0:06

Okay. Cool. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. So we shall go on.

0:09

We'll go over to Hey. How's it going?

0:13

Good. Good. Good to see you. Good to see you

0:17

too. Alright. So what is your outcome? My

0:20

outcome, I feel, is forgiveness, and

0:24

it's self forgiveness. And I'm frustrated

0:28

because I'm doing all this work, but I still

0:31

feel really Stuck in letting

0:35

go of pain that I feel I've

0:39

caused other people in my life. Sure. So what would

0:42

have to happen for you to forgive yourself? That's where I seem to be stuck.

0:51

I can give you the answer. Please do. You have to give up

0:55

your pride. That's a big one. What if not ever even thought of that?

1:06

People who don't forgive think that

1:09

pride is more valuable than forgiveness, and

1:13

it makes sense because when we don't forgive,

1:17

we think use usually, there's 2 reasons why people don't forgive. Usually, they think

1:21

if I forgive someone, then I justify what what they've done to

1:25

me. Like, it's like I'm allowed I'm I'm I'm saying that's okay.

1:29

Or the other fear is not just am I

1:33

justifying what the other person's done to me? But god will send me something worse,

1:36

and more pain will come. So I like the devil that I know

1:40

versus the devil I don't know. And that's all about pride. Because

1:45

there's a level of pride that says I mean, what is pride? Right? Pride is

1:48

not just necessarily just, like, pride in winning a gold medal for your

1:52

country. That's not that's like a that's a higher calling of pride. This is

1:56

like, I have to be right, or I will die. Send For

2:00

me from email, it makes sense. Yeah. It makes sense for me,

2:04

though. I feel like I'm I find it easier to

2:07

forgive Others. Like,

2:11

I I'm able to do that. I'm able to forgive

2:15

others, but it's myself That I'm

2:18

stuck on. Right. Well, then if you can't forgive yourself, you haven't forgiven

2:22

others. Okay. Wow. It's

2:29

like that that's

2:33

Oops. Sorry. The dog agrees, by the way.

2:39

That's that that just really surprises me because I really feel

2:43

like I've I've done that work, and And I got to that place,

2:46

but obviously That's like saying that's like saying, I worked out for 2

2:50

weeks, and I got some exercise in, and,

2:54

I haven't lost all the weight. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. Like, is

2:58

there there's this idea that, like, I did it. It's like, no. This is your

3:01

work. It's something that you live with. It's like a

3:05

it's a trauma. A trauma is like a a wound that you live with,

3:09

and it gets better and better and better, and ultimately, it becomes a teach her.

3:12

Ultimately, it's like a pearl. Like, a pearl starts out as a,

3:17

as a wound to the oyster. Mhmm. And it becomes something

3:20

beautiful over time. Right? So, like, this is a wound that can turn to, like,

3:23

a pearl within you, but you have to be willing to give up the pride

3:27

that says, I have to be right here, which is

3:31

and what what you wanna be right about, like the pattern wants to be right

3:34

about is how shitty of a person you are.

3:39

So if you're willing to give up the idea that you're a bad person and

3:42

that you actually are a good person, then we can start to address the guilt

3:46

and the shame is underlying that. And no amount of

3:50

watching videos is gonna help you do that if you won't admit to yourself

3:54

you actually are a good person, and you did the best you could from your

3:57

perspective, and so did they. And ultimately, what you're really

4:01

resisting is the sadness associate it with

4:05

the guilt of what you think you did.

4:18

Did we lose you? No. No. You

4:22

just hit it. What

4:26

is so fucked up that you did so bad?

4:36

Oh, there's a few things. Nothing is unforgivable.

4:43

I I believe that,

4:54

but I just With all the work that

4:58

I've done, it just seems like I keep coming back to,

5:10

Almost hurting myself By not

5:13

moving forward, and I feel it's because

5:18

I like you said, I,

5:23

Maybe I'm not convinced that I'm a good person.

5:27

That's where guilt comes from. Guilt guilt is I did something wrong.

5:31

Yeah. I'm guilty. And then shame is, because I did something wrong, I'm a

5:35

bad person. Uh-huh. When you look at, like, the

5:39

emotional scale, Shame is like the 2nd

5:42

to, like, the bottom. It's like a bottom feeding emotion. It

5:46

really has no purpose other than to create such a juxtaposition of position of what

5:49

you don't want, that eventually becomes a catalyst for you to break through.

5:54

That's really the only purpose of shame. Other than that, it doesn't

5:58

really have a purpose. It's like a bacteria. Right? Like, it it's

6:02

it doesn't have a purpose, really, other than to make you so uncomfortable

6:06

that you move. Does that make sense? Yeah.

6:10

And that's I mean, I feel like I'm So you actually actually like where you

6:14

are. Otherwise, you wouldn't be there. And that is

6:18

why you're there Yeah. Which is normal. Right? Yeah.

6:22

So, you have to ask yourself the question, am I willing

6:25

to admit that I could be a good person?

6:29

And if that's the case, can I if I can't forgive myself,

6:33

would I at least be willing to speak in the direction of

6:37

forgiveness towards myself? Be willing, because willingness,

6:41

way more powerful. And I've you know, in

6:44

my mirror work, I've done that. I I do that.

6:48

That that's where I end up. And I and I'm telling

6:52

myself that, you know, I'm a good person. I have a good heart. My intentions

6:56

are good. Believe you're a good person and tell yourself you're a good person, and

7:00

you go bullshit. I'm not talking about what you say to yourself to to

7:03

to, soothe yourself temporarily. I'm talking about on a on

7:07

a on a belief level. Be willing to believe that

7:11

you could be a good person at a deeper level than what you

7:15

say to yourself in the mirror. Yeah. That's Because,

7:18

like, mirror work without changing the belief is like, I love myself. I

7:22

love myself. I love myself. I'm kind of just bullshit. No. You're fucking done.

7:26

And that's yeah. That's where I'm stuck. The real the real

7:30

question is why do I not leave Love Myself. And the answer

7:34

is because I think I'm a bad person, which is probably some

7:37

version of childhood criticism coming back to frame

7:41

your lend for your life. Yeah. That that that

7:44

that's totally true. So do you wanna be victimized by your criticism, or do you

7:48

wanna grow from it? I wanna grow. Cool. So if you wanna

7:52

grow and you really wanna grow Right. Is that true?

7:56

Yes. It is true. I wanna grow. Can you be willing

8:00

to admit that you could be a good person.

8:03

Yes. And could you be willing then to also feel

8:07

the sadness associate with the guilt of thinking, miss,

8:11

sort of misthinking that you're a bad person, because that's the work. You have to

8:15

have an emotional experience. You can't think yourself out of it.

8:19

I feel like I've been having a lot of emotional experiences

8:23

around it. So My question, though. Would you

8:27

be willing to feel the sadness associated

8:32

with the guilt of misbelieving that you're a bad person?

8:35

Yes. Get ready, girl. Oh,

8:39

boy. What's the worst that will happen?

8:46

What's the worst? The worst. The worst that would happen. I

8:52

if I allow it, I I don't know that there would be a worst. I

8:55

know that you don't know, but the pattern says if I feel my feelings, something

8:59

will happen. Yeah. I'll

9:03

die. Some version of that. I'll finally live Live a big life. Well, yes. That's what

9:15

that's that's the same part of you that says, I love myself.

9:19

And the pattern's like, fuck you. No. You don't. I'm asking the pattern

9:23

of the question, which is what's the worst that will happen if you feel your

9:26

feelings? It's unconscious.

9:30

There's no goddamn sense.

9:35

A a a breakdown of emotion.

9:39

And I'm assuming based on that patterning,

9:43

that the pattern believes that if I'm emotional,

9:47

I will be criticized. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's that's

9:51

absolutely true. But what if I can be emotional and safe?

9:56

That would be wonderful. Yeah. So now we know why you feel this

10:00

way. Because you think it's unsafe to feel your emotions, which is

10:04

kind of like saying, I don't really think it's safe to breathe, so I'm just

10:07

gonna hold my breath until I pass out. And I wonder why I pass out

10:09

all the fucking time. Yeah.

10:13

So where could you go for emotional sustenance and emotional nurturing to to share

10:17

some feelings that might be judged? I have a few people. Unfortunately, not

10:27

my family. Few hundred people?

10:31

A few 100 people? I think so. Oh, yes. That's

10:35

Oh. I'm so sorry. Oh, okay.

10:38

The answer is right in front of you. Yes. I know. They've been wonderful. I just find it

10:47

hard to it's hard. Open up. It's

10:50

hard. It's going to be hard. But you know what's harder? Not

10:54

opening up. Absolutely. Right? So Yeah. Let's

10:57

celebrate this emotional threshold that you've hit

11:01

where you're sick and fucking tired. Yeah. And know that it's

11:05

safe to share. And what I'd encourage you to do is hop on to the

11:07

Facebook group and say, hey. Here's my outcome. I'm in the process of

11:11

forgiving myself. So to do that, I wanna share some of the sadness

11:15

and the shame, not so that we can make it bigger, but because it's like

11:18

I need to share this Let it go. That make sense? Yes. Absolutely.

11:22

Then watch. Watch. You will absolutely be

11:26

safe, and that is the process. So the emotional

11:29

honesty is how you heal. Yeah. And all the work that

11:33

we do in this program is designed to kinda squeeze you to get

11:37

you to this place. Yes. I've I've I've felt the squeeze,

11:40

man. I've felt the squeeze. Good. Awesome. So can I

11:44

get a fist bump? Yes. Awesome. That's awesome work, and

11:48

I'm proud of you. I hope so. Just know that you're in a safe

11:52

place. And you know what? Last thing I'll say, you said it's not my family.

11:56

You have I'm not even sure how many people in your family. Let's just say

11:58

it's a large family of 12 people. They're like you, close circle. Okay?

12:02

You have 100 Yeah. Who are here that wanna support

12:06

you. Go to where the love is. I will. Alright? I

12:10

will. Thank you so much. You. Awesome. You're welcome.