other clues or whatever and they tracked him

7:12

to that barbershop. a bad, been arrested for

7:14

something else and the like identify markers like

7:16

Barbara Sheer giant barbers your tattoo on right

7:19

forum. Oh wow what a different story. Oh

7:21

oh really good one and also creepy cause

7:23

you're like that guy's panzer like over my

7:26

head and serve cutting me in his is

7:28

like of violence. Sexual offender is another your

7:30

as type know but still like like that's

7:32

why he was so interested in the story.

7:35

You want to know a coups and evidence

7:37

they had too little too late bow very

7:39

conspicuous to because you could it as read

7:41

the article on your own instead of making

7:44

such a thing out of it. But yeah

7:46

Im is and go back a couple paragraphs.

7:48

and to start over, I'm super interested in

7:51

this race story. Dark but amazing. Well then

7:53

I gave what's the first thing out of

7:55

the mailbox. Do. Jordan a good. One.

7:58

Night A friend of mine from high school. Let's

8:00

call him. Liam Went to a concert

8:02

with some friends. On the drive home,

8:04

he fell asleep at the wheel. His.

8:06

Car crash lands and ended up hitting

8:09

another car had on. Tragically.

8:11

An older lady and the other car

8:13

was killed and several passengers and both

8:16

cars including Liam were seriously injured. Ah

8:18

man, that is so tragic is one

8:20

of those nightmares you just pray never

8:22

happens. I'm very sorry this happened. Your

8:24

friends are in am course. I'm sorry.

8:26

these people were hurt and this woman

8:28

died. Misses a heartbreaking story where everybody

8:30

loses. After. The Accident: the

8:33

parents of one of limbs injured friends

8:35

sued him. The. Judge ruled

8:37

against Liam and awarded the

8:39

family seventy one million dollars

8:41

in damages supposedly the highest

8:43

settlement in state history for

8:45

that type. acclaim. Wow.

8:47

No kidding. Wow. I actually wondered if this

8:49

is really the true number when we first

8:51

read this letter. That. Seems astronomical. obviously.

8:54

I understand that significant damages can be awarded

8:56

after a tragedy like this. but seventy one

8:58

million? A lot. That's like wrongful death for

9:00

large numbers of people. And I just, I

9:02

don't know how hefty. I don't know how

9:04

you put a number on a person's life

9:07

or an injury is such a heavy question,

9:09

but this is a is a crippling amount

9:11

of was no pun intended truly, but that's

9:13

a crazy high penalty for one person who

9:15

was not killed. I do wonder how a

9:17

judge or jury puts a dollar amount on

9:19

something like those. I mean, I know that

9:22

this is what civil lawsuits. Are all about.

9:24

I'm sure non economic damages played a

9:26

big here to space on a number

9:28

or there's pain and suffering of quarter

9:30

and that's when the egg. Yeah, that's

9:32

when the numbers can get they. but

9:34

also this plaintiff I'm guessing since they

9:36

did not die would you say seriously

9:39

injured? This person probably needs a lifetime

9:41

of professional care and can't work. So

9:43

yeah, we're all the last income all

9:45

the pain and suffering but you also

9:47

have a hundred and fifty thousand dollars

9:49

or more per year staff and another

9:51

couple hundred thousand for medical care. Over

9:53

if this guy was a teenager. the next

9:55

you know, seventy years of life or something

9:57

rather like this is what it's gonna go.

10:00

The me at it that adds up that

10:02

hill seventy one million. that just seems really

10:04

high. but yeah I don't i you calculate

10:06

but but anyway he goes on. The.

10:09

Ruling also apparently stipulates that

10:11

Liam can't claim bankruptcy and

10:13

that the amount compounds annually.

10:15

The. Plaintiffs now claim that Liam owes

10:17

them one hundred eighty million dollars. He.

10:20

Says is it only be one hundred

10:22

twenty million dollars These numbers stirred brutal

10:24

so he's never theoretically getting out from

10:26

under this now no light at the

10:28

end of this tunnel, I'm afraid. So

10:30

the letter was on. My. Father

10:32

recently ran into Liam and said that he

10:34

wasn't looking as well as he is still. I.

10:37

Assume his wages are being darnedest to service

10:39

the dead, but obviously I'll never be able

10:41

to repay that amount. I. Also, assume

10:44

that any outstanding debt would be passed

10:46

on to his next of kin if

10:48

you were to pass away, so even

10:50

committing suicide doesn't seem like a solution.

10:53

I. Understand that when a horrible event

10:55

like this happens, the survivors seek

10:57

justice and comfort. But. This outcome

10:59

seems outlandish. way unbalanced, Limbs.

11:02

Life must be at a standstill. It's.

11:04

Hard to imagine pursuing his goals with this

11:06

financial burden. If. I were in his shoes.

11:09

I don't know how I would find the strength or

11:11

the hope to carry on. Is. There any

11:13

way forward for my friend. Does. He have

11:15

any hope of getting out of his dad. City.

11:17

Flee the country. If. He did. Would

11:19

he ever be able to come back and visit

11:22

his family? Or would he be arrested at the

11:24

airport? With. His family face and consequences

11:26

if he laughed. And. If he doesn't leave

11:28

the country. How. City feel about that

11:30

ethically. City. Just ignore his

11:32

guilt. And. Running from the law, Signed.

11:35

Watching my friend crumble as his prospects

11:37

tumble under the weight of this massive

11:40

bundle. Oh man, what a story. Like

11:42

I said, a tragedy on multiple levels

11:44

on one hand lock my heart obviously

11:46

breaks for this woman who was killed

11:48

and the friend who was injured. These

11:50

are terrible wounds and they do seem

11:53

to be the result of limbs mistake.

11:55

On the other hand, I also really

11:57

empathize with that. Twenty Twenty two, Twenty

11:59

Five. The old whose life is completely

12:01

and utterly changed because of an accident

12:04

and whose future now looks very bleak,

12:06

maybe even nonexistent. So. I understand why

12:08

you're so concerned about your friend. Also, the other

12:10

thing is man, he fell asleep, which I know

12:12

like luck, that's part of his responsibility. But I've

12:15

had long days at work back in the day

12:17

and I was like wow, I'm really tired. I

12:19

might fall asleep on the road. It.

12:21

One thing, if you're wasted or your mind

12:23

new cause an accident falling asleep, it somehow

12:26

a little bit more forgivable and understandable of

12:28

a mistake. Mistake them nonetheless, Right, but not

12:30

quite the same level of culpability in my

12:32

opinion. I agree with on look, I understand

12:35

why you're so concerned about your friend. We

12:37

wanted to run all of this by an

12:39

expert, so we reached out to Air and

12:42

Hoskins, a bankruptcy attorney and friend of the

12:44

show. And before we dive into the options

12:46

available for your friend, I just want to

12:48

be very clear about something we are not

12:51

necessarily endorsing. The idea that Liam should dodged

12:53

is dead or that this judgment against him

12:55

wasn't appropriate to some degree. we don't have

12:57

all the evidence. One. Way and and

12:59

on the merits of the case, we're just going

13:01

to answer your questions so that your friend has

13:04

the information he needs to make the most informed

13:06

choices about his future. It's interesting, Gabe,

13:08

I find myself doing kind of a funny

13:10

dance with this question. Maybe field same where

13:12

I understand why this victim or victims deserve

13:14

justice. Obviously, I do. and if I were

13:17

in their shoes or five their parents, I'd

13:19

be trying to collect on the segment to

13:21

my mother were killed or my daughter's paralyzed

13:23

by somebody who fell asleep behind the wheel.

13:25

I be heartbroken. I'd be super furious and

13:27

angry. But then there's another part of me

13:30

going. How do we get this poor guy

13:32

out from under this debt so he can

13:34

live a somewhat fulfilling life? Rome and I'm

13:36

somehow in touch with both. Even though

13:38

these two positions are obviously in conflict, I know

13:40

you mean it's interesting to hold both of those

13:43

ideas in your head of the same time. I

13:45

do feel like we gonna, but those with everybody

13:47

here. They were all changed when I. I

13:49

think your allegiance just changes depending on who's

13:51

point of view you're looking at, right? And

13:53

for this question, the P O V we're

13:55

looking at here is Lambs. Okay, so what's

13:57

going into The first thing Aaron told us.

14:00

Was. No gets, do not transfer

14:02

to the next of kin is a judgment

14:04

debtor in this case William Guys Only people

14:06

who sign for a debt like a code

14:09

dead a Co signer are liable for a

14:11

judgment get that is not inherited. saw you

14:13

said you assumed that it is. That is

14:15

not correct. But if a decision has any

14:17

assets, any debts might be paid out of

14:20

the assets of the estate before any property

14:22

is inherited by the next weekend of course.

14:24

And I think this goes without saying Aaron

14:26

would not recommend suicide as a way to

14:29

get out from under this. Judgment ten second

14:31

that yeah I think we are all in agreement

14:33

here. The fact that that's even on the table

14:35

is also to me deeply sad. Again it just

14:37

speaks to have desperate somebody in Liam shoes can

14:39

become when they're like oh why don't I just

14:41

kill myself cause I'm never going to build up

14:43

a this anyways but then all know it's gonna

14:45

go to my parents and I'm just putting it

14:47

off on them are with some quite low. The.

14:49

Other interesting thing air and told us

14:51

was that she's never encountered of judgment

14:53

that prohibits a descendant from filing bankruptcy

14:55

and I thought that was suspicious to

14:57

when I saw this letter and our

14:59

research fortunately also seems to confirm that

15:01

as well. Aaron dug into this a

15:03

little bit and she found an interesting

15:05

case that might be relevant. Basically, the

15:07

case stated that a state court can

15:09

not enjoying a person, in other words

15:12

prohibit them from filing bankruptcy In the

15:14

reason it can't do that is it

15:16

violates something called the Supremacy Clause of

15:18

the Us Constitution, which is essentially. Provision

15:20

that says federal law takes

15:22

precedence over state law. Bankruptcy.

15:25

Law is Federal law, so determining who

15:27

is allowed to file a bankruptcy petition

15:29

or whether a bankruptcy case would be

15:31

dismissed gets under the jurisdiction of Federal

15:33

courts. Not that of the state

15:36

court. Worldly and case played out and

15:38

I'm shocked frankly that the state judge

15:40

didn't know that. That really shows you

15:42

that this judge possibly has her head

15:44

way up her ass. His or her

15:46

ass. A So even if the judgment

15:48

against Liam says that he can't file

15:50

bankruptcy, that just might not actually be

15:52

the case and probably isn't perfect to

15:54

errands Advice which won't be surprised is

15:56

that your friend should consult with. A

15:58

bankruptcy attorney, You can get

16:00

the judgment discharged in bankruptcy. That's the end

16:02

of it. Now. Earn couldn't say for

16:05

sure without knowing more of course but space

16:07

on the facts. If he or she did

16:09

say that this debt appears to her to

16:11

be something that could be discharged, but in

16:13

her experience not going to be as simple

16:15

as filing for bankruptcy and is it all

16:17

goes by by time be symbols that because

16:19

given the size of the judgement here is

16:21

astronomical, she expects the judgment creditor which is

16:23

the party entitled to these damages. They're going

16:26

to fight the bankruptcy pretty hard. They're probably

16:28

going to try to have the debt determined

16:30

non discharge of all meaning it would survive

16:32

any bankruptcy. and he would Devlin. Not recommend

16:34

that Liam try to file for bankruptcy without

16:36

an attorney because if that battles going to

16:38

ensue, you need to be represented. Now.

16:41

Hiring a lawyer? that's obviously an expense, but

16:43

there are attorneys out there who take pro

16:45

bono cases are work on a sliding scale,

16:47

and who knows, maybe an attorney will be

16:49

drawn to the facts and limbs case, the

16:51

historic nature, the decision, and they'll be uniquely

16:53

invested in helping him out. That is definitely

16:55

worth a shot, and we and parents are

16:57

also there. I mean, maybe they can help

16:59

him with his otherwise his life is ruined.

17:01

It's kind of, you know, a worthy investment.

17:04

Now. If it turns out that bankruptcy

17:06

won't work for some reason, Aaron shared

17:08

a few clever strategies Liam could use

17:10

and I gotta say this is usually

17:12

wear Dark Jordan comes out pitching crafty

17:15

and vaguely dodgy ways to finesse a

17:17

situation, and a couple Dark Jordan ideas

17:19

did occur to me here to I'd

17:21

call the following ideas dark Aaron pitches,

17:23

but Aaron is far from dark and

17:25

that would also besmirched her stellar reputation

17:27

and be very important Legal disclaimer that

17:29

we are going to included the under

17:31

the episode to Errands First Idea. Liam.

17:34

Could change jobs, move his funds to

17:36

a new bank, set up a new

17:38

corporate entity like an llc, open a

17:41

bank account in that entities name, and

17:43

then have his employer pay the entity

17:45

instead of him. This. Way the

17:47

creditor would have to figure out that he

17:49

switched employers, he would also be more difficult

17:52

to find a bank account and him and

17:54

that could prevent future garnishment. Although if the

17:56

judgment creditor ever does find different really and

17:58

pays for his personally. The went that of

18:01

the account they still might successfully garnish his

18:03

wages. Aaron said another way to hide these

18:05

funds is to put them in a spouse's

18:07

name or in another relative or a friend's

18:09

name. Obviously, this requires a certain amount

18:11

of trust in other person. That person is

18:13

literally in charge of your money and if

18:16

it's in their name, they could spend it.

18:18

They could mismanage here. They can run away

18:20

with it. so Liam would need this to

18:22

be somebody. Very solid. But then Aaron said

18:24

that most states have ways to reach funds

18:26

that are transferred to keep them away from

18:29

a creditor. Still, it would make collection more

18:31

difficult. Just know that is Liam ever files

18:33

bankruptcy, there are ways to claw back and

18:35

he transferred. Fun! See, you can see this

18:37

is the Alex Jones trial. Righties claim is

18:39

broken. These basically given all this money to

18:42

his family, friends and yada yada. So again

18:44

Air it advises try to go to bankruptcy

18:46

route First Air and also pointed us to

18:48

another interesting wrinkle here in the law which

18:51

is it? Some states have what's called entire

18:53

these laws for married people and tired is

18:55

laws basically provide the any marital property can

18:57

not be garnished for collected to pay the

19:00

debts of only one spouse. So if Liam

19:02

lives in one of those states and you

19:04

guys should google is it possible that the

19:06

credit or can not tap into joint checking

19:09

accounts or other merged assets. That are co

19:11

owned by Liam and espoused in order to

19:13

collect their money. Now it doesn't sound like

19:15

lambs married but of years or fever does

19:17

tie the knot one day. That could really

19:19

come in handy other air and did say

19:21

the still would not help with wage garnishment

19:24

specifically. Now. About your idea

19:26

for Liam to flee the country, move abroad.

19:28

This is actually my big dog Jordan Pitch

19:30

surprise surprise. My first thought when I read

19:32

your letter was hate Book a one way

19:34

ticket to Costa Rica, Vietnam, a portable were

19:36

get why Fi in a work permit and

19:38

to start a new life And actually Aaron

19:41

said that that wasn't the worst idea which

19:43

is lawyer speak for. I can't tell you

19:45

to do this but I'm also not not

19:47

dell a new video and if Liam did

19:49

move abroad the judgment creditor would first have

19:51

to find him which could be hard to

19:54

do and then. They'd have to figure out

19:56

how the laws in that country work for

19:58

purposes of trying to collect. Also, Aaron said

20:00

that before where they can collect on a

20:02

judgment in a new jurisdiction, the creditor would

20:05

need to domesticate the judgment first. Other words

20:07

bit after, go through a process for getting

20:09

the new jurisdiction to recognize the judgment. plus

20:11

foreign banks employers are. They may not be

20:13

as cooperated with garnishment as banks here in

20:16

the United States, so good luck getting friggin'

20:18

Danske Bank in Estonia or whatever does this

20:20

have to deduct eighteen hundred bucks a month

20:22

from his paycheck? that's going into a brand

20:25

new checking account. A totally different language and

20:27

protocol. I could see that going into a

20:29

black hole of bureaucracy. Or not being

20:31

entertained at all depending on local

20:33

law errands idea. Do some research

20:35

on countries that are less receptive

20:37

to Us creditor, but the reality

20:40

is any foreign country would complicate

20:42

the collection process. Also. Liam

20:44

might not even need to move to another

20:46

country. Aaron said even moving to a different

20:48

state could give Liam some reprieve, especially if

20:50

he combined that move with the change of

20:53

jobs and new bank in any the other

20:55

strategies we've been talking about at least of

20:57

course, until the credit or found out where

20:59

he moved to, domesticated the judgment and then

21:01

set up the garnishment again, which in his

21:03

case, they're probably gonna be quite motivated to

21:06

do. And no, Aaron said, there's no risk

21:08

of being arrested or whatever if Liam ever

21:10

came back and visited his family because dodging

21:12

payment on a dead. Is not a

21:14

crime which actually is kind of surprising. Judgment.

21:17

Creditors are limited to civil remedies and find

21:19

a collector means and garnishment. They can't have

21:21

you arrested, they can only take some your

21:23

stuff and that's only after due process. Like

21:25

a bunch of different. that's only A for

21:27

court orders and stuff like that's the only

21:30

risky be taking and coming back would be.

21:32

If there's another lawsuit filed against him then

21:34

they could serve him well. He's present in

21:36

the jurisdiction in which they filed lawsuits and

21:38

a as long as none of his family's

21:40

included as a defendant in the judgment, they're

21:42

not going to face any consequences if he

21:44

leaves the country again. they are not liable.

21:47

For his death. in any way the only

21:49

copy out is Liam transfers money or property

21:51

to them then the judge me credit or

21:53

could sue them for the return of that

21:55

money or property they can't turn around and

21:57

see was parents for the whole judgment. If

22:00

he gives him ten grand, they could soon

22:02

for the ten grand the he transferred to

22:04

them. That's it. Now about how Liam said

22:07

feel ethically about moving abroad, Dodges is dead.

22:09

I think that's ultimately up to Liam. I

22:11

mean, everybody's moral compass is different. But also,

22:13

and this goes back to during point about

22:16

making room for a number of perspectives here.

22:18

It's. A really interesting question. How much

22:20

Said Liam live the rest of his

22:22

life to service the crushing debt. For.

22:25

A mistake and a relatively innocent mistake at

22:27

that that he made when he was very

22:29

young. And how much said he live now

22:32

to carve out the best possible life given

22:34

the circumstances. I honestly don't know

22:36

the answer to that. I think there are

22:38

some very good reasons to do both from

22:40

an ethical standpoint, from just a practical standpoint.

22:42

Also, kind of from an existential standpoint. I

22:45

mean you could honestly argue both sides of

22:47

that till the cows come home for sure.

22:49

A Also, so many people in this world

22:51

are what's called judgment proof. meaning you never

22:53

going to get the money they owe you

22:55

because they don't have any. It's like distilling

22:58

a broke person getting blood from a stone

23:00

would. or I personally I've had a few

23:02

guys who only five, even six figures. I

23:04

am never. Going to go after them because they

23:06

live in one guy lives in his car, so

23:08

when a car makes sense, I guess that was

23:11

a weird time. Didn't mean to do that. I've

23:13

won, but in a practical since I'm never going

23:15

to see a penny of that money. But also

23:17

like, okay, you're basically a homeless guy now, so

23:19

screw you. I think I came out on top.

23:21

Enjoy the money you wasted on whenever. Sorry, I

23:23

don't mean to step on your very interesting point.

23:25

but Karmic and Power yeah, that were years have

23:27

you had is actually kind of the greatest been

23:29

you've ever made. It might have been, of course

23:31

it was an accident. two and one letter. What

23:33

was the other? one? a crippling debt. basically. I'm

23:35

just really good at insensitive puns. Then don't

23:37

actually bedrock happen or a nice party or

23:39

brand it is is. you get that tattooed

23:42

on your for us to store and that

23:44

other yeah. But then you know what? I

23:46

get identified real quick if I ever commit

23:48

a violent crime. If you ever, oh somebody.

23:50

seventy one million dollars. That's right, that's rent.

23:53

So. It's also an interesting question whether somebody who

23:55

has to say refuses to get a job or

23:57

who has a job at a spend all their

23:59

money. And what does clever stuff to

24:01

hide their assets? Weather person like that is

24:03

less as a golden somebody who moves abroad

24:06

to avoid a dead. I mean, I think

24:08

that's certainly the case if you say oh,

24:10

a company money, or you or your family

24:12

money or something like that. But man, when

24:14

his court awarded the plaintiffs seventy one million

24:16

dollars with compounding annual interest as in the

24:18

point is, must have known that the likelihood

24:21

of collecting on that number from of whatever

24:23

twenty year old kid or whatever how the

24:25

was was nilo virtually impossible, right? They might

24:27

be going Okay. Well, if we get four

24:29

hundred grand, Out of the sky over the

24:31

course of his life will be lucky unless

24:33

we him or his family happen to be

24:35

extremely wealthy. But even then I'll this the

24:37

family were defendants in a lawsuit because of

24:39

the family anyway. So your point is, is

24:41

moving abroad or really of dodgy as it

24:43

seems when you look at this more practically

24:45

exactly. Yeah, Does he need to feel as

24:48

guilty if he's not really running away from

24:50

one hundred eighty million dollars but just from

24:52

the tiny portion of that that he might

24:54

have paid over the course of his life?

24:56

Yeah, it's an interesting point. All I can

24:58

say is no, I don't think he should.

25:00

Ignore his guilt. The guilt will probably

25:02

always be there to some degree after

25:04

tragedy like this, unfortunately. But you might

25:07

wanna encourage Liam to ask himself were

25:09

that guilt is actually coming from at

25:11

this point. Is it about the accident

25:14

itself? Is it about dodging the stat?

25:16

Or is it about making some moves

25:18

Now to prioritize himself? whether that is

25:20

morally right or wrong, After

25:22

only living to serve as this obligation for

25:25

so long. Yeah, it's a great question, and

25:27

like he said, that's really up to him

25:29

to work through. But I agree that his

25:31

relationship with his guilt, how his actors it

25:34

into his decision making that might be more

25:36

flexible than he thinks that could said. So

25:38

time for Liam to talk to an attorney.

25:41

That's move number one. Aaron said that even

25:43

if they don't recommend filing bankruptcy, they can

25:45

advise Liam on whether to move his funds,

25:47

dodge, garnishment, potentially move abroad. All that, Yes,

25:50

a bankruptcy attorney can advise you on that

25:52

stuff. And again, man, I am so

25:54

very sorry that this happened your friend and

25:56

that these other people were impacted by his

25:58

mistake. It's a tragedy. That is difficult to

26:00

wrap your head around and I can't blame these

26:03

people for holding him accountable. But I also can't

26:05

blame him for wanting to live about halfway decent

26:07

life and move on some help from this financially

26:09

and of look I understand why the other parties

26:12

med but now and other person's life is ruined

26:14

and so to what end to what end the

26:16

dude probably think about killing himself to get away

26:18

from a debt that I'll never be able to

26:21

pace with like what are we doing here. So.

26:23

Yes, explore these clever strategies. maybe some of

26:26

them will help. But more importantly, man, I

26:28

have. Liam finds the support that he needs

26:30

legal, psychological, or spiritual to make sense of

26:33

what's happening here and to deliver the most

26:35

meaningful life possible. The money's a huge thing,

26:37

no doubt about it, but it's probably nothing

26:39

compared to the emotional burden that he's going

26:42

through and and shouldering with As as well.

26:44

And that's the part that I really hope

26:46

he finds a way to cope with make

26:48

sense of, because that's what's gonna get him

26:51

through. and I'm wishing both of you the

26:53

best. Good luck. You. Know what

26:55

else? Oh, compound over the course of your life, Your.

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those who support the cell. Now back

29:15

to feedback Friday. Okay,

29:19

what's next? I. Jordan Agave I'm

29:21

twenty seven and I just got engaged

29:23

to my boyfriend of six years. We

29:25

are so excited to be getting married

29:27

and have just started the wedding planning

29:29

process. Very cool. Congratulations.

29:32

Two. Years ago my brother who was born

29:34

and girl and form the family that

29:36

he would be transitioning to become a

29:38

man. He. Lives across the country

29:40

and he's not always been the best

29:43

communicating with us. Apparently. He

29:45

had been living as a man for over

29:47

a year when he decided to start taking

29:49

testosterone and schedule as top surgery. I.

29:51

Was so happy for him. My brother was always

29:53

a tomboy growing up and he made some a

29:56

sense to me when he said it out loud.

29:58

But the majority of my family. Is fairly

30:00

conservative. To. This day they still

30:03

miss gender. Him and my grandmother cut

30:05

off communication with him entirely and saying

30:07

i don't want to know the person

30:09

who stole my little girl away from

30:11

him. Ah man that is really sad

30:13

we hear stories like this a decent

30:15

amount as gets gotta be so painful.

30:17

When I announced my engagement, my brother

30:19

immediately texted to congratulate me. He also

30:21

said that he might need a plus

30:23

to as he's now and a poly

30:25

relationship with his husband and another person.

30:27

The I loved it is a plus

30:30

to that's hilarious. I'm actually gonna. Need

30:32

more than a plus one? You know it's funny.

30:34

I actually used the term plus two and a

30:36

movie that I rode. There's a character whose enough

30:38

rubble and he wants to come to the main

30:40

characters wedding and there's a scene where he's like

30:42

yo can I get a plus do and I

30:44

was pretty proud of myself. allow and as I

30:46

thought I made it up but apparently that for

30:48

the real thing and he who know it's such

30:50

a gens the request say that I get a

30:52

plus to for my husband and my secondary long

30:54

term relationship. Yeah, exactly. Her brother's rolling up to

30:56

the wedding with a damn policy at this point.

30:59

Yeah, seriously. As they decide what I'm making fun

31:01

of, the guys. Is a funny. Requests were time

31:03

to be alive Rent I told him of course

31:05

he was invited and I could definitely accommodate an

31:07

extra guest. I mean that's I see. I might

31:09

have been like hey, you get one brow this

31:11

This is a thousand dollars a plate. Pick a

31:13

favorite, speak of a my partner and deal with

31:15

the consequences are your own. What a hip, modern

31:17

wanting this is turning out of it. That's one

31:20

word for it. I'm just trying to imagine how

31:22

these introductions are going to go though, because of

31:24

course that's gonna you know. Hi mom, this is

31:26

my husband in. this is my boyfriend. Yeah, I

31:28

think we're about to get into that. so the

31:30

letter goes on out there. But. This brought up

31:32

another thought. Do. I have to have

31:34

my grandmother and my wedding and then have

31:37

my brother at the reception only because Poly

31:39

brother, husband and more is gonna cause a

31:41

lot of drama with my family. Yeah, I

31:43

bet they're not on board with him being

31:45

trans. I doubt they're going to be on

31:47

board with him being in a in a

31:50

Poly tool. As a Poly your did your

31:52

colony with these polyamory turn the can't even

31:54

keep up. I need like an urban dictionary

31:56

for this. I did some reading before we

31:58

recorded. I don't know if you can. Yeah

32:01

I gotta get up on the lingo for

32:03

this letter. By the way, Jordan your my

32:05

comment partner professionally speaking of course what is

32:07

that was the comet partner. It's a long

32:09

distance relationship where the partners only meet in

32:11

person every now and again. you know, like

32:14

a comment A comes around every so often

32:16

as are happy to pick up their their

32:18

special connection and be intensely in touch in

32:20

between said oh man we are com and

32:22

co host for South. We might also be

32:25

anabolic your with Corbyn pain and Doctor and

32:27

Margolis but I don't I don't want to

32:29

make things weird al yeah nothing weird about

32:31

A For both of us. See

32:34

like this, know you're right, were free polyamorous with

32:36

our subject matter experts and I'd like to think

32:38

it's all in the Up in out. but anyway,

32:41

it is everyone's needs or gunmen exactly Anyway, Look,

32:43

I don't see grammar be in super cool with

32:45

her grandson who used to be a little girl

32:47

or a woman rolling up to the wedding with

32:49

his two male partners. I think that's is gonna

32:51

be one awkward family photo and the i don't

32:54

know how we're going to get there. just imagine

32:56

the speeches. Like a now

32:58

the bride's brother would like to say a few. Words And

33:00

them. Just as he walks up to the

33:02

microphone, Grandma yells from Table seven, You mean

33:05

the bride's sister? No joke, like that's not

33:07

the best man, it's the best one. And

33:09

as grammar screen cries from overs, Yeah, Table

33:11

Seven. ah man, those yeah. So we're stressing

33:13

our friend out here so bad she's like,

33:15

is this really what my wedding is gonna

33:18

be like? Maybe not announce? Funny to imagine.

33:20

So she goes on. And.

33:22

Then there's my mom sees refuse to

33:24

accept that my brother's a man. She has

33:26

pictures all around or hours of him

33:28

when he was a young woman calls

33:30

him, see sent him bible verses about changing

33:33

his mind and sound like I have

33:35

tried to tell her that he so much

33:37

happier now. but See doesn't care, That

33:39

is the key and I'm not going to

33:41

go down that road really. but that

33:43

is the key. He doesn't care. Her

33:45

comfort way more important than her son being

33:47

comfortable with I think is the same.

33:49

Again, that's gotta be really hard for your.

33:52

Brother. I know we're having a laugh just now,

33:54

but a wedding, but obviously this is something men

33:56

need. Trends the lot go through. It's very painful

33:58

and I gotta say for me, As

34:00

a parent, dude, I just want my kids to

34:03

be happy. Of course, I wouldn't wish for my

34:05

kids to have to make difficult life choices like

34:07

this. You know that I'm sure that that's not

34:09

easy for any ones, especially the person who decides

34:12

that that around gender her having the hardest time

34:14

with his mom. Okay, but the last thing but

34:16

I do is make them feel a shit about

34:18

it or feel unloved if this is what they

34:20

feel is right for them. Like what are you

34:23

doing? You're a parent, you're failing and your most

34:25

basic obligation is a pair of bullet member. What

34:27

I said, I wasn't any. Go down that road

34:29

and saga. Know you're making a good point

34:31

and him again carry on. I think everybody gets

34:34

me on this one. I'm worried that I'm gonna

34:36

have to keep going to bad for my brother

34:38

at my wedding, insisting that the family respect his

34:40

pronouns and his relationship when all I really want

34:42

to be during his marrying a love of my

34:44

life and starting a new chapter. I. Want

34:47

my brother to be part of this momentous

34:49

day. But how can I do that with

34:51

all of the friction in this family? Signed.

34:54

Looking for a clue to handle

34:56

this unused plus two without getting

34:58

booed, getting screwed, or make him

35:00

things Beaucoup Cuckoo on the day

35:03

I'm wearing something blue? Cease I

35:05

want to hear. Anything.

35:10

About the lane for of that sign off

35:12

it just it just tumbled out you read

35:14

my mind because of years. Thing I was

35:16

gonna say was wow. I thought last week

35:19

you had long ones and this one just

35:21

takes the wedding cake. Why is it never

35:23

well done? Why is it always out? Who

35:25

must? Also well done. So good. So good.

35:27

Really really missing any. With is an interesting

35:29

question and a tough one because look the

35:31

reality is. either way you are inviting friction

35:34

and I know that that's unfair to you.

35:36

It is. acknowledge. As if you tell your

35:38

brother not to invite as other partner is secondary.

35:40

If I had the lingo right, that's going to

35:42

cause friction with both of them if you invite

35:44

your brother and his has been an and their

35:47

secondary which is apparently what you've already done. that

35:49

probably get a cause friction with in your family

35:51

even if it's unfair although unclear how much trade

35:53

I mean if they're all getting down on the

35:55

dance floor and are holding hands by the open

35:57

bar. Yeah, that's going to raise some eyebrows. but

36:00

if they're just chill and and the brother doesn't

36:02

go around telling everybody at a wedding coon Dave

36:04

is and why you randomly bear for the first

36:06

time they never met this person. Maybe they can

36:08

just pass them off as a friend of the

36:11

family or something some other person right? right? But

36:13

still, I'm sure people are going to wonder who

36:15

this new guy that they've literally never seen before

36:17

his at a wedding. someone's gonna have to explain

36:19

why Dave keeps going to the photo booth with

36:22

your brother and his has been. I've

36:24

been our friend could always they that Dave as

36:26

a friend of hers god through depends on how

36:29

hands easy in the brother. Are here. And then

36:31

why the setting up a family table? Rain

36:33

Rain can see see them at that table.

36:35

You know that one table where they put

36:37

all the random single people? Maybe that's where

36:39

you but I'm Deanna Like hopefully they clicks.

36:41

Yeah, I'm see could. but than Dave might

36:43

be kind of insulted like I'm not single,

36:45

I'm dating your brother and his as been or

36:47

who knows I'm in the apology. Oh yeah, I'm

36:49

an apology. Or maybe he'll be understanding. I'm sure

36:52

he's no stranger to judge the families being poly

36:54

himself and maybe I'll take one for the

36:56

team. My feeling is you have to decide

36:58

which friction you can live with. Welcome. To

37:00

wedding planning isn't itself fun. clearly. clearly some

37:02

people in your family mom a bible verses

37:04

in grandma you stole my day be maybe

37:06

others they just are on board with your

37:08

brothers identity. But you're You're not going to

37:11

change their minds. not before the wedding anyway.

37:13

possibly never. Although I do hold out some

37:15

hope that they didn't least come to accept

37:17

that he's happy or even if they vehemently

37:19

disagree with everything else. You've already invited your

37:21

brother and his partners, so you take decide.

37:23

Now you gotta make peace with the resulting

37:26

drama or try to minimize it in the

37:28

way that I would do that. Is

37:30

I would go to your mom, your grammar.

37:32

Anyone else in the family who has an

37:34

issue with your brother and I'd say hey,

37:36

Look, I know you don't approve of Ryan's

37:38

choice. I understand it's difficult for you, but

37:40

I want him and his has been at

37:42

a wedding so I've invited them. I. Know

37:44

that might be hard for you, but I

37:47

respectfully ask you to put all of these

37:49

feelings and questions and all that stuff aside

37:51

for my big day because I want to

37:54

be able to enjoy my wedding and not

37:56

stress about how everybody feels about Ryan today

37:58

after the wedding. Sure, we. Talk about

38:00

it. But on the day I am

38:02

asking you to be kind, to be diplomatic,

38:04

to be respectful for my sake. And if

38:07

that means you don't talk to Ryan or

38:09

his partner at the wedding, okay is it

38:11

means you guys gossip about them afterwards. Fine,

38:14

but I do not want any unnecessary stress

38:16

at my wedding that is really important to

38:18

me. Can you do me that favor? Can

38:20

you help me have the most fun and

38:23

peaceful wedding possible? Thank you! I really appreciate

38:25

it. I mean something like that if you

38:27

same it is. This is what I need.

38:30

As a bride to ensure my wedding go

38:32

smoothly, I think that is your best. that

38:34

right? You're not asking them to change, your

38:36

just asking them to play nice rare day

38:38

for your sake, which they're probably way more

38:40

likely to do the and if they do,

38:42

then I don't think you need to have

38:44

your grandmother only up a ceremony and and

38:46

have your brother only at the reception. I

38:48

mean, it's an option if you want to

38:50

do that and if your grandmother seems intent

38:53

on causing a scene then maybe that's the

38:55

move. but I would try Jordan's approach first.

38:57

I think that's a wonderful scrubs and maybe

38:59

don't see your brother. And your Grandma at the

39:01

same table. That seems like one easy way to

39:03

sidestep some drums. It also probably make the wedding

39:05

way more enjoyable for your brother, but you can

39:07

also ask him hate where do you want to

39:10

sit? Where would you feel most comfortable and and

39:12

do that? Yeah, I think that's a good call.

39:14

Another idea is still grandma's glasses before the ceremony

39:16

the she doesn't know who anyone is. Nice nice

39:18

dog Jordan pits there but also very zany. I

39:20

do have some more please blood serum I would

39:23

love the or more dogs are know what I

39:25

mean. good grammar, so liquid up at the reception

39:27

see can't even tell who anyone is. Oh yeah,

39:29

I like. That one. I don't know what

39:31

her arm lifestyle is like if she's a

39:33

big drinker, but she might also have more

39:36

fun that way to exactly everyone wins. Although

39:38

she might also be like I'm gonna march

39:40

up there right in the beginning and give

39:42

a speech nuts or a grant because he's

39:44

had three glasses. One oh yes, sloppy disinherited

39:47

grammar Obama makes. That could be is going

39:49

though. and ah, I have a dog a

39:51

bitch. Put Dave in a tuxedo. And

39:53

make him carry around a trail night so everybody

39:55

just thinks he's part of the catering staff of

39:58

really he's just hang out with. Yeah nice. One

40:00

kind of avoid and very difficult to pull

40:02

off. Logistically that a plus for creativity. Think

40:04

your mind were pretty basic A compared to

40:06

that one. Here's one. Dave in his partner

40:08

put on a trench coat and day stance

40:10

on his shoulders, middle rousing a dial. but

40:12

then you can be so tall he's gonna

40:14

stand out, right? Yeah, so that's not going

40:17

work. Yeah, some of our ideas are better

40:19

than others and and they can anyway. I'm

40:21

sorry your family isn't support of your brother.

40:23

Like I said, it's a sad situation and

40:25

there's no easy solution. But you can't fix

40:27

your family dynamics on your own. All

40:29

you can do is. Be kind to your brother and

40:31

ask your family to be on their best

40:33

behavior so that you can have the day

40:36

that you want which is your right as

40:38

the bright in a you might not succeed

40:40

a hundred percent. Your grandma might make a

40:42

snide comment over the shrimp cocktail. Your mom

40:45

might drop a bible verse that's definitely about

40:47

him into her toes. That supposed to be

40:49

about you. You can't control every aspect of

40:51

your wedding, but you can control your response

40:54

to that stuff. So if anything crazy goes

40:56

down to take a deep breath, let it

40:58

roll off your back. Remind yourself. To enjoy

41:00

your wedding anyway. He can't let these people

41:02

insect your whole day at and after it's

41:05

over, you'll probably remember the good parts more

41:07

than any of the bad ones. And take

41:09

and rats and getting engaged. Have fun at

41:11

the wedding and good luck with that seating

41:13

charts. It sounds more complicated than most of

41:16

Gabe sign on since that's absolutely true. I

41:18

gotta say, gave it is unfair for people

41:20

to bring their personal beliefs. two weddings. if

41:22

they are not the bride and groom him

41:24

even the parents of the bridegroom. It's like

41:26

this is not your to. Yes, the party

41:29

is kind of. You know that whole thing

41:31

like the wedding is for the bride's mom

41:33

or whatever. and okay, that's partially true, but

41:35

that just means you get to really enjoy

41:37

the day. It doesn't mean that you get

41:40

to use this as a platform to talk

41:42

about why you're disappointed in your son that

41:44

is so wildly inappropriate. This is not the

41:46

place for that people, not the venue. Leave

41:48

it at home know, just enjoy. Absolutely not

41:50

the place for that. It's. Really kind

41:53

of sad. My wedding was hilarious

41:55

because I didn't really invite that

41:57

many people as you might recall

41:59

or. I'd invite like my college

42:01

roommates are like all these people that I

42:03

grew up with. I invited people who didn't

42:06

really have to fly to get there

42:08

and of course other family but most of

42:10

my family stayed Michigan. We enter the

42:12

reception but we invite invited the really fun

42:14

local friends and one of my buddies his

42:17

wife. They have four kids. And. She's

42:19

very like a serious person. She doesn't get

42:21

to go out to my to see. As

42:23

for kids I think they have five now.

42:25

See Got absolutely trashed it and I'm sure

42:27

of it was kind of an accident grade.

42:29

She was just like the food is really

42:32

they coming out. she never gets out and

42:34

see was absolutely hammered. not sloppy hammered. We're

42:36

like picking her up off the floor but

42:38

we had sparklers at the end. You remember

42:40

those are young. We were going to do

42:42

the same. would have walked through the tunnel

42:45

of sparklers and take photos. Remember the super

42:47

drunk person? But yeah what up. In their

42:49

well see grabs sparklers and she's like

42:51

running around barefoot is the country club

42:54

city get a lawyer okay with dead

42:56

serious all types and she's running and

42:58

she's got the sparklers and my friend

43:00

they had brought their baby and she's

43:03

like sword in sparklers plus baby and

43:05

my friends are like is a terrible

43:07

idea is came under a terrible idea

43:10

and she's lived our cities like around

43:12

the baby like doing with the sparklers

43:14

and they like of running away from

43:16

for her with her to. See

43:19

other time it was him See had a

43:21

great time but it was so funny because

43:23

if you the juxtaposition between who this woman

43:26

is during the day, a lawyer in a

43:28

series mom and then her with like yet

43:30

baby and sparklers she's doing car we flicks,

43:32

ethnic dress sounds like see needed at your

43:35

wedding was probably the most live events had

43:37

been to in years prices and for the

43:39

yes literally with sparklers not a good punch.

43:41

I now my point is weddings are hilarious

43:44

and they're worth every penny and many ways

43:46

because he have all these memories in their.

43:48

Hilarious and even of drama does happen

43:50

year. hopefully going to be able to

43:52

look that can be like that was

43:54

the time. grammar, third teeth and right.

43:57

Oh my god I forgot about that.

43:59

like is trying. Joy in put

44:01

humor behind any sort of negativity

44:03

if any actually happens. Anyway,

44:05

you can reach us Friday or Jordan harbinger.com

44:07

Please keep her emails concise. Try to use

44:09

the script is subject line that makes her

44:12

job a lot easier. If your tax evading

44:14

husband is hiding guns and the wall your

44:16

sister slept with your boyfriend before you met

44:18

or your friend tragically killed her baby during

44:20

a psychotic episode that was absolutely heartbreaking. less

44:22

we gave I can stuff isn't about that

44:25

story. Whatever got you stand up at night

44:27

lately? hit us up Friday at Jordan harbinger.com

44:29

We're here to help and we keep every

44:31

email anonymous. Okay, what's next? I.

44:33

Sword in the Game. I've been living in a

44:35

two bedroom apartment with a roommate for about eight

44:38

months, so. We. Were friends during childhood,

44:40

but lost contact during our team years and

44:42

through college. Then we reconnected when we're both

44:44

looking to move and it worked up. When.

44:47

We moved in together. He asked if his

44:49

girlfriend could stay over a few nights a

44:51

week. I have no problem with us. So

44:53

by greed. But now see essentially

44:55

lives here. In fact, she's here more

44:58

than I am and she doesn't pay

45:00

any of the rent. I have a

45:02

solid job and hobbies, friends and social

45:04

obligations that keep me very busy and

45:07

away from the apartment most of the

45:09

time. My. Roommate has always been

45:11

very messy and disorganized, so it's

45:13

no surprise that he's the same

45:15

now. I do all of the

45:17

cleaning, restocking, and other upkeep. Meanwhile.

45:20

They generally sit in his room and watch T V

45:22

most of the time. His. Girlfriend is also

45:25

rude to me and unpleasant to be around,

45:27

which is frustrating considering, but this is in

45:29

her apartment. My roommate also has an had

45:31

a stable job or car for most of

45:34

the time we been living together. His girlfriend

45:36

drives him everywhere which is why she's here

45:38

so much. She doesn't have a stable job

45:41

either. None. Of this would be

45:43

as big of an issue for me if

45:45

they were ambitious looking for a stable job,

45:47

furthering their education and being respectful of me

45:49

in the space that we share. Coming

45:52

back to the apartment always stresses me

45:54

out has they are always there and

45:56

I never know when I'm walking into.

45:58

The. Problem is my room made as just

46:00

been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and it's

46:02

causing him to have limited feeling and

46:05

strength in his hands among other out

46:07

as yours. His. Mom as A M

46:09

S To. Then a week or

46:11

two after getting diagnosed the restaurant he

46:13

worked out with sold weaving am jobless

46:15

and carless. I'm at my wit's

46:17

end with him and his girlfriend, but I

46:20

also genuinely feel bad for him. And.

46:22

Or I go about navigating this conversation with

46:24

my roommate, but piling on. How. Do

46:26

I tell him to either find a new

46:28

place with his girlfriend moved back home or

46:30

get his act together and contribute more. Signed.

46:33

Trying to be compassionate, but expecting more

46:35

for my cohabited when he's being pretty

46:37

intransigent about restock in the friggin' cabinets.

46:39

Ah man, this is shaping up to

46:41

the A. Pretty typical. My roommate sucks

46:43

how I tell him to stop being

46:45

such an a hole or kick rocks

46:47

the story. Yet until the big M

46:49

S revealed and that definitely complicates matters,

46:51

It raises the stakes. All this and

46:53

honestly, my heart does go out to

46:55

this guy because getting an M S

46:57

diagnosis on top of having a parents

46:59

with M S that's a very intense

47:01

piece of news to receive. It, It's

47:03

gotta be pretty scary and painful physically

47:06

and emotionally. and I'm sure this guy

47:08

is really going through it. in fact,

47:10

him cocooning with his girlfriend, not leaving

47:12

the house, allied, avoiding responsibility. That might

47:14

just speak to how overwhelming this diagnosis

47:16

really is for him. Totally. I mean,

47:18

it's very sad. By to be fair,

47:20

he was doing all of that before

47:22

you found out he had a mouse.

47:24

So ah no, Well that's right, our

47:26

it. He can't blame all of this

47:28

on his health problems. I look, I've

47:30

got a buddy with them as and.

47:33

He's like as in the see Sweden Amazon

47:35

So okay. Well this guy was struggling to

47:37

take care of himself and be a thoughtful

47:39

roommate before he found out. so he can't

47:41

pin it all on this news. But finding

47:43

out you have a life altering disease that's

47:46

a tough piece of news for somebody who's

47:48

already. maybe not the most ambitious or pro

47:50

or equipped right? So first of all I

47:52

totally get why the situation is frustrating you

47:54

All this would drive me of the day

47:57

while to you moved in with one guy

47:59

he doesn't know. Chanderpaul is Wade. Suddenly you

48:01

got two roommates. They're constantly there. They don't

48:03

seem to do much, they're not really take

48:05

care of themselves as golf and is actually

48:07

rude the you when you're be in. Pretty

48:10

damn cool which tracks totally by the way,

48:12

they just sound awful. the part of a

48:14

letter that just gets me so angry the

48:16

messiness thing been operating in thing. Ah

48:18

stuff makes my blood boil. I like him. He

48:21

reminds me that story that we took. I think

48:23

last year there was a guy who threw a

48:25

bachelor party for his friend and one of the

48:27

other guys. just like never paid for anything and

48:29

was like oh yeah i'm broke and then it

48:32

was like oh and also i knock at a

48:34

clean up your stuff when everybody else is cleaning

48:36

is is watching tv as like what is wrong

48:38

with you who raised your dumb ass have you

48:40

no shame Some people are raised by wolves and

48:43

it's sox me at all the time but it

48:45

fun anymore. A really is sati and if you're

48:47

not like that you just. Can't live with

48:49

these people. It's gross. First of all, it's

48:51

stressful. It's unfair. they're taking advantage of you

48:53

and they're just oblivious. I get why our

48:56

friend is that his wits end. How long

48:58

do you wipe down the counter everyday and

49:00

restocked African windex and toilet paper while you're

49:02

lazy has remained in is rude girlfriend? Watch

49:04

their six hour of band or pump rules

49:06

before you blow a gasket. Man it's untenable.

49:09

He's gotta get out if time I agree.

49:11

but then he he genuinely feel bad for

49:13

the sky which I also understand right but

49:15

the to are compatible. He can feel empathy

49:17

for this guy. And he can also say

49:19

i'm really sorry man and are going through

49:22

a lot right now. but this arrangement isn't

49:24

exactly what we agreed on on many levels.

49:26

so we gotta talk. True, he doesn't need

49:28

to be a dick about it, but he

49:30

does need to protect himself. So here's how

49:32

I do that: Sit down with your roommate

49:34

or take him at a coffee of his

49:36

girlfriends always around. I'm thinking you don't know

49:38

I do this in front of her because

49:40

she's just going to step in and blaster

49:42

loud mouth about the whole thing and basically

49:44

tell him. Listen man, I know you got

49:46

this big piece of news. I'm so sorry

49:48

you're going through. It, I can only imagine

49:50

how intense that must be. And I'm also very

49:52

sorry about the timing of this because I know

49:54

you're going to a lot, but we gotta talk

49:56

about are Living situation. When. We moved in

49:59

together. I thought. There's going to be you

50:01

and me. I thought we'd pigeon equally. As

50:03

you know, I was very accommodating when you

50:05

asked his Chloe could stay over a few

50:07

nights a week. I thought that's fair game,

50:09

but now see lives here. She's at the

50:11

apartment more than I am, and you and

50:13

I are still split the rent and doesn't

50:15

really feel entirely fair, especially since I put

50:17

in most of the work to keep the

50:19

apartment running. We also just have. Very.

50:22

Different standards for our home and we have

50:24

totally different lifestyles with the fine. but it

50:26

does make our roommate situation a lot harder

50:28

and truth be told I'm finding it super

50:30

stressful. I don't really feel like this is

50:32

our apartment anymore. Have gotten some weird vibe

50:34

from Chloe which is extra weird because we're

50:36

do and are a big saver by having

50:38

or over so often and it's gotten to

50:41

the point where something's gotta change so I

50:43

just wanted to talk to you about it.

50:45

Does this make sense? Are you happy with

50:47

our living situation? Is there a world where

50:49

you could keep things a little need? or

50:51

and. Contribute a little bit more is that hard

50:53

to do with your symptoms and then you guys

50:55

have to talk about it if he's like, honestly,

50:58

no, I'm really happy you're good at the housekeeping

51:00

staff and I'm good at watching Tv stand Yeah,

51:02

it's time to part ways because he's taking advantage

51:04

of you. And. Then you can talk

51:06

about options, moving out, or encouraging him to

51:08

move out of move back home. But if

51:11

he's open to changing a maybe you guys

51:13

hit the reset button and try again for

51:15

a few months and see how goes. But

51:17

I will say it's very unlikely gonna be

51:19

like Chloe. you can't come over as much.

51:21

I was gonna say that sir, I don't

51:24

have high hopes for this guy turns unfortunately.

51:26

No, me, neither. I would have low hopes

51:28

for this guy changing before he had a

51:30

diagnosis, but now he's got a fight. That

51:32

and this the fact that the guy was

51:34

already kind. Of a lazy Pos to begin

51:37

with. But also you know this isn't just

51:39

you know I don't like how you love

51:41

the dishwasher. I like in my way read

51:43

this is I want to live in a

51:46

decent place that feels like mine and yours

51:48

and you want to live with your nightmare.

51:50

Have a girlfriend in Joe, Exotic Smile, animal

51:52

Park or whatever and rats as like I

51:54

don't know You cross that bridge. How this

51:57

girl could even feel comfortable spending this much

51:59

time at. The house without either offering to

52:01

pay rent or being super kind of respect

52:03

for. I mean, I can't wrap my head

52:06

around it. Raised by wolves? I'm telling you,

52:08

these people, I can't It's just so weird

52:10

to me that people can enjoy themselves when

52:12

they're not being decent human beings and he's

52:14

very basic ways. But that's the issue because

52:17

we're not just talking about starting the cabinets

52:19

and logistics or lifestyles. Wertheimer values And those

52:21

values existed before his roommate found out he

52:23

a Us. And it doesn't seem like they're

52:25

going to change after getting this piece a

52:28

new to your point either, right? I gotta

52:30

say, I'm also pretty worried about this Remain:

52:32

If you have M as in your already

52:34

experiencing symptoms at this age, you should not

52:36

be sitting around watching hours of Tv never

52:39

leaving the house. You gotta be exercising. You

52:41

gotta be doing physical therapy. You have got

52:43

to be eating well, socializing and taken care

52:45

of yourself in a mentally emotionally physically. This

52:47

is the opposite of that. Oh so who

52:50

knows what this guy's going through. Maybe the

52:52

news is just totally flat and him and

52:54

he's gonna give it up, but if he's

52:56

going to live a relatively fallen, well functioning

52:59

life, he's gonna have to come to terms

53:01

with this and start taking care of himself

53:03

better. It's an excellent point. So this living

53:05

situation isn't really working for him either. Know

53:07

it's not, and maybe that's something you bring

53:10

up in that conversation. Like a man, I'm

53:12

concerned about you. I want you to be

53:14

as healthy as possible. I know it must

53:16

be hard, but I don't think this lifestyle

53:18

is giving you the best shot at doing

53:21

that. This isn't just about me and my

53:23

preferences. Maybe that a wake him up a

53:25

little bit too. but again, this is his

53:27

life. at his diagnosis, his relationship. you can't

53:29

make. Him change but you can give him

53:31

some perspective and if you do all that

53:34

kindly and gently and compassionately, even if you

53:36

give it to him pretty straight. That's

53:38

how you have this conversation without piling on you.

53:40

Don't need to be cruel, You don't need

53:42

to be unfeeling in order to be honest. What?

53:45

Your roommate is going through is very sad

53:47

and it's very difficult. but that doesn't mean

53:49

that your needs, your very reasonable needs don't

53:51

matter your one half of this living situation

53:53

so you can definitely make space for both.

53:55

Agreed. Go. Had this conversation and longer term.

53:57

Go find a roommate who's more compatible or

53:59

better yet, keep investing in yourselves. You can

54:02

live alone and then you'll never have to

54:04

deal with frickin' ants in the kitchen and

54:06

Chloe being snippy with you as he pours

54:08

the lasted a fruity pebbles into the ball

54:10

in the morning. It doesn't swing by the

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back to feedback running. Okay,

57:32

what's next? The. Or Jordan a

57:34

game. I'm a thirty four year old

57:37

mother of two elementary school kids, and

57:39

three days after my daughter was born,

57:41

I found out that my college professor

57:43

husband had started an affair with one

57:46

of his students. He. Left our

57:48

home and rented an apartment for the

57:50

next six weeks. This was the hardest

57:52

and most painful thing I've ever been

57:55

through. Wow. Three days after childbirth? Talk

57:57

about timing. Man, that is quite a

57:59

bombshell. I'm so sorry that that happened.

58:01

While he ultimately came home and told

58:03

me he wanted to fight for a

58:05

family, I do too. I was still

58:07

very much in love with him and

58:10

felt that he was going through some

58:12

sort of early thirties crisis. You know,

58:14

the old famous Thirty? Early thirties crisis,

58:16

but Hits hits everybody At thirty they

58:18

want a hear the quarter life crisis

58:20

or whenever I really thought that he

58:22

would come to his senses and realize

58:24

what he was gambling away, two years

58:26

later, he communicated with the same girl

58:28

multiple times. He just. Couldn't completely

58:30

and things. But. He also didn't

58:33

seem to really want to as he didn't block

58:35

on social media or on his phone. I.

58:37

Realized that it was time to walk away.

58:39

And. Started the divorce process. He.

58:42

Continued to pursue a relationship with this

58:44

woman and they got pregnant. Their.

58:46

Relationship has been dysfunctional and

58:48

toxic from the jump. A

58:51

broken up and gotten back together

58:53

countless times. They're both immature impulses

58:55

and selfish, and they amplify those

58:58

traits in each other. This.

59:00

All came to add last year when my

59:02

ex husband made two trips to jail after

59:04

his girlfriend file domestic assault charges. The second

59:07

incident happened while my kids were in the

59:09

home although in a different room and he

59:11

had her while she was holding their now

59:13

one year old. My. Ex was

59:15

never violent in any way

59:17

during our decade long relationship,

59:20

so disinformation was foundation shaking.

59:22

He. Seemed so irrational and delusional to

59:24

me. I immediately contacted a lawyer and

59:26

but isn't for full custody of the

59:28

kids. He. Signed away as custody

59:30

without fighting and the kids have been

59:33

with me full time since. Wow. So

59:35

intense. What? That's probably for the best

59:37

and I guess I'm glad that he

59:39

made things easier. Their that? Yeah, the

59:41

Celtic a very chaotic relationship. I'm getting

59:43

the sense that these two white each

59:45

other up and bring out the worse

59:47

each other on not letting him off

59:49

the hook whatsoever, but this combination does

59:51

sound unique, leave combustible. I also learned

59:53

that he lost thirty thousand dollars to

59:55

a guy he met in jail who

59:57

told him he would invest that money.

59:59

In it. The drug business and turn it

1:00:01

into one hundred fifty thousand dollars. Plot

1:00:04

Twist: The guy took his money and

1:00:06

ghost at. What on earth? Color

1:00:08

me surprised. Shocked. For the love of

1:00:10

God, why why would you give thirty

1:00:13

grand to a low life? Nobody fell

1:00:15

on that you met in jail, you

1:00:17

idiot to invest in illegal business. Or

1:00:20

you the dumbest person alive to some

1:00:22

weirdo who wants venture capital funding for

1:00:24

his Fentanyl business. I don't get it

1:00:27

to their some wrong with this guy.

1:00:29

him which college. Is this guy a

1:00:31

professor at what on Earth is happening?

1:00:33

What Is happening here? Well, I mean,

1:00:35

one explanation is that he might have

1:00:38

serious financial problems and maybe they're worse

1:00:40

even than our friend here realizes. But

1:00:42

for real, even if you have money

1:00:44

problems. yeah, not firing on all cylinders.

1:00:46

her acts. Or maybe yeah, he's just

1:00:48

desperate and that is completely warped as

1:00:50

thinking. so she goes on. Thankfully, I

1:00:53

got all three of us and therapy

1:00:55

shortly before all of this happened, as

1:00:57

both kids were struggling with the transition

1:00:59

between houses. And my daughter was

1:01:01

showing some intense anxiety while at

1:01:03

his home. Oh okay, I'm sure

1:01:05

the divorce is hard on them. Kids absorb

1:01:07

a lot. Yeah, I wonder if your daughter

1:01:09

was taken up on some of the tension

1:01:12

in his house? So good on you. Forget

1:01:14

and therapy. Way to be attuned to your

1:01:16

kids. Were now doing really well. My kids

1:01:18

are thriving with a stable and consistent home

1:01:20

life. They see their dad a few times

1:01:22

a week, supervised by either me or their

1:01:24

grandmother. They're happy to see him and they're

1:01:26

completely fine after saying goodbye. They. Aren't

1:01:28

showing any signs of stress or anxiety?

1:01:31

Amazing! That's a huge turnaround that's

1:01:33

encouraging. So she goes on. The

1:01:35

problem is he now wants to see them

1:01:37

without supervision for a few hours here and

1:01:39

there. But. My I'm as

1:01:42

a dense I don't trust him. He's

1:01:44

lied to me many times. Some.

1:01:46

Of those lies involved the kids, I

1:01:48

also know that he still engulfed in

1:01:50

as toxic relationship. I actually found out

1:01:52

because I recently got a bunch of

1:01:54

super in messages from him at one

1:01:56

am not were meant for her hoof.

1:01:58

That must have been weird. Also.

1:02:00

That makes me wonder if he's taken

1:02:02

care of himself properly. Mean, was that

1:02:04

a true accident or was he does

1:02:06

wasted and he starts sexting you thinking

1:02:08

that it's her address? Why is? why

1:02:11

isn't he in bed asleep in? I'm

1:02:13

gonna speculating here. Just raises some questions.

1:02:15

egg get some sleep. did good of

1:02:17

that. I'm one hundred percent not okay

1:02:19

with my kids being around him if

1:02:21

she's there. He saying that he's seeing

1:02:23

a therapist and has gone a side

1:02:25

job to help recoup the money he

1:02:27

does. how bout financially, but it's significantly

1:02:29

less than. What I should probably be asking

1:02:32

for. But then I don't want to see

1:02:34

him drone financially. I want him to have

1:02:36

some chance for turning things around. But.

1:02:38

As long as he's pursuing this unhealthy

1:02:40

relationship, he isn't doing well. He's.

1:02:42

Very surfaces with his insight about all

1:02:44

of this. This. Person has destroyed his

1:02:47

life and yet he still can't give

1:02:49

her up. While are not to quibble,

1:02:51

I take your point. I agree Mosley.

1:02:53

but I also think it's a little

1:02:55

simplistic to say that this woman destroyed

1:02:57

his life. He definitely has destroyed his

1:02:59

life. He pursued her, he sticks around

1:03:01

and is dysfunctional. Nonsense relationship he hit

1:03:03

her is he gave his money to

1:03:05

a criminal. I mean she didn't help

1:03:07

matters and she's definitely a part of

1:03:09

As and his brain out the worse

1:03:11

than. but let's just be totally accurate

1:03:13

about who's responsible you should. I give

1:03:15

my ex husband. More credit for

1:03:17

these things. Do. I need to

1:03:19

relax a little on my rules around seeing

1:03:21

the kids, so I let him take them

1:03:23

out for dinner without supervision. Or should I

1:03:25

trust my God and keep things the way

1:03:27

they are. Also. One responsibility

1:03:29

to I have to promote my kids

1:03:32

relationship with her half brother. How

1:03:34

do I handle making plans for them when

1:03:36

I have to coordinate with my exes girlfriend?

1:03:38

Signed. A bomb mom dealing

1:03:40

with an errand coburn. Oh man,

1:03:43

what a tough family situation. I

1:03:45

am very sorry that your ex husband

1:03:47

went off and did this. He sounds

1:03:49

like and is being an idiot and

1:03:51

I'm even more sorry that his life

1:03:53

seems to have gone off the rails

1:03:55

and a number of ways since he

1:03:57

separated. You guys gave it a real

1:03:59

shot. Obviously this relationship with this other

1:04:01

woman was very compelling to him for

1:04:03

reasons that are not entirely clear to

1:04:05

me, but probably speak to some unresolved

1:04:07

stuff in him and also in her.

1:04:10

And as chaotic is all is is,

1:04:12

It does sound like you guys are

1:04:14

better off his co parents than partners,

1:04:16

so I guess I'm glad it played

1:04:18

out this way. kind of. But yeah,

1:04:20

man, very hard to watch and definitely

1:04:22

concerning for your kids since they might

1:04:24

be exposed to a lot of this

1:04:26

dysfunction when they spend time with their

1:04:28

death. I absolutely understand why that puts

1:04:30

you in a difficult spot. So let's

1:04:32

just get this out of the way.

1:04:34

should you give your As has been

1:04:36

more credit for his improvements, I mean,

1:04:38

sure, why not. He does deserve credit

1:04:40

for taken some positive steps validating his

1:04:42

efforts. couldn't hurt, he could probably use

1:04:44

the rest Nissin a little encouragement. But

1:04:46

I also understand why these steps don't

1:04:48

feel like enough to you. because even

1:04:50

if he's going to therapy in his

1:04:52

work another job that doesn't necessarily mean

1:04:54

he's getting better in these more foundational

1:04:56

ways. Mean, who knows how he showing

1:04:58

up in therapy, what he's taken. Away from

1:05:00

it How he's applying it to his life.

1:05:02

Like he said, his insight into all this

1:05:04

city seems pretty surfaces On the real thing

1:05:06

you want to see a make progress on

1:05:08

is realizing that his relationship with his girlfriend

1:05:10

is dysfunctional and unhealthy and either working on

1:05:12

those things with her or parting ways. So

1:05:14

yes, I think it's important to recognize him

1:05:16

for the progress is made. He deserves that.

1:05:18

But I also get why you're finding it

1:05:20

hard to golf clap for your ex husband

1:05:23

when is like. I went to therapy three

1:05:25

times and found out my relationship a a

1:05:27

little wacky. Like.

1:05:30

Good offer bro. You want to do a little

1:05:32

deeper there and maybe to look at some other

1:05:34

party or let you know? maybe do you want

1:05:36

to maybe get eight hours of sleep so you

1:05:38

can perform at your best at work summer and

1:05:40

of energy to see your kids instead of sending

1:05:42

dick pics from the bathroom to the woman you

1:05:44

also inexplicably feel the urge to hit apparently which

1:05:47

landed you in jail not once, but twice. I

1:05:49

mean, yeah. And also by the way, where you

1:05:51

met a guy called you out of thirty grand

1:05:53

on or a legal enterprise. I mean, I'm still

1:05:55

shaking my head about that detail. It's gotta just

1:05:57

be so hard for her to watch all this

1:05:59

and. Her tongue. As for relaxing a

1:06:01

little on your rules around. seen the kids

1:06:03

that a little tricky. In. A way

1:06:05

you have less reason to worry now the

1:06:07

needed before your kids are doing well. They're

1:06:09

happy to see their Dad. They're not dying

1:06:11

to get away from him or crying when

1:06:13

they say goodbye. Maybe they have a pretty

1:06:15

good relationship now. But then are those visits

1:06:17

going well because you are grammar. Is there?

1:06:20

Are you? just? you Don't know for sure

1:06:22

how dad would behave as he's alone with

1:06:24

them. Like is he gonna order one too

1:06:26

many beers at Chuck E Cheese? Is he

1:06:28

going to start bad mouthing you over desert?

1:06:30

Is he gonna take them bowling and spend

1:06:32

a whole time sexting his girlfriend? Maybe. Or

1:06:34

maybe he'll be just. As peaceful and present

1:06:36

as he is during the supervised visits. So

1:06:38

here's an idea. Maybe you let him take

1:06:40

the kids out unsupervised once and see how

1:06:43

it goes. Something simple. They go to the

1:06:45

park for an hour, they catch a movie,

1:06:47

they grab some ice cream, they come right

1:06:49

home, and then you'd really check in with

1:06:52

your kids. ask him how it went, see

1:06:54

how they're acting, if there's any cause for

1:06:56

concern, if they seem happy a normal, Maybe

1:06:58

you let him have another unsupervised disease, and

1:07:01

if things continue to go well, you can

1:07:03

graduate to longer hangs. With that alone, But

1:07:05

if you notice anything on if your kids have

1:07:07

been weird, be quiet. They hint that something happened

1:07:10

while they were out. They suddenly don't wanna see

1:07:12

their dad the next time been. Yes, Trust your

1:07:14

gut and go back to supervised visits only. But

1:07:16

either way I think it's totally fair to ask

1:07:19

the he'd not to bring his girlfriend along to

1:07:21

these visits. You could say hey, I'm sorry, but

1:07:23

I see how chaotic things get between you and

1:07:25

I'm sure we both agreed that that is not

1:07:27

healthy for the kids to be around. I agree.

1:07:30

I think that's very reasonable requests and you don't

1:07:32

even have to say who's to blame for that.

1:07:34

You can. To say you know I feel

1:07:36

that there's some friction between you guys and

1:07:38

I don't exactly know how it happens, but

1:07:40

we're on the same page or right the

1:07:42

kids to not be around them and then

1:07:44

down the road. If their relationship gets better,

1:07:46

you can revisit that, although who knows if

1:07:48

that's ever gonna happen or not. clear whether

1:07:50

they're working on their relationship or have the

1:07:53

desire to do that. It's kind of a

1:07:55

mess. So. You're asking another interesting

1:07:57

question: What responsibility do you have

1:07:59

to promote? The kids relationship with

1:08:01

her half brother. Honestly, I'm not sure

1:08:03

because sadly, that relationship comes with a

1:08:05

lot of tension and the potential for

1:08:08

more conflict. It sucks that their son

1:08:10

might not have the closest relationship with

1:08:12

his half siblings, but that's his parents'

1:08:15

fault. I mean, I hope that they

1:08:17

do end up having a good relationship

1:08:19

because he could really use some good

1:08:22

siblings Stable siblings happy siblings as he

1:08:24

grows up. But I don't know.

1:08:26

that might not be easy. Yeah, I'm afraid

1:08:28

the kid is going to have a tough

1:08:30

go that. I mean dad hit mama. He

1:08:32

was holding him. That and probably a thousand

1:08:35

other weird moments and that's gonna make an

1:08:37

impression, right? Oh yeah, that's going to be

1:08:39

a core memory inside out style. So my

1:08:41

feeling is you have a responsibility to not

1:08:43

unnecessarily prevent your kids from seeing their half

1:08:46

brother. I think you have responsibility to not

1:08:48

deliberately drive a wedge between them. I don't

1:08:50

know he necessarily have a responsibility to make

1:08:52

sure that they are best friends, but you

1:08:54

know it. Why. Don't you follow your kid

1:08:56

lead on this one? If they hang out

1:08:58

with their dad more and they like their

1:09:00

half brother and things are harmoniously like doing

1:09:03

things together great, then I would definitely encourage

1:09:05

their relationship right? As long as it doesn't.

1:09:07

Exposure to the anything toxic like a visiting

1:09:09

their half brother means they have to sit

1:09:11

at the dinner table while as man yells

1:09:13

at them are dead drinks himself into a

1:09:15

stupor. Something like that, right? That's your first

1:09:17

responsibility to protect them. And yes, I am

1:09:19

sure that it is sounding to coordinate those

1:09:21

visits with your ex girlfriend. The only advice

1:09:23

I can offer there is keep it kind.

1:09:26

Keep of for keep it just focused on the

1:09:28

logistics. I think it is have to be diplomatic

1:09:30

and compartmentalize. So when you're on the phone with

1:09:32

her it's you know what time would you like

1:09:34

me to drop them off? What I'm can you

1:09:36

pick them up? Thank you for making dinner tonight.

1:09:38

I'll be on. Your son are doing well. Goodbye

1:09:40

I wouldn't get too deep with her or insert

1:09:42

yourself and or her relationship with your acts or

1:09:44

anything like that. And if those calls

1:09:47

a really difficult for you, just you know,

1:09:49

do some deep breathing and promise yourself that

1:09:51

you're standpoint. Remind yourself that this is just

1:09:53

about making sure your kids out a relationship

1:09:55

with their off brother, right? It's simple, I

1:09:57

would just pretend you're coordinating with a name,

1:10:00

the service or something, and. That's. The

1:10:02

end of that? Yeah, that's a tough one.

1:10:04

Imagine having to call up the student your

1:10:06

husband started an affair with while you were

1:10:08

married and who kind of still your has

1:10:10

been away from you and then turned his

1:10:12

life into dumpster fire like high as little

1:10:14

Caleb. prefer a playdate tomorrow at Three Dark

1:10:16

Jordan wants to be like a home wrecker

1:10:18

to scheduling a played a between your satan

1:10:20

spawn of my innocent kids were collateral damage

1:10:22

in the divorce the you held cause we're

1:10:24

free a three hope that works by by

1:10:26

a brutal boyar com and gotta look, I

1:10:28

take back the satan spawn think there's no

1:10:30

evidence of that kid. The Monster. I actually

1:10:33

feel bad for him like his mom is

1:10:35

a knucklehead. His dad's enough. Glad he's totally

1:10:37

blameless in all this and is growing up

1:10:39

in what sounds like a very chaotic home.

1:10:42

Poor kid. But yeah, I couldn't resist. Satan

1:10:44

sponsored the Sake of the Junkyard. Don't lie

1:10:46

ahead. I'm sorry that this guy's been out

1:10:48

in this way. This is definitely a challenging

1:10:51

co parent to have in. Might always be

1:10:53

a little rocky into your kids grow up,

1:10:55

but I do commend him for taking some

1:10:57

positive steps. and I commend you for navigating

1:11:00

all this with a lot of strength, sensitivity,

1:11:02

And atonement to your children. I do hope

1:11:04

your ex confront says stuff and deeper way

1:11:06

but that's his business. You're handling yours. You

1:11:09

do a damn good job of it from

1:11:11

the sound of it. So keep up the

1:11:13

great work. Keep being there for your kids

1:11:15

and protecting them as needed and they call

1:11:18

me crazy but maybe tell your husband not

1:11:20

to invest in any more drug trafficking operation

1:11:22

Fast as the little business Tip from your

1:11:24

Uncle Jordan That's right. Gun Running does feel

1:11:27

as a business you want to be a

1:11:29

exactly better margins way more fun. Thank us

1:11:31

later. So much more exciting. You're welcome

1:11:33

as I doubt the margins on guns

1:11:35

are better, but that wasn't the point

1:11:37

of advice or it. What's next? Hey

1:11:40

guys, I know you're both great A

1:11:42

networking love, connecting with people learning about

1:11:44

them and have terrific life experiences. That

1:11:46

is correct as evidenced by the Ostrich

1:11:48

harm story and the barber who was

1:11:50

arrested for assault in front of East

1:11:52

or so. I was curious. What conferences

1:11:55

do you guys typically go to? What

1:11:57

would you recommend a twenty five year

1:11:59

old do. To learn more about

1:12:01

themselves, game these valuable experiences and

1:12:03

add some tremendous perspective to their

1:12:05

life. Signed. Hoping you bro's

1:12:07

can disclose where you rub elbows me that

1:12:10

it networking I food is confusing year with

1:12:12

somebody else on I yeah I actually don't

1:12:14

really think about it all that much. I

1:12:16

just cross my fingers and hope people will

1:12:18

be there for me when shit hits the

1:12:20

that that's part of the brand. Excellent. The

1:12:22

try supply of a you might have noticed

1:12:24

I've got a whole course that I keep

1:12:26

on banging on about. I am actually about

1:12:29

to do it again so thanks for put

1:12:31

up with me. So if you want to

1:12:33

learn more about yourself, meet interesting people, have

1:12:35

valuable experiences I would absolutely. Not look to

1:12:37

conferences to give you that conferences can

1:12:39

be interesting and an intellectual way. For

1:12:41

example, you might hear about some cool

1:12:44

ideas at Ted may be about neuroscience

1:12:46

or sleep, or the benefits of doing

1:12:48

therapy or a trampoline, or whoever says

1:12:50

with the conference itself, probably not going

1:12:52

to meaningfully change her life. The programming

1:12:54

at conferences, in my opinion, is usually

1:12:56

going man. a lot of people swear

1:12:59

by the self help seminar types there,

1:13:01

but I really find that a lot

1:13:03

of it is called the And or

1:13:05

just a soccer final. For some

1:13:07

guru or wanna be guru teaching

1:13:09

it or it's interesting but it's

1:13:12

secondary to the social aspect. What?

1:13:14

Does transform your life

1:13:17

is relationships and experiences.

1:13:19

So. If a conference ads your life in

1:13:21

a meaningful way, it's almost certainly because of

1:13:23

somebody that you met there. So gay. But

1:13:25

I actually met at a conference in what

1:13:27

for like, Twenty Ten Daves? Twenty Two Fourteen

1:13:29

years ago? Wilde Yes. And we met at

1:13:31

this conference called Summit Series which is more.

1:13:34

it's more like a retreat than a conference,

1:13:36

I guess. So it kind of like Ted

1:13:38

needs Burning Man meets Wanderlust or something like

1:13:40

that. And as far as these things go,

1:13:42

it's a good one thousand. A lot of

1:13:44

fun, but I can't say that it was

1:13:46

something that taught me about myself but gay.

1:13:48

But I both ended. Up in a random

1:13:50

talk when afternoon and somehow just started chatting.

1:13:52

can't remember why. can't remember how I had

1:13:54

just moved away with my old companies to

1:13:56

we grab dinner a few weeks later. Got

1:13:58

along really well and. In over the

1:14:00

years we decided collaborating on some articles

1:14:02

and stuff, traveling a little bit together

1:14:04

to the North Korea. The rest is

1:14:07

history to the value of that retreat

1:14:09

for me. was meeting, gave and may

1:14:11

may be a tiny handful of other

1:14:13

people and that value is huge for

1:14:15

sure. but it wasn't because of the

1:14:17

programming at a conference. My feeling is

1:14:19

if you're twenty five, you don't really

1:14:21

need conferences. You need to build skills.

1:14:23

Whether it's sales or programming, a writing

1:14:25

or speaking foreign languages, you need to

1:14:27

build confidence in those skills and you

1:14:29

need to generate. A social circle. Conferences

1:14:31

can be part of that, but there

1:14:33

really no substitute for that. Having those

1:14:35

skills is what makes you valuable at

1:14:37

rounds out your hobbies and most importantly

1:14:39

puts you in touch with other people

1:14:41

who are also interested in those things

1:14:43

and opportunities that need your skillset. Said.

1:14:46

A relationship building aspect is part and

1:14:48

parcel of developing your tool kit, your

1:14:50

craft and taking it to interesting places.

1:14:52

Flash the people you meet show you

1:14:54

those interesting places. If I had do

1:14:56

it all over again at your age,

1:14:58

I'd probably get a job at another

1:15:00

country, even if it was like aren't

1:15:02

working at a hotel or translation company

1:15:04

or whatever. Learn a new language that

1:15:06

way make a bunch a local friends

1:15:08

get experience working in another cultural environment.

1:15:10

If I'd done that earlier, I probably

1:15:12

would have skipped law school. I probably

1:15:14

would have stuck with. My areas of interest

1:15:16

far more than I did early in my

1:15:18

career, which would have saved me a lot

1:15:20

of time, said me a lot of money

1:15:23

and probably so hopefully gotten me to where

1:15:25

I am now a whole lot faster and

1:15:27

with a lot less stress. but then he

1:15:29

i pry wouldn't have met my own business

1:15:31

partner which sort of sat me down this

1:15:33

path. so who knows, things always play out

1:15:35

the way they gonna have to wear the

1:15:37

way they did Anyway, prioritize this other stuff

1:15:39

over conferences. That's my take and if you're

1:15:41

going to attend some sort of events I'd

1:15:43

pick one that hobby related. For example, you

1:15:45

go to Thailand. For a weekend you

1:15:47

do moink I training or go to

1:15:49

Brazil do some jujitsu stuff. Don't go

1:15:51

to some networking specific event for like

1:15:53

start ups unless you have very specific

1:15:56

goals for that conference like there are

1:15:58

people who will be there. Who

1:16:00

you want to connect with and you reach

1:16:02

out to them beforehand so you can make

1:16:04

sure it happens is that I'm just hoping

1:16:07

you cross paths when you're there for sure.

1:16:09

Totally agree. I gotta say, Jordan, meeting you

1:16:11

at Summit Series obviously literally changed my life.

1:16:13

I mean, you're the reason I started traveling

1:16:16

more ambitiously, why I started pursuing my writing,

1:16:18

How I got into podcasting. But you know

1:16:20

you didn't change my life over night. It

1:16:23

happens slowly over many years, in the way

1:16:25

that we grew together and the stuff we

1:16:27

did together. Collaboration. So obviously that wouldn't have

1:16:29

happened. If we hadn't bumped into each other

1:16:31

or that retreat see, you could say that the

1:16:34

conference was essential. But really, I think it was

1:16:36

just that. The event brought us together and after

1:16:38

that it was just about how we nurtured our

1:16:40

friendship and and created really cool experiences together. Which

1:16:43

really started with going to North Korea that first

1:16:45

time, right? There's a world where we could have

1:16:47

met on twitter or whatever. It may be the

1:16:49

same thing what happened. There's also a world where

1:16:51

you mean we didn't foster much of a franchise

1:16:54

exactly inside? It's funny, I remember when we grab

1:16:56

dinner that first time we met at some random

1:16:58

restaurant hollywood or whatever and they. Had the most

1:17:00

epic boozy grilled cheese sandwiches I remember that

1:17:02

and at a day or two before we're

1:17:05

supposed to go, you texted me say hey,

1:17:07

I'm just confirming or on for dinner at

1:17:09

this place at this time as like whoa,

1:17:11

this person is actually following through on our

1:17:13

plants. Glad been in L A for I

1:17:15

don't know month or two at that point

1:17:17

in so many people were flaking on me.

1:17:19

I come out from New York where people

1:17:21

don't bail on plans nearly as much. I

1:17:23

was starting to realize the cliche about L

1:17:25

A people being flee he was true and

1:17:27

you didn't do that. So it's I get.

1:17:30

You can meet super interesting or important people

1:17:32

at a conference, but how are you nurturing

1:17:34

those relationships? How are you showing up in

1:17:36

them? What experiences are you creating through them?

1:17:38

That's what really matters. Yes, I agree and

1:17:40

I'm so glad that I confirm dinner because

1:17:42

my god, I don't know where my life

1:17:44

would be if we hadn't crossed paths. so

1:17:46

I'm with. You are not. I'm not crazy

1:17:48

about conferences, they're not my favorite vibe and

1:17:50

room. I will say this, there are very

1:17:52

efficient way to meet a lot of people

1:17:55

at once, which is usually what you end

1:17:57

up paying for. That's true, but you don't

1:17:59

need them like. Better off reaching out

1:18:01

the people you're excited about, people you

1:18:03

have something to offer and traveling and

1:18:05

creating a rewarding experiences. And in all

1:18:07

of that, by the way, travel is

1:18:09

by far the most stimulating experience and

1:18:11

it's a great way to me people,

1:18:13

but also reading and building your skills

1:18:15

and being present and generous in your

1:18:17

relationship, that's basically it. But if you

1:18:19

ever do see a conference that's relevant

1:18:21

to you and you think that it's

1:18:23

going attract interesting, solid people and they're

1:18:25

not charging you, you know, three months

1:18:27

rent for two days of lame workshops.

1:18:30

And a drink tickets than yeah, maybe. give

1:18:32

it a go. Just remember that the best

1:18:34

thing you can do there is meet one

1:18:36

awesome person not attend seventeen different talks about

1:18:38

biohacking and emotional intelligence and out that it's

1:18:41

gonna make you a rich person exactly reading

1:18:43

books. Him watching you tube or listening to

1:18:45

podcasts can give you that same thing and

1:18:47

much better. but if you happen to sit

1:18:50

next to the right person or walk up

1:18:52

to somebody interesting of the mixer afterwards, zeneca

1:18:54

be a game changer, but you could probably

1:18:56

do the same thing in an airport terminal

1:18:59

or on linked in. Maybe even better

1:19:01

and definitely cheaper. I love your question man,

1:19:03

it's a great one for a twenty five

1:19:05

year old. Be asking and good luck. And

1:19:07

I want to copy of this actually. Gabriel

1:19:09

if you are in a very specific industry

1:19:11

or the conference's curated in some way like

1:19:13

sure, you get invited to a saying. I

1:19:16

get invited to these conferences. I'm not gonna

1:19:18

mention the name of it because I am

1:19:20

not sure what they're sort of standards are,

1:19:22

but I got referred by this guy's iq

1:19:24

of rocket scientist in a super smart dude

1:19:26

in They're I Was I can you make

1:19:29

it to this events. In the people who

1:19:31

are coming as it's always ate the Ceo

1:19:33

of Open A I, the head of Google

1:19:35

publicity department or are of like of not

1:19:37

even publicity but some like department and Google

1:19:39

This person from the Department of Defense, this

1:19:41

person from the Department of Transportation and and

1:19:44

that like any want my lame ass over

1:19:46

there like okay that seems like a pretty

1:19:48

cool thing to be a part of and

1:19:50

there's other conferences that are like okay everyone

1:19:52

who's here is an entrepreneur that owns this

1:19:54

kind of business or is in his circle

1:19:57

of businesses and is this bag and also

1:19:59

we met with. The one personally so there's

1:20:01

no d bags. Yeah, that's good cure ration

1:20:03

and I'll buy tickets to those kinds of

1:20:05

things and do those kinds of events. But

1:20:07

if the cure race in his you paid

1:20:10

a hundred bucks with a ticket or five

1:20:12

thousand dollars for the tickets and probably gonna

1:20:14

pass on that because you're just trying to

1:20:16

turn this into a money you don't really

1:20:18

care about who's there. Like you said, it's

1:20:20

never to programming at the event, it's always

1:20:23

who's their fill. If they're just letting and

1:20:25

anybody who can buy a ticket, it's probably

1:20:27

going to be lame and a waste of

1:20:29

time that. Is a very good caviar and

1:20:31

you just reminded me of something that I

1:20:34

completely forgot about. Bombs Going to quickly tell

1:20:36

the story cause I think it might help

1:20:38

us guy so verify early early on in

1:20:40

my screen writing days. when I was really

1:20:42

just starting out I knew nothing really. I

1:20:44

was so green and I also knew nobody

1:20:47

in the industry and I don't have anybody

1:20:49

listening as ever. Heard of this before but

1:20:51

there's this thing and it. It happens in

1:20:53

L A. I think it might also happen

1:20:55

in smaller cities where there isn't snowed. Hollywood

1:20:57

is very far away their these things called

1:20:59

pets. Fast for writers were it's a

1:21:02

cattle call and it's really unpleasant and

1:21:04

you basically go there with your projects

1:21:06

in tow like you little pets and

1:21:08

you wind up in these lines for

1:21:11

the companies whose representatives are there. and

1:21:13

from nine am until like five pm

1:21:15

you can just meet one after another

1:21:17

after another with these executives and pets

1:21:19

them your ideas and I win. And

1:21:22

I did this and I truly one

1:21:24

of the worst days of my life.

1:21:26

I mean it was so depressing and

1:21:28

it was very demoralizing. Not just

1:21:30

because I didn't really know what I was

1:21:32

during my pisses were not good. It just

1:21:34

confirmed how difficult it is to break into

1:21:36

the industry because you're like there's so many

1:21:38

people want to do this. And then there

1:21:40

are these events that are run by people

1:21:42

who are kind of preying on amateur screenwriters

1:21:44

and make you pay a hundred bucks or

1:21:46

two hundred bucks or more to have access

1:21:48

to these executives and half of them seem

1:21:50

like they don't want to be there. I

1:21:52

mean, it was like it was a really

1:21:54

really bad I wouldn't narrator, they did not

1:21:56

want to be there. So.

1:22:00

Walk away from that experience a little scarred and

1:22:02

then I think two years went by may be

1:22:04

and I wrote another scrapped and I learned a

1:22:06

little bit more and I was like i wonder

1:22:09

if I should go back to that event but

1:22:11

with a new perspective and I should give us

1:22:13

another shot. And I decided that I

1:22:15

would, but I did something different this time.

1:22:18

I asked my friend in the interim since

1:22:20

I went to though the first event I

1:22:22

met a really wonderful producer who ended up

1:22:24

becoming my collaborator on a number of movies

1:22:26

and is also my really good friend and

1:22:28

she had a small production company and I

1:22:31

was like how would you feel about me

1:22:33

going to this pets fast but I will

1:22:35

go as an executive quote unquote of your

1:22:37

company and see if I can maybe source

1:22:39

some projects that are interesting to you. You

1:22:41

don't have to go all do all the

1:22:44

work and. Then while I'm there may be

1:22:46

all meet some people and I can can

1:22:48

I get my little thing and while i

1:22:50

do this other. So. I went and did

1:22:52

The way. everything you need to know about this event can

1:22:54

be summed up by the fact that the moment I wrote

1:22:56

them saying hey, I'm an executive for this company you've never

1:22:58

heard of. Can I come There are like of course sir

1:23:01

and will pay you ah hundred bucks to be that. Sounds.

1:23:03

Like okay this whole thing feels like

1:23:05

very blame and not well done and

1:23:07

scare me but whatever. So I went

1:23:10

and it was one of the most

1:23:12

eye opening days I've ever had Because

1:23:14

fruit eight hours I sat across from

1:23:16

people who are in my shoes pitching

1:23:18

their projects and I got to see

1:23:20

what a good bit looks like, what

1:23:22

a bad bits looks like where people

1:23:24

make mistakes. Ours is brilliant, was extraordinary

1:23:26

and then during the lunch break they're

1:23:29

like oh all the executives go have

1:23:31

lunch and a side room while the

1:23:33

participants. After like walk across the street to that

1:23:35

silly as or whatever and I was like sitting

1:23:37

at lunch with all the people I wanted to

1:23:39

meet. but it wasn't weird because I wasn't trying

1:23:41

it pits them on a thing. I was kind

1:23:43

of appear right so it was actually kind of

1:23:46

brilliant. And the funniest thing about it was at

1:23:48

the end of the day they ask all the

1:23:50

executives to come by the little station where the

1:23:52

people around the conference are sitting to come collect

1:23:54

their money and I'm like oh yeah I forgot

1:23:56

I'm being paid to be her area. so at

1:23:58

the line up for to. The minutes to

1:24:00

go get my money and while I'm standing

1:24:02

in line I run into this woman who

1:24:04

super nice and we end up totally clicking

1:24:06

and we also yourself friends and colleagues kind

1:24:08

of loud and then I got to the

1:24:10

thing and are like here's your they had

1:24:13

me a one hundred dollar bill and gas

1:24:15

and I just almost burst out laughing like

1:24:17

you have no idea I'm just as lame

1:24:19

as everybody else here yeah but it was

1:24:21

such a great thing in I didn't really

1:24:23

plan for it to be so great but

1:24:25

I just wanted to throw that out there

1:24:27

because the thing I took away from that

1:24:29

day was if. You can ever change the rules

1:24:31

of an event like that to your favorite? Do

1:24:33

it? Yes. and sometimes you have to get a

1:24:35

little crafty. Me gotta be a little man. Little

1:24:37

weird about any gonna how like call in a

1:24:40

favor, pretend you're someone you're not and I'm not

1:24:42

advocating for being a total fraud. but in this

1:24:44

case it was innocent and it was fine and

1:24:46

I still got what I needed and I think

1:24:48

I actually did a better job with someone. That

1:24:50

writer has been some of the executive there, so

1:24:52

everybody one. But the brilliant thing is if you

1:24:55

don't have to be the customer or the the

1:24:57

end user if you can kind of be a

1:24:59

few other things alongside. Data you when and

1:25:01

if you ever find a conference that you want

1:25:03

to go to and you don't want to be

1:25:05

just like every other snob. Eight Two hundred fifty

1:25:07

bucks for that during ticket. But there are people

1:25:09

who want to meet. Maybe you offered to help

1:25:11

them run the conference you say hey, can I

1:25:13

pigeon and you give me a ticket and I

1:25:16

can hang out. A lot of conferences are willing

1:25:18

to do that. Anything you can do to just

1:25:20

change up the standard roles to work in your

1:25:22

favor is Graeme Swann A that this is like

1:25:24

the professional version of setting up an online dating

1:25:26

profile. that's a woman just to see what kind

1:25:28

of lines come in your Dm inbox. Yes, exactly.

1:25:30

It reminds me of when I first did that

1:25:32

back in the nineties and that's how is there

1:25:35

to catch pedophiles? Perfect cells are slightly different outcome

1:25:37

for me. Yeah, but there any with hope. You

1:25:39

all enjoy that. I want to thank everybody who

1:25:41

wrote in and everybody listen. Thank you all so

1:25:43

much. Don't forget to check out the episodes this

1:25:46

week with Charles Do Hague. A lot of good

1:25:48

feedback on that so far and Miles Johnson on

1:25:50

international arms and weapons trafficking and other assorted intrigue

1:25:52

as well. The best things that of habit of

1:25:54

my life in business have of course come through

1:25:57

my network. Speaking of which, the circle of people

1:25:59

I know like and fast yadda yadda Six Minute

1:26:01

networking.com I think we've sorta hit this nicely. Hard

1:26:03

to courses free. I wish I do this of

1:26:05

twenty years ago. Dig the well before you get

1:26:08

Thursday, build relationships of we Need Him Again or

1:26:10

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1:26:48

was created in association with Podcast One.

1:26:51

My team is Jen Harbinger, Jace Sanderson,

1:26:53

Robert Forbid, even Baird, Million Campo, and

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of course Gabriel Mizrahi. Or advice and

1:26:58

opinions are our own and I. Am

1:27:00

a lawyer but I am not your lawyer to

1:27:02

do your own research before implementing anything you hear

1:27:04

on the show. Ditto Air and Hoskins. Her advice

1:27:06

is general an informational in nature. Please seek independent

1:27:09

legal representation before making any decisions. Remember, we rise

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by lifting others. Sure the show with those you

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love and if you found the episode useful, please

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share it with someone else who could use the

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advice we gave here today. In the meantime, I

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hope you apply what you hear on the show

1:27:22

so you can live what you learn and will

1:27:24

see you next time. Ever

1:27:27

find yourself trapped in a cycle of always

1:27:29

wanting more and ever feeling content? You're about

1:27:31

to hear a preview of the Jordan Harbinger

1:27:33

show where Scarcity Brain author Michael Easter unravel

1:27:36

the mysteries of our primal drives and how

1:27:38

they can be both our downfall and our

1:27:40

salvation. Summer investigative journalist for it's I firmly

1:27:42

believe that you understand a sore to understand

1:27:44

all the mechanics of it to get the

1:27:46

information you need to really tell a story

1:27:48

the half ago and for him sometimes I

1:27:50

get it out of a nice shiny some

1:27:52

for the lab where they bring the coffee

1:27:54

and you know, at Harvard or. Whatever.

1:27:56

Funders You find yourself in Iraq and I

1:27:58

present looking at fell. Drug dealers

1:28:00

and terrorists. but ultimately I think that

1:28:03

going there makes you get a better

1:28:05

storage spaces or more interesting and cities

1:28:07

that are estimated of really understand a

1:28:09

several know that everything is fine and

1:28:11

moderation but on the question is or

1:28:13

why don't we are sucks so bad

1:28:15

at people she's eating one or false.

1:28:18

We often find ourselves shopping when we

1:28:20

are the onus on a softly scroll

1:28:22

through social media landscape edging news when

1:28:24

we know it's not necessarily improving our

1:28:26

mental health when you think about how

1:28:28

humans evolved everything we needed. To survive

1:28:30

In the past it was all stairs

1:28:33

and of was all part of walk

1:28:35

right through everything from food to possessions

1:28:37

to informations even simple on sunset the

1:28:39

number people we couldn't plus all hard

1:28:41

to post office and with myself for

1:28:43

basically to have nine years and it

1:28:45

wasn't until very recently and a grandson

1:28:47

time that we started to get abundance

1:28:50

of holiday things that were sort of

1:28:52

built to crank so in the past

1:28:54

it always made sense to eat more

1:28:56

food than you did it as he

1:28:58

had the opportunity to hoard items. Surprise

1:29:00

it as much information as insisted he

1:29:03

seeking information all that would give you

1:29:05

a survival advantage and then our environment

1:29:07

split and now we have of and

1:29:09

other stuff and we sell sell to

1:29:11

just consume and consume all the stuff.

1:29:14

For. More that are insatiable. Desire is not

1:29:16

a harness them for good. Tune into episode

1:29:18

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