0:00

In episode 571 with Heather

0:02

Chevin, we are talking all about reparenting

0:04

ourselves, regulating our nervous systems

0:06

as working mummers, how to stay in

0:09

our zone of genius in our business,

0:12

self-love, and so much

0:14

more. If you are

0:16

someone who wants to thrive in

0:18

all areas of your life, business,

0:20

and at home, you are going

0:22

to love this episode. Welcome

0:26

to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. I'm

0:29

your host, Melissa, best-selling author of

0:31

Mastering Your Mean Girl, Open Wide,

0:33

Comparisonitis, and Time Magic. And I'm

0:35

here to remind you that love

0:38

is sexy, healthy is liberating, and

0:40

wealthy isn't a dirty word. Each

0:42

week I'll be getting up close

0:45

and personal with thought leaders from

0:47

around the globe, as well as

0:49

your weekly dose of motivation so

0:51

that you can create epic change

0:54

in your own life and become

0:56

the best version of yourself possible.

0:59

Are you ready, beautiful? Hey

1:03

beautiful, and welcome back to the

1:05

show. I'm so excited about this

1:07

episode because Heather is incredible. She

1:09

is a leadership coach who helps

1:11

successful women courageously and authentically live,

1:14

work and parent on their own

1:16

terms. She started her career

1:18

as a social worker helping adults

1:20

understand children's behaviour. But it

1:23

wasn't until 2013 when a stage 4

1:25

cancer diagnosis pushed her to

1:28

take a deeper stand for

1:30

change, uncovering how cultural expectations

1:32

sabotage our dreams. And

1:34

now she has been featured in Forbes,

1:36

Entrepreneur, Real Simple Magazine, Mind Body Green,

1:39

Google, and more. And when

1:41

she isn't working, you will find her

1:43

living out what she teaches, which may

1:45

include kayaking, snowboarding, hiking, and anything else

1:47

that challenges what she believes is possible

1:49

for herself and inviting her

1:51

children along for the journey. Now

1:54

for everything that we mentioned in today's episode, you

1:56

can check out in the show notes and that's

1:58

over at melissaambrosini.com Read

2:01

it in new Rig. I

2:03

mean. How.

2:09

About are welcome to the Shall. I am so

2:12

excited to have the A here. But

2:14

before we dive in, can you tell us

2:16

what you had for breakfast this morning? Oh

2:19

my goodness that feel like so long

2:21

ago for me. I

2:23

actually think I had eggs, veggies,

2:26

And. A

2:29

black coffee. Yeah. Eggs

2:31

and veggies, but coughing. And you

2:33

are in Canada right now. Yes,

2:36

And Ontario. Beer to fall

2:38

on such different parts of the world,

2:40

but it's so exciting to be able

2:42

to connect with years. Now.

2:45

I love your work. You help

2:47

women manage death and injury. So.

2:50

That they can stop sacrificing

2:52

their impact at work, their

2:54

time with their family, and

2:56

their health. I want

2:58

to know how did you get started

3:00

in this web and what led you

3:03

to start your own business? Had of

3:05

this will unfold figured take us back.

3:08

Yeah, so I feel like it's been forever

3:10

ago by it. So. Just to

3:12

give you like a birds eye

3:14

view. So I have three children

3:16

their nineteen, fourteen and eleven. And

3:19

mothering was kind of like my first.

3:21

Spiritual. Awakening per se And I was.

3:24

I was eighteen when I beg your mother.

3:26

So I was young. And I

3:28

already came into motherhood feeling

3:30

incredibly. Alone and like I was

3:32

sailing. And I just remember looking

3:35

at my son been keen. I

3:37

don't want to become a sitter sec and I don't want

3:39

him to feel the way that I felt. And.

3:41

At the same time figuring out

3:43

who I am. And I

3:45

remember that moment of like. There.

3:48

was something deeper inside of me like

3:50

this is when i discovered the know

3:52

when but also like live been a

3:54

purpose beyond and bigger than myself and

3:57

so fast forward a little that as

3:59

i'm learn about my son's behaviors

4:01

and I'm using air quotes emotional

4:04

behaviors which I didn't

4:06

know they were emotional at the time

4:08

I was asking questions and seeking support

4:10

like what's going on what's the strategy

4:12

how do I fix this problem and

4:14

I'm learning about social work and mental

4:16

health and I'm going to school and

4:18

then I land a job working

4:21

with families helping them see and understand

4:24

their children's behavior while at home I'm

4:26

trying to simultaneously understand my own

4:29

and I I figured this like oh

4:31

nobody knows what's going on but I

4:34

could clearly see that culturally as adults

4:36

we were very very good at labeling

4:38

behavior but not understanding it and it

4:41

was this is the way it is

4:43

and there was that part of me

4:45

that's like but there's something deeper here

4:47

so I kind of went

4:49

on a spiritual journey I fell in love

4:52

with meditation and mindfulness and started teaching

4:54

that to actually children

4:56

but I learned very quickly

4:58

that it wasn't

5:00

the children who needed to learn meditation

5:02

and mindfulness it was the parents themselves

5:04

and there was a lot of projection

5:06

that was going on like did you

5:08

fix my child's behavior did you

5:11

handle this art like what do I need to

5:13

you know are they going to be calm now

5:15

what do I need to do to get them

5:17

to be calm and I realized

5:19

there was this co-creation and

5:21

this disconnect and so fast forward

5:24

I left my corporate job I

5:26

say corporate it was a corporate job as

5:28

a social worker and six

5:31

months after my like literally

5:34

signing the dotted line my youngest was

5:36

a year old at the time I

5:38

was diagnosed with a stage four

5:40

cancer and so at

5:42

the time I felt like I was already in

5:44

startup in my business I had three kids

5:47

my youngest being a year old I was still

5:49

breastfeeding trying to figure all of this out how

5:52

old were you at this age I was 27

5:54

so 27 diagnosed with stage

5:56

four cancer

5:58

in startup for my business and

6:01

three kids and

6:03

no like health benefits no I mean

6:05

I live in Canada so there is

6:07

like that health benefit but

6:09

no additional support no financial support

6:11

by any means so I had

6:14

to work I still had

6:16

to continue to build my business I

6:18

had some one-on-one coaching clients and

6:20

I continued to work with them

6:23

throughout this process literally calling them

6:25

from my hospital bed and I

6:27

realized in that moment because the

6:29

clients I was working with well

6:31

as I was in startup in

6:33

my business I was very focused

6:35

on like the parent-child relationship like

6:37

the child like parenting aspect of

6:39

it like they're angry

6:41

they're frustrated help me manage that

6:44

when I had my diagnosis I

6:46

was like ladies we need to

6:48

stop pretending that our

6:51

well-being doesn't matter and that it's not

6:53

a part of the equation and that

6:56

was ten years ago and since

6:58

then my work has evolved but

7:00

at the core root it's still

7:02

the same Wow babe

7:05

okay okay okay there's a

7:07

lot in there to unpack

7:09

I mean exactly so you

7:12

had the wake-up call

7:14

of all wake-up calls

7:16

to spur you into

7:18

changing your life the

7:21

cancer which must have been

7:23

truly terrifying and for

7:26

lots of women there's no

7:28

specific wake-up call per se

7:30

like they just get stuck

7:32

in this cycle of feeling

7:34

awful and being in survival

7:36

mode so how do you

7:39

help those women find that

7:41

internal energy or motivation or

7:43

fortitude to start

7:46

creating change when everything can

7:48

just feel so hard

7:51

and so out of reach yeah

7:53

so that's it right I

7:56

tell people all the time you don't have to wait to

7:58

get a cancer diagnosis or are

8:00

a tragedy to happen in your life in order

8:02

for you to give yourself

8:04

permission. Because I will tell you,

8:07

I knew way before

8:10

my diagnosis that something

8:13

was not aligned for me.

8:15

Like something was off culturally

8:18

of how women were perceived

8:20

to be in the world.

8:22

Right. And when I wrote

8:24

my book, Dying to be a Good

8:26

Mother, I was like, I was physically

8:29

dying, like physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually

8:31

to be good for my

8:33

children. So that I was literally getting pats on

8:35

the back. And I want to

8:37

tell this quick story before I talk about the

8:39

person who hasn't had a diagnosis. But

8:41

I remember when I got my diagnosis,

8:44

I mentally like checked this box and

8:46

I was like, I will not suffer

8:48

like this anymore in

8:50

my life. Like I am done. It

8:53

was like a little mental checkbox because

8:56

Melissa, I had nine years of personal

8:58

development under my belt. I

9:00

hired the coaches. I did everything.

9:02

Like I was in the masterminds.

9:05

I went to the retreats. I

9:07

did all the things. And it wasn't that

9:09

I wasn't implementing any of that. It

9:12

was the permission piece, like the

9:14

embodiment of it, like really,

9:17

truly facing your deepest

9:19

fears of like, what

9:21

if I go after that thing and the

9:23

fear of failure, fear of success, fear of

9:26

rejection, all of those things. Like you see

9:28

people sitting on that edge all the time.

9:31

And I tell those people like,

9:33

nobody can make you want change.

9:36

You will listen to inspiring stories.

9:38

You will attend the coaching programs,

9:40

the retreats, all the things. You

9:43

either have to get done with

9:46

the contrast and the bullshit. Like you have to

9:48

be done with your bullshit. You have to be

9:50

done saying, I am so sick of just living

9:52

paycheck to paycheck. I am so sick

9:54

of just having enough. I am so done

9:57

Feeling like I'm always the pleaser.

10:00

Dad and I'm so done feeling

10:02

disrespected by other people. And when

10:04

you say like I'm done with

10:07

this you check that box and

10:09

then you learn. How did I.

10:12

Allow this to happen Where

10:14

along the journey did I

10:16

not take responsibility for? What

10:19

I wanted and desired. A

10:21

long this journey like I remember. When.

10:24

I had my diagnosis. There. Was

10:26

still a lot of that aren't you know you will

10:28

call it I would say spiritual bypass. That.

10:31

The shame of like how did I

10:33

manifests best like I did this to

10:35

myself. And. I really had to work through

10:37

a lot of that that like maybe I didn't

10:39

do this. Yeah sure. I'm sure there was some

10:41

neglect, but. My. Body. I mean, I

10:44

literally was like forced into motherhood. There

10:46

was a lot of trauma there, for

10:48

sure, yes, but I don't need to.

10:51

Take. On all of death like women

10:53

take on way too much like. Culture.

10:56

People. Generational trauma. All of

10:58

that stuff. but it is my

11:01

responsibility of harm going to react

11:03

to this. And. So I tell people

11:05

all the time like. I. Can guide

11:07

you liking tell you what worked

11:09

for me. but if you keep

11:12

saying i can't I don't have

11:14

time my children and you're using

11:16

your children to block you, your

11:18

partner, the economy, the whether you

11:20

will always find an excuse and

11:22

you get to keep what you

11:24

descends and so it's just kind

11:26

of continuously pulling back the layers

11:28

of that self awareness and. Really?

11:31

Getting to that core of like who do you want

11:33

to be and how do you want to feel and.

11:36

Slowly. Chipping away in stepping

11:38

towards that version of years of

11:40

yes, yeah, absolutely. I love that

11:42

so much. In my

11:44

program see launch. We get

11:46

people to kind of check in at

11:49

the very start and almost. Signed.

11:51

a contract where they are

11:53

committed to not playing the

11:55

victim they are committing to

11:58

taking responsibility they occur committed

12:00

to not using the word, I

12:02

can't. And I

12:04

think there's so much power in

12:07

when we get to a place in

12:09

our life where we have said, okay,

12:11

I am the creator of my life

12:14

and I am in the driver's seat

12:16

and I'm going to take responsibility for

12:18

my life and how I'm showing up.

12:21

And people say to me, you've changed

12:23

my life, you've saved my life. And

12:25

I'm like, no, I didn't

12:28

do the work. You did the work. I

12:30

just provided the vehicle. Like I said, come

12:32

and get on this bus with me and

12:34

we're going to go to this place. And

12:36

you jumped on that bus, but you did

12:39

all the work along the way. I just

12:41

provided you a vehicle to get there quicker.

12:44

And when I shift their mindset like that,

12:46

they're like, wow, okay. And it brings the

12:48

power back into them because ultimately, if we

12:51

want change, it starts with us taking

12:53

responsibility. So I love that's what has

12:55

happened for you. And this

12:58

is what I teach and this is what

13:00

is so important. We need to take responsibility.

13:03

So as a mama,

13:05

like if you are stuck

13:07

in that survival mode for

13:09

long enough, you can forget

13:11

what it feels like to

13:13

feel truly alive, right? So

13:16

how do you help women reconnect with

13:18

that part of themselves and

13:20

feel fully alive again, like

13:22

if they've completely lost touch

13:24

with that feeling? This is

13:26

my favorite topic. And I will say the

13:29

number one thing is you

13:31

have to have your own thought.

13:35

If you have a thought or a little whisper

13:37

that says, I shouldn't feel

13:40

this way, or it doesn't have to

13:42

be this way, you are right. We

13:46

launch into motherhood with

13:49

all of these stories and expectations of

13:51

who we need to be the

13:54

overwhelm the identity shift in

13:56

crisis, the hormonal changes, like there's

13:58

so much going on. on the

14:00

sleep deprivation. And I always

14:03

tell people, you have to reach for how you

14:05

wanna feel. But there's a story that

14:08

I tell all the time. I wrote

14:10

it in my book, and it was

14:13

also inspired by the work of Danielle

14:15

LaPorte, like the desire map, because that

14:17

came out around the time of my

14:20

diagnosis. And essentially

14:22

she was saying, it's not the thing you

14:24

want, it's the feeling, right? And this is

14:26

like the core of manifestation, law of attraction.

14:29

But it was very concrete to me. It was like,

14:31

it's not the big house you want. What

14:34

is it that you want? Is it status?

14:36

Is it you wanna feel a certain way?

14:38

Is it that you just want space? Do

14:40

you want things to feel organized or clean,

14:42

like or new or fresh? What do you

14:45

want? Like, what is the feeling? So

14:47

I was very clear that

14:50

I knew it wasn't

14:52

the things I wanted, it was the

14:54

feeling. So I could now take that

14:56

feeling and reverse engineer

14:58

how I wanted to feel. So

15:01

this is where aliveness comes in. So anyone

15:03

that's listening to this, like what's the secret?

15:05

How do you like get aliveness? I'll tell

15:07

you it's easier than you think, but

15:10

it's gonna be incredibly emotionally uncomfortable. And

15:13

for me specifically, there was a moment, I

15:15

was on the bathroom floor, I was in

15:18

recovery. And of course, in the middle of

15:20

the night, because that's typically when we have

15:22

our little panic attacks, it's like two o'clock

15:24

in the morning, I go to the bathroom,

15:27

I'm in my family sleeping, and my brain

15:29

and my stress response is going, and I'm

15:31

in a state of fight or flight. And

15:34

I'm like, I'm gonna die, I'm

15:36

gonna die. I just repeat this over

15:38

and over again, because I'm literally my

15:40

physical body is breaking down, and I'm

15:42

in such a place of uncertainty, as

15:45

I'm recovering from cancer. And

15:47

I just was so vulnerable, and I had barely

15:49

anything left in me. So I was just raw.

15:52

And I'm repeating, I'm gonna die,

15:54

I'm gonna die. But I had the tools

15:56

at the time To get my mind

15:58

back to the present moment. Oh My. God. They. Are

16:02

you going to die? You have no faith

16:04

like no certainty that going to happen. Not

16:06

only that, you are alive right now, right?

16:09

So Mike Okay, I'm here. I'm alive. Like

16:11

your physical bodies alive. Like stop projecting into

16:13

the future, come back to the present moment

16:15

So as like you're. Here you're here. You're

16:18

alive, your life, Then. I ask

16:20

myself this question: how do you want to feel

16:22

like I don't wanna feel dad? I don't wanna

16:24

feel angry, I don't wanna feel. Like

16:26

and says I want to feel

16:28

alive so that I'm my. Own.

16:31

Feel alive, own. I feel like a

16:33

wonderful alongside got myself from what I

16:35

don't want to what I do want

16:37

and attached to that the I. Know.

16:40

Here was when more fear came up because

16:42

then the next thing that happened was like.

16:45

I. Have no evidence in my life

16:47

of when I felt alive. Like.

16:50

I realized that in that moment I'm like.

16:52

I was a mother. At

16:54

eighteen. Previous to that,

16:57

I was. An underachieving.

17:00

Highly sensitive teenager who did know who they

17:03

were. I do. I had no time to

17:05

figure out who I was in the world.

17:08

And so I had no

17:10

evidence of what a lightness

17:12

felt like in my been.

17:14

And. So that's when I went on the journey to be

17:17

like. Who. Is she. What?

17:19

Is that version of. What?

17:21

Is she how does she spent her time?

17:23

How to? She respects herself. What is she

17:25

gonna do? But. When you're starting from

17:27

the bottom up like what is the

17:30

embodiment of this feeling that I crave

17:32

and so I started making a list?

17:35

What? Wouldn't a live person do will Tomorrow

17:37

they're gonna get out of bed there. Then

17:39

I get out of bed and they're gonna

17:41

take a shower. And if I just had

17:43

tiny bits of energy inside of me. And.

17:45

All I could do with take a shower and then I was exhausted

17:48

and I had to go back to bed. That's. what

17:50

i did and then the next day

17:52

took a shower sat on the porch

17:54

the next day took a shower sat

17:56

on the porch like did something tiny

17:58

for what i noticed him My brain

18:00

was that it started to focus on

18:02

how do I want to feel instead

18:05

of how much can I get done or

18:08

what does everyone else need from me. I'm

18:11

very impact driven. I want to make

18:13

an impact in my children's lives. I

18:15

want to break generational patterns. I want

18:17

to change women's lives.

18:20

I know that the more

18:22

alive and aligned I am,

18:25

that is when I make a

18:28

bigger impact. That is when the

18:30

legacy is born. That is when

18:32

the transformation happens for others. It

18:35

is very difficult or emotionally uncomfortable as

18:38

I would call it because I don't want to condition

18:41

myself that things are hard. They're just emotionally

18:43

uncomfortable to stop in the

18:45

moment and be like, where's my

18:47

brain focused? Is it focused on what I

18:50

want or what I don't want? That

18:52

was the aliveness to me is like being

18:55

curious about it and kind of going

18:58

after that feeling and searching and

19:00

reaching for that instead of staying

19:02

stuck in what I didn't want.

19:05

I love that. How are you

19:08

currently feeling? How do you want to feel

19:10

and then change it? Do the things

19:13

that are going to help you feel the way

19:15

that you desire to feel? I

19:18

think this idea that we have

19:20

to be always happy and always

19:22

up and always feeling

19:24

alive as a mother, a working mama

19:27

or anyone is only

19:31

dragging us down even further. There

19:34

are times where you feel flat and that's okay.

19:37

What can you do to shift that energy,

19:39

to shift that state? This

19:42

is why I am such a big fan. I have

19:44

a thing called the self-love menu. Basically,

19:46

it's a menu of 10 things that

19:49

light up your soul, that make

19:51

you feel truly alive in the

19:53

best version of yourself. You

19:55

create this menu and you stick it on your

19:57

fridge. This is just things that are going to help you feel

20:00

that. involve only you. So not like going out

20:02

to dinner with my husband, things that

20:04

just involve you. So like moving

20:06

your body or going and watching the

20:08

sunrise or reading a good book or

20:10

having a bath, whatever it is. And

20:13

whenever you are feeling flat or

20:16

not alive or any other energy that

20:18

you don't want to feel and you

20:20

want to feel truly alive instead, you

20:22

go and do one of those things

20:24

off that menu and that starts to

20:26

shift that energy. So that's something that

20:29

I personally do and it

20:31

really works. But I

20:33

want to talk to you about

20:35

energetic time management. What is energetic

20:37

time management? Yeah. So

20:39

it's taking what I was just talking about

20:41

to like the next step. So I physically

20:44

had to put these things on my calendar.

20:47

And I mean, I've been utilizing

20:50

this process for 10 years. I've taken it

20:52

to the next level and now it's like

20:54

internal for me, but everything is guided by

20:56

how do I want to feel? How do

20:58

I want to feel? And

21:00

I'll give like some specific examples, but

21:02

in general, I tell people brain dump

21:05

everything that's on your mind, right? If you're

21:07

overwhelmed to stop brain dump, I love to

21:09

put things in categories. So if it's child

21:12

related, work related, some people have four

21:14

categories. Some people have 40 categories. I'm

21:16

like, it doesn't matter. It could be

21:19

project based. It's fine. But write

21:21

down all the lists, put them in categories and

21:23

then ask yourself. Usually I

21:25

like to have a self category. Sometimes

21:28

that's empty for people. And they're like, Oh

21:30

my gosh, the fact that I don't have

21:32

anything in there kind of indicates where the

21:34

challenge is. But if there is

21:36

things on the self category, I say, put those

21:38

things on the calendar first. You have a

21:40

blank calendar. You're planning your week. Like

21:43

start to just put those baby steps on

21:45

your calendar first. And what's

21:47

going to happen is your priorities are shifting,

21:49

right? We are typically at the bottom of

21:51

the list. And then so it's reverse engineering,

21:53

how you want to feel. There's

21:56

so much resistance that comes up for people,

21:58

even just doing that. They don't. want

22:00

to put themselves on the calendar because

22:02

then it's the fear of failure. It's like,

22:04

well, what if it doesn't work? Perfectionism, all

22:06

of that stuff comes up. And

22:08

then the other aspect of it is once

22:10

you have these things on the calendar, when

22:12

you actually don't do them, you have to

22:14

face yourself. Like, why didn't you go for

22:16

that 10 minute walk that you put on

22:18

the calendar? Well, somebody called me or somebody

22:20

texted me or I had to put a

22:22

fire out. It's like, watch and observe how

22:25

we like go to rescue these other people.

22:27

Like they can't do their own thing. We

22:29

have to rescue them because

22:31

we're avoiding feeling a feeling.

22:33

We're avoiding sitting, allowing other people

22:35

to sit with their emotional discomfort.

22:38

And therefore we are most likely

22:40

avoiding something within ourselves as

22:42

well. And so that's like the core

22:44

of it is taking your to-do list,

22:46

prioritizing it, putting you on the calendar

22:48

first, not like eight hours a day

22:50

could be like 30 minutes a

22:52

day. And then starting to put

22:54

your second priority on there and third and

22:57

fourth. And then you will

22:59

see how your relationship with time will

23:01

switch. And that's kind of the strategy

23:03

behind it. And then the advanced level,

23:05

like as you get that down pat

23:08

is like, okay, wow,

23:10

look at how I show up in

23:12

my relationships. Look how I'm sucking like

23:15

life force energy out of myself trying

23:17

to have these, trying

23:19

to rescue other people and do their

23:22

work for them or avoiding the emotionally

23:24

uncomfortable conversation. Like when you are, it

23:26

doesn't matter if you're a parent, if

23:29

you're a business owner, if you're, you know,

23:32

your intimate relationships, these are

23:34

all these skills are universal. And I

23:36

just today had to, I was

23:38

like feeling into, okay, there's a little

23:41

like resentment coming up and I'm like,

23:43

okay, I know that means I have

23:46

overstepped my own boundary. So

23:48

where is this coming up? Where do I

23:50

need to put more boundaries in? Where

23:53

do I need to have conversations with people? And

23:56

then you get people in your life that will hold you

23:58

accountable too. And so it's. because

24:00

as you develop this kind of language

24:02

and you rinse and repeat the process,

24:05

for me personally, and what I've seen

24:07

with people is alignment and fulfillment and

24:10

all the things that we want and

24:12

desire actually comes when

24:14

we are willing to feel

24:17

our feelings. And we can

24:19

do those things on the self-love list, but

24:22

we cannot have the expectation that when I

24:24

do this thing, I'm going to check it

24:26

off. All my feelings are going to go

24:28

away again. It's like, no, we need to

24:31

sit with the duality of both and

24:33

stop with those good feelings, bad feelings. Like, I

24:35

did all the things. Why am I not

24:37

feeling the way I want to feel? And it's

24:39

like, there's other layers to it.

24:42

It's not just checking boxes. We're not

24:44

robotic. There's a lot going on within

24:46

us. And most of the time

24:48

we've, like for a lot of people, you've

24:50

suppressed it for so long that it's a

24:52

language you have to learn to understand within

24:54

yourself. Absolutely. So

24:58

people pleasing is a really

25:00

big energy leak. What

25:02

are some other common energy leaks that

25:04

you see? So it's funny

25:06

you say people pleasing because I never thought

25:08

I was a people pleaser. I never identified

25:11

as a people pleaser, but I would do

25:13

it like begrudgingly, like saying yes to an

25:15

event. And I'm like, oh, I guess I

25:17

should go. I'm not very social, but

25:20

I didn't show up like, well, if I don't go, they're

25:22

not going to like me. That was never my thing. Control

25:25

is a huge one. Before my

25:27

podcast was called Emotionally Uncomfortable, it

25:29

was called Mom is in Control

25:31

because I have these women who

25:34

were mothers who wanted to feel

25:36

in control. And I'm like, control

25:38

is not actually a feeling. So

25:41

that's a red flag right there. So

25:43

observing how we are trying to control

25:45

other people's behavior, how we are

25:47

trying to control the outcome. I

25:49

mean, perfectionism, upper limiting

25:51

ourselves, like the lack

25:53

mindset observing. This

25:55

is a fun one, too. Observing

25:58

how we add drama. Situations

26:00

when we are like hitting our upper

26:02

limit how and i will watch

26:04

it within my fall and it's the tiniest tiniest

26:07

thing like even when i don't know if you

26:09

want to go like i wanna learn how to

26:11

make sourdough bread. Not that big

26:13

of a deal i could watch a few youtube

26:15

videos and i could see in my mind is

26:17

like this is gonna take so much time i

26:19

don't have capacity for this level and i'm like.

26:22

You're learning to make bread you made humans

26:24

you can make a freaking loaf of

26:26

bread but then i had to have

26:28

boundaries with my own mental drama and

26:30

i'm like i am gonna commit a

26:32

weekend to figuring this out.

26:35

I'm gonna watch as many youtube videos as

26:38

i can and i'm gonna allow myself to

26:40

fail and i made it a challenge to

26:42

just push through so resistance is a big

26:45

one to excuse is all of that

26:47

yeah. Oh yes okay

26:49

so if any of

26:52

those are resonating with anybody let's

26:54

stop doing them stop

26:57

stop life is so

26:59

much better when we don't do those

27:01

things yeah it's so much better. How

27:04

can we structure our time to

27:06

increase our productivity without getting stuck

27:09

in the overwhelm or procrastination. Well

27:14

i have thoughts on this because

27:16

i feel like even productivity is

27:18

such a tricky and trendy

27:21

term everyone wants to feel more

27:23

productive. But it's like what

27:25

is your definition of productivity like

27:27

what is your definition of success

27:29

this like never enoughness like it

27:32

doesn't matter if you had the

27:34

perfect day right, I feel like

27:36

sometimes productivity is sprinkled in perfectionism

27:38

and this like never enough. I

27:41

always ask myself. I'm

27:44

always reflecting and i'm like okay

27:46

overwhelmed the symptom it's not a

27:48

personality trait doesn't matter if we're

27:50

talking about nervous system or anything

27:52

else if i have the belief

27:54

that feeling good. Is my

27:56

birthright and feeling good is the goal.

27:59

And I. feel not good.

28:01

I have to check

28:03

in with myself and say, what is this? Is

28:06

this, I just didn't get a good night's

28:09

sleep last night? Am I so out of

28:11

alignment? Am I just outside of my comfort

28:13

zone? Like what is truly going on here?

28:15

So when I look at my

28:17

day, you know, some days and I can be

28:19

super flexible, I'll be in a season where I'm

28:21

super flexible with my time and I'm like, you

28:23

know what, this is freedom to me

28:25

where I can have slow mornings where I can

28:28

have connection time with my family or myself. And

28:31

then there's seasons where I'm like,

28:33

okay, this is actually resistance now.

28:35

This is me sabotaging a goal

28:37

where I need to lean in a little bit more and

28:39

I need to tighten it up and I need to actually

28:42

look at my calendar. And I've had

28:44

to learn with my own brain, what

28:47

works, what doesn't work, the seasons that I'm

28:49

in, what energy do I want to live

28:51

in? Do I need to be a little

28:53

more in the masculine and like a little

28:55

get shit done energy versus like, just go

28:57

with the flow. And what I mean by go

28:59

with the flow is just like feel into it. And

29:02

also really learning to know

29:04

yourself. It's interesting because sometimes

29:06

I'll be more in a, I'm not going

29:09

to say go with the flow state, but more

29:11

of like, I'm not going to be so like,

29:14

married and attached to my calendar of like, I need to

29:16

get this done. I need to do this. I need to

29:18

do this. And I've observed

29:20

myself with like, is this sabotage

29:22

or is this the

29:25

rest I need? Is this what my soul

29:27

is craving right now? The other

29:29

thing I want to say about time, because

29:32

we can talk about structure, we do all those things, but

29:34

that's not sexy to me is like

29:36

staying in your area of genius. When

29:39

you were scaling your time or energy, it's like,

29:42

what do you love doing? What actually

29:44

gives you more energy and sitting in

29:46

front of a computer and being a

29:48

taskmaster as a visionary does

29:50

not give me energy. So I

29:52

have to ask myself, how can

29:54

I, how can I have more

29:56

energy? Who can help me with this? Do I

29:59

need to outsource? Do I

30:01

need to, what type of person do I need to

30:03

hire on my team? Who on

30:05

my team do I need to ask for this? And

30:08

if I don't have a team and I need to do

30:10

all of these things, do I actually

30:12

need to do all of the things? I

30:15

will often do a brain dump when

30:17

I'm overwhelmed because I will not

30:19

push when I'm overwhelmed. I stop,

30:22

I'll dump everything out, and I'll ask

30:24

myself, what is the one

30:27

next thing that you need to do?

30:29

That most likely you

30:31

are resistant to, like you're like, oh, I

30:33

don't want to do that thing. That's

30:35

going to move the needle in whatever area of your life

30:37

you're looking to do. And I

30:40

train myself to do that one thing, and I

30:43

lean into the fear, lean into the resistance, and

30:46

the clouds literally part on the other

30:48

side. So that's my productivity hack, is

30:50

doing the thing you're resisting the most.

30:53

Yes, and it's so important to

30:55

actually ask yourself, what is

30:58

my zone of genius? What lights

31:00

me up? What do I love to do

31:02

in my business? I know

31:04

that answer straight away. For

31:06

me, it's podcasting, it's writing

31:08

books, it's speaking, and

31:10

it's coaching. These are the things

31:13

that I love. And so for me, I

31:16

aim to stay in those lanes as

31:18

much as possible. I don't love some

31:20

of the other things, so

31:23

I hire or I delegate the other

31:25

things. And then that allows

31:27

me to stay inspired, to stay uplifted,

31:29

to stay in my zone of genius.

31:32

Because as you know, when

31:35

you are a momma, a working momma, if

31:38

it's not lighting you up, for me,

31:40

it's like it's not worth it. It's

31:42

not worth time away from

31:45

my daughter. You know, I would

31:47

rather be with my daughter. I remember I

31:50

had a year-long maternity leave, and then I

31:52

went back to work after. I still had

31:54

my podcast, and I had about four

31:56

months' worth of episodes, and then I slowly

31:59

went back. It was amazing

32:01

but i wasn't launching anything i wasn't coaching

32:03

inside she launch i wasn't doing any speaking

32:05

gigs. This was good

32:07

but i remember i had a

32:09

facebook ad meeting without team

32:12

it was an hour long i got

32:14

off the meeting and i just burst into tears.

32:17

And i was like that was an hour

32:19

away from my daughter and

32:21

i did not enjoy one

32:23

second of it i was like this is

32:26

not where i wanna be i don't wanna

32:28

be in a facebook ad meeting. It's just

32:30

that doesn't like me up that doesn't inspire

32:32

me and i have an understanding of it

32:35

but i was just like guys. Not

32:38

my phone of genius that is

32:40

not where my soul filled it up and then

32:42

i was feeling resentful and then i was feeling

32:44

guilty because i was away from my daughter so

32:47

no your zone of genius

32:50

no what lights you up. If

32:53

you know those things in your business

32:55

then you hire and

32:58

delegate the rest so that you

33:00

can stay the visionary like that's where we

33:02

wanna be. Yeah and what

33:04

i would say in that moment specifically right

33:06

it's gonna keep coming back to you until

33:08

you actually listen to it so i have

33:11

learned and i talk about this all the

33:13

time. Is using your emotional

33:15

state like anger resentment guilt like these

33:17

are the things i hear for women

33:20

a lot of skill. I'm

33:22

like pretend that these like

33:24

there's so many ways that we

33:26

talk about like understanding your emotions

33:28

but i have. I'm like

33:30

talk about them like their children trying to

33:32

get your attention. They're not

33:34

just i'm not gonna take action because

33:37

i feel guilty or i'm gonna like

33:39

shrink no be like okay there's resentment

33:41

and there's guilt here cool lean in

33:43

like talk to them. Hey

33:46

why are you here i'm trying to get

33:48

you know if you can intuitively talk to

33:50

your body this takes time to scale but

33:53

i just sit in the mud why are

33:55

you here it will talk back it's

33:57

a little whisper it will say like i'm trying to keep you

33:59

safe. safe. And then I always

34:01

ask, Okay, what do you need from me? Like, Gil,

34:03

what do you need from me to feel safe to

34:06

leave my body? And it will say,

34:09

you need to have that conversation. Or you

34:11

need to let this

34:13

go, like you need to go after what you

34:15

want. And I'm going to be here,

34:17

I'm going to hang out because I

34:20

know you love your children. But you're

34:22

not, you know, you have to have boundaries with your emotions

34:24

to have like, okay, you're not going to run the show.

34:26

But this Facebook ad thing,

34:28

that sounds like death to me, I would not

34:30

want to be in a Facebook ad meeting either

34:32

for an hour. 100%. So here's the thing

34:35

too, is like,

34:38

awesome. Is there aspects of it? And

34:40

is there a moment where you're like, okay,

34:42

I have to attend this meeting for the

34:44

next month, because nobody

34:47

else is going to attend this meeting.

34:49

So that is your cue that you

34:51

need to hire someone if you don't

34:53

have that person on your team already.

34:55

Then, when you go to

34:58

hire that someone you should going to come up,

35:00

right? It might be like, well, I'm not

35:02

making enough money or blah, blah, blah, like something else is

35:04

going to come up for you. It's

35:06

an opportunity for growth. Like, these

35:08

things are always there to teach

35:10

us to grow. I remember the

35:12

bigger and bigger my team

35:15

got, I watched my identity

35:17

shift from I'm working

35:19

one on one with these clients to

35:21

okay, now it's in a group setting.

35:23

Okay, now my job is to lead

35:26

my team and my team helps other

35:28

people and like it's become this like

35:30

community thing. And so slowly, you're growing

35:32

your scaling. But if you can utilize

35:34

this doesn't have to be in business,

35:37

it can also be at home of

35:39

like observing and watching my children now

35:41

that my oldest is like becoming an

35:43

adult, watching how they talk to

35:45

each other because of the way I've talked

35:48

to them over the years, watching how quickly

35:50

they can repair when you

35:52

know, something didn't go as planned. And

35:54

I'm like, it's just by role modeling.

35:56

So I just know that the more

35:59

willing I am to scale

36:01

and grow my capacity,

36:04

even if my ego or my fear

36:06

or my guilt wants to tell me,

36:09

if you grow, that's going to take

36:11

away from your children. Or if you grow, you're

36:13

not going to be able to do that. I

36:16

like to ask myself, especially in

36:18

the last year or so, how

36:21

would I show up? What decision

36:24

would I make if I deeply

36:26

trusted myself? And

36:28

also, if I could

36:30

wave a magic wand and anything was

36:32

possible right now, what would I want

36:34

to do? How would I

36:36

want to spend my time? What would my business

36:39

look like? Because I also feel like

36:41

you get into something, you're scared, you're like, oh

36:43

my God, I'm so excited. I love this work.

36:46

You do it for a while. And then you're

36:48

like, okay, now I'm bored

36:50

of it. Now I need to grow. Now

36:52

I need to do something else. And so

36:54

we're always checking in and

36:56

asking yourself, what is it that I crave?

36:58

What is it that I desire? And

37:01

to me, that's energy. And sometimes

37:03

it has nothing to do with asking

37:05

my body. I mean,

37:07

having a diagnosis, I don't even

37:09

identify as a cancer survivor. I mean,

37:12

it's so long ago and I'm like,

37:14

it's not in my being. That's

37:16

not what I lead with. But

37:19

I look at, okay, what's my physical body telling

37:21

me? This might be a hormonal thing. This might

37:23

be like something else is going on, but I'm

37:26

always tuned in. All right, my

37:28

mental body, my emotional body, my

37:30

spiritual body, what am I craving? And

37:33

it even changed my relationships. Like I'm always asking

37:35

my husband, what are you craving? I mean, sometimes

37:37

he thinks I'm a little whack a doodle because

37:39

I'm like, what's your soul craving? And he's

37:41

like, oh God, here she goes. But I'm like,

37:43

what do you want to do? Like what trips

37:45

do you want to go on? Like what's your soul

37:47

craving? And it might take a week until I get

37:50

an answer. Sometimes I get

37:52

it right away, but it's like giving

37:54

everyone we love around us permission to

37:57

nurture themselves rather than.

38:00

Living by a to do left we

38:02

still gotta get things done but we

38:04

can be and live and when we

38:06

do that in between are to do.

38:10

Add is true love to me that is

38:12

the gift we give our family absolutely

38:15

and we teach

38:17

by embodying especially

38:20

without children like you said before.

38:22

I am modeling everything off

38:25

so i want to talk about

38:27

reparenting for anyone who is unfamiliar

38:29

with this time can you

38:32

give us a quick definition of what

38:34

reparenting is and then could you tell

38:36

us about your journey with reparenting and

38:39

how do we read parent out. I

38:42

personal growth on steroids i'm just gonna

38:44

call that's gonna be the definition i'm

38:46

gonna give reparenting i also

38:49

i feel like the advantage i

38:51

had of having a child so

38:53

young was that. I

38:57

didn't know what i know

38:59

now i feel like if i

39:01

was a. Educated

39:04

adults jumping

39:06

into parent hood would scare

39:08

me more than it did

39:11

when i found myself pregnant when i was

39:13

younger. Because of course

39:15

in this world of parenting. We

39:18

can't have swung the pendulum a little

39:20

too far of gentle parenting in my

39:22

opinion gentle parenting conscious parenting of like

39:24

perfect like a perfectionist of like i

39:26

can't say that i can't do that

39:28

okay when they do this how do

39:30

i reply what do i say. And

39:33

then when you have a teenager it's a

39:35

complete that's the next

39:38

level new level new devil and

39:40

what i have noticed with the reparenting

39:42

is it doesn't matter how

39:44

much. Personal

39:46

work you do on yourself to try to

39:49

get ahead you're like okay they're coming

39:51

i'm gonna get ahead of this i'm

39:53

gonna like read this book i'm gonna

39:55

do all the inner work your

39:57

child will show you. that

40:00

wounded little part of yourself. They

40:03

will get you. They will

40:05

mere right back to you where

40:07

you need to go and where you need to

40:09

grow. And I remember over and

40:11

over again at developmental

40:13

phases, especially with my oldest,

40:17

we're like growing up together,

40:19

but this co-creation of the first

40:21

time he had anxiety as an

40:24

example or presented very

40:26

anxious and the school started calling, I

40:29

was like, anxiety, like first of all,

40:31

I didn't even know what anxiety was. And

40:33

then I was thinking, I don't

40:36

know how to manage anxiety. Do

40:38

I have anxiety? I then discovered

40:40

that I was anxious

40:42

as well. We're scared and

40:45

want to control things in our

40:47

children when we don't know how

40:49

to control it within ourselves. And

40:51

so observing and watching all of

40:53

these triggers that our children have,

40:56

it's always about ourselves. I

40:58

do believe, especially working with children and

41:00

former life as a social worker, that

41:03

our children are having their own spiritual

41:05

experience. Like they are having their own

41:08

human experience. Their soul is having

41:10

a human experience. And we have

41:12

to look and observe that. If

41:15

that child is struggling, we have to say, look,

41:18

that child is struggling. The

41:20

one thing I think the parenting industry does not

41:22

do well is there's a constant

41:24

reflection on the parent. What

41:27

does that say about you? And they

41:29

make it about the parent a little too much,

41:31

I think, when it's like, but your child is

41:33

still struggling over there. I do believe we need

41:35

to give our kids coping strategies.

41:37

We need to present it to them.

41:39

We need to say, maybe talking about

41:41

the problem is not going to help

41:43

them because they're shutting down. So

41:45

let's get them in an environment

41:48

where they may be around positive

41:50

coping strategies. Maybe let's put some

41:52

spa music on, meditation music on,

41:55

in the home to lower

41:57

the frequency to make it.

42:00

feel grounded. Maybe we need to talk

42:02

less and just go for

42:04

a walk and just move our

42:06

bodies and move energy. And so

42:08

we're kind of like looking at this

42:10

child outside of us and realizing that

42:13

a lot of our anger,

42:15

anxiety, overwhelm coming up within us, we're

42:17

just, it's just triggering the little child

42:19

within us that didn't get those needs

42:22

met. And yeah, it brings up

42:24

all of those wounds and we get to kind of

42:27

look at that little version of ourselves and

42:29

be like, I got you now. I'm here

42:31

for you. And I'm, I'm the adult that

42:33

you needed. And that's definitely been

42:35

a huge part of

42:38

my parenting journey and adult

42:40

journey as well. I don't know if it ever goes away.

42:43

Yeah. So I think a lot of

42:45

us, we have this expectation that children

42:48

should just be emotionally regulated. But firstly,

42:50

like you said, like they have never

42:53

been taught because we were never taught

42:56

and we don't do it

42:58

ourselves. So if we want emotionally regulated

43:00

children, we have to be emotionally regulated

43:03

ourselves. So what are

43:05

some strategies, like some tactical things

43:07

that people can do when they

43:09

catch themselves out of balance,

43:11

when they're not emotionally regulated or their

43:13

child, like what's the first thing that

43:16

we can do? Okay. So

43:18

this question actually brought up for me

43:20

that our children do know how to

43:22

emotionally regulate most of the time, but

43:24

we don't like the way they do it. So

43:27

example, crying is an

43:29

emotional regulation strategy, but we don't

43:32

like it sometimes because of the

43:34

noise level. And then it triggers

43:36

our sensory overload. And

43:38

then we're like, stop crying, or

43:41

they're screaming or they're having a

43:43

tantrum. Like it's an

43:45

emotional regulation strategy, but as

43:48

they get older, we have ego and

43:50

it doesn't feel socially acceptable. So we're

43:52

like, stop, you're embarrassing me. Like don't

43:54

do that. We can't do that here. And so

43:57

then we're trying to like Shift

43:59

and manipulate. And do all the things And

44:01

yes, we want to keep them safe. To me, want

44:03

to do all the things and sometimes. There's other

44:05

things going on in our children's brains.

44:08

But. For the most

44:10

part, we are just uncomfortable

44:12

with emotion to begin with.

44:14

And so when we are uncomfortable anger

44:16

as an example, having three boys. When.

44:19

We are uncomfortable. With

44:21

emotion. We want

44:23

to stop. Like. emotion.

44:26

So. What I've noticed his mom were trying

44:28

to a mostly regulates were like okay I

44:30

got to meditate edu breath for a guide

44:32

you all the things that I need to

44:34

feel mostly regulated all the time. When.

44:37

In reality, shrill totally get it. We

44:39

can do all of the things you

44:41

can do tapping into breath work, medication,

44:44

Self. Awareness. Is the

44:46

whole point that is key

44:48

but realized that actually feeling

44:50

feelings is not as bad

44:53

thing and that is an

44:55

emotional. Regulation Strategy Once you

44:57

start doing. Not send. Sometimes you

44:59

want to have boundaries with your emotions you

45:01

like? Okay, I opened the can of worms

45:03

and now I want to cry all day.

45:05

Every day like that. Like example as grief,

45:08

right? Some people are like oh my gosh,

45:10

I've opened it too much. I'm never going

45:12

to stop crying. And I've witnessed

45:14

that even with people that I work, where

45:16

are my team? my clients? Or

45:18

have someone who would identify as highly sensitive

45:20

and for the first two years of working

45:22

with me she just cry all the time

45:24

as I get sign. And she

45:26

went through like. I don't wanna

45:28

react like this all the time and I

45:31

watched her just. Continue.

45:33

To heal and grow and be

45:35

like. I want to feel better and

45:37

my mind and body. And sometimes when you go

45:39

on a ceiling journey. You. Actually

45:42

feel more. Because.

45:44

It's been like trapped inside of you

45:46

and so there's things you can do

45:48

on a daily basis. yes that be

45:50

mindful and my just trying to put

45:52

a band aid on this problems. or

45:55

am I actually trying to like. Be.

45:57

com that type of person that

46:00

live this life where I am

46:02

more proactive than reactive. So

46:05

an example, like I know there's all these

46:07

tips and strategies, but a specific example, a

46:09

lot of people will say, like,

46:12

I want to stop yelling. So

46:14

their question to me is how

46:16

do I get my child to

46:18

stop doing whatever? And like, you

46:20

don't get your child to stop

46:22

doing anything. You realize

46:24

that child's behavior is

46:27

triggering something inside of you.

46:30

That causes you to yell. Yelling

46:32

is a stress response. So you

46:34

are stressed out. So you

46:36

need to ask yourself, why am I so

46:38

stressed? And it may be, there's so

46:41

many aspects of life that you're incredibly

46:43

stressed about. And that's a whole other

46:45

conversation. But when you can say, where

46:47

in my life am I trying to be heard?

46:51

I'm yelling to be heard. Well,

46:54

I'm not hearing myself, right?

46:56

So it's like, we pull back these layers.

46:59

We pull back these layers. So

47:01

emotional regulation is not just

47:04

meditation. It's not just

47:06

tapping, better sleep, better

47:08

nutrition, exercise, movement. Those

47:10

things are fabulous. But from

47:12

an emotional perspective, observing

47:15

your emotions as if, huh, why

47:18

am I yelling? Why am I trying to be

47:20

heard? What is my body trying to

47:22

tell me? What is my soul trying to tell me?

47:24

How is it yelling at me? Like

47:26

when I was diagnosed, my body was yelling at

47:28

me. It was giving me all the signs and

47:31

symptoms and bells and whistles. And I

47:33

was yelling because I was not emotionally

47:35

regulated, but my body was so stressed

47:37

out. And nobody actually sat me

47:39

down, looked me dead square in the eyes and

47:41

said, you are living in a

47:44

survival state and you are going to burn

47:46

out. Nobody ever said that to me.

47:48

And I, to this day, completely, like

47:50

I wish somebody would have said that

47:52

to me. So there's a

47:55

lot that happens in this whole world when

47:57

people are like, I'm living in survival mode,

47:59

our bodies are. resilient

48:02

AF. But at some

48:04

point you have to say I am worthy of

48:06

10 minutes today and just know it

48:08

doesn't need to be all or nothing and you

48:10

can slowly chip away and regain

48:13

your life, regain your energy. You are

48:15

very resilient and you are capable and

48:18

do not give up and it will be

48:20

emotionally uncomfortable but you are worthy of feeling

48:23

good. When I fill

48:25

myself up I am such

48:27

a better mama. I have so

48:30

much more patience. I

48:32

am more present, more playful.

48:34

Like just the other night my

48:37

daughter has recently dropped her nap.

48:39

Okay so she's almost three.

48:41

She's recently dropped her nap and

48:44

so sometimes like at

48:46

five o'clock when we're doing

48:49

bath and dinner she's

48:51

just exhausted. She's ready for

48:53

bed and the emotions

48:56

are higher and I

48:58

was able to just be there and

49:00

to be her rock

49:02

and to be so calm and

49:05

later that night we got

49:07

into bed and my husband said to me you

49:10

were so beautiful with her during all

49:12

of that. You were so

49:14

beautiful with her and I said oh thank you that's

49:16

really nice and he's like that's a

49:18

result of you feeling full in your

49:20

work and in

49:23

your own self-care because I

49:26

had just been in the middle

49:28

of a three-day challenge which I absolutely

49:30

love. Like for me I love

49:32

presenting. Like I said before that's one of

49:35

my zones of genius. So

49:37

I'm lit up to the stars in my

49:39

work and I'm full from

49:41

my own self-care. I was

49:43

able to just be her rock And

49:46

that was reflected back to me when

49:48

Nick said you were so beautiful with

49:50

her. I said thanks Thanks honey. Yeah

49:52

Now reflecting back Yeah! I was really

49:54

patient and I was really present and

49:56

I was able to hold space because

49:58

I felt regulated. Happy and

50:01

content within myself. And

50:03

usually when we were yeah is because. We.

50:05

Don't feel those things within ourselves

50:07

by it. And so we explode

50:10

Like a volcano. We just explode.

50:13

And we don't wanna be explosive

50:15

mothers or. Humans. We

50:17

don't want to react and explode

50:19

and. Like. A volcano. Any

50:21

time something happens, you know we

50:24

want to be regulated and com

50:26

and present. impatient. And. This

50:28

is really important for me. This is

50:30

what I teach inside. She was. A

50:32

Teach women how to have the impulse. And.

50:35

The income that they want without

50:37

burning out and without sacrificing their

50:39

relationship. Because I've been there, I've

50:41

burnt out of sacrifice my relationship.

50:43

I don't wanna do that again.

50:46

So. I'd love to know. like when

50:48

it comes to. Women: What?

50:50

Other specific tools and strategies that

50:53

you recommend said that we can

50:55

increase our income an hour. Impact.

50:57

With. Are running ourselves into the ground.

51:01

Why? Think you just. Set it and

51:03

we've been talking about it this whole time

51:05

is. Taking. Care of yourself

51:07

in whatever aspect that looks

51:09

like an. Expecting the

51:12

guilt, expect the in the

51:14

resistance. Expecting. The. Identity thefts,

51:17

right? You're be com a

51:19

different version of yourself and

51:21

slowly just. These. Little

51:23

tiny staffs will make you.

51:26

Become. That version of view and just

51:28

like you said melissa as you were for

51:30

you were lit up and asking yourself like

51:32

some people might be think you will I

51:34

don't know what that is for me. One

51:36

of my favorite journal problem is wouldn't it

51:38

be nice as. And. Whatever you

51:40

are writing down, Under that

51:42

journal Prompt. Is the.

51:44

Desires that are inside of you.

51:47

And if you give yourself permission

51:49

to go after those desires, that's

51:51

where the magic happens and. You.

51:53

began to feel fuller you start to

51:56

have more capacity more time on your

51:58

schedule more energy more money starts

52:00

to come in because you have

52:02

the capacity to do the things

52:05

to bring it in. And

52:07

you also start to attract it. And

52:09

then you have the patience, just like you did for

52:11

your daughter. You have the patience to be with your

52:13

partner and to be like, okay, I can hear

52:15

you. Right? It's not landing

52:17

on angry ears. I can hear

52:19

you. I hear that you need

52:21

connection and we've been a little

52:24

disconnected. Let's create space

52:26

for that. Let's create time for that.

52:28

Let's physically put it on the calendar to

52:31

start and then it becomes more intuitive.

52:33

So it's all connected. Like

52:35

start where you are, right? A

52:38

little tiny list of what you want,

52:40

what you desire, how you want to

52:42

feel. Start taking those baby

52:44

steps towards it. There's something, this process

52:46

that I've been talking about, energetic time

52:48

management. There's something I created called

52:51

the 10 minute habit. And

52:53

I break it down into 10 minutes because

52:55

it's really difficult to start when it feels

52:57

like you're climbing a mountain and you're like,

52:59

I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know where to start. So I

53:01

bring you through a process to just like bring

53:04

it down to 10 minutes and start with

53:06

those 10 minutes. And if you can do

53:08

that consistently, you really see how this process,

53:10

like I don't believe in hard things. When

53:13

I hear the same, my body physically

53:15

goes, no, no, I've rejected hard.

53:17

I'm like, I want a life of

53:19

ease. I want a

53:21

life of abundance and alignment.

53:24

When something feels hard to

53:26

me, it's usually just

53:28

emotionally uncomfortable or it's outside of

53:31

my comfort zone. And I ask myself,

53:33

this is new to me. How can I

53:36

make it more aligned with how I want

53:38

to feel? And so maybe I'm like, this

53:40

is easy. I physically tell myself this is

53:42

easy. It's not that big of a deal.

53:44

It's just an email. You're just sending an

53:46

email. You're just putting your face on Instagram.

53:49

This is easy. You're just hitting submit or

53:51

you're just sitting play to, you know, launch

53:53

your podcast or whatever. This is easy. It's

53:55

emotionally uncomfortable, but it's easy. So

53:57

it's like, just lean into that a little bit. Find your

53:59

edge. Yes,

54:01

I love it so much. I'd

54:04

love to pretend that you had a

54:06

magic wand right now and you could

54:08

put one book in the school curriculum

54:10

of every high school around the world.

54:14

What book would you choose? Now,

54:16

let's pretend yours is already in the curriculum.

54:19

What other book would you choose? It's for

54:21

boys and girls around that 15, 16, 17

54:24

year old age. Well,

54:28

it's funny because my 19 year old, I'm always like,

54:30

how can I get him to read a book? And I

54:33

say that because he's like, mom, he

54:36

says, you're not going to Heather show by me. Meaning

54:38

like, you know, when you're in this industry, you're not

54:41

allowed to give your children too much advice once they

54:43

get older, because they're going to reject that as teenagers.

54:46

Anyways, the first book that came to mind,

54:48

it's called The Leader Who Had No Title.

54:50

And it's by Robin Sharma. And it's like

54:52

a fable. It's not very big. And

54:55

it's one of the books that I read

54:57

early on in my days, and I have

54:59

no idea why. But I love

55:01

reading about leadership. I love talking

55:03

about leadership, because it doesn't matter

55:05

if you were leading as a

55:08

parent or in your business or

55:10

as a friend, or as

55:12

a child or as like a neighbor,

55:14

or just like a human in this

55:17

world. And I also feel like

55:19

there's so many books about how to be

55:21

successful and how to do it right. This

55:23

book is literally about the leader who had

55:25

no title, the person that showed up as

55:28

a leader made an impact and was

55:30

not significant from an

55:32

ego perspective and really made an impact in the

55:34

world. Beautiful. I love it. I'll

55:36

link to that in the show notes. And

55:39

I love Robin Sharma's book, The

55:42

Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. That was

55:44

one of the first ever books

55:46

that I read on this journey, back in 2010. And

55:49

I loved it. It's such a great

55:51

book. He's an OG.

55:54

It's funny, because these books

55:56

just fall off the bookshelf into

55:58

your lap. And it takes you

56:01

on a journey and you just like okay what's

56:03

next what's next. Absolutely

56:05

alright babe i would love to

56:07

hear how your day looks you got

56:09

three kids you work. Tell

56:11

me what time you get up all

56:14

of your rituals your routines when you work

56:16

tell me the whole day until you go to bed i'd

56:18

love to hear and i know no two days are the

56:21

same so just kind of give us like a typical day

56:23

in your life. I always tell

56:25

people i'm the rebel and i

56:27

rebel against routine so if something

56:29

is too structured i

56:31

will rebel against it. And

56:34

i will say this is also seasonal

56:36

so based off of the season that

56:38

i'm in how my children are all

56:40

the things i'll tell you the season

56:42

i'm in right now wait before we

56:44

go in what human design are you

56:46

and what's your stuff on. I

56:49

don't know my star sign you mean like pisces

56:52

yeah your pisces okay cool you know

56:54

your human design i'm a generator. Okay

56:57

cool me too yeah okay okay

57:00

so right now i don't get up with an alarm i

57:03

do wake up around six thirty but. Before

57:05

i was getting up with an alarm and

57:07

i had like a strict routine did not

57:09

like it now i get up get my

57:11

around six thirty ish. Watch

57:13

like get my kids up ready

57:15

for school breakfast all the things

57:18

and that's more like a connection time. Sometimes

57:21

i'll start working right away i have

57:23

no routine of the start working and

57:26

then i love going to the gym around

57:28

ten am. I used to

57:30

try so hard to do it really early

57:32

in the morning and i like no i

57:34

like a slow morning i like a slow

57:37

routine and to me freedom is being able

57:39

to work my schedule around that mid day.

57:42

And then yeah i will

57:44

either have some creative days where

57:46

i have no meeting and i'm

57:48

just writing or i'm

57:50

thinking i love being outside a

57:52

lot so i will try to walk outside

57:54

a lot to think about creative things and

57:56

just do like little things in my notes.

57:59

Or. Sometimes I'm doing meetings back to back

58:01

and when I say meetings, it could be teaching

58:04

it could be coaching in some capacity I don't

58:07

really love a meeting because that's not fun But

58:09

I love when I'm there to be able to

58:11

inspire people as well and that

58:13

those days just fly I could be sitting

58:15

all day not eating and I'm just like

58:18

lit up. I'm like, yes I really like

58:20

help people break through some barriers today So

58:23

really depends on the day, but I will

58:25

say the beginning of the day is

58:27

pretty slow in The sense

58:29

of jumping into the day and then the

58:31

evening I kind of have my little evening

58:33

routine. I try to I definitely Bring

58:36

my phone in my room and I'm trying to

58:38

like get out of that bad habit I'm just

58:40

gonna say I'm a real human, but it's

58:43

always like pushing the envelope of like, how

58:45

can I make this better? What do I

58:48

need to do and observing my own behaviors

58:50

of like why am I doing this? so

58:53

I'd love to have like a very slow evening

58:55

routine as well and What

58:57

I do is look at the next day and

58:59

I ask myself What can I

59:02

do to get ahead of any roadblocks? Do

59:04

I know the zoom links? Do I know

59:06

where I'm going do my children have everything

59:08

that they need? Are we gonna be yelling

59:10

about the socks that you're wearing if there's

59:12

any sensory stuff? So we're gonna

59:14

deal with that the night before and it's an

59:16

absolute game-changer I kind of start my morning

59:18

routine the night before Yeah, those

59:21

are that's what I can give you. I love

59:23

it. Thank you for sharing babe I do the

59:25

exact same thing just before I like wrap up

59:28

for the day I look at my calendar for

59:30

the next day with my husband. We

59:32

kind of both look at it together We share a

59:34

Google calendar so I can turn on his calendars

59:37

So we stand in front of my computer or his computer. We

59:39

have a look and we go. Okay, cool Yep.

59:42

Oh we need to move that. Oh, okay. You

59:44

do that. I do that Who's doing

59:46

this and we kind of look so that

59:48

we know that the day

59:50

is gonna flow beautifully and effortlessly

59:53

because We have looked at

59:55

it the night before and we also do

59:57

on Sunday. We look at the whole week

1:00:00

the following week and we kind of look at every day

1:00:02

and then again we do it the

1:00:04

night before. To just check things change all the

1:00:06

time but get a digital

1:00:08

calendar with your partner and what

1:00:11

we do is i'm in pink

1:00:13

he is in blue and then

1:00:15

anything to do with the whole

1:00:17

family in yellow. Anything

1:00:19

to do with nick and i or

1:00:21

nick or bambi we put it yellow

1:00:23

and then i'm pink is blue it's

1:00:25

super easy i can turn his

1:00:28

on and off. I

1:00:30

live by my calendar i truly like i

1:00:32

don't know how i would function without knowing

1:00:35

what i go to next where i

1:00:37

go what's the link you know all

1:00:39

those things get a digital calendar

1:00:41

that is going to. Relieve

1:00:43

so much stress from

1:00:45

your life so i love that thank you for sharing

1:00:47

i have three rapid

1:00:50

fire questions for you now

1:00:52

ready i'm ready. I

1:00:54

read what is one thing that we can

1:00:56

do today for our health. Consider

1:00:59

how you want to feel beautiful

1:01:02

ask yourself that question maybe that

1:01:04

can be one of the journal

1:01:06

prompt for today how do you

1:01:09

want to feel. I

1:01:11

love that beautiful okay next one

1:01:13

what is one thing that we can do

1:01:16

for more well in our life. Define

1:01:19

that for yourself and

1:01:21

look at it constantly so

1:01:23

once you have a definition of what

1:01:25

a wealthy life would look and feel

1:01:27

like for you keep asking yourself

1:01:30

how can i create more of this. There's

1:01:33

your next journal prompt everybody

1:01:36

what does that look like for you what

1:01:38

does well look like for you and

1:01:41

the final one is what is one thing

1:01:43

that we can do for more love in

1:01:45

our life. I think it's the same

1:01:47

thing it's asking yourself what is

1:01:49

that feeling what does love feel like

1:01:52

for you and not so

1:01:54

much the cliche of like love yourself

1:01:56

more but ask

1:01:59

yourself what is. that feeling and try to

1:02:01

connect to it. I'm sure you're

1:02:03

very familiar with Marianne Williamson's book Return

1:02:06

to Love and I find myself with

1:02:08

that next to me a lot and

1:02:11

asking myself where in my life do

1:02:13

I need to return back to love.

1:02:16

Often it's within myself first but

1:02:19

just projecting that to the people I care about

1:02:21

as well. Yes

1:02:23

again another OG book such

1:02:26

a goodie. Babe what is

1:02:28

something that you have changed your

1:02:30

mind about recently? I'm like

1:02:33

all the time. I mean more and

1:02:35

more non-attached to everything. I'm like try

1:02:37

it let's see if it sticks let's

1:02:39

see how long I like it for.

1:02:41

You know what? I will

1:02:43

say even just reflecting on today is

1:02:46

what I'm willing to tolerate. So

1:02:49

what I'm willing to tolerate in the

1:02:51

sense of previously I

1:02:53

would allow people to

1:02:56

take advantage of my

1:02:59

big heart of my

1:03:01

empathy my compassion and

1:03:04

I can be very empathetic

1:03:06

and compassionate but I have changed my

1:03:08

mind on what I'm willing to

1:03:10

how I'm willing to

1:03:12

let people treat me. Yes beautiful.

1:03:16

Is there anything else that you want to

1:03:18

share or any lost parting words of wisdom

1:03:20

that you want to leave us with? I

1:03:23

always like to tell people this is

1:03:27

not difficult it's just

1:03:29

a returning home back to

1:03:31

yourself and when you really do focus on how

1:03:33

do I want to feel. How

1:03:35

do I want to feel when I'm about to communicate

1:03:37

with my child? How do I feel

1:03:39

how do I want to feel when I am

1:03:41

about to drive to work?

1:03:43

How do I want to feel? How do I want to feel?

1:03:46

How do I want to feel? When you

1:03:48

start to align your life with that

1:03:50

you will realize all the

1:03:52

things you are looking for come back

1:03:54

home to Yourself and that is the

1:03:57

secret. That's literally the secret that everyone

1:03:59

is searching. For the better you

1:04:01

feel. The. Easier it will get. Yes,

1:04:04

Absolutely. Well. This has been

1:04:06

such a delight I have loved this

1:04:08

conversation so much thank you for being

1:04:11

here, thank you for sharing so much

1:04:13

with. He. Was helping and us serving

1:04:15

so many people. So I'd love to know

1:04:17

how I and the listeners can give back

1:04:19

to you. How can we serve you today?

1:04:22

How can you serve me

1:04:24

today? Go check out the

1:04:26

podcast Emotionally uncomfortable and listen

1:04:28

right? Or maybe a review

1:04:30

share at and. Honestly,

1:04:33

Give back to Yourself! I think

1:04:35

anyone who is in an impact

1:04:37

driven business is truly want other

1:04:40

people to take what they say

1:04:42

the hard earned like. Information

1:04:44

that we put out there and implemented so

1:04:47

I always love when people listen to this

1:04:49

conversation. He the also welcome the send me

1:04:51

message on instagram at other so may ch

1:04:53

a u p I n the me a

1:04:56

dm let me know you listen to this

1:04:58

conversation and what the base impact. Once. For

1:05:00

you Vegas take away. Yes, I'm

1:05:03

willing to all of that in the show notes

1:05:05

as well. Had of this has been such a

1:05:07

delight. Thank you for being here. Thank.

1:05:09

You melissa. I

1:05:14

hope you got so much out of

1:05:16

this episode. I always love hearing how

1:05:19

are the moments I'm doing things and

1:05:21

especially a mama of three. Seriously.

1:05:24

She is amazing! Now. If you love

1:05:26

this conversation and go to load out of

1:05:28

it, please subscribe to the show and leave

1:05:30

me a review on Apple Podcasts. If you haven't

1:05:32

already, please go and do that right now.

1:05:35

Because. It means that we can inspire and educate

1:05:37

even more people together and also means that all

1:05:39

my episodes will pop up in your seed. See

1:05:41

never have to go searching for a new episode.

1:05:44

Now come on over to Instagram at

1:05:46

Melissa Ambrosini and tell me what you

1:05:48

got from this episode. I absolutely love

1:05:50

connecting with you there and I love

1:05:52

hearing from you So jump went over

1:05:54

to Instagram and introduce yourself Right now

1:05:56

I would love to hear about you.

1:05:59

And. your business and where you're at in

1:06:01

life, come and share with me. Now,

1:06:03

before I go, I just wanted to say thank

1:06:05

you so much for being here. I do not

1:06:07

take it lightly. Thank you, thank you,

1:06:09

thank you. I am so grateful every

1:06:11

time you come back and every time you come and message

1:06:13

me what an episode has done

1:06:16

for you. I just am so grateful. So

1:06:18

please keep coming and doing that because I

1:06:20

love hearing from you. And I'm

1:06:22

so grateful that you are making

1:06:24

a shift within yourself and you're wanting to

1:06:26

be a better version of yourself. You're wanting

1:06:28

to be the best, the healthiest and the

1:06:31

happiest version of yourself. And I

1:06:33

just want to honor you for showing up today.

1:06:36

You rock. Give yourself a pat on the back.

1:06:38

Now if there is someone in your life that you

1:06:41

can think of that would really benefit from this episode,

1:06:43

please share it with them right now. You can take

1:06:45

a screenshot. You can share it on your social media,

1:06:47

which I would be so grateful. You can email it

1:06:49

to them. You can text it to them. Do

1:06:52

whatever you've got to do to get this in their

1:06:54

ears. And until next time,

1:06:56

don't forget that love is sexy,

1:06:58

healthy is liberating and wealthy isn't

1:07:00

a dirty word.