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Hello and welcome to another episode of

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the Mark Rose by Guest Today Want

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to explore the conversation about should I

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stay or go. And.

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Really living into that question if we're

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in a relationship like what's possible for

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us even beyond the should I stay

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or go. I'm. Not happy

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with what's happening currently. How

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do we create something different? And.

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Is that possible, right? That's because it

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doesn't just have to be. I'm thinking

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about throw in this relationship away or

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diving deeper if we want to change

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things if we are not necessarily happy

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with how it is. Is

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something different available to us? Conversation I'm

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sharing with you today is a conversation

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Kylie and I have at the end

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of chapter five in the audio book

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for Liberated Love and that chapter is

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called Breaking Up with Normal In a

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want to read the first part of

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that chapter, just the introductory couple sentences.

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When you begin to face the truth

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there live with in new individually as

0:58

well as between you and your partner,

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it forces you to ask the difficult

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question. Can we do the

1:05

work to create a new dynamic together

1:07

or is it time to break up?

1:09

I want to hold how monumental have

1:11

a question this is right because this

1:14

is true anyways and as couples and

1:16

for dating married we don't wanna actually

1:18

confront all of the possible outcomes but

1:20

you actually have to be with all

1:22

the possible outcomes because the outcome you

1:25

want to choose is the one that

1:27

is in best service of each of

1:29

you individually and what you want to

1:31

create together. And if you. Have children

1:34

to that, something to bring into your

1:36

awareness. There's another part here I want

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to mention because I think it's going

1:40

to be very important for setting up

1:42

the framework of the conversation we have,

1:44

but I also think it's really important

1:46

for you to sit with. Now you

1:48

can be single and dating and I

1:50

I want you to know that this

1:52

conversation is important to know about if

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you're entering relationship. Sometimes there isn't a

1:56

shared desire in a mutual commitment to

1:58

evolution. growth in a healthy, relate. When

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it is the case, it's hard to

2:03

say which way to go and what

2:05

path to take. What we can say

2:07

is this: when you choose growth and

2:09

liberation, those around you and the relationships

2:11

in your life will shift. Why? Because

2:14

the next level of loving relationship requires

2:16

everything to go to the next level

2:18

to Iraq wires that who we were

2:20

as a couple and as individuals guys

2:22

with the old relationship is doesn't always

2:24

mean the dissolution of the partnership. although

2:26

it certainly can mean that. but it

2:29

does require the death of old patterns

2:31

requires breaking up With that. breaking up

2:33

starts with who we were in the

2:35

previous dynamic. In partnership sometimes

2:37

you are reluctant to take the full

2:40

leap into a new dynamic because you

2:42

and or your partner not both all

2:44

and on taken that deeper dive. A

2:47

reluctance can sometimes be because of our lack

2:49

of trust in our partner to be there

2:51

when things get hard. A lack

2:53

of trust that they are leaping to. But.

2:56

You see that this is still part of

2:58

the same imprisoned on liberated pattern. I need

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to know your go there so I can

3:02

go there. I need to know your courageous.

3:05

I'm willing to go to the vulnerable play

3:07

so I can to so I won't be

3:09

alone. Their. This is the

3:11

trick though. When you lego

3:13

familiar patterns and break up with what

3:15

was even if your partner and or

3:17

the relationship doesn't survive the leap. You

3:20

will. When you decide

3:22

to enter a healing process wholeheartedly, you

3:24

will be free of the need to

3:26

make sure that others will join you.

3:28

Through leaping. You are committed to both

3:31

love and liberation. What finds you on

3:33

the other side may not be your

3:35

partner, but it will be aligned. What

3:37

is breaking up a normal mean? But

3:39

when we're bringing our normal were breaking

3:41

up with the rules that we played

3:44

in the survival strategies that we've layered

3:46

on in order to protect ourselves. This

3:48

is some of the hardest part of

3:50

transitioning to. Living from what we

3:52

might know as was true for I

3:54

was living in life is now a

3:56

line with what we value and what

3:58

we want to create. Like when we

4:01

start to take responsibilty where the relationships

4:03

we want to create our lives. This

4:05

is one of the hardest steps is

4:07

trusting that what is coming forward for

4:09

us and for the other person is

4:11

actually in service of both of us.

4:13

I know for me, for example, when

4:15

someone has less to me or the

4:17

relationship wasn't for them, I had a

4:19

lot of resistance to that. I would

4:21

want to convince them fry. let's do

4:23

this at one of five for it.

4:25

But in hindsight, I actually recognize that

4:27

if a relationship is not something someone

4:29

else. Wants to choose? then. It's

4:32

not something I want to choose either,

4:34

like a qualifier for me to invest

4:37

in something is that someone else wants

4:39

to invest. And I

4:41

think a lot of what breaking up

4:43

when normally as is breaking up with

4:45

these old patterns, these old ways of

4:47

being so of where the person who

4:49

has consistently been the one showing up

4:51

and trying to fight for two people

4:54

we can never do enough work for

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to part of our ceiling if that's

4:58

or pattern is actually. Taking

5:00

our energy and putting it back

5:02

in our own bodies it's been

5:04

so outwardly focus that to get

5:06

back into our own internal world

5:08

and say look at actually if

5:10

I truly mannered. And.

5:12

Stop trying to fight for everything when things

5:15

are fighting for me. Now this isn't to

5:17

say that there isn't a time to fight

5:19

for relationship. Of course I'm not saying that's

5:21

not true. What I am saying is if

5:24

you're pattern has to be the one who's

5:26

always doing in the healing is to say.

5:29

You know why. I

5:31

wouldn't do that anymore. I need someone

5:33

who is willing to show up at

5:35

the same level and we have to

5:38

remember. And we are the

5:40

common denominator in our relational experiences. So

5:42

if we're choosing people who can swap

5:44

fully for us, then it's likely also

5:46

because we don't create space for people

5:48

to do a memory we have a

5:50

hard time receiving love. I sale of

5:52

this because the things we touch on

5:54

in the clip you're about to hear.

5:56

You're going to see or imperative for

5:58

every relationship in your life. And

6:00

they are imperative for your romantic

6:02

relationship so that you can create

6:04

a baseline in a standard for.

6:07

Who you are, how you want

6:09

to show up to love to

6:11

life and to everything. So without

6:13

further ado, here's a clip from

6:15

or audio book. But

6:21

first these messages our new

6:23

book is out in available

6:26

now. Liberated Love how to release could

6:28

have been in patterns and create the

6:30

love The Desired is available on all

6:32

platforms including an audio. Gear. For

6:34

the audiobook we did something special especially

6:36

for you podcast folks because we know

6:39

you love listener the conversations and getting

6:41

it more indepth experience of the book

6:43

so after each chapter we record some

6:45

of our insights and thoughts about what's

6:48

covered in the chapter seemed go to

6:50

create the love.com/liberated love and that a

6:52

link out to wherever you want to

6:54

buy your both and ah you also

6:57

get access to free meditation and were

6:59

book that goes along with that We

7:01

are so grateful for your support. Can't

7:04

wait for you to read this book or listen

7:06

to it in hear your thoughts. So yeah,

7:08

go to create the love.com/liberated Love or

7:10

wherever he get your bugs. Order it

7:12

Now! Are

7:15

a Chapter Five Breaking up

7:18

with normal eighty A Breaking

7:20

up with what is familiar.

7:22

Light has been. Are

7:24

normal? What has been some earlier in

7:26

our life and in order to do

7:28

this work of breaking up with one

7:31

has been familiar, We really need to

7:33

resource. And we need to

7:35

resource well because are nervous systems in

7:37

order to step out of familiar groups

7:39

of what has been coded as safe

7:41

whether that is and identity or. Moving

7:44

out of toxic environment or had a

7:46

toxic relationships we need to know. That

7:49

we have an inner foundation available

7:51

to us to lean back on.

7:53

Not only an inner foundation, but.

7:56

An external communities are

7:58

person. Help us

8:00

move through. This. Break Up

8:03

Process This is one of my

8:05

favorite chapters. Because. It

8:07

really poses the question. That.

8:10

I needed to pose to myself. You needed

8:12

to post yourself. We needed supposed to each

8:14

other. Was. Like when are we

8:16

gonna get tired of are like what's

8:18

going. And what's happening? And.

8:20

Actually be in service of each other's

8:23

sell said. We. Shouldn't have

8:25

to be unhappy to be in a relationship

8:27

together with enough to feel like we're not

8:29

being brought fully alive by that. We actually

8:31

have to turn down our life to be

8:33

in it. I think what was so confronting

8:35

for us speak for myself with. Love.

8:37

To hear that. Is. That.

8:40

I. Loved you so deeply and really

8:43

believed in the possibility of us

8:45

that. That was hard to

8:47

be with. Like, how could someone I

8:49

have so much reverence for and love

8:51

for not be my purse and like

8:53

not be someone I can do this

8:55

with A good didn't make any sense.

8:58

And that was move. That was maybe

9:00

the hardest part for me to confront,

9:03

but when it was confronted because it

9:05

was through. And we

9:07

got to the places. No more

9:09

will this be what we tolerate

9:12

from what we're creating. know each

9:14

other on some level. Been in.

9:16

Oh, enemy. And wouldn't think lower

9:18

energizing in the dynamic. This is fierce.

9:20

Loves her. This is truly like it.

9:23

This feels to me like the essence

9:25

of their flaws. Where. It's like I

9:27

can be with his shirt even though it's

9:29

painful. But this is the most loving truth

9:31

which is this isn't working. And who's

9:33

gonna stand for it? Because usually one person stands

9:36

for first, you know? But I think the beauty

9:38

of this audiobook if you're listening to it together,

9:40

is that you could say we both knew. Him

9:43

An act of of listening to it.

9:45

That's happening. But. Also just

9:47

threw. A. Coup takes

9:49

the stand. You know, like when were

9:51

single? If you're listening and you're single

9:54

or dating. You. Take the stand

9:56

now. Yeah, easy to stand for

9:58

sure and I think. You.

10:00

Know we see a lot a means of like jump

10:02

and the net will appear. Or. Like

10:04

those me about themselves on.

10:06

School. No, I'm not. I'm not

10:08

insulting them, I just hanging from

10:10

a nervous system perspective. I might

10:13

get help me build some stepping

10:15

stones to help yourself Like. Jump

10:17

Renewal leaders, regulators within the

10:19

Soviet. Union Laundering and then

10:21

you have to figure. It's like I

10:23

think there's a i'm a gentler path

10:26

that we can walk sometimes by providing

10:28

ourselves with the resource we need in

10:30

order to move out of Dynamics Healthier

10:32

doesn't make sense Like for me when

10:34

I look at how I left my

10:37

divorce Holy and know know that Nine

10:39

leave a relationship like it was just

10:41

like I was like okay, you're not

10:43

lose My soul was like you're not

10:45

listening, you're not losing Okay, we'll just

10:48

below that one up. And in

10:50

like, you'll be floundering literally trying to figure out

10:52

who you are in which is. Hop in for

10:54

the next decade. and it's like some. He.

10:57

I was so average be part of been lower

10:59

months ago. And stuff. but it's true. like

11:01

I was not resource like that thing blew

11:03

up and it was like luckily. We're not

11:05

to mention. Community. Will

11:08

eventually eradicated. So if you don't

11:10

am community in the time of

11:12

change, an incomplete disruption, Were.

11:14

Not resource. right?

11:16

And ironic to me that so many

11:18

of our closest communities exile us when

11:20

relationships and I think it's one of

11:22

the saddest years of life. We're.

11:25

I would agree and I think that

11:27

was the different difference between my divorce

11:29

and are rupture. Because

11:31

when when we ended our relationship.

11:34

There. Was. So. Much growth that

11:36

we're done with the container. Really sums

11:38

of money than prior. That. We.

11:40

Were able to india in a good way. We were

11:42

able to leave with love. I was

11:45

able to leave previous relationship with love.

11:47

My emotional maturity was not there and

11:49

I think this is the money. It's

11:51

a brilliant actor is really allowing us

11:54

to resource both internally and externally in

11:56

ways and allow us to leave things

11:58

with more honor with more care, more

12:00

gray with more love that how adults.

12:03

Mature. Adults. Leave things

12:05

they don't even believe I'm Well,

12:07

it was possible that we love

12:09

so that we don't create work

12:11

karmic patterns of pain. Boy in a

12:13

look at my parents got divorced they

12:16

they're awful to each other, people go

12:18

to break up there awful, do each

12:20

other and then the template keeps game

12:22

passed on their endings. Kids are na

12:24

cl years and things are no failures

12:26

right? That that can be the most

12:28

loving thing and that love can be

12:30

expanded through these choices. It offers such

12:32

potential for the world when we into

12:34

personally engaged like this and I know

12:36

you're already heard this. But my favorite

12:38

part of this. Chapter. Is.

12:42

When you stop trying to do everything you

12:44

can to stay together and instead focus on

12:46

bringing out each other's late and celebrate each

12:48

other's truth no matter how much it hurts.

12:50

Mother's truly shared and honored. As

12:53

everything including that you need

12:56

to have community and be

12:58

internally resourced and really consider

13:00

your nervous system in these

13:02

lease. Is imperative so we're

13:05

gonna keep going deeper than. It's

13:07

get resources.