I once was drowning 

                      in the Ocean of life; now

                                The ocean is life.

Episode 101
In this episode I dig deeper into the poem below, what it means for me and how it is a testimony of the generous nature of God.

Kill me once, Kill me twice

A gunshot to the head
A scathing look of contempt
Both equally effective

A sharp knife to the back
And a compliment on ones' kindness
Both just as painful

I can't accept that I'm kind
I am nothing.
But as I am becoming,
I slowly accept who You are
And that more than anything
Brings my flowers to spring

I'm choked to think I'm hopelessly alone
On my own in this journey
And alone in hopelessness

I find it hard to trust
myself,
with love
I find as
my eyes close
up
and down
my hope goes
to places I dare say
Why?

Life.

I have glimpsed Life.

And now my
life
has been turned upside
down
side
up.
Truth.

As I know, I grow
weaker
As I heal, I feel
more deeply
As I trust, I'm lost to myself
As I live, I live
again

As it should be in the fertile ground of truth.

Last night I dreamt
I was a girl dancing on the ocean
Feet, steady on crystal waves
Eyes, wide-open
Arms, wide, free
Drawing others with me
It couldn't be

But it was.

Step out into the ocean.

Truth is fashioned in a cocoon and it is growing
It never presents as a lie
Purest truth is like the eye of a babe

How I desperately long to be wide-eyed.

But for now I close my eyes,
in prayer,
in patience,
in pain,
fashioning truth,
Both for you
And myself.

For there was a bird I knew before
She was beautiful
I killed her once

But I will not kill her again.

Speaker and writer: JESUFERANMI

Featuring:
No Longer Slaves, Jonathan David and Melissa Helser
Background Instrumentals, Samuel H. Araujo