0:00

You're listening to the Life Coach

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School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode

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number five hundred and sixteen. Welcome

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to the Life Coach School Podcast,

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where it's all about real clients,

0:13

real problems, and real

0:15

coaching. And now your

0:17

host, Master Coach Instructor Brooke

0:20

Castillo. Hey,

0:23

beautiful friends. Welcome to the

0:25

podcast today. I'm kind of excited. I'm

0:27

doing a two-fold podcast, meaning I'm

0:29

recording this podcast for you, all my

0:32

podcast listeners, but I'm also recording it

0:34

as a video for my

0:37

coaches as part of their

0:39

most recent business curriculum. This

0:42

year I am redoing all of

0:44

my business videos in a

0:46

series to help them build their businesses from

0:48

the ground up. I

0:51

wanted to recreate everything

0:53

because I've learned a lot over

0:55

the past few years about business

0:58

building and what it takes and what

1:00

I know from the hundreds of people that

1:03

have succeeded and what I know from the

1:05

hundreds of people that haven't succeeded, what the

1:07

difference is, and how we can close the

1:09

gap. One of

1:11

those areas is what I am

1:13

calling business emotions. And

1:16

that's what this podcast is about today.

1:18

And it's about managing your emotions as

1:20

you're building a business. My

1:23

business is based on really understanding

1:25

the human brain and human emotion.

1:28

And it's also built on understanding marketing

1:30

and how to build a company. So

1:33

I have a tremendous amount

1:36

of tactical knowledge in terms

1:38

of the technology required, the

1:40

marketing required, the narratives

1:42

that we need to create for our customers,

1:44

how we can over deliver, how we can

1:46

give them the highest quality products in the

1:48

world. And then I also

1:51

understand what it's like to be a business

1:53

owner, to be an entrepreneur, and to

1:55

deal with all of the obstacles

1:57

and complications and frustrations and emotions.

1:59

that happen as a business owner.

2:02

So as I'm teaching

2:04

all of my coaches how to

2:07

learn the tactics of being an entrepreneur, how

2:09

to create a narrative for your customer, how

2:11

to pick a niche for your customer, how to

2:14

run Facebook ads and do social

2:16

media and how to create the

2:18

online programs that we need

2:20

to create in order to help them, it's

2:23

so important for me to talk

2:25

about emotions because I could give you

2:27

all the tactics in the world but if you

2:29

don't do them, if you don't apply them

2:31

because your emotions are holding you back, you're

2:34

never going to see the results that you

2:36

want in your business. So

2:38

I want to remind all of you

2:40

that business emotions are the same as

2:43

any type of emotion. There's going to

2:45

be a balance of positive and negative.

2:48

On your business journey to

2:51

success, you are going

2:53

to on purpose

2:55

be experiencing

2:58

positivity and negativity

3:00

in a balance. Now the balance

3:02

might not always be exactly 50-50

3:04

every day but in the journey

3:07

of the experience, it will balance

3:09

out in terms of positive and negative.

3:11

That's true for the external world. When

3:13

you look outside, you see the balance of

3:15

positive negative and when you see your internal

3:17

world, you see the balance of positive

3:20

and negative emotion. When you

3:22

approach your journey to becoming an

3:24

entrepreneur with this in mind, you're not

3:26

going to freak out when you fail. You're not

3:28

going to freak out when you have a negative

3:30

emotion. You're not going to freak out when something

3:32

doesn't go right or you get

3:34

emotional or you get some intense

3:36

experience within your body. You're going

3:39

to go, oh, this is part

3:41

of that 50-50 experience. So

3:43

the way that I've broken this down for

3:45

you today is that we're going to record

3:48

this. We're going to document

3:51

this in terms of negative

3:53

emotions that you could plan on

3:56

experiencing and positive emotions that

3:58

you can plan on creating. You

4:00

don't want to plan on the negative ones. They're going to come

4:02

automatically. And the reason you're going to get

4:04

these negative emotions is because of that primitive brain that

4:07

literally thinks entrepreneurship might kill you. That's

4:10

what you're working against. Is your

4:12

primitive brain thinking that positivity might

4:15

kill you? It

4:18

positively will be the

4:20

death of you if you go

4:23

out there and try and change the world.

4:26

And so knowing that, it's important to

4:28

know that just because your negative emotion

4:30

isn't something wrong with you, it's something

4:32

that your brain is trying

4:34

to do to preserve you literally.

4:37

So I want to share the four

4:39

that I picked that I

4:41

experienced most in terms of negativity and

4:44

the four that I picked in terms

4:46

of what I create positively. And

4:49

I also, I think these are

4:51

pretty consistent with my clients that

4:53

I've coached. I think most of

4:55

them are pretty

4:58

familiar with these emotions. So

5:01

the negative emotions that I think most

5:04

entrepreneurs are going to experience

5:06

are doubt, fear, frustration,

5:10

and embarrassment. Those

5:13

are going to appear without your

5:15

consent. They're going to be involuntary.

5:18

And they might be pretty consistent throughout

5:20

your entire career. So welcome

5:23

to being an entrepreneur. The positive

5:25

emotions that you will need to

5:27

create in order to be successful

5:29

are courage, determination, positivity,

5:33

and obligation. And

5:35

I'll talk to you more about those

5:37

emotions in a minute. But there are

5:40

other ones that are sprinkled in. One

5:42

that I see in my clients that

5:44

I don't have a lot for myself

5:46

consistently is like self-pity, feeling sorry for

5:49

oneself, and like

5:51

terror. Some of

5:53

my clients are just terrified of being

5:55

in the public eye, dealing with a

5:57

negative Comment, dealing with rejection.

6:00

So I'm not gonna go as into detail with them

6:02

because I think. These are all similar

6:04

flavors of the same kind

6:06

of experience that you may

6:08

have as you navigate becoming

6:10

an entrepreneur. So let's talk

6:12

first about. Doubts. Doubt.

6:15

Is one of the things it's

6:17

going to happen as soon as

6:19

you venture off into this journey

6:21

and as soon as you start

6:23

creating plans. And as

6:25

soon as you lay down

6:28

goals. Your. Brains gonna say

6:30

you can't do that That something to

6:32

work. That's kind of her. You that's

6:34

going to cause problems, You're going to

6:36

embarrass herself like. So much doubt about

6:39

your own successful com and doubt pretends

6:41

to be necessary. Dow wants you to

6:43

listen to. It so you don't go out there

6:45

and do a bunch of stuff that could hurt you.

6:48

Say. And if you know doubt

6:50

is coming is you know that

6:52

it's going to appear. You

6:54

won't take it seriously. You. Won't obey

6:57

it. You will believes it. You.

6:59

Will have an answer. For it. To.

7:02

Just no doubts. A common. And.

7:04

Have a plan for how. Are you can a deal?

7:06

With doubt. One

7:08

of the most important things to remember

7:10

is that the more you overcome your

7:13

own doubts. The. More you

7:15

doubt your doubt. This.

7:18

Is really real because every single time

7:20

I venture on to something big and

7:22

something new, I have so much doubt

7:24

about whether a be successful. And

7:26

then I win at it. I succeed

7:28

at it. And even if it takes

7:30

six fifty fails. when I ultimately succeed

7:32

at it, I know that that doubt

7:35

was wrong. I know that that was

7:37

a thought error. and so. It's easier for

7:39

me to doubt it when a here at the next

7:41

time. the setup one is

7:43

fear is very very normal i

7:46

was just talking to assume the

7:48

other day about her fear of

7:50

investing in herself and in or

7:53

her own company and the i

7:55

told i said fear wants you

7:57

to pay attention fear one you

8:00

to slow down, they want you to

8:02

be careful. And if you listen

8:04

to it too much, you won't ever leave your

8:06

home. So fear is

8:08

important. We definitely want to acknowledge

8:10

it and we want to pay

8:12

attention to it, but we don't

8:15

want it to determine our outcomes. Okay.

8:18

The thing about these negative emotions, they

8:20

will be created by the

8:23

thoughts. We think that we will feel them,

8:25

but we need to be so aware

8:27

of them that we pause and we

8:30

stop before we take action with these

8:32

emotions. We do not want these emotions

8:34

dictating our results. We want to experience

8:37

them. We want to process those emotions,

8:39

but we want to make sure that

8:41

they're not the emotions creating the results

8:43

because the result of doubt and fear

8:46

is usually quitting or blaming or,

8:48

you know, giving up. The

8:51

third one is frustration. If

8:53

you are a business owner, you will

8:55

be frustrated. Tons of stuff

8:57

will not work. You will

8:59

not know how to do lots of

9:02

things. You will not understand how other

9:04

people can do things and you can't.

9:06

You won't understand why people aren't signing

9:08

up. You won't understand why they're not

9:10

saying yes. You won't understand why more

9:12

people aren't reaching out to you. You

9:15

will be constantly frustrated. You

9:17

will put so much effort into so many things and

9:19

not get the results that you want. And

9:22

if you allow yourself to feel frustrated, which

9:24

I think you should because

9:26

we really want our effort to pay

9:29

off every time and when it doesn't,

9:31

we should allow ourselves to be frustrated

9:33

by that, but we keep going. It's like

9:35

a little kid learning how to walk. The frustration

9:38

can't stop us from actually learning how to

9:40

do it. We're going to experience it. No little

9:42

kid ever learned how to walk without getting frustrated,

9:45

but they also, and this is important to remember

9:47

when they learned how to walk, they didn't

9:49

just learn how to step. They learned how

9:52

to overcome their own brain to

9:54

make something happen. And that's what

9:56

entrepreneurship does for us. It gives

9:58

us the emotional strength. to

10:00

override our survival emotions. The

10:03

last one is embarrassment and this is

10:06

a really important primal

10:08

emotion that is

10:10

built into us to keep

10:12

us part of the crew, to keep us part of

10:14

the group, right? We

10:16

are going to survive so much better if we

10:18

don't wander off by ourselves and for everybody's

10:20

kind of approving of us we all kind of

10:23

look the same and we all kind of

10:25

look good in each other's eyes. As

10:27

soon as we step out of that group and

10:29

do something that not everyone else approves of,

10:32

not everyone else does, we may feel some

10:34

sense of embarrassment kind of in an isolated

10:36

way. So it's kind of like

10:38

I want you to imagine you're in a big group of

10:40

people and you're like hey I'm gonna go check out what's

10:42

behind this rock or behind this tree

10:45

or behind this bush and everyone's like oh yeah

10:47

whatever and you go back there and there's nothing

10:49

there or you fall down or

10:51

you get hurt then you know all

10:53

the people in the group together are

10:55

going to maybe see you in a

10:57

certain way or maybe comment on your

10:59

post in a certain way to bring

11:01

it more to modern times. You're

11:04

gonna have to be willing to experience embarrassment

11:06

to process it to let it be there.

11:08

I would say 75% of the

11:11

embarrassment we feel is

11:14

false. We imagine people are

11:16

thinking things. We imagine people are saying

11:18

things about us. We imagine people have

11:20

opinions about us that they don't have

11:22

but 25% of it is real and

11:24

they will comment and say it to you and

11:27

it will create thoughts that generate embarrassment. So

11:29

you're going to need to be willing

11:31

to experience embarrassment on purpose.

11:33

Okay so if I

11:36

said to you the price for success as an

11:38

entrepreneur is doubt, fear, frustration and embarrassment. You need

11:40

to feel them. You need to process them. They

11:42

will repeat. They will get intense but

11:44

you will also get stronger at being able

11:47

to manage them. That's what you're signing

11:49

up for. One of the

11:51

best ways to counteract these emotions

11:53

is not to get rid of them, not to pretend

11:55

they're not there, not to avoid them, not to buffer

11:58

them but to give equal equal

12:00

airtime, equal opportunity to the

12:03

positive emotions that you create.

12:06

And the positive emotions that I

12:08

think are the most important assets,

12:10

if emotions were assets for you

12:12

to create for yourself to carry

12:14

you through would be courage, determination,

12:16

positivity, and obligation.

12:19

So courage is obvious. We need

12:21

courage because we're going to have

12:23

fear, doubt, and frustration, and courage

12:25

is what gets us through there.

12:28

Courage isn't the absence of fear,

12:30

it's the ability to take action

12:33

with experiencing fear. So

12:35

you will hold them in place at the same time. You

12:38

will be moving forward and creating

12:40

while you're carrying that heavy purse of

12:43

fear with you. Courage is

12:45

acting despite fear. So a lot of people will

12:47

say, how is it possible that

12:50

I can feel fear and still create positive

12:52

results? Courage.

12:54

And you don't take action from fear, but

12:57

you take action from courage. If you think

12:59

about the model, you take action from the

13:01

emotion that you want. That's how

13:03

you get the result you want. You're going to

13:05

experience both feelings, but the action

13:07

you will generate is from courage. Determination

13:11

is just the willingness not to quit. It's

13:13

the willingness to continue to believe in

13:15

yourself when there's all evidence to

13:18

the contrary. It's your

13:20

willingness to keep trying even when

13:22

you fail, even when you're embarrassed,

13:24

even when you're frustrated. Determination

13:27

is, nope, I'm going to

13:29

do my very best to keep

13:31

going. I'm recording a podcast

13:34

coming up that I think it'll probably

13:36

be the next episode called Try Harder.

13:39

And I'm inspired by this idea because so

13:41

many people come to me and they're like,

13:43

well, I've tried, well, I've tried, well, I've

13:45

tried. Well, you've tried without determination because when

13:47

you try with determination, you never say it

13:50

in the past tense. You always

13:52

say, I'm trying. I'm still trying. I'm still

13:54

doing this. Try harder. Determination

13:57

will always make you try harder. The

13:59

third word is positive. Give it a You

14:01

have to keep your mind a

14:03

positive. Your brain will be stealing

14:06

so many negative thoughts. That.

14:08

Will create so many negative emotions and

14:10

if you don't. Put. It in

14:12

your to do list. To

14:15

generate positivity. You.

14:17

Will get completely drowned out by your

14:20

negative thoughts and emotions. Because.

14:22

Those survival thoughts are strong and they

14:24

Korea lot. Of intense emotions.

14:26

Positivity is you taking the

14:29

time to consider. What your

14:31

assets are To consider how

14:33

capable you are to consider

14:35

the opportunity that you have

14:37

to consider the best case

14:39

scenario to consider what it

14:41

would be like If you

14:43

win, consider your to capacity

14:45

as a human to consider

14:47

how much you're learning even

14:49

when you're not winning to

14:51

talk about your business yourselves

14:53

to other people in a

14:55

very positive, wonderful way. On

14:57

purpose to have positive. Thoughts.

15:00

About Money. Positive discussions About

15:02

Money. Positive discussions about business.

15:04

And profit. If you are

15:07

constantly putting other people down, constantly

15:09

being. Mad at the government

15:11

or at your country. Or

15:13

at purposes or at long

15:15

you are going to be

15:18

generating and do and unnecessary

15:20

negativity. She has to be

15:22

very conscious about. Stealing.

15:25

Positive. By creating very

15:27

positive thoughts and conversations. And

15:30

the last one is a really interesting one.

15:32

For me. that you

15:34

might want to try and i was

15:36

just talking about the sun a coach

15:38

and fallen it reminded me how much

15:41

this emotion serves me when i was

15:43

first starting out of struggling so much

15:45

i remember in my mind picking like

15:47

if i figure this out i'm minute

15:49

sir the answer with other people i'm

15:52

gonna help other people get through this

15:54

pain and when i was bike riding

15:56

box and it's reached out to put

15:58

my books out there It freaked out that

16:00

no one would hire me and that people would

16:02

judge me and people would write negative comments about

16:05

me on Amazon, about my book, like all of

16:07

these things. I was so freaked out about it

16:09

in the beginning. I reminded

16:11

myself of my obligation to the people

16:14

whom I could help. And

16:17

now that I've literally helped thousands

16:19

of people, it's so crazy, tens

16:21

of thousands of people, I

16:24

see that I did have an obligation to them.

16:26

The fact that I was able to help them and did

16:29

makes me so proud. If I

16:31

could have helped them and didn't, I would

16:33

have been devastated. And

16:35

so I do have an obligation. And so you

16:37

might want to consider what could you

16:39

help someone with? And

16:42

do you have a sense of obligation to

16:44

help the world, to make a

16:46

contribution, to help these people progress

16:48

in the area where you can

16:50

coach them and you can help

16:52

them? I think if you

16:54

do have that sense, it will get you through a lot

16:56

of things. There's a lot of times where I don't want

16:59

to go on stage or I don't want to put myself

17:01

out there. I don't want to talk about

17:03

certain things. I don't want to share my story. And

17:05

I just remember I'm obligated to the people whom

17:07

I could help. And

17:10

I remember when I wrote my book, if I'm so

17:12

smart, why can't I lose weight? I was so freaked

17:15

out that I was going to miss a typo or

17:17

someone was going to say that the grammar wasn't any

17:19

good. I had PTSD from being in an English class

17:21

where I was used to getting an A for content

17:23

and a C in grammar. And

17:25

there were so many grammar police people on the internet

17:27

that were telling me that I was doing my

17:30

English wrong. I was so freaked out about that.

17:32

Now it seems so silly, but then I was

17:34

just so freaked out about it. And I

17:36

remember getting a letter from a client who had

17:39

lost so much weight from that book

17:41

and it really helped her become free

17:43

of her compulsion to food. And it

17:45

was this very long, beautifully written letter

17:48

to me. And I remember

17:50

thinking like, Brooke, how dare you consider

17:52

not publishing that book because of the

17:54

grammar. When you've completely

17:57

helped, this woman, Rondi, what's her

17:59

name? completely helped Rondi

18:02

change her life by the words that you shared

18:04

with her. And

18:06

so it's worth thinking about for

18:09

yourself what might be

18:11

your obligation. And

18:13

maybe your obligation isn't to your client.

18:16

Maybe your obligation is to yourself. I've

18:18

had clients that they've told me like

18:20

before they signed up for coach training with

18:23

me or before they signed up for college,

18:25

they felt like they had an obligation to

18:27

make the education

18:30

worth it, you know, to get a

18:32

return on their investment. Or

18:34

maybe they borrowed the money from someone in

18:36

their family. Or maybe they feel like they

18:39

have an obligation to their children or the

18:41

people in their family to generate income

18:43

for them. Whatever you

18:45

can use for your obligation and

18:47

nothing to mean that you would

18:50

feel guilty if you didn't do it. That's not what

18:52

I'm talking about, but just a sense of, you know,

18:54

genuine, pure, amazing obligation

18:57

to make a contribution to the world

18:59

has gotten me through some really rough

19:02

failures and growth, especially in the very

19:04

beginning of my business really helped me

19:07

get through so much of that hard

19:09

work. Your emotions

19:12

are what will determine your

19:15

success. And

19:17

your emotions, if

19:19

not done consciously, will

19:21

mostly be negative as you're going

19:23

on this journey. But

19:26

if you're conscious about them,

19:28

and if you sign up

19:30

to really pay

19:32

attention and process your negative

19:34

emotion and actively create

19:36

and generate your positive emotion,

19:39

your capacity or

19:41

success is 10 times what it

19:43

would be if you didn't do it otherwise, maybe

19:45

100 times. Do

19:49

not obey those negative emotions. Listen

19:51

to them. Don't let what's causing them,

19:54

process them. But then,

19:56

and most importantly, generate the

19:58

emotion that you need. to

20:00

get you through to the result

20:02

you want. When I first started

20:05

teaching these concepts to my students, and I would

20:07

ask them what their four emotions were,

20:09

what they wanted their emotions to

20:11

be, like if maybe they didn't

20:13

want them to be courage, determination,

20:15

positivity, and obligation, but when I

20:17

would go to them and they would say love, and

20:21

peace, and relaxation,

20:24

and joy, I would tell

20:26

them like, listen, I want

20:28

you to think about if

20:30

those emotions are going to

20:33

counteract all of

20:35

the negative emotions, are they

20:37

the right emotions to get you through

20:39

business? It doesn't mean you don't want

20:41

to experience those emotions, but are those

20:43

the ones you're trying to generate to

20:45

counteract the negative ones? And like, I'm

20:47

doing another podcast on peace versus growth,

20:50

and how difficult it is to

20:52

try and generate peace while you're

20:55

growing. Like it's just

20:57

not the right emotion for the

20:59

job. And so as

21:01

you're considering what it is you're

21:04

trying to create, the result you're trying to

21:06

create, make sure you have the right emotion for

21:08

the job. Peace is

21:10

not gonna create extraordinary growth

21:12

because it's gonna perpetuate so

21:15

much discomfort. So in

21:17

order for you to counteract discomfort, you're

21:19

not gonna overcome it with peace, you're

21:22

gonna overcome it with determination, you're

21:24

gonna overcome it with courage, you're gonna overcome

21:26

it with grit, okay?

21:29

So just make sure that the

21:31

thoughts that you're thinking are

21:34

activating you, energizing you, and

21:36

moving you to create

21:38

the results that you want. Business

21:41

emotions, really important

21:43

concept, great way to focus on

21:45

your own emotional life. As

21:47

you all know, entrepreneurship to

21:49

me is the best self-development

21:52

course you can ever take. You don't

21:54

even need a teacher, you just jump in and

21:56

start learning and start creating. I think it's one

21:59

of the best ways. to build emotional strength

22:01

and it's one of the best ways to

22:03

perpetuate self-love through

22:06

showing yourself what you're capable of. I

22:09

am rooting for you. I know you can do this.

22:12

Find out what your four emotions are that are

22:14

negative, mind out what the positives are, and then

22:16

get to work. All right, have a

22:19

great rest of your day everyone. Talk to you

22:21

soon. Hey, if you've

22:23

ever wanted to work with me

22:25

as your coach, now is the

22:27

time to do it. You

22:30

can join me

22:32

and get coached

22:34

in scholars by

22:36

going to thelifecoachschool.com/join.

22:39

This is going to be

22:41

the best year ever.

22:44

It's your turn to change your

22:46

life.