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1:20

Hello, and welcome back to Naked Marriage

1:22

podcast. We are David and Ashley Willis. And

1:24

on this podcast, we address the truth about

1:26

sex, intimacy, and lifelong love.

1:28

And you guys, we are continuing in our series

1:31

of nine habits that can lead to divorce,

1:33

and we're talking about the third one today.

1:35

It's a big one. But before we dive into that

1:37

episode, I wanna share a recent review

1:39

with you. It's from eGopman o one entitled

1:42

Amazing Podcast, and it says this is an

1:44

amazing podcast. I'm engaged to be

1:46

married to my best friend, and listening

1:48

to this podcast has really helped me prepare to

1:50

be the best wife I can be to my future

1:52

husband. My fiancee and I listened to the pre

1:54

marriage podcast by David Ashley, and we loved

1:56

it. I am continuously listening to this

1:58

podcast. It gives me great ideas on how

2:00

to be the best helper to my husband because

2:02

he will be the leader in our relationship. I

2:04

can't wait to be married to my best friend and

2:06

to use all the wise words Dave and Ashley

2:08

have provided in this podcast Well,

2:11

you guys thank you so much. We are always

2:13

so excited when we hear engaged couples

2:15

or listening to this because I feel like,

2:17

man, we would have loved to have had a podcast

2:19

into you guys. Yes. Yes. Go. And that's just

2:21

such a wise choice. So we thank you so much,

2:23

not only for listening, but also for leaving a

2:25

review. And if you love this podcast, Please leave

2:27

a review. It's the best way to let others know about

2:29

it. Yes.

2:30

And that's why we share them here sometimes.

2:32

It's it's not to, like, you know, read our

2:34

own good review. Even though it is encouraging

2:37

to hear them and we read everyone and even the negative

2:39

ones we read and sometimes learn from

2:41

that feedback. But A positive

2:43

review helps people discover this

2:45

podcast. Yes. And and we appreciate

2:47

your help in that. And so thank you.

2:50

Speaking of that engaged couple, You might

2:52

not know. We've got a whole a whole

2:54

series of pre marriage resources. You

2:56

can go to pre marriage dot com. There's

2:58

a free podcast by us called the pre marriage

3:00

podcast. a course

3:02

called preparing for I do and a lot other stuff

3:04

there. So if there's anybody in your life who's engaged

3:06

or preparing for marriage, share that

3:08

with them as well. Like Ashley said, We're

3:10

gonna dive back into nine habits

3:12

lead to divorce with park

3:14

three today. And I think this conversation,

3:17

especially for those of you who have children or

3:19

plan to someday, could be really really

3:21

helpful. So let's dive in.

3:26

Oh my goodness. So this episode

3:29

is an important one. And for those of

3:31

you who are married and you have children, this

3:33

will resonate with you. And I think it will

3:35

resonate with you whether or not you have young

3:37

kids or even adults children. And

3:40

that is what do you do

3:42

when you feel like your children

3:44

are hurting your marriage? And or maybe they really

3:46

are hurting your marriage because of a whole

3:48

multitude of reasons. You know, we're continuing

3:50

on in our series, as we said out

3:52

out of the front of this, that we're continuing

3:54

on with the nine toxic habits

3:56

that can lead to divorce. And this is

3:58

number three. And I think this

4:00

is a really big one that that

4:03

can happen very easily if we're not

4:05

careful.

4:05

Right. And you might be thinking, well, wait,

4:07

what's the habit. Like, if it's just

4:09

our children are hurting our marriage. And I think

4:11

that that this specific habit in

4:13

that is when you have an unhealthy

4:16

balance of priorities. Yes.

4:18

And if your children are always prioritized

4:20

ahead of your marriage, that's gonna hurt

4:22

your marriage. And that's not anything your children

4:24

are doing on. They're just kids. It's what you

4:26

as the spouse and parents are doing

4:28

to have a misaligned set of priorities.

4:31

Right. And I think it's, again, one of the

4:33

most common traps couples fall into

4:35

and it's elevating the children to

4:37

a place of, like, they're

4:40

always number one. And what that does

4:42

is it it creates imbalance in

4:44

the kids It creates co dependent

4:46

relationships between parents and children

4:48

that makes it harder for those children to

4:50

launch into successful adulthood, and

4:52

it absolutely sabotages the marriage.

4:54

Right. And so in this episode, we just

4:56

wanna talk about ways to, yeah, I mean,

4:58

be great parents, obviously, and any of

5:00

us would would do anything for our children.

5:02

But One of the best gifts

5:04

you can give your kids is the gift of letting

5:06

your children see what a healthy marriage

5:08

looks like. When a husband and wife put each

5:10

other first in a loving way, And

5:12

and what does that mean? What does that look like? How

5:14

can we get into that habit if we've fallen

5:16

out of it?

5:17

Absolutely. And I wanna talk about first,

5:19

how people fall into this? because I don't

5:21

think anybody necessarily sets

5:23

out to let the kids start taking over their whole

5:25

life. You know, I I think it can happen

5:27

very easily. when we do mix up our priorities.

5:29

But I think where we kind of

5:32

fall into this is when we

5:34

have young children and they're taken

5:36

up know, they take up a lot of your time and your

5:38

attention. And and maybe,

5:40

you know, you you start feeling like, this

5:42

is where at least I I see it happen a lot with married

5:44

couples. you start feeling like

5:46

you're a better parent than you are

5:48

a spouse and so you start putting more of

5:50

your attention towards being a

5:52

parent and start neglecting your attention

5:54

towards being a great spouse. And and, I

5:56

mean, haven't you seen this fight? I have seen this

5:58

over and over. Over and over again. It's a

5:59

common trap, not just in marriage and parenting.

6:02

I think all of us are prone to whatever

6:04

we feel like we're winning at -- Yeah. --

6:05

whether it's a work or a hobby or

6:08

whatever. Like, if we're really good

6:10

at that, Right. We love the accolades that come

6:12

with that. We love feeling good at something, and so

6:14

we wanna do that more often. And

6:16

very common trap like Ashley just said

6:18

is when you feel like, I got this mom thing

6:20

down. I got this dad thing down.

6:22

Like, I am a great parent and

6:24

my kids are awesome and it's because of

6:26

me and And make me look good. They make me look

6:28

good. Yeah. And it's, like, yeah, me and my spouse might

6:30

be, like, disconnected in a lot of ways. But you

6:32

know what? I I don't have time to worry about that

6:34

because I am mom of the year,

6:36

dad of the year, and I'm just gonna lean in heavy

6:38

to that. But again, what happens

6:41

when it becomes all about the kids is, you know,

6:43

your kids grow up, you realize that

6:45

they're they're gonna leave. and you

6:47

have a hard time letting them go. And sometimes

6:49

unknowingly, you even sabotage their

6:52

their launch into adulthood or their future

6:54

marriage because you're holding onto them so tightly

6:57

for spouse level emotional support. You

6:59

never developed it with your own spouse.

7:01

And you and your your husband or

7:03

wife just kinda fade apart. That's why there's

7:05

been an epidemic of divorce

7:08

happening as people become empty nesters.

7:11

It's called gray or graying divorce.

7:13

It's this huge thing. It's the highest

7:15

growing statistic of of divorce

7:18

in the demographic of people who are who

7:20

are aging and they they realize all we

7:22

had in common was our kids, and now our kids

7:24

are gone. We don't know each other or like

7:26

each other. And we we just can't

7:28

let that happen. If it's already started happening

7:31

for you, First off, thanks for listening to this.

7:33

Thanks just for being open to to

7:35

seek after helpful marriage content and

7:37

invest in your own relationship. And just

7:39

wanna encourage you and give you some practical

7:41

tools today that can hopefully

7:43

help you and your spouse reconnect in a meaningful

7:45

way.

7:46

Absolutely. And I wanna say this too.

7:48

I I think a lot of times when we do feel like maybe

7:50

we're winning in the parent lane and not so much in the

7:52

spouse's lane, What you'll find

7:54

too is that the spouses

7:56

start competing about who's the

7:58

better parent. Right. You know, and it's

8:00

like and then you see them again

8:02

because they're trying to be the best parent in

8:04

the bunch. You know, they basically stop,

8:07

you know, they stop paying attention to their marriage.

8:09

And then you see them lot of times turns it

8:11

into divorce, separation or

8:12

divorce. And then that competition continues

8:15

And you can I'm a better parent. I'm the fun

8:17

parent. I'm the, you know And

8:18

it and then it ends up making even

8:20

just trying to have civil co parenting nearly

8:23

impossible. I mean, it's just this it

8:25

keeps on getting worse and worse and worse. And so we

8:27

wanna talk about this because It's

8:29

just a huge issue. And I think that

8:31

what we first have to realize is that we

8:33

are all on the same team here. We all wanna

8:36

have kids that love the

8:38

lord, that love each other, that

8:40

love us, and confunction in

8:42

society. Right? Like, that's the goal. is we're trying

8:44

to raise them to be, you know, good

8:46

citizens and to learn all the things that we

8:48

want them to learn. And and

8:50

the the best way we can do that

8:52

is by, first of all, being healthy in our marriage.

8:54

And so what what does this look like

8:56

practically speaking? It means that we make

8:58

time for our marriage, that we

9:00

don't let kids just completely control our

9:02

schedule. And I know I'm gonna step on

9:04

some toes when I'm saying this because, you

9:06

know, sure, you need to get kids involved in

9:08

things. We have our kids involved in things. as

9:10

a family, we have always kind of sat down as

9:12

a couple and said, like, in this

9:15

season, here's here's

9:17

how much we can do because these other

9:19

things like family dinners and date

9:21

nights. And as having small group, like,

9:23

these other things have

9:25

to they're not they're not changing from our

9:27

schedule. So in this season, we're

9:29

gonna let our children choose one activity that

9:31

they do. Maybe for you, it's they

9:33

do one, you know, art related activity

9:35

and one sports related activity. You know, it's gonna

9:37

look different. Like, for example, we

9:39

normally have our kids do once for

9:42

each season. So right now, our

9:44

little ones have chosen doing

9:46

gymnastics. You know, last season they did

9:48

jujitsu. And so we're like, we're doing gymnastics.

9:50

We find a class. where they can they

9:52

can be in the same class. It's one night a

9:54

week. One night a week. Right? And

9:55

then then this semester, we're also

9:57

letting them both try cups scouts. Right. They're

9:59

doing scouts.

9:59

And so and that's not even an every week thing.

10:02

Right. It's like two or three times a month. There's

10:04

something. Mhmm. And so and

10:06

that's that's a way to help them grow and

10:08

and connect and Exactly.

10:10

So but but that's as as much

10:12

as they've done. Like, Right.

10:14

And they know that. Like, we talk to them about that,

10:16

and they have, like, things they do within school.

10:18

You know? Like, Chandler just got he's so

10:20

proud. He got a little role in four h. He's

10:22

the program officer and he's so proud. So there's

10:25

other things they can do within, like, the school

10:27

hours. But I think we have to, as a couple,

10:29

realize Okay. We are the parents. We are

10:31

the adults. We make the schedule.

10:33

Right? And you pray about it too because, you know,

10:35

I know in our family, we wanna make sure we're

10:37

attending church on Sundays, and we wanna make older

10:39

boys are going to youth group on Wednesdays. Our

10:41

older boys, you know, our oldest is in marching

10:43

band, and we wanna make sure he has that. He

10:45

also has a job. that he go you know, he

10:47

drives and he goes to our second Saint

10:49

Connor is now involved in your book. And he knows

10:51

that there's gonna be times he's gonna have to stay

10:53

after school to go take pictures of certain

10:55

activities and to go be part of these different things

10:57

that are involved in your book. And, you know, as

10:59

a family though, we have to look at the calendar and

11:01

say, you know, we decide you

11:03

know, as a couple, like, we get the ultimate say, we

11:05

wanna hear from our children. Hear their desires.

11:07

Yeah. Because they have a voice and they

11:09

have they have wants and desires. and

11:11

we wanna do our best to let them experience

11:13

some of these activities, but we also, as

11:15

the parents, have the license to say

11:17

no. And there's been times,

11:19

like, there was a time when Cooper, our oldest,

11:21

was younger, and his gymnastics,

11:23

his competitive gymnastics schedule was

11:25

just becoming too much of our family. And

11:28

and, you know, we really had a heart to heart with him. We

11:30

were like, listen. If we

11:32

continue on with this, something else has gotta go

11:34

from your schedule because it's

11:36

taking, you know, it's it's keeping one of

11:38

us with him away from the rest of the

11:40

family. We weren't able because he ended up

11:42

having, like, practice three nights a week. we weren't, you know,

11:44

we're having less family dinners together. And

11:46

then there's once travel season,

11:48

competitive season started, then that meant

11:50

meant some Sundays. We were away. And that's a

11:52

high priority in our family --

11:53

Oh, yeah. Yeah. -- church

11:55

is a family is a is a high

11:58

priority for us. And I think it it's a great

12:00

priority in every family. Not not

12:02

just for like a a legalistic tradition,

12:04

but because God intended

12:06

church being part of a church family to

12:08

be an important part of our own faith

12:10

and something that we should prioritize. And I

12:12

and I say that it's just as a separate point

12:15

here, just because so many people have gotten out of

12:17

that habit. I think the pandemic got us out of the

12:19

habit. Now we're just like, well, I can watch

12:21

online every now and then, but we need to be

12:23

there in person. We need each other. And no

12:25

churches per than maybe the church has hurt your

12:27

feelings in the past, wounded you

12:29

in the past even. But even though there's

12:31

no perfect church, church is still a

12:33

perfect part of God's plan for every one

12:35

of us. And so find one you and your

12:37

family can connect into. That's that's

12:39

so important. But coming back to

12:42

Can

12:42

you

12:43

name which king of Israel defeated a

12:45

goliath or who helped Peter

12:47

to catch fish. How about the number

12:49

of apostles that Jesus had? If the

12:51

answer is yes, then you need to

12:53

play bible trivia. Do you enjoy

12:55

trivia because let me tell you something you

12:57

may or may not know about Dave and I is

12:59

we are actually really enjoy watching

13:01

the show Jeopardy together. And

13:03

so we love kinda, you know, doing that kind of

13:05

trivia together. So why not? If

13:07

you like trivia, why not do it with the

13:09

buy because in, you can not only have fun, but

13:11

you can also expand your bible knowledge.

13:13

If that is something you'd be interested in, then you

13:15

will love bible trivia. It is a

13:17

beautiful game that specs

13:19

the bible. And if you wanna check

13:21

this out, just go to Apple or the Google

13:24

Store and search for bible

13:26

trivia. You can download bible

13:28

trivia for free today and get

13:30

ready to flex your brain

13:32

muscles.

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14:42

Just

14:43

prioritizing the marriage.

14:46

I I think you guys have

14:48

to be something that we're we've learned through

14:50

the years. We we get to work together now, which

14:52

gives us a head start, being

14:55

able to be around each other, a lot in the

14:57

work setting. And so we spend a lot of

14:59

time together, but what we found even in

15:01

that is that work time

15:03

together isn't the same

15:05

thing as just quality time. And so even

15:07

though in terms of hours together,

15:09

we're together more than

15:11

just about any couple that I know

15:13

and I'm so thankful for that because we truly

15:15

enjoy being with one another. But

15:17

that that work time isn't a

15:19

substitute -- Right. -- for time just to

15:21

enjoy each other. And so even in

15:23

seasons when we're we're having, you know, we're working a

15:25

lot, even traveling for work,

15:27

we still are so intentional about

15:29

date nights. Yes. We're intentional about

15:31

once or twice a year getting away for

15:33

a little trip that has nothing to

15:35

do with work. Or the kids? Or the

15:37

kids. We plenty of family stuff too, guys.

15:39

We're we're on the road with the kids. We we take

15:41

them places. We do trips with them.

15:44

But we look at calendar and make sure, like, look,

15:46

there's a busy work season coming up. So right at the

15:48

start of that or right at the end of that,

15:50

let's make sure that

15:51

we're carving

15:52

out some time just for each

15:55

other. And guys do that. It can be

15:57

a weekend away. It can

15:59

be taken

16:00

a little Trip, road trip,

16:02

it can be coming to one of our XO

16:04

conferences. You can go to x o marriage dot com and

16:06

get that full list. This coming

16:08

summer, I'm excited to announce.

16:10

Ashley and I finally rescheduled a

16:12

a group Israel trip -- That's right. -- that

16:14

we had planned that

16:16

that was canceled during the

16:18

pandemic. And now summer

16:20

of twenty twenty three, we're looking at June

16:22

twenty six through July

16:24

fourth, We'd love for you to

16:26

come. It's just now taking shape. But, hey, if

16:28

you wanna come, just I don't even have a

16:30

website for you, but you can email the

16:32

tour guide. You might

16:33

have it in the show notes. by the time

16:34

this airs. We will see. Send an

16:37

email to guy at gordon

16:39

tours dot com. If you're interested in going

16:41

and he can get you all the info. He's in

16:43

Israel. He's the one that runs this tour

16:45

company he's been great to work with, so his name

16:47

is Guy. Love to have you guys. jorgen

16:49

tours dot com. We would love to share that with you.

16:51

But it doesn't have to be that do

16:53

something is the point here, and do

16:55

something consistently. Right. Or you're

16:57

creating adventures together, you're creating

16:59

memories together, Ashley and I love

17:01

travel and adventure. Maybe you're not

17:03

as into that, but find a hobby you

17:05

can do together. Mhmm. You know, maybe you too

17:07

wanna take up you know, golf

17:09

or or painting or

17:11

whoever you're into. Just enjoying

17:12

time together. I've actually, there's a

17:14

couple in our church. I've noticed they both

17:17

have recently started playing golf

17:19

together and I see their little post on Instagram

17:21

and you can literally see them glowing

17:23

because, you know, golf gets you outside

17:25

And and it's something that people play you

17:27

can play your whole life. I mean, it's it's a really cool

17:29

sport. One day, maybe we'll learn how to play golf. It would be

17:32

really cool. But, you know, I can tell that this is

17:34

what, you know, in this season of life,

17:36

their kids are now in high school. They have a little more

17:38

time. They can go on dates more frequently. because

17:40

their kids are older, and they are just loving

17:42

it and living it up. And I love that. And I

17:44

know for us, like, right now in this

17:46

season, you guys know we we share this.

17:48

We have We have two

17:50

elementary schoolers and two high schoolers. So

17:52

our older boys can watch our younger boys. We

17:54

do pay them because we don't want them to hate it,

17:56

and we wanna, you know, sweeten the dough a little bit. And we

17:58

usually go out on, like, a date that's

18:00

maybe an hour and a half. I mean, it's become because

18:02

we had a little the big ones watching the little ones,

18:04

we keep it short these days.

18:06

and we'll go out to one of our favorite restaurants. We

18:08

usually go early. Literally, guys,

18:10

pro tip. Go early. Yeah. because then you

18:12

get to pick your favorite seat.

18:15

If you wanna sit outside, it's always available if you wanna sit

18:17

inside. And it's happy hours. It's happy

18:19

hours. You get, like, the half price appetizers

18:22

If you like to have a cocktail, to have price

18:25

cocktails, it's it's just really cool, so you

18:27

save money. And also, there's less

18:29

people. Like, we don't like to go to

18:31

busy places. we can just able hear each other, you

18:33

know. And so that's that's my little protein. And

18:35

then we get home in

18:35

time to have dinner with the kids.

18:38

we don't take away from get a date night, and we still -- Yes. --

18:40

still have family time. And sometimes,

18:42

I'll pay a little extra, and

18:44

I will tell If Connor, our second

18:46

one is a great little cook. In fact, he might even be

18:48

a chef one day. He's really good at it. And I'm

18:50

like Connor, can you make con cheese, which is

18:53

his version of grilled cheese? and then I'll heat up some soup

18:55

and, like so the dinner's even half made, and we

18:57

get to have family dinner together. So When

18:59

when? We call these guys right now. And if you follow us

19:01

on Instagram at dave and ashley

19:03

Willis, you've probably seen some of our picks

19:05

on our our mandates. Get

19:07

it Monday, date. We combined it into

19:10

Mondays. And in our house and this season

19:12

and it's it's looked in different seasons, our kids

19:14

know Mondays are for mom and dad. Like

19:16

mom and dad, we get a couple

19:18

hours together. Like, and and then

19:20

it's prioritized at home. We just have dinner with

19:22

the kids, have a little time with them, make sure

19:24

they're good. But then we

19:27

also kinda go to bed early that night, not

19:29

to sleep, but to to watch Watch a

19:31

favorite movie. You watch it. We'll pick a movie to watch, we'll

19:33

pick some popcorn. and we we just

19:35

kinda carve out that time that, like, Monday,

19:38

we're gonna start the week off -- Yeah.

19:40

-- given each other the the bet and and

19:42

and part of it part of it with Monday is

19:44

really just in any part of life when

19:46

you say I'm gonna give my first

19:49

energy to something. You know? And and and with

19:51

God, we give our our time. It's our

19:53

first first fruits to him. In marriage, if we

19:55

give the first of our time, instead of the leftovers,

19:58

because what happens we don't give the

19:59

first to what matters most,

20:01

there's nothing left over at the end. Right.

20:03

And so we we're, like, we're just gonna get in the

20:05

rhythm of giving the

20:08

first

20:08

of our week to each

20:10

other and also

20:10

having time through the week. But And it's

20:12

been really nice in the season. And and,

20:14

you know, it's again, we for us, this works

20:16

because we still get to the kids we still get

20:18

to engage in in their day and because family

20:20

dinners are very important to us. And when you

20:23

have teenagers who can drive, you

20:25

have, you know, and have jobs and have activities, you see

20:27

that a little bit less because of their

20:29

schedule. And so we really, especially during

20:31

this year, which is our oldest son's

20:34

senior year, we are those we're

20:36

treasuring those even more so because

20:38

it's a it's a time of change in our family.

20:40

We know it's kind of upon us with him going off

20:42

to college. And so, you know, as a

20:44

family as a couple, talk about what this

20:46

looks like for you and then make it happen

20:48

and really stick to it. And, you know,

20:50

again, if your kids get put to bed a little

20:52

early because you're having that date night in,

20:54

they may fuss. Don't be surprised if

20:56

they fuss their kids. But

20:58

look them in the eye and say, listen. we

21:00

love you so much, but Mondays are for mom and

21:02

dad or whatever it is. Wednesdays, you know, we're

21:04

having our mom and dad time because we love you that

21:06

much and we wanna make sure that

21:09

we give each other some attention and I'll see it in

21:11

the morning and I love you. And and you know

21:13

they'll get used to it. And and before you know

21:15

it, it becomes part of your family

21:17

routine. I wanna shift gears a little bit

21:19

and talk about something that I think

21:21

often kind of throws

21:23

people into this dynamic. And it's

21:26

not necessarily like maybe you

21:28

had really good habits with prioritizing

21:30

your marriage, but all of a sudden you're

21:32

dealing with maybe a teenager

21:34

or a college age kid or maybe

21:36

even an adult child that is

21:39

struggling with addiction or

21:41

is way word or is making really

21:43

bad decisions. and

21:45

it is just, you know, wreaking

21:47

havoc in your family. I I

21:49

think that I've I've seen

21:51

families where this happens. And

21:53

it's like all of a sudden it's crisis

21:55

mode and everything else is kinda

21:57

thrown out because they they're just trying

21:59

to to

21:59

save the child. You know? And I totally get

22:02

the heart of this. force. Yeah. Because

22:04

it's all hands on deck when you see your loved

22:06

one, making really

22:07

poor choices and hurting themselves and

22:10

others, It it it it it is like,

22:12

you know, obviously, it is a crisis. It

22:14

is a crisis that needs to be addressed,

22:16

but the couples that do this

22:19

really well kind of have they have

22:21

a moment. They come together and say and and

22:23

I've heard people say this. Like, in

22:25

crisis, it doesn't mean your marriage is thrown away. You

22:27

need to come together more than ever

22:29

before. and stay unified because this is the time

22:31

that the enemy can really attack

22:33

your marriage. You know, we have some friends

22:36

that have, you know, they had a

22:38

baby that was extremely medically

22:40

compromised. And eventually, they

22:42

were told that this baby would pass away. I mean, just

22:44

like the worst news that you can ever

22:46

hear. and I'll never forget

22:48

the husband who, you know, Dave,

22:50

actually served on staff with for for

22:52

many years. He he sat down at

22:54

lunch with you one day he teared up and

22:56

he said, I know the statistics. Like,

22:59

I know the statistics of

23:01

not only, you know, parents

23:03

with special needs or medically compromised

23:05

children, but also parents who have to bury their child.

23:07

And I know it's high, that there's a high divorce

23:09

rate. And he said, you know, I wanted to

23:11

he he said he wanted sit down with you to

23:13

just get some guidance. because he said,

23:15

we

23:15

are going to lean into each other and lean into

23:17

God like never before because we don't wanna be

23:20

a statistic. and and they

23:20

went out of their way even in the midst of

23:22

all that. They made sure they

23:24

spent time together. Do you remember this meeting? Yeah. And

23:27

they did eventually, tragically, they

23:30

had to bury that child. And

23:32

and life's not necessarily been easy since then,

23:34

but I just so admire them for

23:36

going through, like, the worst thing that I

23:39

believe anybody can just about go through. And to instead

23:41

of making excuses and allowing

23:43

that to overtake their life

23:45

and their marriage, just really

23:47

drawing a line in the sand and saying, yes,

23:50

this is horrible. Like, this

23:52

situation is heartbreaking.

23:54

And that's not even that

23:56

doesn't even capture it, you know. But we're not

23:58

going to we're not going to

23:59

turn away from God and each other.

24:02

And and

24:02

today, they're stronger than ever. And

24:05

that takes courage, you guys,

24:07

that takes courage, that

24:09

takes that

24:09

takes really digging and deep into

24:11

what you believe. about god each

24:14

other and life in general

24:16

and

24:16

and really prioritizing each other.

24:18

And so, you know, I I share

24:20

their example because I think that gosh, if they

24:22

can do it, any of us can. And I think we

24:24

can we can course correct. Like this, if

24:27

you haven't done it right,

24:29

okay? Let's say right now, your kids are rolling the

24:31

roost. That way where child

24:33

is is all you think about and you're never

24:35

spending time with your spouse, let

24:37

this be a wake up call where you guys

24:39

can come together and say, we're

24:40

going through a really hard season

24:43

and own it. it's okay to say, like, I'm

24:45

not loving this season, you know.

24:46

Yeah. And that's and that's okay. You don't

24:48

have to love it. Some, you know,

24:50

some seasons or mountain tops, some

24:52

are valleys. Yeah. Some are really enjoyable some you just have

24:54

to survive. Yeah. But even in those

24:56

kind of survival seasons,

24:59

part of how you survive them

25:01

is you you you lean on each other, you lean on God, and you make time

25:03

for each excuse me, you make time for each

25:05

other. Right. You can't get out of

25:08

those habits. because that season can

25:10

quickly turn into a lifestyle of

25:12

just not prioritizing each other. And

25:13

pointing fingers, blaming each other, saying,

25:16

well, if you had done this that kid would have never done

25:18

that. Or if you had done this, I wouldn't have had

25:20

to leave. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's

25:22

we just we really

25:25

sometimes

25:25

that those seasons of crisis, if we're

25:27

if we're not extremely mindful and careful

25:29

and prayerful, they can really bring out

25:31

the worst in us. And

25:33

so, you know, let today be the day that you have

25:35

those hard conversations. You guys hear us say that

25:37

all the time in the Naked Merge podcast that

25:40

don't don't shy away from

25:42

the hard. address the hard, call

25:44

it what it is, but

25:46

then realize that that you all

25:48

are not enemies. Like, you're on the same team. And

25:50

in order to really to stay

25:52

moving in the same direction and in a good

25:54

direction, you've got to

25:56

make sure that you're prioritizing your

25:58

marriage. and and being the

26:00

ones to make those those decisions, not allowing

26:03

kids to make those decisions.

26:04

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

26:05

That's that's so good. Guys,

26:08

this this has this has been a good

26:10

reminder even for us because, like, we've got

26:12

like we've said. On It's a constant. And season

26:14

changes. Right? Just as soon as you think you get

26:16

the rhythm down, the debt gets reshuffled, so

26:18

to speak. And the kids are in new seasons, there

26:20

are new challenges. And of

26:22

course, guys, we're there for our kids. It's one of the most sacred duties

26:25

we ever called to if if God has given you

26:27

children. But just remember

26:29

that the raising them is

26:31

is a temporary assignment. That'll be part of

26:33

your life forever, of course. But raising

26:35

them's temporary assignment, but your priority to

26:37

your spouse is meant to be top of

26:39

your list throughout all of your life. Right. It's God

26:41

first, spouse second, kids, you

26:43

know, after that and then everyone and everything

26:46

else. And so when we get that

26:48

in alignment, everything

26:50

else really is balanced. You

26:52

know? And again, I mean, it's never perfectly

26:54

balanced. You know, we we're flaw of

26:56

human beings and life is just changing all the

26:58

time. But I think when we do our

27:01

best to keep that alignment

27:03

and that that alignment of priority, it

27:06

really helps everything else run

27:07

a little smoother. So true.

27:09

And thank

27:09

you all for being a part of this conversation. Do

27:11

us a favor. And if this is been meaningful

27:13

to you. Share it with somebody. You know, and maybe

27:15

just text the link of this or maybe share

27:17

on social media. You

27:20

guys are part of this community with help and spread the word,

27:22

and it means so much to us. We're

27:24

we're always just humbled and honored when

27:26

we see how far God takes these

27:28

conversations around the world and

27:30

and we're we're honored that you've welcomed us welcomed

27:32

us into into your your home

27:35

today. And so, god bless

27:37

you guys. Stay tuned. This

27:39

Wednesday, we'll have a brand new episode on

27:41

hump day q and a -- Right. -- where we will

27:43

answer one of your questions. And of course, you can send

27:45

us questions. on Instagram at

27:47

david dashlywillis or at

27:49

naked marriage podcast dot

27:51

com. God

27:51

bless guys. We'll

27:52

see you soon. Bye

27:58

bye.