0:00

Today on the little dumb dumb Club

0:02

a brand new episode recorded live in

0:04

Melbourne with guests guy Montgomery Nina Oyama

0:07

and Harley brain. We have one more

0:09

of these left this Saturday We

0:12

do tell me you like getting a ticket though because

0:14

he's gone. Okay, it's gone. It's gone the way of

0:18

the creatures of habit bar

0:20

and band room international Present customer

0:22

international podcast vessel in

0:24

that it is sold out Tommy. Yeah, well if you

0:27

are if you want to see us live and You've

0:30

missed your opportunity to come to both of those what you

0:32

can do is come up to Brisbane and see us up there May

0:35

the 18th hmm little dumb

0:37

dumb club comm for tickets We'll talk to you

0:40

more at the end of the episode in talking

0:42

dumb dumb But until then enjoy this brand new

0:44

live episode with guy Montgomery Nina Oyama and Harley

0:46

brain Hey

0:59

Welcome once again into the little dumb dumb club

1:01

for another weekend. Thank you very much for joining us

1:03

My name is Tommy Dassler with me as always the

1:05

other half of the program Carl

1:08

Chandler tickets Oh

1:12

Exciting stuff week three I

1:14

am going out after this for a friend's birthday dinner

1:17

She decided to organize a big group outing with

1:19

our friends to come to the show today. She

1:21

bought a big group of people None

1:24

of them listen to the podcast So

1:26

I can't wait to see what they make

1:28

of a little segment that we've got coming up at the

1:31

at the well five-minute mark If

1:34

we hear the only six people in this room laugh, we

1:36

know where they are So

1:38

guys welcome back to the third week of

1:40

our residency here spoon bank Saturdays It's

1:45

it's all just treading water until then honestly

1:48

No offense, but I could not give less of

1:50

a fuck about everything else that is gonna happen

1:52

between now and then it's the only thing I

1:55

have written on my notes I'm

1:58

going to do the bit before he does Well

2:02

we had a great interaction on the way

2:04

into the venue. We were, you were at the ATM getting

2:06

some cash out. Yes. Got a beautiful little

2:08

look at the PIN number there. So keep an eye

2:10

on your wallet. And a

2:12

person came up to us, a lady came up to

2:15

us and we were like. Starstruck. Oh

2:17

my god, it's Tommy and Carl. Oh

2:20

my god. Yeah, yeah. Tommy

2:23

and my favourite Greek comedian

2:25

withdrawing cash. Yeah. The

2:29

ACM. Yeah. And I was

2:31

like, I, I, I, I,

2:34

I have to ask even though I know the answer.

2:37

Yes. Are you coming to the show today?

2:40

And she said, no, I'm going to the live episode

2:42

of Bang On. I

2:45

think Abhishek is the special guest down there as

2:47

well. He's gonna do a double duty. But she's

2:49

like, oh my god, I'm starstruck. I'm like jangling

2:51

with nerves. It's like, well you can't be that

2:53

struck. You're not even fucking coming to see them. You're

2:56

not struck and we're not stuck. Yeah. I'll

3:01

pay you $20 out of this ATM and

3:03

fuck off. She's like, I

3:05

can't believe I'm seeing you. I'm like, I can

3:07

believe it because you didn't buy a fucking ticket.

3:09

So. I saw

3:11

her in the street and she gets ridiculed on

3:13

the podcast. Truly every listener's dream.

3:16

Yes. She actually, she

3:18

sent us a message after that. What was

3:20

the message? Here we go. A

3:22

true pro would have hooked this up earlier. But.

3:26

I am me, so I didn't. She

3:29

said, yeah, great to see you two in the

3:31

wild. I had a serious fangirl moment. Sorry I'm

3:33

not seeing your show because you're my dirty little

3:35

podcast secret. Yeah,

3:39

OK. I'm happy to

3:41

be someone's side piece. I'm

3:43

happy to be someone's whore that they don't tell their

3:45

wife about. Bang

3:48

On are down at Town Hall. She's happy to come and

3:50

fuck with us one day. Leave

3:52

your Patreon money on the drawer on your way

3:54

out. Take whatever we can get.

3:57

Yeah, here's your undies. Yeah, fuck off. Now

4:00

we should, before we get too far in,

4:03

we should do something that I forgot to

4:05

do in the live episode last week. We

4:09

are of course now, we have a sponsor every

4:11

week. We have to keep the ring

4:13

on the air. A sponsor for the Coase of Moo

4:15

International Podcast Festival. A sponsor for the Coase of

4:17

Moo International Podcast Festival that we do have to advertise

4:19

every week in the lead up. So Josh can we

4:22

get the backing track here? Here's an ad. Sorry

4:24

guys, it's a bit of a spawn con here. Hi,

4:26

I'm part time comedian and professional seat

4:29

sniffer Tommy Dassolo. After

4:32

a long day of sucking my own

4:34

dick on the little gum-dumb club, Australia's

4:36

most consistently uploaded podcast, there's

4:39

nothing I like more than avoiding the real issues in

4:42

my life by kicking back with between 8 and 15

4:44

beers. At Creatures

4:46

of Habit, Bar and Band Room on Brunswick

4:48

Street, Vittroy. Proud sponsors of the Coase of

4:50

Moo International Podcast Festival. Creatures

4:53

of Habit, Bar and Band Room has a stunning

4:55

selection of drinks, warm ambience and some of the

4:57

friendliest stuff you'll ever encounter. Take it from me,

4:59

someone who's never actually been inside in spite of

5:02

the fact that I live one block away. Whether

5:06

you're out for a few drinks before the worst of

5:08

Melbourne comedy, or looking to kill a few brain cells

5:10

after watching the worst of Melbourne comedy, Creatures

5:13

of Habit, Bar and Band Room has you covered. Drop

5:15

in today at 319 Brunswick Street, Vittroy and

5:18

as a treat for dumb dumb listeners, they're

5:20

offering a complimentary slab of sperm with every

5:22

beer. If

5:25

you use the promo code from before. There

5:29

we go. All

5:32

right, obligation fulfilled, now we can relax. Yeah,

5:34

now we can be funny. That's an out

5:36

of the ad that of the way. So week

5:40

two of the worst of Melbourne comedy? Yes.

5:43

Week two, you weren't there. You were at

5:45

week one. Week two, completely different. Well

5:47

hey, I wasn't at week one. Karl Chandler performed at week

5:49

one. Thanks so much. I was doing the Night Shift

5:51

at the Daily Planet that night. I couldn't be there.

5:54

Yeah, yeah. Instead

5:57

of sucking your own dick, so I'm sucking someone else's. Pretending

6:01

to be someone else sucking their own dick. It

6:06

was good. I mean, another good question for you

6:09

because we are in the Comedy Festival guide. Yes.

6:12

We found out last week we had some random stuff

6:14

that never heard of us and it was just coming

6:16

in from the rain. Is there any people afraid of

6:18

the weather today? Who's never, who wandered in, who bought

6:20

a ticket to this and has never listened to this

6:22

podcast? Yeah, personal friends of mine excluded. Yeah, yeah. Is

6:24

there any absolute randoms in here tonight? Yep. Just

6:28

put your hand up, sir. Never heard of

6:30

you. What, even now? What's

6:34

my name? Am

6:39

I a boy or a girl? If

6:45

you had to take a stab at my pronouns, what would you

6:47

guess that they are? I

6:52

think you said shit and cum. What

6:59

was it that, so what, you just found this in the

7:01

guide? A

7:04

mate's a cum on. A mate's a cum on, man. Oh, okay. So you're

7:06

being dragged along by someone? Yeah. Oh, okay.

7:08

So you're not just random, yeah. You

7:11

look like you're sitting by yourself. Is your mate here? Yeah,

7:13

he's here. Oh, okay. Oh, right, okay.

7:15

I really thought that'd be funnier. I

7:18

really thought the answer was going to be no and, God,

7:21

imagine the fun we would have had with that car. Can

7:23

you get your mates to fuck off or... I

7:27

reckon we could work with someone here. No,

7:29

we did worse than Melbourne Comedy Part 2. It was

7:31

great. And it was like we had genuine randoms

7:33

in there again, which was so funny because of the

7:35

show. Who saw it this week? Did anyone see

7:37

it? Yeah, nice one. So

7:41

it was...it's pretty fucked in the head, right? And

7:43

so there were people that were there that were

7:45

really upset by it, but it was like, you'd

7:48

bought a ticket to the worst of

7:50

Melbourne Comedy. Like, what were you thinking?

7:53

So there was a nice moment, it was about, I think, 10, 15 minutes

7:55

before the end, where a group of an

7:58

Asian family of five walked... out

8:00

half way through Greg Glasson's song

8:02

Suck a Dog's Dick. Okay,

8:09

alright. This is

8:11

not the worst of Melbourne

8:13

comedy I wanted. I'm

8:16

enjoying this a great deal. I'm outraged.

8:18

Was Suck a Dog's Dick a parody

8:20

of something or an original? He

8:22

said it was but I did not know. I

8:25

did not know the source material. It was a

8:27

parody of comedy. Greg's

8:31

a great one. I'm saying I've got this great idea. Then you

8:33

see it on stage and you go I still don't know what

8:35

the idea is. I

8:37

can see how this is killing the notes app

8:40

but in three dimensions I'm not so sure. So

8:42

then there was this guy and there's a little

8:44

bit of that happening on this show where I

8:46

think it's funny to have, it's called worst of

8:48

Melbourne comedy but what it is is

8:51

really it's a lot of comics and friends of ours

8:53

doing little stupid parody characters. So Luke Peggy's like I've

8:55

got this great idea and he goes, I said

8:57

how do I intro you? I was MC and he goes, oh

9:00

my characters I'm like this sort of bitter

9:02

old Sydney guy that's like going to do

9:04

comedy as a bit of a bucket list

9:06

and I get up there and do really

9:08

racist and sort of sexist material and I'm

9:10

like character you say? And

9:17

honestly it was like a five. That was very funny what you

9:19

just said. If I was an Asian family of five I'd be

9:21

out the door right now. I'd be furious.

9:24

That's not worst enough. He's

9:26

telling me that for real and honestly you

9:28

saw him and the only difference was he

9:30

actually showed a little bit of charisma on

9:33

stage. Yeah

9:36

he lit up. I liked it. Yeah. He

9:39

was enjoying being there. So

9:42

anyway so there was all that sort of stuff and then in the middle of

9:44

it what I find very funny is I

9:46

hit up someone and said look give me the

9:48

craziest open mica on the scene and I'm just

9:50

going to put him in there in the middle

9:52

and this will be really funny which sounds like

9:54

a great funny idea from a distance. But

9:57

when it happens and I'm in the kitchen waiting for the

10:00

the gig to start and none of the other comics turn up and then

10:02

he comes up and has to talk to me one on one and

10:06

then goes what is this gig anyway and I'm

10:08

like I don't know and he's like do they

10:10

do comedy in here regularly it's funny I'm like

10:12

first time here I don't know

10:16

you're gonna have to ask someone else when they

10:18

come here now if you'll excuse me I'm busy getting

10:20

into character for

10:22

what I'm gonna do out there so then he's

10:25

there and he's just this like sort of crazy

10:27

over my guy and he and everyone else

10:29

comes in and they're all just coming up to him going and

10:31

what's your character and he's like me

10:35

and then about five minutes before the start of the

10:37

show they go so what are you doing for worst

10:39

of Melbourne comedy he goes is that the name of

10:41

it? Well it

10:44

took three weeks but finally we got

10:46

there it's bullying I knew I

10:48

knew we'd get there eventually I got worried

10:50

because this guy was about three times my

10:52

size I'm like I booked this guy's sight

10:54

on Cena Mike I've made a horrible mistake.

10:56

Yeah yeah and how did

10:59

he how did he go? Well the

11:01

great thing was he then all the comics

11:03

in the room weren't in on the joke either so they're all

11:05

like ah what character you and he's like I don't know and

11:07

they're like one by one they all have

11:09

to come up and go what's the story with this guy

11:11

and I'm like I thought it would be funny to get

11:13

someone really bad here. So then

11:17

they go out. The puppet master

11:19

himself is in heaven. No no

11:21

it was I was nervous. So

11:24

then everyone goes out and goes there wild character. When did

11:26

you have him on in the lineup? Oh like seventh or

11:28

eighth or something so there's been this like nice little habit

11:30

of like everyone's going oh I get it there's these weird

11:32

characters then he comes out and he says this

11:35

is very important to me you have to introduce me

11:37

like this and I'm like oh this must be some

11:39

elaborate you know introduction and I had to say this

11:41

next guy is very sexist and

11:43

very racist please welcome

11:45

to the stage I'm like fuck that wasn't a big

11:48

thing I had to remember I don't think this was

11:50

very crucial. What he asked to be introduced that

11:52

way? Yes. So he does that at every gig? I

11:54

guess so. He came up he

11:56

came up three times that this is very important

11:58

to me and it's And it's like, believe me,

12:00

a minute in, we didn't need that introduction. Not

12:04

bad. I mean, if you get the MC to

12:06

interview as being incredibly sexist and racist, it kind

12:08

of doesn't matter what you do up there. Most

12:10

people are going to walk away being like, I

12:12

actually didn't think it was that racist or think it was,

12:15

you know, we were really brief for it to be really

12:17

bad. The great thing is, and I assume that the people

12:19

here will probably relate to this, I think it's funny because

12:21

Sevener Action, everyone's got that condition of like, ah, I get

12:23

it, I get it, he comes out, starts saying all this

12:25

heinous stuff, and they're like, oh, this is a great parody.

12:28

Two, three minutes in, the mask drops and

12:30

everyone goes, oh no. I

12:34

think it was at the point where he said, all

12:36

women are just slits. That's

12:41

what they did too. Yeah.

12:44

So then, he... Guys,

12:47

just want to let you know my podcast

12:49

co-host is really racist and really sexist. There

12:53

you go. So you won't get that reaction

12:55

again. That's the time you quoted him. I

12:57

was just reporting on the ass. That's not

12:59

my opinion. That's the opinion of my employer.

13:01

Yeah. Employee. Employee,

13:04

yeah. Yeah. You're

13:06

protege. Yes. You're born.

13:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carl Junior.

13:13

So, the great thing was, the middleman that arranged the gig for

13:15

him, that got him on, he was like so wrapped to do

13:17

the gig because he had a full house and he went well

13:19

for about two minutes, so he's pretty happy with that. Another

13:23

gift. What's the bit of a gift from

13:25

a crazy open marketer to give someone to say

13:27

thank you for something? What do you think is

13:29

the best present? I'll tell

13:31

you. He gave him a copy of his

13:33

own autobiography. I

13:37

feel like I would have gotten there eventually if he'd given me

13:39

another couple of minutes to have a think. Yeah, that's good. I've

13:41

got to get a copy. Signed? Signed? Oh, good

13:43

question. Yeah, nice. You haven't read it yet? No. I put

13:45

in the request to lend it after he's finished with it.

13:47

Yeah, yeah. I want to have a go with it. Yeah,

13:49

yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah, that's

13:51

good. Yeah, especially chapter four

13:54

of the romantic years called Slips. Really?

13:57

No. But,

14:00

I mean, but, but probably. Yeah mate it

14:02

is. Once you get through you'll probably find,

14:05

yeah. What do you think, oh, at the

14:07

back? Is this tickling you so far? You

14:09

know, coming to a gig and hearing about another gig, is that

14:11

good? About

14:15

a gig than this? Multiple levels of things

14:17

that I don't know what the fuck they are. Just

14:21

going, fuck these seats better be filled pretty soon,

14:23

because I don't know what the fuck these cunts

14:25

are talking about. Yeah, yeah. But what do you think? Should

14:27

we get our guests out here? Folks, we've got a

14:29

great lineup today, please welcome back into the

14:31

little Gum Gum Club. Go Gum Gum, we

14:33

need a yammer and holly bray! Yay!

14:48

Cool club. Cool

14:54

club, yeah. Yeah, it's a cool

14:56

club. I can see

14:58

why you're doing the main room of the Town Hall these days. Opens

15:01

like that, that's good. We asked you before the show if

15:03

you had anything for us and you said, I'll

15:05

work on it. And you come up here with...

15:08

And look what he came up with. ...a cool

15:10

club. It's called Word Economy, you useless facts. No,

15:15

it's been so good watching you guys talk about this,

15:17

because I feel like I got tickets to like

15:19

the behind the scenes documentary, right? When

15:21

Cal's talking about this, it's like the Instagram post, where

15:24

he's like, my life's fantastic. But what you want to

15:26

see is Cal leaving the gig, he's running upstairs, to

15:28

go to worst of Melbourne Comedy at 9 o'clock on

15:30

a Tuesday. Yeah, yeah. Most miserable man I've ever seen

15:32

in my life. But

15:35

you've been designing this for six months,

15:37

he's fucking filthy. I know, man. I

15:41

know, every time I have to do the gig, I'm like, why

15:43

the fuck did I do this? And then on Saturday, then I

15:45

talk all about it and encourage everyone to come and then on

15:47

Wednesday I go, fuck, I've got to do it again, I forgot.

15:50

Yeah, what do you got up to sleep for this Wednesday? Me?

15:53

Yeah. I

15:57

forgot I was still doing it. I've

16:00

really got to talk to the bloke that books you for gigs. I

16:02

know. And me actually. There's a guy

16:04

that booked me for this, also booked me for another show

16:06

that starts in about half an hour. He's

16:09

a real fucking idiot. It's

16:13

going to be tight. There's

16:15

a gig of mine upstairs and you basically have

16:17

to leave this gig early to go to my

16:19

other gig. It's

16:22

almost like you're an idiot. To

16:25

be fair though Harley, I asked you yesterday if you could

16:27

do this and you said I can't, I'm doing a gig

16:29

for Carl. I

16:32

think you'll be able to get out of that gig for Carl

16:34

to do a gig for Carl. He

16:36

was there as we had that conversation. Also

16:40

if you're here and you're late for that, I'm docking

16:42

your pay. So

16:45

Harley, we did have to ask you pretty last minute

16:47

to do this. Yes. Thank you for

16:50

doing it. Nina and Guy, you booked weeks and

16:52

months ago. Yes. But Harley's only

16:54

today. Yes. It's nice to be wanted. Yeah.

16:58

We had someone pull out at

17:00

the last minute. You are replacing

17:02

Joel Creasy today. So take that hell over your

17:04

arm. And I'm like Joel, I never pull out. So

17:10

he's got a lot of kids. But

17:14

no cars. Men

17:16

are all just slits as Joel said. So

17:20

that's nearly getting funny. See

17:22

you mate. Yeah. Yeah.

17:26

So you are replacing Joel. Joel pulled out

17:29

and his explanation was fair enough. There

17:31

was none. But

17:33

then we've been keeping a peep on his

17:35

socials. And apparently instead of doing this gig,

17:37

he's been... He's at the Country

17:40

Women's Association market. So

17:43

officially we are less important than scones.

17:46

Wait, there's a Country Women's Association market. Is

17:49

it too late for me to pull out? Harley's

17:52

going to have to be on double duty. Filling in

17:55

for Joel and Nina. Yeah.

17:57

It's a shame because we haven't had Joel on for eight years.

18:00

and I

18:02

wanted to tell, I'm just gonna fucking

18:04

tell this story anyway, because he had

18:06

a special on Amazon Prime and

18:08

I've talked about this before but I did some writing

18:10

for him because you know it's my people.

18:13

Um... It's

18:19

very weird because I write a lot of

18:21

gay jokes for Joel Creasy and I write

18:23

a lot of brown jokes for Nazim has

18:25

A. And

18:28

it's like I'm writing it going, I wish I

18:30

could say this out loud. Do

18:33

your own material you fucking coward. That

18:38

you should next you do a solo show called Karl

18:40

Chandler Inn, the best of Joel Creasy in the

18:43

game this time. Wednesday

18:47

night at 9.30pm and then you're trudging off there

18:49

going, can't believe it. And do the costumes in

18:51

the faceband. Yeah,

18:54

do the wrists. Yeah. He

19:02

was doing a special for Amazon

19:04

Prime, this massive one, it was like in

19:06

Broken Hill, that's where Priscilla Queen of the Desert

19:08

was. So he did this big outdoor filming

19:10

like in the main street like in the film and there's

19:12

like thousands of people there and it's like going to be

19:14

this massive thing, he's got money put into it. He's like

19:17

I want you to write for it and whatever and I'm

19:19

gonna fly you up on the day and you're gonna be

19:21

there and you're gonna write jokes on the fly like for

19:23

the special at night. Man,

19:25

Crissy is fucking ballsy. He's

19:28

like just write some jokes on the day and I'll do them, I'm

19:30

like fucking hell. So wait, so like live as the

19:32

show's happening so he'd have an earpiece in and

19:34

you'd be in a truck across the road going like, ask

19:36

the guy in the front row what he does for a job.

19:42

Hey I've got a brainwave, I'm gay. So

19:52

he's up there and they're doing this, this is massive

19:54

production and I'm flying up on the day and there's

19:57

all this money being put into it but then they

19:59

put massive money in it. on what's the rex they

20:01

put me on a rex flight yeah so they put

20:03

me on a rex flight and it's like oh fair

20:05

enough you got to fly rex to like Broken Hill

20:08

from somewhere so no I flew rex from Melbourne to

20:10

Sydney so I flew rex from

20:12

Melbourne to Sydney and I'm like why am I going

20:14

up on the day how am I gonna write jokes on the day

20:16

like I'm just gonna walk around go oh yeah Broken

20:19

Hill sucks there you go you know whatever and

20:21

so I get to Sydney and they fuck up

20:23

the interjoining flight and I miss the flight and

20:25

I go oh man I need to be at

20:27

the special I'll just be on the next plane

20:29

they're like cool that's in two days and

20:32

they're like and the specials on in

20:34

like four hours you don't understand

20:40

comedy needs me in

20:46

a regional town and you have no

20:48

idea how they fucking work like they

20:50

don't have regular flights in yeah

20:52

how many flights are going out of Maribara day

20:54

mate well there'd

20:56

be more going out than going in I

21:00

just like the idea that you're like no I'm

21:03

Joel Creasy's writer like I write everyone's

21:05

like as if man oh

21:08

we'll just get the gay plane out of a hangar then Joel

21:11

Creasy is running this gig

21:14

like you're running worst of

21:16

Melbourne comedy he's booking you

21:18

the same way you're booking

21:21

open money you read about

21:23

that in my autobiography I

21:25

can't get another plane and

21:30

I must get there how can I get there I'll hire a

21:32

car and they're like and they

21:36

go okay no worries that will take five hours

21:38

and the gig starts in four hours so we'll

21:40

hide the car if you want fuck so I'm

21:42

sitting there and I have to bring them up

21:44

going sorry it's fucked up I don't know what I'm gonna

21:46

do and they're like okay we need you

21:48

to just keep writing the joke you're just gonna

21:51

have to do them at the airport yeah

21:54

if only writing was something you could do

21:56

remotely Not

22:00

too many digital nomads choosing to work out

22:02

of the airport. We don't

22:04

care where you are, we just need you to be on the go.

22:08

Not at home, that's the only stipulation. But

22:11

it was great, so I'm stuck in the airport and I'm

22:13

like, okay, I have to work here for the rest of

22:15

the day. And I'm like sending jokes. Are

22:17

you like googling pictures of Broken Hill

22:20

being like, oh yeah, that pub. Going

22:23

onto Google Street view and doing the like walk around

22:25

thing. I'm

22:27

telling you something about Broken Hill, it sure is tough to get to

22:29

you, am I right? On

22:34

Google, my swab's stuck with Hurstbridge Street. What a

22:36

shithole. So

22:38

I'm like, oh what can I write about you

22:40

know, you're like, oh give me some bullet points

22:43

or whatever. So I'm, I'm going to

22:45

say, what is it called, the King of the...

22:47

Boy the food on that flight was awful I

22:49

assume. This

22:52

packet of peanuts is sure hard to open because I can't get

22:54

on the fucking plane. I

22:56

just didn't fly in from Melbourne and boy are my arms

22:58

well rested. That

23:03

was the best one. Thank

23:06

you guys. So

23:09

I then spend the rest

23:11

of the day writing stuff and sending it off

23:13

to the airport. And I write, and it's increasingly

23:15

so ballsy, he doesn't give a fuck. He,

23:17

I wrote like a, he did a

23:20

full page of jokes, untested in front of fucking

23:22

3000 people, that I had written three

23:24

hours before in Red Rooster.

23:28

That was, my journalistic instincts were firing off

23:30

and I was like, you got to find out

23:32

exactly which bit of the airport he was in. Because you're going

23:35

to get a great answer here. There

23:37

was literally a great moment where I had to quieten down because

23:39

I was like, I thought of a banger joke and I'm in

23:41

Red Rooster and I had to keep my voice there because I

23:43

rained to go, man I thought of a great one.

23:45

What about this, if you say this on your special, I'm

23:47

from Australia to an American audience. If

23:49

you guys are watching from America, I'm Australian and I'm gay.

23:51

To explain what that means, the cum goes down

23:53

the other way, down my throat. That's

24:02

why they pay you the big

24:05

bucks, $79 for a Wreck slide. I

24:12

haven't watched the specials so I don't

24:14

know, go and see

24:16

if that got up. I

24:22

was messaging Greasy Artz with going, how did it all go

24:24

and I never heard another message back from him. Probably

24:28

why he pulled it out today. Has anyone watched

24:30

it? Great. Well

24:34

you've already heard the best of it. The

24:37

best of Joel Creasy comedy. Just there. That's

24:40

your opener for Karl Chandler Presents The

24:42

Best of Nazeem Hussein and Joel Creasy.

24:45

I'm American and gay. So

24:47

the cum goes down the other, yeah anyway I butchered

24:49

it. So you're not so fucking

24:52

easy. Not so fucking easy. I

24:54

have been sitting here the whole time saying, sounds

24:56

really easy. If you

24:58

want to make it super twisty you

25:00

could do Joel Creasy's gags in

25:02

character as Nazeem. Oh yeah. And

25:05

Nazeem's gags as Joel. You're desperate to get

25:08

him to do brown post. I'm

25:11

basically still going, we've got to get something to cancel. Fucking

25:15

Tiflon Karl over here. Nothing.

25:17

Hey, when you've got nothing

25:20

they can't take anything away. Do

25:24

you write any jokes for any non-minorities?

25:29

Me but they don't go well. Yeah,

25:37

I don't know. No I do for the Nelson

25:39

twins. Yeah, they just... Yeah

25:42

there's so many identical twins. Well they're not a minority

25:44

because there's two of them. That's

25:47

not bad. I actually might write that down. I

25:50

was going to say, are you quoting

25:52

them via you? I

25:55

will actually use that. Actually

25:58

I use the jokes you wrote. I worked for the

26:00

Nelson twins once. Did you? Yeah, Dave Thornton and I

26:03

went on stage as the Nelson twins. Oh right, right,

26:05

right. And just did their jokes because Karl had them

26:07

all. Yeah. That's

26:09

right. Who are the Nelson twins? Well,

26:12

can you imagine what they might look like? If

26:15

you can, all you have to do is imagine one and then you've

26:17

got the other. It's

26:20

really easy on the old brain box. Yeah,

26:23

guess what their shtick is? I

26:25

look like him. I

26:28

see you've seen my work. Yeah,

26:32

give Guy an example of what I

26:34

do is I just get some of the Nelson twins, carve them and

26:36

then give them to Joel Creasy. I

26:38

have a story about the Nelson twins. You

26:41

have a story about them. I have a story. Well, it's not. Yeah,

26:44

I have a story. Hang

26:47

on, who did you think had a story? Well,

26:50

it's like an epistolary, you know, it's like a

26:52

story within a story. I'm

26:55

really homo-gosh. There

26:58

used to be a comedy night in Sydney called Fuck Club. Do

27:01

you guys remember Fuck Club? Yes. Yeah. It

27:04

was like the worst of Melbourne comedy but in Sydney.

27:06

Yeah, it was the best of Sydney comedy. Yeah,

27:12

they're not so funny up there. Anyway,

27:19

Fuck Club, it was like an anarchy comedy night. They

27:21

used to have people heckling from the back. Is that

27:23

like worst of Melbourne comedy? Yeah, but

27:25

they were just doing it because it's a bad show. Yeah.

27:28

That was like a good year-end for yourself one year. You

27:31

did gear and got, oh, that was one of

27:33

my favourite shows. Professional comedians to come and hear

27:35

you. It's actually how we bonded. I

27:38

think that's just a podcast version of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn

27:41

into This Is Your Life. Anyone

27:45

can publish an autobiography. He's going to have a fucking

27:47

go. Anyway,

27:49

at Fuck Club, they used to program like real

27:51

weird acts. And one of them was this old

27:53

lady called Sue Thomas, who was a librarian. And

27:55

like picture of what you think an old lady

27:58

looks like. That's what Sue said. I'm

28:00

a huge hummus that looks like... That's how

28:02

most things work, baby, right? Well,

28:05

I didn't even say that, like, picture of a wholesome

28:07

old lady library, and that's what she looked like. She's

28:09

got a super nice tits for me. And

28:19

now she does for me as well. And

28:22

the most beautiful old slit.

28:31

Hey, uh... Brett, that's in their mouth.

28:34

Hey, guy, I think you need to tell your dick. I'm

28:40

picturing both Nelson twins in one dress. And

28:43

that's my version. So Sue

28:45

Thomas' whole thing was she looked like a

28:47

lovely old lady, and then she would go

28:49

on and read the most fucked up erotica

28:52

you could ever imagine. She had a bag of dildos. And

28:55

she would bring out and explain, yeah, all the

28:57

dildos as different purposes. That

29:00

was her stick. How many different purposes

29:03

can a dildo have? Depends

29:05

on how many of the Nelson twins you're having sex

29:07

with. She

29:10

read out... Wait,

29:12

there's not in and in. That's the two. And

29:16

front and back. I

29:20

can't stop thinking about the purposes now. My

29:22

favourite position, not in. It

29:27

isn't mine. In America, the dildos go

29:29

back to front. Did

29:35

you pull out, I never went in. The

29:38

gentleman's intercourse, they're calling it. It's

29:41

called masturbating. That's

29:45

my favourite. So

29:47

Sue Thomas used to just kind of

29:49

read vague erotica about whatever. But

29:51

one day, one fuck up, she did

29:54

erotica about getting spit roasted by the

29:56

Nelson twins. Ha

29:58

ha ha! The

30:02

nurses we do like they're really

30:04

long hair they're like they're massive men. They look

30:06

like men who would have a spit roast. They

30:09

look like Harley Breeze. But

30:15

more spit roasting. It's

30:19

all in the beard. That's where the spit roast comes from.

30:22

That's an image in my head now from

30:24

what you made me picture and then that.

30:27

Not bad. That poor lovely woman. She

30:31

sounds like she was having a great time in the

30:33

erotica but it was like really detailed. Like

30:35

it was a really detailed reading

30:38

of how she was fucking one of their dicks

30:41

while one of them fucked her. Like

30:43

how it works. Did

30:46

she have any of my gear in there? Yeah.

30:49

Inside her? That would turn me on.

30:54

From there I'd source it. That's

31:02

how good my writing is. It's even

31:04

funny when performed by a lesser comedian.

31:08

With a dick in his mouth. Anyway

31:14

what Sue Thomas didn't know was that the Nelson

31:16

twins had been invited to that fuck lab. No.

31:21

I actually think only one of them came to fuck

31:23

lab. That would be such a nice

31:27

little... Which end? Yeah,

31:30

Easter egg in the

31:32

spit roast. It was the

31:34

front slit. A

31:37

girl said it. It's fine. Shut the fuck up. So

31:41

what was the reaction of this one Nelson twin?

31:44

I don't know. I just remember like... I didn't

31:46

know he was there even I came downstairs and

31:48

he was just staring into his beer like... I

31:51

don't know about this comedy no man. Were

31:54

they supposed to be on or were they just... No I

31:56

didn't. Why did one Nelson

31:58

twin... He randomly decided to

32:00

go to a gig called Fucklub. Because

32:03

it was run by the best of... It was run by like

32:05

the Tommy and Carl of Sydney. Ahhh. Bendel

32:08

would and whoever his best friend is at the

32:10

time. And so, yeah, no I'm just

32:12

kidding. Bruno Lechea and Gary Who. Yeah.

32:16

There's a few people who got that reference. For

32:19

everyone else, I'm sorry that bomb, but that was

32:21

quite funny. Come on guys. We're better

32:23

than this. Let's get this back on track. We're

32:26

not bigger than this. It

32:29

was a good gig. It was a good gig

32:31

a lot of the time. So the Nelson twins...

32:34

They got invited to see what all the fuck

32:36

was about. Right, right, right. And then

32:38

that is what they were presented with. They're treated to.

32:41

But was it going well? This is what it's

32:43

story about. Yeah, it was rushing.

32:47

She's never been so funny in her life. When

32:52

I was like early on in comedy, my girlfriend at the

32:54

time came to a gig with me and the Nelson twins

32:56

were on and she was near the front of the stage.

32:59

And I was out the back. I would rather be bit

33:01

roasted by them than be here with you.

33:03

So what'd you masturbate one more time? They

33:06

just did crowd work to her for like seven minutes about

33:08

how they were going to put her on the spit-ass of

33:10

the gig. And then she was like, I'm never coming to

33:12

one of your shows again. Well you don't need to

33:14

blame for that, Karl. And

33:21

now Karl broke up your relationship. Well,

33:24

they had to use it because I wrote it for Joel

33:26

and the Zeme to use together and they didn't want it.

33:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not quite the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

33:31

I went and saw a comedy show last night. I

33:33

went and saw Friend of the Show, Tom Ballard. And

33:36

I was waiting to go into the room and

33:38

saw Friend of the Show, Ben Lomax was

33:40

there. He had a night off. Him

33:43

and his wife had a night off from...

33:46

You guys probably don't know this, but he has kids. And

33:48

they were... They

33:51

say the dance thing. They

33:54

sure do. He

33:57

was kind of like walking in to go see Dave Thornton.

34:00

and he stopped and chatted to me for a bit. He's like, oh,

34:02

what are you doing? I'm like, oh, I'm about to go see Tom

34:04

Ballard. And he goes, I'll pay you $1,000 if

34:07

you stand up in the middle of the gig and go,

34:10

yay Israel. Oh. Like,

34:15

few things about that. That would be bad to do

34:18

in any show. Like, it doesn't have

34:20

to be a Tom Ballard show. And like,

34:22

you really do learn a lot about like,

34:24

what someone thinks about where you're at by

34:26

the number that they throw out in a hypothetical.

34:30

$1,000 does not go very far in this. I'd

34:33

have done it. I'm

34:36

paying you to do it in half an

34:38

hour. Yeah. Wait,

34:41

what am I doing? Actually,

34:43

you got 22 minutes to get up there. Okay. Could

34:46

you talk to the guy who booked me about that? Tell

34:50

me what did Tom say when you stood up and

34:52

said, yay Israel. Put

34:54

a bit of a downer on the show. Well, I

34:56

didn't get a chance to because a guy came in

34:58

10 minutes late in a wheelchair and then was yelling

35:01

out for the entire show. And it

35:03

was one of those, I don't know if you've ever been in a show

35:05

where this happens where Tom can hear a

35:07

guy yelling out, but he can't see in the

35:09

audience. And

35:11

so he's sort of getting into this guy

35:14

and everyone's sitting there just white knuckling it on the

35:16

edge of the seat, being like, to

35:18

abuse this for so, so, you know, let's

35:20

talk it two carried away. Just

35:23

going, if you don't like the show, mate, walk out. Yeah.

35:26

You bring me back some cheesecake. Yeah. Can't

35:31

have yourself. Pick it up, laugh

35:33

as it was. From before. I had

35:35

that left over. From before. I had left

35:37

over. Okay, he's out. I

35:41

had one of those situations. The first year I

35:43

did a show, there was a split bill with

35:45

Rose Martefeo in Portland. It's now the James Squire

35:47

and I was doing it. And I was still, I was

35:49

only okay. I wasn't that good. And there was someone making a

35:51

very funny noise. There were like 30 people going, blah. And

35:54

I was like, oh, come on. What's with the noise?

35:56

I wonder how this story ends. Yeah. I

36:00

was like, oh you're taking the, you know, I saw

36:02

you say anyway, they were having an epileptic fit. Yeah.

36:06

Yeah. From laughter I got there.

36:11

Just from your debut show, Sparkling

36:13

Lights. Well

36:20

one point- Sparkling Lights the blurb is this will

36:22

cure epileptic. At

36:25

one point Tom was like, the guy just yelled something

36:27

out again and Tom was like, what's going on back

36:29

there? Are you high? I'm like, oh you're slightly elevated.

36:34

Oh I got an update from last week, if anyone wants

36:36

to hear it. The Bush story from

36:39

last week. It

36:41

sounds like they're really keen. Oh I won't do

36:43

it. I won't do it then. Okay, is it?

36:45

No, that's all right. Moving on. I

36:47

want to hear the Bush story. Is it related to

36:49

the- If people want to

36:51

hear it, I'm going to have to hear it. A

36:55

lot of people don't want to hear it then. No,

36:58

I walked past, I went on the way here. All

37:00

right, I don't want to hear it, yeah. You

37:04

walking, yuck. I

37:07

went back to the scene of the crime. On

37:10

the way here. Because I was like, I want

37:12

to- Because you guys all went, I was the homeless guy that

37:14

lives there or whatever. And I'm like, I don't think it

37:16

is. I really didn't think it was. So

37:18

I went back- Do you want to give these guys a bit of quick content? Oh

37:20

sorry. Sorry. I obviously don't

37:22

need it because I've never missed an episode. So,

37:28

sorry, Guy and Nina, a couple of weeks ago, I

37:31

was walking into the show and I walked through a

37:33

park and I really needed to go to the

37:35

toilet. Number twos. And

37:38

it was very bad.

37:41

It was very bad. I imagine

37:43

poo, but worse. And

37:48

number 20. So,

37:55

it was sort of daylight still and I found this really

37:57

big bush that a man seemed to be guarding. And

38:00

there was like a- Yeah, I need a private place.

38:02

I'll go to the bush that a man is guarding.

38:05

I had security, so... Please

38:08

don't shit here. Please don't shit here.

38:11

Yeah, well, check your shoes, mate. You're not allowed

38:13

behind this bush. So, I- It was

38:15

in like this little hole and it seemed like it was

38:17

designed to go in. So I was like, great. So I

38:20

went in there and it was

38:22

really- It was designed to go in.

38:24

I know. That almost looks

38:26

like a building. Yeah. Yeah.

38:30

You guys should have been here last week. We commented on

38:32

all of this and more. I

38:35

like the way Cal does it. He tells stories about

38:37

his gigs and then just his stories again.

38:42

So, I went into the little hole and- What

38:46

happened to the bush? The hole in the bush.

38:48

Oh, yeah. I

38:50

thought it was a man. It's called a split. It

38:54

was a bush slit. Yeah, so... Jesus

38:57

Christ. We

38:59

edit a lot of that stuff. Can

39:02

we just edit dum-dum out of being a

39:04

podcast? You guys are

39:06

not us. Like Garfield without Garfield. Yeah,

39:08

yeah, yeah. So I went in there and

39:10

it was really bad. And I was on the phone to Milan throughout

39:13

the whole shit and experience. I

39:16

was doing a bit of a director's commentary. And I got spooked

39:19

because there was these big full suitcases in

39:21

there. I got- And I

39:23

freaked that they had dead bodies in there. And

39:25

I ran away. So

39:28

that's what happened. I just can't wait to be as close

39:30

a friend to you as Milan is so you can call

39:32

me when you're shitting. Now,

39:35

guys, when you hear that, when you hear this guy was standing

39:37

out the front of a bush and then there were

39:39

suitcases in the bush and Karl went to this guy's

39:41

killed a man and these are body parts in the

39:43

suitcase. Do you agree with that? Or does your brain

39:45

think something else? My brain's

39:48

thinking a lot. Mine

39:50

wasn't. Like, as if you're like

39:52

the most reasonable person in that situation.

39:55

That's what that feels like. Because you're like, oh,

39:57

yeah, shitting in this hole is normal. It's

40:00

weird that there are suitcases here. Yeah.

40:03

I think you're actually the one doing the

40:05

crime, Carl. Yeah, yeah. It's

40:07

like at home when you try to take a shit in the sink,

40:09

but there are dishes next to it. What

40:16

are we using this for? It

40:21

wasn't a crime, Nina. The hole was designed

40:23

in the bush. And

40:26

the bush was guarded by the security. Yeah.

40:28

The bush had a hole it was asking

40:30

for. Oh, God. Just

40:35

one bow one, you're going to bust. That's so

40:37

hard! Terrible.

40:41

I'm just slowly turning this gig into the worst of Melbourne's

40:43

on Earth. I was going to say, let's get this bit

40:45

wrapped up so we can do the bit of the show

40:47

where we redo a bit from a previous episode. And

40:53

let's not forget I've got a gig for a promoter that's

40:55

a real cunt, so... Today,

40:59

on the way back, you revisit the scene of the crime.

41:01

Yeah, so anyway, back in here, it was horrendous and I

41:04

did the worst thing I've ever done apart from comedy in

41:06

that scene. It was

41:08

so bad. Anyway. And so then

41:10

I ran out and I told that story last week and then

41:12

everyone said, you shit inside a homeless man's house. That's where... That's

41:14

why there were suitcases there. That's why there was a man's toilet.

41:16

Well, if you find a toilet... At

41:21

least you went to the homeless man's toilet, I

41:23

guess. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe

41:25

not. How are you

41:27

guys fucking this more than I am? So... So,

41:31

I did all that. They all said that. And then so

41:34

today I was like, fuck, I'm going to go back and

41:36

find the bush. And like, just to get it straight with

41:38

myself about like what the circumstances were. And

41:40

so I

41:43

found it. I found the place. How

41:45

do you know it was a place for you to sniff in? I

41:50

like that you're trying to paint a picture over here. It's like, it's amazing.

41:52

I found it. Yeah, you found it the first time. It

41:56

was like a random bush in the middle of a big park. What

41:59

did you think it was like? Nani or something.

42:02

Well if I go behind this bush it won't be the

42:04

same. Yeah,

42:06

so I found it and then I went in

42:08

there. Oh.

42:13

Come on guys, let him cook. Come on. There's

42:16

no man out the front or anything so I was like, oh sweet,

42:18

easy. So I went in there. It

42:21

can't be the right bush, there's no man out the front.

42:24

Yeah, yeah. And I reckon I'm

42:26

right still. I don't think... What?

42:29

What are you saying? I

42:32

think the suggestion is that maybe because the stranger's

42:34

shitting their house, the guy... Oh

42:36

yeah. He moved out. Oh,

42:40

this neighbourhood's gone to the dog. I

42:43

don't remember when no one would

42:45

shit in your bush now. Tell

42:49

you what, you let one in. Man,

42:51

that would be very funny if someone moved out of

42:53

their bush because of the shit. That's

42:55

good. He's living in the public toilet now.

42:59

No one ever said from Chandler. So

43:02

I went in there and the bag, the

43:05

suitcases were gone and my fuckies moved out

43:07

because of the neighbourhood going to the dogs.

43:10

And then I literally then went, I'm

43:12

just going to look for my shit to see if that's...

43:14

Why? Why is that a

43:16

new poll? Because I was like, well... Didn't

43:18

you fucking bury it, you animal? No,

43:22

I didn't. You just left it out there in the open?

43:24

It wasn't in the open, it was in the bush. Did

43:28

you wipe? Yes.

43:31

No, no, you didn't. That's

43:35

a fake yes. A

43:37

handful of dirt? Like a leaf? Like

43:39

cars then? You're

43:41

saying this to me like I haven't done this so

43:43

many times before. Something

43:45

from the suitcase? No, no,

43:47

no. It was leaves. Leaves, okay.

43:50

It wasn't off as first cars. It

43:52

was leaves. It was leaves. So I

43:54

went back in there, the suitcase was gone, the shit

43:56

was gone, they'd taken everything. Happy birthday,

43:58

Alison, by the way. way. Well,

44:02

possession is 9-10 to the law. I've

44:05

got no rights to my own

44:08

shit. Yeah, but then I found

44:11

the suitcases that moved them around in the

44:13

redecorated. So the suitcases

44:15

were still there and

44:18

again I got the fear. I'm in there going, I've

44:20

got to open the suitcases. Are you gonna say

44:22

I've got to take another shit to think of

44:24

something? No, honestly I went three times

44:27

this morning to make sure I was... This

44:29

story has made me realize I was

44:32

last week picturing a much smaller bush

44:34

in my head. But there was

44:36

room for suitcases to be moved

44:38

around and you not immediately noticed them.

44:40

You've got to see this bush. No

44:43

thanks. It sounds like

44:45

a tree almost. Look,

44:47

it's verging on a head. It's

44:52

pretty big, it's roomy. In

44:55

my mind it's one of those hedge mazes. Well

44:57

it's big enough to lose two suitcases.

45:00

Was this a display at the Flower and

45:02

Garden show? I can't get my

45:04

head around what I'm... I just can't mentally picture

45:06

it. I'm going to. So I really thought this would

45:08

be good for the podcast. I'm gonna go there, I'm gonna

45:11

find the suitcases, I'm gonna open them and then

45:13

be able to say, hey look I found the Lost

45:15

Covenant or whatever, the Ark of the Covenant. So

45:19

I got there and I went and I went and

45:21

I got really scared again and I

45:24

ran away again. Because I kicked

45:26

the suitcases to figure out, they're

45:28

probably empty. And I don't

45:31

know if you've ever kicked and felt the weight of something

45:33

and got scared but that's what I did. I

45:35

just felt like there was something bad in there. It felt

45:37

really bad. I need the co-ordinator to

45:39

this bush. I'll go have a look. I got them

45:41

and I'll put them up on faces right now. Drop

45:44

it in. Did you take

45:46

a photo of the bush? Yes. Great.

45:49

I've got all the details. I really... I am too

45:51

scared to look in the suitcases and I would really like

45:53

one of you to do it for me. Like

45:56

you know when there's a bomb squad and they put out like

45:58

the little robot to like... I want you

46:00

guys to be one of them. Can

46:03

someone open the suitcases for me please? I'm going to

46:05

put it up on socials. It's like the most cursed

46:07

version of The Price is Right. It's

46:11

the deal no deal. Fuck. Open

46:13

the suitcase. Oh a head. Cool. And

46:16

inside is actually Andrew O'Keeffe. Yeah.

46:21

Oh what's in there?

46:25

This isn't seven,

46:28

this is 69. Actually

46:35

when you said that you sounded like you were taking a

46:37

de-uretic shit. Have we got, what

46:40

have we got? What have

46:42

we got? Okay. Should we talk to Nina

46:44

about that other thing or not? Nah. Okay.

46:48

All right. Easy, easy. Well should we do our segment

46:50

that you've all been waiting for? Now

46:58

guys, for those of you that don't know. Guys,

47:00

guys, so this is the segment we haven't explained to you

47:02

and you'll be very familiar with this concept. You did a

47:04

podcast where all you did was

47:06

watch the same movie, how

47:09

many times? I've watched the

47:11

same movie every week for a year, so 52 times

47:13

a year. 52 times. Well we're up

47:15

to watching one guy do the same set of comedy three

47:17

times. And I

47:20

just want to make sure this gets on the

47:22

mic but one of your dedicated fans just went,

47:24

oh fucking hell. I think that was

47:26

the comic. No, no, I was talking to him

47:30

backstage, he's pumped up. He's

47:32

a great opportunity for him obviously, he's

47:35

a big gig. He's playing the basement.

47:37

Yeah, absolutely. He is. Oh

47:39

fuck, where's the message you sent me last week? Do you

47:41

want to find his name? You've had him on twice.

47:43

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck,

47:46

where's the message you sent me? I will say, he

47:48

did tell me that last week he found it a little bit more challenging

47:50

because people weren't laughing at

47:53

the same spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

47:55

did, yeah. Yeah. I

47:58

think you'll find today might be a good time. even harder.

48:02

No because people get a bit nervous or whatever because

48:04

it's like oh they're making him do this. No he

48:06

like man he gets this is a sweet gig you

48:08

guys are great audience so like even last week he did it

48:10

the second time then he said this thanks

48:13

again for another rad gig Carl I had heaps of fun.

48:15

I was an atheist for a very long time

48:17

but now I really feel like I finally found my

48:19

god. Wow. Oh

48:23

this poor young man. Wait

48:26

until he takes you to his church in the bush. This

48:32

is my body. I

48:35

lay it here for you. Taste

48:40

the body of Christ. All right

48:42

so Josh can we have our

48:44

theme music for this regular segment?

48:47

I'm really confident. I'm

48:52

playing. I'm

48:55

gonna play. I'm gonna play.

48:58

I'm gonna play. I'm

49:00

gonna play. Ahhhhhh. This

49:16

is the bit where we let it stand up near walls.

49:18

The music is still going. Oh. We're

49:22

doing a separate version. Good

49:25

luck up there. Great stagecraft. That's

49:38

actually real foley from your shit in the

49:40

woods. I'm

49:43

doing flashbacks. Anyway.

49:47

The homeless man was holding a boom there the whole time. Get

49:50

out now. Get out now. Anyway.

49:55

Enough laughing. He's

49:57

out of shape. That's

50:01

right, that's right. I am here to

50:03

put an end to all that laughter.

50:07

I will not take it, okay? And

50:09

I'm serious about this. You're

50:15

you. You're gonna make me cry again. This

50:25

is the best idea we've ever had. And

50:28

I gave it to them. How

50:36

we've created a monster. This

50:39

guy's gonna be writing jokes for Nadeemah Dayzoo.

50:44

I hope Dad's like sperm. That

50:48

was a joke. Oh,

50:53

that's awesome heckling from behind the comedian. That's

50:56

good, that's good. The way I'm

50:58

going, Nadeemah's saying my providing jokes to me very soon.

51:08

The best crowd, the best fucking crowd I've ever met. Man,

51:11

this guy is good. I'm hosting a gig later

51:13

upstairs. Not

51:16

later, now. Man,

51:19

you started five minutes ago. Greg,

51:23

bring the crowd down. Do

51:30

the sit, sorry. I

51:33

just realised it's really hard to light him from the back of his

51:35

head. You let me know when

51:37

he lights me, yeah? That's

51:40

good. So what's happening in life,

51:42

huh? I

51:45

have one suggestion, sperm bang. No

51:51

pressure, but speed it up. It's

51:55

called foreshadowing. That was supposed to be the big

51:57

surprise, you know? Insane,

51:59

yes. So I'm like, I'm kind of bold

52:01

in life. I'm

52:06

just so bold, man. You

52:08

know, sometimes you can get really

52:10

bold. Enormously bold, some might say.

52:14

I'm getting it now. I

52:18

love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I

52:21

was just sitting there. I was just sitting

52:23

there like... This is crazy. I

52:28

love that you've had three weeks to come up

52:30

with that heckle. Yeah, yeah. How did I

52:32

miss that? For two weeks. I

52:35

try to learn about these concepts. You

52:37

get a second, a third, a fourth go. Sorry,

52:40

you were bored. Sorry, you were sorry. Oh,

52:46

man. You know, like, you ever get so bored,

52:48

you just start going places you wouldn't normally go

52:50

to? Yeah, I'm here. Oh,

52:59

shit. Man,

53:05

I'm flying you to Cozumelie. Fuck this. Fuck

53:08

this. Let's

53:13

do it. This shit needs to be hurt on a beach.

53:18

Put your money where your mouth is. Yeah,

53:24

so I decided to go to a bank because I

53:26

was so bold. But

53:28

hey, not that one. Not

53:31

that one. Not the one you dirty,

53:34

filthy-minded people are thinking of, okay? I'll

53:36

bet you anything is going to be a spin. Oh,

53:46

shit. How

53:50

did you get that? You're going my bid. You're

53:53

doing that all on your own, shit. Well,

53:58

you didn't see me the last two years. I

54:01

can imagine what it was like. No it

54:04

was good. It was great. That's why he's

54:06

back. You won't be back next week

54:08

but he will. There you go.

54:10

Yeah. He

54:14

was at least booked before today.

54:22

Because you know I don't

54:24

pull out either. From

54:28

before. Oh

54:33

my God. It's become self

54:35

aware. That's the best call

54:37

back ever. From before. So

54:53

you went into a bank. I was just going

54:55

to say I don't think I'm going to do

54:57

better than this always. No no no. We're

55:00

doing it. I'm not missing out on

55:02

the best gig of my life. Okay.

55:05

You've got a minute. I mean I've got a minute. See

55:10

I went to the sperm bank. And

55:13

by the way very legitimate sperm bank. I should let

55:15

you guys know because it wasn't just like any like

55:18

in like a homeless guy's basement or whatever. Okay.

55:21

I went to a legitimate sperm

55:23

bank with like a reception. How

55:26

does a homeless man have a

55:28

basement. That would have

55:30

been if I had a dog and then had a shit. Well

55:34

those guys don't have a basement. I'll put it in

55:36

there you know just for you to figure out. Yeah.

55:41

I don't want to spoon feed all of you

55:43

cunts. Trust

55:51

me the kind of stock that I had you wouldn't

55:53

want me to spoon feed you anything. Yes.

55:57

I'm at the back. I woke up at the reception.

55:59

Right. fuck her up sound if you can believe it. Nah

56:04

man, you look like the kind of guy that jerks off a lot.

56:13

And she can tell that just from behind. Well,

56:18

you look like the kind of chick who doesn't jerk off in

56:20

that. Nah,

56:23

sorry, you... Have you seen

56:25

her? I think so, great. I don't know. I

56:28

don't know. Look at these blisters, mate.

56:34

You finally got one wrong. Oh,

56:38

how wrong you are. And

56:40

boy are my arms tired. I

56:45

have to go to an actual comedy booth. Yeah, you better go. You better

56:48

go. Yeah, right. I see you later. This

56:52

is like Carson. Will you invite him to the chair? Yeah, I think

56:54

it's about time, right? It's

57:06

about time. Alright,

57:08

come on, Abhishek. Sit down. We'll

57:16

hear the rest of the set next week. We're gonna finish them. Honestly,

57:22

if I discover a time machine next week, baby

57:24

Hitler's leaving. I'm coming back to relive

57:26

this moment. I

57:28

can't tell which one of you guys is taking the piss

57:31

out of each other. Neither

57:35

of us have figured it out. It's

57:38

a week by week thing. It's alright, man. I know someone walked

57:40

out on you, but I cop that all the time. It's

57:44

pretty bad to walk Harley Breen, though. Great

57:51

work, man. Next week.

57:56

How do you feel like the first three

57:58

lines of your set? I'm just

58:00

saying. The

58:04

best, the best, you know? Never had this

58:06

much success without doing my bit. Maybe

58:10

that's a sign. Have

58:14

you been going to gigs midweek and starting to do the

58:16

sperm bank bit and going, yes, I went to a sperm

58:18

bank and got anything? Where'd

58:21

everyone go? Five

58:24

professional comedians doing five. Well,

58:27

now I know if I go to a gig and the sperm bank bit

58:29

doesn't work, I know the problem is with the

58:31

crowd. I know

58:33

that much. That's right. You actually fucking rock.

58:39

This is so good. Is

58:41

this worth your demented brain? This

58:44

is worth the breakdowns I see you have

58:46

in between times? This is fucking unreal. I'm

58:52

so sad about last week being the last

58:54

time that we get to hear this. Like, we need to... What are

58:56

you doing this time next year? We got to get through this. Hey,

58:59

remember Costa movie? Oh, yeah, of course. Oh,

59:02

wow. He's holding our feet

59:04

to the fire on this one. Fucking hell.

59:06

Jesus. Should

59:13

we... Where do we go from here?

59:16

Abhishek, plug your autobiography and then let's wrap this up.

59:18

That's what I was going to say. Like, the first...

59:20

You know who I feel sorry for? The

59:22

first two weeks ago, we had two comics on.

59:25

One comic just we never saw again. This cunt is just on every week

59:27

from now on. He

59:31

must be listening to this. And he's a listener to the show and he's

59:33

like, fuck, they never got made though. Must be

59:35

nice. Yeah. Don't

59:37

hate the player, hate the game. He's

59:42

still got it. Hate it when

59:44

he's sitting down. He's the third

59:46

mic now. Oh,

59:49

all right. Was that going to do us for another week? Guys, thank

59:51

you very much for listening. Big

59:55

round of applause for Scott Montgomery. Naderayama.

1:00:00

Holly Green! Holly Green! And Abby

1:00:02

Shicks! Thank

1:00:05

you very much for listening and we'll see

1:00:07

you next time! See you next time!

1:00:09

See you next time! And

1:00:16

they've done it again. They've done

1:00:18

it again. We've done it again. Some

1:00:22

blokes have done the same routine again.

1:00:24

There's a lot of it-it-againing. Some blokes

1:00:26

done the same park-shitting story. Yes. You

1:00:30

should tell that now. Oh yeah. This

1:00:32

week, next week, this next live

1:00:34

show for the third time. Then

1:00:37

we have the sperm bank for the fourth time. And

1:00:40

then what was something from this

1:00:43

episode that we can do for the second time? We

1:00:46

just always start a new thing and then the next

1:00:48

week we redo it. Yep.

1:00:50

Did anyone do anything-anyone say anything

1:00:53

apart from our bullshit?

1:00:55

Probably not. I don't think

1:00:57

so. No. I'll scroll back through

1:00:59

and find something to repeat. I don't think so.

1:01:01

I think, as usual, we're in the green room.

1:01:03

Has anyone got anything to talk about? No. No.

1:01:07

Okay, thanks. We've got it from here, I guess, again.

1:01:09

I did ask you at the start of the week to have a think, but no.

1:01:11

Okay. All good. All

1:01:14

good. All right, I guess I'm shitting my pants again

1:01:16

or ask an open mic and do the same thing

1:01:18

you can. No, I'm keen

1:01:20

to get down to these coordinates. I'm

1:01:22

going to follow your drooped pen. Yes.

1:01:25

Try and find this bush. I'll put this up on ... Man,

1:01:28

honestly, I'm going to put it up on

1:01:30

socials, please. I've

1:01:32

done little videos. Oh, yeah. I've got a

1:01:34

screenshot of the point in the park where

1:01:36

it is. We can all meet up and

1:01:38

have a candlelit vigil. We

1:01:41

should do a life vlog from there. You

1:01:43

know what we should do? There

1:01:46

was a thing back in the 70s, Gerardo

1:01:49

Riviera, where he

1:01:51

said, I've done it. I've found the

1:01:53

vault that's got all of Al

1:01:55

Capone's riches. Oh, yeah. And they did a live

1:01:58

show from it. And then they go check. it

1:02:00

out and they open the vault and there's nothing

1:02:02

in there. Oh yeah. That should be that. Yeah,

1:02:04

they all like those, what are they called? Storage

1:02:06

walls? Those people that buy like unclaimed

1:02:09

storage lockers and, hey, are

1:02:11

you going to have lots of like expensive old paintings in

1:02:13

them or is it just going to be someone's, you

1:02:15

know, pogs? Yeah. That's what

1:02:18

it's going to be. Well, yeah, I'm interested to

1:02:20

get down there because what I have not said

1:02:22

on the live eps is that this park is like

1:02:24

right near my old house. And so I used to

1:02:27

spend a lot of time in there. And I think

1:02:29

I think I might know the bit of the park

1:02:31

that you're talking about. Really? Because there also were, there

1:02:34

were always a lot of homeless people in that

1:02:36

park. There's like, you'll be kind of hanging out

1:02:38

and you'll just kind of see in the bushes. There'll just be

1:02:40

someone kind of like loitering around, lurking

1:02:43

around, big plastic bag full of

1:02:45

stuff. Yeah, I think it's a bit

1:02:47

of a, because it's a very nice park. Right. It's a

1:02:49

bit of a, it's a bit of a homeless hotspot. Oh,

1:02:52

okay. Well, look, these are two massive

1:02:56

suitcases and they're quite nice looking ones. Okay.

1:02:58

So I think I'm, I'm edging away from

1:03:00

the, the homeless part of the, the theory.

1:03:02

Yeah. But I don't know what the fuck

1:03:04

is in there. Yep. Cause I was like,

1:03:06

yeah, I'm going to get, I'm going to

1:03:09

get in there. Are you going to

1:03:11

get, do it. I'm going to go have a crack. I reckon.

1:03:13

Yeah. Cause you know what? I went there and I was like,

1:03:15

this is good content. I'm going to open the things and find

1:03:17

out what it is. Cause I've been talking about it. I genuinely

1:03:19

got there and got scared and went, I'm not opening it. I'm

1:03:22

not going to open. I mean, you do need,

1:03:24

you need, you do probably need a second person

1:03:26

on lookout. Yes. Cause it's like, I don't care

1:03:28

what I find in there. Like that's, that doesn't

1:03:30

bother me. It could be anything in there. That's

1:03:32

not going to rattle me, but

1:03:34

the big thing could rattle you. Nothing could

1:03:36

rattle. Nothing at this point in my life.

1:03:39

Nothing could rattle me. But the fear is

1:03:42

having an answer to someone, Hey, why

1:03:44

are you going through my suitcase? That's

1:03:46

scary to me. I don't think that's

1:03:48

the case. So, uh, the thing is

1:03:50

since I was there last, it

1:03:53

very clearly hadn't been opened. Like

1:03:56

they just fucking shitty suitcases have been

1:03:58

sitting there for ages. I

1:04:00

don't think they've been open. Yeah, okay. I think they've

1:04:02

been duped there. Yeah, okay. Fuck.

1:04:05

And it does not feel like there

1:04:08

are ongoing, like, movements

1:04:10

with those suitcases, like, oh, someone's opening that

1:04:12

up and getting a shirt out and putting

1:04:14

something back in. It's like, things have been

1:04:16

dumped in there. If we opened it up

1:04:18

and there was a body in there, would

1:04:20

we be, I mean, there's an audio record

1:04:23

dated, time stamped, and

1:04:25

witnesses of us, of you talking about this

1:04:27

in public. Yes. Are we immediately suspect? Well,

1:04:29

that's what I should start with. That's going to

1:04:31

put you in there of like, oh,

1:04:34

I just was taking a shit, and then

1:04:36

the police immediately, they're going like, what do

1:04:38

you mean you just had to shit in, but there's

1:04:40

a public toilet, like, right there. Yes, all of those

1:04:42

things. Yeah. I was worried about all of these things

1:04:44

from day one. And all of a sudden, there's going

1:04:46

to be a true crime podcast. Yeah. And then they're

1:04:48

going to put snippets of this in, where it's like,

1:04:51

some poor family's been looking for someone for, like, weeks

1:04:53

and months, and it's like, then here I am going,

1:04:55

oh yeah, and then I took a shit, and I

1:04:57

saw a suitcase, and I ran away because I was

1:04:59

a little bit scared. Yeah, yeah, but we often joke

1:05:02

about, like, oh, we could turn this into a true crime

1:05:04

podcast about this, but it's like, that

1:05:06

truly is unique. Like, the true crime

1:05:08

podcast, where it's like, this morphs into

1:05:10

a true crime podcast. Yes. Where we've

1:05:12

just, like, incidentally been talking about

1:05:14

the crime, that then we're a suspect within our own

1:05:16

podcast. And what's funny is, like, when- And the

1:05:18

evidence is just three weeks, remember when this used to

1:05:21

be a comedy podcast three weeks ago? No. Before we

1:05:23

told this story and it changed. It'll be the opposite.

1:05:25

It'll be us talking about this. It's like, oh, remember

1:05:27

when they just talked about how funny it would be

1:05:30

if they opened this suitcase every week? And then it

1:05:32

was in the paper, and they never talked about it

1:05:34

again, because legally they weren't allowed to. Yeah, yeah. Everyone

1:05:36

else talked about it, except for them. Well, what I

1:05:38

like about this too is that, like, this

1:05:41

is, you know, often our live shows, we do

1:05:43

the month, and, you know, there's, like, there might

1:05:45

be one or two ongoing things, but for the

1:05:47

most part, it's just, like, each week, this is

1:05:49

what we're doing this week, this is what we're

1:05:51

doing next week. We've already got the through

1:05:53

line of the sperm

1:05:55

bank bit. Now we've got the through line of this. What's

1:05:57

in the box? If it ended up as, like, a kerbier

1:05:59

and... enthusiasm season where it's like this

1:06:02

next week the one we've got coming up the

1:06:04

fourth show Everything kind of has

1:06:06

to tie together Yeah, Abhishek's the guy that

1:06:08

killed all the people and put them in

1:06:10

the suitcase. We go we go back there

1:06:13

And that's Abhishek's home. He's just like sleeping

1:06:15

the suitcase If we can find a way

1:06:17

to like bring all these threads together for

1:06:19

some spectacular payoff at the end of the

1:06:22

season Abhishek's mom and dad are sleeping in

1:06:24

the two-seat cases Yeah, all

1:06:27

right well, I can't wait to see I can't

1:06:29

wait to see how we land all these spinning plates

1:06:31

So you're gonna day I'm I'm I'm well you

1:06:33

better get your skates on if you genuinely want

1:06:35

to go and do it We're recording this the

1:06:37

morning that the episode goes out. Yeah, and

1:06:39

I'm gonna as soon as it goes out I'm gonna I'm

1:06:42

gonna fucking put it up. I'm gonna yeah. Yeah, I need

1:06:44

you to tell I need you to say Oh, yeah, you

1:06:46

know you need to yeah, I'm not just going and walking

1:06:48

around Um yeah,

1:06:50

I'm trying to think when I'll go

1:06:53

I'll probably go I'll probably go tomorrow

1:06:55

night actually okay, all right nice Yeah,

1:06:57

well in the dark experience in the dark.

1:07:00

Yeah If you go

1:07:02

at night, I'll come I'll come down for the torch and

1:07:04

I'll follow you well I'm just trying to think

1:07:06

like yeah, yeah, I'm just trying to I

1:07:08

was genuinely scared during the day. Yeah, okay Yeah,

1:07:10

maybe I don't know I got away. I go actually

1:07:13

no you know what I'm going to the doctor tomorrow

1:07:15

My doctor is near there, okay, so maybe I'll go

1:07:17

before or after the doctor I Can't

1:07:22

wait I can't wait to find out the answer

1:07:24

well I'm going to the doctor to have like

1:07:26

a second round of laser surgery Which

1:07:28

last time I had it it completely fucked up

1:07:30

my face as this big scab on the side

1:07:32

of my nose So maybe if I

1:07:35

don't know if that's gonna happen again So

1:07:37

maybe I have the laser and then I go

1:07:39

to the park so that I look I

1:07:42

look pretty scary, too That's my level

1:07:44

of defense anyone creeping up on me. Okay, is

1:07:46

it if I also look fucked up Maybe I'll

1:07:49

scare them off well you maybe if you look

1:07:51

fucked up. It's like oh, this is where this

1:07:53

guy leaves You're creeping around yeah Yeah,

1:07:55

yeah, yeah, I'll know yeah, I'll dress like

1:07:58

shit just so I really like Anyone

1:08:00

who sees me ruffling through it is like oh, there's

1:08:02

that homeless guy on the cover looking through his own

1:08:04

bag. Yes Yeah, yeah, yeah the perfect crime now. I

1:08:06

kind of do I don't know I do like the

1:08:09

idea of going there at night I like to really

1:08:11

add to it. I like the idea of it in

1:08:13

my head I was like well if you're doing this

1:08:15

yeah, you've just got to really commit yes, and really

1:08:17

make it scary for yourself Yes, I would love for

1:08:20

you to do that. It would be it The

1:08:22

idea of doing it in the dark is very

1:08:25

funny to me I like the idea that we

1:08:27

could send a roving reporter down there during the

1:08:29

show yeah have someone oh Yeah,

1:08:31

have someone on the phone. Yeah linked up.

1:08:33

Yeah, all right Why don't I just not

1:08:35

drop the pin and not do any of

1:08:37

that stuff and send a roving reporter during

1:08:39

the live show this? Week yeah, should we

1:08:41

do that? I don't know who we'll get

1:08:43

I also do want to go though, okay?

1:08:47

We'll figure this out all right. We'll figure it out. We'll

1:08:49

figure it out. Let us know what you'd prefer

1:08:51

us to do All

1:08:54

right Brisbane. Hey. We've got a live show

1:08:56

in Brisbane. What was the date for that

1:08:58

Tommy? Dassleau May the 18th so it's only

1:09:00

a month away. Yeah get into it It

1:09:02

is a we're only one show only where

1:09:04

we're not staying there. There's no chance for

1:09:06

a second show because We

1:09:08

are not staying there because magic round in the

1:09:10

footy is on and it's too

1:09:12

expensive to stay in the hotel room Yeah,

1:09:15

so we're straight in straight out So

1:09:18

just time enough to do a lovely

1:09:20

live podcast if you enjoyed these runs

1:09:22

of this run of live pods We've been

1:09:24

doing which I think I mean fucking really good and

1:09:27

late in Melbourne coming in and out and not

1:09:30

You know not staying there. That's gonna make it very cheap

1:09:32

for us to fly a Yeah, no totally We

1:09:40

know we're gonna Nick Capra flying Virgin we

1:09:42

put him on a wreck flight. Yeah, I

1:09:44

love that Yeah, he can be writing jokes

1:09:46

for me on he misses the flight and then he

1:09:49

didn't need his name writing jokes for us in Sydney

1:09:52

I'm gay. Yeah, okay. All right Make

1:09:56

sense what you've been to stand back

1:09:58

doing yeah, yeah get along to that

1:10:00

littledumbdumbclub.com while you're there. Why not get on

1:10:02

to our Patreon? While you're down there. While

1:10:04

you're down there, get

1:10:07

on to our Patreon. patreon.com/littledumbdumbclub

1:10:09

if you want to go direct. Sign up, get

1:10:11

yourself two bonus mini episodes per week and

1:10:13

also go into the draw

1:10:15

to get your name read out. Yeah,

1:10:18

thanks to everyone who signs up on

1:10:20

patreon.com/littledumbdumbclub. Thank you very much for your

1:10:22

ongoing support and I would love, we

1:10:25

would love to see new members sign

1:10:27

up and find out the magic that's

1:10:29

behind the paywall. Heaps of good stuff.

1:10:31

We've been banking a bit of stuff

1:10:33

during the Comedy Festival with

1:10:36

some guests who are here for the month and

1:10:38

we won't see the rest of the year basically.

1:10:40

So yeah, it's fun shit. Thank

1:10:42

you very much to Patreon subscriber, first cab off the rank

1:10:44

this week, Ben Finch.

1:10:47

Finchy. Not

1:10:50

a bad name. Ben Finch. I like it. Yeah,

1:10:53

feels good. What's the

1:10:55

way of describing it somehow, when

1:10:58

you enjoy something coming out of your mouth? What's,

1:11:00

is there a, because it

1:11:02

rolls off the tongue well. Is there a

1:11:05

term for that? I'm sure there is. Just

1:11:07

like it's phonetically pleasing. Yeah. Ben

1:11:10

Finch. Ben Finch. Finchy.

1:11:12

Yeah. David Brent's mate from the

1:11:14

office. Yes. And...

1:11:17

A bird? Is there a...

1:11:19

Is a bird? Is there a Finch

1:11:21

in American Pie? Is that

1:11:23

the guy who doesn't want to shit at school?

1:11:26

Is that Finch? I'm not sure if

1:11:28

I've ever watched it. I don't think I've

1:11:30

ever watched it. Well. What about the pie

1:11:32

in American Pie? Yeah. Yeah.

1:11:35

American Pie. Let's

1:11:37

have a look. Benjamin.

1:11:41

Yes, Paul Finch. Played by Eddie K

1:11:43

Thomas. And what is it, what's his,

1:11:46

what's his story? He's like a real dork. He's

1:11:49

the guy who, he fucks Jennifer

1:11:51

Coolidge at the end of the film, Stifler's

1:11:53

mum. And he has a thing

1:11:55

where he won't shit at school. He like

1:11:57

always goes home to take a shit. like,

1:12:00

prank him, they give him laxatives.

1:12:02

Oh, okay. 2001 baby. Yeah,

1:12:06

yeah, sounds pretty good. I

1:12:10

went to school with someone called Finch, one of

1:12:12

many people that you just leave

1:12:14

behind in life and go, whatever happened to them,

1:12:16

and then you find out they're in the same

1:12:18

spot, you left them. I've got a couple of

1:12:20

people on Facebook who I went to primary school

1:12:23

with, who I guess at one point I just

1:12:25

looked up and was like, oh, they're on here,

1:12:27

ad. And they never communicated

1:12:29

with them. Had a little look

1:12:31

through the photos, went well, they look like

1:12:33

an adult now. That's crazy. Because I remember

1:12:35

them as being five years old. But

1:12:38

now they're an adult. That's fucking crazy.

1:12:40

That's great that you reached out, oh, we should catch

1:12:42

up. I mean, you know, last time

1:12:44

I saw you, we were both eating clag. We should really- But

1:12:47

never even did that. Never even like a touch base

1:12:49

of like, hey man, how you been? Just the

1:12:51

ad. And because also the thing

1:12:53

is, I'm on there under a different name. Like,

1:12:55

I'm not on there under the name that I

1:12:57

was on the school roll as.

1:13:00

And they've still just gone, yeah, confirm. Yeah. Well,

1:13:04

they're the same as the comedy world where everyone would

1:13:06

just go, oh, anyone wanting to be

1:13:08

my friend, yeah, sure. Adding to the fan base.

1:13:10

Early days of Facebook. If a punner hits you

1:13:12

up, I guess you gotta say yes. Yeah, yeah,

1:13:14

yeah. What a different time. Yes,

1:13:16

totally. Yeah,

1:13:18

I've had that before of unfriended people. Not because I've

1:13:20

cropped the shit up, but it's like, well,

1:13:22

why am I connected to this person anyway?

1:13:25

Yeah. They'll

1:13:27

see me and go, oh, they'll hit me

1:13:29

up and go, why did you do that? It's like, this

1:13:31

is the first time we've ever talked. Yeah.

1:13:34

Why did we need to be communicated? Why do we

1:13:36

need to be tethered like this? Yeah. I

1:13:39

think I would struggle to realize that anyone

1:13:41

has unfriended me. Because that

1:13:44

means that you're what, like, going, you know what

1:13:46

I mean? Like, going onto their page, like going

1:13:48

through having a look and being

1:13:50

like, oh, this is, like, I don't know,

1:13:52

it's just such a deep level of interacting with

1:13:54

Facebook in 2024. Yes.

1:13:58

It's very like the, the, the, the. People

1:14:00

have said to me, oh, you're one friend of me. It

1:14:02

means nothing. We're still communicating on here.

1:14:07

I would talk to dozens of people on

1:14:09

Facebook that I'm not officially friends with.

1:14:12

It just doesn't matter. Those people that you see

1:14:14

that are still, they're still posting

1:14:16

a status update every couple of days. A

1:14:19

big chunk of text about their life. That's

1:14:21

insane to me. I don't think

1:14:23

I even see that. There's a

1:14:25

couple of people on there that I have

1:14:27

that are comedians, especially. Like, oh,

1:14:29

hi, everyone. He is on tour. I'm doing

1:14:31

this. OK,

1:14:34

really? Actually, the personal profile page,

1:14:36

I mean, this is so in

1:14:38

comedy, inside comedy. But yeah,

1:14:40

the personal one where a comedian goes, oh, on their

1:14:42

personal page, it's like, mate, that's what the fucking fan

1:14:45

page is for. Yeah. What are you doing this for?

1:14:47

Yeah. So your auntie can see it? Yeah. You're going

1:14:49

to buy a ticket to your fucking gig in West

1:14:51

Wyelong? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Anyway, who

1:14:54

fucking cares? Comedy. End of the

1:14:56

comedy festival, Tommy. As

1:15:00

always, it's a long month. Everyone's

1:15:02

about to not want to do comedy ever again

1:15:04

for about five months. I've got to say, it

1:15:06

feels longer to me having not

1:15:08

done a solo show than it does having

1:15:10

done a show. Feels like,

1:15:12

yeah, weirdly. Well, it would probably make

1:15:15

sense, I guess. Because there's

1:15:17

not a lot of things happening in one day and

1:15:20

making it feel like a long day, I think, for

1:15:22

you, I guess. Does that make sense?

1:15:25

You mean when you do a show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,

1:15:27

yeah, yeah. You do get, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I

1:15:29

would have thought, yeah, anyway. Long

1:15:32

month, a lot of people, we've crossed

1:15:34

the tanty line in the last couple of days.

1:15:36

I love that shit. We're talking

1:15:39

about that before the show. A lot of

1:15:41

people saying, we're not doing comedy festival next

1:15:43

year, so you better come to see my show

1:15:45

now. Yep. That's the new move.

1:15:47

There's a bit of a. The

1:15:49

idea that anyone sitting there that was like, well,

1:15:52

I won't go, because I'll probably go and see

1:15:54

their show next year. The idea that that's like

1:15:56

a conscious thought in anyone's head, that

1:15:58

then they're like, oh, fuck, well. In that

1:16:00

I was just planning on going in 2025. Yeah,

1:16:03

but if that's the case, I'd better

1:16:05

go now on April 16 I

1:16:07

better go watch this endangered comedy Because

1:16:10

it certainly won't be filmed and put online anywhere

1:16:12

for me to just consume from the comfort of

1:16:14

my own home. Yeah I

1:16:17

mean my favorite we did this we talked

1:16:19

a little bit about this extended wise on

1:16:22

on bonus apps, but My

1:16:24

favorite is always Just the

1:16:26

person cracking the shits and and

1:16:28

go no one's coming to my show So you someone

1:16:30

so you guys should all come to my show the

1:16:33

absolute last Reason that would

1:16:35

make me want to go to a show. Mmm. No

1:16:38

one's coming to my show. Oh fuck I

1:16:40

better come yeah, I better come to the

1:16:42

rescue and sit alone in a

1:16:44

room to this person who Probably

1:16:46

doesn't have a very good show because you've

1:16:48

just told me no one's coming I think that truly

1:16:51

the only person that really works on is like other

1:16:53

performers like you do see comics be like, okay Look,

1:16:55

this person's having a tough one. I'll

1:16:57

go support them. Yeah, and so then you just end

1:16:59

up doing a show to Well,

1:17:03

is this what I wanted yeah, I could have

1:17:05

just cancelled and yeah had an early night I'm

1:17:10

bombing to my peers. Yeah. Yeah,

1:17:12

I'm I'm not going as badly as I

1:17:14

was last night But I'm also still

1:17:16

not making any money at all. Yeah. Yeah.

1:17:18

Well, thanks Ben Finch. Thanks, Vinci Thank

1:17:22

you very much to patient subscriber Dale

1:17:24

Mason Hmm. No, it's good as

1:17:26

Ben Finch. I'm sorry. No, but what is

1:17:29

Dale Mason, I'm getting mechanic vibe from

1:17:31

this. Yeah Real mechanic.

1:17:33

Yeah, I'm with you. I was writing a script. Yeah,

1:17:36

if I had a real like blue

1:17:38

coveralls Wrench in the

1:17:40

back pocket covered in grease Calendar

1:17:43

of a woman with big tits

1:17:45

Oh stuck up on the wall. That's

1:17:48

great Going Dale Thomas's mechanic, but

1:17:50

I mean having said that I mean I'll Mason.

1:17:52

Sorry. Yeah, you are saying like The

1:17:55

name Mason. I mean that's coming from there great

1:17:57

great great. Whatever it is. Mmm, that's it I

1:18:00

shouldn't there are all I mean I

1:18:02

keep thinking like the Masonic you know

1:18:04

Institute or whatever they call it Oh right

1:18:07

the Freemason the Freemason. Yeah, the Mason does

1:18:09

actually like a stone Mason. Yeah, you're right,

1:18:11

which is like a Crafter

1:18:14

a person whose trade is building

1:18:16

with units of various natural artificial

1:18:18

mineral products as stones bricks cinder

1:18:20

blocks or tiles Yeah, you're right.

1:18:22

That's like the opposite of a

1:18:24

Freemason of the yeah like weird

1:18:27

meat Freemason And so there's kind of

1:18:29

a you know you can kind of track the

1:18:31

progression from that to like a mechanic, you know

1:18:33

Yeah, yeah, it's sort of like

1:18:35

the man. That's the mechanics of the

1:18:37

14th century. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's

1:18:39

fine Yeah, but why did why did the

1:18:41

fucking Freemason secret society? Why did they get

1:18:43

in on all this? Yeah, I don't know

1:18:45

Why why why when council

1:18:48

making cinder blocks go, you know what?

1:18:50

Let's make a secret society Yeah,

1:18:53

free is it I mean

1:18:55

Freemason You know the whole thing about

1:18:57

how you like if you're in the masons you get like,

1:18:59

you know There's like a little

1:19:01

handshake deal, you know There was that John Safran

1:19:03

thing for a while of like the spaghetti tree in

1:19:06

St. Kilda being a Freemasons establishment Yeah,

1:19:08

and you would get like a you know, you'd get

1:19:10

a little discount for being a Freemason Oh, yeah, so

1:19:12

is it sort of like it's like

1:19:14

hey you if you go to the stone Mason you get your

1:19:16

stuff for free Yeah,

1:19:18

you're like in our little society, right?

1:19:20

Oh, yeah, right, right It

1:19:23

does seem weird though, like, you know today

1:19:25

if there's gonna be a secret

1:19:27

society It's fucking I don't know people high

1:19:29

up in the world like politicians or rich

1:19:32

people or whatever it is You don't tend to have like

1:19:34

a Like you know,

1:19:36

like we're saying there's no like Oh secret society.

1:19:38

I'd love to get in but unfortunately I'm not

1:19:40

friends with that mechanic over there. Yeah It's

1:19:44

the same as um, there's this great doco

1:19:46

on Netflix called the octopus murders Which is

1:19:48

about this guy who was looking into this

1:19:50

kind of government conspiracy

1:19:52

And he started getting all these

1:19:54

phone calls like hey man Don't you know I'd

1:19:57

leave this alone bad stuff will happen to you

1:19:59

and he was like talking to his brother

1:20:01

going like yeah I'm getting all these like pretty scary

1:20:03

phone calls like if anything happens to me it's

1:20:05

it's no accident and then like

1:20:08

the next day he turns up dead of suicide in

1:20:10

a hotel room and the doco is about like sort

1:20:12

of retracing the stuff that

1:20:14

he was uncovering and like what happened to him and

1:20:17

it's like that you know it's like a matter

1:20:19

of record that the CIA was like

1:20:21

MK ultra and stuff that's like

1:20:23

fact you know like conspiracy theories used to

1:20:25

have like an air of like fun to

1:20:27

them and then now it's like people marching

1:20:29

down the middle of Burke Street going like

1:20:31

they're trying to fucking poison us with the

1:20:33

vaccine you know what I mean the conspiracy

1:20:35

theory used to be kind of enjoyable and she didn't do it

1:20:37

and be like yeah alien and now it's

1:20:40

just like freaks going like

1:20:42

Dan Andrews is a pedophile like it's

1:20:44

so hard I mean that's the cons

1:20:46

that's the new conspiracy is that those

1:20:48

people are a creation of the people

1:20:50

at the top level who are doing

1:20:52

the dodgy shit just to make you

1:20:54

know what I mean like if you

1:20:56

make all the conspiracy theorists if

1:20:58

you just like put this if

1:21:00

you put this army of them out there that are

1:21:03

all insane then everyone's just gonna go these cunts are

1:21:05

off their head and not listen to a thing they're

1:21:07

saying yeah and then you can just do whatever you

1:21:09

want yeah yeah

1:21:13

anyway Loch Ness Monster is real still

1:21:15

in my opinion and I'll be talking about

1:21:18

that at Burke Street on

1:21:20

the weekend yeah before the live podcast

1:21:22

yep that would be

1:21:24

actually really fun we are on at a

1:21:26

pretty good time for um catching some of

1:21:28

those guys still stick into their guns

1:21:30

well we did that we did it the

1:21:33

other weekend we were yeah we

1:21:35

were sitting before the show outside

1:21:37

at a restaurant and we watched

1:21:39

a group of five a procession

1:21:41

five people five people we've like in the

1:21:44

old days they used to have the organized

1:21:46

protest and even if there was like 40

1:21:48

people that have to sort of get almost

1:21:50

like a license or permission from the police

1:21:53

and then they would get security yeah but

1:21:55

up there but then this was just fucking

1:21:57

five people blocking a tram what's the yeah

1:22:00

I wonder what the number is that you have to

1:22:02

drop below where the police are like, sorry fellas, not

1:22:04

worth our time. Well it was quite good because we

1:22:06

were watching them and just sort of like going, wow,

1:22:08

this is a fucking real blow back to it,

1:22:11

you know, two years ago. Still happening. Yeah,

1:22:13

and then we were watching other people just

1:22:15

laughing at them and I think they were arguing with

1:22:17

people on the way past because people were just laughing

1:22:19

and they're like on the megaphone going, stop

1:22:22

laughing, this is serious. I

1:22:24

mean, when there's five of you, if you're getting the

1:22:27

call where you're like, hey, I can't make it Saturday,

1:22:29

my daughter's net ball final, like I have

1:22:31

to be there, fuck your devastating.

1:22:33

Tony, we need you. We really

1:22:35

need you. Man, you've

1:22:37

got Tony, you've got, you're one sixth

1:22:39

of the process. 20% of the margin.

1:22:43

You need to go, what's more important than this?

1:22:46

Oh, I'm just at the doctor's, doing

1:22:48

what? Oh, nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

1:22:51

My wife made me come here to get a

1:22:53

tooth out. Yeah.

1:22:56

Yeah, not an injection.

1:22:59

Tony, with four people, they won't give

1:23:01

us the police escort. Five, we

1:23:03

get the police escort, please. We need you.

1:23:06

They'll stone us in the street. Yes. Well,

1:23:09

thanks, Dale Mason. Dale Mason,

1:23:11

that's you. Thank

1:23:15

you very much to Patreon subscriber,

1:23:17

Rachel. Just

1:23:19

try to guess what the next name is. This

1:23:21

is a fun game. Bumhole. Let's

1:23:24

see how many. Rachel

1:23:26

Bumhole. Rachel Bumhole, no, that's not it. I

1:23:30

will give you, what about this? Let's

1:23:32

play colder and warmer. Okay.

1:23:35

With a name. Rachel, you gotta guess the surname. First

1:23:37

guess is what? Smith.

1:23:41

Cold. Xenosaur.

1:23:48

What's warmer than Smith, but it's

1:23:50

not warm. What

1:23:58

about this? I'm just looking around the room to see. This

1:24:01

is a long game to go colder warmer. Yeah.

1:24:04

Table. Which I like. That's

1:24:07

warmer. Way warmer. Warmer than zenithal.

1:24:09

Yep. Okay. Uhh...

1:24:12

chair. That's

1:24:16

the same amount of warm. Okay.

1:24:21

Uhh... we

1:24:23

gotta make this the last guess. You gotta

1:24:25

do this as critical thinking. What's making this

1:24:27

warmer, do you think? Well

1:24:31

I don't know. I don't know what your criteria

1:24:33

is. Well that's what I'm saying to you. You know, you

1:24:35

can use critical thinking right now and think, why am I

1:24:38

saying warmer? Well it's hard to know if it's like general

1:24:40

vibe or like letters,

1:24:42

links, if it's a

1:24:44

thing. Well

1:24:49

try one of those things out right now. Rachel

1:24:53

Bench. Or... same

1:24:57

level of warmness. Umm...

1:25:00

you just gotta tell me. I can

1:25:03

see. This is a good game. I cannot imagine

1:25:05

anyone is finding this enjoyable to listen to. If

1:25:07

you played this properly this would be a great

1:25:09

game. I'm finding this infuriating to be on the

1:25:12

other side. This is a great mystery. Guess

1:25:14

a name just through warmer or

1:25:17

colder. Look let's do

1:25:19

an extended version of this next week or something. Because

1:25:21

I think this is a genuinely great name. Let's do

1:25:23

this on Saturday. Okay. With

1:25:26

a live audience. Okay.

1:25:29

Why don't you ask questions about the name then.

1:25:31

Oh my god. This is good. Umm... This

1:25:34

is a good game. How many

1:25:36

syllables? Umm...

1:25:39

six. Six? Oh

1:25:41

no sorry that's letters. Jesus. Two

1:25:43

syllables sorry. Six is a fucking great surname

1:25:46

for syllables. Six syllables surname? Umm...

1:25:52

Is it like a... is it a

1:25:55

thing? Yes. Okay. See

1:25:57

that's why I was saying warmer before. Okay. Um...

1:26:03

Hmm... It's

1:26:06

a thing, it's two syllables, six letters I

1:26:08

found out by accident. Yep.

1:26:12

You can ask yes or no. Is it

1:26:14

like a... Would you say it's like a pretty... Oh no.

1:26:17

I sort of know the answer to that. Um...

1:26:21

Is it like a... So it's something

1:26:23

that's in a house? Yes. Can

1:26:26

we? Yep. Is it something that's in this room

1:26:28

right now? To

1:26:30

some degree, yes. Yes. To some degree?

1:26:32

Yes. Yeah, I'll say yes.

1:26:36

Yes. It's a yes. Okay. Um...

1:26:40

Is it in my field of vision right now?

1:26:42

No. Okay. Rachel

1:26:45

toilet. Oh, that's

1:26:48

good. There's no toilet in

1:26:50

this room. We're not recording in the bathroom. Yeah,

1:26:53

but I said in this house. But it's not my field

1:26:55

of vision. Oh, okay. I thought you said in this room.

1:26:57

No. Okay. Uh...

1:27:04

You can ask more questions. Rachel kitchen. That's

1:27:07

seven. Oh yeah.

1:27:09

Um... Ask

1:27:13

more questions instead of guessing. What

1:27:16

makes you game? What's

1:27:19

a question you could ask me, Tommy? What's

1:27:22

the name? No.

1:27:27

Can I go now? What's

1:27:32

a question you can ask about a thing in

1:27:35

this room? To narrow

1:27:37

down what the thing might be, you

1:27:39

might want to ask questions

1:27:41

that eliminate other objects in

1:27:43

this room. Or

1:27:46

that specify that we'll outline that it's in

1:27:48

a certain field of objects. Is it something

1:27:50

that's in the kitchen? Yes. Is

1:27:53

it in the cupboard? Yes. Is

1:28:00

it an item

1:28:02

of cutlery? No. Is

1:28:06

it a receptacle of some kind? No. Is

1:28:09

it an instrument that's used for cooking?

1:28:13

No. Jesus. What else

1:28:15

is in a kitchen, Tommy? What

1:28:18

sort of genre of object

1:28:22

is in a kitchen? Is

1:28:24

it something that's in your fridge? No. But

1:28:28

it's in one of the cabinets. It's in a cupboard. Yes.

1:28:31

It's in a cupboard. It's not a... It's

1:28:33

not a utensil. I like

1:28:36

the idea that Rachel's sitting there going, fuck, is this me?

1:28:39

Yeah, that's good. Let

1:28:42

us know, Rachel, at what point... At what

1:28:44

point in this game did you realise that this was you? Or

1:28:48

if you're another Rachel... Maybe there's a similarly named Rachel

1:28:50

who's on the hook right now. Yeah.

1:28:53

Maybe Rachel's toilet was devastated when she found out it wasn't

1:28:55

her. Rachel Pepper? Yes!

1:28:59

Yes. You got it. All

1:29:01

right. Well done. Yeah,

1:29:03

that's a good name. That's a good game.

1:29:05

Yeah, Rachel... And it had a good name.

1:29:07

Rachel Saltz, Rachel Frying Pan, Rachel Bowl. I

1:29:10

like it. Rachel Cup. They're all

1:29:12

sitting there going, oh fuck, they're talking about

1:29:14

me. Rachel Shit. It's like, why did you

1:29:17

leave that in the kitchen? Yeah, close. Yeah,

1:29:19

Rachel Pepper. That's good. That's good. I

1:29:22

mean, you took a little bit... I hope that's a

1:29:24

real name. Yeah. The first

1:29:26

guess at... Like you didn't

1:29:28

even go near food and then the first guess at

1:29:30

any sort of food was pepper. Well,

1:29:33

no, because I knew it was in a cabinet. Like

1:29:35

if it had been fridge, I would have been fucked. But

1:29:40

I mean, that kind of threw me off because

1:29:42

the pepper being in the cabinet? Well,

1:29:45

it's in a drawer. It's like it's in a... I

1:29:47

don't know what you call it. We just keep our

1:29:49

pepper out on the bench. No. Ours

1:29:51

is in a... Have you seen Ours? It's

1:29:54

like in a little very thin pullout drawer that

1:29:56

came... Yeah. That's set up.

1:29:58

See that really thin... draw that's like

1:30:00

next to the sink. Uh,

1:30:03

oh yeah. Yeah, it just comes out and there's all

1:30:05

like salt and pepper and shit in there. Oh, okay.

1:30:07

Yeah, right. Rachel

1:30:09

Pepper. Rachel Pepper. Good name.

1:30:11

Thanks for being part of that game. It's a good

1:30:13

game. I want to play that again

1:30:15

in the future. Guess the surname. I would argue that

1:30:18

every game is a good game if you're the quiz

1:30:20

master. Okay. Okay, that's fair. That's fair. Well, I feel

1:30:22

at the very least it's a good result to be

1:30:24

able to go, the answer is Rachel

1:30:26

Pepper. To have gotten it is, makes it all

1:30:28

worthwhile. Yes. Yeah. This

1:30:31

is a very rare case where it actually is about the destination and not

1:30:33

the journey. Yes. Thanks,

1:30:36

Rachel Pepper. Thanks for playing. Thanks

1:30:38

for being played. Thank you very

1:30:40

much to patient subscriber Danny Gala. Okay.

1:30:44

G-A-Y-L-E-R and the

1:30:47

D-A-N-I. Ooh.

1:30:49

Yeah. So Danny L. Well, yeah.

1:30:52

Yeah. Danny L. Gala. Yeah.

1:30:55

So this is two female subscribers this week

1:30:57

and two male subscribers, which makes me,

1:31:00

which reminds me of a

1:31:02

picture you put up this week,

1:31:04

Tommy Dasslow of, you took a

1:31:06

picture mid-standup routine this week. Mm-hmm.

1:31:10

Mid-spurn bank. Yes, mid-spurn bank. Well,

1:31:12

I don't know if we got even close to the middle

1:31:14

of the sperm bank this week. Yeah,

1:31:16

yeah, yeah. But somewhere in the preamble

1:31:18

of the sperm tank routine. Yes, or

1:31:20

mid-amble. And

1:31:23

I did think, because we make a lot of jokes about there being just

1:31:25

all guys in the audience and all

1:31:27

neckbeards and all that sort of stuff, but that picture you

1:31:29

put up of like, that was like mostly girls in the

1:31:31

workplace. Oh, right. That's

1:31:33

a, you know, we should frame that. We

1:31:35

should like go, look at this everyone. Yeah, evidence. We

1:31:38

have a normal crowd. We do need to do more.

1:31:40

I know Tom Gleason's a big fan of it, like

1:31:42

the photo of the audience at the end of the

1:31:44

gig. Oh, yeah. I think Celia was doing it

1:31:46

this year. We need to, yeah, we need

1:31:48

to start doing more of that. Not just for the

1:31:51

socials of like, hey, another big crowd. Just more

1:31:53

to go like, hey, look, everyone. I know it's

1:31:55

easy to make the jokes about the kind of

1:31:57

people that come to podcasts, but check

1:31:59

out these stunners. Check out

1:32:01

these fit birds in the front row. Yeah,

1:32:04

yeah, yeah. I

1:32:07

like the ones that people put up sort of that have

1:32:09

them in it when they do selfies, but the ones where

1:32:11

it just is a picture of a crowd. I'm like, who's

1:32:14

this for? Yeah. It's just a

1:32:16

bunch of people. What do I fucking care? Someone

1:32:18

on Gleason's page, and this is like two weeks

1:32:20

into the festival, was like, are you

1:32:23

just putting up the same photo every day? And it's

1:32:25

like, it's so easy to just have a look and

1:32:27

see that that's not the case. But

1:32:29

the front row isn't that far away from

1:32:31

where he's taking the photo. Yeah, I agree.

1:32:34

But I also get it's like, yeah, why would

1:32:36

you bother doing this? Yeah. A

1:32:38

different picture of the same boring fucking... I do

1:32:40

like that though, making someone from your management be

1:32:42

on deck every night just to get the photo

1:32:44

with you in it with the audience. Someone

1:32:47

having to be there for the last two minutes of

1:32:49

the show. How you doing? Just to get the photo

1:32:51

with you in it. Have you ever... You

1:32:54

know what should happen is that someone getting

1:32:56

five people a night should do the picture

1:32:58

every night in a room that just has

1:33:01

like four people sprinkled around

1:33:03

a 30-pin theater. Every show

1:33:05

should have to do it for transparency. There's

1:33:08

a comedian who put a thing up

1:33:10

after their run going like, yeah, it

1:33:12

was really hard and like, here's my numbers

1:33:14

that I had. And like the screenshot of

1:33:16

like the full tally of like the full

1:33:18

run. And it's brutal. And it's like, if

1:33:20

you just made every show do that, there's

1:33:23

no fake it till you make it. There's

1:33:25

no like, yeah, yeah, only posting the photo

1:33:27

of the sold out gig. There

1:33:29

was just trans... If there was like

1:33:31

a clause in the festival that every

1:33:33

show had to have full transparency about

1:33:35

how many people were there, I think it would be

1:33:37

a better world. It would be funny.

1:33:39

How many were comps? It would be good to look at.

1:33:41

Yeah, how many were comps? I do. We'd

1:33:44

all feel a little bit better about it. I did like that.

1:33:46

The one you're talking about I think was sent to me and

1:33:49

it was funny because it was like, it's

1:33:52

like, yeah, the stats you're posting up are insane.

1:33:55

No one came, you spent all this money

1:33:57

and then people were like, oh, you're

1:33:59

pulsing. or you're great keep going and then

1:34:01

one comment was like yeah this

1:34:03

sounds really hard you should stop doing this

1:34:05

and then everyone's like how dare you that

1:34:08

person's great and whatever and they're going yeah

1:34:10

I don't know you just you're showing me

1:34:12

the facts and it looks bad yeah but

1:34:15

also it's coming from someone who like

1:34:17

follows this person on social so it's like yeah

1:34:19

I like this person but even

1:34:21

though I like you you should stop doing

1:34:23

this I just want the best for you.

1:34:25

This is bad. I just if I don't

1:34:27

see any content from you ever again yeah

1:34:29

I'll just know that you're off living a

1:34:31

nice healthy fulfilling life. You're happy I'll be

1:34:33

a tiny tiny bit sadder yeah your content

1:34:35

yeah but you will not be in the

1:34:37

in the mindset of needing to put stuff

1:34:40

like this up yeah publicly yeah

1:34:43

but Danny Gala thank

1:34:45

God it's a woman we assume because

1:34:47

a fella with the surname Gala maybe

1:34:50

Danny still copped it yeah but I have to

1:34:52

imagine it if you're a bloke yeah

1:34:56

high school rough yeah

1:34:58

it's a it's not

1:35:00

ideal it's it's making

1:35:02

it's the character builder yeah

1:35:05

yeah yeah I bet your parents

1:35:07

are saying that a lot to you yeah after

1:35:09

you come home just tears in your eyes

1:35:11

yeah dad can we please change our

1:35:13

name I'm begging you no son

1:35:15

it's character building I went through it

1:35:18

your grandpa went through it your great

1:35:20

grandpa went through it yeah

1:35:23

we've already changed your name to Ben from

1:35:25

Puffter yeah all right we've already helped you

1:35:27

out okay we gave you the choice at

1:35:29

your 10th birthday do you want to change

1:35:32

the first name or the surname Gala

1:35:34

and you chose the first name and this

1:35:36

is what you have to learn in life

1:35:38

yeah yeah it's all you

1:35:40

could have been you could have been

1:35:42

Puff to Smith if you'd gone differently

1:35:44

Puff to not really Puff

1:35:47

to just kidding yeah you could have

1:35:51

that was you'd get out of jail free card man

1:35:53

you wasted it oh

1:35:55

Danny that's good that's good stuff

1:35:57

thanks Danny Gala thanks Danny Gala thank you

1:36:00

For your ongoing support all right

1:36:02

one more yep, and then we're

1:36:04

done. You know what fuck it I think that was such a good game.

1:36:07

Let's let's do it again. Okay one more

1:36:09

round of the guest tonight first

1:36:12

name Rachel again,

1:36:15

okay second name you

1:36:17

have to guess and it is it's something that's in this

1:36:19

room. It's really not Comedy

1:36:22

correct Comedy

1:36:26

Thanks Rachel comedy, thanks everyone that

1:36:28

supports the show patreon.com slash little

1:36:31

dumb dumb Club We'll

1:36:33

see you Saturday if you're in Melbourne and coming

1:36:35

to that otherwise Brisbane May 18 and Brisbane

1:36:38

and then the coast of Maui If

1:36:41

you've got your ticket would cannot wait to see

1:36:43

you guys there on

1:36:45

June 9th or whatever it is till mm-hmm

1:36:48

14th or something like that mm-hmm Yeah

1:36:55

But very excited, but that's man, it's fucking it's

1:36:57

under two months away now. It's like six weeks

1:37:00

away or something crazy, so Heaps

1:37:02

going on heaps to look forward to we're in

1:37:04

a lovely run of form with these live shows It's

1:37:07

been a bunch of fun. You guys have been all

1:37:09

great audiences. Yeah, it's been really good.

1:37:12

Yeah, don't blow it Yeah, bye everyone