0:00

Kindness , we see it all around us . We

0:02

see it when someone pays for someone else's coffee

0:05

or holds the door open for another person

0:07

. We see it in the smallest

0:09

of gestures , like a smile or

0:11

a kind word . But it's different

0:13

when we turn on the news or social media

0:15

. Oftentimes what we hear

0:18

about what outlets are pushing

0:20

is the opposite of kind . Welcome

0:22

to the Kindness Matters podcast . Our

0:25

goal is to give you a place to relax

0:27

, to revel in stories of people

0:29

who have received or given kindness

0:31

, a place to inspire and

0:33

motivate each and every one of us to

0:36

practice kindness every day . Hello

0:39

and welcome to the Kindness Matters

0:42

podcast . I am your host , mike

0:44

Rathbun . I've been playing with that a little

0:46

bit , you guys . I am so

0:48

psyched today because I have such

0:51

an amazing guest . Her life has

0:55

been it's everything right . I

0:58

mean , the story is fantastic

1:00

and I am so honored . Today

1:03

I have Maria Palmer . Maria

1:06

C do you use the C ?

1:09

I do use the C , yeah , yeah

1:11

, I use it really for my author

1:13

work , not so much for my nonprofit

1:16

work , but it draws me

1:18

. Since my story is

1:20

about my father and his last

1:22

name is Kistanzo , I

1:24

like to use the C .

1:27

Right , absolutely . And your

1:30

father was

1:32

the what

1:34

, the thing

1:37

that triggered that's a bad word , no

1:39

, that's a negative word the

1:41

thing that made you write a book . You are currently

1:43

on a book tour right now for your book

1:45

out called On the Rocks , and

1:48

that book details you

1:51

growing up in suburban

1:54

Pittsburgh . Right , mm-hmm , and

1:56

go ahead .

1:58

Yeah , so it's really the story

2:00

of it . What makes it unique

2:03

is it's told

2:05

by myself and

2:07

my co-author , ruthie Robbins

2:09

, who was my former AP English

2:11

teacher , and it's the rise

2:14

and the fall of my father , joseph

2:16

Kistanzo Jr , who during the

2:18

80s through the early 2000s

2:21

had one of the

2:23

premier top Italian

2:25

restaurants in the nation

2:28

. And it is his rise

2:30

to success and very

2:32

sharp fall which ended with the stint

2:34

in federal prison . And

2:37

what really makes this story unique and

2:39

why we've gotten a lot

2:41

of critical claim about writing , it

2:43

is because we are two females

2:45

and we write from the first

2:47

person perspective of my father

2:50

, so the entire

2:52

book is in my father's voice

2:54

. What we've heard

2:56

from people is they feel at

2:59

People who know my father very

3:01

well feel like it's

3:03

my father sitting down at

3:05

a bar and telling them stories

3:07

. And that to us

3:10

, is the highest compliment

3:12

is writers , because we

3:14

certainly are not my dad . We both

3:17

would choose very different

3:19

choices than my

3:21

dad does . He's a little bit more of a risk-taker

3:24

, very gregarious kind

3:26

of larger-than-life personality , but

3:29

it was fun to write him and

3:32

to be compared in that way

3:34

is quite a compliment .

3:36

Wow , that's awesome , and I

3:38

think that adds so much to

3:40

a book when it's written in that way . It's

3:43

like you're Again . Like you said

3:45

, you're sitting down with the person and listening

3:47

to them tell this story and

3:49

this amazing story . Now

3:52

, your dad , the name of the restaurant was

3:54

the prima donna correct , and

3:58

they'd won a lot of awards there in

4:00

Pittsburgh and

4:02

it was the it place to go

4:04

, wasn't it ?

4:05

It certainly was so . Whenever he

4:07

bought the restaurant in 1986

4:10

, he bought it in this little

4:12

suburb of Pittsburgh called McKee's

4:15

Rocks , pennsylvania , which nobody had

4:17

ever heard about until last year

4:19

. The

4:22

Buffalo Bill's

4:24

star , damar Hamlin , whenever

4:26

he collapsed on the field

4:29

he , in fact , is from

4:31

McKee's Rocks , pennsylvania .

4:33

Oh , for heaven's sakes .

4:35

And his mother's charity

4:37

, which is a daycare center , shares

4:40

the same back alleyway

4:42

with the building that used to

4:44

be the prima donna . Wow

4:46

, Now whenever I say McKee's Rocks

4:49

, people say I've heard of that town and I

4:51

don't know why . And I said well , I think I

4:53

can tell you why . So

4:55

now it is put on the map a little

4:57

bit more and we're trying to keep it on the map with on

4:59

the rocks . But you know , my

5:02

point in all of this and kind of what

5:04

is a very unique

5:06

piece to this story as a whole

5:08

and I think that you'll appreciate it

5:11

for sure , mike is that

5:13

during the 80s and 90s

5:15

it was a different time , right , we didn't

5:17

have Yelp and

5:20

restaurant reviews , it

5:22

only happened through the newspaper

5:24

. You know , the

5:26

prima donna became a destination

5:28

restaurant in a town that was

5:31

far from a destination . It was

5:33

a place where really only

5:35

locals went , and even if you were coming

5:37

to Pittsburgh , this is a place that you would

5:39

drive through quickly

5:41

with your windows up and

5:43

your doors locked . So it

5:45

was not a tourist

5:48

spot at all , it was not

5:50

in a major city , and I think what

5:52

was mostly impossible

5:54

and almost unbelievable about the story

5:56

is he was able to draw those

5:59

really chic New York City

6:02

, san Francisco , chicago-esque

6:05

type crowds and people

6:07

to McKee's Rocks , Pennsylvania

6:10

, and he bought a failing

6:12

business which was formerly

6:15

a restaurant and he turned

6:17

it into what was known as the prima

6:19

donna . So that story

6:21

in itself , without anything

6:23

extraneous , I think , is quite

6:26

unbelievable how

6:28

he was able to draw people

6:31

in and keep people coming

6:33

back and to make

6:35

it that destination

6:37

spot that people saw

6:40

.

6:40

That really speaks to his business sense

6:42

.

6:43

Absolutely .

6:44

Absolutely . And now

6:46

you grew up I mean you were four when

6:49

your dad bought the restaurant and it opened it up . It

6:51

wasn't called the prima donna before he bought

6:54

it , right ?

6:55

No , it was a small family restaurant . It

6:57

was called Fusco's Restaurant

7:00

and a really nice

7:02

gentleman , fusco , who was

7:04

a professional chef , had

7:07

the place and he was going to be

7:10

retiring and moving to South

7:12

Carolina and so he

7:14

approached . It was a

7:16

spot for us . I was only four . My

7:18

sister was nine months at the

7:20

time that my dad got into the restaurant

7:23

. So whenever you have young

7:25

children and you want to dine out , you're

7:27

always trying to find those locations

7:29

that have somewhat decent food

7:31

, good prices but are

7:33

not incredibly

7:36

busy or

7:39

a place where you have to wear a suit

7:41

and tie because kids can be a bit unpredictable

7:43

. Not stuffy . Yes

7:46

, so that's why a family place Probably

7:49

got to know Nick Fusco , and eventually

7:52

that's who my dad

7:54

bought the restaurant off of .

7:56

Wow , what's it like

7:58

? I mean , what were you ? You

8:00

would probably at home doing

8:04

homework or whatever after school , or

8:06

did you go to the restaurant .

8:09

A little bit of everything . So the

8:11

very first year that the restaurant was open

8:13

, my mom is not as much of a

8:15

risk-taker as my dad , and so

8:18

she agreed that

8:20

he could have the restaurant under one

8:23

contingency , and that was if

8:25

he kept his day job . So

8:28

during the day he was

8:30

a postal worker and he carried

8:32

mail , and then at night he would

8:34

come down and work at the restaurant

8:36

. So essentially sleep

8:38

was not plentiful or Barely

8:42

there , but because

8:44

of that he was still at work

8:46

whenever Deliveries had to come

8:48

in and the restaurant was getting cleaned

8:51

and things were getting prepped for

8:53

dinner service . So oftentimes

8:55

my mom would bring my

8:58

sister and I down and you know we

9:00

would help with little odd tasks

9:02

. You know my sister was a baby

9:04

baby so she wouldn't really help with much of anything

9:07

. Right , you know I was four

9:09

so I could do things like

9:11

fill salt and pepper shakers and sometimes

9:13

spill that stuff all over the floor , which

9:16

created more of a mess , and you

9:18

know , fill catch-ups and just

9:20

make sure that every table had

9:22

napkins and silverware

9:24

and little odds and ends like

9:27

that . So it was very much a

9:29

part of my upbringing , something

9:31

that I Remember

9:34

fondly for

9:36

the most part . There was a period

9:38

of time where I kind of

9:40

had this I'm

9:43

not gonna say it was a rebellion , because I was

9:45

not at all a rebellious kid , I was

9:47

kind of quite the opposite but

9:50

I did have a time where maybe

9:52

I was a bit jealous of the restaurant because

9:54

my dad spent so much time there . But

9:57

I would say , for the most part the

9:59

restaurant really evokes very warm memories

10:01

and is Very much a

10:04

the centerpiece of my childhood for sure

10:06

.

10:06

Oh yeah , I would imagine . That's amazing

10:09

. I can't imagine Growing

10:12

up in in a restaurant type environment

10:14

and obviously when I

10:16

was old enough to work , that

10:18

was my first job . Right , it was busboy

10:21

. Do they even have bus boys

10:23

? I don't even know .

10:25

Bus person , probably now Person

10:27

.

10:27

Yeah , bus person server and

10:30

it was my dad ended

10:32

up getting me the job . He worked for Northwest

10:35

Airlines in in the town that

10:37

I grew up in and he

10:40

knew the guy who ran the

10:42

fence . There were two restaurants in the airport

10:44

. There was a coffee shop and then

10:46

there was a more of a fine

10:49

dining as Fine dining

10:52

as you get in Billings , montana , in 1976

10:54

. But and

10:58

I worked there as a as a bus

11:00

person but we were also responsible

11:03

for Washing the dishes

11:05

right and we had the dish pull the handle

11:07

down and it goes in and we

11:10

would have to take care of all of the

11:12

trays that came in off of the flights

11:14

During the day . Oh

11:17

, wow , he surprised it . How many people

11:19

didn't drink their wine , huh

11:22

, and left full bottles . Well

11:24

, full bottles , I mean , you know the little bottles

11:27

of wine and and you know where

11:29

those went .

11:30

Oh yeah , he made your dish washing

11:32

shift a bit more . It's a little perk .

11:35

Yeah right , Not

11:37

in the benefits package .

11:39

No , but people don't realize that

11:41

Dishwashers and

11:43

bus people really are the backbones

11:45

of the industry . Um

11:47

sure , you cannot survive

11:49

, especially if you're busy Restaurant

11:52

you can't survive without either one

11:54

. So you know I think that

11:56

that was one of the differentiating

11:59

factors to at the prima donna is

12:01

that my dad understood as a manager

12:04

that every part is

12:06

Just as equally

12:08

important to success

12:10

. So he had a couple

12:12

of people that had second jobs as

12:15

bus people , dishwashers

12:17

, and they took

12:19

almost more pride in their job at

12:21

the prima donna than they did in their , their regular

12:24

career , you know , as social workers

12:26

or nonprofit Type

12:29

folk , because they just felt overly

12:31

appreciated for the job that they were doing

12:34

.

12:34

So oh sure , okay

12:37

, because I have the mind of a golden retriever

12:39

puppy . Have you seen the

12:41

, the TV show the bear ?

12:44

So the short

12:47

answer on that is no , and I'm so

12:49

upset because I do

12:51

not have Hulu and you would think

12:53

that I would have one friend or family

12:56

member that has it . Nobody has

12:58

it . So I'm trying to leverage

13:00

to find some more friends so

13:03

I can watch this . I know

13:05

that this is gonna be right up my alley

13:07

a hundred percent . I've heard

13:09

all about it . I've read the reviews

13:12

. I love that . It kind of incorporates

13:14

the industry with Music

13:17

and you know it gives , from what

13:19

I've I've read , it really gives the

13:21

real a heart

13:23

of what it means to be Part

13:26

of the restaurant industry , without

13:28

any sugarcoating and for

13:30

sure . You know that is

13:32

is something that I I really

13:34

not only I want to watch , I need

13:36

to watch . So thank you for reminding

13:39

me of that .

13:39

You're very welcome . Thank you for writing

13:41

me . I don't have Hulu .

13:46

Yeah , there was a .

13:49

There's a part in this second season

13:51

where the main

13:53

characters brother , who was

13:55

also part owner in the bear , he

13:59

sends him to this fancy restaurant and

14:02

when the guy goes he thinks it's just

14:04

, it's , it's Menial , it's

14:06

beneath him and they have him polishing

14:09

forks for

14:11

the dinner service and he

14:14

, just he thinks it's horrible and but

14:16

every morning he makes himself go in and do

14:19

that and it's like a month

14:21

, I think , and at the end of it

14:23

he has such a

14:26

sense of service because

14:29

of that , that task

14:31

he's and he brings

14:33

it anyway . I don't want to spoil anything

14:35

spoiler alert . But yeah

14:38

, very good and everything I've read about it

14:40

. I've read the reviews from people

14:42

who would know from the restaurant business

14:44

. Yes , I wouldn't , but

14:47

yeah , it's very true to the story . Okay

14:49

, let's get this back on track , shall

14:51

we ?

14:52

Yeah , no , I like this , I , you

14:54

know I . I want to bring up one more piece

14:56

about that before we we get back

14:58

on track . I think you

15:00

know the beauty and all of that and

15:03

that story that you just told , is that

15:05

that people have to feel

15:07

like they're part of something greater

15:09

and sometimes doing those small

15:12

, menial tasks , although they're small

15:14

and meaning Menial , they're

15:16

part of the larger picture . And

15:18

so you know , once you it's

15:21

almost A

15:23

Saturday night at the prima donna would always

15:25

start with the roll call and it would always

15:27

start Saying you know

15:29

bus people , are you ready ? Servers

15:32

, are you ready ? Cooks

15:35

, are you ready ? Because everybody

15:37

had to get themselves in the zone

15:39

. And so you know those tasks like

15:41

polishing silverware that

15:44

helps to center you and

15:46

, like you said , prepare you for

15:49

Higher levels of service

15:51

. Because you're gonna now notice something if

15:53

a fork goes out and it's got a spot

15:55

on it , you're gonna say , oh

15:57

, somebody could have done a better job . I

16:00

know , how to do a better job .

16:02

Exactly , and yeah because

16:04

you do you think ? You know , he was Kind

16:07

of like co-owner of the place and and

16:09

his brother , played brilliantly by

16:12

Jeremy Allen White , sends

16:15

him off to do this and he's like at

16:18

first he was like I , better

16:20

than this , I don't need , I don't need to do this , I

16:22

don't need to know how to do this , but

16:24

he saw how it all came together

16:27

in the end . And

16:29

it was just , it was brilliant , but Anyway

16:32

, okay , now getting back on track

16:34

. So so

16:37

you grow up , you're all through your

16:39

school years , you're in this restaurant

16:41

and then you go to college . Mm-hmm

16:44

and something happens to your dad .

16:48

Yeah , so you know , I had

16:50

the absolute pleasure

16:52

of growing up in the restaurant , right

16:54

beside my dad . I learned

16:56

from a very young age that whenever you work

16:58

in the restaurant , you don't have much time off

17:01

. So what

17:03

did I do ? As soon as I was old enough , I started

17:05

working , not just filling

17:07

salt and pepper shakers , but actually working

17:09

at the restaurant . I started house also

17:12

as a bus person . Oh , that was

17:14

my very first job . Whenever

17:17

I came in , I told my dad I wanted to do

17:19

your job and he said no , you're

17:21

gonna work from the bottom up . And so that's

17:23

what I did . I started as a bus person

17:25

for a few years and then eventually

17:28

segwayed into Becoming

17:31

a server which is really where I

17:34

like to stay and

17:36

I worked there all through high school

17:39

, all through college , on breaks

17:41

and One summer

17:43

I always used to joke around and

17:45

say that you know , I could never

17:47

sit . Still , I had two

17:50

or three internships . I Was

17:52

studying Broadcast journalism

17:55

in public relations at Syracuse

17:57

University , and so over the summer this

18:00

particular summer , which was the summer after my

18:02

junior year I was working

18:04

at an advertising agency . I

18:07

was working at a radio station as

18:09

an intern , I was a lifeguard

18:12

, and then in the evenings I would work

18:14

for my dad . Oh

18:16

, you know whenever he needed me had come down . So

18:18

the one day I

18:20

was in between shifts I think I was in between

18:22

lifeguarding and going down to the restaurant

18:25

and there was a knock on my

18:27

door and I answered it very

18:29

unassumingly and I found

18:32

a few men in suits who

18:36

turned out to be the federal government looking

18:38

for my father . And it

18:40

was at that moment

18:42

that our lives Really

18:44

shifted and we went from being

18:46

of the family that

18:49

everybody looked up to to the

18:52

family that was being investigated

18:54

, and that Investigation

18:57

that really started

18:59

from a federal grand jury investigation

19:02

where somebody had mentioned my

19:04

father's name in

19:06

order to basically

19:08

be given a Get

19:11

out of jail free pass . This

19:14

spun a very intensive

19:17

three-year investigation , which Ended

19:20

with my father pleading guilty to

19:22

federal tax evasion charges

19:25

and spending five months in

19:27

the Correctional

19:29

facility across the street from

19:31

where Martha Stewart was at

19:34

the time . They actually served During

19:36

the same same time , same year

19:38

. She was at Alderson it

19:41

Women's prison in West Virginia

19:43

and my , my dad , was at the federal

19:46

corrections facility for men

19:48

, which was right across the street

19:50

in West Virginia , and so it's always the

19:52

joke that you know these two food greats

19:54

served at the same time .

19:56

Just across the street .

19:57

Yep , and just across the street . So you

20:00

know it's a hard life lesson

20:02

to learn and you know what was

20:04

really sad is if it happened today

20:06

, that wouldn't have been the outcome

20:09

because at the time

20:11

there were these federal mandates

20:14

which it worked as a grid

20:16

. So if you evaded

20:18

X number of dollars

20:20

of tax for you know

20:22

X amount of time , this

20:25

was your sentence , right

20:27

after my dad , I think he was

20:29

still in prison at the time . This

20:32

was under the Clinton administration administration

20:34

. These were all

20:37

found uns unconstitutional . So

20:39

Now there is no

20:41

more federal mandatory guidelines

20:44

, so it's taken case by

20:46

case and this would

20:49

likely have ended in a civil

20:51

way had this had happened maybe

20:53

probation or yeah , yeah

20:55

, or you know he might have been able to still run the

20:57

restaurant . Yeah , absolutely , and you

20:59

know he was willing . He tried to do

21:02

an offer and compromise to pay

21:04

the government back , and we're talking a very

21:07

nominal amount of money , like

21:09

Over the time that

21:11

he was in business , which was a 17 year

21:13

period less

21:15

than $10,000 a year . So

21:19

he was not a .

21:21

He was not the big fish that they

21:23

were hoping we're not talking Al Capone

21:25

here , no , no , he

21:27

was even close .

21:28

He was very small potatoes or

21:30

, you know , sticking with the theme , very small

21:33

meatballs . But

21:37

you know , hey , you live and you learn

21:39

, and the one thing that my dad has

21:41

always taught me is that you

21:43

go through life with grace and gratitude

21:46

and you accept things that you cannot

21:48

change and you

21:50

do it with dignity . And that's what he did

21:52

. He admitted that he was wrong , he

21:54

served his time and he

21:57

did what he needed to do and

21:59

you know , we're now Able

22:02

to have a story written about . And I

22:04

always joke to him and say , hey

22:06

, if the people that mentioned your

22:08

name in the federal grand jury investigation

22:10

hadn't , you would not have

22:13

a best-selling book , because

22:15

every every book needs

22:17

a hook , and your hook happens

22:19

to be that your Restaurant

22:23

empire ended with a stint in

22:25

federal prison . So I said you know

22:27

, one day we will understand why

22:29

this all happened . Not that we would ever want to go

22:31

through it again , but it

22:34

certainly did make for a pretty fantastic

22:37

story .

22:38

Yeah , and and now you're a best-selling

22:40

author because thanks , dad .

22:42

Yeah , exactly , and he gets to

22:44

now Go on a media

22:47

tour , and you know he's .

22:48

he's all over the book too , he's he

22:50

going on with all the book signings .

22:53

Yeah , he goes , he . You know he's

22:55

limited . He's a two-time kidney

22:57

transplant recipient so he his

23:00

scope as far as where he can

23:02

travels a bit limited with his

23:04

health challenges , but he's

23:06

all over Pittsburgh so you

23:08

know , any Event that

23:10

we have in Pittsburgh He'll be traveling

23:12

with me . We're gonna be at a Barnes

23:15

Noble in Cranberry , pa , on Saturday

23:17

from 12 to 2 and he will

23:19

be with me there . He

23:22

does zoom , he it

23:24

does radio shows

23:26

, he's done a little TV . So

23:28

yeah , he's all over the place .

23:30

Wow he's living life good for

23:32

him , yes

23:34

, but now ? So this experience kind

23:38

of led you to

23:41

your first nonprofit

23:44

experience . Would that be fair to say ?

23:47

Yeah , yeah , for sure .

23:48

It was with an organization called

23:51

Get On the Bus .

23:52

Did you ?

23:53

talk a little bit about that .

23:55

Yeah . So you know , at the time , kind

23:57

of picking up the pieces from

23:59

that iconic knock on

24:01

my door we

24:04

were all shocked about what had happened

24:06

. We could not believe

24:09

that this was coming

24:11

down in the way that it was and

24:14

that my father was gonna be serving

24:16

some time in prison and there was really nothing

24:18

that any of us could do about it . So

24:20

I was going

24:23

to be graduating from college and

24:26

moving to Los Angeles

24:28

with my then-boyfriend , now-husband

24:31

, and I thought

24:33

, you know , los Angeles is

24:35

a long way away from Pittsburgh , so

24:37

if I leave Pittsburgh

24:39

then my problems

24:41

don't go with me , they just stay right

24:44

. Like I go from Pittsburgh

24:46

and as soon as I get on the plane they're there

24:48

and I'm in LA . And

24:50

you know , as I know now

24:52

, that's certainly not what happened . So they

24:55

came with me and I

24:58

had a lot of trouble that

25:01

first year in LA , not only just adjusting

25:03

to LA but really coming to

25:05

grips with the fact that

25:07

my father was in prison

25:09

. My life had changed so much

25:11

. You know , we really

25:14

we certainly struggled whenever

25:16

he was trying to get into the restaurant

25:18

industry , but then we

25:20

really lived a wonderful , awesome

25:23

life with lots of celebrities

25:25

, and you know I had

25:27

a really robust childhood

25:30

and it was all taken away

25:32

. We lost everything our house

25:34

, everything , everything that we had worked for

25:36

. He lost the restaurant . So

25:38

you know , everything had changed overnight

25:41

and that was hard for me to absorb . And

25:43

so my then

25:45

boyfriend was looking for

25:47

some local churches to go to

25:50

in the LA area and

25:52

there was one in particular that

25:55

was having a presentation

25:57

from a Catholic nun

25:59

who had started an organization

26:01

called Get on the Bus to bring

26:04

children at the time

26:06

just to visit their incarcerated mothers

26:08

for Mother's Day . And

26:10

so he encouraged me

26:12

to go to

26:15

that presentation , even

26:17

though I really didn't want

26:19

to and just wasn't , you know , in the

26:21

mental mood to do

26:23

so . And I

26:25

went and what I

26:27

had expected because I was a former Catholic

26:30

myself , and what I had expected

26:32

this nun to look

26:34

like and to be like , was just totally different

26:36

. She was spunky

26:38

and she swore and she

26:41

smoked and she gambled and she was just like

26:43

the life of the party . You

26:45

know , toenails matched her fingernails

26:47

.

26:48

Not exactly what you'd picture when you picture

26:50

a Catholic nun .

26:51

No , no , no , no . She was like amazing

26:54

, just total spitfire . And

26:56

so she . I

27:00

listened to what she had to

27:02

say in the presentation and she talked

27:04

about how she started Get on the Bus . And

27:06

it started . Really , she was

27:08

trying to bring a delegation

27:10

of Catholic women to go visit the

27:13

women in Child Children Women's Prison , which is about

27:15

five hours north of Los Angeles

27:17

, and she went around the circle

27:19

with all of these incarcerated women

27:22

and said you know

27:24

, aren't you so excited ? You're

27:26

gonna have visitors ? And the women had

27:28

said well , it's wonderful , we're

27:30

glad we're getting visitors . We never get visitors

27:32

. But why are we gonna have people

27:35

that we don't even know come and visit

27:37

us whenever we don't even see our own

27:39

children ? And as she went

27:41

around the circle , she asked how long has it been

27:43

since you saw your kids ? The

27:46

minimum timeframe was

27:48

four years . The maximum

27:50

timeframe was 17 years . So

27:52

she knew right then and there

27:55

that she needed to bring the

27:57

first bus

27:59

from Los Angeles to Child Chilla

28:01

Women's Prisons in

28:03

Northern California . And

28:05

that's really how Get

28:07

on the Bus was born and it has really

28:10

grown from there . But hearing

28:12

those stories , I

28:15

waited afterwards to introduce

28:18

myself to her . I was not public

28:20

at the time about my story . It

28:22

was just way too close to home

28:24

and everything had

28:26

happened so soon , with no

28:28

time to process . And there's something

28:30

about her still to this day . I always joke

28:32

around . I say you are the female version of

28:34

my dad . Same

28:36

personality , same . We're

28:39

gonna just get this done . We don't care

28:41

how . We're gonna get it done . We'll figure it out and we'll

28:43

apologize to whoever we need to apologize

28:45

to later . But very

28:48

hard of gold , but no

28:50

nonsense . A woman that

28:53

knows how to make things happen

28:55

in life . And I just felt

28:57

very comfortable with her . I shared with her

28:59

what was going on with me . We

29:02

had exchanged information and then she never

29:04

called me and years

29:06

later I ended up contacting her because

29:09

I went and did my master's degree at

29:11

Pepperdine University and

29:13

I needed to have a senior

29:15

thesis . And I'll never

29:17

forget the first time that I called her

29:19

and she picked up the phone and I said hey , I

29:21

don't know if you're gonna remember me , but this

29:23

is how you might . And she said

29:25

is this Maria , my

29:28

Maria that I've been searching for

29:30

for the past two years

29:32

. Yep , that's me . Oh

29:34

, she's been looking for you . Yeah , and it was

29:36

then that I started to

29:38

volunteer for

29:40

her . She

29:43

loved having me tag along

29:45

because she said , I can take you to

29:47

Beverly Hills and people

29:49

can relate to you . I can take you to

29:51

South Central Los Angeles and

29:53

people can relate to you . Sure

29:55

, and

29:58

it was through that

30:00

process that I started to

30:02

have my own healing and eventually

30:04

I became the director

30:06

on a fluke , because the former director

30:09

quit and there was

30:11

really nobody else , and so she said- Congratulations

30:13

, you've got the job . Exactly at a gas

30:16

station . She said I'm not

30:18

really worried about it because I have somebody else in mind

30:20

for this job . And I said who ? And she said

30:22

you . I said oh no , I can't

30:24

do that . I'm only 20 years old , just

30:26

out of college . This is a job for somebody much

30:29

more senior . It's running the entire state

30:31

of California . And she said no , you can do it , it'll

30:33

be easy , and nothing

30:36

in life is ever easy .

30:36

Of course , you should say that .

30:39

It was a good thing to tell somebody that was

30:41

younger and so- .

30:42

Sure .

30:43

I was connected with that organization and really that's

30:45

what started out my entire career

30:47

in the nonprofit field . Right

30:50

still in today exactly

30:52

now .

30:52

You are now a grant

30:54

writer .

30:55

Mm-hmm . I'm a grant writer with the

30:58

st Paul's community development corporation

31:00

in Patterson , new Jersey , which , interestingly

31:04

enough , is very similar in demographics

31:06

to Mickey's rocks , pennsylvania . We're

31:09

the prima donna one set and

31:12

really we do things to Give

31:16

people a hand up and not a handout

31:18

. So we work on issues

31:20

related to food security . We

31:23

have a food pantry

31:25

that serves about 3,000

31:27

people per year and

31:30

I think Maybe seven

31:32

or eight now full-service

31:34

community schools within the city

31:37

of Patterson . We have

31:39

a Permanent residents

31:41

for five single women

31:43

without children . We

31:46

have a men's shelter that has capacity

31:48

for 30 men

31:50

who live Baric style

31:52

actually 40 men , but we have normally about

31:54

30 that that are there at one particular

31:57

time . They live baric style

31:59

with us . They work or

32:01

go to school during the day and then we provide

32:03

them with free meals

32:05

and support in

32:08

Social services and

32:10

other avenues . We

32:12

have a workforce development training

32:14

program which focuses on culinary

32:17

skills and construction Skills

32:20

. That also has a spin-off breaking

32:22

the cycle program , which helps people who

32:25

are coming out of probation and

32:27

parole . We have an AmeriCorps

32:29

program , which is , you know

32:31

, federal program that gets not

32:34

only just young people but we get a lot of

32:36

retired folk as well . What ?

32:38

are you looking at me like that ?

32:41

Who really , you know , serve

32:43

within the community , not only just

32:45

within our organization , but we

32:47

also farm our AmeriCorps members

32:50

out to other organizations within

32:52

the county , so

32:54

we're the lead agency for that

32:56

. We also have two full-service

32:59

community schools , which One

33:02

is an elementary and the other is a middle school

33:05

, and they feed into one another and basically

33:07

the the model of that . I like to call

33:09

it the Google for schools . So

33:11

we bring programs

33:14

and services inside the schools

33:16

, so things like parenting

33:18

and Healthcare . So instead

33:21

of kids missing a day of school

33:23

to go to the doctor , we have a pediatrician

33:26

and doctors that can service the whole

33:28

family , and also mental health

33:30

is a big part of that too . So

33:33

we do have that component as well

33:35

. Trying to think if we have so

33:38

much for one organization . It

33:40

is so much for one organization . I

33:43

should ask my boss for a raise .

33:47

We also these nonprofits and they'll do

33:50

this , yeah , and

33:52

then another one will do that , and but you're

33:54

handling like the job of 16

33:57

nonprofits .

33:58

Yes , we do a lot . And then , oh

34:00

most importantly and closest To

34:03

my heart , there are two

34:05

programs that I personally watch

34:08

over in addition to my grant writing

34:10

work , and the

34:12

first one is our adopt a family

34:14

holiday gift program , which actually I

34:17

just started up again On

34:20

Monday , and we deliver . We

34:22

service About two

34:24

to three hundred children in Patterson

34:26

and Pasea County per year

34:29

. I have about a

34:31

thousand to 1400

34:35

gifts that we collect throughout

34:37

the months of October

34:39

and November and we wrap

34:42

everything up based upon kids wish

34:44

list and distribute them the middle

34:46

of December . Right in time

34:48

for Santa time .

34:51

Yeah , that's right . You said you're because I

34:53

wanted to get this line out . I'm sorry to interrupt

34:55

you .

34:55

I know , that's okay .

34:57

You said your basement becomes Santa's

34:59

workshop .

35:00

My basement does become Santa's workshop

35:03

. Yeah , it's pretty cool , pretty cool

35:05

, pretty cool for my kids . They love it .

35:08

All your kids .

35:09

I have an eight-year-old and a 10-year-old

35:11

so you know they get really

35:13

get to see the magic of Christmas kind

35:15

of right before their eyes , which is fun

35:17

and . Yeah

35:20

, and then I also . My other little

35:22

passion project is

35:24

I operate a service night here

35:27

in northern New Jersey . Once

35:30

a month , on the third

35:32

Friday of every month , we meet up at

35:34

6 30 pm and

35:37

we make 60 lunches

35:39

for the men at the shelter and

35:41

then we enjoy a pizza

35:44

dinner together and we

35:46

talk about service . And it's been

35:48

quite cool . My

35:50

partner and I started this Little

35:54

venture because we thought after the pandemic

35:56

people were really looking for opportunities

35:58

to connect , and especially through service

36:01

, and so it's become a very

36:03

cool intergenerational

36:05

. I've had Kids as

36:07

young as two and three come

36:09

and they'll help decorate the , the

36:12

lunch bags , you know , with crayons

36:14

and well sons and all

36:16

kinds of cool things and stars

36:19

. And I've had people

36:21

upwards into their 90s who

36:24

will come and they'll , you know

36:26

, help we on

36:28

our sandwich line . We align

36:31

every sandwich with a piece of foil and a piece

36:33

of wax paper and some

36:35

of my Older folks love

36:37

kind of sitting and making sure that

36:39

that's all taken care of in the

36:41

in the correct way . They have a certain

36:43

fold it wrong . Exactly

36:46

so . You know everybody Bends

36:50

in very well , but I think one of the most

36:52

touching pieces of that program

36:54

is last year . We had

36:56

a group of high school students that kept on come back

36:58

every , every month , every month , every

37:00

month , which I just think is so cool because

37:02

, yeah , out of all the ways that they could spend

37:05

a Friday evening , you know they're spending

37:07

it with me doing service , and it

37:09

was the Homecoming

37:12

dance . I think Erin know it was a

37:14

spring dance , so , whatever , that was maybe

37:16

prom , because I think homecoming's in the fall

37:18

. And it was the prom and

37:20

I thought , for sure , you know , it

37:22

would be a very light night for high schoolers

37:25

. And all these kids showed up

37:27

and I said , well , what are you

37:29

doing here ? You're supposed to be at the prom . And they

37:31

said , well , we were given a choice

37:33

and our parents said , you know you , you

37:35

can go to the prom or you can go to service

37:38

night and you choose the

37:40

one place that you think

37:42

is Gonna be

37:45

something that you would , you know , look back

37:47

and a not regret missing

37:49

and and Be

37:51

something that you could learn

37:54

from or , you know , grab something

37:56

that you could take with for the rest of your life

37:58

. Right and you know probably

38:01

get emotional here because I just thought was so beautiful

38:03

. They all came to

38:05

service night and they all said you

38:07

know , we feel like we would learn more

38:10

and get more from you know doing service

38:12

than being at the prom . And

38:14

I thought you know , he

38:17

, sometimes , you know , with this younger generation

38:20

and I do it too you sometimes

38:22

think , oh , do they really care ? or

38:24

, you know , are we gonna be able to entrust

38:27

these folks with

38:29

our future and

38:31

there are some yes

38:33

, there are some good ones out there

38:36

and you know , this group of kids in particular

38:38

is just so loyal to the cause

38:40

and you know I told them , I said quite

38:42

honestly , I don't know that I

38:44

would have chosen the way that you chose

38:47

whenever I was 18 years

38:49

old . I really don't think that I would

38:51

. But you know the fact

38:53

that you're getting this at such

38:55

a young age and you're getting so much from this

38:57

it keeps me wanting

38:59

to come back here every month , you know

39:01

, and give , give more time to this and

39:04

you know for sure oh , wow

39:06

, no , seriously that that

39:08

story gives me so much hope for

39:10

our future . Yeah , oh me too

39:12

. Me too , because I'm sure they're not the only ones .

39:15

Yeah , there's probably kids in other

39:17

towns and or cities that are

39:19

, would choose the same thing , and that

39:22

that makes me Nice

39:25

. Yeah , I

39:28

could sit and listen to you , maria talk

39:31

for hours . Thank

39:33

you , you

39:36

are truly a fantastic

39:38

storyteller and you're a fantastic

39:41

person even more than that .

39:43

Oh , thank you , I'm right back at you . I

39:45

really appreciate you having me as

39:47

a guest on your show and I've

39:50

enjoyed telling some stories with

39:52

you today .

39:55

It's just so . If you ever come out on a book

39:57

signing tour to Minneapolis , let me know

39:59

I'll be there . Oh , I certainly will

40:01

, I certainly will for sure , but I hope you don't have

40:03

to .

40:04

Ah , you know what I hope , that I do

40:06

and I'm starting in 2024

40:09

, really 2023 . I was

40:11

very much in my comfort zone

40:13

in Pennsylvania and New

40:15

Jersey , new York area , but in 2024

40:19

, I've been starting to get some inquiries

40:21

from little

40:23

north of Providence , rhode Island

40:26

, charleston , south Carolina

40:28

, northern Virginia

40:31

, california .

40:32

Charleston , and winter would be nice .

40:34

Exactly so . You know , Minneapolis

40:36

is not completely off of the radar

40:38

but , you know , got to make

40:41

it a useful

40:43

trip , so I'll keep

40:45

you in the loop , for sure about that .

40:47

Well , Maria , thanks so much for being here

40:49

. The book is again on

40:52

the rocks .

40:53

On the rocks , yep .

40:55

I'm guessing Amazon .

40:57

Yep , it's on Amazon . It's really

40:59

wherever books are sold . People can also

41:01

go to my website , which is Maria

41:04

C Palmer P-A-L-M-E-Rcom

41:08

, and at the bottom of that page

41:11

on the front page there's all the

41:13

vendors of how you can purchase the book , and

41:15

on the bottom of that page you can

41:17

certainly sign up for my newsletter and

41:19

you get a free audio

41:21

cooking class . And

41:24

you know I keep everybody in the loop about

41:26

where I'm touring , to what

41:28

amazing shows I'm going to be part

41:31

of , like the Kindness Matters podcast

41:33

, and I certainly

41:36

also post all

41:38

of my links to any media

41:40

that I've been on on that page too

41:42

. So , mike , as soon as your

41:44

episode comes out , that link

41:47

will be posted right

41:49

onto my website . It'll be sent to

41:51

my newsletter . It'll be on social

41:53

media , because I do

41:56

believe in lifting people

41:58

up who have given me a chance

42:00

and helped to lift me up too .

42:03

Now you're going to make me cry . Stop it . Yes

42:07

, that link to your website will be

42:09

in the show notes as well , so thank

42:12

you so much , I appreciate

42:14

it Maria .

42:14

Thank you , you have a fantastic rest of your week

42:16

. All right , you too . Thanks so much

42:18

. It was honestly my pleasure , thank you

42:20

.

42:21

It was so fantastic to have

42:24

Maria C Palmer on the show . This

42:27

was an amazing episode . I took away

42:29

so much from it . I hope you get just

42:31

as much out of it , coming

42:34

from a service background

42:36

, and she took that

42:39

and just ran with it and has

42:41

been serving for

42:43

the rest of her life basically so

42:47

inspiring . I hope you enjoyed it . We

42:50

will be back again next week with

42:52

another episode , but until then

42:55

, be that person who

42:57

roots for others , who tells a stranger

42:59

that they look amazing

43:01

and encourages others to

43:04

believe in themselves and their

43:06

dreams . You have been listening

43:08

to the Kindness Matters podcast . I am your

43:10

host , mike Rathbun . Have

43:12

a fantastic week .