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1:02

Hi there you are listening to the lazy genius podcast.

1:05

I'm Kendra Adichie, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't today is episode 244.

1:15

How to know what lazy genius principle is right for you.

1:20

If you are new to these parts, I wrote a book that came out in 2022, a great year to release a book, right called the lazy genius way.

1:29

In that book, I share 13 lazy genius principles that you can use to lazy genius.

1:36

Any situation in your life.

1:38

Sometimes you might need one principal, sometimes a few together, and sometimes you just don't know which one to choose when you are faced with some sort of challenge, whether it is like a, like a system in your home, it's a relationship, hang up a time management problem, whatever it might be, even with only 13 principles to choose from.

1:58

Sometimes that still seems like a lot when we're overwhelmed, that can feel like a lot.

2:03

And then what if you didn't choose the best one?

2:05

How do you know what the best one is?

2:07

Maybe you need more than one. How do you know?

2:09

And then that's when y'all send me DMS of panic and ROI, all caps like Kendra, what do I do?

2:14

You can still send me those dams by the way.

2:17

But hopefully this episode will give you a tangible framework for how to choose the right lazy genius principle for you.

2:25

Now here's the thing. There are multiple ways you can choose what principles right for you.

2:29

Sometimes, you know, sometimes you're like, I need to decide once on this thing.

2:34

And then you move on, you decide and you move on.

2:38

Literally three seconds later.

2:40

The beauty of these 13 principles is their versatility.

2:45

You can even be versatile as we will learn in how you choose to apply them.

2:52

For example, I like I just said, you can do them just like pick one and be done.

2:58

I shared on Instagram.

3:01

It was a while back. And I have, I think I have mentioned it like here are there other places, but another way that you can choose is by asking yourself is something out of order out of rhythm or out of sorts.

3:16

If it's out of order and you just like need a, a quick win, you know, with a challenge like a metaphorical or a physical tidy of things, then you can potentially use these principles for something being out of order, put everything in its place.

3:33

Start small, decide once and ask the magic questions.

3:38

Those are all pretty quick wins. As far as the principals go, you get those effects right away.

3:42

If you are out of rhythm, maybe something feels consistently off the rails.

3:47

Some principles to potentially help you with that are set.

3:51

House rules, build the right routine, essentially flies, batshit, and go in the right order.

3:57

If you are feeling out of sorts, if it's more of an emotional rollercoaster than like a domestic or a scheduling, one, consider these principles, let people in schedule rest, live in the season and be kind to yourself.

4:13

Those are some like super loose categories out of order, out of rhythm, out of sorts that can help you narrow down what principle might make sense for your situation.

4:20

But here's the thing. Here's the thing.

4:22

After I posted those categories on Instagram, some of you were like, oh yes, this is so great.

4:27

Thank you for narrowing these options. And then others of you were like, what if you're all three?

4:31

What if you're all three of them? What if you're out of order and out of rhythm and a of all at once.

4:36

And I get that energy very much. I do also, let's be real.

4:40

These 13 principles are not stuck in one category, decide once can be used for any of those three things.

4:47

And for anything that else that we didn't even categorize, right?

4:51

Decide once is definitely a quick win.

4:53

It's great for when things fill out order, but you can use it beyond that much.

4:57

Like you can all the others. So again, the magic of these principles is a versatility, but the versatility of these principles can also sometimes cause a little bit of stress because you don't quite know what to try first.

5:08

Especially if you are already stressed out about the problem, you're trying to lazy genius.

5:14

And that is what I want to share. In this episode, I'm going to lay out kind of a loose order of the principles of when you want to lazy genius something.

5:21

But just like those three categories I just talked about out of order out of rhythm, out of sorts, this particular way is not the only way to do it.

5:30

It's just a way, right?

5:33

So if you're looking for a, another way to think about how these principles can work together and work in your life, I do think that this episode will help.

5:42

We are going to use all 13 principles today.

5:44

And the first one we're going to apply is the principle go in the right order.

5:48

Lots of things have a right order, but a general right order that you can apply to most things is to one name.

5:55

What matters to calm the crazy and three, trust yourself with what comes next.

6:00

And I go into detail about that in the book and the lazy genius way.

6:04

So when you're trying to lazy genius, something, what's going the right order.

6:07

If we are going to name what matters about your problem, which is the first step, right?

6:13

We need to know what the problem is, right?

6:15

You can't name what matters about something until you've named the something.

6:19

So what's the problem name?

6:22

The problem. Sometimes that's easy to do sometimes.

6:25

You're just like, everything's the worst, but start by naming your problem, put real words to it.

6:31

And if those words are super broad, like everything's the worst.

6:34

Try and make the problem smaller. Keep asking why, if everything is the worst, why, why does it feel like everything is the worst?

6:42

What's really the worst right now.

6:44

Try and be specific, make it smaller.

6:47

Now here's a very important piece of this, of this puzzle.

6:51

Be careful that you don't see your answer as a right or wrong answer.

6:57

You might try and name the problem and name what matters about it.

6:59

But as you make the problem smaller, you might think, well, like what if I'm picking the wrong problem?

7:05

What if something else matters more than this? What if I'm solving the wrong thing or doing it in the wrong way?

7:10

I would like to release you from that line of thinking, okay, you can't, you can't make everything a morality issue.

7:19

Some things are not right or wrong.

7:20

Somethings just are, and it is not a waste of time for you to solve a secondary problem.

7:27

It's not a waste of time to say that one thing matters and then have that thing changed the next day.

7:31

All of that is completely normal.

7:34

The alternative to being flexible with what you name is spinning your wheels, try and find like the most significant challenge, rather than just dealing with something in front of you.

7:44

I mean, for me, I know I for sure have spent like an obscene amount of energy over the years, thinking about my problems, you know, like listing out what they might be creating these very intricate, gigantic systems to fix them.

7:58

I had to find the right problem and then create the perfect solution.

8:04

And usually didn't do anything.

8:06

Cause that's just not real life, right?

8:09

It's just not a realistic expectation or a wise use of your time.

8:12

So if you are feeling upside down and you need to lazy genius something, don't worry about naming the problem perfectly or knowing exactly what matters forever and ever.

8:23

Yes. I want you to try and make it smaller. I want you to try and put some words to it, but don't obsess over it.

8:27

You're going to keep living your life. And if you address one problem, but like a week later, you find that paying attention to a different problem would be better for you or that something else matters entirely.

8:40

Now, just pivot, just pivot.

8:43

It's not a big deal. Life is not set it and forget it.

8:47

You're not an instant pot.

8:48

You are a person.

8:51

Okay. Don't spend so long on this part on naming the problem that you don't actually do anything that helps you.

8:57

Okay? Okay. So go on the right order by naming the problem and what matters about it.

9:01

And after that, we're supposed to call him the crazy.

9:03

And I want to introduce three of the 13 principles for that purpose.

9:09

Your problem solving brain is potentially like mine, which I described lovingly as a caffeinated squirrel brain.

9:17

You're thinking itself might be the thing that's making you crazy.

9:21

Maybe especially if you are frustrated and you are in problem solving mode.

9:26

So here are three principles to help calm that crazy first, be kind to yourself, please, please, please.

9:35

Usually when we go nuts trying to solve problems, we are not super gentle or kind or compassionate with ourselves.

9:43

You might blame yourself that you can't figure this thing out, you know, or you say you'll never be able to do it.

9:49

Or you're like just generally huffy with yourself.

9:53

Please be kind, please be kind second, live in the season.

9:58

There's a decent chance that your problem is linked to the season of life you're in.

10:03

But because you haven't named that you are expecting a certain situation or area of your home or your schedule to look a certain way, but you don't live that way anymore.

10:16

That's not your season. You're in a different season.

10:18

Now I know right now I'm in a brand new season of being a, like mostly full-time working parent with three kids in school.

10:26

One of whom is newly in middle school. And I do not know what I'm doing like at all.

10:30

I haven't quite figured out how to do mail stuff, the way that I used to, how to get chores done or how to spend time with my kids.

10:38

Now that they're getting older and they have more going on and they're gone more they're out of the house more I'm in a new season.

10:45

And if I expect to grocery shop the same way or parent the same way, or have my family dynamic work the same way that it used to, but I'm in a different season, I'm just going to get frustrated.

10:58

So to help calm the crazy brain while you name the problem and what matters about it, please remember to live in the season.

11:07

And then the third principle to apply at this stage is start small caffeinated squirrel brains, like to build big machines and create big solutions and are generally moving too fast to see the benefit of starting small.

11:20

And that's why we need to do it even more start small.

11:24

You're far more likely to move toward a solution with a tiny, actual step than a million huge imagined ones.

11:34

So of the 13 principles we've applied for so far, we're going to go in the right order by starting with calming our crazy, be kind to yourself, live in the season and start small.

11:45

And we do that so that we can accurately, but not perfectly name our problem and what matters most about it.

11:54

We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored by better help online therapy.

11:59

We talk about better help a lot on the show.

12:01

And this month we're discussing some of the stigmas around mental health.

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One such stigma I want to debunk right now is that you have to be in crisis to ask for help.

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Sure. Therapy is a resource for when things feel harder than normal, but it's also a tool you can use in everyday life seeking therapy doesn't mean something is wrong with you.

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And that's why I'm grateful to see better help provide accessible and affordable mental health services better help is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist.

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That's better. H E L p.com/the lazy genius.

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This episode is sponsored by beta brand.

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episode is sponsored by Squarespace.

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Y'all the lazy genius collective site has only ever lived on a Squarespace site because it's so easy to use.

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15:02

Okay, now that you've called the crazy look again, once more at the problem and what matters about it, put words to it as best you can and in the smallest way you can, when you call them the crazy, you can do that a little bit more clearly, try and move from everything's the worst to something specific like I'm feeling stressed out right now because I forgot to actually click the place order button on my online grocery pickup.

15:30

And now there are no groceries ready for me and therefore, no dinner items ready for me for dinner tonight.

15:34

And I'm feeling super upset about it because today's already been kinda stressful, like that's real and very specific.

15:41

Okay. So if you get specific about what the problem is, it helps you to name what matters even more.

15:46

Maybe what matters in this particular scenario is what matters most right now is I need to choose and then execute two nights dinner because it's in an hour, you know, that's really what matters right now.

16:00

Something that you just did.

16:02

And this imaginary example is you essentially , which is the next lazy genius principle we're going to use.

16:10

Essentially sizing is getting rid of what's in the way of what matters and making sure that you have what you need for what does, so in this scenario, reordering groceries or thinking about lunches tomorrow, cause like some of that stuff was in your grocery order or reorganizing dinner plans for the next few days.

16:29

Those are not essential right now, worrying about those and even planning for those is currently in the way of what matters most, which is deciding and getting dinner for tonight.

16:39

It's not that those things don't matter. They just don't matter the most right now.

16:42

So as centralize your situation remove what's in the way of your problem, whether it's something in your head or something on your counter, and then make sure you have what you need for what does matter.

16:55

So that's the fifth principle we've used it.

16:57

The 13 centralize, the sixth one I will offer up for this like a potential problem solving order is to put everything in its place, put everything in its place that could mean a tidying, a counter, putting the grocery list on the fridge or texting yourself a reminder.

17:15

So you don't forget to place that forgotten grocery order.

17:18

And that example it could mean orienting yourself in your emotions and energy properly and kindly in this situation, putting those in their place, put your shame in its place, which means a way put family who had nothing to do with your forgetting to press the place order button, put that frustration towards them away.

17:39

Don't direct it towards them, put everything in its place.

17:44

Now you might stop here. You might've stopped several principals ago, but if you need to keep in Lacy, Jean Dysinger problem, there are three questions that you can ask yourself with principles as the potential answers.

17:57

Okay? So let's recap real quick. So you've named the problem and you've named what matters about it through the lens of calming her crazy by being kind to yourself, living in your season and starting small, you have a centralized, you've gotten rid of what's in the way.

18:09

You've put everything in its place to create a little bit of calm and order in your space in your mind.

18:14

If you need to keep going, you can ask yourself, do I need help?

18:19

Do I need a system or do I need rest?

18:22

And you might need all three, but these are some paths to help you solve your problem.

18:26

So let's start with, do I need help?

18:28

Are you feeling like you're spread too thin?

18:31

You know, once you've gotten everything in its place and you've gone through those steps, you're like, man, I still, I still can't do this by myself.

18:38

And frankly, even if you're not spread too thin, you can still need help.

18:41

Even when it's not a crisis situation, don't forget that you don't have to be in a crisis to ask for help.

18:46

I talk about that in the book. I talk about that on Instagram, you don't have to be in a crisis to ask for help that as you think about your problem, would it be good to have some help in some form three principles that you can use here are let people in set house rules and ask the magic question.

19:07

Okay? Let people in, obviously that asks for help for, from specific people, right?

19:12

Set house rules.

19:14

That's a way of asking your people that you live with for help, but that's a bit more automated, right?

19:21

Maybe you need their help by setting a house role.

19:24

And then I'm asking the magic question is a way that your like current self can help your future self.

19:29

Okay, we're gonna break those down just a little bit.

19:31

So let people in this one is obviously pretty obvious.

19:34

If you have a problem and you know, you need help ask somebody, that's your solution, ask someone for help, think through the people in your life and what you need from them.

19:41

It can be anyone from a friend or a family member that you lean on, or it can be someone that you paid to lean on, like a therapist or an assistant or a housekeeper.

19:50

I remember when I started this transition into full-time work at the beginning of the fall last year also, but I was also kind of the on-call parent, right?

19:59

I'm like not full-time parent because the kids are in school every day, but I'm the on-call parent.

20:03

And I couldn't figure out when to run errands.

20:06

I couldn't figure it out. I used to do it with Annie before or after preschool, but now that she's in kindergarten, I don't have those windows anymore.

20:14

And like, I couldn't go before because they go to school early and then after they don't want to run errands, like they need to do their homework and be kids and eat their snack and hang out at home.

20:24

Right. I was so stressed out because I couldn't get all my grocery shopping done.

20:27

I couldn't do my Amazon returns.

20:29

My post office runs all the errands. I just couldn't figure it out.

20:33

I needed help. So I started using Walmart and target grocery pickup, almost exclusively.

20:38

I rarely go into a store anymore.

20:40

And I started paying my sister to run errands for me.

20:43

And it's been wonderful. This has been wonderful.

20:46

So let in another way to ask for help is to set a house rule in your home that your whole family can follow.

20:54

That supports. What matters if clutter on the counter is your problem.

20:57

If that's what's making you crazy, ask for help by setting house rule very kindly, you know, not like a dictator.

21:04

This is for everybody, but just say, okay, y'all I'm thinking our family rhythm would run a bit smoother and my sanity would be better preserved.

21:12

If we have a house rule of, I don't know, take your shoes off at the door.

21:17

It's not about a dirty carpet, but no one can seem to find their shoes when we're all leaving the house in the morning and it's stressful for all of us.

21:24

So what do y'all think about trying a house rule for short time, I've taken her shoes off at the door.

21:28

Let's try it and see if it works. You know, you're asking for help, but in a slightly automated way with set expectations for the whole family.

21:38

And then the third principle you can use when you need help is to help yourself by asking the magic question.

21:43

The magic question is what can I do now to make something easier later?

21:46

Again, that's a whole principle with the whole chapter about it.

21:49

Ask that about your situation, do something to help your future self.

21:54

And you've just helped yourself out.

21:57

Now, maybe you don't so much need help, but you need a system.

22:02

This is a problem that is recurring.

22:04

So a system will help solve it.

22:07

Three principles you could use to create a system are build the right routine, decide once and batch it.

22:15

The chapter on building the right routine is super detailed and very helpful.

22:19

And I will not do it justice in this 30 seconds, but lazy genius routines are not about doing certain things in a certain order necessarily.

22:27

It's more about where you're going. What matters a routine is an on-ramp to that thing, but there's a chance you need a routine to help you address this problem that needs a system, or you could batch it.

22:40

That's another principle. Your system for this problem could be changing up how you do a task.

22:47

Maybe your dirty kitchen is frustrating you because you're at home with kids and you feel like all you do is clean up dishes instead of cleaning up dishes all the time.

22:55

After every meal and snack cause your children eat like carpets and there's like plays everywhere.

23:00

Have an area on your counter where all the dirty dishes go.

23:04

I personally call that a dirty dishes zone. I talk about that in the book too, and just stack your dishes there as you pass by, don't worry about loading the dishwasher or washing the dishes several times instead, batch it, do it all at once.

23:15

Load or wash everything all at once.

23:18

So you're not doing something all the time.

23:20

If that is the frustration, there are a ton of ways that you can use batching, but it's such a great principle to consider when you need a fresh but simple system for a problem.

23:32

And the final principle that you could use for creating a system is to decide once this is my favorite.

23:37

Just make a decision about something and keep doing it until it doesn't work anymore.

23:41

Do you struggle with figuring out what's for dinner, create a system by deciding once that you eat a certain food on a certain day or that you always make extra dinner because you're decide once for lunches, leftovers, systemize, getting ready by deciding once what you're going to wear, how often you wash your hair, what products you put on your face?

24:04

I did an episode ages ago about makeup.

24:07

I did. It was a, I think it was called the lazy genius makeup routine and how I decided once what my makeup will be.

24:12

Every day I have three faces that choose from, is it basic face, fancy face and something else face ready, face, ready, face and fancy face.

24:21

That's what it is. That's what they're called basic face, ready face and fancy vase.

24:25

And I have like the certain products that go with that thing.

24:29

I don't use everything every day, but if I'm doing fancy face, I do, I do that.

24:34

So I've decided once on my makeup, I decided my makeup one time.

24:39

And now I don't just don't have to think about it. I pull up my makeup and I put it on.

24:42

It makes the rhythm of getting ready every day, a lot easier.

24:45

So if you need a system, you can try to build the right routine, batch it or decide once.

24:51

All right, we've now talked about 12 of the 13 principles and the final one that answers the final question after you've named the problem, what matters about it?

24:59

You call them the crazy. You have a centralized, you've put everything that's placed is, do I need rest?

25:06

Do I need a break?

25:08

Maybe you don't need a system. You just need a nap that brings in our final principle of schedule.

25:15

Rest. It's important to rest and relax and feel like a person schedule it.

25:20

It rarely happens naturally. And that might be the best way for you to lazy jeans, whatever your problem is is to schedule some rest.

25:27

Again, this is not a clear cut order and it is certainly not the only way that you can use these 13 principles.

25:32

It's just another way to think about how they all work together in the context of whatever problem you might have.

25:38

So I hope this helps as you think about your problems and you can Lacey Jean, this, them in a new and fresh way.

25:46

Okay? So before we go, let's celebrate the Lacy genius of the week.

25:50

This week. It's Paula Kate Myers, who sent me this DM on Instagram, love the suit podcast and need to share with you my lazy genius gift idea.

25:59

My 80 year old dad, and step-mom like most 80 year old don't need or want anything.

26:04

They actually act bratty when receiving a gift.

26:07

But two years ago I had a brainstorm.

26:09

I wrapped a case of 12 quart, Mason jars and Christmas paper.

26:13

And when they opened it, I told them it was a soup of the month club.

26:17

It's the perfect gift, consumable, practical, and something to look forward to.

26:21

And I always delivered it with fresh bread.

26:23

It also obligated me to a monthly visit with them.

26:26

We were about 45 minutes apart at the time and they absolutely loved it and began asking me in March when they had the option to renew my husband and I have since moved 12 hours away.

26:36

So this year when I was visiting after Thanksgiving, I filled their deep freezer with bags of soup and wrapped up two cute suit bowls, best gift I've given Paula.

26:44

This is so great. I love this idea.

26:46

It's so personal. It's so sweet.

26:49

And I hope that any of you listening, find some inspiration in how Paula lazy genius, the problem of giving her parents a gift that matter.

26:56

And that is it for today. Thank you so much for listening.

26:58

And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't I'm Kendra, I'll see you next week.

27:05

This episode is sponsored by TurboTax. People think unusual circumstances mean complicated taxes. But for TurboTax live experts, that's what makes things interesting. Life changes are exciting, and they usually have tax Life changes are exciting and they usually have tax implications. Maybe you were a full-time employee who decided to freelance, and now you need some advice on how to file as a Maybe you were a full time employee who decided to freelance, and now you need some advice on how to file as a contractor. Maybe you started driving rideshare after your nine to five job. Or maybe you work in one state, but live in another, and you need help reporting your income. Luckily, TurboTax Live has experienced experts dedicated to answering all of your tax questions and finding every deduction for you. And you can talk to them from your phone without ever having to leave your And you can talk to them from your phone without ever having to leave your house. Whether you got married, had kids, or changed careers. TurboTax Live experts are ready to help you with your unique tax situation and get you the best tax outcome. TurboTax Live Experts, an interesting life can mean an even greater refund. Visit TurboTax dot com to learn more. You do your thing. They've got your taxes into got your taxes. Intuit TurboTax Live. live. Hi there. You are listening to the Lazy Genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode two hundred and forty youre. How to know what lazy g's principal is right for you? If you are new to these parts, I wrote a book that came out in twenty twenty two, a great year to release a book. Right? Called The Lazy Genius Way. In that book, I share thirteen Lazy Genius Principles that you can use to Lazy Genius any situation in your life. Sometimes might need one principle, sometimes a few together, and sometimes you just don't know which one to choose. When you are faced with some sort of challenge, whether it is like a like a system in your home, it's a relationship hang up a time management problem, whatever it might be, even with only thirteen principles to choose from, sometimes that still seems like a lot. When we're overwhelmed, that can feel like a lot. And then what if you didn't choose the best one? one? How do you know what the best one do you know what the best one is? Maybe you need more than one. How do you know? And then that's when y'all send me DM's a panic. And like all caps like Kendra. What do I do? do? You can still send me those dams by the can still send me those d m's, by the way. But hopefully, this episode will give you a tangible framework for how to choose the right lazy genius principle for you. Now here's the thing. There are multiple ways you can choose what principles are 244 you. Sometimes, youre Sometimes you're like, I need to decide once on this thing. thing. And then you move on, you decide and you move then you move on. You decide and you move on literally three seconds later. later. The beauty of these 13 principles is their beauty of these thirteen principles is their versatility. You can even be versatile as we will learn in how you choose to apply them. For example, I youre I just said, you could do them just like pick one and be done. I shared on Instagram, it was a while back. And I have I think I have mentioned it, like, here or there, other places. But another way that you can choose is by asking yourself is something out of order out of rhythm youre out of sorts. sorts. If it's out of order and you just like need a, a quick win, you know, with a challenge like a metaphorical or a physical tidy of things, then you can potentially use these principles for something being out of order, put everything in its it's out of order and you just like need a quick win, you know, with a challenge like a metaphorical or a physical tidy of things, then you can potentially use these principles for something being out of order. Put everything in its place. Start small. Decide once. And ask the magic questions. Those are all pretty quick wins as far as the principles go. You get those effects right away. away. If you are out of rhythm, maybe something feels consistently off the you are out of rhythm, Maybe something feels consistently off the rails. rails. Some principles to potentially help you with that are principles to potentially help you with that are set house rules. Build the right routine, essentialize, batch it, and go in the right order. If you are feeling out of sorts, if it's more of an emotional roller coaster than like a domestic or a scheduling one, consider these principles. Let people in Schedule rest, live in the season, and be kind to yourself. Those are some like super loose categories out of order, out of rhythm out of sorts. That can help you narrow down what principle might make sense for your situation. But here's the thing. thing. Here's the the thing. After I posted those categories on Instagram, some of you were like, Oh, yes, this is so great. Thank you for narrowing these options. And then others of you were like, what if you're all three? What if you're all three of them? What if you're out of order and out of rhythm and out of sorts all at once? And I get that energy very much. I do. Also, let's be real. These thirteen principles are not stuck in one category. Decide once can be used, for any of those three things. And for anything else that we didn't even categorize. Right? Decide once is definitely a quick win. It's great for when things fill out But you can use it beyond that, much like you can all the others. So again, the magic of these principles is a versatility. That the versatility of these principles can also sometimes cause a little bit of stress because you don't quite know what to try first, especially if you are already stressed out about the problem you're trying to lazy genius. And that is what I wanna share share. In this episode, I'm going to lay out kind of a loose order of the principles of when you want to lazy genius this episode. I'm gonna lay out kind of a loose order of the principals of when you want a lazy jeans or something, but just like those three categories I just talked about out of order, out of rhythm out of sorts. This particular way is not the only way to do it. It's just a way. Right? So if you're looking for another way, to think about how these principles can work together and work in your life, I do think that this episode will help. We are gonna use all thirteen principles today. And the first one we're going to apply is the principle go in the right order. order. Lots of things have a right order, but a general right order that you can apply to most things is to one Lots of things have a right But a general right order that you can apply to most things is to one, name what matters, two, calm the crazy, and three, trust yourself with what comes next. And I go into detail about that in in the book and the La Ziegene is way. So when you're trying to La Ziegene to something, what's going the right order? order. If we are going to name what matters about your problem, which is the first step, we are going to name what matters about your problem, which is the first step. Right? We need to know what problem is. Right? You can't name what matters about something until you've named the something. So what's the problem? Name name? The problem. Sometimes that's easy to do. Sometimes sometimes. You're just like, everything's the worst, but start by naming your problem, put real words to just like, everything's worse. But start by naming your problem. Put real words to it. And if those words are super broad, like everything's the worst, try and make the problem smaller. Keep asking why. If everything is the worst, why? Why does it feel like everything is the worst? What's really the worst right now? Try and be specific. Make it smaller. Now here's a very important piece of this of this puzzle. puzzle. Be careful that you don't see your answer as a right or wrong Be careful that you don't see your answer as a right or wrong answer. Youre might try and name the problem and name what matters about it, but as you make the problem smaller, you might think, well, like, what if I'm picking the wrong problem? What if something else matters more than this? What if I'm solving the wrong thing or doing it in the wrong way? way? I would like to release you from that line of thinking, okay, you can't, you can't make everything a morality I would like to release you from that line of thinking. Okay? You can't you can't make everything a morality issue. issue. Some things are not right or Some things are not right or wrong. Some things just are. And it is not a waste of time for you to solve a secondary problem. It's not a waste of time to say that one thing matters and then have that thing changed the next day. All of that is completely normal. normal. The alternative to being flexible with what you name is spinning your wheels, try and find like the most significant challenge, rather than just dealing with something in front of The alternative to being flexible with what you name is spinning your wheels, try and find, like, the most significant challenge rather than just dealing with something in front of you. I I mean, for me, I know I for sure have spent like an obscene amount of energy over the years thinking about my problems, you know, like listing out what they might be. Creating these very intricate gigantic systems to fix them. them. I had to find the right problem and then create the perfect I had to find the right problem and then create the perfect solution solution. And usually didn't do didn't do anything because that's just not real life. Right? It's just not a realistic expectation youre a wise use of your time. time. So if you are feeling upside down and you need to lazy genius something, don't worry about naming the problem perfectly or knowing exactly what matters forever and So if you are feeling upside down and you need to lazy genius something, don't worry about naming the problem perfectly or knowing exactly what matters forever and ever. Yes, I want you to try and make smaller. I want you to try and put some words to it, but don't obsess over it. You're gonna keep living your life. And if you address one problem. But like a week later, you find that paying attention to a different problem would be better for you or that something else matters entirely now. Just pivot. Just pivot. It's not a big deal. Life is not set it and forget it. You're not an instant pot. Youre a person. Okay? Don't spend so long on this part on naming the problem that you don't actually do anything that helps you. Okay? Okay. So go on the right order by naming the problem and what matters about it. And after that, we're supposed to calm the crazy and I want to introduce three of the thirteen principles for that purpose. Your problem solving brain is potentially like mine, which I described lovingly as a caffeinated squirrel brain. Youre thinking itself might be the thing that's making you crazy. Maybe. Especially, if you are frustrated and you are in problem solving mode. So here are three principles to help calm that crazy. First, be kind to yourself. Please. Please. Please. Usually, when we go nuts, trying to solve problems, we are not super gentle or kind or compassionate. With ourselves. ourselves. You might blame yourself that you can't figure this thing out, you know, or you say you'll never be able to do You might blame yourself that you can't figure this thing out, you know, or you say you'll never be able to do it, or you're like just generally huffy with please be kind. Please be kind. Second, live in the season. There's a decent chance that your problem is linked to the season of life you're in. But because you haven't named that, you are expecting a certain situation or area of your home or your schedule to look a certain way, but you don't live that way anymore. That's not your season. You're in a different season now. I know right now, I'm in a brand new season of being a, like, mostly full time working parent with three kids in school. One of whom is newly in middle school and I do not know what I'm doing. Like, at all. I haven't quite figured out how to do male stuff the way that I used to, how to get chores done, or how to spend time with my kids. Now that they're getting older and they have more going on and they're gone youre, they're out of the house youre, I'm in a new season. And if I expect to grocery shop the same way or parent the same way have my family dynamic work the same way that it used to, but I'm in a different season, I'm just gonna get frustrated. So to help calm the crazy brain, while you name the problem, and what matters about it, please remember to live in the season. And season. And then the third principle to apply at this stage is start small caffeinated squirrel brains, like to build big machines and create big solutions and are generally moving too fast to see the benefit of starting the third principle to apply at this stage is start small. Caffeinated squirrel brains like to build big machines and create big solutions and are generally moving too fast to see the benefit of starting small. And that's why we need to do it even more. Start small. You're far more likely to move toward a solution with a tiny, actual step than a million huge imagined ones. So of the thirteen principles we've applied youre so far. We're gonna go in the right By starting with calming or crazy. Be kind to live in the season and start small. And we do that so that we can accurately, but not perfectly name our problem and what matters most about it. it. We'll be right be right back. This episode is sponsored by Better Health Online Therapy. therapy. We talk about better help a lot on the We talk about Better Health a lot on the show, and show. And this month we're discussing some of the stigmas around mental this month we're discussing some of the stigmas around mental health. One such stigma I want to debunk right now is that you have to be in crisis to ask for help. help. Therapy is a resource for when things feel harder than but it's also a tool you can use in everyday life. Seeking therapy doesn't mean something is wrong with you. And you. And that's why I'm grateful to see better help provide accessible and affordable mental health services better help is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your that's why I'm grateful to see better help provide accessible and affordable mental health services. Better help is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on don't have to see anyone on camera camera. If you don't want to, it's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist and under 48 hours, give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used a better help online therapy and lazy genius listeners get 10% off their first [email protected] slash the lazy you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in under forty eight hours. Give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help online therapy and lazy genius listeners get ten percent off their first month at better help dot com slash the lazy genius. That's better better. H E L p.com/the lazy dot com slash the lazy genius. This episode is sponsored by beta brand. Raise your hand if hand. If you have dreaded putting on real pants in the past week, you can't see me, but if you could you'd notice my hand is not in the you have dreaded putting on real pants in the past week. Youre can't see me, but if you could, you'd notice my hand is not in the air. That's because I found beta brand. Theta brand has made it easy to look polished and put together with their dress pants, yoga pants. I got the cigarette style skinny leg and I love that they have the fit and flexibility of a yoga pants, but the style of something I can wear to a business meeting. 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Y'all the lazy genius collective site has only ever lived on a Squarespace site because it's so easy to La Z Jeans collective site, has only ever lived on a Squarespace site because it's so easy to use And use. And now I get to share them with you as a podcast sponsored so fun from websites and online stores to marketing tools and now I get to share them with you as a podcast sponsor. It's so fun. From websites and online stores to marketing tools and analytics, analytics. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform to build a beautiful online presence and run your is the all in one platform to build a beautiful online presence and run your business, and business. And it is an easy it is an easy decide once for me. I use Squarespace to secure domains, domains. How's our online merch store and host the blog and show notes for the our online merch store, and host the blog, and show notes for the podcast. I love how I can bring an idea to life and design a page intuitively with their drag and drop website editor. Plus everything transfers effortlessly from web to mobile devices, devices. So I know that you guys will have a great experience, whether you're on your laptop or on your I know that you guys will have a great experience, whether you're on your laptop or on your phone. phone. Now you can check out squarespace.com for a free you can check out squarespace dot com for a free trial And trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com/lazy genius and use the offer code lazy genius to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace dot com slash lazy genius and use the offer code lazy genius to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain. domain. Now that you've calmed the crazy, look again once more at the problem. And what matters about it. Put words to it as best youre can and in the smallest way you can. When you calm the crazy, you can do that a little bit more clearly. Try and move from everything's the worst to something specific like I'm feeling stressed out right now because I forgot to actually click the place order button on my online grocery pickup. And now there are no groceries ready for me and therefore no dinner items ready for me for dinner tonight and I'm feeling super upset about it because today's already been kind of stressful. Like that's real and very specific. Okay. So if you get specific about what the problem is, it helps you to name what matters even more. Maybe what matters in this particular scenario is What matters most right now is I need to choose and then execute tonight's dinner because it's in an hour. Youre know, that's really what matters right now. Something that you just did in this imaginary example is you essentialized. Which is the next lazy genius principle we're gonna use. Essentializing is getting rid of what's in the way of what matters. And making sure that you have what you need what does. So in this scenario, reordering groceries thinking about lunches tomorrow because, like, some of that stuff was in your grocery order or reorganizing dinner plans for the next few days, those are not essential right now. Worrying about those and even planning for those is currently in the way of what matters most, which is deciding and getting dinner for tonight. It's not that those things don't matter. They just don't matter the most right now. So essentialize your situation. Remove what's in the way of your problem, whether it's something in your head or something on your counter. And then make sure you have what you need for what does matter. So that's the fifth principle. We've used it the 13 essentialized. The sixth one, I will offer up for this, like, a potential problem solving order, is to put everything in its place. Put everything in its place. That could mean tidying a counter, putting the grocery list on the fridge texting yourself a reminder reminder. So you don't forget to place that forgotten grocery don't forget to place that forgotten grocery In that example, it could mean orienting yourself and your emotions and energy properly and kindly in situation putting those in their place. Put your shame in its place, which means away. Put family who had nothing to do with forgetting to press the place order button, put that frustration towards them away, don't direct it towards them, put everything in its place. place. Now you might stop you might stop here. You might have stopped several principles ago. But if you need to keep going in lazy changing your problem, there are three questions that you can ask With principles as the potential answers. Okay? So let's recap real quick quick. So you've named the problem and you've named what matters about it through the lens of calming her crazy by being kind to yourself, living in your season and starting small, you have a centralized, you've gotten rid of what's in the you've named the problem and you've named what matters about it through the lens of calming her crazy. By being kind yourself living in your season and starting small. You've essentialized. You've gotten rid of what's in the way. You've put everything in its place to create a little bit of calm preorder. In your space, in your mind. If you need to keep going, you can ask do I need help? Do I need a system? Or do I need rest? And you might need all three. But these are some paths to help you solve your problem. problem. So let's start with, do I need So let's start with do I need help. Are you feeling like you're spread too thin? You know, once you've gotten everything in its place and you've gone through those steps or you're like, man, I still I'm still okay and doodles by myself. And frankly, even if you're not spread too thin, you can still need help even when it's not a crisis situation. Don't forget that. You don't have to be in a crisis to ask for help. I help. I talk about that in the about that in the book. I talk about that on scram, you don't have to be in a crisis to ask for help. Then as you think about your problem, would it be good to have some help in some form? Three principles that you can use here are, let people in, set house rules, and ask the magic question. Okay. Let people in, obviously. That asks for help for from specific people. Right? Sethouse rules. rules. That's a way of asking your people that you live with for help, but that's a bit more automated, a way of asking your people that you live with for help, but that's a bit more automated. Right? Maybe you need their help by setting a house role. And then asking the magic question is a way that like, current self can help your future self. Okay? We're gonna break this down just little bit. So let people in. This one is obviously pretty obvious. If you have a problem and you know you need help, ask somebody. That's your solution. Ask someone for help. Think through the people in your life and what you need from them. It can be anyone from a friend or family member that you lean on, or it can be someone that you pay to lean on. Like a therapist or an assistant or a housekeeper. I remember when I started this transition into full time work at the beginning of the fall last year, also but I was also kinda the on call parent. Right? right? I'm like not full-time parent because the kids are in school every day, but I'm the on-call like, not full time parent because the kids are in school every day, but I'm the on call parent. And I couldn't figure out when to run errands. I couldn't figure it out. I used to do it with Annie before after preschool, but now that she's in kindergarten, I don't have those windows anymore. And, like, I couldn't go before because I go to school early. And then after they don't wanna run errands, like, they need to do their homework and be kids and eat their snack and hang on a home. Right? I Right. I was so stressed out because I couldn't get all my grocery shopping was so stressed out because I couldn't get all my grocery shopping done. done. I couldn't do my Amazon I couldn't do my Amazon returns, returns. My post office runs all the post office runs, all the errands. errands. I just couldn't figure it just couldn't figure it out. I needed help. So I started using Walmart and Target grocery pickup almost exclusively. I rarely go in store anymore. And I started paying my sister to run errands for me. And it's been wonderful. That's been wonderful. wonderful. So let in another way to ask for help is to set a house rule in your home that your whole family can let people in. Another way to ask for help is to set a house rule in your home that your whole family can follow that supports what matters. If clutter on the counter is your problem, problem. If that's what's making you crazy, ask for help by setting house rule very kindly, you know, not like a if that's what's making you crazy. Ask for help by setting house rule. Very kindly, youre know, not like a dictator. This is for everybody, but just say, okay, youre, I am thinking our family rhythm would run a bit smoother and my sanity would be better preserved if we have a house rule of, don't know, take your shoes off at the door. It's not about a dirty carpet, But no one can seem to find their shoes when we're all leaving the house in the morning and it's stressful for all of us. So what do y'all think about trying a house rule for short time have taken her shoes off at the door? Let's try it and see if it works, you know. You're asking for help, but in a slightly automated way with set expectations for the whole family. And then the third principle you can use when you need help is to help yourself by asking the magic question. The magic question is, what can do now to make something easier later? Again, that's a whole principle with a whole chapter about it. Ask that about your situation. Do something to help your future self, and you've just help yourself out. Now, maybe youre don't so much need help, but you need a system. system. This is a problem that is is a problem that is recurring, recurring. So a system will help solve so a system will help solve it. Three principles you could use to create a system are, build the right routine, decide once, and batch it. The chapter on building the right routine is super detailed and very And I will not do it justice in this thirty seconds, but lazy genius routines are not about doing certain things in a certain order necessarily. necessarily. It's more about where you're more about where you're going, what matters. A routine is an on ramp to that thing, but there's a chance you need a routine to help you address this problem that needs a system, or you could batch it. That's another principle. principle. Your system for this problem could be changing up how you do a Your system for this problem could be changing up how you do a task. Maybe your dirty kitchen is frustrating you because you're at home with kids and you feel like all you do is clean up dishes. Instead of cleaning up dishes all the time after every meal and snack, because your children eat like poppets, they're like plays everywhere. Have an area on your counter where all the dirty dishes go. I personally called out dirty dishes zone. zone. I talk about that in the book too, and just stack your dishes there as you pass by, don't worry about loading the dishwasher or washing the dishes several times instead, batch it, do it all at talk about that in book too. And just stack your dishes there as you pass by. Don't worry about loading the dishwasher or washing the dishes several times. Instead, batch it. Do it all at once. Load or wash everything all at once. once. So you're not doing something all the So you're not doing something all the time if that is the frustration. There are a ton of ways that you can use batching, but it's such a great principle to consider when you need a fresh but simple system for a problem. And the final principle that you could use for creating a system is to decide once. This is my favorite. Just make a decision about something. And keep doing it until it doesn't work anymore. anymore. Do you struggle with figuring out what's for dinner, create a system by deciding once that you eat a certain food on a certain day or that you always make extra dinner because you're decide once for lunches, leftovers, systemize, getting ready by deciding once what you're going to wear, how often you wash your hair, what products you put on your Do you struggle with figuring out what's for dinner? Create a system by deciding once that you eat a certain food on a certain day, or that you always make extra dinner because youre decide once for lunch is leftovers. Systemize getting ready by deciding once what you're gonna wear, how often you wash your hair, what products you put on your face, face? I did an episode ages ago about I did an episode ages ago about makeup. makeup. I was a I think it was called the Lacey Jeans makeup routine. And how I decided once what my makeup will be every day. I have three faces I choose from. Is it basic face, fancy face, and something else face? Ready face. Ready face and fancy face. That's what it is. That's what they're called. Basic face. Ready face and fancy face. And I have, like, the certain products that go with that thing. I don't use everything every day. But if I'm doing face to face, I do I do that. So I've decided once on my makeup. I've decided my makeup one time. And now we don't just don't have to think about it. I pull up my makeup and I put it on. on. It makes the rhythm of getting ready every day, a lot makes the rhythm of getting ready every day lot easier. So if you need a system, you can try to build the right routine, batch it, or decide once. Alright. We've now talked about twelve of the thirteen principles. And the final one that answers the final question after you've named the problem. What matters about it? You've calmed the crazy essentialized, you put everything in this place, is do I need rest? Do I need a break? Maybe you don't need a system, system. You just need a nap that brings in our final principle of you just need a nap? That brings in our final principle of schedule, rest. It's important to rest and relax and feel like a person. Schedule it. It rarely happens naturally. And that might be the best way for you to lazy jeans, whatever your problem is, is to schedule some rest. Again, this is not a clear cut order and it is certainly not the only way that you can use these thirteen principles. principles. It's just another way to think about how they all work together in the context of whatever problem you might It's just another way. To think about how they all work together in the context of whatever problem you might have. So I hope this helps as you think about your problems. And you can Lacey jeanness them in a new and fresh way. Okay. So before we go, let's celebrate the Lacey jeanness of the week. This week, it's Paula Kay Myers. Who sent me this DM on Instagram. Love the suit podcast and need to share with you my Lazy Genius Gift idea. My eighty year old dad and stepmom, like most eighty year old, don't need or want anything. They actually act bratty when receiving a gift. But two years ago, I had a brainstorm. brainstorm. I wrapped a case of 12 quart, Mason jars and Christmas I wrapped a case of twelve Youre Mason jars in Christmas paper. And when they opened it, I told them it was a soup of the month club. It's a perfect gift consumable, practical, and something to look forward to. And I always delivered it with fresh bread. bread. It also obligated me to a monthly visit with also obligated me to a monthly visit with them. them. We were about 45 minutes apart at the time and they absolutely loved it and began asking me in March when they had the option to renew my husband and I have since moved 12 hours were about forty five minutes apart at the time and they absolutely loved it. And began asking me in March when they had the option to renew. My husband and I have since moved twelve hours away, away. So this year when I was visiting after Thanksgiving, I filled their deep freezer with bags of soup and wrapped up two cute suit bowls, best gift I've given this when I was visiting after Thanksgiving, I filled their deep freezer with bags of soup and wrapped up two cute soup bowls, best gift I've ever given. Paula, this is so great. I love this idea. It's so personal. It's so sweet. And sweet. And I hope that any of you listening, find some inspiration in how Paula lazy genius, the problem of giving her parents a gift that I hope that any of you listening find some inspiration in how Paula La Zgene is the problem of giving her parents a gift the manner. And that is it for today. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra. I'll see you next week.