0:00

Just a little bit of refinement

0:02

in my thinking or the way I look at

0:04

things could be all that. It matters,

0:07

right, So it's just sometimes

0:09

you're you're off course just two degrees and

0:11

somebody runs into you and you just recorrect

0:14

one degree and you're like, you know what, I

0:16

can be a little bit more grateful in my life because

0:18

that person is just overflowing with joy.

0:28

Welcome to the one you feed Throughout

0:30

time, great thinkers have recognized the

0:32

importance of the thoughts we have. Quotes

0:35

like garbage in, garbage out,

0:37

or you are what you think ring

0:39

true, and yet for many of

0:41

us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower

0:44

us. We tend toward negativity,

0:46

self pity, jealousy, or

0:48

fear. We see what we don't have

0:50

instead of what we do. We think

0:52

things that hold us back and dampen our

0:54

spirit. But it's not just about

0:57

thinking. Our actions matter. It

0:59

takes just consistent and creative

1:01

effort to make a life worth living. This

1:04

podcast is about how other people keep themselves

1:06

moving in the right direction, how they

1:09

feed their good wolf. Thanks

1:25

for joining us. Our guest on this episode

1:27

is Skip Pritchard. Skip is the

1:29

fifth president of O C l C, a

1:32

global library cooperative that supports

1:34

thousands of libraries and making information

1:37

more accessible and more useful to people

1:39

around the world. Among skips many

1:41

passions is his Leadership Insides

1:44

blog, where he interviews authors

1:46

and thought leaders and shares his views

1:48

on a number of topics. His new book

1:50

is The Book of Mistakes, Nine Secrets

1:53

to Creating a Successful Future. High

1:56

Skip, Welcome to the show. Thank you,

1:58

glad to be here. It's a pleasure

2:00

to have you on. We are sitting in

2:03

the company that you are, the CEO of o c

2:06

LC. You've got a little studio here, and so we're

2:08

getting to record here, which is really great. And

2:10

it's interesting because my mom worked here years ago,

2:13

so kind of a fun place for me to be right

2:15

now, full circle, How long ago

2:17

was that? That would have been in the eighties.

2:20

I was probably like twelve. Well it's

2:22

changed quite a bit since then, but our mission

2:24

remains the same of supporting libraries around

2:27

the world. And as listeners of the

2:29

show, no, there's nothing I love more than

2:31

a library, So good to hear that.

2:33

Yes, my favorite places in the world. All

2:36

right, well, let's start like we always do with

2:38

the parable. There's a grandfather

2:41

who's talking with his grandson, and he says,

2:43

in life, there are two wolves inside of

2:45

us that are always at battle. What is

2:47

a good wolf which represents things like kindness

2:50

and bravery and love, and the other is

2:52

a bad wolf, which represents things like

2:54

greed and hatred and fear. And

2:57

the grandson stops and thinks about

2:59

it for a second, except as grandfather. He says, well,

3:01

grandfather, which one wins? And

3:03

the grandfather says, the one you feed.

3:06

So I'd like to start off by asking you what that

3:08

paarable means to you in your life and

3:10

in the work that you do. Well. To me, I

3:12

think it is such a

3:14

powerful reminder that

3:17

what we put into our mind and what

3:19

we put into our spirit is

3:22

manifested in our life throughout

3:26

all the input is what it's going to come

3:28

out and output. And I think that we need

3:30

to feed ourselves the best, feed

3:33

ourselves the positive and

3:35

uh, you see it over and over. I mean I've

3:37

just witnessed it in my entire life, my life

3:40

story, the people I interview, the

3:42

people who are consistently feeding that positive

3:44

wolf, it's going to be a completely different outcome

3:47

than those who don't. Yeah, it's

3:49

such a important thing.

3:51

And I was originally drawn to the parable

3:54

heard about it when I was early in recovery,

3:56

and it just it struck me as such a powerful

3:59

thing. And it remains so today, this

4:01

idea of you know, what you

4:03

focus on is what what grows? You

4:05

know. I've been I've been reading the Dalai

4:08

Lama has a multi part series

4:10

on you introduction to Buddhism, and you

4:12

know that was the Buddhist thing, right, it was the

4:15

inclination of your mind. It is, It's

4:17

certainly there, and you see it in most

4:19

of the major religions and thoughts.

4:22

Christianity will say as a man thinketh so

4:25

he is, etcetera. And you'll see

4:27

it in in writings throughout the world,

4:29

ancient world and modern world, because

4:31

our thoughts translate

4:33

into actions and behaviors,

4:36

and and it just flows into our life

4:38

no matter where we are,

4:40

if we change what goes into our mind, it will

4:42

change where we go. I remember zig Ziggler,

4:45

I interviewed his son yesterday talking

4:48

and he used to say that you

4:50

can change where you are and what

4:52

you are by changing what goes into your mind.

4:55

And it's that same idea, and so

4:57

what do you want to put into your mind? And why we

5:00

allow these things to come

5:02

into our mind without being deliberate

5:04

and mindful about what they are. We shouldn't

5:07

just let someone just take

5:09

over and just dump into our

5:11

minds without being very cognizant of what is

5:13

this? And do I really want this in my mind

5:15

because it's going to show up and make a

5:17

difference in my life at some

5:20

point. Yeah, And you know, listeners

5:22

of the show know that I am not an unqualified

5:25

proponent of positive thinking, right

5:27

I'm I'm more a proponent of realistic

5:30

thinking. But what I find so interesting

5:32

is that almost all the time, there

5:34

are multiple interpretations to any

5:36

situation. And I

5:39

try to remind myself if I am

5:41

making an interpretation up, which

5:44

is what we're doing most of the time anyway,

5:47

why not choose one that

5:49

brings me closer to the person

5:52

I want to be in the qualities I want to embody.

5:55

Well, it's true. I think part of the

5:57

journey of life is to realize that the

5:59

lens is that you look at the world through

6:03

is unique to you, and everyone's not looking

6:05

at that same lens. And so if I look

6:07

at it and say, instead of me imposing my

6:10

lens on you. I want to understand

6:12

your lens a little bit more, and yet

6:14

I want to feed the good

6:16

side. I want to feed the positive and kind of make

6:19

the turn that way. I want to

6:21

look at you with positive intent I

6:23

want to look at you with positive intentions. So I'm

6:25

not going to immediately assume the negative and immediately

6:28

assume you know this is the way it is, because oftentimes

6:30

if I ask some questions, I realized, oh, Eric's

6:33

looking at it through this lens, and that

6:35

can actually help me. And so I'm going to learn

6:37

to change my lens, maybe broaden my lens, and look

6:39

at the world in a completely different way. Yeah.

6:41

One of the things that you mentioned in your book, and we're going

6:43

to talk more about the book in a minute, but very

6:45

early on you talked about one of the

6:48

things that you learned early on was to look at

6:50

everybody as a teacher. Everybody

6:52

as a teacher. It doesn't matter where

6:54

you go, what status

6:56

in life they are, whether they are homeless,

6:59

where they are mega successful, whether

7:01

the server in your restaurant, the flight

7:03

attendant. They have something they can

7:05

teach you, and I'm always interested

7:07

in knowing what is that and how

7:10

can I get that quickly because,

7:12

um, just a little bit of

7:15

refinement in my thinking or

7:17

the way I look at things could be all

7:19

that it matters. Right. So it's

7:21

just sometimes you're you're off course just

7:23

two degrees and somebody runs

7:25

into you and you just recorrect one

7:28

degree and you're like, you know what, I can be a little

7:30

bit more grateful in my life because that person is

7:32

just overflowing with joy and I'm gonna try

7:35

to emulate that person smile because

7:37

I'm not smiling enough and or wow,

7:39

you know that that person really is making

7:41

a connection with me. How do I how

7:43

do I emulate that? And it just changes

7:46

your thinking just one degree

7:48

and that's all you need. So

7:50

the book is called The Book of Mistakes, Nine

7:53

Secrets to Creating a Successful

7:55

Future. And I have to tell you

7:57

I started reading the book. Um

7:59

My mom l a couple of weeks ago and

8:01

broke her shoulder and was in the hospital and I was taking an

8:03

emergency flight back from Atlanta. I've

8:06

had a ton of interviews. I was really tired,

8:08

and I was like, I got a grind a book out on the flight,

8:11

and I was so relieved that it

8:14

was like a story I have to say

8:16

like I just because what I was craving at

8:18

that moment was I would just love to read

8:20

something like fiction, because I mean, I

8:22

read nonfiction stuff at a

8:25

frantic clip for this job, and I'm

8:27

not complaining. And so when I picked it up and

8:29

I read was like, oh this is a story,

8:32

I was so happy. So I'm glad

8:34

to hear thank you. Well, you know, I I

8:36

read like you do a lot

8:38

for work, a lot to interview people, a lot

8:40

to take in the information. But I was

8:42

thinking about it and trying to write something

8:44

that my daughter, who's twenty

8:46

one, would want to read. She does

8:49

not want to read these nonfiction heavy

8:51

psychology business books. She wants

8:53

to just be entertained, and so I thought,

8:56

how do we entertain you? I was thinking about Jerry

8:58

Seinfeld's why she has these cook books that

9:01

sneak in vegetables. Have you seen this for

9:03

kids? So it's like zucchini and the chocolate chip

9:06

cookies like genus, right, And that's

9:08

kind of what I was trying to do, like sneak in the principles

9:10

into a story where you're

9:13

getting these healthy things, but you almost

9:15

don't realize that as you go. Yep, yep.

9:17

So we're not going to get through all nine

9:20

mistakes, but we're going to get through some of them.

9:22

But I wanted to start first because very

9:24

early you talk about a riddle

9:27

that has perplexed you in your life

9:29

and that you've always been trying to answer, And I think it is

9:31

one of my fundament I think there's a

9:33

few fundamental questions that orient

9:35

my life and and this one is one

9:38

of them, which is why the

9:40

two people seem to

9:42

have very different responses to

9:44

the same circumstances. You

9:47

know, as a recovering addict, I've asked this

9:49

question hundreds of times as

9:52

I've gone Why did I get sober and people

9:54

that I loved and cared about died?

9:57

You know, they seem to be they seem to be trying

9:59

to do what I was doing. They seem

10:02

to be and so it's a it's a riddle

10:04

that that I am always intrigued by,

10:06

and I don't think there's easy answers. But

10:09

but when you said that, I was immediately that's a kindred

10:12

spirit because that's the question I'm looking

10:14

for. And I often ask guests that question really

10:16

directly, Like you know, we have guests come on

10:18

talk about post traumatic growth? All

10:21

right, what's the difference between somebody has post traumatic

10:23

growth and somebody has post

10:25

traumatic stress disorder? What's

10:27

the difference between people who are yuh,

10:31

come out of difficult events stronger,

10:33

better, more compassionate people versus

10:37

people who become embittered and stay that way.

10:39

So no easy answer,

10:41

but what what do you think? It's

10:44

the study of my life. I said in that

10:46

introduction. Our family took people in. They

10:48

were abandoned, addicted, and abused, and

10:51

they all had problems, that was the common theme.

10:54

And as they had these struggles,

10:56

as they had these challenges, you'd see somebody

10:58

who would get off drugs, would get a

11:00

job, would go to school and be successful.

11:03

Because some of them lived with us for years. It wasn't like a

11:05

night. And then others would

11:07

get back in that cycle of addiction or go

11:10

back to an abusive situation in

11:12

some cases, and you think, what in the world

11:14

are you doing? And so that

11:17

became a fascinating studies for me, and

11:19

through the success literature, through

11:22

psychology, through business, what is

11:24

this right? It's the same with companies, some kind

11:26

of cycle through these bad things. Others can move

11:28

on, and um,

11:30

I think there's a range of things. I've interviewed

11:33

over a thousand people, and I

11:35

thought I had interviewed a lot of people. It's

11:38

it's it's a constant thing and a whole

11:40

range of backgrounds and

11:42

lifestyles. And I

11:45

really came up with these nine themes

11:47

of things that people would kind of fall

11:50

into, these traps, and if

11:52

they mastered these nine themes,

11:55

they tended to be more successful than

11:57

not. So the answer to that riddle

12:00

for me is the Book of Mistakes

12:02

and these nine secrets that can create a

12:04

successful future. Excellent.

12:06

So let's jump into

12:09

Actually not yet, We're not going into the mistakes yet,

12:11

because there was another line that you had that

12:14

totally floored me. And so and

12:16

it's the it's the second

12:18

one of the second fundamental questions

12:21

that I always ask. And you have a line that says,

12:23

success is when you're filled with ambition

12:26

and peace in equal measure

12:28

at the same time. Because I'm always

12:30

asking the question, how do you balance

12:33

these things right? Because on one hand, I'm so

12:35

influenced by Buddhist thought, and you know, Buddhist

12:37

thoughts sort of says and this is a

12:39

vast oversimplification and

12:42

reduction, but to some extent,

12:45

the fact that you crave all this stuff out there

12:47

is why you suffer. If you didn't, it

12:49

wouldn't suffer as much, which

12:51

seems to me absolutely true.

12:54

And yet it seems

12:56

there's this innate, built in thing

12:59

to all of nature for more,

13:01

more, grow, grow, grows what the universe

13:04

seems to do. So I've always

13:06

felt these balancing

13:09

you know, this question of how do I want to

13:11

become a better person and be completely

13:14

content with the way things are at this moment?

13:16

And so I loved that phrase successes

13:19

when you're filled with ambition and peace in

13:21

equal measure at the same time. So how

13:23

do you strike that balance? Yeah,

13:25

I look at it as that Buddhist

13:28

piece, as the goal for many people

13:30

and the Protestant work ethic that kind of formed

13:33

the country of the United States and

13:35

large parts of the Western world, and

13:37

putting both of the good parts of those things

13:40

together, because you want to have this

13:42

growth, right, All all of nature is

13:44

growth, All of this striving

13:46

is to grow. I asked people, you

13:48

know, if you go to um

13:51

I was at Redwood, uh force,

13:53

if you're in mere woods. And it reminds

13:55

me of this line from Jim Rown, how high does

13:58

the tree grow answer as tall

14:00

as it can And that's what

14:02

nature does. And so success

14:05

to me is that perfect harmony

14:07

between this drive and

14:10

peace. And if you

14:12

you'll know if you're off

14:15

measure with that, You'll know, like, I have this

14:17

drive, I have this innate push,

14:20

and it's it's agitating

14:22

me. I'm not in the right place. I don't

14:24

feel peaceful. You'll also know if

14:26

you go over too far and

14:28

you're at quote perfect peace and

14:31

so relaxed, not

14:34

the perfect piece that you're really seeking, because

14:36

you'll realize your equilibriums off and

14:38

you're not growing, and then sooner

14:41

or later that peace won't last long because

14:43

you'll feel like, wait a minute, I'm atrophying. I'm

14:45

not I'm not to where I need to

14:47

be. And so getting that just

14:49

right and keeping that going

14:52

between those two things, to me is

14:54

what success is all about. That I'm growing

14:57

and I'm peaceful in perfect

14:59

now perfect measure at

15:02

the same time. And you know what you

15:04

know when you're there and you know people

15:07

that are there because you can sense it, You're like,

15:09

you're you're in your zone, You're you're just

15:11

where you need to be. Why is

15:13

that you start asking them and it changes

15:15

for them. It may change in day to day, month

15:18

to month. But you know when people are there

15:20

and you sense a calmness,

15:23

you sense a confidence in

15:25

those people because they have those two things

15:27

in balance. Let's

15:55

start with some of the mistakes,

15:58

and the one I want to start with this mistake

16:00

number three, which is accepting excuses.

16:03

I find accepting excuses to be

16:06

one of the most dangerous impediments

16:09

to you being successful and fulfilled.

16:12

And I remember one of the times

16:14

it really became evident

16:17

to me. Rich Gaspari was

16:19

here in Columbus. He was a former Mr

16:21

Universe. He was competing

16:24

at the Arnold and I was down there to interview

16:26

him. He was actually coming out with a book

16:28

called No Excuses, and

16:31

he was determined to be on the

16:33

cover of the bodybuilding magazines

16:35

again decades after appearing

16:38

on them before. And of course now he was the

16:40

CEO of Gaspari Nutrition, which

16:42

is in all of the nutritional stores, and he

16:44

was a corporate executive and had a successful

16:46

entrepreneurial business. And I

16:49

thought, how is that possible, you

16:51

know, decades later, because

16:54

most of us would say, we have excuses, you

16:56

know, little arthritis, a little tired I

16:58

got, you know, the kids. Whatever of that excuses

17:00

it's kind of built in, and we tend

17:03

to have people around us who justified those

17:05

excuses, who say, oh, yeah, you know

17:07

you're this or that, and he

17:10

was just no, I would accept absolutely

17:12

no excuses. And it really struck me. And

17:14

if you if you look at the theme, if you research

17:17

people who have had success,

17:20

they just don't accept excuses. Right,

17:22

take your story of overcoming

17:25

you know you can get off of drugs. You I'd

17:28

watch these people that were through our house, Um, get

17:30

off of drugs. There are addictions. The

17:32

ones who didn't would often have a built in excuse

17:35

of why they would come back to it. The successful

17:37

people, whether it's in business, whether it's in

17:40

bodybuilding, running sports, whatever

17:43

it is, they don't accept

17:45

excuses. They had this built

17:47

in personal accountability.

17:50

They say it's up to me

17:53

and that is extraordinary and they

17:56

use all these things as a way to propel their goals.

17:58

Um. I think of Christy Wellington, she's the greatest

18:00

female endurance athlete

18:02

of our day, she has won so many

18:05

triathletes. Well, she gets hit by a car when

18:07

she was competing to run, and

18:10

that would be an excuse, right, for any of us would

18:12

say, well, you know, hit by a car, what am I supposed to do?

18:14

You know what she did? She says, Oh, this is a perfect time for

18:16

me to take up swimming. Well, that was actually the impetus

18:19

for her to become the greatest triathlete.

18:21

She hadn't even done triathlons.

18:23

That mentality of I'm not accepting

18:25

an excuse. This was

18:27

put into my life as a as a barrier

18:30

for me to learn something, for

18:32

me to grow, for me to respond

18:35

to, for me not to just let it

18:37

kind of kill my route, but for allowing me to

18:39

just kind of grow a different direction. That

18:42

mentality is extremely

18:44

powerful and we can cultivate it, right, So feeding

18:47

that side, we can cultivate either

18:49

one of those And that's what you see, you know, your

18:51

whole podcast. You can either feed the excuse

18:54

or feed the personal accountability.

18:56

Your choice. Yep. And I think

18:58

this is an interesting and because I am a

19:01

big believer in personal

19:04

responsibility. But people

19:06

hear that, and what they hear is blame. There's

19:09

a lot of listeners of this show, and you

19:11

experience this with your family and

19:13

child. There's a lot of people listen to this show. If they

19:15

told us their story right now, it would make

19:17

my skin crawl, right I

19:20

the heartbreak of the people who

19:22

listen, right, I know it's out there, and

19:24

so people like that will often

19:27

you know, and we've all got our hardship. And

19:29

so when I when I say a responsibility,

19:31

people often think, but I'm not responsible for what

19:34

happened to me. I'm not responsible for the damage.

19:37

And it's absolutely true. But the thing

19:39

I always come back to is there's nobody

19:42

except you that can work

19:44

on the healing. Nobody

19:46

else will do that. And so again it's not a responsible

19:49

it's not a blame, but you're

19:52

the only one that can do it. You're the only

19:54

one that can that can decide. I

19:56

want to overcome, as

19:58

hard as it is, I want to overcome

20:01

Eric. I. I feel that

20:04

because we would see

20:06

horrific stories and things

20:09

that people should never have

20:11

to go through. And so in

20:14

putting that, in saying you know, let's let's have personal

20:17

responsibility, accountability, it doesn't

20:19

make light of it. It doesn't mean you don't

20:21

need therapy before. It doesn't mean that you need

20:23

to to kind of wrestle with some very difficult

20:25

dark times that were put on you. But

20:29

that happened. Now, what are you going

20:31

to do about it? And whether it's

20:33

personal things that happened, or even

20:35

in the corporate world, the most

20:37

powerful thing to do is take charge of it move

20:40

forward. I'll give you an example in a company

20:42

I was running, I won't name which one, but somebody

20:45

walked into the business meeting that we

20:47

had lost a major client in.

20:50

Came an email to me and it said,

20:52

as the leader of the organization, it said, this

20:54

person is to blame. This person was horrible,

20:57

you know, just on and on and on. That

20:59

person had them to be coming in to present to us

21:01

that Monday, not a very good timing. And

21:04

instead of blaming, he

21:06

walked in and said, I

21:09

take full accountability for this. I

21:12

did this, this, and this wrong. I'm

21:14

learning from this on my

21:16

own dime. I've purchased a plane ticket.

21:18

I'm going to fly out to that client and I

21:20

am going to apologize. I know that

21:22

I can't win them back right now, but I'm

21:24

going to win back that business this year.

21:27

I'm going to sign up and have

21:29

a coach and use this as a way to get

21:32

better. On and on and on. I

21:34

mean, we were floored. You know what happened

21:37

people walked into that meeting thinking this

21:40

is somebody who's really, you know, a terrible,

21:42

horrible person, And instead

21:45

that person got a round of applause

21:48

because it was so unbelievable

21:51

that he took accountability for the

21:53

issue and was going to

21:55

do something about it. So, whether

21:57

it's personal or companies or whatever, it's

21:59

that ability to say

22:03

what's past is past, it's it's happened,

22:05

But how can I take that, use it,

22:07

make it better and and help

22:09

grow both me and the people

22:11

around me. It becomes an extraordinary

22:14

thing. And it's easy

22:16

to get stuck in the

22:18

past and what happened, and in many

22:20

cases, in many

22:23

cases moving on, it's not And so we want to

22:25

surround and say, wow, if I was in your situation,

22:28

there's no way that I could do this and the

22:30

other I would melt, I would roll up into a ball,

22:32

et cetera. I get

22:34

that, and and there's a time to help people

22:36

kind of cope through that. But then we

22:38

also need to help people. Okay, now

22:40

it's time to get up. Now we're gonna have to start

22:43

walking again, and let me help you through that process.

22:45

Yep, yep, yeah. And it's it's not

22:47

fair and it's not a level playing field.

22:50

But again, at the end of the day, there's

22:53

just a point where if not you, then

22:55

who right? And the answer really is, unfortunately

22:58

usually no one right. You have

23:00

to take those first steps. There's something

23:02

else that you talk about during that

23:05

UM chapter. I'm just gonna read it. UM.

23:07

You say, each of us has a microphone inside

23:09

our head. It's the most important microphone

23:11

in the world. But we leave it unguarded.

23:14

We let anyone step up and just

23:16

blast us with negativity. The most

23:18

successful people the ones who don't

23:20

accept excuses. They guard that

23:23

microphone like their security at a bank

23:25

vault. The microphone in our

23:27

mind is so very important

23:29

to everything.

23:32

It's the key into our subconscious mind.

23:35

And we have a voice inside and

23:37

it's our own voice at that microphone. And

23:39

then we let other people step up and take

23:42

charge of that microphone. So so I

23:44

may think the microphone in front of me in your

23:46

podcast interview right now is the most important.

23:48

In fact, this microphone

23:50

in my mind is so important.

23:53

I need to protect it. I need to guard it. I

23:55

need to think about what is it saying?

23:57

And am I going to allow this track? What we

24:00

we let the track play? So

24:02

What happens is we have these

24:05

um loops

24:07

that come on, right, and these loops

24:09

just kind of come back to us and come back

24:11

to us. Now, wouldn't it be awesome if the loop

24:13

said, Eric, you are

24:15

so awesome today, nothing,

24:18

nothing is going to stop you. Right? But how

24:20

often does that loop come on? Probably not

24:23

very often. The ones that tend to hook us,

24:25

at least for me, are the negative ones

24:28

of doubt, of concerns,

24:31

somebody saying something negative, something

24:34

somebody said once that is sticking

24:36

there and you go to you

24:38

go to give a talk, and somebody in

24:40

your head is saying, you know, you're

24:43

not very good at openings or whatever.

24:45

Right, this negative stuff, So

24:47

we need to guard it, and we need to be conscious

24:50

of it, and we need to be deliberate of it, and we

24:52

need to control it. Right, So I

24:54

learned you can actually hear that loop. And

24:57

I will sometimes visualize an

24:59

old set recording. I'll go over

25:01

and change the tone of it, warp it

25:03

out, and then I'll go and hit pause

25:06

on that hit stop. Then I'll flip

25:08

over that cassette in my mind and I'll put on

25:10

the positive one to say, well,

25:13

you heard that skip and that's just not

25:15

the way it is. Because I'm going to tell you the way it really

25:17

is now. I'll do that deliberately. Some people think that's ridiculous.

25:20

It's actually very very important because

25:22

you control that microphone and you

25:25

can allow yourself these excuses. But part

25:27

of it is you're letting that tape play.

25:30

And the people who have caused you pain,

25:33

why are you going to allow them to cause

25:35

you pain today by allowing those

25:37

negative loops play? Stop it, flip

25:39

the cassette tape over. For those not

25:41

knowing what cassette tapes are, what's

25:44

a modern analogy? Here, hit

25:47

hit the hit the shuffle button

25:49

on your iPhone. I don't

25:51

know, all right, change the channel,

25:54

put something else on, put up,

25:56

put on some great music that's gonna just

25:58

rock your world, that gives you energy.

26:00

Anything like that to to

26:03

change and guard that microphone in your mind,

26:06

because it it's too important. We just leave

26:08

it on guarded and we don't think about it. We think, oh,

26:10

that's fine, and and we

26:12

just it plays over and over thousands

26:14

of times. Yeah,

26:16

I think that, you know, anybody

26:19

who spends much time in meditation will

26:21

quickly realize that we

26:24

are receiving most

26:26

of our experience, we are not creating. It

26:28

is showing up. You know, you

26:31

can't control what shows up. But

26:33

but then we can take control from that

26:36

point of do I want to allow it

26:38

to happen? Do I want to do? I want to let

26:40

that tape play? And I love the analogy

26:43

of thinking of as a cassette tape you change

26:46

or um. The guys who

26:48

pioneered acceptance and commitment therapy, they'll

26:50

talk about like giving it a name,

26:53

like you know that there's

26:55

you know, there's there's Bob talking again,

26:57

you know, and you imagine you know job,

27:00

or you turn that voice into a ridiculous

27:02

voice, or it's always of getting

27:05

it's all. There are always of sort of

27:08

stepping back and realizing that

27:10

that voice is not you. It

27:12

is just a habitual thinking

27:15

loop that happens. That happens, that happens.

27:18

And the more ways that we can and you

27:20

have to experiment with him, which one's helped me to

27:22

disconnect, which one's you know,

27:24

the tape analogy is a great one. Or

27:27

assuming it's like the bad news announcer,

27:29

right and giving him a voice. Whatever we can do. But

27:32

and it can be frustrating because at

27:35

least in my experience, and and it's it's

27:37

better now, But there were periods of my life where it was like,

27:39

all right, I changed the tape and here thirty

27:41

seconds later, here it is like, oh for crying

27:43

out loud all day long. But

27:46

that's the way the brain works and changing.

27:48

Like we have the soundboard in front of us. If you

27:50

could just turn one of them up, I would turn them

27:52

up to like Alvin and the Chipmunks level if

27:54

it was this deep voice, and I would turn it way up. And

27:56

there's whatever technique works. But

27:59

I'm with you on that. But it it makes

28:01

a measurable difference. But you have

28:03

to be conscious of it. And you can't just accept

28:06

it. You have to um

28:09

let it play and then let it stop and change

28:12

it and change change that recording, change

28:14

that loop. You don't want to leave it on one that's

28:16

negative, that is feeding the wrong

28:18

side for sure. Yep. I gave

28:20

a talk last night about my entrepreneurial

28:23

journey at a at a university here in Ohio,

28:26

and um there's a I titled the

28:28

talk Start

28:31

where you are use what you have, do what you

28:33

can. It's an Arthur ash quote and I think it

28:35

applies to this, no excuses. Right start

28:38

where you are, use what you have, do what you can

28:40

like from wherever we're starting.

28:43

Whatever the the issue is,

28:45

or whatever the baggage or the challenge

28:47

or the thing that we want to accomplish, there's

28:49

a way to start right where

28:52

we are. There's a way to use exactly

28:55

what we are. You know, who

28:57

we are, all our circumstances, everything,

28:59

they're all part of the path. Well,

29:01

I think that's part of what makes it so

29:03

interesting. If you look at everyone's a teacher because

29:07

everyone's been through this experience. And

29:09

if if you're going through your day

29:11

and saying, everyone's a teacher, everyone's

29:13

here to add something to my thinking, to the way

29:15

I'm approaching things, then

29:18

you are starting where you are and you're adding

29:20

those little micro adjustments that

29:22

changes your day. Yep. Absolutely,

29:25

all right, let's move on to another mistake,

29:27

and I'm going to jump to mistake number

29:30

six, which is allowing temporary setbacks

29:32

to become permanent failures. Well,

29:34

I wasn't that a big one? Uh, temporary

29:37

setbacks becoming permanent failures. There are some

29:39

people, entrepreneurs especially, who

29:42

often don't fall into

29:44

this. They see everything as

29:46

just this is a temporary setback, no

29:48

big deal. Some people have this resilience

29:51

mindset. Um

29:53

grit we can read about in the literature

29:56

is the key to this one. And successful

29:58

people have grit. They are not going

30:00

to allow a temporary setback stop them.

30:04

I think about Jennifer far Davis. I interviewed Jennifer

30:06

far Davis. She won the record for

30:08

traversing the Appalachian

30:10

Trail two thousand plus miles. She

30:13

was the fastest, and they said to her, a

30:16

woman can't win. A hiker

30:18

can't win. Someone going from north

30:20

to south can't win. And

30:23

she had all kinds of things. Her eyes

30:25

were frozen shut, she was attacked by animals,

30:27

snakes, insects, broke

30:30

bones. It doesn't matter what happened, she

30:32

said, where you could have flipped back and made

30:35

him an excuse. These are temporary

30:37

setbacks. They are not going to stop me. And she went

30:39

right along to break the record, which she helped

30:41

for many many years. I think it was just broken a year

30:43

or two ago. This

30:46

is a mindset of

30:48

grit and determination that

30:50

you want to develop inside yourself

30:53

to say this is my goal. I am

30:55

not going to let things stop me. I am

30:57

going to be determined whether it's this business

30:59

I'm arting, whether it is

31:02

a relationship that I'm repairing, whether

31:05

it is a personal goal of mine. I

31:07

am going to develop a resilience

31:09

that no matter what comes at me, I'm going to look

31:12

at it as this is a temporary setback. I'm

31:14

not going to let it define me as a failure,

31:16

and I'm going to learn from it. I'm going to find another

31:19

way. I'm going to do this. This is why many of the

31:21

most successful entrepreneurs

31:23

often have had two or three setbacks

31:26

along the way, and then they hit it

31:28

in the big in their big kind of way

31:31

with the business that works for them or that's most

31:33

natural. So, um, yeah,

31:36

this is something I think it's very important to cultivate.

31:38

This this grit

31:40

like determination that says I'm

31:42

not going to let this stop me along

31:45

the way. Yeah. I was to reference

31:47

my talk again last night. It's obviously fresh in my

31:49

mind because I gave it. I was talking about

31:51

how in entrepreneurial circles, everybody

31:54

talks about failure now fail fail fail

31:56

fail fast fail often that

31:58

that, and it's true, what most

32:01

of those things leave out is that how

32:04

it really hurts, like

32:07

and So this one is interesting because I think we think

32:09

allow a temporary setback not to become

32:11

a permanent failure means we just this stuff

32:13

just rolls off our shoulders like it's nothing. It's

32:15

not. That's not been my experience. Right when I

32:17

have failed or things have not gone my way,

32:20

it takes. It hurts, it doesn't feel good,

32:22

it takes digging a little bit deeper

32:24

and going, like you said, all right, I'm

32:27

not gonna let this stop me. But

32:29

but I think often in the success literature,

32:31

we just make it sound like we should just roll through this

32:33

stuff, you know, unphased. And

32:35

that's not been my experience. And I think so when

32:38

people get phased, they think, oh, I

32:40

must not have it. And it's not that it's of course

32:42

you hurt. Of course it discourages

32:44

you. Of course all those things happen. But

32:47

now what it'll be

32:49

many years before AI takes the

32:51

emotion away from this experience,

32:54

and you do want to live through the

32:56

emotion. You do want to feel it. In fact, it's

32:59

the greatest teachers, So you don't want to speed

33:01

through it. And yet having

33:03

that grit mindset, having this way through

33:06

is is such an important

33:08

way because you're going to help others, You're going to grow yourself.

33:12

And how fast can you bounce

33:14

back from that? How fast can

33:17

you keep going? And and or

33:19

can you still experience some of that pain and

33:21

yet still have forward momentums? Right? Right,

33:24

So it doesn't mean I'm stopped. I'm

33:26

now way laid for three years. I can't

33:28

do anything right. That would be a

33:30

failure. Whereas I'm gonna keep moving. You know

33:32

what, I'm still in pain, I'm still not

33:35

feeling right, this is still hurting, and

33:37

and yet despite that foot

33:39

forward, next step, next step,

33:42

and um, and that's not easy, right,

33:44

But how do you keep going through

33:47

despair, through depression,

33:50

through failure, whatever

33:52

it is, personally, whatever it's,

33:54

How do I keep going? That's not an easy

33:57

thing. But having that resilience

33:59

and that mindset of I'm

34:02

gonna keep going through pain. I've

34:04

seen it over and over and it's you know,

34:06

you see it obviously with athletes who keep playing,

34:09

but you see it with people who are masking

34:11

emotional pain, whether they're Latin masking

34:13

business pain, competitive

34:15

whatever it is, and and

34:18

they're still moving forward. And there's something

34:21

that you have to admire from

34:23

that. Of course, one of the greatest

34:25

examples that we could possibly have comes

34:28

this week because we've just witnessed

34:30

this incredible comeback from Tiger Woods,

34:33

who did not let temporary setbacks

34:35

become a permanent failure. He was back

34:37

again, back again, back again,

34:40

and he was teeing off over and over

34:42

until he came back. That

34:45

is the definition of not letting a

34:47

temporary setback become a

34:49

permanent failure. It's

35:11

really easy to to see a setback

35:14

as this just isn't gonna work,

35:16

right, Like I have to watch that mindset and myself

35:19

with with business, which is like, all

35:21

right, that didn't we we did that thing and

35:23

and almost nobody signed

35:26

up and almost nobody wanted it, which means nobody

35:28

wants anything, which is of course not true.

35:30

It's like, okay, what's you know? All

35:32

right, let me adjust this, let me adjust that, right,

35:34

And so often it's just that

35:38

it didn't work this time, you

35:40

know. And I think the Tiger Woods analogy is a good one,

35:42

right, all right, I played in another tournament and

35:44

you know, I didn't even make the cut. Laid in another

35:46

tournament doesn't mean you'll never make the cut.

35:49

It just means you didn't this time. And so

35:51

what do you learn, etcetera.

35:54

And what happened all the naysayers and critics

35:56

on last Friday? And

35:58

now they're all gone, and now every about a celebrating

36:01

him. Right. It's so, you know,

36:03

people are also quick to come alongside

36:05

us and justify our excuses and

36:07

say oh yeah, you know, and kind

36:09

of wallow in that with you. Much better

36:12

to find someone who's going to be with you and

36:14

help you through some of that stuff,

36:16

to say, let's try again,

36:18

let's get to the next hill, let's

36:20

let's keep your going forward. Ye. I've

36:22

really been interested in this topic of

36:25

emotional regulation lately and

36:29

and it it seems to be a term for me that encapsulates

36:31

so much of what we're talking about, because in

36:34

my mind, emotional regulation is recognize

36:36

what I'm feeling, allow it to be there,

36:39

and then act according to my values. And

36:43

and so for me, that is that is

36:45

like this fundamental Whether it's

36:47

you know, addiction, right, whether

36:50

it's eating better, whether it's building

36:52

a company, it's always the same. It's like, all right, here's

36:54

the negative emotion. We had a guest on the

36:57

thing that clicked in my mind. We had a guest who's a he's

36:59

a professor and the thing he studies is procrastination,

37:02

and he said that procrastination is

37:05

largely a matter of

37:08

not being able to regulate your emotions in the same

37:10

way that addiction is. It's giving in to feel good.

37:12

And the light kind of went off for me, and I was like,

37:15

in't that kind of everything? It

37:17

is kind of everything, And you know, it's

37:20

fascinating you've been studying that recently because

37:22

I have in a different way as well. I've been

37:24

watching personality

37:26

and reactions to things and even

37:28

inside of myself to say, wait,

37:31

I'm coming way out here and I'm trying to put a color

37:34

on it, and I'm like, wow, I'm showing up, you

37:36

know, maybe really hot, really red,

37:38

really intense. I don't intend to do

37:40

that. How do I

37:42

change that? I want to show up more

37:45

blue, more serene,

37:47

more cool with this and take

37:50

that level down. The key

37:52

is whether it's color, whatever you're using volume

37:55

is it. Are you showing up to

37:58

the people in the room deliberately,

38:01

intentionally and let them

38:03

be tools in your belt of Oh no,

38:05

I want to show up right on this one, or

38:08

um, I'm gonna show up soft green. It

38:11

just depends and and the ability to manage

38:14

that and show up in the way

38:16

that makes the most difference, because what are

38:18

you really looking for. You're looking for influence,

38:21

and how do your best influence. When

38:24

you have the best self regulation first

38:26

for yourself, you're gonna be able to influence

38:28

others. If you're out of control, not regulating, you

38:30

forget your influence. Everybody's looking

38:33

at you as a mess, right yeah,

38:35

yeah, it is about that, and that's why

38:37

I love that the two parts of it. One

38:39

is recognize what you're feeling emotionally,

38:41

allow it to be. It's this is not suppression,

38:44

This is not like, oh I don't feel. But

38:46

then decide who do I want to be? Act

38:48

according to my values? Who do I want to be in

38:51

this situation? And I just so,

38:55

we are quickly running out of time,

38:57

and I think that we are going to

39:00

wrap up this conversation, but you and I are going

39:02

to talk about some of the other mistakes in our post

39:05

show conversation. I could talk

39:07

to you Eric. I forgot that we were even doing

39:09

a show. I know, I know, I feel like we should have like

39:11

a four hour episode, but

39:13

but my Chris, Chris will have a heart attack

39:16

if I let it go a whole lot longer. So UM,

39:18

thank you so much. We're gonna talk in the post show

39:21

conversation about at

39:23

least mistake five, which is staying in your

39:25

comfort zone and listeners, if you want to hear

39:27

the post show conversations, get a free

39:30

UM mini episode every week

39:32

where I talk about a teaching, a song and a poem

39:35

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39:37

to one you Feed dot net slash support

39:39

and become a member there. SKIP thanks

39:41

so much, Thank you for having me. It's been

39:43

a pleasure by

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