0:00

All rise. I'm Miss Pat,

0:02

and I'm the judge of my new show, Miss Pat

0:04

Settles It. The way you cut that wig, baby, you

0:06

had glue coma. Because your eyes was

0:08

glue shut. I will be bringing

0:11

the realness with some off-the-wall cases.

0:13

I think she got your rent money on her hands. And

0:15

my own jury made up of friends

0:18

and guest stars. Is there any way for us

0:20

to see the video? He know

0:21

all about videos. Y'all

0:23

may have started, but I'm finna settle it. Miss

0:25

Pat Settles It, new series Wednesday, October

0:28

18th at 10 on BET. Hey, it's

0:30

white boy Chris. If the Pat-Downs ever made you

0:32

laugh, then join our Patreon and support us. Get

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the Patreon, and while you're there, join our Facebook group.

0:44

Welcome to another episode of the Pat-Down. I'm

0:46

here with Chris Spanglain. How's it going?

0:49

And I'm here with Deon Kirk. That's

0:52

not my baby. No. No.

0:54

No. No. No.

0:57

No. And I'm here with Lil' Chris. Get

1:00

your fucking hands off me, daddy. Look at me.

1:02

He was so comfy and cozy, and then I picked

1:04

him up, and he's like,

1:05

look at his little poor face. He's so cute. He

1:07

is so cute. And

1:09

wipe his fucking face before you eat his boogers, cause

1:12

white kids know you made boogers. Oh, just the whole front

1:14

of his mouth. I saw a grown man

1:16

eat his boogers in traffic two days

1:19

ago. Oh, gross. This is disgusting.

1:21

I'm kidnapping.

1:52

I cut the game you get no play like Nintendo

1:55

you wait the time turn up nothing but

1:57

the ugly Straight off the top everything

1:59

she say you know I was in Atlanta,

2:01

I went to go see The

2:03

Weeds. I

2:17

did the Red Cropper for The Weeds. Is

2:19

it a TV show movie? I know it's

2:22

a remake of the Michael Jackson one.

2:24

It's a play. It was a play. The Weeds

2:26

is a play.

2:29

You can't win.

2:31

You

2:34

know what's crazy? Oh shit, my

2:36

eyes are gonna make up. Earlier

2:39

today I had to take my nap. I'm

2:43

trying to make sure people don't see my fucking address.

2:47

We be surprised with

2:49

more people. They

2:53

see everything. I

2:55

need you to go downstairs and watch your tablet downstairs.

2:58

Matthew's gonna stay here

3:00

with me.

3:05

Pat, you should just get a background like mine. Hey,

3:10

this dropping tonight? Yeah, I'm gonna

3:12

edit it right after we're done.

3:17

What you need me me? Oh,

3:19

so make sure. Well, God, I'm gonna

3:21

make up. Fucking

3:23

hair, right?

3:26

So, I just restarted. I

3:30

slept so hard the eyelashes came off.

3:32

You ever been

3:34

so sleepable, you felt like you were just gonna die? You

3:38

felt like if I died right now, I know I would get some good

3:40

rest.

3:41

Yes, when I worked in morning radio. Chris,

3:45

I forgot you had a baby. I was like, why the fuck

3:47

you got that stuff for animals? This

3:50

is my emotional comfort zone. That

3:53

baby is so cute.

3:55

I ain't my man. I

3:57

ain't my man. He don't never get my way. He's

4:00

a monitor over there so he's looking at his handsome

4:02

daddy. God

4:07

said I got it right the first time. Let's do it again.

4:10

Y'all pregnant again? No. I meant

4:13

he looks like me. Oh, I don't

4:15

know nothing about you. Reagan's

4:18

gone right now so he's going to have to be my little co-host for

4:20

now. Oh,

4:22

that's fine. He's so cute. So

4:24

I was so sleepy today and when I

4:27

woke up, this is what I looked like. My eyelashes came off.

4:29

But I was so tight. I wasn't

4:31

even going to see the Wiz last night. It's

4:34

all sold out here in the lounge. I don't know if people

4:36

can get tickets. But if y'all can go get tickets

4:38

to the Wiz, when I tell you that goddamn play

4:40

was so good. When I tell you,

4:43

we don't turn the Wiz. Now Michael Jackson is in

4:45

the Wiz. When I tell you we don't

4:47

turn the Wiz black

4:50

baby,

4:50

it was so good. It was so good.

4:53

It felt like it was for the culture.

4:56

Because the original Wiz

4:58

was like a black version of the

5:00

Wizard of Oz, right? In the 80s?

5:03

Yeah.

5:05

But baby, it was for the culture, man.

5:08

It was for the culture. It was so

5:10

many white people there. They were jamming

5:13

too. They were jamming too. And

5:16

those people were singing so good that

5:18

I thought they were AI. I said, I

5:21

know this ain't coming like these

5:21

people's song. There's no way

5:24

these people sang like this. It

5:26

was

5:26

fucking beautiful. And as

5:28

sleepy as I was, I drunk

5:31

so many coconuts to stay

5:32

up. I was so

5:34

tired. I was so fucking tired last night.

5:36

So you know, I do morning radio and then I come over here.

5:39

Where you going, Mimi?

5:42

Huh? Oh,

5:45

you going where? Yeah, those gallstones

5:47

removed and then went and saw the Wiz and got the gallstones

5:49

back from the cops.

5:52

I did not get my fucking gallstones back. But

5:56

it was so good. I'm telling you.

5:59

Who wrote it?

6:01

I don't know nothing now Jordan Jordan

6:04

actually called me and said you gotta go

6:06

see the way it's not Oh, Jordan plays costume

6:08

with plays a very fucking expensive.

6:12

I will say this

6:13

The only thing I didn't like about it

6:15

by being the weed is a lot of people brought their

6:17

kids

6:18

It's Broadway leave your fucking children

6:20

at home. I was so tired As

6:23

Chris moves the baby Yeah, sorry

6:28

My kid can't come I don't want to go But

6:31

a secret party should have left

6:33

them niggas at home I was so

6:35

sick of these kids answer fucking questions

6:37

all night. Mommy mommy And

6:40

you can tell when they come out of a good household.

6:42

I was like

6:43

That's what really

6:46

made you mad. Yeah, I Was

6:49

so mad. I'll see you son of a bitch Why

6:51

do you leave niggas at the house because

6:54

they're trying to get their kids some culture So

6:56

with that, yeah, but

6:57

but nothing not nothing that ticket price

7:00

Culture

7:09

you shouldn't cost that much Turn

7:13

on good times your son will be Talking

7:17

all while I was trying to watch the fucking show.

7:19

I was so goddamn mad I

7:21

I do and I am with you on that like

7:23

I would never take my kid I love taking

7:26

my kid places, but I would never spend

7:28

money to buy them tickets of that sort of thing

7:31

Well, actually I did the red carpet

7:34

Thank You candy birds I mean she really looked

7:36

out for us. So I already so I had

7:38

planned to go tonight, right? So

7:41

I bought 10 tickets

7:41

for weeds tonight.

7:42

I said I'm gonna go take people, you know

7:45

that

7:45

a lot Well, they call him say hey

7:47

come we want to invite you out to the way is

7:49

a red carpet So I went last night. So

7:51

now everybody else I know is going tonight

7:54

and I like y'all gotta go It is so fucking

7:56

good.

7:56

But even before you go cuz when I got there,

7:58

right? So you know

7:59

I got a little purse cuz I won't take no big

8:02

purse.

8:02

This thing gonna take my popcorn without my

8:04

motherfucking purse I said no the fuck you need

8:07

a Gary

8:08

and you're not taking them You

8:12

had popcorn in your purse You

8:16

know niggas be sneaky snacks Chris, come on,

8:20

I mean, what do you have a your titty? I Said

8:27

please and I want to say do you

8:29

know who I am because you didn't recognize it

8:32

And so I walked back over there. I still do motherfucker.

8:34

He just looked at me. I said I can't lady popcorn

8:36

go He

8:39

did with the at least Agree and

8:41

go let you go. Yeah, you let me because

8:44

as I walk I put them all about my I

8:46

kill myself right now

8:52

Sometimes if you just ask in a cute

8:54

nice way, they let you get away with it

8:57

Yeah, but he let me

8:58

get away with it, which I was really happy because it

9:00

was so it was a good plane I just

9:02

want everybody go see the we as

9:05

if you come to your town get you

9:07

a good seat. It was so

9:08

good I got a question. Would

9:11

you rather go to the with

9:13

why there's a bunch of kids or Lauren

9:15

Bober getting grubbed up in The

9:18

cross from Who is

9:20

Lord Barbara? You didn't see the congressman

9:22

that's the family values congressman that was getting

9:25

her new titties felt up in a movie theater And

9:27

when she went to go see Beetlejuice, she was

9:29

jacking her boys for her dates dick Yeah,

9:34

like two months ago. Yeah, two months ago. I can find it Wow

9:38

She you know, she'd just gotten divorced

9:41

and she got that new divorce body And

9:44

so she took a man, you know, he

9:46

dumped her right away and he was apparently Dion

9:48

what was the funny thing wasn't he like some sort of like

9:51

Democratic operative or something?

9:55

She was a Republican. Oh,

9:57

yeah. Yeah, you dump her

9:59

She got kicked out because they was vaping

10:02

inside the theater and you

10:04

know, they got them cameras in them theaters No,

10:06

did she get kicked out of Congress? No,

10:09

please no You can

10:11

do all kinds of things now that I mean there's three fifth

10:13

fights in Congress yesterday alone Let's

10:18

stand up Them

10:22

teachers gonna stop his ass down Bernie

10:26

says this is a this is a congressional hearing

10:29

Here you know, when did he become

10:31

the institutionalist? Here's

10:34

Lauren Boebert getting felt up in the movie

10:36

theater

10:37

on the first date And

10:41

he's a Democrat,

10:43

mm-hmm, yeah,

10:44

he's like I always take it

10:46

something

10:50

No,

10:53

he he dumped her like immediately

10:57

Wow

10:59

He was trying to get her in trouble I bet you I

11:02

bet she didn't really like her like that Probably

11:05

just trying to do some type of he probably got paid

11:08

to go on a date with her and get some

11:10

dirt Well, maybe that was

11:12

some dirt. Like baby. She ready. So that day right

11:14

there in the movie. Oh, I'm sorry little man

11:26

Yeah So

11:29

that's probably what he was trying to do

11:31

here's a Oklahoma senator Mark Wayne

11:33

Mullen yesterday in

11:36

a hearing Sorry, I wish

11:38

he was in the truck with me when I was building my plumbing company

11:40

myself and my wife was running

11:43

the office Because I sure

11:46

remember working pretty hard and long hours Pretends

11:49

like he's self-made what a clown

11:52

fraud always has been Always

11:55

will be cool. The

11:57

tough guy act and these Senate Union

12:00

You know where to find me? Any place,

12:02

any time, cowboy. So

12:06

this is a time, this is a place. You

12:08

want to run your mouth. We can be two consenting

12:10

adults. We can finish it here. Okay, that's fine.

12:12

Perfect. You want to do it now? I'd love to do it

12:14

right now. Well, stand your butt up, then. You stand your

12:16

butt up. Oh, hold on. Oh, stop it. Say

12:19

it. Oh, no. Sit down. Sit

12:21

down. Okay. You're the

12:23

latest thing. Look at his head. Actively. Okay.

12:25

Sit down, please. All right. Can I respond?

12:28

Hold it. Hold it. Oh,

12:31

look at the body. No, I have the body. I'm

12:33

sorry. This is all that he said. Try to stand your butt

12:35

up, then. You stand your butt up. You're the senator.

12:37

Oh, stop it. Say it. You're the senator.

12:39

You're the governor. Oh, no. Sit down. Sit down. Sit

12:41

down. Sit down. Sit down. United States, sit

12:43

down. Actively. Okay. Sit down, please. Sit

12:46

down. Can I respond? Hold it. Hold it.

12:50

So then they found him on

12:52

January 6th.

12:55

Is

13:01

that him high? Yeah. Oh,

13:03

my God. He wasn't going to do shit.

13:07

He wasn't going to. They just don't make a fucking

13:09

fool out of him. That

13:11

man was going to beat his head. Why is he fucking with

13:13

the tincture? Because you don't like the union?

13:16

I guess, yeah.

13:18

Yeah, they usually don't like the union, but the

13:20

union is really good.

13:22

I like that. I'm a union person. My husband

13:24

come from a unionized job, which

13:26

is General Motors.

13:28

And I'm in a union, the actors and the writers.

13:30

You got them right. You need somebody to tell them where you

13:32

put that bullshit because if not, you just

13:34

can get fired and people can treat you the way, you

13:37

know, you want to be treated for the union.

13:39

You know, I'm in a white women took fingers to the

13:42

ass at a job and couldn't say nothing.

13:44

How many need office?

13:47

I'm going to have to get on a need

13:49

and suck dick for raises. You don't

13:51

have to do that anymore. You say I'm talking to my union

13:54

rep and this second was not in the category.

13:57

I don't think anybody told the Harvey Weinstein.

14:01

I was in Atlanta and I was talking to

14:03

a guy who was in the union and I was asking him about the strike.

14:06

And I was just saying like oh look at radio.

14:08

There's nobody that works in radio anymore. He goes that's

14:10

why you need a union because we don't

14:13

lose jobs and we don't lose money because we

14:15

have a union. I was like alright maybe I'm

14:17

four unions now. What?

14:18

You want to talk? He should have been four unions.

14:21

He's four unions. He

14:22

want to fuck all the cities that got milk.

14:25

I

14:26

think he shit. You

14:29

shit? Oh yeah, he shit his pants. He

14:33

looked like he shit his pants. You're like a senator.

14:35

You had a lot to say a minute ago now that you're on

14:37

camera. You got nothing to say? He said

14:39

yeah, I got shit in my pants. Do you smell

14:41

the aroma? This

14:44

is a podcast. You can't be shitting your

14:46

pants on a podcast. This is a podcast.

14:49

You're on a podcast to act like it. You

14:53

shit his pants. We don't shit our pants on

14:55

the podcast podcast. I

14:57

got this video yesterday of Squish picking him

14:59

up. Reagan saw it for the first time. We've been practicing

15:01

her carrying him because she won't let, Reagan

15:04

won't let her. And Reagan went

15:06

like it's

15:09

fun. It's fun having two kids because they're

15:11

always up to something with each other now. He's

15:14

sick. He's got his first little cold too so he just

15:16

wants to be held.

15:19

He ain't doing shit. This is you. It's

15:22

really you. He ain't doing

15:23

it. He's such a sweet baby. He is.

15:26

He's the sweetest little baby, aren't you? He's

15:28

finally

15:28

liking you because I remember when he first born, he

15:30

doesn't

15:30

want nothing to do. Not a thing.

15:32

But you like your daddy now, don't you? I

15:36

like him to change my diet for niggas. Think he

15:38

here. It's

15:42

just sick of me. Yeah, I remember that movie.

15:44

Look who's talking. Yes,

15:47

that's a great movie. That was such a great

15:49

movie. Look who's talking. They

15:52

can't do that now. These kids bad as fuck. And

15:56

the movie holds up too. We watched it about a year

15:58

ago. Oh, it's so funny. I'm both at and look

16:00

who's talking to.

16:02

Yeah. Let's

16:05

do a black kid. Well, let's take a quick break

16:07

so I can change this baby. Okay,

16:09

well go and do some

16:11

shitty shit.

16:13

All right, I'll be right

16:15

back. You bet. Okay.

16:19

I don't know about the news but I saw this on

16:21

Twitter. A guy

16:23

was married. His wife couldn't have

16:26

kids so they wanted to adopt. But

16:28

he only wanted a boy and they was looking

16:30

at two four-year-olds, one boy, one girl.

16:34

And he told his wife that he

16:36

only wanted the boy. He wasn't going to adopt the girl so she

16:38

left him. Damn.

16:43

Because he basically said that he hates

16:46

little girls and teenage girls and there's

16:49

too much to deal with and he only wanted a son. And

16:51

that if she agreed

16:53

to raise the son, she

16:56

would see that boys are so much easier and that

16:58

girls are nothing but trouble. And she

17:00

texted him. She was like, I'm a girl, do you hate

17:02

me? And he was like, well, you're being stubborn right now. And

17:10

it really just was like, is she

17:13

really left him? I don't know if she

17:15

left him but she was staying with her sister in a

17:17

thread.

17:19

Was a twin?

17:23

I don't know if they were twins or just siblings.

17:26

Yeah. But he only wanted the boy

17:28

and didn't want to adopt the girl. And

17:31

he gave her a bunch of shit about it so she went

17:33

to go stay at her sister's house. Pat,

17:37

you've raised both. Are boys or girls easier?

17:43

Boys seem like they have way more energy.

17:45

Boys are easier because you don't have to worry

17:47

about them coming home with a baby. But they can make

17:50

babies but they usually don't come home with

17:52

them.

18:01

I think

18:04

girls, and one thing about when you have a girl

18:06

in the house, two

18:09

female bodies count a lot. So you'll

18:11

start to have your period

18:12

at the same time and attitudes

18:15

and moms and daughters really don't have the best.

18:17

Either you be a mama to your daughter and

18:21

she fucking hates you or

18:23

you be your daughter's friend, I think. Which one

18:25

are you?

18:26

My kids. My daughters hate me. They

18:28

don't fucking like me. But they're around you all the time. I don't

18:31

buy that. Well, they don't grow up a lot. In

18:34

the beginning, they cannot fucking

18:36

stand me.

18:37

Because I wasn't that mama

18:38

where we

18:40

were best friends.

18:43

I always told them they could always talk to me about stuff.

18:46

I'm sorry, but they wouldn't.

18:49

But my girls, they

18:52

wasn't the hardest.

18:56

I think the hardest shot I got is not killed by

18:58

a fire. For

19:01

what reason? His diet. His

19:03

work ethic? Work ethic. He don't

19:05

comprehend that good. You be like, everything is old. Oh. Oh.

19:09

Oh. Oh.

19:10

Last week

19:13

on the

19:14

drug show, last week on the court show when...

19:20

No,

19:26

I would never, ever, ever get with him. And

19:28

the guy looked at her and goes, for real? I

19:31

was like, oh, that's Nikea. When

19:33

Nikea says, for real? Oh, it

19:36

cracks me up. What do you

19:38

say for real? So, it

19:41

was the couple where he had the

19:43

charity that wasn't going well and he

19:46

liked her and she was

19:48

like, you're like, what are you two banging? She

19:50

goes, oh, uh-uh, uh-uh. No, I would never

19:52

get with him. He goes,

19:54

for real?

19:55

One of

19:57

my favorite moments.

19:59

This was just very funny too, but it's

20:02

just...

20:03

I don't know. Nikhil, he's the one that you have to

20:05

constantly keep saying the same old bullshit

20:07

with.

20:08

So, Nikhil is like raising

20:10

a girl with a dick.

20:12

You

20:15

had him 35 years too soon. Garyana

20:20

seems very self-sufficient. She's probably

20:22

always self-sufficient like that.

20:24

Been like that a whole life. She's the only child

20:26

I got that her and Jumba

20:29

don't ask me for money like

20:30

that.

20:32

Did they ask her bad?

20:34

No, he ain't gonna give them shit anyway, but they

20:36

definitely don't ask me.

20:38

Garyana like to...

20:40

Blue Cross Blue Shield. She

20:42

likes to be independent. She

20:45

saves her money, she invests, that's what she do.

20:48

She's smart as hell.

20:50

Did y'all see the

20:51

video of the... It

20:54

ain't funny, but the Bojangle

20:56

worker was a girl and the police

20:58

would be the shit out of her.

21:00

No. What? Let

21:04

me look for it. Bojangle, and

21:06

it's kind of sad. She

21:09

stepped outside for a weed break.

21:11

And I think...

21:13

And I might be wrong.

21:15

But all the... I mean, did he probably whoop

21:17

her ass like she had robbed the store?

21:20

She worked there and they beat her up.

21:23

And useful.

21:26

They beat a black woman up

21:28

at Bojangle. They

21:31

was like, stop hitting her, she got a clock

21:33

back in. She

21:36

got beat up on break? She got a beat up break?

21:41

It ain't funny, but I'm like, what the

21:43

fuck is wrong with her? That's hilarious.

21:46

I'm sitting there thinking like this lady was on break

21:49

and y'all beat her up like this. I

21:53

be like, she change, she

21:55

change, she change, she change, she change. Oh,

21:57

damn.

21:59

Pull this up you really got to watch the

22:02

the YouTube version of this to see it, but wow

22:04

they're They're not nice

22:07

They're not nice. All right

22:09

here we go

22:11

Nobody

22:24

backing up You don't

22:26

kill it on the ground It's

22:28

about five cops surrounding a

22:30

woman and one white bald pop

22:32

police officer. They look like a fire Yeah,

22:35

he's just punching away and then What

22:38

would you say a dozen people are? walking

22:41

up to the cops trying to Get

22:43

them to stop Nigga

22:47

get and beat up by making 11 75 an hour straight

22:51

well, but it looked like her manager was out there trying

22:53

to help Stop

22:55

in it We

23:02

do to have them come talk to her I

23:11

mean that that worker

23:13

who just ran up towards the cops like that. That's

23:16

like quite a risk

23:17

She white

23:21

What exactly Did

23:24

she do that?

23:25

I don't know. I think she was taking a break and I'm

23:27

like what the fuck

23:31

Arrested allegedly over marijuana use

23:33

in possession and physically restraining against an

23:35

officer

23:36

He said put I think she was smoking weed

23:39

and he wanted to put her in handcuffs

23:41

and what's a way that is I? Think

23:43

it's in North Carolina No,

23:46

Charlotte. We not legally there. I Thought

23:50

we was legal it what

23:53

it was it could be she could be in the pipe it ain't

23:55

worth that ass Legal

23:57

like here in Marion County in Indianapolis like

24:00

Unless you have 10 pounds of pot, they're not gonna mess

24:02

with you anymore. They don't

24:04

really bust you for it unless they have a reason

24:06

to bust you for it and they need to, you know, warrant

24:09

or something like that. Yeah, you walk

24:11

downtown, they smell like weed all the time. All the

24:13

time. I walk on 16th Street and I can't

24:15

believe the amount of people driving and smoking

24:17

weed while they're driving.

24:19

It should be. Weed

24:22

does not cause any illness. I've

24:24

never heard a body say I got throat cancer from smoking

24:26

weed.

24:27

Never.

24:29

And when people smoke weed, they just melt

24:31

out. They feel like they've flown on top of a mushroom.

24:34

They just want pee. So I don't see

24:36

all kind of gonna need to fucking smoke

24:38

weed.

24:39

I mean, the former speaker of the house punched one

24:41

of the members in the kidneys yesterday. That

24:44

looks funny. Mike

24:46

McCarthy, one of the eight guys that voted to

24:49

oust him as speaker, he walked behind him in the hallway

24:51

and punched him in the kidneys and said, get out of my way.

24:55

And then he ran from him. I

24:58

forget what the other one. There was a third one too where

25:01

Comer, somebody threatened to beat up Comer

25:03

or vice versa. So they

25:05

voted a man out of housing and speaking and then

25:07

he beat up anybody. Yeah,

25:10

so now the guy that ousted him, Matt

25:12

Gaetz, who hates

25:15

this guy because McCarthy's the one

25:17

who initiated like an ethics investigation

25:19

into Matt Gaetz. So Matt Gaetz got

25:21

him back by getting him kicked out of speaker.

25:24

And now Matt Gaetz just filed an ethics

25:26

complaint against him for

25:28

punching another member of Congress because

25:31

it's just petty. Don't fuck a shit

25:33

show, man.

25:36

I wonder where he's getting a

25:38

bunch of good old white boys up there fighting with

25:40

each other.

25:45

I just hope nobody here. What's his name who's just

25:47

next to the man who's gonna

25:48

work on the man? Bernie Sanders.

25:51

You do a really good Bernie Sanders. You're

26:00

a congressman. What are you doing? Why

26:03

was all them chairs empty up there?

26:06

Half the people didn't even show up to the hearing. People

26:09

normally don't. That's

26:11

the thing. If you show up to your city council

26:13

meeting, then you can basically

26:15

be a city councilor in three years because nobody goes.

26:18

The motherfuckers

26:19

don't ever work. They don't work.

26:22

Well,

26:24

how much do they get paid?

26:26

Congressmen, I think, get like $150,000 a year. Yeah,

26:30

six figures.

26:32

To do what? Tell another nigga, let

26:34

me take it outside.

26:35

To set up speaking arrangements

26:38

so they can make money and then become lobbyists

26:40

afterwards. That's what they do. And then grow

26:42

their Instagram so they can get on Fox News.

26:46

Pretty much.

26:49

Just a hustle. Congress now is basically

26:51

like the same as an influencer platform.

26:54

There's no point to it other than that. Did

26:56

y'all see me on not Jimmy Kimmel.

27:00

Yes, that's.

27:01

I was on with. I was

27:04

on with.

27:05

What's the chick name from CNN?

27:09

The lesbian, the child white lady.

27:12

That narrows it down. Aaron Burnett.

27:15

CNBC.

27:16

What's that name? I

27:19

don't like. Rachel Maddow. Rachel Maddow.

27:22

Oh, Rachel Maddow. MSNBC. Okay. Did

27:24

you meet her?

27:25

Yeah, she looked just like Seth Meyers.

27:28

I thought it was your best TV appearance

27:30

and late night appearance

27:33

for sure. Really?

27:44

Yeah, I loved it. I thought it was great.

27:46

Oh, it was. It was.

27:48

I like it. I like late night now.

27:50

But I was like, damn, Rachel Maddow. He

27:53

looked like two tall white me. Now

27:58

they know it. I haven't seen.

27:59

Rachel Maddon a long time.

28:02

Yeah, she,

28:04

she. Pretty

28:06

much. You

28:09

got that. She a handsome face. Let's

28:12

just say Ashley was swiping

28:15

right.

28:18

Probably so with that one. I was like,

28:21

I was excited to meet her because, um,

28:23

I saw him pass and I didn't introduce myself

28:26

because they went on before me, I went

28:28

last.

28:30

So since I went last, I was trying to

28:32

get my jokes and stuff together.

28:35

The best guest always goes last.

28:38

Always.

28:40

That's how they set it up.

28:43

Cause the first time I went on there, I was a

28:45

second

28:48

moving on up. He didn't have in front of

28:50

you.

28:52

They had some boring ass white. And

28:54

you have to go and watch. I don't know. It's big time. And

28:57

they had Rachel Maddox. Rachel went first

28:59

and I think the guy and then it was me.

29:03

It's Rachel. Matt out.

29:05

Matt out. Yeah. Not

29:08

Matt out.

29:09

All right. Matt out. She

29:13

looked like Matt lock. For

29:16

me, she did

29:19

mean to me. I don't know tomorrow. Um,

29:21

tomorrow I'm handing out turkeys. If you guys

29:23

are in Atlanta,

29:24

please come out to, um,

29:27

this is the one on three, cause we're handing out 2000 turkeys.

29:30

I don't tell these people, I don't know who want Turkey,

29:32

but

29:34

I'm calling all my friends to come through that with a

29:36

trunk open, they giving away fresh vegetables

29:39

and giving away all kinds of shit.

29:42

That should be fun. No,

29:44

it's not. You

29:46

work at local Jeff Tweedy. I've never heard of

29:48

this guy. It's literally white,

29:51

white people pulling up to the church,

29:54

which is a new birth. I'll

29:57

put in there a car and we coming out.

29:59

free food. That is welcome to local

30:02

radio.

30:03

That's the good that's the fun to meet

30:05

the people.

30:07

Yeah but I'm like you at a church

30:09

you can't put the weed up until

30:11

you get out the church line. Guy lit

30:13

the first burning bush. That's a good aphrodeon. I was

30:15

like the bonnet zone and then

30:25

sometimes they get out the line and

30:27

come back through the line. I'm like nigga I just

30:28

saw you. I

30:33

was in Burger King today and

30:35

this guy walked in to start

30:37

a shift and she goes take his order and

30:40

he walked up and he goes what

30:42

would you like and I went whoa okay

30:45

he smelled like just pure weed

30:47

and I thought why would somebody

30:50

smoke that much weed before they go to work

30:52

and I went oh yeah he's 30 working

30:55

at Burger King. That's why he would

30:57

smoke that much weed. He

31:00

was relaxing. He was.

31:01

I think they

31:04

should get all kids off of medication when

31:06

they say autism and just

31:09

give them weed.

31:10

If

31:13

your kids are misbehaving get that

31:15

nigga

31:15

high so he can calm down.

31:18

I remember you getting mad at Jumba

31:20

for smoking weed on a copy of paper.

31:23

Copy of paper. Oh

31:29

he was so dumb and he's in early years

31:32

of trying to smoke weed. Copy

31:34

of paper. Do you remember

31:36

this?

31:37

I was telling Jordan we should do an episode

31:39

of this. Do you remember when somebody

31:41

was Jumba

31:43

he was on the line playing the game with some white

31:45

man and the white man threatened to hold school

31:48

and shot the whole school down. Do y'all remember that?

31:51

No. What? They

31:53

shut Plainfield down because

31:55

these guys said he was gonna kill Jumba

31:58

and he was gonna kill everybody

31:59

went online.

31:59

All the people named and

32:02

she

32:02

oh, that's right. Yeah, Brian something

32:04

right? Yeah Yeah, that was you both

32:06

fuck with that man online and then my friend my

32:09

co-host at the time Greg got banned Because

32:12

he started bullying that guy online and

32:14

they they the police investigated my

32:16

co-host

32:17

because he was bullying a school shooter Yeah,

32:22

and could be a 30 year old white man in California.

32:24

Why was he bullying Junebug specifically?

32:27

They played the video game together Getting

32:30

he was getting marked and call of duty. I bet

32:32

you That is hallett

32:34

Brian kills Yep,

32:37

blanky. Yep. That's what was You

32:40

can't get mad at him for doing his last name Everybody

32:45

freaked out about that. It was big local news.

32:48

I said you know, you're not going to school they're

32:50

killing They're gonna kill you

32:52

and then kill all y'all stay

32:53

the fuck home One thing I take real is a

32:55

white

32:55

person three because white people

32:57

come make sure they're bad

32:59

black folks So when I come back, I'm gonna blow your brains

33:01

out nigga

33:01

you you right there.

33:03

He only shoot that one person man

33:05

This guy got 75 years who

33:09

Cyberterrorist Brian kill sentenced

33:12

to 75 years in prison 29 year

33:15

old man Buster Brian kill Hernandez

33:18

faced 40 federal charges 40 federal

33:25

I'm looking Initially charged

33:27

in August of 2017 with eight counts of production

33:30

of child porn three counts of coercion

33:32

and dice men of a minor Five

33:34

counts of I know Matthew five

33:36

counts of disturbing and receiving child porn

33:38

four counts of threats to use explosive devices

33:41

account of threats and extortion ten

33:43

counts of threats to kill kidnap and injure six

33:45

counts of witness tampering an Account

33:47

of obstruction of justice and two counts of retaliating

33:50

against a witness or victim 375 victims

33:52

including Junebug Yeah,

33:57

it was like 2015 when he was bullying June

34:00

bug that was almost 10 years ago he after

34:04

targeting one victim in particular

34:07

for 16 months Hernandez threatened to massacre

34:09

at Plainfield High School where the victim attended one

34:12

message read I will slaughter your entire class

34:15

and save you for last I

34:18

will lean over you and scream and cry and beg for

34:20

mercy right before I slit your ear Wow

34:26

said he had made threats to kill

34:28

rape and kidnap hundreds and threats to blow up

34:30

the high school and Walmart

34:34

he had everything in our community like

34:37

down pat yeah but I fuck with

34:39

these white folks just don't have to stay home

34:41

if the need come to the door we gonna eat it I said

34:43

but the police gonna take you at risk

34:47

man what an evil man whoo

34:49

he got 75 years yeah

34:52

for child porn and all

34:54

kinds of stuff

34:56

and you doing that kind of if you

34:59

got all that going on what are you doing threatening people

35:02

online it

35:04

just it's a mental patient that's

35:06

what you

35:08

get I don't think you can rehabilitate that now

35:11

just lock him up lock him up forever away the

35:13

key bye

35:17

that's crazy

35:18

all over Call of Duty yeah I

35:20

remember them being at our house and

35:22

I kept

35:25

you about a school he named

35:27

you bus get the shit out of us

35:30

that is wild

35:32

he brought down a child predator he's like Chris

35:34

Hansen

35:36

June

35:38

bugs like sit right down

35:43

that's insane

35:45

I'm having fire at 20 at 29 years old think about how much

35:52

more damage that guy would have done to

35:54

kids to people if he kept

35:56

going if he hadn't threatened June bug You

36:00

know, they monitor that online stuff too.

36:03

Like the video games. People think that you just in

36:06

there playing like, no, the police

36:08

pay attention to that stuff.

36:11

The companies, like if you're playing on

36:13

Xbox or

36:15

Playstation, you report that stuff.

36:17

It gets sent. They

36:19

monitor all that shit. Have you ever seen the

36:22

articles like the Facebook people that monitor

36:25

all the spam and all the reports,

36:28

how they like all these people in the Philippines who

36:30

work for monitoring it all

36:32

end up in PTSD camps after four weeks

36:34

of the job because of all the horrible

36:36

stuff they see that gets

36:39

reported on Facebook and YouTube. And

36:42

it's just it's just horrible

36:44

when you read these stories about what these monitors go through.

36:49

Hey, I couldn't imagine this

36:51

is crazy.

36:54

I want to Facebook kick your niggas off in two seconds

36:56

now. You say nigger with the way

36:58

and don't bleep out the ER. You get kicked

37:01

off. But maybe not nigger.

37:02

But I was wondering why everybody say

37:05

I'm alive. I said what the fuck is I'm

37:06

alive? Yeah,

37:09

dead. We got Nikea got us kicked

37:11

off of one of our videos

37:14

because he sounded like he

37:16

said death, but he was saying

37:18

death. And

37:20

it's just basically they so

37:23

what happens in a lot of these school shootings is people

37:25

live stream them. Set my door. So

37:29

like in the Hamas terrorist

37:32

attack, they were live streaming the attack.

37:34

They take like the victim's phone

37:36

and then live stream it. And

37:39

so now the algorithms are programmed. If you see

37:41

a gun, you take that down immediately.

37:43

Don't wait for somebody to check it. Like take

37:45

it down because it could be, you

37:48

know, something horrible. You

37:49

remember that time that man got his head

37:51

cut off?

37:52

Yeah, Nick Bird. That messed me

37:54

up.

37:56

I couldn't watch that. People just watching that. I

37:58

said, you fucking crazy. No.

38:01

Horrible. You remember the New Zealand

38:03

shooter who did it on Facebook live? Yeah.

38:07

My brother sent me that video. I can't

38:09

watch this shit. It literally just, your

38:11

soul leaves.

38:15

Never wanna fight my bad.

38:19

What you eating?

38:21

You can see how fat my face is. Did

38:23

you get all the shit out

38:25

of you? Have

38:28

you finished your post-boat shit? Post-boat

38:32

shit.

38:34

No more super colon clean. I might

38:40

as well take one a night so I can blow my asshole

38:42

upside down. I don't

38:46

know why you talking about your shitting is so funny,

38:49

but... I bet if you took

38:51

a colon clean deal and you just follow him in toilet

38:53

as a whole. I don't need

38:55

one. I shit twice a day. What

38:58

do you even eat? I bet you eat like a piece

39:00

of string cheese and a banana

39:02

a day. I'm black, man. I don't eat no goddamn

39:04

string cheese. Fuck is

39:06

you talking about? I

39:09

don't like cheese like that. You go to a lot of white girls'

39:11

houses? I know you do. Them

39:14

snacks are never touched. You don't

39:16

eat that shit?

39:19

I

39:22

can't stand unmelted cheese. That shit's disgusting.

39:27

White people love cheese. How

39:30

you do? I'm going to Wisconsin tomorrow. Can't

39:32

wait to get some cheese. See?

39:37

Cried. You probably just bite

39:39

a wheel, won't you? Oh, yeah. I'm gonna

39:41

fry it up, save some for later, put

39:43

it in my pocket for the ride home.

39:45

Well, what do you want to whisk up? Bob and Tom's doing

39:48

a live show Friday morning at a casino

39:50

in Bowler, Wisconsin. It's an hour

39:53

away from everything. Is

39:56

it sold out? It's sold out, yeah, the morning

39:58

show and then they added a second. I'm showing that sold

40:00

out too at night. So

40:03

two comedy shows.

40:05

Give me a cup of ice.

40:07

Thank you. I remember the first time I had cheese

40:09

there. I was supposed to drink, I guess it was really good to

40:11

drink. Perrier water? Yeah. They

40:14

say I'm bougie now because I drink this. Yeah,

40:17

not LaCroix, LaCroix is terrible.

40:19

I love LaCroix. I drink this

40:21

LaCroix, but I put, I also put,

40:24

I niggerize

40:25

it a little bit. I put Crystal Light

40:27

in it. Why

40:30

not Kool-Aid? Yeah, I mean, even

40:32

Crystal Light's a little bougie, right? No.

40:38

I add a little, I

40:41

like it. Nigga, ride a bit. A little spritz

40:43

of lime in one of those. It's delicious.

40:46

Yeah, I just, I mean, I'll drink it cold, straight

40:49

like that, but I really like it like that. With

40:51

that said, we gotta get the fuck out of here. I gotta get my wig

40:53

done for tomorrow. Look. What

40:55

are you doing tomorrow? Not some big,

40:57

get my wig done.

40:58

For the turkeys?

41:00

Yeah, I'm gonna kiss Crystal now. Oh, okay.

41:03

My girl is here to put it on. So

41:06

listen to this shit. Jacksonville,

41:09

I wanna thank y'all because we already sold out.

41:11

I'm gonna call and see if I can have another show. I don't know

41:13

because I think I'm taping that week, so

41:15

I gotta see. I wanna thank y'all.

41:18

The tickets went on sale about two weeks ago. They

41:20

already fucking sold off. Make sure

41:22

y'all go to misspackcompany.com for your girl

41:24

done made a tour

41:25

this week. I'm in Houston.

41:28

And I'm in San Antonio. Almost

41:31

sold out, so come on y'all. Help me push these

41:33

fucking tickets. I need you to come show

41:36

up and show the fuck out. Houston and San Antonio.

41:39

For everything else, go to misspackcompany.com,

41:41

baby, because that's where all the tickets at and your girl

41:43

done made it.

41:44

Oh,

41:45

the question everybody been asking for.

41:48

We're getting ready to take season four of the Miss Pack

41:50

Show, so stop fucking asking me. Also,

41:53

November the 23rd, I

41:56

have a Christmas episode coming out.

41:59

So. I have not heard

42:01

of such an episode. What are you

42:03

saying? Yeah,

42:06

it is fucking hilarious. I'm

42:08

ready to post it tomorrow.

42:09

So make sure you set your DVR

42:12

for November

42:13

the 23rd because miss pack Christmas

42:15

episode would be streaming.

42:18

I can't let's break the fucking app.

42:20

Can y'all help me break the app? I know y'all can

42:22

help me break the app.

42:24

It is fucking hilarious. What you did at the end? Yeah,

42:27

Debbie Allen was screaming at them kids.

42:32

Them poor kids. That bitch is seven

42:34

hours.

42:37

Give me a crystal light girl. And it was so

42:39

much fun. So make sure y'all

42:41

clean miss Pat settles it.

42:44

Miss Pat settles it. It's tonight,

42:46

10 o'clock. This should be up by then. Make

42:49

sure y'all go watch it. Please, please, please. We're killing

42:51

him. Right. And it's looking good for

42:54

hopefully another season. If y'all like

42:56

it, I love it. And I'm loving it right now.

42:58

So they're replaying the heck out of it.

43:01

They are. They are. They are. So

43:04

anybody stop being street.

43:07

I have had one person say

43:10

that they were watching TV and then

43:12

they saw me and they went,

43:15

why is he on BET?

43:16

Last night

43:19

I'm doing a podcast. Somebody invited me on their

43:21

podcast and it's like a local political

43:23

talk show in its panel. And

43:26

one of the co-hosts is a black lady and she

43:28

got in late. And so like we're saying

43:30

goodbye and they're like, hey, do your plugs. And I said,

43:32

yeah, I'm on BET.

43:35

And she goes, I made

43:38

this face. I go, that's right. I'm on

43:40

black television. And she goes, what?

43:44

I don't know. I go to like these professional

43:46

networking events where I'm trying to drum up business

43:49

for my podcast consulting. And they're

43:51

like, so what's new with you? I'm like, well, I'm

43:54

on BET. Like, okay,

43:56

but like really what's up with you? I go, no, no, really?

43:58

Miss Pat settles at Tempe and they're like. How

44:01

the fuck did that happen? It

44:05

is really like, I love having fun with it

44:07

because people don't, literally do not believe me. I

44:09

bet half a dozen people in the last month have not

44:11

believed me when I've said it. But

44:13

I've got more

44:16

yuppie white people watching BET

44:19

after that, so it's been great. Have your

44:21

followers been going up? Yeah,

44:24

on Instagram, and I appreciate that

44:26

because that helps. Is it black people? It

44:28

is, yes. Which

44:31

I like because I love black

44:33

people. Black people online are the most

44:35

fun online. Like, you

44:38

know, like,

44:39

I'd drown out the Libertarians, please.

44:42

Don't tell them that because

44:44

they coming. Them

44:46

and my soccer mom, white mom,

44:48

I love soccer mom, white mom.

44:51

Boy, they would go to

44:53

fight for your ass with a paying man and

44:56

a special in the apron. Without

44:58

a correct end, you don't play with them bitches. I

45:00

will just never get used to

45:03

being called the N-word on my own Instagram. What up, nigga? N-word,

45:13

you so funny. You killing it on that show.

45:17

Oh, man. A guy who

45:19

came to the party last year, he's a listener, his name is Fa

45:22

Q online.

45:24

On my other podcast,

45:26

he's like, man, Dennis, you are the real

45:29

N. You really crack me up. If

45:32

you saw Dennis, you'd be like, what?

45:36

It just cracks me up, man. I

45:38

love this audience so much. Yeah,

45:40

so we're going to keep growing

45:41

it. So make sure everybody tune

45:43

in tonight because we will be out there. We'll

45:45

be live tweeting,

45:47

get online and let's tweet and

45:49

let's rock

45:49

this shit out. And with that said,

45:52

I'll see y'all next week. We're

45:54

going to get back to posting them on Tuesday. I've

45:57

got some big news coming. I'm so fucking

45:59

busy. I give you a couple

46:01

weeks I got a few news to share with y'all.

46:04

Thank y'all so much for

46:05

tuning in to another episode of The Pat Down. Make

46:07

sure you check out my website at misspatcomedy.com

46:11

for all my social media, my tour dates,

46:13

my book. Make sure you spread the word

46:16

about my podcast.

46:16

Please rate and review.

46:19

Please rate and review and share.

46:22

Thank you so much for loving Miss Pat.