0:01

Would it be crazy to enjoy more

0:03

love in your life in under

0:05

60 minutes ? Welcome

0:07

to the Love with Intelligence Radio Show

0:09

. I am your host , lily Wolford

0:12

, an international relationship and dating

0:14

coach , and I have supported thousands

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of people like you to enjoy real

0:19

, honest and genuine love that lasts

0:21

, using behavioral , psychology

0:24

, body language , profiling and so

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much more . Join us now

0:28

as we dive into the deepest topics about

0:30

love , dating , heartbreaks

0:33

and relationships .

0:38

Hello . So today we're going to be talking

0:40

about healing from narcissistic relationships

0:43

, because if you've ever gone through

0:45

a narcissistic relationship , it's

0:48

just a journey . It's a journey

0:50

in itself being able to process what's happened

0:52

. And it's also a journey of being able to reintegrate

0:55

into reality , because narcissists

0:58

are so incredibly clever

1:00

at creating a reality that they

1:02

want you to see whether that's beliefs

1:04

about yourself , whether that's what to

1:06

believe about them , whether it's the life

1:08

that they've created around you

1:10

that they want you to be able to see . And

1:13

sometimes it can take a little bit of a journey

1:15

to be able to reintegrate to yourself again

1:18

, reclaiming yourself , rebuilding your

1:20

life , and then also dealing

1:22

with things like forgiveness , closure

1:25

, sometimes that feeling of lack of justice

1:28

, because that can be super frustrating

1:30

and it can be a lot to be able to let

1:32

go of so you can move forward

1:34

and enjoy your life

1:36

. So for

1:38

those of you that we haven't met before , my

1:40

name is Lily . I'm a love and intimacy mentor

1:43

for those who've gone through narcissistic

1:45

and toxic relationships and

1:47

I support those people to go on to

1:49

heal and move on to loving

1:51

and healthy relationships that last

1:54

. My own personal

1:56

journey one of the main reasons why I

1:58

created love with intelligence

2:00

is because I'd gone through

2:03

so many toxic relationships and I

2:05

was sick and tired of

2:07

going through those types of relationships

2:10

, feeling defeated , feeling tired , just wanting

2:12

just to experience

2:14

just real love . I wanted to be able to

2:16

love someone fully

2:18

and completely , without the fear

2:21

of losing myself

2:23

or giving it to the wrong person , or

2:25

being taken advantage of or used

2:27

or anything like that . And let me

2:29

tell you , it's been quite . It's

2:31

been quite the journey to

2:34

be able to be where I am

2:36

now and it's also been

2:39

, you know , the

2:41

driving force behind all the research

2:44

, everything that I've done that's actually supported

2:46

my clients to , you

2:48

know , escape toxic relationships and

2:50

move on to healthy ones too . You know I've

2:52

got so many clients who've now

2:54

, you know , got married , had babies , got engaged

2:57

, move into with their partners , you

2:59

know , and ended up in long lasting relationships

3:02

based on the back of , you know , the research

3:04

that I've created and discovered

3:07

and experienced . So

3:09

let's dive

3:11

into the narcissistic

3:14

relationship , you know . Let's dive into what

3:17

does the narcissistic relationship look like

3:19

? Because you know narcissists

3:21

in the dating and relationship world is such

3:23

a buzzword . And let me tell you and I'm talking

3:25

about narcissists , I'm

3:27

talking about the real deal , you

3:29

know I'm talking about the ones where it's been scientifically

3:32

proven that

3:35

the empathy part of the brain is underdeveloped . Okay

3:37

, we're talking about the real ones , not the ones

3:39

that just have the little traits here and there , because

3:41

everyone has those certain traits . But

3:45

I'm talking about the darker , the

3:47

real darker side of these personalities , the

3:49

real deal . So when

3:51

we're talking about narcissists

3:53

and you know we can even sort

3:55

of talk and touch upon sociopaths

3:57

and psychopaths , because they're very

4:00

, very closely woven together you

4:02

know , when we have a look at narcissism , sociopaths

4:05

and psychopaths , we need to understand

4:07

that it's a sliding scale as well

4:09

. We need to understand that . You know the traits

4:11

are going to look very , very different in

4:14

different people . You know there's going to be stronger elements

4:16

of those traits

4:18

and those symptoms

4:21

in those

4:23

people . So let me talk

4:25

about the goals of a

4:27

narcissist . We'll begin that One

4:30

main goal is to be able to

4:32

control . They

4:34

love to be able to control the narrative

4:37

, to control the reality , to be able

4:39

to , you know

4:41

, control what people see and believe

4:44

, especially about them . They

4:47

don't want people to necessarily know that

4:49

they're a narcissist or they're different in that

4:51

way , but they do want to be seen as special

4:53

, as superior and

4:55

as someone who is , you

4:58

know , whether a leader in a certain area

5:00

or very highly intelligent in a certain

5:03

area . They want to be able to be seen

5:05

as someone better than someone you know

5:07

, than everybody else . They want us to

5:09

be seen as above average . So

5:11

this is one of the things that's quite interesting about

5:13

narcissists have you ever seen the way they treat

5:15

people who see through them

5:18

? They either really distance

5:20

themselves from that person or

5:22

they attack that person . You

5:25

know , emotionally , psychologically , you

5:28

know whether it's poisoning the social circle

5:30

, you know , against that person . They're very

5:32

, very good at controlling the narratives

5:35

. So that's one of the main

5:37

things that they tend to do when

5:40

we have a look at a narcissist

5:42

in a relationship . They

5:45

love to be able to control that partner

5:47

. They love to be able to control what they see , what

5:49

they believe . And

5:51

it's almost a little bit cat and mousey

5:53

, you know , when you see

5:55

a cat killing its prey , it's very much

5:58

. You know it's not a very quick process

6:00

. It's this slow , drawn out process

6:02

. You know which is

6:05

exactly what a narcissist tends to do . So

6:08

when we think about what

6:11

a narcissist does to prepare

6:13

their victims to be , you know , okay

6:15

, with going through that experience

6:18

, there's a

6:21

lot of love bombing , a lot of psychological

6:24

techniques that they do to be able to bring

6:26

their partners into that . So

6:29

there'll be things like , oh sorry , but she knows

6:31

they've got things like

6:33

, you know , love bombing . They , you

6:35

know , create this fairy

6:38

tale experience of when you first

6:40

meet them , like you've always , you know , you've always

6:42

known each other and there's this deep connection

6:44

. And what they tend to do is

6:47

they'll tend to try and morph into what

6:49

you want them to be . So

6:52

if you said , oh , okay , I want a partner who's

6:54

this , they will make a big emphasis

6:56

on oh , I am this . So

6:59

they'll try to morph themselves into

7:01

what they believe you want

7:03

. Okay , and that might be , you

7:05

know , when you've shared your future goals , that

7:07

they want exactly the same thing . It

7:10

might be the certain traits that you

7:12

really desire in a person and they share , oh

7:14

, yes , well , I'm this way because of XYZ . Or

7:16

they show stories to show that they're

7:18

that , that , that type of person . So

7:21

they'll create that reality from the very

7:23

, very beginning . So you'll

7:26

you believe you are getting the real deal , you'll

7:28

find you found someone that's exactly who

7:30

you want and who you desire

7:32

. So then

7:34

what tends to happen is when they , when

7:36

they actually have created that reality

7:39

, they will then chip away . Okay

7:41

, they'll start chipping away , usually at that person's

7:43

identity to begin with . Okay

7:46

, so they will , they'll try and bend the

7:49

way that person acts or the way the

7:51

person has some certain beliefs or values

7:53

. They'll start attacking

7:56

the identity . So it might be

7:58

name calling , it might be saying

8:00

well , I think it's really stupid that you think that way

8:02

. You know how is an

8:04

intelligent person like you can

8:07

do XYZ , you know ? It'll be things

8:09

like that where they can start to shift

8:11

and morph your behaviors

8:14

. Because when you , when you believe

8:16

that you

8:18

have found someone who's exactly what

8:20

you want well , you know , unfortunately

8:23

we're talking about just people in general

8:25

here people will try and protect

8:27

that relationship because they believe it

8:29

, that relationships exactly what they wanted

8:32

, exactly what they needed , and

8:34

they'll try and morph to be able to be the partner

8:37

that can experience that relationship . So you

8:39

might have found yourself changing

8:41

your behaviors , shifting some of your

8:43

beliefs , shifting some of your values

8:45

, doing things that probably weren't

8:47

aligned with your personality , because

8:50

you were wanting to keep that relationship

8:52

. You thought that relationship was something that was

8:54

right , something that was healthy , so

8:56

, of course , you're going to do everything that you could do to protect

8:59

it . The other thing that narcissists tend

9:01

to do as well is they tend to create

9:03

this gap . Okay , so they'll

9:05

create a gap where they're superior to

9:07

you . So , again , you know what

9:10

tends to happen there is , when they create

9:12

that level of superiority , they

9:15

will actually cause you to question

9:17

your own judgment and only

9:19

trust theirs . So this

9:22

can be something as simple

9:24

as asking their opinion

9:26

on something . It

9:28

might be

9:30

asking things like what they you

9:33

know , their belief systems and things at that of what

9:35

should happen after an argument . It

9:37

might be . This

9:40

is just so many different examples there

9:43

might you know , when we have a look at these types

9:45

of these

9:48

types of things , what they tend to do is they'll tend

9:50

to put you down . Sorry

9:53

, no , no , no . Just think of a really good example

9:55

here . Let's say , for example

9:59

, they say that they are really

10:01

, really good at something . Okay , so

10:04

they really big themselves in that area and

10:06

you believe that you're quite confident in that area too

10:08

, but what they'll do is they'll start to chip away

10:10

at your belief system that you are very good

10:13

in that particular area . It might be something

10:15

like cooking , it might be something to do with work , it

10:17

might be due to do something with fashion or something

10:19

like that , but what they'll do is they'll

10:21

create that distance

10:23

where they're the authority in that area and

10:26

you're lower down . So what will happen

10:28

is when they start

10:31

questioning you and your belief

10:33

systems or your knowledge or

10:35

your expertise , you will

10:37

start to doubt and question yourself . So what you'll

10:40

do is you'll actually start asking the narcissist

10:42

for their opinion , for what they

10:44

believe . So that creates again

10:47

that level of authority in that gap

10:49

. Okay , and this can be like I said , it can be

10:51

anything . You know whether it's work , whether it's just

10:53

you know belief systems

10:55

in general politics . It can be absolutely

10:57

anything , it might be everything , but

10:59

they'll tend to pick something where they'll create that

11:01

authority or create that gap . The

11:04

other thing that they'll do as well is they'll also

11:07

, from going through the first

11:09

stages of creating that

11:11

feeling of where you're a priority in that

11:13

relationship , they will start

11:15

to let you know that you are not

11:18

a priority . I know

11:20

that . That example of Brad

11:22

and Shona in their married at first sight

11:24

. You know where Brad's going . You know Nothing

11:27

comes above the universe , not even you

11:29

. You know it's creating that gap

11:31

and that's exactly what Narciss will

11:33

do . Whether they prioritize work , whether they prioritize

11:36

, you know , just other elements of their

11:38

life , they will show you that

11:41

you are not a priority . So again , they'll

11:43

create that gap . And the other thing that

11:45

tends to happen in narcissistic Relationships is

11:47

there will be these highs and lows , and

11:49

what this tends to do is it creates

11:52

an addiction . So you'll have the high . You're getting complimented

11:55

, love , bombed releases or serotonin

11:57

. That don't mean it's like even more addictive

11:59

than a class , a drug . So that's how addictive

12:01

all those compliments and all those amazing things are

12:04

. And Then they will take

12:06

it away and I'll say you're not a priority

12:08

or you're bad , or how can you think that

12:10

way ? And Things will just go

12:12

like this . So what this

12:14

hat , what happens , is it puts

12:16

stress on your nervous system . So

12:18

, and when this happens , it actually

12:21

creates fifth trauma bond because you are in

12:23

fix it mode , you're in firefighting mode . We , like

12:25

I , can't need to get back to that dopamine and that's serotonin

12:27

, and you'll , you know You'll experience

12:30

the low again , you'll do everything to bring that relationship

12:32

back up . So what

12:34

tends to happen as well is

12:36

they will also make sure that they're the

12:38

only supply , they're the only supplier

12:40

of the serotonin , dopamine . So they'll push away

12:43

your family members , your friends , whether

12:45

they'll they'll say that they don't like them

12:47

, or anything like that , so they become

12:49

your only supply of that serotonin

12:51

and dopamine . I'll even sort of

12:54

push you away from the hobbies and things that you

12:56

really enjoy , so they might have , you know , created

12:59

a problem of whenever you go out , there's

13:01

an issue and you decide not to go out as much

13:03

and you start moving away from things that you really

13:05

, really enjoy because , again , if

13:07

they are there , if they

13:09

are your only supplier , feeling good

13:11

, well then they've

13:14

got more control over you

13:16

and the relationship , so

13:18

that we're sort of which is basically describing

13:20

what a trauma bond is , and the

13:22

reason why I wanted to dive into this

13:24

is because you can start to understand the

13:27

psychological implications

13:29

of what can happen to

13:31

your brain when that person's no longer in your life

13:33

. You've suddenly lost your

13:35

serotonin and your dopamine hits

13:37

. You've then got to

13:40

process the relationship and all

13:42

the different things that have an equal Process

13:44

the shift in your identity throughout that

13:46

relationship . You've also got to process

13:48

what you actually believe a healthy relationship is

13:50

, because you would have believed that that relationship

13:53

was healthy but you

13:55

realize actually it was anything

13:58

but healthy . So you've got all these different

14:00

things to be able to process when

14:03

you've come out that relationship and that's even before

14:05

you think about Reclaiming

14:07

your life , building yourself back up , deciding

14:10

what you want , what makes you happy because

14:12

all of those different things have been taken

14:14

away and that takes time

14:16

to rebuild . You know , this is one of the

14:18

reasons why I work with people who've gone through these

14:20

types of relationships for a year Because

14:23

it takes that time To

14:25

rewire , reprogram , rebuild

14:28

yourself back up to be able to

14:30

get yourself where you want to

14:32

be . You know this is one of the things I love

14:35

about the journeys of my clients is that they go

14:37

from this horrible place To

14:39

being in the strongest , most

14:41

empowered , confident version of

14:44

themselves in a life that they

14:46

actually Love . You know

14:48

, whether that's with a partner , without a partner , that's

14:50

entirely up to them , but they

14:52

are in an empowered choice . You know

14:54

they can make that empowered choice . So

14:57

let's talk a little bit

14:59

about , you know , the trauma

15:01

bonds . Okay , the

15:03

trauma bonds tend to create

15:06

this fear of abandonment . I mean

15:08

, I remember going through this . I know

15:10

my love , my clients go through this thing . It's

15:12

that fear of if you

15:14

lose them , you will lose everything

15:16

. Okay , that is a

15:18

sign of a trauma bond . It creates that

15:20

Addiction . It creates

15:22

that Absolute fear of

15:25

you know , if you can't have that relationship

15:27

with them , you'll never be happy or you'll never

15:29

be in a relationship . I mean

15:31

, personally , I remember it

15:34

being a narcissistic relationship where I was told

15:37

if I wasn't to make it with that

15:39

person , that I would only be repeating

15:41

the patterns again , again , again . So they , so

15:43

I need to fix that with him . You

15:45

know they'll create that , that fear

15:48

driven Response

15:51

to stay with them because

15:53

otherwise you know you're gonna experience something absolutely

15:56

terrible . The other thing they

15:58

tend to do is they tend to get you to put

16:00

trip but and betray yourself . They

16:03

get you to portray your own

16:05

needs . So what

16:07

tends to happen is they will explain to

16:09

you why they need something or why they need Things

16:13

to be a certain way and how that works

16:16

for them . But it might

16:18

be something where you are experiencing the deficit

16:20

because of that . So again , they're showing

16:22

that they're the authority , they're the priority , they

16:26

need what they need , but you're not allowed to date what

16:28

you need and if you're gonna stay with them , you're not

16:30

allowed what you need . So I

16:33

remember , for me personally , this

16:36

was affection . You know , they explained

16:38

to me that they Couldn't give me

16:40

the affection that I wanted or needed because they

16:43

were healing or they were going through something or

16:45

whatever it might be . And you

16:47

know , what I didn't realize

16:50

in that relationship was I was being emotionally

16:52

starved and I was going well Selfish

16:55

of me to , you know , to get what I need

16:57

in this relationship because they're unable

16:59

to give it to me . So

17:01

you can see the psychological

17:03

pattern and the how strong

17:06

the reasoning is and

17:09

can it see when you're

17:11

in that reality . So

17:13

they will do things like that . That will

17:15

cause you to , you

17:17

know , subconsciously think that you are

17:19

not a priority or you're not allowed to put your needs

17:22

first or you're selfish for doing that . So

17:25

you end up betraying yourself , portraying

17:27

what your needs in order to serve

17:29

them . I say serve

17:32

them because narcissists do tend to see people as resources . They

17:36

don't see people as people . They see people

17:38

as play things or things to use , or

17:42

you know , just , yeah , just resources . I

17:44

think that's one of the best words I can think of , because often

17:46

Narcissist

17:48

can be very parasitic . They can

17:50

often find people who have money . They

17:52

want people to be able to live off . They want people to be able

17:55

to you

17:57

know I've fame surf off . You

18:00

know they want they

18:02

always . They always surround themselves

18:05

with people that they need something

18:07

from . Okay , the other thing as well is with a trauma

18:10

bond there's , you

18:14

know there's basically

18:16

seven stages to it . Okay , there's seven stages to a trauma bond . Okay

18:18

, there's seven stages to a trauma

18:21

bond . You have love bombing

18:23

. Okay , you know , you have all

18:25

that . You know compliments , how

18:27

you know they've never met anyone like you , and all these

18:29

different things . You know they build

18:31

up that trust with you . They build up , you

18:33

know they try and create that persona of they're

18:35

exactly what you want them to be . Then

18:37

you go through the D criticism

18:40

, the devaluation of how ridiculous you

18:42

are or how terrible you are , and all

18:44

those different things . Then

18:47

you have gaslighting . They will get you to

18:49

question your reality

18:51

. I mean , I remember for me I

18:53

actually used to ask what was said

18:55

in an argument , you

18:57

know , even though I was present for that argument

19:00

, because I would get so

19:02

flooded here with them , the fight

19:04

or flight , that I wouldn't be able to

19:06

remember , and I have . I used to have to trust

19:09

them to repeat back what I said in an argument

19:11

, and that was where a lot of the gaslighting

19:14

used to happen . Okay , you

19:16

also then have stage five resignation

19:18

and submission . So this is where

19:20

you end up going oh , I'm not going to bring that

19:22

up because they'll only cause an argument

19:24

, or I can't say this and I

19:26

can't ask for affection because they can't . You know

19:28

, they're not in a place where . So you find

19:31

yourself resigning yourself , resigning

19:33

your needs and submitting to

19:35

, you know the , the

19:38

rules and structures of

19:40

that relationship . Even though they're not spoken , they

19:43

are there . Then you

19:45

go through the loss of self . This is when you start

19:47

binging yourself to be able to fit

19:49

into their reality . And then

19:51

you have the emotional addiction , because they create

19:54

this level of scarcity of

19:56

if you're unable to experience

19:59

that love and that healthy relationship with them

20:01

, you know you're not going to be able to experience

20:03

that with anyone else . So they'll create all

20:05

these different things to

20:08

you know

20:10

, create control , okay

20:12

, because that's what they want . When you've got scarcity

20:14

and you have got fear . You

20:17

know you've got a lot of control over that

20:19

person . So let's

20:21

actually have a look at , you know , the difference

20:23

between a healthy relationship and something

20:26

that's you know , gone through the trauma bonds

20:28

, and something that's not healthy . You know , a healthy

20:30

relationship , you know someone actually

20:32

, a

20:35

healthy relationship is where

20:37

you're allowed to be you , you're allowed to be

20:39

the truth of who you are and

20:41

you are able to be loved for that

20:44

and appreciated that . For you know , for

20:46

that there's a high level of emotional intelligence

20:48

, there's a good understanding of how you

20:50

feel and how your partner feels . There's

20:53

, you know , a level of care

20:55

, there , a level of empathy , and

20:58

there's there's a desire to

21:01

make sure that person feels comfortable

21:03

. And I think this is it , you know , when we talk

21:05

about empathy . Empathy

21:08

is that ability to be able to feel what someone's

21:10

going through and to be able to emotionally

21:12

understand them . But it's also the

21:14

desire to allow

21:17

them to feel comfortable , allow them to feel

21:19

good , to care , nurture

21:22

them through whatever experience

21:24

that they are going through . And that's what a healthy

21:26

relationship brings . And I also

21:28

believe , you know , when we have a look

21:30

at a healthy and unhealthy relationship

21:32

, it has a huge impact on

21:35

our nervous system . So a healthy

21:37

relationship soothes our

21:41

nervous system , so we feel relaxed

21:43

, we feel safe . You know when I think

21:45

about , you know

21:47

, loving relationship . It's that

21:50

lovely , lovely place where you just feel at home , when you're

21:53

in their arms . It's just that

21:55

safety , that care

21:57

, that you know , that love , knowing that you are

22:00

understood , that you're seen , that

22:02

you're valued , that your opinions and your voice

22:04

, you know everything that you

22:06

share is validated . That's

22:08

the difference between a healthy relationship and

22:11

unhealthy relationship . You're not allowed to be yourself

22:13

. You know if you're not yourself or don't

22:15

adhere to what the narcissist needs , you are punished

22:18

. You know you feel yourself treading on egg

22:20

charts . You don't know what mood they're going to be in . Your

22:23

fight or flight system is just through

22:25

the freaking roof , and there's a reason

22:27

why as well . When

22:30

you have your fight or

22:32

flight system activated , you

22:35

know your body's actually releasing cortisol

22:37

and if that goes on for a long enough

22:39

period , your brain will actually

22:41

shut down cognitive functions , which

22:44

also makes you more malleable

22:46

. Okay , how scary is that ? So you know

22:48

, being able to be in those high stress relationships

22:52

will actually cause you to be more malleable

22:54

, because your brain is actually

22:57

shutting down , because it's

22:59

trying to provide the important parts of

23:01

the brain with the information that it

23:03

needs to . So you're basically

23:05

sort of resort back to going to very

23:07

basic functions for

23:10

survival . So that's what your brain does when it's

23:12

in fight or flight mode . This is how you

23:15

know damaging and physically damaging

23:17

these relationships actually can

23:20

be . And this is where you start , you know

23:22

stepping into complex

23:25

PTSD or just PTSD or

23:27

high , you know trauma that

23:29

needs to be healed . I mean

23:31

, one of the main things about complex PTSD

23:34

is it's about your ability to

23:36

trust and

23:38

feel . You know , feel able to trust

23:40

people in relationships . When

23:42

you have complex PTSD , there's

23:44

a fear , there's a trauma there

23:47

that doesn't allow you to be close

23:49

to people or creates triggers

23:51

and different responses when

23:53

you are close to people . So

23:55

now we've kind of covered a

23:57

lot of information around . You

24:00

know narcissism and the impacts

24:03

and the effects that it can have . I want to talk a little

24:05

bit about the healing journey and

24:07

again this is something that I take people through . You

24:10

know , a year long program to

24:12

be able to go through the different things that need to be

24:14

healed , because the thing is the healing

24:16

comes out in different stages . You know

24:18

when we have a look at when you come

24:20

out of a narcissistic relationship or

24:22

a toxic relationship . There's the

24:25

aftermath of dealing with the breakup . Then

24:27

there's the next stage of healing , when you have

24:29

a look at dating , because that will bring up even

24:31

more stuff . Then there's a stage

24:33

of when you go into a new relationship , because

24:35

again , that will bring up more stuff . And

24:37

again , this is why I create

24:39

it . So it's a year long , so you can

24:41

actually experience the healing

24:44

needed through the different stages to be able

24:46

to get yourself back . Okay

24:48

, so the first

24:50

stage of healing this

24:54

is probably one of the most underrated

24:56

but probably the most important

24:58

parts of the healing journey , and

25:02

it's realizing your emotions and

25:04

your needs matter , but

25:07

regardless of anyone's opinion

25:09

okay , they

25:11

matter . One

25:14

of the things that narcissists are very good at

25:17

doing and this is something you almost have to , you

25:19

have to relearn when you come out of a narcissistic

25:21

relationship is you have

25:23

to have a look at the way

25:25

that you feel and

25:27

feel comfortable with the way you

25:29

feel , without needing to change it

25:31

, because what narcissists will do is

25:33

they'll go . Well , you shouldn't feel that way . You

25:36

know you don't understand how I feel and

25:39

they'll flip it . They'll get you guilty

25:41

or feeling bad about the way that you feel

25:43

about something . The truth is

25:45

, your body

25:48

and your mind is creating

25:50

that emotion for a reason . Okay

25:52

, every emotion you have is completely

25:55

valid and it's a message

25:58

to your body . Okay

26:00

, if you're angry , okay , I want

26:02

you to think about anger . Anger

26:04

is a protective emotion . Anger

26:07

is an emotion where it says my boundaries

26:10

have been crossed or

26:12

there's something that I'm really not happy

26:14

with . So even that emotion is sharing

26:16

so much information

26:19

to you and it's giving you also the

26:21

energy to change it . Okay , even if you

26:23

don't know how it's giving you that

26:25

energy to change it . Do

26:27

you think about sadness ? Sadness

26:31

is there for a reason , because it's going . There's something that you're missing , there's

26:34

something that's a loss , there's something that this

26:37

cause me to feel unhappy , to feel unhappy . There's a mismatch

26:39

in your expectations and the

26:41

reality that you're experiencing . You

26:44

know sadness is there

26:46

to communicate that to you . So

26:49

it doesn't matter what emotion

26:51

you are experiencing . It's

26:53

right , it's correct , okay

26:55

, and I want to really , really hone

26:57

that in . So

27:00

when you , when you , come out of an autistic relationship

27:02

, it's really important to be able to validate

27:04

and feel

27:07

, feel , whatever

27:09

emotions come up . The

27:11

next thing , I think is really , really

27:13

important is also

27:16

being able

27:18

. That's the two that

27:20

I really want to go into . So

27:22

first one is being able to be

27:24

patient with yourself . It's

27:27

realizing you are not going to heal overnight

27:29

like that Okay . It's

27:32

being able to go back to how

27:34

you feel and what you need

27:36

Okay . And that can be really

27:38

really difficult , especially for people who

27:40

are , you know , I'd say

27:44

, just grafters , high performers with perfectionism

27:47

, you know , those kind of people who just need

27:49

to get stuff done , who are always active , always on the

27:51

go , high achievers . You know

27:53

that can be really really difficult , because when

27:55

you go through the healing journey , sometimes

27:57

some of it is just being able to

27:59

sit still and stop , and

28:01

it's being able to understand what your body needs

28:04

versus pushing against that . So

28:07

, if you're needing to sit down and

28:09

stop , give yourself that space

28:11

to be able to sit down and stop . If you're

28:13

needing to cry , take that time

28:16

to cry . If you're needing

28:18

to shut yourself away from everyone

28:20

, go ahead and shut yourself away from

28:23

everyone . Do what you need

28:25

to do , okay . Super , super

28:27

, super , super , super important . I'd

28:30

say . Then number three forgive

28:34

yourself . And this

28:36

is the thing like . This is one thing that

28:38

really frustrates me about

28:40

this industry

28:42

Like you know , just dating relationships

28:44

or the industry that talks about narcissism . There's

28:47

so much blame or shit

28:49

out there about

28:51

, you know , narcissistic

28:54

relationships . They love to be able to blame the people

28:56

who've gone through them . The thing is , you've

28:58

never been trained to deal with those personality

29:00

types . Okay , you've never been trained

29:03

. You probably didn't know about those personality

29:05

types until you went through that kind

29:07

of relationship . The

29:09

other thing is those relationships they're

29:11

like I always describe them as boiling

29:14

frog relationships , because if you'd have jumped

29:16

straight into that relationship , whether it was like the height

29:18

of it , the heightened elements of that , the

29:20

toxicness , whether it's , like you

29:23

know , verbally abusive or really just

29:25

not a nice relationship , you would have

29:27

gone out straight away . What

29:29

narcissists do , or toxic relationship

29:31

you know how toxic relationships begin

29:33

is . You know you jump in the pot , it's nice

29:35

and warm , it's comfortable

29:37

, it's just lovely , and then they slowly

29:40

amput the temperature until it's too late

29:42

to get out . Okay , that's

29:44

what they tend to do in those types of relationships . This

29:47

is one of the reasons why I love to be able to teach people

29:49

how these relationships work

29:51

, because it helps you to be able

29:54

to go ah , okay , I can totally see

29:56

why I got stuck and how other people

29:58

have got stuck in those relationships and those patterns

30:00

. I can see now how my

30:02

behaviour is deviated because

30:04

of the strategies that they've used and

30:07

doesn't mean I'm a bad person , or it doesn't mean that I'm

30:10

weak , or it doesn't mean this . And

30:12

it's really important to be able to have that understanding

30:15

about how those relationships work

30:17

. Okay , so then you can actually

30:19

understand that it's okay to forgive

30:21

yourself . And the other thing

30:23

is , with the side of forgiveness , it's

30:26

not bad . I don't believe it's anything to do about forgiving the narcissist

30:29

or anything like that . I think there's a good level of accepting

30:31

who they are . That can be a bit

30:33

of an interesting part of the journey , but

30:35

I'd say the important part is forgiving yourself

30:37

, making sure that you're not holding onto that anger

30:40

towards yourself or that upset towards

30:42

yourself . It's kind of getting to that place of accepting

30:44

you've gone through that . Yeah

30:46

, it was really really crap . Now it's

30:48

taken that accountability of how are you going

30:51

to move forward and how are you going to change

30:53

that . One of the worst things

30:55

that I tend to see is when people come

30:58

out of those relationships they blame themselves

31:00

and then they stop themselves from experiencing

31:02

love . They stop themselves from going

31:05

out and dating . They stop themselves from being able

31:07

to go out and just enjoy their

31:09

life . Instead , they stay under

31:11

the power and the dominance of what had

31:13

happened and they stay within the past

31:15

and they stop themselves from enjoying life . You

31:18

know , they almost go through like a psychological

31:22

or emotional death . It's

31:25

like they don't enjoy life after

31:27

that . I think that's one of the worst things

31:29

that you can do , like I really

31:31

really do because at the end of the day , yes , okay , you've

31:33

had someone who's taken a part

31:35

of your life . You know , you've had someone

31:37

who's tricked you . You've had someone who's gone through

31:40

and deceived you . Next

31:43

part is how do you grow

31:45

from that ? How do you build

31:48

yourself up so you'll never experience that

31:50

again and that you get back on track of

31:52

enjoying the best life possible

31:55

for you ? Because , at the end of the day , you deserve

31:57

that . And this is like coming back to the

31:59

next part of healing it's

32:01

realizing that you matter and

32:03

you need to start prioritizing yourself

32:05

, because you've been taught and you've

32:07

been programmed not to prioritize yourself

32:10

. Now is the time . Now

32:12

is the time to think about what do you want

32:14

? What do you need . How can

32:16

you build yourself up ? And again , this is stuff

32:18

that I take my clients through . We

32:20

build them up . We build

32:22

them back to the best version

32:25

that they could possibly be , and any

32:27

time that I see them

32:29

stepping away and trying away from what

32:31

they really want and who they really

32:33

are , I call them out . We

32:36

build them back up because this

32:38

is important when you're the best

32:40

version of you , you get to experience

32:42

your best life . You get to experience

32:45

the best relationship . You

32:47

get to excel in your career

32:49

. You get to be able to enjoy yourself

32:51

. You get to be able to feel happy

32:53

and know what makes you happy . You get to be able

32:55

to move towards a life

32:57

and a future that you feel confident

33:00

in and feel excited about . That's

33:02

what I want for you . But the first step

33:04

for that is being able to prioritize

33:07

you and making that conscious choice

33:09

Like if you're watching this , now say

33:12

it . Say the words . I prioritized

33:14

myself . I prioritized

33:16

me . Say it Because

33:19

this is like one of the most healing steps

33:21

that you can take . Honestly

33:25

, I really can't

33:27

share that enough . It's one

33:29

of the best things that you can do , one

33:31

of the best and most powerful steps

33:34

that you can take

33:36

Next

33:40

. This is an interesting one because

33:43

this is about being able to understand

33:45

what makes you happy

33:47

. This can be a little bit of a

33:49

journey . Sometimes , when you have

33:51

a look at what makes you happy , you can feel a little

33:53

bit like I don't know who I am anymore

33:56

. I know who I was before the narcissistic

33:58

relationship . You

34:01

can kind of go through that thing where it's like

34:03

everything doesn't feel , everything

34:07

feels a bit numb . It's

34:10

like you know this is something that used to fulfill you

34:12

but it's just not quite giving

34:14

you that the same buzz that you used to . What

34:17

I would say with that is

34:19

go back to those things anyway

34:22

. Go back . You know if you were doing certain

34:24

things before the relationship

34:26

that made you happy , go back and just

34:28

experience them . Just

34:31

take time to notice the things that you

34:33

enjoy about it and things that you don't

34:35

. Be patient with yourself

34:38

because don't expect yourself to

34:40

feel really happy and elated straight

34:42

away . Sometimes it's a little bit of a muscle

34:44

after a narcissistic relationship because everything

34:46

can feel very , very , very

34:49

, very numb Because

34:52

remember what they've done during that relationship

34:54

. They've made themselves the serotonin and dopamine

34:56

that you used to experience during

34:58

those hobbies or during those activities

35:00

that used to make you happy . They

35:03

have conditioned you to not associate

35:06

the dopamine and serotonin with that activity

35:08

anymore , but only with them . So

35:10

you're rebuilding that muscle . So

35:13

that takes time , that takes time

35:15

and that's

35:19

okay . This actually brings me on to the next one . Be

35:23

aware that social

35:25

interactions inducting people

35:27

might feel

35:30

more overwhelming than

35:32

you might have anticipated . Because

35:35

when you go through a narcissistic or toxic relationship

35:38

, usually that emotional

35:40

intimacy or that emotional connection or that

35:42

affection was rationed

35:47

. Basically it was rationed . You

35:50

were given just enough to stay

35:52

, but not enough to feel

35:54

like you weren't starving . So

35:57

I tend to refer this to

35:59

if

36:01

you've been starved for over

36:04

a long period of time , one of the

36:06

worst things you can do is go to a banquet

36:08

and just go and gorge yourself because your

36:11

body's not used to it . Your body needs to

36:13

be slowly reintroduced

36:15

, but otherwise you're going to feel sick

36:17

. Emotional

36:19

connection and affection can feel like that

36:21

after a narcissistic relationship . I remember personally

36:24

when I came out of a narcissistic

36:26

relationship where I was emotionally starved

36:28

and starved of affection to

36:32

give you some context , because

36:34

I always find context makes it more relatable

36:36

and people go oh gosh , I experienced that too . That

36:41

relationship , that person wouldn't say that they loved

36:43

me . They would say

36:45

to me that I couldn't hug them because I'd be taking affection

36:48

from them . They

36:52

would say that they didn't feel like hugging

36:54

me because they'll make

36:56

out something on the lines of if I was more in my feminine

36:58

, they would feel more open to

37:01

give me affection . So they'll put a lot of blame and things

37:03

like that on me and

37:06

make that the reason why I wasn't getting what I

37:08

wanted or needed . So

37:10

that can happen in obviously a narcissistic

37:12

relationship . So when you come out of something

37:14

like that and you go into something

37:16

healthy where someone's

37:19

emotionally intelligent so this could

37:21

be family giving you a hug or

37:23

giving you a compliment , it

37:26

can be going into a new relationship and suddenly

37:28

again cuddles and kisses and things

37:30

like that . That can feel very

37:32

overwhelming . When you go from such a huge

37:35

contrast , that can feel scary

37:38

, overwhelming and a little bit

37:40

like , okay , what do I do with

37:42

this ? So be aware of

37:44

that . Be aware that

37:46

there might be those jarring moments

37:48

and be comfortable with yourself . What

37:50

tends to happen is

37:52

a lot of people tend to have a freak

37:55

out moment and they say , oh , I can't have

37:57

a healthy relationship or I can't do a relationship

37:59

right now , or I can't be around people right

38:01

now , or they'll

38:04

blame themselves . Why am I feeling this way

38:06

? It can be so many different things that can cause

38:09

so many different emotional

38:11

and mental triggers to

38:14

be caused during those times

38:16

. It's normal . It's

38:18

more about how do you process

38:21

that and how do you move forward from that . First

38:23

things first , be aware of it

38:25

. Be aware of , oh okay , I'm experiencing

38:28

this right now . This

38:30

is how I feel . So , literally

38:32

, go ahead , write it down , have this as

38:34

an internal dialogue , understand

38:36

how you feel , understand

38:39

what you need . So whether you need space

38:42

, whether you need time

38:45

to process , whether you need to be able to talk

38:47

to someone , whether you need help and

38:49

direction during that time , because that's exactly

38:51

what I'm here for my clients , guiding

38:53

them through and going yes , it's normal

38:56

and being validated for what you feel

38:58

, because that's a very appealing element of

39:00

this journey too knowing that you're not

39:02

wrong , knowing that you are human

39:05

, knowing what you're experiencing is normal

39:07

and also having confidence that your journey

39:10

is moving in a positive direction

39:12

. Okay , that's something that's healing and something

39:14

that you need during that time . Something

39:18

about that as well . One of the next things

39:20

that's really important is routine

39:22

. Okay , when you've come out with something

39:25

that's Mind-blowing

39:28

, you know , when you've had , you know , your reality

39:30

distorted , you've had all the different things

39:32

happen from a , you know , narcissistic relationship

39:35

, all that horrible programming that tends to happen

39:37

in those relationships , you're gonna

39:39

need grounding and you're gonna

39:41

need stability . So one

39:43

of the things that I say to my clients is you

39:45

need a morning and you need an evening routine

39:48

. This creates enough

39:50

stability and it can be something so freaking

39:53

simple . It could be right . Each morning

39:55

you have a coffee and that's for you . You

39:57

enjoy your coffee in the morning and

39:59

that's a part of your routine . In the evening

40:01

you might go for a walk . You know , be

40:03

aware of what that routine is , because when you

40:05

start building that up , that

40:08

actually builds that nice Grounded element

40:10

of knowing that that's how you start your day

40:12

, that's how you end your day . And

40:14

sometimes you know some people need a little bit

40:16

more than that . So some people actually do like

40:19

an hourly chart for that for the week

40:21

, so they know if they get lost or they

40:23

feel a little bit lost of what they're doing . They know

40:25

you can look at the chart and go , okay , well , I need to do

40:27

the washing right now , or I'm gonna go

40:29

and get dressed , or I'm gonna go and do some yoga

40:31

. You know , give yourself the right

40:33

structure and the right grounding for what

40:36

you need . Don't overwhelm

40:38

yourself with routine . If you're one of these people that

40:40

loves to be able to rebel a little bit , just

40:42

do a morning and evening routine . You know whether

40:44

it can just be something as simple as five minutes

40:46

long . It'll just give you enough grounding

40:49

for you to be able to process , for

40:51

you to be able to feel safe , and also

40:53

It'll support you to regulate your Nervous

40:57

system as well , which is super important

40:59

. Okay , then

41:02

the next thing , and this is

41:04

so important as well when

41:06

you've gone through an artistic relationship

41:08

, often that's not

41:10

the only person that you need to be able to cut

41:12

out of your life , but

41:16

this is why it's difficult on , you'll

41:19

often find that there'd be more than one person

41:21

who's been crossing your boundaries . So

41:23

what I want you to do is I want you to realize

41:26

where you might have not Communicated

41:28

things as clearly as you needed to . So

41:31

notice when you need to communicate your boundaries

41:33

and notice the ones that listen and

41:35

the ones that don't . It's okay

41:37

to let go of people who don't respect

41:39

you and don't respect your boundaries , it's okay

41:42

to let them go . Sometimes

41:44

I tend to see a lot of people having

41:46

to let go of Jobs

41:48

where they've had a very narcissistic culture . In their

41:50

jobs they can be best friends

41:52

. There can be certain people in their life that they

41:54

have to let go of , and that's okay

41:56

. It's a big part of this healing

41:58

journey . No one said this . You know

42:01

this is an easy journey , but I tell

42:03

you what it's one of the most rewarding journeys

42:05

, because those who really love

42:07

and care for you want you to be the best

42:09

version of you , and also

42:11

they care about your needs

42:13

, they care about your boundaries and

42:16

they will . You know they will listen to you , they

42:18

will care about those things . Those

42:20

that don't want the best for you don't care about that . They

42:22

just have their own agenda and they want to push that

42:24

on you . You don't want those types of

42:26

people in your life , because

42:29

often those people are looking to run your life

42:31

versus allowing you to live your life . So

42:34

Super , super , super

42:36

important . The other thing

42:38

is , when it comes to healing

42:41

, okay , there's

42:43

a few different things that you need to be

42:45

aware of , and it can

42:47

be things like PTSD , complex

42:49

PTSD and dissociation . When

42:52

you have a look at those things , obviously

42:55

you need the right level of support . I'm not going

42:57

to go into too much about healing of those

42:59

things because , number

43:02

one , I prefer to work with people one-on-one

43:04

on those things because obviously it affects

43:06

people differently and also the

43:08

wrong information , the wrong hands can

43:11

do damaging things . So I don't want to go too much

43:13

into that . But when

43:15

you notice that you're experiencing

43:17

any of those symptoms , do

43:19

seek out the right level of support that you

43:21

need . Okay , that's super

43:24

important , like super , super

43:26

super important , because when

43:28

you experience any of those things , you can also

43:30

experience things like depression , suicidal

43:32

ideation . You know some really

43:34

dark , dark things , and I don't want anyone

43:37

have to feel like they have to experience

43:39

any of that alone . Okay , next

43:42

, the next

43:44

part of the journey is Reconnecting

43:47

, because when you've gone through narcissistic

43:50

relationship , the first thing that tends to happen

43:52

is you tend to push everyone

43:54

away . Everyone's gone . It's like all of a sudden you're like

43:56

, oh , where's my close friends gone ? You

43:58

know , go ahead , reconnect with your friends

44:01

. They love you , they care about you . You want

44:03

to be able to build up your social circles

44:05

into something that's very healthy . And

44:08

also what it will do is it will help you

44:10

stay in your reality , because one of the reasons

44:12

why the narcissist wants to make sure that you push

44:14

everyone away is because they can

44:16

. They can basically have more control

44:19

over the reality that you're seeing and experiencing

44:21

when you connect with people

44:23

. It allows you to connect and

44:25

reconnect with reality again . You start

44:28

to ground . So you

44:30

know and that's where you get the stability you get you have

44:32

people feeding back stuff to you , going oh

44:34

, I don't think that that's right . All that should happen in a

44:36

relationship , or you

44:38

know they might shed . That you know , you know . You know you don't see

44:40

. You don't see yourself . You seem really happy

44:42

or you seem really content . You know friendships

44:45

and family . They tend to feedback things

44:47

to you so you can see your reality

44:49

in In a more

44:51

truthful way . When you have more people

44:53

sharing , you know what they're seeing back

44:56

to you . So whether that's you looking

44:58

for advice or sharing a story

45:00

about your relationship or whatever it might

45:02

be , it'll help you to reintegrate

45:04

back into reality more

45:06

Okay , and

45:09

also it's making sure that you carry on nurturing those relationships throughout

45:12

. You know new relationships too . So

45:16

when you have a new relationship , making sure that

45:18

you're connecting with those people on

45:20

a regular basis , because , again , they will be keeping you grounded . Next , one of

45:22

things that tends to happen in narcissistic relationships

45:24

when you come out of them is something called the

45:27

zygonic effect , and what it

45:29

is is you'll find your mind replaying certain bits again

45:31

and again , and again , and again , and

45:33

again , and again and

45:37

again , so you know if you're

45:39

finding yourself going over things and trying to figure out how to fix them or what

45:41

you could have said or what you could have done differently . This is your

45:43

mind problem solving , this is your mind going . I have got the

45:45

answer for this . So

45:47

we need to really think about this , because I'm worried

45:50

that this is a problem . This

45:52

is one of the reasons why I Created

45:57

a course on being able to understand

45:59

, identify and disarm narcissists at a very , very high level , because

46:04

when you know how to identify

46:06

them , even from just looking at a picture , or you know how to shut them

46:08

down from just one or two words , you

46:13

know you're going to feel a lot more confident

46:15

in being able to deal with those personality types in future where

46:17

you're not going to get used , where

46:19

you're not going to get hurt , where you're not going

46:22

to experience trauma , where you're not going to waste years of your

46:24

life . You know , this is where you're getting

46:26

your power back . So

46:30

one of the most important things is being able

46:32

to understand what you can do to protect yourself . That's

46:34

what your mind is working , that's what the zygonic effect

46:37

is there for . It's

46:40

looking for the reasons and the ways to be able to protect you

46:42

so you don't have to go through that

46:44

again and again and again . And this is why most people go oh well , I'm never

46:46

going to have a relationship again or I'm

46:48

never going to be close to anyone again . That's

46:52

not the answer . That's sabotaging and that's , you know

46:54

, trauma-resulting . You

46:58

want to be able to have a healthy response . You want to be able

47:00

to understand how to protect yourself , how to feel safe

47:03

and how to create those healthy

47:05

boundaries so you feel more confident

47:07

in being able to live your life to

47:09

the fullest , experience love to

47:11

the fullest and being able to be you

47:13

, because it's not you

47:16

if you're not loving , it's not you

47:18

if you're not expressing yourself fully , it's

47:20

not you if you're not fully connecting

47:23

to yourself and your life and those

47:25

that you love . Okay , so

47:28

this is all about you being the best version

47:30

of you . So what

47:33

I'm going to do is I'm actually going to share

47:35

a little bit about

47:37

yeah , so I'm going to go a little

47:39

bit into dating as well , because I think when

47:43

we're talking about what we want to avoid , we need to kind

47:45

of talk a little bit about what we're wanting

47:47

. I always think you know if you're taking something

47:49

out of your life or you're trying to avoid something

47:52

, you need to know what you're working towards

47:54

. You know your brain only works in positive

47:56

ways . It's you know if

47:58

you say your mind doesn't think of a pink elephant

48:00

, you don't think of a pink elephant . So you need

48:02

to know what to think of to be able

48:04

to avoid thinking of that pink

48:07

elephant . So when

48:10

we have a look at what type

48:12

of relationship that you want , the first

48:14

thing I want you to do is I want you to think about what

48:16

is a healthy relationship , because

48:19

the thing is , most people don't know the answer

48:21

to that question , which is scary , like

48:23

, if I'm completely honest , I don't know what

48:25

the answer was to that question five years ago

48:27

. I wouldn't have had a clue . So

48:31

it's understanding what your definition is Like

48:33

. What does a healthy relationship look like

48:35

to you , what are the rules , what

48:38

are the you know , the things that you might have

48:40

not realised , that you believe

48:42

about a relationship , what is it that

48:44

you believe about a partner , what

48:46

is it that you believe about the gender

48:48

of that partner ? Because , again , that

48:50

can have a huge impact

48:53

on the way that you see relationships and the types

48:55

of people that you end up attracting . The

48:57

other thing as well is having

48:59

a look at the reason why

49:02

you ended up in that relationship and

49:04

I don't mean like the whole blame culture , like

49:06

all the bloody , stupid , crappy other

49:09

industry people do , because I hate that . I

49:11

want you to be able to understand what was

49:14

it in your personality , or your childhood

49:16

, or the memories , the way that you view yourself , that

49:18

allowed you know that person to

49:20

take advantage of you in such a way . And

49:23

often we find that

49:25

there's a parent

49:27

that's emotionally unavailable that

49:30

you might have had growing up . It might have

49:32

been . You know you

49:34

might have felt like there

49:36

was something wrong with you growing up . There might

49:38

have been . You know you might have been

49:40

bullied . You know at school there can

49:42

be certain things that have triggered a

49:46

response . To look for a

49:48

certain type of partner who would treat you in that

49:50

kind of way , which is , you know

49:52

, which is sad , but it's good to find it because

49:54

then you're able to heal . You

49:57

know I always say you know everything starts

49:59

with awareness . So if you understand

50:01

how those relationships start , how

50:03

those people reel you in , and

50:06

also what allowed you , know what part of your

50:08

personality allowed you

50:10

to be in that relationship , it

50:13

can allow you to be able to reclaim

50:15

yourself and also have the

50:17

assurance that you don't need to go through

50:19

that again . Okay , super important

50:21

. So when

50:24

we have a look at compatibility so again , this

50:26

is something that we really dive into in

50:28

the mastermind the 12

50:30

month mastermind we

50:33

have a look at significant areas

50:35

that are really , really important to

50:38

make sure that you're actually meeting someone who's

50:40

aligned with you , that wants to go

50:42

the distance with you , that wants a

50:44

long-term , long-lasting relationship

50:47

, someone that's going to allow you to excel

50:49

in your life and lift you up , versus

50:52

hold you back and pull you down . And

50:55

this is one of the reasons why I create a personalized

50:57

dating strategy of my clients . When

51:00

we do this , magical things happen

51:02

, like really magical things happen . My

51:05

clients have the choice whether they want to meet someone

51:07

online or offline . I've had

51:09

clients meet their partner within 21

51:11

days offline , which is amazing

51:14

, and they end up

51:16

in long-lasting relationships because we focus

51:18

on the really core areas that

51:21

I've personally researched , that I've taken the time

51:23

to understand , that really do contribute

51:25

to a long-lasting relationship . And

51:28

one of the things that my clients say to me when

51:30

they've met their partner after using this

51:33

strategy is number

51:35

one they're really surprised how quickly they found

51:37

them and they haven't had to go on a crazy amount of

51:39

dates . Number two oh

51:42

my gosh , this is so different to what I've ever

51:44

experienced before . That's

51:46

always a good sign . Number three

51:48

they are smiling so much when they're

51:50

telling you about this person , like if

51:52

you've had someone go on a date , and then they share with

51:54

you the date and they're like , yeah , I mean , all right , I'm

51:57

going to go on another date , and they're not really excited . No , these

51:59

people are like , oh my gosh , I've met this

52:01

person . I can see

52:03

that they're absolutely amazing . They're really intuitive , they're

52:06

really emotionally intelligent . They've asked

52:08

me you know what , if I'm happy , if I'm happy , if

52:10

I was cold , they would make sure that I was okay . You

52:13

know , there's like all these amazing things that they're

52:15

sharing while smiling because they've never

52:18

experienced anything like it before , which

52:22

is just gorgeous , which is

52:24

exactly what they want and deserve after

52:26

going through such an experience . So

52:29

we're going to start wrapping up , because I didn't realize how

52:31

much time has passed already

52:33

, but if you do want to check out the mastermind

52:36

, do go ahead . Jump on the website , have

52:38

a look . We're running our next cohort

52:40

soon , so it would be great to

52:42

see you there because , at the end of the day , like I

52:45

said , this journey is such a huge

52:47

journey and if I can

52:49

help you to go from that

52:51

awful experience being able to be the best

52:54

version of you , where you're living your best

52:56

life and experiencing

52:58

the best relationship ever , I

53:01

mean , how awesome is that ? Because I really

53:03

do believe like the

53:05

main purpose

53:08

of life is love , like that's one

53:10

of my okay , I'm going

53:12

to tear up a little bit , but

53:15

I really believe that's one of the

53:17

most important things in life . I

53:19

really do believe it's love , because I believe love

53:23

is behind everything that we do

53:25

, everything that's so important and

53:27

wholesome to us , and

53:29

to be able to make sure that everyone

53:32

experiences that loving , amazing

53:34

relationship yeah

53:38

, I think that's something pretty awesome . So

53:42

I'm going to send you all so much love

53:44

. If you need any support

53:46

, check out the mastermind , but you also have

53:49

an amazing masterclass . So if you've got

53:51

a lot of information from

53:53

this episode

53:56

today , fantastic . If you've got any questions

53:58

, drop them in the comments , go

54:00

and check out the mastermind on the website

54:02

and then , if you are looking for a little bit

54:04

more information , check out

54:06

our free

54:09

masterclass as well from

54:12

dating after narcissistic relationships because

54:14

again , I go into the compatibility side of things

54:16

. I go into so many different elements

54:18

that you need to have a look at , even down to red

54:21

flags that you can look at so you

54:23

can avoid going into a narcissistic

54:26

relationship again . So do

54:28

go and check those out . If you want the website , it's

54:30

lovewithintelligencecom and

54:32

you'll be able to find everything there . So

54:35

, sending you all so much love and

54:37

I shall see you in the next episode . Bye

54:39

for now .

54:44

Thank you for joining us on the Love

54:46

with Intelligence radio show . I'm

54:48

so grateful that you joined us today

54:51

and I'm also so grateful

54:53

that you are dedicating your time to

54:55

improve your love life

54:57

. So , as

55:00

you are already on this journey , would

55:02

it be crazy for you to jump over to our website

55:05

, lovewithintelligencecom

55:07

, and check out our many resources

55:10

that's going to support you to enjoy

55:12

your dream love life now

55:14

? So that's lovewithintelligencecom

55:18

, and I shall see

55:21

you next time . Bye

55:23

for now .