0:05

Let's do a pop quiz. What is the number 1 book on trauma

0:09

called? The what? The body keeps the

0:12

score, not the spirit keeps the score, the brain

0:16

keeps the score, The body keeps the score. And so

0:20

the term mental health leaves out the most important piece.

0:24

Right? And just think of this for a second. The brain is, of course, so

0:26

important, but I'm gonna ask you a question. Okay? And I'm gonna this is a

0:30

facetious question. If we're just meeting, you might be like, is this guy for real?

0:34

I'm for real. I'm just playing with you, though, for a second. Okay? Imagine.

0:37

What's bigger, your body or your head? Just play with me for a second.

0:41

I know the answer's obvious. Well, it depends. How big is your

0:45

ego? I'm just kidding. Right? But, yes, of course, the

0:49

body is bigger, but we tend to ignore it in the old models. Right?

0:53

The other problem is in the trauma world, we overemphasize the

0:56

body and we just throw the brain out. It's almost like we just stop at

0:59

the brainstem, And there's no cognitive reappraisal. A lot of mindset coaches will

1:03

say, you're just so body focused that you're just not even you're just like, where

1:06

is your you have to be able to change your thoughts at some point. We

1:09

wanna be able to bring them both together. And so we want you to

1:13

understand that everything your system is doing, I don't

1:16

care what your diagnosis is. I want you to could take on

1:20

the idea that your system has

1:24

having a response to something in your history or in

1:28

the present? It's not a disorder. So instead of

1:31

PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder,

1:35

Consider what would it feel like to call it post traumatic stress response.

1:40

Instead of ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,

1:44

What do you feel to call attention deficit hyperactivity response?

1:48

Bipolar disorder bipolar response.

1:51

Obsessive compulsive disorder Obsessive compulsive

1:55

response. Right? And we have to start to understand that those

1:59

responses are a protective response based on your

2:02

history of what was to keep you safe? So they're

2:06

a protective response to keep you safe. So if these responses are here to keep

2:10

me safe, why would it make them wrong? Does Does that make who follows? Does

2:13

it make sense? Right? Why would I make my responses wrong? And that's what we

2:17

do is we make them wrong, and we say change your thoughts, change your life,

2:20

and we just completely dismiss What our body is trying to do to

2:24

keep us safe based on what we've been through. Who here feels that that's

2:28

a bad idea? What do you think? Now let

2:32

me ask you a similar question. Who here feels like it's a bad idea

2:36

to only Allow yourself to be someone

2:39

within the range of responses based on your history.

2:43

That's also not a good idea because then Your future will just be like your

2:47

past. Right? So we wanna have a balance between these two things, and nervous

2:51

system inflexibility limits your options and repeats the past

2:54

when you're inflexible? Okay. Nervous system flexibility gives

2:58

you more options. So if you want To make more money or have more

3:02

love or reach the next level in your business, we have to create nervous

3:06

system flexibility so that you have more options? Right? Because you

3:10

can be, do, or have anything once

3:13

your nervous system feels safe enough.

3:17

And what you, when you think about it, what are

3:21

your unrealized hopes and dreams and projects and goals

3:25

and aspirations and intention? So let's think about that for a second. You've probably been

3:29

reflective recently. Pop it in the chat. What are some of

3:32

your unrealized hopes and dreams and projects And goals

3:36

and aspirations and intentions. It could be maybe you wanna lose a certain amount of

3:40

weight. Maybe you wanna make a certain amount of money. Maybe you want a

3:43

certain type of relationship. Maybe it's something,

3:48

in a business context. Right? But what is that? Improve physical and

3:51

emotional health. Let's get more specific. Retreat center for entrepreneurs in Malibu. Love that.

3:55

That's specific. Retire and start my own coaching business. Love that. That's

3:59

specific. So, if you were going to improve physical or

4:03

emotional health, what would that give you? Lose 65 pound, travel to

4:06

Egypt, start my own coaching business. Love that. So think about that for a

4:10

second. Okay? So think about your unrealized hopes and dreams or what's on

4:14

your vision board if you do that? Right? If you've

4:17

been doing visioning, what's up your vision board or what's in your journal? Right?

4:22

Finish grad school? Another question or another way to think of it is,

4:26

what are you 99.99% ready to

4:30

do but haven't done? You know, just like getting ready to

4:34

get ready to get ready to get ready to get ready. Right? Think about those

4:37

things. Okay? Consider for just a

4:41

second. Well, before I say this, what does it feel like to have those things

4:45

become, named And to notice that

4:48

they're unrealized, what does that feel like for a second?

4:52

Frustrating. Start my business back up and make money. How much money,

4:56

Brenda? Intimate partnership and fulfilling career? Okay. Like I

5:00

so for it can feel frustrating like I failed. Okay. Great. So Check this out

5:04

for a second. Hopeless failure. Okay. Check this out. Try this on for a second.

5:07

Try this on for a second. Okay? What would it feel like? Shamed.

5:10

Exactly. Okay. That's pretty normal. Okay? What would it feel like for a second to

5:14

say, you know what? I don't have those things yet because

5:18

I haven't known how to feel safe enough to have them just yet. What

5:22

would that feel like to say to yourself? You know what? I don't have those

5:25

things just yet Because I haven't known what it's like to feel safe enough

5:28

to have those things just yet. What does that feel like to say something like

5:32

that to consider that idea? Validating hope. So just notice

5:40

just noticing yeah. It makes me wanna cry. Still frustrating,

5:43

but safer. Love that. Possibility. So it's

5:47

important to understand that, like, everything you've done up

5:51

until now Has been within the scope of what feels safe to your nervous system.

5:54

And what you haven't done yet, you haven't felt safe yet. Okay? And, also, it's

5:57

important to understand, try this on for a size. Okay. I don't have those

6:01

things yet because I might be missing a skill set on how to get them.

6:05

Like, maybe I don't know how to do Healthy relationship.

6:09

Maybe I don't know how to do a 6 or 7 figure business just yet.

6:13

Maybe I don't know how to have a flexible nervous them? What would it feel

6:16

like to say to yourself, you know what? I don't have those things yet because

6:20

maybe I haven't felt safe enough to have them, and Maybe I don't quite

6:24

have a skill set just yet. What does that feel like to say

6:27

those things? It's just a missing skill set

6:31

And just I need to feel safe enough. That's really it. What would that feel

6:35

like to say to yourself? Feels better? Possibility.

6:39

And it's way better than, like, I can't because of my whatever the label is.

6:42

Does that make sense? Right? So it's important to understand that

6:46

starting to live your purpose It's all about beginning to

6:49

create more nervous system flexibility. That's the most important

6:53

piece to understand. It's all about creating nervous system flexibility. So the question

6:57

is, What have you been dreaming about, but haven't

7:01

manifested yet? Think about that for a second. Right?

7:04

What have you been dreaming about, but haven't manifested It could be a relationship. It

7:08

could be financial. It could be something in a business. It could be a

7:11

health goal. Okay? The question I want you to be

7:15

really honest with yourself on this is this one. Okay? How long

7:19

have you been stuck in high level coping around

7:23

that next level? Has it been a week, a day, a month, a year, a

7:27

decade, many years, 2 years, all my

7:30

life? And what does it

7:34

feel like to think that, you know what? I just need to

7:38

shift the pattern or two and create more safety and step out of high level

7:41

coping. What does that feel like in terms of a

7:45

thought or idea for you? Feeling ready? Love

7:49

that. Love that. So when it comes

7:52

to the next level, how is not a feeling, but you might be

7:56

feeling curious. We'll get to how. Right now we're talking about feelings.

8:00

Okay. Just for a second. All you achievers wanna get to the how. I

8:04

feel you. I feel you with the how. Okay. Here's the 1st step in the

8:07

how. Let's drop into some emotion for just a second. Okay? Some real

8:11

emotion. Right? So when it comes to the next level of your life,

8:14

okay, If you had a honest assessment, how flexible

8:18

or inflexible is your nervous system at reaching the next level of your life?

8:23

Would you say it's more flexible or more inflexible?

8:27

If you've been stuck for 12 years, Might be

8:31

time to take a honest assessment. So more flexible, but maybe it could be a

8:34

little bit more flexible. Okay. So how safe do

8:38

you feel to Expand into your dreams and purpose. Think about that for a second.

8:41

When you think about, I don't know, maybe you want a relationship and actually

8:45

being vulnerable with somebody, what does that feel like? Right? Or maybe you wanna have

8:49

a 7 figure coaching business, and it's time to be seen

8:52

more, right, online. Maybe you have a health goal,

8:56

but you gotta prioritize yourself as that boundaries, perhaps. Right? What does that

8:59

feel like? Does it really feel safe? Does it feel do you feel safe enough?

9:03

That's really the question. Right?