0:00

Welcome to the quit the quiet podcast. Quit

0:02

the quiet is about quitting the quiet conditionings,

0:04

holding you back. So you can develop a leadership

0:07

lifestyle that is filled with clarity, confidence,

0:09

and calm. I'm your host, Crystal

0:11

Ajay. I'm Latina, a mom of

0:14

two and a physician turned multi certified

0:16

coach and meditation teacher. I'm

0:18

also the CEO of the Missing Peace

0:20

Coach, where I help women of color

0:22

fully step into their leadership and become

0:24

a powerful voice of influence. We

0:26

need more leaders as women of color, and

0:29

I want a front row seat. Let's

0:31

get into the episode. Hello,

0:34

hello. Welcome back to the podcast.

0:37

Today is December 6th, 2023.

0:41

And it's been a couple of weeks since I

0:43

recorded an episode. I

0:45

took an unexpected break. Um,

0:51

There's been a few things going on in my personal

0:53

life, but also, With

0:57

the war in Gaza, it's taking

0:59

a pretty heavy toll on me,

1:01

and just today,

1:04

I, the universe

1:06

introduced me to the term genocide

1:09

grief. Um, there

1:11

was a video on Instagram that I came

1:13

across, and once I saw that, I was

1:15

like, oh. That's

1:18

what I've been feeling and I really

1:21

did not have the

1:23

words or the language for it until

1:25

I came across it and I'm like, Oh, this is what,

1:27

this is what I'm experiencing. And it feels

1:29

weird to say, but having

1:32

that terminology has brought me some

1:35

relief just to

1:39

kind of communicate to myself like this

1:41

is, this is normal. And there

1:43

was also another video of like, I don't want to be

1:46

a person that. Doesn't

1:49

experience genocide grief when there

1:51

genocide in my awareness. Like, I'm

1:54

okay with being that person that experiences

1:56

this kind of grief. And

1:58

so I'm learning how to hold

2:02

that and

2:06

show up for my business.

2:11

So, that's what this episode is about,

2:14

is navigating your

2:17

leadership in times of conflict.

2:20

And you may not be

2:23

a business owner, but if

2:25

you're listening to this, you are a leader,

2:28

whether that be in your home,

2:30

in your community, or at your,

2:33

um, place of employment. Or

2:36

in your business, you are a leader and

2:39

in times of extreme conflict,

2:41

it's important to understand

2:47

what personal leadership you are embodying.

2:50

We want to navigate our personal leadership

2:52

from a place of self empowerment

2:55

and not self violence.

2:57

And what do I mean by that? In

3:00

order to truly be from a

3:02

place of self empowerment and embody

3:04

true personal leadership, we

3:07

have to acknowledge and

3:09

understand our own nervous system

3:12

and what we can handle. Some

3:15

stimulus, some forms

3:18

of activism.

3:22

When called upon can be a

3:24

form of self violence if your nervous

3:26

system is too sensitive for it. For

3:28

example, for me,

3:31

protesting is too overstimulating

3:34

for me. I'm someone that I don't go to concerts.

3:37

Um, I don't like

3:39

packed clubs. There was one time

3:41

where I met my now husband

3:44

in a bar. We

3:46

were supposed to meet up and there was way too many

3:49

people and he had just

3:51

shown up and I was like, I'm out I

3:53

can't this I didn't tell him at the time.

3:55

I was like, I'm just gonna leave. I'm gonna go home. But

3:58

what was really happening was like I was too overstimulated.

4:00

So for me, the

4:02

call for protests is

4:05

something I have to say no to

4:07

because if I was to Participate

4:10

in that, that would be a form of self violence, but

4:12

me accepting that, me understanding

4:15

that about myself is my form

4:17

of personal leadership. There are other

4:19

things that I can do that matches

4:21

up with my nervous system, that

4:24

I can match up my nervous system with

4:26

my efforts to create the impact that I want.

4:29

That's personal leadership, is to understand

4:32

your nervous system and

4:34

to acknowledge it and operate

4:36

from a place of self empowerment

4:39

and self acceptance, not from self violence,

4:41

not from over extending ourselves

4:44

to a point where we

4:46

have to then do some serious

4:48

self care and cocooning and

4:51

it's like this, like. Huge

4:54

waves of oscillation of this back and

4:56

forth because we're constantly trying

4:58

to be something that we're not. We're constantly

5:01

trying to train our nervous system to be something

5:03

that it's not. So

5:05

navigating personal leadership while

5:07

avoiding self violence

5:10

is through acknowledging

5:13

your nervous system. And matching

5:15

up your efforts with your nervous system and

5:18

know that there are different ways to ease suffering.

5:20

There are different forms of activism.

5:22

There's different ways to help.

5:26

Now speaking directly about the

5:28

war in Gaza, there are ways

5:31

that we can make an

5:33

impact. Calling

5:36

our representatives, boycotting,

5:39

amplifying voices. Donating.

5:42

Those are ways that we can help ease

5:44

suffering but also, alternatively,

5:47

there are different ways to ease suffering in how we

5:50

operate in our lives. How

5:52

we interact with one another. How

5:54

we accept people's differences. How we

5:56

aim to understand different

5:58

people. How we navigate

6:00

conflict in our personal lives. How

6:04

we handle our relationship with shame.

6:06

Do we want to continue to shame others into

6:08

action? Do

6:11

we want to keep doing that? I

6:13

see this plastered all

6:15

over social media of shaming

6:17

one another into action. To

6:20

me, now for me

6:22

I'm in the camp that emotions are information,

6:24

emotions are data. Emotions

6:27

at the essential root. They

6:30

are neutral. They are information

6:33

that is being communicated with us. It is an energy

6:35

being communicated within our body. But

6:40

to use shame as a form

6:42

of stimulus for action,

6:45

I'm not sure that is the

6:47

most fruitful way

6:50

to get someone to step

6:52

into action. There are other way more

6:54

useful emotions to get someone to step

6:56

into action, and I don't think shame is

6:58

one of them. Shame is not

7:00

helpful for anyone's nervous system.

7:02

It's just more poison. So

7:05

that is one way that we can ease

7:07

suffering by examining how we perpetuate

7:09

shame in our lives. What

7:13

this time has shown

7:15

me, this past, like, six

7:17

weeks, six, eight weeks, has shown me

7:20

the value of giving myself space.

7:25

Giving myself space to operate

7:27

for my own understanding

7:30

and desire

7:33

to be, to let myself

7:35

be how I need to be, to let myself

7:38

process what I need to process. To

7:40

not have to prove myself to other people,

7:42

or to compare my efforts to other

7:44

people. To not have to do anything

7:47

other than how I want to be. To

7:49

give my space, myself space, to

7:51

figure that all out. And

7:53

to process what I need to process. That,

7:56

to me, is my personal leadership. Truly

7:59

understanding that space

8:01

is one of my core values. Being

8:05

able to give myself space

8:07

to work towards finding

8:10

language from my experience

8:13

and to give myself A

8:16

witness to allow my experience

8:18

to be witnessed by myself and to

8:21

others, to friends, to my husband,

8:23

to give myself the space to let

8:26

what needs to come up instead

8:29

of shaming myself for what I think

8:32

or for the things I'm, I'm not

8:34

doing, letting myself

8:37

put language that I experience

8:39

and give it a witness has

8:42

been. Um, one

8:45

of the most pivotal

8:50

moments for me in

8:53

2023, or maybe even in my life.

8:59

I feel like this is foundational work,

9:01

like yes, there's

9:03

more obvious ways to

9:06

be a leader, but I

9:09

think what's really Not

9:12

touched upon enough is personal

9:14

leadership within ourselves. Because

9:17

until we truly understand

9:19

ourselves, we won't

9:21

be able to understand another. Until

9:24

we really learn how to listen to ourselves,

9:26

how to listen to our body, how to listen to our

9:28

emotions, how to listen to

9:31

The activations, the sensations,

9:33

the tingling, the pressure, the constriction

9:35

in our throat. How to really listen

9:38

to what's happening with ourselves, we will not

9:40

be able to hear the other person. And

9:45

that is what's causing this

9:48

avalanche of

9:55

atrocities in the world.

10:00

Is we can't hear the other person.

10:04

We can't understand them. We can't accept

10:06

their differences. Because

10:09

we don't know how to do that for ourselves.

10:19

Really and truly, This

10:24

work is so important. This

10:26

is foundational. This

10:29

is leadership. There

10:34

are different ways to ease suffering in

10:36

the world, and this is one way. That

10:39

we can do so for ourselves, for our

10:41

family, for our community. We

10:47

have to remind ourselves of this.

10:50

To focus on the things that

10:52

we can do, that

10:54

we can control. We can control

10:57

our personal leadership. We

11:01

can take ownership of that and flourish

11:03

from that place. Versus,

11:07

versus the way we've been conditioned

11:09

to live, to shame ourselves into what

11:11

we should be doing, to comparing ourselves,

11:14

to perpetuating self violence against,

11:16

to put ourselves in a position that our nervous

11:18

system completely does

11:21

not want to or can't handle. And

11:24

then spins us into cycles of

11:28

recovery and back and forth, and then

11:30

it starts all over again. remind

11:35

yourself of your personal leadership. Get

11:37

connected with your values.

11:40

What's important to you? What do you stand

11:42

by? What do you wanna be proud of? What's important

11:44

to you? What do you need to acknowledge for yourself?

11:46

What gives you the space to

11:48

truly honor who you are? What,

11:53

what value gives you? The

11:57

absolute pleasure to be

12:00

you. You

12:05

are your personal leadership. You

12:09

are what the world needs. You

12:14

are the voice that your community

12:16

needs, but you need

12:18

to understand who

12:21

you are as someone who embodies their personal

12:23

leadership. Personal

12:28

leadership is not loud, but

12:31

it's foundational.. Defining

12:35

that for yourself. Stepping

12:38

into what that is for yourself.

12:41

That's your personal leadership. That's

12:45

what the world needs. And

12:52

for me, it's really understanding

12:54

that and living

12:56

by that I'm doing the best I can.

12:59

Each day, I'm doing the best I can. This

13:01

is the best I have to offer, and I stand

13:03

by that. We can all

13:06

learn how to do that. This is the best that

13:08

I can do. This is who I am, this is

13:10

what I stand for, and this is what I have to offer.

13:14

And let that be your

13:18

foundation. Let that

13:20

be your foundation of how

13:22

you live your life in this season. How

13:25

you navigate your personal leadership in times

13:28

of conflict. Okay,

13:32

I would love to hear from you. Please send me a message.

13:35

I'll leave my email in the

13:37

show notes and I'll see you on the

13:39

next episode. Take care.