0:00

air you're listening to you the lazy zenith

0:06

be a genius of the things that matter and

0:08

lady that things within two days

0:10

of the two hundred seventy five the taking

0:12

them all right now right love

0:15

doing these episodes you them about one quarter

0:17

movie because they are just such a good

0:19

reminder for me is actually a fan and hopefully

0:21

view as listen to them that

0:23

we can always pay attention

0:26

to what is saving our lives saving

0:28

the season that were in what is giving is julie

0:30

and hope and rest and fun it's

0:32

really easy to survive every day and focus

0:34

on that are focus on what's productive

0:37

right but we also want to notice

0:39

how are we more than other

0:41

two things

0:43

what makes life really really good you know

0:45

so today i'm going to share my things these

0:47

are in no particular order and they are quite

0:50

an array that is why really what this list

0:53

number one stranger things particularly

0:56

watching an episode an stranger things season

0:58

for and then chasing it with an episode or two thirty

1:01

rock okay cause and i are

1:03

i are late to the game and that we just finished

1:05

stranger things season for in

1:07

late july like we we weren't able to just

1:09

jump in the minute that both of the like

1:12

seasons were released now our two

1:14

older kids they do not go to bed okay

1:17

hawk turns

1:18

and their constitutions are not quite

1:21

up for something as scary a stranger things

1:23

think we have to wait to watch until

1:25

they go to bed

1:27

canada

1:29

my bedtime

1:30

i mean

1:31

getting started with your night at

1:34

ten o'clock is cool breezy

1:36

counts but it is also the

1:38

new season of love that were an and

1:40

it's only gonna keep getting later is the kids get older

1:43

so you know my will start any sunil

1:45

so other to say it's causing me awhile

1:48

to get started on stranger things because we had to

1:50

gear up we're did know we were going to stay

1:52

up late and some

1:54

the episodes or movielink feel that

1:56

i'm so glad we sorted because we could

1:58

not stop it

1:59

the arctic seasons and

2:02

i have actually now sort of the series over

2:04

and i'm watching from season

2:07

one like at my blanky

2:08

so far

2:10

now the reason this has been saving my life is

2:13

it's a few things stranger

2:15

things have something that cause and i

2:17

have enjoyed to gather we

2:20

like a lot of the same things that

2:22

also we don't have a lot

2:24

of dead center loves

2:26

his that are the same like his

2:29

favorite favorite things are not mine

2:31

and vice versa we have plenty things that we both

2:33

like what we don't have a ton that

2:35

we both super love when it comes

2:37

to pop culture and stranger things is one

2:40

of the things so it's super fun to have something to

2:42

watch together i also loved it because

2:45

i cared about the characters and

2:47

story so much that's

2:49

one of the reasons we love stories right we

2:51

left to get in deep

2:53

with the caring

2:54

i cared a lot about stranger things and assault really

2:57

good like i needed to care a little bit

3:00

and finally because season

3:03

for stranger things as like not a chill hang

3:05

and it is quite intense we would want

3:07

and episode of thirty rock right after thirty

3:10

rock

3:10

left netflix a week so ago, was very

3:12

sad so when we realize that that was going to happen like

3:15

a few weeks before watching

3:17

an episode after stranger things, it just

3:19

like the perfect place to

3:20

put our hurrah of 30

3:23

rock

3:24

rock is another one of those like dead center love

3:26

that we both have it's maybe

3:28

my favorite half hour comedy ever and

3:30

some others season two to four

3:33

episodes are just like

3:34

the actual bold my favorite episode

3:36

is the bubble

3:38

in case you're wondering by that

3:40

sinking into those two shows for

3:42

a couple weeks with cause with was just

3:45

so fun and enjoyable

3:47

and so good for my soul and i loved every

3:49

minute of it even though i was having to stay

3:52

up late losing sleep because that

3:54

number two it's another pop culture one

3:56

and it was the novel the trespasser

3:58

by town of french now i haven't

4:00

even finished to get a had the last fifty

4:03

pages but i did not

4:05

know how much i needed to sink

4:07

into a longer novel that i could hold in my

4:09

hand ton of french is

4:11

a novelist who writes

4:14

mysteries that center around

4:16

a detective squad in ireland now

4:18

you do not have to read the novels in order but

4:21

the occasional detective shows up and more than one

4:23

story you know but no matter like you can

4:25

read them all standalone for the summer so

4:27

time french is an interesting writer to me

4:30

because her writing

4:32

is

4:33

somehow dance

4:35

the outdo dance but

4:37

it's also propulsive

4:38

i'll i'll have proposed that right

4:41

we talked about book words a few episodes

4:43

the go propulsive the one i'm a book

4:46

i think reading her is like

4:48

it's like walking through thick grass

4:52

that your muscle they're strong enough to do it

4:54

like of hard work to read

4:56

her stuff but it is

4:57

your work hard work i don't i

5:00

don't really know how to explain it and

5:02

her novels are not short let me they're not doorstops

5:05

but this one i'm about to finish to finish it's like

5:07

four hundred fifty pages and it's taken me

5:09

almost two weeks to read it's long but

5:12

and i usually do long either

5:14

that i didn't know how much i needed

5:16

a story to sink into for a long

5:18

time my last few novels

5:21

i've been great by the way

5:23

usher all like book reviews and south of

5:25

things of things that read a lot in

5:27

my latest lazy letter which

5:29

as and at once a month and you can sign up to

5:31

receive that at the lazy genius collected

5:33

accomplice join but my last

5:36

few novels that i've read has been

5:37

and fluffy

5:39

they have felt like water

5:41

skiing

5:42

when i don't really know how to water ski but

5:44

you know what i mean like they've been surface skimmers were

5:47

just going fast and haven't finds that there's nothing

5:49

to really settle into and i really like

5:51

after the novels i really do but

5:53

this book the trespasser by

5:55

town of french is like in

5:58

i don't know i don't know what

5:59

like enough water sports metaphor

6:02

i don't do enough water sports to have the right analogy

6:04

it's lama lazy river

6:06

because it is more intense and lazy river

6:09

maybe it's like

6:11

it's like a moody hike

6:14

you a waterfall

6:16

it's hard work but not really

6:19

and also you get this amazing reward

6:21

at the end when you see the waterfall but also

6:24

yeah this matter for this metaphor is actually

6:26

like really really working also you

6:28

can hear the falls before you see them

6:31

you experience the benefit

6:34

of the end in directly

6:36

and gradually before you even get

6:38

to the end and that is sort of how tar

6:40

french rights or novels like she does a slow

6:42

burn so well and then when you turned

6:45

a corner and you see the waterfall you see the end

6:47

it is like so deeply gratifying

6:49

so anyway

6:50

that was waterworth say that i'm really loving bespoke

6:53

the trespasser baton a french but i just

6:55

needed that kind of book right now and

6:57

i'm so glad i picked it up it's been on my show for over

6:59

a year so you just never know when a book

7:01

is in a land in your life of the right time

7:05

number three is being

7:07

with friends i've had several really

7:09

great times with different friends and

7:11

groups of friends during the month of july and

7:14

the cumulative effect of

7:16

those has been an actual

7:19

lifesaver like so emotionally for selling

7:21

i could just feel my spirit

7:23

kind of bullying a little bit because of that so

7:25

i went to a birthday dinner with it like a dozen

7:27

women only a handful

7:30

of whom i really knew that

7:32

was fun to be around for new faces and then

7:34

the next week one of the women who

7:36

i knew the best in that birthday dinner groups

7:39

she invited me and two other women from that

7:41

same birthday dinner group good

7:43

it during like a week later because

7:45

she thought the four of us would really connect and we

7:47

did like we had lose

7:49

connections sort of with each other but

7:52

those those drinks for like a first date

7:54

we even said that are wow that was like this is the first

7:56

day will be a second day

7:59

then there will be

7:59

there will be for sure we hung out with our

8:02

cocktails for over three hours and we

8:04

could have gone and other to if it was not

8:06

like ridiculously way it we needed to go to bed

8:08

so that was just a gift you

8:10

also might have seen on instagram that

8:12

instagram spent a couple of days with our favorite

8:15

emily p freeman at her mountain house

8:17

which is also like literally down

8:19

the street from her sister's house said

8:21

the nestor is her sister she sister also one

8:23

of our favorites spending time with

8:25

them like good

8:27

long real time

8:30

the so needed

8:33

now

8:34

i know that leaving home

8:36

the even for drinks but especially

8:38

for like a couple days

8:40

i know that leaving home can feel it it's not

8:42

worth the trouble from her

8:44

the for new it is worth it

8:46

everything okay

8:48

i do not remember atlanta it's not worth it now

8:51

if you are do listening to this you might not feel the

8:53

same resistance to going away or going

8:55

out but for sure if you're a woman

8:58

perhaps especially if you're a mother

9:00

or a caregiver

9:02

the gift of going away

9:04

by yourself or especially with a friend

9:06

or two or ten like it is beyond

9:09

measure beyond really is

9:12

and it doesn't have to be fancy you know that

9:14

you can stay in a birdhouse you can split

9:17

a tiny air and be it be with like a lot

9:19

of the ball or you can just take like

9:21

an entire day in her own city and just sit

9:23

somewhere yell even as go to

9:25

different places and sit there that's absolutely

9:27

free that finding extended

9:30

time to spend with your friends and with yourself

9:32

is just never a bad call i think it's

9:34

worth planning that's why we schedule things

9:37

like that that's why we schedule rest right that's

9:39

a lazy genus principal schedule rest

9:41

put it on the calendar make it happen

9:43

like i'm not trying to be you know mean

9:46

i'm bossy here

9:47

i'm trying to be i'm trying to be like your era

9:49

your kind big sister you know being

9:52

with a friend is worth making the time for

9:55

then you can decide what that looks like

9:57

that i would love for you to prioritize out as often

9:59

as

9:59

now about that

10:03

the still important i'm not trying to be simplistic here

10:05

i realize that there are a ton of things

10:08

attorney things that can interfere

10:11

with prioritizing time like that

10:13

you could have tiny kids you

10:15

might be a single parent you might be

10:17

single and you want to go on vacation with friends

10:19

but all of your friends have partners or kids so

10:22

feels weird ass and go with you

10:24

you can have a very limited budget

10:27

sash no extra money or

10:29

something like even just going out for cocktails

10:33

you might work multiple jobs and you don't have any extra

10:35

time you might be caring for an aging

10:37

parent and you cannot leave them even for a day

10:40

you could live far out in the country where it harder

10:42

to find community you

10:45

might be in a season of working through your faith

10:47

and you're not in a church and you realize that you

10:49

don't know how to make friends outside of that institution

10:52

it could be so many things so

10:55

i don't want to communicate that it's like super simple

10:57

to make friends and you just need to try

10:59

harder i'm not saying that

11:01

let alone saying that everyone should go on a weekend trip

11:05

what i am saying is it taking the time

11:07

for connection whatever that

11:09

looks like for you the

11:12

worth nothing so

11:14

maybe the take away

11:16

from

11:17

my experience is just to think

11:19

about it just consider

11:21

it what might taking

11:24

time for connection

11:26

look like for you

11:31

will be right back

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this episode is sponsored by betterhelp do

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that i'll share with you

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so we all have different personalities

13:50

and relationship needs and friendship

13:52

dynamics and like stages resources and

13:54

all that right

13:55

we know that though ever hear this war thing

13:58

it is saving my life because it were

13:59

or neat

14:01

that it it or for everyone

14:03

but i also want to share it in case there's a way that

14:05

you can pena manipulated a little bit

14:07

to work for you so one of the challenges

14:09

that i haven't my

14:10

the relationship is that i feel like there's

14:13

not enough of me to go around

14:15

i feel like i've shared the summer before

14:18

think on the podcast but no mater

14:20

basically i am an extrovert

14:23

who loves people and

14:26

who desires like really meaningful

14:28

relationships with individuals with usually

14:30

do things one things one

14:32

the post a great have never been like

14:34

friend group person

14:36

i got loving get

14:38

more than one friend but like generally

14:40

and like one the one that is the one

14:42

to one or sexual subtype of the in

14:45

the a gram in me so

14:48

i just feel more at home with one person as

14:50

opposed to sex as the what the sex as

14:52

no more home of one

14:54

now i'm also married to a pretty strong introvert

14:56

who has very different relationship needs

14:58

and i do i love having lot of friendships

15:01

cause needs like to

15:03

and i could be one of them if push comes

15:05

to shop yeah so are socialized

15:07

happens together sometimes but more

15:09

often it's just me and my own friends

15:13

i also work like mostly

15:15

full time in a job where i am

15:18

kind of being social and sort

15:20

of a weird instagram way

15:22

you know so that's weird that's draining

15:24

in a different way i am the full time

15:26

parent at home in

15:28

the summer when the kids are here right now

15:30

but also for a when they're in school

15:33

like i'm the parent whose home when they come home from

15:35

school i am the domestic

15:37

captain of our house cause does a

15:39

ton of stuff like laundry cleaning

15:41

the kitchen anything in the yard like he does a time

15:44

but i'm the house boss you know i

15:46

like keep the long game running though

15:48

i have things to do at my house i also have

15:51

three kids with three different

15:53

schedules and three different sets

15:55

of activities and interests and

15:57

social needs and all of it

15:59

no

16:01

basically i have what some

16:03

of you i have

16:04

more desire for relationships

16:06

than time to give them

16:09

right

16:10

i'm also realizing

16:13

that

16:14

they not an arrow of time that

16:17

fully accurate

16:19

i have some time

16:21

i do

16:22

but what identified the summer

16:25

that because

16:27

i have what feels like so many people

16:29

i want to spend time with

16:31

including obvious people like my

16:33

mom and my sister my best friend i

16:36

am paralyzed when it's time to hang out with someone

16:38

because i don't know where to begin you

16:40

know if i'm free for lunch one day i

16:42

freeze and i don't know who to ask to go of me

16:44

so i don't ask anybody i

16:46

am realized that i've tried to be a

16:49

genius about investing in my friendships

16:51

but ever since this new season of

16:53

life i men were i'm working and

16:55

a full time in my kids are not at home as much

16:57

because they're like all an elementary school know for now

16:59

also the consequences of coded i

17:02

become very lazy a very

17:04

all or nothing right very extreme

17:06

if i cannot invest in my relationship

17:09

the way i want to all at once i

17:11

might it'll give up completely

17:14

power versus how will we do as not what we

17:16

did so here's my

17:18

dad that i did at saving

17:20

my life and maybe this or like some

17:22

version of this is something that can help you to i

17:24

looked at the rhythm of my schedule for when school

17:26

starts because summer rhythm is different than

17:28

fall and i decided

17:31

once great athlete against principal

17:33

number one i decided

17:35

once when i would do things with people i

17:37

made a list of kinds of

17:39

pay hi like

17:42

you know to thursday launches to friday

17:44

lunches one night a month

17:46

one saturday morning saturday month things like that

17:49

the default the doable

17:51

you know i created space in my calendar

17:55

like combining two other lazy genius

17:57

principles schedule rest and let people in

18:01

the created space on my calendar for people

18:03

and now i have a place which is another

18:05

way to do this principle that everything in it's place

18:07

now i have a place

18:09

the thoughtful time with my people

18:11

i have those spots carved

18:14

out and i can spend time

18:16

with anyone inside that

18:18

space then i

18:20

made a list of people in my life who i want to spend more

18:22

time with or to spend time with at all in

18:24

our dimension like my mom and my sister and emily

18:26

green and i have other friends i

18:28

want to connect with pretty regularly

18:30

men are people who you know i i

18:33

like women at church maybe who i really

18:35

love talking to i really like them but

18:37

we don't really interact outside of church

18:40

or have a whole i reason to that

18:42

just having breakfast with one of them like once

18:44

this year

18:46

that would be so far no be amazing right so

18:48

i made a list of my people it

18:51

was shorter on paper than it wasn't my spirit and

18:55

now i have scheduled time to spend

18:57

with them you know so at

18:59

the beginning of the month my plan is

19:01

to invite people to hang out during those times

19:03

and then just let it roll

19:05

now

19:06

though because you're have i done the this part

19:08

yet the schedule heart now i haven't actually done the

19:10

invading

19:12

that i've done a listing in the scheduling i put

19:14

my desires in their place and i have

19:16

decided once when i can hang out that

19:19

not but i can't hang out other

19:21

times the know that i've set aside but

19:23

if i don't schedule something that matters

19:25

within the priorities and rhythms of my life

19:28

the it likely won't happen or

19:30

also my time with other things first that

19:32

are less valuable than being with

19:35

my people doesn't make sense

19:36

so i've made a little system i

19:39

am fully prepared for it to not work

19:41

out of the gate this is simply replace

19:43

i'd like to start

19:44

i already

19:45

ride starting even smaller than this

19:48

in like just inviting someone to do something

19:50

more spontaneously you know like if

19:52

you think about it just do it

19:54

that would not working for me it is wasn't

19:56

i need more structure than that not a lot more

19:59

oh they're more

20:00

and people sit on how this goes

20:03

that even the existence of

20:05

these scheduled social times on

20:07

my calendar even though they don't have actual people

20:09

attached to them yet it is created

20:12

so much they sell my soul and

20:14

i'm really happy with the

20:16

to felt a very long and that was a long number for

20:18

solicits do one more to finish

20:21

at the sits thing

20:21

that i'll share

20:23

that maybe my life is our robot vacuum

20:25

i will link to it in the show notes that it's the you

20:27

see robot vacuum u f

20:30

why it's the one that

20:32

sherry peter sick from yeah i love told

20:34

us auto by and she was right our

20:36

kids named it soccer buddy the

20:38

and soccer body has been a surprise

20:41

and little lifesaver we have him set

20:43

to run every night at seven o'clock like

20:45

just in the main living room kitchen area

20:47

of our house that route we refer to

20:49

as the l bigots in the shape of a new

20:52

so we have our little routine to get

20:54

ready for soccer buddy where we pull the chairs

20:56

out from the table we move

20:59

this like one little fight table out of the way

21:01

because he always gets stuck inside it is as like

21:03

a circle it's slightly

21:05

bigger than have any get stuck on

21:08

me move the big coffee table to the hallway to block

21:10

soccer buddy from the rest of the house it's

21:12

really great because it helps keep that area

21:14

tidy for longer

21:16

in the kids they still like still

21:20

love getting a room ready for soccer body and

21:22

they don't realize that there's super

21:25

do cleaning

21:26

so we let him run in

21:28

different rooms like less often than every night

21:30

you know but every night

21:32

get that little harm of our little fuck buddy

21:34

vacuum and the whole rhythm

21:38

having separate body has

21:40

been surprisingly lovely

21:42

for everybody now could

21:44

i could i vacuum the

21:46

l like with a handheld vacuum and way

21:48

less time than it takes soccer body for

21:50

sure but that's like ten fifteen

21:52

minutes

21:53

you know but i could spend vacuuming

21:56

now then instead reading town a fridge

21:59

they're playing a game

21:59

you know i would rather do that

22:02

then have the vacuuming done more quickly

22:08

those are some of the things that are saving

22:10

my life right now stranger things

22:12

followed by thirty rock which i can't do anymore

22:14

because they're you egg of guy with a stranger

22:17

things helena french's the trust

22:19

after or

22:21

like any type of hiking to a waterfall

22:23

read

22:24

spending time with friends and making

22:26

time for friends on the future

22:29

fuck about

22:30

what a list i , you enjoy making

22:32

yours even if it's like in your own head

22:34

it it's just such a lovely practice to do this regularly

22:37

because the things that save our lives

22:40

they usually shift as much as our lives

22:42

in the season they'll right so i

22:44

hope that this helps you pay attention just a little

22:46

bit more to what matters to

22:49

before we go let's celebrate the lazy genius

22:51

of the week this week it is melissa

22:54

solar who sounds like

22:56

solace like she hadn't sold at not what it is like

22:58

select a fun it's like i'm she

23:00

emailed us i have lazy genius to the

23:03

problem of music short

23:05

version

23:06

the music matrix i stay

23:08

at home with my baby then

23:11

we listen to music most of the day

23:13

while he plays the problem was

23:15

that i found myself scrolling through spotify

23:17

trying to decide what to listen to for easily

23:19

fifteen to twenty minutes at minutes at all

23:22

day long

23:23

or just listening to the same three albums all

23:25

the time

23:26

i created a music matrix just

23:28

like a meal matrix to both lemon my options

23:31

and also encourage the kind of variety that

23:33

matters to me and here it is mix

23:35

it up monday i was in those mixes

23:38

that spotify makes featuring artist i like

23:40

with other some others mixed in and

23:42

i know anything new i like in preparation

23:44

for try it tuesday

23:47

i listen only to artist and albums that are new

23:49

to me i try new things well

23:52

loved wednesday time for

23:54

all the old favorites it used to be

23:56

my music right throwback

23:58

thursday all music

23:59

published at least ten fifteen years ago

24:02

fun friday

24:04

welcome all the quirky weird and random

24:06

musical soundtracks yes said you tells

24:08

albums yes britney spears yes anything

24:11

that sounds fun to me and on weekends

24:13

i just play it by ear pun intended

24:16

i love this idea so much melissa i

24:18

think anytime we find ourselves spending more

24:21

time trying to choose something

24:23

then we do on the actual something

24:26

it is a great

24:27

they secrete a matrix i love

24:29

this music matrix melissa i'm sure it'll inspire

24:31

people

24:31

listening to do something similar

24:34

you know you could create a music matrix

24:36

or even

24:38

like even listening matrix like

24:40

money into their for music wednesday's

24:42

catching up on on your favorite podcast thursday

24:44

and friday or listening to an audiobook you don't say i'm

24:47

like whatever works for you so

24:49

thank you for the inspiration here melissa and congratulations

24:51

on being the lazy genius of the week or

24:54

a guys that's it for today thank you so much for

24:56

listening and until next time be

24:58

a genius about the things that matter and lazy

25:00

about the things that