Episode Transcript
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0:01
Crazy, hey,
0:03
but that's how it goes. I
0:07
need to go to a happier place. I
0:09
feel romantic.
0:10
Turn half posy. Just go to bed,
0:12
darling. Ahh!
0:15
Alright, change the subject. Alright,
0:18
guys. How's everyone doing? Good,
0:20
good, good. Right on. Good. What
0:23
did you think about the convention? Hard work. Yeah?
0:26
Did you enjoy it? Yeah, it was fun. Show everyone
0:28
your cup. Yes. Rocky.
0:31
Yes. Wait, who gave you that? Where'd that
0:33
cup come from? That came from the convention. Oh, someone made
0:36
that for you? One of Daddy's fans gave him that.
0:38
So for listeners, we did the famous
0:40
monsters horror convention
0:43
at the King of Prussia mall in
0:46
Philadelphia. It was like a,
0:48
you know, we did like a signing event. So I finally
0:50
coerced everyone into it. And you
0:52
know, how was it? Did we like it? Do
0:55
you hate me? I
0:57
really enjoyed it. Yeah?
0:58
I think it was good for you, Ozzy,
1:01
because you got to see your fans after
1:03
so many years. After five years,
1:05
you actually got to see some fans
1:07
and they were so happy that you came out.
1:09
I've done them in two or so. And Dad
1:11
did his, with the album releases. Oh, that's right.
1:14
Yeah, you did. You did them on... Comic
1:16
Con. Yeah. But it
1:18
was just, I think, nice for Dad to feel a
1:20
connection to his fans again. And
1:23
I, the best part of it for me was meeting everyone
1:26
and hearing everyone's stories and having
1:29
them say such like
1:31
nice complimentary things that
1:34
you don't often
1:36
believe about yourself. And you don't ever
1:38
hear. Like, you know, like you might get a message on
1:40
Twitter, you might get something, but you don't, when
1:43
it's different, when you hear someone coming up to you being like,
1:45
hey, that really, this really obscure
1:47
thing that you think no one ever saw is like, hey, I loved
1:49
that thing you did. Or when you did this, it made
1:51
me feel really happy. Like, it's just nice.
1:53
So many people said to me when
1:56
I was, I wish that
1:59
I would have... had this sort of reaction
2:01
prior because I thought
2:04
I was literally like just
2:07
a piece. You know, I didn't like myself
2:09
at all. I thought I was the most uncool human
2:11
ever. And to
2:14
have all these people tell me that when they were younger, they wished
2:16
they were me. If I had known that,
2:19
I probably wouldn't have been as insecure as I
2:21
was. It's so nice
2:23
to hear. And the thing that
2:25
I picked up from it big time
2:27
was how people
2:31
miss laughing. And
2:33
so many of the fans came
2:35
to us and say, oh, we love the podcast
2:38
because we can have a right old giggle and
2:41
nobody seems to laugh anymore. Everything
2:44
is so serious that you
2:46
turn on and so much,
2:48
so much dark stuff going on. That's
2:51
why the comedy podcasts do so fucking
2:53
well. People want
2:55
to laugh. They do want to laugh. They
2:57
want to turn off the doom and gloom.
2:58
They want to be silly. They don't
3:01
necessarily want to be so politically
3:03
correct. You just want to be
3:04
silly. I always enjoy
3:06
the kind of the random conversations
3:09
you'll end up getting into with someone. You
3:11
just like, you know, you meet some person
3:14
and, you know, yeah, there's a lot of people who are
3:16
like shaking and nervous. And I'm always like,
3:19
I always feel like I'm like, why are you feeling so silly? I'm
3:21
just fucking nervous to meet me. I'm an idiot. Like
3:23
what? And then, you know, then there's
3:26
the folks that you can kind of strike
3:28
up an interesting conversation with. And yeah,
3:30
it was I enjoyed it.
3:32
I was really touched by the letters I received
3:35
and the gift like, mom, somebody brought
3:37
me a Givenchy bracelet. I
3:40
got a very nice bracelet too.
3:42
I know from the same gentleman. Yes. It
3:45
was quite beautiful. When
3:47
he walked in, everyone went, oh, he's here for you.
3:50
No, because he'd done himself up and
3:52
he looked very, very fashionista. He had
3:54
this incredible
3:55
purple coat on. Yes, the purple coat guy.
3:59
But you know, it's crazy.
3:59
So we had people at the so
4:02
we did the convention The
4:04
Saturday we did and then the following weekend. I went
4:06
and did another one down in Virginia
4:08
no, no, but in Kentucky and
4:11
a bunch of people that were at the convention We were
4:13
at came to the one I was at no
4:15
because they kind of they're in like the horror convention Yeah,
4:18
so a lot of people will jump around keep
4:20
going to horror convention after you know That's
4:22
the ones that I'm usually at and they they
4:25
came over and like had the pictures
4:27
that they high has the fat Yeah, and
4:29
everyone was just like oh, I was lost I was there last week
4:32
and they had their picture and they had me like sign
4:34
it. They had me sign it and stuff So yeah,
4:36
it was uh Yeah, it
4:39
was nice. It was fun. I like doing
4:41
them dad.
4:41
You're not talking to us. No,
4:44
I'm just tired I boo
4:46
I know dad woke up so early this morning. It
4:48
woke me up So and did
4:50
you hear the baby was awake as well? No
4:53
at 4 a.m
4:54
Would be quiet
4:56
no me and dad have been up since I never
4:58
I never heard you last night I went
5:00
to bed early and all he
5:02
kept saying I'll come up don't worry and
5:04
he was doing his artwork Don't
5:06
know what time you got in and then when I woke
5:09
up you were gone
5:11
Burn in the midnight oil what
5:13
what artwork you working on right now anything
5:16
new? No, just Just
5:18
the doodles. Mm-hmm. Didn't we how
5:20
many how many does he have? thousands
5:24
of Finished work. Oh,
5:26
this was last year that we catalog
5:28
them but last year it was
5:30
So it's
5:33
more than that now
5:35
that there You should
5:37
see what people buy for artwork
5:39
and trust me your stuff is artwork There
5:42
are people that like smear their ass on
5:44
a canvas and they're like it is art It
5:47
is like a free ball. Yeah.
5:49
Did you ever see the fucking banana on the wall?
5:52
So what I've heard of it, but knock her on the
5:54
moon It's fucking
5:56
a banana that they duct taped
5:58
onto a canvas And
6:01
it came with an instruction manual and
6:03
it sold for like hundreds of thousands of
6:05
dollars But
6:06
that's taking the piss.
6:07
No because they said the artwork
6:10
it wasn't it's actually kind of genius No, I
6:12
thought it was genius because the artwork
6:14
wasn't the banana to the wall. The
6:16
artwork was the explanation in the manual
6:20
So you're buying the manual to tell
6:22
you because the banana will go old so
6:24
the manual explains how to replace
6:26
the banana regularly and That's
6:30
that's what they're paying for is the instruction
6:32
manual still a wind-up. I think it's hilarious.
6:34
I think it's great What's the weirdest artwork
6:36
you guys have ever seen? I
6:38
Remember the weirdest one I've seen the
6:42
what was it at Elton's the the
6:46
dog poo
6:48
Don't go on go we know
6:50
the flies is the
6:54
Tank is just thousands
6:57
and thousands of dead flies.
6:59
Is that a Damien Hurst thing? It's
7:02
got
7:02
no who's it by. Oh, I think the
7:04
do the dog is with the
7:07
one with Tracy Emmon and Tracy
7:11
Emmon and She I can't
7:13
remember what she wrote around it, but
7:16
ever it was just on a plain bit of paper
7:18
like this light lined And
7:21
She'd cut off some of their pubes and stuck
7:23
it on a piece of paper and wrote
7:26
something But it was no more than like four words
7:28
and that's the strangest artwork I've ever
7:30
seen framed of course
7:36
I'm not into the whole like Painting
7:39
with period blood and
7:40
puking up the colors that
7:41
I see that I I like her She's
7:44
a friend of mine,
7:44
but you like her foot because you know her I
7:47
would never would you buy one of her pieces? I
7:50
don't know if I could who there's that
7:52
artist that drink brown who drinks
7:54
the colored Wait
7:57
Millie Bobby Brown no
7:58
Millie Brown is her name and they're both named Millie
8:01
Brown and they're both English but
8:03
one pukes and one is an
8:05
actress. Yeah.
8:06
Um,
8:08
but yeah, she pukes up, she drinks like, like
8:10
colored liquids. Oh, different things. And then pukes
8:12
it up, it's color and that's her, that's her
8:14
paint. So she just pukes on canvases or like
8:17
tops. It's like performance
8:19
art really. Yeah, I don't like that.
8:21
I think it's cool. No,
8:23
not into that at all. It's gonna do terrible
8:26
stuff to her inside. Yeah, there's
8:30
not much longevity in that. No, very good.
8:32
But what if she tried it? It would stink. Yeah,
8:36
it's gotta be, oh.
8:36
Full of acid from the tummy.
8:40
It's one way to like, yeah,
8:43
I don't know. It's a weird one.
8:45
I did see something online yesterday
8:48
and it was some art show in New York where
8:51
a guy, it was like a performance
8:54
art thing and a guy was naked on his
8:57
back with his legs up, knees up by his shoulder.
8:59
So his ass was in the air and he had a candle stuck
9:01
in his ass and he was holding onto these poles.
9:04
It's a candlestick. Yeah, and people were
9:06
just dragging him around this, this, and
9:08
everyone's just sat there going, oh yes,
9:10
this is very, this is some fantastic
9:12
art. What is it really saying? What is the message? We're
9:16
all- But that's, that's taken it to a ridiculous
9:18
level. We're all flaming assholes. You
9:21
know, that's not art.
9:24
It's something,
9:25
but I guess that's the whole thing. It's like art is,
9:28
if you say it's art, it's art. Yeah. It
9:31
took about five seconds to do that.
9:33
I guess it just depends
9:36
on how loose his ass was. If you're buying
9:38
something like that, it's a sign that you got
9:40
too much money. Yeah.
9:42
And like they had, I can't remember
9:44
the artist that did it where they cut the
9:46
cow in half. Yes. And they-
9:48
Taxidermied or whatever. Yeah. Oh
9:50
my God.
9:51
They did it with the sharks
9:52
too. Yeah. He's got
9:55
a gallery somewhere in Nuremberg.
9:57
Yeah, didn't like that either. I
9:59
went to see the- bodies in
10:01
Vegas, the bodies exhibition, how they
10:03
have the everything from the human body like
10:06
preserved. And it was an artist
10:08
that did it. And it's really, it's
10:10
really weird. When
10:11
you see the muscle, what's the most
10:13
interesting part of the body?
10:15
I think what I found most
10:17
amazing is that they had an entire
10:19
human nervous system removed
10:22
from the body. So they had all the nerves. How
10:24
can they do that? They inject
10:27
some kind of like, like
10:30
liquid plastic or it's like a dye
10:32
and then they it's like the plastic kind
10:34
of preserves it. Hey
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right. So we wanted to kind
12:38
of, we've been getting a lot of questions coming in from
12:40
the podcast, you know, as the weeks
12:42
are rolling on, a lot of comments, things like that. People
12:46
had a lot of questions about like
12:49
celebrity stuff. Like what is your
12:51
like celebrity, like your
12:54
lifestyle? Like oh, I have to have,
12:56
you know, I have to have this water when
12:59
I work or I have to travel
13:01
like this. Or like what is your like ritzy
13:03
celebrity thing?
13:05
Well, your dad is always
13:08
so basic. I remember, you remember like
13:10
the stuff you used to have on your rider
13:12
in your dressing room was so minimalistic. So minimalistic.
13:15
It was, you know, just a fruit bowl. Fruit
13:17
bowl, cottage cheese. Water, Gate Grade. On the Sabbath day, we
13:19
never realised.
13:20
I never realised. We were paying for it. So
13:22
we'd have like banquets back in the days.
13:23
Yeah. It's
13:25
just, you know, what do we ever have? Cheese plate, fruit plate, some tea. Yeah.
13:28
That's a lot of food. I think there's a lot of food in the kitchen.
13:30
Yeah. You should have some of that. I think it's
13:32
a lot of food. Well, we've had a lot of food lately. We've had a lot
13:34
of food. Yeah. I mean, you know, I think it's a lot
13:36
of food. You don't have to have so many.
13:38
I mean, it's just
13:40
so basic. It's
13:52
ridiculous. Yeah, it
13:55
depends what country I'm in, but
13:58
I think my most extravagant request
13:59
There's always the cookies
14:01
the cookies as we as we see right here.
14:04
We can't but I'm I allowed to say what Brian Okay So
14:06
if it's in England, it has to be a jammy dodger Has
14:09
to be yeah if we're in America it has to be
14:11
a Peppert farm mint Milano and
14:13
people know that that's the way to my heart and
14:16
it's Gonna be my birthday. So
14:18
That is my birthday present Kelly
14:22
is not the cookie monster. She's the cookie
14:25
Queen. Yeah I'm only the cookie monster
14:27
when I wake up in the morning and one of them is like stuck
14:29
to my face Well,
14:31
can you imagine if you've got it caught and you've creases
14:34
in your neck? Oh mom, I've done that.
14:36
Do you remember? Do
14:38
you remember when you used to smoke rolly cigarettes in
14:40
bed? Yeah, do you remember when? The
14:43
bag fell open in bed of rolling tobacco
14:46
and the whole club of it was stuck to mom's ass.
14:48
Oh, yeah
14:49
God Jack terrible
14:54
Like my
14:54
Nothing
14:59
like some Virginia gold
15:01
Oh God, do you remember just
15:03
how much dad used to smoke? Yeah Do
15:05
you ever think about that? How much you used to smoke sometimes?
15:08
I miss it
15:10
Yeah, it's the the habitual
15:12
side of it. I imagine if there is
15:14
there is like a
15:15
stress relieving component to smoking where
15:17
you're just like Like
15:19
you can kind of just turn things down a little bit
15:23
Because it makes you breathe deeper.
15:24
Yeah.
15:25
Yeah, it slows your breathing down. Yeah, that's exactly
15:28
it You kind of take a breath with
15:30
it.
15:30
But why are you so your must-haves are cookies What
15:33
are your must-haves when you go do like when
15:35
you when you were doing?
15:36
Your show what was like your every day like
15:38
okay. I must have this on set
15:42
Absolutely nothing Sometimes
15:44
you have porridge
15:45
Oh a bit
15:47
of oatmeal water or
15:49
a cup of tea that would be it
15:51
and your thing and your copy of mine
15:53
comp because you're such a racist Don't
16:00
forget that, you know, you're just, you're
16:02
getting hair and makeup and just flipping through. Yeah,
16:04
yeah, easy reading. Um,
16:07
no, I've never been
16:09
one of those people, you know, that, or
16:12
even, even when I go to a hotel, I don't
16:15
send, you know, a rider
16:18
beforehand that I want this type of pillow
16:20
and this type of towel
16:22
and... I mean, now that I have a baby,
16:25
I have a different rider.
16:26
Yeah. Because
16:27
it's just stuff for him. I'm
16:29
trying to think, I think, I think the most extravagant
16:32
thing I ever did was when I was getting really
16:34
fucked up, I was asked to like host a party
16:37
and they were like, oh,
16:39
we want you to like, it was, it was for Sims. Remember
16:41
the video game Sims? It was like Sims 2 or
16:44
something, it was coming out and they asked me to
16:46
like be the host of this party and it was like, they
16:48
rented this like crazy big house in the hills
16:51
and I think I requested just
16:54
huge amounts of drugs. Oh
16:56
my god. And, and
16:59
like, I was like, I want a, I want
17:01
to, I want a room that's
17:03
just full of like pills and
17:05
weed and like hookah pipes and
17:08
they did it. Shut up. I
17:10
swear to god. Where did you
17:12
get the pills from? I don't know. It sounds
17:14
like, um, Wayne's World.
17:16
It was, it was literally, I was like, I
17:18
just was like... Oh, that was a good party. Yeah,
17:21
it was fucking great. And I just remember
17:23
like, I was... I
17:25
was always scared to push it. I'd never
17:28
ask for something like that. I just
17:29
didn't, I just didn't give a shit at that point. I'm 17
17:32
years old. Yeah. And
17:34
I was like, this is fucking nuts.
17:37
What,
17:37
who would do that for a, if a 17 year
17:39
old kid came up to me and was like, I
17:41
would like this drug and that drug. I'd be like, get fucked,
17:43
where are your parents taking you home? It
17:46
was a different time. It totally was.
17:49
I mean, the shit that like, you
17:51
know, you see there's like Tiktokers and YouTubers
17:53
who are like massively famous and they're
17:55
young, whatever. I'm like, wow.
17:57
Like
17:58
it's a totally...
17:59
It's so different. So different.
18:02
What is your favorite thing or has
18:04
been your favorite thing about being famous?
18:07
I can buy a thing,
18:10
I can buy things
18:13
before it was a spirit
18:15
of a stripe.
18:17
I think it's the experiences.
18:19
And you see
18:21
more interesting people.
18:25
What's been your one favorite, like,
18:27
what about you? What's your favorite thing about being
18:29
famous?
18:31
Generally, how nice
18:34
people are when they come up to you. I
18:36
mean, I don't think I've ever had
18:38
anyone come up to me, other
18:41
than people I work with, and
18:43
go, you know,
18:45
they go up, how's the family, how's
18:47
the kids doing an Aussie and
18:50
things like that. And it's just really nice.
18:53
And even the paps don't bother me, because
18:55
the paps are something
18:58
that so many celebrities
19:01
want, and celebrities
19:03
end up controlling the paps,
19:05
because they'll tell them where they are. They
19:08
want their pictures taken. They
19:10
strut out to get their pictures taken,
19:12
and then, of course, they roll their eyes, oh,
19:15
you know, the paps, or they'll give them the finger,
19:18
and you know. But they're basically controlling
19:20
them. Yeah. Not
19:23
everyone, but there are a lot. And
19:25
I have always said this, if you want
19:27
a private life from the paps, you
19:31
can have it. I know where to
19:33
go and where not to go if you don't
19:35
want to be. And unless, listen,
19:38
there are times, like, you know, there's paps
19:40
parked outside of our house, and the only place
19:42
your dad ever goes to is the doctor, and
19:45
they're always getting going in and
19:47
out of the doctors, and then you go, you've
19:49
taken it too far. Now it's too
19:51
far. Yeah.
19:53
Well, because they... But don't you find
19:55
that, and I found this, that since Instagram,
19:58
it's kind of...
21:57
So
22:00
it's been completely redone.
22:02
All right, it's completely redone in the threes
22:06
Okay, what
22:08
it's over two hundred and seventy five thousand dollars.
22:10
Yeah,
22:11
I couldn't believe it my my fj You
22:14
know my my old Toyota
22:16
truck that I have. Uh-huh. There's a company Near
22:19
my place that will redo it and
22:21
they did one and they sold it for three hundred and
22:24
sixty thousand dollars
22:26
It's so crazy. Doesn't your
22:28
friend redo Bronco's there?
22:29
My yeah, my very good friend redo So
22:31
if you do want one Kelly
22:33
buy it He'll do all the work.
22:35
I just have to find the shape I want Yeah, yeah the frame
22:38
and then but even if you want to find an old
22:40
one you say hey go find me this and
22:42
he'll Do everything and he'll just do it, you
22:45
know, he won't he's not gonna up. He'll
22:47
just do it for the yeah You know time
22:49
and with his costs
22:52
But they're just like this
22:53
this Bronco dealership that's out
22:55
of it oddly enough out of Atlanta There's
22:57
so many classic like car collectors
22:59
out of there and it
23:02
Like it's it's lavender and it's so
23:04
beautiful and it's so perfect and I was like, let's
23:06
see how much it is I
23:17
Never feel 190 and anywhere
23:19
I could get you on I
23:22
could find you on Don't
23:24
know if you really wanted a 190
23:27
you could they they come up on auction every now
23:29
and then Because yours was uh
23:31
yours was a little for 90, huh? What
23:35
no, she calls us? Yeah cause
23:37
with engine. Yeah, I don't actually
23:39
I don't know if you could get the cause worth over Yeah, I
23:41
think it might have just been a European thing. Please get him
23:43
imported if you really wanted one You
23:46
can find him. There's a you know, these auction
23:48
sites and stuff where collectible cars go up and yeah
23:51
Everyone
23:53
it's Jack Osborne
23:54
and Kelly Osborn
23:55
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40% is a big deal. It's, yeah, it's
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like a,
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I'm actually gonna go use that code myself. What
26:29
has been your worst paparazzi experience?
26:33
We didn't say worst. I got a fucking
26:35
list of that. I just don't,
26:37
you know what? They don't bother
26:40
me. I remember when we went down to Malibu that
26:42
time. And we went into that shop.
26:45
And we came out and there was about 50 of
26:48
them outside. Yeah,
26:49
but they don't, honestly, honestly,
26:52
really, I don't get offended by
26:54
it. I don't, anything, it just doesn't
26:56
bother me. Just don't follow me in
26:58
a crowd. It's a bit of a nudge
27:00
when you're trying to do some shopping.
27:02
I just think it's dangerous to other people and the way
27:04
that they drive so crazy.
27:05
I can't come in the shop, but you go
27:07
out and it's like, and.
27:10
The worst is when I've had people, I've
27:13
had people follow me into shops when they
27:15
had like the old school video cameras. Yeah.
27:18
Like the DV cameras. And they would like try and sneakily
27:20
film you in a shop with like an old video.
27:23
We were in a supermarket one day
27:25
and the guy couldn't come in. So
27:27
he sent the 11 year
27:30
old daughter in, following us around with the
27:32
camera. It's a bit
27:34
shit.
27:34
Yeah, I remember last
27:37
Christmas, the paps followed
27:39
you to school and we were all there with
27:41
the
27:41
babies. Oh yeah. And you lost it. I
27:43
fucking lost it.
27:44
They shouldn't follow you
27:46
to where your children go to school.
27:48
I mean, there comes a point where you gotta say,
27:51
this is not cool. Again,
27:54
I bring it up.
27:56
Paparazzis need to be licensed.
27:59
Yeah. have to follow guidelines. They
28:01
need to have a number on so if they step
28:03
out of line you can take a picture, you know
28:06
who it is, there are guidelines. And
28:08
two, do you know what needs to be
28:11
licensed?
28:12
Regulated? Yeah, drones.
28:14
Drones. Well drones are regulated now. Yeah,
28:18
massively. There's massive, like you have to go to an
28:20
FAA school. If you are using
28:22
a drone, even just as like a, if
28:24
I buy one, you have to apply for a license online.
28:27
If you're using a drone... You do have to have one
28:29
now. Yes, you do. And you have to register the drone
28:31
with the FAA so they all have serial numbers
28:33
now. And it's just like an online thing you can do. How
28:36
can I register a
28:38
number when you jump in the air? Well, you take,
28:41
if it crashes, if it's involved in an accident,
28:44
something like that. Oh, yeah, they'll fly
28:47
on the next airplanes. Yeah, and
28:49
that's why it happened because the thumb nearly hit. Yeah,
28:51
at the airport. The
28:53
slippery slope though is with, if
28:55
you say to Taperazzi,
28:58
because they fall under being
29:00
news, so it's protected by the First
29:02
Amendment. And so the slippery
29:04
slope is that if you go, oh, there has to be regulated,
29:07
they have to be licensed, that
29:09
then applies to the news. And so now the government
29:12
can be like, oh, we're not going to give this news
29:14
person a license because we don't like what they say.
29:16
And that's when it gets... But the
29:17
thing is, they should be licensed so
29:19
that they can only tell the truth, not
29:22
their version, because
29:24
depending on what news you're watching,
29:27
they give their own version.
29:30
Never the straight facts. No.
29:32
What's the, you know, I find it always interesting
29:35
about anything, anything I see in the news.
29:37
And I always have to observe
29:39
it through my own lens of, think
29:42
about when you read something written
29:45
about us or an interview that
29:47
we've done and how it's
29:49
always a little off.
29:51
It's never, it's never, even when
29:53
you've sat
29:53
with a journalist and done, you
29:55
know, an actual sit down interview, it's
29:58
always like a bet. It'll
30:00
be 10 to 15 percent off. And
30:02
so I always what do you mean when you say?
30:05
Because it's through their eyes. It's not
30:07
through your in their interpretation
30:10
and their
30:10
If you get
30:12
an interview, yeah, just anything that
30:14
you read about yourself. It's always a little bit supposed
30:17
to go and I guess you
30:18
What did you feel? What when you go you answer
30:20
the question? They
30:23
don't also the answer
30:25
And there's some of them don't answer
30:27
the question but then they will turn
30:30
around and add something like He
30:34
he looked very nervous as he was giving
30:36
his answer.
30:36
Yeah, or you know Well,
30:39
I mean just think about right now. I know it's a shit
30:42
tabloid rag, but what you just read
30:44
about yourself In whatever
30:46
news magazine you were just reading upstairs
30:48
and it was a picture of you and mom. Yeah, and
30:51
like it was That
30:53
was an integer. They got that information off this off
30:55
the pod They'd taken quotes from
30:57
the podcast and then created this a
31:00
time do you know I know but I'm just saying
31:02
I was using The example of the media interview
31:05
or not. It's always a little
31:07
off whatever they write about us So
31:10
and I always have to apply that lens to
31:12
any news story I ever read but but
31:14
I can't Can't
31:18
put Blight and lies
31:20
They in America they can they can dad
31:22
they can literally in the end there's
31:24
complete freedom of the press So if you
31:26
you go in in June this day
31:29
Did you say such as about so they
31:31
they can't
31:33
miss quote you but they can lie
31:35
based on their own Perspective so they can
31:37
go you know Ozzy Osborne
31:39
seemed like a homicidal maniac to me
31:42
and I feared for my life So
31:44
the journalist can write that because that's
31:46
his perspective. It doesn't surprise them
31:49
Yeah, and it but so it they
31:51
can do was So
31:56
it is you know that it's a slippery slope
31:59
England's different
31:59
because there is a lot of media. I'm
32:02
sure the kids don't have to think about kids,
32:04
you can't.
32:05
You can't actually- If
32:08
you haven't
32:08
seen pictures of that child printed,
32:11
you can't be the first. The press
32:13
can't be the first to print a picture of a
32:15
child.
32:16
If they're private, in England there's private citizen
32:18
laws, America doesn't apply. So
32:21
you can post a picture of a celebrity's child
32:24
on the American newspaper, but in a British newspaper
32:26
you can't. But in the British newspaper,
32:29
they're supposed to be a bit more- The standards
32:32
are supposed to be a bit more regulated because there isn't complete
32:34
freedom of the press. The headlines are just
32:36
like, Dun dun dun,
32:39
you read the article and you're like, what the fuck?
32:41
Oh yeah, and because they know people are only
32:43
ever going to read the headlines.
32:44
They're like, um,
32:47
here it always amazes
32:49
me still when they write a story
32:52
and it can be nothing. Somebody's out shopping
32:55
at bloody whatever supermarket
32:58
and so and so wore no bra as
33:00
she was out shopping. It's like, why
33:03
do you always have to talk
33:05
about the way somebody's body is? Or
33:09
see through, you know, see
33:11
through shorts. But it's always that
33:13
way, but they never say it about men. His
33:16
muscles were bulging as he held
33:18
his basket.
33:19
And his chesticles were- Right.
33:24
His
33:24
chesticles were leaning on the handle. He
33:27
clearly wears tight briefs. Yes.
33:29
Is that a song I see?
33:31
Have you ever done
33:34
a rockstar move and tried to punch a paparazzi?
33:36
No. No?
33:37
That's not violent like that.
33:40
That's not where-
33:42
Yeah. The thing is, if you-
33:45
What was that guy in England?
33:48
Jum'er'quai. Jum'er'quai. Jum'er'quai.
33:51
Wait, what did you call? Jum'er'quai.
33:54
Jum'er'quai. Jum'er'quai. I'll
33:56
call you. He
34:02
pulls up in a Rolls Royce
34:05
and he's in some
34:07
premiere in London and
34:09
somebody bumps the side of his Rolls.
34:12
He gets out of his Rolls and the guy goes, what
34:15
are you fucking doing?
34:17
He walks forward, gets in by the
34:19
car, head busts him in his
34:21
face. I mean, smacks
34:23
his head in his face and he
34:25
gets back in his car and I go.
34:29
I had a couple times
34:31
paparazzis try to
34:33
instigate me to fight. Yeah, all
34:35
the time. I've had that. I remember you and Google around
34:38
Thomas Market one day and they were
34:40
trying to taunt you. Yeah.
34:42
Oh, you think you're tough? You want to fight
34:44
us? You want to fight us? Because they were like crowding
34:47
around me and Pearl. She was little
34:49
at the time and they were really being kind of not
34:51
cool. Yeah. And I was like, guys, come
34:53
on, just fuck off. You
34:56
don't need to be this close. Go stand over there.
35:00
Yeah, they would just, and a lot of them, what
35:02
they'll do is, what I found was
35:04
that back then a lot of guys
35:06
would come into town. So they would
35:08
be from either Europe or South
35:10
America and they would come in for a few
35:12
months, cause all sorts of problems,
35:15
get reactions, and then they would fuck off and you'd
35:17
never know who these people were. So
35:19
and I have a video
35:22
of this guy being like, oh, you think
35:24
you're a tough guy. You want to fight me? Let's go.
35:26
Let's go. I'll fight you right now. Sometimes
35:29
it's somebody else. Are those
35:30
like, okay, go and
35:32
ask this question. Yeah.
35:34
I think the worst is when they
35:37
used to be this trend in London where
35:40
they would have two guys
35:42
and
35:43
one guy would stop
35:45
you so they could get a picture up your skirt.
35:47
Yeah.
35:48
The old upskirt. And then, or it would
35:50
be that they'd physically trip you. So you fell.
35:55
But I also never did myself
35:57
any favors cause I was
35:58
always fucking shit.
35:59
safe around them and there's
36:02
like awful pictures of me like leaning up against
36:04
a brick
36:04
also last movie you
36:06
saw him was moon case
36:09
i think it was from the enemy awards
36:10
for new orleans were both ensue
36:13
fully to you on go
36:15
into the co
36:16
two falling into that oh
36:19
number that right literally
36:22
love to fucking pirates
36:25
yeah it's it's i remember
36:27
one that
36:28
fucking city british
36:31
tv host came as through water
36:33
on you
36:34
lot was channel four and you know
36:36
who they did it to me and tom
36:38
cruise yes and i'm
36:41
think they were trying to shock
36:43
people yeah i was this
36:45
was gives as a as they were like as it is
36:47
true was your most dangerous snowy oh my
36:49
god let me let me explain tuesday
36:51
reason they would go to openings
36:53
him or email opening
36:55
other right and movie red carpet
36:58
events and i was
37:00
seeing somebody for a meeting
37:02
and it was above the cinema
37:04
important bello where they were having a
37:06
red carpet event but i was just
37:08
going in there for a meeting so i
37:10
crossed the red carpet and this woman
37:12
said to me would you think about sell
37:15
me a going to say and i went no i'm not i'm
37:17
trying to get in ness she goes oh
37:19
really wash i
37:21
would have gotten
37:22
around to see that
37:24
i don't i had a light
37:26
pink leather jacket cost
37:28
me like an iso
37:30
always that these days wearing this it
37:33
was some i was be a mean
37:35
the most beautiful jacket and
37:37
it was very very thin let us and
37:39
it had watermarks all over
37:41
it
37:42
so
37:43
i called that channel four
37:45
spoke to die at read channel four a
37:47
time and he said said you
37:49
didn't think it was funny i said no i was
37:52
on my way to a business meeting actually
37:54
i wasn't even to their to watch the
37:56
movie it's and he was laughing and
37:58
i said i'm when you going
38:00
round to your mums again and he
38:02
goes Sunday why I said
38:05
can I come in and throw a glass of water at
38:07
it would you laugh then
38:08
I've
38:10
never read carbon and she's got a dildo
38:14
that
38:17
was the same woman that threw that was
38:19
the same woman that threw water on mum and
38:21
I know her
38:22
I knew I knew her you know I placed
38:24
her in the street yeah you threw a bucket of water
38:27
I
38:27
went for her after it happened
38:30
I thought you're not gonna get away with it I
38:32
was legging it through Pimlico
38:34
and then you know where all the
38:37
stands are in the street they sell
38:40
fruit and flowers and all of this
38:42
and I legged it and there was a guy selling
38:44
flowers I said I'll be back I took his bucket
38:47
with flowers in threw the flowers out and
38:50
whoosh I got her
38:51
yeah good she was a
38:54
fucking one
38:55
of these like two-bit
38:57
like hustler trying to make her fucking name well
38:59
she did it the next day
39:01
the next day she did it
39:03
to Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise
39:05
grabbed hold of her hand like this and
39:08
he just said could you explain to
39:11
me why did you just do that to me and
39:14
she was trying to get away from him and he said no
39:16
tell me why did you just do
39:18
that to me what is the point of
39:20
it
39:22
you know she said nothing
39:24
yeah so what was it that journalist
39:26
you were on a red carpet and she had a dildo
39:29
I said a microphone inside of a dildo and
39:31
all the press were she was amongst
39:34
all the press dildo
39:37
and she's like hey I
39:39
know I know I know I just didn't
39:41
didn't pay her any attention she
39:43
what she was holding up to your mouth no
39:46
I'll add Mike's
39:48
issues she was
39:50
moving along she moved along yeah
39:53
at the end of it I'm turning around the corner
39:55
she goes I think I remember this
39:58
it was the GQ
39:59
It was like a GQ award thing. So then
40:02
she goes,
40:03
do you see where I'm holding my hand? Yeah.
40:06
What do you
40:07
think? Nothing? She was like, oh.
40:10
Just completely let down by
40:13
it. She's completely like, fuck it.
40:16
She's like, I'm going to get that fucking thing
40:18
away.
40:19
I just...
40:20
Yeah, you didn't get what you wanted. Yeah.
40:23
If you don't react,
40:24
the fucking jokes on her. Yeah.
40:26
I just think it's so distasteful.
40:29
I mean, when you react to something... Woman
40:31
to woman. What they
40:33
want to wind you up about. You're
40:36
the weak one because you let it get to you. How
40:38
do you know that I chased her
40:40
with the fucking... I remember seeing those Pat pictures
40:42
of you throwing water at her. So
40:46
layered. Did they ever end up
40:48
using the clip on that show? Because I know you tried to get them
40:50
to not use it.
40:51
They didn't use it and they sent me a check around
40:53
the next day to replace my jacket. Oh,
40:55
okay. I'm still... Six
40:58
grand. Fuck,
40:58
you know. But do
41:01
I... That was six grand, what, 2005. Oh,
41:03
God. I got a lot of money back then. I got
41:05
a few jackets on. Oh,
41:08
I spilled a drink on my coat. Yeah,
41:11
he did.
41:11
But he didn't. I think
41:13
because of the way I put it, I said, can
41:16
I come and throw it on your mother and see
41:18
if you laugh. And I think
41:20
that's what did it. He's penny-finy. It's
41:23
a bit of a cheap
41:25
shot when somebody wants to see
41:27
your reaction. That's all they're doing
41:29
for you. Yeah. To see...
41:31
Oh, I remember this. Ryan
41:34
Seacrest was at an Oscar event.
41:38
He was doing the red carpet, doing interviews
41:40
for the Oscars. And some actor,
41:43
I can't even remember who it was, came
41:45
with Flower.
41:46
And threw it at him. Yeah. It
41:48
was Sasha Baron Cohen dressed as the dictator.
41:51
That threw the ashes on Ryan Seacrest.
41:54
It was supposed to be ashes.
41:57
But it was Flower. Yeah. Poor
41:59
Ryan.
42:01
I know but it's Sasha Baron Cohen so you're probably
42:03
like alright I'll just go with it. He is funny. He's
42:05
fucking hilarious. He was a really nice
42:07
guy when I met him. Whatever, I'm just a
42:10
guy that's a million. You look
42:12
like a
42:12
million. Hey Jon, you look like a million
42:15
later.
42:16
Oh I don't know what
42:17
happened to him. He was fucking great. Yeah.
42:20
He was. I remember John
42:22
Cohen was good. He had
42:23
the big phone and he would sit. Kimi Mallet.
42:26
No. No, Kimi Mallet.
42:28
Don Jolly. It wasn't Don
42:30
Jolly. It was. It was not Don
42:32
Jolly. It was a. I think it was old.
42:34
It was a lot. It was before Don Jolly right? It
42:36
was before Don Jolly.
42:38
Yeah. Don Jolly.
42:39
He picked up where he lived. I thought
42:41
Don Jolly was so funny. Me too. When
42:44
he would have people, people would walk down like an empty street
42:46
and then all of a sudden like a thousand people would
42:48
come out of alleyways like the rest of the characters
42:51
were chasing him. I don't know when he'd get one of them silly
42:53
little devil. I hope he
42:55
was a plastic sleep uncle. He
42:57
rings the door, but he goes. But
43:01
I got an invite to a black master. I
43:03
go, what? Don
43:07
Jolly's a British comedian who had like
43:10
a prank show in England for a time. It was very
43:12
funny, but he was like good family humor.
43:14
It wasn't nasty. It wasn't. It
43:16
was like it was like a show you could watch with your kids. And
43:18
it was but it was funny for everyone. Yeah.
43:21
Do you remember the size cell phone?
43:23
Yeah. No.
43:26
Shit. And he'd be in a movie and he'd
43:28
like pick it up. He'd be like, no, I'm in a movie.
43:31
It's shit. The
43:34
phone was like the size of this desk.
43:37
It's funny. I'm
43:38
trying to think of that guy's name.
43:41
Oh, the one that used to talk about the old
43:43
he said to Bill Wyman's wife,
43:45
what's it like being married to
43:47
an old rocker?
43:48
No. So you're into antiques.
43:51
That was right. What
43:53
do you mean?
43:53
Well, you marry an old rocker.
43:59
just mean.
44:06
What has been, okay, to that, what has been the
44:08
meanest thing anyone has ever said
44:10
to you like fan or paparazzi
44:12
or anything like that?
44:13
I mean, I've been called
44:16
everything, but I
44:18
think probably.
44:21
What stuck with you? What's been the thing that just.
44:23
There's this one time that it stuck with me because
44:25
this guy thought he was complimenting me and
44:27
he was a pap and I was outside of 14 karat
44:29
gold and he he goes, I
44:32
just want you to know that like
44:34
everyone thinks I'm crazy. And I was like,
44:37
why?
44:38
And he said, well, because I think
44:41
you're hot.
44:42
And I was like, that's not a fucking compliment.
44:44
Like that
44:46
was not a compliment at all. But
44:49
you're hot. That people think he's crazy
44:51
because he finds me attractive. I'm like,
44:54
that's that's a backhanded compliment. And
44:56
I was really confused as to why this
44:58
man came up and told me this mind
45:01
fuck. I know. I was like,
45:03
wait, what? You like thank
45:06
you, I guess. Yeah.
45:09
But don't you think I have this thing
45:11
of when people say things
45:14
about you, you think, well, doesn't
45:17
have any truth to it. Do I am I?
45:20
And sometimes you think I am a bit.
45:22
Yeah. But some people
45:24
would want to
45:25
be mean. Well, yeah. But
45:28
the thing is, if you don't respect
45:30
that person, but
45:31
the thing doesn't mean anything.
45:34
It's when you react. If you if it doesn't
45:36
mean anything, if
45:37
you react
45:40
that one. Yeah. But
45:42
but
45:42
what I'm saying is, if somebody who
45:44
you really respected in the industry
45:47
wrote something about you, it would
45:49
hurt
45:50
you. Right.
45:53
I look at Tony. I tell
45:55
him in the car. Well,
45:58
when I was less.
45:59
in the interview.
46:02
And he said something to your audience. Tony,
46:04
I never forgot that. Three years later, he
46:06
had to... Yeah, he
46:08
was doing an interview with this guy. I think
46:10
it was NME. And the guy
46:12
wrote something very, very
46:15
cheeky about him.
46:16
Not cheeky funny. It was really
46:18
taking the piss. And
46:21
Tony saw him at a gig.
46:23
In Glasgow, three
46:26
years later, he
46:28
fucking beat this shit out of him.
46:31
He did. He did. Was this
46:33
like back in the 70s? Yeah. He beat
46:35
the fucking crap out of him. He said, what are you doing?
46:38
He said, Tony, what's this? He said,
46:40
you all right, man? He
46:41
said, yeah, he said, you won't be in about fucking three
46:45
minutes. Whack. Oh,
46:47
the good old days. But like, here's the thing.
46:50
I do find that kind
46:52
of interesting how
46:56
people that write stuff either comments online
46:58
or journalists that write things. Oh, I remember.
47:01
I'll tell you what. Do you remember
47:03
in the Japanese tour when
47:05
Jakey Lee was on the... And
47:08
the guy flew out from England
47:11
to do a piece on Jakey Lee.
47:13
And because it was my band, I was
47:16
trying to get on a drink. Just let
47:18
me know. I said, that fucking article. I
47:23
went to interview
47:26
Jakey Lee and then the big shot came
47:28
up. I said,
47:31
what the fuck to you?
47:33
He said, what did that dude for fucking deserved
47:36
that? And he goes, well, I was trying
47:38
to
47:41
make a name for myself.
47:43
Yeah. But I
47:46
find it that people think that they shouldn't
47:49
be held accountable for the words
47:52
that they write. So
47:53
it's like, oh, I can write whatever I want, say
47:55
whatever I want. In my game, for
47:58
one, there's something bad about you.
47:59
about a thousand pounds of right
48:02
back. Yeah. Yeah.
48:03
But two, the thing is, it's
48:05
down to the, um, how many
48:08
times have you met somebody that you don't like
48:10
and you can turn around and they
48:14
many times a journalist won't
48:16
like you and they'll basically
48:18
say it in words. Yeah. So, I mean,
48:21
that's the thing, but that comes with
48:23
everything that you do when you're an artist.
48:26
Didn't. Well, well, well, well, why did
48:28
I put someone? That's
48:31
wrong because a journalist should be in the
48:33
middle, in the middle. If you
48:35
don't like yourself, they're
48:36
still human beings. Yeah. Yeah. They're
48:38
still human beings.
48:39
And you know, it's all for everyone.
48:41
I'm not for everyone. It,
48:43
it must be a pain
48:45
in the ass when your boss comes to you and is like, you have
48:47
to write an article about so-and-so and
48:49
you don't.
48:50
But I'm not saying you're going to get
48:52
someone you like to, but you
48:54
have to have someone who's unbiased.
48:56
Yeah. But you should
48:59
buy rights yet, but it doesn't work
49:01
that way. Well, I don't know.
49:02
It's not my cup of tea, but you know, here
49:04
we go. Didn't Rolling Stone back
49:07
in the day, didn't they like
49:09
always write shit about Sabbath and then? Nobody
49:12
ever wrote, we never got really
49:15
good reviews on our album.
49:16
Sabbath's first review was
49:19
about six or eight lines and
49:21
it just said how terrible
49:24
this album
49:24
is. But then it didn't
49:26
write. They should, they'll
49:28
never write another album.
49:29
But then years later, Rolling Stone
49:32
issued an apology for the first review
49:34
of the Sabbath album. Yeah. I mean, that's kind
49:36
of, at least they owned it, you know, like fucked up.
49:39
But they, they, they, they, they, they, they,
49:41
they, they, they, something you'd really review
49:43
and you'd think, you know,
49:46
just some of those, reviews our
49:49
album, some tracks,
49:53
track by track, you know, nothing
49:56
like that. Yeah.
49:57
I mean, how many times have you guys met people that
49:59
you say? I'm gonna really dislike
50:01
this person. Yeah, and then you're like, oh
50:04
wow, they're actually really cool Yeah,
50:05
I've often had the opposite
50:08
to where I'm excited to meet someone and I got disappointed
50:10
Yeah, anyone that I'm a fan of I don't
50:13
I don't I won't meet anymore like
50:15
sure Yeah, the thing is in
50:17
my experience.
50:19
I build up in my
50:21
imagination what I think they're like and I'm
50:24
somewhat disappointed when I make
50:26
them Yeah, like I
50:29
don't
50:30
You know like I I've said this like I'm
50:32
a you know, I listen to Joe Rogan a lot I'm a
50:34
big fan of the Joe Rogan podcast like I listen
50:36
to every time he's got an episode out I
50:39
don't think I would like not that he probably would ever
50:41
have me on but like I don't think I would
50:43
ever go On the podcast because I don't want
50:45
to ruin that like I get I get so much
50:48
joy out of that He seems
50:50
a pretty fair guy though. Yeah He
50:52
said it's really good. Yeah, like I would
50:54
I would I just I don't know I just I'm like, yeah,
50:57
don't don't meet people you like it's always a disappointment
51:00
Who's been who's been like the celebrity
51:02
disappointment?
51:03
Disappointment. I was just thinking about the people that
51:05
I've met that
51:06
I was like your everything Really
51:09
yeah, I've never really had Madonna
51:11
was that for me really? Yeah No
51:16
opposite and she was like everything
51:18
and more that I was like Like
51:22
it,
51:23
you know cuz I worked for her for a few years.
51:25
Yeah material girl Yeah,
51:28
and I
51:29
had quite a lot of interaction with her
51:31
and her daughter Lola who is just
51:33
I think she's I
51:35
Think she's incredible. No. Oh
51:38
a lot Five.
51:41
No. No, she adopted three
51:44
three and she had to have a nice.
51:46
Yeah and
51:49
But yeah, she was everything more like
51:51
I got to see the bitchy side
51:54
the mothering side The all of it it
51:56
was it was amazing and I was taken
51:59
aback by it
52:00
It's for me sometimes it's the people that you
52:02
think are gonna be really funny and Like
52:05
have a great sense of humor and then you meet them and
52:07
you're like, oh my god There is zero
52:09
giggles in you you
52:10
you hung out with Chappelle a few times I
52:12
knew it's everything and more I've always wanted
52:14
to meet Dave Chappelle and I know you
52:20
Every time I'm anywhere where he is He
52:22
always sends over like a glass of champagne
52:25
or like when I drank or something like he's
52:27
the nicest
52:29
Coolest guy
52:30
ever. Oh, he's the best comedian out there. Yeah,
52:33
I think he kind of he's like transcends comedian
52:35
He's like a you know Like back in the day there
52:38
would be like these great thinkers that would just
52:40
share their thoughts with people like he's up there
52:42
Would like a he's more of like a philosopher He's
52:46
not then in my
52:48
book is where what's your name? Richard
52:51
Pryor, you know
52:53
Better than Richard Pryor and I thought
52:55
in his day Richard Pryor was great
52:58
Yeah,
53:01
but you what's been your who's been your your favorite
53:04
meat you got to meet some amazing people
53:06
doing the doing your old Oh
53:07
my god, did I ever
53:09
I mean just the most incredible
53:12
people?
53:14
Well Jason Momoa
53:16
Aquaman
53:22
Yeah, you do The
53:25
act the act of the Hawaiian guy he
53:27
did your music video he's in Yeah,
53:30
yeah,
53:30
he's lovely very very
53:33
nice natural. He's just a natural
53:35
big guy. Yeah. Yeah,
53:38
he's fantastic Yeah
53:41
Of course Liza Minnelli. Oh my god,
53:43
she would that was amazing Meeting
53:46
guys Liza Minnelli was just incredible
53:48
at the Hollywood Bowl and then with
53:50
the few things that I did with her for Matt Yeah,
53:53
I did the raw variety
53:55
with her and she's just Amazing
53:58
just amazing.
53:59
Who is it that you? You always tell
54:01
the story. It was Elizabeth
54:04
Taylor when you met Elizabeth Taylor. Yeah, it
54:06
was. When I was a kid, I'll never forget
54:08
it.
54:11
You
54:13
know, you're impressed when
54:15
you look like five or six years old. My
54:17
dad said to me, one Christmas Eve, my
54:20
dad says to me, you
54:22
can stay up late tonight because I'm going
54:25
to show you the
54:26
most beautiful woman in the world.
54:28
Now I took that literally, I thought, I'm
54:31
going to see the most beautiful woman in the world,
54:34
thinking that I was going to see the
54:36
most beautiful woman in the world. And
54:39
I was like, I was like, wow. I
54:44
was in pretty, you know, I was there.
54:47
It was amazing
54:49
when she was sitting next to me. I
54:51
just went back to that. I was like, fuck
54:54
me. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine, yeah,
54:56
I bet in a million years, your dad probably never thought.
54:58
I mean, sitting
54:59
next to dad on the couch.
55:02
It was just for me.
55:06
I thought of my dad.
55:09
I thought, okay, what
55:11
would
55:12
he be if he was here to see
55:14
us? You met her at the Betty
55:17
Ford Center because she was
55:18
taking the lecture. I never met her. I
55:21
was at the Betty Ford and she came. I
55:23
made a speech to the whole fucking place. No,
55:25
he's talking about how he went out of the house. Oh, yeah. When
55:28
we did the, when you had your cancer and
55:30
foundation thing. So we
55:33
had had, mom was hosting a charity event
55:35
at our old house and Elizabeth
55:38
Taylor came. No, no, no, there was
55:40
like, love George Lucas was
55:42
there. No, but that was that. Tony
55:44
Bennett. Yeah, Tony Bennett was there. Think
55:47
about the people that were there that are no longer here.
55:49
Mm-hmm.
55:50
I mean,
55:52
the next door neighbor, Coomba,
55:54
Arden, and the female compliance
55:57
to it. Well, you control.
55:59
to Elton John and his band the other
56:02
day. You're like, I'm sorry.
56:05
Sorry you got to listen to a private show. That's
56:07
what I've always kind of, like you said, the experiences
56:09
of like-
56:10
Like when we went to Winter Castle
56:12
for
56:13
Beatrice's
56:14
18th birthday and that
56:16
was really-
56:17
Surreal.
56:18
Surreal and crazy. And I remember me
56:20
and Jack, because I'd never
56:22
been to a Royal event before. I didn't understand
56:25
the concepts of the seating plans and how they separate
56:27
you to get you to talk to each other. And
56:31
when we and Jack saw that we weren't sitting next
56:33
to each other, we both looked at each other like, oh my god.
56:36
Yeah.
56:37
Yeah, it's that. But like, that's the thing that I've enjoyed.
56:40
Like I don't- It's funny. Like I don't-
56:43
What we do, like what I do,
56:45
I don't- I'm not my job. You
56:47
know, I do TV, I do what I do just because
56:50
it's like, okay, this is a means to like
56:52
making money and like providing for my kids.
56:54
Like I'm not one of these people that is like, oh,
56:57
you know, I am a TV
56:59
host. I am- I'm not a tease. Yeah.
57:02
I'm just like, it's a fucking job. For me, it's just a job. And so
57:04
I'd never really look at it. And I
57:06
think
57:07
doing-
57:08
I've always looked at it like doing
57:11
what I do is- Yes, there
57:13
is a level of fame that's associated with it,
57:15
but I always just see it as a byproduct. Yeah.
57:18
Like this is a result of the job that
57:20
I'm in. Billy Bob Thorne is a really nice
57:22
guy. He's a- Billy Bob- He's a
57:25
gen. He's a lovely, lovely
57:27
guy. Yeah. Really, really
57:29
great guy.
57:30
And Nicholas, we went to Nicholas Cage
57:32
and it was- Yeah. That
57:36
guy's no longer with us.
57:38
John Hurt.
57:39
He was nice. He was great.
57:41
Yeah.
57:42
So was, so was, what's his name?
57:45
A comedian guy who is-
57:48
Oh, Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey was lovely
57:51
man. You know who I actually really enjoyed? I
57:53
had a couple really awesome interactions
57:55
with was Val Kilmer. Yeah. You
57:58
said I've always- I've always been-
57:59
Yeah, puff round and seem you
58:02
should well
58:02
I mean if we're talking about all the celebrities that
58:05
I tell you who I was like so surprised
58:07
at how cool she was with Julia Robert
58:10
I've heard I've heard that she
58:11
was so cool And I
58:13
can't remember exactly what it was but she caught me doing
58:15
something in the bathroom And she like laughed at me
58:17
along like it wasn't drugs or anything
58:20
like that mom it was like
58:22
I was just being stupid in the mirror and
58:25
She caught me and then mimicked me and I I
58:27
just remember thinking why you're actually really cool
58:29
Yeah, I remember standing
58:31
next to you somewhere. She's walking
58:34
down it down. I was walking
58:35
away from it She's
58:38
looking at me Fucking
58:41
I Remember
58:43
when
58:44
Beyonce said I was handsome. Oh,
58:46
yeah
58:46
Like
58:48
oh you're very handsome and I was like, oh
58:50
really She's
58:54
divine she's a nice
58:56
lady. Yeah, her and Jay-Z were very
58:58
very nice when
58:59
we really had my back She
59:03
defended me on something yeah
59:05
one time and I was like I will never
59:08
forget that yeah, they're very classy
59:10
people
59:10
Yeah. Oh, yeah,
59:11
I tell you who else is really
59:14
funny She's got a great
59:16
sense of humor is Mariah. Yeah She's
59:20
wickedly funny. Oh, no, you
59:22
got to tell the fucking Whitney
59:24
Houston story
59:34
Dancing
59:36
with the stone I had no idea
59:39
mother Noah She come down
59:41
the middle of the down the floor and she stopped and she looked
59:43
at me in my direction I
59:45
didn't realize she's looking at me. I'm thinking I'm she's sure
59:51
I'm thinking oh my her what the fuck
59:53
about it trying to think have a nice woman
59:55
before Fucking done so much
59:57
to her if you walk through something I'm
59:59
thinking Oh no, I'm dead.
1:00:02
I'm dead. And she goes, says
1:00:04
to you, mom, I said to you, mom,
1:00:07
you never told me you knew Whitney Houston. Oh
1:00:10
yeah. Your mom says, you never asked. Wait,
1:00:13
yeah, you gotta tell that story. Okay,
1:00:15
I was hosting
1:00:17
the Divers, the VH1, and
1:00:22
I was at sound check and Whitney
1:00:24
was up on stage doing her sound check and
1:00:26
her little girl obviously
1:00:29
liked watching the Osbournes and
1:00:33
she came up and sat next to me,
1:00:35
gorgeous little thing. And
1:00:37
then suddenly her dad came
1:00:40
and sat the other side of me, Bobby. And
1:00:45
she's Whitney's up there singing and
1:00:47
then she stops singing and the track's
1:00:49
still going and so slowly
1:00:52
the track stops and she goes down and
1:00:57
she goes, Mrs. Osbournes, I'm
1:00:59
like,
1:01:00
are you trying to fuck
1:01:02
my husband?
1:01:03
Ah, no, no, please,
1:01:06
I'm not.
1:01:07
I
1:01:12
went running, running down the aisle.
1:01:15
And I'm like, no, no, no, you don't
1:01:17
understand. No, no, no, I wasn't. I
1:01:19
wasn't. She goes, let me see that ring. And
1:01:22
she looks at the ring and said, I'd love you to have
1:01:24
it. I gave her the ring, anything.
1:01:27
I remember the ring, it was a huge square
1:01:29
of just parvay diamond. And so
1:01:32
I gave her the ring through her at her. I said,
1:01:34
I promise you, I'm not interested in
1:01:36
your husband. I'm married. And
1:01:39
then she goes, all right then, okay.
1:01:41
And then she came back and spoke
1:01:45
to me. I went back to sit next to her daughter
1:01:48
and she goes, we have dentist
1:01:50
appointments, we've got to go. I said, oh,
1:01:52
well, the show's in two hours. She
1:01:55
said, no, the dentist here in my
1:01:57
dressing room.
1:01:59
to feel good dentist.
1:02:01
And
1:02:03
then after that we'd see
1:02:05
each other and she was just you know very
1:02:07
nice lady. It's
1:02:09
pretty cool though that you got to watch Whitney Houston do
1:02:11
a sound check. Well
1:02:13
I was done through the start of the year
1:02:16
she was. She wasn't on what I was it was Kelly's
1:02:18
year. My year and it
1:02:20
was sad but
1:02:21
she was always so nice to me whenever
1:02:24
I saw her. Lovely lady, lovely. So
1:02:26
nice. Talk to us
1:02:28
all. Yeah
1:02:29
very funny.
1:02:30
Bette Midler, remember Bette Midler my
1:02:32
birthday in Vegas. Listen
1:02:33
Bette Midler found one of our dogs
1:02:36
and called it she had one of our dogs. How?
1:02:39
She used to live behind us on Doheny.
1:02:41
Oh I didn't know that. Yes and she called
1:02:43
and said she'd got our dog and she's
1:02:45
just lovely lovely neighbor. Yeah
1:02:47
she was awesome. Give me a
1:02:49
she she called me backstage
1:02:51
and just she had a birthday
1:02:53
cake and candles.
1:02:56
I'm not fucking home.
1:02:58
His 60th birthday. Yeah I remember that.
1:03:00
Vegas. Yeah. With the Caesar
1:03:02
salad girls.
1:03:03
What was that?
1:03:04
That was what her backing dancers
1:03:06
were called.
1:03:07
The Caesar salad girls. Yeah because
1:03:09
it was
1:03:09
a Caesar salad. She's fabulous. She's fabulous.
1:03:12
That's funny. Yeah
1:03:14
just fabulous.
1:03:16
Yeah I mean you know definitely you
1:03:18
guys have met some pretty
1:03:19
fucking cool people. I don't really know anyone though.
1:03:22
Well you always say that but you
1:03:24
know everyone. I'll tell you a story about Bette
1:03:28
Midler.
1:03:28
Your mother and I were an item
1:03:31
at that point. We went to a theater perform
1:03:35
and I got fucking dumped.
1:03:39
Out in John's show.
1:03:41
No we go
1:03:43
and see Bette Midler at the Greek theater.
1:03:48
No sorry it was universal.
1:03:50
It wasn't about me. It was
1:03:53
out in John and you and Belle
1:03:55
dumped me.
1:03:55
No when we went to see when we
1:03:57
went to see. Universal amphitheater. Yeah before the rules.
1:03:59
was on
1:04:01
and there was me, my
1:04:03
friend Bell,
1:04:06
Gary Moore and his
1:04:08
and Ozzy and we arrived,
1:04:10
we arrived late. Right,
1:04:13
and Gary Moore you know was a punk so he's
1:04:16
dressed as a punk, Ozzy's
1:04:18
dressed as a rocker so
1:04:21
we go in and Bette
1:04:23
is singing and we are right
1:04:25
in the front
1:04:26
row
1:04:27
and we are like oh no and
1:04:30
she's singing and we're trying to get
1:04:32
to our seats so we're like this
1:04:34
trying to get to the seats
1:04:36
and she goes
1:04:38
stop the music. Do
1:04:42
you want me to start again? We'll start again because
1:04:44
these people know how this
1:04:46
is.
1:04:46
She goes there's always one
1:04:49
fucker that arrives
1:04:50
late. Did she know it was Dad and Gary
1:04:52
Moore? He wouldn't
1:04:54
have known Gary but she would have known Dad
1:04:56
then and she went there's
1:04:59
always one fucker that's late at
1:05:01
every show and I've got four of them
1:05:03
right here and you go oh beam
1:05:06
me up Scotty and then on he goes
1:05:09
she's not going to ask me to sing with her
1:05:11
is she? I said oh fuck off.
1:05:14
That's funny.
1:05:18
But she's brilliant, just brilliant
1:05:21
one liners.
1:05:22
Do you guys ever wear a disguise when
1:05:25
you go out? No.
1:05:27
I know you don't because when we were doing World
1:05:29
Detour you insisted on going everywhere
1:05:31
even those shitty airports in the middle of nowhere
1:05:34
you'd be like no I'm Ozzy Osbourne I have to be Ozzy Osbourne
1:05:36
everywhere and I'm like put a fucking hoodie on and a baseball
1:05:39
hat and we'll sail through. I
1:05:41
didn't want to
1:05:44
be Ozzy Osbourne.
1:05:46
Dad just being himself. I know, I know.
1:05:49
But my favourite is when Dad does things that I
1:05:51
think is really cute like he'll
1:05:54
walk out somewhere he goes I can't wear my
1:05:56
jewellery and I'll be like okay
1:05:58
why and he'll say well done.
1:05:59
know it's me and I'm like I think they already know
1:06:02
it's you.
1:06:02
I don't think
1:06:04
it's the jewelry that's the giveaway.
1:06:06
But it's little things like that and I
1:06:08
think that that just goes to show how dad
1:06:10
doesn't walk around this planet thinking that
1:06:12
he's one
1:06:13
of the most recognisable humans.
1:06:15
You might have picked a goal watch.
1:06:17
It
1:06:18
might be, it's harmless. Should
1:06:21
just take your arm. It's
1:06:22
true. Do
1:06:23
you get recognised often? Yeah.
1:06:25
I never do. Why Jack I've got purple
1:06:28
hair. No I know.
1:06:29
It's not. It's like
1:06:32
it's a bit you can't really miss
1:06:33
me. Jack just don't draw your hair
1:06:36
purple. Do
1:06:38
you get you you get people coming up to you a lot?
1:06:41
Sometimes. I usually get cups. More
1:06:44
more
1:06:44
often more often at home
1:06:46
and in New York somehow. Yeah
1:06:48
I never actually today was the
1:06:50
first time in probably
1:06:55
months and months like maybe a year.
1:06:57
I was walking into 7-11 this morning
1:07:00
to grab a drink and this guy was walking
1:07:02
out he's like hey I see you Jack. I'm like hey
1:07:04
he's like I saw in that special forces show. I remember
1:07:07
going to rehearsal in in the ballet.
1:07:09
I go to my old
1:07:11
guy Tony stop here at 7-11. I want
1:07:14
to get a packet of smokes.
1:07:17
So I go in there's a cup.
1:07:19
I scratch
1:07:21
him with his gun and he goes. And
1:07:23
he goes
1:07:24
get it get it get it away. I
1:07:27
walked on he walked in with a steak
1:07:30
out. So
1:07:33
the cup goes get
1:07:35
out get it behind me. I'm behind me. He
1:07:37
stuffs me goes hey you're
1:07:39
rising. In
1:07:42
the middle of a shootout. It's like something I've got all Western.
1:07:44
They're
1:07:46
all around. Typical Aussie.
1:07:49
You're walking at the wrong place. Stop
1:07:54
it there's not many people in there. I can
1:07:56
surf. Get it
1:07:58
in the back of the shelf.
1:07:59
Everyone's dead inside. You're just like, What's
1:08:02
up dead bodies? What
1:08:05
is this live show you're doing? Because I didn't
1:08:08
hear anything of it and then I see something online. Okay,
1:08:10
what it is, it's called Cut
1:08:12
the Crap. And it's
1:08:15
a show I'm doing in theaters.
1:08:19
And it's in London and it
1:08:21
starts mid-January.
1:08:24
I'm only doing a couple of them. And I'm doing
1:08:26
one in Birmingham and a couple in London, that's
1:08:28
all. Cool.
1:08:30
So what is it though? Yeah,
1:08:31
what is it? Okay, it's Kate
1:08:34
Thornton. You remember my mate Kate Thornton?
1:08:37
She's going to be the moderator. She's going
1:08:39
to interview me and then I'm going to take questions
1:08:42
from the...
1:08:42
Oh, so it's kind of like a live podcast kind of thing.
1:08:45
Yeah. Oh, fun.
1:08:47
Yeah, I think so.
1:08:47
Because when
1:08:50
I read the description I thought, oh, is this like another vagina
1:08:52
monologue thing you're doing?
1:08:53
No, no, that's...
1:08:56
I mean, there's going to be questions that
1:08:58
she's going to ask me, but I don't know
1:09:00
what she's going to ask me, Kate. But she
1:09:03
is going to ask me a lot of questions about my
1:09:05
life and then answer them and then
1:09:07
do a Q&A. About
1:09:08
how you're just a massive racist.
1:09:11
Oh, for God's sake, Jack.
1:09:18
Oh, God. Give me a break,
1:09:20
someone. It's
1:09:23
like nearly three years. I
1:09:25
know. I'm still... She's got to
1:09:27
laugh at it. What? You just
1:09:29
have to laugh at it. I know.
1:09:30
Kelly, any plans for your birthday?
1:09:32
Absolutely none. Could you put your birthday
1:09:34
hat on, then?
1:09:35
Yeah, put your little birthday hat on. Happy
1:09:38
birthday to you.
1:09:39
If I can get it on.
1:09:42
There you go.
1:09:43
No, it's so cute. Happy
1:09:47
birthday.
1:09:48
Yeah, and what
1:09:51
am I doing? Well, it's the last year
1:09:53
of my 30s.
1:09:54
Yeah. Like that meme I sent you. A
1:09:57
person with jolly, something jolly. It
1:09:59
wasn't Dom Joly. Dolly, we're talking about Kelly's
1:10:01
birthday.
1:10:04
And still trying to figure that fucking
1:10:06
goal, man. My team and I are all
1:10:08
going to dinner tomorrow.
1:10:11
And then...
1:10:12
What do you want to accomplish in your last year of being
1:10:14
in your 30s?
1:10:14
Last year of 39. Probably
1:10:17
I might... No.
1:10:19
Have another baby. No, I'm going to do
1:10:21
that one in my 40s. Why
1:10:25
wait?
1:10:26
Why wait? Because I want a baby in the
1:10:28
house for as long as possible.
1:10:30
Well, have two babies.
1:10:32
You don't want to wait. Do
1:10:34
it now. Just knock it out. Trust.
1:10:36
Just do it. Just do it. Yeah, really.
1:10:39
Do a brother sin. Because here's the thing. Here's
1:10:42
what I will tell you. It's better to have them closer in
1:10:44
age because you're going to like get
1:10:47
used to like a whole routine with like Sid
1:10:49
is like a toddler and is a, you know, is being
1:10:52
like a little young dude. And then
1:10:54
all of a sudden you're going to you're going to inject a baby
1:10:56
and it's going to throw it all on the head. And
1:10:58
it's just a lot. So if you just kind of go, all right, he's
1:11:01
still a baby. I'll have another baby while he's a baby. So I'm
1:11:03
just dealing with two babies. Definitely.
1:11:04
Well, anyway, I
1:11:07
also I don't really care about my birthday anymore
1:11:10
because I have Sydney's birthday to
1:11:12
plan and it's his first birthday
1:11:14
a
1:11:15
week,
1:11:16
less than a week after mine. Yeah. And
1:11:18
two days before mine. Now I get to get out of jail
1:11:21
free card for my birthday for the rest of my life.
1:11:23
So I've been planning his birthday
1:11:25
party and we did the last run through. Because
1:11:28
you're you're you're Scrooge. You fucking
1:11:31
hate Christmas. But if
1:11:32
you forget that on Christmas, he remembers.
1:11:34
He does.
1:11:36
But yeah, I've been planning baby Sydney's
1:11:38
birthday. And who are
1:11:41
the performers? The
1:11:43
the beat buds. Yeah,
1:11:45
I know those guys. Yeah, my yeah.
1:11:47
The beat buds. And
1:11:49
we have I instead of doing
1:11:51
the animals this year, I did something that
1:11:53
I think they're going to like more.
1:11:55
What is it? I have a slime station. Oh,
1:11:58
you can make your own.
1:11:59
I'm gonna love that. So
1:12:02
I think that they'll be excited for that. The
1:12:06
first thing that all the parents asked me
1:12:08
when I told them that I was planning
1:12:10
Sydney's birthday party was, is
1:12:12
it gonna be a bar?
1:12:14
Yeah, but
1:12:17
it's Sid's birthday, not fucking
1:12:19
your birthday.
1:12:20
No, but it's just as much for the parents.
1:12:22
No, no, no, no.
1:12:24
You said no. You
1:12:26
know what I do? It's
1:12:29
like I could never understand
1:12:31
why I sold beer with Chuck E.
1:12:33
Cheese. I don't know.
1:12:35
I agree, but what I always
1:12:37
do is I just get some beer, some wine,
1:12:40
and you just leave it off to the side.
1:12:42
That's exactly why. That's all I want
1:12:44
to do.
1:12:44
If you want a drink, bring your
1:12:46
own. So
1:12:47
it's not an open bar? No.
1:12:50
Okay, because when we say bar, I
1:12:52
always think of just like, you know, just
1:12:54
some fucking... Anyone for cocktails? No,
1:12:56
it's a guy who does like two
1:12:58
drinks that are pre-designed, and
1:13:01
it's a guy just making the two drinks. And
1:13:05
they're
1:13:05
like mocktails that
1:13:07
have smoke coming out of them. That's
1:13:09
an...
1:13:09
No, just literally
1:13:12
get a fucking six pack of Corona and a six
1:13:14
pack of fucking white claw,
1:13:17
and you'll be good. What is it with this
1:13:19
fucking white claw shit? There's no law
1:13:21
when you're down with the claw, okay? I
1:13:24
think it tastes like poison. Because
1:13:26
it is. No,
1:13:27
I wouldn't get a bar some way.
1:13:30
No,
1:13:30
it's not a bar. It's literally like a
1:13:32
pre-designed drink that is... But
1:13:34
why barf?
1:13:36
Dad, would you mind waking up?
1:13:38
I was trying to think of that fucking guy. Oh, okay.
1:13:42
A guy on the tip of my tongue as well.
1:13:45
Come on. What is that? Are you
1:13:47
thinking
1:13:47
about the guy with the red hair who's
1:13:49
our friend? No,
1:13:50
look, the guy who is a... You know,
1:13:53
Joan, you look like a million liter. Yeah.
1:13:55
That's fucking...
1:13:58
It's like a nine...
1:13:59
that could be
1:14:02
Dennis
1:14:05
pennies Dennis Dennis
1:14:07
pennies. Yeah, I remember him Dennis pennies.
1:14:10
All right. Well, let's go Let's wrap
1:14:12
it up. You want to say goodbye? I'm so oh I'm
1:14:15
so glad we
1:14:17
got the name
1:14:18
It would be been fucking truly
1:14:21
no Dennis motherfucking
1:14:22
Dennis. What happened to him? What happened to
1:14:24
him? Because he's been trying to figure out the name. What happened
1:14:26
to him is he's going to shove up somebody's ass. We will
1:14:29
we have we will find out what happened to Dennis
1:14:31
pennies. We will research it. I spoke to
1:14:33
his member. Oh
1:14:35
god
1:14:37
All right, well that's the show. Bye. Bye.
1:14:39
Bye everyone. Bye. Bye. Bye.
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