0:00

In life, if you don't take risks, you'll

0:02

never find out. So we took the risk, we took

0:04

the plunge, and from the idea

0:07

to actual creation of the business, it was about

0:09

two months.

0:10

Welcome

0:14

to the Lavendaire Lifestyle, the podcast

0:17

on personal growth and lifestyle design. My

0:19

name's Aileen, and I'm here to guide you to

0:21

shine as your brightest self and create

0:23

your dream life. We all have a light

0:26

within and the power to create a life

0:28

we love. Every Sunday, we'll

0:30

share thoughtful conversations exploring how we

0:32

can build a better future for ourselves

0:34

and our world. Life is

0:36

an art, make it your masterpiece.

0:40

Hello my loves, welcome

0:42

back to the podcast. It's Aileen. Today's

0:44

episode is on finding success

0:46

as an entrepreneur, as well as all

0:49

the work that goes beneath the surface that creates

0:51

that success. Things like manifestation,

0:54

following your intuition, getting out

0:56

of your comfort zone, and living fully and

0:58

with purpose.

1:00

Our special guest today that I'm super excited

1:02

for is Mimi Icon. Mimi

1:05

Icon is an entrepreneur and influencer

1:07

who was the founder of luxury hair extension

1:09

company Luxy Hair, which was

1:11

acquired in 2018. She's

1:14

also the co-founder of Intelligent Change,

1:16

the journal brand behind the popular five-minute

1:18

journal.

1:20

Hello, Mimi. Welcome to the Lavendaire

1:22

Lifestyle podcast. How are you feeling

1:24

today? Hi, Aileen.

1:27

I'm feeling great, super grateful to be

1:29

here on your podcast and very honored

1:31

that you have chosen me to be here

1:33

to share my story.

1:35

Oh my gosh, I am so excited to have you. I

1:37

am honored to have you because as I mentioned

1:39

before recording, I've been watching you for over

1:42

a decade. You were one of the inspirations

1:45

of like, as I was watching YouTubers

1:47

before I started my YouTube channel

1:49

because so long ago you were already

1:51

talking about self-love and self-growth.

1:54

And so I do have to thank you for that.

1:56

I think it was just really great to see

1:59

an example on.

1:59

YouTube at that time. Thank

2:02

you so much. I've also have been following your journey

2:04

for quite some time now. So finally we're

2:06

having a conversation. Yes, amazing.

2:09

Okay, so there's a lot to cover, but

2:12

can you tell us your story

2:14

in how you found success as an online

2:16

creator and then you can

2:18

go into the entrepreneurship after

2:20

that? Of course, it's

2:22

been a long journey. I mean, I first

2:26

started creating creative

2:29

content many, many years ago. I think it was 2007 and

2:31

I started with a blog. It was

2:34

a fashion blog and I remember

2:36

even that felt so courageous,

2:38

like to put yourself out there and make

2:40

sure pictures of yourself and,

2:43

you know, put all these outfits together. But

2:45

soon enough, I remember thinking like,

2:47

I would love to actually experiment with videos,

2:50

but I didn't have the courage at that point yet.

2:53

And then fast forward to almost 2010. My former

2:55

husband, Alex, I can't deny

3:00

we were about to get married and I bought clip

3:02

in hair extensions for our wedding.

3:05

And I was really disappointed

3:07

in the quality of this hair extension. So I

3:09

remember complaining to him about it and saying

3:12

like it was total waste of money. And

3:14

now I'm not going to have beautiful

3:16

long mermaid hair for the wedding. And

3:19

he just looked at me and he said, what's hair extensions? I've

3:21

never heard of it. And another

3:24

story is at the time we were actually

3:26

reading the For Our Work Week.

3:28

Have you heard of that book? Yeah. So The For

3:30

Our Work Week by Timothy Ferris is all about

3:33

creating a business

3:35

that allows you to have the freedom of time

3:37

and space and autonomy. And

3:39

it was truly a dream. And we were kind

3:41

of looking for that inspiration of what that

3:44

is going to be for us. And

3:46

a light bulb moment

3:48

really went off for

3:50

both of us in that moment, realizing that,

3:53

you know, there's such a huge opportunity for

3:56

other women in the world who are looking for good

3:58

quality, affordable hair extensions and

4:01

cannot find anything that fits that profile.

4:04

So we thought, why don't we

4:06

do it? And it sounded like a really crazy

4:09

idea at the time because both of

4:11

us had zero experience

4:14

in having our own business. Actually we,

4:16

we had small ventures before that, but

4:18

it was quite different. And I like explain what I mean.

4:21

So I, I dabbled a little

4:23

bit with fashion styling, which is very

4:25

different because when you're in

4:28

a service business, you're exchanging time

4:30

for money. And Alex was doing social

4:33

media consulting, but again, this is

4:35

late 2008, 2009, early 2009. So

4:39

Twitter just came out and nobody really

4:41

believed in the power of social media

4:43

yet. And then when we had this idea

4:46

to create a hair extension company,

4:49

we just thought everything seems to align

4:51

and we're going to do it. And we're going to use social

4:54

media to put it out there into

4:56

the world. Frankly, because we

4:58

couldn't afford to have any traditional

5:00

marketing, because we just literally had

5:03

very little money. We used our

5:06

savings to start this business and

5:08

also a line of credit. And

5:11

there was a little bit of credit we had on a

5:13

visa, which was literally this check that

5:16

allows you to have, I don't know, I

5:18

think it was five to 10,000 interest

5:20

free for six months. But if you don't pay it in six

5:22

months, you have to pay 30% back. So

5:25

it was really scary. But

5:28

in love, if you don't take risks,

5:30

you'll never find out. So we took the risk, we

5:32

took the plunge and from the

5:35

idea to actual creation of the business,

5:37

it was about two months. Wow. That's

5:39

because the wedding was in two months. So

5:41

the mission was to find these incredible

5:44

hair extensions and wear them to the wedding,

5:46

which I did. And I remember

5:49

we found the first

5:51

factor that we worked with that created

5:53

these clip and hair extensions on Alibaba.

5:56

And we worked with 10 different, I mean, we got 10 different

5:58

samples from 10 different. factories. And

6:01

the first one that I received, I put in my hair

6:03

and I remember thinking, Oh my God,

6:05

I truly feel like a mermaid,

6:07

like a completely different woman. It felt so

6:10

transformative. And then I said

6:12

to myself, don't get excited. There's nine more samples

6:14

coming. Maybe this was not the

6:17

one. And then the other nine were horrible.

6:19

Like I would never ever launch any business

6:21

with the other nine. So I always

6:23

say there's an element of luck

6:26

that was involved in the creation of our first

6:28

business. I don't know whether

6:30

I always entirely believe in

6:32

luck, but I think there is definitely some deputies

6:35

like when you're prepared for something

6:37

and you're ready for it and you

6:39

see the opportunity, you go for it and

6:41

then you maximize the

6:44

experience. And that's what we did. So

6:46

we started our first business, which was Luxy

6:48

here in 2010. And

6:50

we use YouTube for the first five years,

6:53

the only marketing we did was YouTube.

6:55

And it was just me and my

6:57

sister she was also part of the business. My sister

7:00

Layla, she was part of the business for the first two years.

7:03

And the way we marketed the business

7:05

is just by making hair tutorials.

7:07

You probably have seen some of them. I

7:10

don't know if you've discovered me back then. But

7:13

yeah, we would just show women how to style their

7:16

hair. And then we would just mention

7:18

that we wear the hair extensions. It

7:20

was not in any way

7:22

salesy. It was very organic,

7:25

where I would just mention, Hey, by the way, I'm wearing

7:27

Luxy hair extensions. And today I'm going to show you how

7:30

I'm going to do this braid or the sort

7:32

of secret ways or curls

7:34

or straight hair, whatever, right. And

7:36

yeah, it really took off. And yeah,

7:39

that was my first, you know,

7:42

entrepreneur journey. And

7:44

eight years later, we ended up selling the business

7:47

without. Yeah, it's an incredible

7:49

success story. And I also

7:51

have to acknowledge like you were one

7:53

of the first people to do marketing in that

7:55

way to use YouTube tutorials, it's

7:58

like creating content as but

8:00

not so, not an advertisement like

8:02

we used to see. So I think that was just genius,

8:05

the way you did it. I know it's common now,

8:07

but back then it was so new. And

8:09

at one point you were like the largest hair

8:12

channel in the world. I'm not sure if it still

8:14

is, but it was, you grew it so big.

8:16

So did you have your YouTube channel

8:18

for your own personal, like your

8:20

own YouTube channel, or did you only have the hair YouTube

8:23

channel at that time? So at first

8:25

we had Luxie hair, and then- That

8:27

was the first one? That you started? Exactly, that

8:29

was the first one. And then we opened

8:31

everything Luxie, which was more like lifestyle

8:34

value through that. Literally vlogs

8:37

when nobody really did vlogs. Like we were one

8:39

of the first to do this kind of content, my sister

8:41

and I and Alex, and then just

8:44

like chitchat videos, outfit

8:46

videos, more of lifestyle, because

8:48

people really crave to know more

8:51

and they would ask us, what do we eat?

8:53

How do we work out? They wanted to

8:55

know everything. And I found that really fascinating

8:58

because I never went on

9:00

social media to expose my life. I

9:03

did it to show the product and educate

9:06

people on how they can use it. And it

9:08

was fascinating to me because when people

9:11

resonated with our energy, they wanted

9:13

to know more. And that

9:15

grew very organically, including

9:18

then eventually my personal brand, because

9:20

I had my separate channel, which is under

9:23

Mimi icon, which I haven't been

9:25

posting regularly since I had my daughter

9:27

Alexa, because I had to prioritize

9:29

other things in life. And then

9:31

same with the Instagram page that I've

9:34

had for years now, super organic,

9:37

never intentionally grew it. But it just

9:39

because I think when you're aligned

9:41

with what you're sharing and you're sharing it from

9:44

a place of abundance, I think people feel

9:46

it and they wanna follow you and they want to know

9:48

more. Like they know you're not there

9:51

to take from them, you're there to give. And I

9:53

think subconsciously

9:56

people then trust you and share

9:58

about you. And that's how you feel. can grow. At least

10:01

that's how it has always worked for me.

10:05

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11:18

Yeah, I think it's amazing.

11:20

I love your approach. Let's talk a little bit

11:22

more about your journey as the

11:25

creator then because it's also been

11:27

many years and you've evolved over

11:29

that time. So, what is the

11:32

motivation that keeps you going? Like,

11:34

is this what you

11:36

love to do the most, the creative part? I

11:39

think it's such a great question.

11:41

Again, I never set out to be

11:43

a content creator because I look at myself as

11:45

an entrepreneur

11:45

first. I

11:46

love creating, like

11:49

seeing ideas turn from an

11:51

idea to a physical product. I think it's super

11:54

cool and then people using it and

11:56

benefiting from it, whether it's clip-on hair extensions

11:58

and now with our

11:59

our business that we've been

12:01

focusing on intelligent change, where we have

12:04

products like Simon and Journal, Productivity Planner,

12:06

Affirmation Cards, so many other

12:08

products now because we've expanded in the last few

12:10

years. So that has

12:12

always been my main focus. But then because

12:16

I realized that when you put out a product,

12:18

again, people want to know more about you. They

12:20

resonate with who you are as a human.

12:23

Then I would

12:25

come across these people in real life. Obviously, you

12:27

read their messages and all

12:29

of that on social media and I think that's

12:31

beautiful and special. But it's

12:33

when I meet people in real life and

12:35

they come up to me, and they tell me,

12:37

you have changed my life, or they cry, or

12:39

they share all these stories. I

12:42

almost have this, not guilt, but

12:46

there's this push that I actually need

12:49

to share more. Because I always

12:51

feel like I share such a small part

12:53

of my life and what I do, and what

12:55

I can actually share to help

12:58

people on their journey because I personally

13:00

come from nothing. I come from very humble upbringing.

13:03

I don't think I'm any special than

13:05

any other human being. I'm a college

13:07

dropout. Again, I

13:09

don't think in any way I'm better than anyone

13:12

else. If I've been able to

13:14

create a dream life and go from

13:17

being super broke, I

13:20

don't want to say miserable, I was never miserable. I've

13:23

always been optimistic, but I

13:25

was living in a scarcity mindset. If

13:28

I was able to do that, I truly believe anybody

13:31

can. When

13:33

I come across these people, I just realized

13:36

I have a bigger mission than

13:38

the business, and I need to put

13:40

myself out there more and serve

13:42

people. I look at my creative

13:45

content, which I never really monetized. I

13:48

haven't in so many years. The only ever

13:50

sponsorship I did was with Audible because

13:53

I love Audible anyways,

13:55

and I've always promoted them for free when they offered

13:57

me money. I was like, great, I'll take it. I

14:00

have never done any sponsored videos

14:02

ever because I always looked

14:04

at my social media as a place

14:07

where I connect with my community

14:10

and I never wanted to lose that

14:12

trust.

14:12

So tell me about the story of

14:14

creating intelligent change and the five

14:17

minute journal because I think that's a huge success.

14:19

And I think it's something that I

14:22

always look to for inspiration. I

14:24

mean, what is that story and why do you think it

14:26

became so successful?

14:28

I think any great business is

14:30

created as a solution of

14:32

your own personal problem. When

14:35

people come to me and they say, hey, I wanna

14:37

be an entrepreneur, like what should be my business

14:39

or project? I always

14:41

tell them, look at your own life and

14:44

any challenge or problem that you have

14:46

and solve it. Solve it with a product and a service

14:49

and then put it out there because then

14:51

you will never have to market this business.

14:54

It's going to be so authentic and

14:57

genuine. You're just gonna share your story and people are gonna

14:59

buy. People who will need it will buy

15:01

from you. So going back to your question, what

15:04

was that story with intelligent change and five

15:06

minute journal is that, as

15:08

I told you when we started LuxiHair, I

15:11

come from super humble beginning.

15:13

So we, both Alex and I, we didn't

15:15

grow up with money. And I think

15:17

when you don't grow up with money, you

15:20

are sold this idea that when you get money,

15:23

like all your problems will be solved and you will

15:25

be happy. And life will be

15:27

perfect, but the reality is not like

15:29

that. So in our

15:32

first year at LuxiHair, we actually

15:34

made our first million. Our goal

15:36

was not to make our first million. We wanted

15:38

to make 3000 each so that

15:40

we can travel to Thailand, have the freedom,

15:43

like leave the nomadic all style. So

15:45

for us to make a million dollars was

15:47

like flying to the moon. So I

15:50

quickly could have anything on my vision

15:52

board, but because I could have any of

15:54

it, it's almost like it's lost its

15:58

meaning because then I.

15:59

realized that, okay, well, all

16:02

of these things I had on my vision board, and I literally

16:04

created this vision board, and a year later,

16:06

I could buy that

16:08

bag or shoes or fly

16:10

on in business. You know, I could do all these

16:12

things and go to all these places. But then I

16:15

remember intensely thinking, but

16:17

why? Why do I need all these things?

16:19

Are they actually going to make me happy? So

16:22

basically, I had an existential

16:25

crisis at about 24, because

16:27

that's when we started the business, 24 to 25,

16:30

was that first year,

16:32

and I became extremely anxious

16:35

and depressed. And in fact,

16:38

my creative work, like making the YouTube videos

16:40

was the place where I would go to be happy,

16:43

because I felt it was like an escape

16:45

for me.

16:46

But then

16:48

the success made me really question

16:50

my reality. What am I here for?

16:53

Am I just here to sell products? Like,

16:56

what's the purpose of my life? And

16:58

as much as I always loved Luxi hair, and I saw

17:00

the purpose, I saw how it made women happy,

17:03

like women who never could grow their hair or who

17:05

had really thin hair, or who like

17:07

myself, were getting married or were

17:10

going somewhere special, wanted that accessory.

17:12

You know, I saw the purpose of

17:14

Luxi hair, but I just felt like there was more.

17:17

And as I was going through this dark period of my

17:19

life, I discovered a meditation,

17:22

it really helped me heal

17:24

a lot of childhood trauma and

17:26

trauma that was stored in my

17:29

body. So meditation was huge. And then

17:31

also, I discovered gratitude. So Alex

17:34

has introduced me to Tony Robbins,

17:37

who was very inspiring figure

17:39

on his journey. So I consumed a lot

17:41

of work of Tony Robbins. And I don't

17:43

know, are you familiar with his work? Yes,

17:46

wonderful. So Tony talks about this thing

17:48

called the hour of power,

17:51

I believe, and every morning you go on the gratitude

17:53

walk, and it's about an hour, I'm going to come to shorter,

17:56

but you go out and you verbally

17:58

express what you're grateful for. And you can see say

18:00

things that you do have in your life, like

18:02

your body, you can see, you can hear

18:04

your partner next to you, or you

18:06

could say things that you don't

18:09

yet have, but you want to manifest. And

18:11

that truly was the most magical part of that

18:13

practice, because we would literally

18:16

say that we are,

18:19

and this is at the time when we were just starting

18:21

the business, like it was in the inception idea.

18:23

We would say things like, hey,

18:25

we're making millions of dollars and we're hanging

18:28

out with Richard Branson, and these

18:30

are our friends, and like this is our lifestyle,

18:32

we're flying, we're taking boats,

18:35

you know, like, you know, the dream, basically,

18:37

traveling the world. And within a year

18:39

we were there. I mean, I remember

18:41

Alex had this crazy opportunity to go to

18:43

Necker Island. Not as

18:46

a guest, he was working, he was helping a friend

18:48

to film videos for Necker

18:50

Cup, but he met Richard Branson

18:52

literally within that first year. So

18:55

the power of manifestation, I mean, people

18:57

have different relationships with that word

19:00

when they hear it, because they think it's all woo woo, of

19:02

course,

19:04

it's your choice how you take this information.

19:06

It doesn't mean that you just put it out

19:08

there, you do nothing, you still have to do the work. But

19:10

I think having a vision is so

19:13

important in order to create the reality

19:16

of your dream. It's like a compass,

19:19

right? But you have to have your North Star. If

19:21

you don't know where you're going, how are you ever going

19:23

to get there? So yeah,

19:26

that was really, really incredible. There

19:28

were so many lessons on that journey. And

19:30

then we realized that, you know, that

19:32

practice became an important part of what got

19:35

us to where we were. But then

19:38

also, it was not very sustainable

19:40

to go out for an hour walk

19:42

every day. So then we kind of shortened

19:44

that practice. And we added some

19:46

other learnings that we discovered

19:49

from different books, like

19:52

Happiness Advantage by

19:54

Shonn Akre. And you know, it

19:56

talks about more of the science of why gratitude

19:58

works. And many people who will

20:00

read that book, they will read the book and say, wonderful,

20:03

I should practice gratitude. And then close

20:05

the book and move on to the next book. But

20:08

there was no workbook to actually practice

20:11

these things. And in fact, many self-help,

20:13

or I like to call it self-growth

20:16

books out there, they maybe will

20:18

share very valuable information, but

20:20

oftentimes there aren't

20:22

enough tools out there. So we set out

20:25

on this mission to create tools that

20:28

take these big concepts and

20:30

break them into simple, beautiful, sustainable

20:33

products that you can use every day in five

20:35

minutes a day. And when

20:38

we first printed our first thousand copies

20:40

of Five Minute Journal, it was

20:42

just a side project. It was never meant to

20:44

be anything because we had luxury hair and that

20:46

was doing great growing, growing. And

20:48

we thought, hey, well, if

20:51

this doesn't do well, we'll just give them to our friends

20:53

for the rest of our lives. Yeah, and

20:56

funny enough, we had a business partner, UJ,

20:59

at the time, who eventually we

21:01

ended up parting ways. So now

21:03

it's just Alex and I, who are the co-founders.

21:07

And, but at that time when

21:09

he was part of the business, there

21:11

was an event in Toronto and Tim Ferriss, who

21:13

as you know, was our original inspiration

21:15

with Luxie. He was in Toronto and

21:18

we gifted him the journal. And

21:20

at the time he was going through a very dark period

21:22

in his life. And we said,

21:24

listen, you've been such a big inspiration and

21:26

you are actually in the dedication

21:29

in the Five Minute Journal. So we hope you

21:31

love this journal. And he absolutely did.

21:33

He's been using it for 13 years. I think he recently

21:36

mentioned it again in one of his videos. He's

21:39

mentioned it so many times on his podcast. He's

21:41

mentioned in his book, Tools of Titans. And

21:44

obviously that really helped to expose Five Minute

21:46

Journal to a whole different demographic.

21:49

And of course with my social media presence,

21:52

it exposed it to my audience and the

21:54

product and the brand grew incrementally.

21:58

And

21:59

yeah, like.

21:59

we've been doing now for 10 years,

22:02

but really we've only been focusing on

22:04

intelligent change ever since with whole LUXE hair.

22:06

So only the last few years. Yeah.

22:11

I'm curious, what is your role in

22:13

the business? Because I know you

22:15

partner with Alex. So how do the two

22:17

of you split things up? Absolutely.

22:20

Yeah, that's a good question. So

22:22

Alex is definitely

22:23

more

22:24

more operations. Although

22:26

he's extremely creative and he's got

22:28

an incredible vision, he

22:31

understands operations way more than I do.

22:33

I really do not go into that world because

22:35

for me, that's not my strength. And I believe

22:37

in life. If we want to see

22:40

progress, we should focus on our strength

22:42

and outsource anything that we can outsource,

22:44

not to waste time. And

22:46

for me, my strength is vision and

22:49

product creation. I'm hyper

22:52

aware of the

22:54

global trends I always have been.

22:57

And I'm

22:58

also hyper aware of what I want.

23:01

And I always think if I want something

23:03

and I want it badly, there's at

23:05

least a million people like me in this world.

23:07

I mean, we're like what now? More than 8 billion

23:10

people. So what's 1 million?

23:12

That's like tiny little percent. So

23:16

then I set out to create that that

23:18

I want. For example, the affirmation

23:20

cards that we have now there's different categories,

23:22

there's self-love, mindfulness affirmations,

23:25

there's affirmation for kids. Those were

23:27

all products that were created with

23:30

my vision and mind. And those

23:32

are all my favorite affirmations that I've been using for

23:34

years. So it's

23:36

been truly incredible to share

23:40

the tools that I've been using on my personal

23:43

journey of healing and self-growth

23:46

and be able again to put my absolute

23:48

favorites. Because obviously when you go through a journey

23:51

of self-growth, you go through so many

23:53

different books and techniques and

23:55

some stick and some don't. And

23:57

for me, for example, gratitude and I've

23:59

Affirmations is

24:03

profound.

24:04

It's so

24:06

powerful. And it's

24:09

always funny to me how like people would still

24:11

challenge these concepts, especially affirmations.

24:14

Cause people say, Oh, that doesn't work. And it's

24:16

like, well, actually anything you

24:18

tell yourself, you're affirming

24:20

to yourself, whether you

24:22

realize it or not. Like you

24:24

could say, Oh, why am I so stupid? Why does this always

24:27

happen to me? Why never attract people? Or

24:29

you can change that story and say all these

24:31

positive things. It

24:33

takes the same amount of energy to

24:36

tell a story. Why would you say a negative

24:38

story? So that's all affirmations are. And

24:41

I think what we do at intelligent changes,

24:43

we just allow to share examples

24:45

of affirmations that helped us to get to

24:48

the success that we're experiencing. Of

24:50

course, people can create their own that are more authentic

24:53

to them. But I think most people don't even know where

24:55

to steer it. Especially

24:57

if you're in a dark place, you're just used to

24:59

that negative inner dialogue

25:01

that is toxic and is not getting you out

25:04

of that vicious cycle. Because the

25:06

inner dialogue is. Is

25:08

that conditioning that a lot of us received from

25:11

the age of zero to seven. And it's

25:13

oftentimes how our parents or

25:15

caregivers or teachers or whoever was around

25:18

us, how they were talking to us

25:20

and the belief system, their belief system,

25:22

their values, their judgments.

25:24

It's all out there in the subconscious mind.

25:27

And we're not ever oftentimes

25:29

not even aware it's there. And yet

25:32

it controls 95% or even

25:35

more of all our decision making.

25:37

That's how powerful it is and how we

25:39

can retrain that again with tools

25:41

like five minute journal or just using gratitude.

25:43

Again, you don't need the journal. You

25:46

can just use any blank notebook and use

25:49

that practice in a blank notebook. Or

25:51

you could get the affirmations from IntelliJ change, or

25:53

you can just look up some affirmations

25:56

on Pinterest or create your own, right?

25:59

Ultimate. it's about creating better

26:02

habits that are better for your

26:04

mental and emotional health. What

26:06

is your vision and goal for the future

26:08

of intelligent change? I feel

26:10

like there's so much potential. Tell us about

26:12

that. Well, you want to hear a big audacious goal?

26:14

Yeah, it's to change 1% of

26:19

the global population and help them

26:21

change their life for the better. And

26:24

if you think about 1% is not a

26:26

lot of people, but also it's like more than 100

26:29

million people. And why 1%? Because there

26:32

have been so many studies done. This one was

26:34

done in the 70s in,

26:36

I think somewhere in New York, the

26:38

Bronx or somewhere else at the time, there

26:41

was a lot of violence and there was, you

26:43

know, just like a lot of aggression

26:46

in the community. And what

26:48

they did is they did the study

26:51

where they got 1% of the population

26:53

of that neighborhood to practice,

26:56

I believe it was TM meditation, so transcendental

26:58

meditation. And then

27:01

they measured how

27:04

that had an impact on the overall community.

27:07

And I don't remember the exact numbers, but the

27:09

violence went down

27:11

like something like 30, 40%. Just

27:14

because this 1% of the population

27:16

was practicing mindful meditation.

27:19

And to me, this is just

27:21

a proof that as long as we're

27:23

doing the inner work, we don't

27:25

need to go out there and change the world. Oftentimes

27:29

it's a distraction. And right now,

27:32

especially with what's happening in the world, it's

27:34

very chaotic at the moment. I don't

27:36

know what's happening with the stars, the Saturn returned

27:39

or what's going on. Yeah, there's

27:41

a lot happening out there because we can all feel it.

27:44

But a lot of times people

27:47

are wasting their energy projecting

27:50

out and blaming,

27:52

accusing, judging

27:55

when in fact, if all of us go inside

27:57

and create a more peaceful inside. that

28:00

is going to have a much better

28:02

effect on raising our vibrations

28:04

globally and creating more

28:07

peaceful worlds. So that is what I'm

28:09

focusing on personally, and that's what

28:12

we encourage with intelligent

28:14

change. So what is the bigger vision? We

28:17

believe in building a community, which

28:19

we already have been doing for the last 10 years,

28:21

but now we want to do it in a way where

28:23

we'll also have, we're already doing

28:25

events. Our first event was last year,

28:28

we did an intelligent change summit in

28:31

Ibiza at Sixcensus, so we did a whole

28:33

buyout. And it was a more of an exclusive

28:37

event because it was our first one, but our

28:39

bigger vision is to do bigger events that

28:41

are more inclusive and in

28:44

bigger cities so more people can attend, and

28:47

also doing small workshops and having

28:49

retail spaces with experiences

28:52

so we can actually connect

28:54

people physically in the real world.

28:56

Because I think a lot of us are spending so much time in

28:59

front of the computers, and I think it's great

29:01

because you and I are able to

29:03

do what we do because of the screens, because of

29:05

the social media. And there's so much

29:07

benefit in that, but at the end

29:09

of the day, when you meet people in person,

29:12

when you build that real human

29:14

connection, nothing compares.

29:17

And it's merging the two of those.

29:20

I think that's what we want to do and continue,

29:22

of course, creating simple

29:24

tools that can help people on their journey

29:26

of self-actualization. Because in a nutshell,

29:29

that's what we do, is we just help people self-actualize

29:32

so they can define their values, their

29:34

vision, and focus

29:37

all their energy on that and live life more

29:39

intentionally. Yeah, I

29:42

think that's a beautiful vision. And just talking

29:44

about how shifting 1% can shift

29:47

so much more, that's so true. And

29:50

it inspires me more

29:52

to keep talking about things like meditation,

29:54

keep sharing resources, because it is true. We

29:57

need it. It's very, very important.

30:00

I think we need all the help we can get to help

30:02

people raise their vibration

30:04

and also like you said find peace

30:06

within Because we in this current

30:08

state of the world that can feel like we

30:11

are out We have no control over

30:13

the chaos and there's nothing we can do and

30:15

people are just arguing online So

30:18

much but it's you

30:20

reminded us you have to work

30:22

on yourself Go within and find peace within

30:24

and if enough of us do that then

30:27

the world will be more peaceful

30:29

Yeah, because you if you're peaceful inside

30:32

You will not start a war you will

30:34

not fight anyone because

30:37

you won't have it in you To

30:40

do that you will do your best to

30:42

find a solution you will do your best to

30:44

look at any situation from a

30:46

point of view of love and Kindness

30:49

and compassion and that creates

30:51

a whole different experience

30:53

As long as it's us against them

30:56

You know there will be separation and the

30:58

ego will just replay the same story over

31:00

and over again And I

31:02

believe that we all have a conscious choice

31:06

to choose the to create

31:08

a vision of the world we want to live in and

31:11

then consciously Be

31:13

the change that we want to see in the world as

31:15

cliche as it sounds That

31:17

is truly the I think the key to everything

31:19

is Focusing all of our energy

31:22

and effort on being that change

31:25

and oftentimes people don't want to take the responsibility

31:28

and

31:29

one of my favorite quotes by Marion Williamson

31:31

is like our Deepest fear

31:34

is not that we're inadequate our deepest

31:36

fears that were powerful beyond measure It's

31:38

our light not our darkness that

31:40

scares us the most We are

31:42

all so powerful and we

31:45

all have That light

31:48

inside of us that can illuminate the

31:50

way and Create positive change,

31:53

but most of us are playing small

31:55

quite frankly I don't think I'm

31:58

playing at my full potential yet I'm definitely

32:01

slowly getting there one step at a time.

32:04

But if I am completely honest, the vision

32:06

that I see for myself and

32:08

where I am now, I'm not there yet. I'm

32:10

very far away. I'm

32:13

grateful for everything I've been able to experience

32:16

and do and create. The

32:18

division is huge. And

32:20

I think if most of us are honest with ourselves,

32:24

where most of us are probably playing it small.

32:27

And I think it's that radical honesty that

32:29

can

32:30

take us on that journey of one

32:33

step at a time, getting against

32:35

that self actualization. The reason I'm

32:37

doing the shape of a pyramid because our logo

32:40

has it as well, is that Maslow's

32:42

higher here of needs. It's like the

32:45

more actualized you are, like once

32:48

your basic needs are met, you

32:50

realize you're here

32:51

to serve.

32:52

And

32:53

if you ask most people who have attained

32:57

financial wealth and they're

32:59

honest with themselves and realize that

33:02

no matter how many boats and planes you have, that's

33:05

really not what happiness is

33:07

all about. Like you can just get in that visual

33:09

cycle of more and more and more things, more. I

33:11

have no problem with things, by the way, like we're

33:13

here living in a material world. We can enjoy them,

33:16

but it's about not attaching

33:18

your self worth and self value to

33:20

the material possessions and

33:23

realizing that at the end of the day, if

33:25

we're honest with ourselves, we're

33:28

the happiest when we are of service. We're

33:31

the happiest when we feel alive. We're

33:33

the happiest when we feel like we're here for

33:35

a reason, when we have some purpose

33:37

and reason to wake up to in the morning. So

33:40

that is part of the journey of that self actualization

33:43

is realizing what are you here to serve?

33:45

Like what is your purpose? And

33:48

once you can step in that authentic

33:50

vision of yourself and you're doing it, no matter

33:52

how hard quote unquote or challenging

33:55

that situation is, you're gonna

33:58

feel alive. You're gonna feel happy. You're

34:00

going to feel joyful because you are aligned with

34:02

your purpose. And when you

34:04

don't feel that way, you have to reassess because

34:07

oftentimes your body will tell you when

34:09

you're not aligned, whether it is the wrong relationship,

34:12

whether it is the wrong job, the wrong

34:14

city, anything that is not

34:16

aligned usually will not

34:19

feel right. And when you're aligned,

34:21

it feels right. It's simple as that. Yeah,

34:24

I love that. I do want to

34:27

dig deeper into your mindset

34:30

because I feel like you have such a great foundation

34:32

that set you up for success. You

34:36

already have these successful business

34:38

stories and you make it sound easy when you talk about

34:40

it in a podcast. But

34:43

I'm sure there were a lot of challenges, a lot

34:45

of things that you had to break through, whether it was

34:48

a challenge mentally or anything.

34:51

Can you talk about, I

34:52

don't know, how you got through those moments?

34:55

What were the things that you had to grow through?

34:58

I think when it comes, if we're

35:00

speaking specifically about business,

35:02

but I think this applies to any area of life.

35:05

Yeah, any area. I think one of the greatest

35:07

books to read on this topic is Big Leap

35:10

by Gay Hendricks. I didn't

35:12

read the book first. I made the

35:15

Big Leap. And then when I read the book, I was like, ah,

35:17

it makes sense. The concept is so

35:19

true. And I've read the book so many times because

35:22

oftentimes what we do is we solve sabotage

35:25

right before we make the Big Leap. Whether

35:28

it is, in my case, coming from an upbringing

35:31

where there was no financial

35:33

abundance. We were always very

35:36

aware of money and it was always tight.

35:39

And although there was always food on the table,

35:41

we were not poor or anything, but money

35:45

was always tight. You couldn't just go and

35:47

buy anything you wanted. We didn't travel. My

35:49

first trip ever was flying

35:52

to Canada because my family immigrated there.

35:54

So I always tell my daughter how lucky

35:56

she is because I didn't get on the M&M

35:58

airplane until I was 16. And

36:00

that was to immigrate to a different country. It was in a holiday,

36:03

right? So

36:04

I come from a very different mindset.

36:07

And in order to be where I am today,

36:09

like mentally, I had to make that big

36:11

leap. And how

36:14

did I make that big leap?

36:17

Partly is still mystery to me, because

36:20

I remember since I was a child, I was

36:22

a dreamer.

36:23

I've always

36:25

known that A, I'm not gonna stay in Azerbaijan.

36:27

That's where I'm from originally. I spent the first 16

36:30

years of my life there. I

36:32

just always had this vision of myself traveling

36:35

the world, living abroad. I

36:39

didn't know about business, but I just knew that

36:41

I would be on camera. Somehow I just, I thought

36:43

I'm gonna be an actress, but

36:45

that didn't happen. But then I realized, but

36:48

I am on camera. So in a way it came

36:50

true. Like I'm still out there

36:53

sharing something, not in movies or films,

36:55

but it is in a way film, right? Like it's in video

36:57

format. So somehow there

37:00

was that inner knowing that

37:02

knew,

37:03

and I followed that intuition. Now

37:05

here I think is the key. If

37:08

we all connect to that inner

37:10

knowing, which I call intuition, like

37:12

it's actually in your gut, I

37:15

feel like we all know why we're here. And

37:17

I feel like we all know what our

37:19

calling is. But I think as

37:22

children, because

37:25

sometimes our upbringing doesn't

37:27

encourage for us to connect with our inner

37:29

child or that inner knowing,

37:31

we get conditioned that, follow

37:35

everybody else, go to school, or like

37:38

follow this

37:39

certain path that everybody's following. I

37:41

think there's less of that conversation now, but I

37:43

think like when I was younger, it

37:45

was like finish high school, go to university,

37:48

get married, have kids, buy a car,

37:50

buy a house. And I just

37:52

remember thinking that doesn't resonate with

37:54

me. Like I am not gonna follow that path.

37:57

Like it doesn't feel right. I wanna do things unconventional.

37:59

know it. And that resonates

38:02

with me. And I'm so grateful I followed

38:04

my intuition. I think it's because I followed my intuition

38:07

that I am here today. And

38:10

my intuition did tell me that

38:13

you need to believe in yourself. And I think if we don't

38:15

believe in ourselves, we'll never achieve any

38:17

dreams. I think most

38:19

people, it's not that they're not bright,

38:22

or it's not that they don't have it to make

38:24

it in

38:25

business relationships, whatever area,

38:27

it's just they don't believe.

38:30

And again, it's that conscious mental

38:33

lead that you have to do to say

38:36

that I'm going to get there, I know I'm going to get

38:38

there. And again, what do you use you use affirmations,

38:40

you create a vision board, like, I

38:43

literally a year before we

38:45

created Luxi hair, I, I was

38:49

maybe it was a year and a half, two years before we created Luxi

38:51

hair, I was doing an image consulting

38:53

course. And part of that course was to create a vision

38:56

board. And we have to like cut

38:58

out pictures from magazines. And I remember

39:00

putting all these pictures of things, experiences,

39:02

items. And like I told you, when

39:05

we created Luxi hair within the first year, I could

39:07

have like 90% of

39:10

those things. And of

39:13

course, the vision board alone didn't do the

39:15

work. But it allowed me

39:17

to have the vision that then allowed

39:19

my brain to

39:22

laser focus on what I need to

39:24

do to get to that vision.

39:27

And most people are too scared to even create

39:29

the vision, they don't even know what they want. So

39:32

again, how are you going to get there if

39:34

you don't know what you want? And many people

39:36

listening now might say, Well, I still don't know what

39:38

I want. So how do I get there?

39:40

Well,

39:41

make a list of things you want to try.

39:43

Make a list of things that you maybe

39:45

you have tried that, you know,

39:47

spark something inside of you that makes you feel

39:49

alive.

39:51

Be completely radically honest with yourself,

39:54

not things that they show on social media or

39:56

things that your parents want you to do or grandparents

39:58

or

39:58

your friends or your boyfriend or your husband.

39:59

happen, but things that make you

40:02

feel alive, literally sit down and

40:04

write a list 10. And

40:05

then one at a time start doing

40:08

them, trying them out. What's the

40:10

worst that can happen? Like I

40:12

recently reconnected with a

40:14

friend who was a very talented

40:16

videographer and now he's

40:19

an astrologer. Right? So

40:21

it's like people change their career

40:23

path because at one point

40:25

they become aware that even though I'm great at this

40:27

thing doesn't

40:28

really make me happy.

40:30

And you know, you can now make a great

40:32

living being an astrologer and

40:35

you can be totally in alignment with

40:37

what you're doing because you believe that this

40:39

can benefit people. And

40:41

I'll

40:42

just love these stories where people

40:45

make this conscious, intelligent change

40:47

in their life and leave more

40:49

in alignment with what makes them happy. And I think

40:52

then the world can be a happier place for all.

40:54

I think we're all ready for that.

40:56

It's like enough of that old paradigm

40:59

and story of suffering, self sacrifice.

41:01

I don't believe in that. I don't subscribe to that.

41:04

And I think when you start living from that place,

41:06

you start manifesting

41:09

truly the life of your dreams. So

41:11

I don't know if that answers your question. I gave you like

41:13

a very big answer. No, I love it. I love

41:16

it. It does. It's a good reminder that we're always

41:18

guided by our intuition and sometimes like

41:21

those big leaps are possible because

41:23

you stay aligned. And it sounds

41:25

like also you have, you're really good at believing

41:27

in yourself because I think some people need to work on that.

41:30

And this brings me to the next topic is like,

41:33

you know, go moving with life shifts.

41:35

Like I know you made a big announcement yesterday.

41:37

And that's right.

41:39

How like life, things

41:42

change, even if you're not planning for

41:44

it to change, right? Like even career changes.

41:46

And so yeah, do you want to talk

41:48

about your divorce announcement

41:50

yesterday, right with Alex? That

41:52

was a big thing because I know a lot of people were shocked on

41:55

the other side. Alex and I,

41:57

yeah, you're the first person I'm talking about publicly.

42:00

and it was a separation announcement.

42:02

So Alex and I have decided

42:05

early in September this year that we

42:09

are going to grant each other full independence

42:11

and go on our individual

42:14

journeys, but to give people whoever

42:16

they don't know who we are. I mean, Alex and I,

42:19

we have met at work at a bank many

42:21

years ago, probably 18, 19 years ago, and

42:25

we were first just friends. And I believe

42:28

most relationships actually start

42:30

out great relationships that end

42:33

up being effortless and have that

42:36

great communication that is so important to have

42:38

a good relationship, long-term relationship. So

42:41

we had that, we became friends, then we became

42:43

romantic with each other. And

42:46

we were together for 16 years, which is

42:48

such a long time, because we also

42:50

always worked together and always

42:52

spent all of our times together because we were

42:54

best friends for all these years. And I never,

42:58

in 16 years, questioned

43:00

my relationship. I am the

43:02

type of person, like when I know something I know, like

43:05

I just, again, because of my intuition, I guess,

43:07

it always guides me in life. And

43:10

this year for the first time,

43:12

I questioned, and

43:14

I realized that if I'm questioning,

43:17

there's a reason why this is happening, right? Like,

43:19

because it's not normal to me. Like,

43:21

I've done this for long enough to

43:23

know that this is not a normal experience.

43:26

And then being radically honest, A, first

43:28

with myself, and then being honest

43:31

with Alex and having very, maybe difficult

43:33

conversations, not maybe difficult

43:35

conversations, right? But necessary

43:37

conversations. And some

43:39

of the lessons, I guess, I came out of this experience

43:42

of like processing all of this for the

43:44

last eight months, because this was something that

43:47

started in March and slowly, slowly, like,

43:50

as we tried to work and see if we can make

43:52

it work or separate, we

43:56

talked for hours and hours and hours, and it was

43:59

so bad. beautiful because we never

44:01

had to go to a therapist. We

44:03

just we did the therapy and therapy is

44:05

really giving each other space to

44:09

talk and respect the other person

44:11

and actually listen. Now listen

44:13

with your mind but

44:15

listen with your heart and

44:17

listen with your intuition as well because

44:20

then you can connect and be like hey,

44:22

this person is just going through something. It is

44:24

not personal because most people would take things personally,

44:27

get upset but in our

44:29

case because we have been doing the inner work

44:31

for so many years and again, we've always

44:34

prioritized our communication and

44:36

our relationship there

44:39

was never any trauma.

44:41

It's just like it was and I mean maybe people

44:43

would be like this is impossible. We've

44:46

had arguments over silly things like

44:49

you know when Alexa was born Alex wanted

44:51

her to go to nursery at one and I was like

44:53

no I want to I want her to stay home till she's

44:55

two because I can afford to stay home

44:58

with her and I remember we had some really

45:00

heated arguments about that but when it

45:02

came to our relationship and like deciding

45:04

on the separation nothing heated.

45:06

Pure love and respect over

45:10

each other's journeys and that

45:12

was the most beautiful thing to experience still

45:15

is like even last night we announced it

45:17

and then we talked until

45:19

like one in the morning about it and there's

45:22

a lot to unpack in a relationship but

45:24

ultimately it's that idea that

45:26

we don't possess each other. We

45:28

never had this belief that I possess

45:31

him or he possesses me. We

45:33

were never half. We were two wholes that

45:35

came together. Now what happens

45:37

in a relationship oftentimes and I

45:40

thought it wouldn't happen to me because

45:42

I feel like I was hyper aware of it, but

45:44

it's like you over time do

45:47

become slightly or severely

45:50

enmeshed and codependent. In

45:52

our case I would say it was very very slight but

45:55

still it happens and at some

45:57

point I think there comes a time where

45:59

you want to almost like rediscover

46:02

yourself and be like, who am I? Not

46:05

as a wife or as a mom, but like,

46:07

who am I as a person? Like, what

46:09

am I made out of? And yeah,

46:11

I think maybe all of us go

46:13

through this journey and maybe most of

46:15

us suppress that. I don't

46:17

know. But in my

46:19

case, I feel like because we were honest and

46:22

we honor each other's freedom and independence, we

46:24

just came to the conclusion that at this

46:26

time,

46:27

we have to

46:28

respect each other and our individual

46:30

journey and let each other go. And

46:33

the most beautiful thing is that we still have

46:35

that incredible friendship. And I believe we will

46:38

continue being friends and obviously co-parents

46:40

because we have our incredible child,

46:42

Alexa Love. You know, the

46:44

reason her second name is Love is because, you know, she is

46:46

the product of Love, most beautiful, magical,

46:49

romantic Love. And I think, you

46:51

know, I was reading the comments yesterday and, you

46:53

know, most were so loving and positive,

46:55

but some people are like, but now I

46:58

will never believe in Love. And to

47:00

me, that's almost absurd. Just

47:02

because a journey has

47:04

gone into two separate ways doesn't mean that

47:06

what people had was

47:08

not a love story. I think people

47:11

have these unrealistic expectations

47:13

that a love story has to last

47:15

a whole lifetime. But you know what? People now

47:18

leave more than they ever have. Like

47:21

back in the olden days, you know, we were lucky to

47:23

get to 30, 40. Now some of us leave to 100 or

47:25

more. It is unrealistic

47:27

to expect that people need to stay monogamous

47:30

in the same relationship for their whole life.

47:32

Some people do and that's wonderful. I

47:34

think it's incredible, but that's truly the minority.

47:37

And not just to stay together, but

47:39

to stay happily together. Because,

47:42

you know, the truth is, and I've obviously

47:44

been doing this research now because I've been going

47:46

through this experience, is that 65% of all

47:49

relationships end up in divorce. The

47:53

other 20% stay together because they cannot

47:57

afford to leave apart and they have children.

48:00

And then what are we left with? Like 15,

48:03

20% of people who are together

48:05

and how many of these are actually

48:07

happily together or they're together

48:09

because it is comfortable to stay together, right?

48:12

Because they are now co-dependent.

48:15

Like let's be real.

48:17

And I think if we distill it to like, who

48:20

is really truly like still romantically

48:22

in love and choose to be together, the

48:24

percentage is gonna be tiny,

48:27

absolutely tiny. And I think

48:29

I just don't want to be that. Like

48:33

I believe in love, I believe in romance. I believe

48:35

that you can be in

48:37

a relationship and be like, hell yeah, I'm choosing

48:39

this because that was my experience for 16 years,

48:42

right? So I still

48:44

believe in love. And for anyone listening,

48:47

I think it's important to just commit to

48:49

your own inner work to

48:52

be self secure as a person.

48:55

And

48:56

sometimes maybe you'll need to be single for

48:58

a period of time and then you don't know

49:00

where that journey will take you. But

49:03

I think the most important thing is

49:05

not to betray yourself because

49:07

if you want to be truly alive and again, that's my

49:10

personal mission, it's important to

49:11

me to feel like

49:14

I'm alive. Like I want to be here,

49:16

like I'm choosing this reality. I'm not a victim.

49:18

Like it doesn't feel right

49:21

to be a victim. It doesn't feel right to self sacrifice,

49:23

right? Then sometimes you have to make these

49:25

difficult decisions to choose yourself in a situation.

49:28

And that is truly empowering

49:31

and vulnerable at the same time, but vulnerability

49:34

and stepping

49:36

into your courage can have a profound

49:38

effect on all your relationships. And

49:41

I think another beautiful thing that we

49:43

have realized is that you can do it in

49:45

a respectful way where

49:47

everybody's fine.

49:49

You know, I got so many messages last night from people,

49:52

like, are you okay? I'm like, we're all good. Like

49:54

we're genuinely good. Of

49:57

course, it's not easy because both of us were

49:59

severely attached. to each other, 60 years

50:01

of life. But also we are excited

50:03

for each other and we know we will be there for each

50:06

other on this new journey as

50:08

well, supporting each other through the process. And

50:11

again, nobody knows what happens, look term,

50:13

because if you told me I'll be in this situation a

50:16

year ago, I would literally laugh at you.

50:18

I would be like, that's really funny.

50:21

No freaking way. But here I am.

50:23

Yeah, it really feels like I'm in a dream,

50:25

but it's a reality. And you know what? It

50:28

feels like the right decision. And that's

50:30

why we have made it. So again,

50:32

connecting to that intuition and feeling,

50:35

it's so important. Because

50:37

it didn't feel right to stay and be there,

50:40

just because I'm expected to stay and be there,

50:42

or I need to self-sacrifice because now we have a

50:44

child. Like many, most people,

50:47

I think, stay because of the kids. And I want

50:49

to mention this point, because for anybody listening,

50:51

like this is, I think, the old programming, like a

50:54

lot of our parents come from that programming

50:56

where like they stayed as a self-sacrifice

50:59

where, you know, I always told my parents,

51:01

I wish you guys separated because you

51:04

were fighting all the time. And I'm sorry if my parents

51:06

are listening to this, and

51:07

it may be it hurts their feelings, but

51:10

it was very toxic.

51:12

You know, it was very, very toxic. And I remember

51:14

growing up,

51:15

I wish that they would separate and we would just

51:17

be in peace with one of them at a time, rather

51:20

than in this toxic environment. Now we

51:22

didn't have this toxic environment, which is

51:24

like peacefully decided to separate, because

51:27

if you don't, I feel like then you start building

51:29

resentment. And that's how you then

51:31

you have a toxic environment. And I think that

51:33

negatively affects the child way more than

51:37

happy parents separating and like spending quality

51:39

time separately or together co-parenting.

51:42

Right. And another thing is that self-sacrifice,

51:45

especially for women, because we've been like conditioned

51:47

to self-sacrifice as women

51:48

for generations and generations, is

51:51

that again, you end up then

51:53

building resentment towards your child.

51:57

And what is that going to create long term? That's

51:59

my health. Is that going

52:01

to create a healthy relationship? And then you might get

52:03

depressed and then you're going to start to

52:06

take medication. And again, it's like,

52:09

then you're again, not leaving your authentic

52:11

truth. What are you modeling to your child? And

52:14

I want to model to my child that always

52:17

listen to your intuition, like leave your authentic

52:19

self. You can make it in life,

52:22

whether you're with a man or on your own and

52:25

believe in yourself and trust yourself.

52:27

Ultimately, there is

52:30

no right or wrong way to live life. There's

52:32

your unique way to live life and you have

52:34

to honor that. So I'm not saying

52:36

I'm the right person to advise

52:38

people on relationships, but I know

52:41

what feels right for me. And

52:43

that is my message here. And that

52:45

is what I would love to inspire for my

52:47

child. Wow, thank

52:49

you so much for sharing that because I totally

52:52

agree with you. Everything makes so much sense. I think

52:54

it takes so much courage. Like you were so brave

52:56

to put yourself first and have

52:58

the difficult conversations, do the difficult

53:01

thing, knowing that it's the right thing.

53:03

Right. A lot of people avoid that

53:06

or they put that off for many, many years because they're

53:08

trying, you know, the old programming is there.

53:10

But ultimately, it's also

53:13

like happy to hear that you did it

53:15

very so mature and so

53:18

like both people were healed. Like

53:20

there was no like toxicity between

53:23

each other. It's just it's hard

53:25

still, but it's truly loving and understanding

53:27

and respecting each other. Like

53:30

and it is true. We are. We do

53:32

live long. I think about this all the time. So I've

53:34

been with my boyfriend 15 years. We're

53:38

not married yet, but I think about these things already

53:40

because like everyone in our lives, they

53:42

get married, have kids. But like I also have

53:45

that mindset. I can't

53:47

promise forever because anything

53:49

can change. I could change in 10 years, 20 years, 30

53:52

years and nothing

53:54

is promised. So that's

53:56

I always had that like that thought

53:58

in my head. So.

53:59

I don't know. I like it's

54:02

nice to hear it from you. And it's also nice

54:04

to hear like, it doesn't mean you're not in love.

54:06

It doesn't mean don't get married ever. It just

54:08

means that you have to be okay. You

54:11

have to accept that anything could

54:13

change and ultimately you have to do

54:16

what's best for yourself. And

54:17

that you're gonna be okay.

54:19

Yes. That's scary.

54:22

A lot of people don't know that. They don't believe that.

54:24

I think we overhype romantic

54:26

relationships, right? I think they're

54:29

incredible. 100%. I've

54:31

been in the most amazing magical romantic

54:33

relationship for the last 16 years.

54:35

But I also, I'm

54:37

fine on my own. And that

54:39

is so empowering because when you are

54:41

in a relationship for so long, literally

54:43

you start thinking that you cannot make it without

54:45

this person. And now, you know, starting

54:48

to spend time apart, I'm like, I love my

54:50

own company. I love spending time with my

54:52

girlfriends because we spend a lot of time together,

54:54

like a lot. So

54:56

I love doing all these things on my own. I love traveling.

54:58

I like all these things that I've forgotten because

55:01

I didn't even have a chance to do them for

55:04

so many years. So it is

55:06

truly empowering to realize

55:09

that again, it's wonderful. And I still believe in

55:11

relationships. I would like to again be in

55:13

a relationship at one point, but

55:15

not out of a desperate

55:17

need, but out of a conscious

55:20

choice that I want to be here. And

55:23

I'm personally on a journey

55:26

of making sure that I am

55:28

securely attached.

55:30

Because I think that's part of the work

55:32

that I've been doing in the last few months as I'm going through

55:34

this experience, is that

55:36

I've been learning a lot about attachment theory.

55:38

I don't know if you know much about it. So,

55:41

you know, you could be ideally

55:43

securely attached, but that's very few of us. And

55:46

then you could be dismissive avoidance, fearful

55:48

avoidance, anxious,

55:51

preoccupied. Like these are some

55:53

of the attachment styles that come, that

55:56

are formed based on our upbringing and whether

55:58

we were neglecting.

55:59

or give in love or a little bit of both.

56:02

And it's just been fascinating

56:04

where I do realize I am mostly securely

56:07

attached, but I have tendencies of being

56:09

avoidant or being anxious.

56:12

And it's been fascinating because

56:15

when I was in a relationship, I didn't

56:18

see it. Like it was just

56:20

a complete blind spot. And

56:23

now that I'm outside of it, I'm like, oh

56:25

boy. I realized there's

56:28

all this work that I still need to do because

56:30

now that I'm on my own, I've like almost

56:33

raised my standards of who

56:35

I want to be in a relationship. Like I want to be even

56:37

a better partner than I was

56:39

before. I, because

56:41

of my, I guess, slightly anxious

56:44

attachment style, again, it wasn't like

56:47

dramatic or anything, but

56:49

I feel like sometimes I use those say Alex for

56:51

safety because I didn't feel safe.

56:54

And now because I'm on my own, I'm learning

56:56

to feel safe on my own. I'm like, I never

56:58

want to be in a relationship. And

57:01

I did it very subconsciously, by the way. I only realized

57:03

that after I came out of the relationship or was

57:05

about to come out, I

57:08

never want to use, in a way use

57:10

quote unquote, again, it's subconscious, but like I

57:13

want to go into a relationship being

57:15

fully secure. And I

57:18

feel like when we go fully secure,

57:21

there's less chances of us becoming codependent

57:23

and less chances of us becoming enmeshed. And

57:25

then you just allow even

57:28

more freedom, even though both of us had a lot of

57:30

freedom, because freedom is our top value

57:32

for both of us. And

57:35

both of us were always free to travel

57:37

and do all these things. I feel like now in

57:39

a relationship, I would be like, you can travel even more.

57:41

You can spend even more time with friends, because now

57:44

I'm learning that actually what

57:46

is healthy is to spend

57:48

at least 50% of your free time on your own

57:51

or with your friends or doing

57:53

activities that make you happy. And then

57:55

the rest, the other 50% with your partner,

57:58

where like an hour, situation

58:00

because we loved each other so much and we enjoyed

58:03

each other's company so much and we

58:05

were, we, you know, became each

58:07

other's best friends. I think we spent like

58:09

80-85% with each other and even

58:11

when we were hanging out with friends, we were,

58:14

the two of us were still there. So I think I

58:16

would do things very differently in a relationship

58:19

when I'm again in a relationship. So like

58:21

so many new insights just by going

58:23

through this experience and, you

58:26

know, even though I feel like we

58:28

had such a great effortless relationship, there's

58:30

still room for improvement. And

58:32

I think this is these types of

58:34

experiences where you might go on a break and

58:37

you might be on your own. Use this as an opportunity

58:40

to upgrade yourself. That's

58:42

personally what I'm doing because that's what excites

58:44

me. And then you won't even have to, you

58:47

know, go out and attract

58:50

things because like you're going to be a magnet.

58:52

A person who is doing inner work is

58:55

a person again who is attractive,

58:57

alive, and then

59:00

people are like, they come to you like bees.

59:02

Like it's super easy to attract. So focus

59:05

all your attention on like embodying

59:07

the best version of yourself and then the right

59:09

partner will come along. Yeah,

59:12

yeah, truly. I also believe in that as well.

59:15

So now what's next for you? I guess what

59:17

are you excited about in your life? What

59:19

is the new dream life that you're hoping

59:22

to create? Yeah,

59:24

the word for 2024 is definitely

59:26

going to be creating a new vision, which I'm feeling

59:28

the process of like visualizing what that is for

59:30

me. It's definitely

59:33

like exploring more and playing more. I

59:35

realized also in the last few months as I've

59:37

been going through this process of realizing that,

59:40

you know, we're going to separate that

59:43

I've been for most of my life, I've

59:45

been so responsible and

59:47

I've been the rock to so many people. I've been

59:50

like the parent to my parents and my, you

59:52

know, so many people in my life where I'm like, I'm

59:55

letting go of all that responsibility. I've only had

59:57

one child. That's good. And

59:59

I.

59:59

I'm just going to let my inner child out.

1:00:02

And for me, it's gonna be all about

1:00:05

exploration, play, fun,

1:00:08

dancing, like doing the things that

1:00:10

make my soul sing. And

1:00:13

it is because inside

1:00:15

of us, there's the inner child and

1:00:17

the inner parent.

1:00:18

And I

1:00:19

have a very strict inner parent that kind

1:00:21

of put the inner child in a box

1:00:23

and said, sit there, we need to accomplish so many

1:00:26

things and we need to be a parent and a good

1:00:28

wife and a good sister and a good daughter

1:00:30

and all these things, friend. And

1:00:34

the inner child never got a chance to play. And

1:00:36

I think when you do that, at

1:00:39

one point your inner child starts rebelling

1:00:42

and that is probably

1:00:43

part of my experience. And

1:00:45

it's been really

1:00:47

beautiful, like slowly letting

1:00:49

my inner child out. There's so many profound

1:00:51

lessons and so much healing that

1:00:53

is coming out with that experience. So I'm

1:00:56

really excited about like going

1:00:58

deeper there and seeing what

1:01:00

gifts I can receive because inner child

1:01:02

is also all about creativity. So

1:01:05

a lot of new ideas for projects, business

1:01:07

ideas will come out of that. So

1:01:10

in terms of connecting it even to the business, like

1:01:12

I want to, like I love speaking, so I wanna

1:01:14

speak more. I love people, I wanna be

1:01:16

more around people like physically. So

1:01:19

I'm planning like more workshops in London

1:01:21

and perhaps even other parts of the world that I will travel

1:01:23

to. So I wanna do more

1:01:25

of the things that make me happy, which is all

1:01:28

about community and service for me anyways.

1:01:31

And yeah, so that's what I'll be focusing on for

1:01:34

the next six to 12 months.

1:01:36

And then also yeah, creating

1:01:39

that bigger vision of like, again,

1:01:42

realigning with my values and

1:01:45

making sure that I'm truly embodying

1:01:48

them. Cause oftentimes

1:01:50

most of us are not even aware of what our values are.

1:01:52

If you're listening to this and you never consciously

1:01:55

sat down to define your values,

1:01:57

here is your chance to do it. Pause this.

1:01:59

and take a piece of paper and a pen

1:02:02

and write down

1:02:04

10 values that are most important to you

1:02:06

that you want to live your life by. And

1:02:09

for me, I can show some of them, like freedom is

1:02:11

my top value, then it's deep

1:02:13

and meaningful relationships. I

1:02:16

don't do shallow, like I like to go deep with

1:02:18

people. Number

1:02:21

three, I think is transparency, then

1:02:23

there's gratitude, then

1:02:25

there's kindness. So

1:02:27

there's so many more.

1:02:29

Define five to 10, if you

1:02:31

don't want to do 10, you can start with five, but then

1:02:33

once you put them down, you

1:02:36

have to reflect and be honest with yourself. Am

1:02:38

I truly leaving in alignment

1:02:40

with my values? And it really helped me

1:02:42

actually go through my experience of the last few

1:02:45

months as we were making this decision

1:02:47

to separate that,

1:02:49

I looked at my values and I was

1:02:51

like, am I being calm through the process? Am I being

1:02:53

fully authentic? And

1:02:55

constantly

1:02:56

stepping into the values helped to

1:02:58

make the decision and helped to

1:03:00

make it

1:03:01

and do it in the most peaceful way. So

1:03:05

it is profound the change that can

1:03:07

happen when you are

1:03:08

A,

1:03:09

aware of your values and

1:03:11

B, you're leaving in alignment with them.

1:03:14

And then the next step of course is like sitting

1:03:16

down and creating that bigger vision for yourself.

1:03:19

So envisioning your life in three to five years, I've

1:03:21

done this exercise

1:03:23

years ago. And

1:03:26

quite frankly, a few years ago, both

1:03:28

Alex and I realized that we are in it.

1:03:31

We're in the vision and it's beautiful and it's

1:03:33

great. And it's like, oh gosh, but like,

1:03:36

it is so good. Like, are we too ungrateful

1:03:38

to ask for more? Like, so in almost like

1:03:40

we felt a little paralyzed

1:03:43

almost like, but it's so good.

1:03:45

Like what else could we ask for? It

1:03:47

is so incredible. I think if you stay

1:03:49

in that place for too long, you

1:03:51

become too comfortable and then

1:03:54

something is gonna have to shift eventually. If

1:03:56

you're not gonna shift it yourself, life is gonna make

1:03:58

you shift because we're not here. to be

1:04:00

safe and comfortable. We're here on

1:04:02

a journey and again

1:04:05

nothing wrong with being safe and comfortable if it makes you

1:04:07

feel happy and you feel aligned. But

1:04:09

I'm again speaking for my personal journey. I don't

1:04:13

feel good feeling safe and comfortable for long

1:04:15

periods of time. I need to

1:04:17

feel like I'm growing, that I'm learning.

1:04:19

It really was, it's what excites me in

1:04:21

life. And as we

1:04:23

were discussing all of these things in

1:04:26

the last few months we both realized that,

1:04:29

gosh,

1:04:30

we have not created that vision.

1:04:33

And now is the time to do it because we've been

1:04:35

neglecting it because we

1:04:37

got it.

1:04:38

And we in a way maybe got

1:04:40

a little too attached to it because here's the

1:04:43

thing when you achieve your vision, again

1:04:45

you have to make that mental leap

1:04:47

in a way to ask for more. And

1:04:49

it can be a blind spot for

1:04:52

many of us that we are

1:04:54

so scared of the unknown, of

1:04:56

the bigger vision, that we would rather

1:04:59

stay again small in the current vision

1:05:01

because it's good because this is all I ever dreamt

1:05:03

of, right? But you've

1:05:06

achieved it and you're still young and you still have

1:05:08

a life to live.

1:05:09

Where are you going next?

1:05:11

Again from a place of abundance and gratitude,

1:05:14

like I'm grateful for my life. But

1:05:16

I know there is more and

1:05:18

gosh if I've learned anything in the

1:05:20

last, you know, eight months of

1:05:22

this process is that

1:05:24

I have learned so many

1:05:27

new things about myself that I didn't know that

1:05:30

I was like, I'm 37 and

1:05:32

I never knew this about myself. Like

1:05:35

never knew that I have a fear of abandonment.

1:05:38

Never knew that I'm slightly,

1:05:40

you know, anxious in relationships. I just didn't

1:05:42

see it.

1:05:43

You're not aware of what you're not aware. So

1:05:46

yeah, the vision is huge.

1:05:49

And if you're not going to create it, life is

1:05:51

going to create it for you. So instead

1:05:53

of letting life take the charge, I

1:05:56

suggest that you know, you take the charge

1:05:58

and you spend that time and you

1:06:00

visualize that life that makes you feel

1:06:02

alive and excited and and Whatever

1:06:06

it is that you want to embody and

1:06:08

live and experience because it's so Individual

1:06:11

to every single one of us. We'll all want different

1:06:13

things and what that's what makes life beautiful

1:06:16

the diversity of

1:06:19

our individual experiences Yeah,

1:06:22

I think it's so crazy because most people are just

1:06:24

trying to reach their first vision But it

1:06:26

is true once you've reached everything

1:06:28

that you ever wanted at one point You can't

1:06:30

just stay there You have to take another

1:06:33

big leap because if you stay

1:06:35

there you're like it's not good

1:06:37

to stay too comfortable and safe Eventually, it's

1:06:39

good. You're gonna be going downhill if you

1:06:42

try to keep what you have so it's always Life

1:06:45

just keeps going. There's like more and more challenges

1:06:48

more things to uncover more to grow. It's it

1:06:50

just keeps going Just

1:06:53

add to what you're saying because that vision

1:06:55

became the comfort zone, right? and

1:06:58

magic happens

1:07:00

outside of the comfort zone not

1:07:02

to say that it's not beautiful or is

1:07:04

good, but it's You're

1:07:06

just not growing anymore It's like the

1:07:09

same thing over and over again and again some

1:07:11

people are okay with that and there's nothing wrong with

1:07:13

that If you're okay with it

1:07:15

But if you're not okay with it, you're not

1:07:17

feeling

1:07:19

right in your guts

1:07:22

Be honest with yourself be Radically

1:07:25

honest with yourself.

1:07:26

Wow, because who else will nobody else

1:07:28

will do this

1:07:29

work for you only you can do it. Yep

1:07:32

Well Mimi we

1:07:34

are kind of towards the end of our time I know

1:07:36

you have so much more to share so

1:07:39

I encourage everyone to continue following

1:07:41

you I hope you continue to share more

1:07:43

online because you just have so much wisdom and

1:07:46

I love listening to you talk So so

1:07:48

lastly Mimi, where can we find you online?

1:07:51

Of course. Thank you For giving

1:07:54

me you know the stage to

1:07:56

share my story again. I really appreciate you

1:07:58

being here today and asking

1:08:00

me all these questions and allowing me to channel

1:08:03

all this out. And people can

1:08:05

find me on social media. So

1:08:07

on Instagram, it's at Mimi Icon.

1:08:10

And I'm not very active on YouTube, but

1:08:12

I still have lots of videos out there that you can

1:08:15

consume and maybe get

1:08:17

inspired by. And it's also under Mimi

1:08:19

Icon on YouTube. Thank

1:08:22

you so much. I love this conversation

1:08:25

and I just wish you the best. Thank

1:08:27

you, Eileen. I really appreciate that.

1:08:30

Thanks so much for listening to the Lavendaire Lifestyle.

1:08:33

If you like the podcast, please show your support

1:08:35

by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or

1:08:37

Spotify. You can also subscribe to our

1:08:39

podcast YouTube channel at YouTube.com

1:08:42

slash Lavendaire Lifestyle. Lastly,

1:08:44

follow me on YouTube and Instagram at

1:08:47

Lavendaire for more content on creating

1:08:49

your dream life. Sending you so much love.

1:08:52

Bye.

1:08:56

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