0:13

This is the mouth radio hour from PRX,

0:16

and I'm Catherine Burns. Today,

0:18

we're gonna hear stories about knowing when

0:20

and how to fight. I

0:22

don't know about you, but when it comes to physical

0:24

fighting, I'm not fed up to the task.

0:27

One fight was ever in took place in third grade.

0:30

When I didn't notice two boys fighting

0:32

and stepped right in between them as a punch was flying,

0:35

it ended up on the ground with bloody nose.

0:38

A lot of fighting isn't the physical kind,

0:40

which is case with our first storyteller, Hilary

0:42

Boone. We met her in our Burlington

0:44

Vermont story slam series or we partner

0:47

with Vermont, have a great deal. Here's

0:49

Hillary Moon, live at the mall.

0:55

So in the year two thousand, I was

0:57

in high school in the Northeast Kingdom

1:00

of Vermont, and I knew that I was

1:02

gay. And there was a huge backlash

1:04

happening at that time from

1:06

the civil unions bill passing, and

1:08

there was a model for the movement. Some of

1:10

you will know it. It was take back

1:12

Vermont. It started out

1:15

as a political slogan that

1:17

meant take back Vermont from the Liberals But

1:19

where I lived, it morphed and

1:22

it became a slogan

1:24

of hate. It became take back Vermont

1:26

from the queers. And

1:29

it was everywhere in our town on

1:31

huge white billboards with big

1:33

black letters, take back Vermont. And

1:36

I didn't know any other gay people, and

1:39

we did not have the internet, but

1:42

I knew that the way that

1:45

I felt was not okay

1:47

and it was not to be shared with anyone.

1:50

But luckily for me, That's not the whole

1:52

story because I have a really awesome

1:54

mom. And this awesome

1:57

mom, she didn't know a lot of gay people

1:59

either, but she knew that she didn't

2:01

like those signs. And

2:03

so one day I was a sophomore in high school.

2:05

Mom took me and my friend Tara aside

2:07

and she said, Girls, I've got a

2:09

proposition for you. I'm

2:11

going to pay you ten dollars

2:14

for every one of those horrible tape

2:16

back from odd signs that

2:19

you steal and

2:23

bring back to me here at the house. And

2:25

we were like, yeah. So

2:28

we went to the shed and we got the tools we

2:30

thought we would need. We got hammers

2:32

and crowbars and a ladder, put it in

2:34

the back of my trunk, wait it until nightfall,

2:37

dressed all in black and

2:40

went out into the northeast kingdom of

2:42

Vermont to steal. And

2:45

off these signs came, I mean, from the tops

2:48

of trees, from the sides of barns,

2:50

from someone's trailer, these

2:52

huge signs. And we

2:54

brought them home. My mom helped us take

2:56

them out of the car. She took them into

2:58

the backyard, and she lit them on

3:01

fire. And

3:09

that's where my dad found us. And

3:13

he said, Jesus Christ, Carla,

3:15

the girls are gonna get shot. You can't condone

3:17

this. So we were asked to stop.

3:20

And and we didn't, you know.

3:24

That summer, we stole. And

3:26

but I didn't come out then. I didn't

3:29

come out until I was a sophomore in college

3:31

in Boston when I met the other gay people,

3:33

when I got the Internet. It

3:38

was it was really hard for me.

3:40

It was excruciating. And at that time,

3:43

I didn't know where the strength to be who

3:45

I needed to be was coming from. So

3:48

flash forward, it's two thousand and

3:50

ten, and I am living in Seattle

3:52

with my girlfriend, and my little brother

3:54

Thomas is visiting He's

3:56

on his way to Japan, but he stopped in Seattle

3:58

for his birthday. And it's eight

4:00

o'clock in the morning, and my phone rings.

4:03

And I don't answer it, but I look at it, and

4:05

I see that it's my dad. And I think, well, that's

4:08

weird. It's early. And then in the other

4:10

room, I hear Tom's phone go off, and I think

4:12

Well, that's not good at all. And

4:15

the next thing that I know, my little

4:17

brother is bursting through the door

4:19

into the bedroom. And he's in my arms, and

4:21

he's heaving. And our mother

4:23

has had a massive stroke overnight.

4:27

And my dad has carried her to

4:29

the car, and he's driven a half an hour

4:31

to the hospital. And

4:33

now he is on the

4:35

highway and she is in a helicopter

4:38

on our way to Dartmouth Hitchcock and we don't

4:40

know if she's gonna survive. And

4:43

this is my worst case scenario.

4:45

Like, this is the worst thing that

4:47

could happen to us. And

4:49

so Thomas is in bathroom throwing up

4:52

and I'm on the phone and I'm on the Internet

4:54

and I'm canceling his flight to Japan and

4:56

I'm booking his flights home and I'm

4:59

telling my dad that it's okay and that

5:01

this isn't his fault. And

5:04

all the while, I know that my

5:06

beautiful, powerful elegant

5:09

strong mother, if she survives

5:11

at all, is never going to walk

5:13

or speak again. I

5:16

think that having pride is

5:19

a medal of honor. And I think

5:21

that it comes because you overcame something

5:23

or because you earned something. And

5:26

over the last four years, as

5:28

I've watched my mom, where you

5:30

learn to talk using the right side

5:32

of her brain where most of us learn to play

5:34

music from, watching her learn

5:36

to walk again, watching

5:38

her go back to school as a physical or

5:41

back to work as a physical therapist, and

5:43

then back to school for massage therapy.

5:46

Having a Dartmouth hitchcock neurologist quietly

5:48

tell me, when I look at your

5:50

mom's brain scan, I can't explain

5:52

how she's doing this well. With

5:55

all of that, I

5:57

know exactly where I got the strength

6:00

to be who I am. Because

6:02

for the second time in my life, my mom

6:04

showed me what it means to take

6:06

back your identity and

6:08

and to be yourself. And I

6:10

just I am so happy I got to tell this story because

6:12

I'm so proud of my mom and

6:14

I'm so proud to be part of

6:17

a badass lineage of women

6:21

who do what it takes, no

6:23

matter what it takes, to be

6:25

ourselves in the world. Thank you.

6:33

That was Hillary Bin. Hillary

6:35

works in nonprofits as a program manager

6:37

and consultant. In her free time,

6:39

she plays outside and draws cartoons. Hillary

6:42

is now married and lives in Fort Ethan Allen

6:45

with her wife and dog. And quick

6:47

update on her mom, Carla. She's now

6:49

studying massage therapy, and working

6:51

with patients who are in chronic pain. You

6:53

can see pictures of the two of them at the mott dot

6:55

org. While

6:58

you're there, you can call our pitch line and leave a two

7:00

minute version of the story you'd like to tell.

7:02

Do you have a story about fighting for something you believe

7:04

in? We wanna hear it. The number

7:06

to call is 877799

7:09

moth. Or you can pitch us a story right

7:11

at our

7:11

website, the mocks other org.

7:27

Next, we have a story from Maria Hodormarska.

7:30

We met Maria at a community workshop we

7:32

did with open future learning. Participants

7:35

in this workshop were all parents of people

7:37

with developmental disabilities. I

7:39

happen to be in the audience when she told it, and

7:41

the story has always stuck with me.

7:43

Here's Maria Hodamarska, live

7:45

of the mob.

7:49

I've always tried to let my older

7:51

son show me the way.

7:54

When he was eight years old, he was obsessed with

7:56

trains and he insisted on having

7:58

his birthday party at Grand Central

8:00

station, where

8:03

he could watch the trains come and go and

8:05

hand out food to homeless people.

8:08

He called them lonely people and

8:11

that was his criterion for selecting

8:13

who to approach lonely. At

8:16

one point in the afternoon, I watched

8:18

him walk up to a businessman seated

8:20

on a bench waiting for the five ten

8:22

metro north to New Haven. And

8:25

I stood there fascinated. Well,

8:27

the very lonely looking

8:30

investment banker handed

8:32

the sandwich back to my son. My

8:37

son is also a person

8:39

who lives with the disability.

8:42

And it was always thought that he

8:44

was functioning somewhere on the autism spectrum.

8:48

Parents like me, parents of people

8:50

with disabilities, spend

8:52

our lives telling another

8:54

story. I call it the

8:57

story. The

8:59

story of the pregnancy, the story of

9:01

the birth, the story of the developmental milestones

9:04

achieved or not achieved, the story

9:06

of the accumulating laundry list of the

9:08

things that the person with a disability

9:11

cannot do. And

9:15

the service delivery system is set up in

9:17

this contentious and adversarial manner.

9:20

So parents like me are

9:22

required to tell the

9:24

story, the same set of facts

9:26

over and over again in

9:28

order to get the services that our children

9:30

require to

9:33

professionals bureaucrats

9:35

whose job it is to either not listen,

9:38

half listen or not believe

9:40

the story and deny the services.

9:44

I think of it kind of as a narrative

9:46

purgatory. Not

9:49

to mention how it feels when you want to talk

9:52

about

9:52

your son's majestic

9:55

humanity to know that the story

9:57

that really counts is how he can't

9:59

tie his shoes.

10:02

When my son was about to turn eighteen

10:05

years of age

10:07

and was gonna age out of the board of education

10:09

system, he would lose

10:12

all of the services that he had.

10:15

So I decided to apply for Medicaid for

10:17

him, which would cover the cost of

10:19

extending the services that he requires

10:22

into his adult life. This

10:25

was gonna be the most important telling

10:27

of the story that

10:29

I would ever do and

10:32

his entire future hinged upon

10:35

that. Literally,

10:38

if I didn't tell the story well and he didn't

10:40

get the services, he would

10:42

have nowhere to go, nothing to do,

10:45

and nobody to do it with. A

10:48

truly lonely life. So

10:53

it's a gray autumn morning and

10:57

my son who I'm gonna call David, and

10:59

I, David and I set out for the Brooklyn

11:02

Developmental Disabilities Services

11:05

Center. Which is a

11:07

nineteen seventies brutalist

11:09

structure built on

11:11

a toxic landfill in East New York

11:14

to house people with developmental disabilities.

11:17

And we go there to do battle with the state

11:19

of New York for the Medicaid and

11:24

the state of New York herein represented

11:26

by a clinical psychologist who

11:28

I will call Stuewe. Now, that's

11:30

not his real name, but his was an equally

11:33

friendly diminutive. And

11:36

David is looking good as he often does.

11:38

He's got on a hat and a jacket. And

11:41

David often looks so good, in fact,

11:43

once he was nearly arrested for illegal

11:46

use of his hat fair card. So

11:49

we arrive on the campus. And first,

11:51

it's David's turn to go in with Stuewe, and

11:53

this takes about an hour and a half. And

11:56

David comes out of his meeting with Stuewe laughing

11:58

and talking about his favorite kinks album.

12:01

And Stuewe shoots me a look that I've

12:03

seen on a lot of bureaucrats It's

12:06

beleaguered and slightly sarcastic,

12:09

and it tells me you're gonna

12:11

lose this battle. Your

12:13

son is too high functioning. So

12:18

now it's my turn to go in. I

12:21

am not feeling particularly cool

12:23

or put together. I've

12:26

told this story many times

12:28

and I'm prepared to tell it again.

12:35

I walk into the room with Dewey and

12:37

pretty quickly It

12:40

becomes like a boxing ring, and

12:43

the punches start flying.

12:46

Stewy draws his attention to an eighty

12:49

page adaptive behavior assessment that

12:51

I've completed on my son. Stewy

12:53

says, You know, you said here

12:55

that your son can't follow a simple three

12:57

step command, but he just told

12:59

me that he's been riding the city's subway

13:02

system by himself. For a long time and he

13:04

offered me some pretty complex train directions.

13:07

That's right, I say. And I go

13:09

on to explain how he took his grandparents

13:12

around the city in the subway when he

13:14

was three years old, but that

13:16

he still can't sequence a

13:18

shower, and he often leaves the bathroom

13:21

with soapsides in his

13:22

hair. Stuewy

13:25

says, you know,

13:27

you wrote here that your

13:29

son can't do bilateral skills and

13:32

Those are skills that involve tying

13:34

shoelaces or cutting something. But

13:37

he told me that he's learning how to play

13:39

the guitar. That's

13:42

right, I said. And I explain

13:45

how you never want to give David

13:47

a two fisted sandwich because most of it

13:49

will wind up on his lap or on the floor.

13:51

But if he's playing music, both

13:54

his left and right brain and

13:56

both hands are working in concert. I

14:00

become aware that Stuewe

14:02

is not buying any of this and

14:05

I'm losing this battle.

14:11

David suddenly bursts

14:15

into the room. He

14:17

starts to scream at me. When

14:19

are we leaving? We've been here all day.

14:21

I've had enough. I'm overwhelmed and

14:23

he paces the room like a caged animal.

14:26

And I say, David, maybe

14:28

you wanna listen to music. I've been listening to

14:30

my music. The iPod's out of juice. I don't

14:32

know what to do. Did you bring your charger? I

14:34

say, yes. Yes. Yes. He says, go

14:37

get the charger. Let's plug the iPad

14:39

in. Maybe you can listen to some more music in

14:41

a little while. And David reaches

14:43

into his backpack where he's got the charger. And

14:45

when he pulls it out, the bag

14:47

explodes. Small

14:50

pieces of paper, half broken knobs

14:52

of pencils, food,

14:56

small pieces of plastic all

14:58

over the room. And

15:00

there I am again

15:03

where I often am. Little

15:07

embarrassed about my son's

15:09

behavior until I realize

15:12

that I don't need to explain anything.

15:15

That David is

15:18

doing the explaining for himself. He's

15:20

showing the way. And

15:23

Stuewe begins

15:25

to pay attention. He

15:28

threads through the narrative

15:31

that I've given him the presence and absence

15:33

of certain things. He pours over the evaluations

15:37

from my son from the

15:39

age of two to eighteen, I

15:42

look up at the clock and

15:44

realized that six hours

15:47

have passed. Stuewy

15:51

suddenly looks up at me and

15:53

smiles He

15:56

tells me that he has an explanation for

15:58

all of it. Your

16:01

son is not autistic.

16:05

The inoxia, it is birth, the

16:07

lack of oxygen, cause brain damage.

16:10

This is a traumatic brain injury. There

16:16

we were, Stuewe,

16:19

David, and me in our ring

16:22

having done battle for many hours. My

16:25

adversary had become my

16:27

hero. My

16:30

son David had shown the

16:32

way, and as is

16:34

true with any prize

16:36

fight, there was a decision.

16:39

And my son would get his services. Thank

16:42

you.

16:50

That was Maria Guidermarsha. Maria

16:52

is a clinical assistant professor of drama

16:55

therapy at New York University. She's

16:57

also the proud mother and stepmother of

16:59

seven wonderful adults. To see a

17:01

photo of Maria and her son, go to the mosque,

17:12

Coming up, a trip to visit his long

17:14

distance girlfriend, but a young man

17:16

in a threatening situation. When the

17:18

moth radio hour, continues.

17:40

A month radio hour is produced by Atlantic

17:43

Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts

17:45

and presented by PRX.

17:48

The moth is brought to you by Progressive,

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insurance company and affiliates. Price

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and coverage match limited by state

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law.

18:15

This is the mouth radio hour from PRX.

18:18

I'm Catherine Burns. In this

18:20

show, we're hearing about fiveteen. Specifically

18:22

the decision about how far to push things.

18:25

We met our next storyteller in workshop

18:27

we did with the Aspen NewVoice's fellows.

18:30

He went on to tell the story of the main stage

18:32

show in Ithaca, New York. Here's

18:34

Ed Mabaya.

18:38

In nineteen ninety eight, the

18:41

hit song kept jiggy with

18:43

it by Ruth Smith was

18:45

guaranteed to get everybody on the dance

18:47

floor. See, it was

18:49

my business to know these things because I said graduate

18:51

student at Cornell University. I

18:53

used to DJ at student parties. Just

18:56

to make a little extra cash. So

18:59

at one of these parties, a good friend of mine

19:01

introduced me to this cute and rather

19:03

shy girl, named Christa.

19:08

Later on danced with her that evening

19:10

and before the night was over, I

19:12

got a digits as we called it back in the

19:15

days. Not

19:18

wanting to sound too desperate, I

19:20

waited for exactly forty eight hours

19:22

before I called her, and

19:25

we agreed to meet for coffee right

19:27

here in the comments. It

19:29

turned out that neither one of us like

19:31

coffee. So

19:34

we bought a tea instead and we spent

19:36

much of that for them getting to know each other.

19:38

Just talking. About

19:40

two weeks later, we started dating and things

19:42

were little rocky. A little shaky at the

19:44

beginning as we were both transitioning from other

19:46

relationships. However,

19:49

I cannot acknowledge that Christian now never

19:51

ran out of things to say to each other. We

19:54

would spend all weekend just

19:56

sitting together enjoying each other's company

19:59

and just being in love.

20:00

I had that

20:02

kind of lingering feeling that, you know,

20:04

this could be the one. So

20:07

about a year later on, Christa

20:10

got funding to go and do a PhD

20:13

fieldwork in Cape Town, South

20:15

Africa. I was happy

20:17

for her, but I knew this would

20:19

be quite a big test for her young

20:22

relationship. All

20:24

she was away, we tried our

20:26

best to maintain this long distance relationship.

20:30

These are the days before Facebook

20:32

and WhatsApp, so we try to do as

20:34

much as you could on email. So

20:39

about the semester later on, I

20:42

got funding to go and do my own

20:45

food research work in my home country, Zimbabwe.

20:48

I jumped in that opportunity. To

20:51

make one week stop off and kept on

20:53

to see Christa. The

20:55

reunion was just as good as I

20:58

demanded it to be. It's

21:00

two young lovers who were happy to be reunited.

21:03

We worked around town holding hands.

21:07

We giggled and teased as

21:09

we checked out the many restaurants and the many

21:11

amazing signs that

21:13

Cape Town has to offer, just

21:16

a lovely place.

21:19

Kristo was renting an apartment in an

21:21

upscale neighborhood called Seapoint.

21:25

From an apartment, you could see

21:27

the deep blue Atlantic ocean. And

21:30

also in the distance, you

21:32

could see Robin Island. The

21:34

infamous prison island where Nelson

21:36

Mandela in the few other mostly

21:39

black prisoners had been held captive

21:41

and apartheid. Walking

21:45

around town with Christa, and

21:47

notice that people turn

21:49

around and take a look at us after we just pass

21:51

them. Initially,

21:54

I just brushed these off and maybe

21:56

cultural differences on public display

21:58

of affection. But

22:01

after a while, I started to notice a pattern.

22:04

We were getting these these

22:07

approving stares from

22:09

mostly older white

22:12

people. See,

22:15

I forgot to mention that Christa was

22:18

white and I I am

22:20

black And

22:22

this is only a few years after the end of

22:24

apartheid. So South Africa was to very

22:26

much divided on racial lines.

22:29

While in the ratio dating was

22:31

now legal, it was still extremely

22:34

extremely rare. Christian

22:37

day kind of brushed off this unwanted

22:40

attention and we even remain next on

22:42

how back in Ithaca.

22:45

Our little beautiful, tense by mouth

22:47

surrounded by reality. Nobody

22:50

would look at us. But

22:53

for the first time, we

22:55

started to discuss the implications

22:57

of being in in the ratio of relationship. While

23:02

I was in town, Christa told me that she had

23:04

booked a dentist appointments to

23:06

get their wisdom teeth pulled out. I

23:09

remarked that this was not exactly the

23:11

most romantic thing to do, but

23:14

I did welcome this is a sign of our growing

23:16

relationship. She wanted me

23:18

to be there for her for this very important

23:20

medical procedure. So

23:23

on the day of the appointment, We drove

23:26

to downtown Cape Town where the dentist office

23:28

was located and after filling

23:30

in some paperwork. Crystal

23:32

laid down in the in the dentist's chair,

23:36

and they set a few feet

23:38

next to that. With

23:41

the help of finesse, The

23:43

dentist started

23:45

yanking out these molars out of their mouth.

23:49

And quite honestly, if you take away

23:51

the white lip cuts, and they stainless

23:53

steel utensils, or tools,

23:56

whatever they use. This scene

23:58

looked straight out of me several times,

24:01

very primitive. Just

24:04

when they were starting to stitch up their gums,

24:07

Christian started to mambo something. She

24:09

was awake all this time and so even

24:11

though she was and and partial

24:13

anesthetic. She started to remember something

24:16

in common name. So

24:18

I moved closer to her and

24:20

they held their hand. Than

24:23

with the mouthful of blood. She

24:25

said, Ed, I

24:28

love you so much. I

24:31

wanna spend the rest of my life with

24:33

you. Almost

24:36

in tears, I said, a

24:39

lovely two babe. And

24:41

this brief romantic moment was

24:44

quickly interrupted by the dentist,

24:47

who saved something to the anesthetist in

24:49

Africans, which I could not understand. Then

24:52

the anesthetist gave

24:54

some instructions to the nest, who

24:56

had it out of the room. I

24:59

was talking to one by if something was wrong.

25:02

And then the nest came back

25:04

in after a few minutes with

25:07

these long legal forms. Basically,

25:10

the form says something to extent of

25:13

The passion may not be held liable

25:16

for whatever he or she says. Well,

25:18

they are under the influence of their aesthetic. I

25:23

thought this was a little bit odd.

25:25

Isn't it filling these forms? I

25:29

noticed that all the stuff in that

25:31

room were white. They started to wonder

25:35

if this situation may be would have been handled

25:37

little differently if I'd been white as

25:38

well. After all, if

25:40

this was just a routine paperwork, the

25:43

department should have just given this to me when

25:45

we checked in. So

25:48

after the procedure, we

25:50

got back in the car and started driving

25:53

back to Chris' apartment. She

25:55

was still sedated, so I played

25:57

some of her favorite music and I enjoyed

25:59

listening to her mumbling to some of the lyrics.

26:04

When you got to the apartment, a

26:07

park down the cab side, and

26:09

they walked over to the passenger side to help

26:11

Christa out of the car. She

26:14

got out of the car, stood up,

26:17

and she said, Ed,

26:19

I don't feel good. Then

26:22

she attained

26:24

very pale, whiter

26:26

than I'd ever seen

26:27

her, and then

26:29

she passed out. Instinctively,

26:34

I grabbed it just before she hit the ground

26:36

and they held it up in my arms. I

26:40

screamed help help

26:43

and they looked around to see. And if anybody

26:45

was looking was looking at us,

26:49

A few people in the nearby apartment

26:51

balconies and people out of their windows started

26:54

to scream, help help somebody

26:56

help. Initially, I

26:58

was quite relieved to know that help was on the way.

27:01

But then after all, I realized that these

27:04

people were talking to each other. None

27:06

of them were talking to me. They

27:09

were ignoring me as if I wasn't there

27:11

at all. And

27:13

in that moment, time

27:16

seems to have just frozen. Is

27:20

they looked up with all of those faces, looking

27:22

up of their out of their partners, out of

27:24

their balconies and windows. I

27:27

noticed for the first time that all the faces

27:29

were white. It

27:32

then dawned on me how

27:34

this situation, how this sin might

27:36

look like for them. There

27:40

was a young black

27:42

man holding

27:44

the body of very

27:47

little body of

27:49

a young white woman who was

27:51

now bleeding profusely out of a mouth.

27:55

These people did not know me, what

27:58

had they done to her? What

28:02

had they done to her? I

28:05

started to wonder, those

28:07

cries for help were not for

28:09

me. These were cries to

28:11

help rescue this poor girl.

28:14

From me, I

28:16

started to fear for my own life. I

28:20

recall that South Africa was rolling on for

28:23

this mob just to swear, people

28:25

got injured or even killed for

28:28

even the most petty of crimes. I

28:31

knew that with such a

28:33

history of fresh attention. Even

28:35

if the police arrived there, they

28:37

probably could easily misread this situation.

28:41

I felt vulnerable and confused.

28:45

I could not tell the difference between my

28:47

own paranoia, this is what was

28:49

happening out there. After

28:54

what felt like an eternity, what

28:56

was probably just few minutes, Two

28:59

men showed up and approached me. They

29:02

were very well built. Construction

29:05

workers were working on the nearby apartment.

29:08

They demanded to know what was going

29:10

on. In a very

29:12

shaky, scared voice, I say to them,

29:15

this is my girlfriend. She just been to the

29:17

dentist, and I just need help getting me

29:19

to apartment. They

29:22

did not seem to believe me, and one of them

29:25

just said, look, guy,

29:27

who take it up from here, and

29:29

reluctantly I handed Christa

29:31

over to them. I

29:34

then led the way to the apartment and

29:36

they walk behind me carrying her. Still

29:39

not sure what was going on. I

29:42

got to the apartment and locked the

29:44

door and they immediately started

29:46

to look for any evidence at all

29:49

to show these guys that I was indeed their boyfriend.

29:53

You would be amazed how difficult

29:55

it is to prove this simple little fact.

29:58

First, I opened a closet. I

30:00

pointed to my clothes, and then I pointed

30:03

to the suitcase in the corner. But

30:05

that was not confusing. This could belong

30:08

to any man. In

30:11

desperation, I even pointed out

30:13

to my Afrocom Just

30:16

to show them that she, at least, hit a black

30:18

boyfriend or something. Then

30:22

after a while, I saw this little

30:24

picture from sitting on the windowsill.

30:28

And and this picture was Christa

30:30

and me taken up

30:32

in the beautiful adirondacks. The

30:35

picture looked like a perfect

30:37

postcard of two young people in

30:39

love. Finally,

30:42

the two men looked convinced. Around

30:45

that point, Chris decided

30:47

to regain their consciousness. Perfect

30:50

timing. I

30:53

explained to her what had just happened.

30:56

She smiled and whispered to me.

30:58

Love you so much, Ed. And

31:01

then she told these men that, you know, she

31:03

was okay. I looked

31:05

at them. They were starting to look very uncomfortable.

31:09

I thank them for helping me

31:11

very politely and I ask them to

31:14

please leave us alone. That

31:17

moment of near panic left

31:20

me with so many questions up, running

31:23

in my head. How

31:25

much could our relationship endure in

31:28

a society that was so racially

31:30

pluralized? How

31:33

could I ever tell the difference between my

31:36

own biases versus

31:38

this passive aggressive racism

31:40

that was out there? And

31:44

even when the rules and

31:46

laws and regulations say

31:47

otherwise, are we really

31:49

free to love whoever want?

31:55

I

31:55

had all these questions running in my head,

31:58

but there was one thing that was

32:00

clear to me is daylight.

32:03

And that is twice that

32:05

day is the most

32:08

unfilled at moments. With

32:10

blood in the mouth.

32:13

Christa had declared a love for me.

32:18

And

32:18

twenty years later, right

32:20

here in it again. We're still getting

32:23

giggy with it. Thank

32:25

you.

32:30

That was Anne Mabaya. Ed

32:32

is an agricultural economist with deep

32:35

passion for rural development in Africa.

32:38

He grew up in Zimbabwe as the sixth

32:40

of ten children. He loves

32:42

dancing, gardening, and fixing his daughter's

32:44

hair. I ask Ed if he has any

32:46

updates on the story. He writes,

32:49

The day after I shared the story in Ithaca,

32:51

I flew to Cape Town for a conference with Christa.

32:54

I felt the sense of hope, but I noticed

32:56

that no one was staring at this anymore, as

32:58

an interracial couple. To

33:00

see a photo of Ed, Krista, and their kids,

33:03

go to the mocha door. Coming

33:15

up, two siblings can't stop beating the crap

33:17

out of each other. And later,

33:19

a young girl struggles to stand up for herself

33:21

while receiving her first tattoo.

33:22

That's next on the

33:24

month radio hour. You want to women

33:27

just to tease me, give the human now nice and

33:29

easy. She said some more stuff like Georgia.

33:31

We inch green to the maximum of

33:33

a biacinoma. Would you like the mouse swifter

33:35

from it? That's platinum. Never see where

33:37

exactly none. Rather people, shacking

33:39

them, flat No. The

33:42

month radio hour is produced by Atlantic

33:45

public media in Woodhol, Massachusetts

33:47

and presented by the public radio exchange.

33:50

PRX dot org.

33:56

This is a month radio hour from PRX. I'm

33:58

Catherine Burns. In this hour, we're

34:00

hearing stories about

34:01

fighting, and our next story features

34:03

an actual physical fight. It was

34:05

told by Brad Lawrence and a story slam

34:08

at the New Yorkian poet's Cafe in New

34:10

York City. Here's Brad. Live

34:12

with Ma.

34:15

So at the time of this story, I am nine years

34:17

old. My sister, Amy, is fourteen, and

34:19

we are both off from school for the summer. And we wake

34:22

up on this particular day and we begin fighting

34:24

immediately. From the minute we

34:27

we like, our eyes open and we are, like, your

34:29

fat, your stupid, ugly, I hate to

34:31

suck. And we're just like that the entire fucking

34:33

day. From, like, morning cartoons until,

34:36

like, for the prime time lineup, we are

34:38

just like, hey, Oh,

34:42

they look. Oh, and then and it ranges like

34:44

over the entire house in the basement and,

34:46

like, in our respective rooms. And in living

34:48

room and we were, like, waiting outside the bathroom

34:50

for the other one to come out so we can start again. You

34:52

are stupid you're ugly and you're right. Thank you. And

34:54

this goes on the entire day. And

34:57

we are finally we have taken it to

34:59

the kitchen. We're in the kitchen, and we are like

35:01

hammering away on my my mother who

35:03

is sitting there trying to do something. Stop.

35:07

Stop. I have had it.

35:09

I have had it with both of you, and what you were going

35:11

to do is you are going to shut

35:14

up and you're going to go downstairs

35:16

and you're going to watch TV and you

35:18

are not going to talk to each other

35:20

and you're not gonna look at each other. You're not

35:22

gonna touch each other at all

35:25

ever again. And you're gonna watch TV

35:27

and this is what you're gonna do to be quiet. The

35:30

way I'm gonna go to the store and why I'm at the store.

35:32

You're not looking to her. You're not talking to her

35:34

again. Stay away from one another completely.

35:37

Or I will kill you. It's

35:41

so fun. So we're ready to go.

35:43

On the way out of the kitchen, to go downstairs

35:46

and watch TV and not look each other to talk to

35:48

her, I grab an orange, and we go downstairs.

35:50

And Amy gets down there first,

35:52

and you get the chair with the remote, and

35:54

I get the couch and Amy puts on,

35:56

like, fierce getting, goes, watch it. That's last

35:59

thing she says. So

36:02

They're watching figure skating and I'm eating the orange.

36:05

Then he's and I'm sitting

36:07

there in the orange. And

36:09

for some reason, I'm eating the orange really fast.

36:11

I don't know what the hurry was, but

36:13

I was apparently in a really big hurry consume

36:15

this orange.

36:17

So I am eating it like two slices at a time.

36:20

And I'm just you know what, Amy's, you

36:22

know, and I'm just eating the orange. And finally,

36:24

I'm eating the orange. and I get two

36:27

giant slices of orange stuck

36:31

in my throat. And

36:33

I cannot swallow it and I cannot get

36:35

it back up. And I and

36:37

I can't speak. And so I

36:39

look over and I go, and Amy

36:43

thinks I'm just being annoying. So jeez.

36:47

And she won't look at me, and she won't talk to me,

36:49

and she won't touch me. So I'm you're

36:54

a girl. Watches

36:56

the bears getting sick. Completely ignoring

36:58

me. Her mother has gone out

37:00

of the house and she's she's long

37:02

since gone. She was going off the grocery store and

37:05

and and so I'm sitting there. And

37:11

so and and finally, I you after this

37:13

persists for a while, Amy turns and

37:15

she looks and she notices it. My little

37:17

brother is purple. And

37:21

so she goes, oh my god, and

37:23

she jumps up and she runs over and she's fourteen, she

37:25

does not know the high lip maneuver. So what she does,

37:27

she grabs me and she throws me on the floor

37:29

and she jumps on my chest.

37:32

And she takes these three

37:34

fingers and she channels

37:36

them down my throat and

37:39

she is moving around in there like

37:41

she is looking for the best

37:43

gift in a grab bag at a birthday party.

37:46

You know, and I'm and

37:50

finally, she gets she gets

37:52

a hold of the orange and she's

37:54

on my chest and when she

37:56

pulls it free and when

37:59

my mother walks back in. She's

38:02

on my chest and she is going

38:04

like this. And

38:07

my mother from the stairs goes, had

38:10

had enough. And

38:13

she comes down the stairs, and

38:15

she grabs each of us by an arm,

38:17

and doing this, and I am

38:19

still living on the floor. You know

38:22

what I

38:22

mean? Come on. And

38:25

I'm sitting there going No. Hey. Hey.

38:27

Hey. Hey.

38:32

At this point, I'm almost seized like the orange.

38:34

Looks at me and I was telling me, oh,

38:36

in order to maybe say my life

38:38

and my mother looks at her to drawing

38:40

children, she goes, goddamn.

38:51

That was Brad Lawrence. Brad is

38:53

a story producer for the Risk Podcast

38:55

and a teacher with the Irish Art Center

38:57

in New York City. Brad tells

39:00

us that on a single family visit has

39:02

gone by in the last three decades. They

39:04

did not include Amy saying, you know,

39:06

I saved your life once The

39:13

story you just heard was actually the first story

39:15

Brad ever told on stage. I

39:17

was also in the audience for this telling and

39:19

I swear I thought the roof was gonna lift

39:21

off when Brad got going. I'll

39:23

never forget it. Our

39:35

final storyteller is from the very first

39:37

story slam we did in Melbourne, Australia.

39:40

Here's Angela Lache live in Melbourne.

39:44

Okay. So contrary to what you see here,

39:46

I actually grew up as a very shy person.

39:49

I grew up in country South Australia.

39:52

Which is thriving metropolis.

39:55

And when I was about eighteen or nineteen,

39:57

I moved to Adelaide, which completely blew

39:59

my mind. So they gives you some idea of the scale

40:02

that we're talking about here. And

40:05

I grew up in quite a conservative family as

40:07

well. So I always knew that I was different from

40:09

them, but I didn't quite know how. So

40:12

I thought, what can I do to kind of

40:14

rebel but not really rebel my

40:16

conservative family so that nobody would see?

40:18

So I decided in my

40:21

eighteen, nineteen year old naive wisdom to

40:23

get a tattoo. My first

40:25

tattoo, nobody would see it. It would be fine. It

40:27

would beautiful. It would be amazing. So

40:29

this story is also about the first time

40:32

that I thought that I knew what I was doing and clearly

40:34

didn't. So I

40:37

thought, okay, I'm not gonna be like the

40:39

stereotypical drunken idiot on Saturday

40:41

night getting a tattoo. I'm gonna plan it.

40:43

So I went into a tattoo parlor

40:45

my friend Kayley with a green ferry on her hip

40:47

had highly recommended. And

40:50

I picked out my masterpiece. It

40:52

was beautiful It was like a four size.

40:54

I'm gonna get a back piece, you know, go hard

40:56

or go home. Beautiful mirror.

40:59

It's very Amazonian. That was like,

41:02

leaves, and lilies, and cliffs, and

41:04

waterfalls with a pool, and

41:07

the moon was sitting in the background, and

41:09

a piece of resistance. Was like on the little

41:11

cliff jutting out was a unicorn. I

41:15

love. This is something that I love.

41:18

For the rest of my life. What

41:22

what could possibly go wrong? It's

41:24

like I picked out this tattoo. I thought,

41:27

right. Okay. Now I could hold no late nights.

41:29

So Monday afternoon, I thought this is perfect

41:31

time. Clearly, Tejas are gonna

41:33

be on at their peak after the weekend.

41:37

So on a Monday afternoon oh,

41:39

sorry. So on a Monday afternoon,

41:40

I took some time

41:41

offini. Went to theologist on my own because

41:44

I was waiting pendant and a mature. And

41:46

I spoke to her about what I wanted. I thought, okay. I'm just

41:48

gonna get the unicorn and then I'll go pull everything else

41:50

and around it when I have some more money, essentially.

41:53

So I'm kind of bent over the table and the

41:55

detourist is behind me and I've lifted up my

41:57

shirt and and he said, I'm

41:59

not gonna do it on your back. And I said, well, what do you

42:01

mean you're not gonna my back. And he said, I was gonna hurt too much.

42:04

You can't have two degrees on your back. So

42:06

bear in mind, this is twenty eight or so

42:08

years ago. Or thirty years

42:10

ago. And as I

42:12

thought, okay. Well, you know, maybe maybe he's

42:14

right. Maybe he's gonna be too painful. So

42:16

thought maybe what about on my hip? He

42:19

said, no, no, I'm not gonna tattoo it on your

42:20

hip.

42:21

I thought, really? Okay. He said, what

42:23

about your ass? I thought, oh,

42:25

that's fine. That's pretty to work with the girl

42:27

to be fine. Okay. Maybe you'll

42:29

see it in the Bayless. It'll be okay. So

42:32

my pants are down and he's down. He's putting his

42:34

dental on. He's tattooing. And

42:36

what I forgot to mention this stage is because

42:38

I was clearly very

42:41

artistic classic. It was in black and

42:43

white. The tattoo. And so he says,

42:45

oh, and I can't do it in black and white and gray sky.

42:47

He has to be in color. And I said, I'm sorry.

42:49

And he said, I I can't do the black and white. It has to

42:51

be in color. And he said,

42:54

what about brown? And

42:58

I'm thinking, in my head, I'm thinking a

43:00

brown unicorn I

43:02

was like, clearly, he's a trained professional.

43:06

And at this moment, I hear a bell and

43:08

there's the bell of the door on the tattoo shop

43:10

opening. I looked to my right

43:12

and I realized that actually there are no screens

43:14

up. So I'm in highly street and professional.

43:16

I can see people walking on the street if

43:19

they're casually glance to the left. Can see

43:21

me bent over with my pants down and a man

43:23

behind me. But

43:25

that actually wasn't the most disturbing part.

43:28

Three or four guys walked in. Hands

43:30

are there clearly friends of the tattooist. So

43:32

they stepped up and were chatting with the tattooist

43:35

and making jokes about what I had for breakfast

43:37

and the size of my ass and that's a

43:39

tourist which is quite disturbing and

43:41

I felt little bit paralyzed and the tourist

43:43

turns to one of them and said, so I'm thinking about doing

43:45

this brown. What do you think? I think that's a

43:47

great idea. And I'm on the table. It's

43:49

my ant love just this happens all the time. Just

43:51

be mature. You're an adult. This is all gonna

43:54

be fun. And so the

43:56

tattoo progresses, and he's he's like

43:58

you know, how are we gonna do the moon? It's like, well, now it's

44:00

like the sun and we can't really do it up here, so I'm just

44:02

gonna put it down there. Of course, I can't see anything

44:05

because I'm bed over on the table and the guys and

44:07

stuff like, okay. Let's just

44:09

go with that. He's like, you know, there's like

44:11

a grassy clive and he said, we can't really

44:13

do that. So we just gotta do some tufts underneath

44:16

the edge off. And they're gonna be bright green. I

44:18

was like, okay. So by this time, I

44:20

am completely at this mercy. So

44:23

I was like, okay, the tattoo's done. I

44:25

go, I haven't seen it because clearly mirrors

44:27

were not invented at that time. So

44:31

haven't seen the tattoo. And I thought,

44:33

okay. It's gonna take a little while to heal. So

44:35

couldn't really recognize what was happening at first,

44:37

you know, couple of days later at home. I'm looking it's

44:39

like, oh, I'm not quite sure, but great

44:41

bond. It'll be fun. And

44:44

so I eventually, I got a good look

44:46

at that touching. And it

44:48

wasn't so much the angry eyebrows

44:51

or the blue brown shading or the

44:53

bright green tusks of grass or

44:55

the orange circle like a religious icon

44:58

behind its head I

45:00

had discovered much to my disgust

45:02

that my unicorn had no horn. And

45:05

so I had become a person with a horse on their

45:07

ass And

45:09

I I could not understand how this had happened.

45:13

So I I thought about going

45:15

back and getting the horn put on. I thought I

45:17

really I'm really glad

45:19

to do that. And so I thought my best

45:21

strategy is to ignore this. And

45:24

I was like, which is fine because, you know, I can't really

45:26

see it. Occasionally, it glanced in the mirror. I think it's

45:28

a spider. It's also But

45:32

this obviously, there comes a problem

45:34

when you are sleeping with someone for the first time.

45:37

And as a young eighteen year old from the country,

45:39

I hadn't really thought that through. I hadn't

45:42

slept with that many people. So it quickly

45:44

actually became a judge of character. So

45:47

people that make no noises

45:50

or

45:51

My little pony did not last very long.

45:54

But I have a one's special friend

45:56

who I've known for six or seven years.

45:58

And one of the things that I love about

46:00

him is that he's never ever mentioned

46:03

my tattoo. And

46:05

you guys might remember it was a beautiful time

46:08

a year or so ago England were thrown

46:10

out of the World Cup. His British, by

46:12

the way, here but lives in Adelaide. And

46:15

he sent me a text a couple of weeks later after

46:17

this had happened. And he said, thank you so much for

46:19

not mentioning the cricket. And all I

46:21

wanted to do was reply and

46:23

say, thank you so much for not mentioning the horse

46:25

on my ass for seven years. Thank

46:27

you. Thank

46:32

you.

46:34

That was Angela Lush. Angela

46:36

is a freelance writer who's currently

46:38

working on a collection of essays

46:40

based on her experiences as a solo

46:42

traveler in her trusty camper van.

46:45

We had actually podcast story quite a

46:47

few years ago. And I asked him to tell him

46:50

what the reaction was to her story at the time.

46:52

She writes, I received so many photos

46:55

of bad unicorn tattoos, and mine

46:57

didn't seem so bad anymore. Also,

47:00

my special friend heard my story

47:02

via Twitter. And in a hilarious

47:04

emoji exchange, told me he

47:06

loved my horse slash unicorn. How

47:09

much do we love that guy? Angela

47:15

went on to say, I was very glad that

47:18

I said no to include a photo of the tattoo

47:20

with my story. When, during a

47:22

particularly tense questioning session, a

47:24

US order control recently, the agent

47:26

asked, so tell me about them off. It

47:28

was bad enough sitting there for half an hour wondering

47:31

if he'd listened to the story when he Googled me

47:33

let alone knowing that he could have seen a picture

47:35

of my butt. The

47:45

moth is mostly run by women, and

47:47

we all heard this story a little bit differently

47:49

in the wake of the Me Too move button. We

47:51

were trying to pin our finger on it and finally

47:53

realized that it was audiences reaction.

47:56

Angela's so funny, so of course,

47:58

they're laughing. But in the current climate,

48:01

I don't know if the audience would laugh quite so

48:03

hard. We asked Angela about

48:05

why she didn't speak up for herself, and

48:08

she wrote us a letter.

48:11

Deemoff. This is a tough one

48:13

to answer without writing an essay. But essentially,

48:15

I think it comes down to the beliefs I had about myself.

48:18

According to my upbringing, I was doing something

48:20

wrong and shameful. And from childhood,

48:23

I had a deep read of belief that I was wrong and

48:25

shameful. Something that not even

48:27

God could fix.

48:27

I felt incredibly

48:30

vulnerable, violated, and frozen

48:32

in fear. And

48:33

in this moment, it showed up as me believing

48:35

that other people, even strangers knew about

48:37

me, my body, and how I should live my

48:39

life than I did. I

48:42

also believe that since I'd initiated this process,

48:44

I deserved anything that came my way, even

48:46

if I was terrified on you, it was wrong for me.

48:49

In much the same way that I believed that if I kissed

48:51

the boy, then I'd had to have sex with him even

48:53

if didn't want to because I'd

48:55

kissed him and started something saying

48:58

no idea and seemed like a legitimate option.

49:00

And if I did say no, really bad things would

49:02

happen. Having my meals listened

49:05

to or met seemed in Belgium, I wasn't

49:07

supposed to have any. Add

49:09

to that, some nice girls don't make a

49:11

fuss or take up any space beliefs and

49:13

there you have From

49:19

Australia, that was Angela

49:21

Lush. That's

49:29

it for this episode. We hope you'll join

49:31

us next time. For the month radio hour.

49:51

Your host this hour was the most artistic

49:53

director, Catherine Burns. Catherine

49:55

also directed the story's the show along with

49:58

Larry Rosen. The rest of the

50:00

most directorial staff includes Sarah

50:02

Haberman, Sarah Austin Janice, Jennifer

50:05

Hickson, and Meg Bolt. Production

50:07

support from Timothy Lou Lee and

50:09

Emily couch. Most stories are

50:11

true as remembered and affirmed by the

50:13

storytellers. Our theme music

50:15

by the drift, other music in this hour

50:17

from lemon jelly, Moon Dog,

50:20

Will Smith, and Crunben. The

50:22

moth is produced for radio by me,

50:25

Allison with Vicky Merrick at Atlantic

50:27

Public Media in Woods Hole,

50:29

Massachusetts. This hour was produced

50:31

with funds from the national endowment for

50:33

the The North Radio Hour is presented

50:36

by PRX. For more about

50:38

our podcast, for information on pitching

50:40

us your own story and everything

50:42

else, go to our website dumboth

50:45

dot org.